The Good Morrow
by anyavioletta
Summary: Smart, powerful and irresistibly beautiful, Helen Asteria was the girl of every boy's dreams at Hogwarts, except for Sirius Black who hated her as much as she hated him. SB/OC L/J RL/OC COMPLETE. Vol 3 undergoing editing
1. Chapter 1: Bad Beginnings

**A/N: A year after completing this story, I am now slowly going through it to edit the whole thing. This is just a little note to warn you that there may be tiny inconsistencies between parts which I have edited, and parts which still require editing. Nothing major is changing, so please do give this story read- I'm just currently in the process of making it better! (17/04/09- I'll take this note off when editing is complete)**

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'**My only love sprung from my only hate'- **Romeo & Juliet - **William Shakespeare**

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**Bad Beginnings**

She stood between platforms 9 and 10, next to a trolley in which she had a large trunk. Her hands hung limply by her sides as she looked around the station, trying to salvage some clue as to what she should do next.

Although she was only a young girl, of 11, she was already showing signs of unusual beauty. She was of average height and had a slender, willowy figure. Her porcelain complexion radiated in contrast to her dark brown, waist-length hair. Her eyes were transitional, but mostly hazel; in between green and brown. It was these hazel eyes which, full of despair, darted around the station as she silently pleaded for a sign.

'You know, I'm starting to think that you invented all of this magic stuff up as a way of escaping home,' an amused voice came from beside her.

She threw her brother a dirty look.

'I did not. You saw the owl with your own eyes,' she replied tartly. 'I just don't know how I'm meant to get to platform 9 3/4!'

She sighed and looked around the station in a last-bid attempt to find someone who looked as though they might attend a school for witchcraft and wizardry.

And then she saw them.

There were three of them, all donned in the robes similar to those which she had seen in Diagon Alley. The first two- the boy's parents- walked a few metres ahead and had an air of regality and superiority which sent a shiver up her spine. The boy looked frustrated and kept making faces behind his parents' backs as he wheeled his trolley.

She watched them for a while longer before turning suddenly to her brother.

'Okay, I have to go talk to him- he must know how what to do. Bye Mark!'

'But…'

'Bye!'

She quickly hugged her perplexed brother and hurried towards the boy. She blinked when she saw his parents suddenly disappearing and picked up her pace lest the boy also disappear.

'Excuse me. Hi, sorry, um…'

The boy turned his bored, grey eyes to look at her and rasied his eyebrows at her. She blushed and cleared her throat quickly.

'H...hii, my name's Helen,' she said tentatively.

The boy, wearing a confused expression, looked around him cautiously before taking her hand.

'Sirius,' he said uncertainly.

She smiled hesitantly.

'I'm so sorry, it's just that I don't know where platform 9 ¾ is and I noticed you had an owl and… do you know? Could you please tell me how to get there?' she said breathlessly.

Sirius surveyed her for a moment, his lips twitching.

'They've been really unspecific about how to get there, haven't they? Why don't you wait here while I go find out,' he said, making to leave.

'Where will you go?' asked Helen, confused. 'Maybe I should come with you.'

'Uh… er…the um… the 'Wizarding Information Bureau,'' Sirius replied, running a hand through his hair with an amused smile. 'And it's okay, I'll only be a sec. You wait here.'

'Oh, okay,' Helen said, pretending to know what this meant as she wondered why his parents didn't know where he should go.

Sirius nodded to her and turned around.

'Maybe you should leave your trolley...'

But before she could finish her sentence, Sirius had already winked at her and disappeared.

---

Helen began to wonder if something had gone wrong. She had been waiting for Sirius for fifteen minutes, and it was now dangerously close to 11am.

Now she wished that she hadn't sent Mark off as quickly as she had.

'Honestly, James. Your first day of school and you couldn't brush your hair?'

Helen whipped around, her heart beating hopefully.

'Mum,' the boy responded, sounding irritated. 'Stop fussing over me. It's not cool. And my hair looks fine.'

'It looks like you've been hit by a lightning bolt!'

'Enough bickering you two. Emily, if James wants to look like a scruffy ruffian from the streets, that's his problem.'

The mother, Emily, crossed her arms and pursed her lips, but chose not to argue back.

'Right, now, who's through the barrier first?'

'I'll go,' Emily said, sniffing affectedly.

Helen watched in wonder as Emily strode towards the barrier between Platforms 9 and 10. Her eyes widened as she saw her about to hit the barrier with the trolley…

'She's going to crash!' she burst out impulsively to James, her eyes wide with worry.

But Emily didn't crash. She merely disappeared, just as Sirius and his parents had...

Helen's eyes widened in comprehension. She suddenly felt very foolish for falling for Sirius' trick.

The boy, James, turned to her, smiling widely.

'Are you muggle born?'

Helen raised her eyebrows, confused.

'I'm sorry?'

'You're not from a magical family,' James' father translated.

'Oh…' Helen said, blushing. 'No. No, I'm not.'

'Do you ride in those mini train things that are outside?' asked James, looking at her intently.

Helen raised her eyebrows, feeling very overwhelmed by the two strangers.

'They're called cars, James,' his father explained, patting James on the head.

'Oh, those.' James said, his smile faltering. 'Do you ride in those?'

'Y...yes,' Helen said. 'Sorry,' she said, as she saw James open his mouth to ask another question, 'but I'm going to Hogwarts and the train is meant to leave in five minutes and I don't know how to get to platform 9 ¾ and Sirius was _meant _to come back and tell me how to get there but he just disappeared and I _have _to get on the train because, if I don't, I'll have to call my parents and they'll get angry and then I won't be able t….'

She looked up suddenly as she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see James' father smiling reassuringly.

'Don't worry,' he smiled. 'All you need to do is run at that barrier and you'll appear at Platform 9 ¾. James, why don't you go with… Sorry, what's your name, dear?'

'Helen,' she said, her lips quivering in her relief.

'Richard Potter,' he said, shaking her hand. 'And this is James. James, why don't you go with Helen through the barrier?'

Helen saw Richard giving James a wink and looked to see James glaring at his father.

'Excuse my son,' Richard said, looking unimpressed with James. 'How about we go together?'

---

Her luggage safely loaded on the train, Helen searched for an empty compartment. She had thanked and left Richard Potter as quickly as she could, not wanting to stay with the family any longer when James evidently didn't like her.

She walked past many full compartments and saw groups of girls, chatting animatedly about their summer vacation, boys swapping cards from chocolate frogs. It was then that Helen felt the first pangs of lonliness. She knew no one and, after Sirius' prank, felt as though she could trust no one either. Finally, after searching most of the compartments, she found one which only had one boy in it.

'I was wondering if I could sit in here. Everywhere else is full,' she mumbled, desperate not to have to resort to sitting alone in the bathroom so early in the school term.

The boy looked up from his book and Helen was struck by the dark circles under his eyes.

He bit his lip uncertainly and Helen nodded miserably and turned to leave.

'Please….stay…' the boy called out after her, sounding strained, and also very apologetic.

Helen turned around slowly.

'It's okay,' she sighed. 'I'll leave you alone…'

'No, really,' the boy said, setting his book aside and standing up. 'I'm Remus Lupin. Sorry, I wasn't really concentrating when you came in… I didn't get much sleep last night,' he said, his cheeks flushing.

Helen looked at him and then smiled as she saw that he seemed genuinely apologetic.

'I'm Helen,' she said as they sat opposite each other.

Remus nodded, and they both sat in an uncomfortable silence for a while.

'How are you finding it so far?' Remus piped up eventually. 'I'm finding it a bit overwhelming to tell you the truth. You'll never believe what I did today… I ran into the barrier between platforms 8 and 9 rather than the one between 9 and 10 which was, of course, really embarrassing because my trolley smashed into the barrier sending everything everywhere and all these muggles were telling me off!'

Helen couldn't help laughing at this.

'Well at least you knew where platform 9 ¾ was meant to be! I didn't even know,' she said.

Remus surveyed her.

'So are you muggle-born, then?'

Helen was beginning to get the impression that this might be an important factor.

'Yes,' she said, barely louder than a whisper.

Remus nodded.

'I imagine that a lot of aspects of our world must be very new to you.'

Helen nodded.

'It's just… well, yes, it's that, but I think it's more the fact that I don't really know anyone.'

Helen paused.

'Do you… do you have friends here?' she asked.

'At Hogwarts?'

Helen nodded.

Remus smiled, though Helen was sure there was a sad edge to it.

'No,' he said. 'I don't know anyone here.'

'Oh, well, we can stick together then!' Helen said optimistically.

Her smile faltered a little when Remus didn't reply immediately, but then he smiled back at her.

'Yeah,' he said, 'We'll stick together.'

---

'Righ'. 'Ello to you all. My name's 'Agrid and I'm the gamekeeper here at Hogwarts. Now, it's tradition for all firs' years to cross the great lake to the school for their sorting ceremony. So, I wan' you all to sort into groups of four and then get into a boat.'

It was very dark so Helen, holding Remus' hand so they wouldn't be separated, followed him to a boat in which they both got in.

The two boys in the boat stopped talking and looked at them. Helen wanted to leave the boat immediately but, no sooner than had she thought this did the boat magically start gliding along the lake.

The two boys were James and Sirius. They shifted uneasily in their chairs under Helen's glare. Sirius then turned to Remus and held out his hand.

'Sirius Black, and this is James Potter,' he said, indicating James.

'Remus Lupin,' replied Remus, shaking their hands, 'and this is-'

'Oh don't bother, Remus. We've already met,' said Helen icily, looking the other way.

'Wh-?' Remus started, confused.

'Er-' James started.

'I see the Wizarding Information Bureau was not _too _busy this morning,' Helen said ironically.

'What? There's no such thing as the-' Remus said, sounding bewildered.

'Oh I know Remus. _Sirius_, however, seems to think otherwise.'

Both James and Sirius snorted and Remus frowned.

'What are you… oh wow,' Remus breathed, forgetting his previous line of thought as the castle came into view.

Helen and Sirius and James looked up and, for that moment, they all forgot any animosities which they held as the castle which was to change their lives forever came into view.

---

'Asteria, Helen.'

Helen walked with trepidation to the hat. She was the first student to be sorted and didn't know what to expect. She was rather scared of what the tattered old talking hat sitting on the stool would do to her.

On the train ride, Remus had told her about the four Houses, but he didn't seem to know of any factors which might influence what house they would end up in. He said having a family history in a house made it more likely that one would be in that house, however even this was never a guarantee.

Swallowing nervously, she sat on the stool, lifted the ancient hat and dropped it on her head. It was so large that it covered her eyes completely. She gasped when it started speaking in her ear.

'_A daughter of Asteria? I've seen a few in my time. Yes, this is very interesting. You're not quite like the others, and yet the same… yes, you're very interesting. Now, where shall I put you? I could put you in Gryffindor… no, you're not a Hufflepuff. Now, Slytherin would be interesting. My, my, you shall be a difficult choice... and my first sorting for the year! Yes, you possess certain cunning to be in Slytherin… You most certainly would do very well there. After all, __they value the purity of blood above all. You could be greater than all the others before you… you could truly harness it to your advantage…_

'_But of course, you certainly would excel in Gryffindor. You possess many qualities of the true Gryffindor. Yes, I see true courage and selflessness in your heart. But you're also very clever! Oh dear… right, let's decide! Scrap Hufflepuff. Let's scrap Ravenclaw because I just don't think you'd do as well there- you're not that kind of personality. Slytherin? Yes, you could be Slytherin. Dear me, we could flip a coin about this…but seeing as we can't… ah, I see now. Yes, I see very clearly now…'_

Helen blinked, perplexed. She knew that the statement was paradoxical in itself, but she truly thought that the hat was mad.

'GRYFFINDOR.'

Relieved, Helen took off the hat and hurried over to the Gryffindor table which had erupted in cheers. She sat down next to a kind-looking girl.

'Anika Moss. Well done, and welcome to Gryffindor! That was a _long _sorting! We were starting to think the hat had died!' she laughed.

Helen paled and, upon seeing her worried expression, Anika added-

'Well, if the hat _had_ died, that would have been perfectly plausible. It is, after all, ancient.'

Helen smiled tightly and was thankful that she didn't need to respond as the hall had hushed as Professor McGonagall barked the next name-

'_Black, Bellatrix.'_

Helen looked up as the Hall went deathly silent to see a girl who she thought looked remarkably like Sirius.

The hat merely touched Bellatrix's head before it shouted out- 'Slytherin.'

There was a raucous yelling from the Slytherin table and that was the first time that Helen had actually noticed them- there was an aura of superiority about them.

Perhaps that's what Remus had meant by calling them the 'Dark' house.

'_Black, Sirius.'_

He dropped the hat on his head and Helen was relieved that it seemed to take even longer to sort him than it had her. At one point, she saw him shaking his head vigorously under the hat, his fists clenched. Finally, seconds later, it shouted: _'Gryffindor!'_

Helen groaned and looked the other way as he sat down next to her.

'Oh look. We're stuck in the same house together,' he drawled in a falsely cheerful tone. 'We're going to have fun together.'

And with a final grimace at Helen, he turned to watch the rest of the sorting without saying another word to her.

'Davis, Marina'

Helen's head snapped up and she felt her blood chilling as she saw Marina, her blonde hair bouncing as she walked to the stool.

'GRYFFINDOR!'

The table all around her erupted into cheers and applause. Sirius, from next to her, wolf-whistled and Helen turned, incredulously, to see him winking at Marina who blushed as she sat next to him at the table. Marina's blue eyes flickered to Helen, but they both looked away quickly as Professor McGonagall called the next person to be sorted.

---

When Helen woke up the next morning, it took her a moment to register where she was and why. It all seemed so surreal- that she should be at Hogwarts, a school for Witchcraft and Wizardry- that she was no longer living at home…

'Girls, time to wake up,' Lily called, pulling back all of their hangings.

Helen sat up to see that Lily was already dressed and was combing her long red hair methodically.

'We don't want to have a tardy start to the year, now, do we?' Lily continued, shaking Marina who simply rolled over and kept sleeping.

Lily gave an exasperated sigh and turned to Helen who hurriedly got out of bed.

'I'm up,' Helen smiled, going to her trunk and taking out her clothes.

'You always were a goody goody,' Marina mumbled from under her pillow.

Helen halted in her tracks on her way to the bathroom and clenched her fists. She turned to see that Lily was watching them both curiously.

'Do you know Marina?' Lily asked Helen, coming into the bathroom after her.

Helen glanced at Lily's reflection in the mirror as she pulled on her stockings.

'No,' she muttered. 'I just think she's a nasty girl.'

She looked up to see that Lily was pursing her lips, her green eyes narrowed.

'What?'

Lily shrugged.

'She does seem a little… cold,' Lily said slowly. 'But maybe she's just homesick?' she suggested optimistically.

Helen looked up and envied that Lily was such a good person to see the good in everyone. She knew that, even though she didn't know Lily very well, she would probably grow to envy Lily as being the type of girl she would always aspire to be, but would never actually become.

'Yeah, that's true,' Helen sighed, not about to tell Lily the truth. 'So can we go to breakfast yet? I'm starving!'

Lily smiled and, picking a stray thread off Helen's robe nodded.

'Yes, why don't you go down and wait in the common room? I'll see if I can wake up these other two before I meet you. Honestly, to be late on their first day!'

---

Helen was once again shocked at the sheer size of the Great Hall when they entered it for breakfast. Now that it was light, it looked even bigger than it did before. As she and Lily were helping themselves to porridge, Remus, Sirius, James and Peter entered the hall and sat down at the table.

Lily eyed the boys warily as they sat down.

'You haven't brushed your hair,' she commented stiffly to James, who was sitting opposite her.

James' head snapped up from where he was shovelling scrambled eggs on his plate and he gaped at her. Helen couldn't help laughing, remembering his mother's comments on his hair.

'Why should he brush his hair?' Sirius interrupted snidely, looking at Lily with distaste.

Lily looked at Sirius, blushing a little.

'I'm sorry, I don't remember your name,' she said politely.

Sirius grinned casually.

'Sirius Black.'

'Lily Evans.'

'I can't say I'm pleased to make your acquaintance,' he drawled.

Lily blinked, shocked by his rudeness.

'Don't worry,' Helen said to Lily, glaring at Sirius. 'He's like that to everyone. Take no notice of him. He's just an insufferable git who thinks he's above everyone else.'

The table fell silent and Helen felt her cheeks colouring as she realised that everyone else had heard what she said.

'I mean…' she faltered, looking up at Sirius hesitantly.

But to her surprise, he let out a bark of a laugh.

'Sweetie, I _am _better than "most people."

'Well…'

'Tell me,' James interrupted, sensing an argument between Helen and Sirius brewing, 'Why is it that girls eat rabbit food all the time?'

'What?' Helen breathed, thinking that the boys at her new school were the strangest boys she had ever met.

Lily sighed heavily and left the table. Helen's lips twitched as she watched James' eyes following Lily.

James then looked back to Helen expectantly.

'So what's with you girls and food?'

Helen looked at James coldly.

'I thought you didn't want to associate with me?' she asked, raising her eyebrows.

James surveyed her.

'At first you seemed like you were too much of a rule-follower… but then I saw you sneaking out of the common room last night and changed my mind.'

Helen paled.

'What?' she whispered, mortified that she had already been caught breaking the rules.

James grinned.

'So yeah, I changed my mind. I think you're okay… for a girl, that is.'

Helen felt herself relaxing a little.

'This is what is called a healthy breakfast as opposed to the artery-clogging, recipe for a heart attack which you are eating,' she said.

Sirius rolled his eyes and piled more bacon on his plate and offered it to James who appeared undecided for a moment, but then took it and put two extra rashers on his plate.

'What class do we have first?' Helen asked, turning to Remus.

'Charms,' Remus replied, looking up from his charms textbook.

Helen watched him, her eyes widening.

'Have you studied much?' she asked, feeling worried.

Remus chewed his lip.

'I've read through all our text books. Do you think that'll be enough?'

Helen's eyes widened. She hadn't even _opened_ her books yet.

'Have _you_ studied?' she asked James, feeling panic overcoming her.

James rolled his eyes at Helen.

'In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not a goody-two-shoes.'

Helen relaxed a little and glanced at Sirius who was making a point of ignoring her.

'What about you, Sirius?' James asked, nudging Sirius.

'What?' Sirius asked, feigning ignorance.

James rolled his eyes.

'Have you done any study yet?'

'Nope,' Sirius said coolly.

'Peter?'

'Me? No, of course not!' Peter stammered, his cheeks flushing.

'You know, Remus, you probably don't want to be telling everyone that you've been studying a lot already. Trust me, it's not a good look,' Sirius said, tapping his nose before rising from the table and striding out of the Hall.

James hovered uncertainly but then shrugged and hoisted up his bag.

'We better get going,' he said, hurrying to catch up to Sirius.

Peter scrambled to follow suit, tripping over his oversized robes as he did.

Helen turned to Remus and she suddenly felt very angry at Sirius as she saw how disheartened Remus seemed.

'There's nothing wrong with studying. Don't listen to Black- Lily said that she had been practising with her wand and has also read a few of our books. Even I tried to read two of them… I just didn't get what they were talking about half the time. Potions seemed interesting enough, though,' she admitted. 'A bit like this thing called chemistry which we studied at my muggle school.'

Remus smiled.

'Thanks, Helen.'

Helen beamed at him and they both stood up and left for their next class.

---

'Now, class,' chimed Professor Flitwick, the tiny charms Professor, after having given them a briefing on levitating charms, 'to work! Two per feather.'

Helen paired with Lily. Lily was first to attempt to levitate the feather and, after three attempts, was successful, earning Gryffindor 10 points.

Helen swallowed nervously as Lily stepped aside. It didn't _seem_ very hard to do…

As she raised her wand, she smelt smoke from behind her.

'Look at what you've done, Sirius!' James shouted, trying to pat the flame out of the burning feather, only to withdraw his hands and suck on them in pain.

'Silly boy,' Lily muttered disapprovingly. 'Professor!' she called desperately, trying to find Professor Flitwick, as the fire spread to Sirius' charms book.

Helen suddenly remembered about the charm she had read about in her charms book a few nights ago and made her decision in a split second.

'_Aguamenti_,' she said, pointing her wand at the desk, a stream of water pouring out of her wand, extinguishing the fire immediately.

Helen blinked, surprised at herself and also, quietly, very proud for having performed her first successful charm.

'Wow,' James said, looking at Helen both thankfully and in awe.

Sirius, on the other hand, looked at her coldly.

'I didn't ask for you to show off,' he snapped.

Helen felt a sudden urge to slap him. She couldn't understand why he was so determined to be nasty to her.

'Fine,' she said, coolly, muttering the opposite incantation and lighting his desk back on fire again. 'Deal with it yourself then,' she added, turning around her attention to her feather which she caused to soar to the ceiling immediately.

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**So this is my first chapter! Reviews are much appreciated :)**

**Love Anya**


	2. Chapter 2: Fights

'_**Hate is often an obverse form of love. You hate someone whom you really wish to love but whom you cannot love." **_**- ****Sri Chinmoy**__

Fights

Of all the boys in Gryffindor, Helen liked Remus the best and, not surprisingly, Sirius the worst. She didn't mind Peter- he seemed nice enough- but he always stammered far too much whenever she spoke to him, making it rather difficult for her to ever have a conversation with him.

James she liked from a distance. Lily hated him with a vengeance- though this was mainly because he had swooped upon her in their first flying class, nearly causing her to slip off her broom. James maintained that he would have been able to catch her, though Lily wouldn't hear it and was absolutely convinced that if there was one universal truth, it was that James Potter was 'the most egotistical, fat-headed, arrogant berk' she had ever met.

Helen, on the other hand, had grown up with an older brother and thus understood boys a little bit better, she liked to think, than Lily did- who had only had a prudish older sister for company. She understood that James acted aloof towards her- and all the other girls- not because he was 'fat-headed', as Lily explained it, but because he was a boy and trying to keep up appearances. Being called a 'sissy-boy' would just not do for a boy like James and, although it annoyed her, she could forgive this in Jams because, when he wasn't with everyone else, he was funny and mischievous, without being too mean.

There was always a certain warmth about him, no matter what he was doing.

Sirius, on the other hand, was another story. He was cold, but this wasn't a façade- he always seemed it. He would always drawl in his sarcastic voice- even when talking to James or Remus, who were meant to be his friends. He was the worst to Peter whom he'd always taunt about being 'stupid' and not knowing which end of the broomstick was what.

And this kind of behaviour could not be excused by his merely being a 'boy'. When he wasn't talking with James or the other boys, his grey eyes would become hard and he would stare into the distance, seemingly lost in thought.

His sense of humour was much drier as well. _His_ idea of fun was harassing other students, particularly the Slytherins… and her, for some reason.

---

One day, Helen and Remus were studying together in the library, as they usually did in their spare time. Engrossed in her work, Helen did not notice anything until she felt something oozing down the skin of her back.

She stood up suddenly.

'Remus! What is it? What's down my back?' she asked frantically, squirming as the thing oozed further down her back.

'How did that get there?' Remus asked, puzzled, as he reached down her the back of her shirt and pulling out a slug.

Helen looked at it, horrified but then whirled around suddenly as she heard Sirius Black whistling at Remus.

'Nice going, Remus. You're already down her shirt! Imagine, it won't be too long before you're down her pa…ARGH!'

Helen, livid at his comment, for making Remus stick his hand down her shirt, and for the his existence in general, shot a strong, thick stream of water into his mouth which had been bragging and smirking at her.

He gagged, trying to cover himself from the water which Helen still kept flowing.

'WATER? DUELLING IN MY LIBRARY? GET OUT! DETENTION!' Madam Pince screamed, grabbing both Helen and Sirius from the scruff of their necks and throwing them out of the library where they fell on the floor.

Sirius spluttered, still trying to breathe properly. Helen smiled grimly and made to walk away but Remus, worried for his friend, called her back.

'Helen! He's turning red!'

Helen rolled her eyes, not really worried, but then glanced at Sirius and saw that his normally-pale face was now, indeed, ruby red.

And as much as she hated him, _she_ didn't want to be the one responsible for his death. 'Can't…breathe…' Sirius choked.

Even though she'd been on the receiving end of it, Helen reallly didn't really have any idea of how to administer CPR. Nonetheless, she did the best she could by pumping Sirius' chest in the manner which they did in the movies she had seen.

'Come on you stupid idiot. It's only water,' Helen panted, through gritted teeth.

'What did you do to him?' Remus asked in horror as Sirius still showed no signs of recovery.

Helen sighed exasperatedly and pinched Sirius' nose before turning to Remus.

'Do mouth to mouth,' she ordered.

Remus withdrew, horrified.

'You're his friend!' Helen said, annoyed now as Sirius started turning blue.

'You did this to him!' Remus retorted.

Helen let out a vehement exclamation, screwed up her nose in distaste and leaned forward. Just as she was about to clamp her mouth on Sirius', however, he coughed, spraying Helen's face with water.

Helen screamed and rubbed her face vigorously with her robes, disgusted that she now had Sirius' spit on her face.

Sirius sat up, breathing heavily.

'What the hell is your problem?' he shouted at her.

Helen's face emerged from her robes, red from where she had rubbed it so much.

'My problem?' she screamed back. 'You're the one who put a slug down my back!'

'I didn't try to bloody drown you… or kiss you,' Sirius retorted, glaring at her with an ugly expression.

'I did not try to kiss you, you idiot. I tried to save your worthless life,' Helen snapped back.

'It wouldn't have needed saving if you hadn't tried to drown me,' Sirius said hotly.

'It's not my fault you can't take a little water,' Helen said, getting up.

'A little water? A LITTLE WATER?'

'Shut up, Black.' Helen snapped, walking away.

'Don't you tell me to shut up. You just tried to murder me. I could get you sent to Azkaban for that,' Sirius said, smiling at the thought of never having to have to see Helen again. She annoyed him too much- she was far too smart for her own good. He was always of the opinion that girls shouldn't be that smart- it makes them dangerous.

A look of shock flitted across Helen's eyes, but then she rounded on him, wand in hand.

Remus had told her about Azkaban the other week. She had always thought that there could never be anywhere worse than being stuck at her home for the rest of her life but, after hearing Remus' description of Azkaban, she decided that Azkaban sounded far worse.

'In that case, I'll just kill you now. I might as well kill you if I'm going to be locked up for trying,' Helen said threateningly.

Sirius' eyes snapped to Helen's wand and he instinctively took a step back; he wasn't sure if she was being serious or not.

Remus quickly interjected.

'No one's going to Azkaban. Put your wand away, Helen,' he said pushing her arm down.

Sirius smirked as Helen shrugged and put it down.

'Lucky for you that Remus likes to keep the peace. I wouldn't want to have to hex you. It's not really a very gentlemanly thing to do- fighting girls,' Sirius drawled.

'Thirsty, Black?' Helen snapped coldly, raising her wand.

Sirius' eyes widened.

'Er… not really. I just remembered I have to… James… see you!' Sirius said, running away as quickly as he could.

Helen gave a cold, satisfied smile and then turned to Remus.

'Let's go to the common room and finish our potions report there. After all, I can't very well return to the library anymore.'

Remus sighed, shaking his head at her.

'I don't understand why you two bicker at each other all the time. If you both have such a mutual dislike of each other, why don't you just ignore each other altogether?' he said, sounding exasperated.

Helen smiled, a little incredulously.

'But where would be the fun in that? I would ignore someone who wasn't worth getting a reaction from- but you've seen how worked up Black gets about things. It's worth the detentions just to see him get angry.'

Remus shook his head at Helen.

'How many detentions have you had this year?'

'Twelve,' Helen said nonchalantly.

'And how many were Sirius-related?'

Helen's cheeks coloured a little.

'Twelve,' she sighed.

Remus laughed and shook his head at her.

'You seem to be spending a lot of time in detention because of Sirius,' he remarked.

Helen shrugged.

'As I said, his reaction is worth it.'

Remus tutted.

'I mean,' Helen said, turning to look at Remus, 'why do you all even put up with him? He's just a nasty, arrogant…'

'He's actually quite decent,' Remus interrupted, not joking anymore.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'I've seen the way he talks to you boys. I don't call that decent, I call that…'

'No,' Remus protested. 'I'm not lying! When it's us four boys, he's really good. He just gets a bit funny when we're out in the open… like he feels like he needs to prove himself or something.'

Helen raised her eyebrows.

'Prove himself? In what way?' she exclaimed incredulously.

Remus sighed as they came to the Common Room.

'Well, you've seen Bellatrix, right?' he asked.

Helen shivered. She had merely accidentally bumped into Bellatrix in her first week and Bellatrix had tried to challenge her to a duel for being a 'mudblood who got in her way'.

That was the first time Helen truly liked James. He had received a detention for trying to duel Bellatrix for calling Helen a 'mudblood'. Helen, at the time, didn't know what the term meant so she merely stood around, confused as to why James was so angry that someone had spoken rudely to her when Sirius spoke to her in that manner almost every day.

'What about her?' Helen asked.

'Well, she's his cousin… he has a few cousins here.'

Helen smiled darkly.

'That makes sense. They're both…'

Remus shook his head.

'What I mean is that he's in Gryffindor, whereas the rest of his family is in Slytherin. He's a pureblood from a really old pureblood family. He _should_ have been in Slytherin and hate muggleborns. That's…'

Helen's eyes widened in shock.

'Is _that_ why he hates Lily and I?' she gasped.

Remus shook his head.

'No! You're not understanding me! Sirius _should_ have been like Bellatrix and the rest of his family, but he's not. He's different. He doesn't care about all that purity nonsense and… well, he gets a hard time from them all because of it. Of course, many of his actions are inexcusable, but his aloofness… well, just so you know, he has a few issues so perhaps you understand him a little better now,' Remus shrugged.

Helen went to say something but then thought the better of it as they settled into their armchairs and resumed their homework from where they had left off in the library. She did, however, begin to wonder about Sirius.

--

Despite her shaky start, life at Hogwarts seemed to be going very well for Helen. She studied very hard so that she could always be on top of her classwork, and found that many of the concepts would come very quickly to her- far more quickly than her classmates, which made her secretly proud and prompted her to study even harder.

She had also been very successful in ignoring Marina. The two had continued with their unspoken agreement to not speak with each other and it seemed to be working just fine.

For the first few months, anyway.

'Who stole my headband?'

Lily, Mary and Helen looked up to see Marina glaring at them all, severely.

Lily, ever the practical one, raised her eyebrows and said:

'Have you looked everywhere?'

'Yes,' Marina said, 'And it's no where, which means one of you stole it.'

Helen rolled her eyes and looked back to her book. It was so typical that Marina would create a spectacle for attention.

'You took it, didn't you,' Marina said, her voice softer now.

Helen looked up in disbelief.

'Me?' she repeated coldly.

'Yes,' Marina said, walking up to the end of her bed. 'It's just the sort of thing you'd do.'

'Now, Marina, I don't think it's wise to start pointing fingers,' Lily said, eyeing the two girls warily. 'For all we know, it's probably…'

'Why would I steal anything that's _yours_?' Helen interrupted, sitting up. 'All of _your_ things are cheap rubbish.'

Marina's eyes widened but then her lips curled back menacingly.

'You were always such a snob about your money, weren't you? Mind you, it's not that any of us can _see_ it with the drab clothes that you wear. At least I don't look like a middle-aged woman.'

Helen glared at Marina who looked back, unflinching.

'Look…' Lily tried to interrupt.

Helen raised her wand.

'Accio headband,' she said clearly.

She was rather surprised that the charm had worked. She had only tried it once, to humor herself when she was studying in an empty classroom one evening, and the book had only moved an inch towards her.

From under Marina's bed, the silver headband came whizzing in the air until Helen caught it. She threw it at Marina.

'There you go. If you didn't live in such a pigsty, then perhaps you'd be able to find your things…. But then again, that's how you live at home, isn't it? You don't know anything else.'

Lily and Mary gasped at the comment. Helen's eyes widened, unable to believe that she had such meanness innate to her, and Marina lunged.

They both spent the evening in the Hospital Wing, received a week's worth of detentions and Remus was no longer able to say that Sirius was the only reason for Helen being in detention so often.


	3. Chapter 3: The Black Family

'_**You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.'**_** Winston Churchill**

* * *

The Black Family

'Where are you going?' Lily asked, noticing that Helen was putting on her scarf and cloak.

'I've got detention,' Helen said glumly.

Lily shook her head disapprovingly.

'I don't understand how you end up in detention so often. You're so quiet and attentive in class- and the teachers all love you… oh yes, Black,' Lily said, remembering.

Helen grimaced.

'I hate it how he always escapes without getting caught,' she complained.

'Oh, I don't know about that. I think Professor McGonagall is cottoning on very quickly that he and his stupid sidekick are the roots of all evil in this castle.'

Helen laughed.

'That's a very fitting way of describing Black,' Helen commented.

'Actually, I was thinking more of Potter but they're both just as bad as each other,' Lily said, shrugging. 'What happened with Black this time?'

Helen sighed.

'I nearly drowned him in the library. I'm an idiot, I should have lured him _out_ of the library- that way I wouldn't have been caught.'

'Nearly drowned him?' Lily repeated, frowning.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Oh come on, don't pretend that….'

'Why only nearly?' Lily asked, her lip twitching.

Helen stared at Lily, surprised and the two girls burst out laughing.

'You must really hate him, then,' Helen said.

'Oh, I do. The both of them,' Lily added candidly. 'Well, I suppose you had better get a move on. You don't want any more detentions for tardiness.'

Helen sighed heavily.

'Yeah, I suppose,' she said, 'See you later.'

* * *

'Hello?' Helen called timidly, knocking on Hagrid's cabin door.

She heard a chair scraping and was, as always, shocked at the sheer size of Hagrid as he opened the door.

He blinked when he saw Helen, but then shook his head and let her in the hut.

'Detention?' he asked gruffly.

Helen nodded.

'Well, come in. Have to wait for the 'un to geh 'ere firs,'' Hargrid said.

Helen's eyes widened at the sight of the biggest dog she had ever seen. He was drooling, asleep, on a rug on the floor.

'Don' min' 'im. Fang. 'e won' bite though,' Hagrid said, taking a seat and motioning for Helen to do so also.

Helen nodded, still looking at the dog in surprise. He really was huge.

'What'd yeh do? Detention already? Bin only in school fer a few months,' Hagrid asked, attempting to pass the time until Sirius arrived.

'Duelling in the library,' Helen shrugged. 'You'll probably understand why when Black gets here, though,' she added.

'Speakin o' the devil,' Hagrid said, getting up as he heard a knock.

Helen smiled a little, thinking that 'devil' was a fitting word to describe Sirius. She stood up and followed Hagrid outside.

'Been sucking up to Hagrid already?' Sirius smirked at Helen as they began to shovel the snow off the vegetable patch. If it wasn't so cold, it would have been quite an easy detention.

Helen ignored his comment and kept on shovelling.

'But you're not as good as you pretend to be… it's just an act in front of the teachers. Still, you're always in detention so they must see through it all,' Sirius persisted.

Helen pursed her lips and turned around so that she didn't have to face him as she was shovelling.

After a bout of silence, Sirius spoke again.

'So… it seems like you and Marina get along really well…'

'Black, mind your own business,' Helen snapped, her grip on her shovel tightening.

She heard a lazy laugh from behind her.

'Ah… it seems that I have touched a nerve. So tell me. What is it, exactly, about you that makes people hate you so much?' Sirius asked softly, waiting for her reaction.

Helen sighed and walked to the other side of the patch to start shovelling there. He was right. Many people, especially the girls, did hate her. Of course, Marina hadn't helped with that- spreading rumours about her to anyone who would listen- though it wasn't as though Helen hadn't expected this of Marina.

'I think it's because you're a know-it all. People don't like nerds. I tried to warn you on our first day of school, but would you listen? Which brings me to another point. You're damn stubborn and can never accept that you're wrong. Have you ever used the two words 'I'm sorry' in your entire life? I don't think so…'

'What is it that you want, Black?' Helen snapped.

Sirius considered this question and shrugged.

'Nothing. I'm just bored… oh, and you missed a spot over there,' he added, pointing to a small patch of snow.

Helen felt rage boil up in her as she surveyed Sirius who smirked at her. Her knuckles were white from gripping her shovel very tightly now and she had a mad urge to hit Sirius many times with it and then bury his remains under the snow…

'Nearly finished?' Hagrid asked as he emerged from the Forbidden Forest, a dead chicken hanging over his shoulder.

Helen and Sirius glared in opposite directions.

'Ah… good enough. You can go now,' Hagrid said, looking at the half-shovelled patch.

Helen gave a tight smile and turned quickly back to the castle. She didn't want Sirius' words to have had such an effect on her, but they had.

She had wanted to have a good start to her new school- to lead a positive life and leave all the bad memories of her past behind her. Marina didn't help, of course, but it was mainly Sirius who seemed to persist in keeping her back from achieving her goal.

And she hated him for it.

But she mustered all her strength, however, in the resolve to keep them at bay at least until she found a bathroom. She could not let him see this weakness in her; he would use it to exploit her later.

They made their way back to the castle, in a tight silence. When they entered the Entrance Hall, James spotted them and came over. So did a group of Slytherins.

'I don't think much of your company, _cousin_,' Bellatrix Black said snidely, stopping in front of the three Gryffindors.

'Could say the same about yours,' Sirius said coldly, folding his arms and glaring at Bellatrix.

Bellatrix watched him steadily.

'You do know that your parents really are most displeased with you. They've been asking me to send home weekly reports on your doings and, I must say, none of them have been satisfactory. Of course, I suppose they already knew that from all those letters McGonagall has been sending home. Still, cousin, I think you're going to find yourself in quite a tight spot when you return home this summer,' she said smoothly, her eyes flashing at the thought.

Helen watched Sirius and saw him clenching his fists, his grey eyes hardening in the same way they did when he was lost in thought.

'I don't give an elf's arse what they think. I'll do as I please,' he retorted, making to leave.

Bellatrix pursed her lips and then her eyes fell on Helen.

She shook her head, tutting.

'Oh dear. It just gets worse and worse, doesn't it? Now you're keeping a mudblood girlfriend?'

James stiffened from next to Helen, but Sirius didn't seem to flinch from the word 'mudblood.'

'She's not my girlfriend,' Sirius said brusquely. 'And you should watch whom you call a mudblood. She could easily put you in your place if she wanted to.

Bellatrix's eyes widened and the smile disappeared from her face. She wore an ugly expression as she walked forward to Helen, drawing her wand.

'You think you're good at magic do you?' she said softly. 'A little mudblood like you?'

Helen felt Sirius and James drawing their wands beside her and Bellatrix laughed coldly.

'But I thought she didn't need you two to protect her. I thought you said she was a good witch, _cousin_?' Bellatrix drawled venomously.

'She is,' Sirius said stoutly, 'much better than you'll ever be.'

Helen turned to look at Sirius, surprised at the compliment, but he just ignored her.

'Why don't you duel me then, mudblood?' Bellatrix said. 'Let's settle this once and for all, then.'

Helen glared at Bellatrix.

'I don't want to play this stupid game. I don't want to fight you.'

Bellatrix raised an eyebrow and then raised her wand suddenly. Helen quickly drew out her wand to defend herself…

'WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?' thundered McGonagall, descending the stairs to where they were.

Bellatrix lowered her wand.

'Aren't you lucky, mudblood, that there was a teacher here to save you?' Bellatrix whispered coldly.

Helen glared back into her eyes. They were grey, just like Sirius', but they had a coldness and evil in them which was absent from Sirius' which almost made their eyes look completely different.

And now Sirius didn't seem quite so bad. Not compared to his cousin, anyway.

--

After McGonagall told them all off and gave both Helen and Bellatrix detentions, the three Gryffindors made their way silently back to the common room.

'Now I know why I dislike you so much Black,' Helen said, breaking the silence.

Sirius stopped suddenly, his face hardening.

'I am not like them and don't you ever assume that I am. Do you understand?' he said, looking her in the eyes as he said this.

Helen felt a chill down her spine; he was looking at her so coldly.

'I… no, you're not like them,' Helen conceded, looking away.

Sirius glared at her a moment longer before walking away.

Helen went to say something, but James put a hand to stop her.

'Don't. You don't understand… just don't talk about his family to him again,' James said, staring after Sirius warily.

It was at that moment that, as she also looked at Sirius' retreating back, Helen truly began to wonder what Sirius Black's story was but, judging from how marvellously they seemed to get along, she was not going to hold her breath that he would ever tell her.

* * *

That evening, James Potter decided that he was rather bored. Sirius had become glum and distant again, Remus was worried about their potions test for the next day, and Peter had spent the past hour puzzling over the mystery of his missing charms homework.

'Are all of you absolutely sure that you haven't seen it?' he asked desperately, looking flushed as he appeared from under his bed.

Sirius, who had been staring blankly at a book snapped it shut.

'Just do it again, Peter. It's a stupid mini quiz for fuck's sake.'

The room became silent. James gaped at Sirius, Remus looked up from his book, his forehead slightly creased and Peter stared at Sirius as though he had been stunned.

He then bit his lip and looked down, his cheeks burning crimson.

'Okay then,' he mumbled, his voice wobbling. 'I'm… I'm sorry that I annoyed you.'

Sirius rolled his eyes and stormed out of the dormitory, slamming the door shut behind him.

Remus turned to Peter, looking serious.

'Forget him, Peter. It's not your fault. He's just… angry, for some reason.'

James was watching the door, looking reserved.

'He had another run in with Bellatrix today. He gets like that when his family get involved with his life… don't worry about it mate,' James said reassuringly, clapping Peter on the shoulder.

Peter sighed and nodded, not looking quite so upset anymore.

'I think I'll go speak to him,' James said after a minute, getting up and leaving the room.

Remus watched as James left and then looked to Peter.

'Maybe you could try asking Helen to summon it for you?' he suggested.

Peter blushed at the suggestion and Remus smiled.

'Are you scared to talk to her? Why?'

Peter shrugged and looked at his hands and Remus sighed.

'Would you like me to ask her then?'

Peter nodded quietly and Remus sighed and stood up.

'Okay then… I'll be back in a sec.'

* * *

James found Sirius sitting in the astronomy tower.

'Hey mate,' he said cheerfully, setting himself beside his friend. 'What's going on?'

Sirius glanced at James, his eyes still tense.

'Is Peter okay?' he asked gruffly.

'Well, he was upset. You know how he is- he takes everything to heart. You can't really talk to Peter like that.'

Sirius sighed.

'He was just getting on my nerves! I mean, always with his stupid homework… he thinks _he _has problems!'

James shook his head at Sirius and then smiled a little.

'I think he does, to be honest. He's scared of a broomstick.'

Sirius' stony face cracked into a smile and he let out a bark of a laugh.

'Yeah, true,' he sighed, smiling. 'What's with that?'

James shrugged.

'Who knows. All I know is that I never want _him _getting on the Gryffindor quidditch team.'

Sirius nodded and James watched him.

'So what's going on, eh?'

Sirius shrugged.

'I guess it was just Bella and my family…then Asteria…'

James raised his eyebrows.

'You know, you're the one who is usually bothering Helen. How is it that she's getting to you?'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Because she's annoying. Why doesn't she just go away? She had no right to say that about me.'

'Just quietly- with the things you've said to her- what she said wasn't bad at all,' James said fairly.

Sirius narrowed his grey eyes.

'Well she deserves everything I say.'

'Why? She's not bad. For a girl, she's actually half decent.'

Sirius looked at James in disbelief.

'I thought you liked Lily.'

'Yes, but I'm going to marry her.'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'That's disgusting.'

James shrugged.

'All I'm saying is that I don't think Helen's bad. She's kind of like a guy in a way, really. She doesn't hang out with the girls too much- except for Lily, that is.'

'She doesn't really hang out with any guys either,' Sirius commented.

James pondered this.

'No, that's true… well, except for Remus, that is. She doesn't have too many friends, does she?'

'I wonder why,' Sirius muttered sarcastically.

James sighed patiently and decided to change the subject.

'You've been very edgy lately,' he said quietly.

Sirius nodded.

'School's nearly over for the year.'

'And? We'll have holidays! They're going to be wicked!'

Sirius smiled bitterly.

'For you they will be. _I _have to go home.'

James nodded silently and Sirius chewed his lip.

'I don't want to go back to them all again, you know? I don't want to have to listen to it all. I know what they're going to say, and I just don't want to have to hear it.'

James remained silent.

'You could come stay with me,' he offered hopefully.

Sirius smiled bitterly.

'I wish. As it is, however, the entire Black family is spending summer at the Black Chateau in Southern France.'

James considered this.

'Well, apparently French girls are pretty,' he said.

Sirius burst out laughing and James smiled.

'Yeah, I suppose that's a sort of bonus. Though they're only really fit when they're older and, somehow, I doubt they'll take to a twelve year old boy such as myself.'

James grinned and shrugged.

'You never know, mate. You never know.'

Sirius laughed and stood up, as did James. They looked at each other and Sirius then cleared his throat, the rules of masculinity taking over which meant that acting like sissys who discussed their feelings was simply not on.

So James hit Sirius on the arm- hard enough to hurt a little- Sirius retaliated, and that rectified the situation and made them proper men again.

And with that, they traipsed off back to the Gryffindor quarters where a similarly awkward ritual of male bonding took place between Sirius and Peter which saw them being back to good friends before the evening was through.

* * *

**Okay, so I've tried to show a bit more of Sirius' struggle with his family. I imagine his first year at Hogwarts (and first homecoming) would have been the hardest because it was then when he truly had to distinguish himself from everyone else in the family and deal with his family's disappointment and anger at him for being as he was. **

**Reviews with your thoughts are much appreciated.**

**Love Anya**


	4. I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

'_**If suffering brings wisdom, I would wish to be less wise.'**_**- William Butler Yeats**

* * *

I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good.

Soon it was time for their final exams. They all studied feverishly; Helen especially. She desperately wanted to go well- to prove herself not only to her peers and teachers, but to herself.

Above all, however, she wanted to please her parents.

She was, therefore, extremely nervous about her exams.

On the day of their first exam, Defence Against The Dark Arts, James noticed that Helen looked particularly pale.

'Oi, Helen! What's up?' he asked, looking at her from across the breakfast table.

Helen had been staring into the distance, her hazel eyes looking almost possessed as her lips moved wordlessly. She suddenly blinked and looked to James, her eyes tense and worried.

'I bet she's nervous…' Sirius said to James.

James laughed.

'Nervous? Whatever for? These are going to be a cinch!' he said confidently, tucking into his bacon and eggs.

Lily sighed exasperatedly at this.

'Have you even opened a book, Potter?' she snapped.

James rolled his eyes.

'Of course I have. Not for too long, mind you, but just enough for me to know that I'll go brilliantly.'

Lily stared at him stonily before turning to Helen.

'You should eat something, Helen. You were sick this morning… you need your energy,' she said soothingly.

Helen pursed her lips, looking rather green, and Sirius snorted.

'She looks like she's going to throw up,' he laughed.

Helen's eyes widened at the thought and suddenly ran out of the Hall, holding a hand firmly over her mouth.

James and Sirius gaped after her, confused.

'I've said meaner things to her,' Sirius said, scratching his head.

'She wasn't crying, you stupid git,' Lily snapped. 'She was throwing up all morning and you just had to go and remind her.'

Sirius cringed.

'That's disgusting. It's just as well she's not here anymore. She could have been sick all over my breakfast and then I would have gone horribly in my exams because my brain just doesn't function without food.'

Lily glared at Sirius and, after glancing quickly at the teacher's table, flicked her wand, causing Sirius' cereal to explode in his face.

And with that, she left him and James to stare after her in the shock that she, Lily Evans, had just broken a school rule.

* * *

'Okay, you studied, and that's the main thing,' Helen whispered to herself as she sat under a tree with the envelope which held her exam results.

She stared at the envelope, her hands shaking too much to reach out and open it. Sighing, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, the envelope was gone.

She looked around desperately until her eyes settled on James.

Scowling, she ripped the score sheet out of his hands and he looked up at her, his eyes wide with horror.

Her stomach dropped.

'Oh no,' she whispered, feeling sick. 'I did badly, didn't I?'

James shook his head, his eyes still wide.

'Why the hell were you sick,' he whispered hoarsely, 'If you were going to go and get the top marks in all our subjects?'

Helen's eyes widened and she quickly scanned her score sheet. Her shoulders slumped as she saw that she had not achieved the top mark in History of Magic or Potions.

'I didn't,' she said, disappointed.

'What?' James said, snatching the sheet back off her.

'I didn't get the top mark in everything- look at History of Magic and Potions.'

James stared at her dumbly.

'Are you… are you _disappointed_?' he whispered, aghast.

Helen pursed her lips. If she was going to say the truth- yes, she was disappointed. She could not understand why she hadn't gone as well as whoever had achieved the top mark in those two subjects. She obviously hadn't studied hard enough.

Helen shrugged.

'I didn't do that great,' she said, her voice hard.

James continued to stare at her, looking dumbfounded, as Remus, Sirius and Peter joined them. Helen forced a smile as she saw Remus, finding it hard to mask her disappointment.

'How did you do, Helen?' he asked her, smiling.

Helen shrugged.

'Okay,' she said, her voice a little unsteady.

Remus raised an eyebrow and James' head suddenly snapped up.

'She did not do _okay_,' he said hotly. 'She did bloody brilliantly and look at her- she has the nerve to be disappointed.'

Remus raised an eyebrow and James once again snatched the results from Helen's hands and showed them Remus.

'Look,' he snapped. 'And she has the hide to be disappointed?'

Remus laughed and clapped Helen on the shoulder.

'Congratulations, Helen! Though I can hardly say that I'm surprised.'

Helen stared at him.

'You knew I'd be bad at Potions and History?' she whispered, her eyes wide.

Remus looked confused.

'What?'

'Did you know?' Helen repeated, her eyes flashing.

'Helen, you only got 2 points off the top mark in Potions and 5 points off in History… I hardly call that bad.'

'More like psychotic genius,' James muttered.

Helen pursed her lips and snatched the result sheet from Remus' hands.

'Next year we can't talk so much when we study,' she said to him before marching off.

James shook his head at her retreating back and then turned to Sirius.

'Can you believe her?' he said incredulously.

Sirius yawned and rolled his eyes.

'Mate, she's just doing it to get attention,' he said, settling down underneath the tree.

'No,' Remus mused thoughtfully. 'I actually think she was genuinely disappointed. She does take her study very seriously.'

Sirius laughed at Remus.

'And you don't?'

'Not like her… she gets possessed about it. I think it has something to do with her parents.'

Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment.

'She's muggle born, right?'

Remus nodded and Sirius shrugged.

'Why do they care how well she does at a magic school?'

Remus shrugged again.

'Who knows? She never really talks about home anyway.'

'Where does she live?' James asked suddenly.

Remus bit his lip, thinking.

'You know, she's never said… I asked her last week when I said that she and I should keep in contact over the summer and she said that her parents would never approve if they found her writing to boys.'

Sirius snorted.

'They sound like crackpots- just like her.'

Remus narrowed his eyes.

'You know, Sirius, maybe you should let up on her. She's very nice and if James can even see it, then I'm sure that, if you tried a little, you'd see it too.'

Sirius screwed up his nose.

'Nah, it's too much fun winding her up… though she aims a little too well for my liking,' he said, rubbing his arm from where she had hexed him the other day.

Remus shook his head, exasperated.

'Okay, enough of this,' James said, clapping his hands. 'Now, I've been thinking… we need a name.'

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

'We? As in the four of us?'

'Yes, Sirius,' James said, shaking his head at his friend. 'And we're not naming ourselves after you,' he added.

Sirius pouted but then grinned and sat up from where he was lounging.

'Yeah, we need a name to be reckoned with… something that makes us sound like a legit gang, you know?'

'How about The Skulls?' Peter offered.

Sirius snorted.

'If you want people to call us numskulls.'

Peter blushed and Remus quickly added-

'But it was a good suggestion.'

'The Snitches?' James offered.

Sirius yawned and James crossed his arms.

'Well what do you have to offer us, Mr Black?' he snapped.

Sirius thought long and hard before speaking slowly-

'The Lionhearts.'

He opened his eyes to see Remus, Peter and James staring at him.

'It's good, isn't it,' Sirius said, nodding.

They stared at him for a moment longer before they all burst into laughter, rolling on the grass around him.

'The… Lion…Hearts…' James laughed, tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks. 'That's the… _worst_… I've heard…ever!'

Sirius crossed his arms sullenly.

'Well neither of you have suggested anything good, so I wouldn't talk if I were you,' he said tartly.

'Yes, but neither of us have come up with something as bad as 'Lionhearts,' James said, his eyes still watering.

Sirius glared at James and then, suddenly, Remus said:

'Marauders.'

They all looked at him, confused.

'What?' Peter said.

'The Marauders,' Remus said. 'Think about it… it's so… _us!_'

He was met with silence and then James slowly rose and clapped a hand on Remus' shoulder seriously.

'Remus,' he said solemnly. 'You are a genius.'

He then turned to Sirius and Peter.

'Are you both in favour of being called a Marauder?'

Peter nodded eagerly. Sirius chewed his lip.

'Sirius,' James repeated, patiently.

Sirius sighed and threw up his arms.

'Oh all right, I can't deny it's a good name.'

--

James cleared his throat and held a hand to his heart as he took his oath.

'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good…Greetings fellow plunderers, I hereby declare the first and final Marauders meeting of our first school year open,' he said, clapping his hands and beating a wooden staff on the ground.

The other boys laughed.

'Stop making a fool of yourself, James… Evans isn't around so you have no excuse,' Sirius said, laughing all the same as his best friend sat down next to him.

'James?'

'Present.'

'Sirius?'

'This is ridiculous.'

'I repeat, Sirius?'

Sirius sighed and, reluctantly, said 'Present.'

'Peter?'

'Present.'

'Remus?... well, obviously I'm present.' Remus said, smiling as he marked the scroll of attendance.

'Why such a killjoy?' Remus asked Sirius, looking over the parchment and grinning.

'If you had to go to my home for all of summer, you'd be feeling pretty crap right now too,' Sirius said moodily.

The others didn't press the matter.

'Ahem. Ahem! Now, a review on our last project for which we were not yet 'The Marauders'… but still a gang nonetheless,' James said.

Remus nodded obediently, enjoying himself.

'All went according to plan except for the fact that Peter sustained a minor injury to his backside,' Remus said, jotting this down.

'It hurts,' Peter said, rubbing it.

'You should run faster next time… anyway. All in all, I thought it was quite successful,' Sirius said, propping up on his elbows.

'Very. The look on the faces of those girls was priceless,' James said, grinning.

'The look on yours upon seeing Evans' underwear even more so,' Sirius laughed.

'As was the look on yours when Helen's curse just missed you,' James replied.

'I think I'll jot that down as another thing to improve on. We probably should pull pranks when Helen's not in the room… she can be a little too dangerous,' Remus said, writing again.

'Whatever… I'm not scared of Asteria,' Sirius yawned, stretching.

'I am,' Peter whispered, rubbing his backside again.

James laughed.

'Yeah, but you're scared of a broomstick, Peter,' he pointed out.

Peter blushed and said nothing.

'I agree though… She can get pretty freaky,' James admitted.

'She's a freak.' Sirius said.

'Is not… She's just no pushover,' Remus said, taking the 'freak' insult a little personally seeing as he spent so much time studying with Helen.

'Why do you always defend her?' Sirius asked, exasperated. 'She's my mortal enemy. You should hate her for that.'

'I'm sorry, but she was my friend first and she is not your mortal enemy. You just can't stand the fact that she is impervious to your so-called charm,' Remus retorted.

'So-called?' Sirius said, raising his eyebrows.

Remus rolled his eyes.

'Personally, I don't find you a very charming person whatsoever when you're in the public eye. To be quite frank, you can be quite rude and downright… well, let's just say that sometimes I feel compelled to agree with Lily's comments about the two of you.'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'I can get any girl I like,' he said. 'I mean, look at Marina. She likes me.'

'She seems to like a lot of boys,' James muttered under his breath.

Sirius sighed.

'I can be charming when I want to be,' he repeated.

'Ah… when you _want_ to be. That's the vital change to your previous statement,' Remus said candidly.

Sirius sighed, exasperated.

'Well I'm sure that I could get any girl, if I wanted her,' he said.

'We should bet on that,' James laughed. 'I could do with the extra money and you're rich anyway so it won't be too much of a loss to you.'

'Fine then,' Sirius said, crossing his arms. 'Start writing,' he added to Remus.

Remus shook his head, but took up his quill nonetheless.

'So are we all betting then?' James asked looking around.

The others shrugged.

'I like her,' Peter suddenly piped up.

The others looked at Peter strangely.

'Who?' Sirius asked with a bemused expression.

Peter blushed scarlet.

'Helen,' he whispered.

The others stared at him before bursting into laughter.

'You… like… Asteria?' Sirius laughed, choking on his tears.

'She's pretty and smart,' Peter said defensively.

'Everything he's not,' James whispered to Sirius, who nodded, clutching his side.

Thankfully, Peter did not hear this.

'It's not as though that's not true,' Remus said fairly, looking kindly at Peter. 'She is pretty and smart.'

'Yeah… she is,' James admitted.

They looked at Sirius.

'No,' he said flatly, ignoring their eyes.

'You don't think she's pretty?' James asked slyly, grinning at Remus.

'No,' Sirius said stubbornly.

'No?' James persisted.

'No I don't.'

'Not even a little bit?' Remus asked, grinning.

'Grrr… no.'

'He's lying,' James said, shaking his head.

'A terrible trait. Can't trust a thing he says,' Remus said sadly.

'So, if you don't think Asteria's pretty, who do you think is? I can't think of anyone better looking than Helen… other than my Lily, of course,' James said.

Sirius glared at James and swore under his breath.

Mary,' he said, the first name that came to his head.

The others started laughing.

'Mary?' James asked incredulously.

'Okay, FINE,' Sirius bellowed. 'Asteria is pretty. There; I said it. Are you happy now?' he snapped.

The others shook their heads, amused.

'And smart?' James persisted.

'I tell her she's a smart-arse everyday. Figure it out,' Sirius snapped, in a very bad mood now.

'Would you ever go for her?' James asked innocently.

Remus looked up at Sirius but relaxed when Sirius shook his head incredulously.

'Number one: I'm twelve, so I don't go for girls just yet. My number one priority at present is being a Marauder. Number two: If I were to fancy a girl, it most definitely wouldn't be here because I happen to hate her.'

'Just as well… she'd never go for you anyway,' James shrugged. 'I'm placing my bet on Evans, by the way,' he added to Remus who wrote this down.

'By when?'

'I don't know. She looks like she'll be a tough case. Give me until fifth year,' James said.

'What about you Peter?'

Peter blushed again.

'You want to put Helen down?... Remus, put Helen down. How long do you reckon it'll take you given that you've been too scared to speak to her all year?' James laughed.

Peter shrugged.

'Let's give everyone until seventh year, then. I hope you're putting in a lot of money Peter… okay, Remus?' James asked.

It was Remus' turn to blush.

Sirius looked at him closely.

'Who is it?' he asked, a wry smile playing upon his lips.

Remus looked up and did not dare utter her name. They would laugh, just as they had for Peter. He wracked his mind for a decent choice.

'…er… Amber O'Donnell,' he said, naming a quite pretty Ravenclaw girl.

'That's just typical, isn't it- a Ravenclaw,' James grinned, not noticing Remus narrow his eyes as he wrote down the name.

'Sirius?'

'You reckon I can't get Asteria?' he demanded.

They all nodded.

'Impossible. It'll never happen.' James said with absolute confidence.

'Sorry, have to agree with James here,' Remus said, nodding.

'Put her down then,' Sirius said stubbornly.

'We can't have two people put down the same girl!' Remus said indignantly.

'Yeah… make another choice. No offence mate, but I reckon even Peter has a better chance with Helen than you do.' James said, patting Sirius' arm.

Sirius withdrew his arm.

'In that case, put her down and I'm saying I'll have her by fifth year. Peter can have her for seventh if he can,' Sirius snapped.

They all shook their heads, but Remus sighed and put down Sirius and Helen's name.

At that moment, Peter yawned, setting off a chain reaction.

'I hereby declare this meeting closed. Mischief managed,' James yawned, getting up with the others and falling on to his bed.

* * *

**So the bet stayed. I think it's a very typical teenage-boy thing to do. Also, I've tried to bring out Helen's obsessiveness over her study out a bit more in this chapter. She has many issues which mostly stem from home.**

**And this is the last 'first year' chapter.**

**Reviews are much appreciated!**

**Love Anya**


	5. Chapter 5: Inflated Egos

"_**By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest."**_** -Confucius**

* * *

Inflated Egos

'Come here, you're not ready to leave yet.'

Helen sniffed but obeyed Mark and sat on a bench on the platform. He sighed and took out a handkerchief and handed it to her.

'Look,' he said practically. 'I don't want you leaving for school in this state of mind. I don't want any repeats of what happened at the start of last year…'

Helen half laughed.

'I'm not going to do that again,' she said, blowing her nose.

'You had better not,' Mark said sternly. 'Listen, you shouldn't take what dad says so close to heart. I don't understand why you ever did.'

Helen looked down and fiddled with the handkerchief.

'Because everything he says is true,' she said quietly, looking down.

Mark shook her by the shoulders.

'No. No it's not! Stop this- you're only twelve! You're not meant to be this morbid at this age.'

Helen smiled wearily.

'You're lucky, they think everything you do is wonderful.'

Mark ran a hair through his hair worriedly.

'Look,' he said, glancing at his watch. 'You have to leave now, but I want you to promise that you'll write and that you'll take care of yourself and smile much more often than you did these holidays.'

Helen forced a grimace and Mark shook his head at her and kissed her cheek.

'Off you go then, to your nutter school.'

Helen laughed, properly this time, and hugged him tightly before running through the barrier.

* * *

James Potter was annoyed. Remus had owled him the day before saying that he was going to miss the first few days of school because his mother was sick- again. Peter was no where to be found- probably lost was James' guess- and Sirius had not yet arrived.

So, as he wandered the corridor of the Hogwarts Express looking for an empty compartment, he was very disappointingly alone and this was not a very pleasant position for one who was so used to being popular to find himself in.

Eventually, he came to one where Helen was sitting and, after deliberating for a few minutes, decided that she was better than no company- even if she was a girl.

'I see you found platforms 9 ¾ much more easily this time,' he grinned, walking into the compartment.

Helen looked up and then smiled broadly and impulsively hugged James who became very stiff at the contact.

When she let go of him, he noticed that her eyes were slightly red.

'I can't believe it, but I actually missed you,' she said, sounding absolutely genuine as they both sat down.

James blushed, not sure what to make of Helen's affectionate attitude towards him.

'Wow, holidays certainly don't agree with you, then,' James said, watching her warily.

Helen shrugged and surveyed him.

'How was your holiday?'

James sighed.

'I caught up with Remus twice, Peter many times… and Sirius not once, which was absolutely stupid. Speaking of him, have you seen him?'

Helen shook her head, her lips twitching.

'He's not exactly my favourite person- it's not as though I was _looking out for him. _So why didn't you see him?' she asked.

'He and his family went to some place in France or something.'

'Ah,' Helen said, not appearing to be too interested.

James surveyed her.

'You're looking browner. Did you go away?'

Helen nodded.

'We went to Greece for a bit- you know, to see the extended family and all.'

James shifted uncomfortably. He and Helen had never really had a proper conversation about their personal lives before.

'Are you from Greece?' he frowned.

Helen nodded.

'Well, I was born here in England, but my parents came from Greece and I speak Greek just as well as English … so yes, I suppose I am Greek.'

'Oh…. Right. My mum always says that she wants to go to Greece for a holiday one day.'

Helen smiled.

'She should. I imagine it would be a very place to go when a tourist.'

James raised an eyebrow, not quite sure what Helen meant.

'So what about you, then?' Helen asked, trying to take the spotlight off her. 'Did you go anywhere?'

James shrugged.

'Mum dragged us to Australia for a week. Dullest week of my life, that was.'

Helen laughed.

'Did you see any kangaroos?'

James shook his head incredulously.

'That's just it! Apparently they only exist in the outback! I always thought that they kept them as pets in their back yards or something! And I only saw one koala and that was in a _zoo!_'

Helen laughed at James, immediately feeling much better after her harrowing holiday.

'Ah James,' she sighed. 'I should talk to you more often. I think you're good for me.'

James' ears turned pink but he was saved from any further embarrassment as the compartment door opened and Sirius walked in.

Both James and Helen were shocked at his change in appearance. He looked like he had aged not a few months, but at least two whole years since they had last seen him. His hair was not short anymore, but much longer- past his ears-, and his face was ghostly white and drawn.

He also looked much thinner, though this could have been due to the fact that he had grown a good foot over the summer.

If he had any cheerfulness in his disposition last year, it seemed to have been completely eradicated and when Helen looked at his eyes, they were stone grey.

Sirius glanced at the both of them before crossing the room and sitting next to James.

Helen stood up, looking at Sirius uncertainly.

'I think I'll go find Lily and say hello,' she said awkwardly.

'Do I look that bad?' Sirius said sarcastically, rubbing his temples.

Helen stared at him, surprised that he had spoken to her.

'What happened to you?' she asked in wonder.

He opened his eyes and looked at her and Helen was struck by just how exhausted he looked. If she didn't know any better she would have said that he was…

She shook her head at her self. No, Sirius wasn't that type.

'I wouldn't wish it upon you,' he said simply.

They stared at each other. Helen felt in too much shock to move.

Suddenly, however, the train started moving and Helen lost her balance, tripping over Sirius.

'Sorry,' she muttered embarrassedly, hurriedly getting up. She was too embarrassed to notice that had Sirius helped her up, but quickly left as soon as she was properly on her feet.

James watched as Sirius watched her retreating back.

'What's with the sudden change of heart towards her?' James said, nudging Sirius.

Sirius shrugged.

'Over the summer, I've come to realise that people far worse than Helen Asteria exist,' Sirius said simply, his mouth narrowing.

James bit his lip.

'Was it that bad?'

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

'You know, mate, I've left home and I just want to forget it until the next summer. Now, aren't we meant to be plotting a Sorting Feast prank?'

James smiled tightly, glad that Sirius' desire to prank and cause plunder was still intact. He still couldn't help feeling a little worried that something was not right with his friend, but knew better than to pursue the point.

* * *

James arrived at lunch, a few weeks later, wearing a very broad smile.

'Evans,' he said seriously. 'I have just been made a chaser on the Gryffindor team. I hope you realise that this is a very big deal.'

Lily, who was talking with Helen, ignored James.

James glanced at Sirius who wrinkled his nose and shook his head but decided against heeding his friends' warning and continued to persist in his cause.

'So, if I shoot ten goals, will you kiss me?'

Lily looked up at James, thoroughly disgruntled.

'ames said to the other 2nd year Gryffindors at breakfast.

'You dirty little toerag! I wouldn't kiss you if my life depended on it,' she snapped, turning back to her conversation with Helen who gave James an apologetic smile.

'You'll see Evans,' he continued confidently. 'Just you wait. You'll be begging me for a kiss after…ARGH!'

James fell to the floor clutching his knee which now had a nasty red boil on it.

'What was that for?' he said reproachfully.

Lily's lips were twitching.

'Now stop bugging me, Potter,' Lily replied.

James glowered at her and got up and went to Sirius who was shaking his head at James.

'Bad luck mate… maybe better luck next time,' Sirius said, patting James' arm reassuringly.

--

Much to Lily's chagrin, James scored not 10, but 15 goals in the first match of the quidditch season making him the hero of Gryffindor. It also served to swell his already slightly inflated ego to abnormal proportions.

Helen, who had spent a little more time with him in her second year, had especially noticed a change in his personality as he and Sirius became much more nonchalant and reckless in their behaviour. They would hex random people as they walked down the corridors and seemed to be perpetually in detention. So much so, that they were now on first-name terms with the caretaker:

'Oi Argy! See you tonight!' James called after Filch as he walked with Helen to their Transfiguration class.

Filch scowled in response.

'You know, James. I'd like to think that you're my friend and all, but I don't think Lily will ever like you if you don't try to deflate your head a little,' Helen remarked, her lips twitching as James ran a hand through his black hair to mess it up even more.

'She won't be able to resist me soon! And anyway, I'm not that into her anymore,' James scoffed. 'I have too many other girls vying for my attention now.'

Helen frowned.

'You got this attitude from Sirius, didn't you?' she said.

James shrugged.

'You know, he's right- I've got to play the field a bit first.'

'You're only twelve, mind you,' Helen pointed out.

'Exactly. It was simply ridiculous that I was spending so much effort on Evans. Anyway, girls are stupid.'

Helen's lips became a thin line now.

'Excuse me?'

James swallowed nervously as he noticed Helen's glare.

'Not… not _all _girls. I mean… _those_ girls. But you're not a normal girl, so…'

Helen's eyebrows rose dangerously high.

'Not a normal girl? What do you mean?'

'Um…' James faltered, his voice becoming rather high-pitched as he struggled to rectify his comment. 'You're just…not as… much of a girl.'

He started running as Helen started firing hexes at him.

'Not as much of a girl?' she shouted after him, chasing him down the corridor, 'I'm just as much a girl as Lily or anyone else is…'

She suddenly tripped up and looked up to see Sirius with his wand out, smirking at her.

'Come on, Asteria,' he drawled. 'Look at you. You don't have any girl friends. No girls like you… you try hanging out with James and Remus because they feel sorry for you… you're not very _girly.'_

He quickly deflected the hex which Helen sent his way.

'What do you mean I'm not a girl? Just because I don't wear lots of jewellery or pink or…'

Sirius was doubled over laughing and Helen frowned, not sure what was so funny.

Suddenly, a pile of goo was overturned on her and she screamed and hurriedly wiped her eyes to see Peeves cackling and laughing with Sirius.

'YOU!' she screamed, whipping out her wand again.

She fired any and every hex she knew at Sirius. He valiantly tried to defend himself but really was not much of a match for her in the end.

It was rather ironic that it was Flich who saved Sirius from being injured any further by Helen.

'Detention!' he said, his yellowing eyes looking excited. 'The both of you!'

Sirius, who was lying on the floor and groaning in pain, looked up.

'Why me?' he complained in a strained voice.

'Because you're good at cleaning bed pans according to Madame Pomfrey' Filch said indifferently before walking off.

Sirius flinched again when Helen looked at him and Helen laughed.

'You should look at yourself,' she said, half laughing. 'You don't look half as cocky anymore.'

She had already started walking off when Sirius called after her-

'Take a look in the mirror. You've got some slime on you and this school doesn't have room for another slimy git like Snape.'

Helen, who had been walking away, suddenly stopped in her tracks and walked right back up to Sirius and continued from where she had left off before Filch had interrupted her.

* * *

As the year progressed, the Marauder's attitude seemed to worsen. James had come to his senses a month after the 'girl' incident and apologised to Helen, realising that she was his one ally who could be very influential with Lily. That, and he generally liked Helen as a friend and thought she was the kind of person one would want on their side- she wasn't nice when crossed.

As the Marauder's attitudes worsened, however, so did that of the Slytherins' who seemed to stop at no ends to abuse and criticise Helen and Lily as being mudbloods.

One day, Helen was walking along a deserted corridor during a free period when she was suddenly tripped up, as though caught by some imaginary rope, suspending her upside-down in the air. Her hands plunged desperately into her robes, but she was horrified when she saw her wand whiz out of her reach as she was disarmed.

'Hello mudblood, how are we today?' Bellatrix drawled.

Helen gulped. Bellatrix was one of the more powerful witches in the school and already quite proficient in the Dark Arts- or so the talk was, anyway.

'I would be better if I were the right way up but… otherwise, fine,' Helen said tartly.

Bellatrix rolled her eyes.

'Always the smart tongue… that tongue of yours will get you into trouble some day,' Bellatrix said, stroking her wand lovingly.

Helen glared at Bellatrix.

'Ever felt the Cruciatus curse, mudblood?' Bellatrix leered.

Helen's eyes widened in shock. She knew Bellatrix was bad, but…. This bad?

'No, and she's not going to.'

Helen turned her head to see Sirius walking up to Bellatrix and glaring at her coldly.

'Oh, goody. Cousin, you can _help _me! Make our fathers proud!' Bellatrix said with glee.

'You're disgusting. I want nothing to do with your fathers,' Sirius snapped.

'My my… that attitude needs some changing, dear cousin…'

Helen was starting to feel dizzy from all the blood to her head. Sirius muttered something and she fell unceremoniously to the floor. Obviously he didn't care _too_ much about her.

'Helping mudbloods who you hate above your own flesh and blood?' Bellatrix whispered icily.

'No. Helping people who don't deserve your disgusting treatment,' Sirius snapped.

Bellatrix raised her wand, but then reconsidered. She threw Helen's wand to her.

'Shall we settle the matter about blood once and for all, then?' she asked.

Helen looked uneasy. She did not want to duel.

'Helen doesn't need to prove herself to be a better witch than you. Everyone already knows she is,' Sirius retorted.

Helen blinked; she was quite touched by this comradeship.

'I don't. What's wrong, mudblood? Scared to duel are we?' Bellatrix drawled.

Helen looked Bellatrix defiantly in the eye.

'I don't need to duel you. I don't want to duel at all. If you want to sink to such low levels as to hex people behind their backs, I suggest you look to your fellow Slytherin peers because I don't sink to such levels,' Helen snapped, turning around.

She was not stupid, though. She was ready for the flash of blue light when it came and deflected it.

'I said: I will not fight. Is that understood?' Helen said coldly, turning around to face a shocked Bellatrix- she couldn't believe that Helen had deflected her curse so quickly.

Helen and Sirius disappeared around the corned and, thankfully Bellatrix did not pursue as they heard her being called by Professor Slughorn.

'I…er… thanks,' Helen said, a little embarrassed.

Sirius shrugged.

'I don't think she actually knows the Cruciatus,' he said, his eyes tight. 'I think that's far to advanced for her- but one can never tell with Bella.'

Helen swallowed.

'Well, um… thanks,' she said, not sure what else to say to Sirius.

'Well you should be. The Cruciatus isn't much fun, I can tell you. But don't think I did it just for you- I'd do it for anybody,' he said coolly, leaving her and walking off in the opposite direction.

Helen felt like cursing him at that moment, but realised that she couldn't because she was now, technically, in his debt.

She sighed. It was not the kind of position she liked to find herself in- especially not with Sirius Black.

* * *

**Reviews appreciated!**

**Love Anya**


	6. Chapter 6: Midnight Snack

'_**If I love you, what business is it of yours?' Johann Wolfgang von Goethe**_

* * *

Midnight Snack

Helen was exhausted as she made her way back to the Common Room. She had spent her Sunday studying in an empty classroom. Remus had kept her company for the beginning of the morning, but then left for 'secret Marauder business' before lunch.

And so, with no distractions around her, she had studied right through lunch and dinner and was now feeling the full extent of her hunger pains.

She considered just ignoring her stomach and just making up for it all with a big breakfast the next day but, after her stomach gave a particularly painful wrench, she decided that she had to eat something after all.

It was dangerously close to curfew and thus Helen made her way stealthily across the corridors until she finally found the portrait with the fruit which she had so often heard James talk about. Checking that nobody else was nearby, she reached up and tentatively tickled the pear and the portrait swung open.

It was eerily quiet inside and, when she finally reached the kitchens, she couldn't refrain from giving a small gasp in her surprise at just how expansive the kitchens were. She was shocked to see floor lined with what appeared to be rows and rows of small cots.

At least a hundred of them.

Suddenly, the head of an elf peeked up from the side of its cot and Helen bit her lip in her guilt at having woken it.

'I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I'll leave now,' she whispered, turning to leave quickly.

'Mistress must not say she is sorry! If mistress is hungry, she must eat!' the house elf squeaked, getting out of her cot quickly and going to the kitchen.

'No, please. Don't get up. Stop. Please. Go back to sleep,' Helen stammered, extremely ashamed and embarrassed.

'Mistress is not hungry?' the house elf asked, pausing and looking at Helen in disbelief.

'Er… can I just find something myself? Please go back to sleep.'

The elf continued on its way.

'They won't listen to you unless you make it an order,' an amused voice from behind Helen said.

Helen sprung around, clutching at her throat in shock, to see Sirius smirking at her.

She breathed out in relief that it was only him and cleared her throat.

'I… I want you to go back to sleep,' Helen said.

The house elf swayed, not sure what to do.

'Please?' Helen asked, gently.

The house elf nodded and went quickly back to bed. It was then when Helen rounded on Sirius.

'What are _you _doing here?' she demanded.

Sirius raised his eyebrows mockingly.

'I could say the same for you, Asteria,' he drawled, making his way over to the kitchen and opening the fridge.

Helen made a face behind his back but then followed his example by searching for food. When she turned around, she saw Sirius munching on an éclair, some cream on the tip of his nose. She frowned in disapproval.

'I can't say much for your palate,' he said in response to her frown. 'Bread, cheese and milk? What are you- a peasant?'

Helen glared at him.

'I happen to feel like eating proper food seeing as I missed out on lunch and dinner,' she responded tartly.

'You forgot dinner?' he said in disbelief, raising an eyebrow.

Helen shrugged, looking down at her plate as her cheeks coloured.

'I was studying- I sort of lost track of the hour,' she muttered.

Sirius let out a bark of a laugh and Helen looked up, startled.

'Sh!' she hissed. 'You'll wake the elves!'

They both turned to look at the cots and, sure enough, there were numerous elf heads poking up from inside their cots.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Only you would study that much- but we don't even have that much homework! I always knew you were naturally stupid…'

'I was studying general things- for interest,' Helen snapped.

Sirius looked confused.

'I find some of the things we learn are a bit elementary- it's fun to learn more advanced things,' she shrugged.

Sirius pursed his lips.

'So you study _ahead_?' he said in disbelief.

Helen glanced at him and then gave an irritated sigh and took out her handkerchief and wiped the cream from the tip of Sirius' nose.

'That's been annoying me all this time,' she muttered.

Sirius grinned devilishly.

'I know you just wanted to get close to me,' he said, winking and biting into the éclair again, causing another dollop of cream to end up on his nose.

Helen crossed her arms, frustrated.

'And what are _you_ doing here?' she demanded.

He shrugged nonchalantly.

'I was sort of in the area, was a little hungry… and then saw you go in the kitchens so I decided to follow.'

Helen stared at him for a moment.

'You… followed me?' she whispered. 'Why…'

Sirius smirked.

'You're easily annoyed. It's quite a lot of fun.'

Helen rolled her eyes and drained the rest of her milk.

'Is your family poor?' Sirius suddenly burst out.

Helen stared at him incredulously.

'Why does it even matter?' she said, exasperated.

'Because you dress really conservatively, you _eat_ healthy things and… you just act like one of those religious muggle girls.'

'Oh and you've had _so _much experience with muggle girls,' Helen said sarcastically.

'I've had a bit,' Sirius said truthfully. 'It's a form of rebellion, you see- I just go for walks and talk to muggle girls in parks.'

'Wow, that sounds _really_ rebellious,' Helen said disinterestedly.

Sirius didn't seem perturbed by her tone.

'So _are_ you?'

'Am I what?'

'Poor?'

Helen stared at him before shaking her head.

'No. We're actually very well off, thank you very much,' she said primly.

'Are your family religious nutters then?'

Helen fell silent and closed her eyes- the visions of the priest attempting to cleanse her 'impure' soul coming back to her…

'Asteria?'

Helen looked up to see Sirius looking at her strangely and she shrugged-

'No. Not particularly,' she said quietly.

Sirius peered at her intently and then brought his goblet of milk down on the table rather loudy.

'I just don't get you,' he said, sounding irritated.

'The feeling's mutual there,' Helen retorted sarcastically.

'Why are you so… weird?'

Helen stood up abruptly.

'You like to make out that I'm strange, Black, but you're much weirder than I am- I mean, talking to muggle girls in parks? Come on, what kind of rebellion is that?'

Sirius also stood up and scoffed.

'Like you can come up with better,' he said, shaking his head at her.

Helen laughed bitterly.

'You have this preconceived notion that I'm such a good girl, don't you?'

'Oh please. I know a 'good girl' when I see her and you and Evans are right up there.'

Helen smiled tightly and then sighed.

'No, you really don't get me at all, do you?' she sighed. 'Well I'm leaving.'

Her breath hitched as Sirius caught her wrist and she looked up at him, her hazel eyes wide.

'How?'

Helen stared at him incredulously.

'I'm going to use my legs to walk back to the Common Room,' she said slowly, starting to wonder if Sirius was mad.

Sirius shook his head at her.

'Fine; I might then take this opportunity to say that it has been a… I would say pleasure, but that would be lying. It has been an _experience_, let us say, knowing you. Good luck with your future.'

'What?' Helen breathed in disbelief.

'You'll get caught. Then you'll get expelled. Honestly, some people have no idea,' he said to himself.

Helen had had enough.

'Goodbye,' she said, rather viciously, before turning on her heel and walking towards the portrait.

'I wouldn't do that if I were you.'

Helen spun around, her eyes flashing dangerously.

'And you care because?'

Sirius considered her question.

'Because Gryffindor can't afford to lose any more house points after the fifty I lost with James today?' he offered.

Helen's eyes widened and ran up and began hitting Sirius.

'Fifty! What did you do?' she demanded, her eyes flashing.

'Left a heap of dungbombs in Filch's office,' he said easily, looking rather proud of himself.

Helen shook her head in disgust.

'And why did you get caught?' she said, angrily.

Sirius stared at her in disbelief.

'Caught?' he repeated stupidly.

'Yes,' she spat. 'If you're going to pull something like that, at least plan ahead enough so that _you _don't end up taking the blame.'

Sirius continued t gape at her and she shook her head and made to leave again.

'Now all the house points I've won in class this week have been lost,' she muttered angrily.

'Wait…Here… share James' cloak with me.'

Helen looked at Sirius warily.

'Why would I want to share anything with you?'

Sirius rolled his eyes at her and threw the cloak over the both of them. Helen's eyes widened in wonder as she looked down to see that she was invisible.

'Wow… these things actually do work,' she breathed in wonder.

'Yes, well, this is an actual one. Careful you don't speak too loudly,' he whispered back, feeling a foreign lump in his throat at being in such close proximity to Helen.

Helen nodded and they continued to walk in silence for a while.

'So,' Sirius said, feeling uncomfortable in the prolonged silence. 'What have you done that's _so _bad?'

Helen's eyes narrowed and he nudged her-

'Eh?'

She sighed.

'Nothing,' she lied.

Sirius pursed his lips and surveyed her with scrutinizing eyes.

'I don't believe you.'

Helen sighed exasperatedly.

'I thought I was right up there with Lily?' she said sarcastically.

Sirius shook his head.

'Changed my mind.'

'Oh?'

'Yes. You're too... _weird_.'

'And that makes me bad?'

'Well, it does make you bloody annoying, that's for sure,' Sirius muttered, annoyed that she was being so secretive.

Helen shrugged and then, suddenly, Sirius grabbed her arm to stop her as Mrs Norris stopped in her tracks in front of them and stared at them with her lamp-like yellow eyes.

'Can she see us?' Helen asked uncertainly as they paused.

Sirius frowned.

'I don't know,' he said truthfully.

It happened suddenly. Mrs Norris sprung out at them, landing on Sirius who let out a shout in surprise as he tried to prize the cat, which was clawing madly, off him. Helen, in turn, lost her balance and ended up sinking into the vanishing step, the invisibility cloak flying off them and landing at the bottom of the steps.

'Who's there?'

'Fuck…Filch,' Helen groaned, trying to pull herself up from the step.

Finally, Sirius threw Mrs Norris off him and she gave an angry hiss before bounding off in Filch's direction.

Sirius turned to stare at Helen.

'Can you help me, Black?' Helen snapped agitatedly, sinking even further into the step.

'You just swore,' Sirius said, sounding shocked.

'I've got them now!'

'Sirius!' Helen implored Sirius, hearing Filch's footsteps approaching.

Sirius grabbed Helen's arm and pulled with all his might.

'Hurry,' Helen whispered; her voice full of dread.

'I'm trying,' Sirius said through gritted teeth.

'HA!' they heard Filch say from the bottom of the steps, seeing them struggle desperately, but not seeing the invisibility cloak in his jubilation at having caught two students.

'Thought you would have a date did you? What was it? The broom cupboard?' He shouted triumphantly, limping slowly up the steps.

'SIRIUS!' Helen shouted.

Sirius snapped back to reality and gave one last heave, finally pulling Helen out.

'Oh shit. We've got it now,' he said, staring pathetically at Filch who was metres away.

'Are you kidding?' Helen said incredulously, grabbing his arm and running up the stairs.

'_Accio cloak_,' she said, pointing her wand over her shoulder as she dragged Sirius up the stairs.

The cloak soared through the air, past Filch, to Helen. She caught it and threw it over her and Sirius.

Sirius looked at her with admiration for the first time in his life. He had never liked Helen as much as he did then.

'STUDENTS OUT OF BED! STUDENTS OUT OF BED!' screeched Filch at the top of his lungs.

Sirius held out an arm to stop Helen who was about to walk straight into the door to Professor McGonagall's office which had just opened. They stood against the wall, very quietly, as she strode out of her office, in tartan, to see what the commotion was all about.

Once she was out of earshot, they kept on running until they found themselves face to face, again, with Mrs Norris. She hissed and sprung out at them, missing Helen narrowly as Sirius pulled her into a broom cupboard; that seemed to have been an accustomed reflex of his.

There was no room. This must have been the least spacious broom cupboard in all of Hogwarts. They were panting and squashed against each other as they heard Mrs Norris' meowing and clawing at the door.

Sirius leaned his head against Helen's shoulder momentarily.

'We need to get out,' Helen said, heart pounding in her chest at their closeness.

'I know,' Sirius said mournfully. 'But we can't until that damned cat goes away… she'll give us away.'

Helen sighed. This was definitely not how she intended her simple day of study to turn out.

'Nice work back there. I was too shocked to think,' Sirius said honestly after a while.

'Yeah, many people would be. I think what brought me home was his comment about the broom cupboard,' Helen said, more to herself.

Sirius smirked.

'He was kind of right… he just got his order mixed up.'

Helen laughed but then stopped suddenly as she felt Sirius' lips brush against her own. Her eyes widened in horror and Sirius, evidently just as horrified at his actions, instantly moved away as far as he could in the cramped broom cupboard.

'Sorry,' he muttered. 'I… It was dark and… I… couldn't…'

'It's okay,' Helen interrupted sharply, not wanting to hear any more apologies.

She was too angry at Sirius. She had always wanted to at least do the love thing properly, even if she wrecked all other aspects of her life and had always envisaged that her first kiss would be with someone whom she loved and that it would be an amazing and breath-taking experience.

Needless to say, what she just experienced was definitely not amazing but, rather, very disappointing.

She felt her eyes pricking in self-pity, Sirius' presence in the broom cupboard the only thing preventing her from letting her tears flow.

'I…'

'Just shut up,' Helen snapped, sniffing.

'Are you _crying_?' Sirius said loudly, in disbelief.

'No,' Helen muttered miserably.

'Is it because…'

'I'm just tired and I want to leave, okay? This is your fault that we're in this stupid mess!'

'My fault! How is it my fault?' Sirius exclaimed indignantly.

'Because…'

Helen's eyes widened as Sirius suddenly clamped a hand over her mouth and she kneed him in the groin. She heard him groan and, to her horror, doubled up against her.

'Aw… fuck,' he whispered, sounding as though he was ready to cry.

Helen tried to wrench his hand off her mouth but he shook his head.

'Sh… they're… outside,' he whispered, his voice sounding as though he was still in a lot of pain.'

Suddenly, the door burst open and Helen pulled Sirius so that he was flat against her.

'AHA!' Filch shouted triumphantly.

Helen saw his lights shine upon them.

'Honestly, Argus, there's no one there. Please do not wake up the castle the next time you forget to take your potions,' McGonagall snapped, steering him away from the broom cupboard.

Helen could feel her heart- or was it Sirius'? - pounding in her chest.

Slowly, he got off her. Helen was very thankful that it was dark and he could not see her blushing. They waited a minute more, before leaving quietly, checking for any signs of Mrs Norris. This time, however, they found their way to the common room uninterrupted.

*

'Balderdash,' Helen muttered sleepily to the portrait. It did not swing open.

Helen looked up, in horror, to see that the Fat Lady was missing and she and Sirius exchanged a terrified glance.

'Well, that's just great!' Sirius said angrily, kicking the wall.

Helen felt on the verge of tears. She was so tired and wanted no more adventures… just her bed.

'We could try finding her?' Sirius suggested.

'In the some many thousand portraits around the school?' Helen asked, her voice shaking dangerously, threatening tears.

Sirius sighed.

'Why?' he asked the empty portrait angrily. 'Open up!' he said, banging it with his fist.

It remained, as closed as ever.

'There are no other ways to get in?' Helen asked, hoping with all her might that he had been perverted enough to find a secret passageway to the girls' dormitories.

'No,' said Sirius sullenly. 'Trust me. We've tried.'

'She could be hours away,' Helen said, tears falling down her cheeks.

Sirius shot a wary glance at her.

'We could just try finding a place to sleep for the night,' he suggested.

Helen nodded and wiped her eyes and they began walking down the corridor.

'Here,' Sirius said, opening the door to a much more spacious and cleaner broom cupboard. Helen walked in, too tired to protest and sat on the floor straight away. She mumbled a spell at the door, locking it.

Sirius smiled. It was amazing that she managed to still remember such details, even when she was half asleep.

'Nigh,' Helen mumbled, curling up on the floor and lying on the makeshift pillow which she had made from her cloak.

'Goodnight,' Sirius said, observing Helen for a bit longer, before yawning and following her example by lying on his cloak.

* * *

**I think for someone like Helen, who seems to have a less than pleasant time at home, she would probably always have dreamt of having someone love her properly and having at least one aspect of her life which is right or 'normal'... which is why she probably over-reacted a little to the 'kiss' with Sirius... because it just wasn't special at all and she also really doesn't like Sirius very much, as you may have gathered.**

**Sorry for taking so long! Editing is probably going to take a bit longer these days... but bear with me. I'm not giving up!**

**(Also, if you're reading this for the first time, I'm editing the completed story. You might like to wait for me to update the new edited Ch 7 or keep reading by any means- there just might be a few inconsistencies with the story later on, but nothing major)**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated!**

**Love Anya**

* * *


	7. Chapter 7: Cat Fight

'_**Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defence**_**.'****Mark Overby**

* * *

Cat Fight

Helen returned wearily to the girls' dormitories, the next morning, thinking only of a hot shower and clean robes.

As soon as she returned, she was bombarded by questions by Lily.

'Helen! Where have you been? We were so worried! What happened to you?' Lily asked quickly.

Helen glanced around the room. Marina looked up disinterestedly and Mary seemed more concerned with how she was going to fix her hair for the day.

She couldn't help thinking that Lily was the only one who actually seemed to care.

'I got locked out,' Helen mumbled, going to the bathroom and shutting the door behind her.

She was in no mood to explain herself at the moment.

*

When Helen reached the Great Hall for breakfast, she found James, Remus and Peter were talking frantically.

'Has anyone seen Sirius?' Remus asked worriedly.

Helen's lips twitched as she remembered how Sirius was curled up in a little ball on the floor of the broom cupboard when she left him.

'Why?' Lily asked suddenly, looking up at James.

James' mouth slackened and he seemed to be rendered temporarily speechless as he stared at Lily.

Remus kicked James from under the table and James blinked suddenly and nodded assertively-

'He didn't return last night… why are you smiling, Helen? What did you do to him?' his tone turning quite aggressive.

Lily turned to Helen in surprise.

'You spent the night with Black?' she asked, aghast.

Everyone went silent.

'What?' James asked, very confused.

Helen ignored Lily's eyes and turned over her porridge in her bowl, her cheeks colouring.

'Helen… did you spend the night with Black? Why didn't you return last night?' Lily persisted.

'Okay. Yes. I did.' Helen snapped, grabbing a piece of toast and started buttering it so violently that she put many holes in the bread.

Everyone stared at her in disbelief and Helen rolled her eyes.

'Oh get your minds out of the gutter. I hate him still- hell hasn't frozen over yet. I went to the kitchens at night because I missed dinner and he showed up there too… _by complete coincidence._. He let me share your cloak, James, to get back because it was after curfew. Unfortunately, there were problems on the way…' Helen shrugged.

'What kind of problems?' Lily asked sharply.

Helen looked at James and Remus who were staring at her with their mouths wide open.

'Filch's bloody cat for one. Filch nearly got us. Lucky for that broom cupboard…'

James sniggered and Helen rolled her eyes, but then blushed as she remembered the kiss.

'Why are you blushing?' Remus asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

Helen's temper was getting quite short.

'I am NOT blushing,' she said hotly.

'You snogged him, didn't you?' James laughed.

Helen glared at James in such a way that he shut up immediately.

'Sorry. Of course not. He's your mortal enemy,' James said quickly, wanting to hear the rest of the story.

Helen did not offer it, though.

'Well…' Remus encouraged.

Helen let out a vehement sigh.

'Do none of you not know how to mind your own business?'

'No,' James said simply.

Helen pursed her lips but then laughed as she recounted McGonagall's comments on Filch's medication.

James was clutching his side.

'She said that? Ha..ha… serves him right. Ha…'

'Anyway, so what happened after that?' Remus interrupted, evidently still worried about Sirius' whereabouts.

Helen sighed.

'We left about five minutes later and came to the portrait of the fat lady but the stupid woman decided to leave,' Helen muttered resentfully.

'It's a painting, Helen,' James pointed out.

'Thank you,' Helen snapped sarcastically.

'Just pointing out the obvious. So what happened then?' James said sweetly.

'We went to a broom cupboard and fell asleep,' Helen shrugged. 'End of story.'

They stared at her.

'What?' she asked, not understanding their problem.

'Broom cupboard?' Lily asked, arching an eyebrow.

'There was nowhere else to go. It was bloody four in the morning and I needed sleep,' Helen snapped, getting up.

'So where's Sirius now, then?' James piped up as she went to leave.

'Probably still sleeping there I expect,' Helen shrugged.

'You didn't wake him up?' Remus asked, reproachfully.

Helen smiled.

'Oh, he looked so peaceful and sweet, I couldn't bear myself to interrupt his blissful slumber,' she said in a mock-sweet voice, staring into the distance dreamily.

'Are you for serious?' James asked, looking at Helen and wondering if Sirius had drugged her.

'No,' Helen said, snapping out of her façade.

'Well, he can't miss class!' Remus said indignantly. 'We've got a charms test next period!'

'I'm sure he'll be _so_sad to miss it,' Helen said sarcastically, walking off.

'You should wake him up,' Lily said reproachfully.

Helen stared at her friend and wondered why she cared so much about Sirius. Then she looked at everyone else at the table who nodded.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Fine. I'll wake the stupid git up,' she snapped, turning on her heel and sweeping out of the Hall, very annoyed that she was designated the task of waking Sirius up. For all she knew, he would abuse her for waking him up. Why should she put up with that?

Helen arrived at the broom cupboard and her eyes widened in surprise as she heard banging on the door, like someone was trying to burst through it. She wondered if a boggart had made its way inside it and gulped. They had not yet learnt boggarts.

She cleared her throat and pointed her wand at the door, unlocking it. She screamed as something big flew out of it and knocked her to the floor. She hexed it, to try and get it off her.

'OUCH!' Sirius shouted, clutching his arm.

Helen stopped screaming and realised that it was Sirius who was on top of her.

'Oh, it's you. Sorry… kind of,' Helen said, her lip twitching.

Sirius got off her hurriedly with very mixed feelings towards her; she had set him free from the broom cupboard which he was locked in, but had also hexed him.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at her. He just wondered…

'Where's my wand?' he snapped at her.

'What?' Helen asked, wondering if he really was a boggart…

'Don't act dumb. I had my wand yesterday, but I don't anymore and was locked in the cupboard just then. I know you took it. Why else would you come back to unlock me?' he retorted maliciously.

Helen's features suddenly became contorted with rage. He had the cheek to accuse her, after she had just been forced to go wake him up?

'I don't have it. How dare you accuse me of stealing your wand? I don't sink to such levels… what's that?' she added, pointing to Sirius' wand which was caught in the hem of his robes.

Sirius looked down and blushed as he realised it was his wand.

'Oh… er….'

'Shut up Black,' Helen snapped, turning on her heel and stalking down the corridor.

Sirius stared after her, not sure whether he should go apologize.

He shook his head.

'What am I thinking? Apologise to Asteria? I really need more sleep. I'm losing it!' he thought to himself, walking in the opposite direction.

*

When Helen arrived at Charms, she was in a foul temper. She was met with many wolf-whistles.

'Oooh, Asteria… Want to spend the night with me in the broom cupboard tonight? I'm good; promise. Better than Black, anyway…'

Helen's face blanched and she turned to face Sirius. She was furious that he had the cheek to act surprised.

'YOU!' she screamed.

'ME? WHAT HAVE _YOU_ BEEN SAYING? I NEVER TOLD ANYONE!' Sirius shouted back indignantly.

There were more whistles and both Helen and Sirius turned on them and snapped- 'SHUT UP!'

The class fell silent, amused at the spectacle before them.

'So, Asteria,' Sirius said, turning back to face her. 'You've been telling everyone that we…'

'I have NOT. I haven't….' Helen stopped, comprehension dawning upon her face.

She turned around slowly and fixed her most withering death stare on Remus, James and Lily. They shrunk away as she walked slowly up to them.

'I didn't say anything!' James squeaked.

'Neither,' Remus said quickly, looking frightened.

'Of course I didn't say a word!' Lily added, affronted that Helen thought she would.

Helen glared at them all, her eyebrows raised.

'Who was it, then?' she said icily.

She glanced at Marina who was looking at her nails, her lips twitching and she felt a wave of hot anger flowing through her.

'What is your problem?' Helen shouted at Marina.

Marina looked up at Helen and simply smiled.

And that was all Helen needed to snap after years of torment.

She forgot about her wand.

She forgot about anything else.

She launched herself at the girl, hands enclosing around her neck, wanting nothing more than to throttle the life out of her.

The class was suddenly very noisy. A few people fell silent as they noticed Professor Flitwick entering, many of the boys were cheering, Lily was screaming at Helen, Sirius was staring at the two girls in shock and James and Remus tried to pull Helen off Marina.

It took all of James and Remus' might to get Helen off Marina.

"Get off me!' Helen screamed, trying to shake off the two pairs of hands that were holding onto her tightly, her long hair falling in her face and her hazel eyes possessed with dangerous anger.

Sirius knelt by Marina and pulled her up. Helen didn't know why, but she felt the sickening stab of betrayal at this sight. She stopped struggling, staring in disbelief as Marina cried into Sirius' chest.

Sirius looked at Helen and caught her gaze.

'Let go of me,' Helen said quietly to James and Remus, looking away from Sirius.

They complied, hesitantly.

Helen turned on her heel and walked out of the room, not hearing the screeches of the rest of the class as they chanted 'cat fight, cat fight!'

Once out of the classroom, Helen broke out into a run, not knowing where she was going. She found a bathroom some many floors down and burst through the doors, locking herself in a cubicle and sinking to the ground, crying.

Everything about Helen's life suddenly hit her. She had no real close friends. Lily was a friend, but they weren't _that_ close; she spent most of her time with Mary. The same went for Remus who had James, Sirius and Peter, and James- who was Sirius' friend so there was only so close they could ever get. She sobbed as she realised that most people hated her, calling her a know-it-all, resenting her for the power which she possessed. She wasn't even a pure blood so that she could get away with something! She had no allies, being muggle born, and this depressed her even more.

She shook her head at herself as she thought of Sirius again. Of _course_ he helped Marina. He hated Helen. Still… Marina made rumours about the both of them. It was as though they were both forced into something together and he had betrayed that. Helen started to wonder why he even hated her at all.

Why her?

Why not Lily? What did she ever do to him that made him pick on her on their first day of school? Lily treated him _almost_ just as badly and yet she never saw him deliberately trying to hurt Lily. This plunged Helen into a deeper fit of sobs.

It was after at least an hour that Helen emerged from the cubicle. She walked to the mirror and washed her face at the sink, fixing herself up to look as though she had never been crying.

She realised, as she walked out of the bathroom, that she had missed the charms test.

'Fuck charms,' Helen thought to herself savagely.

Now she was swearing and skipping classes.

*

James found her sitting by herself under a tree by the great lake, staring at it with a vacant look in her eyes. He sighed and sat down next to her. She did not acknowledge his presence.

'Marina's a bitch, forget about her.'

Helen continued to stare ahead and James leaned forward and stared at her intently. After a few seconds, Helen's lips twitched irresistibly.

He laughed.

'I knew you couldn't resist my humorous charm!' he said, leaning back and grinning.

Helen continued to be silent.

'Come on! You never care about what anyone says about you!' James said, placing a reassuring hand on Helen's arm.

Helen shrugged, but continued to say nothing. She saw Sirius walk across the grounds to Herbology with Peter. Her eyes followed him and James noted this.

'So tell me. What do I have to do to get a word out of you?' he said, leaning forward and batting his eyelashes.

Helen laughed. She couldn't help it.

'What's there to say?' she said after a while.

James noticed how her voice had become slightly gravelly from her tears.

'You're obviously upset. Why?'

'I hate Marina,' she said slowly.

'Is that all? We all know you've always hated her. Why does it bother you now?'

'It…' she faltered. She could not tell him it bothered her that Sirius took Marina's side.

She shook her head.

'Never mind,' she said, going to get up.

James took her arm, keeping her down and Helen looked at him expectantly.

'If you want to talk, you can come to me. You know that, right?' he said, looking into her eyes and smiling.

Because she would have cried unless she did, Helen hugged James impulsively. He seemed a little taken aback, patting her awkwardly on the back.

As they walked silently to Herbology, Helen could not take it any longer.

'What's wrong with me?' she blurted out, glaring at James accusingly.

'Er…'

'Is there anything actually wrong with me? Do I have any disgusting habits which I don't know about? What is so offensive about me?' she demanded.

James looked at her strangely.

'You're perfect… well, you do have a bad temper at times, but that's mostly in check anyway.' James said slowly.

'Well?' Helen demanded.

'Is there something I'm missing?' James asked suddenly.

'No,' Helen said shortly.

'It doesn't have anything to do with a certain friend of mine?' James asked, very innocently.

'Sirius Black is the most vile, despicable creature that ever had the good fortune to walk on this earth,' Helen spat, venting out the anger which had been pent up in her since she left charms.

James suppressed his twitching lip.

'Is that… er, meant to be news?' he asked, trying not to laugh.

'He took her side.' Helen said stubbornly.

'Whose side?'

Helen went to respond, but waved a hand dismissively.

'Marina?'

'Don't talk about her to me,' Helen said vehemently.

'You're angry at him because he went to help Marina after you tried to strangle her?'

'I would have succeeded if it wasn't for you,' Helen said bitterly.

James looked at Helen a little strangely. He wasn't sure what to think of this news, but didn't pursue the subject as they walked into the Herbology greenhouse. Thankfully, they were repotting Mandrakes which meant there was no talking; with anyone.

* * *

The next day, Helen's breakfast was interrupted by Professor McGonagall.

'Miss Asteria, a word please,' she said curtly.

Everyone at the table looked up and watched as Helen got up. Marina gave Helen the finger behind McGonagall's back and Helen glared back, causing Marina's roll to catch fire- she was becoming quite good at wandless magic now.

James laughed at this, Lily shook her head in disapproval and Maria yelped and dropped the burning bread.

'Professor McGonagall!' she wailed.

'Yes Marina?' McGonagall said impatiently, turning to look at the girl approaching her.

'She lit my roll on fire,' Marina cried, pointing at Helen.

McGonagall sighed and turned to Helen.

'I didn't! Ask them! I didn't have my wand out!' Helen protested.

'Helen's right. She didn't have a wand,' James piped up, walking up to them and winking encouragingly at Helen.

Helen appreciated this.

'I beg to differ,' Sirius said, also getting up and standing by Marina. Marina pouted at Sirius, making Helen hate her even more.

Helen and James glared at Sirius.

'Yes, Black?' McGonagall encouraged, impatient the interruption as it was.

'I saw Asteria's wand tucked up in her sleeve,' Sirius continued.

'You…' Helen said, stepping forward, wanting to punch Sirius.

Thankfully, James pulled her back.

'Is it true, Asteria?' McGonagall sighed.

'Of course not!' Helen said indignantly.

'Why not? You don't miss the opportunity to hit me and curse me any other time. Why would you change now?' Marina wailed, crying on Sirius' shoulder.

Helen felt sick with rage.

'I didn't!' Helen exclaimed hotly.

'She didn't,' James reasserted, looking imploringly at Sirius who merely patted Marina on the shoulder.

'I feel scared for my life, Professor. I can never sleep at night because I never know when she's going to sneak up on me and try to kill me. Only yesterday morning she tried to strangle me,' Marina continued to sob.

McGonagall looked at Helen sternly now and Helen couldn't believe it that McGonagall believed Marina!

'Well, I stand by Helen. She didn't have her wand just now,' James reasserted.

'Are you calling me a liar?' Sirius suddenly asked, looking testily at James.

'Oh, come on Sirius. Just because you guys hate each other, you can't go this far to get her expelled,' James said reasonably.

'Expelled? Miss Asteria most certainly will not be expelled,' McGonagall interrupted sharply.

Helen looked up in happily and Marina screamed in frustration.

'Why not? She's…'

'One of the best students this school has ever seen and a most polite and conscientious one in class. I see no reason to believe your story, Miss Davis. You and Mr Black will have detentions for the rest of the week for making up such vicious slander. I warn you; this behaviour will not be tolerated here at Hogwarts and should it reoccur, Miss Davis, I will be reviewing your own position in this school,' McGonagall snapped.

If Helen ever felt like kissing a girl, it was McGonagall, right then and there. She beamed at McGonagall whose lip twitched slightly.

Meanwhile, Marina screamed in frustration and stormed out of the Great Hall and Sirius, scowling, walked off back to the dining and James looked at each other, delighted.

'Now, Miss Asteria, if you please, I would like a word with you over a much more concrete matter,' McGonagall said, sweeping out of the Great Hall.

Helen winked at James before following McGonagall quickly, not believing her luck.

* * *

**Reviews are always much appreciated :)**

**Love Anya**


	8. Chapter 8: Beauxbatons

'_**Great love affairs start with Champagne and end with tisane' - Honoré de Balzac**_

* * *

Beauxbatons

Helen swallowed nervously as she sat gingerly in the armchair in Professor McGonagall's office. She bit her lip and looked nervously at the Professor who was frowning.

'Er…

'You speak French, do you not, Miss Asteria?' McGonagall interrupted.

Helen blinked in surprise.

'I guess. I was in the French Immersion class at school…'

'Are you fluent?'

Helen shrugged.

'I'm okay. I can have a conversation with someone pretty easily… sorry, but why is this relevant…'

Again, McGonagall interrupted Helen.

'Have you heard of Beauxbatons Academy, Miss Asteria?'

Helen looked bewildered.

'I suppose not,' McGonagall sighed. 'No matter. Beuxbatons is a French school for witchcraft and wizardry.'

'There are other schools like Hogwarts?' Helen asked, surprised.

'I wouldn't say any other schools quite come up to par with Hogwarts,' McGonagall said stiffly, 'but yes. Other magical schools exist.'

Helen sat back, pondering this news.

'Now, in the spirit of friendly inter-school relations, Hogwarts and Beauxbatons have decided to hold an exchange program for their 2nd years in which the two brightest students are chosen from each school to participate. One male and one female.'

'Oh,' Helen said, not sure what to say.

'Naturally, as the brightest student in our year, I would like to nominate you. All the fees are paid for in the spirit of the program. I might add that you would not have to sit any exams because it will take place in the last two weeks of school.'

'Next week!' Helen exclaimed hoarsely.

'Yes.'

Helen didn't know what to say. It was obviously a fantastic opportunity, but she was also a little frightened as well.

Then her shoulders slumped.

'Oh, I can't,' she said, sounding forlorn.

Professor McGonagall looked at her enquiringly.

'And why not?'

'My parents would never allow me,' Helen sighed.

'Actually, your parents are currently in Germany with your younger sister, Christina, so the responsibility fell to your brother who approved the trip and wished you '_bon voyage_,' McGonagall said, her lips twitching.

Helen's eyes widened.

'So I can go?' she said excitedly.

McGonagall beamed at Helen.

'I am sure you will do Hogwarts proud. Now, there will be a briefing with Professor Dumbledore on the trip on Friday night. I shall keep you posted on any other details you should be thinking about until then,' McGonagall said, smiling.

* * *

Helen arrived at potions ten minutes late. She sat quietly down next to Remus, quite unable to contain her excitement.

'You know, I've never seen you so happy,' Remus whispered to her. 'What happened?'

'I'm going to France next week- to Beauxbatons,' Helen whispered back, unable to resist smiling widely.

Remus dropped his quill and gaped at her.

'How? Why? What?' he breathed.

'It's this exchange program they have- two students from each school from 2nd year swap schools for two weeks.'

Remus stared at her before blinking.

'Congratulations!' he said, looking very shocked.

'Thanks… hey, do you speak French?' Helen asked hopefully.

'No… why?' Remus asked, surprised by the question.

Helen sighed.

'Why?' Remus persisted.

'Oh, I think you have to speak French to go… there's one boy going and I was wondering who they would pick,' Helen said.

'I know Sirius speaks French, but…'

'What?' Helen whispered, aghast.

After all, Sirius and James were the next best students in the year.

'What about James?' she asked hopefully.

'Not that I'm aware of. I think he speaks a little Troll…' Remus said, shaking his head.

Helen couldn't help laughing at this, but then sighed.

'Let's hope someone other than Sirius does, then,' she said grimly.

'There are the Slytherins, of course. All those purebloods speak French,' Remus added, smiling at Helen's reaction showing her horror at the thought.

'I'm sure they'll pick someone they know you'll get along with. You're both representing the school, after all,' Remus said reassuringly.

Helen could only hope so.

*

Unfortunately for Helen, Professor Dumbledore had other plans.

'I'M GOING TO FRANCE!!!' Sirius shouted as he bounded into the Common Room that evening, after dinner.

'NO!' Helen screamed, clutching onto Remus for support.

'No exams…'

'This is a nightmare…'

'French girls…'

Helen grabbed Remus by the front of his shirt desperately.

'Can't you learn French in four days? Please? I'll do anything. I'll be your slave forever. Whatever you like... Please?' Helen asked, desperately.

Remus laughed and patted Helen on the arm, who turned desperately to James who was sitting on the couch, not particularly paying much attention to Sirius who was bragging to the entire common room about the benefits of the exchange program.

'James… can you do me a favour?' she asked quietly and very sweetly.

James looked up at Helen.

'What do you want?' he asked, obviously thinking it was something possible.

'Well, you see, my life depends on this…'

'In that case, I'll do my best. What is it?' he asked, leaning forward and grinning.

Helen sighed and said, very quickly- 'I want you to learn French.'

James looked at her as though she were deranged.

'Sorry, come again?' he asked, thinking that he hadn't heard.

'I said, I want you to learn French by Monday. I'll tutor you. You'll get out of exams too,' Helen added hopefully.

James laughed.

'And why would I need to learn French by Monday?' he asked, amused.

Helen scowled as she looked at Sirius.

'So I can actually enjoy the exchange experience,' she said haughtily.

'Are you going too?' James asked in surprise.

Helen nodded.

'Come to think of it, I might say to McGonagall that I'd rather not miss exams… someone else can go. Imagine if they got Bellatrix to go! Sirius would have such a _dandy_ time then!' Helen said mutinously, thinking that the plan sounding quite appealing.

James turned to face Helen.

'So, let me get this straight: You would give up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity because a) you don't want to go with Sirius and b) you want to see Sirius have a crap time because his cousin would go with him?'

Helen nodded excitedly.

'It sounds good doesn't it?' she said.

James looked at her shrewdly before answering, shortly-

'No.'

Helen hit him playfully on the arm and looked up to see, to her disgust, Marina setting herself down on the couch, very closely to Sirius.

'On the plus side, I won't have to see her for two weeks,' Helen said grimly, slumping back on the couch.

* * *

James, Remus, Peter and Lily and Mary had come to see Helen and Sirius off as they took a portkey on Monday morning for Beauxbatons with Dumbledore who would introduce them to Madame Maxime, the French headmistress, and pick up the Beauxbatons exchange students.

'Bye, I'll miss you!' Lily said, hugging Helen.

Helen looked to Mary (whom she was sure didn't _really _want to see her off but came because Lily had forced her to).

'Bye Mary,' she said civilly.

'Have fun,' Mary said, smiling tightly.

The girls tuned to look at the boys.

'See you!'

'Have fun!'

'Send us a photo of those French girls,' James whispered to Sirius, the two of them smirking mischievously.

Helen shot James a reproving look.

'Come on! I won't see you for two weeks! What if something happened to me in that time and the last thing you ever did was give me that withering glare of yours?' James said dramatically.

Helen rolled her eyes, but hugged him all the same.

'Bye!' they all chimed as Sirius and Helen made their way, avoiding each other's eyes, to Professor Dumbledore who was standing by an old watering can which was glowing blue.

'Now, just lay a finger on the portkey…and three…two… one!'

Helen felt a jerk behind her naval and her feet were suddenly lifted off the ground. She glanced at Sirius and they caught each other's eyes before looking to Dumbledore. After a minute, their feet were slammed hard on hard ground.

Helen straightened herself up and looked around her. She gasped at the beauty of her surroundings. They were standing on a patch of grass next to a huge castle (almost as big as Hogwarts) which was on a cliff with the view of the beach and the sea directly below it. The air was blowing its warm, Mediterranean breeze and Helen was instantly reminded of Greece and caught herself wished to go back to her native country. She looked to Sirius who was just as taken with his surroundings as Helen was.

'Ah! Dubbly-dore!' a voice called pleasantly from behind them.

They turned around to see the largest woman Helen had ever seen; she was just as tall as Hagrid! Despite her massive structure, Helen felt distinctly impressed with this woman who was dressed impeccably in fine silk and looked extremely assertive and poised as she walked over to them.

'Madame Maxime,' Dumbledore murmured respectfully, kissing her hand. Helen smiled at Dumbledore's chivalry and wondered if she would ever meet anyone as polite as he was.

'Ah! These are the students?' Madam Maxime said, eyeing Helen and Sirius who stood next to each other, watching on, rather awkwardly.

'Yes. May I present Miss Helen Asteria and Master Sirius Black,' Dumbledore said, indicating Helen and Sirius.

'_Enchante de vous voir_,' she purred, shaking their hands.

'Well, Dubbly-dore, shall we?' she said, indicating the castle.

Dumbledore offered her his arm and the two headmasters walked off to the castle.

'I'm not offering you my arm,' Sirius said flatly, when Helen looked at him.

'I wouldn't take it,' Helen retorted as they walked a few meters behind the headmasters.

Helen's eyes feasted upon the interior of the castle which was impeccably crafted. It looked as though it were a palace, with intricate paintings on the walls and ceilings. She saw the French students passing by and stopping to observe their foreign exchange students. She caught a girl blushing and turned to see that Sirius had winked at her.

'Could you possibly contain yourself for five minutes? We haven't even been formally introduced yet!' Helen snapped at him.

'Have you seen these girls? They're _fit_!' Sirius grinned, winking at another one, causing her to erupt into furious giggles with her friend.

Helen rolled her eyes and followed the headmasters into a chamber which reminded her of the excessive decorations of Versailles.

*

After being introduced to the other exchange students (Helen felt like cursing Sirius who was flirting furiously with the Beauxbatons girl), Dumbledore took them aside before leaving.

'Now, should you require any assistance, do not hesitate to ask Madam Maxime- she is a wonderful woman. Of course, you are also free to contact the Hogwarts staff, should you require it… Mr Black, if I could have your attention a minute longer,' Dumbledore said, noticing that Sirius was communicating with the female Beauxbatons exchange student from across the room.

'Yes, professor,' Sirius chimed, becoming suddenly extremely attentive.

Helen pursed her lips, and suddenly wondered if she would have to clean up any blunders Sirius made at Beauxbatons. It would certainly be more than she had bargained for.

'… and finally, enjoy yourselves. This is a rare opportunity and I am sure that both of you will make the most of it,' Dumbledore said, patting them on the shoulder before leaving them to take the Beauxbatons students to the portkey to Hogwarts.

*

Madam Maxime led Helen and Sirius into the Beauxbatons Great Hall where all the students were gathered for breakfast. She introduced them to the whole school, before indicating for them to take their seats with the second year Beauxbatons students

Beauxbatons, being a smaller school than Hogwarts, was not split into houses but, rather, year levels.

Sirius immediately sat in amongst a group of girls who had created a space for him; all of them giggling and blushing as he smooth-talked to them in French. Helen felt some resentment as she realised that his French was very good; much better than hers.

Tentatively, she approached the table and found, to her surprise, the boys moving for her.

*

During breakfast, Helen had a hard time understanding the French boys properly; they spoke so quickly. Nonetheless, using a mixture of English and French they managed to have a conversation discussing Helen, Hogwarts and what she should expect at Beauxbatons.

Quietly, she was very impressed with these boys indeed. They offered her dishes from the table and served her; even though all she wanted was a croissant. When she spoke, they gave her their rapt attention and responded very intelligently. Their table manners were impeccable also. Helen smiled as she thought back to Hogwarts where people such as James (she had to admit that Sirius' etiquette was quite good) would talk with their mouth full and chew with their mouth open.

She made a secret note to herself to look at Beauxbatons if she ever wanted a husband.

* * *

The day passed most enjoyably for both Helen and Sirius who had both found their niches with the opposite sex of the school. At times, they would shoot each other furtive glances, though the other didn't notice this. As for the learning aspect of the experience well… depends on what you call 'learning.'

Helen had learnt many amusing French phrases, about their customs and way of life, but had a hard time understanding much in the classroom- the language was far too complicated and she did not even bother asking Theo, her friend and self-appointed guide, for an explanation as he would have had to spend the whole class explaining rather than listening.

Only at night, did Sirius and Helen find each other together; right before they separated to go to their separate dormitories. Both of them felt, somehow, that they needed to check on each other. Despite the much attention which they had received during the day, they were still foreigners to this school and needed to 'touch base' with each other.

'Good day?'

'Excellent,' Helen replied shortly. 'You?'

'Also Excellent. James would be so jealous… and to think he spends all his time moping over Evans…'

Helen rolled her eyes, not very interested in what Sirius had to say for the French girls.

'Goodnight then,' she interrupted abruptly.

'Night,' he said, as they separated and went to their separate dormitories.

*

Helen was exhausted from her action packed day. She wanted nothing more than to fall into a blissful slumber in her luxuriously furnished double, four-poster bed. The other girls in her dormitory, however, had other plans for her.

'Does he have a girlfriend?' one asked Helen eagerly.

'Who?' Helen asked stupidly.

'Your friend!'

'Sirius? He's not my friend... but no, I don't know of any girlfriends per se,' Helen said, clenching her fist as she thought of Marina.

The girls erupted into a fit of excited squeals.

'He's so handsome!'

'And so _charmante_!'

'Do you think he likes blonde or dark-haired girls?'

'He's so clever!'

'He's so good at magic… did you see him…'

Helen felt sick as she listened to the girls swoon over Sirius.

'Oh, but do you like him?' one asked Helen, frowning.

Helen laughed.

'Like him? Haha! No, actually, I despise him,' she answered truthfully.

The girls looked at Helen as though she were a strange creature.

'Do you like boys?' one of them piped up.

It took Helen a while to realise what they were implying.

'What? Of course I do. You just don't understand. Bl- Sirius and I just have never been able to get along.' Helen explained, quite affronted by the girl's comment.

'_My only love sprung from my only hate_!' one girl quoted dramatically.

Helen laughed uneasily.

'Er… no. Don't worry, he's all yours. He told me he thought you were all very good looking. Much better looking than the girls at Hogwarts.'

'That can't be true if you're a representative of the general population of Hogwarts. You have made us all jealous today! All our boyfriends have become smitten with you,' one girl laughed.

Helen bit her lip and blushed.

*

Similarly, Sirius was prevented from sleeping much that evening.

'Does she have a boyfriend?' one of the boys in the dormitory asked him.

Sirius flushed.

'Oh… sorry. We didn't realise you were her boyfriend,' one of them added quickly.

'I'm… not,' Sirius said in a strained voice.

'No? Phew! So… does she?'

Theo sat up, listening for Sirius' response intently.

'Yes,' Sirius lied, glaring at him.

The boys lay back and groaned.

'You Englishmen always steal the best girls,' one of them muttered moodily.

'She's so beautiful,' another breathed.

'Mm,' the others agreed.

'Are you sure she has a boyfriend?' one of them asked hopefully.

Sirius felt his temper become short with this conversation.

'She's not _that_ good…' he said, trying to make them see his point of view.

'Are you blind? You live in the same castle and the same house with her and you tell us that she is 'not that good?''

'She had everything…'

'Such beauty… like a goddess! Did she say she's Greek?'

'Yes…. A Greek Goddess!'

'Intelligence… she speaks so thoughtfully, unlike some of the silly girls in our year.'

'Modest too…'

'Mmm' the others agreed in accordance.

'Not to mention how good she is in class! Did you see her summoning charm? She can do that already!'

Sirius groaned and covered his head with his pillow. He wasn't sure he could stand much more of this.

'So, she is…_very serious_, is she, about this boyfriend?'

'Yes. He also happens to be my best friend,' Sirius said testily, thinking that James would probably murder him for making up such a lie if he knew but then not caring as he decided that he was far away from James and needed his sleep at the moment. All this Asteria talk was driving him crazy. Why were they so smitten by her?

Sirius smiled as his last comment shut the boys up and was left alone for the rest of the night.

* * *

'Sirius Black,' Helen said, tapping him on the shoulder a few days later.

Sirius turned around.

'Helen Asteria,' he said, giving her a mocking smile.

'Wipe that smirk off your face. You are _very_lucky that we are in a foreign country because if we were at Hogwarts, your existence would have just been wiped off the face of the earth… by me,' Helen snapped.

'Oh, dear me! What have I done?' Sirius asked, pretending to be concerned.

'Tell me, Black- who is my boyfriend? Hm? I ask merely for information because, until this morning, I was not aware that I had one,' she snapped

Sirius grinned sheepishly.

'Okay, so I got a bit carried away…'

'How dare you? That was none of your business,' Helen said angrily.

'Oh, come on Asteria,' Sirius whined. 'They wouldn't shut up about you. I needed to find a way to quieten them so I could get some sleep,' he said, as though this was the best reason in the whole world for his lie.

'You… little… just you wait till we get back to Hogwarts. Just wait. Now, I'm going to join Theo and Isa for lunch,' Helen said, stalking off and smiling radiantly at Theo who was waiting for her.

* * *

Every Friday night at Beauxbatons, there was a ball. Helen, however, was not aware of such a custom and, thus, did not have a gown for the occasion. Luckily, however, she had gotten along admirably with the girls in her dormitory and one, Eva, leant Helen one of her dresses. That evening, they all had fun in making themselves up and Helen allowed them to do her hair. She was actually quite impressed with the end result and felt rather attached to the honey-yellow dress which she had been leant.

The girls made their way down to the Great Hall in a group, all chattering excitedly. Helen's French had rapidly improved over the first few days and now she was able to speak fluently with them.

They stopped when they met the boys who were waiting to meet their partners.

Theo, who had asked Helen to the dance, spotted Helen and gaped at her momentarily, before producing a rose to her and kissing her gloved hand. Helen blushed and could not help but giggle at this. Theo himself looked very handsome that night, in a tuxedo, his black hair which usually fell in his face brushed back to accentuate his cheekbones and his startling green eyes. Theo offered Helen his arm and led her into the great hall, as the girls winked at Helen who could not take the grin of her face.

*

Helen danced many dances with Theo. After the music died down on their seventh dance, Helen suggested they take a break. She sat down at one of the silk-covered, lavishly decorated tables whilst Theo went to get drinks.

'Bonsoir mademoiselle,' Sirius said, sitting next to Helen.

Helen turned to face Sirius. She had seen him staring at her for a lot of the night and had found it highly disconcerting.

'Go away Black,' she said, not wanting to ruin the atmosphere of the evening on him.

'My, my, despite the different image, I see the same attitude as ever. Tsk tsk.'

'What do you want?' Helen snapped.

Sirius looked at Helen for a moment, not sure exactly what he did want.

'I wanted a break from speaking French,' he said lamely.

Helen looked at him incredulously.

Sirius ignored her staring and started fiddling with a napkin.

'Shouldn't you be with Isa?' Helen asked, watching him suspiciously.

'She went to the ladies',' Sirius said indifferently.

'I'm sure she's back now,' Helen suggested.

'No… she'll be a while yet.' Sirius said, not taking, or choosing to ignore, the hint.

Thankfully, the silence was broken with Theo's return.

'_Et voila, mademoiselle, un champagne_,' he said, handing Helen a glass of champagne.

'_Merci_,' Helen smiled, taking it from him and sipping it.

'You shouldn't be drinking! You're underage!' Sirius said, eyeing the champagne suspiciously.

'Underage? What is this?' Theo asked, curious.

'You're not allowed to drink until you're 17 in England,' Sirius said, a little severely.

'We're not in England,' Helen reminded him, taking another sip of the intoxicatingly bubbly drink.

'We do not have these age restrictions in France. We say that 'champagne is the drink of the complexion',' Theo said, smiling at Helen who blushed.

Sirius snorted and Theo looked at him, surprised.

'Are you actually buying this?' Sirius demanded of Helen, not looking at Theo.

'You're being extremely rude!' Helen reprimanded Sirius.

'And you're being extremely silly! You're not usually like this; guys don't notice you this much at Hogwarts. You're flirting with these ones all the time and now you're even drinking champagne!' Sirius said hotly.

She was getting on his nerves with her 'airs' and 'graces.'

'It's not my fault that no one at Hogwarts appreciates me for what I am. I think I can look after myself, thank you very much. Since when did you take such an interest in my wellbeing anyway?' Helen snapped, very annoyed.

'Sirius! There you are!' Isa said, coming over to him and beaming.

'Come on Theo, let's dance,' Helen said, annoyed, getting up and leading Theo to the dance-floor.

*

'Your friend can become very bad-tempered,' Isa remarked that night, as they made their way back to their dormitory.

'He's not my friend,' Helen said, gritting her teeth as she remembered his embarrassing intrusion upon her evening.

'Well, for some reason he was angry tonight. Was it my fault?' Isa asked sadly.

Helen patted Isa on the arm.

'It's no one's fault but his. He has these mood swings… One would think he had PMS- it happens _all_ the time,' Helen said, feeling slightly elated from the champagne.

Both the girls giggled.

* * *

'Do you like my cousin?' Isa asked Helen on Thursday as they sat in the courtyard.

'He's very nice. Of course I like him,' Helen said, not understanding why Isa would think that she didn't like Theo.

'No, I meant do you like-like him… as something more than a friend,' Isa tried to explain.

Helen's eyes widened with comprehension.

'Oh… I don't know… Maybe. It's not as though it would work, anyway. I'm in England and he's here,' Helen said, mournfully.

The truth was that she liked Theo very much and would have liked nothing better than to continue seeing him, even if she _did _think she was a little young for a boyfriend.

'He told me he likes you,' Isa said, a smile playing upon her lips.

Helen shrugged.

'It's no use. I want to keep in touch with both of you, though. I'll miss you,' Helen said truthfully.

Isa pursed her lips.

'Me too. You're different to most of the other girls… they all talk about boys and hair and makeup all day but you… you have personality. You're the first girl I've ever really been able to connect with. Usually I just hang around with Theo and the boys,' Isa reflected.

Helen was touched by this comment and was reminded of how she felt back at Hogwarts. She squeezed Isa's hand.

'We'll keep in contact. We will,' she promised.

Isa sighed, appreciative of the sentiment, but knowing, as Helen said, that 'it would never work' and that they would, eventually, forget each other.

* * *

Helen could not suppress the tears from welling up in her eyes during the ball on Friday night, her last night of the exchange. She went again with Theo, but this time spent much of the event talking with him and Isa, drinking champagne and trying to salvage as many memories of her two new close friends as she could. In stark contrast, Sirius was dancing and flirting with as many girls as he could.

Madam Maxime made a speech for Helen and Sirius which Helen found quite touching. She didn't understand why, but she had felt so 'at home' at Beauxbatons… she felt as though she was understood and appreciated. Sirius called it her 'airs' and 'shallow pretences' but Helen knew better than that. She had been raised in a cultured background with a heavy emphasis on music and she found that people like Isa and Theo were cultured whereas the only acceptable passion at Hogwarts was quidditch, which Helen didn't really understand.

All too soon the night drew to an end.

Sirius had disappeared with some girl and was nowhere to be seen, but Helen didn't worry too much about him, thinking that there was only so much damage he could reap in one night.

As they walked back to their dormitories, Isa left Helen and Theo to go ask Eva a question, but Helen was sure that it was because she wanted to leave her alone with Theo.

They reached a windowsill and Helen stared out at the full moon; Selene's moon.

'It's beautiful,' she breathed, looking at the large orb in the sky.

'So are you,' Theo murmured.

Helen would have usually scoffed at such a statement. She heard it as being genuine, however, in Theo's case. She turned, blushing slightly to him and he leant forward, pressing his lips gently to hers. At this point the tears which Helen had kept so successfully at bay during the ball came spilling out as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was then surprised when he kissed her more fully and felt his tongue sliding - it both thrilled and made her nervous.

Theo didn't push the matter, however, and soon gently withdrew his lips from Helen's.

'I'll miss you, Theo,' Helen whispered, quickly wiping her tears.

'I'll miss you, Helen,' he whispered back.

They hugged each other and walked back to the dormitories where Theo bade Helen goodnight and they went their separate paths.

* * *

'HELEN!' Lily exclaimed, dropping her spoon and running to Helen who entered the Great Hall on Saturday morning. She hugged Helen tightly who, in turn, burst out into tears.

'What's wrong?' Lily asked, withdrawing from the embrace.

Helen quickly wiped her tears and took a few deep breaths. It had only just hit her now that she would not see Theo and Isa for a long time; if ever again.

Helen shook her head.

'I'm fine,' she said, putting on a weak smile.

'Do you want to go for a walk?' Lily suggested, noticing Helen's nose which was twitching, threatening another outburst of tears.

Helen nodded vigorously. She looked to the table where Remus, James, Sirius and Peter were laughing together. She would say hello to them later.

Helen and Lily sat by the lake and Helen told Lily everything about Theo and Isa. Lily listened quietly, apart from a few vehement remarks when Helen spoke of when Sirius had disrupted her conversations. When Helen finished, she looked to Lily.

'Wow… that's some time you had. I want to go now!' Lily said, smiling.

Helen laughed.

'All the boys are so courteous and gentlemanly- you wouldn't be calling any of them toerags,' she said.

Lily rolled her eyes.

'Potter became even more insufferable in your and Black's absence. It seems like he was bored, so he stuck to me like a fly,' Lily said resentfully.

'How did the exams go?' Helen asked, recalling that she had missed them.

'Yeah… okay. You're a fine one to ask! Falling in love and having balls whilst I was here studying madly,' Lily said in mock-indignity.

Helen shrugged apologetically.

'Look on the bright side; if you failed your exams, you have a year to learn French and then you can go on the exchange trip too,' Helen suggested, grinning.

'And I'll get to have a French kiss in France as well?' Lily suggested slyly.

'How did you…?' Helen asked, puzzled. She hadn't told Lily about the kiss.

Lily smiled knowingly.

'Powers of deduction, dear. Powers of deduction… I do pity you, though. Now any guy who asks you out will have to compete with Theo and, by the sounds of it, he seems a pretty tough guy to beat,' Lily said.

Helen smiled sadly.

'That's probably true… oh well. Who knows? Perhaps we will have a French migration to Hogwarts, thereby endowing Hogwarts with some gentlemen who have actually been exposed to culture,' Helen said hopefully.

'OI! HELEN! NO HELLO?' James bellowed, walking towards them.

Lily and Helen exchanged a knowing glance.

'Perhaps I should just forget what I came from,' Helen said, wrinkling her nose at the irony of James' arrival.

The two girls sighed- forgetting seemed the only option available.

* * *

**You REALLY should remember this chapter. It's quite important for later, though you won't be able to see why for a while. **

**Next chapter, their into their third year.** **BUT**** it's not written so if I get many many reviews I will try and make time in my hectic schedule to write it. If not, you'll all have to wait and, honestly, can you?**

**Can you really wait? **

**Love always, Anya**


	9. Chapter 9: The Things We Do

'_**A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.'**_**Bernard Meltzer**

**SIDE NOTE**:_They're in 3rd__year now. _

The Things We Do

Helen was making her way to her first Defence Against the Dark Arts class for the new school year when she heard a familiar voice calling her-

'Hey Helen, wait up!'

Helen smiled and turned around to see Remus running to catch up with her.

'Remus!' she exclaimed, hugging him so suddenly that Remus couldn't help blushing. 'You weren't on the train- they said you were sick- are you feeling better? You're looking a bit pale.'

Remus smiled wearily.

'Oh yes, yes, I'm fine. I obviously just caught something… Ahem! So, do you know what we're doing in today's Defence class?'

'No,' replied Helen, shaking her head. 'I don't even know who our teacher is this year, but I hope it's good- whatever it is.'

'Me too. What happened with last year's teacher, again?'

'I think that the Prewett brothers did something to her that made her resign. Some prank or something on their last day of school.'

'Oh yes, I remember,' Remus laughed. 'Sirius and James were very disappointed that they never thought to make the teachers' toilets explode.'

Helen laughed.

'Well, the Prewett brothers have graduated now so at least you Marauders don't have any competition anymore.'

'Competiton?' James disapproving tone came from behind Helen and Remus. 'We don't have any _competition._ If you're referring to the Prewett brothers, I would like it known that one well-completed prank does not elevate their status enough to make them competiton.'

Helen rolled her eyes at James.

'Anyway, I'll say hello to you properly later Remus. I've just spotted Evans…'

'Oi Remus! Where've you been?' called Sirius from behind them as James ran off.

'Umm…' Remus stammered, turning red.

'Oh!' Sirius drawled, his eyes falling upon Helen. 'You're with _her._ Honestly mate, I do _not_ understand why you waste your time with her…'

'Hey! Don't talk about Helen like that,' said Remus indignantly.

Helen smiled coldly at Sirius.

'Because spending time with you is _so_ productive,' she retorted sarcastically, leaning back against the stone wall and folding her arms.

'You-' Sirius started.

'Class's open!' Remus said loudly, desperate to end the argument.

'Yes?' Helen continued, raising her eyebrows.

Sirius was about to retort, but then shrugged.

'I'm not wasting my time talking to you,' he said, turning and walking into class.

xxxx

'Now, class, this year shall be centred around combat with Dark creatures. We shall be tackling boggarts today. Six per boggart,' announced Professor Linossar. 'Firstly, however, we need to go through the theory…'

Once they had all understood how boggarts worked, and Professor Linossar had shown an example on how to tackle them to the class, they made to separate into groups.

Lily and Helen looked hopelessly around the room as everyone had already formed their own groups of six.

The only group which was a four was the one with Sirius, James, Remus and Peter.

'Come now, girls. Over to Potter's group!' exclaimed Professor Linossar, pushing their reluctant frames in Sirius' direction.

'So nice of you to join us!' beamed James, putting his arm around Lily's shoulder. Lily shrieked and walked over to Helen's other side. Helen and Sirius glared at each other, before looking in opposite directions.

'Um, shall we… get a move on our boggart?' Remus suggested hopefully.

'Yes, Remus,' Helen said, nodding.

'I'll go first,' James said, puffing his chest out and walking to their cupboard. No one else seemed to complain at this; everyone was secretly anxious about facing a boggart.

'I'll open the drawer mate,' nodded Sirius.

James nodded, slightly pale.

'One, two…. THREE!' said Sirius, sending a spell to open the chest.

Two figures emerged from the wardrobe and they all looked very confused when they saw that they were Lily and Snape.

'What?' James breathed, his face reddening.

Suddenly, the boggart Lily turned to Snape.

'Severus, I love you,' she said huskily, pulling the boggart Snape towards her and kissing him passionately.

'No!' James shouted, firing curses at the boggart, none being 'Riddikulus'.

'Out of the way, Potter,' Lily snapped angrily, her face as red as her hair as she shoved James away and snapped 'Riddikulus' at the boggart which cracked and changed into the figure of Professor McGonagall appeared, holding a piece of parchment.

'This essay, Miss Evans, is the most ridiculous thing I have ever marked. So much so, that I have requested Professor Dumbledore to review whether we should allow you to stay at Hogwarts…'

Lily's face suddenly became pale and her eyes widened in fear, threatening tears.

'No! I spent so long on that!' she wailed.

'It's not real Lily!' Helen called out.

Lily blinked and then smiled, shaking her head.

'_Riddikulus,'_she said, clearly.

Professor McGonagall disappeared and turned into a giant broomstick as Peter advanced.

Peter, however, was unable to face the boggart. He fainted at the sight of the broomstick, causing them all to laugh. James and Sirius seemed to find it particularly hilarious, keeling over in laughter, whilst Helen and Lily sighed and carried Peter off to the side.

It was Remus' turn to face the Boggart.

It transformed from the broomstick to a silvery orb. At first Remus glanced at the rest of the group worriedly. He then gulped and said, very clearly, _'Riddikulus.'_

He turned to face Helen who gaped at him, eyes wide. It had just clicked for her- Remus' monthly disappearances, his scratches, and now, his Boggart: the moon...

The others didn't make anything of it, however, as they were still laughing about Peter. Remus, however, noticed Helen's reaction. He looked at her as though he was on the verge of tears.

Before she could say anything to Remus, however, Sirius said loudly-

'Your turn, Asteria.'

'Who gave you the authority to say who went when?' she shot, acidly.

'Why? Are you _afraid_?' he retorted with a malicious grin.

'Like hell I am,' Helen said indignantly, walking forward to meet the boggart.

As she stood in front of Remus' boggart, however, she realised what form the boggart would materialise to and suddenly realised that she didn't want any of the others to see.

'Riddikulus,' she said quickly, her eyes narrowing as the moon began to grow into a figure.

The figure continued to form and, clearing her mind, she repeated the incantation.

Suddenly, there a crack and the boggart disappeared into the thin air. Helen lowered her wand, smiling in relief.

She noticed that her hands were shaking from the adrenaline rush.

'Where's it gone?' asked James fearfully, looking around him as though it was going to creep up behind him.'

'Oh well done Miss Asteria! Fifteen points to Gryffindor! Excellent work! Did everyone see how Miss Asteria vanquished the Boggart?' cried Professor Linossar, patting her on the shoulder.

The rest of the class nodded glumly.

'Now, did everyone get to face a Boggart?' asked Professor Linossar of the class.

Everyone nodded vigorously, not wanting to face a Boggart again.

Helen noticed Sirius recoiling and she smirked.

'Sirius hasn't had a go, sir,' she piped up.

If looks could kill, Helen would be dead. Sirius looked at her such loathing that she instinctively took a step back.

'Very well, Mr Black. You can do it in front of the whole class!' said Professor Linossar, walking towards a rattling chest.

'But-' Sirius stammered, his face paler than Helen had ever seen it. Helen could not help noticing that he had lost all traces of his usual cockiness and confidence.

The door opened and a figure emerged from the chest. It turned into a tall woman, dressed very formally in black silk. Her thick, black hair was twisted elegantly on top of her head. She had grey eyes and a pale face which had mad fury etched over every inch as she held out her wand menacingly.

Helen had seen those eyes before.

'Your MUM!' squealed Bellatrix in delight. 'You're scared of _Aunt Walburga!_' she taunted, throwing her head back and laughing. Soon, all of the Slytherins, and many Gryffindors (who could not help themselves) were in peals of laughter.

Helen, however, could not laugh. Sirius had never done something like _this_to her. His eyes darted around the room, as though he wanted to find the nearest window to fling himself from. Then they rested on his mother's figure and turned wide with fear again.

'Riddikulus,' Helen thought, pointing her wand at the Boggart.

The Boggart looked at her for a moment, as Helen thought 'Riddikulus' again; more urgently this time. It then looked at Sirius again, but disappeared with a crack: Helen's silent spell had worked.

'Well done, Mr Black! Take another fifteen points for Gryffindor,' cried Professor Linossar, 'next time, however, you might like to say the spell a bit louder- it will disappear more quickly…'

Sirius looked around, confused as to who had made the Boggart disappear. His eyes then rested on Helen's wand, rising to Helen's face. He understood, but looked confused as his eyes searched her face for a clue. Helen shot him a fleeting apologetic look before turning to talk to Lily.

'Well done mate! The only person, apart from Asteria, who did it! Wow, I know what you mean about your mum, though… I'd be scared too…' James said, clapping Sirius on the back, who was still staring, dazed, at Helen as she left the classroom with Lily.

xxxx

'Can we take a walk?'

Helen looked up from her book to see Remus' pale face. It was lunch-time and the Great Hall was full of students and teachers, chatting animatedly. He looked extremely worried.

'Sure,' Helen said, leaving her unfinished shepherd's pie and pickling up her satchel.

Helen knew what the conversation would be about. She had thought of nothing else since the Defence Against the Dark Arts class (apart from the fleeting moments in which she thought, with dread, of what Sirius would do to get back at her).

They walked out of the castle in silence. It was not until they were under the yew tree by the Great Lake that Remus turned to face her abruptly. His eyes were on the verge of popping out and he tugged his sandy hair with much force.

'Okay,' Helen said, finally. 'So I know.'

'Know what?' Remus shot at her, eyes screwed tight in the hope that, perhaps, he was wrong and she didn't know what he was.

'That you're a werewolf,' Helen replied simply.

Remus let out a howl and hit the trunk of the tree. He obviously had hurt himself, though, as he rubbed his knuckles in pain.

'So what?' Helen shrugged. 'It's no big deal. I won't tell anyone, but I don't see-'

'I'm sorry,' Remus said, turning to face her abruptly, 'did you just say 'so what?' Do you understand what being a werewolf means?' he asked her incredulously.

'Of course I do. I… I'm sorry that you are, for your sake. I mean; it can't be fun right? But, as to whether I will desert you because I know,' at which Remus nodded vigorously, as though he was right all along, 'well, you'll have to try harder than that to get rid of me.'

'But… WHY?' Remus asked, exasperated.

'I'm sorry, am I missing something? Do you _want_ to be friends with me?' Helen asked, eyeing him shrewdly.

'Yes…'

'Well I want to be friends with you too. I like you, Remus Lupin. You're one of the few people at this school who has ever been decent to me. If you think that finding out that you have a condition beyond your control is going to turn me against you, well, all I can say is you have grossly underestimated my character.'

Helen glared at Remus, who grew sheepish.

'I-'

'What do you think I am? Do you think I'm like those pigs in Slytherin who discriminate against others because of what they are, rather than who they are?'

'No-'

'Well? What did you expect me to do when I found out?'

Remus looked at his feet and pawed the ground.

'You expected me to leave you, horrified, didn't you?'

Remus nodded. 'I-'

'Saying you're sorry would not be out of place at a time like this,' said Helen, shrewdly.

'But… I'm dangerous!' howled Remus.

Helen snorted.

'Remus,' she said patiently. 'I don't think Professor Dumbledore would have let you come to school here if he truly believed that.'

Remus made a noise.

'So you think he's wrong? Well, quite frankly, I don't care. His judgement is good enough for me. As far as we're concerned, you're still stuck with me.' Helen said, smiling a little.

Remus sank down to the ground, tears streaming down his cheeks.

'Hey, don't be like that!' Helen said kindly, sitting down next to him.

'I th…thought if… if anyone e…ever f…found o…out I w…would h…have t…to l…leave Ho…Hogwarts. I… I d…don't w…want t…to leave,' Remus stammered, through his tears.

'Hey!' Helen said, hugging him, as he cried into her neck and she patted his back.

'I'll never tell anyone. I swear,' she said, pulling him back and wiping his tears with her handkerchief.

'Don't worry, it's clean,' Helen grinned.

Remus shook his head and sniffed.

'Here… keep it,' Helen said, handing it to him, as he blew his nose loudly.

They sat against the tree, leaning against each other, silently watching the lake until the bell sounded for next class sounded.

As they got up to leave, Remus said, hesitantly: 'Helen?'

'Yes?'

'Thank you for being such a good friend. It means a lot to have a friend who knows what I am and still accepts me.'

Helen smiled and hugged him before saying, 'come on now. Let's get to class before hell freezes over and you get yourself a detention!' To which they both laughed, walking to the castle.

xxxx

As Helen walked to her next class, Arithmancy, she was suddenly grabbed by a hand and pulled into an empty classroom.

'Wh-?' Helen stammered, searching her robes for her wand desperately.

'Hello,' said Sirius pleasantly, shutting the door behind him.

Helen swallowed uncomfortably as she realised that Sirius was going to get back at her for making him to face the Boggart in front of the entire class.

They stared at each other for what seemed like an age. Eventually, Sirius smiled.

'Well?' he asked expectantly.

'Well what?' Helen snapped. 'I have to get to class…' she said, making for the door.

'Not until you explain yourself,' Sirius said, holding out a hand to stop her.

'Explain what?' she asked desperately.

'What's going on between you and Remus, of course!' said Sirius, rolling his eyes.

'That's what this is about?' asked Helen, surprised.

'Why? What else would it be about? Why you volunteered me for the Boggart? Well, I don't need_that_ explained. It's no news to me that you hate me…'

'What do you mean 'Remus and I'?' Helen interrupted, sharply.

'Walking together to class, sitting together in transfiguration, the long, romantic walk at lunch…'

'Well, you obviously don't understand what it means to have a friend, then,' Helen replied, trying to find a way in which she could leave.

'Oh, trust me. I know all about it. Now, you listen here, Asteria. He's one of my best friends, and I don't want to see him get hurt by the likes of….'

'Whoa! You are _way_ ahead of yourself. I'm not going out with Remus and I'm not 'with' him in any romantic sense. He is one of my best friends, and that is how it is going to stay. I'm sorry you interpreted our walk at lunch as 'romantic,' all I can do is to assure you that it wasn't. Now, if you don't mind, I would like to get to class,' Helen said, walking to the door. Sirius didn't stop her.

'Thank you,'he suddenly burst out, as though he had been struggling with himself to say it, when Helen's hand touched the door handle.

'For what?' Helen asked, perplexed, turning around.

'For… for helping me out in Defence class,' he sighed, hopelessly.

Helen stood, rooted to the spot, in shock at his newfound humbleness.

'Why did you do it?

'Erm-' began Helen, trying to find an explanation, 'I… I… Oh fine! I felt bad about volunteering you to face the boggart. Not- mind you, Black- because you had to face it, but because of all the crap that the Slytherins were giving you. I… I wouldn't have liked it if that was me so, the least I could do, I felt, was to help you get out of the damned situation.' Helen snapped.

Sirius shrugged.

'Well… thank you, all the same. I didn't expect it from you.'

Because Helen didn't know what to respond with, she nodded- a little pathetically- and left the room, more perplexed by Sirius than ever.

xxxx

**A little teaser for you:**

Sirius grabbed Helen and kissed her.

**AND (because ****I can't resist driving you all crazy…)**

'You know, you seem to be making a habit of spending the night with me,' - Sirius Black to Helen Asteria.

**So. Here's how it goes: I love, love, and LOVE my reviewers and they're the reason why I update so quickly/at all. Be nice and say hello (or something else) if you have never left a review- it doesn't take long. If you have left one before but haven't done so for a while, I miss you. As for those who generally always review- I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOU- and keep up the good work.**

**Lots and lots of love, Anya**


	10. Chapter 10 Christmas Cheers

'_**Remember**__**  
**__**This December,**__**  
**__**That love weighs more than gold!'**__**  
**_**Josephine Dodge Daskam Bacon

* * *

**

Christmas Cheers

Helen stared out of the common room window moodily; watching the snow as it gently floated through the air, frosting the expansive Hogwarts grounds to make them look as though they were covered in icing sugar. It was the first day of her two week Christmas holiday. Everyone had gone home for Christmas except for herself and the Marauders, who had decided to stay and keep Sirius company.

At present, Helen was sitting alone in the common room. She was in such a foul mood that she absolutely refused, point blank, to touch any her school books. The problem with this, however, was that it did not leave her much else to do except for staring outside the window. She saw something black move across the grounds to the castle and registered that it was Sirius. He was probably up to no good, as usual. Helen wondered if she should try hexing him from the window, just to break the monotony of her afternoon, but decided against it; she couldn't be bothered to reach for her wand, and then to think of which hex to use.

So she reverted, once again, to staring at the Forbidden Forest, the branches of the trees weighed down with by the heavy snow. After an internal struggle, Helen could no longer stand doing nothing and got up and walked towards the small upright piano in the corner of the common room, reprimanding herself for the sloth-like attitude she had developed.

Gingerly she touched the keys and slowly the all too familiar etude. Every note was more painful than cuts which were still stinging on her thigh. Slowly she began to play faster, her fingers running over the ivory keys as the notes filled the empty common room and sweat beads of sweat began to appear on her forehead.

'NO!' she screamed as she messed up the same bar yet again.

She felt tears of failure stinging her eyes as stared at the piano which she both loved and hated. How could a silent friend be capable of such betrayal?

A cough brought her back to reality. She spun around on the piano stool to see Sirius standing in the middle of the room, staring at her.

'What… what do you want?' she snapped, blushing as she realised that he had probably heard her piano playing.

'You're a freak at piano as well?' he said in disbelief.

She stood up and shut the piano lid abruptly.

'No I'm not,' she said shortly. 'Didn't you hear me just then? I screwed it up.'

'You seemed pretty bloody good before you screwed up.'

'Well that's just not good enough, is it? Because I screwed it all up in the end, didn't I? So why don't you quit rubbing in how crap I am at the piano and go find something else to do,' she shot acidly.

Sirius blinked and then grinned at the irony of the situation- for once he was praising her and yet she couldn't accept it.

'Asteria, you need to take a chill pill. Look at you- you're getting all worked up… oh Merlin, are you crying?'

Helen quickly sat by the window, turning her back to Sirius.

'What are you doing here? Did the others ditch you?' she said, her voice quiet.

'Nope… other way round. Personally, I find the concept of playing quidditch in this weather ludicrous,' he yawned.

She shrugged and returned to staring out of the window. As Sirius stared at Helen, he wondered if he should ask her to play a game of chess; just to dispel the awkward silence. If they got into a fight, all the better. At least it would give them some excitement in the dreariness of the night.

The words came out of his mouth before he had even been able to properly consider the pros and cons of the question.

Helen looked at him, slightly surprised. Sirius, however, was even more shocked when she nodded her head and moved over to where he was, drawing an armchair close to his couch and setting up the chess board on the coffee table between them. Sirius sat up, smiling slightly.

'I'm white,' Helen said.

This was a statement, not a question.

'It's okay. Despite appearances, I'm not stupid. You didn't need to tell me that my last name was Black,' Sirius smirked.

Helen looked up and a smile flitted across her lips.

'Aha,' Sirius grinned. 'I knew you had a smile in you.'

Helen shot him an annoyed look and he blew a kiss to her.

'So immature,' she muttered, rolling her eyes at him as she ordered her pawn to make its first move.

They did not talk much during the game. Neither did they concentrate too much on it either; both making silly mistakes which were costly to their cause. It ended up being a stalemate. They both shrugged, neither caring too much, and sat back in their chairs, not talking. Slowly, Helen felt her eyes droop as the heat from the fire next to her made her drowsy for sleep. Watching Helen blinking, half-asleep and yawning made Sirius himself begin to feel sleepy. They soon both drifted off to sleep.

xxxx

'Oi! What's going on here?' James shouted, waking Sirius up with a start.

Helen muttered something nondescript and turned to the other side of her armchair, curled up in a ball and still asleep. Sirius smiled as he noticed how peaceful she looked asleep, her long hair falling into her face.

Such a contrast to her normal frustrating self.

James cleared his throat.

'Oh, shut up James. Not everyone has the energy of a hyperactive four-year old,' Sirius snapped, turning on the couch and trying to go back to sleep.

This, however, was not possible as James poked him insistently between the shoulders.

'STOP IT!' Sirius shouted, rounding on James who was laughing.

This woke Helen up… kind of.

'Black… can't you ever shut up?' she asked, still half-asleep.

Sirius and James turned to her, amused.

Helen muttered something which none of them understood and then got up and walked to the girls' dormitories, not moving in a straight line, and her eyes half-closed.

'Is she awake?' James asked, looking at her, bemused.

'I don't think so,' Sirius said, staring as Helen walked into a wall and James rushed forward to catch her as she fell back.

'Neither do I,' James said, grinning slightly as carried Helen, asleep again, to a couch and placed her on it.

* * *

The holidays dragged by. Helen soon became very tired of staring out of the window and, instead, took to charming objects around the room to do various things. This gave her some amusement when the heavy book she had charmed to whiz around the room smacked Sirius in the head upon his entering the common room, giving him a concussion.

'What the hell did you do to him?' James demanded of Helen, upon arriving at the common room to find a Sirius who did not know who he was.

'Er…' Helen said, explaining sheepishly what had happened.

She noticed Remus' lip twitching; at least he appreciated how hard it would have been to levitate the heavy book.

Thankfully, Sirius did not remember anything about it the next day and Helen was grateful that none of the others saw fit to fill him in. It would have lead to another argument and Helen really did not have the energy to argue.

Helen was glad when Remus decided to spend more time with her; obviously realising that she did not enjoy being left alone with nothing to do. They went for walks through the castle, stopping by the kitchen for hot chocolates. Helen was relieved that Remus did not discuss their school work or suggest they study. She relished in having carefree and silly discussions… they were so easy.

* * *

Christmas Day soon arrived and Helen woke up, smiling sadly as she realised there was no one else in the dormitory. Her eyes fell upon the small pile at the foot of her bed which she opened. She was surprised to find a very pretty silver bracelet from Remus and then felt guilty for buying him a book. She put it on and got dressed before making her way into the common room where the marauders were already.

Helen hugged Remus.

'Merry Christmas, and thank you for the bracelet; it's beautiful,' she said, smiling up at him.

Remus beamed at Helen and hugged her back.

'Merry Christmas!' James boomed, running up and hugging Helen, lifting her off the ground. Helen laughed as she looked at him. He was wearing a ridiculous Santa Claus hat and… a very ugly knitted jumper.

'Nice jumper,' Helen remarked, grinning.

James grinned.

'Ah, my old gran tries her best. Have you seen Sirius' one?'

Helen looked at Sirius and could not stop laughing. It was a diamond-patterned v-neck sweater.

Sirius scowled at her.

'Merry Christmas to you too,' Helen smiled, rolling her eyes, before walking down to breakfast with Remus.

The day passed quite enjoyably. Helen engaged in a snow-fight with the boys which, unfortunately, had to stop when she threw a snowball at Peter which knocked him out.

'What the hell is wrong with you?' Sirius rounded on her.

'It's not my fault he can't take a snowball,' Helen snapped, feeling guilty all the same.

She caught James' eye and knew that what he was thinking.

'You seem to be knocking out a few people, lately,' James whispered to her as they made their way back to the castle.

Helen couldn't help bursting out into laughter

---

When Peter was restored to health again, Sirius suddenly got up.

'Marauders, we have work to do.'

He went to leave the room.

'Count me out. I'll stay with Helen,' Remus said, although he looked as though he also wanted to go with them.

'What?' Sirius exclaimed, not able to believe his ears.

'I'm not leaving Helen on her own on Christmas,' Remus said indignantly.

'It's okay… you go,' Helen said, smiling at Remus.

James sighed, exasperatedly.

'Why doesn't she just come with us?' he said, as though it were the most obvious thing to do.

'With you where?' Helen asked suspiciously.

'No.' Sirius said flatly.

Helen glowered at Sirius.

'Why not? She won't tell,' James said fairly.

'No. Absolutely not. We can't have a _girl_ knowing,' Sirius snapped.

James looked annoyed now. So did Remus.

'You know what? I don't want to know whatever it is you're doing. I think I'll just go and visit Hagrid,' Helen snapped at Sirius, getting up and stalking out of the common room.

'Helen,' she heard James call after her.

Helen ignored this. If they didn't want her, she didn't want them.

When Helen returned- she hadn't actually visited Hagrid, but instead walked aimlessly around the castle- it was nine o'clock. They had not yet returned.

Helen felt mad. It was Christmas and she was by herself. That was not fair. Honestly, did they have to wreak havoc on Christmas? Couldn't they have the decency to stay with her for one day? Obviously not.

She sat up as she heard them entering, laughing.

They were laughing. How dare they laugh when she was so haughty?

Sirius rolled his eyes on seeing Helen. James and Remus looked a bit more apologetic. Peter… well he didn't seem to even notice her; not that Helen cared.

Helen, however, noticed something else: They were all clutching a bottle of amber liquid.

'Care to join us?' Sirius called from the other side of the common room.

'No,' Helen said flatly.

'Your loss... Now, boys, the rules of this competition; drink as much as you can. Last one who isn't passed out is the winner,' Sirius said, to all the boys.

James seemed happy at the prospect. Remus, however, looked uneasily at his bottle.

'I don't think…'

'Oh for goodness' sakes, Remus! Stop being such a goody-goody. It's becoming insufferable,' Sirius grinned, rolling his eyes, opening the bottles and placing down shot glasses.

Helen watched on in disgust as they started to down the firewhisky, one shot at a time. They screwed their faces after each shot; it obviously didn't taste that good. Why were they doing it?

Peter was the first to pass out. James and Sirius, laughing, lifted him and placed him on the couch. After a few more shots, the remaining three seemed reluctant to drink any more. They were all of them, however, very drunk as they stood up, staggering.

'I love Evans,' James said, holding a hand to his heart.

Sirius laughed, setting off a chain reaction in the three boys. Helen shook her head in disbelief. They were the three smartest boys in her year and now they were so stupid.

'Do you know who I love?' Remus said in a hushed voice, his eyes wide.

Sirius and James shook their heads, waiting for the news.

Remus looked at Helen who dropped her quill.

'No,' Sirius said softly, looking at Helen.

'Uh-huh. Ever since she sat in my compartment on our first day,' Remus whispered, swaying on his spot.

Helen felt her face burning. She got up and crossed the room, not wanting to hear anymore.

'You can't,' Sirius said, frowning, turning to Remus.

'Why not?' Remus said, becoming defensive.

'Because! She can't be with anyone,' Sirius said, walking over to Helen and grabbing her wrist.

Helen felt disgusted.

The three boys started laughing.

She rolled her eyes and wrenched her wrist from Sirius' grip.

'No… wait… doll,' Sirius said, grabbing her around the waist.

'Don't touch her!' Remus suddenly shouted.

Sirius forgot Helen's waist and turned, more like stumbled, to face Remus.

'Why?'

'I told you. I love her,' Remus slurred.

'You can't. She can't be with anyone.'

'Why, do _you _like her?' Remus said, walking closer to Sirius.

'So what if I do?'

Helen's breath caught at this.

'I like her. She prefers me, don't you Helen?' Remus asked, stumbling forward to Helen and grabbing her wrist; the one with the bracelet.

Helen felt scalded. Surely it wasn't true. Remus was her friend… surely nothing more, though!

Sirius and Remus faced Helen expectantly. Helen cringed as she smelt the alcohol in their breath.

James, in the meantime, had passed out on top of Peter.

'Go away. You're both drunk. You don't know what you're saying,' Helen snapped, trying to get by them to the dormitory steps behind them.

Sirius grabbed Helen and kissed her. Helen screamed and tried to push him away. Remus let out an angry exclamation and his fist collided with Sirius' face. Helen stared in disbelief as the two boys, completely pissed out of their minds, grappled with each other on the floor. When she started seeing blood, however, she realised she had to stop them. She tried to separate them, but Remus would not budge. Helen suddenly felt herself become very mad.

'Get OFF. NOW!' she ordered him, pulling him from the waist. Eventually, Remus got up, leaning all his weight on Helen and falling back with her, his hand around her waist. Helen screamed and tried to push him off her. She was relieved when he passed out against her chest. She stood up, brushing off her clothes as she left him on the floor.

'Stupid git,' she snapped.

She turned to where a groan emanated from Sirius who was still lying on the floor. She was unsure at first if she should approach him at all, but then became very worried when she saw the thick flow of blood streaming from his nose. She looked around, realising that it was up to her to look after him as everyone else was unconscious.

This really was one of her worst Christmases ever.

'Okay, up you get,' she said, pulling Sirius up. He groaned, leaning his weight on her as Helen tried to decide how she was going to sort him out. She sighed and led him to the boy's staircase; it was the only way.

'Come on, nearly there,' she said, trying to be madder than she actually was at him. She then reproached herself for not taking part in the competition; that way she would have passed out and not be left with this responsibility.

She heaved Sirius up the stairs until, finally, they reached his dorm. Helen had never been in the boys' dormitories before and stared around, observing them for a moment, until Sirius let out another groan and she walked him to the bathroom. She closed the toilet lid, sat him on it, then wetted a towel and began dabbing at his nose while he closed his eyes, delirious.

Suddenly, Helen noticed he was gulping a lot.

'Oh no you don't,' Helen said, pushing him up and lifting the toilet lid hurriedly, before making him lean over the bowl where he immediately began to throw up.

A lot.

Helen herself started to feel sick. She never really could take watching others throwing up.

After a while, Sirius stopped throwing up and wiped his mouth on the bloodied towel. He looked and smelt terrible as he leaned against the bathroom wall, breathing heavily.

Helen considered a moment, before helping him up and thrusting his toothbrush to him. Sirius waved it away. Again, Helen closed the toilet lid and sat him on it, brushing his teeth for him.

'Man, I must be crazy for doing this,' she thought, watching him rinse his mouth.

His face still had some blood on it, so she washed his face for him, rubbing it with a clean towel. The cold water seemed to have sobered Sirius up a little- just a little.

He leaned on Helen's shoulder, arms around her waist, as she guided him to his bed.

'There, you stupid idiot. If you ever think I'll…'

'I want you…' croaked Sirius, nestling into her shoulder.

Helen sighed- this was getting ridiculous.

'Okay, now… just lie down and I hope you have a real bad hangover tomorrow. I hope you all do…ARGH!' Helen screamed, as Sirius, who was now lying on his bed, wrapped his arms around her waist, causing her to lose her balance.

She felt a huge, throbbing pain in her head as it hit one of the posters of Sirius' bed and then… black.

* * *

Helen's eyelids fluttered. Her hand flew to her head where she felt a lump. She groaned and nestled into her pillow which, for some reason was in front of her. It was warm, though, and very nice too. She wrapped her arms around it and felt herself doze back to sleep… it was a lovely pillow. She had something around her waist, but it felt so nice… like arms wrapped around her. It must have been her covers. She refused to open her eyes; the pain would have been too much. She drifted off to sleep again.

xxxx

'MERLIN'S SODDING BEARD!' someone shouted.

Helen sat up suddenly, her hand, again flying to the lump on her head. She felt something also move beside her and dared to open her eyes for the first time that morning. She was confused to see Remus looking at her, looking absolutely livid, with James and Peter staring at her, also looking very shocked, behind him.

There was one person missing and Helen's heart felt as though it was gripped with ice as she turned to see what was groaning beside her.

'Oh my God!' she screamed, jumping off the bed suddenly at the sight of Sirius looking from her, to his friends, very confused.

She now knew why the pillow felt so damn good.

She turned to face Remus whose face was white and the memories of the night before suddenly rushed back to her; all of them except how she managed…

'Oh,' Helen said aloud, remembering how she hit her head.

'Oh?' James spluttered.

'I hit my head and must have passed out,' Helen shrugged.

'You … you must have passed out? How the hell did you even get in here?' Remus shouted.

Helen's face blanched. He had the cheek to shout at her after last night?

'How dare you? All of you! YOU, you stupid git, decided to have a bloody drinking competition. Now, you couldn't have taken the alcohol like James or Peter and just passed out… no… you had to pick a fight with Sirius over who loves me more. THE BOTH OF YOU! Do you understand how that made me feel? Two drunken idiots trying to take advantage of me? NO, OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE A BLOODY GUY!'

All the boys flinched, incensing Helen even more.

'SO THEN YOU TWO DECIDE TO START PICKING FIGHTS WITH EACH OTHER AND YOU…' Helen pointed a shaking finger at Remus… 'BASH THE HELL OUT OF HIM' Helen pointed with her other hand at Sirius… 'AND THEN YOU DECIDE YOU CAN PASS OUT, LEAVING HIM, A BLOODIED MESS, ON THE FLOOR. OF COURSE, NONE OF YOU CONSIDERED WHO WOULD HAVE TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS; TO MAKE SURE YOU ALL SURVIVED YOUR STUPID DRINKING COMPETITION. YOU JUST LEFT ME TO DRAG HIM UP HERE… CLEAR UP HIS BLOOD, WATCH HIM THROW UP, BRUSH HIS TEETH AND WASH HIS FACE,' Helen fumed, feeling better after all the screaming.

'It seriously should become a form of therapy,' Helen thought mutinously.

'You brushed my teeth?' Sirius asked, looking at her in mild surprise.

'Your breath was putrid,' Helen snapped, in no mood to explain herself.

Sirius grinned broadly at this. Remus, on the other hand, looked perfectly furious.

'Don't you smile at me, Black,' Helen spat. 'It's all you're fault I'm even here. If you hadn't have grabbed at me, I wouldn't have fallen and knocked myself out,' Helen snapped, rubbing the lump on her forehead.

Remus looked at the lump and seemed to believe her story now. He walked up to her and put a hand out to touch it, but Helen slapped his hand away. Remus looked hurt. Helen did not care. She stormed out of their dormitory and down the stairs. She heard someone coming after her, but then she heard Remus and Sirius shouting at each other. This made her remember their declarations and she started to wonder...

'None of them. I hate them all,' Helen thought grimly, taking off Remus' bracelet and throwing it in her trunk, before lying down on her bed and trying to fall asleep. Sirius-free.

* * *

When Helen awoke, it was afternoon. Her head was no longer throbbing, but she still had that lump which seemed to have swollen to an even bigger size in her sleep.

She lay on her back, staring at the hangings above her bed and pondered her dilemma. She didn't want to see any of those Marauders- for all she knew they were playing drinking games again and she certainly did not want to be put in _that_ situation again. On the other hand, her stomach was growling insistently, begging to be fed.

After trying to devise many different methods of evading an awkward discussion- one of which included her summoning James' invisibility cloak- she decided that she had might as well get the awkward confrontation over and done with now. After all, she was certain that they would leave her alone if she snapped at them- they knew that she was not very kind with her hexes when angry.

When she entered the common room, she saw them all waiting for her. If Helen didn't think that it was impossible for them to be remorseful for their actions, she would have thought that their expressions looked almost ashamed.

She shot them a glare before walking briskly towards the portrait hole.

James started towards Helen.

'Can we just talk? Please? We're really sorry, Helen. You're absolutely right. It was a stupid thing to do,' James said earnestly.

'Funny that. The apology comes from the person who least owes it (along with Peter),' Helen snapped, going to turn around and continue on her way out.

'I'm sorry,' Remus and Sirius said at once, before glaring at each other and falling silent.

Helen rolled her eyes and continued to the portrait.

'Fine then,' Sirius said to Remus. 'One at a time. She's your friend so I guess you should go first,' Sirius sighed.

Helen couldn't believe what she was hearing. She left the common room and started running. Unfortunately, so did Remus.

'Just… stop… please,' Remus panted beside her.

Helen stopped and glared at him.

'I have nothing more to say to you. You behaved in a despicable way last night, but to have the hide to accuse me the way you did this morning… obviously I misjudged your character,' Helen snapped, continuing forward.

'What did you want me to think? Honestly, now stop,' Remus said, grabbing her arm firmly. Helen glared at his hand and Remus sighed and let go.

'Look, you guys were wrapped each others arms, legs entangled and all. What would you think if you saw that?'

Helen pursed her lips.

'Okay, so it wasn't what it looked like. I get it and…and I'm sorry I thought you would have done that…'

Helen snorted.

'And I'm really sorry. My behaviour was completely inexcusable. But I don't want to lose you as a friend over something as stupid as this,' Remus said gently, his eyes tense.

Helen looked at him.

'Only friends,' she said.

Remus sighed, and covered his fallen face with a strained smile.

'Of course! What else would we be?' he asked.

'Well, as long as that's it… I don't know, but last night you started to freak me out…'

'I was drunk,' Remus said, waving a hand dismissively.

Helen nodded and they made their way back to the common room where Sirius was waiting. Somehow, Helen didn't want to talk to him in front of Remus. She saw him and walked back out of the portrait hall. He followed.

'I don't like you,' Sirius started the conversation with.

'Glad to hear it,' Helen said, incredulous that he thought that was the most important topic.

'Just so you know…'

'Okay!' Helen snapped.

Sirius looked somewhat taken aback by this reaction.

'Geez, Asteria… I didn't mean to offend you! Of course; if you _want_ me to…'

'Is this what you wanted to tell me? I have better things to do,' Helen said, walking off.

'I am sorry. Really, sorry. I was a prat to you before-hand and it sounds like I was downright insufferable after.'

'You were more than that. You were the world's most annoying git.' Helen interjected.

'Yes…I probably was.'

Helen pursed her lips and stopped walking. Sirius sat on the bench next to them and Helen followed suit.

'Thank you,' Sirius mumbled.

'What?' Helen asked, not sure she heard the lips escape from his mouth.

'I… thank you. For… cleaning me up and the vomiting and the… _brushing my teeth_,' Sirius said with a small smile, which he dropped as soon as he saw Helen's glare.

'No, seriously, thank you. You didn't have to- you could have just left me,' he said earnestly.

'If I knew it would have lead to what it did, I would have,' Helen shrugged.

Sirius grinned.

'You know… you seem to be making a habit of spending the night with me,' he pointed out.

Helen looked at him incredulously.

'What? Twice?'

'How many other guys have you spent the night with at all, let alone twice?' Sirius asked innocently.

Helen considered this for a moment, but stopped the small smile which played on her lips. Sirius caught it, though.

'Both unintentional, I assure you,' she said primly, rising.

'But most enjoyable nonetheless,' Sirius said, also getting up.

'No, I can assure you that they really weren't. The first time was in some dingy broom cupboard and the second was on your bed because I had been knocked out. Neither are my idea of a good time,' Helen said, starting to walk back to the common room.

'Yes, but I'm still seeing a pattern. Both places, you see, are used for making l…'

'Don't finish that sentence,' she warned, blushing furiously.

Sirius smirked but didn't push his luck. He did, after all, know what it was like to be on the other end of Asteria's wrath and, with the splitting headache he had, he didn't feel up to it today.

* * *

**Okay. The reason why I am updating so quickly, my dear readers, is because of all the lovely reviews which I received for last chapter. Are you seeing a pattern? Reviews -- **** Chapter!!!**

**I think you might like the next chapter.**

**Just wait and see:**

'I mean, Sirius Black is his best friend! It would kill James if he found out that his best friend was having sex with you- the girl of his dreams…'- Helen Asteria to Lily Evans.

**Love always, **

**Anya**


	11. Chapter 11: Girls' Night

'_**Howiver, I'm not denyin' the women are foolish: God Almighty made 'em to match the men.' George Eliot, "The Harvest Supper,"**__**Adam Bede

* * *

**_

Chapter 11: Girls Night

'Helen, can I paint your nails?'

Helen looked up at Lily in surprise.

'I don't really have any nails,' she shrugged. 'It's not practical with piano.'

Lily shook her head.

'It's okay. They've got a nail-growing charm in this book,' Lily said, showing Helen her book entitled 'Charming your way to Beauty'.

'Hey, where did you get that?' Helen said curiously, going over to Lily's bed and looking through the book.

'I ordered it from Witch Weekly. It's really good! So many things- like plucking my eyebrows and cutting my hair- are made really easy with this book. It's cheaper and far less painful than our traditional muggle methods.'

'Did you get the book?' Mary asked excitedly, coming in the room and holding her own copy of it.

'Mary, what happened to your eyebrows?' Lily exclaimed.

'What eyebrows? They're gone,' Helen muttered.

Mary shot Helen a dirty look, but she sat on Lily's bed nonetheless.

'I need you to do the reverse charm,' Mary said to Lily, ignoring Helen.

Lily looked down at the charm and, after a minute of studying it, tried it out on Mary.

'Ouch!'

'What? What's wrong?' Lily asked worriedly.

'I don't know. I just got this stinging on my eyebrows, but…. Are they back?'

'No,' Helen replied. 'Lily, you missed the swish.'

Lily threw up her arms.

'Well _you_ do the charm. I don't want to be responsible for causing damage to Mary's face.'

Mary looked at Helen suspiciously.

'How do I know that you'll do the right thing?' Mary asked slowly.

'Because,' Helen said impatiently, 'it would reflect badly on my charm-work if I did the wrong thing. Now, hold still… _Fridia regeneretsia!'_

There was a bang of smoke and they all widened their eyes.

'Oh no, maybe I did the wrong…' Helen said worriedly.

'No, they're on- nice job, Helen!' Lily said, smiling as Mary's face emerged from the cloud of smoke with a pair of nicely shaped eyebrows on it.

'Thanks, Helen,' Mary muttered reservedly.

---

'Remus! Peter! Get up! How can you be sleeping at a time like this, anyway? Your duty as a marauder calls you. Get UP!' James said, pulling their covers off.

'What's wrong with you?' Remus asked irritably, sitting up. It was full moon last night and he needed his sleep.

Sirius and James both had a mad gleam in their eyes.

'We need to figure out a way to get to the girl's dorms,' Sirius said, grinning manically.

Remus groaned and fell back in bed.

'Oh no you don't…' James said, pulling him back up.

'Why do we want to go to the girls' dorms?' Peter asked, getting up and walking over to the other three boys.

James and Sirius looked at him incredulously.

'We have it on very good authority that they're having a girly night. We HAVE to see this… apparently they're only in their underpants!" James said, looking dreamily off into the distance.

Remus looked at his friends in disgust.

'That's why there's that charm on their staircase. It's for sick perverts like you…' he said shrewdly.

'Are you a man?' Sirius asked Remus incredulously.

'I wouldn't call myself one just yet. I'm only fourteen, see…. I still consider us all to be boys…'

Sirius ignored Remus' last comment.

'So, how're we going to do it?' he demanded.

'We could try running up the staircase really fast,' Peter suggested.

James and Sirius exchanged an exasperated glance, but then James' eyes widened with excitement as he thought of a fail-proof plan.

--

'Don't do it…' Remus warned, looking at James and Sirius warily as they both got on James' broomstick and Sirius threw the Invisibility Cloak over the two of them.

The two friends ignored Remus and James kicked off, Sirius behind him, into the night air.

'There's the light… that's their room,' Sirius said, pointing to the window.

They flew over to the window and gaped at what they saw.

'Christmas definitely has come early,' James breathed, staring at Lily's half-naked body as she lay on her bed, ready for her turn at the 'no-wax, waxing charm'.

'This is better than Christmas,' Sirius said, dazed as he stared at Helen who was laughing with Mary. He glanced at Lily, but, somehow, his eyes were drawn to Helen, as though she were a magnet. He froze as Helen suddenly got up and walked to windowsill for a sip of water.

Unfortunately for Sirius, it was as she did so, that she saw a trainer floating strangely. Helen's eyes widened as she realised just who the trainer belonged to and, pretending she had not noticed it, she opened the window and walked back to where Mary was preparing herself for her waxing job.

'I think we should learn how to put tampons in after Mary's waxing charm,' Helen said loudly.

The two girls looked up at Helen strangely and, after Mary had been rendered hairless, Helen dragged them to the bathroom and shut the door behind her. Helen laughed at their horrified expressions.

'No, of _course _I don't want to do that- I just needed to get you both in here.'

She lowered her voice.

'Black and Potter are watching us from outside. They're wearing an invisibility cloak and they're on James' broom.'

Lily shrieked.

'Sh!' Helen exclaimed.

'How do you know?' Mary breathed, feeling very violated.

'I saw Black's trainer,' Helen said grimly.

'That…' Lily said, storming to the bathroom door.

'Wait!' Helen whispered, grabbing Lily's arm. 'I've got a better plan…' she said, her lips curling as she recounted it to the two girls.

---

'I can't believe we're missing this…' Sirius said regretfully, staring at the closed bathroom door.

James nodded sadly, but peaked up as he saw the girls emerging, still in their underwear, giggling from the bathroom.

'Do you reckon sex feels like that?' Helen asked.

'No… it's way better,' Lily said, grinning at Helen.

'You've had sex?' Mary breathed in feigned shock.

Sirius had to grab onto James to stop him falling off his broom.

'Uh-huh,' Lily said proudly, sitting up.

'Did it hurt?' Helen whispered; but loud enough for the shocked boys to hear.

Lily smiled.

'No, he was really good… I think I'm in love with him!' Lily added, seriously.

'How many times have you done it now?' Mary persisted.

'Oh… about three times now…'

'I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna find out who it is and kill him…' James muttered through clenched teeth.

Sirius watched on in horror. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Lily Evans, of all girls! He suddenly began to feel very suspicious of the female population. They seemed to be a very deceiving lot.

'You really love him?' Helen asked.

'Oh, I do,' Lily said dreamily. 'I wish we could be more _public_ about our relationship but… well, you know what would happen if Potter ever found out…'

'Damn right,' James breathed.

'He would feel so betrayed, to be sure. I mean, Sirius Black is his best friend! It would kill James if he found out that his best friend was having sex with you- the girl of his dreams…'

The three girls looked up at the window as they heard shouts.

'YOU! HOW DARE YOU?' James screamed, turning on his broom, the invisibility cloak sliding off the two boys as his hands enclosed around Sirius' throat. He looked like he had lost any sense of self-control.

The three girls rushed to the window, laughing.

'J..James…' Sirius spluttered, not able to breath and sliding off the broom.

'WITH EVANS! EVANS OF ALL GIRLS? HOW DARE YOU TAKE HER? SHE WAS MINE FROM THE BEGINNING,' James screamed, punching Sirius, who swayed on the broom.

Helen suddenly began to feel panic set in. They were very high up in the air and, as funny as the situation was, she didn't want to be the mastermind of anyone's death… even though she wouldn't have been too sad to never see Sirius Black again.

'James!' she screamed.

James looked at her.

'HE DID THAT TO EVANS!' he roared.

Helen shook her head.

'Get in here you idiots. NOW,' Lily shrieked, obviously scared.

'YOU... YOU WENT WITH HIM!' James roared.

'It was a joke, James. Please just get inside before something happens,' Helen pleaded.

James did not seem to understand. Helen grabbed her wand and drew them, despite James' protests, into their dormitory.

Sirius got off the broom very quickly, as did James who launched himself again at Sirius.

Helen, Lily and Mary had to use all their strength to separate the boys.

'JAMES!' Helen screamed at James, who was struggling against Lily and Mary's grips.

Sirius stood behind Helen, wiping his bleeding lip.

'James, stop it. Right now. You're being a prat. How could you do that in the air? We thought you'd at least wait until you got back to the dorm!'

'WHAT?' Sirius exploded.

Helen turned on him, and Sirius' glance flitted momentarily to her chest. Helen slapped him stingingly and advanced on him menacingly.

Sirius walked backwards, very afraid.

'How dare you? Perverts! I saw your stupid shoe outside, Black.'

Sirius now fell back on Helen's bed, trying to get away from her advancing form.

'We knew you were listening, so we decided to give you a taste of your own medicine. We made the whole thing up to get back at you. Of course I'm not with Black. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole,' Lily snapped, letting go of James and walking over to Helen with Mary. The three girls crossed their arms and gave Sirius and James withering stares.

James' lip twitched. Sirius looked in too much pain to find anything funny. He groaned and lay back on the bed.

Suddenly, Helen realised that he was lying on _her _bed.

'Get off my bed!' she shrieked, trying to push him off.

Sirius grinned evilly and stayed put. He grabbed her and pulled her on top of him.

'I always knew you had a thing for me, Asteria,' he said, rolling on top of her.

Helen screamed and kicked him between the legs and Sirius fell on top of her in pain. Lily and Mary pulled Sirius off Helen, who was still screaming at Sirius. The girls started shouting at the two boys who ran for their lives, forgetting the broom and invisibility cloak, down the dormitory stairs and into the common room. Everyone in the common room stared after them, wondering how on earth they were in the Girls' Dormitories.

Remus looked up as he saw James and Sirius run, panting, into the dormitory.

Sirius looked up as though he had been beaten up by a rogue bludger. James looked shaken, but otherwise fine.

'Did… er…. The girls give you those?' he asked, amused, pointing to Sirius' injuries.

Sirius threw him and then James a dirty look before storming off to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and muttering a long trail of swearwords under his breath. He couldn't believe that those girls had beaten them at their own game.

'Well?' Remus asked expectantly, looking at James.

James recounted the horrific ordeal and, by the time Sirius emerged from the bathroom, Remus was clutching his side from laughter.

'I suppose you've both learnt your lesson then,' Remus said, wiping his eyes contentedly.

Sirius growled.

'I have learnt nothing new. Asteria is the biggest bitch in the world, which is no news to me; and I already knew that James would kill me if I ever took Evans,' Sirius said mutinously, tugging at his hangings violently and drawing them across his bed.

He remained silent for the rest of the night.

Remus sighed- some people never learn.

* * *

**Ah, poor boys. Silly perverted boys. Did they learn their lesson? Well, I'm sure if they do try it again, they will be more… er, careful. Maybe. **

**Look forward to hearing from you!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	12. Chapter 12: Distractions

**They're now in 4****th**** year

* * *

**

_**"Oh, what good will writing do? I want to put my hand out and touch you. I want to do for you and care for you. I want to be there when you're sick and when you're lonesome."**_  
**Edith Wharton

* * *

**

Distractions

The school year ended and summer took too long to pass. The pain of enduring the two month holiday, however, had markedly lessened over the years with the promise of a return Hogwarts no longer seeming like a distant dream but a reality.

But upon her return, Helen had noticed that things were slightly different. Perhaps it was just her fanciful imagination, but she could not help thinking that she was starting to be noticed by the male population. Of course, she had changed- there were the obvious things; breasts, a slightly curvier figure. Her hazel eyes were rimmed with long, thick eyelashes; her skin which used to be porcelain had now attained a golden gleam. She had also grown in height so that she was quite tall compared to most of the other girls and taller than the boys in her year.

Helen's realisation made her bold and she suddenly had the desire to learn how to manipulate those boys; to figure out how they worked. Her daring frightened, yet also elated her- what if she went too far?

Her first chance came only two weeks after school started again. When she reflected on it afterwards, she admitted to herself that it only happened because she was so incensed at Sirius. Nonetheless, it was the beginning of what Helen would call her 'distractions.'

--

Helen was on her way to potions when she decided to visit the bathroom before class. It was Moaning Myrtle's bathroom (which was usually deserted) but she didn't really mind as rumour had it that Moaning Myrtle spent most of her time in the Great Lake anyway. She hummed to herself absent-mindedly as she entered the room. This hum, however, turned into an involuntary scream when she registered the sight in front of her-

Sirius and Marina were kissing furiously against the bathroom wall. Marina's skirt was pushed up to her waist and her legs were wrapped around Sirius's waist as he continued to move against her.

Helen felt rooted to the spot as she stared at them. Suddenly, Marina caught sight of Helen and let out a scream. As Helen saw Sirius turning around, she whipped around and ran as fast as she could down to potions, all thoughts of a trip to the bathroom vanquished.

'Helen? Are you all right? You look really pale!' exclaimed Lily when Helen sat down next to her, her face ghost-like.

Helen nodded slightly. She didn't understand why she felt like this. Why did she care? It wasn't as though she didn't know about the notches on Sirius' bedpost where he kept a tally of all his 'girls.'

But then again, Helen never thought that he had actually gone so far as having _sex_.

Lily didn't persist in asking Helen, however, as Professor Slughorn walked in and began to start his lecture on the Draught of Living Death. Fifteen minutes into class, Sirius sidled into the classroom.

'I'm terribly sorry, professor. I was in the Hospital Wing! Here is a note from Madam Pomfrey,' said Sirius, smoothly, handing a forged note.

Helen snorted. Several people stared at her.

'What's wrong with you?' asked Lily, eyeing her warily.

Helen shrugged and stared at the board.

'Ah; a migraine! Poor boy. Are you feeling better now?' asked Professor Slughorn, handing Sirius back the note.

'Very much so sir. Madam Pomfrey is a wonderful healer,' said Sirius, sitting in his usual place in front of Helen.

Helen rolled her eyes and had a huge desire to hit him in the head with her heavy potions book. Whatever civility they had kept up for the past few months of school she felt disappearing very quickly.

She was disgusted at the sight of him.

'Now class- get working!' said Professor Slughorn, clapping his hands.

Helen snapped out of her murderous line of thought.

'Aren't you getting any ingredients?' Lily asked, returning to the work desk, her arms full of ingredients.

'What? Oh, yeah…' said Helen, getting up and walking to the store room cupboard.

When she entered the room, she saw Gianni Silvestri- an Italian, rather handsome, Ravenclaw boy in their year. He was sorting through the frogs eyes, but looked up as she entered the room.

'Hello Helen,' he said pleasantly.

'Hello,' she replied curtly.

Gianni looked affronted. Helen looked out of the store room and saw Sirius talking loudly to James as they approached the store room. She didn't even think; it was as though it was a reflex reaction. She pulled Gianni by the shirt and started kissing him passionately. He was shocked, at first, but then put his arms around her neck and started kissing her back.

Helen did not think during this kiss- she only felt pure anger at Sirius.

Suddenly, there was the sound of shattering glass and Gianni pulled away from her to look at what the noise was. Sirius had dropped his beaker and was staring at Helen and Gianni- his face ghost-like.

'Sirius, get a move on,' called James from the class room, 'we don't have enough time as it is!'

Sirius moved slowly into the room, still staring at Helen. Helen merely glared back.

'Er-' began Gianni, not understanding the situation.

'Oh, sorry, how rude of me,' said Helen, pulling him back towards her and kissing him again.

Sirius stalked out of the store room, throwing another beaker at the ground in anger. When he had gone, Helen pushed a confused Gianni away.

'On second thoughts, you're an okay kisser… but you're really not my type,' she said, walking out of the store room, snatching up her ingredients and going over to Lily to help her make their potion sample, leaving Gianni scratching his head over what had just happened.

Sirius continued to glare at Helen all through potions. This made Helen even angrier as, considering what she caught him doing only an hour ago, she thought that he should be extremely humble towards her by trying to buy her silence. When Helen caught him glaring at her, yet again, it just so happened that she tripped, showering him with a whole pint of toads' eyes.

'Oh, so sorry Black. My mistake- slip of the foot…' she said lazily, turning her back to him to grind her horntail horn.

SPLAT.

Helen straightened up, and felt something disgusting slide down her hair. She felt it and saw, to her horror, that it was the mucous of a goat's stomach.

'BLACK!' Lily shouted, at him.

Sirius shrugged, smirking.

'Sorry, what can I say… slip of the hand…'

'I'll show you slip of the hand,' said Helen angrily, going to punch him.

Sirius, however, was ready this time and caught her fist in his hand.

'LET GO OF ME!' Helen screamed as his grip tightened.

'Then you'd just hit me,' Sirius said simply, enjoying watching Helen's anger.

Helen's left hand dug into her robes and found her wand. She held it to his jugular.

'I'll do it,' she whispered, every syllable shaking with rage.

'I'm waiting,' he said, leaning so close to her that she could feel his breath on her mouth.

'Get off me,' Helen said, not backing away.

'Nah, I didn't think you had it in you. You're too soft Asteria,' he said, letting go of her and turning back to his desk.

Furious, Helen overturned a whole flask of toad pus on Sirius' head.

'ENOUGH! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?' shouted a very startled Professor Slughorn.

'ARGH!' spat Sirius, spitting out toad pus with a grimace.

Professor Slughorn cleaned up the mess, and Sirius and Helen, with a wave of his wand.

Helen and Sirius glared in opposite directions.

'Well, I'm afraid, Miss Asteria, that all your good work in potions on Monday will have gone to a waste from this class. Twenty points, each, from Gryffindor,' said Slughorn sternly, before walking off in a huff.

Lily, Remus, James and Peter stood slightly away from both Helen and Sirius, obviously scared of either of their angers flaring up again. They exchanged confused glances before setting to finish their potions quietly.

* * *

'I suppose you both understand why you were called to my office?' sighed Professor Dumbledore.

'With all due respect, professor, we just can not get along. Why can't you just put Black in Slytherin, with the rest of his family, and then we can both be happy living out own separate lives?' asked Helen, hopefully.

'SLYTHERIN?' roared Sirius in outrage. 'Why should _I_ have to leave Gryffindor? Why don't _you_ go to Slytherin?'

'Hmmm, let's think shall we? Maybe because I won't last a second with all those pure-blood maniacs?'

'ENOUGH! No one is moving houses. I am _very_ disappointed in both of you. I thought we had agreed the last time you two were in here that you were to start afresh with each other?' said Dumbledore, his eyes blazing.

Both Helen and Sirius bowed their heads.

'I fail to understand what the problem is between you two? Helen- you are able to get along charmingly well with all of Mr Black's friends. Surely he is not so different? Sirius- I do not see you throwing mucus at or pulling Miss Evan's hair! Why are you both determined to disagree with each other on every subject?'

Helen and Sirius remained silent, each thinking up many responses, none of which were appropriate to voice to the headmaster.

'This is the last straw. Should I hear of any more misbehaviour, letters shall be sent home.'

Sirius smiled.

'Is there something funny about that, Mr Black?' asked Dumbledore, sharply.

'Well, if you could do that in a week's time, it would be most convenient, headmaster. You see, my parents would be overjoyed to hear that I was picking a fight with a muggle-born and probably think your letter the best Christmas present they could ever receieve,' said Sirius politely, yet there was still an undertone of his disgust at his parents.

Something flashed in Dumbledore's eyes at this and he shot a fleeting glance at Helen before continuing-

'Be rest assured that you will be punished, Mr Black, for any more out-of-hand arguments with each other. That is all.'

He sighed and then smiled at them.

'Now, I suggest you both run along. The snow outside is, really, quite glorious,' said Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling.

Helen smiled incredulously. Dumbledore really was the strangest man she had ever met. He went from scolding her in one sentence to telling her to enjoy the snow in the next.

'Ladies first,' said Sirius, holding open the door for Helen.

'There, now! They are the good manners which I would like you to treat each other with!' said Dumbledore, happily, from his desk.

Helen looked at Sirius suspiciously, before sweeping out of the office in a majestic fashion.

'Hey Asteria, I've just had a rather brilliant idea,' drawled Sirius from behind her.

'Me too; how about you never speak to me again?'

'Well, I would love that too, but I think this might be more fun,' he said sarcastically as they walked past the gargoyle to Dumbledore's office.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'How about we have a snow fight?'

'I don't think so…' Helen said incredulously.

'Just think about it- we would have a perfectly legitimate excuse to hurt each other and won't even get told off about it!'

Helen smiled a little- it was a tempting suggestion.

Sirius waited for a few seconds before waving his hand.

'Nah, forget it. You're too scared…'

Helen snorted.

'So you're up for it?'

Helen glared at him.

'Good, keep that attitude. I'll meet you outside in ten minutes,' said Sirius before scurrying off, leaving Helen very annoyed that she now had to spend more time than necessary with Sirius.

* * *

'Are you going for a walk?' Lily asked, looking up from her book to find Helen dressed in a cloak, scarf and gloves.

'Er… yes,' said Helen, trying to walk off quickly without further questioning.

'Wait for me!' Lily called, throwing down her book and running off to the girls' dormitories.

She was back in ten seconds flat- cloak, scarf, gloves and all.

'Let's go to Great Lake,' Lily suggested, not noticing Helen's annoyance at having her for company.

'I don't think so,' Helen said through gritted teeth.

'Well… let's visit Hagrid, then!'

'Er- _Actually_, yes! That would be good. You go there- there's something I have to do on the way. I'll join you soon.'

'Well, if that's the case, I'll just come with you and then we can go visit Hagrid together,' said Lily, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Helen sighed- this was not going to be easy to explain.

They walked out of the castle and were greeted with the beautiful view of the snow-covered grounds. To her dismay, Helen saw Sirius waiting for her.

'Well, what did you have to do?' enquired Lily as they started walking across the grounds.

'Yeah… about that. Listen, I really do think that it'll just be much easier if you just go to Hagrid's and wait for me there.'

'What's going on?' asked Lily, suspiciously eyeing her friend as they walked closer to where Sirius was standing.

'Listen, don't worr—YOU BASTARD! I WASN'T EVEN READY!' Helen screamed, as she was hit in the face with a snowball by Sirius, who was roaring with laughter.

'What?' Lily said, confused as Helen bent down and made a snowball which she threw at Sirius, narrowly missing him.

'Come on Asteria! You can do better than that!' he laughed, throwing another snowball which, because Helen ducked, hit Lily who started screaming.

'Helen, let's go!' she said, straightening herself up. 'Let's go to Hagrid's and… STOP ENCOURAGING HIM!' shouted Lily as Helen threw a huge snowball; this time hitting Sirius in the stomach, temporarily winding him.

'You go to Hagrid's… I'll meet you later,' panted Helen, bending over to make another snowball as she ducked Sirius' next snowball.

Lily looked very confused.

'You're staying here? With Black?'

'Not now... I need to concentrate,' panted Helen, squinting her eyes as she aimed another snowball at Sirius.

Lily blinked in disbelief before marching off indignantly to Hagrid's hut. She was, after all, above such childish games.

---

'Had enough?' Helen screamed, as Sirius doubled over as he was hit with a particularly large snowball in the chest.

He looked up, grinning.

'NEVER!' he shouted, staggering as he got up.

Helen threw back her head and laughed, but stopped abruptly as she felt snow filling her mouth. She blinked, but was bombarded with another snowball, causing her lose her balance and fall back into the snow.

Her arms were so tired, and the ground was so soft and comfortable that she stayed, lying there. She closed her eyes and felt very peaceful as snow flakes fell from the sky and caressed her skin.

'Are you okay?' asked Sirius, running over to her.

Helen sat up and, before he could react, threw a snowball at him so hard that he too fell down.

'Now I am,' she said, grinning, as he sat up, his hair dishevelled.

'That's enough yeh two,' shouted Hagrid, marching up to them with a very annoyed Lily in his wake.

'Come inside now, else' yeh'll catch cold,' he said, grabbing them both from their shoulders and pulling them up.

'But I'm not quite finished yet, Hagrid,' Helen complained.

'Finsihed wha', may I as'?' grunted Hagrid, pushing them both towards his cabin.

'Kicking Black's arse, of course!' Helen said, rolling her eyes.

'Watch yeh language, miss,' Hagrid reprimanded.

'You? Kicking my arse? I whipped you out there…'

'Hardly. How many times were you doubled over?'

'That was all bluff…'

'Sure. Whatever Black.'

'Think what you like, Asteria.'

'I will.'

'Fine.'

'Fine.

'Fine.'

'Fine.'

'Fine.'

'Fine.'

'ENOUGH!' roared Hagrid, releasing them.

Both Helen and Sirius glared at each other.

'Thank you for the opportunity to hurt you, Asteria. I enjoyed every wince of yours,' said Sirius, grinning.

'Oh, the pleasure was all mine, Black. I never enjoyed a snowball fight as much as this one where I was able to… HAGRID! LET GO OF ME! I'M NOT…DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH AT ME, BLACK... HAGRID! PUT ME DOWN! STOP IT. BLACK, YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU!' screamed Helen as Hagrid picked her up and started walking with her over his shoulder, kicking and screaming, back to his cabin whilst Sirius sank to the ground, roaring with laughter, at her.

'Blimey, Asteria. Someone's gotta rinse yer mouth out with soap an' water,' said Hagrid, surveying her disapprovingly as he placed her down on a chair in his warm cabin and thrust a mug of steaming tea into her hands.

'Thanks,' she mumbled miserably, sipping the tea and staring out of the window as she saw Sirius making his way, still laughing, back to the castle.

* * *

'Helen? Wake up! Class starts in fifteen minutes,' said Lily, shaking Helen's sleeping body.

Helen opened a bleary eye and felt as though she had been hit in the head repeatedly with a bludger. Her nose and ears were blocked, and she had a fever and the shivers.

'Lily… I'm dying,' she croaked.

Lily placed a hand to Helen's head and clicked her tongue.

'Silly girl. That's what you get for having snow fights with Black!' she said, reprovingly, but then softened, as she added, 'I think you should rest, today.'

'Class…' Helen said, trying to get up, but lying back down immediately.

'I'll take notes for you and I'll explain to the teachers,' Lily said, kindly.

'Thanks,' mumbled Helen, shutting her heavy eyelids.

* * *

Lily sat next to Remus. In the middle of charms, she felt something hit her shoulder. Annoyed, she turned around.

'Yes?' she snapped at Sirius.

'Where's Asteria?' he asked, appearing indifferent.

'Why do you care?'

'Just thought you looked lonely, that's all,' Sirius shrugged, 'want some company?' he added, winking.

'Not from _you_,' said Lily, disgusted, turning around to face the front.

Ten minutes later, she felt another piece of parchment hitting her back.

'Black! Stop it!'

'Last time, I promise. So where is she, really?'

'Why do you care? You only want to kill her every other day. Today that she's sick, you care all of a sudden?' Lily snapped.

'Asteria's sick?' Sirius asked quickly.

Lily opened her mouth to retort, but then realised that she had already said too much.

'Why is she sick?' Sirius persisted.

'Stop bothering me, Black,' Lily said, thinking of Helen's wrath if she told Sirius the reason for Helen's sickness.

'What does she have?'

'Nothing. She's not sick,' Lily snapped.

'Yes she is. You're hiding something. What does she have?'

Lily was, for the first time in her life, beginning to fully understand why Helen felt the need to hurt Black at every opportunity.

'She's got a cold,' Lily snapped, wanting to end his pestering.

'Is that all? She stayed from class for a cold?' Sirius said, disbelievingly.

'Not just a cold- she's got a fever, and the shivers. She's really sick, you idiot, and it's your entire fault.'

Sirius opened his mouth, but comprehension dawned upon him. He grinned slightly.

'She got it from yesterday?'

'Er- no... She said she had a cold coming along…'

'Oh, poor Asteria. Looks like she lost this time…' he said, leaning back on his chair.

'NO! No, it's got nothing to do with….'

'I got her good this time! Hah! Thanks Evans,' added Sirius, ignoring Lily's stammering and paying attention to the rest of the class.

* * *

Tap, tap, tap

That noise was driving her insane! Helen opened her eyes and looked at the window to see an owl which was tapping incessantly at the glass.

'All right, I'm coming,' Helen grumbled, clutching at her head as she got up and relieved the owl of its letter.

'What?' Helen breathed to herself as she saw the envelope. It was written in elaborate calligraphy which did not match anyone's handwriting that she knew. She looked at the back of the envelope which was sealed with wax, but did not have a return address. Intrigued, she opened the letter:

_Dearest Helen,_

_My sincerest condolences on your il__lness. Your presence was most sorely missed in classes today. They were just so boring without anyone to pick on._

_Best wishes for a most speedy recovery._

_Yours truly,_

_Sirius Black_

Helen screamed in frustration. How did he know she was sick?

'Lily,' she said to herself, grimly, making a mental note to strangle her friend for telling Sirius that she was sick.

She was about to tear the letter up, but, after looking at it again, found it quite funny and decided she would keep it. If anything, the handwriting was quite beautiful...

'I'm still going to kill Lily, though,' Helen thought to herself, before closing her eyes and falling back into a drowsy slumber.

* * *

It was late afternoon when Helen awoke, the brilliant red sunset shining through the window onto her face. She sat up, and noticed that, although her nose was still blocked, she was feeling much better. Her headache had gone, at any rate. She decided she would get up and go see Madam Pomfrey.

She walked along the corridors, feeling very dizzy and light-headed. Madam Pomfrey, however, gave her a 'head-clearing' potion which made her feel as though she had never been sick. Her nose was cleared and her throat no longer felt sore. As she was making her way back to the common room, she heard someone call her name. It was Antonio Delacroix, a sixth year boy from Hufflepuff. She had spoken to him a few times, but was not very well acquainted with him.

'I heard you were ill,' he said, catching up to her.

'You and the rest of the school,' Helen muttered, annoyed.

'Are you feeling better?' he asked, putting a tentative hand on her shoulder.

'Oh, well, Madam Pomfrey can work wonders…' Helen said, not knowing where this was leading to.

Why was he talking to her? She hardly knew him?

Helen looked at him, expectantly. He shifted a little uncomfortably on his feet, and then took her hand. Helen wanted to pull it back, from shock, but restrained herself.

'Er, Helen, I was wondering if you… well, the Yule Ball is coming in a few weeks, and I was wondering if you would do me the honour of accompanying me.'

Helen blinked. The Yule Ball was only for 5th- 7th year students, but they were allowed to take younger students. Helen, however, was going home for Christmas so the answer was no.

Helen frowned a little. He looked at her hopefully. He really had very nice blue eyes. Helen kissed him on the mouth. He leant in to her, expecting more, but she stepped back.

'Thank you for the offer, but I'm afraid I am going home,' she said, leaving him staring after her, nonplussed.

'Helen!' cried Lily, running up to her as Helen entered the Entrance Hall.

'Why, hello Lily. I must say- it was very nice of you to inform the whole school of my little illness,' said Helen, gazing at Lily with scrutinizing eyes.

Lily whimpered a little.

'It wasn't my fault! Black kept on pestering me about where you were and I just snapped! Before I knew it, I had already told him and he made an announcement at lunch. Please don't be mad at me,' added Lily with pleading eyes.

Helen rolled her eyes, but smiled all the same.

'Are you feeling better?' Lily asked tentatively.

'Yeah. I slept for most of the day, and then I visited Madam Pomfrey... She is fantastic,' Helen said, very appreciative of the potion which had made her feel so much better.

'Helen! Do you feel better?' asked Remus, walking up to her and placing a hand on her shoulder.

'Very much so, thank you,' said Helen, smiling sweetly.

Much to Helen's disappointment, she was seated next to Sirius for dinner. At first, however, he did not notice that she was sitting next to her; he was pouring over a piece of parchment with James.

Then, during the main course, Helen heard someone clearing their throat from behind her. She turned and saw that it was Alwyn O'Keefe; a seventh-year Gryffindor.

'Might I have a word, Helen?' he asked.

At this point, Helen felt Sirius whip around next to her, listening intently.

'I suppose,' shrugged Helen, knowing exactly where this was leading.

'I was wondering if you would do me the honour of being my partner for the Yule Ball?' he said confidently.

Helen smiled apologetically.

'I'm sorry. I'm going home for Christmas,' she replied.

Sirius snorted behind her and she stepped on his foot under the table, smiling as she heard his yelp of pain.

'Oh, well, never mind then,' Alwyn said miserably, getting up and going back to his end of the table.

Lily giggled when Helen turned around. Helen glared at her.

'How did this start happening? That's the second time today and I've only been awake for two hours!' wondered Helen aloud.

Sirius sniggered. Helen rounded on him.

'I'm sorry, Black. Do you have a problem?'

'The 'I'm going home' excuse? That's the oldest trick in the book…'

'Well, it's true,' Helen snapped.

'Sure… of course, if it was someone you liked, I'm sure you would stay here.'

'I don't like anyone and, even if I do, it is none of your business,' Helen retorted, turning her back to him.

'Well, seems like someone's mother didn't teach them that it's rude to turn their back to someone,' Sirius muttered loudly.

'I don't mind being rude to you, Black,' Helen said, not turning around.

Helen felt Sirius run his finger run down her spine. She shivered, before turning around and rounding on him, pointing a threatening finger in his face.

'Don't. Touch. Me,' she said, emphasising every word.

'You seem much better to me, Asteria,' he said, ignoring her finger, 'did you get my note?' he asked, keeping a face straight as he sipped his pumpkin juice.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Yes I did. Thank you very much for your concern. Next time I'm sick, however, I would prefer not to be woken up by the incessant tapping of an owl on my window,' she snapped, turning around and ignoring him for the rest of dinner.

Over the next two weeks leading up to the Christmas holidays, Helen was asked by four more boys to the Yule Ball. It was especially embarrassing when it was between classes as Sirius, who was walking near her, would smirk in the background whilst she rejected her suitors as politely as possible.

This, however, confirmed Helen's views that it really was time that she started learning the way of boys. She came to this decision during her History of Magic lesson.

* * *

It was their final History of Magic lesson for the year and it was as interesting as the most banal subject offered at Hogwarts could be. Try as she might, Helen could not concentrate at all on Professor Binns' monotone drone. Instead, she let her eyes wander around the class. Sirius was sitting in the front row (as ordered by Professor Binns), in between James and Remus. He was, therefore, directly in front of Helen who in turn was sitting next to Lily and John St Claire; a Ravenclaw boy whom Helen did not know too well. After half an hour, Helen realised that she had been staring at the back of Sirius' head. She immediately felt a surge of anger towards Sirius (which was not helped by the constant drone of Professor Binns' voice in the background and the fact that she was required to stay put and suffer with it for another hour). Helen sighed and looked around at the rest of the class. Lily had also given up on listening and was, instead, reading her History of Magic book, her eyes blinking drowsily; Remus was making notes slowly, also finding it hard to concentrate; James had not even attempted to listen but, instead, was drawing on a piece of parchment. It was when she was staring out of the window that she felt someone's eyes on her. She chanced a quick glance and saw that John St Claire was staring at her, his mouth slightly open. He looked in the other direction quickly. Helen smiled a little, and then stared ahead of her, only to see Sirius tilt back on his chair and stretch his hands out behind him, yawning. Helen rolled her eyes and felt, again, John's eyes on her.

Helen shifted a little in her chair, causing her robes to sit on either side of her. Her skirt was, as it was, a little short- too short to cross her legs in without her robes covering it. She crossed her legs to reveal the garters holding up her stockings. She saw, quickly, that John was staring at her legs now, his eyes wide. After a few seconds, however, Helen decided that she should cover her legs, and shifted her robes so they, again, covered her legs. She heard John sighing and she smiled to herself.

So far so good.

She then leaned on her left arm, and moved her hair so that it fell on her left side too; leaving her neck exposed to John's side. She picked up her quill and began taking notes; which were not really proper notes, but looked genuine all the same, pouting her lips and fluttering her eyelashes every now and then.

After half an hour of this; and John's eyes were on her for the entire time, Helen lifted her right hand to scratch her head, deftly dropping her quill so that it fell next to John's chair in the process.

'Oh,' she said softly, bending over to pick it up.

'I've got it!' John said, quickly bending and picking it up himself.

'Here,' he said, handing it to her, looking into her irresistible face intently.

Helen slowly lifted her gaze from the quill in John's hand to his eyes. When she looked into John's eyes, he sat up straight, as though he had just received a small shock.

'Thank you,' Helen said, slowly, smiling a little, taking the quill. She held his gaze for a few seconds longer than necessary, before smiling and turning back to her 'notes.'

'…. And that concludes the Goblin Rebellions of the Fifteenth Century. I would like a 2-foot essay on them after the Christmas holidays. I needn't remind you, as well, about your exam study as well…' drawled Professor Binns as everyone groaned and gathered their books.

Helen got up and deliberately left a piece of parchment on her desk by 'accident' as she left with Lily. As she exited the room, she saw John pick up the parchment. She smiled and continued to walk very slowly; Lily had already left for her next class- Care of Magical Creatures.

A minute later, Helen felt a tentative tap on her shoulder. She turned around and pretended to look surprised when she saw that it was John.

'Yes?' she asked softly, staring into his eyes.

'Er… um…. Ah… You… ah… you,' John stammered, holding out Helen's piece of parchment to her with a shaking hand.

Helen knew what to do by instinct. She pulled him to her by his tie and kissed him. She felt him shiver a little, in shock, but this was only momentary as, after a few seconds, he kissed her back passionately. Helen felt the handle to the broom cupboard behind her and opened it as they stumbled in. His hands roamed over her back wildly, as he sat back into a box, Helen sitting on him. She felt something harden against her as she continued kissing him and was momentarily shocked as she registered what it was. The next thing she knew, his hands where feeling up her legs, pushing her skirt up to reveal her garters.

The whole time this was happening, Helen felt as though she was a spectator; watching and learning an amusing game. She felt nothing for John, but she knew she was having an effect on him.

When Helen registered that he was fumbling with her garter belts, she knew that the game, for that is all it was to her, had to stop. She did not say 'no,' or 'I think we should stop now,' but took his hands, which were holding her thighs, into her own and gradually stood up, not breaking the kiss until he was standing too. When she broke it, he stared into her eyes as though he had been stunned.

Helen smiled.

'Merry Christmas,' she said, winking, before picking up her bag and sweeping out of the broom cupboard very quickly.

John staring after her, dazed.

* * *

Helen sided into her next class, divination, quietly. She was ten minutes late, but this did not matter because Professor Meleta herself was always late. She looked at the desks and saw the two options for seating available to her; one next to Malfoy and one next to Sirius. She sighed and sat down in the one next to Sirius, thinking it was better than being next to Malfoy, despite her contempt for Sirius, and opened her copy of _'The Inner Eye,'_ and started to read quietly.

'What kept you?' piped up James, noticing she had entered the room.

Helen looked up and felt herself blush a little.

'I saw St Claire come up to her,' said Sirius, eyeing Helen suspiciously.

Helen cleared her throat and looked back down at her book, not reading.

'Well?' demanded Sirius.

'Black, mind your own business,' she snapped, not looking up.

'Did you have a chat with St Claire? He's a loser, I don't see…'

'Well, I could say Marina is a loser too; but you didn't seem to have any problems with fucking her against the wall of the girls' bathrooms did you?' she retorted viciously, snapping her book shut.

Sirius' eyes flashed.

'It… it was you?' Sirius stammered.

Helen rolled her eyes and stared in the opposite direction.

'… Were you… You were… _with_ St Claire?' James said, shocked.

At that moment, John himself entered through the trapdoor. His hair was very messy, his tie was loosened and his shirt untucked. He stared at Helen who ignored him.

Sirius and James stared at him, taking his appearance as a confirmation of their suspicions. Their mouths dropped and they both gaped at Helen. For the first time in their lives, they seemed at a loss for words.

Helen ignored their shocked looks and St Claire's hopeful glances at her. Instead, she turned to her book and continued to read silently. This was her last class until she could go home and did not feel like explaining herself to anyone.

* * *

'Helen?'

Helen was sitting on her bed, reading her transfiguration notes.

'Oh, hey Lily,' she said, yawning a little.

'I… I just heard something,' Lily said tentatively.

'Mmm?' said Helen, raising her eyebrows.

'I'm sure it's not true… but, I heard the… _idiots_… saying that you were… you were _with_ St Claire after History of Magic,' Lily finished, sounding apologetic.

'Yeah, you heard correctly,' Helen shrugged.

'WHAT?' Lily screamed, springing up.

'Oh hush up- it's not as though I shagged him... but we spent about five minutes snogging in the broom cupboard,' Helen said indifferently.

'Since when did you like St Claire?' Lily asked affectedly, obviously annoyed that she hadn't been informed before Sirius and James were.

'I didn't- and I don't.'

'Then why…'

'I just… I don't know,' Helen sighed.

Lily looked at Helen as though she were a stranger. Finally, she said-

'Well, you're a clever girl, mostly. I'm sure you won't do anything stupid,' before walking off, walking what on earth had happened to everyone.

'Hormones,' she sighed, shaking her head sadly.

* * *

**Editing note: Ignore any references to Helen playing quidditch in later chapters. I'm still in the middle of editing this story. (13/07/09)**

**Well? What do you think? **

**Anyway, next chapter is kind of fun, but things are becoming a little more Sirius (sorry… I meant '**_**serious')**_**too.**

**Here's a little clue:**

'…spin the bottle…'

**I think you can guess the rest.**

**Love Anya.**

**p.s. I almost forgot… almost ;)**

**REVIEW!!!!**


	13. Chapter 13: Spin the Bottle

_**"Is not a kiss the very autograph of love?" **_**Henry Finck**

**

* * *

**

Spin the bottle

The Christmas holidays were insufferable for Helen. Although, deep down, she did love her family, she longed for the excitement of the castle- for the large range of books offered by the library, full of information; the uncertainty which each day brought. She felt irritable, being stuck in her house with people who didn't understand the world to which she belonged. She was also reduced to a puritan-like existence; not going out at all and being stuck inside her house for 'quality family time'. She longed for her friends, her lessons and, strangely enough, even her fights with Sirius; a sure sign that her current position was not an enjoyable one. She was so unhappy at home, that she pretended that she had to return a week earlier, leaving on the 2nd of January.

'Helen?' called an uncertain voice behind Helen as she walked through the castle to the common room, glad to be back.

Helen turned to see Remus.

'Oh, hey Remus!' she said, hugging him.

'I thought you were still at home?' Remus asked, confused, but glad all the same to see his friend. He had really noticed her absence.

'I know, but I was so bored… it's much better over here,' Helen shrugged evasively, pulling the collar of her jumper up higher to hide the bruise on her neck.

They arrived at the common room to see the majority of the Gryffindor house sitting in a circle.

'Hey, what's going on?' Helen asked Lily, sitting next to her.

Lily turned to look at Helen, her face white and tense.

'We're playing spin the bottle,' she said through gritted teeth.

Helen snorted.

'And _you'_re playing?' she asked in disbelief.

Lily sighed frustratedly.

'I… I got into an argument with Potter over our transfiguration assignment and… and… and the fool was right,' she hissed, tugging at her hair.

Helen laughed and patted Lily on the shoulder.

'Poor girl… but you should know that James is actually excellent at Transfiguration.'

'Thank you,' Lily said stiffly. 'I learnt the hard way.'

'And how did this lead to you playing spin the bottle?'

'We made a bet and if I lost I had to play this stupid game. I was so stupid that I… oh thank God! He landed on you.'

'Eh?' Helen asked, confused.

Helen looked up to see James grinning at her.

'I always wondered what it'd be like to snog you, Asteria. I guess it was bound to happen one day.' he shrugged.

Helen stared hard at him before shrugging.

'Yeah, at least we can kill the curiosity and get it out of our systems,' Helen said, grinning back.

James pulled her towards him and kissed her fully. Helen felt a huge shock at his boldness, becoming suddenly breathless. They kissed for much longer than anyone else had done. When they separated, everyone stared at them in disbelief. Helen and James, however, laughed.

'Oh well. He's a surprisingly good kisser… but all yours, Lils,' Helen said to Lily and trying to keep a straight face as Lily glared at Helen for her comment.

'Hey! What do you mean by 'surprising'?' James exclaimed.

Helen smiled sweetly at him

'Your turn, Asteria,' Sirius yawned.

'Huh?' Helen said, confused.

'The person who it lands on last has to spin next,' Sirius said, rolling his eyes at her.

Helen hesitated before sighing and spinning the bottle.

'Oh come on!' Helen said, as it landed on James again. 'I just kissed him!'

'Okay fine. Move on- your turn Evans,' Sirius said.

Helen stared at Sirius, surprised that he wasn't being his usual self in trying to make her life a living hell.

'You rigged that!' Lily said reproachfully when her bottle landed on James. 'And why is James getting all the kisses anyway?'

'I'm just irresistible,' James grinned.

Lily rolled her eyes and, to everyone's shock, pulled James by the shirt and kissed him fully on the lips for about a minute. When they separated and she sat back next to Helen, James was still sitting in his spot, dazed.

'Mate,' Sirius called, bringing him back to earth.

'She… she…'

'That kiss, Potter, should last you at least the rest of the year. I expect that you will leave me in peace from now on,' Lily said, reprovingly.

James grinned mischievously at her and winked.

'I think you just encouraged him,' Helen said to Lily, who nodded mournfully. This did not fool Helen, who knew that Lily had enjoyed that kiss too.

'And last, but not least… Sirius!' James said, clapping Sirius on the back. 'Of course, I think we should keep going around the circle…'

Remus cleared his throat.

Helen heard all the girls in the circle hold their breaths hopefully as Sirius spun the bottle. Helen held her breath in a much different hope; the hope that it wouldn't land on her.

Helen should have saved her breath, however, because holding it proved futile as, to her horror; she saw the bottle land, pointing to her. Sirius sighed, as did everyone else; even though they had been secretly hoping to witness this.

'Well, technically, who's to say that that's pointing to me? It could be the other end of the bottle which is pointing to… erm… Remus,' Helen said pathetically.

'Oh, get over yourselves and get the snogging over with,' James said irritably.

Helen and Sirius both glared at James and then at each other, daring the other to be the first to move towards each other.

'Okay, on three, you both get up and move towards each other,' sighed James.

'One, two, three.'

Lily poked Helen sharply, causing her to get up suddenly, throwing her a dirty look.

'You know, it's not a duel... It's just a kiss,' laughed Connors.

Helen and Sirius moved towards each other, neither looking into each others eyes until they were standing opposite each other, when Helen, unwillingly, dragged her eyes from the corner of the room, locking them with Sirius' own. She did not understand why she felt her breath catch at that moment. She felt him lean towards her, his breath gently caressing her face.

'Get a move on,' yawned O'Riley, just as their lips were about to meet.

They both turned towards him and glared.

'What?' O'Riley yelped.

'We were just about to, but you interrupted,' snapped Helen.

She turned to face Sirius again. She wanted to get rid of that sensation in her stomach. Suddenly, he pulled her towards him and their lips locked. The fluttering in Helen's stomach turned into explosions. She felt as though she had been hit by lighting; thousands of volts of electricity streaming throughout her. She separated from the kiss, suddenly, and, before she knew what she was doing, had spun around and was running out of the portrait wall.

She stopped running once she had reached a window, leaning on the sill and taking deep breaths of the cool night air. What just happened? She didn't understand it.

'Helen?'

Helen spun around to see Sirius, standing awkwardly behind her, looking at her uncertainly.

'Not now, Black,' Helen said, feeling close to tears. She did not want to have to play their games right now. She turned back to the window.

She sensed him hover uncertainly behind her, before leaning on the sill next to her. Helen did not suppress a tear from streaking down her cheek, glistening in the night sky.

'Was I that bad that I made you cry?' Sirius asked, smiling a little.

Helen laughed, leaning her head on the sill, momentarily, before wiping the tear away. The truth was that that kiss had frightened her.

'No… not that it lasted very long for me to be able to tell if you were bad or not,' Helen added, laughing a little.

Sirius grinned and turned to face her.

They were sharing the same sill and he was very close to her. Helen felt as though a magnet was pulling her to face him, even though she wanted to stare at the night sky instead.

She turned, slowly, to face him and felt, for the second time, the electricity course through her body as their lips brushed, tentatively at first, and then more passionately. She couldn't think; all she knew was that she had her arms around his neck and his were around her waist, pressing his body into hers against the wall.

How much time passed like this? Minutes? Seconds? Hours?

When they finally separated they stared into each others eyes fearfully. They were both so used to hating each other that they weren't even sure if the other person was just making fun of them by going along with this game.

Because Helen didn't know what else to do- what else to say in the unbearable silence- she said, 'You're an okay kisser,' grinning slightly.

'Only okay?' Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.

Helen wrinkled her nose, knowing that she had to play this event off as a joke in order to escape ridicule.

'Perhaps if I actually liked you, it would have been better,' Helen said, turning to leave.

'Wait,' Sirius said, after she had walked five steps.

Helen turned, expectantly.

'I…' Sirius faltered- Could he tell her now? He was sure she must have felt something. Why else would she have kissed him like that just now? Why was she crying? He shook his head. She hated him, just like she said; she didn't 'actually like' him.

'Yes?' Helen asked, confused.

'Never mind,' Sirius said, shaking his head and turning back to the sill. Helen to stared at him for a moment, unsure, before shrugging and walking off back to the common room.

* * *

**H****ere's your teaser:**

He (Sirius) grabbed Helen's arms and rolled over so that he was now on top of her.

**I'm especially liking the ideas which some of you are giving me in your reviews; they're really helpful and I am trying to incorporate as many of them as possible.**

**Lots and lots of love, Anya.**


	14. Chapter 14: A Joke Gone A Bit Too Far

'_**A friend in need is a friend indeed.'

* * *

**_

A Joke Gone a Bit Too Far

Helen avoided Sirius (as he did her) like the plague over the next few weeks. They were both very confused by their two kisses that night and didn't know how they felt about it themselves, let alone worrying what the other party thought of it. Whenever they did cross each other's paths, they avoided eye contact, but were more polite to each other than they had ever been in their lives, causing much speculation as to what had happened when they disappeared after the infamous bottle affair. Soon enough, however, they reverted to their normal selves. Sirius continued to have short-lived affairs with the many willing girls of Hogwarts and became his normal cocky self, incensing Helen and making her feel stupid for the tender feelings she had developed towards him that night. This led to her having more 'distractions' than ever- something which, in turn, maddened Sirius more than he could ever have imagined.

* * *

'Just a few more metres to the desk…' Helen thought to herself, gritting her teeth in determination. She was carrying a very high and heavy load of books and could only just see over the top of them.

Her hopes of reaching her desk, however, were shattered as she felt someone colliding with her, causing all of the books to topple down.

'Oh, I'm so sorry. Here let me help you,' Sirius said, bending down quickly and gathering the books.

Helen glared at him, certain that he had done it on purpose.

'Why don't you watch where you're going, Black?' she said acidly, also bending to get the books and snatching them from his grasp.

Sirius looked up at Helen, noticing for the first time that it was she who had been carrying the books.

'I said I was sorry. There's no need to act like a frigid bitch about it,' he said, annoyed.

'Yeah- coming from you that apology must have been _so_ sincere. If you're going to pull a prank on me, at least have the decency to do it when I have a chance to defend myself,' she snapped, balancing herself as she walked quickly away with the many books, leaving Sirius to stare after her feeling slightly hurt and very frustrated.

Helen was beginning to grow very frustrated. She still had a potions essay to write for the next day and she was very unsuccessful in trying to finish her transfiguration essay on animagi. Sighing, she snapped the book which she was looking through moodily shut. The fact that, for reasons unbeknownst to her, Sirius had decided to study in the library on the desk behind her did not help her mood. Although he did not speak to her or disturb her in any way, his mere presence was unsettling.

Frustrated, Helen stood up abruptly and walked to the nearest library shelf in a desperate bid to find a book which could help her on her essay. She saw one: _'The Animagus, an Analysis,'_ on the top shelf- far beyond her reach. Sighing, she got up on a chair but was still just too short to reach the book. She jumped and managed pulled it out a little.

---

Sirius, meanwhile, had noticed Helen's foul temper and watched, amused, as she became increasingly more livid because she could not reach a book. He wondered why she did not simply summon it to her as he knew her to be perfectly capable of doing so but then decided that it probably must have had something to do with her muggle-background. He pondered going to offer her assistance in reaching the book, but then remembered her acrid replies to him earlier that day when he accidentally knocked over her books and decided against helping her. It was as he remembered this that he saw Helen jumping to reach the book and a most wicked idea sprung to his mind.

He waited for Helen to jump again before magically shifting her chair to the side.

---

Helen's eyes widened in shock when she realised that she had not landed on the chair yet and was rapidly falling to a very painful crash. She quickly reached out and clung to the shelf to prevent herself from falling any further. Heart beating wildly and clinging to the unsteady shelf, Helen looked down to the floor to try and find her chair, wondering how it had moved so far away. She wished she could get to her wand, but did not want to risk falling.

'Can someone please help me,' she called, her voice shaking nervously. A boy in the nearest table rushed to her aid but he was too late- Helen screamed as the shelf which was holding onto suddenly became unstable and began fell forwards, hitting the next shelf and then the next in a domino-like effect.

Helen's heart was beating wildly as she straightened herself up, unhurt, and surveyed, with a heavy heart, the damage which she had created.

'HELEN ASTERIA!' screamed Madam Pince, running up to Helen and looking more livid than anyone in history had ever seen her.

Helen cringed, waiting for it.

'WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO? ALL THE LIBRARY BOOKS! ALL MESSED UP… DO YOU KNOW IT HAS TAKEN ME A LIFETIME TO SORT THESE IN CORRECT ORDER AND NOW YOU…YOU…YOU HAVE COMPLETELY_ RUINED _THEM! YOU SHAMEFUL GIRL! YOU ARE A DISGRACE! FIFTY HOUSE POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR AND YOU ARE TO FIX THIS MESS TONIGHT, SO HELP YOU GOD, IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN IN THIS SCHOOL,' she screamed, eyes popping out of her head.

Helen felt hot, stinging tears falling silently down her cheeks.

Madam Pince turned to everyone else in the library who was staring at them.

'WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT? GET OUT! NOW! YOU CAN COME BACK AFTER ASTERIA HAS SORTED OUT THIS MESS!' she screeched, glaring at everyone who quickly scrambled out of the library, not wanting to be on the receiving end of her wrath, whilst she turned back to Helen.

'I AM GIVING YOU TILL 9AM TOMMOROW MORNING,' she screamed, before storming out of the library, slamming the door behind her.

Helen blinked.

'It's okay. We'll sort this out,' she kept on repeating to herself, walking numbly through the destroyed library.

She bent down to pick up a book, but ended up sinking to her knees and sobbing. She couldn't understand how this had happened. How did the chair move? Now she was sure to be expelled, not to mention being hated for all eternity by Gryffindor for losing a hefty fifty points.

She felt someone's hand on her shoulder.

'Leave me alone,' she sobbed, shrugging it off.

The person complied with her request and she heard them walk out of the library quickly. This caused Helen to cry even harder as she was now completely alone, left with the impossible task of restoring the library single-handedly.

She stood up pathetically and got out her wand which hung in her hand limply by her side. She felt emotionally drained and had no idea where she was going to start. She sunk to her knees again and relapsed into another fit of sobs.

'Now, don't cry there Helen! We can fix this together,' she heard James say, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Helen looked up, suddenly, and saw James, Remus, Peter, Sirius and Lily looking at her with sympathetic smiles.

'N…no u…use, I'm e…expelled anyway,' Helen hiccoughed.

'Now, you know that's not true,' Remus said kindly. 'We'll all help you fix this and the library will be back to normal in no time!' he said, reassuringly.

Helen sniffed.

'Come on. Pull yourself together. We won't get very far if you're a blubbering mess!' Lily said assertively, pulling Helen to her feet.

Helen stared at them, lost for words.

'Go wash your face and when you come back, we can get started. One section at a time,' she continued, pushing Helen towards the bathroom.

'Th…thankyou,' Helen stammered to them all, touched by their comradeship.

They all beamed at her.

'Now go get a move on,' James said. 'I _would_ like to eat dinner if I can!'

When Helen returned, one of the shelves had already been restored to normalcy.

'Okay, you pull it this way and I'll push here,' Sirius ordered James and Remus, his sleeves rolled up, perspiring a little, whilst Lily and Peter sorted through the books.

Helen suddenly realised that Sirius must have been the one who organised for them all to help her. After all- he was the only one in the library at the time and, thus, would have been the only one to know of her situation.

Helen smiled meekly at him as she went and helped him push the bookshelf to become upright. Little did she know, of course, of the deep-set guilt which he was currently feeling due to the huge role which he had played in the fiasco.

'Thanks,' Sirius panted, smiling at her.

Helen stared at him and felt her breath catching a little and her cheeks flushing traitorously.

She cleared her throat quickly.

'I should be thanking you. You _did _bring the others here to help, didn't you?'

It was Sirius' turn to blush.

'Ah… yeah,' he muttered, running a hand through his hair embarrassedly. 'It looked as though you needed a hand.'

Helen sighed, but smiled nonetheless.

'You got something right, for once,' she said, shooting him a fleeting suggestive grin before walking off to help Lily who was arguing with James over the 'book-ordering' charm.

---

They all continued to cooperate, offering encouraging words to each other for the next two hours. Finally, after they had all worked together to sort out the books of the last, they stepped back and surveyed the library which now looked exactly, if not tidier, than it was before the disaster.

Helen felt tears of gratitude and relief come to her eyes and impulsively went up to each of them and kissed them.

'I love you all. Thank you _so_ much! You've saved my life- I'm forever in your debt,' she gushed.

'Ah, well, school wouldn't be the same without you Helen- right Padfoot?' said James, putting his arm around Helen and winking at Sirius.

Sirius looked at James strangely, wondering what his friend was insinuating, but then merely shrugged and said-

'Yeah, life would certainly be very dull…. Imagine! I wouldn't have anyone breathing down my neck every five minutes. I wouldn't actually be living in the fear every day that you, Asteria, will kill me... and I'm not sure if I could handle that.' Sirius said, laughing as Helen gave him a reproachful look.

'I only want to kill you all the time because you happen to go out of your way to incense me and make my life as miserable as possible,' Helen said archly.

'Fine… I'm sorry I shifted the chair today. I have to admit it was going a bit far…' Sirius admitted.

As soon as he saw Helen's face, however, he knew that he was an idiot for he realised that she had never suspected him of it in the first place.

'It was you?' she said in a deadly whisper, her eyes widening so much that she looked very frightening.

'Er…' Sirius said uncomfortably, scratching his head.

'YOU!' Helen screamed, launching herself at him, causing them to both fall to the ground as she pinned him to the ground under her, hitting every inch of him which she could reach.

'Ouch! Okay! I'm sorry!' Sirius said, trying to shield himself with his arms as Helen launched a fresh assault upon him.

'Sorry! You're sorry?' she shrieked. 'Tell that to the rest of Gryffindor when they ask me how I managed to lose fifty fucking house points, you stupid bastard! How dare you? I would have been expelled you…' Helen seethed, hitting him even harder.

'I know, I know… that's why I brought everyone here to help,' Sirius panted, still trying to shield himself from the blows.

'And that excuses you?' Helen screamed incredulously, going to slap Sirius.

Sirius, however, was too quick now. He grabbed Helen's arms and rolled over so that he was now on top of her. Helen's eyes widened in shock and she began to breathe heavily as they stared at each other.

'I said I was sorry. The truth is that I was really pissed off with your attitude before because I actually didn't mean to knock the books out of your hands. Having said that- I never intended for that prank to turn out into a fiasco. I've helped you sort out the mess now, I'll tell everyone that the fifty points was my fault… so just forget it and get over it. It's all over now,' Sirius said firmly, staring at her for a little while longer before getting up off her and walking over to the others who watched the spectacle with a mixture of horror and fascination.

'That's just typical!' Helen screamed after him, getting to her feet and glaring at Sirius. 'You think that you can just say 'sorry' all the time and that everything will be alright- that your mere apology makes us square, no matter what you've done to me! Well I've got news for you, Black- it isn't fine, and it never is. You're just a selfish, arrogant bastard. How dare you, of all people, tell me to get over it?'

Sirius spun around angrily.

'Well what more do you want me to do about it, for fuck's sakes?' he shouted back.

Helen laughed coldly.

'Do? There's nothing you _can_ do. But don't think you can just say 'sorry' and 'get over it' and I'll accept those apologies with a sweet smile on my face, because I'm not that much of a pushover, Black,' Helen snapped, storming out of the library with Lily- who also shot Sirius a dirty look- in her wake.

* * *

**Well, you have to admit he did go a bit far. She probably would have hurt herself even if she just fell straight down...****At least Sirius got a kiss from her and (let's face it) she was on top of him and vice versa (even though it was because she was trying to bash him)…**

**No quotes, but let's just say someone gets a birthday kiss next chapter. Ask me who it is in your reviews!**

**Love Anya**


	15. Chapter 15: Birthday Baci

'_**Kissing is like drinking salted water. You drink, and your thirst increases.'**_**Chinese Proverb

* * *

**

Birthday Baci

One night, in the common room, Helen overheard the conversation Sirius was having, very loudly, with James:

'You know what, mate? I'm through with her,' he said, sagely, to James. 'You want know my motto with women?'

'Go on then,' James laughed, amused.

'I like my women like I like my coffee- hot and served quickly,' he said, stretching back luxuriously.

Helen could not suppress her snort. It was just the type of thing that he would say.

'Do you have a problem, Asteria?' Sirius asked sweetly.

Helen looked up at him and shrugged.

'I was just wondering…. I thought you only drink tea? Would that mean that you don't like women at all?' she replied innocently.

James scooted to the other side of the couch.

Sirius rolled her eyes.

'What a stupid question. Of course I like women, it was just an analogy… and how do you know I only drink tea?' he added suspiciously.

Helen looked slightly uncomfortable for a second.

'You're always going on about it…' she muttered unconvincingly, waving her hand, before becoming very absorbed in her book; her cheeks showing tinges of ruby.

Sirius stared at her for a while, watched closely by James, before returning to his conversation which, thankfully, turned to Quidditch and not his philosophies on women.

* * *

Helen woke up on February 2nd, not noticing anything to be different from the ordinary. She got up, dressed, had breakfast and attended classes as usual. During dinner, she was absorbed in a debate with Remus over the point of detention.

'It's really quite pointless,' Helen said.

'No it's not. It's there to act as a deterrent. No one wants to end up in detention!' Remus responded.

'Yeah, but when you're going to do something wrong, you don't really care. Take Black, over here, for example,' Helen said, motioning to Sirius who was sitting next to her.

Sirius turned around suddenly, listening to Helen and Remus' conversation.

'Now, how many detentions has he had in all his time at this school?' Helen asked Remus with raised eyebrows.

'354 and still going strong!' Sirius said proudly.

'I never asked you,' Helen snapped at him, returning to her conversation with Remus who watched on, amused.

'See! He's had 354 detentions, and is he remorseful? Not in the slightest! Rather, as I am sure you must have picked up from his tone of voice just now, he seems to be proud of his terrible track record- the more detentions the better!'

'Aye, aye!' Sirius laughed, becoming immediately silent upon Helen's glare.

Remus shook his head at the spectacle before him.

'Yes, but for more er… 'normal' people, should we say- like you, for example! You don't do certain things because you don't want detention!' Remus said.

Helen looked at Remus incredulously.

'Are you joking? I don't _care_ about detentions! How many detentions have I had for duelling Black, hm? Have they changed anything? Not at all! I am still more likely than ever to hex him tomorrow as I was yesterday before I was handed a detention for doing just that,' Helen said.

'Geez, Asteria. Glad to know you love me so much,' Sirius interjected.

'Oh, I love you alright, Sirius. It's my love for you that keeps me in detention with you every Saturday morning for our regular duels,' Helen replied in a mock-sweet voice, rolling her eyes.

'I'm so touched. I thought you'd never say those 3 words. Well, I love you too... Happy Birthday, _ma cherie,'_ he said, kissing her on the cheek before Helen could react and turning around quickly to talk to James, his cheeks tingeing pink.

Helen blinked.

'What?' she asked, turning to Sirius, confused.

'Isn't it your birthday?' Sirius asked, turning around. He wasn't quite sure where how he managed to kiss her like that just now... or why he did it either, for that matter.

'What's the date?' Helen asked, a little embarrassed at not knowing what date it was and also very unsure as to why Sirius would know when her birthday was.

'2nd February,' Sirius said, looking at Helen in wonder- had she forgotten her own birthday?

Helen's eyes widened.

'Wow! You're right- I'm fifteen…' Helen breathed, being hit with the news suddenly.

'It's your birthday?' James piped up.

'Yeah,' Helen laughed. 'I completely forgot!'

Helen was wished Happy Birthday by everyone during the rest of dinner and Remus, as a birthday present to her, allowed her to win their debate (though Helen said that she had already proven her side of the argument to be far stronger and, thus, his present was quite a poor one). It did not escape Helen's notice, however, that Sirius left dinner early. She started to wonder; he had remembered her birthday when everyone else had forgotten. Why?

* * *

Helen found Sirius reading a quidditch book in the common room, which was deserted as everyone else was still at dinner.

'Hey,' Helen said, walking over to him.

He looked up.

'Hey you too,' he said, smiling a little.

'I… how did you know it was my birthday?' Helen blurted out before she could stop herself.

Sirius blushed involuntarily.

'I… just remember last year. I mean it's not very hard to remember- you know, the 2nd day of the 2nd month,' he stammered, feeling his ears burning now.

'Well, you're the only one who remembered,' Helen laughed, leaning back into her armchair.

Sirius gave a closed smile, but said nothing.

There was an awkward silence in which they both looked at each other. Sirius went to say something, but caught himself. Then, Helen went to say something, but also caught her breath just before any words escaped her mouth, biting her lip instead. Suddenly, they both stood up at the exact same time. Before Helen could register what was happening, she was feeling that flutter in her stomach- that electricity which only Sirius seemed to generate- as they locked lips... Sirius was running his hands through her long hair…

'Oh my God!' James and Lily exclaimed.

Helen and Sirius sprung apart, as though they had just woken up, to see Lily and James staring at them as everyone began to file into the common room after dinner. They ignored them and turned to face each other.

'Who are am I kidding? I can't be alone with you for more than five minutes before we start fighting, duelling or both,' Sirius shrugged, scared that Helen had realised what he felt and that she would now have an excuse to expose him to ridicule.

Helen had never been angrier with him than at this moment but was strong enough not to drop her guard.

'Wasn't it just a birthday kiss?' she suggested nonchalantly.

Sirius looked taken aback at this, feeling slightly hurt.

'Yeah… that's all… happy birthday,' he said, walking off as quickly as possible up to the boys dormitories.

Helen registered that her hands were shaking from anger. She ran, ignoring Lily's demands for an explanation, up to the girls' dormitories and started punching her pillow in a desperate bid to vent out some of her unrestrained anger.

'Stupid… Sirius… Black,' she seethed, with each punch.

* * *

**Question for you all: Does anyone know if there is a known date for Sirius' birthday? I've made one up, but if there is one which JK's set, then I'll use that. So, if anyone knows of an official date, please let me know.**

**I won't ask this time. I feel annoying and like I'm nagging when I do... I wonder if I'll get more by not asking?**

**Lots of love, Anya.**


	16. Chapter 16: Severus Snape

'_**The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.' Henry David Thoreau

* * *

**_

Severus Snape

As the exams approached, Helen found herself living in the library. Remus sometimes joined her, but he spent most of his time with the others, no doubt plotting ways in which to disrupt the exams. Despite the fact that she liked to work alone, Helen did sometimes wished she would have company. She would always see groups of friends studying in groups in the library and, although they did not seem to be as productive as she was, they seemed to have more fun than she ever did whilst studying.

It was when she was wishing for this company that Helen came to realise that the only person who used the library just as much as she did was Snape. Although Lily was very friends with Snape, Helen had never really gotten to know him that well. They had never even really spoken, except for once when they worked together in potions and, even then, Snape was silent through most of it. One day, after feeling as though she was going crazy from the silence, Helen got up from her desk and walked over to him. Snape looked up at her with a mixture of fear and surprise.

'Hi. I noticed you're always here when I am and… would you mind some company?' she asked nervously, surprised at her boldness.

Snape looked at her suspiciously and his mouth became a thin, taut line.

'You're Potter's friend,' he said, eyeing her warily.

Helen sighed impatiently.

'Yes, but that doesn't mean that I have anything to do with the differences you two share. Anyway, I'm also friends with Lily.'

Snape shrugged.

'I don't mind,' he said, motioning to the other chair at the desk.

Helen beamed at him and set down her books. It felt so much better just to write with someone else at the desk- it made the silence more bearable.

Madam Pince came round at nine thirty and ushered them out of the library. Snape scowled at her, but got up with Helen. They walked out of the library together.

'What did Potter get you to do?' Snape said finally, looking thoroughly annoyed and fed up.

'What?' Helen asked, confused.

'You wouldn't come and sit with me for no reason,' Snape said through clenched teeth.

Helen laughed.

'But I _did_ have a reason. I just felt so lonely sitting there by myself in the library all day. I noticed that you were by yourself too and thought that maybe, seeing as we both practically live in the library, we could study together,' she said simply.

Snape looked at her as though she was a little strange, but said nothing until they came to the crossroad between the Slytherin and Gryffindor common rooms.

'Well, I'm this way,' Helen said, motioning to the right.

Snape nodded.

'I guess I'll see you round, then?' Helen said, trying to gouge some form of conversation from the boy in front of her.

'Yeah… I guess,' Snape said.

'Well... goodnight Severus,' Helen smiled.

He gave a curt nod and they both stared at each other for a few seconds, before turning and walking off in their separate paths.

* * *

Helen couldn't control her laughter.

'Sh! She'll kick us out!' Snape whispered, also laughing.

Helen took a deep breath, but her eyes were still dancing.

'Oh, boy, you're funny Sev,' Helen said, grinning and shaking her head as she sorted through her notes.

Over the past few days, Snape had opened up- slowly at first, but then more rapidly- to Helen. She had an aura about her that made him trust her, even though he usually trusted no one; except for Lily, of course. They studied well together and, every now and then, when they needed a quick break, would swap jokes and stories. Today, however, they were both finding it hard to study and were laughing a lot.

'You know what else…' Severus continued, clutching at his side.

'That's it! You two have been doing nothing but creating noise today,' snapped Madam Pince.

Helen rolled her eyes at her, behind her back, causing Severus to burst out laughing.

'OUT!' she screeched, causing both Severus and Helen to jump and pack their books and notes away quickly.

'OUT AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU CAN BEHAVE YOURSELVES!' she added as they hurried out of the library.

Helen and Severus ran out of the library and, when they finally stopped, were leaning against each other for support, howling with laughter.

Unfortunately at that point, however, James and Sirius came around the corner.

'Helen?' James said uncertainly, as Helen looked up and recognised him.

'Hey James,' Helen said, her smile faltering a little as she registered what would happen.

'What are you doing with…_Snivellus_?' James said in disgust.

'I don't know anyone of the name Snivellus,' Helen said coolly, staring back at him levelly.

'You know what I mean. Why are you with Snape?' snapped James.

'He's my friend,' Helen said simply.

Helen turned to see Sirius and Snape eyeing each other with much loathing, wands pointed at each other.

'Put them away,' she said, quietly to both of them. James also sensed danger and, despite how much he would have liked to have also had his wand pointed at Snape, he wouldn't do it in front of Helen.

They didn't put them away, though.

'Come on Severus,' Helen said, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him away.

'Aren't you lucky that you have Asteria here to save your arse,' Sirius drawled.

Helen wanted to slap him.

'Shut up Sirius. If anything, you're lucky that I'm here saving _your_arse…'

'You think Snivelly is better than me?' Sirius challenged.

'Shut up, Sirius,' Helen said, trying, in vain, to drag Snape away.

'You think he's better than me?' Snape demanded, rounding on her now.

'No. I don't. Can we please go? James, please do something,' Helen pleaded desperately with James, as she tugged at Snape's arm.

'What say you, Snivellus, to a duel? We'll settle the matter of who's better once and for all,' Sirius said, incensing Helen even more.

'I like it, Black,' spat Snape, pointing his wand again at Sirius.

'NO!' Helen shouted, walking in between them.

'Helen, get out of the way,' Sirius muttered, trying to push her out of the way.

'No,' she said stubbornly.

'Well, in that case, you leave me no choice,' he said, raising his wand.

Helen was too quick and Sirius fell to the ground in a full body-bind curse. James rushed to catch Sirius.

He looked at Helen angrily.

'Don't you look at me like that; he was about to attack me,' Helen snapped. 'Make sure you wait a minute or two before you bring him out of it,' she added, grabbing Snape's arm and making to leave.

'Why did you do that?' Snape rounded on her, not leaving.

'What?' Helen asked, exasperated.

'We were going to duel,' he said mutinously.

'You want to duel? Honestly? Fine,' Helen snapped, muttering the counter-curse as Sirius was able to get up finally.

'I'm leaving,' Helen shouted, making to leave.

'Looks like you lost your second, there, Snivelly,' Sirius laughed.

Helen rounded on Sirius furiously.

'What? You honestly think I would fight James?' she shouted, incredulous.

Sirius shut up instantly, but then turned to Snape, as they both raised their wands. Helen caught James' eye fearfully.

Curses started flying everywhere, as Helen clutched at James' arm; not knowing what to do. Snape and Sirius' wands became blurs, they were duelling so quickly.

'This has to stop… something bad's going to…' Helen started.

'HELEN!' shouted James, clutching at Helen's suddenly unconscious form which had been hit by a rebounding curse.

The duelling stopped suddenly as both Sirius and Snape rushed to Helen who was lying, limply, in James' arms.

'We have to get her to the hospital wing,' Snape said, his face drained of any colour.

The three of them forgot that they hated each other as they ran, Sirius carrying Helen's unconscious form.

'What happened?' demanded Madam Pomfrey on seeing Helen's body.

'We don't know. It was a curse… rebounding… it hit her,' Sirius breathed, very pale, placing Helen on the bed carefully.

Madam Pomfrey wrenched the curtains around it, and began to work feverishly upon her whilst the three boys stood, staring worriedly at the hangings and desperately hoping that nothing of lasting harm had occurred.

Sirius and Snape had the same thought repeating in their minds; was it their curse which had caused this? Were they responsible?

---

After half an hour, Madam Pomfrey emerged, looking flustered. She seemed surprised on seeing the boys still there.

'Is she okay?' they all asked, urgently.

Madam Pomfrey smiled grimly.

'Yes. She's still sleeping now, but I expect her to wake soon. Nasty curse, whatever it was,' she added wrenching the curtains back now, to show Helen lying on the bed, sleeping, before she swept out of the wing into her office.

The three of them took seats by Helen's bedside, waiting, in silence, for her to wake up.

* * *

'Ouch,' Helen said, bringing a hand to her head as she opened her bleary eyes.

She blinked a few times, trying to register where she was and why. Upon seeing the three worried faces surrounding her bedside, she came to realise exactly what had happened.

'What do you have to say for yourselves, hm?' Helen snapped at Sirius and Severus as James left to fetch Madam Pomfrey.

Sirius and Severus looked at their hands, as Madam Pomfrey entered and gave Helen a potion to drink, restoring her to perfect health again.

'You may leave now, but you should go straight to bed when you reach your common room,' Madam Pomfrey said, helping Helen up from the bed.

Helen nodded. 'Thanks Madam Pomfrey,' she said.

Madam Pomfrey sniffed affectedly before leading them out of the Wing.

They all walked in an awkward silence until they reached the crossroad between Slytherin and Gryffindor.

'I…' Snape started.

'Drop it,' Sirius said testily.

'Shut up,' Helen snapped at Sirius before turning to Snape.

'I'm sorry,' said Snape mournfully.

Helen gave a small smile but hugged him all the same.

'See you round,' she said, before turning and walking past James and Sirius.

They caught up with her.

'Are you _with_ him?' Sirius asked, disgusted.

Helen stopped and glared at him.

'You know; you would think that you might have become a bit more serious given what just happened. No, you idiot, we're just friends. Either way, it's none of your business,' Helen snapped.

When they reached the common room, Helen exchanged a glance with James, but did not even look at Sirius; storming up to the Girls' Dormitories instead.

'That's not fair! She forgave Snivelly,' Sirius said, indignantly to James.

'Mate, the difference there is that- for some strange reason- she actually_ likes_ Snivellus. I hate to break it to you, but I think she kind of despises you,' James said, patting Sirius' shoulder sympathetically.

Sirius was perfectly furious.

* * *

**Okay, so originally, before DH came out, Snape liked Helen. Now, however, that's out of the bag and he likes her just as a friend. Nothing more. Understood? Just don't think I'm implying anything else or read into their conversations too much because they're just friends.**

**So. Things will be getting much more racy in the next chapter. Also- Helen will be proposed to (as in a marriage proposal) and she will accept it. I'm not joking.**

**I am quite amazed. I have never had so much 'feedback' as I did with the last chapter and I didn't even use the 'r' word. Why don't you amaze me again and prove to me that I don't need to turn into an annoying hag at the end of each chapter by asking you for them?**

**Love Anya**


	17. Chapter 17: Bitten

'_**I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.'- **_**Rita Rudner

* * *

**

Bitten

Exams came and went and, before Helen knew it, she had finished her fourth year at Hogwarts, top of her year as per normal in all her subjects except for potions, which Lily and Severus beat her in.

'Bacon?'

Helen wrinkled her nose at the greasy piece of bacon which James held under her nose.

'No thanks,' she said stiffly.

'Could say the same about your breakfast,' James said, shuddering as he looked at her muesli.

'At least mine is good for you,' Helen said indignantly.

'At least mine tastes good,' James retorted.

'How can you say that? You've never even tried mine,' Helen laughed.

James considered this point.

'Tell you what… on our last day of school, I'll eat you're typical breakfast if you eat mine,' James said, grinning.

Helen looked distastefully at James' breakfast.

'Do I have to feel sick on my _last_ day of school? Let's make it the second last day,' Helen suggested.

'You're on,' James said, spitting on his hand and holding it out to her, expecting her to withdraw her hand in disgust.

Helen, however, grinned, spat in her own palm and shook James' hand, to his surprise.

'Did you hear that Evans, Sirius,' James said to them.

'What?' they both asked, turning away from their other conversations.

'You are both witnesses to the pact Helen and I just made,' James announced.

Lily rolled her eyes.

'I wonder what that could be? Oh don't tell me, Helen, that you agreed to marry him if he's still single, which he will be, when he reaches thirty,' Lily said, looking at Helen with pity.

James laughed, whilst Helen rolled her eyes at Lily.

'That's a good one! Want to make another pact?' he said, turning to Helen, excited at Lily's suggestion.

'Er…' Helen said, with a bemused expression.

'Why not? If we're both thirty and still single, why not get hitched?' James said, as though it was the most obvious thing to do.

'Ha! Asteria? Don't waste your spit, James. She'll be knocked up before she even finishes school and, by the time she's thirty will have had about ten kids,' Sirius said sarcastically.

Helen glared at Sirius and, still glaring at him, spat in her palm.

'I'll marry you, James, if we're both thirty and still single,' she said, holding her palm out to James.

James laughed, and shook her hand.

'You idiot, Helen! Just because Black…' Lily shrieked.

'Don't worry, Lils. You'll already be married to him by 19 at the latest,' Helen said, smiling sweetly and patting Lily reassuringly on the arm.

Lily threw Helen and James a dirty look and turned, huffily, to continue her conversation with Mary.

Sirius gave Helen a cold look.

'Mate, if you actually marry… _that_… I don't think I can be your best man,' Sirius said to James, still glaring at Helen.

'Good,' Helen retorted. 'I wouldn't want you at my wedding anyway.'

James rolled his eyes and continued to eat his breakfast, ignoring the bickering of his two friends.

'He would never marry you anyway,' Sirius said, cockily. 'He likes Evans because she's not a slag.'

'What are you saying, Black?' Helen said testily.

'I'm saying, he doesn't want an apple that's already got a bite taken out of it,' Sirius said, glaring at her.

'Just because you've shagged half the girls in this school, Black, it doesn't make me like them,' Helen said, returning his glare.

'No I know. The difference between them and you is that they're only willing to do it with someone like me, whereas you would do it with anyone,'

'Speak for yourself,' Helen muttered.

'Excuse me?'

'You say I'm willing to do it with anyone, but look at yourself- shagging hare-brains like Andrea and Marina,' Helen said, motioning to Marina who was blinking stupidly as she applied lipstick. 'You're so desperate you'd do it with anyone.'

'Oh, you're right baby… but there is one exception,' Sirius retorted.

'An exception? _C'est impossible!'_' Helen said, in mock shock.

'Yes. There's only one girl in this school with whom I would _never_ do it with,' he replied, his lips curving.

'Now, I can't imagine who that could be…' Helen said, pretending to ponder Sirius' response.

'Don't think too hard. It's you,' Sirius replied, before turning around quickly to talk to Remus again.

Helen scowled at him, but then smiled grimly as she thought of how she would have her revenge.

* * *

Helen wandered down the aisle glumly, trying not to think of her impending summer break. Lily and Severus were in some compartment, but she had long given up trying to find them.

'Got rejected, did we?' came a spiteful voice from behind her.

Helen turned, reluctantly, to see Sirius carrying a pumpkin juice and looking at her triumphantly.

'No,' Helen said mutinously.

'I thought you'd be Evans and Snivellus. That's what you said to James when he asked you to sit with us.'

Helen raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

'Unless…' Sirius' eyes widened, 'You lied because you don't want to sit with James,' he whispered, as though it were some terrible truth.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'That's ridiculous. James is my friend and…' Helen smirked, 'might be my husband one day.'

Sirius, for some reason, looked angry at this statement. He clenched the cup so much that it broke, spilling all the pumpkin juice.

'Argh!'

Helen lazily flicked her wand, cleaning the mess and Sirius opened his mouth to say something-

'Yeah, I know… I'm an annoying, stuck up know-it-all, whom you can't stand,' Helen said coolly, staring into his eyes levelly.

'How right you are,' Sirius said, unable to break the gaze.

Helen made up her mind in a split second; her reasoning being that she would have to wait all summer to get him back if she didn't do it now which, surely, would drive her crazy. She took a step towards him and Sirius pulled her to him roughly, crashing his lips on hers.

They kissed wildly, stumbling into the nearest empty compartment. Helen found it impossible, this time, to gain control as she did with the other boys. If only that maddening electricity coursing through her veins and the uncontrollable flutter in her stomach would disappear…

Then she could gain a clearer perspective as to what was happening.

He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he pressed her up against the wall. His hands roamed her body, on her waist, inside her robes, going down and then making their way up her skirt. Helen didn't know how far she had to go to make her point. It was only once his hands were toying with her garter belt and was pressing himself so much against the wall that she thought she might go through it, that she broke from the kiss.

Their breathing was heavy and Helen closed her eyes and leant her head against the wall. She felt Sirius' lips brushing her neck, and then pushed him away again.

Sirius looked up at her, confused as to why she had stopped him.

'Are you still telling me, Black, that I'm the only girl in the school you wouldn't sleep with?' she asked unsteadily; conscious that his hands were still on her thighs, and her legs were still wrapped around his waist.

Sirius blinked and quickly moved back so that Helen could stand up. She brushed her robes smartly and smirked at him.

'I proved my point. Enjoy your holiday,' she whispered against his lips.

Sirius took a sharp intake of breath and, with a final smirk, Helen left the compartment without so much as looking back at him.

* * *

Helen sat by herself for the rest of the journey. As the train neared King's Cross, there was a knock on the door and James sidled into the compartment.

'Hey. Did you put some hex on Sirius? He looks really confused and when we ask him why, all he says is that we should ask you.'

Helen's lips twitched and James sighed.

'I swear, you two _should _get along. You're so alike.'

'Maybe that's exactly why we'll never get along,' Helen offered, raising an eyebrow.

James grinned.

'Are you admitting that you and Sirius are alike?'

Helen groaned.

'No! No… he's horrible.'

'Well, he says the same about you almost every day, so I suppose that just confirms that you're similar.'

Helen pursed her lips and chose not to respond to this statement.

'Anyway,' James said, changing the subject. 'We should catch up during the holidays.'

Helen smiled tightly and nodded.

'Why not?' James said, looking at her.

'Maybe during the last week…' Helen said, slowly, wondering if she could fool her parents into thinking that the school term started a week earlier.

'Yeah!' James said, excitedly. 'You can come stay with me! Imagine- I can teach you to play quidditch properly…' James said, his eyes misting at the thought.

Helen smiled.

'I'll see what I can do,' she said.

'Well, make sure you try, and don't get be so depressed yet! You're still, technically, with the school,' James added.

Helen hugged him.

'You're a good friend,' she said after they broke apart. 'I'll miss you,' she added.

'Me too…' he said, smiling at her.

'Well, I'll write you,' Helen said, finally.

'Yes. Make sure you do… and let me know if you can come over,' James added.

Helen nodded and they looked up as the train slowed to a halt.

Helen sighed.

'Well, goodbye for now, I suppose,' she said, smiling glumly before leaving.

* * *

**Ahm, it seems Helen has a hard time at home too. Obviously James and Helen won't fulfill their pact- just there to make both Sirius and Lily a little jealous.**

**Speaking of, did you enjoy that little scene in the empty compartment?**

**So, until the next chapter****, I would**_** love**_** to hear from you! (abstaining from that wretched 'r' word)**

**Love Anya**


	18. Chapter 22: The Dreamers Part I

'_**Love is being stupid together.' Paul Valery

* * *

**_

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to I'm A PureEvil (who seems to be MIA as of late...) BUT generally always reviews every single chapter and writes A LOT, showing her to be a truly dedicated reader. ****Happy Birthday dear. I hope you have a wonderful day. This chapter is for you! )

* * *

**The Dreamers Part I

'JAMES POTTER, I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!' Helen screamed, upon spotting her friend in Diagon Alley.

James turned around and beamed as he saw Helen running towards him; becoming temporarily winded by the force with which she hugged him.

'So, I take it you had a great holiday then?' James said, bemused, after Helen let go of him; finally allowing him to breathe.

'Let's not talk about it,' Helen said, waving her hand as they walked through the street.

'My parents are just running some errands, so we've got about three hours to kill before we can leave,' James said.

'Well, I've already got all my stuff for school… what do you want to do?' Helen asked, looking around, as always, in wonder of her magical surroundings.

James dragged Helen to a quidditch shop in which they spent an hour marvelling a new model of broomstick which apparently surpassed all makes before it.

'She's beautiful,' James breathed.

'Who?' Helen asked, looking at James quizzically before looking around for some supposedly gorgeous woman who had captivated her friend's attention.

'Look at her,' James continued, still dazed.

Helen spun around.

'Who are you talking about?' she asked, getting annoyed.

'Look… the Nimbus…' James breathed, looking tenderly at the broom.

'The broom? You've been talking about a broom all this time?' she asked incredulously.

James shook his head sadly at Helen.

'Don't mind her, baby… she doesn't _understand_ us…' he said lovingly to the broom.

Helen shook her head in disbelief and walked off to look at the different snitches on display.

'Okay. Come on let's go,' James said urgently, pulling Helen's arm and dragging her out of the shop.

'What's wrong?' Helen asked noting James' face.

James shook his head and took a deep breath before staring wistfully back at the shop.

'It's only goodbye for a short while,' he said with a pained face before walking ahead stoically.

'Man… that boy's head isn't screwed on properly,' Helen thought to herself, grinning and walking up to join James.

James turned to Helen suddenly and Helen immediately became on her guard.

She knew what that look meant.

It meant trouble.

'No,' she said simply.

James raised his eyebrows.

'I didn't even ask anything yet!' he said indignantly.

'I know what that look is… and whatever it is, we're not doing it,' Helen said flatly.

'Come on… I've never been allowed to go down Knockturn Alley!' James whined.

Helen's eyes widened.

'Knockturn Alley?' she asked in a deadly whisper.

James now looked uneasy. He prepared for her shouting…

* * *

After half an hour of arguing, James finally gave up and conceded defeat. They ended up going to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream parlour and sharing a massive sundae.

'Ice cream's my favourite food,' Helen said, picking at it, considerably content now that she had won their argument.

James smirked.

'What?' Helen asked, looking up.

'Not the healthiest of foods.'

'No… that's true. But I like it all the same. It's not _that_ unhealthy, though… but I guess it depends on the type of ice cream…' she said.

'So, are you up for a game of quidditch as soon as we get home?' James interrupted, itching to play quidditch with someone.

Helen rolled her eyes, but smiled. She was already having a great time.

* * *

'WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?' Helen demanded, upon seeing Sirius step out of the fire place.

Sirius' face drained any colour upon seeing Helen. Of all people, he had not expected to see her.

'Oh,' said James somewhat sheepishly. 'Well, I knew if I told you guys that the other one was here, you wouldn't turn up.'

'WHAT?' Helen and Sirius shouted at James.

'I can't believe you blackmailed me like that,' Helen said angrily.

'How could you do this to me?' Sirius demanded of James. He had expected better from his best friend.

James burst out laughing.

'WHAT'S SO FUNNY?' Helen and Sirius shouted.

'Haha! You're both agreeing with each other for once. I have done a beautiful act,' said James happily, folding his hands and looking very pleased with himself.

'OUCH! GEROFF!' James shouted as Helen launched herself on him and started hitting him.

This time, Sirius was laughing.

'Why are you- Helen, stop it- laughing?' James demanded of Sirius whilst trying to grab Helen's wrists to prevent her from further hitting him.

'Now you know what it's like to have a mad woman beat you up,' Sirius said, laughing.

Helen stopped hitting James and looked at Sirius coldly.

'James, if you decide that you wish to speak to me, I will be in my room,' she said tartly, getting up and leaving the room with her nose in the air.

* * *

The evening turned out to be quite an interesting affair. Helen helped Mrs Potter prepare dinner, despite Mrs Potter's protests:

'Really- go play with Sirius and James,' Mrs Potter smiled.

Helen didn't say that she had no such thoughts of joining those two. She was very annoyed with James at present and did not want to have to argue with Sirius in someone else's house.

'But I've never seen how witches cook… are you sure I can't help? I would love to see how you do it,' Helen pleaded.

'Oh, all right then,' Mrs Potter said, handing Helen an apron and setting her to chop vegetables whilst Helen stared, wide-eyed, at the cauldron which was stirring itself.

Mrs Potter smiled as the two of them cooked together.

'This must be what it's like to have a daughter,' she thought to herself, beaming at Helen who brought her her carefully chopped vegetables.

* * *

Mr Potter was a very jovial man who shared an uncanny resemblance in appearance to James. He had them all in stitches with his jokes, some of which were not entirely appropriate, during dinner and Helen smiled as she finally understood where James' mischievous nature came from.

After dinner, they all sat in the living room.

'How about a game of pictionary?' suggested Mr Potter.

'Yeah!' said James, jumping up excitedly and running out of the room, coming back a minute later with a box.

'We've got uneven numbers,' Mr Potter remarked, frowning.

'That's okay. I'll sit it out- I wanted to do some knitting anyway,' Mrs Potter said, sitting down on the couch and taking out her knitting.

'Very well then. Team Potter against Team…'

'No way,' Helen and Sirius said together.

James rolled his eyes.

'I'm sorry. You'll just have to work together,' he said, sitting next to his father and pulling out the drawing pads and quills and handing one to Helen and Sirius who were both looking at him mutinously.

'Right; you guys can go first. Decide who's drawing first,' Mr Potter said, handing them the cards with the drawing options.

'I can,' Sirius offered, looking at Helen.

'Whatever,' Helen replied, looking the other way.

Sirius shot her a furtive glance before picking a card as Mr Potter overturned the minute-glass.

'What? A horse? No…. a… oh, come on! How am I meant to understand what… Oh! A donkey! No… okay, um... what? Dementor? How do you go from donkey to dementor? No donkey? Oh, dementor leads to donkey… okay, not a donkey! What? Me? What? Dementor to me to wand to donkey? No? Oh, I get it! My patronus… a unicorn!' Helen said, finally, just before the minute timer finished.

'Finally,' Sirius sighed, placing down the quill.

'Well excuse me, but unicorns happen to have horns. I would have gotten it straight away if you hadn't omitted that little detail,' Helen snapped.

'What? Oh yeah… forgot,' Sirius said, scratching his head upon noticing this.

James didn't end up guessing his picture which was goblin.

'If you paid more attention to class…' his father muttered disapprovingly.

'Your turn to draw,' Sirius said, handing Helen the quill.

Helen pursed her lips and took a card.

'What's that? A girl? No… a guy… his hair? Curly hair? Um… curly hair to no hair… Bald? No, okay, bald first, then hair? Wait! A wig? Yes!' Sirius said, as Helen beamed at him and placed the quill down.

'YES!' Helen exclaimed, giving Sirius a high five, laughing together at James and Mr Potter who looked miserable as they had just lost the game.

'Despite our differences, Asteria, I must say that we make a good team,' Sirius said, stretching back on the couch.

'For once I feel compelled to agree with you. We did give 'team Potter,' as they call themselves, quite a whipping,' Helen laughed, sitting down on the couch too.

Sirius' heart beat hopefully. He had six more days of this. Perhaps he could change her mind about him in that time; considering that they had just started to get along now.

* * *

'Wake up sleepy head,' James said, bouncing on Helen's bed.

Helen sat up suddenly.

'JAMES! Can you not just come in when I'm sleeping? It's not right- I'm fifteen!'

'So am I!' said James, not getting her point.

'What I mean is that it's not _decent_. Can't you knock before you come in?' Helen asked, slightly exasperated and still very tired.

'I did. You didn't answer,' he grinned.

'That's because I was _sleeping_,' Helen said irritably.

'Well I'm not, so you should get up now,' James said, as though it made perfect sense.

'What? It's only… oh my God, James! Get out right now! It's six o'clock! Go back to sleep,' Helen snapped, lying back in bed and pulling the covers over her head.

'I can't sleep any more,' James whined.

'Well go play with Sirius,' Helen muttered.

'He won't get up,' James said mournfully.

'And so you come and make me get up?' Helen said, very annoyed.

'Well…'

'I'm sleeping too,' Helen said, finally.

'Well I'm not leaving till you get up,' said James stubbornly.

'Fine. I don't care. I'm still sleeping,' Helen said, rolling over and closing her eyes sleepily.

'Okay. Enough is enough,' James said, poking her.

Helen looked at her watch, not getting up: Quarter past six.

She didn't even respond to James, but fell asleep again.

…Ten minutes later:

'GO BOTHER ASTERIA!' shouted Sirius.

Helen smiled. James had tried his luck again with Sirius, but, alas, was unlucky.

* * *

At eight o'clock, Helen's eyes fluttered open peacefully. She felt very relaxed as the sun's rays streamed through the window, bathing her in a pool of golden light.

She got up, wondering if Sirius' shouting finally convinced James to let them sleep. It was already very warm, so she wore a t-shirt and shorts and went down the stairs. When she came downstairs she laughed at the spectacle before her: James was talking non-stop to a Sirius who looked as though he was sleeping with his eyes open.

'Morning,' Helen said serenely, sitting at the kitchen table.

James stopped talking to Sirius on seeing Helen and Sirius immediately put his head in his arms.

'My parents are at work- mum had an early shift and dad- well he leaves early, normally,' James shrugged.

'Ah! That explains why you're such a_… morning person_. I might add, however, that I am very much _not_ a morning person but, rather, am a nocturnal creature,' Helen said lightly.

'Me too,' mumbled Sirius from his arms.

Helen smiled slightly at Sirius before looking back at James who slumped back in his chair miserably.

'There's healthy stuff in the fridge if you want breakfast,' James added.

Helen gave James a bemused look, before finding a large bowl of fruit salad and yoghurt in the fridge and serving herself.

'Can I go to bed?' Sirius asked, still lying on the table.

'Yes.' Helen replied, sitting down.

'No,' James replied at the same time.

Sirius looked up and grinned, before standing up suddenly.

'I like Asteria's advice better… she's the smart-arse anyway. I think I'll listen to her,' Sirius said, running out of the room and up the stairs before James could protest.

James glared after Sirius, before looking at Helen's breakfast with a slightly queasy expression.

'Don't start,' Helen warned, noting this face. 'Anyway, it's better he goes to sleep for more than one reason, actually,' she said brightly.

'Really,' James said, not convinced.

'Uh-huh. Firstly, because he'll just be downright insufferable if he hasn't had enough sleep- you know how he gets. Secondly, because it means less time I have to spend with him which is good for both my own personal happiness, his own safety, and also because it means there is a higher chance that we will fight less. After all- it is not very easy fighting someone who is not with you,' she said happily.

James' lip twitched.

'Hurry up and finish that… _food._ I wanna play quidditch,' James said, noticing that Helen was nearly finished.

'Okay, just wait, I need to wash up…'

'You don't need to do that!' James exclaimed, grabbing her arm and trying to drag her outside.

'I'm not leaving it for your mother!' Helen said indignantly, going to the sink and washing her bowl whilst James clicked his tongue impatiently.

* * *

Sirius opened his eyes, an hour later, to the sound of Helen's laughter. He smiled at this sound and got up, feeling considerably more rested and, therefore, happier. He went outside to see Helen and James doing loops on their brooms and other tricky moves and stood and watched Helen, her long hair shining in the sun, rippling down her back; her beautiful face smiling, but wearing an expression of determined concentration- the look which set her apart from all the other girls at school.

'Decided you would wake up then, did you?' James asked upon seeing Sirius, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

'What?...' Sirius said, wrenching his eyes from Helen, 'Yes, I feel much better now. Don't ever get me up so early again,' he replied, grinning.

James rolled his eyes, but grinned back, glad to have his best friend back.

'Well? What're you waiting for? Get your broom!'

* * *

'That's not fair!' Helen shouted.

Sirius gave her an innocent look.

'Ha! You're the least innocent person I know. I won that and you know it,' she laughed.

'You know, Asteria, you don't have to win _everything_.' Sirius retorted, grinning.

'Why ever not?' Helen demanded, raising an eyebrow.

'Because it makes you so damn annoying.' Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

'That's the point,' Helen replied with a smile.

'To be annoying?' Sirius asked, incredulous.

'Well…. Only to you,' Helen said, before stealing the quaffle off him, suddenly, and scoring a goal.

'HEY! Talk about cheating,' Sirius called after her.

Helen smirked, and then her face sparked up.

'JAMES! I JUST GOT THE BEST IDEA!' she screamed happily, flying over to him.

* * *

'We what?' James and Sirius asked Helen, looking at her as though she was mad for dragging them half-way across muggle London for this.

'They're balls of paint. You throw them at each other- like a snowball fight, kind of…'

'Right… so who's against who?' James asked slowly, thinking that he had a very strange friend as he looked at Helen.

'I guess it's each man for himself!' Helen said brightly, eager to start.

James and Sirius exchanged looks, before following Helen to the course.

'Okay, so three… two… BLACK!' Helen screamed, as Sirius threw a paint ball at her before she finished counting.

Sirius smirked and stuck out his tongue at Helen who shook her head, grinning nonetheless, as she ducked the paintball which James had just aimed at her and threw a paintball at Sirius; hitting his stomach with an 'oomph.'

After an hour, Helen was running for her life.

'I can't believe it! You, James, turned against me?' she shouted, hiding behind a barrier.

Everything went silent and Helen rose, slowly, to see above the barrier. At that point, both James and Sirius appeared and squashed paintballs in Helen's hair.

'ARGH!' Helen screamed, temporarily rooted to the ground while James and Sirius howled with laughter.

Helen then chased them both as they ran, throwing paint balls at their backs. They then turned around and started pelting Helen with paint balls. She fell back on a haystack, trying to shield herself with her arms whilst screaming and laughing hysterically.

'OKAY… OKAY, STOP!' she shouted.

'Did I just hear Asteria say she's given up?' Sirius asked, laughing.

'I don't know, what did you say Helen?' James asked.

'ARGH! I SAID STOP!' she laughed hysterically.

Finally, the paintballs stopped and Sirius and James fell back, one on either side of her, the three of them laughing uncontrollably.

'Do you know… we just beat you at your own game,' Sirius said, wiping away tears of laughter.

'Oh come on. I've never played this before. I only saw it in a movie once and thought it would be fun,' Helen said, still laughing.

'But it's a muggle game, so technically it counts as your own game,' James said, weak from laughter.

'Well I kick Black's arse at quidditch so we're even,' Helen laughed.

'I can't be bothered answering that,' Sirius said, exhausted.

'Really?' Helen said, turning to face him.

Sirius turned to Helen; their faces were inches apart. He felt his stomach do summersaults.

'Let's just give it a rest,' Sirius suggested, even closer now, staring into Helen's hazel eyes.

Just as their lips were about to meet, Sirius felt something ooze down his face and he heard Helen's cackles of laughter as she sprung up and laughed at how she had tricked him into thinking that she was about to kiss him when, instead, she had squashed a paint ball on his face.

'EVIL WOMAN!' Sirius shouted.

Helen, however, was laughing so much at this point that she was clutching at her side and fell back on the ground, pointing a finger at his mutinous face and laughing at him. James laughed too, but felt he had, somehow, missed something.

* * *

'Where have you… Goodness! What happened to you?' Mrs Potter exclaimed as the three teenagers entered the house, their faces and hair covered in paint, at six o'clock.

'Paintball,' James said, as though it was obvious.

'What? All of you… go wash up this instant!' Mrs Potter said, eyeing the paint with distaste before walking off in a huff.

'Excellent. Asteria, you can share a shower with me…'

'James too?' Helen asked sarcastically.

Sirius threw her a strange look.

'My, I underestimated you,' he said, cocking an eyebrow and walking up to her.

'Ah! You are always _constantly_ underestimating me_, mon cheri._ It accounts for the extraordinary number of times which you have suffered at my hands…' she said, before leaning forward and whispering in his ear, 'The sooner you learn that the only way to be is to worship the ground I walk on, the better for you.'

Sirius turned to face her. Helen smirked in return before walking off to her room. Sirius stared after her, frustrated, and wondered if she knew that she had this effect on him.

* * *

Helen was glad, the next morning that she woke up without James' aid. She wandered down to the kitchen, still in her pyjamas, to find it empty. Wondering if they were playing quidditch, she checked outside, but noticed that it was also empty. She began to wonder where they were. On walking back upstairs, she noticed that their door was shut. She knocked, but heard no reply. She opened the door and laughed when she saw that they were both still fast asleep.

Time for James to have a taste of his own medicine.

'Time to get up! Come on, James! Up you get!' Helen said, pushing his sleeping form.

James merely rolled over.

'WAKE UP!' Helen shouted.

James remained fast asleep. Helen was very annoyed.

'COME ON! TIME TO GET U..ARGH! Black, what was that for?' Helen asked, annoyed as Sirius threw a pillow at her head.

'Shuddup,' he mumbled, turning over to sleep again.

Helen turned her attention to Sirius at that moment. She walked, quietly, closer to his bed and looked at his sleeping form. She felt a jolt in her stomach as she appreciated, for the first time, that he was really very good looking. Eyes wide, she shook her head and ran out of the room, trying to get rid of the last thought which just entered her head.

* * *

Half an hour later, whilst Helen was eating breakfast at the table, she finally heard someone upstairs rousing. Ten minutes later, Sirius entered the kitchen.

'I can't believe he's still asleep,' Sirius remarked, amused.

'Hm,' Helen agreed, wishing James would hurry up and wake up now that she was alone with Sirius in the kitchen.

Sirius poured himself a glass of milk, grabbed a few pieces of toast and sat down at the table opposite Helen.

They ate in an uncomfortable silence.

'Maybe he's sick?' Helen suggested, after fifteen minutes of silence.

'Nah… I think he's just not used to such hard work,' Sirius remarked.

'Hard work?' Helen responded incredulously.

'Well, you have to admit, yesterday was quite a long day…' Sirius grinned.

'Lazy,' Helen muttered, amused, getting up and washing her bowl in the sink. Helen then went to the piano in the living room (which was part of the kitchen) and started playing. It was the only way she could avoid the stifling silence; to replace it with music. She stopped when she noticed Sirius standing next to her.

'Yes?' she asked, annoyed that he had interrupted.

'Move over,' he said.

'Excuse me?' Helen asked, incredulous.

'Just let me share the seat,' he said, as though it was obvious.

Because Helen didn't know what he was on about, she just moved to the side. Sirius sat next to her and the graze of his pants against her legs did not go unnoticed to her.

'Well?' she demanded, whilst Sirius flicked through a book.

'Here,' he said, placing the music in front of them.

'A duet?' Helen asked in disbelief.

'Why not? You can sight read can't you?'

'Yes…'

'Good… one two three four, one two…'

He started his introduction. Helen was surprised that he was actually very good at the piano. She joined in five bars later and was amazed that they were actually working together to produce beautiful music.

'No… let's do this one,' Helen said.

'But I want to do the other one,' Sirius said.

'Okay, we'll do both… let's start with this one, though,' Helen said, smiling sweetly and placing the music in front of them.

Sirius felt his breath catch and nodded quickly. Helen noticed this somewhat strange reaction and bit her lip. Thankfully, he started playing and they were then only absorbed in the music. Even so, every now, their hands would graze as they crossed each other or were close as they played, sending a spark of electricity through Helen's spine.

'Haha! I like that one. Let's do it again,' Helen laughed, after they finished a particularly fast duet.

'Again?' Sirius asked in disbelief, shaking his hand.

'Why? You chicken?' Helen said sarcastically.

'Whatever. That doesn't work on me,' Sirius said, grinning.

'Yeah, and it doesn't work on me anymore either… okay, just once more? Please?' Helen said, blinking innocently.

Sirius rolled his eyes, a smile playing on his lips, and started playing.

They got progressively faster throughout the piece until it was at such a ridiculously fast speed that they were both struggling to play all of the notes. When they reached the end, they were both laughing.

'Wow! Now there's a sight you don't see every day,' James remarked, walking into the room and looking at Sirius and Helen as though they were not quite well.

Helen and Sirius shrugged, but got up all the same.

'Well unless you, Helen, have anymore brilliant ideas- shall we embark on a game of quidditch?'

Helen and Sirius groaned.

'What?' James asked incredulously.

'Just… give it a rest,' Helen said.

'Yeah, it's getting a bit much,' Sirius agreed.

James threw up his arms.

'Well, what can we do then?' he asked, exasperated.

* * *

'This is a bad idea. I don't like it one bit. Let's not,' Helen said, one hand on Sirius' arm and then other on James', trying to pull them back.

'Where do you think Snivellus goes in all his spare time?' Sirius asked, continuing, quite liking the feel of Helen's hand on his arm.

'I don't care. _We _shouldn't be here.' Helen said.

'Okay,' Sirius said, turning towards her. 'Why don't you go back to Diagon Alley and get yourself an ice cream or something and we'll join you in half an hour?' he suggested.

Helen looked at him as though he were mad.

'Ha! And what if something happened to you?' she scoffed.

'Oh, _ma cherie…_ I'm so touched! You actually care if something happens to me!' Sirius said, placing a hand to his heart.

Helen rolled his eyes.

'Of course I don't care if anything happens to _you, _but I do if something happens to James,' Helen snapped. It annoyed her when Sirius called her _'ma cherie.'_ It suggested that they were flirting with each other and she did not want to be flirting with Sirius Black, of all people.

'Sirius is right, Helen. You can go back if you don't want to come. It's okay,' James said seriously.

Helen glared at him.

'Okay, well, don't say I never offered it to you,' James said, progressing with Sirius into Knockturn Alley.

'This is bad,' Helen kept on repeating.

'Say it one more time, Asteria, and life will be for you,' Sirius muttered.

Helen and James walked with wide eyes at the horrific kinds of things which they were seeing as they progressed down the alley. Sirius, on the other hand, looked at them with much distaste, but did not seem shocked.

'Let's go in here,' James suggested, pointing to Borgin and Burke's.

Helen shook her head, but they went in anyway, all of them separating to observe the horrific, yet somewhat fascinating Dark materials.

Helen's eye was caught by a pendant necklace.

It was of an Ancient Egyptian eye and extremely intricate with its gold and lapis lazuli stone settings. Helen felt panic set in as she realised what it was. No sooner had she made this realisation, however, that she felt her mind become dizzy; as though in a narcotised state. All she wanted to do was to reach out and touch the necklace; to put it around her neck. She stretched out her hand towards it… she needed to touch it… Suddenly, a hand covered her eyes and someone pulled away her arm, which was just an inch away from the pendant. She felt angry, at first, but, upon blinking, her thoughts became clear again. Helen turned to see that it was Sirius who had pulled her away.

He looked apprehensive.

'We shouldn't stay here,' he said. 'You were right. We shouldn't have come here,' he said regretfully, steering her towards James.

'Come on, let's go,' he hissed to James.

'But…'

'Let's go,' repeated Sirius more firmly.

James took a look at Helen who was pale, with tears silently streaming down her cheeks.

'What happened?' James asked, taking Helen's other arm, and looking into her face worriedly.

'Look, let's just get out of here and then we can deal with that,' Sirius said as they hurried out of the shop.

Sirius and James kept a firm hold of Helen, walking as quickly as they could out of Knockturn Alley. As soon as they reached Diagon Alley, they sat her down at the nearest café.

'What happened?' James asked now, worried.

Helen couldn't speak. She blinked and then she started crying into Sirius' shoulder. Sirius was shocked at this contact, his heart beating very fast. He placed an arm around her, rubbing her back soothingly.

'I… there was this necklace… I think it was hypnotic or something- it had an eye. I don't know… she just became transfixed by it and went to touch it,' Sirius explained to James.

They exchanged a worried glance. It scared them that Helen reacted that way to a Dark artefact because she was the most powerful witch that they knew of in the school. It made them wonder if they would ever stand a chance if it affected Helen so.

Helen separated from Sirius' shoulder, and grabbed a serviette; wiping her eyes and blowing her nose loudly. She took a deep breath and shook her head.

'Sorry. I'm being silly... I'm a stupid girl… I recognised what it was when I saw it; I should have looked away straight away but I just wanted to see what it looked like… Stupid! Stupid!' Helen said, slapping her forehead.

'Hey, it's okay! As long as you're okay,' James said, taking her hand away from her forehead.

'What was it?' Sirius asked quietly.

Helen had a dark look.

'It was used by Dark wizards in Ancient Egypt… they're said to have part of the eye of Anubis in them. They used them to hypnotise people to do their bidding- think Imperius Curse but way stronger. They would use it on Pharaohs and Queens to get their way. If… if you touch the eye, though,' Helen gave a frightened look at Sirius, 'you… you get sucked into it; into the eye; and you can't get out… oh my God!' Helen said, hyperventilating.

Sirius and James stared at Helen, their faces drained of any colour. They felt terrible for dragging her to Knockturn Alley.

Helen turned to Sirius, her eyes wide and fearful.

'Thank you. If… if you hadn't…'

Sirius shook his head.

'We should never have gone. It was a stupid idea. We should have listened to you…'

'Yeah…We should have done something else-something like that paint thing, whatever it's called… ballpaint or something,' James said

Helen laughed weakly.

'Paintball,' she said, smiling a little.

'Yeah, that,' James said, smiling back.

Helen shrugged.

'Oh well. At least I've had an adventure of some sort these holidays… I guess I've also learnt a lesson too! You never know… Maybe it was a good thing?' Helen suggested, trying to lighten the mood.

Sirius and James didn't seem to be able to agree with her upon this point.

'Are we going to stay gloomy about this, then?' Helen asked, looking at them both.

'You're one to talk!'

'Well, I'm over it now. I think it was part of the effects still wearing off too. I'm fine now, though… I probably look terrible, but I'm fine.' Helen smiled.

'You look beautiful as always,' James said, smiling back at Helen.

Helen grinned, blushing a little. She then stood up.

'Are we going to stay here all day, then or what?'

* * *

They decided they would just wonder around Muggle London- there were fewer risks there.

'This is boring,' James said after they walked past yet another batch of ancient statues in the museum.

Helen shot him a reproving look, but sighed. She wanted to study each and every statue; to understand the story behind them. Each one was amazing in its own right.

It was impossible, however, to do that with James and Sirius there.

'I have an idea,' Helen said, suddenly, sparking up.

'You always have ideas,' Sirius muttered, looking more closely at a statue of Aphrodite.

'Well, at least they're better than the ones which you guys come up with,' Helen snapped.

'Well?' James yawned.

'I saw this in a film once…'

'A what?' Sirius asked.

'A film,' Helen said slowly.

'What?' James asked, perplexed.

'Do you mean to tell me you don't know what movies are?' Helen asked incredulously.

They shook their heads and looked at Helen strangely.

Helen let out a whistle.

'Well, that's tomorrow planned for us! Anyway, there were three of them; two guys and a girl, and they ran through the museum and timed how fast they could do it. Want to see how fast we can do it?' Helen asked, a mischievous gleam in her eye.

'But we can't…' James started, but stopped himself short and smiled.

'Honestly, what kind of marauder are you?' Sirius laughed.

James shook his head in disbelief at himself.

'We have to hold hands, though… and make sure we don't get caught and also that we don't wreck or run into anything,' Helen added.

'Okay,' they both said, each taking one of her hands.

'One,' Sirius said.

'Two,' Helen said, glancing at her watch.

'Three!' they all shouted, starting to run.

They reached their starting position, panting. Helen checked her watch and wore an unreadable expression. She sat on the ground with a small smile.

'What?' Sirius and James asked.

'Would you like to know out time, gentlemen?' Helen asked, not giving away anything.

They nodded, looking at her with an amused expression.

Helen remained silent, smiling slightly.

'Well?' James said, impatiently.

Helen looked down, and then back up at them.

'Our time was,' she said very quietly, pausing before she shouted, 'TWO MINUTES!' happily, jumping up. They all cheered and ran out of the museum out into the warm summer weather.

* * *

'Let's get photos,' Helen said, dragging the two boys into the photo booth.

'What do we do?' Sirius asked.

'Just do crazy poses. We have five shots,' Helen said, putting the coins in.

Sirius and James shared the chair and Helen sat on top of them before they struck their poses.

'They're funny. Why don't they move?' Sirius asked, prodding the photo strip.

Helen put in extra coins to print two extra strips and handed one to James.

'That's how muggle shots are… in a way, they're better than wizarding ones because they kind of just 'capture a moment,'' Helen replied, shrugging.

Sirius glanced up at Helen, catching her eye, before looking back at the photo.

'Wow! I should get a huge one of this last one and post it up at school. Imagine what girls would say… me with the two hottest guys in the school!' Helen laughed, looking at the photo in which she stared into the camera whilst Sirius and James each kissed one of her cheeks.

James and Sirius spluttered and Helen laughed, linking arms with each of them as they walked out of the underground, heading for James' house.

* * *

**Well? You like? I hope you did. This is only part one of the holidays. I know this chapter was really really long, but I couldn't bring myself to cut it. **

**Did you notice they're starting to get along? Maybe? **

**Now, next chapter, someone admits their feelings for someone else…**

**AEEK! **

**I'm so excited.**

**So, keep the 'feedback' coming in and you'll get the next chapter! **

**Lots and lots of love, **

**Anya**

**p.s. I thought I might clarify this now, because I have been asked by one person. James does not have any 'feelings' for Helen. They're good friends and he sees her more as the sister he never had (as you may have picked up in the second-last chapter). I've never meant to imply that they're anything else, so sorry if you interpreted it in any other way. Sometimes they play on their friendship to make certain others jealous (i.e. last chapter), but nothing else. **


	19. Chapter 23: The Dreamers Part II

_**"The worst feeling in the world is loving someone, when they don't love you back. Your heart aches every time you see them, knowing no matter how deep you look into their eyes, trying to reach their heart, you never will."

* * *

**_

The Dreamers Part II

'You like her don't you?' James asked that night, as he and Sirius were in their beds.

Sirius was silent. Then he let out a sigh.

'Yeah, I do,' he admitted.

James whistled.

'Well, that's one thing _I _never saw coming… when did you start? I thought you guys hated each other?' he asked, sitting up and looking at Sirius in the next bed.

Sirius paused and stared at the ceiling.

'I… I don't know. I think it was when you asked her to join the quidditch team,' Sirius said, thinking back.

'No! You've been fighting heaps since then… heck, you were even fighting on Monday!' James laughed, shocked at this confession.

Sirius sighed.

'Just because she hates me and we have fights, it doesn't mean_ I_ don't like her,' Sirius said bitterly, wondering if they would ever stop fighting and, when that apocalyptic day came, if he would ever even stand a chance in capturing Helen's attentions.

'But…'

'I don't know what to do. She… she would never take me seriously. Honestly, mate, … she's… so beautiful! She's so smart and fun (when we're not fighting) and… she's the only girl who never liked me! Isn't that ironic? The one I want the most doesn't want me,' Sirius said, tugging at his hair, frustrated.

James considered this thoughtfully.

'I don't know… maybe she does?'

'No.' Sirius said, mournfully. 'Whenever we've kissed, it's just been for her to prove her point, or to win a fight. She doesn't like me… I don't even think she likes me as a person!'

'But you guys have been getting along really well!' James said encouragingly.

'I know, but I have a feeling that it's just because she wants to have fun and can't be bothered fighting now that it's holidays,' Sirius said, sullenly, sitting up and picking moodily at his bed coverings.

James paused for a moment.

'You know mate- just take it slow. You're right. She's not like other girls. In a way she's like your 'equal', I think. You know what I mean? You're both smart, good looking, bad tempered… pretty much good at everything and heck! I mean, she even has the same effect on guys as you have on girls- which is why she probably doesn't lose herself with you whereas all the others do. As a friend, I just know she's heaps of fun and she's not like the others in that she's not pretentious about girly things. I think Evans is the only girl-friend she has. See what I mean?' James said, quite proud of his philosophic epiphany.

'I know all that. I've only been thinking about her all the time these past few months,' Sirius said sarcastically.

James laughed.

'Imagine if she knew… No, I would never tell, I swear… hey, why don't you ask her to Yule Ball?' he suggested.

Sirius considered this. If he stayed on her good side, this was actually quite a good plan.

'Yeah…'

'Just stay on her good side! When the time comes, you can ask her and go together. I mean, everyone gets 'caught in the moment,' so don't push your luck until then- when you can 'woo her feelings for you,'' James laughed.

Sirius joined in, shaking his head at his friend.

'Great relationship advice you are Prongs… so tell me, how many dates have you snared off Evans in your entire time at Hogwarts?'

James rolled his eyes and Sirius sighed and lay back down, staring at the ceiling.

'Ah, well. I just want to hang out with her for now. Isn't that funny? I've never liked anyone like I like her, but I don't want to do anything to her?' Sirius pondered.

'There's too much respect for a girl like her to do stuff like that,' James said sagely, thinking that if Sirius ever were to be so lucky as to go out with Helen, he would have to have a very stern word with him. Best friend or not, Helen was like a sister to him and there was no way he would allow Sirius to treat Helen like his former girlfriends.

Sirius nodded in agreement with James. Secretly, however, he thought how he wouldn't mind kissing Helen again; feeling that electricity, which was so addictive, which only she could create.

Sirius found it hard to sleep that night, having newly confessed his feelings for Helen. It made them finally seem real and he now allowed her to enter his thoughts freely whereas, in the past, he always fought to restrain any thoughts about her.

Similarly, Helen had started, involuntarily, thinking about Sirius that night. After tossing and turning for an hour, she sat up, turned on the bed lamp, and took out the photo which they took that day and examined it, feeling the spot on her cheek where he had kissed it. On looking at the second shot, she noticed something which she hadn't before; James and Helen were staring into the camera with silly pouts but Sirius was looking at Helen. Helen shook her head, as if to dismiss any hopeful thoughts. They could never be. He never stuck with a girl for more than a week and she refused to become a name in his little 'Black' book.

* * *

The next morning, Helen was up by seven. As she was about to open the door to the bathroom, Sirius came out of it. They were both shocked to see each other; especially as they had both just been thinking about each other. After a minute, Helen realised that they were staring and looked down, embarrassed.

'Good morning,' she said, a little stiffly.

Sirius' hopes of the night had been shattered by this tone. What had been embarrassment on Helen's part, Sirius mistook for indifference.

'Morning,' he said, moving out of the doorway as Helen went in and shut the door behind her, leaning on it and breathing heavily. Sirius stared at the door after it closed before taking a deep breath and going downstairs.

Helen joined Sirius in the kitchen twenty minutes later. Sirius silently cursed her for looking so good when she didn't even like him, as she entered wearing a white, kneel-length summer dress, with her dark hair flowing down her back in shiny waves. She smiled at him as she entered, before going to the fridge.

'James still sleeping?' she asked, sitting opposite him, eating her yoghurt.

'Yup,' Sirius said.

Helen shook her head, grinning.

'So much for his being 'a morning person,'' she muttered.

'Well, what about us? Weren't we meant to be nocturnal?' Sirius laughed.

Helen considered this.

'You know what,' she said in a low voice, leaning forward as if she were telling him a dark secret, 'I think James has done something that has made us swap!' she said in mock-horror.

Sirius laughed and shook his head at Helen.

'Maybe,' he said, raising his eyebrows and grinning.

'I think it's just sleeping somewhere that's not home,' Helen suggested, truthfully now.

'I wish it was,' Sirius said glumly.

Helen considered him for a moment.

'How did you manage to get away from home? I always thought that you were under some form of house arrest,' she asked.

Sirius nodded.

'Yeah, but I just got lucky this once, I guess. My parents are on this big trip which is for a month, starting from this week, so they finally conceded to let me come here. My mum wanted me to stay with Bellatrix's family,' Sirius said with a shudder, 'but my dad allowed me to come here, thankfully.'

'Even though your mortal enemy is here as well?' Helen said with a suggestive grin.

Sirius gave a small smile, his heart sinking a little as she said this.

'Ah, I think only my mortal enemy during school. I wouldn't call you my mortal enemy at the moment,' Sirius said, looking into her eyes.

Helen felt herself blush a little, but nodded.

'I agree. Let's call holiday's truce time,' Helen said in mock-seriousness, holding out her hand.

Sirius smiled and shook it.

'Ouch, you zapped me!' she exclaimed, after they shook hands.

'Sorry,' Sirius said quickly.

Helen surveyed him shrewdly for a moment.

'You know, I'm not sure you were completely sincere about that just then. I think that was a sign,' Helen said dramatically in a way which was not uncharacteristic of their Divination teacher- Professor Meleta

Sirius rolled his eyes, but could not suppress his grin.

'See! There's that insincerity I was just talking of,' she said triumphantly, getting up and going to the sink with her bowl.

Helen returned to the table and sat next to Sirius, who was reading the Daily Prophet, to read it too. Sirius felt his heart beat quicken having her sit next to him. Similarly, Helen was unsure where she found the boldness to sit next to him like that; her heart pounding so hard in her chest that she was sure Sirius could hear it.

'This Lita Skeeter woman is not very nice. I don't believe everything she says,' Helen said, frowning as she read an article about a famous singer who, apparently, was having affairs with countless men.

'You shouldn't believe most of what the Daily Prophet writes. It's mainly propaganda for the Ministry,' Sirius replied, turning to face her.

'Why do you read it then?' Helen asked, looking up at him.

'It usually gives a general outline as to what's going on in the world… as for the nitty gritty, well, you have to be careful there,' he replied.

Helen nodded and looked back to the articles.

They continued to read in this manner until James entered, some twenty minutes later. He stopped suddenly when he saw Helen and Sirius sitting next to each other.

'Well, so much for being 'nocturnal,'' James said.

Helen and Sirius looked up with a start. James smiled at them both, wondering if Sirius had made any progress with Helen.

James sat down at the table and began eating the eggs and bacon which his mother had left in the oven for him. He noticed Helen glance at them and purse her lips before continuing to read.

'Yes, miss health-freak. That's what you'll be eating on your second-last day of school,' James said, grinning.

Helen looked up, smiling.

'A lot of things could happen since then,' she said sweetly.

James shook his head.

'Sirius, if something should happen to me, you're my second.' James said seriously.

'For what? Sirius asked, startled, looking from Helen to James.

Helen and James laughed.

'On our second last day of school ever, James and I are going to swap breakfasts. I have to eat his… ugh… bacon and eggs, and he has to have my much nicer option of something like yoghurt and fruit salad,' Helen explained.

'And the second part?' Sirius asked, amused.

'Oh, yeah, if I die, you have to eat her… food, for me,' James said with a gulp.

'And if I die, you can be my second,' Helen nodded.

'Why all the dying?' Sirius asked.

Helen and James looked at each other and shrugged.

'Anyway, so, what did you say we were going to do today? A boovie?' James asked Helen, putting his plate in the sink.

'Movie,' Sirius corrected him.

'I thought you didn't know what it was?' Helen asked Sirius.

'I don't… but you said movie yesterday,' Sirius said, blushing a little.

Helen looked at him for a moment before continuing.

'Yes, we're going to see a movie. We'll go later, though, because nothing good's on yet. It's actually best if we can go at night… do you reckon we'd be allowed?' Helen asked James.

James nodded.

'Sure. We'll just leave a note and my parents'll be fine with it,' he said.

'Oh good! I haven't seen a movie in ages! I love them too… anyway, so what are we going to do until then?'

'We could…'

'No quidditch.' Helen and Sirius said together.

James' face fell.

'Come on! We can't even do anything properly with three people anyway,' Helen said.

James shrugged.

They sat in silence, pondering what they could do.

'Have you all finished your homework?' Helen asked.

Both Sirius and James gave Helen a very dirty look under which she shrunk.

'Sorry,' she said, grinning. 'Shopping?' Helen suggested, smiling at the thought.

'I don't have much money,' Sirius said bitterly thinking of his parents who, despite their great wealth, would not even allow him a decent amount of spending money.

'So? We don't have to buy anything. We can just try on heaps of outfits… or not,' she said, noticing James' face.

'Well, I'm through suggesting things. You guys figure out what you want to do and come and get me when you've decided.' Helen said, getting up, her leg brushing against Sirius' as she stood up.

'Where're you going?' James called after her.

'In the garden,' Helen said, going outside.

They stared after her.

'She's one strange girl,' James said.

Sirius didn't say anything.

'So?' James said, leaning in.

'What?' Sirius said innocently.

'Anything?'

'Come off it. Of course she doesn't like me,' Sirius said, rolling his eyes at James.

'Well… you know, sitting next to each other…'

'She wanted to read the paper too,' Sirius said shortly.

'Did she just?'

'Yes… anyway, what're we going to do?'

'About Helen?'

'No, you idiot, about today. What are we going to do?'

'Let's just go out to the city. There's heaps to do there,' James shrugged.

At that point, Helen came in wearing a big hat.

'Forgot my sunglasses,' she said in response to their quizzical expressions, taking them from the counter.

'What do you say to going to the city and just doing stuff around there?' James suggested

Helen shrugged.

'Sounds very well-thought out,' she said sarcastically. 'I love it. Very spontaneous! We can go crazy!' Helen added, jumping up and going to get her bag.

'I rest my case,' James said, staring after her, bemused.

* * *

When they walked down the street, a group of boys, their age, or a little older, walked past, staring at Helen. They wolf-whistled at Helen, who laughed and winked at them, but kept on walking.

'What the hell was that?' James demanded.

'Just because you guys don't appreciate how good-looking I am, it doesn't mean that others don't too,' Helen shrugged.

Sirius pursed his lips but said nothing whilst Helen and James continued to bicker.

He wasn't sure why he suddenly remembered Beauxabatons.

They ended up going to a clothing department after all.

'You can help me choose a dress for the Yule Ball!' Helen said, dragging them through the section with many dresses.

James laughed out loud at this and winked at Sirius who shot him back a glare.

'Well?' she said, modelling a long black gown, which fitted the sculptural lines of her body perfectly.

The two boys were speechless.

'No? Okay… next one then…' she said, disappearing again.

'Seriously, I know that at least two of those dresses looked good,' Helen snapped, glaring at Sirius and James who had not said a word each time she appeared.

James seemed to come to reality fist.

'Um… you look amazing in all of them… our silence is that we're speechless,' he added.

Helen rolled her eyes and went and got changed back into her summer dress.

'Well, they were okay… I didn't really think any was that special...'

Sirius spluttered and started coughing.

Helen patted him on the back as they walked out off the clothes department.

'So… who are you guys going to take?' she asked.

Sirius started coughing even more.

Helen looked at him shrewdly, before walking further ahead and buying a bottle of water.

'Here,' she said, thrusting it into his hands. He looked up at her with a slightly bemused expression.

'Well… you probably want to go with Lily, right James?' Helen asked James.

He nodded.

'Yeah, I reckon she'll go with you… unless someone else asks her first, that is. You have to be early in asking, though… what about you Sirius?'

Sirius glanced at James who looked as though he was struggling to keep a straight face.

'Er… I…. I don't know yet,' he stammered, desperately trying to sound nonchalant.

'It's not as if you'll have issues finding someone,' she shrugged.

'What about you?' James asked.

'Me? I don't know! I have to get asked. I don't do the asking. Honestly, James, I say it time and time again. You boys constantly underestimate me,' Helen said, shaking her head sadly.

'Yeah, but do you know who you want to ask you?' James persevered.

'Not really…' Helen lied, knowing exactly who she wanted to ask her. 'I don't really like anyone… I guess it's always good to take someone you know- I mean, someone you can have fun with rather than some random.'

Helen shrugged.

'I don't mind. I just wanted to buy a dress now so I wouldn't have to worry about it if I get asked.'

Sirius snorted.

'If?' he said, raising his eyebrows.

Helen stared into his eyes before looking away and shrugging.

* * *

'Let's dress up,' Helen said, as they were about to go out for the movies.

'In what?' James asked, wondering, for the millionth time these holidays, where this spontaneous side to Helen which he had never seen before at school came from.

'Just dress nicely,' Helen said, turning around and going to her room.

When she got downstairs, she was very impressed with Sirius who looked even better than usual in a clean shirt and jeans. James, well… he looked okay. The boy tried, at least, and she had to give him credit for that. Both the boys were taken aback with Helen, who wore a red short-sleeve fitted dress which flowed after the waistline.

'Let's go,' Helen said, linking arms with them as they walked out of the house to the town.

She explained the concept of a movie on their way there. Unfortunately, try as they might, James and Sirius didn't seem to get it and Helen was resigned to just 'let them find out for themselves.'

'What kind of movie… do you want to watch something sad, funny, romantic, something violent, scary… please not scary… dramatic?'

'Why don't you pick?' Sirius suggested, unable to take his eyes off her.

Helen sighed and scrutinized the list of movies showing. The trouble was that she didn't know what the movies were about. She immediately dismissed any movies which were related to magic, although she was sure that they would all get a good laugh from them. They ended up going to see a patriotic English action drama which was quite a good movie. Helen sat in between the two boys, so that she could explain anything they didn't understand- such as guns, for instance.

At one point, when one of the main characters was suddenly shot, Helen, from her shock, grabbed Sirius' hand, causing him to smile slightly and her to blush, although Sirius couldn't see this as it was dark. Helen kept her eyes firmly on the screen as she felt Sirius interlocked his fingers with hers. She felt her heart beating with such force in her chest and noticed her chest rising and falling as she took deep breaths when she felt Sirius' thumb trace her own thumb slowly. They ended up holding hands for the rest of the film. At random intervals, they would steal glances at each other.

When the film finished, they kept holding hands.

'Well? What did you think of your first movie?' Helen asked, as they walked out into the warm night. 'Will it be your last?'

'I liked it,' James said. 'Why don't we have them in our world?' he frowned.

Helen laughed.

Sirius was quite quiet on the way hope. They discussed the film, mostly. He interjected at times, but did not say much.

They walked into the house quietly so as not to disturb James' parents as it was near midnight.

'Goodnight,' Helen whispered to them as they reached the boys' room.

'Night Helen,' said James, yawning and going into the room.

Sirius hesitated before walking Helen to her room. He was, after all, still holding her hand and it seemed a shame to break that…

* * *

**Ha! I'm evil. Well so are you if you don't review, yet read new chapters anyway. **

**Yes, I used the darned 'r' word. Sorry, I had to.**

**So, if you want to know what happens, each and every one of you will have to get typing and let me know what your views on this chapter are, won't you? I have been very lenient in the past, updating every day, but no more. **

**Also- I want to say, again, a big thankyou to those who do review me. It's so inspiring when I receive a really thoughtful review!**

**Love Anya**

**p.s. I know her name is Rita Skeeter. Lita Skeeter is Rita's mum (according to me). Seems like bitchy journalism runs in the family!**


	20. Chapter 24: Forever Young

'_**Youth is like diamonds in the sun  
And diamonds are forever'**_** Alphaville

* * *

**

Forever Young

... 'Goodnight Sirius,' Helen smiled, when they reached her door.

She wasn't sure what was going to happen. Part of her wanted him to kiss her then and there but another part just wanted him to leave.

Sirius hesitated. He wondered if he could dare to kiss her now, but then remembered that he had to work on her slowly. He wanted her trust first... It took all of his self-control not to lean forward.

'Goodnight Helen,' he said, squeezing her hand and staring into her eyes before turning and leaving her.

Helen stared after his retreating back feeling slightly disappointed. She was sure that Sirius Black would never refreain from kissing a girl if he lactually iked her.

* * *

Helen was really getting tired of these sleepless nights. The trouble was that she couldn't sleep, no matter how tired she was. She kept on thinking of Sirius who was laying in a room a few metres away from her.

'Did you sleep?' James asked her as she entered the kitchen looking quite tired.

'Not very well,' she said, putting her head in her arms on the table.

Sirius entered the kitchen some ten minutes later looking quite similar; as though he had not had much sleep.

'Let's just stay here today,' James suggested.

'I'll fall off my broom if you make me play quidditch,' Helen yawned.

'I wasn't going to suggest that,' James said stiffly, before adding 'Oh, and, by the way, Remus and Peter are coming over tomorrow.'

'Remus?' Helen said, smiling.

'Yeah, and Peter.'

Helen screwed her nose at the mention of Peter's name.

'Are they staying or just visiting for the day?' she asked.

'No, they're staying, so you'll have to share your room with Peter… ha! Only joking…' James added quickly at the horrified look Helen gave him.

'No, you'll just have to share your room with one of us… take your pick,' James said, trying not to laugh as he saw Sirius look up at Helen intently.

'I don't care,' Helen shrugged. 'As long as it's not Peter, I can accept anyone else,' she said, her cheeks reddening slightly as she silently wished for one particular person to share the room with her.

'In that case, I reckon you should go, Sirius, because I haven't seen Peter and Remus all holidays… you can be demoted to Helen's room,' James laughed.

'Thanks,' Sirius said drily, glaring at James for being so open.

'Fine. I'll take Remus then,' Helen said coolly.

She decided she should start hating Sirius again. At least she could get a good night's sleep then.

'No it's okay, I'll share with you,' Sirius said quickly.

Helen shot him a strange look, her mind drifting back to the time when Sirius and Remus had had their drunken brawl, before getting up from the kitchen table and going upstairs.

* * *

The day passed very quietly, Helen slept for some of the day, read some of her school books, practised a bit of piano… she didn't really talk to Sirius and James very much who were plotting the tricks and havoc they would wreak when they returned to school.

In the afternoon, however, James decided he didn't want to stay home anymore.

'Now you want to go out!' Helen said incredulously, looking up from her charms essay.

'Well I just realised that it's been the three of us for most of it… we should just go out as the three of us one last time before school starts,' James said.

They ended up going out for coffee at a nearby café and then walked along the beach, shoes in hands.

'We should do this every summer,' James said as they walked in the wet sand, the tide washing every now and again against their ankles.

Helen nodded, thinking she had just had the best four days of her life.

'I would like that,' Sirius said wistfully.

Helen nudged him and shook her head at him for being sad, her lips smiling slightly. Sirius grinned as she began running ahead before stopping, eventually, and sitting on the sand. James and Sirius shouted after her, laughing and following her example.

They kept on talking as they watched the amber sunset.

'It's beautiful,' Helen murmured, looking at the fiery orb in the sky.

Sirius stared at Helen and thought how he didn't think he would ever see anything as beautiful as the girl in front of him.

Helen caught Sirius staring at her.

'What's wrong?' she asked, puzzled.

'Nothing… I was just thinking of how you looked… never mind,' Sirius said, looking back at the sun.

Helen looked to James who managed to keep a straight face and shrugged before she stared hard at Sirius. She gave up and returned her gaze to the sunset, quite confused.

* * *

'I don't think so, James. I might add that your ideas these holidays have not been the best,' Helen said, as James offered her a shot of firewhisky.

'Come on… it's just one to celebrate our time together.'

Helen glowered at him and took the shot glass.

'Here's to freedom,' Helen said.

'Here's to love,' said James, grinning and exchanging a quick glance with Sirius.

'What?' Helen exclaimed, 'James, shut up. You make no sense... Now you've ruined the toast…'

'Here's to making this a tradition,' Sirius continued, raising his glass.

'No matter what… We'll stay 'forever young',' James said.

'Cheers,' Helen said, laughing, and they clicked their glasses and downed the drink.

Helen blinked and swallowed a lot after taking the shot, having never tried Firewhisky before.

'I... need… water,' she gasped, running to the sink and drinking a glass of water desperately whilst Sirius and James laughed at her.

* * *

'REMUS!' Helen cried, running up to him and hugging him as he entered through the fireplace.

'Hey! I missed you,' he laughed, hugging her back.

Helen spent much of the morning talking to Remus, catching up on holiday news, not noticing the furtive glances which Sirius shot them.

On Peter's arrival, however, she suddenly felt out of place in their group; like an intruder. They were the marauders, but she was not. Quietly, she sidled out of the room where they were, found a novel, and went outside into the warm afternoon.

'Why'd you leave?' Sirius asked, sitting next to her on the grass.

Helen looked up, in slight shock. She hadn't heard or seen him coming. Then again, she _was_ quite absorbed in Elizabeth's argument with Mr Darcy…

'I… I didn't want to intrude on your 'boy talk,'' Helen said truthfully.

Sirius looked at her a little strangely.

'Well… I'm not part of your group, even though I'm friends with most of you,' Helen shrugged.

Sirius looked at her, but did not press the subject any further. He stretched back on the grass, the sun's amber rays illuminating his skin.

Helen smiled to herself, but looked away quickly; she couldn't be caught staring at him like that.

After a while, however, bored with her Elizabeth and Mr Darcy's refusal just to get over themselves and admit that they were in love and, in the mood for something more interesting, she picked a lavender head from the bush next to her and tickled Sirius' nose lightly with it.

No reaction.

Helen then brushed his upper lip with it and smiled as Sirius, still eyes closed, waved at his face, obviously thinking it was a fly. Fighting to keep a straight face, Helen did it again and there was the same reaction. On the third time, however, and she was now shaking with silent laughter, Sirius opened his eyes suddenly and sat up, very annoyed.

'That stupid fly… ASTERIA! IT WAS YOU?' he shouted, glaring at her as she now burst out into unrestrained laughter.

Helen looked at him guiltily, smiling sweetly and still holding the lavender head.

'Don't give me that damn smile… it won't work on me,' Sirius reprimanded her.

Helen pouted.

Sirius pursed his lips and then turned around, making to get up.

'Come on,' Helen said, now serious, 'I was only joking…. ARGH!' she screamed, as Sirius turned around, suddenly and started tickling her.

'Stop it… haha,' Helen giggled, trying to slap him away as he continued, relentlessly

'Yeah… sure,' he laughed, trying to pin her hands down as he continued to tickle her.

'HELP!' Helen screamed, before relapsing into more giggles.

Helen couldn't help but blush a little as Sirius' fingers were running over her stomach and he leaned his weight on her legs so she couldn't escape.

'Ha…ha… SIRIUS… STOP… IT!' she gasped in between giggles.

Sirius paused, raising an eyebrow suggestively as he looked at Helen who was laying back, her chest heaving up and down and cheeks flushed, eyes glittering from her tears of laughter.

Suddenly, Helen sprung up and pushed Sirius to the ground, sitting on top of him as she started to tickle him, laughing as Sirius was now laughing uncontrollably. Sirius allowed this to continue for a while; mainly because he liked the touch of her hands on him. Despite what Helen liked to think, however, Sirius was stronger than her. His hands found her waist as he pushed her again to the ground again. Helen screamed but erupted into a fit of giggles again as he tickled her again. This time, however, her face was barely an inch from his…

The other three came running towards them.

'What's going on?' Remus said, wand ready as he looked at them, very confused.

Helen and Sirius sat up suddenly and looked at the others guiltily. They stared back at Helen and Sirius in disbelief.

Helen, unable to take the silence, cleared her throat and got up quickly, standing behind Remus.

'Ha! Now you can't keep doing that. You'll have to get past Remus,' Helen said, sticking her tongue out at Sirius who was laughing at her.

'Doing what, may I ask?' Remus asked, slightly mortified.

'Er…' Helen said, realising how stupid it sounded, 'tickling me,' she mumbled as Sirius kept on laughing at her.

'You may laugh all you like, Black, but you won't be when my protector is through with you,' Helen said gravely, sticking her nose in the air and grabbing onto Remus' arm before marching with him back to the house, leaving Peter and James to stare at Sirius with very confused expressions.

* * *

During dinner, Remus and Peter became even more confused with the situation as they gaped at how Sirius and Helen sat next to each other, laughed together and were so civil to each other: the last time they had seen them together at school they were duelling with much hate.

'So… are you two friends now?' Peter asked suddenly.

When both Sirius and Helen looked at each other uncertainly. James tactfully interjected with 'of course they are.'

'But I thought you hated each other?' the silly boy persevered.

Sirius now fully understood why Helen didn't like Peter.

'Peter. If they're friends, they obviously don't hate each other, right?' James said with infinite patience, before changing the subject to quidditch. It did not escape his notice, however, that both Helen and Sirius hardly talked to each other for the rest of dinner after Peter's comments.

* * *

'They're sharing a room? Is that a good idea?' Remus asked incredulously as Helen and Sirius went to their bedroom.

Of course, there was another reason as to why Remus didn't want Helen to share a room with Sirius, but he wasn't about to state it in the open.

Helen, James and Sirius exchanged glances.

'Of course not,' Helen said seriously. Then she put a pining expression on her face. 'I would much rather it were you, Remus… alone, together, at night, with no one to interrupt us,' she said, walking up to him and placing a hand on his chest as Remus looked up at her in fascinated horror, 'but it seems James wants to keep you for himself,' she added bitterly, removing her hand and glaring at James who was beside himself with laughter, although she didn't know it was because of the mutinous look which Sirius had on his face.

Remus took a step away from Helen.

'Hey, you can take him, by all means,' James laughed, pushing Remus back next to Helen.

Helen giggled, grabbing hold of Remus' arm.

'Er… it's okay… I'll stay with James,' Remus stammered, blushing furiously.

Helen let go of Remus' arm.

'Well, fine then,' she snapped, pretending to be highly affronted, marching past the others with her nose in the air to her bedroom and slamming the door behind her.

'You might not want to go there for a while,' Peter said, looking at the shut door with fear as Sirius made his way to go to bed.

'Hmm, good point,' Sirius said thoughtfully.

The truth was, he wanted to go there right away. He wanted to know if it was true; if Helen really did want Remus and she didn't want him at all. Today she had spent a lot of time talking to Remus and, after that display, he was surer than ever that Helen truly did like Remus.

'She would never spend the whole day talking like that to you,' he thought to himself bitterly.

Sirius shrugged.

'The way I see it, her temper will still be the same in an hour as it is now. I suppose I had better just get it over with,' he said, advancing to the door stoically.

James laughed. He knew Helen well enough, after all, to know that she was just joking and that she wasn't actually mad at Remus, but acting.

* * *

Sirius knocked the door.

'Come in,' he heard Helen call.

He walked in and cursed James for the arrangement upon seeing Helen. She was wearing a white nightdress and her long hair was out of its ponytail, hanging to her waist.

'I'm sleeping in this bed because I have throughout the whole week,' Helen said, getting into the bed closest to the window.

Sirius shrugged.

'I don't mind,' he said, sitting down on his own bed and taking off his shoes.

'I'll turn around so you can get undressed,' Helen said, turning to face the window.

'Don't need to,' Sirius shrugged, taking off his t-shirt and jeans so that he was just in his a singlet and boxer shorts.

Helen felt herself redden as she noted his well-sculptured chest and arms. She pursed her lips, smiling slightly as she lay back in bed and stared at the ceiling.

Sirius had noticed this.

'Like anything you see?' he asked cheekily, getting into his bed.

Helen leaned over and turned her lamp off.

'Admit it, _ma cherie. _You love me,' Sirius continued, leaning onto his elbow and looking at her.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Oh Sirius, I'm just _pining _for your love… all these years, living with unrequited love… it's… unbearable. I've tried to dilute my love for you by having many affairs with other men, but they cannot compete with you. One of your kisses affects me more than all of theirs put together,' Helen said sarcastically.

Sirius blinked, but then noted the sarcasm.

'Really?' he asked hopefully.

'No,' Helen said shortly.

Sirius sighed. 'I didn't think so… do you like Remus?' he asked, before he could stop himself.

Helen looked at Sirius for a second and her expression was unreadable. She leaned forward and Sirius' heart beat hopefully. He felt the sinking feeling of disappointment; however, when he realised that she had only leaned forward to turn off his light.

'Goodnight Sirius,' Helen said, turning to face the window.

Sirius' heart sank. It was true. She really did like Remus.

'Goodnight Helen,' he sighed, staring at her back, wishing that she would like him just as much as he liked her.

* * *

It was two am and Helen sat up, fed up. She needed to sleep, but couldn't.

She turned to look at Sirius in the next bed, knowing she couldn't do this to herself; to look at him like that, but found she couldn't turn away her gaze either. She didn't know why, but she had this mad desire for him to want her, to feel that electricity again when he kissed her.

How long did she stare at him like that? For how many hours? Only once the sky began to lighten did her heavy eyelids droop into a deep sleep.

'You know? I don't understand what they're doing,' Sirius heard Remus say from outside their bedroom. He opened his eyes and saw Helen sleeping in the bed opposite him. He smiled at how peaceful and beautiful she looked, the rays of sunlight illuminating her golden skin.

'Sirius? Helen?' James said, knocking on the door.

Sirius sighed and went quietly to the door.

'What's wrong? It's nine already!' James said, looking at Sirius suspiciously.

'Sh! She's still sleeping,' Sirius whispered, looking back at Helen.

Remus and Peter exchanged confused looks.

Sirius ignored them and went to the bathroom to get changed.

Half an hour later, Helen woke up and went down the stairs to see the boys talking in the living room.

'Afternoon,' James said, eyeing her shrewdly.

'I distinctly remember you sleeping for half an hour longer than I did today, on Wednesday,' Helen snapped, slumping on the couch next to Remus, whom she shot a dirty look.

'I didn't mean it like that,' Remus said, genuinely surprised that Helen was still angry.

'Really?' Helen asked quietly, having fun with her act and not willing to give it up just yet.

'Remus takes things way too seriously,' Helen thought to herself.

Remus nodded his head, not sure why Helen was acting so strangely these holidays.

'Of course not, I was only joking,' Remus reassured her.

Helen smiled and Sirius looked at the two of them apprehensively.

'I think we can play quidditch now,' James said suddenly, getting up and grabbing Helen's arm and leading her away from Remus.

* * *

That night, Helen went to bed early and was already asleep, or so Sirius thought, by the time Sirius came to bed. He undressed in the dark, careful not to wake her. He sat on his bed, staring at her in the dark for a long time and wondered if they would keep getting along now that they were going back to school tomorrow. Helen, who was still awake, noticed this and wondered why he was doing it.

She allowed herself, for the first time, to hope.

* * *

**Hmmm... ****Can't say anymore... **

**So, thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter and keep it up! I would love to hear your views on this chapter.**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	21. Chapter 25: I Hate How Much I Love You

_**"You hurt me more than I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more than you deserve. Why am I such a fool?"

* * *

**_

I Hate How Much I Love You

The next morning, as they were packing their bags for the train, Helen noticed Sirius hovering uncertainly near her. She looked up at him questioningly and he took her by the arm and led her outside, not looking at her until they arrived under the same tree where Sirius had tickled her.

Helen looked into his eyes, trying to understand what was going on.

'I-' he started, catching himself and biting his lip. He took a deep breath and looked elsewhere. He found he couldn't think properly when he looked into her eyes.

Helen raised her eyebrows, waiting.

'You... um… er…'

Suddenly, Helen didn't know what possessed her. She took a step towards him and kissed him. Sirius was so shocked at this that he sprung back and pushed her away. Upon seeing Helen's face, which wore an expression of pure horror, however, Sirius realised exactly what had just happened and exactly what he had just done. Without a further word, she turned on her heel and ran back into the house.

Sirius knew he should run after her; try and tell her that that was exactly what he wanted, but his legs didn't move. When it fully hit him, however, that by doing nothing he may have effectively ruined any chances with Helen, he ran as fast as he could back to the house. He had to talk with her now- to make her realise that it was a misunderstanding.

As soon as Sirius entered through the front door, however:

'Let's go dear, in the car,' Mrs Potter said, pushing Sirius back out of the house.

'But…' Sirius stammered, looking around for Helen.

He sat glumly in the car, James and Peter joining him immediately; joking and laughing and completely oblivious to the fact that his world was, at the moment, looking as bleak and black as his last name. Five minutes later, he saw Helen leave the house with Remus as they finally got in the car.

Helen avoided Sirius' eyes as though they belonged to a basilisk throughout the whole journey, giving forced smiles to James' jokes and talking, every now and then, to Remus. Meanwhile, Sirius cursed himself over and over for not reacting by kissing her back. He wasn't sure Helen's temper would listen to his reasoning either.

Helen was the first to say goodbye to Mrs Potter and disappeared very quickly after she had done so. On the train, Sirius left his friends to search for her. She was nowhere to be found. After half an hour, he finally managed to locate Helen walking alone down a corridor, muttering to herself in Greek in a very frustrated manner. He grabbed her arm. She turned around and he saw her hazel eyes widen as she registered it was him.

'Helen, please!' he said, as she turned to leave.

Helen turned to face him, reluctantly. She avoided his eyes at all costs.

'I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me,' Helen said distantly, still not looking at him. She felt like such a fool for reading little things to mean that he liked her.

'No, Helen, I…'

But at that moment, Sirius was cut short as he was spun around and kissed fully and passionately on the lips by Gwen Harris, a Ravenclaw girl he was rumoured to go out with before school was out. Helen's eyes widened and she felt the sudden urge to throw up. She was running away from them as fast as she could when she ran into Lily.

'HELEN!' Lily said, hugging Helen who was fighting to keep her temper in check.

'What's wrong?' she asked, noticing Helen's face.

'Um… nothing,' Helen said, shaking her head and putting on a radiant smile.

She was silly before, but no more. Sirius and she were always enemies. She had seen a different side of him in the holidays, but now is what counted and the Sirius she had just seen was the one she despised.

Lily and Helen found an empty compartment and started talking about the holidays and how wonderful it was that Lily was made prefect. Helen listened mostly and spoke very little- it was easier to listen.

Rain started to patter the windows and Helen felt her façade washing away. She couldn't understand why Sirius wouldn't want her. Almost ever boy in the school wanted her! These thoughts pervaded Helen's mind whilst she smiled and pretended to listen to Lily.

After a few hours, there was a knock on the door and James sidled in.

'Hey Evans,' he said, grinning at her.

Lily gave him a cold look before turning to the window.

James sighed in defeat. He then turned to Helen, who was looking at him with a scrutinizing gaze; did he know?

'What's wrong?' he asked, sitting next to Helen.

Helen forced a smile which she was sure James could see through.

'Wrong? Nothing! Why, we're going back to school! Everything's great!' she said, cringing as she heard the falseness in her tone.

James considered her for a second before shrugging.

Lily cleared her throat.

'Want a cough drop?' James offered.

'Cough drop- no. You to leave-yes,' Lily snapped.

Helen smiled at James apologetically, who rolled his eyes and got up reluctantly.

'Well, see you later,' he said, leaving the compartment.

* * *

Helen did not look at Sirius throughout all of dinner. Instead, she chatted animatedly to Remus; flashing him radiant smiles and, in doing so, incensing Sirius even more. He lost track of her when dinner finished, searching for her desperately in the crowd.

'Who're you looking for?' James asked, thinking he had a pretty good idea who it was.

Sirius looked at James in despair.

'Mate… what happened?' James said, noticing Sirius' sullen attitude throughout the feast.

Sirius looked around and dragged James into an empty classroom.

'I fucked it up so badly. She… she kissed me just before we left… I didn't realise what was happening and so I pushed her away. Then, the next thing I know, she's gone back to the house and won't even look at me,' Sirius said mournfully.

'Helen kissed you?' James asked, surprised.

Sirius nodded his head.

'That's good, though! It means she likes you! Just talk to her and explain you didn't realise what was going on,' James laughed, clapping Sirius on the shoulder.

Sirius laughed bitterly.

'I wish that was all,' he said, picking insistently at the peeling paint on the wall.

'Why, what else happened?' James asked.

Sirius sighed and turned to face James.

'I tried to find her on the train… when I did- just as I was about to apologize and try and make up- bloody Gwen runs up to me and starts snogging me- IN FRONT OF HER,' Sirius said, cursing Gwen and himself for ever making out with her last term.

'You pushed her away, right?' James asked, horrified.

He knew what this would signal.

'Helen had already gone by that time,' Sirius said morosely.

James smiled at Sirius apologetically.

'Maybe you should let me talk to her?' he offered.

'No. No way. She hates me. That's it. I blew it, end of a story. Anyway, she likes Remus, not me,' Sirius added bitterly, as they walked out of the classroom.

* * *

Helen definitely did start hating Sirius. No one noticed, but she had felt so confused and hurt. She had allowed herself to admit to herself that she liked Sirius during the holidays; allowed herself to hope that perhaps he returned those feelings which had consumed her mind then and still did now. Each time she saw him talking to another girl, she would feel that sinking feeling in her heart.

Why didn't he like her?

What was there so special about girls like Gwen and Marina that he liked them, yet he couldn't even return her kiss?

What was he doing during the holidays then?

The hand-holding, the stolen glances… the staring during the night?

This made Helen even more confused and upset and she hated him for it. She hated him because, try as she might, she liked him now and she couldn't stop. She tried, very hard, to counter these feelings by having distractions again. This, however, just made it worse for her as she kept on wishing that Sirius was half as willing to like her as those faceless boys.

Sirius felt angry each time he saw Helen walk off with some guy. It was always a different one- he never saw her with the same one. It drove him more crazy than he could have ever imagined and it made him hate her, but want her even more. His nights were consumed with the same thought, repeating itself over and over in his head; would things have turned out differently if he had kissed her back? Was there the possibility that she liked him just a little bit during the holidays? These questions played over in his mind constantly and became more insistent whenever he saw her; creating a frustrating longing just to get rid of whoever she was with on the day, grab her and kiss her. He also tried, by going out with many girls, to rid himself of his ever-present feelings for Helen.

He hated her now, but liked her more than ever.

As with Helen, however, these attempts were futile because whenever he was with those girls, he despised them for not being Helen and for being so easy to achieve.

* * *

'James Potter.'

James looked up at Helen from the desk on which he and Sirius were finishing their homework in the Common Room.

'James is fine,' he grinned, wondering what had made Helen mad now.

'Don't give me that rubbish. I would like to know why the Hospital Wing is suddenly filled with boys who are linked to me,' Helen snapped.

'Really? How are they linked to you?' James asked, pretending to be surprised.

Of course he was very well aware of how, but he wasn't about to state it in front of Helen- especially when she was as incensed as she looked at present. He now knew Helen well enough not to provoke her when she was angry- she was downright dangerous.

'Don't play dumb. You know I was with them. People are now talking of an 'Asteria curse.' I would like to know who gave you the authority to beat up my interludes,' she continued, very snappily.

'Hang on… how many are there in the hospital wing who are 'linked' to you?' James asked, amused now.

'Seven,' Helen said hotly.

'Seven! You've been in the broom cupboard with seven different guys this past week? What is it? One a day?' James exclaimed.

Helen blushed a little.

'Don't tell me how to live my life. You had no right to hex them. I can take care of myself,' Helen snapped.

'Oh, but I didn't hex them,' James said, exchanging a quick glance with Sirius.

Helen's eye fell on Sirius and she suddenly had a very good idea as to how her 'distractions' were becoming mysteriously injured and then confuded so as to not know who their attacker was. She stared levelly at Sirius who returned her gaze unflinchingly. Eventually, she shook her head and turned around and left the table without another word.

'I think she knows, mate,' James said, kicking Sirius under the table.

'What?' Sirius asked, staring after Helen.

'I said- oh snap out of it! She knows you've been hexing her 'distractions.''

'Maybe she'll stop having them, then,' Sirius said mutinously, crossing out a line in his essay with such force that he put a hole through the parchment.

* * *

Months passed and it was soon December. Helen was still having distractions (she found that the 'Asteria curse' did not put too many off) and Sirius was more sought out by the general female population of Hogwarts than ever.

'Now, class, I am sure you are all aware that the Yule Ball is to be held on Christmas night this year and you are all allowed, in fact expected, to attend,' Professor McGonagall said on the 1st of December after class had finished.

Sirius and James exchanged significant looks.

'You are all to wear dress robes and may take a dance partner of your choice, should you wish,' McGonagall said.

Helen and Lily looked at each other.

'Maybe you should just go with him,' Helen whispered, knowing what Lily was thinking.

Lily smiled a little.

As they were packing their bags, Helen caught James' eye and nodded her head towards Lily who was already leaving.

'Hey, Evans!' James called after her.

Lily waited, looking at him expectantly.

'I…er… will you go with me to the ball?' James asked hopefully with a small, lopsided smile which Lily, although she would die before she admitted it, thought was rather cute.

She stared at him for a whole minute.

Helen saw James holding his breath and began to wonder if Lily knew that she would play a part in James' premature death by suffocation in delaying her response. After all, Helen wouldn't put it past Lily to do such a thing.

'Yes,' she said, finally and barely audibly.

'Yes?' James repeated, not sure he caught it.

'Oh for goodness' sakes- yes!' Lily snapped, sweeping out of the classroom and leaving James rooted to the spot, overjoyed.

Sirius caught Helen's eye. They stared at each other for a while before Helen merely looked away and turned to James and congratulated him.

* * *

'Maybe Potter's not that bad,' Lily said, that night, lying back in bed.

Helen smiled.

'No, I don't think he's that bad…' she said ironically.

'I'll never understand how you two are friends. He's such an arrogant…'

Helen shook her head.

'No. He's not, really. I mean, sure- he's got a huge ego and I'd be lying if I said he wasn't arrogant and downright insufferable at times but, generally, he's really nice and thoughtful and a great friend. It's just that he always gets nervous or embarrassed around you, so I think you only see his bad side because he tries to get your attention,' Helen said, thoughtfully.

Lily shrugged.

'Maybe… we'll see if he behaves himself at the Yule Ball. Who are you going with? Have you accepted anyone yet? I saw St Claire asking you today,' Lily asked, looking at Helen who bit her lip.

'No… no, I haven't accepted anyone. I'm not going,' Helen said, staring out of the window by her bed at the night sky, but turning away as she saw the star Sirius. She sighed, frustrated.

Did everything have to remind her of him?

Lily sat up.

'What do you mean, you're not going? Of course you have to go!' she exclaimed.

Helen shook her head.

'No. I don't really want to go anymore. It'll be a waste of time anyway, seeing as there's no one I like who would ask me, and I don't want to spend a whole night; not to mention the preparations etc, on someone like St Claire,' Helen said.

Lily surveyed Helen for a while.

'Why don't you ask someone like Remus to go? You're friends, and it would be fun! Come on, please go!' Lily pouted.

Helen laughed.

'No. I don't ask guys…' she said, her mind trailing back to the holidays and how she explained her philosophies on such matters to Sirius and James. She grimaced as she thought of Sirius who, no doubt, would go to the ball with someone who was not her and give her his attention for a whole night.

'I hate Sirius Black,' Helen thought to herself for the millionth time since starting school.

If only it were true. It would make her life much easier.

* * *

**ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:**

**Now, for this chapter I owe special thanks to A-Lady for the idea of 'I Hate How Much I Love You' and to Isabelle896 for her amusing suggestion to have Helen's distractions mysteriously end up in the hospital wing.**

**Many thanks to you both!**

**I would have put this acknowledgement at the start, but I didn't want to give anything away…**

**MY RAMBLINGS:**

**Oh no! Again! Whatever will happen? Ah, the drama!**

**A rather short next chapter. Let's just say, however, that Helen **_**will **_**be going to the Yule Ball. WHO WITH? Who will be the lucky guy? **

**SO.**

**Here's the deal:**

**I want many many MANY comments from each and every one of you - ****(notice how I didn't use the 'r' word).**

**If I am satisfied with the overwhelming number of reviews, I may be nice and upload the next chapter tomorrow…**

**If I get a decent amount… maybe in a week.**

**If I get a pathetic amount… maybe never.**

**COULD I BE SO EVIL???**

**Okay, fine. I you would get it next year.**

**So… get typing because it takes- literally- a minute of your time to show that you appreciate the hours which I spend writing for you all. **

**Lots of love, Anya**


	22. Chapter 26: Would You Do Me the Honour

'_**Love is blind. Friendship tries not to notice.' Anonymous

* * *

**_

Would You Do Me the Honour?

'Why are you ignoring me? You lead me on and used me for what? Answer me!... '

She rolled her eyes and kept on walking. She pondered showing him exactly what it meant to speak to her in such a manner, but decided that he wasn't the effort of reaching into her robes and finding her wand.

'You know what? You're a heartless bitch. That's right. A selfish slut…'

'Whittaker! What foul language is that? I won't allow it. Not in my library, not anywhere in Hogwarts. That's fifteen points from Ravenclaw and you can help me sort out these books right now.'

'But… Madam Pince…'

'Now, Whittaker,' the librarian said in a low, menacing voice.

The boy sighed and stared after the creature who had caused him such frustration as she walked on; apparently oblivious of him.

Helen, the reason for Whittaker's punishment, walked over to the desks and placed her books down next to Remus with a sigh.

'And… another one bites the dust.' Remus said, sarcastically.

'Oh come on. I'm not _that_ bad. They're just all idiots… and so annoying! Why don't they just go away?' Helen asked; smiling, yet exasperated.

Remus sighed. He hated seeing Helen and her 'distractions.' He felt she was above such things and did not understand why she did it.

'Perhaps if you were a little more structured in your relationships…'

'Hang on! They don't count as relationships. They're just…. I don't know… I guess you could call them distractions. I mean, if I was serious about them, they would dump me eventually anyway. In this case, they don't get the chance. Honestly, it's a win-win situation! Everyone has their fun- He gets to say he's 'made out with Asteria' in the broom cupboard and I get a distraction from my school work, quidditch and music with no strings attached. I couldn't think of a better situation!' Helen said brightly.

Secretly, she could think of a much better situation. One which, the way Sirius was behaving with a certain Alyssa Chambers as of late, would never become a reality.

'Well I suppose we merely hold divergent opinions as to what 'the perfect situation' comprises,' Remus said stiffly, shrugging.

He too could think of a much better situation, though he would never say it.

'I suppose we do,' Helen said nonchalantly. 'Anyway, I have so much to get through… Quidditch practise takes up way too much of my time... I wonder if it's really worth it at times… oh well, my potions report awaits me!' she said, clearing her mind of all the trivial issues in her life and applying her mind solely to the task at hand.

* * *

After working for nearly two and a half hours in silence, Madam Pince came to the table.

'It's time to pack up. Curfew is in ten minutes,' she snapped at them, before sweeping off to re-shelf a book which a student had left on a desk, muttering under her breath about the lack of respect which students had for her library.

Helen and Remus gathered their books and walked out of the library towards the common room.

'I can't believe the term's over tomorrow and Christmas is in two weeks! I'm kind of glad, though, because it will be a fantastic opportunity to get ahead in my reading and make sure all my notes and homework is up to date… Are you staying at Hogwarts?' Helen asked, looking up at Remus.

'Ah… yes. I promised James I would go to the Yule Ball. Speaking of which- you are going, right?' Remus asked, looking at Helen with an expression which Helen could not quite understand.

'Me? Oh, no… I wasn't planning on going anymore...' she said uncomfortably.

'I'm sure you've been asked by many guys, though.' Remus said knowingly.

'Well, I have. The problem is that it's so very public and I don't really want to be put in the position where I can't escape. It's not like being alone in a corridor or something where you can just walk away. You actually have an obligation to stay with someone for the whole duration of the ball. Don't get me wrong: that wouldn't be a problem if someone who I knew or liked but, as it happens, no such person has asked me so… I'm not going! What about you? Who are you taking?' Helen asked, trying to change the subject from her own pathetic situation.

She had decided that she would give up liking Sirius after Christmas, no matter what, and get on with her life. It was quite sad, she admitted to herself the other night, that she was not going to the Yule Ball because she didn't want to see him with some other girl.

Remus cleared his throat quickly.

'Oh, um, well… I want to take this one girl… but I don't know how to ask her,' he said shyly.

'What? Oh, come on, don't be silly!' Helen laughed. 'Just go up to her and say; 'would you like to go with me to the Yule ball?' Honestly, it's no big deal!' she said. She never thought that Remus was _that_ shy.

'Well, if it's 'no big deal,' why don't you ask someone to go with you?' Remus retorted, eyebrows raised.

'Aha! That is quite different for me. A girl can't ask a guy. That would be degrading and wrong. I am not a traditionalist, but some things just aren't right and that is one of them.' Helen said, nodding her head assertively. 'I mean, imagine if I were turned down?' Helen added, horrified at the thought of it.

Remus ignored this last statement.

'So what did I have to ask, again?' he asked, looking up at Helen.

Helen looked at him incredulously. Something very strange was happening to Remus. She wondered if full moon was approaching…

'Honestly, Remus! You are a very intelligent person, but I fear you are lacking experience in such matters. Simply ask her- 'would you like to go with me to the Yule ball?' Helen laughed.

'Ok, ok.' Remus said.

He stopped walking.

'Why have we stopped?' Helen asked, raising her eyebrows quizzically and also stopping.

'Will you go with me to the Yule ball?' Remus asked.

'Yes! That's perfect. Then she will say yes and you will have a dandy time. Come on now, or else we'll be late for curfew….. Why are you still standing there?' Helen demanded, starting to worry about Remus' unusual behaviour.

Remus shook his head.

'I meant- will _you_ go with me to the Yule ball? I'm asking you,' Remus said, very quietly and shyly, biting his lip hesitantly as he looked up hopefully into Helen's eyes.

Helen didn't seem to register what Remus had just asked her until it hit her a minute later.

'What? Me? Haha, Remus... You want _me _to go with you?' she asked in a low voice, shocked.

Remus pursed his lips and nodded- as though he was expecting her response.

'I shouldn't have asked. It was silly... Of course you wouldn't want to go with me,' said Remus bitterly, walking very briskly ahead, his cheeks a deep scarlet hue.

Helen blinked, before smiling and running up to catch up to Remus.

'Hey… Hey! Wait up!' she shouted, grabbing his arm. 'What's wrong with you? Of course I'll go with you! Why did you ever think I wouldn't?' she asked incredulously.

Remus could hardly suppress a huge grin from spreading across his face. Helen did not notice this, but kept talking…

'I just need to get a dress now…' she pondered. Suddenly, she turned to him and said, rather seriously, her eyebrows raised: 'you _will _promise me, however, that it won't get mushy or anything?'

Remus gave Helen a wry smile.

'Of course, Mademoiselle,' he said, offering her his arm as she stepped through the portrait hole.

* * *

'I can't believe you're not going to the Yule Ball,' Lily said, annoyed, that night.

Helen smiled a little.

'I am,' she said quietly.

Lily sat up and looked at Helen quizzically.

'With who?' she asked.

Helen would have wished it were someone else. She shook her head. She was going with Remus and she was going to get over Sirius. The whole situation was really starting to get ridiculous- not to mention futile.

'Remus,' Helen shrugged, lying back on her bed and staring at the night sky.

Lily squealed excitedly.

'Did he ask you?' she asked, jumping up and sitting on Helen's bed.

Helen looked up at Lily with a small smile.

'Yes,' she said, simply.

'When?' Lily asked, obviously keen for details.

Lily had often said that Helen and Remus would be well-suited to each other.

'Today… about an hour ago,' Helen shrugged, stifling a yawn.

'At least I'll be able to sleep once Christmas is over,' Helen thought, sighing as she wondered who Sirius had asked to the ball.

Lily laughed.

'Aren't you excited now?' she asked happily.

Helen frowned.

'Er… I guess,' she lied.

Lily smiled and left Helen, positively bouncing now that her best friend was also going to the ball now.

* * *

'Mate, you need to ask someone already!' James called out to Sirius, who was brushing his teeth. He realised that he had always taken care to brush his teeth well ever since that disastrous Christmas night of their second year.

Sirius rolled his eyes and entered their dorm again.

'I told you, already. I don't want to,' Sirius said through clenched teeth.

'So you- the 'ladies' man extraordinaire'- as you call yourself, will go to the ball dateless?' Remus piped up, amused.

'I won't be limiting my options this way. It's actually quite a good idea- I don't know why none of you can see that! This way, I won't be tied down to any one girl,' Sirius said thoughtfully.

Truth be told, he was still trying to find a way to placate Helen so that he might be able to ask her- though he wasn't counting on it. They seemed to be on worse terms now, than ever.

'None of the good-looking ones will be dateless,' James pointed out.

Sirius shrugged and lay back in the bed. He honestly didn't care. They were all stupid anyway- unlike… He shook his head. He really had to get over that damn Asteria.

James sighed, suspecting the truth as to why Sirius hadn't asked anyone yet. He turned to Remus.

'Have you asked anyone yet? You really should get a move on too…'

Remus blushed and looked down.

James grinned and looked intently at Remus.

'Who is it? Who did you ask?' Peter asked, sitting up, intrigued.

Remus mumbled the name.

'Who?' Sirius asked loudly. He couldn't help that his temper with Remus had become short since the holidays. Of course, the fact that Helen was so close with, and the fact that he was sure that she liked Remus didn't help his cause.

'I… I asked Helen,' Remus admitted.

There was a loud crash and James wrenched open Sirius' hangings to find that his best friend had fallen off his bed and his face was white.

Sirius exchanged a significant glance with James and, immediately, James knew that they would be using the cloak to talk once the others had fallen asleep.

He sighed. Things were about to become awkward with their group.

Peter stared at Remus, pursing his lips and not saying anything.

Why could he never get what he wanted?

* * *

'**So. Do you remember, in their first year, how Remus wanted to put some girl's name down for the bet? Any ideas who that was now? (I think you've all figured it out by now, though. It's pretty obvious he likes Helen).**

**Anyway, so what will happen now with the love triangle? **

**Someone is bound to get hurt… or angry.**

**In the next chapter Helen will be stuck in detention with Sirius. Not the first time it's happened, but things have changed since their detentions in 4****th**** year, haven't they?**

**Oh, and did you notice Peter's little quiet reaction? Hmmm.**

**Many thanks to those who have been reviewing. I am very glad with the response which I received for the last chapter!As you know, I love my feedback and the same rules from the last chapter regarding updates shall be applying to this one….**

**So get writing!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	23. Chapter 27: Duelling Forces

_**"Hate is a disguised form of love.  
You can only hate someone that you have the capacity to love because if you are really indifferent,  
you cannot even get up enough energy to hate him"**_

- **Sri Chinmoy**

**

* * *

**

Duelling Forces

Sirius had had it with Helen. It was really getting ridiculous. She had accepted Remus' invitation to the Yule Ball. It was more obvious to him now than ever that Remus was the one who she wanted. Sirius couldn't understand it, but that was how it was. The only thing he could do now was to get over her. He got up and went down to the now deserted common room. It was, after all, 3 am.

He was going to get rid of her once and for all. He took out a piece of parchment and a quill, and started writing:

REASONS WHY I HATE HELEN ASTERIA

1) She's annoying

2) She's a know-it-all

3) She 'gets around' way too much

4) She's trouble… recall what happened to her distractions. Even though their ending up in the hospital wing is my fault; she leaves them all broken-hearted. Sirius Black cannot be broken-hearted. It would ruin my reputation as a nonchalant bachelor.

5) She's in love with Remus. (i.e. not me).

6) She's too pretty. Recall the moral of the 'deadly nightshade' plant- beautiful, but deadly.

7) She's violent- especially towards me. She has broken my nose, several ribs; caused me to fall over ( and consequently breaking my arm), cut me up with hexes in the manner of a butcher etc. (can't remember countless acts of violence she has committed towards me…. I'd be here forever)

8) She hates me. Obviously, it was a lost cause from the beginning.

9) She's too smart. Imagine the shame of being with someone who beat you in class.

10) She's been a nerd her whole life. She lives in the library whereas I use James' invisibility cloak to go there so as not to be seen...and only when I'm in a desperate situation anyway.

11) She thinks she's better than me at quidditch. She may be okay, but not better than me… shows over-developed drive of competition.

12) She is way too competitive. For some reason, feels the need to be the best at everything she does. Whilst I am also quite good (in fact, excellent) at everything I do, she takes the thing way too far. She probably treats her relationships as competitions too.

13) She plays the stupid hard-to-get game which is the most bloody annoying thing a girl can do. Not sure if she does it deliberately…

14) Come to think of it, she has never been in a proper relationship. Whilst I do not 'commit' to girls either, it seems as though she may take the title of 'commitment phobic' which would mean that she would dump anyone at the drop of a hat. I cannot ever be dumped by a girl.

15) She has made me reconsider my views on girls which is not good. Recall last week when refused sexual favours from Alyssa Chambers because I kept on thinking of Asteria. This could potentially ruin my manliness if it continues.

16) She doesn't have any girl-friends other than Lily. If the general female population stay away from her, it must signal something bad. Whilst I am not exactly sure what this bad thing is, I believe I should just take it as a sign to stay away from her too.

17) I have no date to the Yule Ball because of her: It's all her fault.

18) She is just as tall as me. That's not right. Again shows an over-developed sense of competition.

19) I feel strange when I kiss her. Doesn't happen with anyone else

20) She shouts at me too much. Imagine being married! She would be breathing down my neck 24/7

21) I'm even thinking of marriage now… fuck.

22) She may be responsible for making me want to give up my bachelor-hood. I am 15 and should definitely not be thinking of committing such a travesty as marriage…. Ever.

23) James says she's like a sister to him, so I just shouldn't go there... Recall disastrous argument when he asked her to join quidditch team. No girl should ever come between our friendship.

24) She's friends with Snivellus. I need say no more

25) She likes spending time with Snivellus… What the hell?

26) Her enjoyment of the company of that slimy git confirms my original suspicions that she is truly mad.

27) She is friends with Evans… as in crazy red-haired, hot-tempered Evans. Two crazy girls together. Makes sense. I really should also warn James of this new revelation…

28) I haven't had a decent night's sleep for so long -all her fault.

29) There were fewer issues in my life when I hated her. She is screwing up everything I've worked my whole life to achieve. Recall yesterday when dropped wrong ingredient in potion because was too busy staring at her. This could have potentially resulted in my premature death… I always knew she was a murderer.

30) She is a murderer.

31) She is still going to the ball with Remus.

32) I am still trying to convince myself that I hate her.

33) I am fucking awake at 3:30 am, writing this list.

34) I hate Helen Asteria. End of story.

Sirius sighed and looked at the list. It was the most ridiculous thing he had ever done in his entire life. He smiled bitterly... God help him if anyone ever found that list. He would probably be locked up in the St Mungos Ward for the Psychologically Unstable.

'So, Sirius,' he said to himself. 'Do you still like Helen Asteria?'

He knew that nothing he had done in this past half an hour had changed the answer to this question. Shaking his head at himself, her took the parchment with him and went wearily back to his dormitory. At least he was tired now. Perhaps he would get a little sleep tonight…

* * *

It was the last class of term before the Christmas holidays, and it was Transfiguration. Helen herself was finding it hard to concentrate and was resigned to dictate McGonagall, and understand her later. She sat next to Lily who, unlike herself, was paying full attention to the lecture. 

McGonagall suddenly paused and looked sternly towards the back of the classroom.

'That is enough! Potter, Black, I will not tolerate such behaviour in my class. You two will separate, permanently, in my classes. Potter; you sit here next to Miss Evans and, forgive me, Miss Asteria, but I'm going to have to ask you to move to the back with Mr Black.' McGonagall said apologetically.

The last thing Helen felt she needed at the moment was to have another reason to distract her during class. She most definitely did not want to be stuck next to Sirius- to be constantly reminded of what she hated and, incidentally, could never have.

'What! Professor, please, why do I have to sit next to _him?_ Can't I sit next to James?_'_ Helen pleaded.

Professor McGonagall's plan actually did not make much sense to Helen at all. Helen got along charmingly well with James- and they would be sure not to cause too much trouble together. Putting James next to Lily, however, was a recipe for disaster as he was bound to say something which would incense Lily, causing an argument to erupt. As to why McGonagall thought that seating her next to Sirius would be a wise idea, Helen could come up with no plausible reason to justify her professor's decision. They had duelled almost each time they sat near each other since they started at Hogwarts and the situation now was just as bad now as it was when they started. If time had proven one thing, it was that they could not work near each other.

Helen silently thought that Professor McGonagall could do with a few lessons in logic...

'I am sorry, but this is the only arrangement in which I can see all members of my class working productively,' McGonagall said in her tone which meant that the discussion was closed.

Helen glowered at McGonagall, packed away her things and moved towards the now vacant seat next to Sirius. Lily herself did not look too overjoyed with the situation herself as James, grinning, sat next to her.

Helen sat down with her back to Sirius. He had been staring at her all through Potions and she was very annoyed at him for doing so.

'You _do_ know that it is rude to sit with your back to someone.' Sirius whispered in her ear.

Helen was furious.

'Yes, but I can be exempted when the person whom I have my back to is you,' she said through clenched teeth, still keeping her back to him.

'…One person from each desk is to collect two snuff boxes. We shall be practising transfiguring it into a mouse for the rest of the lesson,' McGonagall called out.

'You can get them if you like,' Sirius yawned, tilting back on his chair.

'Thanks, I'll decline the offer,' Helen replied tartly.

'No, really: I insist,' he said, stretching his arms and looking at her with his eyebrows raised suggestively.

Helen glared at Sirius before clearing her throat and saying: _'accio snuff box, accio snuff box.'_

Two snuff boxes came whizzing towards their desk, where they stopped.

'Black! I said come and _collect _the boxes; not summon them! If you continue in this manner, I shall give you a detention,' snapped McGonagall.

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but saw Helen straining to keep a straight face in the background.

'Ha ha ha, very funny,' he said sarcastically.

'It is, isn't it?' Helen said mildly, transfiguring her snuff box at once into a mouse.

'Oh, very good, Miss Asteria. Very good indeed! And your first attempt too… Fifteen points to Gryffindor!' said McGonagall, beaming at Helen.

Sirius glared at his own attempt which had turned into a furry snuff box with a mouse head and a tail. He tried again. This time, however, it burst into flames.

Sirius found himself becoming very frustrated. Transfiguration was his best subject and he knew he could transfigure the snuff box easily... It was all Helen's fault that he couldn't concentrate. He was starting to really believe in point number 34. How could he ever have liked her?

'_Aguamenti_,' Helen said, pointing her wand at the box, extinguishing the flames.

'I know how to put out a flame. You don't have to be such a know-it-all, all the time,' snapped Sirius.

'And there's point number two for you,' Sirius thought.

He was in a very bad mood at present and felt very angry at Helen. He ran through his list of reasons for hating Helen again.

'Well, I think that is quite rich coming from you,' Helen snapped back at Sirius.

'Yeah?' he retorted.

'Yes. How many people have you hexed today on your way to transfiguration?'

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but then sneered.

'Well, I'm not known as a slut who sleeps with anyone who looks at me…'

Something white hot seared the side of Sirius' face. Helen had her wand pointed at his face, her face contorted in fury. Sirius responded with a stunning spell. Helen, however, was too quick; deflecting the spell and causing it to hit Peter, who keeled over.Helen had just sent a particularly nasty hex at Sirius when Professor McGonagall rushed over, deflecting it.

'What,' she said, her voice shaking dangerously, 'do you think you are doing?'

Both Helen and Sirius looked at their feet, silent.

'Detention! The both of you! Yes, Black, detention during holidays! Duelling during class? I have never witnessed such a disgraceful act.'

With a furious glare at the two of them, she turned on her heel and tended to Peter.

Helen and Sirius did not speak for the rest of the lesson. There were a few instances when Sirius attempted to speak, but caught himself each time. When the bell sounded for the end of class, Helen quickly packed away her bag and left without as much as a glance at anyone in the class. Sirius was sure he caught her wipe her eyes as she was leaving and, immediately, felt guilty.

* * *

'_What_ did you say to her?' Lily demanded of Sirius in the common room. 

'What? What do you mean?' said Sirius, startled at the ambush.

'Don't be ridiculous. She was crying in the girls' bathrooms just now and when she came out, well… I've never seen her that angry,' said Lily, almost more to herself than to Sirius.

'Really?' Sirius asked. He was genuinely surprised that his words had such a profound effect on Helen. He thought that she was so arrogant that insults simply bounced off her.

Lily glared at him.

'You're a right bastard…'

'Hey, don't you get all high and mighty on me! She said things to me too. She's not as innocent in this as you think,' said Sirius indignantly.

'Well, you obviously crossed the line. What did you say?'

'Hmmm, let's think... If I remember correctly, he practically called me a tramp.'

They both jumped, surprised at Helen's appearance.

'So? Do you, Lily, honestly think that I care about what _he_ thinks of me? Anyway, I wasn't crying about what he, or what anyone else may have said, about me… I… my mum's sick,' she said, holding up the fake scrunched up letter, her nose twitching; threatening tears.

At least she was a good actress, because she could never have Sirius Black knowing that he had made her cry.

'I'm so sorry,' they both said immediately.

'Anyway,' she said with a pointed nod at Sirius, 'McGonagall said detention's in the trophy room; 3 pm on Monday and that you're not to be late.'

With that, she turned to go to the girls' dormitories, Lily in her wake.

* * *

'You two,' barked McGonagall, 'are going to polish every single trophy in this room without magic. When you finish, I shall be in my office where you may come to alert me so that I may inspect your work. Mr Filch has kindly provided you with all that you shall need,' she said, looking at them sternly before slamming the door behind her. 

With a sigh, they both approached the sprays and cloths.

'How's your mum?' Sirius asked, tentatively.

'She's much better. Miraculous recovery apparently,' said Helen, shortly, starting to polish a trophy.

'Um… how do we use these?' asked Sirius, looking at the spray bottle dubiously.

'Well, it's not exactly difficult… you really just spray and wipe,' said Helen, with a sardonic smile.

Sirius lifted the bottle, trying to figure it out.

'As if you don't know how to use a spray! Haven't you used them in detention before?' she said, laughing as Sirius fumbled with the cap.

'No. He usually gives us a jar with cleaning product in it- not a spray. Anyway, we use magic to clean at home. We don't even clean, come to think of it… that's Kreacher's job,' he said with a shudder.

'Well, it's quite easy. You just…' Helen positioned Sirius' hand over the nozzle, hers on top of his, and applied the pressure; letting out a spray from the bottle.

'Well, it seems pretty simple now,' whispered Sirius.

Helen took her hand off Sirius' very quickly, cleared her throat, and went back to the opposite side of the room.

'You know, you don't _have _to keep pretending to hate me all the time. Doesn't it get exhausting?' Sirius sighed.

Having someone you like calling you a slut brings back perspective in a startling crystal clear light. Last night, Helen had finally rid herself of her feelings for Sirius Black and very happily hated him now.

'When it's you, it is never exhausting. I can't help it. There's just this aura about you that inspires this feeling of absolute dislike inside me,' she said archly, picking up another trophy.

'So I _do _inspire some kind of feeling in you!' Sirius said brightly.

'You had better watch yourself…'

'Really,' said Sirius, feigning mock concern.

'Yes, you had. You don't want to cross me.' Helen snapped. She thought he would have figured out, after all these years of ending up in the hospital wing after their duels, that she was not a force to be reckoned with.

'Or else?' Sirius asked suggestively.

'Well, let's just say Transfiguration wasn't even a taster.'

'No? Well, why don't you satisfy my appetite now then?' said Sirius with a devilish grin on his face. 'From what I hear, you never seem to leave anyone fully satisfied…'

'Are you trying to provoke me?' asked Helen, through gritted teeth.

'Provoke you? Wouldn't dream of it…' Sirius whispered into her ear, from behind her, having just crossed the trophy room.

Helen whipped around, wand pointing at Sirius' chest.

'Ah! There's that fire I love!' he whispered, drawing his own wand all the same.

'Is this what you want? You want to duel?' Helen asked exasperatedly.

'Well, it beats polishing these trophies…' he said, drawing closer to Helen, his face only inches away from her.

He had crossed the line. Helen sent him flying backwards.

Sirius got up, grinning and, before Helen could stop him, he had cut a large split down the leg of her robes, exposing her stockings and garter belt.

Furious, Helen sent a combination of hexes at Sirius, leaving a gash on his arm, to which he responded, with a gash to Helen's cheek.

They duelled furiously, their wands mere blurs. Curses were bouncing off the trophies, creating a cacophony of sound. All the while, they kept on duelling, oblivious to Peeves' cackles, and the trouble they would be in later. After ten minutes, both panting, they began to slow down. Sirius had a significant number of gashes on his arms and a few cuts to his face. Helen only had the one gash but her robes, no doubt a joke on Sirius' behalf, were hanging limpy, by threads, to her and revealed a significant amount of skin. Her hair, previously sleek, looked windswept. Sirius sent a last hex, which Helen deflected. They were now only millimetres away from each other; breathing heavily. Helen could feel Sirius' breath on her face and yet, despite the tumult of anger she felt, chest heaving, she did not draw away from his advance. Their lips were about to meet…

'WHAT ON EARTH HAS HAPPENED HERE?' screamed McGonagall, bursting through the door as the both jumped away from each other.

'Duelling? Again?' she shouted.

Then, seeing the extent to which they had duelled, she said, in a measured voice.

'Black, Asteria, hospital wing.'

They both stared at McGonagall.

'What are you standing there for? I said… hospital wing. Now!' she said, her voice shaking dangerously.

'Black, take Miss Asteria to the hospital wing right now and, if you even think of duelling on the way you both shall be on the first train away from Hogwarts.'

They both blinked in disbelief. Then, quietly, Sirius grabbed Helen's arm,

'Let's go,' he said quietly.

At his touch, Helen felt as though she had an electric spark coarse through her spine. She quickly exited the room with him.

They walked in a stifling silence the entire way.

Madame Pomfrey fussed over their cuts, muttering nondescript words about the 'irresponsibility of students.' They both grinned slightly at this. Once Helen's robes were mended, and Madame Pomfrey was finally satisfied with their condition, they left for the common room.

The silence felt like torture to Helen. She was trying to cool down the anger inside of her, but, she wasn't sure if that feeling she felt was, altogether anger. She had this mad desire to return to the trophy room, just before McGonagall had burst in and to…

'NO!' Helen thought indignantly.

She hated Sirius... This internal struggle stayed with her until they reached the common room. Sirius himself was unusually quiet, allowing her to enter the room first. They separated after exchanging an uncertain glance; neither of them wishing to be the one to acknowledge exactly what would have happened should Professor McGonagall have waited a few extra seconds before entering the trophy room.

* * *

Helen, Lily and Severus were walking across the snow-covered grounds on Christmas Eve. 

'Why are you going to the ball with Potter?' Severus suddenly asked, a slightly aggressive note in his tone as he rounded on Lily.

Lily blushed.

'I… I just thought I'd give him a chance,' she said quietly.

Severus snorted.

'A chance? You know how it will turn out, don't you? Make sure you're not left alone with him.' he said warningly. If I wasn't going home tonight, I'd stay and keep an eye on you…' he added.

Helen laughed, but couldn't help but feel bad for Severus who she knew would never confess his infatuation with Lily but remain, painfully, her best friend whilst watching her go through her suitors.

'James isn't like that,' she said to Lily, reassuringly.

Severus shot Helen a scowl. Helen knew what it meant and smiled apologetically at him.

'And you're almost just as bad… going with that Lupin,' Severus grumbled to Helen.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'That's unfair and you know it. Remus has never done anything to you,' Helen said reprovingly.

Severus shrugged.

'Well, at least you're not following Lily's example and going with Potter's other half…' he continued, shooting Lily a furtive glance.

Helen said nothing.

'Helen, go with Black?' Lily laughed. 'That would be funny… only because it'd never happen,' she added.

'You know, I feel a headache coming on... I think I'll just go back to the castle...' Helen said, suddenly, leaving Lily and Severus before they could respond.

* * *

**I really deserve many reviews if you want the next chapter.**

**See...It is quite a long chapter...**

**With a lot of action in it...**

**So… if you want to find out what happens at the Yule Ball **

**You had better….**

**Review this chapter.**

**...Or perhaps I should wait until Christmas to update it ??? **

**You cannot deny that that would be quite fitting…**

**Love you all!**

**Love, Anya**

**p.s. Thanks to the anon. reviewers ... I would reply if I could, trust me! **

**Also, I am very impressed with the number of reviews from everyone which I have been receiving lately. Many thanks to you all. **

**You put a smile on my face with your reviews!**


	24. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

'_**Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end.' **__**

* * *

**_

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Sirius kicked the snow on the ground as he walked. He had never enjoyed Christmas Day and could not possibly see how this year would be any different. Christmas always threw into relief exactly how bleak his life was; it made obvious to him that his family didn't love him- or even care about him. It wasn't as though this was news to Sirius; however it was harder not to notice when James, Remus and Peter had a huge pile of gifts at the foot of their beds from their family and friends whilst all he had received was a card from his cousin Andromeda, a formal, impersonal letter from his parents, and his usual gifts from the marauders. He wasn't upset about the lack of presents- he didn't really _need_ anything- it was more the fact that the only people who actually cared about him were his 3 school friends and one of his many cousins. This made him realise that, despite his supposed popularity at Hogwarts, it was all so meaningless because, at the end of the day, people like Peter were better off because they had parents who loved them unconditionally.

Sirius grimaced bitterly. No one really understood what he felt. He couldn't really talk about it, although sometimes he wished he could, because what would he say?

I feel unloved?

Sirius shook his head at himself and continued down the path sullenly. After a while, something caught his eye. Walking closer, he saw that it was Helen, sitting under the yew tree by the Great Lake. He stopped in his tracks and surveyed her. She sat, hugging her knees to her chest and staring out into horizon with a vacant look in her eyes.

Sirius understood that look- it was exactly how he felt.

He stared at her for a while longer, wondering what troubled her so, before continuing down his path. He knew all too well that the last thing that one wants when they felt as she (and he) did at present, was company.

* * *

Marina's shoulder collided roughly with Helen's as Helen exited and Marina entered the bathroom. 

'Watch where you're going,' Marina said scathingly, adding: '_Bitch,'_ in an undertone.

Helen kept on walking. She wasn't going to give Marina the satisfaction of knowing that she had incensed her, as dearly as she would have loved to have Marina turning up to the Yule Ball with a swollen nose or a black eye…

'I can't believe it's tonight!' Lily breathed, excitedly curling her hair with her wand and giggling with Mary. 'Who are you going with, Mary?' she asked.

'Oh… John St Claire,' Mary said, blushing and shooting Helen a rather cold look.

Helen ignored it. She had never been too friendly with Mary as it was, though she didn't quite understand Mary's problem. She had never so much as even looked at St Claire since that time at the end of 4th Year.

'You're going with James, aren't you, Lily?' Marina asked, emerging from the bathroom in a very low-cut, pink dress.

Lily looked at Marina shrewdly, before replying, 'Yes. I'm going with Potter,' shortly.

Marina nodded, before her eyes fell upon Helen who was sitting on her bed, looking rather pale and lost in thought.

'Remus was looking for you, today,' Marina said knowingly.

Helen snapped out of her reverie and looked up at Marina warily.

'And?' she asked tartly.

Marina shrugged.

'He just seemed desperate to see you… maybe he wanted to ditch you…' Marina smirked, before leaving the dormitory quickly.

Helen looked to Lily uncertainly.

'Don't listen to her; she's a bitch,' Lily said reassuringly to Helen.

Helen nodded and shrugged, reverting back to her reverie.

'Well. I'm off,' Mary said, springing up and smiling at Lily before leaving.

Lily sighed and turned to Helen. 'Aren't you going to put on your dress?' she asked, surveying her unprepared friend with a frown.

Helen was still wearing her dressing gown and sat on her bed, absent-mindedly drying her long hair with her wand. Lily, on the other hand, was applying the final touches to her makeup. She looked radiant in her bottle green, silk ball gown.

'What's going on? We have to go in ten minutes and you haven't done anything!' Lily said sternly.

Something was troubling her friend.

Helen's eyes widened as she comprehended what Lily had just told her.

'Ten minutes?' she whispered hoarsely, jumping up and bending over her trunk, throwing everything out of it onto her bed until she found her dress, folded in a box at the bottom of her trunk.

'Can you help me put it on?' Helen asked, pulling it over her head.

Lily's eyes widened as she surveyed the dress.

'Helen… where did you get this?' she asked, not taking her eyes of the gown.

'It was my mother's... She sent it to me... Just help me get it on now- I'm running late as it is… I don't know what I was thinking!' Helen exclaimed.

Lily helped Helen with her dress, tightening the bodice and fastening the buttons.

'Uh, Helen?' asked Lily tentatively, once Helen was dressed.

Helen nodded.

'Go, go. It's fine- don't wait for me. If you see Remus, though, just tell him I'll be down soon… and that I'm sorry I'm late,' she added.

With a final excited hug, Lily bounded out of the dorm and down the stairs to meet James.

After having set her hair in a low, elegant bun and applying a small amount of makeup, Helen surveyed herself in the mirror.

Her reflection showed her long, silver gown, its opal and rhinestone encrusted lining and intricate stitching; she seemed to emanate a silvery glow around her. Helen wondered why she had never seen the gown at home- or her mother wearing it, for that matter. Realising, however, that she was already inexcusably late, she dismissed these thoughts. Pleased with her present contrast to her normal appearance, she left the dormitory to meet Remus.

* * *

Helen descended slowly down the stairs to the Entrance Hall. The ball had already started and Helen smiled as she heard the Blue Danube playing from the Great Hall. Her eyes searched the Entrance Hall for Remus. There was only one person standing outside the Great Hall. He wasn't Remus, however, because he was tall, with shiny black hair and wore well-tailored dress robes. He turned around. Helen felt her stomach clench as she realised it was Sirius, looking better than ever. 

It seemed as though she could not avoid him tonight, after all.

He stared at her, looked her up and down, mouth open, and then looked elsewhere. Helen felt her heart fall at this. Although she knew that Sirius hated her, she thought that he would at least say hello- or at least acknowledge her presence in some way. She sighed and her eyes again swept the Entrance Hall for Remus and still could not see him. They had arranged to meet in the Entrance Hall.

Helen was starting to feel a little annoyed- Marina's taunts ringing in her ears.She cleared her throat.

'You wouldn't happen to know where Remus is would you?' she asked in a rather cold voice.

Sirius turned around, startled, eyes wide. He looked her up and down, again; shocked.

'Helen? I… I didn't recognise you!' he stammered.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Oh come off it. I don't look _that_ different,' she said, although she could not help but feel a little flattered. 'Anyway, have you seen Remus?'

Sirius hesitated, shooting a fleeting glance towards the bewitched ceiling. Helen saw the snow falling from the bewitched ceiling and then, incidentally, saw the full moon and sighed.

Sirius looked at Helen apologetically.

'Remus asked me to tell you that he's really sorry. He didn't realise until the afternoon. He tried to find you, but couldn't…He really was sorry, by the way,' Sirius added as an afterthought.

Helen felt frustrated and disappointed. It wasn't Remus' fault, and she could never be angry with him. She was annoyed, however, because she had now been seen by Sirius to have been stood up by her date (however unintentional it was). She also felt rather foolish for getting all dressed up only to go to back to her dormitory and get undressed again and then, probably, try to study or, more realistically, curl up on her bed and wallow in self-pity and depression whilst everyone else was having fun or

'I should have realised... Anyway… Well, I suppose I will go and make actual productive use of this time…Merry Christmas, Sirius,' she added, as she turned and started climbing the stairs again.

'I knew it,' called Marina's smug voice.

Helen turned around and saw Marina emerging from a broom cupboard with Whittaker. Helen wondered if she would ever meet anyone who was more of a slut than Marina. The ball had not even properly started and she had already disappeared to a broom cupboard -and Marina's broom cupboard escapades made Helen's look very innocent indeed.

Helen had never wanted to be able to disappear from a situation as much as she did now.

'Remus ditched you,' Marina said knowingly, before turning and batting her eyelashes at Sirius.

Sirius saw Helen's face blanch and desperately wanted to end her discomfort. He hated Marina for being so malicious. Although he had been in many fights with Helen, he knew that she was not a cruel person. Her situation was unfair as it was, without Marina.

Sirius cleared his throat and walked up the stairs to Helen.

'Took your time... I was beginning to think you were going to stand me up!' he laughed.

Helen looked into his eyes searchingly and registered the fleeting wink which he gave her.

'You look stunning,' he said, kissing her on the cheek. 'Shall we?' he asked, offering her his arm.

She understood what he was doing. Although she wished that she wasn't in this kind of situation where she needed his help, she felt touched that he was helping her like this. She had never expected it from him and wondered why he did it. Quietly, she noted that she had never liked Sirius as much as she did at that moment.

Helen quickly snapped out of her state of shock and played along with the act. She flashed him a charming smile, took his arm and descended with him down the staircase in a majestic fashion, ignoring both Marina and Whitaker's spluttering.

* * *

Helen pulled Sirius aside as soon as they entered the Great Hall. 

'Thanks for what you did, but it's okay... Go back to your date…' Helen said, wishing that Sirius didn't have a date and that he wanted to take her.

'I haven't got a date,' Sirius said quietly.

'What?' asked Helen in genuine surprise before she could stop herself.

'I usually don't like to limit my….' Sirius paused, cleared his throat and looked into Helen's eyes.

'Listen. I know we've had a bad history, but I really would like to go to the ball with you. Perhaps I could show you that I'm not a complete 'bastard,' as I believe you are so fond of calling me,' Sirius said a small twinkle in his eyes.

Helen smiled slightly at this.

'Could we… could we try to start anew?' he asked hopefully, holding out his hand and looking into Helen's eyes with such an earnest expression on his face that she could not but help feeling a slight flutter in her stomach.

There was a tense pause.

The suspense was terrible; unbearable, and… slowly, Helen raised her hand and placed it in Sirius'.

'Mademoiselle,' Sirius said, with a bow, kissing it.

Helen laughed and they made their way to where James and Lily were sitting, both of their hearts beating in their chests hopefully.

People gaped and stared at the two of them as they made their way through the crowd.Of all things, they had never expected this. Helen tried to ignore the dirty looks which she was shot by all of the girls who were whispering to their friends. Likewise, Sirius was not sure that the looks he received from the guys were altogether friendly ones. After all, they were both very sought out with the opposite sex at Hogwarts.

Needless to say, they were both relieved to arrive at James' table.

'Hey,' Helen said, sitting next to Lily.

Lily looked up at Helen and her mouth dropped.

'What the hell are you doing with _him?_' Lily blurted out before she could stop herself.

Helen blushed.

'Love you too, Evans,' Sirius said sarcastically

Lily shot Sirius a dirty look before taking Helen's arm and leading her away from the table.

'Oh no... What has James done to get you in this mood,' Helen said sadly.

Lily glowered.

'Don't talk to me about Potter. I'm leaving as soon as I can… stop changing the subject. Can you please explain to me why you are with Black and where Remus is?' Lily snapped.

Helen sighed. Poor James…

'Something came up for Remus… so I guess Marina was kind of right…' Helen pondered. She shrugged and looked up at Lily. 'Anyway, Sirius asked me if I wanted to go with him instead- you know...kind of start afresh- and I said yes,' Helen said brightly.

Lily looked at Helen incredulously.

'Had he drugged you?' she asked worriedly, taking Helen's arm firmly and looking into her eyes, obviously checking if her pupils were dilated.

Helen laughed and looked back to their table where she saw Sirius putting his hand on James' shoulder and talking encouragingly to him.

'Listen, Lily. Go back to James and try to give him another chance. I'll speak to you later,' she said, smiling at a very frustrated Lily and going back to the table.

* * *

Helen and Sirius next to each other, silently. Both were struggling to find words to say. They would occasionally glance at each other, nodding, before looking elsewhere. Finally, after yet another group of girls walked past them, throwing extremely dirty looks at Helen, whilst smiling as serenely as they could at Sirius, he sighed and asked: 'Do you want to go for a walk?' 

Helen nodded, relieved that there would be an opportunity to break the ice between them which seemed to compound by the second inside the hall.

They walked in relative silence through the gardens which had been decorated with ice sculptures and sparkling lights. The air was misty. It created quite a surreal atmosphere.

'Er… had a good Christmas?' Sirius asked awkwardly.

He mentally kicked himself for asking such a stupid and awkward question.

Helen shot him a wry smile.

'I suppose it's been okay… It could have turned out much worse,' she replied, thinking fleetingly of Marina.

Sirius nodded and they were, again, thrust into an uncomfortable silence.

'What about you?' Helen asked in a strangled voice.

She wanted anything but silence but was struggling, for the first time in her life, to say things to Sirius. She supposed that this was because when she usually spoke with him, she was hurling insults at him.

Sirius shrugged.

'Never did like Christmas much… but I guess it's been okay,' he said, realising he had just repeated Helen's own response.

Helen sighed and went to a bench and sat on it. Sirius followed her example.

'I guess any Christmas here, is better than home,' Sirius said quietly.

He didn't really want to discuss his issues now. He wanted to find a way of knowing if he stood a chance with Helen.

Helen, however, brightened up at this topic. It would at least ensure that there were no more awkward silences.

'What are they like? - Your family, I mean. I know Bellatrix is…'Helen caught herself and shot an apologetic look at Sirius. 'Sorry, I know she's your cousin and all, and it's rude to insult someone's relatives, but…'

'Oh, insult them by all means! It's the only thing that makes me put up with them at all,' Sirius said brightly.

Helen shot Sirius a strange look, but smiled a little.

'So… are they all _that_ bad?'

'As in Bellatrix-bad?' Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.

Helen nodded.

'I'd say about the same… perhaps a few of them are a bit worse,' Sirius shrugged.

Helen's eyes widened at this news. She couldn't imagine living with one person like Bellatrix, let alone many.

'So… how on earth did you turn out to be…' Helen trailed off, realising she was on dangerous territory by asking such sensitive questions.

Sirius surveyed Helen a moment. Perhaps he could tell her…

'You know, I never really tell anyone, I mean, James doesn't even really know the full story- he wouldn't get it-but… I think you'll understand.'

Helen nodded.

'My… my family, well, you know, they're pure-blood right?'

'Right,' Helen nodded.

'And, well… I mean they're crazy! No, seriously, don't look at me like that; they are! They're always going on about things like- excuse the language- 'mudbloods,' upholding pure-blood traditions and honour, and they're all into Dark Magic. It's actually scary, sometimes, the things they do. For example, remember Knockturn Alley? I saw you and James- you were both horrified at the stuff you saw. For me, it was almost normal because they're all so deep into that stuff- and proud of it too! As for how I turned out to be different… well, I don't really know. I've tried to convince myself that I'm adopted- it would made me feel way better- but I highly doubt that I am. I mean, considering their views on blood, I don't really think my parents are the adopting type,' he said.

Helen smiled apologetically.

Sirius sighed, and slumped back in the bench and stared out at the Great Lake.

'Sometimes I wonder if I'll turn out like them… it scares me, to think that, but...' he trailed off. Suddenly, he turned to Helen. 'I'm not like them, am I? I mean, I know you mostly hate me, but am I honestly _that_ bad?' Sirius asked, his eyes searching Helen for a response.

Helen smiled and shook her head.

'You know Sirius, just because you're related, it doesn't really mean anything,' she began thoughtfully. 'You yourself have morphed into the person who you are now. If you can see the error in their ways and are able to discern between right and wrong, then you are far beyond worrying whether you are turning into a dark wizard…'

She hesitated, before continuing.

'... and I don't hate you, Sirius. Sometimes you make me mad- but I don't hate you,' she said, looking away from him quickly and feeling her cheeks flush.

Sirius found it hard to contain his smile.

'Haha… I always knew you loved me!' he said jokingly.

Helen's eyes widened. Did he know that she liked him? She shook her head at Sirius and sighed.

'Well… at least you didn't deny it this time. I can always hope,' he said happily.

Helen rolled her eyes and there was another silence.

'So… do you like Remus? Like… are you two together?' Sirius asked suddenly. He reprimanded himself for being so blatantly obvious about it, but he had to know. If her answer was yes, he would give up on her once and for all… perhaps try and be friends with her, even though it would kill him.

Helen looked at Sirius curiously.

'You always ask me if I like Remus... Why?' she asked.

Sirius shrugged.

'Well, in the holidays you said you wanted to share rooms with him…'

'Because of that?' she asked incredulously. 'That was just an act! I was joking,' she laughed.

'And he asked you to this ball…' Sirius continued.

She still hadn't answered his question.

'Yeah… as friends,' Helen said, not sure what Sirius was getting at.

Sirius nodded but still looked unconvinced.

'Listen, Sirius, Remus is one of my best friends, but that's it… why does everyone keep saying we're more than that?' Helen asked, exasperatedly.

She never had these issues with James.

Sirius tried to hide his smile. So she didn't like Remus after all!

'Oh…erm… I don't know…' he lied. 'I just thought because he asked you to this…' Sirius trailed off, finding it very hard to contain his happiness at the news.

Helen shot Sirius a sideward look and slumped back into the park bench.

Another uncomfortable silence ensued.

'Do you have a girlfriend?' Helen asked suddenly, before she could stop herself.

It was Sirius' turn to shoot Helen a strange look. He laughed.

'No. I might add that Gwen was not my girlfriend at the start of term and that she never has been. We just made out once in 4th year… not sure why she took it upon herself to try it again on the first day of school,' Sirius added, pondering this thought.

Helen nodded. It made her feel a bit better about the whole situation.

'Do you have a boyfriend?' Sirius asked suddenly.

'Would I be here if I did?' Helen replied, raising an eyebrow.

'Well,' Sirius considered, 'your relationships aren't as… _structured_ as most normal people's are.'

'True,' Helen laughed. 'I actually have never had a 'boyfriend' in the sense of the term…Though it's not as though you can talk about structured relationships,' Helen added, grinning.

Sirius grinned back.

'What can I say? I like to have my fun just like you.'

Helen frowned. He himself had just admitted that he girls were just 'fun' to him. Helen could never allow anyone to treat her as Sirius did all his previous girlfriends.

Sirius noticed Helen's reaction and suddenly became serious.

He hesitated before continuing. It was like walking off the edge of a cliff, but he had to do it. He couldn't take this uncertainty anymore.

'The truth is… The truth is…'

He paused and took a deep breath, looking away from Helen and at the frozen Great Lake.

'The truth is that I have liked you ever since the start of our 4th year,' he said, staring determinedly ahead of him.

Helen stared at him. She blinked and wondered if she was hearing things.

'What?' she asked stupidly.

Sirius knew it was a bad idea. Now she was going to ridicule him. Of course she didn't like him back.

'I'm sorry,' he said, making to get up.

'No… wait,' Helen said, taking his arm and pulling him back.

Sirius sighed and kept on staring at the Great Lake, determinedly avoiding Helen's eyes.

'What… what did you say? - Just then?' she asked, her heart beating wildly. It seemed too good to be true.

Sirius sighed, but continued nonetheless.

'I like you… I've liked you, except I've been too stubborn to do anything about it. I became to be a bit hopeful during the holidays, but I was sure you hated me and, when I thought you didn't, Remus came and I thought you liked him anyway. When you kissed me, I… I don't know what it was! I think it was just shock because I felt like such an idiot afterwards… but do you even like me at all?' he asked suddenly, looking at Helen hopefully.

Helen looked up into his eyes sadly.

'I… do. I don't know when it started, but I think it was during the holidays some time,' she said quietly.

Sirius felt a sensation which he didn't understand. It was a mixture of joy, grief and longing.

'So…' he continued in a strangled voice, 'do you… do you think we could give it a shot? You and I?' he asked, heart pounding in his chest.

Helen slumped back in the bench.

'I'm not going to become another name on your list of conquests. If you want to be with me, it has to be properly or not at all because I have more self respect than that. I'm not like those other girls you've been with,' she said matter-of-factly.

Helen didn't know where on earth she found the self-control to say all that.

Sirius leant back and suddenly realised why she had been so reluctant, all this time.

'I would never treat you like that… and do you honestly think I could get away with it? I'm not stupid. I know that I'd end up in the hospital wing!' he laughed.

Helen's lips twitched and she turned away, staring at the Great Lake; looking anywhere but his eyes.

Eventually, his hand found hers which was next to hers on the bench. She turned her head, slowly, to face him, eyes still downcast. It was only when their lips were millimetres away from each other that she raised her eyes to look into Sirius' before their lips brushed; tentatively. She felt his hand on her arm as they drew closer and they kissed again. It was unlike any kiss which Helen or Sirius had ever experienced. It was with patience, with consideration- almost child-like.

They were, in essence, two children, having made an important discovery; trying to preserve its delicacy from breaking.

It started to snow; delicate flakes caressing their hair and skin. Eventually, they broke their kiss.

'Merry Christmas, Asteria,' Sirius grinned.

Helen looked up at the snowing sky and smiled.

'Merry Christmas… _Black_,' she said, shooting him a mischevous grin back.

She had never been happier on Christmas Day. Suddenly, the Christmas carol; Have _Yourself a Merry Little Christmas_, which were emanating from Great Hall, had never sounded so sweet.

Sirius cleared his throat and stood up, bowing to Helen.

'Might I have this dance, ma'am?' he asked, grinning at her.

Helen took his hand and laughed as he twirled her before pulling her closer to him.

'This has got to be the perfect Christmas,' Sirius thought to himself, smiling.

* * *

Eventually, neither of them could ignore the cold from now heavy snow and they made their way, silently, back to the Great Hall. Helen marvelled how this silence was such a comfortable one compared to the previous silences. Upon reaching the Entrance Hall, however, they both surveyed the ball warily; neither of them really wishing to return to its loudness and its false excess. 

'Shall we just go to the common room?' Helen suggested.

Sirius nodded, thankful that she didn't want to return to the ball. He didn't want to have to put up with the everyone's staring and then questions. It would wreck what they had just had.

* * *

They were lying on the floor in front of the fire, leaning over a game of chess and laughing. 

'I can't believe I just did that!' Helen exclaimed; incredulous at herself for losing her queen.

'Well, if I am able to distract you of all people with my wiles, it seems that I have perfected my charming skills,' Sirius said, laughing.

Helen gave Sirius a mock reprimanding look and, with a smile twisting upon her lips, said, 'knight to B4.'

Sirius watched in horror as Helen's knight took his own queen and then his king threw off his crown.

'I believe that would be… now… what was it called?' she pondered, stroking her chin as though there was a beard there, 'Hmm…. Checkmate!' Helen said, laughing at Sirius' stunned face.

'But… how? What… how…?' he stammered, staring at the board, confused.

'Obviously,' Helen said, 'this proves that not only am I impervious to your seductive wiles, but you yourself may be the one who is, in fact, in danger from your associations with me!' still laughing at Sirius.

'Yeah, I didn't need you to tell me that. Detention with you already proved that,' muttered Sirius, sullenly.

'You don't mean to tell me that you are a sore loser?' asked Helen, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

Sirius looked up, grinning.

'No, I am afraid I am a terrible loser and will be in need of great comforting,' he whispered, leaning closer.

'Well, aren't you lucky that I'm here,' Helen whispered back, leaning forward as they started kissing, chess pieces knocking over.

* * *

It was midnight when the portrait swung open and the common room began to flood with people from the Yule Ball. Helen and Sirius had been leaning on against each other on the couch, staring into the fire. 

Reluctantly, they got up, knowing that they had to separate now.

'You always do, but even more so tonight; you look beautiful,' Sirius said quietly.

Helen blushed a little.

'Why thank you. I might add that you do too,' she said, grinning.

They both laughed.

'Well, goodnight,' Helen said, staring into his sparkling eyes.

'Goodnight,' Sirius said, kissing her on the cheek and looking into her eyes for a moment before Helen smiled and turned to go to the girls' dormitories. At the foot of the stairs, she turned and saw Sirius staring after her. She smiled before turning and climbing the stairs.

* * *

**For the first time in my life, I don't know what to write about this chapter, so I'm not going to try.**

**I would, however, love to know your thoughts on this chapter, so please drop me a review. Many many thanks to everyone who has done such a wonderful job reviewing my previous chapters. I love you all!**

**And... even though it's only the start of December, I really do hope that you all have yourselves 'A Merry Little Christmas!'**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	25. Chapter 29: Dangerous Liaisons

_**Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly. - **_**Proverb

* * *

**

Dangerous Liaisons

Sirius emerged from the bathroom, finding James sitting glumly on his bed, still dressed in his dress robes.

'No luck, then?' he asked, sitting next to James and clapping him on the back.

He felt a little bad for being so happy when James obviously did not have the best night.

James lay back, frustrated.

'She's mad. Honestly… my hand was respectfully on her lower back. It wasn't my fault that someone knocked past us and it went a bit lower,' James said self-righteously.

'So you groped her arse, then?' Sirius said knowingly.

James had no idea. Groping Lily Evans' backside is just something you do not do… he shuddered to think what would happen to him if he tried that on Helen and decided that he would never risk it.

'It wasn't my fault!' James exclaimed indignantly.

'Sure… so that was it? What happened for the rest of it?' Sirius asked.

'Oh, I don't know. We danced a bit… hardly talked… she was in a strop after Helen left with you…' James' eyes widened and he sat up suddenly 'Oh my God! You went with Helen! What happened?' he exclaimed, shaking Sirius' shoulder.

Sirius gave a small smile and got up and went to his own bed.

'Well?' James asked impatiently.

'I don't kiss and tell,' Sirius said, lying back in bed, happy that he would be able to, finally, sleep well tonight.

James looked at Sirius incredulously.

'Don't pull that bullshit on me… you don't kiss and tell? You're the worst…'

Sirius sighed and sat up.

'Okay, fine… we're going out,' he admitted.

James blinked.

'What?' he asked, not sure he heard correctly.

'What do you mean- what? We're together now,' Sirius said simply.

James stared at Sirius in disbelief.

'How?' he asked stupidly.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'How? What do you mean, how?'

He was beginning to feel a little frustrated. He didn't feel like divulging everything that had just happened with Helen...

'I mean, how the hell did you manage to pull that off? You were only in the hospital wing last week because she tried to kill you…' James trailed, still not understanding the situation.

'Apparently it must be her way of expressing love,' Sirius shrugged.

His eyes widened at this statement and he suddenly wondered if this was true. He started to feel a little scared...

James stared at Sirius.

'What? What's wrong?' Sirius sighed impatiently.

'Do you know…?' James said slowly, 'that means you won the bet!'

'What bet?' Sirius asked, looking at James strangely.

Had Lily Evans addled with his friends' mind?

'The bet! The one we made in first year… come on, you remember!' James said excitedly.

Sirius eyes widened as he remembered. He laughed at the irony of it. Of course he had never expected to win it… which is probably why he had forgotten all about it.

'Told you… ladies' man,' Sirius said smugly, lying back in bed luxuriously.

His life just seemed to be getting better and better today.

James stared at Sirius, bemused, and shook his head. Suddenly, a thought occured to him.

'You do know that you said that Peter could have Helen for 7th year…' he said knowingly, laughing as he saw Sirius' eyes widen at this news.

At that moment, Peter himself bounded into the dormitory happily. He had stolen a goodnight kiss from his date, Bernice Small.

Sirius sat up and looked at Peter rather coldly.

'Er…' Peter said, not quite sure what he had done wrong. It was always hard to tell with Sirius.

James laughed at the two of them.

'Wormtail- I am just telling you that if you ever... EVER touch Asteria, you will be in BIG trouble. Understood?' Sirius said sternly.

Peter's face blanched at this threat

'Wha…what?' he stammered.

James shook his head.

'Sirius is going out with Helen now, and he is…er… a little anxious that you won't try and fulfil your end of the bet we made in first year,' he explained.

Peter looked confused.

'Forget it…er... just never try hitting on Helen, that's all… How was your night?' James asked, changing the subject.

It annoyed James that he had planned the most for tonight and it had turned into a disaster for him, with Lily more than ever set in her belief that he was an 'arrogant prat', as she had called him, whereas Sirius had done absolutely nothing and managed to finally get Helen; even Peter got a goodnight kiss, which was more than James could boast with the stinging slap which Lily gave him in bidding him goodnight.

* * *

Helen woke up early the next day. She opened her eyes to see it was still dark outside. 

She smiled to herself and bit her lip to prevent herself from laughing and waking everyone up. It seemed so silly…

She was with Sirius?

He liked her?

'Shut up, Helen. It was just a dream,' she said to herself, sternly- the slowly-eroding part of her self which still retained some common sense.

'But it wasn't a dream… it was real…. Haha! He kissed me! Many times!' another nagging voice in her head said coyly.

Helen sat up, feeling very flustered. She was not going to develop a silly schoolgirl crush on Sirius. That was just what all his other girlfriends did. Thinking about this, she felt her stomach squirming with nervousness. She would have to see him today. What would she say? Would it be awkward?

* * *

Helen read and reread the same line at the empty Gryffindor breakfast table. Try as she might, her mind really was not on potions. She was jumpy; always looking at the entrance to the great hall to see if Sirius was coming. She did not have to wait too long. She felt him sit next to her whilst she was staring determinedly at her book. Nonetheless, she could not suppress the smile playing on her lips. 

'Good morning to you too,' said Sirius, amused, noticing her smile.

Helen shut her book and turned to face him, shocking Sirius, as always, as her eyes locked with his.

'Long time no see,' Helen grinned.

'It's just as you said; you're addictive and now I'm hooked. If we ever break up… which, considering our tempers is likely to happen quite often…, I will have severe withdrawal symptoms,' Sirius said, leaning forward and taking a few pieces of toast.

Helen stared at him with a bemused expression before turning back to her porridge and biting her lip, smiling.

'Are you doing anything today?' Sirius asked, buttering his toast.

'Not particularly,' Helen said, feeling her heart beating in her throat.

'Would you like to…'

'Helen Asteria. Why am I hearing rumours all of a sudden that you're going out with _that_?' Lily interrupted, appearing suddenly in a very bad mood.

Helen had avoided this confrontation with Lily last night by pretending that she was already asleep. After all, she didn't really want to divulge all the details as it was, let along have Marina and Mary knowing them all too.

Helen and Sirius turned to Lily, surprised.

'Why hello, Evans. Charmed to see you too,' Sirius said sarcastically.

Helen's lip twitched.

'Shut up, Black,' Lily snapped, before turning to Helen. 'Is it true?' she demanded, her face wearing an expression of pure horror.

'Yes,' Helen replied simply.

Lily looked at Helen strangely.

'Have you drugged her, Black?' she asked suddenly, glaring at Sirius.

Helen rolled her eyes. Lily had said the same thing yesterday.

'What?' Sirius yelped.

'What have you done? Love potion? The normal Helen would never be this ridiculous to go… why are you laughing, Helen? What did you do to her, Black?' Lily demanded.

'Nothing! I can't believe it either- trust me,' Sirius added, laughing.

Lily stared at the two of them incredulously before turning on her heel and sitting on the other end of the table, stabbing violently into a piece of toast.

'Will she be okay?' Sirius asked, looking at Lily warily.

'Yeah… she just needs to blow off some steam. It seems that she was less than impressed with James yesterday,' Helen sighed.

'I know. That boy has no idea how to work on girls,' said Sirius sadly, shaking his head.

Helen shot him a reproving glance.

'I know. I've often thought I should help him out… give him lessons,' Helen said, shrugging.

Sirius stared at Helen.

'Do you like James?' he asked in a strangled voice.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Honestly, you are going to be a problem. You have jealousy issues, you know that? No, I do not fancy James. I was joking… feebly,' she said, exasperated, and pushing her empty bowl away from her. She then turned to Sirius.

'Are you nearly done?' she asked.

Sirius pushed his plate away quickly.

'Uh-huh,' he said, his mouth full of food.

Helen stared at him a moment as he covered his mouth and tried to chew it quickly, a smile playing upon her lips.

'I need to visit Hagrid; I promised I'd help him with his Snaglers. Want to come?' Helen asked hopefully.

'Snaglers?' Sirius asked, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

'Fine,' Helen said, standing up. 'I'll see you round then,' she said, sweeping out of the Great Hall.

Sirius sighed.

'Okay, fine. I'll help with the darned Snaglers,' he called, running after her.

* * *

'Oh, good… you're here. Good Christmas?' Hagrid asked opening the door of his cabin for Helen. 

'Yes, thank you. Sirius has come to help too!' Helen said brightly.

Sirius, however, did not look as enthusiastic about his helping as Helen made him out to be.

Hagrid surveyed the two of them, confused.

'I never knew yeh had a detention,' he said slowly, scratching his head.

Sirius fought to keep a straight face.

'It's not,' Helen sighed.

'Okay…' Hagrid said, not understanding what was going on. 'Are yer feelin' okay?' he asked, looking at Helen strangely.

Helen threw up her arms in exasperation and left the cabin. She was really very tired of explaining herself.

Hagrid stared after her, confused, before turning to Sirius for an explanation.

'Yeah… we're going out now,' Sirius said, shrugging, before going out after Helen who was bending over a crate of Snaglers, muttering under her breath in Greek.

Hagrid blinked at this news and stared after the two of them, not knowing what to think.

* * *

'You'll be the death of me,' Sirius muttered moodily as he flopped, exhausted, into an armchair in the Gryffindor common room. 'Did you really have to go to those stupid creatures? Honestly! Who would want to sustain such beasts?' 

'Their venom is useful,' Helen said with infinite patience, pouring essence of murtlap into a bowl and walking towards Sirius.

'What's that?' Sirius said, sitting up suddenly and looking warily at the yellow liquid as Helen dipped a cloth in it.

'It'll help with the cuts. Just shut up and take it like a man,' Helen said shortly, grabbing his arm and rolling up the sleave to reveal many cuts.

'Ouch… stop. They'll heal by themselves,' Sirius said, trying to wrench his arm away from Helen.

Helen glared at him and Sirius felt himself give in, reluctantly, watching Helen purse her lips reprovingly and dabbing his cuts with the cloth. Surprisingly, however, he felt the stinging from the cuts begin to cease.

He began to turn his attention to Helen who was very gentle with each cut, only leaving it when she was satisfied that it was healed.

Helen cleared her throat.

'Give me your other arm,' she said, moving to the other side, but not meeting his eyes.

Sirius complied silently.

'Do you have any other cuts?' she asked after having finished that arm.

Sirius shook his head. Helen made to get up, but Sirius reached out and stopped her. She looked into his eyes questioningly.

'Your turn,' he said, getting up and pushing her into the armchair.

Helen smiled.

'It's okay, I can do it myself,' Helen said.

'No. You did mine, I'll do yours,' Sirius said firmly, taking up a clean cloth. Helen sighed, but rolled up her sleaves all the same to reveal far deeper cuts than Sirius had.

'Blimey, Helen! What did you do with those Snaglers?' Sirius asked, startled.

Helen shrugged.

'That one will have to be healed with a wand,' Helen said, pointing to a particularly deep gash.

Sirius stared at it with wide eyes. Helen smiled.

'Well, if that's how you're going to act, I think I'll just do this myself,' Helen said, going to take the cloth from his hands.

Sirius, however, snapped back to reality and began to dab tenderly at Helen's gashes, still shooting furtive glances at the large gash.

'Could you do me a favour and get that book over there?' Helen asked, pointing to the desk once all the other cuts were mended.

Sirius complied and handed it to Helen who winced as she took the book with her injured arm.

'Which page?' Sirius asked, noticing her wince and taking the book back from her.

'Er… 498, I think,' Helen said, looking over his shoulder as he flipped to the page.

'Yes… oh, my wand… can I borrow yours?' Helen asked, realising that she didn't have her wand on her and reproaching herself, silently, for such a foolish mistake.

'Why don't you let me heal the wound?' Sirius asked, looking at the instructions and thinking they were quite straight-forward.

'Er…' Helen said, uncertainly. She knew Sirius was good at magic and all but… to trust him with wound healing?

'Here,' Sirius said, setting the book down and taking her arm. Before Helen could stop him, he muttered incantations, pointing his wand at the gash.

Suddenly, blood began to pour out of the wound. Helen clutched at her arm which began to feel numb.

'What did you do?' she shrieked.

Sirius' face became pale.

'I… Let's go to Madam Pomfrey,' he said, grabbing her other arm and running.

'I knew this was a bad idea. You've never even tried it before,' Helen complained on the way to the hospital wing.

'I'm sorry,' Sirius said, feeling very guilty.

'Well, you should be! I'm never asking you to heal anything ever again…. Look at this! I'm leaving a trail of blood! Let's hope there are no thestrals around! They'll be after me,' Helen babbled, trying to distract herself from the sight of her bluing arm.

'MADAM POMFREY!' Sirius shouted, pushing Helen towards the healer.

'What happened?' Madam Pomfrey asked in horror as she saw the trail of blood on the usually impeccably white hospital wing floor.

'He,' Helen said with a nod to Sirius, 'thought he would try and heal one of my cuts with magic.'

Madam Pomfrey glared at Sirius before turning to Helen who had left a considerable patch of blood on the bed sheets which she was sitting on and actually properly healing the wound now with her wand. She cleaned Helen's arm before letting Helen go.

* * *

'I'm really sorry,' Sirius said sheepishly as they walked back to the common room. 

Helen shrugged.

'I just know not to trust you with wound healing from now on… unless there was something else in it? Were you trying to kill me?' Helen asked, turning to him with an eyebrow raised accusingly.

Sirius rolled his eyes and put his arm around her, hugging her to him.

At that moment, they heard a vehement shout and, upon walking further down the corridor, they saw Filch looking absolutely livid with his eyes popping out of his sallow skin.

'WHAT IS THIS? WHO LEFT THIS TRAIL? WHO IS GOING TO CLEAN THIS UP?' he shouted at McGonagall.

McGonagall rolled her eyes and sighed as she flicked her wand lazily, cleaning the blood trail instantly.

Helen and Sirius exchanged a grin at this.

'Damn,' said Sirius, once they were out of earshot. 'It would have been worth your blood if Filch had to spend the whole night cleaning it.'

Helen shot him a reproving look, but Sirius grinned and pulled her into a kiss before she could say anything.

Helen forgot about complaining... This was much better, really.

* * *

Lily wrenched open Helen's hangings and found Helen reading a book with a smile on her face. 

'What are you doing?' Lily asked.

'Reading,' Helen said simply, though she knew that Lily meant something else...

Lily sighed and sat on Helen's bed.

'What are you doing with Black? You hate him! What are you playing at?' Lily asked, trying to talk some sense into Helen.

'I don't hate him… I haven't hated him for a while now,' Helen said, blushing a little.

Lily looked at Helen incredulously.

'What do you mean? Only last week you sent him to the hospital wing! Are you just using him as one of your 'distractions?'' Lily frowned.

'No,' Helen said heatedly.

'Well? Why are you doing this to yourself? Don't you know what happens to his girlfriends? He's going to try and sleep with you, and what are you going to do? Give in? And if you don't… then he'll just dump you because that's all he wants in a girl,' Lily said knowingly.

Helen closed her book and sighed.

'He really isn't like that, Lily…' she said, knowing that nothing she said would convince Lily.

'No? Well you said his friend wasn't like that either and, forgive me, but someone who tries to feel me up is not my definition of a gentleman,' Lily snapped.

Helen smiled apologetically.

'Don't you sit there smiling at me, and don't you dare come crying to me when it ends badly with Black, because I have warned you,' Lily said heatedly, getting off Helen's bed in a huff.

She was still in a very bad mood. She couldn't believe that she wasted her first Yule Ball on James Potter.

* * *

'We need to talk, mate,' James said, wrenching open Sirius' hangings. 

Sirius looked up and shut his quidditch book, waiting.

'Okay. So, you're like a brother to me and all, and I know you're my best mate…but Helen is like a sister to me,' James said matter-of-factly.

He had to have this talk with Sirius.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and laughed.

'Am I getting 'the talk' then?' he asked sarcastically.

'No, I'm being serious!' James said.

'Yeah- so am I! Did you forget my name?' Sirius laughed.

James sighed. Sirius made use of the Sirius/serious pun way too often- it was starting to bug him.

'Just stop for a second and listen. You can't treat Helen like your other girlfriends. You have to treat her with more respect than that… and you can't sleep with her either.' James added as an afterthought.

Sirius looked at James incredulously.

'I'm sorry… are you laying down rules for Helen and I?' he asked in disbelief.

'Yes. I am,' James said, glad that Sirius had understood him so well, so quickly.

Sirius stared at James before bursting into laughter.

'Quit laughing! I'm not joking here- you can't pull that stuff on her!' James said exasperatedly.

'James,' Sirius interrupted seriously, 'First of all, I value my life way too much than to treat Helen like those other girls. I haven't forgotten what happened to me last week and, trust me, I don't think Madam Pomfrey's that great-looking to want to spend too much time with her... Secondly, you're forgetting that I actually _like_ Helen whereas I didn't care two knuts about the others… and thirdly…' Sirius started laughing, 'what do you mean I can't sleep with her?' he asked indignantly.

'You can sleep with her if you marry her,' James conceded.

Sirius looked at James incredulously.

'Okay, fine… when you finish school,' James sighed, as though he was being very generous.

'Does she know that you're making these rules?' Sirius asked, knowing that Helen would be annoyed, as she always was when James tried to meddle with her affairs.

'No…'

'And what if she wants to?' Sirius challenged.

'She won't,' James said stoutly.

'And since when were you the authority, Mr I-groped-Lily-Evans'-arse-last-night?' Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows.

James pursed his lips.

'I rest my case,' Sirius said, shaking his head and laughing as James threw up his hands exasperatedly and left the dormitory.

* * *

**Well... Haven't Helen and Sirius been getting along charmingly well? ****(minus a few injuries, here and there... it seems that they get injured even when they like each other...)**

**So, next chapter:**

**dun dun dun... **

**REMUS IS BACK**

**... and he has troubles with Black**

_'Of all girls you could have taken to the Yule Ball, you took the one I asked.'_

**So. If you are wanting to find out what happens... you had better review this chapter!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	26. Chapter 30: Moony Returns

**_"Isn't it funny how a heart is shaped like two upside-down teardrops..."_**

**_

* * *

_**

Moony Returns

'Hey! Remus!' Helen called out upon seeing him for the first time since Christmas.

Remus turned around and smiled.

'Hey Helen… listen, I'm so sorry about the ball. I really am. I should have remembered… I'll make it up to you I promise,' he said earnestly.

Helen shrugged.

'It's okay. I wasn't upset with you or anything. I mean, it's not like you could help it, right?' she said, smiling to herself as she thought that she secretly was very happy with how the ball had turned out in the end.

Remus still looked rather guilty. Helen laughed.

'Really, it's okay- but if you want to make up for it… you could lend me your history notes…' she said slyly.

Remus made excellent notes and history of magic was the one class in which Helen did not even bother being attentive.

'Fine… deal,' Remus laughed, shaking her hand.

* * *

'Er… Helen?' Peter asked tentatively, approaching the desk where she and Remus were studying at. 

Helen looked up, annoyed that Peter had disrupted her train of thought. She was also a little confused as to why he was talking to her; she had hardly exchanged more than a few sentences worth of conversation with him in her entire life.

'Yes?' she asked, an eyebrow raised.

Peter had always annoyed her with his stupidity. She supposed it wasn't his fault, but it didn't stop her from feeling frustrated each time he opened his mouth.

'Er… Sirius wants you to meet him outside the library,' Peter parroted.

Helen raised an incredulous eyebrow. Peter played the role of messenger?

'He really must be plain stupid and have no self-respect whatsoever,' Helen thought irritably.

'Well if Sirius wants to see me so much, tell him to come here, or else he can wait there until I finish studying and I leave the library, which will be in a few hours,' she snapped.

It was just typical that Sirius would expect her to drop everything just to see him.

'Er…' Peter stammered, not expecting this response.

'Thank you, Peter,' Helen said, not looking up.

Peter stared at her a moment before taking the hint that she was not leaving and went out of the library to pass on her message.

Remus looked up at Helen questioningly.

'Sirius?' he asked in disbelief.

'Stupid git,' Helen replied, not looking up and continuing to write.

He had been rather annoying yesterday and today, popping up out of nowhere all the time and disrupting her study and music practise; making her remember exactly why it was that she had spent so much of her life being mad at him.

Remus stared at her a moment longer before shrugging and continuing on with his essay. After all, he heard Helen call Sirius a 'stupid git' almost every day, though he wasn't sure why Sirius would want to meet Helen. He frowned, wondering if he was trying to pull a prank on her and sighed as he knew that his friend would, yet again, end up in the hospital wing for it.

'Hey Moony,' Sirius whispered, five minuted later.

Remus looked up, startled, before realising that it was Sirius.

'Again with the invisibility cloak?' he sighed.

After all, the library was not such an offensive place.

'Told you… can't ruin my reputation,' Sirius whispered back before making his way stealthily behind Helen's chair and running a finger down her spine.

Helen turned on him and pulled the invisibility cloak off him, furious that he was interrupting her study yet again with his stupid games.

'I have told you time and time again. You are not allowed to interrupt my study,' she snapped at him.

Sirius pouted at Helen.

'What do you want?' she snapped.

She was not in a good mood today.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at her tone.

'Who stuck a broomstick up your… ah, I won't finish that sentence,' he added delicately upon seeing Helen's eyebrows rise so high that they nearly disappeared into her hair.

Helen rolled her eyes and sat back down, noticing that Sirius' hand twitched as though he wanted to snatch the invisibility cloak from her grasp.

Remus stared at the two of them, not sure exactly why they were on speaking terms again. He hated full moon- it always left him confused upon his return.

Sirius slumped into the chair next to Helen and stared at her.

'What do you want, Black?' she asked testily, sorting through her notes.

'Back to last names, are we?' Sirius asked cheekily.

'Oh, and we'll be back to our normal state of constant war if you're not careful,' Helen muttered, thinking that the novelty of being with him had worn off as she realised how he was affecting her tried and tested routine which she needed to stay in control of her life.

Sirius laughed but then sighed.

'Okay, fine… are you nearly done?'

Helen looked at him incredulously.

'No. I am NOT nearly done. Now, you listen here. If I start falling behind in homework, it will be you who goes first, not my grades- understood?' Helen snapped, gathering her books and storming out of the library.

Sirius stared after her, frowning.

'Must be pms,' he said to Remus, shrugging.

Remus stared at him.

'Since when did you two get along so well?' he asked.

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh.

'You call that getting along well?' he asked incredulously 'Can we go somewhere else, please?' he added, not liking the gawking stares he received from people around him, shocked at seeing Sirius in the library.

Remus sighed and gathered his books, knowing that he wouldn't be able to study with Sirius anyway, and they walked out of the library together.

'Considering that Helen had you in the hospital wing last week, I would call say that that's about the most civil I've ever seen you two,' Remus said.

Sirius shrugged and they continued to walk, walking past a group of Slytherins.

'Oh, cousin, your mother is most grieved to hear that you took that mudblood, Asteria, to the Yule Ball instead of coming home to our family gathering for Christmas,' Bellatrix called out after him, running off quickly around the corner and laughing with the others before Sirius and Remus could whip out their wands and punish them for calling Helen a 'mudblood'.

Remus suddenly registered what Bellatrix had said and stared at Sirius in disbelief.

'What?' Sirius asked, confused.

He turned on his heel and walked away from Sirius, eyes narrowed and mouth taut.

Sirius stared after Remus, not sure what to make of his random behaviour.

'Something I said?' Sirius asked upon catching up to Remus.

Remus shot Sirius a cold look and continued to ignore him. He had never felt more frustrated with his condition in his entire life.

'Okay, mate. Seriously, you cannot be mad at me if I don't know why,' Sirius said, very perplexed.

Remus rounded on Sirius.

'You don't know why? All these years- all of them- I've put up with you're bullshit. Your rubbish- put up with YOU!

'… I've put up with you using me for homework, I've put up with your getting me in to trouble… but this… this is the last straw. Of all girls you could have taken to the Yule Ball, you took the one I asked. You couldn't have had the decency, could you, to leave her alone.'

Sirius blinked.

'What's wrong? All of a sudden all the other sluts you go out with aren't good enough for you? You have to take the one…' Remus suddenly paused, shook his head and walked off.

He could not tell Sirius that Helen was the one girl in the world that he liked.

Sirius, however, was not satisfied.

'No. Finish it. Go on. I want to hear this, Moony. Say it all,' he said coldly, folding his arms.

Remus glared at him, and walked away.

'So that's it? You just act pissed off at me because I took Helen? Well I wasn't taking anyone as it was. I had to tell her you weren't coming and if you didn't have a date and if you saw a girl expecting to go, as she did, you would ask her too.' Sirius called after Remus' disappearing back.

'So that's what it was? A charity case?' Helen said from behind Sirius.

She was studying in an empty classroom near them and had heard their shouting, arriving to hear the last part of Sirius' comment.

Sirius turned around, startled by her presence.

'What? No…'

'Well it sounded as though you took me because you pitied me. Is that what this has been?' Helen snapped.

'No…'

'I think I've heard it all… Silly me…' Helen said, angrily, walking away.

Sirius let out a vehement exclamation.

'You just can't accept me because you're scared of sticking with one person for a change,' Sirius called after her.

Helen laughed coldly.

'Me? Ha! Coming from someone who doesn't keep his girlfriends longer than a few weeks at most!' she retorted.

'Well, at least I've had them. You were so scared you'd never even had a boyfriend!'

Helen shook her head.

'Yeah? Well I was right, wasn't I? Look what's happened with my first boyfriend… Over in three days!'

'Are you breaking up with me?' Sirius shouted incredulously.

'Yes I am, Black,' Helen shouted back.

Sirius looked temporarily stunned.

'What's wrong? Never had a girl break up with you before?' she said with an ironic smile.

Sirius threw up his arms in exasperation.

'I always knew you were more trouble than you were worth,' Sirius snapped, turning to leave.

'Well I guess the feeling's mutual then,' Helen called after him before turning to walk in the opposite direction.

The both of them were very angry and frustrated with each other.

* * *

'You mean to tell me that you and Helen are over already?' James asked incredulously that night as Sirius recounted his argument (with the addition of many swear words) to James. 

'Yes. Good riddance, I say,' Sirius said moodily.

James looked unconvinced. He knew Sirius liked Helen far too much to truly believe that.

'So… what? Three days? All this time liking her… all the depressive fits whenever you saw her with someone else… all the moping about how she hates you and... that's it? I don't believe you… and what does Remus have to do with anything?'

'I don't know. He was pissed off that I took her, but then she came when I tried to explain myself to him and I forgot about him… I don't get it! What did I do that was so bad to deserve everyone to start hating me?' Sirius said, flopping back on his bed.

'Well, Peter and I don't hate you and, even if we ever did start disliking you, there's always your mum,' James said, a grin flitting across his lips.

Sirius smiled, but shook his head sadly.

'I can't believe she broke up with me.'

' That's never happened before, has it?' James thought out loud.

Sirius shook his head.

'Well, we always knew Helen wasn't like all the other girls,' James shrugged.

Sirius snorted.

'The other ones were less trouble…'

'But not as good looking.'

'They were nicer…'

'…Only because they were really stupid.'

'And did whatever…'

'…Because they were sluts.'

'JAMES! You're meant to be encouraging me at a time like this! Not telling me that I've been dumped by the best girl I was ever with before we even went out on a date!' Sirius snapped.

James laughed.

'Maybe it's just a temporary thing. I'm sure you'll both get over it and… er, maybe not. I think if there's one thing that Helen doesn't have, it's the trait of mercy. Yeah… sorry, mate. She'll probably be trying to curse your existence off the face of the planet tomorrow,' James said thoughtfully.

'Thanks,' Sirius said, drily.

James shrugged.

'So… what was the deal with Remus?'

'I don't get it. He was mad that I took Helen. Why? I mean, they're just friends right?'

* * *

'I know he's your friend, but if you ever mention Sirius Bloody Black to me ever again- I am warning you- I will curse your existence off the face of the planet,' Helen said moodily, letting her bag fall noisily on the desk table in the empty classroom and slumping into a chair next to Remus, the next day. 

Remus pursed his lips and continued to read.

'You can read upside-down, can you?' Helen asked ironically.

Remus blushed and turned the book around quickly.

Helen shrugged and used her bag as a pillow, leaning her head on it.

'Do you think I'm a commitment-phobic?' she asked after a while.

She was not aware of Remus and Sirius' previous fight- nor that Remus was trying, but faltering, to be angry with her too,

'Wh…What?' he asked in a strangled voice.

'He said that I can't commit to anyone because I'm scared. That's not true, though. It's just I didn't want to go out with anyone before because I was too young for that,' Helen said, frustration an evident tone in her voice.

Remus looked at her strangely and Helen shrugged.

'Ah, never mind. It's over. Funny too… Out of all of his girlfriends, I lasted the shortest,' Helen snorted 'At least I wasn't the one to get dumped, though,' she added as an afterthought.

'You… you were his girlfriend?' Remus spluttered.

'Well, I suppose we could call it that. Technically, though, I don't think anyone can be considered an actual girlfriend if they don't even go out with the person, and I definitely wouldn't call those Snaglers a date,' Helen said, more to herself than to Remus.

'Snaglers?' Remus asked, more confused than ever.

Helen shook her head.

'Long story… Let's just say I ended up in the hospital wing because…'

Comprehension dawned upon Helen's features.

'He tried to kill me,' she said, through gritted teeth.

'What?'

'Black tried to murder me. I'm sure that's what it was now. I was the charity case, but the next day he wanted to get rid of me so he tried to kill me. Wound healing really isn't that hard…'

'Should I bother asking for an explanation?' Remus asked, finding it very hard to be angry with Helen at all now that she was mad at Sirius again, yet not understanding a word she was saying all the same.

'No,' Helen said sullenly, closing her eyes.

Remus observed her for a while longer and then turned to his book.

Helen suddenly sat up and placed a hand over Remus'.

'Is everything okay? I've been sitting here ranting about my problems, but you seem on edge. Something troubling you?' she asked, looking into Remus' eyes.

At that moment, the classroom door burst open and Sirius and James strode in. Sirius stopped abruptly on seeing Helen's hand on Remus'.

'I thought you said you didn't like him like that?' Sirius shouted at Helen.

'We're friends. Friends hold hands sometimes, you know,' Helen shouted back.

'So is that why you were mad at me, Moony? Do you like her or something?' Sirius shouted at Remus who blushed quickly.

Helen rounded on Sirius.

'You know, you're a real prat, Sirius Black. I've told you for years that Remus and I are just friends…' she shouted, standing up and going to leave.

'Your behaviour always suggests otherwise,' Sirius shouted after her retreating back.

Helen muttered feverishly in Greek, shaking her head whilst making violent hand gestures, but did not turn around as she continued to walk down the hallway.

* * *

That night, James forced Sirius and Remus to talk. This was partly due to the fact that he did not want to be caught in the crossfire of a potential duel whilst he was asleep. 

'You two are going to talk,' he said sternly.

Remus glared in the opposite direction and Sirius rolled his eyes.

James exchanged an exasperated glance with Peter.

'Okay. Let's start with Remus. Why are you mad at Sirius?' he asked, trying to play the mediator.

Remus pursed his lips.

'He took Helen to the Yule Ball when he knew that I had already asked her,' he said through gritted teeth.

'Yes, but you weren't there!' James said fairly.

'Of all girls to take, he had to take her- the one _I_ asked!' Remus said indignantly.

'Well, he _has_ liked her for a long time. I don't think you should take it personally, Moony,' James said earnestly.

'Liked her for a long time?' Remus repeated, glancing at Sirius who avoided his eyes.

'Yeah, he's liked her for ages! It seems that our Padfoot's pretty good at keeping a secret,' James said with a wry smile.

Remus bit his lip and said nothing. James then sighed and turned to Sirius who was still staring determinedly out of the window.

'Okay... Now, Padfoot! What's up with you? Why are you mad at Remus?' James asked assertively.

'Because he got mad at me for no good reason,' Sirius said mutinously.

James shook his head in disbelief.

'You two are ridiculous! You're having a fight over what? James asked.

'I don't know,' Peter said truthfully.

The other three stared at Peter for a moment, not sure if they should dignify his comment with a response.

Remus sighed.

'I'm… sorry, Sirius. I shouldn't have become mad at you. I didn't know you liked Helen like that,' he said in a small voice. 'She's one of my best friends and I didn't… I thought maybe you thought she was… just like all your other girlfriends…' he added, cursing himself for being such a liar, but knowing that he had no choice.

He could never tell them the truth- especially now that Sirius liked Helen too.

Sirius gave a small smile and held out his hand which Remus shook.

James shook his head, bemused. 'Finally! Now that that's settled… Let's start planning the next full moon!' he said, glad that he had managed to prevent a large-scale fight from erupting between the marauders

* * *

**Poor Remus. I do feel really sorry for him, pining away silently. Reminds me of someone else... **

**As for Helen... personally, I have to agree with Sirius. She does have commitment issues, hence her making a big scene over something which really wasn't that bad at all. The truth, however, is that she's insecure. It would explain her distractions, because they were short-lived and thus they didn't have the chance to ditch her. I think she's really scared of the possibility that Sirius would do that to her and then she would have to deal with the shame of his dumping her... cut a long story short, she has issues which she needs to get sorted out quick smart. **

**Anyway. Next chapter, a few evil people are returning, and Helen will find herself in a very, very bad situation with them. I am therefore warning you that there is violence in the next chapter.**

**So, if you want to get it tomorrow, you had better get reviewing!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	27. Chapter 31: Cold War Hot War

'_**Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.' **_**Peter Ustinov

* * *

**

Cold War; Hot War

James was very annoyed with his two friends. He could not believe that, two months after their fight over something which seemed so trivial, they were still fighting. He called it their 'war of nerves' as they were both adamant in their belief that they were in the right and that the other should apologize. This made James even madder as he would have to listen to both of them complaining about each other. At times he had a mad desire to shout at the both of them to get over themselves and get a move on with life. He knew, however, they both still liked each other as neither had gone off with anybody and had interludes or 'distractions'. This was perhaps best evidenced in Helen's turning down Amos Diggory; Sirius' supposed rival in good looks and reputation as Hogwarts heartthrob.

'I'm so sorry, here- let me get that for you,' Amos said, picking up the book which he had knocked from Helen's arms.

'Thanks,' Helen said, taking it from him and walking away; barely even looking at him.

Helen had never much taken a fancy to Amos. She did not like his façade as a chivalrous, 'squeaky-clean' gentleman because she knew that he was doing what every other seventh year boy with a decent face was doing. At least people like Sirius were open about it.

'I don't like the way he's staring at her,' Sirius muttered to James in an annoyed tone as they watched Amos look hesitantly at Helen's retreating back.

'Oh… Helen!' Amos called out suddenly, running up to her.

Helen turned around, raising a questioning eyebrow.

'Yes?'

Diggory flashed his charming smile which he knew never failed to melt a girl's heart.

'It's a Hogsmeade weekend on Saturday, and I was wondering if you would like to go with me,' he said, rather confidently.

He had never been refused.

Helen raised her eyebrows.

'I'm busy...sorry,' she said shortly, turning on her heel and leaving a very shocked Amos Diggory to gape after her.

'She refused Diggory! Ha! Take that, you stupid ponce,' James said happily as he saw Diggory walk off in a very dazed manner.

'He's better off- trust me,' Sirius said moodily, wrenching his eyes off Helen and continuing to walk with James.

* * *

Another month passed and Helen realised that Sirius, despite how much it incensed her to admit it, was right. She had broken up with him for no good reason. The whole situation was merely an excuse to revert back to a life which she knew best; one which was comfortable, easy, successful… yet sad and rather lonely. She didn't understand why she was so afraid of change and how she could have been so immature in throwing away something which she had wanted for so long. Sirius, after all, hadn't asked her to marry him, but merely for them to give each other 'a shot' at being together; and she most definitely hadn't done that and began to wonder if she ever could. She didn't know what to do... all she did know was that she had taken the whole situation way too far.

It was these thoughts which pervaded Helen's mind insistently as she walked out of the castle, at five in the morning, having given up on attempting to sleep. The cool March wind blew her long hair behind her, whipping it around in the air. Shivering, Helen wrapped her cloak around her tightly and kept walking. The sky was still dark, with its black clouds edging nearer the castle threatening to burst. She walked for nearly an hour, completely lost in her thoughts. After passing the whomping willow, near the forbidden forest, she heard a rustle on the ground. Helen briefly saw a group of students closing in on her before being knocked to the ground. As she reached for her wand, she heard Bellatrix say 'expelliarmus' with a laugh as Helen looked on hopelessly; Rodolphus Lestrange twirling her only proper hope for defence in his fingers whilst he laughed manically.

Helen surveyed them; Bellatrix, Lestrange, Dolohov, McNair and the Carrows, with a pounding heart, as they circled her.

'Hello mudblood,' Bellatrix said, a hungry gleam in her eyes.

'Good morning, Bellatrix,' Helen replied stiffly; knowing full well what was to follow. 'Did you wish to speak with me? Surely you didn't think I would attack you if you wanted a conversation?'

'Speak with you? Ha! I do not converse with filthy mudbloods,' spat Bellatrix as the others roared with laughter.

'Well, that is a pity for your sake. I cannot help but wonder, however, why you sought to disarm me. Surely, if I am a… '_mudblood_'- one who, according to you, is unworthy of practising magic, you would not consider me a threat when surrounded by six pure-bloods.'

The others blinked for a moment and looked to Bellatrix for her response. For a moment Bellatrix herself looked as though she didn't know with what to respond. Then, after a pause, she shot chords through her wand, slamming Helen against a tree in the forest.

'We are going to teach you a lesson today, mudblood. We are going to show you _real _magic,' drawled Bellatrix.

The others laughed.

And then it started.

'Crucio,' bellowed Alecto Carrow.

Helen had never felt such pain; such torture in her life. She let out a blood-curdling scream, seeing, through bleary eyes, the others roaring with laughter at her pain.

'Enough!' shouted Bellatrix, holding up her hand, after what seemed like forever.

The pain lessened as Carrow stopped the curse and Helen's head dropped against her chest as she breathed heavily.

For the first time in her life, Helen questioned whether she would see the next day as they walked around the tree, each mad with delight at their prey.

Lestrange stepped forward and delivered a stinging blow to Helen's face, leaving a palm mark on her cheek and splitting her lip so that Helen could taste blood.

'Don't dirty you skin,' Bellatrix snapped at him.

McNair shot a curse at Helen, and Helen felt blood trickling down her arm whilst Dolohov created a gash across her cheek.

'I think…' Bellatrix drawled, fingering her wand lovingly, 'that it is time we gave her another taste of the Cruciatus Curse.'

The others laughed with glee as Bellatrix bellowed 'Crucio'.

Bellatrix was obviously well-practised in the Cruciatus curse as the pain generated from Alecto's own curse was nothing compared to what Helen felt now. Her head felt as though it was about to split into two. She screamed, yet could not hear herself. The pain grew worse and worse as she writhed against the chords, her back bending, pain coursing through every inch of her body. She was going to die. She knew she could not stand such torture for much longer.

Then, from somewhere, she heard those blessed words, '_finite incantum_.' They were not any of the groups' voices though. Helen tried to recognise who it was but felt no strength in her. She faintly heard her torturers running, curses flying, her saviours' voices angry, as the others tried to escape what was being sent their way….

Then, silence.

She tried to lift her head but, numb from the pain of the curse and her other injuries, dropped it heavily against her chest. She felt as though she had been sapped of every ounce of energy in her body. Faintly, she registered someone untying her chords and lifting her off the tree, holding her gently.

'Helen?'

It was Sirius' voice. He sounded worried; on the verge of tears.

Helen tried to speak but had no strength. She felt him checking her desperately for a pulse.

'Those bastards,' spat another voice; James' voice. 'Disarmed her behind her back and then tortured her,' he said, picking up her wand from where Lestrange had dropped it. 'Six to one! The whole lot of them couldn't take her on if she was armed.'

Sirius, however, was not listening. He was trying, desperately to generate a response from Helen.

'Helen... Helen! Come on, please! Helen!'

Helen opened her bleary eyes to see Sirius' own, barely an inch from hers, before her vision became cloudy once again and she fainted in his arms.

* * *

'Will she be okay?' James asked Madam Pomfrey, concernedly.

'Oh yes, she'll be fine soon … It was lucky you boys found her. Very lucky indeed!' concluded Madam Pomfrey darkly.

Sirius was sitting by Helen's bed, eyes fixed on her face; his own ghostly white.

'Now, boys, I'll have to ask you to leave. She needs rest.'

Sirius did not hear this comment.

'She will not be awake for some time. You have classes to get to, no doubt. You may come and visit her at lunchtime. I am sure she will be awake by then,' said Madam Pomfrey, placing a hand on Sirius' shoulder.

'I'm not leaving her,' said Sirius flatly.

Madam Pomfrey made a disapproving sound, gave an angry glare at Sirius and swooped out of the wing to her office.

'Listen, mate, she won't…' James started.

'I'm staying,' said Sirius, finally, his gaze not leaving Helen's face.

'Ok then. I'll just, er, take notes for you then?'

Sirius did not answer. James, seeing that his friend did not have the remotest concern about notes at this moment, decided it would be best to leave him alone, muttering, on his way out, 'Notes! What am I talking about? I've never taken notes in my life! Moony can take notes for us…'

Helen's hand, which Sirius had clasped in his own, twitched. Slowly, she opened her eyes, blinking many times to clear her vision. She turned her head, still heavy from the pain, to see Sirius staring at her, wide-eyed.

'How are you feeling?' he asked quietly.

'Oh, you know… not too bad. Maybe I'm not quite fit enough to run a marathon, but…' she grimaced as she sat up, 'maybe in a few days I'll be ready for that.' She said, a slight grin flitting across her lips.

Sirius put his face in his hands, breathing heavily.

'Hey,' said Helen, putting her hand on his shoulder, at which his hand immediately took it in his own, 'hey, don't be like that!'

'I thought they had killed you. I'll kill them! The six of them surrounding you, laughing as they tortured you… they're… they're…'

'Evil,' finished Helen grimly. 'I know. They didn't even have the decency to try and fight me face to face, not that it would have been fair anyway, outnumbered six-to one as I was. They just disarmed me from behind and…' Helen broke off.

There was a silence, in which they both looked down.

'Sirius,' Helen croaked, 'how did you find me? I don't know what would have happened if you didn't! They would have killed me… they were so…'

'Shh,' Sirius said, quietly, putting a finger to her lips. 'Don't think about that now. It's over now. Let's just make sure it never happens again.'

They sat quietly. Helen looking at her hands, Sirius out of the window.

'Helen?' Sirius said, getting up and pacing the side of her bed, after what seemed like hours.

'Mmm?'

'I'm sorry about what I said,' he said, looking out of the window, 'I just… I'm an idiot and…'

Helen got out of bed and hugged Sirius. Sirius was initially surprised, but then also hugged her back, rather tightly. Then, pulling away from him, tears in her eyes, said; 'I over-reacted. I don't know why, I just did. It's my fault... I didn't really hate you, I was playing this stupid, stupid game and I'm such an idiot and I was scared and I…'

But whatever Helen was going to say next was forgotten, as Sirius pulled her towards him, kissing her. At this kiss, the pain which Helen still felt from Bellatrix's curse slowly disappeared. She felt completely healed. They only broke apart only when they heard Madame Pomfrey's door to her office open; upon which Helen ran to the bed, lying down just as Madame Pomfrey entered the room and began to fuss over Helen's state. Sirius sat back down in his chair next to Helen's bed quietly. They ignored each other's eyes, yet neither Helen nor Sirius could suppress a guilty smile.

* * *

Helen stayed in the hospital wing for most of the afternoon. Madame Pomfrey had harassed Sirius into leaving Helen at lunch time; '_You've seen her now. She just needs rest- something which she cannot possibly do with you staring at her!'_

After having slept for a few hours, and feeling as normal as possible, Madame Pomfrey allowed her to leave in time for Helen to attend the last half of transfiguration.

'Asteria, why are you late?' commanded McGonagall when Helen entered the room as silently as she could.

Helen felt all eyes swivel to where she was standing.

'Sorry professor,' she said, handing her the note Madame Pomfrey had written for her.

'Very well- to your usual place then. Mr Black can lend you his notes.'

Helen made her way slowly to the back, sitting next to Sirius. After giving him a quick smile, she planted her eyes firmly to the front of the classroom.

'Is that all I get? A fleeting smile?' whispered Sirius, moving his chair dangerously close to her own.

'Shhh,' said Helen softly, unable to resist smiling a little.

'Will you go out with me?'

'Not now.'

'No, I didn't think traipsing out of the classroom under McGonagall's nose would work. I meant on the weekend.'

Helen shook her head and tried not to laugh.

'And I meant that we're not talking about this now. I have missed most of the class and want to try and retain some kind of information from today's class.'

'Want my notes?' Sirius offered.

Helen turned to face him.

'You took notes?' she asked, raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

'Well… I could make them.'

'You're going to make notes? For me?'

'Ah! The things I do for you….'

'BLACK!' McGonagall barked so suddenly that Sirius sprang his chair away from Helen.

'Yes professor?' he asked in such a manner that anyone who didn't know him would have considered him to be a most attentive and conscientious student.

'How many times do I have to ask you not to speak whilst I am speaking? This is the last straw. See me after class to arrange a detention…'

'Please, Professor,' said Helen, putting up her hand. 'Sirius was just explaining to me what I had missed.'

Sirius' mouth dropped. So did everyone else's in the class. McGonagall merely surveyed Helen over the top of her glasses with a shrewd expression. Finally, after a long pause, she said, 'I think that we may be in need of, yet again, changing the seating arrangements. It seems that Mr Black is having a detrimental effect on you, Miss Asteria. As of next class, you will kindly swap places with Miss Evans and be seated next to Mr Potter.'

Needless to say, Helen and Sirius were silent for the rest of the lesson, their eyes kept firmly at the front of the classroom.

* * *

When the bell finally rung, both Sirius and Helen packed up quietly, glancing at each other occasionally. They were about to leave the classroom together when Lily rounded on them both, James in her wake.

'WHAT is going on?' she demanded, hands on her hips and glaring at Helen.

'What do you mean?' asked Helen innocently, keeping a level gaze at Lily; obviously impervious to this glare under which both Sirius and James seemed to shrink.

'What I mean is, how come you're a) missing from all classes for most of the day and b) why you are all of a sudden talking to _him_ after everything he's done to you?'

She then, rounded on Sirius: 'YOU! You've confuded her!'

'Lily, seriously, get a grip! What's wrong with you?' Helen asked. She thought Lily was overreacting quite a bit.

'I'll tell you what's wrong with me. I had to spend the whole lesson with… him!' she said, rounding on James.

Helen started laughing.

'And, er, that was an unpleasant experience was it?' she asked, winking at James who gave her a lopsided smile in return. He was glad to see that she had recovered so well.

Lily swore under her breath, gave an evil glare at James and Sirius and took Helen by the arm as she firmly led her friend away.

'Er…' Sirius started, as Helen was leaving.

'Later,' mouthed Helen, giving a pointed nod to Lily and shrugging.

'Well?' demanded Lily in the girl's dormitory.

'Well what? Why do you keep doing that? …And what's with the 'confuded' thing, huh? Seriously, Lily, you're my friend, but you have to stop that,' Helen said, also quite offended that Lily thought Sirius would be able to have her confuded.

'Well you have no idea how worried I've been today…'

'About that…'

Helen recounted the story of Bellatrix and how Sirius and James saved her. She chose to omit, of course, several details of the Hospital Wing, but, nonetheless, was able to convey the general message.

Lily listened, her mouth wide open. After Helen finished, she whispered frightened, 'Helen, you have to tell someone!'

'No I don't,' retorted Helen flatly. 'I don't want dear little Bellatrix to think I'm afraid of her. Perhaps, from now on, I just need to be more careful about where I am and when. It was just cowardice… As if she, or any of them, could have done anything to me if I was ready.'

'Yes, that's very well, but she didn't do that because you're you. She did it because you're muggle-born. She would do the same to me and any other muggle-born in the school. This isn't about you, it's about the safety of all the muggle-borns!'

Helen paused for a moment. 'I know... I know that. But I can't let her have won over me. Besides, it would amount to nothing. She would have alibis with all the others in Slytherin and nothing would be done…'

'But Sirius and James…'

'No. Sirius cannot. She is his cousin, although he can't stand it. It could get him in a lot of trouble at home if he said anything… which is something which I do not want to be remotely responsible for. Yes, I know what you're about to say… but James and Sirius are friends so I think the same would happen to him if James said something as well.'

Lily opened her mouth but then fell silent. After a while, she said in a small voice,

'What if they had killed you? They would have, you know.'

'I know,' said Helen, quietly. 'I know, and it scares me to know that if Sirius and James weren't there, I might not be alive or, worse, I would have been tortured into insanity... It scares the hell out of me.'

They both sat, quietly for a while.

'I suppose I misjudged James and Sirius then,' Lily said eventually, a tiny smile twisting upon her mouth.

'I suppose we _both _misjudged them… although, I must say, not without good reason. What happened at the train station…'

'Bastards!' said Lily, laughing.

'Oh well, I suppose today's actions warrant their pardon for their actions in the past…' Helen said; her thoughts wandering back to the Hospital Wing.

'Helen!' implored Lily, laughing, bringing her out of her reverie.

'Sorry… I just… anyway... Let's go down now. It's dark in here and I…'

'Need to find Sirius?'

'Well, not exactly…'

'Oh, sorry, I meant, need to snog Sirius.'

Helen turned to look at Lily levelly.

'Lily Evans,' she said in a mock severe voice, 'Get your head out of the gutter!' as they descended down the staircase into the common room, laughing.

* * *

**Did you really think that Bellatrix had gone away and Helen would get away with being a muggleborn in such times? Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on whether you consider Helen finally realising that Sirius is not all that bad news was worth nearly dying for) Bellatrix did not go away and will be making more and more appearances in the future.**

**But not next chapter, because then a certain ****two characters get caught in the rain…**

**Anyway, so sorry about the slower than usual update. I have been caught up with other things and also been really tired. ... But show me that you appreciate the fact that I stayed up very late at night to finish this chapter with a review!**

**Oh... and a little something for you to think about ;)**

_Oh, it's you Severus! I've been waiting for you... Let's go to the broom cupboard, though…' -- Helen Asteria_

**Lots of love, Anya**


	28. Chapter 32: More Alike Than We Thought

'_**We choose those we like; with those we love, we have no say in the matter.' **_**Mignon McLaughlin, ****The Neurotic's Notebook****, 1960**

* * *

More Alike Than We Thought

'_The anti-derivative…the… the anti-derivative… the… oh sod it! I can't concentrate!' _thought Helen, rereading the same line of her arithmancy homework for the fiftieth time.

She shook her head and decided she would, once and for all, understand it. As she made to read the line again, two hands covered her eyes.

'Guess who,' Sirius whispered in her ear.

Helen smiled. At least now she had an excuse to procrastinate her homework.

'Hmmm… Let me think... Oh, it's you Severus! I've been waiting for you… Let's go to the broom cupboard, though…'

Sirius took his hands away and looked at Helen in horror.

'Snivellus?' he croaked hoarsely.

Helen laughed.

'I really should carry my camera with me. That expression on your face is priceless.'

'Snivellus?' Sirius demanded, not letting the matter pass as a joke.

'Of course not; I just wanted to see your reaction,' Helen replied, enjoying Sirius' reaction.

'Hmph,' Sirius said, eyeing Severus, who was studying in the opposite end of the library with Lily, with distaste.

'Ahem,' Helen cleared her throat.

'What? Did you say something?' Sirius said, snapping out of his loathing stare at Severus and turning his attention back to Helen.

'Really, you should go out with Severus- you seem more taken with him than by me,' she said in a mock-disdainful voice.

'Please don't insult me.'

'Just pointing out the obvious,' Helen said sweetly, gathering her books.

'Anyway…' Sirius, said, trying to get to his point, 'it's a Hogsmeade weekend tomorrow.'

'Really?' Helen said, pretending to sound surprised as they walked out of the library.

'Yes, and you know it is. So… want to go out?' he asked.

'Well, there is a difference between wanting to go out with you and whether I will end up going out with you…' Helen smirked.

'Well, if _that's_ the case…'

Sirius started walking off.

'Hey!' Helen shouted, running after him and grabbing his arm

'I was joking. Of course I'll go out with you,' she laughed.

'FINALLY!' Sirius shouted, sinking to his knees dramatically.

Helen laughed at him, but looked around all the same to make sure that no one was witnessing the embarrassing display.

'Get up… or else I might just change my mind,' Helen said, tugging at his sleeves insistently.

Sirius laughed and stood up, putting an arm around her shoulder.

'As you wish, _ma cherie,'_ he whispered into her ear as they continued to walk to the common room.

Even Helen could not suppress the smile which was irresistibly tugging at her lips.

* * *

Helen had never practised so much piano in one session in her life. She had started from seven, when she woke up, and did not stop until one. It was the only method which was successful in distracting her from her impending date with Sirius at two o'clock. She could not deny that she was very nervous about it, for she had never been on an actual date before and, thus, was not really sure what she was meant to do. She had tried to ask Lily- who had actually had a few steady boyfriends before- to no avail as she merely received lectures about behaving chastely with Sirius. What scared Helen the most, however, was that she would now be considered Sirius' girlfriend.

It was real now.

Although Helen accepted this, she still felt very nervous; as though she was waiting for the dive on a rollercoaster ride.

She only hoped that she wouldn't come crashing down.

* * *

'Shall we go in here?' Sirius asked, motioning to Madam Puddifoot's café.

'Yeah, here's fine… you know, seeing as we're both still banned from the Three Broomsticks,' she added with a wry smile.

Sirius grinned and held the door open for her.

'Let's hope we don't give Madam Puddifoot a reason to give us a year-long ban from here either,' he replied.

The loud chatter which ensued in the café suddenly died as the Hogwarts students turned to gape at Helen and Sirius. After all, they were still considered to be the most unlikely couple of Hogwarts.

Helen and Sirius exchanged a glance.

'Can we get two coffees to go?' Sirius sighed to Madam Puddifoot.

-----------------------------

'Oh well… it didn't look too great in there anyway,' Helen said as they walked around Hogsmeade rather aimlessly.

Sirius raised a disbelieving eyebrow at her.

'Anyway… since when did you start drinking coffee?' Helen asked, trying for a change of subject.

'Since I started staying up all night,' Sirius replied, rather evasively.

'I'm doubting that you stay up all night for study,' Helen said knowingly.

Sirius grinned.

'You know me so well…' he laughed.

'I don't think you need to know you too well to know that you don't spend your nights studying…anyway, so tell me: When you played the role of my 'knight in shining armour' the other day, had you just been up all night?' Helen asked.

She had been wondering how James and Sirius managed to be so conveniently in the right place at the right time.

Sirius' eyes widened for a moment and Helen caught this

'Er… no. James and I had just been… we were playing quidditch,' he lied.

He could not tell her about their full moon escapades.

Helen nodded. He obviously harboured a secret, but she wasn't going to push him for it.

They had come to the border of the village which overlooked the expansive, mountainous landscape. They sat down, legs dangling over the edge of the cliff.

'I have a question for you,' Sirius asked, suddenly.

'Oh?'

'Yes. What on earth happened in your careers appointment that got McGonagall in such a strop for me?' Sirius demanded, recalling the professor's snappier than usual demeanour in his own interview which was directly after Helen's.

Helen shrugged.

'She got really annoyed with me and kept on saying something about wasted potential because I have no idea what I want to do,' she replied, frowning as she recalled the disastrous meeting.

Sirius considered Helen for a moment.

'Have you ever considered becoming an auror? I reckon you'd be one of the best because, although I hate to admit it, you're scary to duel with.'

Helen laughed.

'Yeah, I don't know. I guess it's a pretty relevant job with Voldemort and all...'

Sirius adopted a dark look.

'Yeah, and I can tell you of a few more names who will be joining _his _list of supporters,' he said grimly.

Helen's eyes glazed over as she remembered the events of the day before.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to remind you of the other day,' Sirius said, softly.

Helen shrugged. 'I don't mind. It doesn't really bother me that much, to tell you the truth. I mean, it's not like it surprised me that they would do something like that… and I agree with you; I'm sure _she _will be the first person to join Voldemort when she leaves school…You said you spend holidays with her?' Helen asked, horrified at the thought.

'Yeah, I do… It's not all _that_ bad, though, because I usually just hang out with her older sister- Andromeda. Do you remember her? She finished last year, she was in Ravenclaw.'

Helen shook her head.

'Well, anyway... She's been kicked out of the family now because she's just been engaged to a muggle-born; Ted Tonks. As you can imagine, Bellatrix is thrilled about that,' Sirius concluded sarcastically.

'I'll bet,' Helen laughed.

Sirius shot a sidewards glance at Helen.

'You know… I always end up talking about my family to you, but you never say anything about yours and, somehow, I have the impression that you don't have the best time at home,' he said, realising that he didn't actually know that much about Helen at all.

Helen frowned.

'What's there to say? My situation is nothing compared to yours, so I feel pretty silly complaining about it to you,' she shrugged.

'Yeah… but what's it like at home for you?' Sirius pressed.

Helen paused for a moment before continuing.

'I just guess my parents are really strict and controlling about all aspects of my life. I had to be the best at everything I did. If there was a test at school, the only acceptable score was either a perfect score- or the top one in the class in any case. If anyone beat me, it was not good enough- even though I might have had a score of 99...'

Helen cleared her throat.

'They'd get really violent sometimes if I answered back, which was scary, I guess…You say that you want the whole history of my childhood? To tell you the truth it was very uneventful. There was school, there was study, there was music… and nothing else. I was told not to have friends because they were 'a waste of time' and would get me nowhere so, naturally, I didn't have any friends at my old school. The one friend I ever did have… ah, never mind. Anyway… When I got the letter for Hogwarts, my parents didn't even consider letting me go. It was only after Dumbledore came that they conceded to let me go- I'm guessing he did something to them, because they would never have let me leave for a boarding school in another country in their right minds. It was pretty hard even here at Hogwarts too, though; having people bitch about me all the time- it seemed like I couldn't amount to be anyone even in a new school and country. The thing is, at least I was away from them all here and I was lucky because I had a few friends here who cared about me. It's just so damn hard to go back home when I'm coming from such a great place like here. I'm sure you know what I mean, though,' she said, looking to Sirius for his response.

She bit her lip as she realised that she had just told him so much about her past- she had never told anyone much about her situation at home and she very nearly poured her heart out about how her only childhood friend- Marina- had eventually turned on her with every other student at her old school and had only become worse here at Hogwarts. Sirius didn't need to hear about that. It was as she had said- his problems were much more substantial than her own trivial ones of the past.

'I'm really sorry, Helen,' he said, looking her in the eyes. He looked guilty.

'For what?' Helen asked, confused.

'For… all the picking on you and stuff… I shouldn't have done it. I feel so bad now- you were going through all of that and I just….'

Helen smiled and shrugged.

'It's not like I wasn't used to it… and I wasn't really that innocent in the matter either! Have you already forgotten your countless trips to the hospital wing?' she asked.

They both laughed.

'You know… I don't really understand how we ended up liking each other,' Sirius pondered.

'I was actually wondering the same thing the other day,' Helen laughed, glad that she didn't have to talk any more about her past. 'My only plausible explanation is this: You drove me crazy when I was younger… still do, actually. The thing is, liking someone makes you go mad too so I suppose that it was only a matter of time, once I developed hormones, before I became confused as to whether I liked you or whether I hated you and, instead of hating you, ended up liking you. Go figure.'

Sirius laughed.

'You know… that does make sense,' he said, grinning..

'I think we've actually spoken more during our fights than during actual conversations,' Helen said with a small smile,

'It is a fact which greatly saddens me,' he said, shaking his head tragically. 'Then again, I was always secretly glad whenever we had fights,' he added.

'Why?' Helen asked, incredulously.

'Because it meant I had your undivided attention for at least a short amount of time and I guessed that was more than what most other guys who you went off with could boast- I always got the sense that you were never too interested in them,' he said, looking for her reaction to see if he was correct.

Helen nodded.

'You sensed correctly- but trust me that your having my undivided attention was not because I liked you,' Helen added, laughing.

'Surely you must have liked me a little bit… after all, you wouldn't have gone to the effort of getting angry at me if you didn't,' Sirius said mischievously.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'You thing far too much of yourself… but what about you? I always thought you hated me.'

'What? Because of that prank James and I pulled on you on our first day of school?'

'Well…'

'No. I never hated you. Okay, sometimes you drove me crazy …'

'Now, that doesn't sound like me at all,' Helen remarked sarcastically.

Sirius laughed.

'Oh, trust me! You could really get on my nerves… Especially in class when you would beat me.'

'Hey, I worked hard for that!'

'I inspired you to study?'

Helen gave a sheepish grin.

'Well, I couldn't have the upper hand in our arguments if I wasn't better than you- or at least as good as you,' she said, as though it was obvious.

Sirius blinked for a second.

'Wow. I always knew I had a huge effect on girls, but it seems that the one girl who I thought I could never affect has been the most affected by me,' he said, rather proudly.

Helen sighed. The last thing Sirius needed was her to feed his already abnormally large ego.

'Okay, I'll give it a rest…now tell me, honestly… Do you reckon my man Potter has a chance with a certain red-haired friend of yours?'

Helen laughed.

'You know,' she began very seriously. 'I've read Lily's palm countless times for Divination practise and, time and time again I see the same thing: Not only is she destined to be with James, but she will marry him and have… well, so far I've only seen one child but, hey, you never know!' she laughed.

'Well, I'll be sure to pass on the message to James. I'll have to be very stern with him, though, because I think he may have a mad urge to kiss the life out of you for bearing such tidings.'

Helen shook her head, grinning.

'No thanks. I mean, he's a great friend and all, but not my type.'

'No? Then what is your type?' Sirius asked raising an eyebrow suggestively.

'Hmmm. They have longish, black hair…'

'Okay. I get it. I'm your type... As long as…'

Helen couldn't resist:

'And a hook nose,' she added.

Sirius choked on his coffee.

'Please stop confusing me with Snape. It's really starting to worry me,' Sirius said very gravely; looking at Helen with a concerned expression.

'Haha... I'm only joking. I'm not too fond of Severus' nose; I much prefer yours,' she conceded, patting his knee reassuringly.

'Even though you once broke it?' asked Sirius, raising an eyebrow.

Helen laughed as she remembered the incident.

'Well, at that stage any part of your body was the most vile thing on earth and, seeing as you had just told the world that I had being having sex with James, it wasn't so much your 'nose' which I wanted to break but to cause you as much pain as possible,' Helen said seriously.

'Yes, well, I won't be spreading rumours about you anymore, that's for sure… I might also add that I should hope that you prefer my nose to Snape's, seeing as you're on a date with me, not him,' said Sirius seriously, obviously still troubled by his nemesis.

Helen smiled and finished her coffee.

* * *

They were walking back to the village when a loud thunderclap sounded, followed shortly by a flash of lightning which hit a tree a mile away, incinerating it.

And then the rain came: drenching them instantly.

'Come with me- we'll take a shortcut,' said Sirius, finding her hand and leading her as they ran through the muddied streets of Hogsmeade. Eventually, he found a trapdoor, which he helped her through.

They entered a dank passageway.

'Where are we?' Helen whispered, shivering, as they started walking through it.

'Hogwarts,' said Sirius proudly.

'How?' Helen breathed; her eyes wide.

'Ah, _ma cherie_, when you have broken as many rules as I have and suffered all the consequences…'

'Please. Don't try to sound too much like a martyr,' Helen said sarcastically.

Sirius grinned.

'Well, detention…'

'We've all had it.' Helen said shortly.

'Where are we leading to?' she asked after a while.

They walked in silence for a while longer until Sirius stopped at the statue of the one-eyed witch.

'Okay. We're here now,' he said.

'This is where we were leading to?' Helen asked, surprised.

'Yes. Now, listen- You can't tell anyone about this passageway. I… well, I don't think anyone else knows about it and…'

Helen felt a jolt in her stomach as she turned to face Sirius. His hair was wet and hanging in his eyes. His shirt was dripping and Helen, cursing herself silently for having such thoughts, could see the definitions of his muscles through it.

Sirius was similarly looking at Helen; her long hair was all wet and hung like a curtain framing her face. Her lips were red from the cold and her shirt had become see-through in the rain.

'Don't worry,' Helen whispered, reaching up to push Sirius' hair out of his eyes, 'your secret's safe with me.'

There was not much room, and they were so close; their chests were touching. Helen could feel his heart beating against her own. He leaned forward, slowly, and then she felt the touch of his lips softly on hers. She placed her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her.

She felt his tongue slide into her mouth, causing her to shiver in a manner which was unrelated to her wet clothes. She let her hands slide down his back, tracing the length of his spine. It was Sirius' turn to shiver…

----------

After what seemed like an hour, their lips parted.

'I… I think we should get back now,' Helen whispered, rather weakly. She was not sure that she could trust herself to stay there any longer.

Sirius looked her in the eyes and nodded. Helen had never seen him looking so serious in her life.

They walked in silence, slightly apart, towards the common room. This distance and silence, however, was a comfortable one. It was as though anything but silence would be a rude awakening from their subdued state.

Sirius murmured the password to the lady in the portrait and allowed Helen to pass through first. They were both greeted to the warmth of the common room and the incessant chatter of the students.

Helen turned to look at Sirius. Just as she opened her mouth to say something, however, Lily came running over to her.

'What happened to you? Why are you wet?' she demanded.

Helen looked apologetically to Sirius who rolled his eyes, causing them both to grin before he winked at her and sauntered off to the boy's dormitory.

'Well?' Lily demanded, hands on her hips.

'Oh, we just got caught in the rain, that's all,' Helen said unconvincingly.

'But it stopped raining an hour ago. What delayed you?' she said; sceptically eyeing her friend and following her up the steps to the girls' dormitory.

'Oh… you know… We kind of… got lost,' smiled Helen, thinking back to the passageway.

'Well, you don't look like you got lost. You look like…'

'Did you buy the dress you wanted?' asked Helen, changing the subject.

'What? Oh yes… but that doesn't…'

'Well get it out; I want to see it before dinner… I'm going to take a shower now, though.'

And with that, Helen left for the bathroom, leaving Lily looking very frustrated.

* * *

Throughout dinner, Lily kept on shooting furtive glances at Helen and Sirius. Helen and Sirius had not spoken since they left that passageway out of Hogsmeade but they would occasionally glance at each other, throughout the course of dinner, whilst continuing their conversations to Lily (in Helen's case) and James (in Sirius').

After the main course had disappeared and pudding was appearing in its place, and Sirius had stolen another glance at Helen, Lily seemed not to be able to contain herself.

'Oh, for goodness' sake! Is there something wrong, Black?'

Both Helen and Sirius stared at Lily, surprised.

'Lily…' Helen started, warningly.

'Honestly! You, Helen, have not listened to a word I've said all throughout dinner and you, Black, have not listened to anything Potter's said either. I've been watching you both.'

'What're you going on about Evans?' said James, incredulously. 'Of course Sirius' been listening to me!'

'I doubt that. He's been too busy staring at Helen,' Lily snapped.

'Well, he's allowed to. It's not like it's against the law. I mean, she is his girlfriend. It's not that often that you find a girl that pretty here at Hogwarts,' he retorted.

Lily opened her mouth and shut it, no words coming out. Before anyone could say anything, she ran out of the Great Hall.

'Great one, James,' Helen said reproachfully.

'What? What did I say? I just complimented you!' he said, at a loss for words as to why he had offended Lily so.

'Yes, but you're meant to compliment her- not me. She's the one you like, isn't she? You should have said something like: 'well I stare at you all the time too,' or, better still, shut up. Don't get involved when she gets into that bossy mood she's in. You can't win with her and you'll just end up fighting.' Helen sighed.

'But…' James protested.

'I think I should find her,' Helen interrupted, getting up.

Sirius was about to say something but Helen merely waved at the two of them behind her, running out of the Great Hall to find Lily.

'Lily?' Helen said tentatively, entering their dormitory.

'Just leave me alone,' she heard her muffled voice from her bed.

Helen sighed, pulling aside Lily's drawn curtains and sitting on the edge of her bed.

'Everyone likes you,' she said from her pillow.

'I think you'll find that you are mistaken on that. Very few people like me, in fact…'

'I mean guys. They're all in love with you.'

'Well, not…'

'Don't. Don't insult me. They do and you know it.'

'Hey, come on, James doesn't like me…'

'He does too. You should see how he was staring at you at the Yule Ball!' Lily snapped.

'He was probably shocked that I was with Sirius. I doubt it was for any other reason.'

'You're in the quidditch team together; you spent summer with him…' Lily interrupted.

'Listen; so did Sirius. Now you're starting to insult me. Lily, you're my friend, so I'm going to be frank with you. James, first of all, likes you. Always has and always will. You might want to return those feelings once in a while if you expect him to flatter you all the time, though. I think tonight he might have wanted you to become jealous which, if that is what he wanted, certainly worked because look at the state you're in! Now, there's something else. What was with that outburst at dinner? What's going on with you? I don't believe you actually care that Sirius was staring at me. What's happened that made you so…'

'My sister is engaged!' Lily wailed.

Helen blinked, shocked that such good tidings could bring Lily so much grief.

'Isn't… isn't that a good thing?' she asked, perplexed.

Lily let out a howl.

'S…She d…doesn't w…w…want m…me to…to… go!' she wailed.

'Why not?' Helen asked, although she had a fair idea as to why.

'B…because she d…doesn't w…want his f…family to… to think s…she's fr…from a f…family of f…freaks.'

Helen looked at Lily, who was curled in a ball and crying into her pillow, sadly.

'Hey,' she said softly, taking her hand. 'Hey, Lily. I… I don't know if this will help or not, but she's obviously jealous of you and, I'll tell you, jealousy is a terrible thing. It brings out the worst in people and that's what you're seeing in your sister at the moment. Honestly! I had a sister like you; I would thank God every minute of the day! You're… you're such a good person. You care about everyone and… if _she_ can't see that; if she's so misted by that jealousy of hers, well… it's only a wedding. In the grand scheme of things, it's not that big a deal. So what? You won't be there on one of the biggest days of her life, but whose fault is that? I'll tell you one thing, though. I'm sure, one day, she will come around and realise exactly what she has been missing out on. She will realise that she has hurt such a beautiful person and then it will be up to you whether you forgive her or not… I think that you will, even though most people wouldn't.'

Lily sniffed affectedly. Helen hugged her and whispered, 'you don't want to cry too much, Miss Evans. Mr Potter is not used to seeing you in such a state… he may wish to console you and I'm not sure that his methods of consolation are what you are used to.'

They both laughed and Lily sat up and rubbed her eyes.

'Now I think you should wash your face now and go to sleep. Get an early night. You need it,' Helen said.

'Thanks, Helen. I… well, I don't feel great, obviously, but I feel a lot better now,' she said, smiling weakly.

Helen patted her on the shoulder and went to leave.

'Oh… and you still owe me an in-depth account of your date,' Lily called out.

'Yeah, yeah… later,' Helen waved, leaving the dormitory.

* * *

**Poor Lily. It seems she has also has issues underneath her perfect image.**

**As for the other two... are you noticing that they're finding that they have a deeper understanding of each other? Of course they're still keeping things from each other... this was only their first date, after all.**

**Are we also understanding a bit more about Helen and why she has issues with trusting people? I have a feeling one particular reader is going to have an even deeper unhealthy hatred of Marina now... oh dear. It does, however, explain why Marina has been so nasty to Helen without any supposed reason from the beginning... **

**Sorry I've been taking so long to update. I feel I owe you all an explanation: My siblings have been abusing their time on the internet at home and, as a result, my parents have taken it away... I have currently stolen it (the wireless internet) without them (my parents) knowing that it is in my possession, but only God knows how long I'll have it in my possession until they realise that it is missing from their hiding spot...**

**Anyway, enough of my own personal ranting. I just thought you deserved an explanation as to why it's taken me longer than usual to update!**

**So, keep reviewing and I will try extra hard to get the next chapter to you!**

**Lots and lots of love, Anya**


	29. Chapter 33: Friends

'_**Give me one friend, just one, who meets the needs of all my varying moods.' - Esther M. Clark

* * *

**_

Friends

Helen did not end up giving Lily all of the details of her date with Sirius, although Lily could pretty much guess most of it anyway after observing how Helen and Sirius acted around each other. She observed them, wondering if they were both the same people. They were very quiet around each other when with other people- a stark contrast to their previous selves where they would be shouting at each other almost every minute in the other's presence. The truth was that Helen and Sirius were very private about each other. Neither offered much information about their time together with their friends. They were never even really seen together in public but would wait until they were alone; the both of them were tired of being the constant source of gossip for the Hogwarts student body and did not want their new, yet tentative, relationship to be subjected to that.

'Sirius?' Helen asked, sitting up from where she was leaning on his shoulder in the empty classroom. They had long since given up on the idea of going on conventional 'dates' after their attempt to have coffee in Madam Puddifoot's café. Secretly, they both preferred it this way anyway.

'Mmm?'

'When's your birthday?'

'YOU DON'T KNOW?' Sirius said, pretending to be scandalised.

'It's not my fault you were obsessed with me to the point of knowing my birthday… so when is it?' Helen said, shaking her head at Sirius who pretended to sulk.

He pursed his lips.

'Valentines Day,' he replied, blushing a little and looking at her in a way which dared her to laugh.

Helen laughed.

'Well that explains a lot then…'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'…So our birthdays are pretty close then, huh?' Helen continued.

Sirius nodded.

'Are we playing the question game, then? My turn… who was the first guy you kissed?' Sirius asked, looking at Helen with scrutinizing eyes.

Helen rolled her eyes. It was such a typical question- coming from Sirius.

'Guess.'

'How should I know?'

'You know him- very well too,' Helen said with a maddening smile.

'Remus?'

'Good guess, but no… Actually, I've never kissed Remus….' Helen pondered.

'Let's make it stay that way,' Sirius said stoutly, ignoring Helen who rolled her eyes. 'James?'

'Again, a good guess. I've only ever kissed him in that spin the bottle game, though… he was pretty good too…' she reminisced with a small smile.

Sirius deliberately ignored this last statement.

'Well? Surely not Peter!' he continued.

'Surely not,' Helen conceded, laughing at Sirius.

'Well? I thought you said I knew him well!'

'You do.'

'Who is it then?'

Helen rolled her eyes, but then blushed.

'You,' she said, with a small smile.

'Me?' Sirius said, surprised, but pleased nonetheless.

'Yeah- remember that time when you kissed me in the broom cupboard when we were being chased by Filch that night in… was it 2nd year? Yeah, 2nd year…' Helen said.

'That was your first kiss?' Sirius asked, shocked.

'Uh-huh… now you go. Who was yours?'

It was Sirius' turn to blush.

'Who?' Helen asked, looking closely at Sirius.

'That was my first kiss too,' Sirius admitted.

They both burst out laughing.

'Are you serious?'

'As Sirius as my name,' Sirius laughed.

'That pun is really old, Sirius,' Helen said, shaking her head.

She couldn't believe the news she had just received.

Sirius shrugged.

'My turn... Have you done it?'

Helen sighed.

'Done what?' she asked, knowing fully well what he meant.

'You know- sex. Have you had sex?'

Helen looked at him levelly.

'No,' she replied.

Sirius nodded slowly. He had always wondered how far Helen had gotten with her 'distractions.'

'Who was your first time with?' Helen asked, a little more seriously now.

Sirius sighed and looked at Helen apologetically and Helen felt her heart fall as she realised who it was.

'Marina?'

Sirius nodded.

Helen nodded, biting her lip. That piece of information was not totally welcome to her ears.

'Yeah… and you managed to walk in on that too,' Sirius added.

Helen covered her ears.

'Too much information?' Sirius asked, grinning.

'Just a bit… you turn now,' Helen said, hoping to change the topic.

'Okay… who was your first crush?'

'Hmmm,' Helen pondered. 'Well, I had a small crush on James in first year, so I guess you could say him… but my first real one was when we went to Beauxbatons. You may remember him. I distinctly recall you being extremely rude to him- Theo.'

'Yeah, I remember him,' Sirius growled. 'What do you mean you had a crush on James?' he added; far more concerned about this new information.

'I mean just that. I had a small crush on him… the problem was that he was too smitten with Lily to notice me, so I gave up after a while,' Helen shrugged.

Sirius shot Helen a glance which indicated to her that he would not forget this news.

'It's over. Seriously, I haven't liked him like that since 1st year… now, who was _your_ first crush?'

'It is with great regret that I tell you the answer…'

'Marina?' Helen interjected shrewdly.

Sirius grinned.

'No, she never really entered my thoughts too much…'

'No. She only entered your… no! Too much! Bad images!' Helen stopped herself, screwing up her face and covering it with her hands.

Sirius laughed. 'No. I had a very secret crush on you for parts of first year- which is why I picked on you so much I think,' he added as an afterthought.

Helen started hitting him.

'Ouch! What? Ouch! Stop!'

'You did that to me because you had a crush on me? You're crazy, Sirius Black!' she said, still slapping him.

Sirius pulled her into a hug and she stopped and started laughing.

'I can't believe all this! Me? You had a crush on me? You were so mean to me!' Helen said reproachfully.

'I know… I'm sorry… how about I kiss you to make up for it?' Sirius said slyly, leaning forward and kissing her. Helen allowed him for a while, enjoying the taste of his mouth against hers, but then pushed him away.

'You can make up for it later,' she said, smiling at Sirius' scowl that she broke the kiss. 'You should be getting to your detention now, though' she added.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Argy can wait,' he said, leaning forward to kiss her again.

Helen stood up.

'That may be very well, but my study cannot,' she replied sweetly, holding out a hand to pull up a grumbling Sirius.

'I'm sick of detention,' he complained as they walked out of the classroom.

'Perhaps you should think about that the next time you pull a prank,' Helen replied archly.

'Aw… come on! I'm a Marauder- I can't let the team down!'

'What I meant was that you should take better care not to get caught,' Helen clarified.

Sirius stopped walking and stared after her retreating back.

'Have fun in detention,' Helen called, winking at him before walking off.

* * *

Whilst not too many people were aware of Helen and Sirius' newfound 'friendship', they found that they could not hide their relationship from their friends and although Sirius' friends did not have any evident or obvious issues with it, Helen was not so lucky. 

'Hi,' Helen smiled, sitting opposite Severus and Lily in the library.

She was particularly happy because she had just seen Sirius.

Lily and Severus stopped talking and looked at Helen.

'Should I guess where you've just been?' Lily asked with a knowing smile.

Helen blushed and sat down, bending over her satchel to try and hide her flushed cheeks. After she had found her books, she looked up to see Severus looking at her rather coldly.

Helen's smile faltered.

'Something I said?' she asked, puzzled.

'I always thought you were cleverer than that,' Severus said icily.

He had just been told by Lily that Helen was going out with Sirius.

'Sev…' Lily said in a low, warning voice.

Helen's face blanched.

'What?' she asked, even more confused. She looked to Lily for an explanation, but Lily just put on an apologetic expression and bit her lip, looking imploringly at Severus.

'He's just going to use you like every other girl he's used in the school,' Severus spat.

Helen opened her mouth, but no words came out. She couldn't believe that Severus was speaking to her in such a way.

Severus ran a hand distractedly through his greasy hair.

'Damn it, Helen! Black? Don't you know he's…'

'This has nothing to do with you, Severus,' Lily whispered urgently, tugging at his sleave to stop.

'No? Well the last time I checked people didn't go out with their friend's enemies… like you and Potter!'

Lily sighed exasperatedly.

'There is nothing but hate between Potter and I. Just drop it, Sev…' she said testily.

Severus turned to Helen.

'You're just like the rest of them now; just like the rest of his girlfriends. You sit here telling us how you think people like Alyssa are stupid for giving themselves to him, but you're doing the exact same thing… It's only going to end badly,' he concluded, his black eyes boring into Helen's hazel ones.

Helen nodded her head pathetically and got up and walked out of the library. She didn't want to say anything to Severus… because what was there to say? She hadn't been with Sirius long enough to be able to tell Severus confidently that he was wrong. The truth was that she was tired of fighting. She was tired of being misunderstood and she was tired of wandering corridors by herself in the pursuit of an empty classroom. What she was most tired of, however, was keeping an ice-like hold of her emotions. She wished, right now, that she could just burst in to unrestrained, luxurious sobs as she had seen so many girls do… but she couldn't. All she could do was what she always did when she felt like this; to sit under the yew tree and stare emptily across the Great Lake. Withdrawal was the only way Helen knew how to deal with emotional matters.

She tried to repress the memories, but could not now that Severus' words were ringing in her ears. She wondered how it even happened; they had been so close- inseparable. They would sit together in class, play together during recess and lunch and would even, whenever Helen was allowed, play together after school. Helen smiled bitterly as she recalled the frame of the two of them hugging, with the inscription 'Best Friends Forever' on it, which Marina had given her for her eleventh birthday- the one before she betrayed her. She still had it- somewhere in the depths of her trunk. She had kept it to serve her as a reminder of what could happen if you allowed yourself to become too close to someone- you would inevitably get hurt. Helen took a sharp breath as she recalled Marina reading her journal, which Helen had entrusted to her (and only her), to her laughing classmates. What had hurt the most, however, was the smirk which Marina had sent her way upon seeing her- seeing that her supposed friend had deliberately hurt her. They had been outcasts together before then- the both of them displaying slightly strange qualities compared to their muggle peers. After the incident, however, Marina was accepted amongst them with open arms.

Helen snorted as she remembered how she couldn't even cry after the break-up of their friendship. She was only angry- very angry- but would not cry. It was then that Helen developed this inner core of strength or coldness which was irrepressible. She had always hoped that her father was wrong in telling her that friends could amount to no good, yet he was proven to be invariably correct and this hurt more than anything else. It hurt her because, at the tender age of eleven, she was not only a social outcast, but was also fully alone in the world.

Hogwarts was different. She was still with Marina, but at least she had friends who did care- friends who she knew to be truly loyal because they had stuck up for her in situations against people like the Slytherins and Marina. Helen felt that boys were more honest and, so long as she didn't become emotionally involved with them, would never betray her; hence her closeness with Remus and James. She had not wanted to become involved with Lily at all- the rawness of Marina's own betrayal, coupled with that of the girls in her private primary school, still too new. Lily, however, was a special case. She was so obviously genuine and so accepting that Helen could not help but trust her and then befriend her.

'You know, you and Sirius are so well-suited to each other sometimes I wonder how it is you've spent most of your lives fighting,' James said, slumping down on the ground next to Helen and, consequently, interrupting her train of thought.

Helen didn't say anything, but shrugged. She did not really feel like talking at this point in time.

James sighed.

'You both do that, you know…. Just sit alone and wallow in depression. I don't understand it. Is it that much fun? Would you recommend I do it too?' James asked, nudging Helen with a small smile.

A smile cracked upon Helen's stony mask.

'No, I would not recommend that you ever need to resort to such tactics,' she said eventually, shaking her head.

James laughed and leaned back against the tree.

'Now, you listen here. I've had 'the talk' with Sirius, but I think I might need to have it with you too,' James continued, grinning.

Helen sighed as she realised how much James had lifted her mood already.

'James, I don't…'

'Now… You're like a sister to me. You know that. Sirius, however, is like a brother to me and you have already shown us all wonderful displays of breaking his heart…'

'James,' Helen warned.

'No… because I'm the one who has to put up with him when he's depressed and, trust me, Sirius is bad news when he's in a strop- that's a warning for you too,' James added.

Helen shook her head, unable to stop laughing now.

'You're talking about us as though we're so serious! We've only been together a short while! How do you even know that I'm not just like all his other girls?' Helen added bitterly, remembering Severus' words.

James rolled his eyes.

'See! There's your problem! Of course Sirius is serious…'

James paused and they both started laughing.

'Gah! That pun drives me nuts… he's been using it all day too,' James said, rubbing his temples, very annoyed. It was infections and Sirius had been using the word 'siriusly' or the phrase 'are you sirius?' in his every sentence that day.

'I know…' Helen said in a mock-sad voice. 'I nearly hexed him for it,' she added as an afterthought.

'Well please make sure you do, next time, because if you don't- I will. I can't take it anymore!... and I have a feeling he'll accept getting hexed from you more than me. He's used to getting hexed by you, see' James added logically.

'As long as I always have James as a friend, I'll be fine,' Helen thought, laughing as James started telling her about the prank the Marauders pulled on Filch during their last detention.

* * *

**James is nice, isn't he? Too bad Lily can't see that yet... sighs.**

**Severus obviously feels a little betrayed that Helen is suddenly friendly with his biggest nemesis and they'll probably be a little distant, but they're still friends. As for Marina, now we know the full story. Sad, eh?**

**Well... as for Helen and Sirius, I think they're finding that they're not just 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' but can just hang out with each other as friends - with a little extra, of course ;)**

**Oh, and for you:**

_Sirius grimaced and shuddered, James looked a nasty shade of green, Remus was not of this world, Peter was sweating profusely and looked ready to keel over, and Lily's mouth quivered into an uncertain smile which threatened to turn to tears._

**What could possibly have our brave Gryffindors in such a state?**

**Review and you shall find out!**

**Love Anya**


	30. Chapter 34: A Sluggish Start To the Week

'_**The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.' Quoted by Alexandra Penney in **__**Self

* * *

**_

A Sluggish Start to the Week.

'Ugh, Monday.'

This was Helen's first thought upon waking. She shut her eyes tightly, as though trying to will time to turn back so she wouldn't have to get up. Then, suddenly, they flew open as she sat up abruptly.

'Potions test!' she breathed, her heart pounding in her chest.

She donned her robes quickly, packed her satchel and went down to breakfast, going through the process for making an Invisibility potion in her head.

It was very important that everyone went well in this test as it would contribute towards their practical mark for their OWLs.

* * *

Helen looked up from her potions book to see all of her peers also absorbed in their own potions books. Once the bell rang, they dragged their feet to the dungeons, in a morbid silence that would not be out of place at a funeral.

Professor Slughorn let them into the classroom, beaming.

'Come, now. It is a test, not a death sentence! I want those long faces to disappear before we proceed.'

Helen looked around. Sirius grimaced and shuddered, James looked a nasty shade of green, Remus was not of this world, Peter was sweating profusely and looked ready to keel over, and Lily's mouth quivered into an uncertain smile which threatened to turn to tears. Only Severus looked confident.

Professor Slughorn sighed at the lack of response.

'Now, then, this test is going to be done a little differently to the others. Because there are not enough wormwood roots to go around, you will all be required to work with a partner…'

'Phew!' let out Peter, who was positively beaming.

Most of the class also seemed quite content with this arrangement. Again, Severus seemed to be alone in his response- it was his turn to turn a shade of green. Helen remembered his love of working alone.

Helen was not altogether too pleased herself with the arrangement of working with a partner either. She too felt more confident when she had control over everything. But if she was working with Remus, her usual potions partner, she would have nothing to worry about anyway.

'At least it will be quicker this way,' she thought to herself.

'Now, I shall be putting you into partners who you usually do not work in to ensure that the marking is as fair as possible.'

Helen sighed. 'Just my luck' she thought bitterly.

'Now, Mr Potter, you will work with Miss Black…'

'WHAT?' both Bellatrix and James shouted, standing up in rage.

'Ahem! Miss Evans, you will be working with Mr Snape…'

Lily and Snape both looked delighted with the arrangement. James, on the other hand… Helen smiled as she saw his left eye twitching.

'Mr Pettigrew, you will be working with….'

'Please not me,' thought Helen, holding her breath and not daring to think of what would happen to her mark if she had to try and fix his blunders whilst also trying to produce a decent potion.

'… Mr Carrow.'

Helen sighed in relief, but could not help but feeling pity for Peter who seemed to wither in Carrow's glare.

'Mr Lupin will be working with Mr Nott…'

Helen felt the small spark of hope that she would be paired with Remus die. She exchanged a sad glance with Remus and he sighed as he looked over to Nott who was eyeing him distastefully.

'Mr Lestrange, you will be paired with…'

Helen felt a flash of the pain which Rodolphus had contributed to inflicting on her only a week ago and prayed that she would not have to work with him. She breathed in relief when he was paired with Mary, again feeling a pang of sympathy that Mary had to work with him. Helen was also glad when she saw Marina paired off with Zabini- she was not sure she could have handled Marina working with Sirius.

'This leaves Miss Asteria with Mr Black and Mr Avery with Miss Parkinson!' Professor Slughorn beamed.

Helen looked up in surprise. Sirius too looked surprised at the choice. Nonetheless, they both grinned; neither able to believe their luck in not being paired with a Slytherin and, also, to be paired with each other.

'Well, that was a pleasant surprise!' Sirius said, helping Helen to set up their cauldron.

'Tell me about it!' Helen smiled, lighting the wood under the cauldron on fire.

They worked very well for most of the lesson, agreeing on ever step.

'You chopped those gurdyroots very well,' Helen said, admiring the lilac potion which she was staring at. 'That's exactly how it should look by now!'

'Why, thank you!' beamed Sirius, not used to receiving compliments from Helen.

'NO, SEVERUS! WE ARE NOT ADDING PEPPERMINT!' shouted Lily at Severus, her red hair, which she had tied back, falling in her face.

'Listen to me, it will work out better! Trust me!' Severus pleaded.

'No. It doesn't say it in the book!'

'Well, the book's not perfect…'

'Oh, and you know better than the book?' Lily glared.

'Well… fine. If you don't want to, we won't. It would have turned out better, though,' Severus said, mournfully, conceding to Lily's demands.

'Boy, am I glad I'm not working with him!' Sirius said, nodding at Severus.

'He had a point, though. Peppermint would have worked very well.' Helen remarked, thoughtfully.

'Sticking up for Snivellus? Again?' he said disbelievingly.

'Well, there's no use denying that he is very good at potions,' Helen shrugged, adding the liver she had been chopping to the potion. That was as far as she could go in sticking up for Severus- his comments to her from the other day were still rather raw.

They continued to work feverishly.

'Ten minutes to go!' Slughorn announced.

'Okay, we're doing well,' Helen said. 'We just need to…. STOP!' she exclaimed, preventing Sirius from adding a calcium stone to the mixture.

'What?' Sirius asked, confused.

'What are you doing? A calcium stone? We're not meant to…'

'Yes we are,' Sirius said.

'No we're not,' Helen said flatly. 'I read it this morning. It said a calcium stone would ruin the potion beyond repair, although it is a seemingly reasonable ingredient.'

'Well, you must have misunderstood, because I read the same thing about the rosemary sprigs- not the calcium stone.' Sirius said, crossing his arms.

'Well, I don't know which book you read from, but it was obviously not from ours.'

'It was.'

'Well, _you_ must have misunderstood,' Helen said, growing increasingly impatient.

'I didn't.' Sirius said stubbornly.

'Listen: we don't have time- we have five minutes. All we need to do is add these rosemary sprigs and we're done. Just trust me,' Helen snapped, annoyed that Sirius was being so difficult at this stage in the test.

'If we do that, the mixture's going to wreck. I'm adding the calcium stone,' Sirius retorted.

'Sirius… I'm warning you... DON'T!' Helen shouted as Sirius defiantly dropped the stone in the potion.

Helen held her breath in anticipation for the disaster which was to follow. Surprisingly enough, however, the potion turned clear as it was supposed to.

'See?' Sirius said, relieved that he was right, after all.

No words escaped Helen's mouth. She continued to stare at the potion, sure that it should turn into a black glug soon. She was certain that calcium stones would ruin it…

'Time's up!' Slughorn called, coming up to each desk and collecting a sample of the potion.

He smiled upon reaching their desk.

'Ah! Excellent work, Miss Asteria and Mr Black. Full marks… quite a perfect potion, indeed!' he beamed, stoppering a sample of their potion before moving on to James and Bellatrix's desk.

'Oh dear, what have we here? I am assuming that you added the rosemary sprigs instead of the calcium stone?' Slughorn said, clicking his tongue disapprovingly.

'I shall assess the potion and see if I can, indeed, salvage a few marks for you two,' he added, moving on to the next desk as shouts erupted between Bellatrix and James as to whose fault it was.

Helen paled as she realised that she would have only received a few marks had she been working alone. Sirius had been right and she was wrong. She didn't want to feel annoyed at this- annoyed that he had 'beaten' her, because they had been working as a team and it wasn't a competition between them. She knew she should have been grateful that she would now have full marks for this practical test as opposed to a few…but she couldn't. She felt sick and couldn't bear the shame of looking at Sirius now.

* * *

Helen's slightly erratic behaviour, her obsessive pouring over their potions book, despite the fact that they _had_ just finished their test that day and the fact that she ignored him at all costs did not go unnoticed by Sirius. He located her that evening studying (potions) in an empty classroom.

'Hey,' he said, walking up to her desk.

Helen glanced up momentarily.

'H..Hi,' she said in a slightly strangled voice, before looking back to her notes, narrowing her eyes and writing even more furiously.

'Er… I know you like your study and all, but is there a reason why you're studying potions when we already had our test today?' Sirius asked, sitting in a chair opposite her desk.

'Just because you do well in potions without much study, it doesn't mean that I can,' Helen snapped.

Sirius stared at Helen, not sure what to think. She always went very well in potions.

'I have obviously been slack in my study these past few weeks, but that has to stop right away. It can never happen again,' Helen continued, more to herself.

'What can never happen again?' Sirius asked, confused.

Helen pursed her lips and continued to write feverishly.

Sirius grabbed her hand.

'What's going on?' he demanded, looking at her in such a way that Helen could not ignore his eyes.

Helen bit her lip and looked elsewhere.

It suddenly dawned upon Sirius what Helen's problem was.

'This is because of the test, isn't it? It's because you thought it was rosemary…'

'Okay! You don't have to rub it in that you beat me,' Helen snapped, breathing heavily.

Sirius looked at her incredulously.

'Beat you? What the hell is your problem? We were working together as a team. No one beat anyone,' Sirius said, exasperated that Helen was suggesting that there was some competition between the two of them.

'I shouldn't have made that mistake in the first place,' Helen said heatedly.

Sirius tugged at his hair in frustration.

'But that's all it was! A mistake! Many people in the class made that mistake,' Sirius said reasonably.

'I don't care. I'm not many peop…'

Helen cut herself short and cleared her throat as she looked down at her notes, pursing her lips and picking up her quill.

'Why do you have this obsession with being the best at everything?' Sirius asked quietly.

There was a pause. Eventually, Helen raised her head and looked at Sirius levelly.

'Why is that such a crime? What is so wrong with wanting to be the best at what I do?' she challenged.

Sirius stared at Helen a moment longer before looking away and shrugging.

'Ah… Forget it,' he sighed.

He didn't want to start a fight with her now, but he was very frustrated with her all the same. He had not even given the fact that she thought it should have been the rosemary sprigs a second thought until now… and he certainly hadn't thought of it as his having been 'better' than her.

'I'll leave you to your study, then,' he said, a little distantly. Helen glanced at him and felt sick now that she realised how terrible she sounded. She knew that Sirius had thought she was terrible too and that was why he was leaving her now. She wanted to say something but found that she didn't know what there was to say. This struggle and turmoil took hold of her as she watched Sirius get up and leave the room without a further word to her.

* * *

As Helen was making her way back to the Gryffindor common room that night, a pleasant voice came from behind her.

'Enjoying an evening stroll?' Professor Dumbledore asked.

Helen turned around to see him looking at her with his sparkling blue eyes. She faintly registered that it was well past curfew.

'Not really. I'm afraid I wasn't paying a close enough attention to the clock when I was studying,' she said truthfully.

'Ah, well that shows true concentration, then, doesn't it?' Dumbledore said as they started walking in the direction of the common room.

Helen shrugged, wondering if Sirius now hated her.

They reached the portrait.

'Well, goodnight professor,' Helen said, giving the Fat Lady the password.

'Goodnight Miss Asteria… and just before you go, I would like to give you something to think about. When one is exceptional at what they do, they sometimes lose focus of the more important aspects of life due to the pressures which are exerted upon them to maintain that high standard by both others and themselves. Take this from someone who knows this feeling all to well,' he said seriously, with a slightly sad note in his tone.

Helen looked up into Dumbledore's eyes searchingly. He held her gaze for a moment before looking away and clearing his throat quickly.

'Goodnight then,' he said, nodding to her and continuing down the corridor. Helen stared after him, wondering how he could possibly know her inner turmoil. Eventually, she turned and entered the now deserted and dark common room, registering the underlying message of his advice as she sunk into the couch. It was true; she had been so absorbed in studying and maintaing her high standard that she was sacrificing the other important elements of her life.

Only, she did not sit on the couch…

'Ouch!'

Helen hurriedly lit her wand to see that she had just sat on Sirius' legs.

'Oh… I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there,' she said quickly, embarrassed now to see him after their earlier conversation.

Sirius nodded and sat up. He had been waiting for her to return, but had fallen asleep on the couch in doing so.

A pregnant pause ensued, in which they both waited for the other to speak.

'You're right, you know,' Helen said quietly.

She was still standing up.

'I've been so caught up with school work my whole life that I lost touch… I forget about the other important things in my life.'

Sirius was slightly shocked that Helen had admitted this. He could not recall a time when she had admitted that she was wrong.

'And I was ridiculous today. It wasn't a competition between you and I, and I knew that. Maybe I was just scared of what would have happened if you hadn't known the right answer… either way, how I reacted was wrong,' she continued, wishing that Sirius would say something- anything- to end the silence.

'And…'

Sirius suddenly took her arm and pulled her towards him.

'You drive me crazy, sometimes, you know that,' he murmured into her neck, kissing it.

'I know, I know… I'm sorry…' Helen said, not realising that this was Sirius' way of saying 'let's just forget about the whole thing.'

'And don't apologize too much. I'm not used to it; I don't know how to react,' he continued, now kissing her collarbone.

Helen laughed a little and sighed as she lay back on the couch.

Sirius stopped kissing Helen now and propped up on his elbows, looking down into her eyes.

'I really am sorry,' Helen said quietly.

Sirius shook his head.

'… and there she goes again. Tell me, Miss Asteria, is it a rule of yours to do exactly the opposite of what I say?' he grinned.

'I need to change,' she said truthfully.

'I never said that- and don't even think I said that you need to change who you are… just that you take a few things way too seriously,' Sirius said, laying his head on Helen's chest.

'Well, that's your fault. After all, how can I be with someone whose name is Sirius and not take things siriusly,' Helen reasoned.

Sirius laughed and hugged her waist to him, nestling his head into her chest. Helen giggled as his hair tickled her neck.

'Something wrong, Asteria?' Sirius muttered, already half-asleep.

'Nothing, _mon cheri,_' she replied, patting him on the head and kissing the top of his head as she heard his breathing become heavy with sleep.

'Well at least one of us knows our potions,' she whispered, smiling and closing her eyes as she too drifted off to sleep.

It had been quite a draining day.

* * *

**I don't have too much to say on this chapter... perhaps just that Helen finds it hard to accept defeat and that I wanted to show that Sirius is also very smart. Did you notice that they're getting better at forgiving each other too?**

**Now. I would like to settle the matter of Helen Asteria's flaws once and for all. A few of you are under the impression that she is rather lacking in them. I find this rather sad as I believe I have devoted quite a considerable amount of the story trying to portray them (this chapter being no exception). We see her as finding it very difficult to trust people, to possess an irrational temper, to be over-competitive, to have tendencies to be a perfectionist and these are just to name a few of her major flaws as I most definately have shown many others. What I believe, therefore, to be the troubling point for some people are the things which she actually excels in: i.e. she is smart, pretty and rather good at quidditch. Now tell me if I am being reasonable here. We know that Helen pretty much studies and… studies. For most of her life she hasn't done much else. Is it, therefore, not fitting that she is very smart? ****She is pretty. Okay, maybe you would have wished her to have an ugly face… but there is a reason as to why she is so beautiful which you shall learn later on (which shall also explain quite a lot of other things too). Lastly, she is good at quidditch (not as good as James, but good nonetheless). This will also be explained. Honestly, though, is she that different from James or Sirius? After all, we know that they were both good-looking, good at quidditch, 'the best in their year' (or close to it, anyway) in intellect, and popular. Why is it so acceptable that Sirius and James can be good at these things, and yet Helen cannot? Sirius and James were not perfect either; we see them as being rather reckless and having huge egos. These are their 'fatal flaws', if you like. Helen's are mentioned above. She is not perfect by any means. In fact, she is very from it and this story, quite frankly, would be very boring if she were 'perfect'. **

**So I hope that I have been able to dispel and quash any thoughts that Helen is 'perfect' or a 'Mary-Sue' with this. If you have any more issues with about Helen's character, feel free to contact me. Otherwise, can we please just give it a rest? It's getting rather tiring, really… not to mention annoying.**

**OKAY. So... next chapter is rather fun and offers us some much-needed comic relief in this story as the Marauders land themselves into a bit of hot water from a prank. :)**

**I am, therefore, eagerly anticipating your many many reviews so that I may be able to provide you with the next chapter soon (I hope); the internet operation is slightly tentative at the moment (hence the long wait for this chapter).**

**Lots of love, Anya**

**p.s. I doubt you'll ever receive an A/N this long again :)**


	31. 4 Marauders and a Potential Marauderess

'**_A friend is someone you can trade secrets with and never worry.'_**

**_

* * *

_**

Four Marauders and a Potential Marauderess

'Okay, Peter… did you check the hallways?' Remus asked, looking over his checklist.

'Yes,' Peter nodded eagerly, his eyes wide with excitement.

'… and Sirius? Did you make sure that you fixed the bombs in all the positions?'

'Yes, Moony,' Sirius said impatiently.

'On the chandelier?'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Yes, mum,' he chided.

Remus grinned.

'… and the doorway arches?' he continued.

Sirius clicked his tongue impatiently.

Remus raised his eyebrows, amused.

'… and did you remember to put them on the staircase?'

Sirius suddenly stopped clicking his tongue and grinned sheepishly.

'I'll be off then,' he said, hurrying back to the entrance hall.

'With his tail set firmly between his legs,' James called after him, shaking his head and laughing at his friend.

'And _you_, Prongs- have you charmed the doors so that no one will be able to get out?' Remus asked James.

'Uh-huh,' James said, waiting in eager anticipation for their prank.

'I'M BACK!' Sirius announced five minutes later, running towards the other three marauders who were crouched behind the tapestry on the first floor.

'About time. Pay attention next time, Padfoot,' James snapped, winking at his friend all the same.

Peter erupted into a fit of breathy giggles.

'Don't wet your pants over it, Wormtail. It wasn't _that_ funny,' Sirius said impatiently.

Remus returned from where he had gone to check the progress of the classes.

'Right. Everything's ready. Classes should be out in about five minutes… won't they notice that we're missing from this period?' Remus added anxiously.

James and Sirius laughed.

'Oh, Moony. You worry too much. Besides, we're not even in the same classes for this period! Bessie McLaren's covering for me by saying that I'm in the hospital wing this period,' James said confidently.

'… and I told Helen how you and I ate a bit too much in the kitchens last night and how we're really sick; hence our missing out on Arithmancy. She'll cover for us,' Sirius added confidently.

'She believed you?' Remus asked in disbelief.

'Ah, what can I say? I have a wonderfully trusting relationship with _ma cherie,_' Sirius said, grinning smugly.

James rolled his eyes. He had heard Helen's response and it did not sound quite as encouraging as Sirius had made it out to be.

'She didn't believe you! She said that this was the only time that she would take notes for you and cover for you… she also said that you should be careful not to get caught or else you'll spend even more time in detention... I think she knew that you were going to pull a prank,' Peter said earnestly.

The other three marauders stared at Peter for a moment and an awkward pause ensued. This was interrupted, however, as the sound of many footsteps and the chatter associated with lunch-hour could be heard.

'Right, Marauders. This is it!' Sirius said excitedly.

They put their right hands in the centre of their circle and chanted 'I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good!' before running out and joining the growing crowd of students waiting for the Great Hall to open for their lunch hour.

* * *

'Four,' Peter breathed, looking at the second hand of his watch from next to his allocated door. 

'Three,' Sirius whispered from his door, wand ready.

'Two,' James thought, holding his breath in anticipation.

'One,' Remus said, muttering the incantation at his door.

'ARGH!'

Screams filled the Entrance Hall as hundreds of dung bombs exploded, causing an unbearable stench. Students rushed escape from the Entrance Hall in the desperate attempt to escape the putrid smell but, thanks to James' charms, were unable to exit from the doorways.

'This is the doing of those stupid Marauders,' Lily said through gritted teeth, holding the front of her robes up to cover her nose.

Helen, who was doing the same thing with her robes, looked around and tried to locate the four marauders amongst the mayhem.

'Why don't you just get rid of Black? He obviously doesn't care about you _that_ much if he didn't warn you not to come here,' Lily snapped, wishing that someone would fix the doors so that they could breathe clearly again.

Helen laughed.

'I guess he did give me a pretty good warning,' Helen pondered, 'but I had no idea they were doing something like this…'

'Why are we holding up our robes? Let's just do a bubble-head charm,' Lily said, wondering why she didn't think of it earlier.

Helen's eyes widened as she realised how clever Lily's suggestion was. The two girls whipped out their wands and were soon able to breathe clearly.

Helen felt someone grab her waist and turned to find Sirius grinning at her.

'Well, _ma cherie?_ Have we impressed you?' he asked, his eyes dancing with an excitement Helen associated with young children.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Hardly. It's actually quite disgusting and not very funny,' Helen said reprovingly.

Sirius pouted at Helen.

'Aw, come on! Look at the commotion we've caused! They'll have to cancel next period…'

'Oh and that's just such a great thing when we have our OWLs coming up in a month's time. Smart, Black. Real smart,' Lily snapped angrily.

'I don't recall asking your opinion on the matter, Evans,' Sirius snapped back, rolling his eyes at Lily. 'Anyway. It seems as though I'm needed… later!' Sirius added, rushing off to the other Marauders who were motioning for him to join him.

Lily scowled.

'Oh look at you! Staring after him with that stupid grin on your face. You do realise that he is quite happy to disrupt our education and has absolutely no deference for the rules. Look at him: the stupid, egotistical…'

'You do realise that you're talking about my boyfriend,' Helen reminded Lily, a smile playing upon her lips nonetheless.

'I know! That just makes it even worse! How can you be with someone like him? Black and Potter: the two toerags… the two biggest bullies of Hogwarts. I really wouldn't mind if that chandelier fell on top of them right now,' Lily seethed, fingering her wand lovingly.

'Now, now Lily. We don't want to commit murder,' Helen laughed, shaking her head at Lily.

'This is such a stupid prank. It's as you said; it's not even funny. It's just stupid…'

Lily trailed off and her eyes widened. She had a brilliant idea.

'What's wrong?' Helen asked, noting the change in her friend's demeanour.

'What? Oh nothing…. Oh thank goodness! McGonagall's finally here…' Lily said rather disconcertedly.

Her mind started working in overdrive as she began plotting everything she had to now do.

* * *

The Marauders landed themselves in detention for a month as punishment for their prank. There were reports that McGonagall's shouts could be heard from miles away. Nonetheless, they seemed to be held in a higher esteem amongst their peers and Helen could not but help being annoyed at the number of girls who seemed to be fawning over the Marauders; Sirius in particular. What incensed her even more was the fact that Sirius did nothing to discourage this but, rather, seemed to do the exact opposite by grinning at them and, occasionally, winking at them if they were slightly prettier. 

'YOU'RE MAD!'

'AM I REALLY, BLACK? I DON'T WINK AT EVERY GUY WHO LOOKS AT ME,' Helen shouted back.

'COME OFF IT… I'M NOT _THAT_ BAD. IT'S ONLY ON THE OCCAISON…'

'WELL I DON'T SEE YOU WINKING AT ME.'

'YOU WANT ME TO WINK AT YOU?' Sirius shouted incredulously. 'LIKE THIS? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? ME TO BLOODY WINK AT YOU?'

'I DON'T WANT YOU TO FUCKING WINK AT ME, YOU IDIOT. IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME, YOU HAVE TO DROP THIS PLAYER ATTITUDE BECAUSE I'M NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT.'

'FINE!' Sirius shouted back. 'SEE IF I CARE.'

'GOOD. BECAUSE WE'RE OVER!'

'This one doesn't sound too good,' James remarked from the Common Room, flinching as he heard the sound of breaking glass.

'No… It's one of their worst…' Remus remarked, now feeling genuinely scared for Sirius' safety as there was a sudden silence.

'Did she kill him?' Peter whispered, his eyes widening at the thought.

The three boys exchanged worried glances, as they realised that Peter's suggestion was a very possible one, before springing up and running as quickly as they could to their dormitory. They did not even think of knocking, but burst into the room.

The dormitory window had a hole in it and neither of them could fathom its cause. There were a few books strewn across the room which looked as though they had been thrown. None of these details, however, were really registered by James, Remus and Peter as they stared at their two friends: Helen on top of Sirius, the two of them kissing wildly on the floor of the dormitory. Sirius was sporting a number of cuts but didn't seem to mind in his current position. Similarly, Helen didn't seem to look as murderous as she had when they had last seen her.

James was the first to come to his senses, slamming the door shut in a bid to both get rid of the image in front of him and to make Helen and Sirius realise that they had been seen and needed to stop. It was at that point that he realised that this was the first time he had even seen Helen and Sirius 'showing' their affections as they never so much as hugged in public, let alone kissed.

James turned to Remus, who looked considerably paler than he had back in the common room.

'Do you reckon they've finished yet?' he asked.

Remus shrugged, lost for words.

'Oi! Break it up in there!' James shouted, banging his fist on the door.

Seconds later, the door opened and Helen emerged, blushing furiously.

'You're banned from our dorm from now on,' James said sternly to Helen.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'You can't ban me,' she retorted. She was embarrassed that she had been seen to be so… _passionate_, with Sirius, but wasn't about to start taking orders from James.

'Yes I can. It's against the rules,' James retorted hotly.

'Oh, and you all pay _so _much attention to the rules,' Helen snapped sarcastically.

'You had better watch it. Our prefect over here could land you in some hot water,' James said nodding to Remus.

Helen turned to Remus and raised her eyebrows at him; daring him to agree with James. The problem with this was that James was similarly looking at Remus; daring him to disagree.

Remus blushed scarlet.

'I… I don't know,' he stammered, feeling very foolish as this did not even answer either of his friends' questions. He quickly turned on his heel and hurryied back to the common room before he was made to inevitably betray one of his friends.

'I think I'll join him,' Peter added, bounding off after Remus and thus proving that, at times, he did indeed possess some common sense.

'What's going on?' Sirius asked, emerging from his dorm, his cuts now healed.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'You can deal with _him._ He's become all 'older-brotherly' now and I don't have to put up with it,' Helen snapped, turning on her heel and storming off down the stairs.

'We said when you finished school,' James said to Sirius testily.

Sirius started laughing.

'We were only snogging. Anyway, I'm not holding out until we finish school!' Sirius exclaimed, shuddering at the thought. 'It's been a couple of months now and I've been going out of my mind! I mean, there are ways of relieving tension... but it's nothing like the real thing, mate,' Sirius said clapping James on the back as they walked into their dorm.

'Yeah… trust you to know,' James said, rolling his eyes, but grinning nonetheless.

'Mate, it's not my fault that you're holding out for that hopeless case which is Evans. If I were you, I would want to get out and play the field a bit before you settle on the one girl anyway… plus, you should really think of getting onto shagging. It'll be a joke if you finish school and you're still a virgin. Hell, the way you're going, Peter will have become a man before you- and that's not a good sign,' Sirius said wisely.

James laughed.

'What, so you've 'settled' on Helen, then?' he asked.

Sirius did not answer straight away.

'Not necessarily… I mean, is it ever possible to settle with that girl? She dumps me pretty much ever second day!' Sirius laughed.

James nodded. Sirius had skipped around the question, but he didn't mind.

'Well hopefully if I keep on asking Evans, every day, to go out with me, she'll finally accept one day,' James said hopefully.

'Mate… the only thing she'll be doing is hexing your sorry arse. I say give up on her already,' Sirius said.

'I can't,' James said resolutely.

'What is so good about her? I just don't get why you've been a sorry celibate all your life for this one girl who never seems like she's going to crack whilst there are so many girls who are gagging for you… hot ones, nonetheless,' Sirius said. He had been exasperated with the Lily Evans case since first year. Now that they were in their fifth year, he was getting very bored indeed, not to mention frustrated, with the whole situation.

James did not respond immediately.

'I sometimes wonder that too… no, really, I do!' James exclaimed truthfully in response to Sirius' snort. 'Sometimes I think of just giving up on her… but then I think of you and Helen. I mean, you guys hated each other for so long- and your case with her was much worse than mine is with Evans- but you both somehow managed to realise that you actually like each other… and look at you two now! That's why I don't want to give up hope on Evans- because I really do like her and I've never wanted any other girl but her, my whole life. I don't want to go with other girls because all I would be thinking of is Evans and how she would never be like them… and then I'd feel dirty and like I was betraying her,' James said earnestly.

'But you're not even together!' Sirius exclaimed, tugging his hair in frustration.

'No, but I'd be betraying the offer that I genuinely like her and I'm hoping that she'll just realise that one day.' James finished, thinking of her emerald eyes dreamily.

Sirius rolled his eyes. It sounded like a load of romantic crap to him.

'Ah, you are a hopeless case if ever I saw one,' Sirius sighed, shaking his head sadly at his friend.

* * *

Helen was lying on her bed, not thinking of anything in particular, when Lily walked into their dorm, looking particularly pleased with herself. 

'Did you kill James, because I can't imagine what else would have you looking so happy,' Helen remarked.

Lily smiled.

'Actually, I can…' Helen added thoughtfully. 'You killed both Sirius and James, didn't you?'

Lily gave a soft laugh and lay back on her own bed.

'No. It will be much better than that,' she replied, feeling very satisfied.

Helen raised an eyebrow and sat up to look at Lily questioningly.

'Pray tell me, Miss Evans, what you could find more appealing than killing my _cheri _and his friend?'

'You'll see,' Lily said with a small smile. 'I think it's time for dinner,' she added, springing up excitedly.

'Lily Evans. What have you done?' Helen demanded, following her friend out of their dorm.

Lily smiled happily at Helen and linked arms with her as they entered the Great Hall.

'Should I be warning them?' Helen said, quite worried now as Lily could barely stop smiling broadly.

'It would make no difference,' Lily shrugged.

Helen spotted Sirius sitting with James and the other two at the dinner table. She shot a questioning look at Lily and strode up to him.

'Get up,' she snapped at Sirius.

Sirius looked at Helen questioningly. He couldn't think of anything which he had done recently which merited such a harsh tone.

Helen turned him around, looking him up and down, before checking his hands, eyes and face.

'Okay… nice to know that you're checking me out, but is something else going on?' Sirius asked, puzzled at Helen's very strange behaviour.

Helen looked over to Lily who was already eating dinner and laughing at Helen.

'I think someone is trying to get back at you. Just be careful not to get yourself killed, because then no one else would date me as you would have proven that the 'Asteria curse,' is actually real,' Helen said gravely.

'Nice reasoning for not wanting me to die,' Sirius said sarcastically.

Helen shrugged and walked over to where Lily was sitting, looking at her dubiously.

'Oh relax! They're not going to die. They'll just perhaps realise that they should reconsider the whole pranking business,' Lily said, unable to stifle her excited laugh as she saw both Sirius and James taking a swig from their 'pumpkin juices.'

Helen turned to Lily.

'What did you put in those drinks?' she asked, her eyes wide.

'Veritaserum,' Lily smirked. 'Now we'll all be hearing their innermost dirty little secrets.'

Helen, horrified, turned to see James and Sirius who now both sported blank looks in their eyes.

'I used to wet the bed,' James said loudly and suddenly. 'Until I was six,' he added.

The Gryffindor table fell silent. Lily was giggling uncontrollably. Remus and Peter were staring at James, not sure what to think.

'I used to cry every night if I didn't have my blankie,' Sirius burst out.

Helen smiled a little at the thought of Sirius needing a blanket to go to sleep, but scowled as she heard Marina cooing 'Aw, poor Siri!'

'I'm a virgin,' James announced.

'What's wrong with you two?' Remus hissed, as the Gryffindor table erupted in giggles.

'I'm not,' Sirius said, suddenly. 'I've shagged a total of sixty five girls. I keep their names in a book. I call it my 'Black' book.'

Helen groaned and sunk into the chair.

'Can't you stop it?' she pleaded of Lily who was beside herself with laughter.

'So, Helen. Do you want to be number sixty six?' she asked, wiping away her tears.

Helen shot Lily a dirty look before looking on in horror as James cleared his throat and began to speak again.

'My mum dressed me in girl's clothes when I was little because she always wanted a daughter,' he said.

By now, the Great Hall had quietened significantly and Helen noted that the Ravenclaw table was silent and listening intently to Sirius and James' outbursts.

'I used to fancy McGonagall,' Sirius said loudly. 'Of all the teachers who I fantasized about, she was the best,' he added.

This last comment was met with many squeals and claps. Now the whole Great Hall was silent.

'I want to marry Lily Evans,' James said. 'I'm in love with her.'

Helen turned to see that Lily's face was now as red as her hair.

'Bet you didn't see _that_ one coming,' Helen laughed, now that Lily's plan had backfired on her.

'Remus, Peter, let's get these two out of here before they start saying anything else that's embarrassingly true,' Helen whispered to the two boys across the table from her.

They nodded gravely and stood up purposefully and approached James and Sirius.

'Come on, get up,' Helen said, trying to take Sirius' arm to make him stand up.

'Because of Helen Asteria, I haven't had sex in five months,' Sirius said loudly.

If Helen ever wanted to crawl up in a little hole and die, it was now. Had Sirius not have been drugged, he would have been dead by now.

'But I do think of her when I have a wan…'

'Get up! Now!' Helen shrieked, pulling him with such force that he fell off his chair.

Although he did not finish his word, most people in the Great Hall gauged what he was talking about anyway. The Great Hall filled with laughter and Helen registered that she had never felt so humiliated in her entire life. She looked over to see Remus and Peter leading James, albeit slowly due to his random outbursts of truth, to the Entrance Hall.

'I'm sorry, Helen. I never thought it would involve you,' Lily whispered, hurrying over to help Helen lift Sirius up and drag him out of the Great Hall.

Thankfully, Sirius didn't reveal anything more about Helen during this trip, but did say that he caught Professor Linossar and Professor Meleta kissing, much to the Professors' embarrassment.

'How long does this last for?' Helen snapped at Lily, once they were in the Entrance Hall.

Lily's face paled.

'I don't know,' she whispered.

'What the hell happened to them?' Remus demanded, walking up to them from where he had sat James down on the steps.

'Our genius over here decided that it would be fun to spike their drinks with Veritaserum,' Helen snapped, trying to ignore Sirius' comments about what he did with Annabella Redhill in the broom cupboard last year.

Remus gaped at Lily in amazement.

'You did that?' he asked, shocked that Lily would break the rules.

'Yes,' Lily sighed truthfully.

Remus stared at Lily a moment longer before turning to Helen.

'Listen, why don't you and Peter stay here and watch over these two whilst I go talk to Madam Pomfrey and you, Lily, can go ask Professor Slughorn about possible remedies,' Remus said practically.

Lily nodded and walked back into the Great Hall; obviously desperate to put an end to the joke which did not end as happily as she had hoped it would have.

'Will you two be okay with them?' Remus asked, looking apprehensively at his two friends who were now babbling on about embarrassing childhood memories (in James' case) and glorified sexual conquests (in Sirius' case).

Helen nodded. Peter squeaked uncertainly, but did not say otherwise. Remus patted Helen sympathetically on the shoulder before running up the stairs towards the hospital wing.

'… and then she asked if I wanted her to give me a bl…'

'Oh just shut up, Sirius. I don't want to hear about Marina giving you blow jobs,' Helen snapped, very angry now. She put her head in her hands in a bid to stop hearing what he was saying as she slumped down on the staircase to sit next to Peter.

'They're idiots,' she muttered, feeling rather violated now that she knew that Sirius thought of her when he…

'Urgh,' Helen thought, shuddering. Nonetheless, it did make her wonder that he obviously thought of sex a lot more than he let on. After all, he had never really suggested it.

'Probably knew what I'd do to him if he tried,' Helen thought mutinously, trying to fight off the urge to hex Sirius for describing his experiences with Marina to a quite sickening detail.

'Hey, Peter, can you go see what's happened to Lily?' Helen asked suddenly after ten minutes. She was very annoyed that her friend was taking such a long time to return with the Potions master.

Peter nodded and looked quite happy to be relieved of his responsibility as he ran off.

Another five minutes passed and Helen felt quite sick by this stage as she sat, head in her hands and tried to block out James' recount of a bad experience with semi-permanently sticking glue which could have possibly rendered him unable to have children on the one ear, and Sirius' very vivid recounts of his fantasies about McGonagall on the other.

'I'm an animagus,' James said suddenly.

Helen rolled her eyes, but then suddenly sat up.

They had taken truth potion. James had to be telling the truth.

'What do you mean? How are you an animagus?' Helen asked curiously.

She sat, completely tuning out Sirius' babble now as she listened to James' story as to how the marauders became animagi.

Thankfully, James had reverted to talking about embarrassing moments by the time Lily, Peter, Remus and Slughorn arrived. Helen, however, now looked at the marauders in a much different light. She had always thought of them as just pulling relatively harmless pranks but now saw that they had taken the whole thing to a much higher level. She could not help but feel slight admiration for Sirius and James that they had managed to successfully pull off the very dangerous and extremely advanced process of becoming an animagus; it certainly explained why they were so exceptional in transfiguration and had such a wealth of knowledge on the subject which did not correspond to the amount of time they spent crouched over their books and notes.

'They need to drink this,' Slughorn said, holding out two vials.

Helen took one of the vials.

'Here… Sirius…' she said, holding it up to him and making him drink the antidote whilst Remus administered the other one to James.

Lily noticed Helen's strange demeanour.

'I'm really sorry Helen. I never wanted it to get so bad,' she whispered.

Helen shook her head. Lily had no idea why she felt so strange and she would never tell anyone what James had just told her- not even the Marauders themselves. If they had not told her, they obviously did not want her to know.

'What's going on?' James asked, blinking and looking around, very confused.

Helen registered that Lily had sidled behind her sheepishly.

'It seems like someone spiked your drinks with Veritaserum,' Helen said, not letting on that it was in fact Lily who had done the deed.

'Veritaserum? What did we say?' Sirius asked in horror, clutching at Helen's sleeve.

'Oh, I think the whole school knows pretty much all of your dirty little secrets,' Helen said with a small smile.

'Like, for example, that you wet the bed until you were six, James,' Peter said, grinning slightly.

James groaned and put his head in his hands.

'I'm dead. I'm gone. That's it… farewell life. I bid thee adieu,' James muttered, from his knees.

'What… what did I say?' Sirius asked of Helen, his voice full of dread.

Helen surveyed him levelly.

'Oh you said a lot…You told us about your blankie, described in disturbingly graphic detail almost every single one of your 65 conquests, told us about your 'Black' book, described your fantasies with McGonagall, informed the school that Meleta and Linossar actually are an item and humiliated me to no end by telling the whole school the fact that you haven't had sex in five months because of me and that you think of me when you…er… _relieve tension_,' Helen said, brutally honest.

Sirius grimaced and looked at Helen very apologetically.

'Anything else,' Sirius asked, his voice shaking now as he chewed his lip and looked into her eyes searchingly.

'N…no. Nothing else,' Helen lied, looking away.

Sirius nodded and wondered what Helen thought about him now… he didn't think she would be too impressed, in any case.

The six of them made their way to the Common Room in a heavy silence; Helen and Lily walking slightly behind the Marauders.They parted upon reaching the common room with silent nods at each other; each person still rather stunned with the effects of Lily's prank.

* * *

'What else did we say?' James and Sirius demanded of Remus and Peter as soon as they reached their dorm. 

'Helen pretty much told you everything. Of course, you probably both told her a lot more because we left her to look after you two whilst we went to get help,' Remus added thoughtfully.

'You left Helen alone with me whilst I was spewing out that crap?' Sirius asked incredulously. 'Why didn't one of you two stay and send her to get help?' he snapped.

Remus and Peter shrugged.

James groaned as he sank into his bed.

'That's it. Our reputation is over. The demise of Padfoot and Prongs is nigh,' he sighed.

James' use of their nicknames prompted Sirius to think of something else.

'We didn't say anything about being animagi, did we?' he asked tensely.

Remus and Peter's eyes widened.

'Not when we were there,' Peter said.

'Can't you remember what you said?' Remus asked.

The two boys shook their heads.

'Well if one of us _did_ say something, the only person who would know is Helen, right?' James asked.

Remus and Peter nodded.

'Oh shit… she's going to break up with me,' Sirius groaned, running his hands through his hair distractedly. 'I really said that I…'

'Yes. You said that think of her whilst wanking- using your words,' Peter nodded.

Sirius groaned from where he had buried himself under his pillow.

'This is a nightmare…she's going to castrate me for sure,' he muttered.

'Probably,' James said. 'I mean, you _did_ say that in front of the whole school and… you guys said that he told the school that she's the reason for him not having sex for five months?' he asked, horrified at what this would signal for Sirius' golden reputation.

Remus and Peter nodded gravely, trying not to laugh at their friends' misfortunes.

'Don't worry, mate. You're not so great yourself. Apparently you not only announced your undying love for Evans, but also admitted that you're a virgin to the whole school. I reckon that's worse,' Sirius retorted.

'Perhaps… but no one's out to castrate me now,' James added thoughtfully.

Sirius scowled.

'Who the fuck would slip us Veritaserum? Who would hate us that much?' he asked haughtily.

Remus and Peter shrugged, shifting a little uncomfortably in their chairs.

Enough truths had already been told that night and, somehow, the two marauders did not think that another one would be doing anyone any favours.

* * *

**So. Quite an eventful chapter, eh? I felt that I hadn't shown enough of the marauders as a group, so I tried to focus on them a bit more with this chapter. I also realised that I've been showing a lot of James and Sirius' inner 'nice' personalities, but now wanted to show a bit more of their 'egos'. Questions of sex were also raised and I think that it would probably be a most popular topic of conversation amongst a group of boys their age. After all, the conversation in this story has been a little _too_ clean ...**

**Oh yes, and Sirius and Helen have a violent relationship at times. What can I say? They're passionate people... and seem to be forgiving each other even more quickly now ;) **

**Speaking of Helen- she now knows their secret. Hmmm.**

**Anyway. Next chapter is more important than you will probably realise. **

**And I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has been reviewing. Over 300 reviews!!! Keep up the good work, because reviews inspire me more than anything to keep writing... and updating.**

**Lots of love Anya**


	32. Chapter 36: Selene's Eclipse

_**"**__**But about the first watch the Moon in eclipse, hid at first the brilliance of her heavenly body, then all her light was sullied and suffused with the hue of blood.**__**" - **_**Curtis, History of Alexander

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Selene's Eclipse

There was so much going on in Helen's head at the moment. She had received far too much information about James and Sirius in one hit. She lay in bed, thinking firstly of what Sirius had said about her. She realised that, as disgusting as she had found it, she wasn't really angry about it. She was quietly glad that he hadn't had sex in five months because it meant that Sirius hadn't been going off behind her back as she had very quietly suspected him of doing at times and not without reason, either; he had never really stopped flirting with other girls. He relied on it far too much to feed his ego. As for the other part… he was a teenage boy and she figured that she could forgive him this so long seeing as he hadn't suggested that they did the real thing. What troubled her most about the whole episode, however, was the fact that Sirius _had_ said those things and now they would probably have to have an awkward conversation about sex which Helen really did not want to have.

Perhaps they could just agree not to mention it again…

Helen turned her thoughts to the, in her opinion, much more significant news of the marauders being animagi. She had always known that they snuck around the castle at nights, but never knew that it was to the extent of joining Remus during full moon. It was a very loyal thing to do; one which made Helen appreciate just how close-knit the group was… but it was also a very dangerous, not to mention stupid and reckless, thing to do as well. She remembered the deep cut which Sirius had asked her to heal a month ago and realised that it was full moon then. What they were doing was not merely dangerous… it could be potentially fatal. Helen wished that she could say something to them about it, but realised that nothing she said would have any impact anyway and would only have the effect of annoying them that a) she knew their secret and b) that she was taking it upon herself to meddle in their affairs. After all, despite the fact that Helen was friends with James and Remus, and going out with Sirius, she had always been very wary never to intrude upon their group. She was clever enough to foresee what would happen if she tried.

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Helen walked into an empty classroom which she had once sat with Sirius in. Today had been a very trying day for her temper. She had heard many whispered bitchy comments from the female population of Hogwarts who now finally had their suspicions confirmed that Helen and Sirius were, in fact, going out. Helen had not seen Sirius as he had missed the first to periods and had different subjects for their last too subjects.

Helen stopped short on seeing that the classroom was not empty; Sirius was sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. She wondered if he had seen her as she crept as quietly as she could back to the door.

'Can we please talk?' he asked wearily, as she reached for the door knob.

Helen paused, feeling slightly guilty now that he had caught her trying to walk away, before turning and walking over to where he was. She sat next to him on the ground.

'You sound tired,' she remarked after a while.

Sirius felt so relieved at her tone which was not angry, as he had anticipated, but sympathetic.

'Couldn't get much sleep last night,' he replied truthfully, leaning on her shoulder.

They sat like this, in silence, for a while.

'Are you mad at me?' Sirius asked eventually.

'Should I be?'

'I thought you would be after my head,' he admitted.

Helen gave a small laugh.

'If that were the case, I would have already had it last night,' she replied. 'I can't really be mad at you, though, because you didn't say anything that was actually that terrible and, either way, you had no way of controlling what you said… I must say, though, that I do find it slightly disturbing that you think of me when you…'

Sirius groaned and Helen laughed.

'Perhaps I should just be flattered that I have that effect on you and be thankful that you're thinking of me and no one else… you really had a crush on McGonagall?' Helen asked, laughing.

Sirius groaned again and shifted down so that he was now lying in Helen's lap.

'Can we please not talk about it?' he muttered. 'I'm scared to look at that woman ever again now,' he added with a shiver.

Helen grinned at him and toyed with his hair.

'Sirius?' she asked, eventually.

'Mmm?'

'Would you put me in your Black book?' she asked quietly.

There was a pause. Slowly, Sirius sat up and looked her in the eyes.

'You're not like those other girls,' he said softly, but firmly.

'So you wouldn't?' Helen asked, raising an eyebrow.

A mischievous grin flitted across Sirius' lips.

'And miss out on the biggest feat ever achieved by man? I think not. No... I would need a different book for you anyway, as I only have one page left in my Black book and that most definitely is not adequate space to do you, or myself for that matter, any justice,' he said, grinning.

Helen laughed and did not resist as he leaned forward and kissed her.

'You know, I actually have a similar thing,' Helen admitted, once they separated.

'Similar what?' Sirius asked, confused.

'Similar to your 'Black' book... except I call mine my book of 'distractions,'' she added thoughtfully.

Sirius looked at Helen with a slightly scandalised expression, which Helen laughed at.

'But I thought you had never done it. What did you put in it?' he asked, confused.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'You do know that there are more important things to life than sex,' Helen said reprovingly.

'Sorry… that was my inner 'sexually-deprived' Sirius speaking,' Sirius said, hastily adding upon seeing her eyes flash, 'but that 'sexually-deprived' Sirius is not complaining as he has a wonderful girlfriend who is more important to him than his sanity.'

Helen shook her head, laughing at him.

'I guess I just put their names down, rated them as kissers, gave details as to where and when and things like that,' Helen shrugged nonchalantly.

'Am I in it?' Sirius asked, looking rather dubiously at Helen upon hearing her previous comments.

Helen bit her lip and looked apologetically at Sirius.

'I'm just a distraction?' Sirius exclaimed incredulously, glaring at her.

Helen shook her head.

'No, no you're not… I was mad when we broke up the first time- remember how we lasted three days?- so I put you in then. I haven't written in it since then, though. Promise,' Helen said earnestly.

Sirius looked rather haughty now.

'I'm still a 'distraction,' though,' he said sullenly. 'I can't believe you put me in it!'

Helen sighed impatiently.

'What would you have me do, Mr Black? Do you want me to rip it out? Would that satisfy you?' Helen suggested exasperatedly.

'No… but I can think of something else which would,' Sirius said, leaning forward to kiss her.

Helen stood up suddenly.

'It's getting dark. Let's go,' she said walking towards the door.

Sirius leaned his head in frustration against the wall where Helen had been seconds ago, before sighing and following her out of the classroom. He didn't complain, however. He didn't think it would be wise to push Helen today. After all, she _had_ forgiven him for yesterday without getting angry and he figured that he should be grateful for that.

They walked in silence for most of the way back to the common room.

'So… this book of yours,' Sirius said suddenly.

Helen sighed. She really regretted telling him about it now. He was obviously not mature enough to accept that it was a thing of the past.

'What about it?' she asked testily.

'Well I apparently told you pretty much everything about my past last night,' Sirius said.

'Oh trust me. I would be much happier without that knowledge,' Helen said sarcastically.

'Okay. But I told you everything. I think it's only fair that I know about your past now,' he pressed on.

Helen turned to face him levelly.

'I cannot let you read it,' she said. It was a definite statement.

'Why?' Sirius said, annoyed that she was always so secretive with him.

'Because the last time I allowed someone to read something as personal as that is, it ended very badly… and I trusted them even more than I trust you,' she said simply, trying to dissolve the image of Marina reading her journal out to the class...

_'Dear Diary,_

_Sometimes I wonder why I even bother getting out of bed every morning. I guess there's not much to wonder there, because dad pulls me out by the hair if I don't get up straight away... and then slaps me if I complain. What I mean, then, is that I sometimes wonder if life is worth living. I'm only eleven, but I just can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't see myself heading to a better place._

_What scares me the most, though, is that they don't even need to tell me off for going badly at school. I think I'm becoming like them, or they've brain-washed me. I got my English essay back today and I got an 'A'. Elizabeth Vogel got an 'A plus', though. I felt so sick that I felt ashamed of my essay and threw it out. I couldn't bear to look at it. I don't want to be like that, but I can't help it..._

_I don't understand why dad beats me so much. I try really hard to study and practise my music a lot to try and go well and please him, but I never seem to go well enough. If I get a top mark, it's expected. If I don't, I cop a beating. Are all parents like that? Marina says her dad beats her sometimes too- he's an alcoholic and her mum died when she was a baby. It scares me to think of how violent dad would become if he was drunk as well as mad at me, not to mention not having mum around. She's the one who usually gets my dad to stop when he's beating me..._

_Why am I so different from the other girls at school? Why don't they like me?..._

Helen blinked and her focus returned to the present. She shook her head to rid herself of her class's laughter which was ringing in her ears as clearly as it did five years ago.

Sirius took Helen by the arm to stop her from continuing to walk ahead.

'You still don't trust me?' he asked exasperatedly.

Helen quickly glanced around the now dark corridor to make sure that no one was approaching before stepping forward and kissing Sirius softly on the lips.

'I do trust you,' she whispered, her breath tickling his lips, 'but I can't see any good coming from it,' she finished earnestly.

He probably would understand better if she told him about it, but she wasn't going to. She didn't want anyone's sympathy.

Sirius sighed and pulled her into another kiss, his body pressing into hers against the wall.

Filch's voice cut through their kiss.

'And what's this? Two students out of bed after curfew and behaving indecently to boot,' he said, not hiding his glee.

'There are no rules against kissing,' Helen said, annoyed.

'Oh, but there is one about touching in indecent places… and for a male student to have his hand on your chest counts as indecent touching,' he said triumphantly, his glance flitting down to Helen's chest hungrily.

Helen took a step back in disgust, her eyes flashing angrily. She opened her mouth to retort, but stopped upon feeling Sirius' foot press lightly on hers.

'Now, come on Argy,' Sirius said pleasantly. 'We've only missed curfew by ten minutes. We just lost track of the time, that's all; an honest mistake. How about we just count this as a warning? It'll never happen again, we promise,' he finished reasonably.

Helen was shocked to see Filch actually considering Sirius' ultimatum.

'But…'

'Never again,' Sirius interrupted tactfully. 'Night Argy!' he said, grabbing Helen's arm and leading her away from the caretaker quickly.

Helen looked at him in amazement.

'How on earth did you do that? I've never seen Filch so forgiving,' she exclaimed once they were out of earshot.

Sirius grinned smugly.

'It's all a matter of charm, _ma cherie._ If you are nice, people are much more likely to be nice back to you than if you try fighting them. You should try it some time,' he said sagely.

Helen raised an eyebrow.

'Are you saying that I'm not nice?' she challenged.

'Oh no. You're very charming when you want to be. I have often observed you using your wiles to manipulate situations to your advantage,' Sirius nodded. 'The trick, however, is to use them when someone is not being particularly nice to you. Haven't you ever heard the expression that the best way to annoy your enemies is to agree with them?'

Helen shook her head.

'It's true,' Sirius said. 'It accounts for my overwhelming popularity at this school,' he added dramatically.

Helen snorted.

'Well… perhaps my pretty face plays a small role too,' Sirius conceded thoughtfully.

Helen sighed, but Sirius caught her smile.

They reached the portrait of the fat lady.

'So are we up for tomorrow night?' Sirius asked.

Every Friday night, they would usually go for a walk around the castle or outside, now that it was warmer. In Helen's preoccupation with her study for the OWLs next week, however, she had completely forgotten about their usual meeting time and had planned to study during that time.

She bit her lip and looked at Sirius apologetically.

'Do you reckon we could give it a miss until we're done with our OWLs?' she asked.

Sirius sighed.

'I hardly see you anymore. It's not as if you don't know it all already,' he grumbled.

Helen hated it when Sirius complained about her studying and hated it even more when he assumed that she was born with all the answers. The only reason why she _did_ know the answers was because she studied so much.

'That's a bit of a silly thing to say. You see me every day in class,' she said reasonably.

'That doesn't count- you never sit with me then,' he said, crossing his arms.

'You've never asked me to. You sit with your friends and disrupt class whilst flirting with other girls,' Helen snapped.

Sirius rolled her eyes.

'Well what do you expect when my own girlfriend will hardly look at me when we're in public,' he retorted.

'Is anyone going to give me a password?' the Fat Lady yawned.

'Shut up,' Helen snapped at the portrait before rounding on Sirius again.

'That's ridiculous. I talk to you all the time during the day…'

'Uh-huh... so much so that the last time I hugged you during the day, you pushed me off and got all annoyed that I had done so in public where people could see,' Sirius retorted

'Well it's not my fault that I don't want to have your stupid fan girls lynching me for going out for you. You did a pretty good job last night, however, in making them very well aware about us and today I had them following my every move. So tell me- was I being so unreasonable?' she challenged.

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh.

'Everything about you is unreasonable. Your studying hours are unreasonable, your temper is unreasonable, your going out with me for five months without doing anything is unreasonable…'

'Well if I bother you so much, why the hell are we still together?' Helen snapped angrily.

Sirius pretended to think about it.

'You know, I have no idea. I never had these issues with anyone else…'

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Good. Well have a nice life with everyone else then,' she snapped, turning to the portrait.

'Knargle,' she said, breathing heavily.

The portrait door did not swing open and Helen looked up, horrified, to find the Fat Lady missing.

'Where the hell did she go?' she snapped at Sirius.

'How should I know?' he retorted, looking rather pale himself at the thought of being locked out.

They both started at the empty portrait.

'This is all your fault,' Sirius said suddenly.

'My fault?' Helen said incredulously. 'How is this _my_ fault?'

'You were rude to her,' he replied.

Helen tugged at her hair in frustration before walking off.

'Where are you going?' Sirius called after her.

'None of your business,' she snapped, continuing to walk down the corridor.

Sirius clenched his fists in frustration in a bid to prevent himself from making rude hand gestures behind her back before exhaling and running to catch up with her; albeit reluctantly.

'What are you doing here?' Helen snapped upon his arrival next to her.

Sirius really had to fight a huge internal struggle to stop himself from retorting with very ungentlemanly language.

'You got us into this mess, you can get us out,' he said simply.

'_I_ did not get us into this mess. If you had just been able to accept that I wanted to study- _seeing as our OWLs are in one week-_ and not made scene over it, I wouldn't have become so mad in the first place.'

Sirius rolled his eyes. It was just typical of her to never accept that he was right and that she was wrong.

They walked around aimlessly for an hour.

'Where are we going?' Sirius asked, his voice slightly gravelly from the prolonged silence.

Helen sniffed affectedly.

'You don't know do you?' he said.

Helen pursed her lips and looked the other way. Sirius felt his anger which had simmered during their silence start to flare up again at her insolent attitude.

'_And they say I've got a bad attitude,'_ he thought, thoroughly annoyed.

They continued to walk around aimlessly.

Helen suddenly rounded on Sirius.

'Why should I be the one to figure out what to do? _You're_ the one who sneaks around the castle every night. _You _should know what to do,' she said, poking him in the chest with each 'you'.

Sirius slapped her hand away.

'Don't touch me,' he snapped.

'Oh, now you don't want me to_ touch_ you!' Helen laughed sarcastically. '_You're _the one who has the problem keeping your hands off me.'

Sirius gave an uncharacteristic laugh.

'Oh don't worry, _ma cherie,_ we'll never have _that_ issue ever again,' he retorted, rolling his eyes and muttering under his breath violently.

'Don't call me your _cherie._ I am not your _cherie._ It is just so typical of you to use such degrading language to me- as though you own me. You're a real chauvinist, you know that? 65 girls... It's as though our only purpose is to provide you with sex…'

'How correct you are… _ma cherie.'_

'I hate you.'

'Good.'

'Stop talking to me.'

'Don't tell me what to do.'

'I'll tell you what to do if I want to.'

'Well don't expect me to do it.'

'Why are you still talking to me?'

'Because you told me to stop.'

'So you're doing the opposite of what I tell you?'

'Yes.'

'Keep talking to me, then,' Helen challenged, crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows.

Sirius rolled his eyes and they continued to walk in silence.

After walking for a while, something caught Helen's eye from the window she had just walked past. She slowed her pace and, upon passing the next window, saw that it was full moon.

But it wasn't just full moon; it was blood-red in its eclipse.

Helen was about to comment on it, before she realised that she was not talking to Sirius. Upon passing yet another window, Helen wondered why Sirius was not with the other marauders and, consequently, why Remus had not disappeared earlier that day, but had even shown up to dinner. He was usually long gone by then.

There was no way that Remus could have forgotten, was there?

'Sirius- Remus- it's full moon, but he…' she suddenly blurted out, eyes wide.

Sirius looked at Helen with a bemused expression before walking to a window and staring out at the moon.

'He gets a break during eclipses,' Sirius said simply.

'Oh,' Helen said softly, turning to also look at the ruby orb in the sky.

There was a tense pause. Helen shot Sirius a sidewards glance and wondered if she should try civility. It was so silly, anyway; they were fighting over Sirius wanting to spend more time with her. She noted that he didn't look angry anymore but, rather, miserable.

'Do you know what we said about the lunar eclipses?' Helen said quietly.

Sirius looked at her, but said nothing. It was as much encouragement as Helen had expected.

'We used to think that it was because witches in Thessaly were using magic to try and drag Selene down and draw her blood,' she said, shrugging.

Helen didn't know why she was saying this and could not see how it was relevant to their previous exchange.

A long pause ensued.

Eventually, Sirius cleared his throat a little.

'Who's… who's we?' he asked, not looking at her, his brow furrowed.

'Us Greeks… well, the ancient Greeks, to be precise,' Helen clarified.

Sirius nodded.

'Who's Selene?' he asked eventually.

Helen felt the tension between them, but noted that Sirius was probably making an effort as well.

'Selene is the goddess of the full moon. There are three goddesses of the moon, actually. Artemis- for the waxing moon; i.e. the one before the full moon; Selene for the full moon, and Hecate for the waning moon,' Helen explained, speaking a little more rapidly now. She blushed as she realised how carried away she had become with her fascination and, in doing so, had forgotten their current situation.

'Hecate? She's the goddess of witchcraft isn't she?' asked Sirius, now allowing himself to look at Helen. He was somewhat taken by her immense interest in the subject of mythology.

'Yes. Her mother, by the way, was Asteria,' she added.

'Asteria? That's your name.'

'Yes, I know. Asteria, the 'starry one,' was the Titan goddess of the oracles and prophecies of night- including prophetic dreams, astrology and necromancy,' Helen said, as though she were a walking encyclopaedia on the subject.

Sirius stared at her.

'Your name has a mythological background too,' Helen said, nudging him.

'Yeah… something about a dog. I'm the brightest star in the sky!' Sirius said his previously stony expression breaking into a mischievous grin.

Helen rolled her eyes at his lack of knowledge, but also smiled a little now that they had broken the ice between each other.

'Sirius means 'the scorching one.' I suppose you don't know the myth as to how your star came about,' Helen sighed.

'No, but you want to tell me,' said Sirius, grinning, but interested all the same as they moved away from the window now and continued to walk down the corridors.

'Well, Sirius was Erigone's dog and Erigone was a _maiden_…'

'In other words a virgin,' Sirius interrupted.

Helen glared at him.

'Sorry, that was the…'

'Sexually-deprived Sirius inside you?' Helen offered sarcastically.

Sirius smiled sheepishly.

'Anyway…,' Helen said, sighing at him. 'Erigone was a maiden of Ancient Greece. Her father was Icarius, whom Dionysus- the god of food and wine, had taught to make wine. Icarius gave some shepherds some wine but they became drunk and thought, because they had never been drunk before, that Icarius had poisoned him…'

'And Sirius comes in where?' interrupted Sirius.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'It's coming, I promise… where was I?' she said, frowning.

'The shepherds thought Icarius had poisoned them,' Sirius offered.

'Oh, yes. Anyway, so the shepherds killed Icarius because they thought he had tried to poison them. Now, Erigone and her dog, Sirius- who was very loyal to her- went looking for Icarius. When Erigone found Icarius' body, she was so overcome by grief that she hanged herself. Her dog, Sirius, was overcome by the grief of having lost the two people he loved on earth that he jumped off a cliff and died.'

'Oh… that's… nice,' Sirius said, disappointed. He had expected 'Sirius' to have had a slightly more prominent or heroic role.

Helen smiled.

'Well it _is _Greek mythology so, as usual, everything is kind of weird and nothing really is _that_ nice. The ending is sort of okay, I guess… Icarius became placed in the constellation Bootes, Erigone in the Virgo constellation and Sirius in Canis Major becoming, as you said, the 'brightest star in the sky.' After his death, he also became the loyal hound of Orion,' Helen added.

Sirius shuddered at this.

'What?' Helen asked, wondering what she had said that was _so_ bad.

'Orion is my father's name,' Sirius said through gritted teeth.

'Oh… sorry,' Helen said, although she couldn't help but think that it was ironic at the same time.

'Does your name mean anything?' Sirius asked after a small period of silence.

'Helen? It means 'the bright one.' It's based on the legend of Helen of Troy; 'the most beautiful woman on earth.'

'Didn't she start that war?' Sirius asked, faintly remembering reading something about it.

'Yes. Paris, a prince of Troy, abducted her from Sparta, of which she was queen and husband, the Spartan King, sent for all of Greece to unite in the Trojan War to help bring her back. They say that 'her face launched a thousand ships,' Helen shrugged.

A small smile played upon Sirius' lips as he thought that Helen's parents could not have chosen a more fitting name for her; a beautiful troublemaker.

They continued to walk in silence; the tension between them not yet fully broken.

Helen glanced out of a window and saw that the eclipse was now over. It was getting late now.

'Let's just find…'

'… a broom cupboard? Good idea,' Sirius yawned.

Helen smiled a little at how he had finished her sentence.

'There should be one just up ahead,' Sirius said.

'You would know…' Helen muttered sarcastically under her breath.

'I heard that,' Sirius said.

Helen's lips twitched and she walked into the broom cupboard as Sirius held the door for her.

After the door had been locked, they both lay across the stone ground, slightly apart, but next to each other nonetheless.

'You might like to 'work your charms' with the Fat Lady from now on,' Helen commented after a period of lying in silence.

Sirius turned to face Helen, raising an eyebrow.

'I thought you didn't like it when I used 'my charms' on other ladies,' he said, grinning.

Helen laughed.

'She's a painting… but if you love her so much, go and conduct an illicit love affair with her by all means. I'm just warning you that you'll stay a celibate for the rest of your life,' Helen added with a wry smile.

Sirius laughed.

'Perhaps in another lifetime… but you're good enough for this one,' he said, his hand taking hers; their fingers interlocking.

Helen turned to face him; their noses almost touching.

'Only 'good enough?'' she challenged.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Oh yes… I forgot how you have this compulsive obsession with being 'the best' and how 'good enough' is never nearly good enough for you,' Sirius grinned.

'How well you know me,' Helen smiled, pretending to be flattered.

Sirius leaned forward and kissed her mouth softly, before whispering in her ear:

'In that case, you're 'the best' because you're the only one I want… _ma cherie.'_

Helen felt her breath catch as he kissed her neck lingeringly and then her jaw, her cheek... moving gradually closer to, but nonetheless avoiding her lips. She felt her mind become hazy as she tried to concentrate on both the kisses and Sirius' hands which unfastened her cloak.

Helen didn't really mind; it was too hot anyway.

His hands continued to slide down her body, pulling her closer to him. Helen felt her heart rate quicken to an unbearable rate as she felt Sirius' hands sliding down her legs. She pulled apart, her breath slightly ragged, and looked into Sirius' eyes; her own very wide. Sirius smiled at her, kissed her on the lips and then her forehead before pulling her closer to him.

That night, as she fell asleep against his chest, Sirius realised that he would not push Helen for it anymore because he never wanted to stop wanting her. They still fought too much and were by no means stable; even though they had been together for over five months already. He knew that if they did it now, Helen would regret it and probably distance herself from him even more- perhaps to the point of making a relationship between the two of them impossible. This was the last thing Sirius wanted.

He looked down at Helen as she muttered: 'Calcium stone, not rosemary,' in her sleep, her brow furrowed.

Sirius smiled at how she was preoccupied by her studies; even in her sleep. He always reproached her for studying so much, but also secretly admired her dedication to it.

'Goodnight, _ma cherie,'_ he whispered, kissing her forehead before closing his eyes.

Perhaps he could ask for a study date tomorrow night instead.

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**Well? Did you like it? I hope you did. I always have so much fun writing their fight scenes...**

**Although it mostly followed the one event, this chapter was quite eventful and gave you a few more clues about certain people's backgrounds. Are we feeling a bit more sorry for Marina now? (Or at least perhaps understanding that she hasn't had the easiest life either). Some parts of this chapter may have seemed irrelevent but, trust me, they weren't... well, mostly not anyway.**

**Next chapter is OWLs. Do we remember what happens then? **

**A BIG thankyou for the many reviews which I received for the last chapter. It was such a pleasant surprise to get on the internet today (alas it was taken away from my loving hands yet again yesterday) to see so many reviews! **

**So... if you want to find out what happens next... get typing!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	33. Chapter 37: Severe Measures

'**_Hate must make a man productive. Otherwise one might as well love.' - _Karl Kraus**

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A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful, dedicated reviewer HiddenDepths-x in honour of her birthday. Happy Birthday!

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Severe Measures

It was Sunday night and the inhabitants of the 5th Year Girls' Dormitory were in hysterics. They had their first OWLs the next day and none of them seemed to be inclined to fall asleep anytime soon. Lily was staring at the ceiling, muttering answers under her breath and checking them hastily once she had finished. Mary was charming various objects to do her bidding and Marina was hugging her Charms book to her chest, as though the knowledge might seep into her; her lips were moving soundlessly. Helen was in the bathroom throwing up.

Half an hour later, Lily barged into the bathroom to find Helen kneeling by the toilet, shaking. Her tear-streaked face was pale with a greenish tinge.

'That's enough. You're being ridiculous and, quite frankly I'm going to start too if I hear you retch another time,' Lily said, gulping. Her complexion had greenish tinges too.

Helen leant against the wall, breathing heavily.

At that moment, Marina came rushing in and started throwing up in the toilet.

'How come _she's_ allowed to throw up?' Helen demanded of Lily.

Lily rolled her eyes.

'You have nothing to worry about. None of us do. I suggest we go to sleep now- get an early night's rest so that we're fresh for tomorrow,' Lily said assertively.

She did not suggest this again upon noticing the looks which she received from the other three girls in the dorm.

* * *

'Remus, turn the damned light off,' Sirius yawned.

It was 2 am and Remus was pouring obsessively over his notes, though he wasn't taking much of it in at all.

'But…'

'Honestly. Sometimes I wonder how it wasn't love at first sight between you and Helen with your study obsessions. Right now, if she's not leaning over a toilet, I bet you that she's annoying the hell out of everyone, as you are now, by studying at this ridiculous hour,' Sirius said, yawning again.

Remus did not answer. It was very much love at first sight for him, but she had never returned those feelings. He sighed as he thought of her. It had been so hard when she had started going out with Sirius; one of his best friends. The only way he knew how to deal with it was to avoid her at all costs for the first few months- it lessened the hurt. Now he could speak with her and, at times, study with her so long as Sirius wasn't there as well. He had accepted that she would never like him, but it was a bitter pill to swallow. It saddened him that they were no longer as close as they used to be. Sometimes he looked at her and realised that there was so much about her that he didn't know about now that they hadn't had a proper conversation for so long.

'Okay, okay. I'll turn the light off. Just let me finish the page,' Remus sighed, focusing his thoughts back to his Charms OWL.

* * *

'Oi, Evans.'

Lily turned around, very annoyed. She was having a hard enough time controlling her nerves as it was, without needing Sirius and his stupid friends to make it worse.

'What do you want?' she snapped, not looking up from charms book.

'Where's Helen?' he asked, noticing her absence from the breakfast table.

Lily looked up to see Sirius and James eating happily from their plates which were piled high with food. They were obviously very confident.

'Arrogant berks,' Lily thought to herself mutinously. She would never be so overtly confident about an exam and she always beat them in Charms.

'If I know her well, she's probably throwing up her insides from nerves,' James said to Sirius who nodded and laughed.

Lily rolled her eyes and returned to her charms book. She really didn't care for what the two marauders had to say at present.

'Hey Evans,' James said in a pleasant, deep voice to her.

Lily looked up warily.

'What do you want, Potter?'

'Go out with me?' he asked, flashing what could have been a charming smile, had he not had he not had scrambled egg on his chin.

'I'd sooner die,' she said, looking back down at her charms book and ignoring James' response to this.

'Mate, no girl accepts a guy with scrambled egg on his chin,' Sirius pointed out when James asked why Lily hadn't accepted him.

James hastily wiped off the egg, messed up his hair, and tried again. Lily did not look up, but hexed him from under the table in response.

'What was that for?' James asked reproachfully, holding his knee as a welt appeared on it.

'For annoying me when I have more important things to be worried about…,' she said, her lips twitching.

She then turned to Sirius.

'Although I have failed to see it in all our time at school, you must have some common sense in you if Helen has been going out with you all this time. Could you please get it through to your thick-skulled friend that I'm not interested in him?' she asked exasperatedly of a Sirius who started laughing uncontrollably.

At that moment, Helen sat down next to Lily, looking very ill.

'What happened to you?' Sirius laughed, taking in Helen's appearance. Her face was ghostly white and her hair was unkempt and slightly frizzy.

Helen went to say something but shut her mouth quickly; pursing her lips and gulping.

'You should eat something, Helen,' Lily said kindly whilst throwing Sirius and James a very dirty look as they made fun of Helen's appearance.

'Yeah, how about some bacon and eggs?' James sniggered, spearing a rasher with his fork and brandishing it at Helen under her nose.

Helen gulped and pressed a hand firmly to her mouth as she got up quickly and ran out of the Great Hall.

'You're despicable,' Lily said angrily at James.

'What?' he yelped, unable to understand what he had done which was so terrible.

'We have our exams in half an hour. You saw how she was; she was ready to faint. She needed to eat something, but all you could do was make fun of her and trigger her nausea again you big, arrogant bully,' Lily snapped, standing up and grabbing a few pieces of toast before storming out of the Great Hall to look for Helen.

James stared after Lily's retreating back, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

'Why won't she just say yes?' he asked, as though Lily was being very unreasonable in refusing him.

Remus and Sirius exchanged a quick smile which James didn't notice.

'Perhaps if you just relaxed on her a bit, James… and I wouldn't push her now that it's exam time. She seemed on edge to begin with,' Remus said wisely.

Sirius nodded in agreement.

James shrugged and turned his attention back to his breakfast.

* * *

Helen relaxed considerably after having finished her first exam, as did many other people who realised that it was not _as_ terrible as they had anticipated. This was a good thing, because Helen didn't think she would have been able to perform to her usual standards in her practical exams had she been as twitchy as she was prior to the written Charms one.

'So Lily… how did you like the question on the correct administration of Veritaserum?' Helen asked, grinning at her friend after their Potions exam.

Lily laughed.

'A few surreptitious drops in their pumpkin juice - more if you really hate them- but make sure that you, or your friend, are not going to be embarrassed by the victim's comments before you administer it,' she said, giggling.

'Just how much did you slip Sirius and James?' Helen wondered.

'Half a vial each,' Lily said nonchalantly.

Helen stared at Lily before shaking her head sadly.

'You must really hate them.'

'Having a fat-headed, conceited berk asking you out each time he sees you every day for the last few years does that to you,' Lily shrugged.

'And Sirius?'

'Oh stop kidding yourself. He's just as egotistical and self-centred as Potter… and plus- he still flirts with other girls so I was getting back at him for you. See what a good friend I am?' Lily said, smiling innocently.

Helen raised her eyebrows before they both burst into laughter as they entered the library.

They both needed some laughter if they were to get through the rest of their OWLs successfully.

* * *

Helen looked around the empty common room. She was very frustrated. Lily, Remus and James were at their Ancient Runes exam and everyone from the higher year levels was in class so she had no one to ask about her troubling question on animagi. She had been staring at it for nearly an hour now and none of her books had provided her with an adequate answer. This, in combination with her fatigue, had her sobbing at her desk when Peter entered the Common Room. He stopped short on seeing her.

'Are you… are you okay?' he asked tentatively, walking up to her

Helen sat up suddenly. She had never been more overjoyed to see Peter in her life.

'C..can you help me?' she asked, looking up into his face hopefully.

Peter felt a slight flutter in his stomach at this, but wondered all the same how on earth Helen expected him, of all people, to help her.

'Er… I'll try,' he stammered, looking at her question.

When he saw the question and how it was on animagi, his heart beat hopefully. Perhaps he could prove to Helen, for once, that he was not as stupid as she thought he was. On finishing the question, however, his heart fell again as he realised that he had no idea himself. He felt himself flush with shame at this- he had become an animagus himself and yet could not even explain the steps to becoming one.

'I… I'm sorry. I don't know,' he said apologetically.

Helen's face fell.

'He must be really thick,' she thought glumly.

'Oh… that's okay. Have you seen Sirius anywhere?' she asked hopefully, registering that he didn't do Ancient Runes and, thus, would be free now.

Peter pursed his lips. Now Sirius would prove to her, yet again, how he was much better than him.

'He said that he was going to our dorm to sleep the last time I saw him,' Peter shrugged, conceding defeat.

Helen stood up suddenly.

'You mean to tell me that he's been here all this time?' she asked incredulously, gathering up her question sheet and a quill. 'Thanks Peter,' she added, pecking him on the cheek before she ran up to the boys' dorms.

She did not see Peter blushing furiously at this kiss, nor did she notice him staring after her, enthralled. Helen had really meant nothing by it other than 'thank you'. After all, she really wanted to know the answer to her question.

Helen crept through Sirius' hangings. He looked so peaceful and relaxed as he was sleeping that she felt terrible to wake him…

'Sirius,' she whispered into his ear, shaking him gently.

He screwed up his nose, but kept on sleeping. Helen tried again with the same result. She sighed and leant forward and kissed him on the mouth- it worked. Sirius rubbed his eyes and started blinking a lot. Upon seeing Helen, he sat up suddenly.

'What are you doing here?' he asked, his eyes wide.

'I suddenly realised that I've been wrong all this time and I want you to have your way with me right here, right now,' Helen said, grinning and feeling that she was so desperate to know the answer that she really would if she understood his explanation.

Sirius blinked before groaning, lying back in bed and turning his back to Helen. Helen stared at him before shaking him again to try and get him up.

'Go away. This is an evil dream. Helen would never say that and you're just here to screw with my mind,' he muttered, holding his hands to his ears.

Helen laughed and climbed onto his bed, shaking him again.

'Please get up. I need you to explain something to me,' she said.

'The real Helen never needs me, of all people, to explain things to her. She would never ask me anyway; she's too stubborn and proud,' Sirius concluded, his eyes clamped firmly shut.

Helen stopped herself from protesting at these rather broad and unjust statements about her character.

'I'm real, you silly boy. Just please get up and explain this to me… please?' she asked, feeling slightly hysterical as she saw the sky darkening.

Sirius sighed and sat up. He didn't think he would ever dream of Helen having such a desperate tone. He rubbed his eyes and was fully awake for the first time since falling asleep a few hours ago.

'Helen? What's wrong?' he asked, becoming concerned as he noticed the tears which were streaming down her cheeks.

'I… I don't g..get this anim…m…magus question,' Helen hiccoughed.

Sirius' eyes widened. Did she know?

'…and you're really good at transfiguration so… so I th…thought y…you would kn…know,' she said, trying to wipe her constantly teary eyes.

Sirius sighed in relief and smiled at Helen who looked so tired and worn from study.

'Come here,' he said, hugging her to him.

Helen had never felt so grateful for his embrace in her entire life. It was strong and assertive- everything she wasn't at the moment.

'You okay?' Sirius asked, pulling away and wiping away her tears with the back of his hand.

Helen sniffed and nodded.

Sirius tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled at her. He faintly registered that he was not annoyed at all by her intrusion of his sleep.

'So what's the problem?' he asked.

Helen wasn't quite sure what that feeling was exactly which she felt towards Sirius who was happy to help her when she had just woken him up. She stared into his eyes and smiled.

'What?' Sirius asked, slightly confused.

'Nothing,' Helen said, shaking her head.

She cleared her throat.

'I don't understand the fifth stage of becoming an animagus…'

Helen finished explaining what aspects she didn't understand. Sirius smiled slightly as he remembered that this point had stumped all four of them, the marauders, when they were preparing to become animagi. It took them the best part of a few months to figure it out. As a result, this was now the clearest step of the process in Sirius' mind.

'Do you know?' Helen asked, finally. She knew he did, but thought she should add the question just to make it seem more realistic. After all, she 'didn't know' that Sirius was an animagus.

Sirius nodded and leaned over to his bedside table and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill.

'So, when you become an animagus….'

--------

'…and yeah…do you get it?' Sirius asked, putting down his quill and parchment, on which he had drawn diagrams, and looking at Helen who listened to him with rapt attention for the past half an hour.

'But…'

Sirius raised his eyebrows, waiting for the question.

Helen's eyes widened suddenly. She picked up the parchment and studied it intently for a few seconds before putting it down and smiling widely at Sirius. Before Sirius could register what was happening, Helen had launched herself at him, causing him to lie back in bed, and was covering him with kisses.

'I. Love. You. Thank. You. So. Much,' she said, in between kisses.

Sirius laughed and pulled her away so that he could look at her.

'You should get an early night tonight. No offence, but you look like you could do with some sleep,' he said, combing a hand through her long hair which he noticed was not as smooth as it usually was from the exam stress.

Helen nodded, turning to stifle a yawn.

A cheeky thought crossed Sirius' mind. He thought that, seeing as Helen had been the one to say it, he would not be terrible for repeating it.

'...unless, of course, the offer still stands for me to… what did you say exactly? Something along the lines of having my way with you 'right here, right now,' I believe,' he said, smirking.

Helen bit her lip before she leant forward and kissed him; softly at first, teasing him with how tantalisingly slow her tongue traced his bottom lip. She smiled as she heard his breath catch when she slid her hand under his shirt; cold against his now burning skin. She took in both the smoothness of his skin and the muscle definitions of his back as they shifted so that now he was on top of her.

Sirius genuinely started to wonder if he actually was dreaming. Did she know exactly what effect this was having on him?

Helen wondered if she was crazy for doing this now when she could be salvaging a couple more hours of Defence Against the Dark Arts study, but she had really missed him this week and, despite what her reasonable voice was telling her to do, felt compelled to remain exactly where she was.

She shifted so that she was kissing his neck and smiled as she heard his breath become ragged.

Tentatively, placed a hand on the skin of her stomach which was exposed as her shirt had rode up a little. Helen's chest heaved at this contact, but continued to kiss him; allowing him the courage to slide his hand up agonizingly slowly.

'Sirius, are you still in there with Helen?'

Sirius groaned and dropped his head in the space next to Helen's neck.

'Y...Yes,' he said in a strangled voice, wishing that Helen would stop kissing his neck so he could sound as though they were behaving much more innocently than they actually were.

'Well we need to get in the dorm so make sure you're both decent,' James called from the other side of the door.

They both sat up, smoothing down each others' dishevelled hair before Sirius searched quickly to find the parchment which had fallen on the ground due to their 'activities.'

'It's okay, James. He's just explaining something to me,' Helen called out.

James and Peter entered the room looking dubiously at Helen and Sirius who were sitting opposite each other on Sirius' bed with guilty smiles on their faces. James saw right through their supposedly 'innocent' expressions as they looked up upon his entering the room. That, and Sirius had a hickey which most definitely was not on his neck a few hours ago. Peter, who had thought of nothing else but Helen since she kissed him that afternoon, blushed profusely when Helen smiled at him.

'How was Ancient Runes?' Helen asked James in a bid to dispel the awkward silence.

James shrugged.

'I passed. Never did like it much anyway,' he said nonchalantly. 'I thought I banned you from here,' he added, looking at her pointedly.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Nice to see you too,' she said coolly before turning to Sirius.

'Thanks for er… explaining this,' she said, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

'Anytime, _ma cherie._ Anytime,' he grinned back.

'Can I keep this?' she asked, pointing to the parchment which Sirius had used to explain her question.

'Of course,' Sirius replied, wondering why she even asked.

'Thanks… oh, and sorry for waking you,' she added sheepishly.

Sirius laughed.

'Wake me up whenever you like… especially with your opening statement,' he whispered in her ear.

Helen blushed.

'Ahem. Ahem.

They both looked up to see James looking at them sternly.

'What?' Sirius said innocently.

'Tell me when you're done flirting with each other so I can stop throwing up,' James replied in a voice of mock-disgust.

Helen rolled her eyes, but stood up nonetheless.

'I'll go, then. Bye,' she said, pecking Sirius on the lips and ignoring the vomiting sounds which James made.

'Bye Peter,' she smiled at Peter.

'Bye,' Peter responded in a breathless voice which caused Sirius to raise a suspicious eyebrow at his friend before shrugging and assuming that it was just because Peter was always nervous around girls in general.

'James,' Helen said, nodded to him in a rather formal manner.

'Helen,' James mimicked her, also nodding.

Helen rolled her eyes at him and swept out of the boy's room.

James turned to see Sirius staring after her, smiling slightly.

'So what were you two _really_ doing?' he asked Sirius shrewdly.

Sirius snapped out of his reverie and turned to James with raised eyebrows.

'Studying,' he shrugged, lying back in bed. He felt confident about his Defence against the Dark Arts OWL tomorrow and he needed sleep after his big cramming session on Potions from yesterday.

James made a disbelieving noise.

'We were. She asked me a question,' Sirius said truthfully.

'Was it on how to give someone hickeys because, if it was, you're an excellent teacher and she's a most accomplished student,' James said sarcastically.

'What?' Sirius asked, confused.

'Take a look in the mirror and see what your _cherie_ gave you to remember her by,' James laughed.

Sirius sprung up from bed and ran to the bathroom to see a rather obvious hickey on his neck, just under his jaw.

He returned to the room.

'She loves me,' he said grinning smugly.

James rolled his eyes.

'Does she?' Peter piped up suddenly.

James and Sirius exchanged an exasperated look and decided that it would be best not to answer Peter's question.

* * *

Helen looked up from the exam paper which she was buried in and saw Lily storm past her, angry tears in her eyes. She wondered what could have happened that had caused Lily such grief in the short time they were separated after there OWL during which she had gone to ask Professor McGonagall a Transfiguration question.

'Lily!' Helen called after her friend who started running back to the castle.

Helen was about to run after Lily before something else caught her eye.

There was a mass of students ahead of her; gathered around someone who was hanging upside down to reveal his pallid legs and greying underpants.

'Those bastard Slytherins,' Helen thought angrily, recalling fleetingly the time that Bellatrix and her minions had surrounded her in a similar fashion.

She walked towards the group briskly. Upon arriving, however, she realised that the perpetrators were not, in fact, Slytherins but Sirius and James. She stared at them in disbelief. They would often hex random people and she knew all to well of their vendetta against Severus, but this was far beyond being acceptable; it was humiliation of the worst kind- a form of torture. She felt sick.

'Who wants to see me take of Snivellus' pants?' James roared.

There were cheers and woops from the many people who were watching.

Helen saw James raise his wand and she responded in a flash.

'What the?' James exclaimed, looking around from the ground which he had been knocked to, to try and find the source of his fall.

Helen undid James' hex and Snape fell, again, to the ground. She hurried towards him and helped him up.

Severus looked at Helen with eyes which she knew to be betrayed eyes.

'Get off me,' he snarled.

Helen understood this anger, though, and ignored it.

'Let's go,' she said, putting an arm around him and dragging him away. He was shaking with intensity and she knew the best thing to do would be to get him away from the jeering and leering crowd.

'WHAT THE HELL? HELEN?' she heard Sirius shout behind her.

Helen ignored him- she would deal with him later. She couldn't bear to look at him now. He had taken part, with James, in such a terrible thing which Helen would have previously considered to have been out of character. Was that the same Sirius who she knew to be thoughtful and caring? Obviously she needed to reassess their characters.

She steered Severus into the castle, found the nearest empty classroom and sat him down.

'Go away,' he mumbled miserably.

'Sorry. I don't leave friends when they're in such a state.' Helen replied, sitting opposite him.

Her hands were shaking with anger at what she had just seen.

Severus looked up at Helen reproachfully and then slumped back in his chair, covering his face with his hands.

'She hates me,' he said mournfully.

'What?' Helen asked, surprised that Severus was not worried about his public humiliation but about some girl.

'Lily… she hates me,' he repeated, his voice heavy with bitterness.

'Lily? No she doesn't. You're friends,' Helen said, confused.

Severus laughed bitterly.

'And tell me. If I told you that I didn't need help from a filthy little mudblood like you, would you still be my friend?' he snapped.

'I would be very angry with you, that's for sure. Am I sensing something? Does my blood offend you, Severus?' Helen asked coldly.

Severus looked at her sadly.

'That's what I said to her- I said that to Lily in front of Potter. I don't know why… how could I say that to her? To Lily?' he said in a strangled voice, tugging at his greasy hair.

Helen sighed. It was easier for her to forgive him when she saw the huge regret which he so obviously harboured.

'You will have to apologise to her, Severus. I don't know if she will accept it, but you really will have to show that you are genuinely sorry,' she said after a while.

Severus nodded his head pathetically.

'Why aren't you angry at me?' he asked after a prolonged silence. 'Why didn't you join in with… _Black _and _Potter?_ They're your friends aren't they? You're going out with Black,' he said resentfully.

'Firstly, I am not impressed with you. Lily was trying to help you. If you can't be grateful to those who help you, how can you expect to get anywhere? I do, however, understand that, under the situation, you probably were not thinking straight. Actually, I know you like Lily, so I am almost certain that you would never repeat those words. As for Potter and Black; I'm not sure if I want to know people who do such things to others. Their behaviour was disgusting and I'm not sure if I can ever forgive them,' Helen concluded grimly. It reminded her so much of the humiliation which Marina had perpetrated upon herself that she felt sick to have ever associated with Sirius and James.

Severus looked at his hands silently.

'Thankyou,' he mumbled humbly.

'For what?' Helen asked.

'For helping me… for forgiving me… just for being with me. No one else, apart from Lily, has ever or would ever do that for me,' he said, blushing.

Helen smiled kindly.

'Severus, you're my friend. I don't know what kind of people you hang around with, but friends stick up for each other and they are there for each other,' she said firmly.

Severus smiled meekly and they both got up.

'Here,' Helen said, pulling him into a hug. She felt him stiffen initially from the shock of this physical contact. Soon, however, he relaxed and hugged her back tightly.

'It'll be okay,' Helen whispered, still hugging him.

At that moment, the door burst open and Sirius stormed into the room. He stopped short upon seeing Helen and Severus hugging. They quickly let go quickly, both blushing slightly.

'Now I've seen it all,' Sirius shouted, drawing out his wand and pointing it at Severus.

'Yeah? And so have I. Lily was right about you- you really are a despicable bastard,' Helen retorted angrily.

'I'm despicable? What've you been doing? Fucking Snivelly behind my back?' Sirius shouted, rounding on her.

Helen slapped Sirius stingingly across the face.

'Don't you ever speak to me in such a way again, Black,' she said in a deadly whisper.

Sirius looked at her with such rage that Helen thought that he might strike her. She knew, however, that Sirius would never hit a girl.

At that moment, James, Remus and Peter came rushing in too.

'You know what? Fuck you. I could have any fucking girl I want in this school. What do I need you for? You're not worth it,' Sirius shouted venomously.

'Great, because you know what? I could have any guy I want too. I don't need to put up with your bullshit. It's over,' Helen retorted sarcastically, walking over to Severus and pulling him with her out of the room. She ignored James, with whom she was also very angry- and Remus and Peter too.

She was mad beyond control.

'Have a nice life with Snivellus,' called Sirius angrily after her.

Helen wanted to turn around and punch him for being such a bastard, but she left the room instead. She would have more time to fight him later.

----

By the time they reached the Gryffindor portrait, Helen was shaking intensely with anger.

'Helen?' Severus asked timidly.

'I know what Black's going to say. Just tell everyone it's a lie- It _is_ a lie. Anyway, if you don't mind, I need to go now. I don't think anyone should be around me at present. I might do something very dangerous,' Helen said, her voice shaking.

Snape nodded and said, hesitantly, 'goodbye,' patting her tentatively on the arm before scurrying away.

Helen snapped the password to the Fat Lady who looked highly affronted, but swung open nonetheless. She stormed through the common room up to the girls' dormitories.

'I want to kill him,' she seethed when she saw Lily on her bed.

Lily let out a convulsive sob and Helen immediately forgot Sirius and her anger towards him.

'Hey, Lily, what's wrong?' she said, sitting next to her and putting an arm around her.

Lily started sobbing into Helen's shoulder.

'He… he called me a m…mud…blood,' Lily cried.

Helen sighed.

'I talked to him. He's very, very sorry. He really is. You guys should talk to each other… he was really unhinged at the time, Lily. It doesn't mean anything. He likes you. You're his best friend.'

Lily snorted angrily.

'Best friends don't say shit like that.'

'I know… but we all say and do stupid things. Please talk to him,' Helen said earnestly.

'I never want to see that ungrateful bastard ever again,' Lily said stubbornly.

'Now, don't be like that…'

'No. Enough is enough. He's in with all that dark arts stuff and I've forgiven him in the past. Now he's calling me a mudblood too? Sorry. It's over with him,' Lily said simply.

Helen sighed.

'Well… don't say that just yet. Give it some time,' Helen said, resignedly.

They sat in silence for a moment.

'Who're you going to kill?' Lily asked, changing the subject.

Helen seethed.

'That bastard. I hate him. I. Hate. Him,' she said, punching her pillow with each word.

'Er… should I guess who you're talking about?' Lily asked, slightly amused.

Helen looked up at Lily mutinously.

'Sirius Black,' she said with disgust.

'Oh… what happened?' Lily asked, interested and glad to hear that she was not the only person with issues.

* * *

'Oh, Asteria? Is it true? My cousin broke up with you?' Bellatrix called excitedly from the Slytherin table.

'Oh, Bellatrix, why didn't I ever listen to your wonderful advice?' Helen called back sarcastically.

She heard excited squeals from the Slytherin table and Lily had to take Helen's goblet from her because she was squeezing it so hard.

'Good for you, cousin! I take you back!' Bellatrix shouted to Sirius who was sitting on the opposite end of the table and was looking just as angry as Helen. Sirius ignored Bellatrix and shot Helen a withering glare which she returned unflinchingly. Suddenly, Sirius yelped as the pumpkin juice inside his goblet boiled and scalded him.

'You bitch!' he shouted, conjuring water to try and soothe his burns.

Truth be told, Helen had not done it intentionally. Having said that, she did not regret it either. Helen smirked and, suddenly, felt something hot narrowly miss her cheek. She turned, furious to discover that Sirius had just aimed a curse at her.

'You bastard,' she shouted.

She felt Lily tugging desperately at her arm to try and placate her. Her attempts, however, were futile.

Helen was beyond anger now.

She had just sent a nasty hex which would knock Sirius out for at least a week when Dumbledore, who had noticed their rowing from the teachers' table, deflected it.

'Mr Black, Miss Asteria, come with me,' he said in a stern but soft voice.

The whole school watched in wonder as Helen and Sirius shot each other filthy looks whilst they followed Dumbledore who strode out of the Great Hall.

'I am not going to ask this time. I am merely going to ask that you resolve your domestic issues in a non-violent way. I would also ask that you do not return to the Great Hall for the rest of dinner. If you are not sufficiently sophonsified…'

'I'm full,' Helen said shortly, glowering at Sirius.

'Me too,' Sirius added quickly, glaring back.

Dumbledore sighed.

'Well, please be civil… and ten points from Gryffindor each,' he added, shaking his head as he re-entered the silent Great Hall.

Helen and Sirius glared at each other.

Eventually, Helen shrugged.

'We're over. There's nothing to resolve.'

'I know.' Sirius replied shortly.

'Good.' Helen said.

'Fine.'

'Goodbye.' Helen said, turning on her heel and storming up the staircase.

* * *

'Lily- it's Severus. He's waiting outside the portrait and says that he won't leave until you talk to him,' Mary said, entering their dorm, looking rather harassed.

'Well tell him that he can sleep there for all I care, because I am not going to see him,' Lily said mutinously, not looking up from her Transfiguration book.

'Er… that's what he said- he said he'd sleep there all night and stay there until you finally came to see him,' Mary said apologetically.

'Go talk to him, Lily,' Helen said encouragingly.

'Would you go talk to Black?' Lily challenged.

'Already did,' Helen shrugged nonchalantly, 'and we both decided that there's nothing more to say.'

Lily surveyed Helen for a moment before sighing, putting on her dressing gown and leaving the dorm.

'So it's really over?' Marina asked, sitting up suddenly and looking at Helen intently.

'Yes,' Helen replied shortly, not looking up.

Marina paused.

'I'm sorry to hear that,' she said eventually.

Helen looked up at Marina, and had a very difficult time of hiding her surprise at this statement.

'Why?' she managed to ask, wondering when the bitchy comment was going to come.

'I don't know… he looked at you differently to us others. I was putting my money on you two lasting,' Marina said truthfully.

Helen stared at the girl who used to be as close as a sister to her, not sure what to say or think. She couldn't have been more confused if she was confunded.

'Ah well. That's life, I suppose,' Marina shrugged, drawing back her hangings and lying back in bed. 'Oh, and could you please stop throwing up in the morning? It's getting really annoying. Unless you're pregnant- which you're not seeing as you're too scared to lose your virginity- you have no excuses,' Marina added from behind her hangings.

Helen sighed. And there was the bitchy comment. In a way, though, it reassured Helen that Marina was not attempting to be friendly. Hell would definately freeze over before _that_ happened.

* * *

**Quite an eventful chapter, eh? It's pretty long too. I tried to include absolutely everyone here, so we have snippets of most of the main characters of the story... I do realise that they have been rather neglected for a while. This, really, is because I have had other important Helen/Sirius things to establish first.**

**Now, I realise that those of you who don't speak French have probably been wondering what Sirius and Helen have been calling each other for quite some time now. **_**'Mon cheri/Ma cherie'**_** means 'my darling' in French- I just thought I'd point that out.**

**Also, a few of you have commented that there are holes in people's histories/backgrounds. i.e. you don't know much about Helen etc. I have done this deliberately. Be rest assured that everything will be answered in due course. You ****will**** have answers, when the right time comes for it. ****Meanwhile, keep speculating. I like to drop clues here and there… and there a few of you are very cluey and have picked up on these, coming alarmingly close, at times, to guessing. Just remember that everything I have put in, is for a reason (well, mostly... I mean, some of Sirius/Helen's flirtatious banters aren't really **_**that**_** necessary for the plot, but you get what I mean). **

**Now, in terms of Helen and Sirius' fight, it is rather different to their others in that it is on a different level, as you perhaps may have noticed. It's quite sad, really. Anyway, so the next chapter shows us how our characters are dealing with the 'Snape' fiasco and we see our dear Lily playing quite a prominent role too:**

'_Fuck off Potter,'- _Lily Evans.

**Lily is swearing now. Oh, if only you knew! That's not half of what she's doing… **

**So, if you would like the next chapter soon send me a long (and hopefully lovely) review! I am very pleased with the number of reviews which I have been receiving as of late and would like to say a very big thankyou to everyone who has been reviewing. I love you all!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	34. Chapter 38: History of Magic

'_**Hate is misguided love.' **_**Author Unknown

* * *

**

A/N: I do not condone drug use of any kind.

* * *

History of Magic

Remus, James and Peter exchanged uncertain glances before entering their dormitory. They heard loud noises and could not fathom what, exactly, Sirius was doing. Upon entering the dorm, they saw their friend moving stacks of notes and books from his trunk and dropping them unceremoniously onto his bed.

'Er… Padfoot? What are you doing?' James asked tentatively.

James thought that Sirius had become severely unhinged after his fight with Helen and this was another example which proved this.

'Studying,' Sirius replied shortly, before sitting on his bed and opening his rather new-looking Transfiguration book.

'Studying?' Remus asked in disbelief.

'Yes. Studying,' Sirius snapped, drawing the hangings around his bed so the others would not distract him.

He was excellent at Transfiguration, but he was going to make sure that he was perfect for tomorrow.

----

'Pads, turn the light off for fuck's sake. It's 3am!' James said, exasperated.

'I'm not letting her beat me tomorrow,' Sirius muttered mutinously, continuing to read his notes with the concentration of a man possessed.

He had never been angrier at anyone in his entire existence. She had chosen Snivellus over him and he was not going to forgive her for that. He would never have sided with Marina against Helen and yet what she did was pretty much exactly that to him. It proved to Sirius that she did not, in fact, really like him at all. He had often suspected her of indifference towards him with their constant fights over petty things. Now he realised that he had been wasting his time and feelings on her.

'She really is a cold-hearted bitch,' Sirius thought, tearing the page of his book as he turned it with such force.

* * *

Helen could not sleep that night and it had nothing to do with her Transfiguration OWL the next day and everything to do with Sirius. She felt so confused. Only yesterday they were so close and now they were… over. This time was different to all of their other fights and break ups. This one was serious and real whereas the other ones were more a 'war of nerves' where it was only a matter of time until they got over themselves. What hurt the most was that she had grown to like Sirius so much recently- to _really_ like him. Now, after seeing what he could be, she felt so misguided in her feelings and, again, began to feel silly for trusting him after the lesson she had learnt with Marina. She wished she could turn back time somehow and prevent him from doing what he did so that it had never happened… but it did, it had, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Tears leaked out of Helen's eyes. She did not want to cry about it- she never cried over such things. She wanted to be strong and nonchalant, but she couldn't because her previous image of Sirius had been shattered and she didn't know what there was now- if there was anything. They could not shout until he grabbed her mid-sentence and kissed her, they could not change the subject and forget about what they had disagreed on in the first place and they couldn't even just discuss it rationally because Helen didn't know who Sirius really was anymore and, even if she did, they were over.

She tried to muffle her loud cries in her pillow.

----

Lily was also awake; unable to sleep from the betrayal by her oldest friend. She felt her heart wrench as she heard Helen's crying and, incidentally, felt tears coming to her own eyes. How could Severus have said that to her? Why had he changed so much? He was the one- the only one- with whom she had trusted with her deepest secrets and yet he showed today that something as seemingly irrelevant as her muggle background offended him. What hurt more was that he had done it in front of everyone in such a malicious tone. It was as though she didn't know him anymore and Lily now shed angry and bitter tears over the loss of her friend.

Lily heard Helen get up and run to the bathroom, shutting it behind her quickly. She heard a loud sob, which was quickly followed by the incantation _'silencio,'_ and then… silence.

Lily was surprised that Helen was crying over Sirius. She had never known her to cry over their previous break ups. She usually became very angry and adopted an attitude of indifference towards him. Something was different about this fight, however, and it frightened Lily to see it having this effect on Helen because she had never had the impression that her friend had liked Sirius _that _much with their constant fights and their lack of outward affection towards each other. Lily started to wonder, then, that perhaps there was much more between the two than she had initially thought and than they had made out to be.

Lily knocked on the bathroom door. She did not hear anything, but assumed that this was because Helen had put a silencing charm on the door. She opened the door and was hit with the sound of Helen's loud, convulsive sobs. Lily immediately shut the door behind her and went and sat next to Helen who was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest.

'It's okay, Helen. He's not worth it… he's not, really…' Lily whispered, putting an arm around Helen.

Helen looked up suddenly, shocked to see Lily. She gulped and wiped her face quickly, although the tears were still flowing freely.

'I'm… I'm okay,' Helen said unconvincingly, trying, but failing dismally, to smile at Lily.

'No you're not. Why are you so upset? You've broken up so many times before,' Lily said.

Helen shook her head and laughed bitterly.

'No. This one's real,' she said, taking a jagged breath.

'It's okay. Many guys like you- you'll find someone else,' Lily said soothingly. 'And he'll appreciate you for who you really are.'

Helen bit her lip in a bid not to allow more tears to flow at this comment. That was what she had liked so much about Sirius- that he really saw her true personality.

'You're wrong, Helen,' she thought to herself. 'If he did truly like you, he wouldn't have spoken to you like he did today.'

Helen stood up and washed her face. With the cold water she felt, yet again, that cold inner core of resistance which Sirius had melted gradually over the past few months build up again. She let go of any emotions she felt now and felt nothing; that wonderful, yet familiarly sad and lonely feeling of a shell.

'I'm fine. I was being silly. I don't know what came over me- I must be getting my period soon,' Helen said, shaking her head at herself and smiling at Lily.

Lily looked at Helen dubiously. She did not truly believe that Helen could just snap from being so hysterically upset to feeling nothing. Nonetheless, she marvelled at how well Helen could pretend that she was fine anyway. She was having a much harder time hiding her true emotions about Severus' betrayal.

* * *

As she arrived for her Transfiguration practical exam, Helen paled upon seeing Sirius waiting outside the Great Hall as well. They glanced at each other before looking in opposite directions.

No shouting, no glares- just cold indifference.

Helen smiled bitterly to herself as she recalled their practical Defence Against the Dark Arts exam yesterday- just before _the incident_ occurred. It hurt to think of how differently they had behaved then; laughing and talking… and then Sirius winking at her from his station when Helen's examiner complimented her on her perfect welgringle-banishing spell.

'Miss Asteria, Mr Black and Miss Braithwaite, come in please,' the vigilante said, opening the door for them to enter.

They went to their separate stations.

Helen felt she could have performed much better under normal circumstances, but was quietly confident that she had very done well anyway. She turned to see Sirius' examiner applauding him on completing his task perfectly. He shot Helen a fleeting, cold look which she understood to refer to her competitive nature and how, this time, he had won.

Now he was the one to have made it a competition.

They finished at the same time and, as Anna Braithwaite was a Hufflepuff, were alone with each other as they walked to the Gryffindor common room. The silence was stifling for both of them who felt so hurt by the other. They did not look at each other but stared straight ahead.

'Am I going to witness more passionate displays, then?' the Fat Lady asked shrewdly when they reached the portrait.

'Niffler,' Helen said dully to her.

They reached the empty common room and turned to face each other. Sirius was surprised to see that the way Helen looked at him was not anger, as it had been yesterday, but sadness and disappointment; almost as though he were a stranger. It made him feel sick, because she had never looked at him in that way before. Helen could not really understand what it was exactly that Sirius was feeling but could tell from his stare that he was angry and at her. They stared at each other, from opposite ends of the room, for what must have been at least five minutes, before Marina entered the common room, having completed her own OWL, and shot them a strange look. Helen pursed her lips, turned around, and went up the stairs to her dormitory.

For the first time in their lives, they had absolutely nothing to say to each other.

* * *

Helen could not concentrate that night as she tried, in futile vain, to study for her final OWL; History of Magic. At nine o'clock, she snapped her book shut and threw it across the room in frustration.

She turned to Lily who did the same thing; she hated Severus for what he had done to her and hated him even more for her inability to focus on anything else today. She had made many silly mistakes in her Transfiguration exam because of it.

'Screw History of Magic,' Helen muttered angrily, lying back on her bed.

'Hear hear,' Lily said, also lying back on her bed.

'You know what? I just want to get out of this castle,' Helen said, sitting up suddenly. She felt restless.

'Me too,' Lily replied.

Helen suddenly had an idea.

'Do you want to? Really?' she asked, a mad gleam in her eyes.

'Er… yes, but we can't.' Lily replied, looking at Helen warily.

'We can. We can go to Hogsmeade,' Helen said excitedly.

'How? The gate's…'

'No… I know another way of getting there,' she interrupted impatiently.

'How?' Lily breathed in awe.

Helen's face darkened as she remembered how she knew.

'Si- Black,' she said stiffly.

'Typical,' Lily snorted.

'How about it?' Helen said, impatient to get out.

To Helen's surprise, Lily got up, put on her cloak and took up her wand.

'Let's go,' Lily said, her eyes glittering.

----

'I can't believe you never told me about this,' Lily breathed as they were walking through the tunnel.

'He asked me not to tell anyone…,' Helen said, kicking the wall angrily.

'He brought you down here?' Lily asked, suspiciously.

'On our first date… you remember how it was raining and… I'm such an idiot,' Helen said, feeling her stomach wrench in shame as she recalled how they kissed…

'You didn't!' Lily exclaimed hoarsely.

'Of course not; just making out but I was still an idiot. What was I thinking?' Helen said, feeling sick.

'Well… we've all learnt our lessons,' Lily said optimistically, as they came to the trapdoor. They climbed out of it and were greeted with the warm evening air of Hogsmeade.

---

Lily and Helen stumbled to the ground of an open field, laughing. Lily took the firewhisky bottle from Helen and took a swig. She grimaced.

'This stuff tastes like shit,' she laughed.

'I know,' Helen nodded, also taking a substantial swig.

They both lay back, looking at the stars.

'Look- there's Sirius,' hiccoughed Helen, pointing to the star. 'Bastard,' she added.

'He is,' Lily conceded.

'James is a bastard too,' Helen added in a daze, his own attitude towards her since the episode cutting almost as deeply as Sirius'.

'He is,' Lily said, nodding vigorously in her agreement.

'They're all bastards- all of them. I never met a man who wasn't… maybe Remus...' Helen mused philosophically.

'Even he's a bastard- too much of a 'goody-goody' to do anything or stand up to them,' Lily hiccoughed.

They both erupted into drunken giggles.

Helen leant over and lit on of the joints which they had also filched from the Hog's Head bartender's supply room. She inhaled the smoke, filling her lungs with it and lay back down; her head feeling light. It had been a while since she had last done this. She passed it over to Lily who also drew tentatively from it. Lily spluttered, having never smoked before, and Helen patted her on the back.

'Fuck them all,' Helen said, closing her eyes.

'I agree. They're… good for nothing… stupid, bastards,' Lily mumbled.

'I thought that he was different with me,' Helen said in a small voice, after a while of silence.

She took the joint from Lily and drew on the joint again.

'I thought… maybe he really did like me- seriously.'

Lily giggled.

'What?' Helen asked, turning to her.

'Seriously? Haha… his name is.. hic… Sirius…' hiccoughed Lily, very drunk.

The two girls erupted into more giggles.

* * *

Helen opened her eyes and felt the effects of the night before; she had a splitting headache.

She turned and saw Lily lying next to her, mouth slightly open and drooling. Suddenly, Helen sat up and checked her watch.

'Fuck!' she exclaimed, realising they had fifteen minutes until their History of Magic exam.

'Lily,' she said urgently, shaking Lily, 'wake up.'

Lily mumbled something and rolled over.

'LILY. GET UP! We've got our History exam. Fuck… Get UP,' she said, pulling Lily up.

Lily's eyes suddenly snapped open.

'Shit!' she exclaimed. This was followed by a reflex reaction of placing a hand to her head.

'Argh! My head…' she complained.

'Tell me about it,' muttered Helen, standing up and pulling Lily to her feet.

They ran as quickly as they could in their state of hangover back to the trapdoor. There was no time to go back to the common room- the exam started in ten minutes. Luckily, they found Remus walking to the exam on their way.

'REMUS!' they exclaimed, running up to him.

Remus looked at them in shock. Their hair was crazy and sticking up at odd angles; their robes were covered in grass and… they had bags under their eyes and looked slightly dazed.

'What happened to you?' he stammered.

'Not now… do you have extra quills we could borrow?' Helen asked, from where she was bent over, panting.

'Have you been… drinking?' Remus asked in horror, smelling the traces of stale Firewhisky mixed with something else on them.

'…and smoking weed,' Lily added with a giggle.

Helen and Lily burst out into fits of giggles and Remus looked at them as though they were strangers.

'Er….'

Helen and Lily became serious instantly.

'Please? Can we borrow two quills? There's no time,' Helen pleaded.

'Here,' Remus said, handing them a quill each, but keeping his distance as he looked at them warily.

Just as they were near the Great Hall, the two girls were gripped with nausea and they had to take a pit stop by the bathroom. When they returned, considerably more sober, Remus had been joined by the rest of the Marauders.

'What's that smell?' James said, sniffing the air, very confused.

'Smells like pot to me,' Sirius said, even more confused as to who would be smoking marijuana at their school.

Sirius momentarily forgot that he hated Helen and looked at her and Lily in shock, as did they all, when they emerged from the bathroom.

'What the?' James started, staring at the two girls.

'Fuck off Potter,' Lily said, taking Helen's arm as they left them for the Great Hall.

'Thanks Remus. I love you,' Helen called. 'I'll return them to you after. Cross my heart hope to die…'

'Are they pissed?' Sirius asked numbly, staring at what had become of Helen and Lily.

'Not just pissed- they've been smoking pot as well, apparently,' Remus said apprehensively.

The four boys stared after the two girls, not knowing what to think.

* * *

Alcohol and marijuana can do funny things to one's mind. Both Lily and Helen found the exam the easiest thing they had ever done, writing very happily throughout. They both finished half an hour early.

Helen put up her hand and Professor Tofty, an examiner, came to her aid.

'I've finished, sir.' Helen said brightly.

'Er… are you sure?'

'Yes. May I leave?'

'If you must…' Tofty replied, not knowing what to say.

Lily suddenly also put up her hand.

'I've also finished. Can I leave too?'

Tofty had never been in such a situation. He repeated the same questions to Lily and, eventually, the two girls left the Great Hall, placing their quills on Remus' desk as they left. James, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Severus stopped writing momentarily; gaping as the watched the two girls (the two most studious students of the year) leave their History exam early.

* * *

**Now before you say that Lily would never do such a thing, let's just remember that both she probably has never felt so depressed in her life and that she was with Helen who probably is not the best influence… especially when she's as depressed as she is too. Another thing which I might add is that smoking in those days was far more acceptable and widely done. A teenage kid smoking was not an uncommon sight- especially in Europe. Anyway, so that's my little defence on that. I just wanted to show, really, that both Helen and Lily are going through a bad time and were trying to 'drown their sorrows'. **

**Anyway. Lily is going to become practical about her situation quickly and get on with life as per normal very soon. Helen… will have a harder time doing so. It seems that she may have liked Sirius a little more than she let on. Next chapter we see Remus taking control when he gives a certain two conceited jerks (because, let's face it, they really have been total jerks to Helen- and Snape) a piece of his mind. **

**Please excuse the long wait for this chapter. We have had an internet embargo in our house which lasted longer than usual. Gah. **

**Anyway, so please give me a Christmas present with your reviews... they would be much appreciated!**

**Merry Christmas to all!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	35. Chapter 39: The Talk

'_**It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.' –**_** Albus Dumbledore, (**Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone**: J.K. Rowling)

* * *

**

The Talk

WHACK

Sirius sent the bludger very far off course. He marvelled at the strength which his anger seemed to give him. It felt so good to vent it all on that dangerous black ball.

So she was going out and partying now that they were over, he thought angrily. She obviously never cared.

'At least I beat her in transfiguration,' he muttered, smiling to himself.

It had been worth losing a whole night's sleep just to get back at her with that. It was probably killing her now that he had beaten her and that dish of revenge tasted so sweet.

It was sweet, but he could not dismiss that bitter aftertaste either.

WHACK

He swung at the black ball again and exuded his power over it, showing exactly who was in charge.

He had somehow lost control over his life over these past few months. Now, as he exerted all of his strength on that bludger, he remembered how good it was to be in control. She had not controlled him in the manner which his other girlfriends had attempted to by knowing where he was every second of the day. It was, in fact, quite the contrary; she never asked him what he had been doing or where he had been, showing what he now viewed to be a lack of interest.

No, she had controlled him in another way. He thought that once they started going out, he would think of her less often, but this did not happen. He would usually spend time thinking of her, sometimes staring at her as she sat in front of him for a whole class, only to look at his empty parchment in front of him and discover that class was dismissed. She really was a witch of a woman.

WHACK

'I'm going to find someone else before school's over. It's about time that I had a shag.

WHACK

'There you go, Asteria. You can go party with Snivellud because it's over.'

WHACK

'Sirius Black is back'

Sirius smiled grimly. It was a satisfying feeling.

* * *

'Come on. Get up, we're going to Hogsmeade,' Lily said assertively to Helen who was still in bed at ten o'clock.

Having Helen in such a state had forced Lily to adopt a practical attitude. It made her realise very quickly that she would not wallow in depression over Severus' betrayal. It was _his_ problem that he had lost her as a friend, not her own.

'I don't want to. Leave me alone,' Helen mumbled, pulling the covers over her head.

'Get up right now. I'm not going to sit back and watch you do this to yourself because of that bastard,' Lily snapped.

'This has nothing to do with him,' came Helen's muffled voice from under her covers.

'Well I don't care what it has to do with. You either get up right now, or I shall levitate you out of bed. Take your pick,' Lily said, crossing her arms.

Helen slowly sat up and looked at Lily reproachfully.

'Why can't you just leave me be?' she muttered resentfully as she rolled out of bed and found clothes.

Lily smiled sweetly at Helen as she made up her bed.

'I'll be ready in five,' Helen said eventually, going to the bathroom.

------

'There, now that's better!' Lily smiled, upon Helen's emergence from the bathroom. She no longer resembled the mess which she was when she woke up, but her normal radiant self. The only thing which had not disappeared was the dull expression in her normally lively eyes.

Although Helen appreciated what Lily was doing for her and was glad that she could take her mind off Sirius and all the troubles that came with him for a few hours, Hogsmeade really did not raise her spirits much higher. In fact, it served to lower them quite substantially. When she passed James in Honeyduke's, who was with Peter and Remus- Sirius seemed to be elsewhere- he looked her coldly in the eye before walking off in another direction.

Remus looked as though he was going to say something to Helen, but she did not wait for it, taking Lily away from the counter and leaving the shop quickly.

'Lily, I'm going now. I…'

Helen stopped short and stared ahead of her. Lily turned around to see precisely what had caused Helen to stop. Lily had never felt more inclined to committing murder as she had at that point.

Sirius was walking with Melinda North, a fifth year Ravenclaw, into Madam Puddifoot's café.

'Oh, Helen, he's…' Lily faltered, not knowing exactly what to say now that it really hit her that Helen and Sirius were actually over.

Helen wore a peculiar smile on her face which was very unsettling to Lily.

'Where do you want to go now?' she asked Lily calmly, turning to her with a look which Lily understood to mean that Sirius Black was never to be discussed again.

* * *

'Remus, can I talk to you?'

Remus looked up from his desk at the library to see Lily looking at him purposefully.

'Sure… is everything okay?' he added, noticing Lily's worried demeanour.

'Do you think we could go somewhere else?'

Remus nodded, packed his books and they left the library and entered the nearest empty classroom. Although Remus had always gotten along amiably with Lily, they never really sought each other for conversations, and he was not quite sure why Lily would seek him if something was troubling her.

'I don't know what to do and you're the only person whom I can think of who can help,' Lily said as soon as she had shut the door.

Remus shot Lily a puzzled expression.

'Er…'

'She pretends like she doesn't care that they've broken up, but she does,' Lily cut in. 'I mean… she's smoking! Helen smoking? She used to be so healthy!... and I'm sure she cries in the bathroom at night because no one spends an hour in the middle of the night going to the toilet. I personally don't think that Black deserves her- so it's for the best that they're not together anymore- but you've been her friend for a long time and you're also friends with Black. Maybe you can talk to her and help her get out of this mess she's in because nothing I say is working and I'm scared of what's going to happen to her if she continues in this manner,' Lily said finally, her eyes wide.

Remus stared at Lily.

'She liked him _that_ much?' he stammered, unable to picture Helen being affected by someone as much as Lily had described.

Lily nodded apprehensively.

'It doesn't help that that blasted Potter is being a prat to her as well…Will you talk with her?'

'Of course! Where is she?' Remus said, feeling terrible at the thought of Helen suffering so much.

'I don't know... I'd say outside somewhere because she said she was going for a walk,' Lily said grimly.

'Okay. I'll try talking some sense into her,' Remus nodded as they left the classroom.

* * *

He found her lying in the middle of the quidditch pitch.

'Smoking's bad for you,' he said, taking the cigarette from her and putting it out as he sat next to where she was lying.

Helen opened her eyes and a look of annoyance came across her face.

'That was my last one,' she snapped.

'Well it's gone and you're not going to get any more. What's wrong with you?' he said, angry that she was doing this to herself.

Helen laughed uncharacteristically.

'Oh there are many things that are wrong with me Remus… but I don't care,' she shrugged.

'Well you've been my friend since the first day of school and I _do _care. I'm not going to sit back and watch you do this to yourself,' he said firmly.

'You know, Remus, I'm going home tomorrow and I'm going to have to put on a good-girl act for a whole three months. I don't have to be perfect now,' she said wearily.

'You're not doing this because you have to go home. You're doing it because of Sirius,' he sighed.

Helen shrugged nonchalantly and closed her eyes. Her thoughts were hazy and her mind was numb. She had started falling down the hill with the crying and now it had turned into this; reckless self-destruction. She had once heard a philosophy which said that the better one is for longer, the harder the crash is when they inevitably fall; because everyone does fall at some stage.

And she had completely crashed now.

Remus surveyed his friend sadly. She had changed so much.

'Was I wrong in what I did?' she asked after a while of silence.

Remus shook his head.

'No. What you did was right… sometimes I wish I could have the courage to stand up to them as you do because they were very wrong in what they did. It's not your fault, Helen,' Remus reassured her.

'But I bet you that he's out there professing that I'm the biggest bitch in the world,' Helen laughed sarcastically.

Remus didn't answer her statement. Although Sirius may not have used those exact words, he pretty much managed to convey the same message anyway.

Helen sighed.

'Either way, it doesn't matter anymore,' she said wearily.

'Please stop doing this to yourself,' Remus said, feeling very sad indeed as he looked at Helen.

Helen opened her eyes and smiled at him.

'Oh, but I've been like this all my life,' she said sadly. 'It's just that you've never seen me get like this… but I guess some things never change,' she finished bitterly, closing her eyes again.

Remus sighed and felt terrible as he left her. He had not been able to help at all, yet she had always helped him when he was going through a hard time.

* * *

Remus could stand it no longer. He could not take Sirius' long declarations of how terrible Helen was after his previous conversation with her.

He stood up suddenly and paced the dormitory, running his hands frustratedly through his hair.

'Moony, is everything alright?' James piped up, looking at his friend strangely.

Remus stopped walking.

'No. Everything is not alright,' he said sternly. 'It is time someone made you all realise that you go way too far sometimes.'

Peter, James and Sirius gaped at him.

'Er… let's take him to the hospital wing,' Sirius said to James, nudging him and winking.

'No, Sirius. You have sat here complaining about Helen and saying how terrible she is to us for a whole week, but you don't realise exactly what you did to her. For once, she was very justified in everything she did and said and it's time you understood that.'

'She chose Snivellus over us,' James said self-righteously.

Remus shook his head sadly.

'No, James, she didn't choose him over you two. He has been her friend for a long time and you both put her in a situation where she had to choose between watching you two humiliate him in a disgusting manner, and saving him from that. Didn't you notice that she hardly left a scratch on you two? What she did was what being a true friend is about- she saved him from two bullies. She didn't betray you; she just stood up to you two.'

'Disgusting manner?' Sirius scoffed. 'What are you talking ab…'

'It was, Sirius. It was disgusting and you both should really be ashamed of yourselves. It is one thing to duel and another to humiliate and what you two did was nothing short of what the likes of Bellatrix and Rodolphus would do,' Remus said.

'You sound like Evans,' James said, rolling his eyes. 'Arrogant, big-headed, bullies,' James mimicked in her voice, causing all the marauders except for Remus to laugh.

Remus stared at his friends until the noticed that he was not amused.

'Did it ever occur to you, James, that she may be right? You _do_ bully people and what you did to Snape pretty much epitomised what bullying is. I'm your friend, but you both are arrogant and over-cocky in public and it really gets tiring after a while. Why don't you both just act as you do normally?'

The other three stared at Remus.

'You're sticking up for Snivellus,' Sirius said in a disgusted voice. 'You know he would rat on your 'furry little problem' at the drop of a hat, don't you?'

Remus sighed. They just did not understand him.

'I am not sticking up for Snape. I am merely saying that what you two do to him is unfair- two to one as it was. That's not even a fair duel! As for him being eager to tell the world of my condition, Sirius, is he really that unjustified? That prank you played on him would have killed him had James not stopped it… and did you ever think of how that would make me feel? Huh? How I would feel, knowing that I had killed a student?' Remus said, becoming angry at Sirius' attitude.

Sirius suddenly became sheepish.

'No… er… sorry Moony. I never really thought of it in that way,' he admitted, shifting uncomfortably.

'No. You didn't- just like you're not thinking now about how you made Helen feel when you not only humiliated one of her friends, but abused her for saving him,' Remus finished.

Sirius opened his mouth to protest.

'… and you really did abuse her. You said that you really cared about her, but how could you talk to her in that way- with such language- if you truly liked her? How could you go out with Melinda so quickly?'

'She shouts at me all the time,' Sirius said defensively.

'But she never said or did things to you which were as hurtful as what you said and did to her,' Remus snapped.

Sirius sighed, conceding defeat.

There was a tense silence.

'Do you still like her?' Remus asked quietly, looking at Sirius with scrutinizing eyes.

Sirius face paled as he stared at the other maruaders who waited for his answer. He then hung his head and pursed his lips before giving a jerky nod.

'Well I suggest you try and fix this mess before it's too late because, if you don't, I don't think you'll ever stand a chance with her again,' Remus said, wondering how he became the coach on relationship advice.

Sirius snorted.

'I doubt she even wants to see me ever again. She seems quite happy without me,' he said bitterly.

Remus wondered if he would be betraying Helen by telling Sirius this, but realised that there were enough things which were unsaid between the two and they both really had to confront the truth- the whole truth.

He sighed.

'Sirius, you don't have any idea what she's been going through since you two broke up. Maybe she can act as though she's nonchalant and doesn't give a damn about the whole thing in front of you, but why do you think she would get drunk and stoned the night before her final OWL? Because she thought it would be a blast? No. It was because she was probably devastated… and she hasn't given the smoking up since then either…'

'Hang on a sec… let's just slow down a bit here,' Sirius said, holding up his hand. 'You're making it sound as though she was like… I dunno… like she was… 'in love' with me or something. Trust me, I don't think she liked me _that_ much…' Sirius said as though the idea of Helen being in love with him was a ridiculous joke.

Remus looked at Sirius incredulously.

'How can you be that daft? If she wasn't 'in love' with you, she most definitely was close to it,' he sighed.

James sighed and nodded in agreement with Remus. He had caught the way Helen would look at Sirius sometimes, when she thought no one was watching. This betrayed any supposed façade of indifference which she put on in public.

Sirius stared at them all.

'What do I do?' he asked hopelessly, feeling very stupid, ashamed, and sick about his behaviour now.

They all sat silently, not knowing exactly how Sirius could fix the huge fiasco which he had created.

'You could apologise to Snape,' Remus suggested.

The looks of disgust which he received upon this suggestion made Remus realise that this was probably asking for too much.

'Well it would be a big gesture which she probably would appreciate,' he said defensively.

'Any _other_ suggestions which don't involve Snivellus?' Sirius asked, looking around.

'The only time you'll have will be on the train ride home,' Peter pointed out.

Sirius frowned, as did they all.

'If you let this go into the holidays, it'll be very hard to fix it,' James pointed out, feeling very bad himself for the way he had been treating Helen since the incident.

'Thanks mate,' Sirius said sarcastically. 'What do I do? Will she talk to me? I doubt it. That Evans won't allow it,' he said.

'You will have to talk with her, though. There's no other way… but what will you say? Saying you're sorry will not quite cut it this time,' Remus frowned.

'And what if I don't get through to her by the time we leave?' Sirius asked; his face pale at the thought.

'I would suggest lowering your standards for your next girlfriend,' James muttered.

Remus silently agreed with James.

'You could write her a really good letter. Girls seem to like that stuff,' Peter shrugged.

Sirius looked up at Peter.

'That's a really good idea, you know… I hope I don't have to get to that stage, but if it does…'

Remus nodded, somewhat taken by Peter's moment of cleverness. It was at that moment, as they continued to discuss what Sirius could do, that Remus realised that he no longer wanted Helen as anything more than a close friend.

It was quite an emancipating feeling.

* * *

Sirius spent the whole journey home searching for Helen on the train.

'Man, this is the sorriest return trip we ever had,' James grumbled when Sirius came in their compartment, half an hour from King's Cross, and desperately suggested that they split up to find her after having failed to locate her.

Peter wandered down the aisle, feeling very annoyed that he was being used to help Sirius get Helen back. Suddenly, he smelt something which he recognised.

It was her perfume- the same, sweet perfume which she had worn since he first laid eyes upon her. He peered into the compartment window to see Lily Evans talking to… no one. It dawned upon Peter that Helen was inside that compartment and had, somehow, made herself invincible.

He returned back to their compartment where they had arranged to meet.

'Did you see her, Wormtail?' James asked.

He shook his head.

Remus and James exchanged significant looks.

'Poor Sirius,' Remus sighed.

'Poor Pads indeed,' James said. He too had wanted to find Helen and apologise. He had stayed up all night, wracked with the guilt of his behaviour towards her. Now that the train was rolling into King's Cross Station, it would be two months until he next saw her.

Two months was a long time in which a lot could change.

* * *

**Not the longest chapter and, truth be told, it is a bit of a filler for what is following in our next chapter.**

**A few important things happened in it, though. Helen is really having a hard time now. I think 'losing' not just Sirius but James as well really has taken its toll on her and next chapter, when she is combined with someone who himself is not the best influence, we see her starting to really go off the rails... we'll also learn more about Helen's past as we see her at home. **

**At least Remus looks to be moving on... In OotP, Sirius said that Remus sometimes made them feel 'ashamed' of themselves. That's kind of what I was going for in this chapter. In any case, he stuck up for Helen when the 'ringleaders' were both very much against her- which was good of him.**

**What about Sirius? I'm not too impressed by his attitude and Helen wouldn't be either if she could think straight. **

**Another thing... did we notice that Peter is not the most loyal friend? Hmmm. (not that we needed to be told that)**

**Anyway, so now that you are probably stuffed like Christmas turkeys, why don't you write a review to type some of it off? (Come on... you have to admit that it's a pretty original review request... hehe)**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	36. Chapter 40: Helen's Holiday

**_"I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough."_ - Mauritis Cornelius Escher

* * *

**Helen's Holiday

Helen nearly screamed when she saw who had come to pick her up from the airport.

'Mark!' she exclaimed, laughing and running up to hug her older brother.

'Missed you too, kid,' he said, laughing and putting an arm around her as they walked out of the airport.

'When did you return?' Helen asked.

Mark studied in Paris and Helen had not seen him for nearly two years now.

'About a week ago… it's been a right blast with them, I tell you. I forgot how dull it got,' he said, rolling his eyes.

'Now you know how I've felt since you left,' Helen said, shooting him a reproving look.

'Look, kid. I had to get out of there. You're not bad yourself- you only have to spend two months there a year anyway,' he said, lighting a cigarette.

Helen sighed. She wasn't quite sure if Hogwarts would be that wonderful when she returned; now that she had both Sirius and James hating her.

'So… how's the witching business going?' he asked with an amused smile.

He had always found the concept of Helen being a witch rather funny… though it did explain a lot of the strange things that happened when they were younger- such as the time the vase which they broke whilst fighting mysteriously became good as new as soon when their parents returned home.

Helen laughed.

'It's okay... Good, I guess. I just finished my OWLs- you know, those exams I was telling you about.'

'You _have_ become dull without me. Is the only thing you can talk about your school work? Come on… what's going on in your _life?_ The last time I heard from you, you seemed to be getting pretty friendly with some guy… he had a funny name… something Black…'

'Sirius,' Helen said quietly. 'No, we're over,' she added, snatching the cigarette from her brother and taking a drag from it.

Mark raised an ironical eyebrow.

'Now _that's_ something I never saw in you before… You always used to tell me that it was a disgusting habit,' he said reprovingly.

'You still taught me how to smoke,' Helen shrugged, 'and my life is such that getting premature lung disease would not be unwelcome.'

Mark stopped and placed a hand on her shoulder.

'Hey, is everything okay? You seem a bit down,' he said concernedly.

Helen raised an eyebrow.

'Well… more down than usual, anyway,' he said with a small knowing smile. She had never really been a happy girl at home.

Helen shrugged. 'Nothing that a few drinks can't fix… not that that'll be possible with our parents,' she finished miserably.

She really didn't want to have to put up with them now. It would be too much to bear.

Mark surveyed her before smiling at her.

'Oh, but didn't you know? They're in Sydney with their prodigy child, Christina, for a piano competition- apparently _she's_ going to make it, so they love our youngest sister,' he said sarcastically.

Helen laughed, before starting.

'That means that they're not here?' she asked, an excited smile coming to her lips.

'We've got two weeks of hangovers to look forward to,' Mark grinned, stopping by a motorbike in the car park.

'Madamemoiselle,' he said, handing her a helmet.

Helen stared at the bike in front of her. Her usual self would never get on it in a million years.

'Does daddy know about this?' she asked, raising her eyebrows at the motorbike.

'No, and he's not going to,' Mark said nonchalantly, stubbing out his cigarette. 'You ready, or am I going to have to call a taxi for you?' he asked, sitting on the bike.

Helen grinned and sat on the back of the bike.

She was tired of being good and was embracing this opportunity to be bad with daring recklessness.

----

'Oh, joy. Home,' Helen said sarcastically, flopping down onto the pristine couch.

She heard Mark taking her trunk up to her room.

'Now I suggest you go get some sleep and freshened up, or whatever it is you girls do, because we're going out tonight,' he called.

* * *

Helen sat up. This was just what she needed to get over Sirius- not Lily telling her that it was not her fault or Remus telling her that Sirius did still like her. She just needed to get out and move on, and there was no one better than Mark for that.

Helen groaned as she woke up the next day. She sat up, squinting, and faintly registered that she was on the lounge room couch and still in her short dress and high heels. She had no idea how she got home. All she did know was that she had a massive headache and that she never wanted to see alcohol ever again… for now, anyway.

Massaging her temples, she got up, swaying slightly, and made her way to the kitchen to make herself a cup of strong coffee.

'Water would help more,' Mark's amused voice came from behind her.

Helen turned to find him with ruffled bed hair and in pyjama bottoms.

'Argh… never drinking again,' Helen croaked, leaning hear head on the kitchen bench.

There were footsteps from upstairs.

'Someone upstairs?' Helen asked shrewdly.

Mark winked at her and took a sip from her coffee before handing it back to her.

'Speaking of which… I hope you aren't as friendly with the boys at your school as you were with those at the club last night,' he said, adopting the air of a responsible elder brother which did not suit him at all.

'Why, what did I do?' Helen frowned, not able to remember any boys.

Mark raised his eyebrows.

'No brother likes to see some guy shagging his little sister,' he said, a little sternly.

'Did you stop me?' Helen asked, wondering why she wasn't more horrified at this thought.

She didn't really care.

'Oh I bashed the guy up and took you straight home- and picked up Maddie on the way,' he added thoughtfully.

Helen wrinkled her nose at her brother's attitude. It reminded her of someone else.

Someone who she was trying very hard to forget.

* * *

'Go away,' Helen groaned, not wanting to get up now that she was waking up with her tenth hangover in a row. The rapping noise, however, did not stop and Helen looked up with her heavy head to see none other than Sirius' owl, Maera, tapping at her window.

'I'm not interested,' she muttered, putting her pillow over her head.

The tapping did not stop. Helen was starting to generate murderous feelings towards both the owl and its owner as she reluctantly got up and opened her window, squinting as the sun hit her.

'What do you want?' she snapped at the owl.

Maera clicked her beak disapprovingly and dropped the heavy letter on Helen's bed, before perching on the window sill and looking at Helen expectantly.

'What?' Helen snapped.

The owl continued to glare at her- Helen was sure that she was glaring- and did not budge.

'Oh all right. For the record, though- just because I'm giving you water and food, it does _not _mean that I like you any more than I do your owner. What is he doing sending me letters, anyway? He hates me- he made that pretty clear to me last term, the bastard. Anyway, I'm over him and we are not getting back together and I am not accepting any apologies if that, indeed, is the purpose of his letter. He treated me most disrespectfully and I do not tolerate such behaviour from anyone- especially him. Do you understand?' Helen finished, setting a saucer with water and food for the owl on the window sill.

The owl gave Helen what she was sure was an incredulous look.

'Don't you give me that look, you. You are on his side, as is everyone. I don't understand it. I didn't do anything wrong, but bloody James still takes his stupid lover-boy Sirius' side. Maybe they like each other in that way… ew,' Helen shuddered.

The owl paused in its eating and looked up at Helen for a moment, before continuing.

'No, you're right. That would be gross. Well, I'm just going to tell you that I am not reading this letter of his. No. I am not,' Helen rambled, dropping the letter in her paper waste bin.

Perhaps it was the after-effects of the pot from the night before, but Helen could have sworn that the owl shook her head at Helen before flying off.

'Don't you shake your head at me!' Helen shouted after it. 'Why don't you shake your head at _him?_ Huh?'

'Er… Helen, apart from pot, did you take anything else last night? Because you're starting to scare me now,' Mark said, entering the room with a cup of coffee.

Helen sighed and sat on the bed miserably.

'The bloody owl was shaking its head at me,' Helen grumbled.

Mark felt her head for a temperature.

'Oh don't be ridiculous,' Helen snapped, slapping his hands away. 'It was Sirius' owl- it just left. See… here's the proof that it was here. Here's the letter,' Helen said, taking out the letter and holding it out to Mark.

Mark laughed.

'Relax. I believe you… that's a pretty fat letter,' he observed, weighing it with his hand. 'Why was it in the bin?' he asked, looking at Helen curiously.

'I don't care about anything he has to say,' Helen shrugged.

'Well it seems he had a lot to say,' Mark observed, handing the letter back to Helen.

Helen had an idea.

'Can you read it for me? I don't want to know anything about us getting back together- or any abuse he have to hurl at me- but if there's anything urgent; like someone sick or dying etc, could you tell me?'

'You expect me to read all this with a hangover?' Mark asked, staring at length of the scroll as he unfurled it.

It was long.

Helen smiled sweetly. 'Yes, because you love me,' she said, pouting.

Mark rolled his eyes and started to read. Helen sat opposite him and had to sit on her hands to prevent herself from snatching the letter from her brother so that she could read it herself. Instead she read his face, although this made it worse as his expressions would make her blurt out things like: 'what? Is it bad?'

Mark ignored her questions for the whole letter. After fifteen minutes, he rolled it up and looked at Helen.

'Well?' she demanded.

'There are a few things which you should know, and I also have a few questions too,' he said, his voice no longer joking.

Helen gulped. Mark was rarely as serious as this.

'Firstly, I want to know what the fuck this guy did to you that he spent so much of his letter apologising to you? Honestly, even _I_ nearly cried myself by the end of it,' he said, sickened at the thought of himself crying.

Helen shrugged.

'We just had this fight which kind of went out of control… anyway, that's not what I want to know about. What should I know about?'

'He ran away from home,' Mark replied, not entirely satisfied with his sister's response to his initial question.

Helen momentarily forgot about the fact that she was no longer with Sirius.

'He did? He really did that? Where is he now?' she asked, excited for him.

'He's with his friend- James,' Mark replied shrewdly.

Helen bit her lip and remembered herself.

'Good for him,' she shrugged nonchalantly.

Mark cleared his throat, knowing his sister well enough to see through this act.

'Anything else?' Helen asked, raising her eyebrows.

'They would like you to join them like you did last year in the last week of holidays,' Mark said, scanning the letter for other important information.

Helen snorted.

'Nothing else?'

'Oh… and I think he loves you,' Mark shrugged, handing her the letter again.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Whatever. He actually wrote that and thought I'd believe him? Ha! I'm actually going to start laughing now…'

'No, _I _think he loves you. He didn't write it, but I think he really regrets whatever he did to you and he really wants you back sissy. Now you tell me, here- you never behaved like this- partying, smoking, drinking- before. Is this because you're depressed about you two breaking up?'

Helen sighed.

'It was never just the two of us home like this,' Helen pointed out.

'No, but still…'

'Yes,' she interrupted. 'I really liked him. I don't know why or how or what it was... It was just like we… oh God I'm sounding like a complete idiot now…' Helen laughed, shaking her head at herself.

Mark surveyed her for a moment.

'You know, kid, sometimes you're more of a guy about your feelings than we men are,' he remarked.

Helen shot him a reproving look.

'No, I'm being serious…'

Helen was about to make a Sirius/serious pun joke but stopped herself. She was not with Sirius, and Mark would not understand it anyway. She marvelled, nonetheless, at how much of an impact Sirius had exercised upon her life.

* * *

'How do I look?' Helen asked Mark as she entered the living room.

They were waiting for their parents' arrival and they had cleaned up both the house and their appearances.

'As angelic as someone who has spent the last five years of their lives studying witchcraft can look,' he said, smirking at her conservative dress, her makeup free face and her hair which was pulled back into a formal, plain bun. In short, Helen's appearance contrasted widely to what it was last week.

'I'm not looking forward to this,' Helen said quietly, after a while of silence.

'Neither, but at least you're not alone this time,' he said, squeezing her hand.

----

'Sit,' Helen's father ordered her upon her entering his study.

Helen gave a closed smile and sat on the opposite side of his desk, her back straight, eyes emotionless. It was always that distant, unloving tone from him; it had never been otherwise.

'What are these?' he asked icily, throwing a bunch of letters across the table to her.

With shaking hands, Helen picked one up. It was from Hogwarts.

-

_Dear Mr Asterios,_

_It is with great regret that I inform you that your daughter, Helen Asteria, has received her fiftieth detention for fighting in class with another student._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall._

-

Helen looked up at her father with trepidation as he rose from his chair.

'Thirty letters!' Helen's dad shouted, grabbing her arm with a death grip.

Helen's chest heaved as he pulled her by the ear and pushed her to the floor.

'Please, dad, it's not…' she gasped.

He slapped her stingingly across the face and Helen tasted the blood which was now dripping from her nose.

'Get up,' he snarled.

Helen stumbled as she tried to get up.

'Ever since you left for that school your attitude has been disgusting,' he shouted at her.

Helen felt tears streaming down her cheeks.

At that moment, Helen's mother entered the room with a letter.

'This letter says that your school term starts on September 1st and always has started then, but last year you said that it started on August 20th,' she said eyeing Helen accusingly as she handed the letter to Helen's father.

Helen closed her eyes, waiting for it...

* * *

When Helen woke up, her head was sore. She had been knocked out from her father's blows; this much she gathered.

Her door burst open.

'Get up, you lazy girl. It's six o'clock. Get up right now and practise piano,' her father said angrily, throwing off her covers and pulling her long hair as Helen hastily tried to get up.

Helen recoiled in the corner of the room as her dad glared at her.

'And you're never going back to that school of yours ever again,' he spat. 'Your mother and I decided that you have become a liar and a disgrace to this family over there and we will not allow it any more.'

'What!' Helen shouted, before she could stop herself.

She had gone too far. His eyes almost bulged out of his head.

'What did you just say? How dare you speak to me in that insolent manner,' he said, slapping her across the face.

Helen could no longer take it anymore. She really couldn't.

Suddenly, her father relaxed and Helen recognised him to be confunded. She looked around to see if someone was in the room and had done it, but then realised that she herself had done it- without a wand.

Helen sighed.

'Leave the room please,' she said to him in a shaking voice.

He obliged and Helen sighed with relief as he shut the door.

She began packing everything frantically- throwing everything and anything into her trunk. As she threw her books into her trunk, Sirius' letter fell out. She looked at it with half a mind to throw it out, but realised that it would be a bad idea to do so lest her parents read it in her absence. She threw it in her trunk and slammed it shut, wheeling it out of her room.

'Mark, wake up!' Helen shouted, banging her fists on his door.

He emerged at the door, a minute later, looking dishevelled.

'I'm leaving,' Helen said frantically. 'I'm leaving right now. Can you take me to the airport?' she asked breathlessly.

She didn't know how long her father would remain confunded for.

Mark's eyes widened.

'They'll kill you!' he whispered hoarsely, shaking her by the shoulders.

Helen shook her head.

'I did magic accidentally- he'll accept whatever I say… please Mark, just take me to the airport. I'll never ask you for anything else, please…'

Mark nodded.

'Give me ten minutes,' he said, disappearing again.

---

Helen tapped her foot frantically as she waited for Mark at the front door. She felt a cardiac arrest coming on as she saw her father approach her, but relaxed when she saw that he was still confunded.

'Now you make sure that you're a good girl and that you study hard,' he said sternly.

'Yes daddy,' Helen managed to say in a high-pitched voice, wishing Mark wouldn't take so bloody long.

'Ah- Mark! Now you be a good boy too. I want to hear good things about you,' the father said, clapping his son on the shoulder.

Mark shot Helen a quizzical look before smiling uncertainly back at his father.

'Will do, dad,' he said, patting his father hesitantly on the back, before both he and Helen left the house quickly, each carrying their trunk and suitcase.

'You're leaving too?' Helen asked Mark as soon as they reached his motorbike.

Mark nodded.

'No use staying if you're not there. What kind of time would I have?' he laughed sarcastically.

Helen sunk to the ground, shaking.

'Oh God. I don't know how I did it without a wand… I hope I won't get into trouble,' she said, placing a hand to her head and snatching the packet of cigarettes from Mark's breast pocket.

'No,' Mark said softly, but firmly, as he took the cigarettes from her.

Helen looked at him incredulously.

'No. I should never have let you get drunk like that and smoke and do all those drugs. I've been a bad older brother. You're young- you shouldn't be doing those things to yourself. You've got your whole life ahead of you,' he said, throwing out the cigarettes in the bin next to him.

'And what about you?' Helen challenged.

Mark shook his head.

'I'm stopping too. I was thinking, last night, that we've only been doing this because of them. They're not worth us wrecking ourselves over, Helen. We're better than that,' he said sagely.

A smile played upon Helen's lips.

'Who are you and what have you done with my brother?' she laughed, feeling freer now that she didn't have to return home until next holidays.

'We should catch a cab,' Mark said, pointing to their trunks which would obviously not fit on the bike.

Helen nodded, very glad that she had Mark these holidays. She knew that she wouldn't have survived without him.

* * *

'I'll go with you to London-make sure you get there ok- and then I'll catch a train to Paris,' Mark said to Helen after he had bought them their tickets.

'You don't have to,' Helen said.

'No, I want to. I shouldn't have left you for so long with them… and I don't want to hear of any lecherous men trying to take advantage of my sister,' he added with a wry smile.

Helen laughed.

'You know, I think I could show them where to go better than you could,' Helen said, raising an eyebrow which Mark understood to refer to her being a witch.

'Probably… but still. Anyway, let's just have one more adventure for the holidays. You can show me a bit of this crazy world you belong to!' he laughed.

---

'Where are we exactly?' Mark asked, looking around what appeared to be a junk yard.

'The back of a pub,' Helen replied, taking out her wand and tapping the bricks.

Mark's eyes widened as he saw the opening.

'Welcome, my brother, to Diagon Alley,' Helen said, laughing at his reaction.

---

'Tell me, kid… your running away has nothing to do with that boy you who you 'don't like', does it?' Mark asked as they wandered through Flourish and Blots.

Helen shot him a reproving look.

'I did not run away. I will return next holidays… I just… left a bit early,' she finished unconvincingly, scratching her head.

Mark laughed and put an arm around her as they walked out of the shop.

Helen stopped in her tracks and stared at a boy who had just gone to enter the shop. Upon his seeing Helen, he stared at her too, his face paling slightly as his glance flitted to Mark who still had his arm around Helen's shoulder.

'Sirius! There you are!' a female voice called. She joined him and linked arms.

Helen's face now paled as she took in the witch's appearance. She had thick dark brown hair. Although Helen thought of Bellatrix upon initially seeing the witch, she did not look so much like Bellatrix upon closer inspection- she looked too kind-hearted.

'Hello,' Sirius said stiffly to Helen.

She never replied to his letter and the way she looked at him now made Sirius lose any hope whatsoever of them getting together ever again... That was forgetting the fact that she had obviously moved on if she had some guy's arm around her.

'Hello,' Helen said, nodding jerkily.

So, despite Mark's insistence that Sirius could possibly have been genuinely sorry, Sirius had still moved on and found someone else; she was beautiful too.

Mark looked at Sirius with scrutinizing eyes. He could tell that he was a good-looking boy and one who had gotten around a fair bit too. The way he looked at Helen now, though, also told him very much that he had not gotten over his sister at all and that everything he had written in his letter was genuine.

Similarly, Andromeda looked at the girl who had caused Sirius so much heartache these holidays. At first, she couldn't believe that her cousin- the infamous playboy of Hogwarts- could have been affected so badly by a girl. She was beautiful, to be sure but that wasn't what struck Andromeda. She could see that this girl had strength of character; something which Sirius had probably never seen in any other girls who he pursued; and Andromeda saw this as the girl looked at Sirius levelly now.

'I'm Andromeda,' Andromeda smiled, trying to dispel the tension.

'Mark,' Mark said, shaking her hand.

Helen turned and smiled politely to Andromeda.

'Helen,' she said, shaking her hand. 'This is Mark,' she said.

Sirius pursed his lips as he shook Marks hand quickly.

'Sirius,' he nodded abruptly.

'Well, nice to meet you Andromeda. We have to go now, though,' Helen said, forcing a smile at her and steering Mark away from the awkward group into Madam Malkin's.

'So… that was the famous Mr Black?' Mark smiled slyly.

'Shut it, Mark,' Helen snapped, pretending to search through the rack of dress robes.

'He's not bad looking. You two would look good together…' he continued.

'Well it's not happening, so drop it,' she said testily.

'He doesn't seem to be over you,' Mark remarked.

'No? Well I'll have a hard time believe that seeing as he was with his newest girlfriend,' Helen snapped, stalking out of the shop.

'I don't think that was his girlfriend,' Mark mused.

'No? Well I don't care. Listen, can we talk about something else?' Helen rounded on her brother, becoming rather annoyed that he was not being more sympathetic to her cause. She felt unsettled now that she had seen Sirius again; she had not expected it and it had taken her unawares.

* * *

**Hmmm... this 'day' in the chapter shall be continued, but first (i.e. in the next chapter) we shall see how Sirius' holiday went as, from what Mark has told us in reading Sirius' letter, it was also quite eventful.**

**So although she nearly completely lost it, Helen seems to be gaining some control back in her life now that she's not at home anymore. She hasn't properly run away, either, because she really is holding out that her parents might love her, somehow. Her parents really do treat her badly, though. I guess she was lucky this time that she had Mark as some kind of moral support.**

**Oh and let's not forget the huge misunderstanding between Sirius and Helen over their shopping companions. Heh.**

**... and I'm pretty sure there is something else which a few of you might be writing to me about which I haven't mentioned, but I don't find it that significant in the grand scheme of things, so I won't discuss it here.**

**Anyway, so now that it's not Christmas anymore, there are no excuses... get typing, because the next chapter is pretty long and very eventful and important in many different ways.**

**So... review and I shall update again tomorrow (if the internet god is willing, that is)!**

**Lots of love, Anya**

**p.s. A special thanks to those who have been reviewing. We've passed the 400 review mark! Yay!**


	37. Chapter 41: Sirius' Holiday

_**"Missing someone feels like the earth crumbles beneath you -- you are falling with nothing to grab, and it comes when you don't expect it, and it never stops coming."

* * *

**_

Sirius' Holiday

Sirius took as long as he possibly could to get off the train. He had already had a terrible start to his holiday now that the train had arrived at King's Cross and he had not been able to find Helen. He would most definitely write her a letter, but he wasn't sure what good, if any, it would do to help his cause.

'Sirius Black, why are you late?' the chillingly cold voice of his mother demanded from behind him as he left the train.

Sirius sighed and turned around.

'Oh mother, I missed you so much… did you miss me too?'

* * *

Sirius was finding it hard to stay awake at the dinner table. It was a family gathering to mark the return of the cousins from Hogwarts. In short; Bellatrix, Narcissa and Malfoy were there. Sirius was seated next to his brother, Regulus; whose back was so straight and ate in such a perfect manner that he would make a professor of etiquette proud. The general conversation was dull and revolved around the usual topics; money, their superiority to the magical population because of their purity of blood and, of course, mudbloods and how disgusting they are. Although Sirius was very happy for Andromeda; that she was finally able to escape this prison of a life, her presence was sorely missed by him. 

'And how old is Sirius now?' one of Sirius' uncles asked.

'Sixteen,' Mrs Black replied.

'Sixteen! He'll have finished school soon… and what will he do then?'

'I'll be joining the Dark Lord,' Bellatrix piped up proudly.

There were nods of approval from around the table.

'I won't,' Sirius said flatly.

The conversation died down a little and there was the chink of china as the guests set down their cutlery to look at Sirius.

Mrs Black, not wanting to give Sirius an excuse to embarrass her now in front of the whole family, quickly changed the subject- to marriages.

'Bellatrix will marry Rodolphus Lestrange when she finishes school. It is all arranged,' her mother said, smiling at Bellatrix fondly.

'… and Narcissa? Or has it not been arranged yet?'

'Oh no, it has! She is promised to Lucius Malfoy.'

'Such a good match… they will look quite perfect together,' Mrs Black agreed.

'Yes… and has Sirius been arranged with someone yet? I recall you had a list of promising choices.'

Mrs Black put on a strained smile. That boy had caused her so much trouble. Not many families wanted to have him marrying their daughter as they had already heard of his reckless and disgraceful behaviour.

'….or perhaps he has found someone himself?' Bellatrix's mother continued.

Bellatrix looked up suddenly.

'He _was_ going out with a mudblood for a long time this year, but…' she started

'Don't call her that,' Sirius said through gritted teeth.

'Oh, but cousin, didn't anyone tell you? She _is_ a mudblood,' Bellatrix smirked.

'… and you've never even come close to matching her power,' Sirius retorted.

'So that was why she needed you to rescue her?' Bellatrix challenged.

'Only because you, you sick freak, had five others there with you. You wouldn't stand a chance if you were duelling her…'

'What's this about, Sirius,' Orion Black interrupted sharply. 'A mudblood?'

Sirius thought at how ironical the situation was. He was getting into trouble now for wanting to be with Helen… and she didn't even want to be with him herself. Either way, Sirius had had enough. He could not stand this family for much longer.

'Yes, father,' he replied, looking him in the eye defiantly.

'Go to your room. Now,' Mrs Black said in a deadly whisper.

'Certainly, mother,' Sirius said, making sure he made a lot of noise in getting up.

He would be in for it tonight, but he did not care. He could not take them any more.

* * *

Four days had passed and Sirius had not been allowed out of his room. Kreacher would apparate in at various stages during the day muttering words like 'blood-traitor' under his breath whilst he left food for Sirius. Sirius had taken to making his room as unacceptable as possible. He put photos of his friends, motorbikes… he even went so far as to tear out the posters of bikini models in the girly muggle magazines which he had and put them on his walls with permanent sticking charms. If anything, he had perfected his permanent sticking charms by the end of that week. 

Sirius wondered what James would say if he knew how many books he had read that week. Sirius was starting to think that he could even rival Remus with the amount of study he had done. During his confinement, he had finished not only all of his holiday homework, but had managed to read ahead. He started to wonder if perhaps he had swapped places with Helen in that he was now the one to study and she… well, he didn't think she could behave as she had in the last few weeks of school at home with her parents, but he was quite certain that she hadn't touched a school book during the last weeks of school nonetheless.

It was Friday afternoon and Sirius had exhausted most of his books. He searched through his trunk to try and find _something_ to read… or do in any case.

'Quidditch Through the Ages? No, read it too many times…. The Beginner's Guide to Charms? I don't think so…'

He threw the books over his shoulder as he sorted through them. There were two piles; the 'Read far too many times' pile, and the 'Read many times, but will read again if I can't find anything else' pile. As he reached the bottom of his trunk, Sirius' latter pile was dismally low; consisting of only one book which he had only added so as to have actually created a second 'pile'.

'What's this?' he mused to himself as he pulled out a small, red, velvet-bound book.

He did not recognise it and frowned as he saw the spine which merely wrote 'DONNE' in gold lettering.

Intrigued, Sirius took it with him and sat on his bed. He opened it and saw her name written on the inside of the cover:

_Helen Asteria_

Sirius sighed as he ran his fingers over where she had written her name, before frowning as he tried to remember how he managed to keep one of her books.

He flipped a few pages to see what, exactly, this book was and realised that it was a book of poetry. Suddenly, it all came back very clearly to him and he wondered how he did not remember it straight away:

-

It was a warm spring afternoon; about two months prior to their OWLs. He had found Helen sitting under a tree, reading from the book with a smile on her face.

'What, may I ask, brings such a smile to your pretty face?' he asked, grinning as he sat down next to her.

Helen looked up

'_I wonder by my troth, what thou, and I Did, till we loved?_ she said earnestly, as though she were answering his question.

Sirius looked at her strangely.

'What?' he asked, thinking that he had perhaps not heard correctly.

'_Were we not weaned till then, but suck'd on country pleasures, childishly?'_

'Er…'

Helen shook her head at Sirius.

'_Or snorted we in the seven sleepers' den?'_ she suggested.

Sirius stared at Helen, wondering what on earth had happened to her.

Helen sighed.

' 'Twas so;' she begun heavily, as though she were stating some grave truth, '_but this, all pleasures fancies be. If ever any beauty I did see, Which I desired, and got, 'twas but a dream of thee.'_

She paused and looked at Sirius.

'What?' she asked, noticing the way he was looking at her.

'Are you feeling okay?' he asked hesitantly.

Helen laughed at him.

'Relax. It's just poetry,' she said, turning the book to him to show him that she was quoting from it.

Sirius nodded, still rather struck by Helen's random behaviour.

'You're into poetry?' he asked, raising an eyebrow.

'What can I say? I'm a closet romantic,' Helen shrugged, grinning at him.

'You? A romantic?'

Helen laughed.

'Ah, zere is much you 'ave yet to learn about this girl,' she said, putting on a mysterious voice and French accent.

Sirius nodded slowly, still not sure what to make of Helen today.

'My brother sent it to me as a Name-Day present,' she shrugged. 'He knows that Donne's my favourite poet.'

'Oh.'

'I think I have officially scared you now, have I? You never had any other girls reciting poetry to you?' Helen asked, raising her eyebrows questioningly.

Sirius laughed.

'Nah… they weren't smart enough… though I did have this one who tried quote Shakespeare,' he added as an afterthought.

'Tried?' Helen asked, amused.

'Yeah, she tried to make out that I was her Romeo or something but ended up getting confused and screwed it up,' he laughed.

'I hope you weren't mean to her,' Helen said, frowning at Sirius.

'No, I wasn't… I just corrected her with the _actual_ lines,' he shrugged, laughing as he remembered the incident.

Helen shook her head at him.

'So… if _I _recited this poetry to you, would that impress you?' Sirius asked, taking the book from Helen and flipping through it.

'I'm glad that you're still trying to impress me,' Helen said, pretending to be flattered.

Sirius flashed a charming smile and Helen laughed at him.

'I probably _would_ be quite impressed if you did. I just read you my favourite poem now- The Good Morrow… if you were able to pull off 'The Flea'- page three, I'd probably finally sleep with you…'

She laughed as Sirius flipped to that page quickly, and started to read the poem:

MARK but this flea, and mark in this,  
How little that which thou deniest me is ;  
It suck'd me first, and now sucks thee,  
And in this flea our two bloods mingled be.  
Thou know'st that this cannot be said  
A sin, nor shame, nor loss of maidenhead ;  
Yet this enjoys before it woo,  
And pamper'd swells with one blood made of two ;  
And this, alas ! is more than we would do.

O stay, three lives in one flea spare,  
Where we almost, yea, more than married are.  
This flea is you and I, and this  
Our marriage bed, and marriage temple is.  
Though parents grudge, and you, we're met,  
And cloister'd in these living walls of jet.  
Though use make you apt to kill me,  
Let not to that self-murder added be,  
And sacrilege, three sins in killing three.

Cruel and sudden, hast thou since  
Purpled thy nail in blood of innocence?  
Wherein could this flea guilty be,  
Except in that drop which it suck'd from thee?  
Yet thou triumph'st, and say'st that thou  
Find'st not thyself nor me the weaker now.  
'Tis true ; then learn how false fears be ;  
Just so much honour, when thou yield'st to me,  
Will waste, as this flea's death took life from thee.

'I don't get it,' he said, frowning as he looked up at her, having read the poem.

'Don't you? The narrator is presenting an argument to his lover with reasons for why she should sleep with him. See, he says that the flea has bitten both of them and therefore their blood is mixed in the flea so…' Helen stopped and bit her lip.

'What?' Sirius said, looking up at her, confused as to why she had stopped.

'Never mind,' she said quickly, blushing. 'I'm boring you. You're not into poetry and…'

'Just finish explaining it,' Sirius interrupted.

'Well...seeing as their blood has already been mixed in the flea, and having a flea bite you is not a sin, he says that their having sex, which is also a mixing of bodily fluids, should no longer be a sin because they have already become 'married' in the flea,' Helen said disconcertedly.

Sirius stared at her for a moment, a small smile curving his lips. He cleared his throat, sat up straight, and began to recite dramatically to her:

'_Mark but this flea, and mark in this,'_

'I'm not going to sleep with you now that I've explained it…'

'_How little that which thou deny'st me is;'_

'How chauvinistic. Of course you think it's nothing. We'll see how long you stay with me once I do sleep with you…'

'_It sucked me first, and now sucks thee,'_

'No one's sucking anything...'

'_And in this flea, our two bloods mingled be;'_

'Ha! I haven't been bitten by any fleas. It won't work,' Helen said triumphantly.

Sirius laughed and stopped reading.

'I can always arrange for a flea to bite the both of us. I'm quite well acquainted with many fleas,' he said, grinning as Helen didn't understand exactly what he meant by this.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Well, until you can arrange that, we will remain inactive,' she said, pecking him on the cheek and getting up.

'Aw come on… don't leave… I was joking,' Sirius called after her as she began to walk away.

'_Sweetest love, I do not go, For weariness of thee, Nor in hope the world can show A fitter love for me…_I… have detention,' Helen finished lamely, thinking that she should probably stop quoting Donne's poems now. The problem was that she had been reading them for the last hour and it was very hard to get them out of her system now. She really had to though.

After all, she didn't want to give Filch any ideas…

'Tsk tsk. Detention?' Sirius asked, laughing as she scowled at him.

'Your charming cousin and I were displaying our differences this morning in Arithmancy… which I noticed you decided to miss,' Helen added in a reproving tone.

'I was tired,' Sirius whined.

'Ha! A likely story. She said that you've been getting friendly with an Alice. Who's Alice?' Helen said, rounding on him suddenly.

Sirius nodded and adopted a serious face, trying not to laugh at her suggestion.

'There are three Alices which I am aware of. I know of an Alice Lauren in Ravenclaw, an Alice…er.. Goodman? No… sorry… now, what's her name? Alice… Alice… Alice… Roderick! That's right! An Alice Roderick in Hufflepuff and an Alice Viscount in Slytherin- take your pick. Which one did you want to be the one with whom I am apparently conducting an illicit affair?' Sirius asked politely, keeping his sombre face.

Helen rolled her eyes, but Sirius caught the twitch of her lips.

'Hey… can you hold on to my book for me? I don't know what Filch is going to get me to do for detention, and I don't want it to ruin,' she asked as they reached the caretaker's office.

-

Sirius sighed as he snapped out of his memory of happier times and decided that, seeing as he had nothing better to do, he would read these poems which Helen had such an affinity for.

* * *

The next morning, Sirius heard the door unlock and looked up from the second-last poem of the collection to see his mother sweep into the room. He felt a grim satisfaction as he saw her eyes widen with fury as she took in his 'refurbished' room. 

'What is this?' she screeched.

'What is what, mother?' he asked politely, shutting the book and surveying her levelly.

'The walls… obscene photographs…' she muttered, pointing her wand at the posters to try and take them down.

Sirius tried to hide his smile as he felt silently proud of how well his permanent sticking charms had turned out. Mrs Black screamed in frustration and continued to try to rid the walls of the posters for another five minutes.

Upon realising that her blasted son had used permanent sticking charms, she took a deep breath and tried to compose herself; she could not lose her temper this morning now that they were to see the whole extended family in an hour.

She turned to face Sirius coldly.

'Get dressed in your finest dress robes, we have your cousin Arabella's wedding to attend in half an hour. You are to behave yourself and not speak unless spoken to,' she snapped before sweeping out of the room again.

'Oh joy,' Sirius thought sarcastically.

* * *

The wedding had been boring beyond belief with long speeches and formal declarations of love which were so obviously false; it was an arranged marriage, as were all marriages in the Black family. The reception was not completely terrible. Sirius was very careful to refuse any requests to dance- he didn't want to give anyone hope for a possible arranged marriage between himself and some other respectable pure-blooded girl- and managed to avoid getting drawn into any unwanted conversations. After the toasts were made, he decided he would not be missed from the big family gathering and went for a walk in the gardens. 

'Well, if it isn't my favourite nephew.'

Sirius grinned as he turned around to see his Uncle Alphard.

'Uncle Alfie!' he laughed, shaking his uncle's hand. 'You came? I thought…'

His uncle wrinkled his nose.

'I got sent the invitation and try not to be too offensive if I can help it, so I thought I'd come just to keep up appearances. So… tell me, young man, how is life treating you?'

Sirius snorted.

'These holidays have been the worst by far. I have been kept not only under house arrest, but have been confined to my room as well. As for school, it's good, I guess…'

'Still breaking all the ladies' hearts?' Alphard said knowingly, winking at Sirius.

Sirius sighed and shrugged.

Alphard surveyed his nephew for a moment.

'You know, Sirius, being a bachelor and having fun with ladies is great when you're young- and it's good to get around a bit- but when you get to my age and you realise that you're old, not good-looking anymore, and alone without any family, you start to question it all.'

Sirius looked up at his uncle questioningly.

Alphard sighed.

'What I want you to know is that it's not all it's cracked up to be… because you get old and you realise that that unpopular kid from your class who no one used to look at is better off because he has a family and kids who love him whereas you comes home and have… no one. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes as me, Sirius,' he finished seriously.

Sirius was rather shocked at this statement from his uncle. He had always looked up to him and had aspired to be a 'bachelor' just like Alphard was when he was older.

'But…'

'By all means, have your fun now that you're young and it doesn't matter, but don't leave it too late.'

Sirius nodded and then suddenly brightened up.

'Hey, Uncle Alfie, can you help me? See, there's this girl and…'

'Ah, so there _is_ a girl,' Alphard chuckled. 'What's her name?'

'Helen, she's in my year.'

'Gryffindor?'

'Yes.'

'What does she look like?'

Sirius smiled, before realising that he had the photo they took in the booth last summer in his wallet. He showed his uncle.

'You know… she reminds me of someone…' Alphard mused as he looked at the photo.

'She's muggle-born,' Sirius shrugged as took back his wallet.

'I bet you're mum's _thrilled_ about that,' Alphard said sarcastically. 'She's one of the best I've seen, pure-blooded or not, so good for you son… though I still think she reminds me of someone… never mind. So tell me about her,' he said, smiling as Sirius started talking about Helen.

Whilst listening to Sirius, it suddenly struck Alphard who Helen looked like. He wondered how he didn't think of her straight away… but she had never had any children, had she?

* * *

After being locked in his room for the second time these holidays, Sirius had decided that enough was enough. He was not going to suffer his family anymore. 

It was midnight. His trunk was packed with all of his possessions- excepting the few which he could leave behind- and he was going to do what he had dreamt of doing for many years now.

'Alohomora,' he whispered, pointing his wand at the door. He heard it unlock and crept stealthily out of his room for the last time, levitating his trunk behind him. The operation was successful until he reached the front door where Kreacher appeared and started screeching.

'Mistress, mistress, Master Sirius is running away!'

'Kreacher…' Sirius whispered angrily.

'MISTRESS! MASTER! MASTER SIRIUS IS RUNNING AWAY!' the elf shouted, more loudly.

If he could, Sirius would have murdered the elf. Upon hearing the quick footsteps from up the stairs, however, he ran as quickly as he could to the front door, fumbling with the lock. His heart pounded in his chest as he heard his mother's shouting approaching.

'Come on, Sirius,' he muttered to himself, finally opening the door and running outside. As he was out of his house now, though, he could no longer use magic without being detected and he wheeled his trunk as quickly as he could, using all his strength. He hid it in the nearby bushes and managed to turn into his animagus form just before he saw his parents and brother run out of the house.

'Where is he?' Mrs Black seethed. 'I'll kill him. I'll kill him!'

Mr Black looked around a moment more before shrugging.

'He was always a disgrace of a son, but now he can tarnish our name no more. He is no son of mine. Come, let us to bed,' he said to his wife, before walking back into the house.

Mrs Black looked around a moment more before following suit.

Sirius had never thought that his father's words could have cut as deeply as they had, but they did. Although he hated his family, he had always hoped that, perhaps, they did somehow love him deep down. These hopes were shattered upon this last comment, however, and Sirius felt something deep inside of his heart snap.

He was about to turn into his normal form again when he noticed his brother was still there on the pavement.

'Sirius?' he called out hesitantly.

Sirius watched his brother with pricked ears.

'Sirius, are you there?'

Regulus sat on the steps miserably. He had always looked up to Sirius with admiration, wishing that he could be as brave as him but, ultimately, always failed to do so. Now he would be alone with his parents and knew that any resolve he had to follow in Sirius' footsteps would crumble and he would bow down in submission to them and their ways.

'Regulus, are you still out there? Come inside this instant,' Mrs Black's voice called out, chilly in the night sky.

Regulus looked around one last time before sighing and running back up the steps to the house.

As Sirius saw this, he could not help but feeling a little bad that he had left his younger brother- who was still impressionable- to his parents where he was sure to turn like Bellatrix and the others. After waiting for five more minutes, he changed back into his normal form and stuck out his wand arm. A few seconds later there was a bang and the Knight Bus appeared in front of him.

'Godric's Hollow,' he told the driver as he boarded the bus.

As he sat, waiting to reach the Potter residence, he realised that he was finally, for the first time in his life, free of his family and their beliefs.

He was free.

* * *

'I can't believe it… you've actually done it!' James said that night, as they were both in bed. 

It had not been easy to convince Mr and Mrs Potter that his running away was a good idea, but they had told him, in the end, that he was like a son to them and that he was always welcome in their home.

'Hmm,' Sirius said, still marvelling at how he had managed to pull it all off.

'We're going to have a great time, now. This past week as been really dull compared to the time the three of us had…' James cut himself short. 'Sorry, mate. I didn't mean to…'

'It's okay,' Sirius shrugged.

'Did you write to her yet?'

'No, I couldn't… I had no way of sending anyway, locked up as I was. I'll write it tomorrow. Speaking of writing, I probably should write to Andromeda too… us estranged Blacks should stick together,' Sirius mused.

James laughed.

'So now that you're staying here, you're like my adopted brother,' he said excitedly.

'Okay, Prongs. Calm yourself. I know I'm great and all…'

James threw his pillow over at Sirius.

'Hey…'

'Your ego is way too big Pads,' James said, shaking his head.

Sirius threw the pillow back at James, missing.

'I believe you're the one who is a 'conceited, egotistical jerk' according to a certain Miss Evans,' Sirius laughed.

'You should practise your aim, Pads… I don't want to have you kicked off the quidditch team now…'

Sirius threw another pillow at James, hitting him on the head, this time.

'How's that for aim?' he laughed, throwing another pillow at his friend. '… and that?'

'That's it…' James said, sitting up with a grin on his face. 'Pillow war it is.'

Sirius laughed and started to wonder if, perhaps, James (who had always complained about not having any siblings of his own) was more excited about Sirius' running away than he was.

* * *

Sirius sighed as he saw Maera fly off with the letter. It had taken him many goes, and a whole day, to write it. He only hoped it would work.

* * *

'Congratulations, Sirius dear. You have now joined the small, but ever-growing sect of 'The Blasted-off-the-Black-Family-Tree Blacks,' Andromeda laughed, hugging her cousin upon seeing him. 

'About time too… I really missed you being alone at those gatherings. Somehow they were never so bad with you there,' Sirius said earnestly as they started to walk down Diagon Alley.

Andromeda raised an eyebrow at Sirius.

'My, my, my… and since when did you become such a sap?' she enquired.

Sirius laughed.

'Nah, don't worry. I'm the same old up-to-no-good Sirius,' he reassured her.

'Good, because you were starting to scare me. So you're staying with that Potter kid?'

'Yeah, his parents are real good… what am I saying? They're fantastic! They treat me like I'm a second son and show me more love than my mum could ever have hoped of feeling on her nicest day,' Sirius replied.

'Did you see… any of the others before you left?' Andromeda asked in a small voice.

Sirius nodded.

'Were they… were they all okay?' she asked hesitantly.

Although she had escaped her family, and they had pretty much kicked her out of home for marrying Ted, she still wished no harm upon them.

'You're sister Bella is as mad as ever- she wants to join Voldemort, Cissy is… going to marry Malfoy and your parents are fine,' Sirius said, understanding how his cousin felt.

Andromeda nodded.

'Thanks…' she trailed, a look of pain coming across her eyes.

'You okay?' Sirius asked, putting an arm around her.

'Yeah… of course. It's just… sometimes… never mind,' she said, shaking her head. 'So, are you still living up to your reputation as Hogwarts' most notorious heartbreaker?' Andromeda asked, trying to change the subject.

'Why does everyone keep asking me that? It makes me seem so shallow!' Sirius said exasperatedly.

Andromeda laughed.

'Oh come on. You can't deny that you are when it comes to girls,' she replied knowingly.

'I am not,' Sirius said heatedly.

'So how many girlfriends did you have this school year then?' Andromeda challenged.

Sirius looked at her levelly, not really wanting to talk about Helen now.

'Just the one,' he said shortly, pretending to become very fascinated by the broomstick on display.

'No!'

'Yes… can we please talk about something else?'

'Hang on a sec… are you still with her?'

'No,' he replied, growing more frustrated with his cousin.

'Oh… damn. How come only one then? How long did she last?' Andromeda continued.

'I am going to say this once and very quickly, because I don't want to talk about it any more, okay?' Sirius snapped.

Andromeda smiled at him sweetly.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Okay. I liked her for a long time, managed to start going out with her from Christmas. She broke up with me after 3 days. 3 months later, after I saved her from being tortured to death by your lovely sister, we got back together again. She pretty much dumped me every second day, shouted at me for most of the time… no, I did not shag her, and two weeks before school ended we had this fight over something which, I'll admit, was my fault and now she hates me, hasn't replied to my letter and it is over and that is that. Satisfied now?' he said in an annoyed tone.

Having said that made him realise just how much of a lost case they had been from the beginning.

'No! I want to meet this girl! I never heard of a girl to dump Sirius Black, let alone leave him broken-hearted! She must really be something if she's got you like this,' Andromeda laughed.

Sirius let out a vehement exclamation and walked off to go to Flourish and Blots. He really did not want to hear Andromeda's very unsympathetic comments right now. He wanted to enjoy his freedom.

He went to push the door open, but he didn't need to, as two people were already coming out. He went to go in, but the girl in front of him stopped in the doorway and did not move. Sirius looked up and felt that unpleasant empty drop in his stomach as he saw that it was Helen… and she was with someone.

Another guy, who had his arm around her.

He stared at her, and she stared back at him; neither of them moving or saying anything.

They were too shocked to say anything.

'Sirius! There you are!' Andromeda called from behind him, coming up to him and linking arms.

She registered exactly who the girl Sirius was staring at was upon seeing the paleness of her cousin's face, and understood precisely why Sirius was so hung up over this particular girl when she surveyed her.

She looked to the man who the girl was with. At first, she wondered whether he was a new boyfriend but, upon looking at the way the two stood together, doubted that they were together in that sense.

---

'Helen? She's the one, isn't she?' Andromeda said excitedly as she followed Sirius into Flourish and Blots.

'Look, Andy. I don't want to talk about her. Can I make that any clearer to you?' Sirius said in a harsher tone than he intended.

'Hey, Sirius, I didn't…'

'I'm going to get owl treats,' he interrupted, stalking out of the shop before Andromeda could respond.

He didn't want to snap at his cousin and be rude to her like this, but he couldn't take her questions right now either.

She really had moved on.

* * *

**Dun dun dun…**

**Now, we are at the same point as the end of the last chapter. **

**What will happen, I wonder? **

**I promise next chapter will be very action-packed.**

**- ****Now... in case any of you were wondering, the three poems mentioned in this chapter were all John Donne (in order): **

**'The Good Morrow, ****The Flea, and ****Song.'**

**- Another thing. A few of you have been talking about Snape's 'whomping willow' incident. I always was under the impression that this occured in their 7th year, but upon going back to my DH book for the OWL scene, I noticed that Lily and Sev were talking about it, meaning that it must have occured before the OWLs. Please correct me if I'm wrong in assuming this. If I am, I shall put the incident in, but if not, we shall have to be satisfied with Remus' fleeting reference to the incident in the previous chapter and assume that it wasn't very well-publicised around the school.**

**I can't think of anything else I might have to say for now, so... until then, send many reviews my way and let us hope both my computer, internet and... imagination, keep working!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	38. Chapter 42: Lost Innocence

_**"God made woman from man's rib-not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be walked upon, but from his side to be his partner in life, from under his arm to be protected by him and by his heart to be loved by him."

* * *

**_

Lost Innocence

'You're going to stay at this pub?' Mark asked Helen, looking at the building dubiously.

Helen nodded.

'I'm not sure…'

'Relax, Mark. It's fine- I'll be fine,' Helen smiled as they reached The Leaky Cauldron.

'I can stay with you for longer, you know. I don't need to go back just yet,' Mark said.

Helen smiled.

'If you don't have to go; stay! I've really missed having you around,' she said, linking arms with him.

'What was that?' Mark asked suddenly.

'What?' Helen asked, looking at him strangely.

'Didn't you hear that scream?' he asked.

Helen shook her head, but then gasped as she saw what James had told her about so long ago floating, shimmering green, in the sky.

The Dark Mark.

'Mark, you have to leave. You can't stay. You have to get to Paris as soon as you can. Don't come back to London- it's not safe for you here,' she said worriedly, grabbing his arm as she tried to lead him through the pub as quickly as she could.

She gasped as she saw one of the bar maids sprawled across the floor, crimson blood seeping from under her corpse. Helen looked up to see, at the tables, other customers who had also been killed; their eyes vacant and lifeless.

'My God, Helen!' Mark exclaimed, his face white.

'Sh!' Helen said, drawing out her wand and holding on to him tightly as they made their way through the pub quietly.

The door burst open and Helen needed to only see the mask before she responded, sending the Death Eater flying into the stone wall, knocking him unconscious.

'Okay, let's just run,' she said to Mark, eyes peeled for any other Death Eaters as they ran out of the entrance, out into Muggle London.

Helen kept on running with Mark until they were at least a block away from the Leaky Cauldron.

'Okay, you need to catch a cab now. Leave and don't come back- whatever you do….'

'Helen, what the fuck is going on? There were dead…'

'Mark! This is a war. We're trained at school for things like this. Please just… here, TAXI!' Helen screamed, hailing the taxi.

'Please take him to King's Cross Station immediately,' Helen said to the driver desperately as she opened the door for Mark.

He did not get in.

'Mark, get in the cab right now,' Helen said in a measured voice, breathing heavily.

'And leave you when this is going on? No,' he said simply, crossing his arms.

'Listen, lady, if no one's going anywhere…' the taxi driver started.

'THEY ARE,' Helen shouted at him, before rounding on Mark.

'Mark, get in right now,' she ordered him.

'No! Come with me to Paris. I'm not leaving you like this…'

'Listen, Mark, if you stay you'll be hindering me because I will not only have to watch my arse, but yours as well. Please! I love you and I don't want to lose you. You're all I've got in this world... Just get in the car and go. I'll call you as soon as I can,' Helen said, tears coming to her eyes.

'But…' Mark protested.

Helen hugged him and pushed him to the taxi. He got in, albeit reluctantly.

'Helen…'

'Drive,' Helen ordered the taxi driver, wiping the tears as she saw Mark staring out of the window after her.

She sighed with relief. At least Mark was safe now. Sirius, however, was still there in Diagon Alley and there was the Dark Mark and people were dead. She didn't care even if he had moved on- she hadn't and she needed to make sure that he was okay.

* * *

Screams, manic laughs and curses filled the now darkening night.

'Mummy!' a young girl cried hopelessly by the dead body of her mother.

Helen's heart wrenched as she saw this. The girl was no older than three.

A green flash of light narrowly missed her blonde curls.

'Oh no you don't,' Helen shouted, aiming a curse at the cloaked figure.

He ducked it and aimed a bright yellow curse at Helen who managed to deflect it; just.

They continued to duel whilst the little girl cried in the background.

'You're no match for me, little mudblood,' the Death Eater growled as he knocked Helen to the ground.

Helen took advantage of his momentary cease in the duelling to send a curse his way. He crumpled to the ground.

Helen managed to get up quickly enough to push the girl out of the way of a stunning spell.

'Come on, dear, we have to go,' she said in a shaky voice as she stood up.

'MUMMY!' the girl screamed, running back to her dead mother and shaking her.

Helen did not know what to do. What could she do? This girl was now alone in amidst all this fighting. If Helen kept the girl with her, she could possibly endanger her by taking her into the thick of the fighting. She could not leave her there, however, to be at the mercy of any incoming Death Eaters.

So she stayed by this little girl and waited for someone, or something to happen, because she didn't know what else to do.

'Why won't mummy wake up?' the girl kept on crying to Helen, tugging at the hem of her dress.

Helen found it very hard to stop the tears which were streaming down her face and had no idea how she was meant to explain to this girl that she would never see her mother awake again.

'ALICE!' A man called amidst the screams.

'DADDY!' the girl cried, looking around for her father.

'ALICE! HOPE!'

Helen saw him, calling desperately.

'Sir! Over here,' she called, bringing his daughter to him.

'Oh, Hope, thank goodness,' he said, hugging his daughter to him. 'Where's mummy?' he asked, concern in his voice.

'Mummy won't wake up, daddy. Why won't she wake up?' Hope asked, leading the man towards his dead wife.

He sunk to his knees, sobbing.

'Alice! No, Alice, please no… Alice…' he cried, shaking his wife hopelessly as sobs wracked his body.

Helen had never seen a more terrible and heart-wrenching scene in her entire life, but she could not stand there and watch it either. She could not intrude upon that family's grief any longer, because she had someone to find.

* * *

As Sirius made his way up Diagon Alley, he kept his eyes peeled for two people; Andromeda and Helen. He felt angry at the ministry for not having sent any aurors yet- the destruction had been going on for at least an hour now and there were so many dead bodies strewn across the ground. Many were children and it sickened Sirius to think of how those Death Eaters could have killed beings as helpless and defenceless as they were.

'ANDY!' he shouted, desperately.

The last thing he had done was snap at her over something which was so trivial. He felt so guilty for it now.

A flash of green light narrowly missed Sirius and he turned, heart beating wildly, to find two cloaked figures advancing upon him slowly.

One of them shot another curse at him which he deflected quickly… and then it started; the duelling.

Sirius did not know how he was doing it; how he managed to think so quickly in deflecting one curse and then firing another. His wand was merely a blur. He managed to take the first one out after five minutes. He silently thanked Helen, for all of the duelling practise which she had given him, whilst he duelled the remaining Death Eater because she was so quick and fighting to kill that he didn't think he would have lasted a minute otherwise.

Helen saw him from behind- all she needed to see was that shiny black hair- and she sighed in relief to see that he was still standing. He was duelling a Death Eater. She smiled as he managed to hit the Death Eater, sending her flying backwards.

'Still think I'm an 'ickle little boy?'' Sirius shouted at her.

Helen's eyes widened as the Death Eater sent that deadly green light his way.

It was so close to hitting him that Helen wasn't even sure if it had or hadn't until she saw it continue down the alley.

In an instant, Helen had sent the most horrible curse she could think of which was not an Unforgivable one. The Death Eater screamed as it hit her, staggered for a moment, and fell to the ground with a thud.

Upon hearing this noise, it just occurred to Helen that she had killed someone and she stared at the lifeless black form in front of her with horror. Slowly, she knelt by the figure and took the mask off the Death Eater. She was shocked to see a woman no older than twenty-one. Helen wondered what she would be at twenty-one as she continued to stare at the woman she had just killed.

Would she be alive? Would this war have consumed her too?

She closed the Death Eaters' eyes and stood up to face Sirius who was watching her behaviour curiously. He faintly wondered where her shopping companion was.

'Are you okay?' she asked, not looking at him directly.

She felt so unclean now.

'Yes. You?'

Helen nodded and faintly registered that the screams had started to die down and that there was more of an eerie silence on the alley.

'SIRIUS… SIRIUS…. There you are! Oh, thank goodness you're alright!' Andromeda exclaimed, running up to her cousin and hugging him tightly.

Helen watched, as Sirius hugged her back, with a bittersweet smile on her face before turning and walking away. She had wanted to make sure that he was okay, and she had done that. That should be enough for her.

Helen didn't know where she was walking. She no longer felt anything as she saw the dead bodies on the ground. She wandered blindly out of Diagon Alley and out into muggle London. It was dark, but this was somehow comforting to her now, because she felt dark too. She was too young; she really was. She shouldn't have had to know about death yet; to witness it; to commit it; but she had and it numbed her mind and made her feel vacant. She wondered about the woman she had killed. Surely she had not always been terrible. She must have been innocent at one stage too- an innocent little girl, led astray on the wrong path, perhaps?

Helen had never welcomed the rain more than she had at that moment.

The rain; providing her with that catharsis of the soul which she so desperately needed.

She came to a park and sat on a swing, trying desperately to retain something which kept her young and innocent. The rain poured more heavily and Helen's tears came now as she remembered the little girl and her father. That man had now lost his wife. She was probably the love of his life and he would now live, a broken man for the rest of his days. The girl would never know her mother. That woman would never live to see her daughter go to her first day of school, finish school, get married…

This war had caused so much destruction. Helen had never realised it before now, living in the isolation and protection of Hogwarts and she now slid from the swing and sunk to her knees, sobbing as the horrors of the day kept on replaying themselves over and over in her mind.

It was real, now.

* * *

Sirius separated from Andromeda's hug to see Helen walking off slowly, as though she was in a daze.

'Sirius, I think you should talk to her,' Andromeda said to him.

If she had learnt anything from the events of today, it was a much deeper appreciation of life and those who make it what it is.

Sirius nodded slowly.

'Come and stay with us tonight- bring her too if she wants. It's too late and too far to go to the Potter's now,' she said to him, patting him on the shoulder before disapparating.

He wondered why he didn't just run up to her and approach her straight away, but he didn't. He kept his distance the whole way. He himself was shocked at the destruction which surrounded him. It was only once he saw her sobbing on her knees in the park that he went up to her, tears streaming down his own face. He felt as though any vestiges of innocence which he retained had been cruelly snatched away from him today.

Helen looked up suddenly as she felt someone kneel beside her to see Sirius. She couldn't see the tears which he shed now, because of the rain, but as they stared into each others eyes, they understood exactly how the other felt at that moment.

Neither of them had needed that embrace more than they did at that moment as they held onto each other tightly, forgetting about the rain, forgetting that they were on the ground in front of the swings at a park, forgetting that it was past midnight and trying, desperately, to forget about what they had just witnessed and done.

But they couldn't.

'I killed someone… I killed someone…' Helen cried, over and over.

Sirius didn't know what to say to this. He had never killed anyone himself and, although he felt it was inevitable after today, he was not looking forward to it.

'It'll be okay,' he whispered, still hugging her.

How long did they stay on the ground, like that for? The heavy rain was starting to die down by the time they separated and both their knees were sore.

'Where are you staying?' Sirius managed to ask.

Helen gave a slightly hysterical laugh.

'Was...Leaky Cauldron,' she said.

'Come with me, then,' he said simply, his eyes looking into hers searchingly.

'To the Potters'?'

Sirius shook his head.

'I promised Andy I'd stay at her place tonight,' he said.

Helen withdrew her hand from his at that moment and leaned away from Sirius.

'I'm sorry, I can't,' she said, her tone distant.

'Why? She's not like Bellatrix… she's not. She's like me- she got kicked out of the family too,' Sirius said fairly.

Helen blinked.

'Wh…what?' she spluttered.

'She's…'

'She's related to you?' Helen interrupted.

'Er… yes,' Sirius said, as though it was obvious. 'She's my cousin.'

Helen would have laughed, under different circumstances.

'What happened to… that guy you were with. Is he… is he okay?' Sirius asked hesitantly.

'Mark? I hope so. I got him a taxi and hopefully he's on his way to Paris now,' Helen shrugged.

Sirius nodded.

'So, is he your…'

He couldn't bring himself to say it.

'Brother?' Helen offered.

'He's your brother?' Sirius exclaimed, his voice echoing in the silence of the night.

Helen looked at Sirius strangely.

'What did you think he was?' Helen asked incredulously.

They stared at each other and suddenly realised the misunderstanding which they had both harboured since they first saw each other, that day.

'So will you come with me?' Sirius asked, eventually breaking the silence.

'I don't want to put your cousin out…'

'She told me to bring you if you wanted to come,' Sirius interrupted.

Helen nodded. She did not want to be alone now.

'I would like that,' she said quietly, taking his hand as he helped her up.

* * *

'Sorry it's a bit cramped… one of you can take the fold-out bed,' Andromeda said, pointing her wand to the couch, making it fold-out into a bed.

Helen shook her head.

'Thank you,' she said earnestly.

Andromeda smiled at Helen kindly.

'Well… goodnight. If you need anything…'

'Thanks Andy,' Sirius nodded.

Andromeda smiled and shut the door behind her.

Sirius and Helen stared at each other.

'I'll take the fold-out bed,' Sirius said eventually, going over to it and taking off his shirt.

'You're hurt,' Helen pointed out, as she watched him.

Sirius turned to face Helen.

'What?'

'Your back- you're hurt,' she said, staring at the deep gash across between his shoulder blades.

Sirius looked at his back in the mirror before shrugging.

'I'll fix it for you,' Helen offered. 'Here…'

She took his arm and sat him down on her bed whilst she took out her wand and muttered the incantation for wound healing. The gash disappeared as though it was zipped up.

Helen traced a finger over the scar which remained before she remembered herself.

She cleared her throat quickly.

'Do… are there any other cuts?'

Sirius shook his head and continued to stare in her eyes, wishing that there wouldn't be this distance between them.

'Thanks,' he said eventually. 'I'll…'

Helen cut him short as she kissed him. She didn't even know if he wanted her anymore, but she couldn't help herself either. She registered his initial shock, but then felt relief sweep her body as he pulled her closer to him and kissed her back.

--

She felt his fingers toying with her zip and she helped him unzip her dress, the both of them breathing heavily as Sirius pulled it over her head, throwing it to the side whilst she undid her bra. She was beyond blushing now, as she felt the contact of his bare chest against her own. She concentrated on undoing the belt to his jeans, her knees buckling and her breath catching as she felt his hands slide down from her breasts to her hips, tugging slowly at her underwear.

It suddenly hit Helen what they were about to do. Sirius broke the kiss at that point and Helen was sure he was going to say something.

But Helen didn't want to discuss anything.

She pulled him back towards her and they continued to kiss. She held her breath in anticipation as she felt his hands, which were gripping her thighs, slide down to her knees, separating them and pulling them to either side of his hips.

Helen let out an involuntary gasp as he entered her. Tears slid down her cheeks as he kissed her again, and she slowl began to feel accustomed to the feeling of having him inside her. She wrapped her legs around him, allowing him to enter her more deeply, as he pulled her up. She gripped his shoulders as though her life depended on it, her breathing becoming ragged as he raised her and was able to move through her more easily; creating a steady rhythm.

She soon took a sharp intake of breath and dug her nails into his back, feeling her knees give way as she felt, for the first time in her life, an intense heat flood through her body, making her feel suddenly hot, despite her long, wet hair which was clinging to her back. She felt her whole body trembling in contrast to Sirius who held onto her waist firmly and continued to build up the pressure and heat within her which was so irresistibly unbearable.

'Sirius,' she whispered urgently in his ear.

He kissed her neck and lowered her back down on the bed, his lips finding her own as he pushed even deeper into her with each movement until the sensation came again; it was such an intense feeling that it made the first one seem insignificant. She had to press her mouth to Sirius' shoulder to muffle her cry. She clutched desperately at the sheets on the bed, wet from their perspiration and the rain which they were still drenched in, as her knees dug into his side. A minute later, she heard Sirius sigh, breathing heavily as he dropped his head, exhausted, next to her neck. Slowly, he lifted his head and kissed her, now gently, on the lips. When they separated from the kiss, they stared into each others eyes; so close that they could see their reflections. Helen lifted a shaking hand to touch his face. They stayed like this, panting for what seemed like an age.

Eventually, Helen closed her eyes to stop the flow of tears which were leaking out of them. Sirius kissed them and then shifted so that he was lying next to her, putting his arm around her as she drew close to him and leaned her head on his chest, listening to his heart.

* * *

**So, this was quite an…er… **_**eventful**_** chapter.**

**I think it was about time that Voldemort and his minions were given a more prominent role because, even though the Marauders & co. may have been protected from him at school, I'm pretty sure he was very much at large outside in the real world. **

**As for the… **_**other**_** thing… it had to happen sometime and they both needed someone so much at that point that it seemed the natural thing to do. I know, for me in any case, it just happened naturally when I was writing this chapter which I suppose is meant to be a good sign.**

**As for warnings, I didn't want to spoil the story by putting one up at the start of this chapter. I have rated this story Mature and put a very clear 'Sex Scene' warning in the story summary, so I hope no one is offended by this chapter...**

**Anyway, so after this rather 'heavy' chapter, our heads will be allowed to lighten a bit with the next one which is lighter and (I think) more humorous. **

**-We're having issues with owls**

**- ****'_I now officially have a boggart,'_** **- Helen Asteria**

**- _'Lilykins!'_ - James Potter to Lily Evans**

**... oh, and we find get to read parts of the letter which Sirius wrote Helen too. A few of you have been wondering.**

**I think you have enough to get you by now until I am next able to update which shall depend (almost) entirely on whether you review or not! I mean, come on... it was a pretty significant chapter!**

**Love Anya**


	39. Chapter 43: An Issue of Owls

**_'A reassuring presence, a light when times are dark, a hand reaching out, is what friendship is about.'

* * *

_**An Issue of Owls

When Helen roused the next morning, she felt old. Her head still felt numb and hurt from the emotional trauma of the day before. She felt sad as she realised that she would never forget what she saw. She could never go back to being a carefree, innocent girl.

She smiled as she felt Sirius' arm around her waist and turned around to see him sleeping peacefully next to her, a small smile playing upon his lips.

She wondered what Sirius would think of it when he woke up.

Helen sighed and lay back on her pillow, staring at the white ceiling, and listened to the rain patter on the windows.

It was still raining.

After a while of lying there, she felt Sirius stir next to her. He stretched, rubbed his eyes and then blinked a few times when he saw her, as though trying to convince himself that last night's events actually did happen.

'Helen?' he asked uncertainly.

He was scared of her reaction.

'Good morning,' Helen said, turning to face him, smiling.

Helen smiled at the change in Sirius' facial expression which turned from one of fear to relief.

He smiled back at her.

'Good morning to you too,' he said, leaning forward and kissing her.

Helen could not help but think that it was strange that she still felt that flutter in her stomach as he kissed her.

They stared into each other's eyes.

Helen really couldn't take the seriousness of it all. She really just wanted to laugh right now to lessen the pain in her head which still felt numb.

'What are you going to write in your Black book now?' she asked, her lips twitching.

'I already told you- I need to get a new one for you. Maybe we can go together and you can choose a book which satisfies you,' Sirius said, grinning mischievously.

Helen laughed, but at the thought of shopping, she remembered Diagon Alley and fell silent again.

'I have to go back there,' she said quietly.

'Where?'

'Diagon Alley,' she replied, closing her eyes.

'Why?'

'All of my things are at the Leaky Cauldron,' she said simply, rubbing her temples.

Sirius nodded.

'You're not okay, are you?' he said knowingly.

Helen opened her eyes and looked at him.

'It's just… it's real, Sirius. I mean; so many people died yesterday, and I'm sure many of them were more powerful and better-trained than we are. It just as easily could have been one of us who died- if you knew how many near-misses I had… even you! I mean, that Avada Kedavra must have just skimmed you… and then, am I any better? I killed someone yesterday too.'

'Helen. You are not like them. Yours was defence. She was attacking to kill. There is a big difference,' he said firmly.

Helen did not seem convinced.

'Look, I'm getting the feeling that this is going to happen more often these days and I really am not looking forward to it, but I think all of us at one stage will probably be forced to kill someone. It's not pretty and it's sad that it had to happen when you're still so young, but we can't do anything about it,' he said earnestly, cupping her cheek in his hand.

Helen sighed and leant into his chest, closing her eyes as she felt him run a hand through her hair.

'I missed you,' she murmured.

'I missed you too,' Sirius sighed, holding her more tightly to him.

She was right, though. There were so many near-misses yesterday that he began to question, for the first time, how much time he had left in this life.

* * *

It had been hard to go back to the Leaky Cauldron but, somehow, Helen found that she was stronger than she imagined. Having Sirius with her helped, of course. There were reporters and investigators swarming around the place and it took them quite a while to find someone who would even listen to them about retrieving Helen's belongings.

'I am sorry, but procedure does not allow for anyone to enter the rooms,' the investigator; a small, balding man with a bushy moustache, said importantly.

'Look, sir, I just need to get my things. I don't even need to go in the rooms… if you could get them for me yourself, so much the better. Please! I just want my possessions!' Helen pleaded with him.

'I'm afraid…'

'Now you listen here,' Sirius interrupted angrily. 'My girlfriend here has been through enough without your bullshit procedures. It's all very well for you to want to enforce your rules now that the fighting's over, but where were you all last night during the fighting? Where were the aurors? I'll tell you… they weren't anywhere. Now there are two ways we can do this. You either go get her stuff right now and we leave you alone to get on with whatever you're doing, or you get me your manager and I'll sort this out with him- and I most definately will tell him how uncompliant you've been. Understood?' Sirius finished, glaring down at the squat man.

Helen had to admire Sirius for his uncanny ability to put people in their place with his words.

'I…er… I'll see what I can do,' the man stammered, hurrying off.

Sirius sighed.

'Don't worry, we'll get your stuff,' he reassured Helen who, quietly, was not really worried after having just watched his display.

Five minutes later, the man appeared with Helen's trunk.

'Sorry for the hold-up, sir,' he said, nodding to both of them before scurrying off.

Helen smiled at Sirius as they walked to the underground.

'What?' he asked, unsure as to why she was looking at him like the way she was.

'You're quite a useful person to have around, Sirius Black,' she said, linking arms with him.

'I could say the same for you, Helen Asteria,' Sirius replied, thinking fleetingly of yesterday and how she had probably saved his life by killing that Death Eater who really was much more powerful than he.

Helen smiled and realised that, in this time of war, the number of smiles she had were probably going to be numbered, so she should make the most of each and every one of them.

* * *

'Sirius! Oh thank goodness! Andromeda sent us an owl yesterday… we were so worried!' Mrs Potter exclaimed, running out of the house and enveloping Sirius in a bone-crushing hug.

Helen stood to the side, feeling rather guilty that she would be staying with the Potters. They had already taken in one vagabond child.

'Helen?'

Helen turned around to find James looking at her uncertainly.

'Hi James,' she said quietly. 'Would you mind if I…'

James hugged her so tightly that Helen wondered if it could rival the one which Mrs Potter had just given Sirius.

'I'm so sorry. I should never have treated you like that…'

'It's okay, James.'

'No, it's not. I shouldn't have…'

'Prongs, I know you think of Helen like a sister and all, but I think your hug has lasted a bit too long for my liking,' came Sirius' amused voice from behind them.

'YOU!' James said, rounding on Sirius and pulling him into another hug.

'Okay, okay, Prongs. You're starting to scare me,' Sirius laughed as he pushed James away.

James smiled sheepishly.

'You guys have no idea… well, I didn't know you were there, Helen, but dad came home and said that there was a massacre on Diagon Alley and…'

'We're fine, James,' Helen reassured him.

James suddenly looked from Helen to Sirius and a smile came to his lips.

'So you guys are a 'we' again?'

Sirius winked at James and put his arm around Helen's waist.

James rolled his eyes before turning to Helen.

'Are you staying here, then? Please?'

Helen smiled.

'If it's okay with your parents... Otherwise I can put up in a muggle hotel and we can catch up…'

'What is she on? Stay at a muggle hotel? Psh! I hope you're not still smoking pot, Helen,' he said sternly to her.

Helen laughed, but then suddenly remembered Mark. She paused as she mused how ironical it was that pot should remind her of her elder brother.

'Can I borrow an owl? I want to make sure that Mark got to Paris okay,' she said.

'Mark?' James asked quizzically.

'Her _real_ older brother,' Sirius explained to James, emphasising the 'real.' 'You can borrow Maera,' Sirius added to Helen as they walked into the house.

Helen pursed her lips as she remembered the bird and her conversation with it during the holidays.

* * *

'Sirius, could you please get your owl? We're having issues at present,' Helen called, walking into the lounge room where Sirius was with James, playing a game of exploding snap.

They both looked up and, at that moment, the pile of cards blew up, singeing James' eyebrows.

'Argh!' he exclaimed, wiping the soot from his glasses.

Sirius laughed at James.

'And another game to me… what do you mean you're having issues with Maera? She's an owl,' Sirius pointed out to Helen.

'She's glaring at me and won't take my letter,' Helen said heatedly.

'Glaring at you?' James laughed.

'Yes. She is. She's always had it in for me. She thinks I'm an idiot,' Helen said moodily, slumping onto the couch.

At that moment, Maera flew in and perched on Sirius' knee, nipping his hand affectionately before turning to face Helen and giving her what Helen took to be a smug look.

'There! See! See that look she's giving me!' Helen exclaimed, pointing at the owl.

'It's rude to point, Helen. Of course she won't like you if you treat her like _that_,' James said, from where he was rolling on the floor, laughing at Helen.

Helen scowled and turned to Sirius with a demanding expression.

'What?' he asked, upon registering her expression.

'She hates me.'

'Don't be ridiculous.'

'I am _not_ being ridiculous. Your owl is evil.'

'Now you're insulting her, and if you insult her, you insult me,' Sirius said, stroking Maera who hooted, shot Helen a glare, and nestled her head in Sirius' lap.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Don't you have an owl I could use, James?' she asked, turning to James.

'Sorry, he's currently delivering to Remus,' James shrugged.

'In that case, can I use your fireplace to go to Hogsmeade so I can deliver this damn letter?' she asked, getting more and more frustrated with the looks which Maera was shooting her way.

Sirius and James looked at each other before they burst out laughing.

'You… you want to go… ha ha ha!' James laughed, clutching on to Sirius' arm as they both laughed uncontrollably.

Helen rolled her eyes before walking up to Sirius.

'Here. Seeing as she loves you so much, _you_ get her to deliver it for me,' she said, thrusting the envelope into his hands

Sirius took a deep breath to try and stop laughing.

'Maera, honey, could you be a doll and deliver this for me?' Sirius said in a loving voice to the owl which looked at him… Helen took it to be a _slavish_ look.

The owl ruffled her feathers importantly, took the letter in her beak and took off, her feet clipping the top of Helen's head on her way out.

'Did you see that?' Helen demanded of Sirius.

'See what?' he sighed.

Helen threw up her arms in frustration and left the room. It was just typical that he'd take the bird's side. Just because she didn't look at him as though he was a walking deity…

* * *

As Helen sorted through her trunk that evening to put away her clothes in the drawers, Sirius' letter fell out. She smiled and took it, thinking she had might as well read it now that they were together again.

-

_Dear Helen,_

_I know you probably don't want to read anything I have to say, but if you could please just hear me out, I would ask nothing else. _

_I don't deserve your forgiveness after the way I treated you. I know that and I'm not really expecting it from you anytime soon, but I really am very sorry for everything I said and did to you. I was being a jerk and everything you said to me was correct… _

…_I hate Snape, and we both know that, but I really am not proud of what I did and I should have realised that he was your friend and that you would defend him- because that's what loyal friends do. I'll never understand your friendship with him, I won't pretend, but I shouldn't have presumed to tell you who you should be friends with. It was wrong…_

Helen sat on her bed as she continued to read his letter. She had never quite received a letter like this from anyone before and, had they not already resolved the argument, would have probably been crying herself as she reached the end of the letter:

…_I really do still like you and I want nothing more than for us to be together, but I'm not expecting you to feel the same way about me. If I don't hear from you before school starts, I promise I will leave you alone forever and maybe we can, one day, be friends. I would rather have you as a friend and in my life than not at all because, in our time together, you weren't just a girlfriend to me, but a friend too and so, if I can't have the first part, I would settle for the second._

_Again, I am really truly sorry for everything and I hope that you will forgive me, if not soon, then one day._

_Love Sirius._

_-_

When Helen finished the letter, she didn't know why, but she felt very mad at Sirius. She sprung up and ran to his bedroom, not even bothering to knock.

'You idiot!' she shouted at him, hitting him over the head with his letter.

Sirius looked rather alarmed. He didn't think Helen could still be this angry over Maera, and he hadn't seen her since then.

'What?' he breathed, trying to grab her wrists to prevent her from continuing to hit him.

'Is that all I'm worth to you? One letter? Did you ever wonder that I might not read it?' she said angrily, continuing to hit him.

'Er…'

'I didn't read it, you stupid git. I nearly threw it out… so would that have been it? Huh? You would have not even bothered to do anything more once school started? You. Stupid… no, don't kiss me...'

Sirius blinked as he finally registered what Helen was going on about- sometimes it took him a while to realise why they were fighting.

'You didn't read it?' he asked.

'No, of course I didn't… I just read it now for the first time,' she snapped.

She had, at least stopped hitting him now.

'Oh…'

'Anyway, I think we should just be _friends,_' she said sarcastically, crossing her arms and shooting him a dirty look.

Sirius grinned and leaned forward.

'No you don't,' he whispered, kissing her lips lingeringly.

'Don't presume to tell me what I am or am not thinking,' Helen snapped, pushing him away from her.

Sirius stared at her for a moment before he started laughing.

'What's so funny?' Helen asked heatedly.

'Ah, _ma cherie…_ in a strange kind of way, I've missed your temper,' he said, toying with a tendril of her long hair.

Helen pursed her lips, but Sirius could see them twitching as he leant forward again and kissed her. She did not resist this time, but put her arms around his neck as they lay back. Helen's heart was beating wildly as she thought of the Potters who were downstairs whilst Sirius unbuttoned her shirt and started to kiss her neck before moving down to her chest and then her stomach…

Helen's eyes snapped open as she registered something moving next to her face.

'Fucking hell!' she screamed, sitting up and hiding behind Sirius from her shock.

Maera ruffled her feathers and looked at the two of them reproachfully.

'That bird's got it in for me,' Helen said, still hiding behind Sirius as she hastily buttoned her shirt. Somehow, the way that owl looked at her made her feel curiously unclean and cheap.

Sirius shook his head at Helen, but could not help feeling slightly annoyed at Maera for interrupting them.

'Did you deliver the letter then?' he asked the bird, stroking her back.

Maera hooted importantly.

'Good girl… here…' Sirius said, leaning over to his trunk and rummaging around for an owl treat.

'Where's his reply letter?' Helen asked.

The owl shot Helen a scornful look.

'You didn't ask her to stay for one,' Sirius replied simply, smiling as Maera took the treats from his hand.

'But I don't know if he's okay, now. All I know is that she delivered the letter to him… and that was far too quick for Paris,' Helen added knowingly, harbouring a huge dislike for Sirius' owl.

Sirius sighed.

'Maera, could you please go back and wait for a reply? There's my girl,' Sirius grinned at her as she hooted, nipped him affectionately and flew out of the window again.

Helen appeared from where she was on the ground.

'Has she gone yet?' she asked.

Sirius leaned over the edge of the bed and laughed at her.

'Honestly, Helen. You're able to kick Death Eater arse, you're the best in our year, and yet you're scared of an owl?' he laughed holding out a hand to pull her up.

'I now officially have a boggart,' she said mutinously, staring out of the window as the spec in the horizon that was Maera slowly disappeared.

Sirius rolled his eyes, but then grinned.

'Now, where were we?' he whispered into her ear.

'No. We are not doing this now. What's wrong with you? James' parents are downstairs and I'm sure that James is bound to have finished his shower by now,' Helen said, trying to push Sirius off.

'Let me tell you a little secret, then,' he murmured into her neck, fingers toying with her buttons, 'He found a photo of yours which has Evans in it… he won't be out of the bathroom for a while yet…'

Helen pushed Sirius away and glared at him in such a manner that he recoiled.

'Fine,' he said sullenly.

Helen looked at him with a bemused expression before whispering in his ear.

'You can come to my room once James is asleep tonight.'

She got up and left the room without a backward glance at Sirius. It was just as well, because she probably would have slapped him for having such a foolish grin plastered across his face.

The truth of it all was that Helen did not want to be alone at night. Although she was able to forget to some extent during the day, she could not stop those horrific images from flashing in her mind during the night. She found herself being scared to fall asleep because, when she did finally fall asleep, she would be haunted by the dead face of the woman she killed. If she woke up early enough, having Sirius next to her made her feel a lot better because she could see, in front of her, the reason for what she did as she saw his chest rising and falling with life. It was when she woke up a bit later, and he was gone, that it hurt the most because she realised that she was alone in this as none of her friends had done what she had to understand what she was going through.

* * *

'Kids! Your OWL results have arrived!' Mrs Potter called out to them the next morning, during breakfast. All three of them sprung up from their spots at the table and ran to the living room where Mrs Potter was.

'Here's yours James, dear… Sirius… and Helen!' Mrs Potter said, handing out the envelopes.

Helen took it from Mrs Potter with shaking hands and left the room. She didn't want to be around anyone. She had completely forgotten about her OWL results… truth be told, she would have been quite happy to never open that envelope.

But she knew she would.

Taking a deep breath, she slit the envelope open slowly and took out the parchment which was inside it. She sat down under the beech tree and smoothed it out, holding her breath as she read her results.

ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL RESULTS

_Pass Grades: Outstanding (O) Fail Grades: Poor (P)_

_ Exceeds Expectations (E) Dreadful (D)_

_ Acceptable (A) Troll (T)_

_HELEN CIRCE ASTERIA HAS ACHIEVED:_

_Arithmancy: _**O**

_Astronomy: _**O**

_Charms: _**O**

_Defence Against the Dark Arts: _**O**

_Divination: _**O**

_Herbology: _**O**

_History of Magic:_ **O**

_Potions:_** O**

_Transfiguration: _**E**

Helen sighed and thought that she might as well forgive her Transfiguration mark seeing as she was rather unstable that day, although it was a shame as she would have received 'outstandings' right across the board if she had been able to concentrate properly in her exam. This suddenly reminded her of her escapade with Lily the night before their History exam and she could not stop laughing as she saw her History mark. It was quite funny, not to mention ridiculous.

As though Lily had some telepathic connection to Helen's mind, a tawny owl landed in front of her and delivered dropped a letter in her lap. Helen recognised Lily's writing and hastily opened the letter.

_HELEN!_

_I can't believe it! I got an Outstanding in History of Magic! Isn't that a joke, considering the events of the night before? I'm starting to think it was a wonderful idea of yours and we should do it before all of our exams (only joking)! The funniest part of it, in my opinion, is the fact that our examiner, Bathilda Bagshot, sent a personal request to me with my results to join the 'Exceptional Historians of Magic Society!' I'm still not sure what to make of it. My parents are very proud, of course, but they are not quite sure why I have found the whole thing so amusing… and I really see no reason as to inform them of the truth either…_

_I got an Outstanding in everything else except for Ancient Runes (Exceeding Expectations) and Transfiguration (again, Exceeding Expectations). If that Potter suggests he tutors me in that subject as a way of asking me out, I shall murder him…_

_How did you go in your exams? I'm sure you did very well, as you always do. _

_I don't know if you get the Daily Prophet sent to you at home, so you might not have heard. It's quite terrible, actually. Two days ago, there was this massacre on Diagon Alley… so many people were murdered. I think the Death Eater situation is getting much worse now. I've told my parents not to go anywhere after dark and I'm scared, now, to go to Diagon Alley. I think I'll just get my books through mail order when the lists arrive…_

_And how are you going? I hope you're not too sad at home. It's only just over a month until we're back at school anyway. I suppose that doesn't make you feel much better, though. I haven't seen anyone else either these holidays and Tuney's gone round-the-bend with her wedding preparations- the wedding which I am still cordially __not__ invited to. Hmph. If you come back to England early, please come stay with me. It's really lonely at the moment._

_Hope you're well. I've been missing you._

_Lots of love, _

_Lily_

Helen laughed at the irony of Lily's letter and thought she had best reply as soon as she could to set Lily straight with her actual situation. She also thought that staying with Lily might be a good idea seeing as there _was_ a month left and she really didn't want to impinge on the Potters' kindness.

'Well?'

Helen turned to see both James and Sirius waiting for her at the front door.

'Well what?' Helen asked, confused.

She had already forgotten about her OWL results.

'How did you go?' James asked.

'What?... Oh, my OWLs?'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Don't act stupid. It doesn't suit you,' he said, snatching her result sheet from her hands.

Helen shrugged and walked off to reply to Lily's letter. Unfortunately, she was ambushed before this was possible.

'How the hell did you get an Outstanding in History of Magic?' Sirius demanded, grabbing her arm.

Helen laughed as the both of them looked at her with, dare she say- annoyed expressions?

'I don't know. Perhaps you should try it… everything seems really easy when you've mixed pot and alcohol,' Helen shrugged. 'Lily even topped our year in History of Magic- so much so, that she was asked to join some elitist historian group,' Helen added, laughing as James' eyes misted over at the mention of his 'true love.'

'How do you know that?' he asked suspiciously.

'She just sent me a letter,' Helen shrugged, holding it up.

Before she could stop him, James had snatched it from Helen and was reading it hungrily.

'James, stop it… don't be an arse… that's not for you to read…' Helen said, chasing him up the stairs.

'She mentioned me!' James shouted triumphantly. 'She loves me!'

'James, she said that she'd kill you. I don't know what kind of weird bondage fetish things you might be into where killing someone is confused with love, but I can tell you with absolute confidence that Lily is not into those kinds of things and she most definitely doesn't love you,' Helen said, going to snatch the letter back from James.

James, however, was too quick. Helen cursed him for his exceptional quidditch reflexes.

'Can I keep it? I want to keep something with her writing… her hand wrote this… this morning,' James said, holding the paper to his heart.

'Prongs, stop making an arse of yourself in front of her best friend,' Sirius demanded, having finally reached them.

'But look…. Evans mentioned me!'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Okay, James… you can keep the letter if you will promise to never tell Lily that I let you. Can I just have it back for a bit so I can reply to it?' Helen sighed exasperatedly.

'Promise you'll give it back?'

Helen spat in her palm and held it out to him. Grinning, James did the same thing and shook her hand.

---------

'What are you telling her now?' James asked for the twentieth time.

'James, if you don't stop irritating me, I'm going to hex you. I can, now that I'm in a wizarding house,' Helen muttered.

'Tell her I love her.'

'_Have I ever mentioned James Potter to you? He is a most annoying twat.'_ Helen read out to James sarcastically.

'You would never!' James whispered hoarsely.

'I would and I will write much more if you don't shut up for a few minutes,' Helen snapped.

As she went to sign her name, James held her arm desperately.

'Can I please write something? Can I do the post-script?'

Helen was about to snap back at James, but then smiled as she thought that it would be funny.

'Only if I can read what you've written before we send it,' Helen conceded, handing him the quill.

James looked rather stunned at this comment. He hadn't expected it.

Five minutes, and a good length of parchment later, he stopped writing.

'That's not a post-script, James,' Helen said reproachfully. 'That's an essay.'

James smiled happily and Helen rolled her eyes at him as she looked to the post-script.

P.S. _Lilykins! Guess who it is? I bet you can't… so I'll tell you._

_I'm that rather charmingly reckless and handsome boy who you've had a crush on ever since you laid eyes on and no, I'm not Sirius. Sorry, Helen just interrupted me and said that I was making myself sound like Sirius… that's just because she's so in love with him that everything reminds her of her 'cheri' as she calls him- just like everything reminds me of you, my Lily-flower! I myself am charming, reckless and handsome anyway… plus I'm good at quidditch! I thought I'd allow you the honour of being one of the first to know that I have been made Captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team. If we win the cup this year (I feel compelled to tell you that I believe we shall) will you go out with me? I know you're just trying to find an excuse to do so…_

_Many congratulations on your OWL results. They are truly marvellous. You should be very proud of yourself… I am very proud of you, in any case. I must admit, however, that murdering someone who is offering to raise your Transfiguration mark that extra notch ( I scored an Outstanding in Transfiguration) is not very nice, but I have just been informed that people exist who hurt those they love… it had the word 'bondage' in it. It sounds rather scary to me, but perhaps that's what you're into and that's why you've been threatening, and sometimes succeeded in doing so, to injure me all your life. _

_Oh, my Lily dear… I could write to you forever, but the witch of a woman next to me is clicking her tongue for me to stop. Never fear, I shall write to you again before the holidays are over. We most definitely should catch up. Do you like movies? I saw one last holidays and it was very good. How about you go out on a date with me and we watch one together? We can sit in the back row. I know you want to say yes. How about you reply with a date and time (I'm very flexible for you) and we'll call it a date!_

_With all my love,_

_James Potter._

'James,' Helen said in a stern voice.

'Yes?'

'I thought we agreed that you would not mention that you read her letter?' Helen said with raised eyebrows.

James gave Helen an innocent smile.

'Oh, all right. Go send it,' Helen said, rolling up the parchment and handing it to James who bounded off happily.

She sighed and laughed at him as she sunk into an armchair.

There was a tapping at the window and Helen sat up again and saw Maera at the window.

'Too many bloody owls today,' she muttered to herself, going to the window to open it.

Upon seeing the look which Maera had for Helen in her eyes, though, she thought that facing the bird alone was probably not one of her better ideas.

'Sirius!' she called, running out of the room to find him.

----

'This is really getting ridiculous… why are you standing behind me like that?' Sirius sighed exasperatedly.

Helen had made him get out of the shower so that he could retrieve her letter for her.

'Because in case you didn't notice, _mon cheri,_ that bird of yours is out to get me,' she said, ducking as Sirius opened the window and Maera flew in.

'You're mad,' he muttered, relieving Maera of her letter.

'We'll see how mad I am when I'm in a morgue because that bird of yours murdered me,' Helen said, clutching onto his waist and ducking again as Maera flew out of the room.

'Here's your letter,' Sirius said, handing it to Helen and shaking his head as he walked back up the stairs so that he could finish his shower.

Helen smiled guiltily as she watched his retreating back before turning to read Mark's letter.

* * *

**As you may have figured out, there were a few different 'Owl/OWL' issues in this chapter... **

**I always wondered how Lily/James knew Bathilda so well in DH, so I thought Lily being asked to join a historian group which Bathilda headed was a good way to get the introduction between the two.**

**Now... next chapter:**

**A certain character who we all love (from what I've gathered from your reviews anyway) returns, questions about Helen's blood are raised and the Ministry of Magic isn't doing much to help her 'recovery' either.**

**So, a BIG thank you to all those who reviewed for last chapter, nay- for everyone who reviews full stop!**

**I am not sure if I will be able to update or not before the turn of the new year... but if I am bombarded with reviews, I can probably assure you all that you will get another chapter before then :)**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	40. Chapter 44: Questioning What is There

'_**Friends are God's ways of apologizing for our families' - **_**Anonymous

* * *

**

Questioning What is There

'WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE? I TOLD YOU TO GO BACK TO PARIS!'

'It's so strange to listen to her shouting, but not to be on the receiving end of it,' Sirius mused to James. 'I still feel like I've done something wrong.'

'WHAT KIND OF BROTHER DO YOU THINK I'D BE IF I DID THAT?'

'Seems like he's got a bit of a voice too,' James remarked.

'YOU STUPID, STUPID BOY. YOU HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT MAGIC. HOW ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU COULD HELP ME- EVEN IF SOMETHING DID HAPPEN? THERE WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOU COULD DO. YOU ARE GETTING ON THE FIRST TRAIN TO PARIS OR ELSE…'

'DON'T YOU 'OR ELSE' ME. _I'M_ YOUR ELDER BROTHER…'

'Let's take a seat. I think this will go on for a while yet,' Sirius said to James.

'AS IF THAT MEANS ANYTHING! I'M MORE RESPONSIBLE THAN YOU COULD EVER DREAM OF BEING.'

'I agree,' James nodded to Sirius, the two of them sitting at the table in Mark's hotel room.

'OH YEAH? SO RESPONSIBLE YOU WERE ON THE HOLIDAYS GETTING DRUNK EVERY NIGHT AND GOING OFF…'

'MARK!' Helen interrupted; her face flushing. She did not want to have Sirius knowing exactly what she had been doing during her first two weeks of holiday. After all, she was drunk at the time and had no recollection of her actions whatsoever…

'Yeah, that'd be right. We don't want everyone knowing about all the _bad_ things you do because you're _so_ _perfect_,' Mark retorted sarcastically.

'Listen, Mark,' Helen said practically. She no longer shouted because he harboured a dirty secret of hers which she did not want out in the open. 'I just don't want to see you getting yourself killed. I'm honestly telling you that if you stay here and get caught up in this war, there would be absolutely no reason for your death and you would have no way of defending yourself whatsoever. I have to go back to school, so I can't stay here and watch over you. The situation is no where near as bad in Paris- you'll be safe there. Now please, for the love of God, Merlin… whatever, just listen to me, for once, and trust that I know what's best for everyone.'

'Well I'm…'

'I don't want to butt in on family issues,' James said, stepping in, 'but Helen's right. You really aren't safe here in London and there really is nothing you can do to help by staying. Helen will be safe at school, if that's what you're worried about.'

Mark surveyed James.

'I'm sorry, who's this?' he asked Helen.

Helen had pretty much stormed into his room unannounced and started shouting at him without waiting to introduce the two boys she was with.

Helen sighed.

'Mark, this is James Potter… and you've already met Sirius.'

'I thought you guys were fighting?' Mark said, looking from Helen to Sirius dubiously.

'Oh, they're _always_ fighting,' James interrupted, rolling his eyes. 'It's true!' he said indignantly upon noting the reproachful looks he received from Sirius and Helen. 'It gets really tiring after a while- having to have to listen to their screaming matches. Somehow, they always end up back together, though… and don't worry; I've already given Sirius 'the talk' many times. He knows that they're not allowed to sleep with each other until they finish school,' he said reassuringly to Mark. 'Originally I said until they were married, but I'm not sure that's being very realistic or fair,' he added.

Helen and Sirius cleared their throats and shifted uncomfortably. Helen was mildly impressed that Sirius obviously hadn't been boasting to James about his achievement of having finally bedded her.

Mark stared at James before shooting Helen a questioning look.

'Er… James fashions me as a younger sister,' Helen said, rather amused with the situation.

'Right,' Mark nodded, thinking that his sister had some very strange friends.

'Do you really have a motorbike?' Sirius interrupted; his face lighting up.

He had really wanted to talk to Mark ever since Helen had mentioned this about her brother.

'Yes…' Mark said slowly.

'What make do you have? I used get this magazine sent to me every month…'

Helen stared as the three boys began to talk animatedly about motorbikes, not knowing what to make of it.

----

Two hours later, Helen had fallen asleep on Mark's hotel bed whilst the three of them continued to talk; oblivious to her absence from their table.

'… and then all the girls ran out of the change rooms, screaming, in nothing but their underwear!' Mark finished, laughing with James and Sirius as he finished telling them about a prank which he had pulled on the girls at his high school.

'Mark, those two are in detention enough as it is without your giving them any more ideas for silly pranks,' Helen's reproving voice came from the bed as she sat up.

'Good morning to you too,' Mark replied, whilst James and Sirius were still laughing.

Helen rolled her eyes but then sprung up as she looked at her watch.

'It's four o'clock! We have to go! Your mother will be worried sick, James,' she said, gathering their things.

James shrugged.

'Don't you shrug at me, James Potter. As for you, Mark Asterios, you are taking a taxi right now to the train station and you are catching the first train back to Paris. No ifs or buts about it, you're going…'

'Are you guys telling me that you put up with this all holidays?' Mark grinned at Sirius and James.

They both nodded, but then started shaking their heads vigorously as soon as Helen turned around and scowled at them.

'Out! Now! We're leaving!' she barked, causing all three of the boys to spring up suddenly

'This is a good day for her, trust me,' Sirius muttered to Mark as they all left the hotel room.

* * *

Helen had just finished her holiday homework. She got up, feeling very satisfied with herself, and walked over to the table where Sirius and James were playing a game of chess. Sirius looked up at her whilst James concentrated on his next move. She smiled, but did not say anything, sitting next to him and observing the game. 

'Help would be nice,' he whispered to her as James took his queen.

'Dear me, you're not too careful with your queens, are you?' Helen remarked softly, leaning her chin on his shoulder and watching the knight destroy his queen's gilded face to dust.

'I think, Sirius, that I will soon have kicked your sorry arse at chess again,' James laughed, stretching back as Sirius threw up his arms in exasperation.

'If I were you, I would think about using some religious advice and would, therefore, move your bishop to C 4,' Helen whispered into Sirius' ear.

Sirius grinned. Helen was quite a useful person to have around in such matters, he had to admit. They both laughed at James as he spluttered; unable to comprehend how he had lost the game he was so sure he had secured.

'That's it! Can't you two break up? I'm sick of waiting for Evans as it is… and you and I are meant to be getting married,' James reminded Helen.

Helen and Sirius laughed, but they all stopped and looked up as they heard a knock on the door.

'Helen, can I have a word please?'

Helen was rather surprised at this; Mr Potter never spoke to her alone. She ignored the quizzical looks which Sirius and James sent her way and left the room with Mr Potter.

'In here,' he said, leading her into his study. Mrs Potter was also there.

Helen gulped as she realised that something was not right. They both wore grave expressions on their faces.

'Er… is everything alright?' she asked hesitantly, taking a seat opposite James' parents.

Mrs Potter sighed and looked to her husband.

'Helen, we just had an official from the ministry come over. They wanted to speak with you, but that's never advisable- especially in someone as young as you are and as unacquainted with wizarding law…'

'What's going on?' Helen interrupted sharply, her heart beating in her throat.

'They have registered you as having confunded your father and killing a Death Eater, Helen,' Mrs Potter said heavily.

Helen took a sharp intake of breath.

'I only did it because she was about to kill Sirius. I had no choice! What I wouldn't give not to have…'

'It's okay, Helen,' Mrs Potter reassured her, smiling kindly at her. 'We understand that.'

Helen was confused.

'Well…'

'As you are staying with us, we managed to convince them that we are your appointed guardians for these holidays so we talked them out of any expulsion or suspension from school...'

'Expulsion!' Helen spluttered, her face paling.

Mr Potter shook his head and continued.

'Anyone of any age is allowed to use magic to defend themselves and it is more than plausible that yours was defence on Wednesday… what they were concerned about was the confunding of your father in relation to last Wednesday,' Mr Potter said seriously.

Helen pursed her lips as she remembered the incident.

'Why did you do it, dear?' Mrs Potter asked tentatively.

Helen took a deep breath.

'He was… he was just beating me so much! I… I couldn't take it anymore! I didn't do it on purpose- I mean, I didn't have a wand on me or anything…'

'You mean to say that you confunded your father using _wandless_ magic?' Mr Potter interrupted sharply.

'Y…yes,' Helen said, not sure why Mr and Mrs Potter exchanged such a significant glance as she said this.

'You mean... you did that… _without_ a wand?' Mrs Potter clarified.

'Yes,' Helen said slowly, thinking that she had already said that she had.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

'Is there something wrong with that?' Helen asked, very confused with the whole situation.

Mr Potter seemed as though he was about to say something before Mrs Potter shot him a warning glance and smiled at Helen.

'Of course not, dear. In fact... once we inform the ministry of that detail, they should clear your record completely!' she said, falsely cheery.

'Er…'

'We just wanted to clarify those few matters. Go back and play with the boys now,' Mrs Potter said, nodding and standing up.

----

'Is there something wrong with being able to do wandless magic?' Helen asked James and Sirius as soon as she entered their room.

The two boys looked up, their smiles slowly fading.

'What?' Sirius asked, sitting up.

'Your parents had this really strange reaction when I told them how I confunded my dad in the holidays using wandless magic,' Helen said, slumping on Sirius' bed.

'You what?' James exclaimed.

'I confunded my dad using wandless magic,' Helen shrugged.

The two boys stared at her.

'What? What's the big deal? Can't you guys do that too?' she asked, sitting back on her elbows.

'Er… well, I bounced instead of hurting myself when I fell off my broom when I was younger, but I really haven't done anything without a wand since,' James said, still staring at Helen.

Helen looked to Sirius.

'I once lit Bellatrix's hair on fire when I was mad at her,' he offered, also staring at Helen in the same manner as James.

'So you don't use it all the time? Like you can't mend pages or…'

'Mend pages?' James interrupted.

Helen got up and took a book from his desk. She tore a page.

'Hey!' James exclaimed indignantly.

Helen gave a small smile before turning her concentration to the page and running a finger over the tear. She held up the book to James and Sirius to show a page which looked as though it had never been torn.

'How… how long have you been able to do things like that?' Sirius asked quietly.

Helen shrugged.

'I've always been able to light things on fire when I got angry- like your pumpkin juice when we were fighting last term. I made Marina's nose bleed once and I guess the page fixing is a bit more recent in that I'm starting to be able to control it a bit better,' Helen shrugged. 'But what's wrong with it? Why are you guys looking at me like that?' she demanded.

James sighed heavily.

'It's just that… that's _really_ high-class magic, Helen… confunding someone… I mean, many people go through their whole lives with only the very rare one or two occasions in which they were able to use wandless magic but you… and you can control it now? Do you know that some people in our year can't even confund someone _with_ a wand, let alone without one?' James finished.

'So… this isn't normal, then?' Helen clarified.

She had always thought it was.

She took James and Sirius' silence to confirm this.

'Helen, you don't have any magical blood, do you?' Sirius asked suddenly.

Helen frowned.

'Not that I know of. I mean, neither of my parents are really 'pro-magic,' she laughed sarcastically. 'Why?'

'It's just… you'd be really powerful under pureblood standards but… to be muggleborn as well...'

'Yeah, but that's just because I study!' Helen said indignantly.

Sirius shook his head.

'You said that this wandless magic comes to you naturally. You've never studied _that_, have you?' he challenged.

'…and you _always_ get things straight away in class,' James pointed out.

Helen laughed.

'Listen, I don't know what you're trying to prove, but I really am muggle-born. If I ever saw two muggles- they were my parents. I'm almost completely certain that no one else in my family is a witch or wizard either, because I've met them all,' Helen concluded.

She sighed as both Sirius and James continued to stare at her in the same, unconvinced manner.

'Fine,' she snapped, getting up. 'I'm a freak. Well don't worry, because I'm leaving for Lily tomorrow anyway, so I won't be bothering you all with my unnatural ways for much longer,' she finished, storming out of the bedroom. Secretly, Helen was rather apprehensive about seeing Lily the next day; Lily's recent letter seemed to promise Helen a very long and thorough lecture regarding her taking Sirius back and accepting James' apology.

---

That night, however, Sirius started to genuinely wonder about Helen. His Uncle Alphard had thought that she reminded him of someone he knew. For the first time now, Sirius was intrigued to find out who; it had never even crossed his mind until now.

Perhaps Helen was adopted? Perhaps her real parents were magical…

After all, if Helen's parents were so opposed to magic, why would they give her a middle name of Circe; the first supposed witch on earth? It was a Greek name, of course, but still... '_Circe'_ of all Greek female names?

Sirius turned to face Helen where she was sleeping next to him, pushing her hair out of her face so he could look at her properly.

Did he see anyone else in that visage?

Sirius sighed. He had become so accustomed to her face that it was impossible for him, of all people, to see anyone else in it. Nonetheless, he thought he might send a letter to his Uncle for the two of them to catch up. It was as Andromeda had said- the 'estranged' Blacks really should stick together…

* * *

'Helen! You're here!' Lily exclaimed, hugging Helen upon opening her front door. 

'Good to see you too,' Helen smiled. 'Mrs Potter, this is Lily. Lily, this is James' mum,' Helen added, her lips twitching as Lily's face drained of its colour.

'Oh…er… very… um… why don't you come in and have some…er…tea?' Lily stammered.

Mrs Potter smiled kindly.

'Thanks, but I have two very unreliable boys sitting alone at home and two more coming in… ah! Ten minutes! It has been a pleasure to meet you, though. I have heard much about you,' she added, her eyes twinkling.

Lily opened her mouth but no words came out.

'Thank you, Mrs Potter, for everything these holidays,' Helen said, hugging the woman who had treated her more like a daughter during these holidays than her real mother had in her entire life.

'It has been a pleasure to have you, my dear. Make sure you keep in contact, now,' she said, hugging her back tightly.

'Oh, definitely,' Helen smiled, noticing that Lily was standing at the door uncomfortably.

'Well… I had best be off then! Enjoy the rest of your holiday girls!' she said, beaming at them before she disappeared with a crack.

'Hey!' Helen said to Lily, smiling.

'YOU! You… his… mum?' Lily seethed.

Helen laughed.

'What's wrong? It was only a matter of time before you met your mother-in-law. Anyway, you didn't want me to travel across London by myself in these times, did you? She apparated me here to make sure I got here safely,' Helen shrugged.

Lily pursed her lips and continued to glare at Helen.

'So…er… are we going to stand on your front doorstep all afternoon, then, are we?' Helen asked, her lips twitching.

Lily continued to glare at Helen before she burst out:

'I can't believe you're with Black again! After everything he and Potter did to you last term? How can you just take him back like that? Honestly, Helen, you really went off the rails when you two broke up. What are you going to do if it happens again? Are you going to start smoking and getting drunk all the time again? Crying in the bathroom every night?'

Helen sighed.

'Look, I don't expect you to understand… and I suppose you are right in a way, but I… I…'

'What?' Lily asked, crossing her arms. 'Tell me what, exactly, it is about Black that is so good that you continue to put yourself through the heartache of being with him when it is inevitable that you will get hurt? I just don't understand, Helen, how you can willingly put yourself through that torture,' she finished sadly, finally letting her into the house.

'Lily, I was _there_ on Diagon Alley when that massacre happened. I saw all those people die… saw families ripped apart… and let me tell you; seeing something like that really throws into relief what is important in life. You don't know… Sirius was nearly killed!That curse just skimmed him- that's how close it was. No, he's not perfect. He really isn't, but neither am I! I know that we fight a lot and that we break up all the time… and you know what? That'll probably never stop. I'm not silly; it's not as though I'm not expecting him to marry me…I mean, I'm not even really expecting us to last the rest of the year! The thing is, though, that I really like him and…'

Helen paused and looked at Lily who was smiling slightly and rolled her eyes.

'Have you enjoyed turning me into some romantic sap?' she snapped.

Lily hugged Helen.

'I just don't want to see you go through all that again,' she said earnestly.

Helen shrugged.

'Anyway, brace yourself for 'the grand tour' of the Evans household. We're lucky that Tuney's out 'dress-shopping' with mum now…' Lily said, a bitter note in her voice upon mentioning her sister.

'Did you ever pull any pranks on her?' Helen asked as they walked through the house.

Lily shot Helen a sidewards glance and clicked her tongue.

'You've been spending too much time with Potter and Black,' she said disapprovingly.

She paused, before adding with a mischievous smile, 'actually, this one time…'

Helen smiled as she listened to Lily's story.

She had really missed her best friend.

* * *

'So… what's new?' Remus asked, smiling. 

He looked considerably browner now that he had gone to Italy for a few weeks with his parents.

'BIG news!' James exclaimed. 'Lily Evans is in love with me,' he announced proudly.

Remus and Peter shot confused looks at Sirius who sat back casually in his armchair, shaking his head at James.

'Is she really?' Peter asked Sirius.

'Oh, of course Wormtail! She can't get enough of him! You don't want to hear them at night, though... I've had to sleep on the couch to try and spare my ears... even then, you can still hear them at it from downstairs,' Sirius added thoughtfully, keeping a very straight face.

'Er…' Peter said, rather confused.

'Don't speak disrespectfully of Evans, Sirius,' James said seriously. 'No, she mentioned me in a letter she wrote to Helen… here…' James said, taking out the letter from somewhere inside his shirt and showing it to Remus and Peter who looked on, confused.

'Hang on…' Remus said suddenly, 'this is talking about OWLs. How did you get this from Helen? I thought she never replied to your letter, Sirius?' he asked, turning to look at Sirius enquiringly.

'Oh, yeah… we're back together again. She was staying here until lunch today which is when she _ditched_ us for Evans,' Sirius said, a hint of irritation in his voice.

Now he would have to wait a whole month to see her again. It seemed as though she was always leaving him in some way or another.

'You're… you're back with… Helen?' Peter asked, sitting on the edge of his chair.

'Don't look so excited about it, Wormy,' James laughed.

'How did you manage to get back together, then?' Remus asked, still confused with Sirius' very vague explanation. Remus thought that he deserved a bit more information than that anyway. After all, it was _he_ who had confronted Sirius about Helen in the first place.

Sirius sighed and told them all about the Diagon Alley massacre.

'Helen killed someone?' Remus asked sharply.

Sirius nodded gravely. 'She saved my life,' he added.

'How is she?' Remus asked, thinking that Helen was probably not taking it too well. He could never imagine her taking someone's life.

Sirius shrugged.

'What do you mean by that? I imagine that she didn't take the whole experience lightly,' Remus said knowingly.

'I don't know. She didn't really talk about it that much...' Sirius said nonchalantly. 'Listen, we had better get going if we're going to go to Muggle London,' he said, standing up and going to the door. James nodded and also stood up, Peter following suit.

Remus stared after his friends and sighed. Although they _were_ his best friends, they really could be very tactless at times. He was sure that whilst Helen may have been able to put on a brave face in front of Sirius and James, she probably was not doing so well on the inside. Nonetheless, he felt reassured that Helen was with Lily now who would be sure to look after Helen.

* * *

**So... **

**Sirius and Mark get along well and Helen's 'power' is starting to raise questions for the first time. Uncle Alphard shall be making another appearance rather soon too... **

**Many thanks to all those who 'bombarded' me (heh) with your reviews- can you believe we've got over 500 reviews? **

**...and wishing you a very Happy New Year for 2008!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	41. Chapter 45: Oh, Baby

_**A true friendship is one in which everything can be told, and nothing will be judged.

* * *

**_

Oh, Baby…

Helen was walking with Lily down the aisle of the Hogwarts Express, trying to find an empty compartment when, out of nowhere, a hand grabbed her and pulled her into an empty compartment. Helen didn't even have time to shout because the person started kissing her immediately, pressing his body into hers against the door as he ran his hands through her long hair.

She found her wand in her pocket and hexed him.

'Ouch!' Sirius said reproachfully, rubbing his stomach and throwing Helen a dirty look.

Helen smiled as she saw it was him.

'Oh, it's _you_,' she said ironically.

'Some welcome you gave me,' Sirius muttered. 'Who else did you think it was?' he added, looking at her with scrutinizing eyes.

Helen frowned.

'I don't know. It happens sometimes with guys- I usually just hex them and walk off,' she shrugged.

'WHAT?' Sirius exploded.

Helen laughed.

'Don't worry, _mon cheri._ They never get too far,' she said reassuringly.

Sirius looked at her incredulously.

'From now on, I would like to know their name, house and year level should that happen again. Unbelievable! How can people just go off and start snogging someone else's girlfriend?' he asked heatedly.

'Oh, I think we both have had our fair share of doing _that,_' Helen laughed, wrinkling her nose.

'Yes, but this is different, because we are talking about _me_ and _my_ girlfriend,' Sirius said.

Helen sighed patiently.

'Did you ever hear of karma? What goes around comes around?'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Well, just so you know, I can take care of any random guys looking for a 'snog from Asteria' myself…'

'I know you can… but could you please not hex me in the future? Surely I no longer come under the category of 'random,' Sirius said, his lips brushing hers as he spoke.

'Hmm…' Helen smiled, leaning in to kiss him.

One minute later, their compartment door burst open. As they were leaning against it, they fell out in the corridor, Sirius on top of Helen.

Helen felt her face burn as she heard the giggles and whispers of girls around them.

'So,' Lily said shrewdly, her hands on her hips as she glared down at both Helen and Sirius who got up slowly. 'You decided to disappear without a word, did you?' she demanded of Helen.

'It wasn't my fault,' Helen complained to Lily. 'He just grabbed me from nowhere…'

'If I hear of your pressuring Helen to do anything of any sort, or mistreating her in any way, Black, you had better watch it. I will come after you,' Lily snapped at him.

Sirius was about to laugh at the irony of Lily's statement but turned it into a loud cough when Helen nudged him in the ribs.

Helen had not told Lily about the _development_ in her relationship with Sirius. Lily's greeting lecture to Helen during the holidays was enough evidence to confirm that Lily still needed a considerable amount of time to accept her being back with Sirius…

'Okay, Lily, that's enough. Sirius is not going to…er…' Helen burst out laughing. She really couldn't take the irony of it.

'What's so funny?' Lily asked, very confused.

'Oh Evans! I hear you met my mother! When will you bring me home to meet _your _mother?' James called from behind Lily, his arm snaking around her waist.

Lily let out a scream and James was on the floor, clutching at his groin, in the blink of an eye.

'Helen, let's go right now. Although I cannot comprehend why you would want to, you can snog Black later. He always seems to be available for those kinds of things,' Lily ordered Helen, walking off in a huff.

Helen smiled apologetically at James and Sirius, and was going to go up to Remus and say hello as he joined the group when Lily's hand gripped her arm and she was dragged away.

'Prongs, why on earth would you want to be married to _that_?' Sirius asked, horrified at the thought of what would happen to his best friend should he yield to the wills and ways of Lily Evans.

'Because… she's…' James stammered through his pain.

'She just attempted to render you incapable of having children for the rest of your life. Please don't say anything good about her, because I won't believe it,' Sirius snapped, glaring after Lily's retreating back and hoping that Helen would never become like her in a million years.

* * *

Before the feast was over, and they were sent to their dorms, Dumbledore stood up and clapped his hands for attention.

'Thank you, thank you,' he said, bowing to the applause he received. 'I hope that you have all had time to clear your heads during the holidays and have rid yourselves of that healthy mischievous energy in systems so that you shall abide by the lengthy list of rules which Mr Filch has tacked up on the student noticeboard and his office door. Mr Filch would also like me to inform you that Brawling Brazzles are also on the list of banned items,' Dumbledore said, his lip twitching and his eyes flickering to the Marauders who grinned at each other, recalling their prank which involved many Brazzles and the Seventh Year Slytherins during their last term of Fifth Year.

'Now, onto more grave matters,' Dumbledore said, becoming suddenly serious. 'You are all very well aware of Lord Voldemort and the destruction he is causing in our world at present.'

The Hall fell suddenly silent and many peoples' faces paled at the mention of Voldemort's name. One girl burst into tears and Helen faintly recalled hearing rumours that that girl's brother had been killed by a Death Eater on the holidays. She felt a pang of sorrow for this girl. Helen's gaze turned to the Slytherin table where Bellatrix and Lestrange had smug smiles on their faces, filling her with an even deeper hatred for her Slytherin peers.

'I ask that we all work together and stay courageous to unite against these forces of evil which are ripping families and friends apart. When in Hogsmeade, I request that all take special care to remain in the village and that you are back in the castle before five… pm,' Dumbledore clarified.

'Apart from that, I trust that you are as stuffed as the chickens we just ate in our delicious feast and that the new prefects shall guide students to their houses. Off you go!' he said, clapping his hands.

'Sorry, got to go,' Lily whispered to Helen, meeting Remus and joining him along with the new Fifth Year Gryffindor Prefects.

'There goes goody-goody Remus for his prefect duties,' James yawned.

'I'd sooner die than be a prefect,' Sirius said coolly.

'Hey James,' Helen interrupted, 'Did you ever notice that Lily has a particular loathing for Sirius and is rather fond of Remus? Now, I may be wrong, but common sense should tell you that she prefers someone who is more like Remus and a lot less like Sirius. At the moment, I would say that you're more like Sirius. I suggest you take a leaf out of Remus' book and try implementing his ways if you want to stand a chance with her,' Helen said wisely.

'Is there something you're trying to say about me?' Sirius challenged her.

'I just think that your attitude is corrupting him and that he'll never get anywhere with Lily if he keeps it up,' Helen shrugged.

Sirius glared at Helen. He was a corrupter?

'Prongs, mate, I've tried to tell you this many times,' he said, standing in front of James, 'but I think I need to try a few more times to get it through to you… there are many other girls in this school who have brains and are pretty… no, listen! Why Evans? She's…'

'There is nothing wrong with Lily, Sirius, and _I _think that James and her would be very well-suited to each other if only James calms down a bit and shows her his true self,' Helen retorted.

'But…'

'Sirius. James is going to have a girlfriend one day. It doesn't mean you'll lose him as your best friend,' Helen interrupted.

'What?' Sirius asked stupidly whilst James tried not to laugh.

'You always get defensive about him whenever he shows an interest in another girl and you always go out of your way to end it. What about the time James asked me to join the quidditch team?'

'That was because I liked you then, not because…'

'I'm leaving. Goodnight!' James said brightly, stepping through the portrait hole and leaving quickly for his dorm.

'Me too!' Peter added, scurrying after James. He paused and stared at Helen before running up to his dorm.

She had grown even more beautiful since he had last seen her.

---

The common room was deserted and it was now 1 am.

'What do you mean I'm a corrupter?' Sirius shot at Helen.

They were both sitting on the couch and still arguing.

'Well you've never been the _best_ influence on anyone,' Helen said fairly.

'Oh, yeah… like _you_ can talk Miss-I-got-wasted-and-doped-up before my History exam,' Sirius retorted sarcastically.

Helen shrugged.

'I'm not the best influence. At least I'll admit it,' she added.

Sirius rolled his eyes and they both stared into the fire.

'Why do we always fight?' he asked after a while.

'Come on, _that_ wasn't a fight,' Helen said, laughing.

'No, but we're always arguing in some way or another…' he said, leaning on her shoulder.

'Maybe… we're just…passionate people,' she suggested.

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

'Now… that's something I've missed for a while,' he whispered, leaning in to kiss her.

Helen wrinkled her nose.

'Yeah, I kind of missed it too,' she grinned.

They both looked up as they heard tapping at the window.

'Oh Lord…. I'm leaving,' Helen said upon seeing Maera.

Sirius laughed.

'No… don't leave me…' he whined, hugging her arm to his chest.

Maera's tapping became progressively louder and more insistent.

'Sirius… look at her! Just look at her for a moment, please,' Helen said, turning his head around to face the window.

'What? Look, Helen, I really don't understand…'

'She's jealous!' Helen said, exasperated, casting a frightened glance at the bird. 'She thinks I'm taking you away from her!'

Sirius stared at Helen before bursting out into laughter.

'Okay, go to sleep. You're starting to say stupid things now and I don't know what to do when you start talking like that because I'm used to you being smart,' Sirius laughed.

'I am _not_ saying stupid things,' Helen grumbled, walking off to her dorm staircase. 'Maybe you should just be more _observant,_' she snapped.

'Goodnight, _ma cherie.'_

'Goodnight, and I'm not your _cherie_ at the moment,' Helen called back, running up the stairs.

Sirius smiled and shook his head as he opened the window and let Maera in.

Maera shot him a reproachful look for keeping her outside for so long.

'I'm sorry, Maera, honey… she can get a bit mad sometimes. Don't worry, you're still my number one girl…' he smiled at her, stroking the owl who relished in the attention she received from her beloved master.

'Did you bring back a letter for me, then? Good girl,' he said, untying the parchment from Maera's foot.

Maera remained perched on Sirius' lap protectively whilst Sirius opened the letter.

_Dear Sirius,_

_Congratulations on escaping the Mad Family of Black! I am very happy for you, although there are a few things which need to be arranged in order to ensure that you have a secure future. You say you have a Hogsmeade weekend next Saturday? I imagine that you are not permitted to stay out too late these days, so I suggest we meet around 12.30 so that I may be able to shout you to a celebratory lunch for your newfound freedom!_

_Let me know with that delightful owl of yours as soon, as you can, if this is convenient for you._

_Uncle Alphie.

* * *

_

'Hey… Helen, can we talk after class?' Remus whispered to her during Potions.

'Sure,' Helen smiled.

'Now, class, next lesson we shall be learning how to make contraceptive potion,' Professor Slughorn boomed after they had handed in their potion samples.

Helen paled as she realised that she and Sirius had never discussed contraception of any kind. How could she have been so stupid? Her period should have come yesterday too…

'Helen? Can we talk?' Remus reminded her, bringing her out of her daze.

'Oh? Yes… right, talk…yes,' Helen said, very disconcerted.

They walked to an empty classroom.

'What's up?' Helen asked, trying to distract her from the newest problem in her life; as though she didn't have enough troubles without being pregnant at sixteen…

Remus blushed.

'See, I'm… do you know Amber O'Donnell?' he asked suddenly.

'Ravenclaw girl, right?' Helen nodded, feeling slightly sick.

It was still the morning. Was this morning sickness?

'Oh God, Oh God… please don't let this happen,' Helen thought, cursing herself over and over for being so careless.

'Yes,' Remus nodded, obviously not noticing that Helen felt as though she wanted to fling herself from the classroom window to her premature death.

'See… I…' Remus faltered. 'I think I like her, and I don't know what to do,' he admitted hopelessly.

Helen forced a smile for Remus.

'Alwaysusecontraception,' she blurted out.

'What?' Remus asked, not catching a word of what Helen had said.

'Oh…er… use ... _perception_. I mean… what do you know about her?' Helen asked, trying to distract herself, unsuccessfully, from her torturous thoughts.

'This is his entire fault,' she thought mutinously.

Helen could not even remember the advice which she had given Remus, though he thanked her profusely for it and said how she was such a good friend as they left the classroom.

---

She reached the bathroom in their dorms and looked in the mirror, pulling up her top and looking at her stomach to see if there was a bump.

'That's a bump. I'm sure of it!' one pessimistic voice said in her ear.

'I could have just gotten fatter,' the more optimistic one said in the other.

'Stupid, stupid, girl. Go get yourself pregnant with Sirius Black, of all people. Now imagine what's going to happen. Your whole life ruined…' Helen said to herself angrily as she walked out of the bathroom.

She stopped short upon seeing Marina, gaping at her.

'You're _pregnant?_' Marina spluttered.

'What? No, of course I'm not,' Helen snapped, feeling her face flush.

If there was one person she _didn't_ want to know, it was Marina.

'You just said…' Marina persisted.

'Listen, Marina,' Helen snapped, losing any patience she had ever had with Marina's taunts, 'you and I stopped talking a long time ago. Five years ago, in fact, when you decided to turn on me in front of the whole class. I don't care if you're trying to be nicer to me these days, because I don't forget. I never will forget how you treated me. So stop whatever game you're playing now, because I don't want to be a part of it. I have enough problems in my life, without you making it worse,' she finished, glaring at Marina who bit her lip and looked away, blinking.

'I… I know. I know you won't forgive me, but… I was wrong,' Marina said tentatively, slumping on her bed.

'Wrong, my dear, is an understatement,' Helen said coldly, going to walk off.

'I can help you,' Marina called out to Helen.

'I don't need help, least of all from you,' Helen said, looking her in the eye angrily.

'I got pregnant last year… I can help you,' Marina continued.

'I already told you, I'm not…' Helen said through gritted teeth.

Marina nodded.

'Okay, then. Just so you know, though… I'm here,' she said quietly.

Helen pursed her lips and stormed off. So Marina wanted to be friends again. It wasn't surprising, seeing as she had none of her own. Nonetheless, Helen would not give in.

Her wounds were too deep to heal.

* * *

Helen went through a huge internal struggle the next day. As she saw it, she had two options:

1/ She could keep her pride and do nothing, meaning that she could possibly end up with a baby in nine months' time.

2/ She could swallow her pride and asked Marina for help.

There were no other options. She would never, ever, tell Sirius, because she knew what he would think of her if she did; even if it was only on a subconscious level. She could not tell Lily, as Lily would go find Sirius and probably castrate him, meaning that he would find out in the end anyway, and telling Remus or James or Mark, for that matter, was definitely not possivle.

Helen had no means to look after a child and she could not allow herself to drop out of school. Her parents would be sure to disown her and she had no money of her own. She thought Mark might take her in, but he did not earn enough anyway.

Having a child really was not an option.

It was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life, and she walked away many times, but Helen had to do it.

She walked up to their dorm and found her, lying on her bed, reading a magazine.

'Can we talk?'

Marina looked up at Helen and smiled tentatively.

'Sure.'

It felt so strange; telling everything to Marina, but she just listened and did not interrupt. When Helen finished, Marina took a deep breath.

'So you're not absolutely sure that you are pregnant. I mean, your period's only a few days late, right?'

Helen nodded.

'But…'

'Sirius is pretty good about contraception too- you guys never talked about it?'

Helen had to sit on her hands and take a deep breath before responding. Of course Marina would know about Sirius and how he was with contraception…

'No, we never,' Helen said in a small voice.

'Well, when I was with him, he used to just take this potion once a month and that would take care of everything,' Marina shrugged.

'Yes, but considering that we hadn't done before, why would he…'

'He could have taken it hoping that you would do something eventually. You know… just in case?' Marina suggested.

Helen pursed her lips.

'But we don't know that, so the first thing you have to do is take a pregnancy test,' Marina said practically.

Helen nodded slowly.

'Do you know what that is?' Marina asked.

Helen shook her head.

'Right, well they do them in the apothecary in Hogsmeade, so I can take you to get one tomorrow if you like,' Marina offered.

Helen nodded.

'Okay, so we'll meet up first thing in the morning, and we'll find out once and for all,' Marina said brightly.

Helen gulped.

'…and… if… I am?' Helen managed to ask.

It was such a horrific thought, that she didn't even want to think about it.

Marina sighed.

'It's not very nice, but you have to decide if you want to keep it or not. If not, you'll have to abort it. There's this special type of aborting potion and I won't lie- it _is _painful and unpleasant, but… what can you do?' Marina shrugged, her eyes glazing over as she remembered taking it herself.

She felt so empty afterwards.

Helen nodded sadly, her eyes wide.

'Let's just take it one step at a time, though,' Marina said reassuringly to Helen. 'Get an early night and we'll sort this all out first thing tomorrow.'

Helen got up and went to walk to her bed.

'Thank you,' she said quietly, before drawing her hangings.

Marina stared sadly at Helen's hangings. It was after she had the abortion that she suddenly realised what she had missed by betraying Helen. She had had to go through it alone, and it was such a terrible thing. It made her realise that she had turned her back on the only person in the world who had ever genuinely cared for her.

* * *

**Well... Marina is not _so_ bad anymore? Perhaps?**

**Firstly, I would like to explain the whole 'Asterios/Asteria' thing: It really has nothing to do with the plot, as Helen's mother and sister are both Asteria whilst her father and brother are Asterios. Greek names have male and female versions. Don't go reading into that, because there are no clues there.**

**So, in the next chapter we have a very eventful Hogsmeade trip in which we:**

**- find out w****hat is going on with Helen i.e. is she or isn't she...**

**- meet Uncle Alphie again and learn a bit more about him and who Helen reminds him of...**

**So! Until then... review away!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	42. Chapter 46: Selene

**_"Love is not written on paper, for there it can be erased, nor etched in stone, for it can be broken. But, it is inscribed on a heart, and there it will remain forever."_**

* * *

Selene

After a sleepless night of tossing and turning, Helen got up and ran to the bathroom at 6am, throwing up nothing in particular.

Morning sickness.

She really was pregnant.

'Oh fuck,' Helen whispered, banging her head against the bathroom wall repeatedly.

'Helen? Are you alright?'

Helen stopped hitting herself and looked up to see Lily looking at her unceratinly, dressed in her nightdress.

'Oh…er… yes… yeah… that dinner didn't sit too well with me last night,' Helen said, falsely cheery.

Lily surveyed Helen for a moment.

'Is something going on, Helen?' she asked in a knowing voice.

Helen's face fell. Lily could always see through her lies.

'Course not!' she said brightly, walking past Lily and going over to her bed.

Lily stared after Helen uncertainly. She was hiding something.

* * *

'Hey, Evans, have you seen Helen?' Sirius asked at the breakfast table. 

'No, she disappeared before breakfast,' Lily replied shortly, not looking at him.

She had developed quite a deep dislike of him since last term.

'Well if you _do_ see her, could you please tell her that I want her to see her before Hogsmeade today?' Sirius asked stiffly.

'Yes,' Lily replied, still keeping her eyes fixed on her Daily Prophet.

Sirius considered her for a moment before sighing. He just did not understand what her problem was.

'Oh Merlin! You will _never _believe what I just saw…' James gushed, sitting down next to Sirius, his cheeks flushed.

'What?' Sirius asked disinterestedly.

'Helen was walking with Marina… to Hogsmeade!' James exclaimed.

'What?' Lily, Sirius, Remus, Mary and Peter all asked in unison.

'Helen was with Marina- talking- and they're going to Hogsmeade! Now!' James repeated breathlessly, his hazel eyes wide.

'What do you mean?' Remus asked.

'Helen and Marina hate each other,' Mary pointed out.

'I think 'hate' is putting it lightly,' Sirius laughed.

Mary blushed a little at this; Sirius had never really spoken to her before...

'Helen's already going to Hogsmeade?' Lily asked James, finally discarding her Daily Prophet.

They all stared at each other, before springing up from the Gryffindor breakfast table and running out of the Great Hall.

* * *

'Are you okay?' Marina asked hesitantly as she and Helen walked through the gates to Hogsmeade. 

'Wonderful,' Helen grimaced sarcastically.

Marina smiled apologetically.

'It'll be okay… have you decided if you'll keep it or not?'

'To tell you the truth, Marina, I'm kind of hoping that I won't be pregnant in the first place,' Helen snapped.

The morning sickness had unhinged her quite a bit.

Marina nodded, understanding that it was probably best to stay silent for now.

* * *

'Look! There they are!' Mary exclaimed, pointing to the two girls as they walked into the apothecary. 

The unusual group of six stopped and gaped as they saw with their own eyes that James' fantastical statement was true.

'What on earth is she doing?' Lily asked, squinting at the shop.

'Let's go find out!' Sirius said, making to go.

'Hang on, hang on…' Remus said, holding Sirius back. 'If they didn't tell us, maybe they don't want us to know,' he said reasonably.

He recoiled as he received five sets of incredulous looks.

'Something's not right with Helen. She was sick this morning and she was acting really strangely… as in, more strangely than usual,' Lily added for clarification.

'Well we can't all barge in on them! Why don't we just leave her alone and she can tell us if she wants to?' Remus asked.

'Because she is my best friend and I'm not going to sit here and do nothing when something is very obviously not right,' Lily retorted, crossing her arms.

'Look, Lily, we all care about Helen, but…'

He didn't think that Helen would appreciate being forced to explain herself to them if she wanted to keep whatever she was doing a secret.

'Did you say that she was sick in the morning?' Sirius interrupted.

'Yes,' Lily said slowly, not understanding Sirius' train of thought.

'Oh,' Sirius said quietly whilst his face drained of any colour.

Something had just clicked in his mind; their having had sex in the holidays, Helen's supposed morning sickness, the apothecary, Marina, and the one percent failure rate of the potion which he had continued to take every month...

They all pointed to one thing….

'What?' they all asked suspiciously.

His reaction did not go unnoticed by the others.

'N...nothing,' Sirius shrugged, trying (and failing) to adopt his usual air of nonchalance whilst he wringed his shaking hands..

'Black…' Lily said in a low warning voice.

* * *

'One pregnancy test, please,' Marina asked the lady at the counter. 

The elderly lady pursed her lips as she surveyed the two school girls before walking off shrewdly to the store room.

Marina turned to face Helen who was looking rather green.

'It'll be okay. Don't worry,' Marina said, patting Helen on the shoulder.

The lady returned with a basin filled with a swirling blue and pink potion.

'Now, if I could just have your hand…' she said to Marina.

'It's for me,' Helen said through gritted teeth, walking forward and holding out her arm.

The lady sniffed affectedly as she took Helen's hand. Helen could not stand that she was being looked at so condescendingly by someone else.

'We just need a drop of blood,' the lady explained, pricking Helen's thumb with a needle.

Helen's eyes widened as she saw the scarlet drop fall into the potion. The potion swirled, turning bright red… and then clear.

'What does it mean?' Helen asked Marina urgently.

'It means you're off the hook!' she laughed.

'So I'm not…'

'No,' Marina said, smiling.

'Thank you!' Helen gushed, hugging Marina impulsively, before separating to look at the woman at the counter who had just cleared her throat loudly.

'That will be three galleons,' she said coldly.

Helen could not have cared less about what that woman thought. She paid the money and walked out of the shop with Marina, wiping her tears of happiness.

'Look! They've come out! What were they doing, I wonder?' James mused, pointing to the apothecary.

Sirius, who felt as though he was just about to crack under Lily Evans' glare, looked up and squinted, trying to gauge the result from Helen's actions.

He gulped as he saw her wiping what he was sure to be tears from her eyes.

'Oh Merlin, she really is,' he thought to himself, holding on to James as he felt his knees start to give way.

'What's wrong with you, Pads?' James asked, looking at Sirius strangely before calling out: 'Oi Helen! Get over here!'

'You're such an idiot, Potter,' Lily seethed.

Helen and Marina stopped in their tracks as they saw the unlikely group in front of them.

'What's going on?' Helen asked, walking up to them.

She felt so light and happy at the moment now that the huge load had been lifted from her mind.

'What's going on with _you_?' Lily snapped, coming through the group to the front.

'Nothing,' Helen shrugged.

It was much easier to act now that she knew she wasn't pregnant.

'Don't you 'nothing' me, Helen Asteria. I can see through your façade- Since when did you two get along?' Lily lectured.

'I think I'll go,' Marina said, feeling uncomfortable in the group which she knew didn't like her.

Helen ignored Lily and looked to Marina.

'Hey… thanks for today. I… I really appreciate it,' she said quietly.

Marina gave a sad smile.

'I…. I know you don't want to be friends again, but… do you think we could perhaps not fight anymore?' she asked hopefully.

Helen gave a small smile and hugged Marina quickly before they separated and Marina walked off.

'Has hell frozen over?' James asked, dazed at what he just witnessed.

Even Lily was speechless.

'Wh…wh…' Remus stammered.

Helen shrugged.

'We need to talk!' Sirius burst out, suddenly.

He could not hold on any more.

'We _all_ need to talk,' Lily corrected him.

'No. Helen and I need to talk. Now. Alone,' Sirius snapped, grabbing Helen by the arm and leading her away from the group quickly.

'Are you?' he asked urgently, as soon as they were out of earshot.

'Am I what?' Helen asked, confused.

She had only told Marina.

Sirius took a deep breath.

'Pregnant,' he said in a barely audible whisper.

'How did you know?' Helen asked, her face becoming pale.

'You are!' Sirius exclaimed, horrified.

'No, I'm not…'

Sirius let out a sigh and a relieved smile lit up his face.

'I was so worried…' he started, running his hands through his hair.

'How did you know?' Helen interrupted, not smiling.

Had Marina gone and told him?

'Evans said you had morning sickness, we were doing it in the holidays, you were in the apothecary with Marina of all people, the contraceptive potion has a one percent failure rate…'

'So you _have_ been using contraception!' Helen said, feeling very relieved.

'Of course I've been using contraception!' he exclaimed. 'Sorry, but becoming a dad at 16 was never part of my life-plan,' he said sarcastically.

'Neither- which is why I was so bloody freaked out when I remembered about contraception,' Helen said, still feeling very stupid for forgetting in the first place.

'Why didn't you tell me?' he asked suddenly, grabbing her hand.

'What?'

'Why didn't you tell me that you thought you were? What if you really were- you wouldn't have told me?' he demanded.

Helen shifted uncomfortably.

'Oh come on, Sirius. I know what you would have thought…'

'You should have told me,' he said flatly, looking her in the eye levelly.

He was not joking now.

Helen sighed.

'I… you're right. I suppose I should have… the others don't know, do they?' Helen asked suddenly, looking over to group which was still watching them shrewdly.

Sirius shook his head.

'I doubt it. I figured it out, but I don't think any of the others thought of that,' he said, before adding, 'after all, James still thinks you're the Virgin Mary…'

Helen laughed.

'Yeah, and I think we'd better keep it that way… for both our sakes,' she said, smiling slightly.

Sirius laughed and put an arm around her as they walked back to join the others, Helen quickly thinking up a story to satisfy her other friends regarding her erratic behaviour.

* * *

Alphard was walking down the main street of Hogsmeade, humming an old tune to himself. So many memories from so long ago were brought back now. The last time he had been in Hogsmeade was during his own last year of school. 

'I'll see you later! I need to post this letter to Mark,' a girl called out.

Alphard stopped in his tracks, recognising that voice.

He looked up to see who had called out and felt as though he had been winded. Had he not known any better, he would have said it was her; exactly as she was when they were sixteen.

She even wore her hair in the same way; dark waves, rippling down to her waist.

'Ask him about the bike for me,' Sirius called after her.

She walked towards him, smiling to herself. He was so shocked at seeing her that he dropped his bag.

'Here, sir, you dropped this,' she smiled, picking it up and handing it to him, before walking away.

He would have said 'thank you'; he would have said anything, but he was speechless.

'Uncle Alphie! Good to see you,' Sirius said happily, walking up to his uncle.

Alphard blinked and was brought back to reality.

'Sirius, m'boy! Long time no see!' he said, shaking his nephew's hand. 'I see you sorted out your issues with your beloved, then?' he remarked, glancing back at the girl's retreating back.

He wanted to find out more about her now; that elusive, mysterious girl who was _her_ spitting image.

'Helen? Oh, we'll always have issues, but we're okay for now, I guess,' Sirius laughed, his stomach twisting as he remembered the events of the morning whilst they walked to the Three Broomsticks.

'Tell me, Uncle Alphie… you said that she reminded you of someone you once knew. Do you remember who it was now?' Sirius asked, as they sat at a table.

Alphard's started.

'Why do you ask?' he asked quietly, toying with his napkin.

Sirius paused.

'It's just… she just seems too naturally talented at magic and things like quidditch to be muggle-born,' Sirius said.

'Does she study, though?' he asked, still not looking up at Sirius.

'Yes, but there are other things… for example, she can do wandless magic and control it! She confunded her father on the holidays and she can mend torn pages with her finger. I mean, we've all done wandless magic on the occasion, but she's… '

Sirius trailed off and looked expectantly up at his uncle.

Alphard gulped. This girl _had_ to be her daughter.

'She just reminds me of this girl I used to know once… I doubt she ever had children. She died rather young,' he said offhandishly, before looking up and smiling at Sirius.

'Now, enough of that! I came here to discuss you and your future. You cannot very well live off the Potters for the rest of your life…'

Sirius' face fell as he realised that his uncle did not want to talk about it any more and that he would not even leave this lunch meeting with a name.

---

Whilst Sirius recounted his escape story to him, Alphard's eyes drifted to the other side of the pub. She had come in, ten minutes after they had, with her red-haired friend.

She had the same smile.

He sighed and returned his gaze to his nephew, although he was not listening to him properly.

Selene Asteria. The woman who had tortured his soul ever since he had left her nearly twenty years ago. He could never quite understand why he did it- why he put them both through that pain. At times he thought it was because he was tired of fighting and arguing with her; sometimes he thought that it was because he was scared to ask her to marry him- to completely end his ways as a bachelor and to settle down…

But he had loved her. He really had and, although he may have been able to persuade himself into believing that those were his reasons for leaving her, deep down, he knew the real reason.

He was intimidated by her ancient bloodline. She probably had the purest and most powerful blood of any living witch or wizard on earth. Of course, they had kept it a secret for her protection… she would have been sought after by the many power-hungry, blood-status-obsessed dark wizards, not to mention people such as those in his own family. How bitter it made him to think that, had he married her and had they known what her real blood was, his parents would not have spat at her, as they had, but welcomed her into their family with open arms.

She had never told anyone. There was not a living soul who knew the truth, other than Dumbledore- who had been entrusted with her secret by her own mother when she was on her death bed. She only told him because she trusted him; she said it didn't matter, that she was still the same person, and the only difference would be that he knew a little secret of hers...

But he could not bear that secret of hers, so he pushed her away. He made excuses, tried to detatch himself from her until; finally, they went their separate ways.

What scared him the most about their separation was that she didn't even shout at him or become angry; it was almost as they she had _expected _it, but had hoped that perhaps his love for her would have been stronger.

He had failed her.

Oh, and the price he paid for his failure? A life of loneliness and grief; he could never move on. He could never forget her and her face as she turned around that final time and left him. She had left him many times, but that time was for good.

When he heard of how Voldemort had killed her, he felt as though he himself had died. It was a year after they had gone their separate ways and he knew how she died. She was very powerful- how could she not be? - and he knew that Voldemort would not have been able to kill her had she been duelling him under normal circumstances. After all, Tom Riddle had never beaten her during their constant duels whilst they were at school.

He had seen her only once after their separation, however, and one look at her stony, gaunt and changed face had been enough to prove to him that Voldemort had not killed her- he had.

Alphard forced a smile and tuned back in to what Sirius was saying, although he could not stop his glance from flitting every now and then to where that girl was.

---

The two girls got up to leave.

'You should probably be getting back to the castle,' Alphard said to Sirius, standing up. He wanted to somehow talk to the girl… perhaps Sirius would introduce her to him if they crossed paths.

Sirius nodded, and also stood up. They made their way slowly to the door and Alphard's heart beat hopefully as he registered that the two girls were now behind them.

'Black, get a move on. We don't have all da…'

Lily stopped talking and blushed profusely as she saw Alphard turn around with Sirius.

'A friend of yours?' Alphard asked Sirius, amused.

Sirius and Lily snorted simultaneously whilst Helen sighed.

Alphard turned to face Helen.

'I'm Alphard Black, Sirius' uncle. You must be Helen. I've heard quite a lot about you,' he said, holding out a hand, his eyes looking into hers searchingly.

Helen laughed and shook his hand.

'Is that so, Sirius?' she shot at Sirius, raising he eyebrows comically.

'Please don't say things like that- it'll inflate her ego to an unhealthy level,' Sirius said to Alphard, rolling his eyes, but winking at Helen nonetheless.

Lily snorted.

'Like you can talk about inflated egos,' she said sarcastically.

'Am I to understand that those two don't get along too well?' Alphard asked Helen who was watching her two friends exasperatedly.

'That's putting it mildly,' she replied.

He couldn't resist.

'You remind me of someone I once knew… tell me, who are your parents?' he asked her quietly whilst Sirius and Lily continued to argue.

Helen looked up at him questioningly before shrugging.

'I doubt you would know them seeing as I'm muggle-born. My father is Steven Asterios and my mother is Maria Asteria,' she said.

Alphard was almost completely certain, by now, that Helen could be none other than Selene's daughter. It seemed as though they had done the same thing with Helen, as they had done with Selene- by sending her to a remote country to be raised by muggles of the same surname so as not to create suspicion as to who she really was.

'I see,' he said softly, smiling at her.

Helen blushed slightly at his gaze. She didn't understand why he was looking at her like that. Feeling curiously abashed in his presence, she cleared her throat:

'Okay, you two, that's enough,' she said loudly, interrupting Lily and Sirius' argument.

Lily and Sirius glared at each other before remembering the other two people in their group.

'So you're sure that Helen and this mystery woman who you won't tell me about aren't related?' Sirius tried for the last time.

Alphard chuckled, though he felt uneasy about it.

'No, I am quite certain,' he nodded, ruffling Sirius' hair as they all walked out of the pub, into the afternoon.

Sirius sighed; he didn't understand why his uncle wouldn't just give him the name.

'Well, it has been wonderful catching up with you again, Sirius, and make sure you keep in contact… and it has been an absolute pleasure to meet you Miss Asteria and Miss Evans,' Alphard said, shaking their hands courteously, before turning around and walking up the street, away from them.

After a while, he turned around and watched the three of them as they walked back to the gate. He sighed as he watched his nephew put his arm around Helen and kiss her on the cheek whilst they continued to walk back to the castle, laughing.

If he had stayed with Selene, and they had children, Helen would be first cousins with Sirius.

It was a bittersweet thought, but Alphard wondered if, perhaps, he and Selene were being given a second chance through Helen and Sirius.

He only hoped that Sirius would never repeat his mistake.

* * *

**Hmmm. Are we starting to see a clearer picture now? **

**I have decided, for this chapter, that I would rather hear your thoughts and speculations rather than write a lot, as I don't want to give anything away...**

**For those who didn't pick up on it- they're in their 6th year now.**

**Also... I have a few reviewers who ask me questions, but don't have accounts. I reply to all reviewers with accounts, so you may like to think of getting one if you don't, but want your questions answered.**

**Please be so kind as to review on your way out!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	43. Chapter 47: Funeral Blues

_Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,  
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,  
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum  
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. _

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead  
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.  
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,  
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,  
My working week and my Sunday rest,  
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;  
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,  
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,  
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;  
For nothing now can ever come to any good. 

**_Funeral Blues_- W.H.Auden**

* * *

Funeral Blues

'… and a foot-long essay on facial transfiguration by next Monday,' McGonagall barked whilst the class groaned.

She was always so ruthless with the amount of homework she set.

'Why on earth would _I_ need to know about facial transfiguration?' Sirius said to James. 'Snivellus, on the other hand…'

They both laughed and packed up their books.

'Class dismissed!' McGonagall called. 'Mr Black, I need a word,' she added.

Sirius winked at her retreating back, causing James and Peter to laugh, and Remus to sigh exasperatedly.

'Looks like you might finally get to fulfil your fantasy,' Helen muttered to Sirius on her way out of class

'What fantasy? _You're_ my only fantasy,' Sirius replied, pouting at her.

Helen rolled her eyes, but Sirius caught her smiling as she left the classroom.

---

'Follow me,' McGonagall said, locking the classroom behind her as they made their way to her office.

Sirius wondered what he had done wrong now. Perhaps she had found out about the Fanged Frisbees which he had set on Filch on Friday…

'Please take a seat,' McGonagall said cordially, indicating an armchair opposite her.

Sirius sat down, rather confused. McGonagall was looking at him in a very strange manner.

Perhaps Helen was right… perhaps his old fantasy really was going to be fulfilled now…

Sirius shook his head, trying to dismiss these thoughts. He became even more confused, however, as McGonagall shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

'Have a biscuit,' she said, thrusting a tin of ginger biscuits to Sirius.

'Er… thanks, I just ate before class,' Sirius said, very perplexed as to what was going on.

McGonagall took a deep breath and sighed.

'Black, I am afraid I have rather sad news for you. Your Uncle Alphard died yesterday morning,' she said, looking at Sirius sympathetically.

It took Sirius a minute to register exactly what McGonagall had just said.

'What? No, he can't have. I just saw him on Saturday. He was fine!' he said, thinking that this was some very bad joke.

He really did not believe McGonagall.

She sighed.

'I am truly sorry, Sirius. The funeral is to be held tomorrow,' she said.

Sirius didn't know what it was exactly. Perhaps it was because she had used his first name, but it suddenly hit him that his Uncle Alphard was actually dead.

He felt as though he had just been hit in the head by a bludger.

'You and other members of your family will be transported to the funeral tomorrow morning via a portkey. You may choose to remain with your family after the funeral, should you wish,' McGonagall finished.

Sirius stood up, dazed, and left the room without a word. He did not even think of what class he had next; what he was supposed to be doing now, because Uncle Alphie was dead.

* * *

Everyone began to worry during dinner when they realised that Sirius had not turned up to any of his classes after his meeting with McGonagall. They all split up to try and find him before curfew because something most definitely was not right. 

Helen checked everywhere; broom cupboards, cleaning cupboards, classrooms… she even braved the owlery to see if Sirius was with Maera, but he was nowhere to be found. It was only as she was about to give up with five minutes until curfew that she heard movement in a classroom she just walked past. She opened the door and found him slumped against the wall looking more miserable than she had ever seen him in his life.

'Sirius! We've been so worried… what happened?' she asked, going up to him quickly and sitting down next to him.

He glanced at her before resuming his vacant staring out of the classroom window.

'My Uncle Alphard died yesterday,' he said eventually, his voice gravelly from what could have been tears or lack of use.

Helen bit her lip. It seemed so strange that she had just met him on Saturday when he seemed so happy and healthy- but now he was dead. Just like that.

'I'm sorry,' she said quietly.

Sirius ignored her. Helen understood him well enough to know that he didn't want to talk right now, so she took his hand in hers and just sat with him, also staring out of the window. After a while, Sirius leaned his head on Helen's shoulder and they sat, exactly like that, for the whole night.

* * *

Helen awoke the next morning feeling very stiff from having leant against the wall for the whole night with Sirius' head on her shoulder. She glanced at her watch and saw that it was nearly eight o'clock. 

'Sirius,' she whispered, shaking him lightly.

Sirius nestled further into her shoulder.

'Sirius,' Helen repeated.

Sirius sat up, rubbing his neck which was obviously stiff. It took him a while to realise where he was and why. Helen looked at him apologetically as she saw his face pale as he remembered that his uncle was dead.

'I'm sorry, Sirius,' she said.

Sirius nodded.

'Will you go to the funeral?'

'It's today,' he replied quietly.

They stared at each other.

'Let's go back now,' Helen said eventually, standing up and holding out a hand to Sirius. He took it and she pulled him up and hugged him tightly.

'Thank you for staying with me,' he said after clearing his throat quickly.

Helen kissed him softly on the cheek.

'Anytime,' she said, hugging him again, before they separated and walked out of the classroom quietly.

* * *

Sirius was very grateful that Helen explained what had happened to the others for him. as he really did not feel like talking about it. Whilst he stood under the shower, the hot water lessening the pain in his head, he suddenly realised that not only was he going to his uncle's funeral, but he was going to see the whole family again. 

But he had to go for his uncle.

---

They all stopped talking as he came down the dormitory steps, dressed in black dress robes.

'I have to go now,' he informed them dully.

They all stood up uncertainly.

'How are you leaving?' Remus asked tentatively.

'Portkey,' Sirius said simply.

'We'll walk you,' James nodded, going over to Sirius and clapping him encouragingly on the shoulder.

Helen walked to his other side and took his hand in hers and they all walked down with Sirius to the Great Hall where the portkey was.

Even though Sirius would normally have wanted to be alone, having them all walking with him made him realise, for the first time, that he was not without a family; they _were_ his family.

* * *

'What are _you_ doing here, blood-traitor?' Bellatrix seethed as soon as they arrived at the temple. 

'I have come to pay my respects to a great man,' Sirius said simply.

Bellatrix snorted.

'Great man? He was a blood-traitor just like you are,' she said with disgust.

Sirius' face contorted with rage. He had never wanted to hit a girl before now.

'Why you…'

'Sirius! So glad you came,' Andromeda said in a warning voice, placing a calming hand on his arm.

Sirius and Bellatrix continued to glare at each other.

'Hi Bella,' Andromeda said uneasily.

'Do not speak to me, you disgusting _blood-traitor,_' Bellatrix said coldly, looking at Andromeda levelly before turning on her heel and walking off to join the rest of her family.

Andromeda sighed.

'Just ignore them; ignore them all, Sirius. Look, we both knew Uncle Alphie and we know what he thought of all of them. Let's not ruin his funeral with this, though- for him,' she said earnestly.

Sirius sighed, but nodded.

'You're right. They're not worth it,' he agreed.

Andromeda smiled sadly.

'He was a great man,' she said.

'He was,' Sirius said heavily.

'Come on, let's go. The service is about to start,' Andromeda said, taking his arm as they took two seats near the back.

* * *

The service was filled with many speeches; one by Sirius' own mother which made Alphard seem as though he was _just like them._ Andromeda had to hold Sirius' arm many times to prevent him from losing his temper. She stayed with Sirius during the refreshments because he had an hour until his portkey back to the castle reappeared. They sat silently together, neither of them in as bright a mood as their family members who were gossiping as though they had been to a christening as opposed to a funeral. 

'…and remember that mudblood girl he brought home? I forget her name…'

'Something to do with the moon…'

'Luna?'

'No, it was… Selene.'

'Ah, that's right! Selene… yes, I remember her from school. She was such a strange girl… many commendations to the Dark Lord for vanquishing her, I say. It would have been a grave mark on our family tapestry had he married that mudblood.'

'Oh, but he left her a year before she died. It seems that Alphard came to his senses in the end after all.'

As Sirius listened to this conversation, he felt sad as he realised just how much he never knew about his uncle. He had once loved a woman and wanted to marry her?

What had happened to them? The girl was killed?

Sirius sighed. There were too many questions and they were too late. Nonetheless, it made him look at Alphard, whom he had always considered to be someone who was never seriously interested in women, in a different light.

* * *

Sirius was the only one from his family to return immediately to school. His parents had completely ignored him throughout the whole funeral. He walked through the portrait door wearily to find the common room empty except for Helen who had a free period. Sirius faintly registered that the others were at Ancient Runes. 

Helen stood up immediately and walked up to Sirius concernedly.

'It was terrible, but I wasn't expecting it to be good,' he said, not waiting for her to ask.

He sat down on the couch and laughed bitterly.

'Their whole lives they looked at him like he was dirt- just like they look at me; they'd call him a 'blood-traitor.' It was sickening... They made him sound like a pure-blood maniac and…'

'I know he wasn't Sirius, and you know that and Andy knows that, and anyone else who knew him would have known that,' Helen said soothingly.

Sirius ran a hand through his hair frustratedly.

'I know, but his last…'

'It was just a funeral- it didn't mean anything. People aren't going to remember him by his funeral, but by who he was and how he lived. Don't worry about that, Sirius. Don't taint your memory of him because of people who obviously didn't appreciate him,' Helen said firmly.

Sirius shrugged and leaned back in the couch.

'He never told me her name,' he said after a while.

'Who's name?' Helen asked, confused.

'He told me that you reminded him of someone, but he never told me who,' Sirius shrugged, leaning on her shoulder.

Helen winced; it was still rather sore from last night.

'Sorry,' Sirius said apologetically, lying on her lap instead.

'Sirius Black and Helen Asteria?' a first year girl asked nervously, walking up to where they were on the couch.

Sirius sat up immediately.

'Yes?' Helen asked kindly; the girl looked rather intimidated by them.

'This is for you,' she said, holding out a scroll of parchment to them before running away.

Helen and Sirius exchanged confused glances as Helen opened the letter.

The writing was beautiful and spidery-like:

_Miss Asteria and Mr Black,_

_Please visit my office as soon as you can to discuss an important matter. The password is 'cockroach cluster.'_

_Kind Regards,_

_Professor Dumbledore._

'Dumbledore?' Sirius breathed. 'What does he want?'

'I don't know,' Helen frowned. 'I guess we had just better go and find out.'

* * *

'What?' Sirius asked, noticing the slight curve of Helen's lips as the ascended the staircase to Dumbledore's office. 

'I was just thinking how different we are towards each other now in comparison to the last time we were both here,' Helen shrugged.

Sirius smiled and kissed her quickly before opening the door for her.

'Ah! Thank you for coming. My sincerest condolences, Sirius. I understand you were very close with Alphard,' Dumbledore said kindly, indicating the chairs opposite his desk.

'Yeah, he was kind of like a dad to me… I suppose,' Sirius said.

'He was a great man,' Dumbledore conceded.

Sirius nodded.

Dumbledore sighed.

'I am afraid that this may not necessarily make things easier for you, Sirius, but it has to be done. I have called you both because you are the only two people mentioned in Alphard's will,' Dumbledore said heavily.

Sirius and Helen looked at each other, and then Dumbledore.

'Me?' Helen asked, surprised.

She had only met the man fleetingly, for the first time, two days before he died.

Dumbledore nodded.

'Yes. Now... Alphard bequeathed all of his possessions and left this letter for you,' the headmaster said, handing over a letter to Sirius who took it. Helen noticed that his hands were trembling slightly.

Dumbledore then turned to Helen.

'Alphard left you this along with a letter,' he said, handing Helen a small black box and a letter.

'Professor…. I only met Alphard on Saturday for the first time. Why would he leave me anything?' Helen asked, very bewildered with the whole situation.

Dumbledore considered Helen and she was sure that he was about to say something before he sighed.

'Only Alphard could have explained that to us. Perhaps his letter may explain some things to you.'

Helen had the feeling that the headmaster knew much more than he was letting on, but did not press the matter.

'You may leave now; that is all. Thank you and once again, my condolences,' Dumbledore said, standing up and extending a hand to Sirius.

* * *

'Why would your uncle leave me something?' Helen asked Sirius as they walked back to the common room, looking at the black box. 

'I don't know,' Sirius frowned.

The common room was still deserted. They sat down on the couch and Helen opened the black box to find a smaller one; a ring box. With a furrowed brow, she opened the ring box and gasped.

It was a antique ring with a large diamond set in it.

Sirius stared at the ring and then at Helen.

'Are you sure you never met him before?' Sirius asked, his eyes wide.

'No, of course not!' Helen said.

'What does the letter say?' Sirius asked.

With shaking hands, Helen opened the wax seal.

_Dear Helen,_

_Although we only met briefly today, I am very glad that we did. I understand that you may be alarmed and rather confused at my having left you such a possession. I meant to give it to someone very special to me many years ago and the greatest regret of my life is that I never did so. I was reminded of this person when I met you and I can think of no one who I would want to have this ring more than yourself. _

_I wish you every happiness in life._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Alphard Black_

Helen didn't know what to think of this letter. She was touched, sad... and very perplexed. Sirius, on the other hand, seemed to be alert for the first time since Sunday.

'Selene! She's the one you remind him of!' he said, his eyes wide.

'Who?'

Helen was becoming more confused by the minute. She really was starting to believe that Sirius came from a mad family and was starting to question whether Sirius himself was sane; after all, his parents _were _second cousins…

'Selene… he loved her, but she died… she's the one who he wouldn't tell me about!'

'And what does she have to do with me?' Helen challenged Sirius.

Sirius frowned.

'I don't know. Maybe she's your real mum?'

Helen's eyes flashed.

'Sirius. We have discussed this before. My mother is Maria Asteria and my father is Steven Asterios. End of discussion. I don't understand why you keep questioning my blood! Do you have a problem with my being muggle-born?' she snapped.

'You know I'm not like that,' Sirius said seriously.

'Well? Why can't you just accept that I'm muggle-born? And if your uncle loved that woman and she was, hypothetically speaking, my mother, it is highly unlikely that she would have had a child with anyone other than your uncle if she died. In that case, I would be your uncle's daughter and, consequently, your first cousin,' Helen concluded, crossing her arms.

Sirius pursed his lips; Helen _did_ have a point.

'What if you are?' he whispered, his eyes wide.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'That's a gross thought. Us? Cousins? _First_ cousins, nonetheless… that's like you going off with Bellatrix… ew,' Helen said, feeling sick at the thought.

Sirius made a noise of disgust at the thought of Bellatrix like that.

'Well? Honestly, this conversation is really silly. Maybe I just coincidentally look similar to this Selene and that's why your uncle gave me the ring. Let's not continue with this ridiculous theory of yours, though, because I'm starting to feel sick,' Helen said firmly.

'Fine,' Sirius sighed.

'Don't you find the idea of us being like we are, and being first cousins as well, disgusting?' Helen asked Sirius.

Sirius shrugged.

'I guess I'm used to all that with my family,' he said.

Helen looked at him strangely.

'But, you're right. First cousins is too close.'

'Any cousin is too close,' Helen muttered. 'Anyway, I know my parents- they _are_ my parents- and that's all there is to be discussed. We aren't related and, as long as we are together, I would like to keep it that way,' Helen said in a final tone which told Sirius that both this discussion and topic was closed… forever.

'He left you everything,' Helen remarked after a while.

'I know… he said he would on Saturday,' he said heavily.

'Will you live at his place from now on or at the Potters?'

Sirius had not even thought about it yet.

'Blimey… I've got my own place!' he mused. 'Yeah, I guess I'll be living there from now on!'

Helen opened the ring box and stared at the ring.

Although she refused to believe Sirius' theories, something about his comments unsettled her because Alphard really hadn't properly answered her question fully in his letter.

Why had he given her such an expensive and valuable ring?

* * *

**Now… regarding last chapter. A few of you have been a bit confused. You are not meant to have a full understanding yet, but here are a few pointers to help you along for now:**

**- Helen had 'morning sickness' because she always gets sick like that when she's nervous/stressed out. You could remember her during her exam period. So it was the stress of being possibly pregnant that made her sick, not an actual baby.**

**- Selene is dead. Full stop. She is not in hiding or anything, but really dead. Voldemort killed her sixteen years ago. Alphard said that he had 'killed' her in that he had made her so depressed and upset that she had lost any will to live. He said that he left her **_**nearly**_** twenty years ago. Not necessarily exactly twenty years ago.**

**- Selene and Alphard would have been at school at around the same time as Tom Riddle. **

**- Alphard did not say anything to Helen because it was not his place to tell her whatever truth there may be about who she really is. I mean, he himself only realised it that day and what exactly could he say to her? Tell her that she's been living under a misconception her whole life and she's actually someone completely different? I don't think that would work very well…**

**- We are yet to see Alphard's letter to Sirius. He had a few more 'words of wisdom' to give his nephew prior to his death.**

**- Helen ****will**** be told the whole truth about everything soon and… incidentally, so will you :)**

**- Alphard died naturally (but felt 'ready' to die after having seen Helen… hence the letters etc).**

**Okay. I think I've covered most general questions now… hopefully. Any others, just review or PM me and I'll reply if I can without ruining the future plot. **

**So, send many reviews my way and you shall receive the next chapter! A bit more Lily & James in the next one as James does something to Lily which she sees as a terrible omen.**

**What could it be, I wonder?**

**You'll just have to review to find out, won't you?**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	44. Chapter 48: Revelations

_**Yet each man kills the thing he loves  
By each let this be **__**heard**__**,  
Some do it with a **__**bitter**__** look,  
Some with a flattering word,  
The coward does it with a kiss,  
The brave man with a sword!**_

- **The Ballad of Reading Gaol, Oscar Wilde

* * *

**

Revelations

That night, when everyone else was asleep, Sirius took out the letter which his uncle had given him.

_Dear Sirius,_

_I will be gone to what I hope is a better place by the time you are reading this. I won't deny that I am glad to go, because I feel so old and burdened from the sins of my past that, now, all I want is rest._

_I wonder what good it would do to write this to a sixteen-year-old boy, such as yourself, but I feel as though I must because what use is there in making mistakes if no one else can learn from them? Therefore, you must allow your mad old Uncle Alphie to tell you one last story._

_You asked me a number of times to tell you about a certain woman who I cared very much about; but I never did. I have my reasons for this. Her name was Selene, and we were in school together; in the same year and all. It might amuse you to know that we despised each other for a lot of our earlier years. She obviously disapproved of my 'free' ways with women and she herself was… well, I suppose calling her 'prudish' would not be unreasonable. Of course, I was secretly in love with her as soon as I met her- she was very beautiful- and I used our arguments as an excuse to talk to her. When we were in our final year, and she saved me from a nasty duel with Tom Riddle (who would later become Voldemort), we started to see through our differences and became friends of sorts. It took me a while to gain her trust but eventually, by the time we had finished school, she accepted me. _

_We moved in together and I can never recall a happier time in my life than those few years we were together. Those days were slightly different to these, however, and Selene felt uncomfortable with the idea of living together and not being married- it was frowned upon then much more than it is today. So I started to think about marriage. I won't deny that I would have loved nothing more, at that moment, to continue living together without that commitment- I was scared, you see, of putting that final full stop to my ways as a 'bachelor'. _

_How foolish I was._

_I took her to meet the family as I was not completely out of favour with them at the time. This was a disaster beyond all imagination and I was ashamed that they treated her in such an appalling manner. That was when things started to go downhill, however. We started fighting and never seemed to properly resolve our fights. Then, during a 'truce' period, she told me her secret. At first I didn't believe it; I couldn't. It seemed so fantastical and yet made so much sense at the same time. Nonetheless, I felt intimidated by her after it. She pleaded with me to understand that it meant nothing, but I foolishly could not see past it and pushed her away. There were more fights, more tears… and then nothing. I left her._

_I left her over something which was so irrelevant and meaningless as to who she was at that moment with me. I saw her only one more time before she was killed by Voldemort and I have never been able to live with the guilt of knowing that I was to blame because I killed any resolve in her to live._

_And I have regretted what I did every single day, every hour, every second of my life ever since she walked out of my door, because I killed what I had loved. It has been seventeen years today since I left her, yet I feel as though it has been a hundred years. I sincerely hope that you will never have to suffer the same consequences as I did. Should you ever be presented with a similar situation, I hope that you will remember my mistake and see the correct path._

_It is thus, my beloved nephew, that I bid thee adieu. I hope your life is filled with the excitement, love, and the happiness which I know you deserve._

_With love, _

_Your Uncle Alphard_

Sirius blinked after having finished the letter. So _that_ was Uncle Alphie's story. After rereading it, Sirius saw how it accounted for a lot of things about his uncle which had not previously made much sense to him. Nonetheless, there were a few things bothering Sirius about his uncle's letter.

It was evasive over several points; it did not mention what it was exactly about 'Selene' which had caused Alphard to leave her, for one. Then, there was that other nagging question: why did Alphard tell him that story? Was there meant to be some kind of hidden meaning in it?

And why did Alphard think that Sirius would ever be presented with a similar situation?

Sirius reread the letter and then cast it aside, sighing. Alphard was dead now and there would be no way to question him over it. He had done a few very strange things as his final acts, which Sirius did not understand.

Perhaps he should just forget it for now. Perhaps Alphard really just wanted to relieve his story so that _someone_ knew his secret.

Sirius lay back in bed and stared at the ceiling. It had been such a draining day and all he wanted, now, was sleep.

* * *

Peter hesitated before mustering his courage and approaching her as she bent over her long essay. 

'Uh… Helen?' he asked tentatively.

Helen felt very frustrated. She had come to the library because she knew that neither James nor Sirius would disrupt her there. Now she had Peter coming up to her? Why wasn't he tagging along with his Marauder friends, as he always did?

'Yes, Peter?' she asked, raising an eyebrow, but not looking up.

'Can you help me? Please? I don't understand this Muggle Studies question,' he said hesitantly.

Helen put down her quill and forced a smile.

'What's the problem?'

Peter wasn't sure if he even understood what Helen had explained to him; he, therefore, was very glad that she wrote it all down. He sat next to her, transfixed, as her eyes locked into his and she continued to explain everything to him.

'So do you understand, now, what aeroplanes are used for?' she sighed.

He blinked, realising that she had just asked him a question.

'Y...yes. Thank you so much,' he said.

'You're welcome,' Helen shrugged, itching to continue her essay.

Peter was about to leave when an idea sprung to his mind.

'Can you tutor me?' he asked suddenly.

'What?' Helen asked.

'Can you tutor me?' Peter repeated hopefully.

Helen really did not want to tutor Peter.

'Oh, look, Peter… I don't think that I have enough time to be a tutor. If you have questions you can always come up and ask me, though,' she added, trying to make her response seem more promising.

'Oh, okay then,' Peter said, bowing his head.

Helen bit her lip, feeling rather bad now as Peter's shoulders slumped with disappointment.

'I guess I _could_ make half an hour a week, if you like,' she conceded.

'Really?' Peter asked, looking up happily.

Helen sighed.

'How about every Saturday morning?' she suggested.

She usually slept in a little longer on Saturday mornings, but she thought that she could sacrifice this little luxury to help Peter.

A huge smile spread across Peter's face.

'Thank you!' he gushed.

Helen smiled.

'It's okay, but would you mind leaving me for now? I have quite a bit to finish tonight,' she said.

Peter nodded. He had not felt so happy for a long time.

He would have her, all to himself, for a whole _half an hour_ every week!

It was like an early Christmas present.

* * *

'Evans won't go with me,' James complained to Sirius as they walked to the quidditch pitch. 

'Ah well… why don't you try asking someone else?' Sirius suggested, disinterestedly.

James had talked about nothing but asking Lily Evans to the Yule Ball for the past week and, now that he had- and she had informed him that she had accepted Amos Diggory instead- he could speak of nothing but this refusal.

'Because I want to go with Evans,' James said hotly, 'and why aren't you staying for Christmas?'

'Because I need to sort out things with my uncle's house and all… I'll be back for New Years' though,' Sirius shrugged.

Suddenly, an idea occurred to James.

'So Helen won't be going with anyone to the ball then?' he asked.

'Probably not,' Sirius said, wondering why James would think that she would take someone else.

James stopped walking.

'Hey… mate, would you mind if I took Helen?' he asked.

Sirius turned to look at James incredulously.

'Now, when I said find someone else, I didn't mean my girlfriend, Prongs,' he said in a warning voice.

James laughed.

'Relax. No… don't you get it? Helen is Evans' best friend. If I go with her, Evans might become jealous and realise that _I'm_ the one she really wants,' James said excitedly.

'But Evans _doesn't_ want to be with you,' Sirius stated simply.

James rolled his eyes.

'It's a good plan. Trust me. So are you okay if I ask Helen?'

A smile flitted across Sirius' lips.

'It seems like I'm going to have to give _you_ 'the talk' now,' he laughed.

* * *

'Hey Helen, did I ever tell you that you're really pretty,' James said, sitting next to her during lunch the next day. 

Helen rolled her eyes.

'What do you want, James?'

James grinned.

'Are you going to the Yule Ball?'

* * *

'Amos is a nice boy, don't you think?' Lily asked Helen on Christmas Eve whilst Helen was giving her a manicure. 

'If you say so,' Helen said, wrinkling her nose.

'Why? Don't you like him?' Lily asked, blowing on her nails.

'Not really.'

'Why not?' Lily asked defensively. 'He's a nice boy. At least he's not like Potter or Black who try and grope you straight away.'

Helen rolled her eyes.

'They do not. James is adamant that that was an accident.'

Lily snorted.

'Sure. An 'accident.''

'Well don't be surprised if Diggory tries to pull the same move on you. He might just take it a bit more slowly but I can assure you he will not leave you tomorrow night with only a good-night peck on the cheek,' Helen said. 'No… I think I prefer red,' she added, taking out a crimson-red bottle of polish.

Lily shrugged and started painting Helen's nails this colour.

'So what are you going to do tomorrow night, then?'

Helen looked up, surprised.

'I'm going to the Ball,' she said, as though this was obvious.

'With who?' Lily asked, looking up very surprised.

Helen tried not to laugh.

'James.'

'James who?'

Helen rolled her eyes.

'James Potter of course… oh… here…' Helen said, flicking her wand to clean up the nail polish which Lily had just spilt by knocking over the bottle.

'You're… you're… with… Potter?' she stammered, her cheeks flushing.

'Yeah, I think I'll have a good time,' Helen said casually.

Lily's initial reaction to this was all she needed to know that James' plan was, thus far, working.

* * *

'Helen! You look stunning! I can't believe I'll be going with the 'Belle of the Ball,'' James said rather loudly to Helen, who had just appeared at the top of the staircase with Lily. He kissed her on the cheek and made a point of ignoring Lily. 

Helen was really having a hard time controlling her laughter.

'Why thank you,' Helen laughed, taking his arm.

'Shall we?'

'Yes, lets,' Helen nodded. 'Bye Lily,' she added, winking at Lily who was just approached by Amos. Helen noted that her face looked considerably paler than it was before.

---

Helen was surprised that she actually had a very good time at the ball with James. It was so refreshing just to have clean fun for once. They talked, danced and laughed for much of the time, although Helen noticed that James' eyes continued to flit over to where Lily was laughing with Amos a few tables away. She also noticed, however, that Lily stared over towards her and James at various intervals during the evening as well.

Helen herself felt rather sad that Sirius was not with her now. She had rather missed him during his two weeks away. She found it rather hard to comprehend that, exactly one year ago; they had finally set aside their differences and started going out. So much had happened since then.

Helen felt like a completely different person compared to her self from a year ago.

* * *

'He was such a gentleman. So courteous…' 

'Okay, Lily,' Helen said, very annoyed that Lily had accepted Amos' to start going out.

'I'm so excited! We're going on a date on New Years' Day,' she gushed.

'Yes, I know. You've told me,' Helen said, rolling her eyes.

She never bored Lily with such details about her and Sirius. In fact, she never told Lily _anything_ about them.

Why was Lily doing this to her, then?

Lily smiled and sat on her bed happily, taking off her shoes. Marina had not yet returned (Helen suspected that she had gone off with her date) and Mary was still saying 'goodnight' in a very non-vocal way with her now-boyfriend, John St-Claire.

'… and how was Potter? Did he…'

'He was wonderful and treated me very well. I had a marvellous time,' Helen said shortly, drawing the hangings around her bed.

'Amos was such a good dancer…'

'James was brilliant. It seems he was taught dancing from young,' Helen interrupted.

'Amos told me that he got eight OWLs… eight!'

'James got nine and seven of them were Outstandings. The other two were Exceeding Expectations,' Helen replied.

There was a short silence, before Lily said:

'He gave me a goodnight kiss… he's a really good kisser,' she added.

'I've kissed both James and Amos before. James was much, much better,' Helen replied, pulling the covers over her head.

'Well I like Amos,' Lily said flatly.

'Good for you. If I had to choose, I would pick James,' Helen replied.

There was silence for the rest of the night.

At least Sirius was coming back in five days.

* * *

'I'm guessing you missed me,' Sirius grinned, trying to breathe from the tight hug which Helen had winded him with. 

'It's been horrid,' Helen said, separating from him as they started to walk back to the castle. 'James has been morbid because Lily, the silly girl, is now going out with Diggory. Remus has been moping because that stupid Amber girl he liked ended it with him and… well, Peter is Peter,' Helen vented.

'O'Donnell ditched Remus?' Sirius interrupted sharply.

Helen sighed.

'She's a bitch; always has been. He deserves someone better than her anyway…' Helen said, very angry at Amber for being so heartless towards Remus.

Sirius frowned.

'… and did you say that Evans is going out with Diggory?' he asked, thinking that a lot had happened in his absence.

Helen groaned.

'Yes, and she goes on and on about him _all_ day. It's so bloody annoying. I never told her anything about you or any of the others... What did I do wrong in my past life to deserve this?' Helen asked dramatically, looking up to the sky as though she were asking the heavens.

Sirius shot Helen a sidewards glance.

'You really have become unhinged without me, haven't you?'

'Oh, sure,' Helen grinned sarcastically.

'Here…' Sirius said, taking her hand and running to the nearest classroom.

As soon as the door was shut, they started to kiss wildly.

'… oh God, I missed you,' Sirius breathed as he kissed her neck and Helen started to fiddle with the waist of his jeans.

They separated suddenly as they heard the scraping of a chair behind them and turned to find Lily and Amos kissing passionately; Lily sitting on Amos' lap.

They were apparently oblivious to the fact that they had an audience.

Helen cleared her throat loudly and Lily and Amos separated suddenly.

For once, Lily was the one to blush under Helen's reproving look.

'If I hear of your pressuring Lily to do anything of any sort, or mistreating her in any way, you had better watch it. I will come after you,' Helen said to Amos, repeating Lily's own words to Sirius.

'Helen!' Lily implored, blushing furiously whilst Amos shifted uncomfortably.

Helen shrugged.

'Oh don't let us interrupt you. Come on, let's go,' Helen said to Sirius, as they walked out of the classroom.

'Don't tell James,' Sirius said to Helen.

'Actually, I was planning on doing just that,' Helen said sarcastically.

'Are you fighting with Evans?' Sirius asked Helen tentatively.

Helen sighed.

'No. It just gets really tiring having to have to listen to her lectures all the time about you... and then she goes off and does the same thing with people like Diggory! Not to mention her attitude about James,' Helen said frustratedly.

'Well,' Sirius said with a cheeky smile, 'if you two do start to have issues, and she kicks you out of your dorm, you can always share my bed,' he said generously, putting an arm around her waist.

'Oh thanks, Sirius,' she laughed, pecking him on the cheek. 'Unfortunately, however, your bed has a week before it sees me again as the others won't have Ancient Runes until then,' she told him informatively.

'A week?' Sirius complained.

'Sorry to disappoint you, but I only do it in beds. After all, broom cupboards should be kept strictly for sleeping in when locked out of the common room,' Helen said seriously, raising a suggestive eyebrow, her lips twitching slightly.

'And what about snogging?' Sirius whispered in her ear.

Helen wrinkled her nose and walked over to the nearest classroom and looked inside it.

'It's empty,' she informed Sirius, pulling him by the tie into it and shutting the door behind them.

* * *

'You're right,' Lily sighed as she walked in to the Girls' Dorms. 

Helen looked up, surprised.

'What?'

'You're right about Diggory. He tried to… ugh,' Lily said, a disgusted look flitting across her face as she flopped on to her bed.

Helen sat up suddenly.

'Did he touch you?' she asked angrily.

Lily laughed.

'No, no… he tried and didn't stop immediately, but one of my failproof hexes got rid of him pretty quickly,' Lily said grimly, rubbing her temples.

Helen stared at Lily.

'How did you know he was like that?' Lily asked quietly, after a while.

Helen laughed.

'Oh, there's experience… and also the fact that there is no guy our age who doesn't want it. The thing is, it's the ones who are more open about it that you can trust whereas the others put on the pretence of chivalry in the beginning but end up trying to get in your knickers after a couple of dates anyway,' Helen sighed.

Lily bit her lip.

'So is James Potter looking a little nicer now?' Helen asked slyly.

'Just because Diggory is a perverted git, it doesn't change the fact that Potter is an arrogant prat,' Lily said adamantly.

Helen sighed. James obviously still had a bit of work to do on Lily.

* * *

The whole of Gryffindor was gathered around in the common room for the New Years' Eve countdown. Everyone had a butterbeer in hand and, the room was decorated with streamers and balloons. 

'5…4…3…2…1… Happy New Year!' everyone chanted, before turning to the person next to them to wish them a happy new year.

'Happy New Year, _ma cherie,_' Sirius grinned, leaning forward and kissing Helen.

They separated suddenly, however, upon hearing a scream from behind them. James was holding his cheek and Lily's eyes were widened with fright.

'What's wrong, Lily?' Helen asked patiently.

'He…he… kissed me…' Lily whispered, her face white.

Helen laughed.

'And?'

'On the turn of the New Year… oh no… this is a bad sign…' Lily continued to whisper, glaring at James who grinned back at her foolishly.

Helen laughed.

'That means you'll be kissing him all year!' she pointed out.

Lily shot Helen a furtive glance.

'That's not true,' she said, more as though she was trying to convince herself.

Helen's lips twitched.

'Believe what you want, Lily dear… but that's how the saying goes,' Helen said airily. 'Happy New Year, by the way,' she said, hugging Lily and kissing her on the cheek before walking off to go wish Remus a happy new year.

Lily bit her lip and turned to look at James who had pulled Sirius into a brotherly hug.

This was not the way she wanted to start the new year.

* * *

**Oh don't we all feel so sorry for poor Lily. She was _forced_ to kiss James... (note sarcasm). I wonder if they will end up doing a bit more kissing... you know... seeing as they'll be in their seventh year after September and all...**

**I never liked Amos Diggory much. I mean, I felt sorry for him when Cedric died, but still never liked him.**

**Peter is making some 'progress' with Helen too. I wonder if he'll ever get anywhere...**

**Now you know how I thrive on your reviews... so make sure you drop me one on your way out!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	45. Chapter 49: A Dark Mark

_**Who, being loved, is poor? **_**- Oscar Wilde

* * *

**

A Dark Mark

Helen found Lily's seventeenth birthday party to be a less than enjoyable affair. Lily had held it in an empty classroom and had invited all of her friends who, incidentally, were all girls. James and Sirius were cordially not invited, much to Helen's annoyance, and the only person who Helen liked and _had_ been invited was Remus. Unfortunately, Remus did not go because of his torn loyalty to James, despite Helen's constant pleading that he go so as to keep her company.

So Helen sat, very glumly, on a chair and kept a haughty face whilst all the other girls giggled and talked about frivolous topics.

'Some party, huh?' Marina said quietly, sitting next to Helen, looking very bored herself.

Helen nodded slowly.

'Lily doesn't get along with any guys?' Marina asked Helen.

'Oh no, she does. She just keeps them at a farther distance than you and I do,' Helen replied with a small smile.

'Smart girl,' Marina laughed.

Helen nodded.

'I agree. The trouble there, though, is that you have to be prepared to put up with all of this lot,' Helen said, motioning to the girls in front of them.

Marina smiled knowingly.

'Girls can be real bitches,' she said after a while.

'Oh trust me. I know _all_ about it,' Helen said sarcastically.

She hadn't really wanted to come out with that comment, but she still felt very distant from Marina and didn't really want to become too close to her.

Marina chewed her lip and said nothing.

They sat together, silently, for the rest of the party; the both of them outcasts amongst Lily's other friends.

* * *

'You've improved a lot!' Helen said happily to Peter. 

It was nine o'clock on a Saturday morning and Peter had just proudly shown Helen his last Muggle Studies test on which he only lost two points.

'It's all thanks to you. You're such a wonderful teacher, Helen,' Peter said earnestly, looking her in the eye shyly.

Helen patted him on the shoulder.

'I just pointed you in the right direction, but you worked very hard for this yourself and only you can take the credit for that,' she smiled.

Peter blushed. Somehow, she made him feel as though he was not as stupid as he always thought.

'You two are mad,' Sirius yawned as he came down the steps. 'Honestly, who gets up on a Saturday morning at eight o'clock to study?'

'Peter has improved a lot, thank you very much,' Helen said stiffly. 'Perhaps you should think of studying a bit more too. Your last Arithmancy mark was far from wonderful,' she added.

A cheeky grin flitted across Sirius' lips.

'How about you _tutor_ me, then?' he asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'We're not quite finished here, so stop interrupting us,' Helen snapped, turning back to Peter who quickly dropped his grin at her telling Sirius off.

Sirius looked at the two of them shrewdly.

'I hope you're not trying to fulfil your end of the bet, Peter,' he said sternly, although he meant it as a joke.

Peter looked up and paled a little.

'Wh…what?' he stammered.

'Sirius Black, go away right now,' Helen ordered him. 'You're distracting us.'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'She always makes me out to be a 'distraction,'' he muttered under his breath as he turned to go back up the staircase to wake James so they could go play quidditch.

Helen sighed, although her lips were twitching as she stared after him.

'Okay, now that _he's_ gone…' she laughed, turning her attention back to Peter who gave her his rapt attention as she immediately launched into an explanation of the muggle political system in England.

* * *

'Peter's Muggle Studies mark has improved quite a bit,' Remus remarked as he and Helen were walking to the library after breakfast. 

'I think he just needs a bit of encouragement from time to time,' Helen said truthfully.

She was quite proud that she had helped Peter to drastically change his mark. She had also changed her attitude towards him as well to the point that she rather liked him.

Remus nodded.

'I agree. The problem with Sirius and James is that they're so impatient with him that they never give him the time of day to really voice his opinions. I mean, sometimes, he has really good points,' Remus said earnestly.

'That's exactly it!' Helen nodded enthusiastically.

She paused.

'Oh God, it sounds like we're discussing our kid,' she laughed

Remus laughed but then sighed at the thought of having kids with Helen.

Helen shot him a sidewards glance.

'How have you been lately? I don't get to see you that often,' she remarked.

Remus shrugged.

'Hey! What's going on?' Helen asked concernedly.

Remus looked into her eyes for a moment before biting his lip and looking away.

'Is it selfish to wish that I wasn't a… you know… from time to time?' he asked, stopping by the window and leaning on the ledge.

Helen looked at Remus, surprised, and walked over to stand next to him. They had never properly discussed his being a werewolf ever since the day she had figured out that he was one.

'No, of course it's not selfish… but is something wrong? Did something happen?' she asked.

Remus smiled sadly.

'It's just… you're all so happy and you're all going to go and get married and have kids…'

'Sirius? Getting married and having kids?' Helen laughed. 'I think the world will end before that happens.'

Remus looked at Helen reproachfully.

'Sorry,' she said apologetically.

He ran a hand through his sandy hair.

'It's just… I can't ever see myself having all of that,' he finished.

'Why ever not?' Helen asked.

Remus smiled bitterly.

'Who would want to be with someone like me, first of all, let alone have kids? It's possible that I could pass on my condition to a child and…'

'Remus,' Helen interrupted him.

He turned to face her, frowning.

'You are such a great guy, and you really don't know it, do you?' Helen said firmly.

Remus looked away and made a disparaging noise.

'No, you listen now, because I'm a girl and I know about things like this, okay?' she said sternly. 'Remus, you have so much going for you! You're one of the nicest people I've ever known, you're smart, and you're good-looking…'

Remus turned a deep shade of scarlet.

'I'm telling you this as a friend, now. You _are_ a good-looking boy, and I'm not the only one who thinks that. I've heard many girls say that about you! Your only problem is that you're too shy and I know why you are,' Helen added knowingly.

'Well why shouldn't I be? Who would want to be involved…'

'You know, if a girl really loves you for who you are, she won't care… I wouldn't care!... But why are you even worried about getting married now? Why don't you just go out with a few girls? You're only seventeen, remember,' Helen reminded him.

'So you've never thought of marrying Sirius?' Remus challenged her.

Helen looked at Remus incredulously.

'Er… no. To tell you the truth, I'm just kind of hoping we'll make it through tomorrow without breaking up over something stupid,' she said, her lips twitching.

Remus sighed.

'I just don't feel as though it's fair for me to get involved with someone,' he said heavily.

Helen shook her head.

'You're wrong, Remus. Whoever she is, she will be a very lucky girl to be involved with you. I really wish you would realise that,' Helen said firmly.

Remus shrugged.

'Anyway, let's forget about it now... Our charms homework awaits us,' he said, forcing a smile as they entered the silent library.

* * *

'You can come out from under the bed now,' Sirius sighed. 'She's gone.' 

The top of Helen's head appeared as she looked around to confirm that Maera was, indeed, gone.

It was one of their spare periods during which all of the others had Ancient Runes.

An excited grin spread across Sirius' face as he opened the package. Helen snatched the envelope from Sirius, recognising the writing.

'Sirius… why is Mark writing to you?' she asked, raising an eyebrow.

She was glad that Sirius and her brother got along, but getting along was one thing, and corresponding with each other was another…

'He sends me these motorbike magazines… among other things,' Sirius shrugged, looking back to the letter.

'Why?' she asked suspiciously.

Sirius ignored her.

'Did he send anything for me?' Helen asked hopefully.

Sirius looked through what he had been sent.

'Nope,' he said shortly, before continuing to read.

'Did he even write anything about me?' she asked incredulously.

Sirius sighed. He just wanted to read Mark's instructions on how he could buy a motorbike. He did not really want to answer Helen's questions now.

'Er… he wrote for me to look after you as he was signing off,' Sirius said dismissively, looking through the letter.

Helen crossed her arms, feeling very annoyed. She thought she might send Mark a Howler for this. She found it simply unacceptable that he was corresponding more frequently with Sirius than he was her- his own sister.

What also annoyed her was that Sirius was completely ignoring her now. This was the one time every fortnight when they were guarranteed not to be interrupted.

She buttoned up her shirt again and crossed her arms, waiting for him to notice that she was waiting for him.

It did not work.

She cleared her throat.

'I'm going to meet Severus in ten minutes,' she informed him archly.

'I agree, _ma cherie,_' Sirius muttered, concentrating on his article.

'I slept with James last night.'

'Okay,' he said, frowning at what he was reading.

'And Remus the night before.'

'Right.'

'And I'll probably do the same thing with Severus when I meet him now.'

Sirius nodded.

'Have you even heard anything I've just told you?' she asked exasperatedly.

'That's fine.'

'That's it!' Helen vented, snatching the magazine from Sirius.

'Hey!' he said, reaching forward to get it back.

'No. You haven't even heard anything I just said to you, have you?'

'Of course I have!' Sirius said, pecking her on the cheek and then leaning forward to take the magazine.

'So you're fine with everything I said then, are you?' Helen asked, crossing her arms.

'Sure!' Sirius said, flashing her a charming smile. 'Can I please have it back now?'

'So,' Helen continued slowly, 'you honestly have no problems whatsoever with my shagging two of your best friends, and Severus in ten minutes' time- your 'so-called' nemesis.'

Sirius shrugged, before registering what Helen had just said.

'What?' he asked, scratching his head.

'I said that I slept with James yesterday, Remus the day before that and that I will sleep with Severus in ten minutes when I go to meet him,' Helen said informatively.

'You're meeting Sniv-er-Snape?' Sirius interrupted sharply.

Helen stood up, and smoothed out her robes.

'Yes. I am. Goodbye,' she said shortly, throwing the magazine back at him on her way out.

'What do you mean you slept with James and Remus?' Sirius called after her.

She did not respond.

'Ah… she was lying,' Sirius laughed to himself, picking up the magazine again and becoming absorbed in it immediately.

* * *

Helen and Severus were walking by the forest outside. 

'So. Black _allowed_ you to see me, did he?' he asked sarcastically.

Helen sighed wearily. Severus had changed a lot since the summer holidays and he was always seen spending a lot of time with the likes of Lestrange and Mulciber.

'Sirius does not tell me what to do. He understands that you and I are friends,' Helen said shortly.

Severus snorted.

'Listen, Severus. You always hold my being friends with them against me. Let me tell you this, though: they never tried to torture and kill anyone using unforgivable curses like your dear little friends did to me last year. You'll forgive me, then, for not being too sympathetic to your cause,' Helen snapped.

Severus pursed his lips.

'How's Lily?' he asked, his voice quavering slightly.

Helen's face softened.

'She's fine. Why have you given up on her?'

'She refuses, time and time again, to speak to me,' Severus sighed, running a hand through his hair.

As he did this, the oversized sleeve of Severus' robes fell down to reveal something black on his arm.

Helen stopped walking and stared at Severus. Severus also stopped, confused.

Before he could stop her, Helen grabbed his left arm and pushed up his sleeve to reveal a black, Dark Mark on his forearm.

She let go of his arm as though scalded and stared at him, her eyes wide.

'Helen, it's not…'

'You joined them,' she said, taking a step away from him and looking at him as though he were a stranger.

'No, it's… it's…' Severus stammered.

'It's what?' she asked levelly.

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

'You've joined them. Lily was right about you all along... I don't know you anymore, I'm sorry, I have to go…' she said, turning around.

'No, wait!' he pleaded, grabbing her wrist.

Helen turned around angrily.

'No, Severus. I have defended you for a long time now. I nearly lost all of my friends because of what I did for you last year and you know what? I did that because I cared for you; because you were my friend. But now you've gone and joined _him._ Do you know that your Death Eater friends tried to kill me on Diagon Alley during the summer? Did you know that?'

Severus opened his mouth to interrupt. Helen, however, did not allow him.

'You're on their side now, Severus. That's it. We're probably going to see each other in the future in battles and you know what? You'll have to fight me. You'll have to duel Lily and I because we're on different sides now… and don't tell me it's not like that because it is. You are fighting for evil and darkness and we're fighting for a peaceful world,' she said angrily.

Severus recoiled.

'You don't like that?' Helen laughed sarcastically. 'Well you should have thought of that before you signed up with Voldemort because there is no going back now. Goodbye Severus,' she said shortly, turning on her heel and walking away.

As Severus watched Helen's retreating back, he suddenly realised that he had lost his last loyal friend. He knew that his friends in Slytherin would never do what Helen or Lily had ever done for him and his was suddenly filled with regret because he knew that he could never duel Lily or Helen in battle.

This was not the path which he truly wanted.

Helen was so angry as she walked away. She could never forget what happened in Diagon Alley during the holidays. How could she, when the event haunted her dreams every night? Now Severus had joined Voldemort. He would become a faceless Death Eater, helping to create the huge destruction which Voldemort was creating every day. She was mad at Severus, but she was also sad for him because she knew that he wasn't really like the rest of them and that, deep down, he had the capacity to be good.

'Sirius and James would have a field day if I told them,' she thought mutinously, kicking the corridor wall angrily as she walked to the common room.

* * *

**It was inevitable that Helen and Snape would fall out over the Death Eater situation. I find it rather sad, though, that he joined in the first place. Oh, silly boy. He paid the consequences of it for his whole life. **

**I know you all hate Peter and many of you don't want to read about him, but the Marauders all trusted him so I think it is only natural that he plays a somewhat prominent role.**

**...now, I would just like to say one thing regarding the last chapter: Many of you were like 'why didn't Sirius 'get' what Alphard was saying and realise about Helen.' Whilst it seems obvious to us, as readers, what the truth is, we should bear in mind that we have been provided with much more information than Sirius knows. Alphard's letter really only provided Sirius with a 'moral' story anyway which didn't let on much about Selene's blood or anything like that, so it is doubtful that Sirius would have had any new 'revelations' from it.**

**So. Guess what next chapter is?**

_'Happy Birthday, ma cherie.'_

**You all know what this means, don't you?**

**If you would like to read that chapter and finally obtain some long-awaited-for answers, however, you will need to provide me with a review for this chapter :)**

**Love Anya**


	46. Chapter 50: Coming of Age

_**'If you have it [Love, you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have.' - J.M. Barrie

* * *

**_Coming of Age

'Hey Evans,' Sirius said pleasantly to Lily, one day, sitting next to her in the library.

Lily looked at him strangely. After all, Sirius didn't really seek her for conversations… ever.

'Hello Sirius,' she said stiffly. 'Helen's not here…'

'Yeah, I know,' he nodded.

'Okay…' Lily said, not sure what Sirius was doing then.

'Don't look so surprised that I'm talking to you,' Sirius grinned. 'Honestly, you'd think I bit with the expression on your face. I've been with your best friend for over a year now. Surely I mustn't be _that_ bad.'

'Well… technically, you've been broken up with her for half of that time,' Lily pointed out, rummaging through her stack of notes.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Whatever. Okay, the real reason I wanted to talk to you is that it's Helen's birthday on Friday,' Sirius said, becoming more matter-of fact.

'I know. It's as you said- she's my best friend,' Lily replied, still wondering what Sirius was getting at.

'Good. Well, we all know she'll be 'of-age' then…'

'What are you getting at, Black?' Lily asked sharply.

'We, as in…'

'The 'Marauders'?' Lily interrupted sarcastically.

'Yes. We want to celebrate her birthday properly.'

'I wonder what that would mean,' Lily said, rolling her eyes.

'We wanted to take her out to Hogsmeade as a surprise… but I think she'd prefer it if she wasn't the only girl and, seeing as you are her best friend and all, we were wondering if you wanted to come along too,' Sirius finished.

Lily looked up at Sirius.

'And how are we all going to sneak over to Hogsmeade?' she asked archly, not liking this plan at all.

Sirius laughed.

'Don't act so innocent. I am very well aware of the fact that you are acquainted with a certain passageway which would lead us all to Hogsmeade quite safely,' Sirius said, raising his eyebrows knowingly.

'This was Potter's idea,' she said.

'No, actually, it was Remus'. He seemed to think that we needed someone who was responsible to be with us,' Sirius said truthfully. 'Of course, James is not impartial to the idea,' he added as an afterthought.

Lily pursed her lips.

'So Helen doesn't know? What if she doesn't _want _to go to Hogsmeade?' she said stoutly.

'Then we'll go back,' Sirius shrugged.

Lily rolled her eyes.

'Is this just a way of getting her to shag you, Sirius? Getting her drunk and then getting what you've been missing out on?' she asked sternly.

Sirius' eyes flashed.

'I would never do that, and you know it,' he said, very seriously. He was angry at the accusation that he would take advantage of Helen. He found the concept of everyone still thinking that he and Helen were innocent with each other, however, rather amusing.

Lily shrugged.

Sirius stood up.

'Well, think about it,' he said, before leaving.

Lily stared after him. She did feel rather bad, now, for her comment, because she knew it was an unfair one. Although she didn't like him, Lily had to admit that Sirius did care for Helen. She was annoyed, nonetheless, that those boys continued to put themselves into situations which were recipes for disaster. Now, however, she and Helen would be included, and she was not sure if she wanted to be part of it. Then again, she didn't want Helen to be left alone with them if they all got drunk. After all, Helen _was_ her best friend and it _would _be her birthday…

'The responsible one,' Lily repeated, mutinously, very annoyed that she was always the one to whom authority rested upon.

* * *

Helen wondered what she had done wrong now to make Dumbledore want to see her today. She was in detention last week because McGonagall had walked in on her throwing her crystal ball at Sirius during one of their fights (she hadn't really been aiming to hit him), but she could think of nothing else which she had done recently that was either exceptionally good or exceptionally bad to merit a meeting with the headmaster.

She knocked on the door tentatively.

'Come in… ah, Miss Asteria! Thank you for coming, and Happy Birthday,' Dumbledore smiled, motioning for her to take a seat.

'Thank you,' Helen said, sitting down.

'Has it been a pleasant day?'

Helen shrugged.

'It's just another day,' she said dismissively, wishing that he would just get to the point of their meeting.

She hated the suspense.

Dumbledore seemed to sense this and nodded. He seemed rather reluctant, however, to speak any further as he surveyed Helen over the top of his half-moon spectacles.

'Miss Asteria, I… I am afraid I have some rather serious news to give you and I feel compelled to warn you that it is life-changing and that you will not take it lightly,' he said seriously.

Helen gulped.

'Everyone's okay, aren't they?' she asked suddenly. 'Mark… my parents…'

Dumbledore pursed his lips and nodded.

'Yes, they are all in good health, I presume. I…'

He faltered. It had been hard telling Selene too.

He took a deep breath. The only way to do it was to just say it.

'It is my duty to inform you, now that you are 'of Age...''

'What?' Helen asked, confused.

'I am afraid that you have been living under the misconception that Steven Asterios and Maria Asteria are your real parents,' he sighed.

Helen stared at Dumbledore.

'Is this some kind of joke Sirius set you up to do?' she asked, knowing it was a stupid thing to say.

Dumbledore shook his head and, as Helen looked into his piercing blue eyes, she knew that he wasn't joking.

'But they _are_ my parents,' she said fairly. 'They have to be… Mark and I are so similar…' she said, trying to politely convince her headmaster that he had made some mistake.

Dumbledore sighed. He had forgotten just how difficult this was.

'I am afraid that they are not your real parents, Helen. Your real mother was Selene Asteria,' he said heavily.

Helen bit her lip and clasped her hands together to try and stop them shaking.

'Not… not that I _believe_ you that my parents aren't actually my parents… but… this 'Selene' you are talking about, er… she isn't the same Selene which Sirius' Uncle was in love with, is she?' she asked, her voice at a higher pitch than normal.

Dumbledore nodded.

'Yes. Selene Asteria is the woman whom Alphard Black was in love with,' he said.

Helen's face paled.

'Okay… well that doesn't matter because she wasn't my mother anyway…'

'Here,' Dumbledore said, handing Helen a stack of photographs.

The first one was a picture of…

'That's me,' Helen said reproachfully.

It was. Although Helen could never remember wearing those clothes, it was exactly her- the same smile, same hair; everything.

'I am afraid that it is Selene. If you look at the other photographs, I hope you may be finally convinced of the matter.'

Taking a deep breath, Helen looked through the photos. There she was, in the middle amongst friends, hugging and laughing with them...

But Helen did not know those other girls.

'It's just a coincidence,' Helen said flatly, putting the photos face-down on Dumbledore's desk.

She didn't want to see them.

Dumbledore said nothing, but looked at her sympathetically.

'NO!' Helen exclaimed, springing up and pacing the study.

She found she was having trouble breathing and kept on beating a fist to her chest.

Dumbledore was silent. This silence unsettled Helen as she tried to think it over logically.

The problem was that it made so much sense that thinking logically only served to confirm it, rather than dispel it.

'I understand that it must be very hard to believe and accept, but I assure you that I am not lying or joking. I would not jest about such a serious matter. If it is any consolation to you, your mother found it very hard to believe when she was told also.'

Helen snorted but then looked up suspiciously.

'Told what?' she asked.

'Helen, your being Selene's daughter is only the start of the news which I have to tell you,' Dumbledore said, motioning for her to take a seat.

She sat, shaking all over.

'Sirius and I are cousins,' she said, feeling both devastated and repulsed by the thought. 'Why didn't you tell me that before we started going out?' she demanded angrily.

Dumbledore stood up and poured two glasses of mead.

'Helen, you and Sirius are not cousins, nor are you remotely related whatsoever,' he said calmly, handing her a glass.

Helen looked up.

'We're not?' she asked hopefully.

'No,' Dumbledore smiled.

'But… Alphard…'

'Is not your father,' Dumbledore finished. 'I am afraid none of this will make much sense until I explain to you exactly who you are,' he said, in a tone which requested for her to stop asking questions and to allow him to speak.

Helen pursed her lips and looked up at Dumbledore expectantly.

'Are you familiar with Greek mythology, Helen?' he asked after a pause.

Helen nodded, wondering what this had to do with anything. Her head was still reeling with the news that her parents and siblings weren't her real parents and siblings. She felt as though the ground beneath her had been taken away and she was constantly falling.

'Well you would then be aware that Asteria's daughter was Hecate, and Hecate's daughter was Circe,' Dumbledore continued.

'So they say anyway,' Helen shrugged. 'Some say that Circe wasn't Hecate's daughter but…'

'She was,' Dumbledore finished.

Helen shrugged, not quite getting why Dumbledore was looking at her as though he expected her to realise something.

Helen suddenly sat up.

'Hang on, are you saying that I'm…'

She stared at Dumbledore with wide eyes before laughing, slightly hysterically.

'That's ridiculous,' she said, shaking her head.

'But why is it ridiculous?' Dumbledore asked politely.

'Because Asteria and Hecate are from Greek mythology- they're myths. In other words, they are not real, but figments of the Ancient Greeks' imaginations,' she said flatly.

Dumbledore sighed. Helen was having a harder time accepting the truth than Selene did.

'Do you accept that Circe was a real witch?' he asked.

'Well of course. Everyone knows that she was real,' Helen said impatiently.

'And you accept that Merlin was a real wizard?'

'Yes…' Helen said, tapping her foot.

'Then how can you find it hard to accept that Hecate and Asteria are real?' he asked logically.

Helen pursed her lips.

'Because… because… this is silly,' she finished lamely, slumping back in her chair.

There was a pause.

She knew that Dumbledore was right; he was always right. She just didn't want to believe him.

'That's why the sorting hat said I was a 'daughter of Asteria,'' Helen said quietly, after a prolonged silence.

Dumbledore nodded.

'… and that I could go to Slytherin because I had pure blood,' Helen continued, her head feeling numb.

'Indeed- as a few of your ancestors before you have gone,' Dumbledore said.

'I really am related to Circe?' Helen asked after a while.

Her face was expressionless and had not regained its colour.

'Yes, Helen.'

'Is that why I'm so… _weird?'_

Dumbledore looked at her questioningly.

'Why I'm… why I would always 'get' things quickly in class, the wandless magic… and the quidditch?'

'Yes,' Dumbledore nodded. 'Selene found that she was exceptionally talented at those things as well,' he said, glad that Helen seemed to be accepting the truth now.

'So who is my real father, then, if Alphard isn't? Is he alive?' she asked hopefully.

This was the hardest part, and Dumbledore had no idea how he was going to convince Helen about this.

'I believe that you have heard of the 'Asteria curse?''

Helen at Dumbledore disbelievingly.

'What's that got to do with anything? That's just because any boy who used to get close to me ended up worse for wear- and that was only because Sirius...' Helen trailed off, wondering how Dumbledore knew about it. It made her wonder exactly what else he knew about her…

'Well, the thing is, although the 'curse' was talked of in jest amongst students here, it actually exists,' he informed her.

'What?' Helen asked, confused.

'You have heard of how Circe had sons, I presume?' Dumbledore asked.

Helen nodded.

'Circe wanted a daughter after all of her sons left her to pursue non-magical lives, resulting in their deaths during battle. Using her powers, Asteria granted Circe a daughter, but warned her that the child would bring Circe misery. Circe ignored her elders' warning and soon bore a daughter; Leda. Leda was like her mother in that she too was beautiful and also possessed a power of a similar strength to Circe.

Whilst Circe loved her daughter very much, she was also relentlessly possessive of her. Leda, being of a somewhat free-spirited nature- which I am sure you understand well- grew frustrated under her mother's watchful eye. One day, after an argument with her mother, Leda escaped from Circe's clutches. She lived a somewhat normal life, taking a husband and having children who would go on to have other children, passing on their magical powers and blood. Many years later, however, with her husband dead and children gone, Leda returned to her mother's island of Aeaea to see her again and to try and restore their relationship. Circe, however, was too wounded by her daughter's betrayal and the two fought, resulting in a deadly duel between the two. Leda was fatally wounded and none of Circe's magical herbs or potions, for which she was so renown, could save her daughter.'

A look of pain crossed Dumbledore's face as he recounted this last part.

'She killed her own daughter?' Helen whispered, horrified.

Dumbledore nodded gravely. Ariana's face drifted into his mind's eye momentarily, before he cleared his throat and looked at Helen who was waiting expectantly for the rest of the story. He sighed and continued to recount the story of Helen's ancestors.

'Rife with guilt and grief over the death of her beloved daughter, Circe went back to Asteria and begged for her to revive her daughter. Asteria, as you may know, was known for her powers of…'

'Necromancy, yes, I know,' Helen interrupted, impatiently waiting for the rest of the story.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled slightly at Helen's interest before he continued.

'Unfortunately for Circe, however, Asteria said that she could not bring back her daughter from the dead. There has never been a known way to bring back someone from the dead without consequences. Asteria, however, gave Circe one last option to ease her pain; to put a curse on Leda's body and create another child in Leda's exact image. The consequence of this curse- the 'Asteria curse', however, was that when that child died, another child would appear, also affected by the curse, and this curse would continue to take place each time a 'daughter of Asteria' would die. Circe, mad with grief, accepted this and the curse was performed; ensuring that her bloodline would be continued for all eternity.'

Dumbledore paused and looked at Helen.

'When Selene was killed by Voldemort on the first of February 1960, I was able to recover her body in time for you to appear on this day, seventeen years ago. Before she died, Selene had asked for me to look after you should she die. When you were born, the safest thing I thought to do would be to adopt you into a muggle family of the same name, in another country until you were ready to come to school. She left money for your education and use, as well as her possessions in vault 339 of Gringotts. Now that you are of age…'

Dumbledore stopped speaking as Helen stood up suddenly and walked around the office before saying abruptly:

'Professor, I may have been able to accept that I am Selene's daughter. That I could be a descendant from Circe was stretching my trust, but I think I could have still believed it. I cannot, for the life of me, however, accept that I am simply…_a cursed copy…_ of Circe's dead daughter. I am sorry, but you have just unhinged any realism which existed in our conversation today,' she said flatly.

Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully.

'You are too blinded with the muggle preoccupation with realism, my child,' he said.

Helen laughed hysterically.

'No. No, I am not! You have just told me that I have no father and that if I were to drop dead right now, a baby would appear the next day who would grow to look exactly like me! Now there is cynicism, but this is beyond that- this just shows a lack of common sense!'

'But why, Helen? Why is it so unbelievable that someone with the power of the goddess Asteria and Circe could do something like that?' he frowned.

'It's not. It's just not possible that _I_ am the last descendant. I am sorry, but I cannot believe you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have had enough for today,' Helen said, walking over to the door.

'You must understand everything before you leave today,' Dumbledore said calmly.

Helen was so angry at him. He had completely taken away her previous identity, today, and expected her to believe such ridiculous things as well?'

The door was locked. Helen fixed her stare on it and smiled grimly as there was a click and it unlocked.

It suddenly hit her why she was able to do that and she sunk to her knees, hitting her head against the door.

'Why? Why me? Why not someone else? Why?' she cried.

Dumbledore sighed as he knew that she had finally believed him. He crossed the room and helped her up, away from the door.

'You are still the same person Helen,' he said reassuringly.

Helen sniffed.

'How can you tell me that?' she cried, clutching onto his arm.

'Because you are! You have discovered that you have a different heritage to what you originally believed, but you will be the same person, with the same friends, same ability and same opinions when you leave this office, as you had when you entered it. I understand it will be hard to come to terms with, and I want you to know that I will always be here for you should you ever need to discuss this, or anything else for that matter,' he said firmly.

Helen sighed and took a deep breath.

'Who else knows?' she asked quietly.

'No one in the world other than myself and yourself, at present,' Dumbledore said.

Helen nodded.

Dumbledore hesitated.

'I want you to keep your ancestry a secret, Helen. Should anyone find out who you are, it would not only endanger yourself but those close to you. You would be very sought after by someone like Voldemort,' he said, now sternly.

'So I can't tell anyone. Not even Sirius? He already suspects that there's something strange about me,' Helen said glumly.

'I think it would be best not to,' Dumbledore said.

'Is anyone in danger by knowing with me?' she asked suddenly, her eyes wide with fright.

'I would say that, so long as your true identity is concealed, no one is in any true danger in their associations with you,' Dumbledore smiled.

Helen nodded.

'Is there any way to stop this curse?' she asked, a hint of frustration in her tone.

Dumbledore frowned.

'I have a theory, but it is just that, and I certainly would not recommend that you implement it yet. You are, after all, only seventeen,' he said.

'What is your theory, sir?' Helen asked eagerly.

Dumbledore hesitated.

'I would not like to say it, should I indeed be proven wrong,' he said. 'If I find out for certain, however, I assure you that I will inform you immediately.'

Helen sighed, knowing that he would not tell her now.

'What about my other family- the people who have raised me?' Helen asked.

It had suddenly hit her that Mark was not her real brother.

Dumbledore considered Helen.

'They are of the belief that you are their real daughter. I would not recommend that you leave home until you have finished school for convenience purposes, although that is entirely up to you. You must forgive me for picking a family where you were not treated nearly as well as you deserved,' Dumbledore said, his voice heavy now.

Helen shrugged.

'I would never have Mark otherwise and, even though they have treated me badly at times, they have made sure that I was good at what I did which counts for something, I suppose,' Helen said wearily, slumping back in her chair.

Dumbledore surveyed Helen curiously.

'You are very much like Selene. Not so much like her mother- Aliki- but you are like Selene. She was placed in an orphanage, where she was also mistreated, but somehow she was grateful for it too,' Dumbledore said, smiling as he remembered Selene.

Helen gave a weak smile and took the photos from the desk, looking at them sadly.

'She would have been proud of you, Helen,' he said, smiling at the girl in front of him.

Helen looked up at Dumbledore hopefully.

'Do you have anything else of hers?'

'She gave me a letter for you to read when you came 'Of Age'. I have it here for you today. I also have the key to her vault which is now yours. You also are already in possession of one of her dresses,' Dumbledore added as he handed over the key and letter to Helen.

Helen looked up suddenly.

'The silver one? _You_ sent that to me?' she asked, her eyes wide.

Dumbledore nodded.

'Yes and, if I may say so, you looked as radiant as she did in it,' he said with an encouraging smile.

Helen smiled for the first time during their conversation.

'Is that all, sir?'

Dumbledore nodded.

'Yes, that is all, but remember that should you ever require anything at all, I am always here,' he said, standing up and walking her to the door.

Helen nodded and shook his hand.

'Thank you, professor,' she said.

Dumbledore smiled.

'And Happy Birthday. I hope you shall enjoy the rest of your day. In any case, I am quite sure that your friends will make sure that you do,' he said, a twinkle in his eye as he said this.

Helen smiled and, after they nodded to each other, left his office.

Never, in her wildest dreams, could she have imagined the content of the meeting which she had just had.

---

She found an empty classroom and opened the letter, running her fingers gently over the yellowing parchment.

Her mother had once touched this.

_To my dear daughter Helen,_

_We have never met, and I most certainly will be dead by the time you read this, cursed as we are. Nonetheless, I feel ready to rest and hope that you will enter the world to live a happier life than I have. _

_If everything has gone according to plan, you would have just been informed by Albus of your true heritage. If you are scared and confused beyond belief at this point in time, that is natural. I can recall myself when I first found out; I cried for weeks! It is, after all, not easy to come to terms with exactly what we are._

_I want you to know, however, that it is not nearly as terrible as it initially seems. It really isn't, because everyone and everything around you will continue to go on as normal and, hopefully, you will soon realise that and continue to live as you always did. Talk to Albus if you are afraid or have questions. I never sought his advice enough and suffered for it. He is a wonderful man and will be able to help you through the trying initial stages._

_So, dear Helen, don't be afraid. I_ _wish I could know you and be a proper mother to you- I know I always wished that of my own mother. Alas, that is the price we must pay for our blood. I wish you a Happy Birthday and hope that you will grow to an old age and live a very happy and fulfilling life._

_With all my love,_

_Selene Asteria_

Helen sighed after reading the letter, wiping away her tears. She would never know her mother, because her mother had to die for her to be born. Her mother was right; she _did_ feel afraid and was very confused but, somehow- after reading her letter- she didn't feel so bad about it. It was as Selene said; it would be hard to come to terms with, but life would go on and she would not let it ruin her.

* * *

'Dress up. We're going out,' Lily said to Helen, later that evening.

'What?' Helen asked, sitting up from where she was lying down, wondering what had gotten into her friend.

Helen, weary from her meeting with Dumbledore, had developed a quite painful headache and, as a result, had spent most of her 17th birthday lying in bed.

'We're going out. It's your birthday! You're finally of age. You're not spending it like this,' Lily said, smiling.

Lily was actually rather looking forward to getting out of the castle.

'…and pray tell me where we're going out?' Helen said, rubbing her temples.

She just wanted to stay in bed and keep thinking about the news she had received.

'Just get dressed. It's a surprise,' Lily said, wondering what could possibly be so surprising about going to Hogsmeade through a passageway which they were all very well aware of.

Helen sighed and stood up, leaning her head against one of the posters of her bed.

'Are you okay?' Lily asked, becoming rather concerned.

'Y…yeah… yes. I'm fine,' Helen said, shaking her head and continuing to massage her temples as she walked to the bathroom.

* * *

Helen looked at the others in surprise when she saw they were all dressed to go out too.

'Since when was this arranged?' Helen laughed.

'You only come of age once,' James said, kissing her on the cheek, 'Happy Birthday sissy,' he added.

Helen laughed and they all made their way out of the portrait.

'Okay. We're splitting, because it's way too suss if the six of us are walking together, dressed like this,' Sirius said as they reached the purple armour statue.

'We'll go with Helen and you two go with Lily,' James said to Remus and Peter.

They separated, Lily was surprised that James hadn't elected to go with her, but was nonetheless glad as she liked Remus and knew she wouldn't have a hard time with him.

Helen linked arms with James and Sirius as they went in the other direction.

'Are you feeling better?' Sirius asked, concern in his voice.

It hadn't escaped his notice that Helen was slightly paler than normal.

'Yeah… I think I just needed to lie down,' she lied.

'What are you three up to?' the voice of Argus Filch snapped as he stepped out in front of them.

'We're taking a stroll of the castle. Last time I checked, that wasn't illegal,' Helen snapped.

She had never forgiven Filch for suggesting that she was a tramp.

'You're all dressed up. No one dresses up to go for a walk,' he said suspiciously.

'We pride ourselves in dressing with taste,' James said, shooting a grin at Helen and Sirius whose lips twitched.

Filch didn't budge. Helen was growing quite impatient with him. She fixed her stare at a stuffed moose head behind Filch and it fell from the wall with a crash. Filch jumped up, as did James and Sirius, in surprise.

If she was who Dumbledore said she was, Helen thought that she had might as well use it to her advantage.

'Peeves!' barked Filch, scurrying to the wall.

'Let's go,' Helen whispered, grabbing Sirius and James' hands as they hurried off, leaving Filch looking for a Peeves who was probably many miles off.

'That was lucky! I didn't see Peeves, though,' James remarked.

'That's because it wasn't Peeves,' Helen said grimly.

'Did you do that? You and your wandless magic,' Sirius said, shaking his head, thinking again of his theory regarding Selene.

Helen shrugged.

* * *

Once they arrived in Hogsmeade, James took out two small vials filled with a blue potion and handed one to Sirius.

'Now, you four- Helen, Lily, Remus and Peter- are all 'of age', so you're fine,' James said in response to their quizzical looks. 'Cheers mate,' downing the potion with Sirius. They both screwed up their faces and shuddered, before standing up straight.

'What was that?' Lily asked, horrified.

'Ageing potion,' Sirius shrugged.

'Why-?'

'Because, where we're going, you need to be 'of age.'

Helen could not suppress a grin.

'What's so funny?' James asked Helen.

'I just think it's funny that you two are the youngest, yet you're always the first to do the most 'adult' things,' she laughed, linking arms with them as they started walking.

'That's true,' Remus remarked, laughing.

'So, where are we going?' Lily asked, trying to adopt a practical tone.

'Well there's no fun in just going to a pub and getting smashe pissed,' Sirius said with a smirk.

'… and teachers go there all the time, so, again, not a great idea,' Remus added.

'So? What're we doing then? What else is there to do in Hogsmeade?' Lily asked, incredulously.

'Ah, my dear. It is quite sad how poorly acquainted you are with this wonderful village,' James said, putting an arm around her shoulders which Lily shrugged off.

'Where are we going?' she demanded.

'Such a killjoy... Mate, you're never going to have fun married to her,' Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

Lily looked at them incredulously.

'Married? What makes you think I would go out with him on one date, let alone marry him?' she snapped.

'Okay, let's just give it a rest,' Helen intercepted tactfully, annoyed that they thought that they had important issues. If only they knew what was going on in _her_ mind at the moment...

'So, where are we going?' Helen asked Sirius.

'We're going to a club,' he shrugged.

'What kind of club? We are not sitting in a strip-'

'Get your mind out of the gutter, Evans. We're not _that_ sex-crazy. In any case, I would never take Helen to a place like that,' Sirius snapped.

Helen sighed, as did James.

Thankfully, they arrived at the club- 'Witchy Business'- and all questions were laid to rest as they realised it was a dance club which attracted the younger population of witches and wizards.

* * *

Sirius grinned at Helen as she gave her coat in to the cloak room, taking in her appearance of her short and fitted black dress. She caught his staring and rolled her eyes, but grinned back.

'Someone looks sexy on their 17th,' he whispered into her ear, as he hugged her.

Helen shook her head and laughed as he lead her to follow the others who had already gone down the stairs into the large dark room, filled with strobing and colourful lights, very loud music, and a mass of young witches and wizards who were dancing.

She was secretly glad that they had arranged this for her; it allowed her a break from her mind-numbing thoughts.

They found a table off the dancefloor and sat down; James returning with a round of drinks- firewhisky.

'Well, Happy Birthday Helen,' Remus said, raising his shot glass.

'Happy Birthday!' the others cheered, laughing and downing their shots.

Helen laughed.

'Thanks guys! I love you all!' she shouted over the loud music, getting and hugging and kissing all of them.

'Can I steal you for a dance?' Sirius asked, taking her arm.

'Sure,' Helen grinned, following him to the dance floor and smiling as he whispered something in his ear, his hand dangerously low on the small of her back.

Lily stared after them. Even though she didn't particularly like Sirius very much, after watching the two of them laughing and smiling as they danced, she realised how much they suited each other.

James had gone off to get her a gillywater. She turned her gaze to Remus who she noted was also watching Helen and Sirius with a bittersweet expression on his face. Lily sighed; she always suspected Remus of secretly liking Helen. Looking around, she noticed another witch, at the next table, looking at Remus with interest. She smiled and leaned forward to Remus.

'Hey Remus, why don't you ask that girl to dance? She's been staring at you for a while now,' Lily whispered.

Remus' gaze snapped from Helen and fell upon the girl who quickly looked away.

Lily nudged him, 'Why not?'

Remus hovered uncertainly before shrugging and going over to her. Lily smiled as he saw the girl blush and then accept his hand. Lily caught Remus' eye and winked at him as he disappeared onto the dance floor, his cheeks tinged pink.

Lily was then left to sit in an awkward silence with Peter, who was also staring at Helen and Sirius until, finally, James returned.

'A gillywater for the lady,' he said, bowing and presenting her with the drink.

Lily shook her head at him but laughed nonetheless as she took the drink and took a grateful sip; lessening the burn of the firewhisky. She ignored James who sat next to her and looked at her expectantly.

'So… Lily. Can I call you Lily? I've always called you Evans, but I prefer your first name. It is rather pretty, after all,' he said, smiling.

Lily burst out into laughter; she couldn't help it. It was such a silly thing to say.

'You can call me Lily,' she nodded, after she stopped laughing; shaking her head at James who grinned.

'And you can call me James. I don't think it's a completely disagreeable name,' he said.

'No, I actually quite like…' Lily cut herself short and blushed.

'I'm glad you like my name,' James said, grinning.

They both burst out into laughter and Lily finished her drink.

'Well- Lily- would you care to dance with a lonely soul?' James asked hopefully.

Lily looked into his eyes- he had quite nice hazel eyes, and he was quite a good-looking boy, she had to admit.

Lily considered James' question for a while, before shrugging. After all, the music was quite good and it would be a shame to waste it…

'Sure,' she said, smiling, getting up and taking his hand as he led her to the dance-floor with a very happy look on his face indeed.

* * *

'Oi Pete! Get yourself a girl and come dance!' Sirius called from the dancefloor, winking at him before turning his attention back to Helen who he had just twirled with a little to much force so that she lost balance.

Helen let out a scream, but laughed as Sirius caught her from falling and then leaned in and kissed her until she started laughing again. He helped her right herself and they kept on dancing.

Peter watched on wistfully. It had hit him for the first time that Helen really liked Sirius and that she had never looked at him as being anything other than Sirius' friend. He knew it was because she thought he was inferior to the other Marauders. After all, even if he tried and studied very hard at Muggle Studies to try and impress her, he could never compete with someone like Sirius.

He felt very annoyed, watching all his friends dancing with pretty girls and having a good time whilst he sat there doing nothing other than 'minding their table.' He looked around the club to see if there was anyone he could try his luck on so as not to look like a complete disgrace in their eyes. Soon, he spotted a quite decent-looking brown-haired girl, sitting at the bar by herself.

He thought he might as well try his luck.

'Hey! My name's Peter, fancy a dance?' he asked, going up to her.

The witch took a look at him.

'Er… not really. I'm waiting for my boyfriend, see,' she said, a sardonic smile playing upon her lips.

'Oh… I see,' he said, turning around and slumping back at the table. It was just typical. He was always left with no one; he was just the 'sidekick' who no one ever heard of.

After sitting miserably at the table for nearly half an hour more, and feeling on the verge of bursting after watching Helen laugh yet again at something which Sirius whispered in her ear whilst they danced very closely, Peter's luck turned.

'Hey, I saw you sitting alone. Fancy some company?' a young witch with short black hair and green eyes said, sitting next to him.

Peter sparked up immediately.

'Sure! Want to dance?' he asked eagerly, grabbing the witch's bony arm which was fully clothed, even in the warmth of the club. The witch's smile faltered a little at this touch, but she immediately put on a bright smile and said, 'Sure,' leading him to the dancefloor.

* * *

It was three in the morning by the time they left the club.

Lily and James had been dancing the entire time; the both of them too embarrassed to suggest taking a break as it would mean that they would have to talk. They had found Remus making out with his mystery witch on the side of the dance floor, causing them all to laugh and Remus to blush furiously (they suspected he had had a few drinks prior to this). Peter was talking very seriously at another table with his own mystery witch. Helen and Sirius were nowhere to be found and they all spent about ten minutes looking for them until they turned up themselves, looking rather flushed.

* * *

'Happy Birthday, Helen,' James yawned, patting her on the shoulder back in the Common Room. 'Night everyone… oh, and I had a wonderful time dancing with you Lily,' he added, winking at her before following Remus and Peter up to their dorm.

Lily blushed and turned to Helen who was standing with Sirius.

'Goodnight Sirius,' she said, trying for civility. 'I'll see you soon,' she added to Helen, a slight warning in her tone.

'Night Evans,' Sirius said, nodding at her. Helen smiled and Lily turned and went to the Girls' staircase.

Sirius and Helen turned to face each other.

'Come sit here, I have something for you,' Sirius said, taking her to the couch.

They sat and Sirius rummaged around in his pocket before he pulled out a small package and handed it to Helen.

'Happy Birthday, _ma cherie,_' he said with an ironical smile.

'But you already got me a birthday present,' Helen said reproachfully, taking the parcel from him.

'What? A book? Not my idea of a great present,' Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

'I thought the book was nice,' Helen said in a small voice, looking down at the package.

'Just open it,' Sirius sighed, sitting back in the couch.

Helen really could make him impatient with such things sometimes.

Helen pursed her lips and opened the parcel carefully, her eyes widening upon opening the box.

It was a white gold ring with intricate Celtic-style engravings on the outside.

'See, the ring itself isn't that great… but, inside…' Sirius said, leaning forward.

Helen took out the ring and inspected the engraved inscription on its inside.

_ma cherie _

Helen laughed and kissed Sirius. It was the nicest and most thoughtful present she had ever received.As kissed him, however, she remembered Alphard's ring and, consequently, everything she had been told earlier that day. Alphard had left Selene because of what she was. Although Helen didn't know if she was as serious with Sirius as Alphard had been with Selene, she began to wonder; would Sirius do the same thing to her if they were still together and she told him the truth?

But Alphard had never given Selene a ring. Even though this ring which Sirius had given her didn't promise anything, it was an encouraging start, at least.

'Thank-you. I love it,' she said when they eventually broke apart.

Sirius tucked Helen's hair behind her ear.

'I love _you_,' he said, raising his eyebrows and grinning.

Helen wrinkled her nose.

'Yeah, I suppose I love you too,' she grinned back, leaning forward and kissing him again.

* * *

**Well. Some birthday, huh? **

**So, we know everything about Helen now. I would like to just say that the mythology in this is partly true, partly made up by me. Circe is known by some to be Hecate's daughter. As for Circe having a daughter called Leda, that was my own doing as was the whole 'Asteria Curse' thing, so don't go quoting me on that to some mythology buff because you'll only receive strange looks!**

**As I usually find with 'big' chapters like this one (this was also very long- that's my excuse for the delay in updating), I think I'll leave it up to you, my dear readers, to tell me what you think. **

**So, a big thankyou for the many reviews I received for last chapter, and I am very excited to hear of your thoughts on this chapter. After all, a HUGE part of the plot was revealed in it.**

**Love Anya**


	47. Chapter 51: Little Truths

_**Most truths are so naked that people feel sorry for them and cover them up, at least a little bit. – **_**E. R. Murrow

* * *

**

Little Truths

'Helen! Helen, wake up!' James whispered shaking Helen urgently.

Helen's eyelids fluttered and she gasped, sitting up suddenly to find James sitting on her bed with a large gash across his forehead.

'What are you doing here? What happened to you? How did you get here?' she whispered, her eyes wide.

'Can you come with me? Please?' James said, pulling her arm impatiently.

Helen wrapped a dressing gown around her and hurried after James out of her dormitory. She noticed that he was holding his broomstick and that he must have flown into her dorm.

'What's going on, James?' she asked sharply as James led her up to the boys' dorms.

It was around three in the morning.

Helen gasped as they entered the dorm and James' injury was thrown into relief.

'James, what the hell happened to you?' she exclaimed, taking in the trail of blood on the floor.

'Not now…Sirius…' he said, grabbing her arm and leading her through Sirius' hangings.

'Oh my God,' Helen said, running to Sirius' side.

His was covered in blood and, although she couldn't see his wounds, the cuts in his robes were enough for Helen to know that he was badly mutilated.

It clicked in her mind that it was full moon.

'He needs Madam Pomfrey! Why the hell did you bring him here for?' she rounded on James.

'We can't go to Madam Pomfrey… you can do wound healing and all that, can't you?'

Helen slapped James.

'Look at him! You have to sneak around with Remus every full moon? Why did this happen to him?' she shouted.

'SH! Please… just help him,' James pleaded.

Helen didn't even know where to start; he seemed to be cut up from top to bottom.

'You have to help me,' Helen said to James, tearing off Sirius' robes to reveal the deep cuts all over his chest and abdomen.

James nodded.

'Right. I need dittany and murtlap essence- you should have some in your bathroom. I need two basins- one filled with hot water, the other with cold water- and I need you to rip up clean sheets for bandages,' Helen instructed, performing wound healing spells on the larger gashes on Sirius from which blood was seeping steadily.

James stared at Sirius.

'What are you doing? Go!' Helen snapped, continuing to work on Sirius.

---

'How do you know all this?' James asked as Helen was tying the bandages around Sirius' chest.

Sirius was now much cleaner and looked considerably less cut up than before, though he was still unconscious.

'It's just common sense, really,' Helen said, tying the knot.

She sighed and wiped her forehead which was smeared with Sirius' blood before turning to James.

'Where are you hurt?' she asked.

'Just the cheek,' he shrugged.

'Here,' she said wearily, handing him a cloth moistened with dittany.

James held it to his cheek and they both slumped on the ground, leaning against Sirius' bed wearily.

'So he'll be okay, right?'

Helen nodded, stifling a yawn.

'You're idiots, you know that? Where's Peter?'

James didn't reply.

'Is he with Remus?'

James grabbed Helen's arm.

'Do you know?' he asked, his expression hard to read.

Helen knew he was talking about their being Animagi.

'Yes,' she replied truthfully.

James pursed his lips.

'Did Sirius tell you?' he asked disbelievingly.

'No- you did, actually,' she sighed.

'What?'

'When Lily slipped you and Sirius that Veritaserum last year, you told me all about it and how you're all animagi and sneak out around full moon, whilst the others were gone to get help for you two.

'You knew? All this time, you knew and said nothing?' James asked, shocked at this news.

'None of you told me on your own accords, so I assumed that it was something which was just between you four boys and no one else. I was always worried that something like this might happen, but I wasn't going to tell you what to do either,' Helen shrugged.

'You never told anyone else, did you?' James asked quietly.

'No, of course not,' Helen said. 'It's illegal, after all.'

They sat in silence for a while.

'It was really close. There were these two kids walking by the lake- Merlin knows why- and, before we knew anything, Remus had gone after them. Sirius was the fastest to get to him, but that meant that he was the worst injured…'

James trailed off and ran a shaking hand through his hair.

'… we always laugh about close things like that, but we've never had anything as bad as this before. He could have died…'

Helen was silent, because she didn't know what to say.

'You should have taken him to Madam Pomfrey. If it was beyond my reach, he really might have died. His life is worth more than your secret,' she said after a while.

James gulped.

'I know, but he told me to get you before he passed out, and not to go to Madam Pomfrey,' James said heavily, knowing that he should have disregarded this.

---

An hour later, Peter entered the dormitory, looking tired, but unharmed nonetheless. He stopped short on seeing Helen, but then turned to see Sirius lying on his bed.

'Is he okay, then?' he asked, walking up to them.

'Hopefully he should wake up in a few hours, but I don't know,' Helen admitted.

Peter nodded.

'Remus' changed back now. I went with part of the way to the hospital wing,' he told James.

James nodded wearily, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

'Go to sleep,' Helen said, patting him on the arm. 'The both of you get a few hours now before class. I'll stay and watch over Sirius,' she said, standing up and sitting next to his sleeping form.

'Hey Helen… thanks,' James said, watching Helen.

Helen shrugged.

'Just please don't do stupid things anymore. I know you're boys and want to have your fun, but please don't kill yourselves because there are other people who care for you too,' she said quietly, pushing the strands of bloodied hair out of Sirius' face.

---

It was edging on nine o'clock and Sirius still hadn't woken up.

'You can go, Helen. I'll stay with him,' James offered.

Helen was still in her night gown and hadn't even washed the blood off her face.

'No, you don't know what to do if something goes wrong. Go and take good notes for me,' Helen said, still not taking her eyes off Sirius.

She knew that there was no way she would concentrate during class with Sirius still unconscious like this.

'Are you sure? I can stay too…'

'You owe me notes,' Helen said flatly.

James gave a small lop-sided grin.

'Okay, I'll take notes for the first time in my life then,' he said, patting Helen on the shoulder and going out of the dorm with Peter.

* * *

'Have you seen Helen?' Lily asked James, not looking at him directly, as he arrived to Charms. 

'Yeah she's… she won't come to class now,' James admitted.

Lily looked at James suspiciously.

'Why not? Is she with Black?'

Saying yes would be the truth, but it would have created other difficulties...

'She just said that she couldn't come to class,' James shrugged evasively.

Lily pursed her lips and turned to continue speaking with Mary. James was lying, she knew this much, and Helen was up to something. Considering that Black was also missing from their class, Lily's educated guess was that Helen was with him.

* * *

Sirius groaned as he roused from his sleep. 

'Fuck that hurts,' he croaked, grimacing as he squinted his eyes open.

Helen, who had dozed off in her chair next to him, got up wearily and moved to sit next to him on his bed.

'Where does it hurt?' she asked quietly, rubbing his arm gently.

'Everywhere… my chest,' Sirius mumbled.

'Maybe I should change your bandages… here- sit up a bit for me…'

Sirius grimaced as Helen helped him to sit up so that she could unravell his bandages. Helen pursed her lips as she saw the gash on his chest, but decided that it had healed enough by now so that she could heal it by wand.

'Better?' Helen asked, after she had done this.

'Yes, thankyou Healer Helen,' Sirius said, sounding considerably relieved as he lay back.

Helen stared at him.

'You know now, don't you?' Sirius said eventually.

'I've known for a while, actually. James let it slip during your Veritaserum fiasco,' Helen admitted.

A small, knowing smile came to Sirius' lips as he opened his eyes and looked at her.

'And you never said anything,' he said, not surprised at all.

'What was there to say?'

'Do you distrust me that much? You didn't tell me that you knew we were Animagi, you didn't tell me when you thought you were pregnant… what else is there that you haven't told me?' he demanded exasperatedly.

Helen pursed her lips, thinking of one very significant thing which she hadn't told Sirius.

'Of course I trust you… but it's not as if you're so trusting yourself- you never told me about your being an animagus,' Helen pointed out.

Sirius looked at her apologetically.

'It's okay,' Helen continued. 'I didn't really mind. I mean, it would have be nice if you _had_ told me, but I understand. It's your thing with the guys and I respect that. I always thought that you would tell me what you wanted me to know about you and that there would always be a reason if you don't want me to know something,' she said simply.

Sirius stared at her and Helen wasn't quite sure what his expression was as he did so.

She cleared her throat quickly. 'Are you… Do you think you're feeling better now? You should probably go have a shower and get cleaned up before lunch. I think you should eat something,' she said.

Sirius nodded and sat up slowly.

'I think I might need help in the shower,' he said with a mischievous smile.

Helen ignored him and continued to pick up the bandages which were strewn all over the floor.

'You know, I've wanted to become one for a while now,' she said quietly as Sirius stood up unsteadily.

'One what?'

'A Healer. Killing people really isn't for me… so I've been thinking about becoming a Healer ever since summer. You know- saving lives,' she said

'But I thought you were going to become an Auror,' Sirius said, a slight note of disappointment in this statement.

Helen put the bandages in the bin and looked up at Sirius.

'Because you told me that that's what I should be? I thought about it, and I suppose it's not out of the picture yet, but I really like the idea of being a Healer,' she said with a smile. 'And it's important these days anyway, with more and more people getting injured,' she added fairly.

Sirius personally thought that it would be a waste of her duelling skills. Then again, she had just spent all morning being a 'healer' to help him and she had done a very good job of it too.

'I'm sure you would be a wonderful Healer,' he nodded. 'Obviously…' he said, motioning to all the vials and basins strewn across the room.

Helen shrugged.

'I don't know. It's just this idea I've had for a while… anyway, go get yourself cleaned up so I can actually give you a birthday kiss,' she said with a wry smile.

Sirius' eyes widened as he remembered that it was his birthday- he had forgotten with the events of the morning.

'Yes, I know. Not the best start to being seventeen. Hopefully it won't be a sign of things to come,' Helen nodded, snatching James' invisibility cloak from where it was on his bed. 'To protect my reputation,' she explained, noting Sirius' puzzled expression, before throwing it over herself and leaving the room.

Sirius stared after her.

'I don't think I'll ever figure that girl out,' he mused to himself with a small smile.

* * *

'You missed Charms and Potions today,' Lily said, sitting at the end of Helen's bed. 

'I know,' Helen shrugged, looking up from James' rather haphazard notes. 'Did you take notes, because I'm not quite understanding James' notes…'

'Where you with Black?' Lily interrupted.

Helen paused.

'Yes, but…'

'Helen, you can't let him have this influence on you! You can't skip classes because…'

'It wasn't like that, Lily,' Helen interrupted, reprimanding herself for not coming up with a 'cover story'.

'What was it like then?' Lily asked sceptically, raising her eyebrows.

Helen opened her mouth, but said nothing.

'I can't tell you,' she said eventually.

Lily's eyebrows rose even higher.

'Look, it's not my secret to tell. I promise that I had a very good reason for skipping, though' Helen sighed, knowing that Lily would not be convinced.

Lily pursed her lips and started picked at the threads of Helen's bedspread.

'Have you…done it?' she asked quietly.

Helen looked at Lily with scrutinizing eyes.

'That's not why I wasn't in class…'

'No, but have you?' Lily asked, still busying herself with Helen's covers.

A pause ensued.

'Yes.'

Lily's eyes widened and she looked up at Helen.

'You have?' she asked, as though she had been expecting a different answer.

Helen shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it. She didn't like talking about things about Sirius and her. As far as she was concerned, that was between the two of them...

'When?' Lily asked hoarsely, hugging her knees to her chest.

'Summer holidays,' Helen replied evasively, looking back to James' notes.

Lily sprung up.

'Since summer!'

Helen sighed and looked up at Lily levelly.

'Look, it's really not that big a deal…'

'Did it hurt?'

Helen looked at Lily incredulously, but then suddenly realised that she was not being reprimanded- Lily was just innocently curious.

'Er… I can't really remember the first time, so I couldn't tell you,' Helen said truthfully.

'He got you drunk,' Lily said, nodding as though she was right about Sirius all along.

Helen looked up and realised that no one other than Mark knew the truth.

'No, it wasn't Sirius,' she said quietly.

Lily looked up, surprised.

Helen sighed.

'I… I really did go off the rails at the end of fifth year. I was with my brother and we were partying and going out every night and… I don't know. He just told me the next day that he found me with someone. It's… don't do it,' Helen said sadly.

Lily gaped at Helen.

'I don't know. Maybe it's a good thing that the first time I consciously did it wasn't my actual first time because apparently the first time's meant to be bad but…' Helen trailed off and gave a small, bitter laugh, 'that's not what I'm really like. I turned into someone else then and I never want to go back there.'

'Does…_he_ know?'

Helen shook her head.

'Please don't tell him.'

Lily gave a small ironical laugh.

'Sure, like we're on such good speaking terms as it is.'

Helen gave a small smile.

'Have you done it with him then?'

Helen nodded and then sighed on noticing Lily's facial expression.

'Lily, you're different to me. You're more innocent- and that's a good thing. I know what you're thinking; even if only on a subconscious level…'

'I don't…' Lily protested.

Helen gave a knowing smile.

'But of course you do, because anyone who is as innocent as you are thinks like that. I didn't tell you about it because I knew how you would react. I mean, you're the type who remains a virgin until she's married- or engaged- and that's a good way to be because that's how you are. Me, though? Well I never sat there planning my wedding when I was little; thinking of having a house with a white picket fence… I was never like that and never will be so I guess doing it wasn't that 'earth-shattering' an event for me. It was just... a necessary transition I needed to make which was right at the time. You'll know when you're ready for it,' she said to Lily reassuringly.

Lily made a sceptical noise.

'Well you'll either know and be ready, or be forced to be ready because it'll be your wedding night,' Helen laughed.

Lily laughed.

'So…' she began, a mischievous spark coming to her eyes, 'is he as good as his reputation makes him out to be?'

Helen blinked.

'Lily Evans!' she said in a mock-reprimanding tone.

Lily smiled innocently.

Helen laughed.

'Perhaps you're not as innocent as I thought,' she said, looking at Lily dubiously.

'Well?' Lily repeated, leaning forward expectantly.

Helen's lips twitched and, after a pause, she leant in and started whispering to Lily whilst thinking of how ironically funny it was that she was telling this to Lily whereas Sirius had to remain silent because of James.

* * *

'Hey Wormtail, who're you always writing to these days?' James piped up, one day, as Peter had just rolled up a piece of parchment. 

Peter blushed a little.

'Oh… just this friend of mine,' he said breathlessly, getting up quickly to leave the common room.

'Would 'this friend' happen to be a girl?' Sirius interjected, grinning.

'She's just a friend,' Peter said defensively, leaving quickly.

He had met Janis at Helen's birthday and she had given him her address so they could continue to correspond. He had never had any friends other than Sirius, James and Remus and it was like a breath of fresh air to have someone like Janis to listen to his opinions and to respect them. He told her about his problem with his friends and, recently, had asked her advice on the 'Helen' issue. She would send him her suggestions and, although he could not put all of them into practise- such as her one which suggested he leave his friends- she gave him a newfound confidence in himself. He was very much looking forward to meeting her again in the upcoming summer break in nearly two months' time, in any case...

Sirius and James exchanged knowing glances before turning to Remus who quickly looked back down to his work, knowing full well what was going to happen now that their target in Peter was gone.

'So Moony... How's Lisa going?' Sirius asked, grinning.

'She's fine, thank you very much,' Remus replied, his ears reddening as he continued to write even more furiously.

'Have you taken her for some quality time in the Shrieking Shack yet?' Sirius pressed on, exchanging a grin with James.

Remus stood up and packed up his books to go to the library.

'Not that it's any of your business, but yes,' he said shortly, keeping a straight face as he walked away from James and Sirius who were gaping at him.

As he reached the portrait hole, Sirius ran up to him.

'So are you a man now?' he asked, his eyes wide with excitement.

Remus rolled his eyes.

'If having sex, by your standards, makes you 'a man'... well I suppose I am now,' he said, his lips twitching as he finally left the common room.

Sirius walked back to James, the both of them looking very shocked indeed.

'Did…he just…' James stammered.

Sirius nodded, before slapping James on the back of the head.

'Shame on you, Prongs. Get over Evans already! Look at what's happened! Moony- as in book-loving, too shy to speak to a girl, modest and clean Moony- has become a man before you. This is a travesty! Aren't you ashamed of yourself?' Sirius snapped, crossing his arms.

James laughed.

'It'll happen one day…'

Sirius looked at him dubiously.

'Well please get a move on because even Peter will be getting action before you and I don't know how you could possibly live with that sort of shame hanging over you,' Sirius said, his lips twitching.

'Well it's not as if you've been 'getting any,'' James pointed out fairly.

Sirius was about to respond that he was in no such deplorable state when he remembered James and his brotherly 'talk'.

'Let's go play quidditch,' he said, changing the subject tactfully.

Because this suggestion was such a favourable one to James, he forgot about their previous line of conversation and did not pursue the matter of Sirius' 'state of action.'

* * *

**A perhaps lighter chapter than the last one, but rather important nonetheless as (as indicated by the title of the chapter) some secrets which our beloved characters have been harbouring came out into the open.**

**On a small side note, a considerable amount of time passed between Lily and Helen's chat and the Marauders' conversation at the end of the chapter. **

**Now: next chapter there shall be a bit more on Helen and the whole 'Asteria Curse' thing as she has another meeting with our favourite headmaster; Sirius has a question which he wants to ask, but finds himself getting cold feet each time he's presented with an opportunity to do so... and something happens in Defence Against the Dark Arts which confirms to James that Lily is undoubtedly his soul mate to the point that even Sirius has troubles telling him otherwise.**

**Well, that should be enough for you to be getting on with until I next update!**

**So, please review on your way out and I shall try to get the next chapter to you asap!**

**Love Anya**


	48. Chapter 52: The Doe

_**I love thee, I love but thee  
With a love that shall not die  
Till the sun grows cold  
And the stars grow old.  
**_**- William Shakespeare

* * *

**

The Doe

'Hi.'

Helen looked at Sirius dubiously.

'Ancient Runes is not for another week,' she informed him, looking back to her book on Greek mythology.

'See! That's our problem- we're becoming routine. It said in Witch Weekly that you need variety in one's… er… _sex life_ so as not to lose that 'spark,'' he said informatively.

Helen put down her quill and looked at Sirius incredulously.

'You read Witch Weekly?'

'Not for a while now, but in fourth year, us Marauders invested in a subscription between the four of us so we could better understand the female mind,' he shrugged.

Helen looked at him strangely and turned back to her book, frowning.

Sirius shook his head; he had to stop detracting from the task at hand.

'Anyway, that's not even why I'm here,' he said. '… though the fact that you immediately thought of sex makes me wonder if you have a secret desire…' he said, raising a suggestive eyebrow and placing a hand on her knee under the table.

Helen slapped his hand away.

'Stop distracting me, or else I'll put you back in my 'book of distractions.''

Sirius pursed his lips; he was again getting side tracked and procrastinating.

'So… erm…'

Helen sighed and looked up at him.

'Sirius,' she said shortly. 'I am not going to leave what I'm doing now to have sex with you- I'm sorry. If you need to relieve tension so badly, by all means lock yourself up in your dorm and do so using your own methods- I even give you leave to think about me whilst doing so, if you must. Now, unless you have something useful to tell me, please go because you're starting to annoy me,' she said, looking at him pointedly.

Sirius sighed and got up.

'Fine. I'll leave you,' he grumbled, leaving.

He knew that he was using her order as a pathetic excuse for his not having asked her already, and he reprimanded himself for being so cowardly. After all- it wasn't _that_ big a deal…

* * *

Helen was able to accept her ancestry; in fact, she preferred it to the idea of being her adoptive parent's daughter as it deepened her fascination with Greek mythology. Whilst the idea of being a descendant from Asteria was appealing to Helen, however, the fact that she was cursed was very much not. She hated the idea that those before her, and probably after her, would be condemned to suffer because of Circe's own selfishness. She became possessed with trying to find as much information as she could in a desperate bid to try to find a way to end the curse. Despite the many hours she spent pouring over the library books, however, she could find no relevant information and there was no mention of Leda, or the 'Asteria Curse' whatsoever. 

One evening, Helen remembered that Circe had her own Chocolate Frog card.

'Hey, James, can I see your chocolate frog card collection?' Helen asked.

'Yeah, it's upstairs in the box under my bed,' James shrugged, thinking that it was a bit strange that Helen wanted to see them.

'Thanks.'

Helen went up and ended up summoning the 'Circe' card because there were far too many cards to sort through.

She found the card and read the following:

_Circe, in Greek mythology, is a sorceress who lives on an island called Aeaea, near Italy. Circe was able to turn people into beasts through the use of magical potions. She was renowned for her knowledge of drugs and herbs. _

_Also known for her love affair with Odysseus. _

'Well that doesn't help me at all,' Helen muttered mutinously, throwing the card back in the tin and putting it back James' bed.

She looked up as Peter emerged from the bathroom. He stopped short on seeing Helen, blushing involuntarily.

'I was just looking at James' card collection,' Helen explained, shrugging and standing up.

'Oh,' Peter said, still staring at her.

Helen registered that she felt slightly uneasy at his stare.

'Anyway, I'll go now,' she said, leaving quickly.

Recently, she had avoided Peter as much as she could. Although this was done on a subconscious level, there was something about the way he always looked at her which made her uncomfortable, though she wasn't quite sure what it was, exactly.

* * *

'Hey, can I talk to you?' Sirius asked Helen as they waited outside their Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. 

'You are,' Helen said with an ironic smile.

Sirius opened his mouth but was cut short.

'Enter,' Professor Melrose announced, opening the doors.

Helen looked up at Sirius expectantly.

'Er… later,' he sighed as they walked into the classroom.

'… today we shall be learning how to produce Patronuses,' Professor Melrose announced.

There was an excited chatter amongst the class; everyone had been excited to learn how to produce patronuses for some time now.

'Wow, it's so pretty,' Lily said, admiring Helen's unicorn.

'Excellent work, Miss Asteria,' Melrose said, winking at her and going over to assist Mary with her patronus.

Helen blushed, feeling very pleased with herself.

Nearly every girl in Hogwarts, Helen and Lily included, had a secret crush on their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. He was young, tall, well-built and perfectly handsome with his shiny chocolate-brown hair, sparkling blue eyes and lips which always seemed to be curved in a heart-melting grin.

Helen snapped out of her reverie when she saw Sirius looking at her pointedly from across the room and cleared her throat and turned to Lily, though she could not suppress the smile from playing on her lips.

'Your go now,' she said to Lily.

Lily took a deep breath.

'_Expecto Patronum.'_

Silvery wisps emerged from her wand.

'You need to think of something happy,' Helen told her. 'What was your happiest moment?'

Lily blushed and Helen caught that her glance flitted over in James' direction ever so fleetingly.

'_Expecto Patronum,_' she tried again.

A doe erupted from Lily's wand and Helen clapped a hand to her mouth to prevent herself from laughing out loud after she realised what form it took. She looked over to James who was staring from the silvery doe to Lily with an expression of pure joy.

Even Sirius, Remus and Peter gaped at Lily, very surprised.

'I did it! I did it!' Lily laughed happily. 'Look! It's a doe! She's so beautiful!' she said to Helen who was fighting to keep a straight face.

'Excellent, Miss Evans! Ten points to Gryffindor,' Professor Melrose said, smiling at Lily.

Lily blushed and smiled widely at Melrose, very unaware as to why more than half of her Gryffindor peers were staring at her.

Lily turned to Helen who was still staring at her.

'Helen? What's wrong? Why are they looking at me like that?' she asked, frowning, nodding towards the Marauders.

'Er… they're just probably amazed at how big your patronus is,' Helen lied reassuringly.

* * *

Remus, Sirius and Peter were lying in bed that night. The only bed in their dormitory which was unoccupied was James' and this was because he was pacing up and down the length of the room, speaking rapidly. 

'Now how can you honestly tell me that she and I aren't meant to be? You can't!'

There was silence.

'It was… surprising,' Remus said after a while.

'Thank you!' James said happily.

'I think she likes you,' Peter said.

'Ah, that's why you're my favourite Wormtail,' James said.

Sirius made a sceptical noise and James turned to him.

'What? You think she doesn't?' he challenged.

Sirius sighed and sat up.

'Well…'

'Her patronus was a doe!'

'Okay…'

'We're meant to be.'

'So you've been saying for many years now…'

'I think it's a sign.'

Sirius, as much as he disliked Lily and thought that James could find someone much better-suited to him, could not find a way to flaw James' present argument.

'Okay. I won't deny that her patronus was surprising, but I don't think she consciously likes you yet… but I'll admit that I think you have a chance now,' Sirius conceded.

James beamed and continued to pace the dormitory.

'So, er… now that that's settled, do you reckon you can let us sleep… not that I'm _complaining_ and all, but it _is_ getting on two… and you're the one who wants us up at six for quidditch training… Merlin knows why, our next game's next year…' Sirius said irritably.

'Just… take it slow, James,' Remus said wisely. 'Don't screw it up with Lily by doing anything stupid now. I would say just try being nice to her for these last few days of term and then ask her out properly after the holidays.'

James made an impatient noise but sighed and walked over to his bed.

'I suppose you're right, Moony. After all, if I actually have a proper chance for once, I suppose I had better do the thing properly,' he sighed, lying back in his bed.

He had not felt this happy for a long time, and did not fall asleep for a long time; thinking of Lily's beautiful face and luxurious red hair… her green eyes…

* * *

'We have not spoken since your birthday. How have you been coping?' Dumbledore asked as Helen sat down in front of him. 

Helen shrugged.

'It's okay. I mean, the letter helped a lot… I just don't want to be cursed,' she said, frustration evident in her tone.

She looked up at Dumbledore.

'I don't care so much about who I am; that doesn't bother me it's just… how am I meant to live a normal life with no one knowing or noticing? I know it won't matter so much now, but… what if I get married some day? Can I even have natural children? And then, in any case, I'd have to tell my husband the truth…'

Helen paused and looked to her headmaster for advice. All these questions had been pent up in her for so long and she wanted answers.

'I just don't want to be cursed,' she said finally, in a small voice.

Dumbledore sighed as she had finally reached the troubling issue of children.

'I do not profess to know much about the history of your ancestors, Helen, although I must admit that I have never known of them to have produced children other than the daughter from the curse,' he said carefully.

Helen felt her heart fall.

'So I can't have children?' she asked sadly.

She had never thought of having them, but didn't want to be infertile either. It annoyed her that her options in life had to be limited so much because of the curse.

Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully.

'I… I had not intended on telling you this until I was certain, as you may recall from our last meeting. I ask that you use this information responsibly and understand that we can never be certain until you…' Dumbledore paused and cleared his throat. 'Reason has led me to believe that the only way for a 'daughter of Asteria' to end the 'Asteria curse' would be to conceive a child. As to whether you are able to have children, Helen, I must confess that I do not know,' he said apologetically.

Helen's eyes widened; it made so much sense.

'So if I get pregnant, I can stop the curse?' she asked excitedly.

Dumbledore's eyes flashed.

'I am by no means certain of this. It is merely a theory…' he said in a warning voice.

'Okay, fine… but it's nice to think that it might work. At least that would be _something_ in my life which would be going well,' she said, with a hint of bitterness.

Dumbledore surveyed Helen.

'Is there something else worrying you, Helen?' he asked.

Helen looked up at him sadly.

'It's just going to be so strange going home on Saturday. I know I have to go just that one last time but…' Helen gulped. 'I want to end on a good note with them,' she finished quietly.

There was a pause.

'Ah… never mind. I'm not hoping for much. I just want to try,' Helen shrugged, looking up and smiling at her headmaster.

Dumbledore smiled back at Helen.

'I hope that it all goes well for you… though I might recommend that you refrain from using confunding charms as a method of reconciliation,' he added with a small twinkle in his eye.

Helen laughed.

'Is there anything else you wish to tell me?' he asked.

Helen shook her head.

'Very well then. You had better run off to lunch then… and I ask that I hear of no more examples of your using wandless magic skills against teachers or students,' he said with a knowing small smile.

---

Helen did not feel like eating after her meeting with Dumbledore. He had given her so much to think about now, but she was still so confused.

If she could not have children, how was she meant to end the curse?

But he never said that she was infertile for certain. Perhaps none of her ancestors had had the chance to have children… or perhaps they had never found anyone who would stay with them long enough to get to that stage because of their tempers.

Or perhaps it would just be harder for her to become pregnant than most normal people. She found this idea sadly ironic, given her 'pregnancy scare' of last year.

She sighed and sat against the yew tree by the Great Lake. She pulled an annoying twig from under her and looked at it, igniting it.

'For someone whose trademark is 'Aguamenti', you seem to be lighting a lot of things on fire lately,' Sirius remarked. 'And please don't set me on fire for interrupting your reverie,' he added, sounding slightly nervous as though he thought it was a strong possibility.

Helen threw the stick in the lake, extinguishing the flame, and leaned back against the tree as Sirius came and sat next to her.

'You okay?'

Helen shrugged. 'Yeah, I s'pose.'

'Is it because you're going back home? You don't have to go back, you know,' he pointed out.

Helen smiled.

'Why, thank you for pointing out the obvious. I'm going one last time to try patching things up with them. After all, they _have _raised me even if they're not…'

She cut herself short, her eyes widening at how close she had come to exposing her secret.

'They're not what?' Sirius asked, confused by Helen's pause.

'If… they're not very nice to me,' she finished unconvincingly. 'Anyway, now that I'm 'Of Age' I don't want to be living off the Potters or the Evans. If it doesn't work out, I might go to Paris with Mark for a while,' Helen said, thinking it was an appealing idea.

'Or you could…'

Sirius paused and cast an uncertain glance at Helen who sat up and looked at him.

'What?'

He took a deep breath.

'Well… you know, I'll be by myself and all and it _is_ quite a big place, so you could always come stay with me if you liked,' he muttered, becoming very interested with his fingernails.

Helen looked up at Sirius, surprised.

'Is this only because you want someone to do your cooking and cleaning for you?' she asked, grinning.

Sirius wrinkled his nose.

'Yeah, I'm not really looking forward to that aspect of having my own place,' he grinned back.

Helen rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless.

'We'll see. Hopefully I won't be needing to pay you a visit…'

'That would mean that I would have to stay celibate for a whole two months!' Sirius exclaimed indignantly.

'Poor you,' Helen muttered sarcastically.

There was a pause.

'We discovered this really roomy secret place behind the mirror on Fourth Floor the other day. Want to check it out?' he suggested with a mischievous grin.

Another pause ensued before Helen spoke.

'Sure,' she said brightly, standing up.

Sirius looked rather taken aback by this.

'I'm going to need something to keep me going until school starts again,' Helen shrugged.

'Is there a catch?' Sirius asked, looking at her suspiciously.

Helen laughed and kissed him on the cheek.

'Well, that depends entirely on your performance, _mon cheri,_' she whispered in his ear.

* * *

**Thanks to Rozy-Pruitt for her suggestion about Lily's patronus :)**

**So James and Lily are meant to be (like we didn't already know that, heh) and will be making more progress soon. **

**We were also given a few clues as to how the 'Asteria' curse might be ended...**

**Oh, and Sirius wanted Helen to come live with him... we'll see how all of _'that'_ pans out next chapter.**

**Notes on last chapter:**

**- Keep in mind that they're 17 and many 17-year-old boys (especially with the reputation of the 'Marauders') would be expected to get some kind of action. Although Remus is shy, I doubt he was a virgin when he married Tonks and, lets face it, most seventeen-year old boys have had sex. You would know this if you yourself are over seventeen and hang out with seventeen-year old guys. Some of you might harbour your own opinions on sex whether they be influenced by age, religion or just you as a person. Please understand, though, that Helen's having had sex at the age which she did was in no way unrealistic and neither is Remus' situation. **

**- Pilover- You should be careful not to cross the line between being insulting and constructive criticising- especially if you end a review telling me to update... **

**- Sorry to all those whose name is Janis- I never knew it was such a popular name! Maybe you could revel in the fact that a character has the same name as you… you know- glass half full instead of half empty etc. :)**

**Other note not related to the chapter:**

**I am going to take a short break from updating now and this should last about a week. I feel I need to do this for both my sanity and for the sake of the story so that I can clear my head and organise my thoughts and ideas. I hope you understand that this is because I would prefer to provide you all with better-quality chapters as opposed to hurried ones of a lesser quality. **

**SO, please review to keep up my morale and to help me along during this break... and to also ensure that I do come back!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	49. Chapter 53: Abandoned Children

**_But he was home. Hogwarts was the first and best he had known. He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys, had all found home here,'_- p. 558** Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows**, J.K. Rowling**

**

* * *

**

Abandoned Children

'Hey, Helen… can we talk for a second?' Lily asked hesitantly as Helen was about to follow Remus into their compartment.

'Sure,' Helen shrugged, going with Lily into an empty compartment.

'What's wrong?' Helen frowned, noting Lily's nervous behaviour.

Lily bit her lip and looked up hesitantly at Helen.

'Why is James being so… _nice_ to me? Are they going to pull a prank on me?'

Helen looked at Lily curiously.

'What do you mean by 'nice'?' she asked, trying not to sound as amused as she was.

Lily sighed and slumped into the seat behind her as the train started to move.

'He hasn't asked me out since before your birthday… he never says suggestive things to me anymore he's just… nice. Is he making fun of me?' she frowned, looking to Helen for her opinion.

Helen bit her lip so as not to laugh.

'Er… well, James has always been 'nice', as you put it… perhaps he's just realised that his continually asking you out was futile as you'd just turn him down anyway,' she suggested.

Lily nodded quietly and looked out of the window.

'I guess it's… I don't know. I just became so used to it all these years, even though it annoyed me… does he have a girlfriend now?' she added in, as though it were a casual question of no real importance to her.

'No, not that I know of,' Helen replied, trying to stay serious.

It had just hit her for the first time that Lily actually had feelings for James and Helen was so happy for them both.

Lily nodded.

'Oh, well, that's…' she trailed off, her cheeks flushing slightly.

Helen said nothing. She knew how delicate Lily's feelings were at present and did not want to say anything which would possibly push her back into denial.

Thankfully, there was a knock at the door and it opened without either Lily or Helen responding.

'Oh, come on. You're not going to see us for a whole two months. Are we that repulsive that you can't even spend the train ride back with us?' Sirius demanded, more of Helen than Lily.

Helen looked to Lily who caught James' eye and looked away quickly, blushing.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'We just needed to have a little chat, that's all,' she said evasively, standing up. 'But we've finished, so we'll join you now,' she added brightly, smiling encouragingly at Lily.

'A chat about what?' Sirius asked, eyeing Helen suspiciously.

Lily's eyes widened.

'Never you mind,' Helen said, patting him on the shoulder condescendingly.

'Were you complaining about me again?' he sighed.

'Believe it or not, _mon cheri_, the world doesn't revolve around you,' Helen said sarcastically.

Sirius pouted.

'Of course it does!'

Lily and James stood to the side awkwardly whilst watching this display. Eventually, James cleared his throat.

'Yeah, it's nice to know you love each other and all, but you do have an audience,' he pointed out.

Helen and Sirius stopped arguing and turned to look at Lily and James, as though they were surprised that they were still there.

'I'm going to… I need to… say bye to Mary and… the others,' Lily said hesitantly to Helen.

Helen nodded.

'Well, don't forget me before you leave,' she said, smiling slightly as Lily and James looked at each other quickly as Lily exited the apartment.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Just snog her already and get a move on with life,' he drawled.

Helen shot Sirius a dirty look.

'James, you are doing a very good job- don't listen to this idiot over here. He has no idea,' she said turning to James.

'Sure… if I had no idea I would never have…'

'Those girls don't count. They weren't proper girlfriends,' Helen interrupted.

Sirius smirked.

'I was actually going to point out that I must have some idea if I got _you_,' he said, folding his arms.

Helen stared at Sirius for a moment.

'You're 'getting me' was a matter of pure luck,_ mon cheri_. Imagine if Remus had taken me to the ball that night! You and I would still be mortal enemies,'

'Still are,' James muttered, staring at the two of them.

Helen and Sirius were once again forced to remember that they were in company.

'Honestly, is this how it always is between you two?' he asked exasperatedly.

'What?' Helen asked.

'We were just talking,' Sirius said defensively, confused as to what James found so abnormal.

'You call that talking?' James asked incredulously.

Helen and Sirius stared at James.

'You know what? I think I'll go back and join the others… more _normal_ people. Come back when you've decided to get over yourselves,' he said, leaving.

Helen and Sirius stared at the door.

'He's changed, you know that. He's become… _like Remus_- but worse,' Sirius said with a shudder.

'You know that being like Remus isn't such a bad thing- you would do good to take a few leafs out of his book,' Helen said reprovingly, 'but he has changed,' she conceded.

'He didn't even want to do our traditional 'end of term' prank!' Sirius said sadly, as though mourning the loss of his friend. He slumped into the seat.

Helen laughed.

'Oh well… you'll have many chances for that next term,' she said reassuringly, patting his arm.

'Not if he ends up going out with Evans,' Sirius said, his eyes becoming wide. He turned to face Helen suddenly. 'She'll take every ounce of Marauder out of him!' he said in a horrified voice.

Helen shook her head at Sirius.

They sat in silence for a while.

'Why are you even going home? I don't get it,' he said miserably.

'I wouldn't expect you to,' she said quietly. 'Anyway, why are you upset about these holidays? You're completely free from your family meaning you'll have unlimited time to plot and plunder with your fellow Marauders.'

Sirius gave a closed smile and turned to look out of the window at the passing country greenery.

'Yeah, I know… but they… they have their families and will end up going home at the end of the day to their parents. They think it's cool because I've got my own place and I can do whatever…' Sirius paused and laughed bitterly. 'What I wouldn't give to have parents like James' or Remus' or Peter's… you know what I'm talking about,' he said quietly, still staring determinedly outside.

Helen looked at Sirius and understood exactly how he felt.

'But you're like a son to the Potters- Mrs Potter looks at you like a second son,' she said.

Sirius shot Helen a knowing look. She nodded.

'It's not the same thing, I know,' she said heavily, thinking of her own situation.

She would often spend time wondering what her mother, Selene, was like. There was so much she wanted to know about her and yet she knew so little.

'Anyway, I'll miss you…and if you choose to leave home early, please come and stay with me,' he added offhandishly.

'You were serious about that?' Helen asked quietly.

Sirius nodded, looking into her eyes.

Helen smiled and leaned forward, her lips brushing Sirius'.

'So you will?'

There was a pause.

'Yes,' she whispered back, smiling as he kissed her properly now.

* * *

Helen walked in the bathroom to get changed out of her robes. In there, Marina was washing her face; her eyes red and puffy. 

'You okay?' Helen asked uncertainly, approaching where Marina was standing.

Marina looked up suddenly to see Helen.

'Y…yes,' she hiccoughed.

'Evidently,' Helen said, giving Marina a knowing look.

Marina took a deep breath and composed herself.

'Are you going back?' she asked, sitting down next to the sink.

'Yes. You?' Helen asked, sitting next to her.

Marina shook her head.

'As Dad's dead now there's no point,' she shrugged.

Helen's face fell; she never knew that Marina's father had died.

'I'm sorry,' she said sympathetically.

Marina shrugged.

'Cirrhosis- not really surprising considering he drank like a fish,' she said disinterestedly. 'It's okay… but I still miss mum...'

Helen nodded.

'When did he…'

'Die? Two weeks ago,' Marina said simply.

Helen nodded- Marina's absence from exams now explained.

'What will you do?' Helen asked eventually.

'I'll have to get a job and try and find a cheap place to stay, I suppose. I've found a few offerings to work as a barmaid…'

Helen made a noise.

'I know… but what can I do? He left me next to no money and jobs like that pay well for someone who's not even a qualified witch,' Marina sighed.

Helen looked at Marina. Even though they weren't friends, she still cared for her wellbeing.

'Well be careful, okay?' she said eventually.

Marina nodded.

'I'm pretty neat at hexing, so I'll at least be able to ward off anyone who's drunk,' she laughed sadly.

Helen squeezed Marina's hand and stood up.

'If you do get into any trouble, though, you can always owl me,' she said.

'In Australia?' Marina said ironically, also standing up.

Helen shrugged.

'I doubt I'll be staying the whole holidays…' she said sadly, knowing that what she was seeking was a hopeless case. 'But there's always Lily and the boys.'

Marina smiled and hugged Helen quickly.

'Thanks anyway- and good luck,' she added as she left the bathroom.

* * *

Helen held her breath as she reached the 'Arrivals' gate. She saw him waiting for her wearing his formal suit as always. His face was unsmiling. 

Sighing, Helen, pushed her trunk forward.

'Hi dad,' she said hesitantly, kissing him on the cheek upon reaching him.

He nodded curtly and took the trolley from her as they walked out of the airport. Helen gathered that he probably had no recollection of the 'confunding' incident of last year.

He cleared his throat.

'How did you go in your exams,' he asked in Greek.

'Good,' Helen nodded.

'How good?'

Helen sighed.

'Top of my year, dad.'

He grunted in approval as they reached the car.

This was much more affection than Helen had been hoping for.

'Where's everyone else?' Helen asked as soon as they arrived home to an empty house.

'Christina has a piano lesson. Your mother is with her now,' he said simply. 'You will have to cook dinner tonight,' he added, heaving as he lifted up her trunk.

'Oh, it's okay, I can take that upstairs now,' Helen said, flicking her wand as it soared up the stairs.

She smiled a little as she saw her father's eyes widen in surprise, but adopted a sombre face as he turned to face her.

'I don't want you to do any of that in front of Christina. She is a nice Christian girl and should not be influenced by your devil-work.'

'But, dad, it's got nothing to…'

Helen was silenced with the look her father shot her.

'Okay dad,' she conceded, bowing her head and walking back to the kitchen.

An hour later, the front door opened and Helen came out from the kitchen to see her mother and Christina, holding her piano books, enter the house.

'… you will have to practise your Nocturne again tonight because it was not good enough in your lesson today,' her mother lectured Christina in Greek.

'Yes, mama,' Christina chided dutifully, before looking up to see Helen.

'Eleni! You're back!' she smiled, going up to hug her older sister.

Helen smiled.

'Yeah, I'm back. How've you been? Look at you! You've grown so much since I last saw you!' she laughed.

Mrs Asteria cleared her throat and both the girls looked up, their smiles fading slowly.

Evidently, even if Helen's father had forgotten last year's incident, her mother had not.

'Have you prepared dinner?' she asked coldly.

'It's nearly ready; the meat's just needs ten more…'

'Why is it not ready?' her mother demanded.

Helen's face blanched.

'It just needs ten more minutes,' she said reasonably.

Helen's mother shook her head.

'Can't do anything… who will want to marry you if you can't even cook properly- what is this?'

'Salad,' Helen said, thinking it was obvious.

'Where are the olives? Where is the fetta? What kind of salad is this?'

Helen pursed her lips to refrain from responding that Garden Salads existed.

'Ridiculous,' her mother continued. 'Your father has a business client coming tonight and you expect us to serve this?'

'Deep breaths, deep breaths,' Helen thought.

'And what dessert did you make?'

'I didn't know we were having a guest, mama,' Helen said earnestly.

'No dessert?' her mother repeated, shaking her head.

'I can make one in five minutes if you would let me use magic,' Helen muttered mutinously.

'Go to your room and get dressed. _I _shall try and fix your blunders in the kitchen,' she said, turning her back to Helen with contempt and tying an apron around her.

* * *

Sirius sat and drummed his fingers on his kitchen table. It was nine in the evening and he had nothing to do. It was too early to go to bed, too late to call on anyone, too early in the holidays to do any study- that idea wasn't appealing to him anyway- too late to go anywhere… 

But he was bored.

He thought he might take a walk and check out the nearby village. At least it would kill some time.

Sirius had been to Halls Valley during the Christmas Break. It was a small wizarding village and Sirius thought it best to go there considering that he didn't have any muggle money on him. Most of the shops were shut at this hour, but the pubs were open so he went into 'The Singing Goblet' and sat at the bar, brooding in his boredom.

'What can I get you?' the barman asked.

'A firewhisky,' Sirius said disinterestedly, fiddling with a napkin.

'Hi there.'

Sirius turned to see a blonde woman of around nineteen sitting next to him. She fluttered her eyelashes at him.

Sirius cursed himself under his breath for going to a bar in the first place and getting himself into this situation. He turned determinedly back to his drink.

'You expecting someone?' she persisted.

'He already has a girlfriend so beat it,' a voice snapped from behind them.

Sirius looked up, surprised, to see Marina carrying a tray of drinks.

'It's only been two days. Did you forget about Helen already?' she asked shrewdly, going behind the bar.

'No,' Sirius muttered mutinously. He didn't think he needed Marina, of all people, to remind him about Helen.

'So what the fuck were you doing chatting that girl up?' she demanded, setting two gillywaters in front of a couple further down in the bar before returning expectantly for Sirius' response.

'I was not 'chatting her up',' he said heatedly. 'She just came and sat next to me- I didn't even talk to her.'

Marina pursed her lips.

'So what are you doing here anyway?' she asked, drying butterbeer mugs.

Sirius shrugged.

'Had nothing better to do… what about you? What're you doing working in a place like this?' he asked.

'Pays well,' Marina replied evasively. 'I'm two nights a week here, one at the Hog's Head, and three at the Druery- that's in Malrone,' she added.

Sirius nodded. It felt rather awkward speaking to Marina given both his history with her and her own strange relationship with Helen.

Marina surveyed Sirius.

'So, you heard from Helen yet?'

'Nope. She told me not to write in case her parents got a letter first.'

Marina nodded.

'Yeah, they're scary her parents- really strict. I met them once and I always told her to come to my place after that,' she said, shuddering as she remembered the incident.

Sirius furrowed his brow.

'You met Helen's parents?' he asked incredulously.

Marina fell silent.

'Helen never told you that we used to be friends?' she asked quietly.

Sirius raised his eyebrows, thinking that this was a rather far-fetched statement.

Marina shrugged.

'We were- from when we started primary school until just before we left for Hogwarts. We were really close, but…' she trailed off. 'I did something to her which was terrible and she hated me after that so we went to Hogwarts as enemies, rather than best friends, as we were once upon a time,' she said sadly.

Sirius stared at Marina in disbelief.

'You used to be _best friends_ with Helen?' he repeated, thinking it to be impossible.

Marina nodded slowly.

'What happened?' he asked, wondering why Helen herself never told him this.

Marina sighed.

'I… she gave me her journal to read and… it was the biggest mistake of my life,' she said earnestly. 'I was stupid and wanted to 'fit in' amongst the other girls at school, so… I read it out to the class,' she said heavily. 'After that, I don't think she trusted anyone for a long while.'

Sirius stared at Marina. He still couldn't believe that Helen had once been so close with her… yet it all made so much sense as to why Helen had issues with trusting people. He remembered her saying something about it… _'Because the last time I allowed someone to read something as personal as that is, it ended very badly- and I trusted them even more than I trust you.'_

'She never deserved that,' Marina continued.

'No, she didn't,' Sirius said shortly. He would never forgive any of his friends if they betrayed him like that. 'Why has she forgiven you?' he demanded.

Marina looked at him sadly.

'She hasn't forgiven me… we've just agreed to stop fighting, that's all,' she said, before clearing her throat and taking another round of drinks to a group of rowdy men.

'Hey sugar, why don't you join us?' one of them asked, grabbing her around the waist.

Marina tried to prise herself out of his grip.

'Yeah, I got a place around the corner here…' another said, winking at her.

'Let go of me,' Marina said through gritted teeth.

'Let go of her,' Sirius said, coming up to the group.

The four men turned to face Sirius as he pulled her away from them, before turning to their drinks and laughing drunkenly.

Sirius surveyed Marina shrewdly.

'What time do you finish?' he asked heavily.

'Half an hour,' Marina breathed, still recovering from the incident.

Sirius nodded.

'I'll wait.'

---

'Thanks for this, you didn't have to,' Marina said as she and Sirius arrived at her flat.

Sirius shrugged.

'I don't think they would have left you alone otherwise,' he said grimly.

'Do you want to come up?' she asked after a pause.

Sirius stared at her, hoping that she didn't mean what that question usually implied.

'No, I think I'll be getting back now,' he said.

Marina nodded.

'Well, thanks again,' she shrugged, giving a small smile and turning and going inside her building.

* * *

Dinner the next evening was a quiet affair. Helen's father was silent towards her, Christina had been at school all day and had been practising piano for a recital she had later that week. Helen's mother had ignored her for the entire day; not that Helen minded. She had called Mark and talked to him for a good hour and had spent the rest of her day finishing her homework. 

'Your mother tells me that you have plans of working once you finish school,' Mr Asterios said to Helen.

'Yes,' Helen nodded.

'As what?'

'A doctor,' Helen replied in terms which he would understand.

He nodded in approval.

'It is a respectable job for a woman,' he said, taking a sip of his wine.

Helen smiled meekly, feeling rather warm at this approval from her father.

'Of course… you had the opportunity to make it as a pianist… but you gave all of that up,' he shrugged, turning to look at Christina with pride.

Helen chewed her lip and said nothing,

Suddenly, an owl swept into the house and dropped a letter in Mr Asterios' lap, flying away immediately. Helen's face paled; she had told everyone _not_ to owl her unless it was an expressed emergency.

'What are owls doing flying in the house?' Mrs Asteria screeched at Helen.

'I… I don't know,' Helen stammered, before looking to her father who had just opened the letter.

Helen saw the envelope- it was addressed to him. His face was expressionless as he looked at the letter. He got up and left the room and they all sat, waiting in trepidation until he returned a minute later.

'Eleni,' he said, his voice shaking with anger. 'Who is this boy?' he said thrusting a photograph into her trembling hands.

Helen's breath caught as she saw it was a photo of her and Sirius; kissing.

'Who sent you this?' she whispered, her voice trembling as she knew what was to happen.

'It didn't say…I don't know and don't care,' he shouted at her.

Helen frowned at this; someone was trying to sabotage her.

'Who is he?' he shouted.

Helen flinched.

'My…friend,' she said hopelessly.

Mr Asterios stared at Helen.

'Get out,' he breathed.

Helen stared at him; he had just said what she had so desperately hoped not to have heard from this visit.

This was not the way she had planned for things to turn out.

'Get out of my house. You are no daughter of mine- behaving like a _slut_ at that school of yours. Take your things, get out of my house, and never come back here again,' he shouted.

Helen stared at them all for a moment before running up the stairs. She packed all of her possessions with the flick of a wand, and went down the stairs to see them all waiting for her at the door.

'D…daddy,' Christina pleaded with him.

'Christina, this is no sister of yours. You are never to speak to her again, do you understand?' he ordered her.

Christina broke down in tears and, after looking at Helen for a moment, ran away sobbing.

'Goodbye,' Helen said shortly to the people who had raised her.

They did not even look at her.

Helen took a deep breath and walked out of the door which Mr Asterios had already opened. She did not look back at them; she could not. They had been her supposed parents and yet they had turned on her- the people who had told her that the only people you could truly rely on and trust were your family.

It stung Helen as she looked, for the last time, at the house in which she grew up in, that she was now completely without a family.

* * *

**-Eleni is 'Helen' in Greek.**

**So I'm back. Yesterday I found out that I got into med and then realised that I probably won't have much time to write once uni starts so I thought that I would cut my 'holiday' short now. Heh... _that,_ and I found it hard to not write. Weird eh?**

**Anyway, so someone sent Helen's 'dad' a photo. Hmm. Who was it? Guesses anyone?**

**Now that I have a semi-formed next chapter, I can finally give you a teaser:**

_The Dark Lord would be very pleased with her tonight._

**So, show me that you're glad that I'm back (early) and review away, my darling readers!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	50. Chapter 54: A Change in the Winds

'_**It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has**__**prospered**_**.' - Aeschylus

* * *

**

A Change in the Winds

Sirius frowned as he surveyed the charred and dripping curtains in front of him before turning back to the parchment he was holding which contained Andromeda's instructions for cleaning curtains.

'Swish, flick, 'scourgio', twirl and point,' he muttered to himself. 'I did that! That's what I've been _doing_ for the past bloody half an hour,' he said indignantly to the curtains.

They stared back at him; as burnt and as waterlogged as ever.

'Damn curtains… look at what's become of me! I'm talking to myself over stupid curtains… I really need to get out more,' he said to himself, feeling very sorry for himself and his isolated situation.

Just as he was about to attempt Andromeda's spell for the last time, he was saved by the doorbell.

'Those fucking kids. Don't they have anything better to do?' he said angrily. 'You and I have unfinished business,' he added to the curtains before sweeping his hair, which had grown rather long since his school had finished, out of his face and going to the door. 'I swear, if they do that _one more time_ and I'm going to hex their sorry arses from here to… Helen!'

Helen blinked.

'Who are you going to hex?' she managed to ask.

'Oh, I've just had this group of kids pranking me all morning… it's bloody annoying I tell you- and _yes_, I know what you're going to say about karma and all that- but us Marauders never relished in doing things as mindless as ringing someone's doorbell,' he said.

Helen stared at Sirius and it suddenly hit him that she was in England and standing on his front porch.

'So you ran away then!' he said happily, sending her trunk up the stairs and letting her in.

He did not look closely enough to see that her eyes were slightly red.

Helen shrugged and followed him inside the house; her eyes widening at how expensively it was furnished.

Alphard obviously had good taste.

'Okay… how about I give you the 'grand tour?'' Sirius said, walking through the house, feeling very happy now that he wasn't condemned to spending the rest of his holidays alone in his huge house.

'Now… we're currently in the hallway- not that I needed to tell you that-… here is the study… library… bathroom…dining room…kitchen…back yard (it's big, I know. James keep on hinting to play qudditch)… and the living room,' he said, sitting down on the couch and summoning two butterbeers. 'I'll show you upstairs later,' he added.

Helen nodded quietly and took a sip of butterbeer.

'What happened to your curtains?' she asked, taking in their burnt and tattered remains.

Sirius groaned.

'They have been giving me absolute hell… maybe you can figure out how to clean them,' he said hopefully, handing her Andromeda's instructions.

Helen looked at them before taking out her wand; repairing them and leaving them looking very clean.

Sirius pursed his lips.

'What on earth did _you_ do that was so different to what _I_ did?' he said heatedly. 'I did the same thing but no! For me they have to bloody catch fire and…'

He stopped babbling as he noticed that Helen was staring blankly into the fireplace.

'So,' he said, turning to her and grinning. 'We have three options, the way I see it.'

Helen looked at him.

'Option 1: You tell me your gripping 'escape story' and then we have sex.'

Helen said nothing.

'Okay, I agree… I would _much _prefer this option of having the sex first and then following it with your story,' he nodded.

Helen raised her eyebrows slightly.

'Or… option 3, which is slightly unusual (but worth a try anyway)- you tell me your story during sex,' he said finally.

He had only said this to try and coax her into speaking; to lighten the somber mood which she was in.

Helen glanced at him before running a hand tiredly through her hair. Sirius caught her arm and pushed back her to reveal scratches on her neck.

'Did they beat you?' he asked quietly, tracing a finger over the fresh cuts.

'What? Oh no…' Helen said distractedly. 'No… not this time… no, those were my fault, actually. It seems that I need a bit more practise in apparition- I apparated in your rosebush,' she said, her lips twitching slightly.

Sirius looked at her, not entirely sure that she was telling the truth.

'Do you want me to get you something for them?'

She shrugged.

'No, it's okay. They're only light scratches- they'll heal,' she sighed.

A small pause ensued.

Helen cleared her throat quickly.

'Would you mind terribly if I didn't decide on an option just yet? It's just that I've spent the past twenty-four hours traveling and I feel tired and dirty,' she said, sounding exhausted.

Sirius nodded.

'Well, of course… I want you to consider which option you choose _very_ carefully,' he said, kissing her lingeringly. 'How about I show you upstairs and you can clean up and all that?' he said, standing up.

Somehow, he couldn't help but wonder that Helen hadn't told him about her leaving home on purpose.

He faintly wondered if she even would.

* * *

When Helen woke up the next morning she knew that she had overslept. The sun was now streaming in through the window, making her squint from its glare as she opened her eyes. 

She was glad that she had apparated into a nearby forest instead of coming directly to Sirius' house from the airport; it gave her the chance to get all of her tears and screams out of her system. After all, she didn't want to turn up as a mess.

Sirius didn't need to deal with that.

She was so exhausted still; it had been such an emotionally draining day. Despite her many hours of sleep- yesterday she had gone straight to bed after her shower- she could not get up.

After a while, there was a knock at her door and it opened. Sirius hovered at the entrance for a short while before walking in and climbing onto her bed; lying next to her.

'What time is it?' she asked eventually.

'Noon,' Sirius replied, staring at the ceiling.

Helen sighed and turned so that she was lying on her back and also staring at the ceiling.

'I didn't run away. They kicked me out,' she said after a prolonged silence.

Sirius found her hand next to his on the bed and interlocked fingers.

Helen shrugged.

'Someone sent him a photo of us-kissing. Naturally, he was angry… he has a very _traditional_ view on how girls should behave around boys, my father does.'

She paused and gave a small, bitter laugh.

'He called me a slut, said that I was no daughter of his, and told me to get out of his house and to never bother his family again… who would send that photo? Why would they send the photo?' she asked; frustration in her tone.

Sirius frowned.

'Maybe someone wants us to break up?'

Helen snorted angrily.

'It was a nasty thing to do, whoever did it,' she said flatly, not willing to yield to tears now.

Sirius turned to face her.

'We don't need them, you know that? I thought about it a lot when I was alone for this past week. We can be each other's family… you'll always have Mark, and I'll always have Andy, we both have James who is like a brother to us… and the same goes for Remus and Peter too, I suppose.

And you were right,' he continued. 'Mr and Mrs Potter really are like parents to us,' he finished.

Helen turned to look at Sirius.

'It doesn't sound so bad when you put it that way,' she whispered.

Sirius smiled.

'That's because it _isn't_ that bad… I mean, we're both finally free, now, from _them_ and their fucked up worlds. It's a good thing,' he said reassuringly.

Helen gave a small smile and leaned in so their foreheads were touching.

'… and who knows. I mean, we're nearly finished school. Maybe in a couple of years we can have our own family,' he said offhandishly.

Helen opened her eyes and thought immediately of the curse she was under. It was reassuring to know that Sirius wasn't completely opposed to the idea of children.

She smiled and kissed him.

'We can have a daughter who looks just like you…' he continued, grinning at the idea.

Helen pursed her lips, thinking that Sirius may very well get his wish if she were to die soon.

And that was not unlikely, given the war which they were in.

'… but she should have your eyes and hair,' Helen finished, running her fingers through his smooth hair. 'It's grown quite a bit in a week,' she commented.

'It always grows quickly when I'm depressed. I think I might cut it now, though,' he shrugged.

Helen laughed softly.

'Yes, but not _too _short. I like it when it's a bit on the long side,' she said.

She suddenly thought of something.

'You want daughters?'

Sirius grinned mischievously.

'Well, I would love to have a son- all of us Marauders should have sons who are the same age so we can create a new generation of Marauders…'

Helen groaned and buried her head in his chest.

'No… I won't. I won't be responsible for creating someone who shall defile the reputation of countless girls…'

'Oh trust me, _ma cherie_. None of them have ever minded having their reputations 'defiled'- as you so eloquently put it… you included,' he added, giving her a knowing look.

Helen hit him lightly and lay back again.

'No… but I have this terrible feeling that I'm only going to get girls as God's punishment for my actions towards girls- thus condemning me to a lifetime of worry that my daughters would be getting too friendly with boys like me,' he said tragically.

Helen rolled her eyes but a grin soon came to her lips.

'You know… I believe that I chose option one,' she said.

'What?' Sirius asked, confused.

She leaned forward and kissed his neck, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

'You see, _mon cheri_,' she continued, 'I've fulfilled the first part of the option by telling you about my 'escape' she said, now kissing his chest.

Sirius found it hard to speak now.

'Oh?' he managed to get out in a strangled voice.

'Yes… but there was that last part which I still need to complete…'

She stopped kissing him and looked up at him seriously.

'And as you know, I never leave anything unfinished,' she told him gravely.

'So what was this last part then?' Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Helen paused, sitting on top of him.

'Hmm,' she whispered in his ear. 'I believe…'

Now she found it hard to speak as Sirius' hands slid under her pyjama top.

'Yes?' he whispered.

'Damn,' Helen thought, 'he always gets the upper hand when it comes to this.'

'S…something about getting…'

She took a sharp intake of breath.

'F…friendly with boys like… boys like you,' she finished, abandoning any further attempts to speak and forgetting about everyone and everything in the world except for Sirius.

* * *

Peter saw her waiting for him, sitting in the dark corner of the small café on the cusp between Diagon and Knockturn Alley in which they had decided to meet. She looked sophisticated as always, clad in expensive tailored black robes; her black bob immaculately styled so that not a hair was out of place whilst she sat at the table, sipping her espresso- her blood red nails contrasting to the white china of her cup on which the red imprint of her lipstick remained as she placed it down to sort through her official Ministry documents. 

She did not acknowledge Peter's presence until he sat down at the table and said 'hi' in a breathy voice.

Slowly, she lifted her dark-rimmed eyes to meet his own.

'Hello Peter. You're a bit late,' she said in her deep voice.

'I..er… my… friends,' he stammered.

'Never mind now,' she interrupted. 'Though you should take care to note that a woman never likes to be kept waiting. You should remember that for when you start going out with that girl,' she said.

Peter blushed.

'She'll never go out with me. She really does love Sirius- they're living together now! That photo I sent didn't work. I thought she might have suspected him…' he said bitterly. 'It's just _so_ typical that he should always get the best of everything…'

She shot Peter a disapproving look.

'Now, Peter, we must never wallow in self-pity, for that gets us nowhere. What you must do, however, is act. You have been downtrodden by these so-called 'friends' of yours your entire life. Am I not correct in assuming this?'

Peter nodded sullenly.

'Of course I am,' she replied quickly. 'Now, Peter, how would you like to get back at them- to show them how _great _you can be…'

She paused and lowered her voice to a barely audible whisper.

'To be far _superior_ to them.'

Peter was on the edge of his seat and hung on her every word.

'I have…_dreamed_ of such things…all these years; being called _stupid_; having them _laughing_ at me…'

She smiled conspiratorially.

'Peter,' she interrupted.

Peter stopped speaking abruptly and looked at her, giving her his rapt attention.

She looked him in the eye before she cleared her throat and took a cigarette from her silver case, putting it in a holder.

'Can you give me a light?'

With shaking hands, Peter lifted up his wand and lit the cigarette. She closed her eyes and drew from it, exhaling the smoke onto Peter's face.

Peter coughed whilst she surveyed him with a calculating expression.

'What I offer you, Peter, is what many people only _dream_ of. It requires much courage… but most importantly it requires cunning and cleverness. You possess these traits, I know- I have developed an eye for such things.'

She paused.

'If you choose to undertake this difficult task, you shall be the one to laugh at your friends- they will not even be able to compete with you… you could even have a free path to that girl whom you desire so… imagine! But I do not lie; it is both difficult and dangerous- a job fitting for only the best. That is why I am asking you, Peter, because I believe you are more than capable…'

She stopped again and looked into Peter's eyes.

'So tell me, Peter: Are you brave enough? Are you?' she whispered.

'Yes!' Peter gasped, entranced by the woman in front of him. 'Help me! I'll do anything!'

A satisfied smile came to Janis' lips.

The Dark Lord would be very pleased with her tonight.

* * *

Sirius was very frustrated to wake up in an empty bed. Furthermore, he was downright annoyed that Helen had woken him up at this ridiculous hour in the morning with her loud Liszt song, which she was banging on the piano downstairs. 

After lying in bed for five more minutes, wishing that she would stop practising and turn into a normal person who actually stayed in bed until a decent hour, he got up and began to look around the floor for his clothes. He pursed his lips when he saw that Helen had folded them and put them on his dressing table; they had been strewn across the floor last night.

Why couldn't she just leave them alone?

Feeling very sorry for himself indeed, he went downstairs to find that Helen had stopped practicing. He found this even more annoying and made him wonder if her sole purpose in doing it was to wake him up. She was now writing on a piece of parchment at the kitchen table.

'Morning,' he said stiffly, sitting down and making a lot of noise as he opened his Daily Prophet.

Helen looked up and frowned at this tone.

'Something wrong?'

'Oh no… nothing…' he said through clenched teeth.

Helen raised her eyebrows and Sirius put his newspaper down in the table.

'Do you _have_ to practice piano from six in the morning? Is it that impossible for you to just stay in bed like a normal person?' he snapped.

Helen blinked.

'You heard me practising?' she frowned.

'Oh, I heard every glorious dischord of you wonderful Liszt,' he said sarcastically.

Helen's eyes widened.

'Sorry! I forgot to put a silencing charm on the door… I thought I had,' she said sheepishly.

Sirius pursed his lips.

'But why do you even have to practise so early anyway?' he said.

Helen shrugged.

'If I don't do it then, I won't do it at all. I know I won't practise once you're up,' she replied.

A silence ensued.

'So… I've been thinking. We need to talk about a few things now that we're living together,' Helen said, putting down her parchment and looking up at Sirius.

Sirius groaned- he knew this would come at some stage.

He raised his eyebrows and looked at Helen.

'Well?' he asked brusquely.

Helen shot him an annoyed look.

'There's no need to take that tone,' she snapped.

Sirius rolled his eyes and forced a smile.

Helen stared at him levelly before clearing her throat.

'Well, we need to decide who's cleaning or cooking and when, first of all,' she said, looking at her list.

'I don't cook,' Sirius said flatly, inwardly cringing as an image of himself wearing a frilly apron came to mind.

Helen pursed her lips.

'Fine, I'll cook, but you'll have to do more cleaning in that case,' she said.

Sirius shrugged.

'Laundry and I don't work either… the same thing goes for curtains,' he added.

Helen was beginning to find that her temper was running short with his insolent attitude.

'In that case, I'll clean the curtains, do the laundry and clean the kitchen as I'm cooking there. You, however, can do everything else- and I mean_ everything_ else. I'm not here to be your maid. You can hire someone if that's what you want,' she snapped.

Sirius looked at the ceiling determinedly and leaned back on the back to legs of his chair.

Helen flicked her wand, forcing the chair to come down.

'These are antique and expensive chairs. You might not understand what value they have, but you should have more respect for what your uncle left you,' she said in response to his glare.

'I've been raised on antique. It sickens me,' Sirius said resolutely.

Helen sighed exasperatedly and looked down at the list.

'There's a big front garden and a huge lot of land out the back. What do you plan on doing with it?' she asked.

'Burying someone in it,' Sirius muttered under his breath.

Helen crossed her arms and glared at Sirius.

'You know, Sirius, you have to take some responsibility now that you have your own house. You can't just let it all fall apart. Things don't just take care of themselves,' she said angrily.

'I'm fucking seventeen!'

'So am I,' Helen replied.

They glared at each other before Sirius rolled his eyes.

'What about the garden?' he said impatiently. 'I don't do flowers.'

'…and I can tell you something else you won't be 'doing' for a long time,' Helen muttered. 'I'll do the flowers then, but you'll have to mow the grass and take care of the gnomes,' she said.

'Anything else?' he asked, making to get up.

'Money,' Helen said, sighing as she came up to the sensitive topic.

'What about it?'

'Do you want me to pay you rent for staying here?' she asked quietly.

Sirius stared at her before getting up and stalking out of the room.

'Well?' Helen demanded, following him into the living room.

Sirius rounded on her.

'You really are mad, you know that?' he said angrily, incredulous that she had even suggested that.

Helen looked away.

'Well _sorry_ for asking,' she said muttered sarcastically.

'Are you done?' he said.

'No.'

'What, then?'

Helen stared at him.

'Do you have anywhere you're meant to be?' she asked flatly.

'No…'

'Well you can sit here and discuss this in a civilised manner, here, for a few more minutes. It won't kill you,' she said.

'Well?' he asked.

'How are we going to share expenses then?'

'Look. I have the gold here. I know you have these twisted little power issues which I'll never understand about you, but I don't care…'

'I have gold too!' Helen said indignantly.

Sirius shot her a knowing look.

'I do!'

'Okay… whatever…' he shrugged.

'So we'll share living expenses then?'

'Do whatever you want. I don't care,' he said in a harsher tone than he had intended, going back to the kitchen and looking through the fridge.

Helen stared after him, feeling very angry.

--

The novelty of living together seemed to have disappeared very quickly.

They did not speak to each other for the rest of the day. Dinner was a stifled affair with the only sound made being the chink of their cutlery on their plates. After this, they went to separate rooms in the house and, needless to say, slept in their separate rooms that night.

* * *

'HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME?' Helen screamed. 

James flinched as he heard the sound of something smashing from the room next to him.

'YOU JUST THREW THAT AT ME!'

'NO, I THREW IT AT THE BIRD ON THE WINDOWSILL,' Helen retorted sarcastically.

The screaming and smashing continued as James stood next to the fireplace in the living room. He thought that now was perhaps not the best time to announce his presence.

After all, he really did not want to intrude in Helen and Sirius' very obvious domestic issues…

'GET BACK HERE… DON'T YOU LEAVE! WE'RE NOT FINISHED…'

'OH, WE'RE FINISHED ALL RIGHT,' Helen shouted back sarcastically, storming into the living room, her face looking very flushed.

'What are you doing here?' she snapped at James.

'I…er… I'll leave…' he nodded, making his way quickly to the fireplace.

'YOU…'

Sirius paused as his eye fell on James.

'No,' Helen responded to James. '_You_ stay. _I'm_ leaving,' she said, shooting Sirius a filthy look, which he returned with equal hatred, and storming up the stairs, muttering very angrily under her breath in Greek and slamming her bedroom door.

James and Sirius flinched at this.

James looked hesitantly to Sirius who looked rather murderous at the present moment.

'So…er… I gather living with Helen's been a blast?' he asked lightly.

Sirius shot James an annoyed look.

'Oh, it's been a blast alright,' he said, through clenched teeth, walking back to the kitchen. 'She nearly blasted me through the wall.'

James' eyes widened as he surveyed the broken plates and considerably destroyed kitchen.

'Did she do… _all_ of this?' he asked in a horrified whisper.

'Oh, we both contributed in some way,' Sirius said dismissively, flicking his wand and repairing the broken plates.

Once the kitchen was returned to its normal state, James looked at Sirius apologetically.

'I can't st…'

--

'…and living with him,' Helen concluded darkly to Lily.

Lily patted Helen reassuringly on the shoulder.

'It's okay. You don't have to anymore. You can stay with me,' she smiled.

Helen pursed her lips.

'I won't… not for the whole holidays, but if I could just stay for tonight…'

'Please stay the whole time! It's really lonely here,' Lily said, a slight note of pleading in this tone.

Helen smiled and hugged Lily.

'I mean, I don't understand him! We needed to discuss how we were going to run the house!'

--

'She just wanted to discuss the house _all the time_,' Sirius drawled. 'It was a bloody headache I tell you… forgetting the fact that she's so weird. I mean, I never knew these things about her before because I never spent _that_ much time with her… did you know, that she prays every night before she goes to bed? Prays! What the hell is with that? It's not as if she's 'little miss innocent'…'

--

'He gets so pissed off at my little habits but, honestly, he's just as bad! For example, he _never, ever_ folds his clothes before he goes to bed. He just dumps them on the ground. I don't understand? Is it that hard to at least leave them on a chair?'

--

'… oh, and did I mention the studying? I say- let's go out, or do _something_ in any case, and all she wants to do is study because she wants to get ahead for her NEWTs. I mean she's _crazy_…'

--

'… and he expects me to just drop whatever I'm doing just to go out. Just like that! I could be in the middle of cooking, and he says- let's go somewhere, because he's bored. Or- this really gets me- I might be nearly _finished_ cooking and he says to just put it in the fridge for tomorrow because he feels like going out. I mean, honestly! If I have just spent so much time cooking, he should damn well have the decency to eat it.'

--

'She's impossible to live with,' Sirius concluded flatly.

James looked knowingly at Sirius.

'Come on, she's not that bad. I mean… there must be good things too,' he pointed out.

Sirius considered this.

He wasn't going to admit that he rather liked her cooking, or watching her getting caught up in the music whilst she was practising piano, or just sitting around talking and laughing about nothing in particular…

Or the _other_ thing.

_Especially_ not the _other _thing that was _so good_ now that they finally had proper privacy…

'Nope. Nothing good,' he said brightly, now not entirely convinced.

As James had a wedding to attend that afternoon, Sirius found himself again launched into that loneliness which he had at the start of the holidays. It took a disastrous attempt at cooking, and a whole night spent in an empty house for Sirius to realise that he needed Helen to come back home and that he had not been very fair towards her. She had only been trying her best and he had blown his lid merely because of a few awkward, yet inoffensive, habits of hers.

* * *

'Lily, dear, there are two boys in the living room,' Mrs Evans called from outside Lily's door the next evening. 'They say they're from your school.' 

Helen and Lily exchanged a knowing look.

'Do you want me to tell them to go away?' Lily asked of her pale friend.

Helen shook her head. She didn't want things to have become so out-of-hand with Sirius.

'Mum, you can't just open to door for people like that, okay?' Lily called back. 'They could be Death Eaters!'

Lily turned to Helen.

'Are you sure that you want to see him?'

Helen nodded and the two girls got up and walked into the Evans' living room. James and Sirius stood up and stared at the two girls. Helen and Sirius exchanged a look and Helen walked out of the house, Sirius following her.

They sat on the front porch.

'You can't just run off each time we have an argument,' Sirius started.

Helen pursed her lips.

'If I didn't you wouldn't have much of a house left,' she responded.

Sirius laughed a little.

'I'm sorry. I was being a total prat. You were only trying to make it work, I know that,' he sighed.

Helen shrugged.

'I guess I overreacted about your habits too… I mean, we both have weird things we do which are strange to the other,' she said.

'So will you come home? Please?' he asked, taking her hand.

Helen leaned on his shoulder.

'Yeah… but we need to sort out a few things as soon as we get there because we can't continue like this,' she said.

Sirius nodded.

'We would've been kidding ourselves if we thought that living together was going to be easy,' he said.

'Ahem ahem,' came Lily's annoyed voice from behind them

They both turned around and looked at her expectantly.

'Now that _James_ has accepted my mother's invitation to stay for dinner, you two are to stay as well,' she said, giving a pointed look at Helen who smiled back apologetically.

* * *

'Ah! How is my Lilykins today!' Mr Evans boomed, having just returned from a business trip to Scotland; striding into the dining room where Lily was setting the table and smacking a loud kiss on her forehead. 

Lily's face turned as scarlet as her hair.

'Dad… I'm not _Lilykins_ anymore. I'm seventeen,' she said through gritted teeth, not daring to look at Helen, James and Sirius who were watching on with bemused expressions.

'You'll always be my darling little Lilykins to me,' he smiled, nipping his daughter affectionately on the cheek before starting as he noticed three strange teenagers staring at him and his daughter- he vaguely remembered the girl from the last summer holidays.

'I never knew that we were having guests,' he said to Lily.

Lily looked accusingly at Helen.

'Neither did I,' she said through gritted teeth.

'Friends of yours?'

'Ah…er… well… _sort of_,' Lily stammered, glaring at Sirius for snorting at this comment.

'Ah! I was wondering when I was going to meet some more of your friends! I've met Severus… are you all friends with him too?' Mr Evans asked of Helen, Sirius and James.

Sirius and James looked as though they were about to have a stroke at the suggestion of being friends with Snape.

'Oh sure… He's a good mate of ours,' Helen grinned, exchanging an amused glance with Lily.

'Hm,' Mr Evans said, eyeing Sirius and James warily.

'Uh, dad, this is Sirius Black and his friend James Potter… and you already know Helen from last holidays,' Lily said, pursing her lips as James suddenly transformed into the model gentleman in shaking Mr Evans' hand.

'Lily! Can I have some help here!' Mrs Evans called from the kitchen.

Lily hesitated, not wishing to leave Sirius and James alone with her father.

'I'll go,' Helen nodded, walking off to the kitchen.

Mr Evans settled into his chair at the head of the table and eyed Sirius shrewdly.

'Now… Mr Black, is it?' he asked as Sirius and James took their seats.

'Sirius is fine, sir,' Sirius nodded.

'Hm, yes… well, you seem like a fairly decent boy, but I am just telling you now that my Lily is the most precious girl there is and if you even so much as think of…'

'DAD!' Lily shrieked, blushing furiously.

Sirius was finding it hard not to laugh at both James' mutinous expression and the whole situation itself.

At that moment, Helen and Mrs Evans emerged from the kitchen with the roast lamb and vegetables.

'No, Lily. If Mr Black is to go out with you…'

Helen shot an accusing look at Sirius who shrugged before turning his attention quickly back to Mr Evans who had cleared his throat in an austere manner.

'I never knew you liked Sirius, Lily,' Mrs Evans frowned. 'I thought that you liked…'

'MUM!' Lily cut in, her worried glance flitting over to James who looked up hopefully.

Sirius could not help it. He started laughing.

'I'm sorry, Mr Black, but do you find this funny? I was under the impression that I was being very serious,' Mr Evans said sternly.

Sirius had to refrain from using a serious/Sirius joke here.

Helen paused and went over and sat next to Sirius.

'You like Lily?' she demanded in a mock-hurt voice. 'And here I was… thinking that you… _loved _me,' she said, pretending to wipe away a tear.

Lily, James, and Sirius laughed at this.

Mr and Mrs Evans seemed very confused.

'What's going on?' Mr Evans asked sharply.

Sirius turned to him politely.

'I will concede, sir, that although she and I rarely ever see eye-to-eye on any matter, that you do indeed have a very special daughter. Fortunately, or unfortunately as is often the case, I am in love with her friend- not your daughter. I am sorry if you had been entertaining the hope of having me as a son-in-law, but I feel compelled to inform you that Lily and I will never be,' Sirius said gravely.

Mr Evans blinked, not sure whether Sirius was being serious or whether he was making fun of him.

An awkward silence ensued during which Lily cleared her throat quickly.

'Let's eat, shall we? This looks wonderful, mum…'

--

The rest of dinner was rather uneventful with Lily and Helen making small talk and trying to encourage the others to contribute. James complimented Mrs Evans many times on the magnificence of her cooking, yet seemed much too afraid to seek a conversation with Mr Evans following his harrowing display with Sirius.

After dinner, however, he seemed to muster up some of his Gryffindor courage.

'Mr Evans, might I be able to have a word with you?' he asked, biting his lip.

Mr Evans frowned and Lily grew extremely pale as she watched her father and James leave the living room for Mr Evans' study.

Five minutes later, the two emerged from the study talking animatedly; Mr Evans with his hand on James' shoulder. Mr Evans winked fleetingly at Lily, causing her to blush.

'Looks like your father's pleased with his future son-in-law,' Helen whispered to Lily who shot her a dirty look.

Helen felt rather proud of James, nonetheless. She knew he had probably asked Lily's father for 'permission' to date Lily and, although this did not guarantee that Lily herself would go out with him, she reckoned that his winning her father's approval was a very good step towards this.

* * *

'We'd better get going,' Helen said to Sirius at nine o'clock. 

Sirius nodded and, slowly, they all got up.

After they had all thanked the Evans' for the evening, the four made their way out of the house slowly.

'Hey, Lily, sorry for causing all the trouble…' Helen said apologetically.

Lily shrugged.

'You and trouble are one and the same, so I'm used to it,' Lily grinned.

Sirius laughed at this and Lily and Sirius stared at each other for a fleeting moment; both very surprised that they had agreed with each other for once.

'Well, I'll see you on Tuesday, then,' Helen said, hugging Lily.

Lily nodded and held out a hesitant hand to Sirius who shook it, also looking rather wary.

Helen sighed.

'See you, James,' she said, hugging him.

'Yeah, and try not to murder my best friend when you go home. I know it's hard for you, but just try,' he said with a small smile.

Helen laughed and turned to Sirius.

'You ready?'

He took her hand and they apparated away with a crack.

Lily was grateful that the sky was black now and that James could not see exactly how red her cheeks were as she realized that they were alone together now at her front gate.

'Your er…' he faltered.

Lily raised her eyebrows.

'Your parents are nice,' he said lamely.

'Thanks,' Lily said, feeling her heart drop a little. 'Your mum is very nice too,' she added.

James nodded and they stared at each other.

'Well, I should probably…'

'Are you doing much these holidays?' Lily interrupted, not looking at him exactly.

'Not really,' James shrugged.

Lily nodded slowly.

James hesitated.

'I…'

He bit his lip and turned his gaze away from her.

'Look, I know you'll just turn me down if I ask, so how about we try it a different way? Helen took Sirius and I to see a movie once… do you know what that is?'

Lily tried not to laugh at this question.

'Er… yes,' she said, her heart beating hopefully.

'Right,' James nodded, trying not to lose his newfound courage. 'Well I realized the other day that I've been bugging you for a lot of our time at school, but we don't really know much about each other. Would you like to go out to see a movie just as… friends, maybe?' he asked hopefully.

Lily chewed her lip to prevent herself from smiling broadly.

After staring at him for a few seconds she nodded.

'I love movies.'

James let out a huge sigh of relief.

'When are you free?'

'I'm not doing much, so whenever… how about Friday night?' she suggested hopefully.

James had never been happier in his entire life.

'That's perfect! Say I pick you up at around seven and we'll go from there?'

Lily nodded.

They stared at each other until Mrs Evans called for Lily to come back inside the house.

'Okay, well goodbye until Friday at seven, then,' James said.

'Goodnight James,' Lily smiled.

He stared at her for a moment longer before disappearing with a crack.

'Six years of holding out and he's cracked me in my final year,' Lily mused to herself as she skipped back to her house happily.

* * *

**Well. Long Chapter with many different things going on. I've decided that I should stop rambling in my A/N's because I usually just summarise what you've all just read...**

**Now, the reason this took so long to get this up is because my laptop wouldn't start up so I had to type this up again from memory and... in short, technology can be a real pain sometimes, as much as I love my laptop.**

**I have a little thing to say about Marina, though. Now, in the last chapter, she invited Sirius up BUT she meant this in suggestive way at all... all she was doing was being polite. It's just that we saw the comment from Sirius' pov and we all know that Sirius' mind usually jumps to suggestive conclusions. **

**But Marina really isn't that bad. I hope you're all starting to see that.**

**So, if you want me to continue to make a big effort in retyping my 'lost' next chapter asap, please be so kind as to drop me a review on your way out!**

**You know how much I love them ;)**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	51. A Valediction Forbidding Mourning

**_Death is hardest on those left behind

* * *

_**

A Valediction Forbidding Mourning

James arrived home, that evening, to an empty house. He frowned; it was getting on ten o'clock, and yet his parents weren't home. Taking out his wand for good measure, he walked through the house. He went into the table and saw that his parents' dinner was still on the table.

Something was not right.

He whirled around as he heard a crack outside the house and the doorbell ring.

'Oh Lord,' he breathed, feeling suddenly rather religious as he approached the door tentatively, gripping his wand tightly.

He unlocked the door, standing to one side tentatively, before sighing upon seeing his Aunt Pamela.

'Aunty Pam' he sighed, relieved. 'What are you doing here? My parents aren't…'

He trailed off as he saw that his aunt had tears streaming down her cheeks.

'James… you need to come to the hospital,' she whispered.

James felt his heart beating in his throat, which felt constricted.

'What is it? Is it my parents?' he asked urgently.

Pamela nodded.

'Your father he… he…' she faltered.

'What?' James interrupted impatiently.

Pamela's eyes widened as she put a hand to cup James' cheek.

'Oh, James… I'm so sorry, he… he… he died,' she sobbed, hugging James to her.

---

James had no recollection of what followed after that… it was all like some horrific, mind-numbing nightmare; his father's body, his mother's crying… people trying to offer him their condolences.

He just wanted to get out.

'I need to go for a walk,' he said abruptly, after having had no sleep that night, whilst one of the Mungo's counselors was speaking to him.

With that, he disapparated with a crack and arrived home.

Home where his father would no longer be.

As he ran to his room, he realised that this was the first serious thing that had ever happened to him and felt disgusted with himself that he had lived his whole life as a joke.

Suddenly, frivolous things such as getting Lily Evans to date him didn't seem so important anymore. He had no desire to touch his broomstick he just… he just wanted to run.

A grueling run where he wouldn't have to think, but punish his body for being so shallow.

Running out of the house, tears streaming down his face, he started. He did not think to pace himself, but ran hard and fast, ignoring the stitch which had formed in his side after fifteen minutes.

He hadn't even been with his father for his final hours. Instead, he had been with Mr Evans.

The thought sickened him and he was suddenly overcome with the urge to throw up. He did so in the nearby bushes and sank to the ground, unable to run any more and succumbed, finally, to the tears which he had fought to keep at bay since he had first found out.

* * *

'Sirius, get up!' Helen said urgently, shaking him.

Sirius sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes before becoming concerned upon noting the tears in Helen's eyes.

'What's wrong?' he frowned, brushing them gently with hand.

Helen's eyes widened.

'Mr P…Potter is d…dead,' she cried, burying her face in her hands.

'WHAT?' Sirius asked, springing up and shaking Helen by the shoulders.

He looked desperate and Helen knew why; Mr Potter had been the only true father figure which Sirius had ever known.

'I g…got this l…letter f…from Mrs P…Potter,' she hiccouged, handing it to Sirius.

He read it feeling as though he had a talon in his heart.

_Dear Helen and Sirius,_

_Last night Richard died and James has now disappeared. I am finding it very difficult to cope with everything. Could you please try and help James? You are his best friends._

_Emily _

There were splotches on the ink from Mrs Potter's tears.

Sirius took a sharp intake of breath. He suddenly felt very angry.

'Why are they all dying? Why?' he demanded of Helen who took a jaded breath. 'First Uncle Alphard and now… now…'

He couldn't say it.

Helen hugged him impulsively and Sirius cried for the first time since he was a little boy.

'Oh God…' he whispered, gripping Helen tightly to try and stop his hands from shaking so much.

When they eventually separated, Helen realised that James needed them.

'We need to find James,' she said to Sirius who wiped his eyes and nodded.

* * *

'I came as soon as I could…' Remus said, getting up from the Potters' front porch where he was waiting. 'Is it true?' he added in a whisper.

Sirius and Helen nodded gravely and Remus' face paled.

'Poor James,' he said quietly.

'Does Peter know?' Sirius asked.

'I suppose so, though he didn't pass his apparition test so it might take him longer to get here,' Remus said.

They stood in silence.

'Do you know where James could be?' Helen asked

They shook their heads.

'He's not inside,' Remus sighed.

'Shall we split up, then?' Helen said.

They all nodded and went their separate ways.

---

Sirius had been walking around aimlessly for nearly two hours when he found James slumped by a bush, hugging his knees to his chest.

'Hey mate,' Sirius said heavily, sitting next to him.

James looked at Sirius and chewed his lip.

'I just can't believe it,' he said after a while. 'It was so… unexpected, I…'

Sirius nodded and tried not to break down in front of James.

'How can he just die like that? How? I don't understand! I saw him in the morning and he was fine!' James asked Sirius desperately.

Sirius stared at James, feeling the stinging in his eyes.

'I don't know, mate… he was getting on, though…' he said quietly.

James gulped and quickly wiped his bloodshot eyes.

'I know,' he whispered. 'But mum's the same age as dad too. Does that mean… oh God, I couldn't live if she left too… I can't deal with this,' he said, burying his face in his knees.

'He was great, your dad,' Sirius said eventually. 'He was… he treated me like a son… and he really loved you- both of your parents do.'

'He was the best,' James nodded.

'He really was,' Sirius sighed.

James chewed his lips which felt swollen and were cracked.

'We'll all miss him, mate. We will… and we'll never forget him because you can't forget a man as great as him,' Sirius said seriously.

James took a sharp intake of breath.

'Let's get you home, though, because your mum's really worried about you,' Sirius said, patting James on the shoulder.

James looked up.

'How is she?' he asked in a strangled voice. 'I… I shouldn't have left like that, but I couldn't stand it all… how's she doing?'

Sirius shrugged.

'I don't know. She sent us a letter telling us what happened and asked us if we could help look for you,' he said.

James sighed and got up.

'Let's get back, then.'

* * *

When Peter finally arrived, the Marauders retreated somberly to James' room. Mrs Potter was devastated and walked around the house, holding one of Mr Potter's shirt to her heart, in a daze. Relatives would flit in and out every now and then, but mostly, a deathly silence hung over the house.

Helen tried her best to help Mrs Potter. She organised certain things for the funeral the next day, telling Mrs Potter to try and get some rest and that she would help sort it out.

But Mrs Potter would not rest; insisting on cooking the refreshments, cleaning the house and checking and rechecking with the celebrant the plans and schedule of the service.

Upon seeing Mrs Potter's whole body starting to shake so much that she could hardly stand properly, Helen sat her down.

'Mrs Potter, please- just take a seat and have a cup of tea, at least. I'll fix it for you and then we can make sure that everything is in place,' she said soothingly.

Mrs Potter did not need to be told twice, sinking into an armchair, clutching at her husband's shirt desperately.

Helen felt terrible for it-but she had to. Oerwise, Mrs Potter herself would be joining her husband very quickly indeed. She slipped a few drops of sleeping draught into Mrs Potter's tea.

After a few seconds, Mrs Potter slumped into a deep sleep and Helen managed to sleep-walk her to her bed.

* * *

Peter looked at his watch nervously. He was expected for a meeting at eight o'clock, and it was now seven. James was now asleep. Remus had been sensible enough to take a leaf out of Helen's book. Upon seeing how twitchy James had become, by adding a few drops of sleeping draught into James' cocoa. Sirius had gone outside to talk to see how Helen was dealing with Mrs Potter.

'Hey Remus, I… my mum made me promise her to be back by eight. She's become really worried since all those killings, so I have to go, but I'll be here tomorrow morning,' he lied smoothly to Remus.

The brilliant thing about being stupid was that no one ever suspected him of being smart enough to lie.

Remus shrugged.

'Okay, then. See you tomorrow,' he said heavily. 'Did you want me to get you home with side-along apparition?' he added.

Peter pursed his lips, not having considered this.

Then again, the meeting was closer to his home than James'…

'Thanks, that would really help,' he nodded.

* * *

Friday came all too soon and they all donned black robes; Mrs Potter needing the assistance of Helen and her sister-in-law, Pamela, to even get hers on- she was crying so much.

There were many people at the funeral and Sirius and Remus were very good about keeping distant relatives away from James who looked dazed as he stared at his father's coffin. Peter was ushering people into their seats, and Helen was trying to accommodate to Mrs Potter's increasingly hysterical requests that she check that the refreshments were properly set out.

Eventually, James joined his mother in the front row of seats, taking her hand in his own, and the service started.

A few relatives spoke. Mrs Potter attempted to, but found that she could not. James did not even seem to have heard or taken in a word of the proceedings as he continued to stare at his father's coffin, tears sliding down his pale cheeks.

'And now, Pamela Potter, Richard's sister, would like to say a few words,' the celebrant said.

Pamela rose from her seat next to Emily Potter and went to the front of the congregation. Wiping her eyes and clearing her throat, she began:

'_Richard was my dear elder brother. You all knew him for the wonderful, funny, kind, brave and generous man he was. He always looked out for me when I was younger and…' _a small, sad smile came to Pamela's face, '_I used to resent it. Now, though, I can only appreciate it because that showed exactly what kind of person he was; a loving and caring one. Whenever I was sad, all I needed was one of his jokes to brighten my mood- and he always seemed to have them! If only he could tell us one now, I'm sure he would be able to make us feel much better.'_

Many people laughed quietly at this as Pamela paused, blowing her nose before continuing:

'Whilst Richard leaves us all, there are two people in particular who we should think of now; his wife, Emily, and his son, James. James, you are a wonderful boy and I know your father was always very proud of you and will always continue to be proud of you; wherever he is, watching you as you continue in life. Emily, you have been his devoted and loving wife ever since you two married fifty years ago, making you a sister to me…'

Emily Potter started sobbing now, trying to desperately muffle her loud crying in her damp handkerchief.

'Because I know of no way in which making the passing of someone whom we love, as much as we all loved Richard, easier, I have decided to end my eulogy with the words of the well-esteemed poet, John Donne in his poem: 'A Valediction Forbidding Mourning,' because I know that Richard would have wanted exactly that: to forbid us to mourn for him.'

Pamela took a deep breath and put on her reading glasses.

'I like this poem,' Helen whispered to Sirius, leaning on his shoulder as he hugged her to him.

Pamela began to read:

As virtuous men pass mildly away,  
And whisper to their souls, to go,  
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,  
"The breath goes now," and some say, "No:"

So let us melt, and make no noise,  
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move;  
'Twere profanation of our joys  
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears;  
Men reckon what it did, and meant;  
But trepidation of the spheres,  
Though greater far, is innocent.'

Emily Potter's crying became louder at this moment and James, also crying, put an arm around her and hugged her.

Pamela paused and sniffed before continuing to read, her voice now becoming gravelly.  
.

'Dull sublunary lovers' love  
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit  
Absence, because it doth remove  
Those things which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refin'd,  
That ourselves know not what it is,  
Inter-assured of the mind,  
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,  
Though I must go, endure not yet  
A breach, but an expansion,  
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so  
As stiff twin compasses are two;  
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show  
To move, but doth, if the' other do.

And though it in the centre sit,  
Yet when the other far doth roam,  
It leans, and hearkens after it,  
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must  
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;  
Thy firmness makes my circle just,  
And makes me end, where I begun.'

There was a reflective silence as Pamela finished and left to join Emily Potter; hugging her and whispering into her ear as everyone stood up and James, Sirius and two other men who were James' relatives went to the front and carried the coffin out.

Both Sirius and James were struggling to remain composed- the both of them having tears streaming down their cheeks.

* * *

They left James and Mrs Potter alone that evening after the funeral party had gone and they had cleaned the house. Both James and Mrs Potter looked as though they wanted to be left alone with each other.

After a while of staring into the fire with James leaning on his mother's shoulder, Mrs Potter spoke.

'James, we got the letter just before dinner and Richard…'

Her breath caught, and she reached into her pocket, handing James the letter.

'Head Boy?' James said in disbelief, before tossing the letter aside.

It seemed so irrelevant at present.

'He was very proud of you, James; he really was. We were both very proud of you,' Mrs Potter sighed.

James gulped.

'I'll really miss him, mum,' he said, fresh tears springing to his eyes.

Emily Potter blinked furiously as she kissed the top of her son's head- her and Richard's cherished 'miracle child'- and ruffled his hair.

'We'll all miss him,' she whispered, hugging him tightly.

* * *

'Did you say that James was coming to pick you up tonight?' Mr Evans asked Lily who was sullenly writing how much she hated James in her diary.

It was nine o'clock now, and they had arranged for him to pick her up at seven.

He had stood her up.

'The bastard,' Lily seethed, under her breath.

She looked up at her father.

'Please never talk to me about that despicable boy ever again,' she said flatly, before turning back to her diary and writing all the more furiously; swear words flowing abundantly in her state of anger and hurt.

She felt so cheated and silly. She had finally agreed to going out with him and he had not even had the decency to turn up.

He really was every bit the dirty little toerag which her first instincts told her he was.

* * *

'I love you,' Helen whispered to Sirius that night, leaning her head on his chest and wishing that the heart beat which she now listened to would never cease.

He wrapped his arms around her and sighed as he realised that he was losing more and more people in the world who he cared about.

'I love you,' he said.

They didn't need to tell this to each other, and they hardly ever used the phrase which was so often abused by people. Somehow, after the events of the past two days, however, they needed to say it as a means of reassurance.

As Helen fell asleep, weary from constantly running around for Mrs Potter or James, Sirius began to seriously think about his life and the world he lived in.

There were more and more murders every day due to Death Eater rampages and raids. It scared him because whilst he could deal with Alphard and Richard's deaths as they were due to natural causes, he did not think he could recover from the death of one of his friends. Yet, with experienced Aurors noted for their dueling skills being murdered on a daily basis, Sirius couldn't escape the thought that it was inevitable that either he would die, or someone close to him would.

He would have much rathered it to be the former; at least he wouldn't have to deal with any emotional pain. Physical pain he was able to deal with easily, but not emotional pain; he had spent too much of his life repressing his emotions.

His friends had thought that his past history with girls had been purely about sex and trying to break some invented record of sleeping with as many girls as possible. Whilst he tried to convince himself that this was his reasoning too, he knew that there was a deeper, less shallow reason for it all. It was a need to feel _wanted_ and to receive attention from someone; to be _admired_ by them. There was such a pitiful amount of love and attention which he received at home that he had tried to compensate for it through those many affairs. As they were so flimsy and conducted with girls who had no idea about who he truly was, however, he was always inevitably disappointed. It wasn't as though those girls had never tried to get him to talk; to try and pry into his mind. It was the fact that he had never considered them worthy of knowing.

And they weren't.

They had no idea what it was to be administered the Cruciatus Curse by your own father at the tender age of eleven for being sorted into Gryffindor. They did not know what it was to be receive the cane whenever their piano teacher delivered an unfavourable report on their daily progress… they did not know.

For them, their interest was for the superficial reason of being that singular girl whom Sirius Black had chosen to confide in. They did not honestly care about him; they only cared for him in relation to how he made them feel and seem to the rest of the student body.

Therefore, he settled for having quick affairs where he managed to feel that attention and want, but didn't stick around long enough to know enough about the girl to feel the let down which always came whenever he managed to learn a bit more about her personality.

That was how Sirius went for so many years.

He found it ironical, then, that he sought Helen. Perhaps it was the fact that she so overtly disliked him that he wanted the ego-boost of achieving what everyone else thought he could never have. More importantly, though, was that it linked to the fact that if he was able to change Helen from hating him to liking (even loving) him, then he stood a chance in having his parents loving him too.

But there was something else. She understood him properly.

She was different.

She was not popular and yet she didn't give a damn; She got around, but wasn't a slut.

She knew what it felt like to be hurt and what it was to desperately want to be loved by one's parents. She understood what he sought in his history with girls, because she had pretty done the same thing with her 'distractions'.

'Distractions,' Sirius thought to himself.

It was a fitting word. Helen had given these boys this title because she thought that they were a distraction from schoolwork, but he knew it was more than that- it was a distraction from the misery of her existence.

It was this mutual understanding which made it impossible for him to ever tire of her. She had her faults and they drove Sirius crazy and yet, at the same time, were those annoying things about her that made him need and want her even more. She would always challenge him, seemed more reluctant to commit than most playboys… and was a mystery to him; he still did not know that much about her. She was like a never-ending puzzle- each day he would find another piece that would make more sense to him, yet he could never understand that whole picture.

But perhaps she felt the same way about him.

They both kept their pasts quiet, as though they would disappear and become forgotten if only they were left alone for long enough.

* * *

**Poor James. He really wasn't ready for something like that, even though JK always said that his parents were very old as it was when they had him. Poor Mrs Potter too. She's going to have an empty house now that James is going back to school soon. Poor Sirius... oh, and poor Lily. She thinks he stood her up on purpose.**

**Now that I have finished the next chapter, I can give you one of these:**

_'I don't want to talk to you. You cheated on me,'_ - Helen Asteria to Sirius Black.

**Yes. This is going to be the fight of all fights between those two. We're going to find out everything about Helen growing up- including why her parents hate her. We're also going to learn more about Sirius and what turned him over from all of that 'Toujurs Pur'. **

**Oh, and there's going to be a little bit more on Remus as well in the next chapter.**

**So. I was immensely disappointed, shall we say, with the amount of reviews for the last chapter. If you want the next one, (i.e. tomorrow) you shall have to do better than that. So... get typing!**

**Oh, and a very BIG thankyou to everyone who has been reviewing. You're all wonderful and you hold a very special place in my heart :)**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	52. Chapter 56: Peeling the Onion

'_**You don't look back along time but down through it, like water. Sometimes this comes to the surface, sometimes that, sometimes nothing. Nothing goes away.' – '**_Cat's Eye,' **Margaret Atwood

* * *

**

Peeling the Onion

'Oh, hey Remus, come in,' Helen said, opening the door for Remus and pocketing her wand.

'So this is Sirius' place,' Remus said, taking in his surroundings.

'Yep… but he's not home at the moment. I think he's taken James out somewhere,' she said as they walked into the kitchen; taking out a teapot and two teacups.

'How is he? Have you seen him since Friday?' Remus asked, sitting at the table.

Helen nodded apprehensively.

I've been every day - I brought them some dinner and groceries. James is… well, I don't know. He just locked himself in his room with Sirius whilst I was there. Mrs Potter is in a right state, though.' Helen said, bringing the tea and a cake over to the table.

Remus sighed.

'I know. I just came from there and James wasn't home. She kept on trying to not cry… it was horrible. The thing is that I don't feel that I know her well enough to say anything which will help,' he said sadly.

Helen sighed and poured out the tea.

'I know… but all she has now is James, so she… I think I'll cook again tonight and bring her more food. I don't know what else I can do,' Helen said hopelessly.

'I'm sure that's a lot- and plus, she always looked at you like a daughter anyway,' Remus said.

Helen nodded.

'Yeah, I suppose…'

There was a pause.

'You wouldn't happen to have any happy news would you?' she asked, rather desperately.

A small, sad smile came to Remus' lips.

'It gets like that, doesn't it?' he said knowingly. 'No, I don't really have any news,' he shrugged.

'How's it going with Lisa?'

Remus picked at his cake.

'I… I don't know. I mean it was great in the beginning, but she's older than me- she's nineteen- and well… we don't have too much in common,' he said uncomfortably.

'Do you still like her?' Helen asked, glad to talk about something less serious and mind-numbing

Remus wrinkled his nose.

'I like her but… it's kind of not really like that, I mean…'

'It's just sex,' Helen interrupted knowingly.

Remus blushed and Helen shrugged

'You know, Remus, it's okay not to stay with a girl, even if you've slept with her,' she said.

'I know, but I feel like such a… I don't want to be like…'

Remus' eyes widened as he realised what he was going to say.

'Like Sirius?' Helen offered. 'Well, you couldn't be like him anyway because you're too nice. The thing is, though, that if it's been more of a physical relationship rather than emotional from the beginning, chances are that your Lisa feels the same way about it. I mean, everyone has to start somewhere and she was a good starting point for you. You don't have to stick around if you don't want to, though. Actually, it's only fair that you end it sooner rather than later if that's how you feel,' she said.

Remus sighed.

'I suppose,' he said. 'But I never really had that many girls interested in me at school so…'

'You will. You've learnt quite a lot, I gather, from being with Lisa so you will be more apt to dealing with girls at school,' Helen nodded. 'Of course, don't break up with her if you like her, but don't stick around just for the sake of being polite. It always ends badly,' Helen said.

'Oh and you know _all_ about that,' Remus challenged, smiling.

'I have observed people from time to time…' she said airily, before changing her tone. 'Either way, I think that Lisa has been very good for you,' she said.

'So you keep on saying. Tell me, because I wonder at times, who's prouder that I've started…' he blushed, 'you or Sirius?'

Helen laughed.

'Oh, yes... He was proud all right, but I have to admit that I think I'm prouder because I have watched you make the transition from shy bookworm to… well, you're still that, but you're more confident now, which is wonderful to see. I wonder what sex would do for Peter. Maybe he'd finally lose his stutter each time a girl talks to him... I mean, I tutored him for most of last term and he still stutters around me. Am I that intimidating?' she demanded of Remus.

'Oh, you're intimidating all right. You make Sirius scared at times- and that's saying something- so imagine what it's like for someone like Peter,' Remus laughed.

Helen shot Remus a reproving look.

'Yeah, but that's only when I'm angry, and I've never been angry at Peter… except for that time in second year when he tried to hit on me... I can be nice!' she protested.

Remus smiled and shook his head at Helen.

'Yes, you are very nice when you want to be,' he said.

Helen paused.

'Do I scare you?' she asked.

Remus considered this question.

'No… but I would never want to be in a fight with you,' he said carefully.

Helen's lips twitched.

'A clever answer,' she nodded.

She glanced at her watch.

'Hey, I'm going to have to start cooking now, so do you mind…'

'I'll go,' Remus nodded, standing up.

'No… well, you can if I'm boring you... but please stay. I'm sick of being left alone here,' Helen said.

Remus looked at Helen and shrugged.

'I can stay… do you want me to help out?' he asked.

'You cook?' Helen asked, surprised.

'I used to help my mum from time to time,' he shrugged.

A broad smile spread across Helen's face.

'Ah, Remus, that's why I love you,' she said affectionately, tying an apron around her waist and throwing a plain one to Remus.

* * *

Sirius arrived home to hear Helen and someone else laughing hysterically in the kitchen. Frowning, he walked in to find the kitchen in a mess and Helen and Remus covered in flour. 

They stopped upon registering his presence.

'You're back... how was James?' Helen asked.

Sirius stared at the two of them.

'As good as he can be,' he said slowly. 'So what's going on here? I never knew you were coming over,' he said to Remus.

'I know. I went to James' place and he wasn't there, so I checked here and…'

'He's helping me cook,' Helen finished, giving Sirius a pointed look which referred to his very prominent laziness in the kitchen.

Sirius ignored this.

'Why is there flour everywhere?' he asked suspiciously.

A small smile came to Helen's lips.

'Oh, there wasn't enough room on the bench to roll the dough, so we had to use the floor,' she said seriously.

Remus tried not to laugh.

The truth was that Helen had slipped, sending the open packet of flour she was carrying flying (and consequently) showering both her, Remus and the kitchen, in flour.

Sirius stared at the two of them and then worriedly at the dough.

'I'm joking,' Helen said, rolling her eyes. 'You're welcome to help us with the cooking, though,' she added.

Sirius grimaced.

'I think I'll take a shower,' he said shortly, casting another suspicious look at the two of them before leaving.

A look of annoyance came across Helen's face as she turned back to grating the carrots.

'He always suspects me of being more than friends with you,' Remus said sadly after Sirius left the room.

Helen snorted.

'If he continues in that way, he can be sure that I _will_ be becoming 'more than friends' with another boy,' she muttered mutinously.

---

Remus, sensing the dangerous tension between Helen and Sirius, left soon after the kitchen was cleaned up and they had finished cooking.

'I'm going to take this pie to Mrs Potter,' Helen said as soon as Remus had left.

'Are you sure?' Sirius said, looking at her suspiciously.

Helen put the pie down on the table and crossed her arms.

'What's that supposed to mean?' she demanded.

He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes.

'Why are you so secretive?' he burst out.

'What? Just because I was cooking with Remus? He's been my best friend since we were eleven, Sirius. Get over it,' she shouted exasperatedly.

'Not just that… everything! Why didn't you tell me that you were friends with Marina?'

Helen's face paled and there was a heavy pause.

'How… how did you know?' she asked in a strangled whisper.

'I saw her the other day and she told me… I mean, why don't you tell me these things? I don't understand what more you want me to do to make you trust me,' he said exasperatedly.

Helen's eyes narrowed dangerously.

'What do you mean you saw Marina the other day?' she asked in a deadly whisper.

Sirius shrugged dismissively.

'It was before you came here and I was lonely one night so I went to this bar…'

'YOU WENT TO A BAR!' Helen shouted incredulously.

'Just for a drink,' Sirius retorted defensively. 'And she was working there and we just talked,' he said.

Helen laughed.

'Did you just ask me why I didn't trust you?' she asked sarcastically.

She stormed out of the room and up the stairs. Sirius followed her.

'How dare you come in here and accuse me of having anything more than a friendship with Remus when you've been going off to screw Marina behind my back,' she said angrily, stalking to her room and opening her wardrobe.

'I haven't been screwing anyone since I was with you so just stop that,' Sirius said angrily, taking the clothes which she was throwing into her trunk back to her wardrobe.

'So what the fuck were you doing in a bar, at night, talking to Marina, of all people? And why the hell did she tell you that we were friends? Did she tell you about what she did to me too? Huh?' Helen shouted angrily, putting more clothes into her trunk whilst Sirius continued to take them out.

'Yes. She did,' Sirius said, trying to grab Helen's arm.

'Well now you know why I don't trust people. Because of people like you and Marina and Severus and my parents, who always fucking betray me.'

She said this fiercely, looking him directly in the eye.

'I promise you nothing happened, Helen. I only went there for a drink. You know I wouldn't do that to you,' he said, gently now.

Helen shrugged his hand off her and continued to pack her things. She felt so vulnerable now that he knew.

'No, I don't know that,' she said eventually, looking at him levelly.

'Well you don't know me very well at all then,' he said coldly.

Helen looked at him for a moment longer before turning on her heel and dragging her trunk out of the room, apparently forgetting that she owned a wand.

He followed her, grabbing at the trunk to prevent her from leaving.

'Let go,' she said through clenched teeth, feeling very annoyed that he was stronger than her.

'I'm sorry, I can't do that. You and I need to talk.'

'You're a guy! You're meant to only want sex and quidditch. You're not meant to want to talk,' she said angrily, trying to pull her trunk out of his grip.

'Believe it or not, I'm not that shallow,' Sirius said coolly. 'We're talking, for once, about you and you're not going to lie or dismiss anything. If you want to, you can leave after we're done,' he said firmly.

'I don't want to talk to you. You cheated on me,' she spat, pulling harder on her trunk.

Sirius gave an exasperated sigh, let go of her trunk, and picked her up.

'Let go of me,' she screamed, hitting him and kicking him with flailing arms.

He dropped her unceremoniously on the bed, found her wand and threw it to the other side of the room. He locked the door before throwing his own wand aside.

Helen looked up at him with wide eyes.

'I don't need a wand,' she said in a warning voice.

'Yes. I know,' he said impatiently.

She made to get up, but he pushed her down again.

'Don't touch me. This might be your house, but you're not going to…'

'Don't even finish that sentence,' Sirius said angrily.

'Why not? What are you doing locking the doors and forcing me to stay on a bed, then?' she challenged.

'We talk better in the bedroom- and it was close,' he shrugged.

Helen glared at him and he sighed.

'Look, I know you know that I didn't cheat on you, so we're not even getting into that now. If you like, I'll tell you everything anyway: It was nine, I was bored out of my mind, alone, and I wanted to do something so I went for a walk to the nearby village. I decided to go for a drink in a bar; yes, a woman approached me but Marina, who was working there, got rid of her for me by telling her that I was already with someone. Marina assumed what you did at that point and got angry at me, but I told her how I was just bored. She then asked me about you and just let it slip how she thought your parents were scary and, naturally, I was curious as to how Marina- the girl you've supposedly hated for your whole life- came to meet them. She told me how you two were friends, how she turned on you and how she was sorry for it. I told her she didn't deserve your forgiveness. Then a group of drunk men tried to assault her so I said I'd wait for her to finish and walked her home to make sure she got there safely. It was completely innocent, she and I are by no means friends and that was all that happened,' he said.

Helen's nostrils flared as she pursed her lips and crossed her arms, saying nothing.

'Your turn,' he said.

'So what? We were friends. What's there to tell?'

'Why didn't you tell me?' he asked.

Helen glanced at him momentarily before looking determinedly at the ceiling.

'Because I didn't want your sympathy. I didn't want you to think of me like that,' she said.

'Like what?'

'Like the vulnerable, betrayed and pathetic person I really am,' she said, disgust in her tone.

'That's the type of thing a Slytherin would say,' he said coldly.

Helen snorted.

'Well perhaps that's where I should be then. After all, the sorting hat said I should be in Slytherin,' she said sarcastically.

Sirius stared at her.

'Yes, I know. See? The truth about me isn't that nice, is it?' she said, looking unhinged as she sat up.

She had lost any self-control now; she didn't care what she said.

'Do you want to know other things about me too?' she nodded, her tone vicious. 'I'll tell you, then. You weren't the first guy I had sex with. I got drunk one night last holidays and can't remember who he was. Tell me- is this what you want to hear?'

Sirius' face paled as he stared at her.

Helen snorted at his reaction and continued.

'Something else? Oh, let's see… I have plenty of secrets… I cut myself. Why? Because I want to feel proper pain and to get rid of any emotions I have. Do you want to see the scars? I'll show you…' she said forcefully, pulling down her jeans and showing him the marks on her inner thigh.

'Do you want to know the last time I cut myself there? Two weeks ago…. Oh, and to add to how utterly pathetic my life has been, how about this? When I was eleven, I took pills and tried to kill myself. I bet that Marina never told you _that_, did she? No… well it was all very hushed up, wasn't it? My parents didn't want the _scandal_ that their daughter- the supposed prodigy- had tried to kill herself. Oh no…that sort of shame would not do. So do you know what they did? They locked me in a bare room at home until Dumbledore came and confunded them; a bare room with a desk, paper, pens and a piano. They made my sister sleep there so I couldn't try killing myself again. After then they never looked at me properly again and I was always a disgrace of a child to them. _That's_ why they hate me so much.'

In a strange way, it felt so good to get all of this out of her system, even though she was directing it, along with her anger, at Sirius.

'So you asked me why I didn't tell you all of this? I'll tell you why; because it's so fucked up. _I_ am fucked up and anyone who knows me _that_ well doesn't want to have anything to do with me. That's how it is. I tried being normal- tried to escape my past- but it didn't go away. It's there and I'll never fucking escape it. So there you go. I hope you're satisfied, because you finally have what you've been missing out on, don't you? If I think of anything else, I'll keep you posted,' Helen fumed, sitting up now.

She would have dearly loved to tell him about the Asteria curse just to push him over the edge- she didn't care if she hurt him now- but couldn't. Dumbledore had told her not to.

Sirius now had his back towards her and his head in his hands.

Helen smiled bitterly- it had ended as she always knew it would. She got off the bed, pulled her jeans up, and went to pick up her wand.

'So you're fucked,' he said.

She paused.

'You are- your past is fucked up and it's a crap way to have grown up. I agree. But you know what? You've made yourself even more fucked up now by how you've reacted on it,' he said.

Helen turned on him angrily.

'How can you say that? All I ever wanted was to live a normal life free from all of that shit and I was doing fine until you came along and wanted to know everything about me. No one else ever asked and it was great. I was happy. Why do you care? Why do you want to know?' she whispered fiercely.

He grabbed her wrist, suddenly, and pushed her against the wall forcefully.

'Because you know,' he whispered bitingly, looking her in the eyes. 'You're the only one who knows what it is to be fucked like we are and it's a bloody relief to have someone understand me and to not judge me for all of that shit- like I've never judged you. What did you think I'd do when you told me all of that? Leave you?'

Helen looked away from his eyes, her chest heaving.

He laughed sarcastically.

'Well let me tell you: If I did, I'd be a bloody hypocrite because it would be like leaving you for doing all the crazy and screwed up things that I've done. No, I haven't cut myself but yes, I fucked Melinda North after we had broken up last holidays; yes, I have tried to kill myself but didn't get as far as you did and yeah, the sorting hat sure as hell tried to put me in Slytherin. Want to know something else which is fucking terrible about me?' he said, forcing her to face him.

Reluctantly, Helen drug her eyes to meet his own.

'The word 'mudblood' was a part of my daily vocabulary and I used to believe all of that shit that came along with my last name. _That's_ what kind of person I was.'

Helen stared at him, but Sirius knew, as he always did, that she didn't judge him for it; this news hadn't altered how she thought of him.

'That's exactly how I was right up until I actually saw my older cousins torturing a muggle, for fun, when I was eleven. So you tell me now: does that sound pretty to you? Do I sound normal to you?'

He said this all harshly; not pretending to paint it in a softer colour, because what they needed now was exactly the harsh truth.

And neither of them had ever been the types to go for flimsy pastels.

She looked away, feeling stripped and raw… and very claustrophobic.

She pushed him out of her way and tried to leave, but he grabbed her wrist, spinning her around. She stared into his eyes now. They were unrelenting and not afraid to hurt her if it was the truth. After a pause, he leant forward and kissed her roughly.

She pushed him away, not wanting to fully yield herself to him yet; to become his.

He let out a vehement sigh.

'I can't take anymore. I can't,' he said, tugging at his hair and walking away from her.

'Cant' you see what you're doing?' he shouted exasperatedly. 'You're throwing your whole life away and you don't see it, do you?'

Tears started to slide down Helen's cheeks. She felt broken.

'Please stop,' she whispered.

'No,' Sirius said flatly, turning to her. 'No, I'm not going to because you need to understand this, or else you'll be eventually going down that suicide path once again and I won't be able to deal with that; I won't.'

Helen said nothing.

'So,' he said angrily 'I'm not going to stop until you fucking understand that I love you not because you're smart, not because you're beautiful, not because you're good at quidditch and not because of sex. Do you know why?'

Helen looked away, her breath jagged.

'Because of who you are; because you've been through all that shit and understand everything about me where no one else does… and because I know that I understand you better than anyone else in the world too. As much as you won't admit it, it's true,' he said, gripping her shoulders.

She stared at him, unable to say anything. After a while of this, Sirius sighed and, shaking his head exasperatedly, turned away.

But this time, Helen spun him around and kissed him; giving herself to him because he had been able to strip her to what she really was and still did not leave her, but told her that he loved her even more for being what she was.

And that meant more to her than anything else in the whole world.

It made her not care about the fact that she was under some curse; that she had some 'sacred' secret, because it made her realise that she was just a screwed up girl who had been lucky enough to find someone who was just as screwed up as her.

Nothing else seemed significant.

Sirius was initially shocked that she had kissed him, but responded very quickly, pulling her as closely as he could to him.

Helen realised that this was one of the things which she loved about Sirius; he always needed to touch her and bring her to him as closely as possible and it was at that moment that she understood that it had nothing to do with sex but, rather, was a physical way of becoming closer to her.

- Because she had never allowed him to become close enough to her emotionally.

And now it wasn't just sex anymore; it was becoming as close to each other as possible; in both the metaphorical and literal sense. It was a way of getting rid of their whole crazy world and purifying their lives, even just for a few minutes, to consist of nothing but each other.

They made their way to the bed and Sirius' weight on top of Helen now felt comforting, as opposed to suffocating, - as it had been a few moments earlier. Like their conversation, it wasn't gentle. They went the full way immediately, without waiting. Clothes were torn- they were still too much of a barrier between them-, scratch marks were left on skin, hair was yanked, and their lips separated for breaths only when their lungs felt as though they were going to burst. It lasted longer than it had ever done before and, when it was over, they waited before withdrawing from each other, not wanting to break that connection just yet.

'I still have one last thing which I haven't told you,' Helen managed to say after what must have been hours of silence.

Sirius looked at her.

She nodded.

'I would, but I'm not allowed to because Dumbledore said I couldn't. I'll tell you one day, though. Maybe when we've finished school or something,' she said.

'Dumbledore?' Sirius frowned.

Helen looked away and traced the muscle definitions on his chest.

'It's much bigger than any of these past things I've told you… I wouldn't be surprised if you actually did leave me once I told you…' she trailed off, thinking of her mother and Alphard.

This was Alphard's house. Had Selene been here too?

'I won't,' Sirius said quietly, shifting so that he could see her properly.

Helen raised her eyebrows.

'We'll see,' she said quietly.

'No, I won't… I don't think I could ever leave you. I need you too much,' he said simply, looking her in the eyes.

Helen didn't know what it was about this; perhaps it was because of everything that had just happened, but she broke down. It didn't matter to her anymore if he saw her crying.

He pulled her to him and hugged her tightly.

'I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you,' he whispered. 'You were just so far away.'

Helen sniffed and shifted so that she was leaning on his chest.

'I'm here,' she said.

'I know,' he said, kissing the top of her head.

'I'd never leave you either,' she said after a while of silence.

Sirius laughed softly.

'You try to leave me almost every day.'

'I mean I would never properly leave you- those others don't count,' she said, kissing his shoulder and hugging him around the waist.

'We really are screwed up, aren't we?' Sirius mused.

'In both the literal and metaphorical sense,' Helen murmured.

He smiled slightly and sighed, running his fingers through her long, rosemary-scented hair as he felt himself slowly drifting off to sleep.

He had finally been able to get through to her and knew that, at this very moment, he had never felt closer to anyone in his entire existence.

* * *

**Because you were all so wonderful and graced me with a satisfactory number of reviews, I conceded in giving you this next chapter. **

**Perhaps you were expecting a different kind of fight. It was a little violent, there wasn't much screaming- but the content of this one, I believe, was much more serious than any of their other fights and was such that it was kind of 'the fight to end all fights' ... well, kind of. **

**For now, anyway. **

**So please continue your fabulous work with reviewing and I shall hopefully post the next chapter soon as well. **

**For you:**

_'Why was he wearing a different shirt?' Sirius asked suddenly._

_'He's a very quick shag, that friend of yours.' -_Helen Asteria in response to Sirius' above question.

**Lots of love, Anya.**

**p.s. As a side note on last chapter: no one but James and Lily knew about their 'date,' so Helen/Sirius etc didn't know that it had been organised and therefore didn't forget to tell Lily because they had no idea about it. If you remember, James found out his dad died as soon as he came home from the Evans', so there wasn't any time to tell.**


	53. Chapter 57: Counselling

'_**Fall seven times, stand up eight.' **_**- Japanese proverb

* * *

**

Counselling

'Wake up sleepyhead,' Helen whispered into Sirius' ear the next morning.

He screwed up his face.

'Come on,' she said, poking him in the chest gently.

'Let's just…stay in bed…whole day,' he mumbled, hugging her around the waist and nestling his head against her chest.

Helen laughed.

'Unfortunately we don't have that luxury. I have to meet Lily for lunch anyway…'

Sirius was evidently already asleep again as he didn't respond.

'Okay then. You can stay in bed, but I'm going okay? I'm going to the market,' she said, trying to prise herself out of Sirius' arms.

Sirius sighed and stretched.

'What time is it?' he asked.

'Seven.'

'SEVEN?' he said incredulously, looking at her as though she were mad.

'Well I want to get the good ingredients, so I have to go in the morning. The only things left later on in the day are the rejects,' she shrugged. 'So are you coming or not?'

He looked at her intently before shaking his head.

'Ah, the things I do for you…'

'I'm not forcing you,' Helen said self-righteously.

He grinned and kissed her.

'I'm joking, _ma cherie._ In case you didn't notice, I do that from time to time,' he said, patting her leg and getting out of bed.

Helen stared after him and couldn't help her smiling.

* * *

'This one?'

'No, see here? That means it's no good. You need to look for ones that are slightly green so they don't wreck by tomorrow,' Helen said, picking up a different bunch of bananas.

'That's one pound,' the lady said.

Helen paid and they continued to walk; Helen looking at the selection that she was passing with scrutinizing eyes.

'Why are we at a muggle market?' Sirius asked, feeling, for once, rather out of place.

Helen shrugged.

'I thought you might like to see something different. _That_, and the fact that I don't understand wizarding markets. You have funny things like dragon liver… I think it's best that I stick with what I know,' she said. 'Shall we get a watermelon?'

She started picking the melons up, tapping them and frowning.

'How do you know which one's good or not?' Sirius asked, watching her. 'They all look the same to me,' he said.

'Come here,' Helen said, having just rejected the watermelons from one particular owner and going to the other side of the lane to test another store's watermelons. 'You have to tap them… see? You hear that hollow sound? That's not good… ah, finally! Here's a good one. Tap that. Do you hear that sound? That's what you need to hear to know that it's a good one. Of course, if you really don't know, you're better off buying the cut ones where you can see,' she said, paying the owner and putting the watermelon in her big bag which not only seemed light for her to carry, but to also never run out of space.

Sirius peered inside it to see that she had charmed it and grinned in spite of himself.

'So how do you know all this?' he asked, taking the bunch of grapes that Helen had handed him.

'My mum,' Helen shrugged. 'She was determined that I should be a 'noikokira'- which kind of means 'a good housekeeper'- so that she could marry me off well. My father was more determined that I went well at school and music, but still wanted me to know the 'house-wife-ish' stuff as well.'

Sirius considered Helen.

'You never sound angry whenever you talk about them,' he remarked.

'That's because I'm not. I understand what they are- which is why I never found any of their actions surprising. They have old-fashioned, traditional ideologies and they're adamant not to change them. If we were in the same situation fifty years ago, no one would think that their ways were strange,' she said.

'Hm, sounds like my family- with the difference that they're magical,' he said.

Helen shrugged.

'I don't feel anything towards them anymore- just neutral… but you're not like that,' she said knowingly.

Sirius cleared his throat.

'No, you're right. I hate them.'

'Well I suppose that I don't have cousins like Bellatrix in my year, so it's easier for me not to hate my family. And the fact that I actually like my siblings helps, I suppose,' Helen said, frowning as she surveyed the selection of seafood in front of her.

'Oh, I really can't stand eating fish- just thought you should know that,' Sirius said.

Helen pretended to look mortified.

'And you're with me? I'm Greek! Fish is a staple in our diet!' she laughed. 'No fish at all?' she added hopefully.

Sirius wrinkled his nose.

'Okay, fine… but you do know that it's very good for you,' she said.

'I'm sorry, I wish I did like fish for your sake, but I just can't,' he said apologetically.

Helen shrugged.

'Oh well… so what else don't you like?'

* * *

Sirius flopped into the armchair as soon as they arrived home.

'Argh, my feet are killing me,' he complained whilst Helen took their purchases to the kitchen and started putting them away. 'And I'm hungry,' he added as an afterthought.

'It wouldn't kill you to learn how to cook, you know,' Helen called from the kitchen.

'I know… but you do such a wonderful job of it, anyway. I could never compete with that,' he said, walking into the kitchen and grinning at her.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'That's rubbish. You just don't want to do any more work than you have to,' she said, bending over the fridge.

Sirius grinned and leaned back on his chair.

'Obviously. No one likes work… except for you. But you're weird like that. You have this masochistic streak in you which scares the hell out of me at times,' he said thoughtfully.

Helen shook her head at him and charmed the ingredients to take care of themselves in creating a pancake batter before going over to him and sitting on his lap.

He kissed her cheek and noticed that she had a faraway expression.

'You there?' he whispered in her ear.

She blinked and smiled at him.

'Yeah, I'm here,' she said, smiling at him. 'I was just… thinking…' she shrugged.

'Quite the thinker. I sometimes wonder how you weren't put in Ravenclaw,' he said.

Helen laughed.

'Oh, the sorting hat really wanted to. It was between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor in the end. Do you remember how my sorting was really long? That's because the hat couldn't decide,' she said.

'And what won you over to Gryffindor?'

'Apparently I have true bravery in my heart,' Helen said dramatically.

'Or you just make everyone else scared,' Sirius muttered, grinning at her.

'Why does everyone keep saying that?' Helen asked, springing up. 'Yesterday, Remus said that I frighten everyone… am I really that bad?' she continued, pouring out the pancake batter.

'Only when you're angry,' Sirius said reassuringly. 'Which is a lot of the time,' he added, laughing.

Helen sighed at him exasperatedly and put the stack of pancakes on the table.

'_Bon a petit, mon cheri,'_ she said. 'I'm going to take a shower because I have to meet Lily in half an hour.'

'What am I going to do then?' he said.

'Oh, I don't know… you could finish your cleaning, take the pie I meant to give to Mrs Potter yesterday to her, see how James is doing… visit Peter or Remus… you have plenty to do. God forbid, you could even do some study,' she said.

'I'll save the studying for when you're here. I think I'll visit James,' he nodded.

'Well, don't forget the pie… and please clean your plate when you're done,' she added, smiling sweetly and pecking him on the cheek before leaving the room.

* * *

'She's been in her room a lot since Friday,' Mrs Evans frowned to Helen. 'That James boy was meant to take her out then, but he never showed up…'

'What?' Helen blurted out.

'He said he'd take her to a movie, but…'

Helen had no idea about this innovation between Lily and James. Then she remembered Mr Potter's funeral.

'His father died on Thursday and the funeral was on Friday. He was really distraught… he would never do that on purpose,' Helen said to Mrs Evans earnestly.

Mrs Evans' face fell.

'Oh, the poor boy… how terrible… oh, well, I'm sure Lily will understand. How terrible…' Mrs Evans kept on saying as she led Helen to Lily's room.

'I'll take care of her,' Helen nodded to Mrs Evans as she knocked on Lily's door.

'I'm studying, mum. I don't want any food and no, I don't want to go shopping…'

Helen opened the door and saw Lily bent over her desk, writing furiously.

'So I'm gathering that you forgot about our lunch, then,' Helen said, shutting the door behind her and sitting on Lily's bed.

Lily looked up, surprised, before breathing heavily.

'It's all your fault. I trusted you about him… you said…'

'His dad died, Lily. He died while he was having dinner here- he came home and found out. The funeral was on Friday. He would never stand you up, trust me. You didn't see him, though… I've never seen him like that. He'll only talk to Sirius… he's really broken by it,' Helen said earnestly to Lily.

Lily's face was pale.

'His dad died?' she whispered, mortified.

Helen nodded gravely, feeling her nose twitching as she remembered the funeral.

'It was terrible. His mum… she's been distraught and, in short, it's been a nightmare for them.'

Lily said nothing.

'I was so mad at him,' she said eventually. 'He asked me out and I said yes and then, when he didn't turn up, I thought he had done it as some joke and… I feel terrible now,' Lily said, burying her face in her hands.

Helen hugged Lily.

'It's okay. Don't feel bad- you didn't know. I would have told you, but I didn't know that he had asked you out… don't worry. Maybe you could help cheer him up? I think if you guys went out it'd be good for him…'

Lily shook her head.

'What would I say? I hardly know him.'

'But you do! You guys are so similar and he likes you, so it won't matter. He'll talk and feel better about it,' Helen said earnestly.

Lily did not seem convinced.

'Anyway. Your parents seem rather concerned that you've been locked up in your room since Friday, so how about we go out and I try and convince you about it over lunch?' Helen said assertively, standing up.

Lily stood up and gave a small smile.

'I'll just…' she said, motioning to the bathroom.

'Yes, please do. We can't have you walking around with a splotchy face, now, can we?' Helen laughed, hugging Lily before she went to the bathroom.

* * *

'Are you sure?' Lily whispered as Helen opened the front door to the Potters' residence.

Helen nodded and took a sharp intake as she heard Mrs Potter crying. They walked past the living room to see Mrs Potter crying to Pamela Potter over her tea.

Lily's face fell and Helen motioned for her to follow her quietly up the stairs.

'This is his room,' Helen said, pointing to the door. She knocked tentatively on it, hearing voices inside. A few seconds later, Sirius opened it.

'What are you doing here? I thought you were with… Evans! What are you doing here?' Sirius frowned, shutting the door behind him.

'She's come to talk to James,' Helen said.

Sirius looked unsure for a few moments before conceding.

'Okay,' he said heavily, 'but if he gets mad or something, don't take it to heart. He's just upset,' Sirius said.

'I'll tell him you're here,' Helen nodded.

She went into James' room and saw him lying on his bed. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought that he was fine; reading a quidditch book as he was.

An upside-down quidditch book.

'Hey James,' she said, sitting on his bed and patting his knee.

He looked up fleetingly before turning back to his book.

'Interesting book?'

He shrugged.

'Since when did you know how to read upside-down?'

He flushed and turned it around the right-way up.

Helen frowned.

'Your mum told me yesterday that you got Head Boy. That's great!' she said optimistically.

James shrugged nonchalantly and Helen sighed.

'Well, seeing as I'm bloody useless in getting you to talk, I brought the new Head Girl along with me so you two can start conferring on your new responsibilities,' she said.

Slowly, James, put his book down.

'Why on earth would you bring the Head Girl here? I don't even know her,' he said, looking at Helen as though she were crazy and feeling rather annoyed that she was not being more considerate of his feelings at present.

'Oh, I think you do,' Helen said, smiling slightly. 'Because she happens to be a particular red-haired friend of mine,' she added slyly.

James blinked before registering what Helen had just said.

'EVANS!' he shouted hoarsely, springing up. 'She's here?' he continued, shaking Helen by the shoulders and looking more alive than Helen had seen him since last Thursday.

Helen nodded.

James rushed to the mirror and checked his face.

'How can you just bring her here without warning me?' he demanded, trying to clean up his room.

Helen sighed and flicked her wand, packing away all his strewn clothes in his wardrobe.

'Where is she?' he said.

'Outside your door,' Helen said, handing him a clean shirt to change into and putting away his dirty one.

James hastily buttoned the shirt and opened the door, as though to check that Helen wasn't lying. He took one glance at Lily before slamming it shut again and leaning against the door, breathing heavily.

'She really is here,' he whispered, his eyes wide.

Helen nodded as she opened the window to let some much-needed fresh air into the room.

'Yes, she is,' Helen smiled.

James stared at her.

'What do I do?' he continued to whisper urgently.

Helen shook her head at James and walked up to him and hugged him.

'Just talk to her, James. She'll listen- You're both good at listening- and you'll feel better, I promise you,' she said.

James now became silent and shifted on his feet.

'Can I let her in now?' Helen asked, reaching for the door.

'Wait!' he whispered.

Helen looked at him expectantly.

'Do I look okay? Is my room acceptable?'

Helen smiled at him.

'Not that she'll notice, but both are wonderful,' she said reassuringly, smiling at him one last time before opening the door to find both Sirius and Lily gone. She heard a sob from the room next door and opened it to find Lily crying on Helen's usual bed at the Potters with Sirius patting her awkwardly on the back.

'Oi! What's going on here?' Helen asked, looking at the two of them incredulously.

Sirius shot her an accusing look.

'James is ready to see you now,' Helen informed Lily who was drying her eyes quickly.

'He w…wants t…to s…see me?' Lily choked.

Sirius sighed impatiently.

'Yes, Lily,' Helen smiled. 'We were just sorting out his room so that it would be fit to be seen by you,' she added.

Lily laughed weakly and sighed before leaving the room quickly.

Helen smiled at Sirius.

'Do you reckon it'll work?' Sirius asked.

Helen went over to the bed and sat next to him.

'Yeah, I do. Please don't tell me that you're jealous that he's going to start pouring his heart out to someone who isn't you,' she added, giving him a knowing look.

Sirius laughed.

'Well, I have to admit that it does hurt a little… oh well. It's about time that something happened between those two,' he shrugged.

Helen nodded and lay back.

'Why was he wearing a different shirt?' Sirius asked suddenly.

'He's a very quick shag, that friend of yours,' she laughed.

Sirius shot her a reproachful look.

'Was he better than me?'

'Short and sweet. Uh huh- much better.'

'Now, that won't do. I might not be the best at many things, but I have to be the best at that. After all, I have devoted much of my life to researching the art of perfect lovemaking,' he said playfully, lying back next to Helen.

Helen shrugged.

'His old shirt was dirty and a bit smelly. He didn't want Lily to see him like that,' she explained.

'I know,' Sirius grinned, knowing that nothing would ever happen between Helen and James. 'Should we go? It seems like they'll be a while… and plus, I now feel compelled to show you that I'm the best you'll ever have,' he added.

'Can you do me a favour and stop thinking about sex for just a few minutes?' Helen said exasperatedly. 'I don't know if it's fair to leave Lily here…' she frowned.

'Well, if something goes wrong, she can just apparate home, or to our place to cry to you about it. We can leave a note informing them that we'll be home if they need us for counselling, but to make sure to knock before unlocking any rooms that may have the door closed,' he said brightly.

Helen shook her head, but agreed that the note- minus the statement on locked doors- was a good idea anyway.

---

'How did we ever become the counsellors?' she mused as they arrived home. 'Weren't we the ones who _needed_ the counselling?'

Sirius laughed.

'That's true, but sometimes the best therapy is having somebody, who knows what it's like to go through it all first-hand, listen to you. That way, you know that they know what you're talking about,' he said.

Helen nodded and leaned forward and kissed him, putting her arms around his neck as they leaned back on the couch.

Her breath caught as his hand made its way up her thigh, but this time it stopped short and he pulled away from the kiss, sitting up.

'What's wrong?' Helen asked, before grinning. 'Do you need some help? Honestly, for someone who has 'perfected the art of lovemaking,' as you are so fond of boasting to me…'

He pulled up her skirt.

'Do you think that we can try stopping this?' he asked, pointing to the scars on her thigh.

Helen fell silent and looked at him, sadness evident in her demeanour.

'I don't do it that often...I only do it when I'm upset,' she said quietly.

Sirius smiled slightly, still tracing the scars gently with his fingertip.

'Well I'll just have to make sure that you're always happy then, won't I?' he said.

Helen smiled at him and nodded.

'I'll stop. I promise. You're right- I don't need to do it and it's really a stupid thing to do,' she said.

He nodded seriously before adding:

'Good… because you have such nice legs, _ma cherie,_ and it would be such a pity to waste them with these ugly things.'

'You know, _mon cheri_,' Helen commented, 'you're the only one who really looks up there anyway.'

Sirius pouted.

'And that's not a good enough reason?'

Helen laughed before she remembered something.

'Are you procrastinating?' she asked, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

'What?'

'I believe, _monsieur,_ that you are detracting from the task at hand. Surely you're not beginning to doubt your skills in the art of…'

Sirius silenced her with a kiss before pausing again.

'I want you to repeat this. Sirius Black never doubts his skills in bed.'

'So you keep on saying, but, with all due respect _mon cheri, _you keep on stopping whenever we get close,' Helen pointed out.

To her surprise, Sirius actually pulled her skirt down and moved away from her.

'Is something actually wrong?' she asked, not having known a time when he refused sex.

He slumped back in the couch sullenly.

'We can't today,' he said.

'Oh?' Helen asked, not sure whether to take Sirius to St Mungo's or to just be bemused by the whole situation.

'I forgot to take contraceptive potion this morning at the right time, so we have to wait a whole twenty-four hours before it's effective,' he said, sounding very annoyed with the whole situation.

Helen stared at him for a moment before she burst out laughing.

'I fail to see what is so humorous about this sorry situation,' he said shrewdly, crossing his arms.

Helen shrugged and lay back on the couch, closing her eyes as the afternoon sun filtered through the window and the warm rays illuminated her face.

'What happened?' she asked eventually. 'You said you tried to kill yourself…'

Sirius stared at her before looking back into the empty fireplace.

'It in the holidays of first year and…' he paused and Helen sat up, listening intently.

'He had just done the Cruciatus curse on me,' he said quickly.

'Your dad?'

Sirius nodded and registered that Helen was not surprised at this news, whereas others would be horrified.

'Yes… I just couldn't take it. I was twelve and stuck in this house which I couldn't escape along with the people in it. I hadn't seen James or any of the others since the end of term and it was the middle of the holidays- you know what I mean? That time where it's been too long since the end of the last term to still have those memories to hold on to, and too far away from the start of next term to have that goal there to keep you going.'

Helen nodded, knowing the feeling exactly.

Sirius shrugged.

'I didn't get far- maybe I was too scared or, more likely, knew that it was a stupid thing to do, but I only got a drop of the poison into me before I just poured it all down the sink. It was one of the scariest moments of my life; it still scares me, because it wasn't like 'Diagon Alley' where you're fighting to stay alive because others are trying to get you… because you're the one trying to kill yourself and when it gets to that stage, you know you're screwed.'

Helen stared into the fireplace.

'It is. It's scary... because you know you don't want to die, but you can't see another solution,' she said. 'Mine was before Hogwarts, though, so it was a bit different. I really had no way of seeing that 'light at the end of the tunnel' because all I thought I had to live for was a continuation of school which, as you gathered from Marina and all, was horrible; and home which was almost worse.'

She paused.

'But then it wasn't as it was different… they, I don't know… they loved me in their own way, but there was just so much pressure! Pressure to be the best pianist, pressure to be the best in school… we'd have family friends over and I couldn't take it because the whole time they'd be talking about my achievements and I just started wondering what else there was to me apart from those things. As far as I was concerned, that was all I was- a kind of trophy on my parents' mantelpiece, and I couldn't take it anymore. It was okay at first- Mark and I would filch my dad's cigarettes and that would be enough of a rebellion to get me through the rest of the next day... but I was still on that edge. This is what happened: it was a piano competition- the seventeenth of March- and it was a big one. If I won, as I was expected to, I would get sent overseas to Vienna for specialist training and that would have probably set my career up as a concert pianist for life. That was the aim anyway.'

Helen trailed off and got up and sat at the piano. She started to play Liszt's Campanella.

'Do you know this?'

Sirius nodded.

'Yes, but I was never good enough to play it,' marvelling at how good Helen actually was at the piano.

Helen continued.

'That was the piece I was to play… but it's not easy,' she said as she continued to play, her fingers running across the keyboard.

'I don't know what happened. I got on stage and, midway through the piece, the pressure just got to me. I had just realised that how I played, at that moment, was going to decide the rest of my life for me.'

She continued to play.

'Did I like the piano? Yes, I did. I've always loved music so that wasn't the issue… but did I want to become a pianist? No. I didn't. That wasn't what I wanted to be. I didn't know what I would become, but I knew that a concert pianist wasn't what I wanted to be…'

She stopped as she made a mistake.

'That's the part I screwed up. And once you screw up La Campanella, not only is it very obvious, but it's very hard to keep going…. So I sat there, with everyone watching me having lost any chances of winning, before running off the stage. My father wouldn't talk to me on the way home. He didn't hit me, didn't shout- he just wouldn't look or speak to me. I couldn't stand that shame; that disappointment, so that night, I went to the medicine cabinet and took the pills. Mark found me on the floor of the bathroom and they took me to hospital. But after that day, my parents never looked at me the same way again… and you know what?'

Sirius continued to look at her as she gave a bitter laugh.

'I've played that piece every day since then. Every day, I play that work because I have never been able to get that run right. I always screw it up at the same spot and… six years later, I still can't get it. Those cuts on my leg are nothing. I've done cut there about five times in my entire life- but this…' she said, trying, and failing, again to play the run correctly, 'this is worse.'

Sirius stared at her before saying:

'I'm nowhere near as good as you on the piano, but maybe try the fingering '5, 3, 1' instead of '5, 4, 1'.'

Helen glanced at him and tried it; slowly, at first, and then at full tempo. She did it perfectly.

Sirius smiled.

'Now play the whole piece, for the last time, and put it to rest. Forever,' he said.

Helen smiled at him and started playing. It was flawless. When she finished, she looked enlivened- and hysterically relieved.

'I did it!'

Sirius nodded. 'Of course you did. Perhaps you should be more open to different fingerings from time to time,' he shrugged. 'You never know… it could save you a six-year heartache.'

Helen laughed, shut the piano lid and went over to where he was and kissed him.

There was a small voice in her head which secretly wanted to know if she could get pregnant- if it was even possible- and she almost wanted to try and find out for herself right now. Thankfully, she dismissed this thought very quickly as a stronger voice in her mind told her that she was only seventeen and that she still had her hardest and most important year of school to get through.

But it was hard having that uncertainty hanging over her and although she always dismissed it from her mind whenever she started thinking about the curse she was under, she knew that she was kidding herself into thinking that it wasn't that big of a deal, because it really was.

* * *

Lily took a deep breath and, just as she was about to knock on the door, James himself opened it, causing him to knock his head instead.

'Oh, sorry!' she whispered, horrified at having done that.

A small smile came to James' lips.

'I never heard you apologising for hurting me before,' he remarked.

Lily smiled apologetically and bit her lip.

James realised that Lily probably didn't want to go inside his room and, in any case, he wanted to get some fresh air.

'Do you want to go for a walk?' he asked.

Lily nodded and followed him down the stairs.

'Wait here a sec,' James said as they reached the front door. He ran to the living room and Mrs Potter stopped speaking with Pamela.

Lily heard her say:

'I want you to be careful,' very seriously, before hearing James kiss her cheek and running back to where she was waiting at the door.

They walked in silence for a while.

'I'm really sorry about your father, James,' Lily said quietly.

James glanced at her and nodded.

'You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I just know that sometimes it helps,' Lily said.

It was a beautiful afternoon. The sky was completely blue- with not a trace of cloud in sight- and the sun was out; making it warm, but not hot.

James nodded again, but didn't know how to exactly say it, so they kept on walking until they reached the beach. He sat down on the sand, staring out across the whole expanse of sea. Lily sat down next to him.

'He was seventy-two,' James said heavily. 'He just… died. I mean, his heart just stopped beating. How does that work? I've been trying to figure it out, but I can't. You're clever, maybe you can explain it to me,' he said, looking to Lily.

Lily's nose twitched. It really was horrible seeing James like this and she suddenly wished his arrogant and confidant former self could return.

'James… it… that's just how life is sometimes. People are born, people die… it's part of that natural cycle of life. I know that doesn't make it seem any better to you… but was it of natural causes?' she asked.

James nodded, returning his gaze to the sea.

'Well then there was nothing that could be done. That's the best way he could have gone, James. Of course no one wanted him to go, but think about all the murders and terrible ways other people have died. He wasn't so very old, but at least it was a peaceful way of leaving. That's something, isn't it?' she said softly.

James screwed up his nose.

'But he was your father, and that's the bottom line of it all, isn't it?' she said knowingly. 'It's never going to matter to us how he went, how old he was, because all we care about is the fact that we've lost… I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that,' Lily said quickly, placing a hand on his shoulder as James took a sharp intake of breath.

He shook his head.

'No, you're right… it's not going to feel any better. I just miss him so much, you know? And the fact that I'd only seen him during summer break every year… it really makes me wish I always came home for Christmas instead of…' he trailed off.

Lily frowned.

'Don't feel guilty, James. So many people stay at school for Christmas… you were a good son to him, though. Even though I never met him, I can tell that you were- and you that loved him very much. That's what counts,' she said, her green eyes looking intently and earnestly into his hazel ones.

As she did this, James felt nothing but love for the girl in front of him; finally understanding what that word meant andrealising that what he had before was just an infatuation because he never treated her with the respect which she deserved.

He looked down and gulped.

'Thanks… for doing this. You didn't have to but…'

Lily smiled.

'I doubt any movie we saw would have been good anyway,' she said, patting his hand as they stood up.

James suddenly swore under his breath and looked at her guiltily.

'I'm so sorry! I completely… '

'It's okay, James. You really do have a very good reason. I'd be surprised if you actually had remembered to cancel, given what you've gone through…'

They stood in silence and Lily suddenly felt so terrible.

'I was so mad at you… now I really wish you had just stood me up,' she said quietly.

'I would never do that to you on purpose,' James said seriously.

Lily looked up into his eyes.

'I know,' she said, smiling.

Hesitantly, she walked closer to him and hugged him. After James got over the initial shock, he relaxed and hugged her back.

'It'll be okay, James. I promise that it'll be okay,' she whispered.

They separated and James pushed back the strands of her which were blowing in her face.

'Just hearing you say that is enough for me to know that it will be,' he said, smiling sadly.

They tentatively leaned in towards each other and their lips met, softly at first, but more purposefully after Lily wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him closer to her. When they separated, Lily felt like she had just woken up from a dream.

And having woken up, she finally realised that she liked James Potter and that he really was every bit the nice, decent, down-to-earth, sensitive, and caring person Helen had always told her he was.

* * *

..

**So are we very happy now that we just got some more Lily/James? I hope we are : )**

**We also got a deeper insight into Helen and Sirius' experiences which I think would be only natural given their conversation from the day before. **

**Oh, and are you glad that Helen didn't cheat on Sirius? heh... well, I thought it was slightly obvious that she was joking given the tone of her response, but I understand that with Helen, you can never be sure, can you?**

**And guess who's making their debut in the next chapter? I think you know who!**

**hehe. So, please review this chapter, my darling readers, and I shall get the next chapter to you as soon as I possibly can :)**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	54. Chapter 58: Food for Thought

_**"When compelled to cook, I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag." **_**- Russell Baker (1925-?)**

* * *

A/N: For Sparkleberry, my wonderful reviewer, who wanted to see Sirius cooking : )

* * *

Food for Thought

'Sirius, have you cleaned the bathrooms yet?' Helen called from the kitchen where she was, cooking lunch.

No answer.

'Sirius?'

Again, no response.

Helen sent a jinx into the living room and smiled as she heard Sirius yelp. She knew that he had just been lying on the couch, as he had been all morning, reading a quidditch magazine and that would continue to do so until lunch, after which he would get ready and leave for his poker night with the other Marauders.

Cleaning the bathrooms was not a part of his current agenda.

'What do you want?' he asked haughtily, rubbing his arm and giving Helen a dirty look as he entered the kitchen.

'You need to clean the bathrooms. We're leaving for school in two days and they need to be cleaned before we go,' she said, turning back to her saucepan.

Sirius pursed his lips in an annoyed manner.

'It's not fair. I have so much more to do than you. All you have to do is cook, clean the curtains, do the laundry and clean the kitchen. I have to clean the whole house,' he said sullenly.

Helen turned to him with her arms crossed.

'So you think you've got it tough? You don't have to clean those rooms every day, but once a week at most! I have to cook you three meals a day, wash all of your dirty clothes every day (because you somehow manage to go through two different sets of clothes a day), _and_ clean the kitchen three times a day. If you think it's so easy, let's swap. I'd gladly take your load on,' Helen said.

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

'Fine,' he said.

'Here you go,' Helen said, handing him her apron. 'Good luck with the cooking. The recipe's on the bench. I was up to step two…' she said, leaving the room with a small smile playing on her lips.

* * *

Sirius scratched his head as he looked back to the recipe book. 

It said to stir the pot continuously.

But he had been doing that and, try as he might, that sauce was just not thickening.

He didn't understand what could be so hard about cooking. After all, it was just like potions, wasn't it?

Apparently not.

'I'm going to Lily's,' Helen called.

'You have to finish your _cleaning _first,' Sirius called back sarcastically.

Helen entered the kitchen.

'Oh, I have. It took me half an hour AND I've finished the whole house which means no more house chores for me for the rest of the holidays!' she said brightly. 'I'll be back in two hours for lunch,' she added, raising an amused eyebrow at Sirius' concoction before leaving.

---

'Did you stir it?' James asked, scratching his head as the two boys stared at the blackened saucepan.

'Yes,' Sirius said mutinously.

'What are you making lasagne for anyway? Just try something easier to start with,' James said.

'Like what?'

'I dunno… pasta?'

Sirius slumped back in his kitchen chair.

'Why are _you_ cooking? I thought Helen did the cooking,' James said asked, frowning.

'I complained that I had to do more work than her so she made us swap jobs,' Sirius said.

James shook his head.

'Big mistake,' he sighed.

'Hmm,' Sirius said, rubbing his temples.

'Why don't you just take her out for lunch?' James suggested.

'I can't… I have to show her that I can do this…'

Sirius got up and walked purposefully back to the stove.

'Okay. I'm going to do this. I am. Come on, we're clever! The two of us should be able to figure it out! I mean, if stupid creatures like Kreacher can cook, I'm sure we can,' he said assertively.

'Right,' James nodded encouragingly. 'So are you going to start again?'

Sirius looked apprehensively at the already high pile of dishes in the sink and sunk back in his chair.

'How about we take a firewhiskey break?' he suggested.

'Good idea,' James nodded.

---

'Well?' Sirius asked James anxiously as he tried the lasagne.

James spat it out. Sirius tried it and was so fed up with the whole thing that he opened the back door and threw the lasagne, dish and all, outside.

'I think we put sugar instead of salt,' James remarked.

Sirius poured out the firewhiskey again.

'Cheers,' he said glumly.

'Cheers,' James nodded, 'To the two worst cooks in all of Britain.'

They sat in silence as they finished their drink and reflected upon the huge mess in the kitchen.

'What time's she coming home?' James asked.

'Around one,' Sirius replied.

'That's in half an hour,' James pointed out.

Sirius poured out more firewhiskey.

---

Helen and Lily walked into the kitchen to find it empty except for an empty firewhiskey bottle on the kitchen table.

'Did you say that he was meant to be cooking?' Lily frowned.

'Yep,' Helen said, thinking that Sirius had probably not even started.

'What's that? Is that lasagne?' Lily asked, pointing at the lasagne dish that was perched in a rosemary bush outside.

Helen raised her eyebrows.

'Yes, I believe it is,' she said. 'SIRIUS!' she called.

Lily covered her ears.

'Sorry, he just happens to have selective hearing so you have to shout very loudly,' Helen explained.

Sirius and James appeared, James' cheeks tingeing pink as he saw Lily who smiled quietly back at him.

'Ah, you've brought Evans along with you. Excellent,' Sirius said. 'Now, ladies, in the dining room, if you please,' he said, leading them out of the kitchen.

'Have you been drinking?' Helen frowned.

'Never you mind,' Sirius said.

'What was the lasagne doing in the rosemary?' Helen continued.

'We thought that the rosemary might be hungry,' James hiccoughed.

James was always the worst to be affected by firewhiskey.

Lily withdrew her hand from James' and looked at him dubiously.

'Now, ladies, please be seated and you shall be served shortly,' Sirius nodded giddily as he and James left the dining room.

'They're drunk,' Lily pointed out in disgust.

'I gathered as much,' Helen replied. 'Do you think that they actually cooked?'

'I'm not sure I want to eat whatever they made,' Lily replied.

--

'Well, _ma cherie,_ how is it?' Sirius asked as Helen tried the lasagne.

'Oh it's wonderful,_ mon cheri,_ for a bought lasagne,' Helen responded sarcastically, raising her eyebrows accusingly at him.

Lily tried it and nodded.

'Definitely a bought one.'

'How do you _know_?' James asked in wonder.

'How can you _tell_?' Sirius yelped, looking very depressed.

'_Please_,' Helen said shortly. 'It's quite obvious.'

'Very obvious. You should have at least gone to a restaurant and ordered a take away lasagne if you didn't want us to notice,' Lily said.

The two boys slumped in their chairs.

'Okay, that's it. You win. I can't cook. You've got it worse than me,' Sirius said to Helen.

Helen looked at him shrewdly before standing up.

'Let's go,' she said to Lily who also stood up.

'Where are you going?' James asked.

'Out for lunch. We're not going to eat _that_,' Lily said looking at the lasagne in distaste, as though it was obvious.

* * *

'Pathetic. Look at them,' Lily said, shaking her head at James and Sirius who were leaning against each other, sleeping. 

'Very pathetic. Can't even cook lunch between the two of them. It makes me wonder how Sirius would have survived the holidays without me,' Helen remarked.

'He would have been very malnourished, that's for sure,' Lily nodded.

'Or he would have been over at Andy or Mrs Potter's place every night for dinner.'

'Andy?'

'His cousin,' Helen shrugged, making patterns in the sand with her toes.

'Lord, it's so hot,' Lily said, fanning herself.

'Want to go swimming?' Helen suggested.

Lily looked back to James and Sirius dubiously.

'Oh don't you worry. They're not going anywhere any time soon,' Helen said, laughing as James put his arm around Sirius' waist and nestled into his chest.

Lily wrinkled her nose and giggled.

'Boy, that looks so wrong,' she laughed.

'Tell me about it… so, race you to the water?'

Lily grinned back at Helen and they threw their dresses off as quickly as they could, pushing each other as they ran, laughing, down to the water.

* * *

'I can't believe it's our last year of school,' Lily said to Helen as they stretched out on the sand to dry off. 

Helen nodded slowly.

'I don't want it to be over… I know that sounds really childish, but I don't want to have to grow up,' she said.

'But you already are, kind of. You've been living with Sirius and all,' Lily pointed out, twirling a wet lock of her in her fingers as she looked at Helen.

Helen sighed and squinted as she looked back at the sky.

'I know… but that's different. I mean, sure I had household responsibilities, but that's kind of it, you know? We really are still kids. We haven't had to work, to go out there and fight that battle with Voldemort… or even think about our own lives and the future. All we've really had to think about was studying for our NEWTs- and not even that in Sirius' case,' Helen said.

Lily pursed her lips and nodded.

'I know what you mean… and you're right. All I've ever had to think of was school, but when we finish it's like… I don't know! What? Getting married? Having kids?' Lily laughed hysterically at this thought. 'I'm too young for all that.'

Helen said nothing.

'Do you think we'll even live through it all?' Lily whispered.

A pained look came across Helen's face as Lily continued:

'Sometimes I wonder… I mean, if veteran aurors are getting killed every day, what chance do we have? Do you think we'll all live to see it finish?'

Helen stared determinedly at the blue sky.

'I don't know, Lily,' she said quietly.

Lily nodded sadly.

'Me neither, and that's why it scares me.'

* * *

'Janis.' 

'Yes my Lord?' Janis murmured, kneeling by his chair.

'This boy you tell me of, he is friends with those Dumbledore-loving fools?'

'Yes, my Lord,' Janis said.

'What were his motives for joining?'

'He is in love with one of their girlfriends and feels as though they have used him,' Janis replied faithfully.

'What is she?'

'A mudblood, my Lord.'

'Useless boy… nonetheless, he will be instrumental to our cause. Are you sure he will be loyal?'

'Absolutely, my Lord.'

'Very well. Bring him forth,' Lord Voldemort said, motioning with his long fingers for Janis to do so.

Trembling, Peter entered the room.

'M…master,' he said, kneeling by the chair.

'Peter, you are now under my services. I require the deepest loyalty. Should you breach this, you will be killed.'

'Y…yes, master,' Peter gasped.

'Very well, then. You are to attend school and to remain seemingly loyal to your friends. They must not know that your loyalties lie elsewhere. You are to return during holidays and report back to me, as well as to Janis during your Hogsmeade weekends, with as much information as you can gather about that fool who is your Headmaster. Once you finish, you are to join the Order of the Phoenix and where you shall pass on all information to me.'

Peter nodded, looking very overwhelmed.

'A…and…'

'The girl? Once all your friends are killed, she shall be free for you as you desire her,' Voldemort said dismissively.

'B..but… she won't b..be ki…'

'The mudblood shall be spared as your reward, should you complete your duties faithfully,' he replied impatiently.

As Voldemort used legilimency on Peter, her image suddenly appeared in his mind's eye and he stood up abruptly.

'This girl, Pettigrew,' he said suddenly. 'What is her name?'

'H…Helen.'

'Her surname, you foolish boy.'

'Asteria.'

Voldemort's eyes widened.

'Leave me,' he said waving his hand at Peter.

Quickly, Peter scampered out of the room as Voldemort brought his fist down upon the table.

So she had left a daughter; that mudblood bitch who had been the only one who could challenge him when they were at school. She had left him broken before she died but, of course, there was no lasting damage, as she could never kill him with his Horcruxes. She was quite pathetic, in fact, in their final duel- nothing compared to their ones at school.

He felt that same sickening feeling in his gut as he recalled the time, in their seventh year, when she had triumphed over him in the school's duelling competition. He had never forgotten that shame; the shame that he had been beaten by a mudblood like her.

Nonetheless, he had beaten her in the end, showing that purity of blood did, indeed, matter and that he, the descendant of the great Salazar Slytherin, was far worthier than she; a mudblood nothing.

But something had happened that day; the day he killed her. After he killed her, he was rendered unable to perform even the most basic of spells. He was suddenly stripped of all his powers and it took the darkest magic- magic which disfigured his body and face- to regain his powers.

And so now she had left a daughter. It mattered not if she lived for now. He required a spy in the Order, so she could be spared for the time being. In the meantime, he wanted more information on her...

But once he had Pettigrew entwined so deeply in his grip that he could not escape, he would kill her. He would kill her swiftly, and without the same struggle which he had with her mother. He was determined that she should fall before she even had the chance to raise her wand.

And then he would have beaten Selene yet again. This time, through her daughter.

* * *

.. 

**Dun dun dun... **

**We never really knew what it was exactly that made Voldy all disfigured etc and I figured that it would make sense that he lost his magical powers given that he had killed a descendant of witchcraft herself (i.e. Hecate)... and had to pay a huge price in getting them back.**

**Not that he cared about performing a bit of illegal Dark Magic, of course... **

**As for the first part of the chapter, well, I just wanted to write something which was nice, for once, so when I had a reviewer asking me to put a Sirius cooking bit in, I thought why not. Of course, Lily and Helen's talk foreshadowed the future in that Lily and James really aren't going to live to see it all finish. I always found that really sad; it finished _because_ of them (well, technically Harry, but you know what I mean).**

**Anyway. I am rambling.**

**So, this was the last holidays chapter. It's back to school for our beloved ones next chapter!**

_Who would have thought that a forbidden fruit could taste as sweet as her lips did at that moment?_

**So please be so kind as to leave me a review before leaving. It really would brighten my day up seeing as I have stacks of horrid biology to learn and don't have an overt amount of time for writing anymore... **

**AND a big thankyou to everyone who has been reviewing. You know who you are. I love you!**

**Love Anya**


	55. Chapter 59: Distance

**_"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."_ - C. S. Lewis**

* * *

Distance

Helen stared at Sirius as she woke up on Monday morning of September 1st and realised that she wouldn't be waking up next to him like this for a very long time… or ever, depending on whether they survived the school year.

She wondered, sadly, what would happen now that they were returning to school. Would they settle back into that old routine? She knew in a way that they would, even though she didn't want to. She loved school, and although it was her home, she had liked how it had been these holidays and didn't want it to end…

But it had ended and now all she could do was get up and make breakfast for the last time.

* * *

'Finally! We thought you two had forgotten about school!' James laughed as Helen and Sirius entered the Marauder's compartment.

'Yeah, like Helen would ever forget about school,' Sirius said, rolling his eyes and slumping into his usual seat by the window.

'Well we would have been on time had a certain Mr Black properly cleaned our bedroom last night, when I asked him to,' Helen said, shooting Sirius a reproving look.

'Our?' James frowned.

'I meant _his_ bedroom,' she clarified quickly.

James looked at her suspiciously but brightened up as there was a knock on the compartment door and Lily entered.

'Hello everyone,' she said, smiling at them all. 'We're meant to start our duties,' she added to James, her cheeks flushing.

'Right you are,' he nodded, joining her quickly and disappearing from the compartment without another word.

Sirius frowned after them and Helen and Remus exchanged knowing looks.

'Well this just won't do,' Sirius said moodily. 'He's spent every train ride with us…well with me, at least. He can't disappear now just because of Evans.'

'Actually, I think it's because he's Head Boy,' Helen corrected Sirius.

Sirius groaned.

'Don't remind me… next he's going to be making us go to bed early just like Moony over here does.'

'I do not!' Remus said indignantly.

'You try to… unless it's exam time,' Sirius said.

'So how was the rest of your holiday, Peter?' Helen interrupted, smiling at him and ignoring Sirius' new attitude.

Peter blushed.

'I….er… good, it was good,' he nodded.

'Lord,' Sirius said, rolling his eyes. 'Listen, Wormtail, Helen might scare the hell out of us all, but at least speak to her properly. Guys only talk like that to girls when they like them, and you don't like her so just snap out of it.'

Remus looked at Sirius warily.

'What's wrong with you?' Helen said to Sirius incredulously.

Sirius got up and left the compartment, slamming the door shut behind him.

'Don't worry about him, Peter,' Remus said to Peter. 'You're fine, don't listen to him… Did you two have a fight?' he added to Helen.

Helen shook her head, looking rather perplexed with the whole situation.

'I'll see what's going on,' she said, leaving the compartment.

'Is this one of those times where you need to be left alone to sulk, or is there something you need to say and get off your chest?' Helen asked, grabbing Sirius' arm from where he was walking down the aisle.

He turned.

'I just want to be alone now,' he said quickly, not looking at her, and walking away.

Helen sighed. She knew why Sirius was upset, but she still thought it was wrong of him to snap at everyone- especially at Peter- like he did. She returned to the compartment to see Remus talking reassuringly to Peter who looked rather upset.

'Just ignore him. He's in one of his moods,' Helen said, sitting down.

'Did you talk to him?' Remus asked.

'He wants to be left alone,' Helen shrugged.

Remus nodded.

'Okay… I need to go for Prefect duties now,' he said, getting up.

Helen and Peter nodded and, after exchanging a weary smile with Helen, Remus left.

They sat quietly for a lot of the train ride.

'You okay?' Helen asked, tapping Peter's knee with her foot, after a while of silence.

Peter looked at her and nodded.

'Yeah… I just… never mind,' he said, shaking his head.

'So what did you get up to in the holidays? The last time I saw you was at Mr Potter's funeral,' Helen said, trying for some conversation.

Peter shrugged, knowing that he would never tell Helen the truth.

'Oh, stayed with my Gran in Scotland for a bit,' he said. 'Have you ever been there?'

Helen marvelled at how normal Peter was able to act around her whenever he didn't have Sirius or James around him.

'No, but I'd love too. I hear it's really beautiful up there,' Helen smiled.

'You can come with me one day, if you like,' he said, feeling excited at the thought.

Helen's smile faltered.

'We'll see,' she said.

'Why not? You tutored me in Muggle Studies, I'll take you on a tour… have you ever tried haggis?' he asked with a boyish grin.

Helen wrinkled her nose.

'No, and I don't really intend to,' she laughed.

He laughed too, and it wasn't his usual breathy laugh anymore, but a proper laugh.

'Yeah, it's gross… but Gran always makes it whenever I visit her. I don't know why she thinks I like it,' he pondered.

'Isn't it a speciality there?' Helen asked.

Peter nodded.

'Yeah, that's probably why,' he laughed. 'And there's the Loch Ness monster too…'

'Loch Ness? That's a legend,' Helen said dismissively, laughing as Peter adamantly professed that it wasn't and that he had seen the great monster himself.

Peter stared at her and loved how her eyes danced and were so bright whenever she laughed. He never could understand how she was with Sirius when he was so haughty all the time. It just didn't make sense to him, and he suddenly realised that he had managed to make her laugh many times during their train ride.

That had to count for something, didn't it?

* * *

Sirius and Remus rejoined Peter and Helen towards the end of the train ride. Sirius ignored all three of them and remained aloof throughout the whole feast. As they were all making their way back to the common room, Helen pulled him into an empty classroom.

'What's wrong?' she asked.

'Nothing,' he said.

'Don't lie to me. I know that you're angry at something. What is it? Is it because of James?'

'No,' Sirius said shortly.

'Well?'

'It's nothing,' he said brusquely, going to leave.

'Is that how it's going to be now that we're back at school?' Helen asked quietly when he had reached the door.

She looked out of the window, at the night sky. She felt him looking at her for a moment before he left the room. Sighing, she sat down and continued to stare at the sky, the darkness comforting to her. She didn't know what to feel now. She knew that he would be fine tomorrow with James no longer gone for Head Boy duties, but she also knew that things between them would change and it saddened her. They would be distant with each other again, as they were before the holidays; sleeping alone, barely talking during the day- barely seeing each other at all. She thought it was ironical that she had liked that it was this way, last term, and could not help but thinking that she was cleverer for it, back then.

But too much had happened for her to want to return to that.

She knew that it wouldn't bother Sirius too much. He had his friends; the Marauders, and when he was at school they were enough for him, but the train ride to school had shown Helen something which she had never properly realised before: all of her friends were his friends, and the only one she had who wasn't Sirius', was Lily.

He said that he needed her.

He _had _needed her during the holidays to be there for him when Mr Potter died, to help him around the house and, most importantly, to be someone to relate to as his memories of home returned, as they always did, during holidays.

But he didn't need her anymore now that they were back at school.

Now he had girls- who fell asleep dreaming of him- to flirt with; he had his friends to plan pranks and excursions with; he had classes to become bored in and to disrupt; his popularity to live up to, and he had quidditch to fill up those extra hours.

And sure, they would see each other every now and then- perhaps talk to each other for a bit… but then what?

Nothing.

She was back, yet again, to that.

And so she continued to stare at his star that was as distant from her as she felt he was now.

She wouldn't say anything, but it hurt.

* * *

'This is your NEWT year,' McGonagall lectured the seventh year Gryffindors. 'How you perform in your exams at the end of this year shall determine the career paths you take. I expect all of you to be working very diligently this year. This is not the year for shilly-shallying. It is very serious and those of you who believe that it will be a breeze,' she said, her eyes lingering in Sirius and James' direction, 'are grossly mistaken. Sacrifices will have to be made. I encourage you all to come and see both your subject teachers and me should you find that you are having a hard time coping. We shall do all we can in assisting you to reach your maximum potential. Having said this, here are your timetables and off you go to your first classes,' she said, handing out their timetables and leaving.

All of the seventh-year Gryffindors shifted uncomfortably in their chairs.

'Still fantasize about her Sirius?' James asked, raising an eyebrow at Sirius.

'Oh, sure,' Sirius grinned. He was in a much better mood this morning, as Helen had predicted, now that things were returning to normalcy.

Helen glanced at her timetable and felt slightly apprehensive as she saw her first class; Arithmancy.

---

She arrived early and wrote her name neatly in her new books, labelled the top of her parchment with her name and date, as she always did with her notes. Soon, Professor Vector arrived and started a general conversation about what she should expect from Arithmancy this year whilst discussing the average results of last year's NEWT students in the subject. Students began filing in.

Eventually, Sirius came in; late as usual and earning himself his first detention for the school year. He sat in his usual spot next to Helen, not bothering to even say hello or, God forbid, apologise for his behaviour towards her yesterday. Instead, he snatched her first sheet of notes that lay next to her arm on the desk and began copying them. Helen pursed her lips, but said nothing.

'So I would like you all to have completed all the questions of the first four exercises for the next class,' Professor Vector said. 'Class dismissed… oh, but Miss North, if you could please remain behind.'

Helen's eyes followed Melinda. Sirius had been with her after the OWL incident. Helen had never really thought about it before now. He had consciously gone off with another girl during that in-between period which they went through. True, Helen had had sex with someone too, but that was very different; she wouldn't have even known about it had Mark not told her the next day.

'You coming?' Sirius asked Helen, bringing her out of her reverie.

Helen turned to look at him; he had already packed his books.

'You go,' she said quietly, starting to pack her books. 'I've got a question for Professor Vector,' she lied.

Sirius looked at her for a moment before shrugging and leaving.

* * *

'Here, Lily, let me carry that for you,' James said, relieving Lily of her satchel of books.

Lily's lips twitched, but she allowed him to carry her bag nonetheless. Helen walked sullenly behind them with Peter, wishing that Sirius would sometimes be as considerate to her as his friend was to Lily.

She could never imagine James treating Lily like Sirius was treating her now. He would definitely never flirt with any other girls, let along go off with another girl. He simply would not do that to Lily.

'You okay?' Peter asked Helen, noticing her sad demeanour.

Helen shrugged.

'Sure. How was Muggle Studies?' she asked

'Good… I'll need you to explain a few things to me, though. Do you reckon we could keep our Saturday time from last term?' he asked.

Helen nodded.

'Yeah, that's fine.'

Peter couldn't help but smile.

'Thanks so much, Helen,' he said. 'Oh, and can I carry your bag? It looks heavy,' he said.

Helen smiled at Peter.

'It's okay, I'll manage,' she nodded, though she thought the gesture was sweet and appreciated it nonetheless.

* * *

The second week of school passed and Helen was yet to properly have a conversation with Sirius; he seemed too preoccupied with other things to even notice. She felt herself slide into the old familiar loneliness which she always felt when at school and it was even more pronounced now that she had the stress of her NEWTs hanging over her head.

'Hey,' he said, coming up to her and leaning casually against the desk where she was studying, one night, in the Common Room.

She looked up at him expectantly, feeling a spark of hope ignite inside of her.

'What're you doing?'

'Arithmancy,' she shrugged, motioning to the foot-long proof she had been working on for the past half hour.

Sirius looked at it for a moment, frowning.

'You missed the '_x_' up here,' he said, pointing to a very early step in her solution.

Helen looked to her parchment and sighed frustratedly, scrunching it up; now knowing exactly _why_ it had taken her so much time to prove a seemingly simple proof.

'Listen, I can't do our Ancient Runes spare tomorrow,' he said to her.

Helen looked up at him.

What could she say to this?

'Okay,' she nodded, avoiding his eyes.

'I'll make it up to you…'

'Okay.'

Sirius surveyed her for a moment.

'Are you mad at me?'

Helen thought of many different responses to this question; none of which she used.

'No, of course not,' she said, falsely bright, forcing a smile as she looked up at him.

He gave a small smile, nipped her on the cheek, and left her.

As Helen stared after his retreating back, she wanted to repeatedly bang her head against her desk.

* * *

Another week had passed and Helen had spoken more to Peter than Sirius- something which she saw as not being right. It made her start wondering whether he was avoiding her because he was sick of her; whether he wanted to dump her but thought that, by avoiding her in such away, she would do it herself, taking the responsibility and blame off him; whether he was cheating on her or, perhaps all of the above where happening.

It reached its worst stage when Helen and Remus were walking back to the common room after having studied all evening in the library to see James and Lily kissing tentatively outside portrait.

'Do you have any more study to do?' Helen asked suddenly Remus, staring at James and Lily.

'Not for tonight,' Remus shrugged.

'Do you want to go for a walk?' she asked, looking at him desperately

Remus looked at her curiously before nodding.

'Sure.'

They started walking slowly.

'Are you okay, Helen? You've seemed really down lately,' he said, watching how she chewed her lip and kept her eyes ahead of her determinedly.

Helen ironically thought how Remus shouldn't have been the one who was even asking her this.

She shrugged.

'Let's go to the kitchens,' she said, grabbing his wrist as she started to run in their direction.

* * *

'Do you reckon they've got any… ah, found it!' she said, taking out the bottle of firewhiskey and setting it on the table.

Remus frowned.

'Helen, what's going on?' he asked sharply, watching as she poured herself a double shot.

'Nothing,' she replied brightly. 'Do you want some?'

'No, I'm fine with a butterbeer… you shouldn't drink, though. We've got class tomorrow,' he said, going to take the glass from her.

Helen shrugged and downed it in one go before smiling as she set the glass down.

'That felt good.'

'Okay. It's nice that we're talking and spending a bit more time with each other and all, but what's going on with you? Why are you acting like this?'

Helen stood up suddenly and took the firewhiskey bottle with her as she walked around the kitchen.

'Are you still with Lisa?' she asked, drinking some more from the bottle, as she changed the subject abruptly.

'No… but…'

'When did you break up with her?'

'A couple of weeks ago, listen…'

'Was it okay? Did it end well?'

'_Accio bottle._'

Helen turned around and shot Remus an annoyed look, swaying slightly as she watched how he caught the bottle and poured the rest of its contents by the sink before going up to her and placing a hand firmly on each shoulder. He was shocked to now notice that her hazel eyes were moist and tears were glistening down her ivory cheeks.

'What's wrong with you?' he whispered, shaking her by the shoulders assertively.

Whether it was from sadness, desperation, or firewhiskey, Remus would never know. She leant forward at that moment and her lips caught his own. His heart broke as he felt his cheeks become wet from her tears.

He had never known exactly how smooth her hair was, and how glorious it was to run his hands through it, until that moment; never known exactly how small her waist was; never known how smooth her cheeks were to touch; never known how delicate she really was.

Who would have thought that a forbidden fruit could taste as sweet as her lips did at that moment?

---

'Why do you think we never went out?' Helen asked, from where she was leaning on Remus' shoulder as they sat on the kitchen floor; backs against the table.

Remus was silent.

'Was it because we were too close as friends and we didn't want to wreck that?' she suggested.

He sighed and leaned his head on top of hers.

'I was in love with you from the moment I met you. I thought you were the most beautiful thing in the world.'

Helen picked innocently at the hem of his shirt.

'So what happened?'

Remus gave a bitter laugh.

'I… I was too scared to ever ask you or to ever do anything. I thought that you could never like me like that, so I settled for having you just as a friend. I did try, though. I asked you to the Yule Ball, but…' he trailed off and swallowed quickly. 'It was full moon… and when I returned you were Sirius' and I could never think of trying to get you after that,' he said.

'Did you hate me?' Helen asked quietly, not sounding surprised at what he told her.

Remus laughed softly.

'I could never hate you… I was mad at Sirius, but then how could I be? I hadn't told anyone that I liked you, so he hadn't done anything wrong by me, had he?'

He paused.

'And, in a way, I saw that he was better for you. You two had so much in common and… even though I hated to admit it to myself, I always knew that he was much more suited to you than I could ever be.'

Helen was silent.

'Why?' she asked quietly.

'You're both so passionate and you both thrive on that. You need those fights which you two have because that's how you are. You couldn't be with someone like me. You'd get bored- just like he always got bored with those girls who worshipped the ground he walked on.'

There was a pause.

'Do you still love me?'

Remus smiled a little and sat up, as did she, and looked into her eyes.

'It's funny. I convinced myself last year after our OWLs that I didn't, but I still kissed you back just now, anyway. I think I'll always love you, but we'll never be together and I can accept that. Do you know what I mean?' he asked.

She nodded and smiled.

'I love you, Remus,' she said, hugging him.

And she did. She had always loved him as someone who was a very dear friend to her and would never stop loving him because of that. He had always been there for her and she knew he would always be there for her- no matter what.

* * *

.

**Do you remember how Helen and Sirius changed in their holidays when they were staying with James for the first time and become friends of sorts, but then changed again when they came back to school? That's kind of what's happened with Sirius. I don't think Helen has changed, though, and that's why she's so upset. Please don't read into her kiss with Remus too much either. I think they both needed to do that to get it out of their systems, and it did mean something to them, but not in the cheating sense- as you can see from their conversation which followed it.**

**Now. Next chapter is quite dark (and, I'll warn you, quite violent) and you most definately won't be getting it if I only get as many reviews for this chapter as I did for the last. **

**But... here is something** **for you to think about:**

_'I am very ashamed of your behaviour tonight, Helen,' he said. 'I expected better from you.' _**_- _Albus Dumbledore**

**So if you want to read the next chapter (and I promise you... quite a bit happens/ is revealed in it) you had better review, hadn't you?**

**Love Anya**


	56. Chapter 60: Losing Grip

_**'Hate cages all the good things about you.' -**__**Madrianne Arvore

* * *

**_A/N: I do not condone sexual assault in any way whatsoever. I feel it is my duty to therefore warn that there is a scene which includes sexual assault and strong violence in this chapter; both of which are included purely for the sake of this fictional story.

* * *

Losing Grip

James walked into his dormitory, a content smile playing upon his lips, and sighed happily as he lay back on his bed.

Sirius walked out of the bathroom and taking one look at his friend, shook his head at him and lay back on his own bed.

'I gather your corridor patrolling date went well, then,' he said knowingly to James, raising an eyebrow.

James opened his eyes and grinned.

'Yes it did, thank you very much.'

Sirius laughed and took out a magazine and started flipping through it disinterestedly.

'So exactly how far has the ice queen allowed you to get with her?' he asked in an amused tone.

James frowned.

'I don't look at it in that way… she's so… perfect. I mean, sometimes I don't even want to kiss her because she's so…'

Sirius yawned loudly and James shot him a reproving look, before biting his lip; not sure how to ask his tentative question.

'Are you and Helen fighting?'

Sirius looked up.

'No, why would you say that?'

James shrugged.

'I just never see you two talking or hanging around each other any more… I just wondered…'

'No, everything's fine,' Sirius replied, looking back to his magazine and becoming interested in an article on quidditch bats for beaters.

James looked at Sirius a little apprehensively. Whenever they went back to school, Sirius always became more arrogant and conceited than his normal, genuine self and, although he was his best friend, it seemed to have become even more pronounced now that they were in their seventh year.

And James was not altogether thrilled about this.

'So are you two going to Hogsmeade tomorrow then?' he asked.

'Nah… I scheduled my detention then instead. I have a few I need to make up and, seeing as you're all going on dates, I figured I might as well do one then,' Sirius said, shrugging.

James stared at Sirius.

'And Helen's fine with that?'

Sirius laughed.

'Fine? I'm sure she's thrilled. Imagine! _A whole day of uninterrupted study!'_ he said in a low voice, throwing James a strange look for even asking the question.

James bit his lip and nodded slowly. Somehow, from Helen's sad demeanour over these past few weeks, he didn't quite agree with Sirius' thinking that Helen was 'fine'.

* * *

'Janis!'

'Yes, my Lord?'

'Any new information on that Asteria girl?'

'Yes, my Lord. I spoke with Bella who is in her year at school,' Janis replied.

'And?'

'She is with her cousin; he is also a Black.'

'That is irrelevant. I wish to know facts about her… can you give me any or not?' he snapped.

'She lived in Australia for much of her life and her muggle parents disowned her during these last summer holidays after which she left to live with the Black boy.'

Voldemort frowned.

'Her parents? Her mother is living?'

'Yes my Lord, both parents are alive and well. She also has a sister and a brother, from what Peter has told me of her.'

This did not seem right to Voldemort.

'How old is she?'

'She is seventeen, my Lord.'

'Find out her birth date for me. Now.'

'Right away, my Lord.'

---

' The second of February, my Lord,' Janis said, walking back into the room.

'No, they are mistaken. Selene died on the first of February,' he said. 'Who told you this information?'

'Peter, sir.'

'She either has lied to him, or she is mistaken. Did you say that she was adopted?'

'No, my Lord. Not from what the others have told me.'

'Very well then. That is enough,' he said, dismissing Janis.

If the girl was indeed telling the truth, something was not right. He did not doubt for a moment that she was Selene's daughter but…

Something was not right.

This girl was being secretive. Selene was like that. He remembered her at the orphanage when they were growing up. She too knew magic, but kept it from everyone. She only used it once against him before they went to Hogwarts; throwing him against the wall and rendering him unconscious when he was torturing one of her friends and refused to stop. She denied it all when he tried to question her about it afterwards...

She was also impervious to whatever magic he tried to work on her, whereas her muggle friends succumbed at once. Of course, it all made sense when he saw her at the train station on their first day of school... She had not even told him that Dumbledore had visited her that same day too; nor that she had been to Diagon Alley with him.

She liked to work alone; just like he did.

Even when they returned to the orphanage during holidays, she would not speak with him or have anything to do with him. He corned her one day, though, when they were sixteen:

'Why are you ashamed of being a witch?' he drawled.

'I'm not,' she said brusquely, pushing him aside.

'Yes you are. If you weren't, you wouldn't avoid me so much. We could be great together… we could learn so much, you and I…'

She looked him in the eye fiercely.

'What happened to Anna, Tom? What happened to George? Who put the memory charms on them?' she said angrily, grabbing him by the front of the shirt.

He gripped her wrist with his long, pale fingers, tightly.

'They're useless muggles. Just like you're pretending to be,' he spat.

Selene's face contorted in fury.

'If you ever, _ever_, touch any of them again, I will come after you,' she said in a deadly whisper.

He laughed in her face.

'You? And what could _you_ do to me?' he challenged.

'I am not afraid of you, Tom,' she said, looking at him levelly.

'So why don't you ever duel me at school? Why? Are you scared?'

She sent him flying, making him hit his head against the wall with a sickening crunch.

Both of them were very accomplished in wandless magic.

'I know you were responsible for the Chamber of Secrets,' she whispered. 'I know you killed Myrtle. Rubeus would never have done that,' she spat.

'You know, do you? But why does no one believe you?' he said, laughing coldly.

'Because you're a manipulative and despicable boy... But Dumbledore doesn't believe you,' she said, her voice proud as she said her professor's name.

'Oh yes… _Dumbledore._ Your _favourite_… Tell me, Selene: did you _sleep_ with him to win the Transfiguration prize this year?'

Her face blanched.

'You're disgusting.'

'No, _you're_ disgusting. You're nothing but a filthy mudblood,' he spat.

She laughed sarcastically at him.

'Then that makes two of us, Tom,' she sneered.

'Oh, but I'm not a mudblood. I'm so very far from it,' he said proudly.

'Oh right- I forgot. You're '_Slytherin's descendant'_,' she said, rolling her eyes.

He crossed the room and with one swipe of the hand, he had her unable to move, in the corner of the room.

'That's right,' he whispered in her ear, as she struggled against his spell. 'I am.'

'Stop it, Tom,' she said, her voice shaking dangerously.

He laughed harshly and the door slammed shut, locking, and the lights went out; revelling in his power as he caused her orphanage uniform to split and fall to the ground, revealing her undergarments.

'See, Selene, I'm stronger than you think,' he whispered in her ear, biting it as she screamed and he tore at the strings of her bodice.

'Is this what you do with your lover Dumbledore?' he asked, ripping her shift off.

'Get off me,' she said through gritted teeth, still struggling against his spell as he bit her neck and his hands made their way to her underwear and he stuck a finger into her.

She screamed and writhed and he relished in his power over her.

'Ah, you're a virgin,' he laughed coldly, pressing into her barrier. 'So you're not Dumbledore's whore after all.'

But he had gone too far when he touched her down there and she overcame his spell and, angry tears streaming down her face, sent him flying into the wall.

'You. Bastard,' she screamed at him over and over again; repeatedly slamming him against the wall until his blood appeared on the white paint and he fell to the ground; sliding into unconsciousness, whilst she snatched at her clothes, sobbing, and left the room.

---

Voldemort came out of his reverie of the time he almost had Selene Asteria.

Almost.

It had been their last day of holiday together- ever. After then, he was of age and did not bother returning to the orphanage; he had worthier things to occupy his time with anyway.

* * *

'Right. This year, the cup is going to be ours- no excuses,' James said, walking around the change rooms, looking possessed. 'We have the strongest team we could wish for, but we need to keep training, so out you go. Start with two laps around the pitch for warm up,' he said, leading them out.

'Lord,' Mandy whispered to Helen. 'I'm going to seriously regret not sticking to his diet and exercise plan now, aren't I?'

Helen smiled kindly at the fourth-year girl whom she always looked after in quidditch training; Mandy was a most promising chaser.

Helen wrinkled her nose as she watched Sirius and James jogging ahead of her.

'Yeah, I think this one's going to hurt a bit,' she remarked as they started to jog. 'He wouldn't leave his dorm for a week when we lost the cup by ten points last year. He's not going to take any chances this year.'

---

'What's wrong?' James shouted at the team that was struggling to complete their one hundred sit-ups.

'Oh man, my stomach hurts like a bitch,' Philip Aramis, the other beater, complained.

Helen herself was struggling to breathe and felt severely unfit.

'James, maybe we should pace ourselves a bit,' Anna, the Keeper, said; lying back and abandoning any attempts to finish her remaining sixty sit-ups.

Only Sirius seemed to be able to keep up with James' rigorous drills; then again, he _had_ gone running with James almost every day during the holidays…

James stared at them all before barking: 'give me five laps for warm-down and straight to the change-rooms. I'm _very _disappointed with you all'

---

As the team was on their third lap, however, they were interrupted with the entrance of the Slytherin team onto the pitch.

'Push off our pitch, Potter,' Nott, the Slytherin captain, leered.

The Gryffindors stopped running and went to meet the Slytherin team in the centre of the pitch.

'_I _booked this pitch for tonight,' James said angrily.

'Well that's been changed,' Bellatrix smirked, drawing her wand. 'So we suggest you take your team of mudbloods and get lost… unless you're looking for a fight?'

'Personally, my love, I would _kill_ for some mudblood sport, tonight,' Rodolphus said, putting an arm around her waist.

Helen caught the flinch and look of annoyance which fleetingly crossed Bellatrix's face as Rodolphus did this.

'We're not leaving,' Sirius said resolutely, glaring back at Bellatrix with an expression of the deepest loathing.

Bellatrix laughed sarcastically before pointing her wand at Mandy; the youngest in the team, at only fourteen

Mandy started screaming and writhing in pain.

Helen was the first to react, ending Bellatrix's curse immediately and pointing her wand threateningly at her as Julie ran to help Mandy who was now crying.

Bellatrix raised her eyebrows.

'So you want to fight, mudblood? You want to settle, once and for all, who the better and worthier witch is?'

Helen's blood was boiling now so much that she didn't care.

She hated all of their pretences about blood. She hated the word 'mudblood'... and 'blood traitor' even more. She had the purest blood out of all of them and, to her, a blood traitor was someone who abused their magical powers...

Someone like Bellatrix.

'Fine,' Helen said cooly, as the Slytherins started to move away to leave room for the two girls to duel.

'Helen… don't….' James said in a low voice.

'Step back, James,' she said through gritted teeth. 'It's about time this was settled.'

Reluctantly, the Gryffindors went to the sidelines and watched in fascinated horror as Bellatrix and Helen bowed to each other, never breaking eye contact.

'Show that mudblood whore what real…'

Sirius' punched Rodolphus violently, causing a thick stream of blood to flow from his nose.

'That's my girlfriend you're talking about,' he spat at the injured Slytherin.

All the other Slytherins drew out their wands and pointed them at Sirius, but Bellatrix shouted for them to stop.

'Enough! We shall settle this through Asteria, right here and now,' she shrieked.

Helen nodded curtly and they saluted their wands.

There was a moment of silence, during which Helen and Bellatrix stared at each other and everyone waited with baited breath.

And then it started.

Bellatrix was good- there was no denying the matter- but she struggled to keep up with Helen who was duelling ruthlessly. All these years of taunts, Bellatrix's constant attempts to torture her… her succeeding in doing so at the start of last year…

Helen was finally going to show the full extent of her powers and she didn't care how much she hurt Bellatrix in doing so. She truly hated Bellatrix; she stood for everything which Helen despised in this world.

Their wands were blurs, they were moving so quickly, and soon smoke was rising from the grass due to their deflected curses.

'Having fun, mudblood?' Bellatrix laughed manically as Helen ducked her jet of blue light.

'You want to watch who you call a mudblood,' Helen shouted back, smiling in cold satisfaction as she created a deep graze on Bellatrix's forehead and Bellatrix screamed.

But this was a mistake because, during this momentary lapse in concentration, she had been disarmed.

Bellatrix laughed manically and lifted her wand.

'Want another taste of the Cruciatus before we finish?' she said in a baby voice.

Helen managed to move out of the way just in time.

'So you're not going to play fair, huh?' Helen screamed as Bellatrix threw her head back and laughed at her.

Before Bellatrix knew it, she had suddenly been hit by some invincible force and was sent flying. She slammed into the quidditch goal post before hanging, high in the air, as though suspended by some invincible noose.

'She doesn't have a wand!' Mandy gasped, pointing at Helen.

James and Sirius watched on in shock as Helen continued to do this whilst Bellatrix gagged for air; her face turning blue.

Sirius and James had never seen her use wandless magic to this extent and the others looked at Helen fearfully; never having witnessed anything like it.

'So, Bellatrix,' Helen shouted up at her. 'Who's the better witch now?'

--

Unable to stand watching his betrothed slowly strangle to her death, Rodolphus ran up to Helen and put the tip of his wand against her back.

'Let her down,' he said in a dangerous voice, 'or else I'll kill you.'

Helen looked at him warily and he suddenly dropped his wand, as though scalded. She waved her hand and Bellatrix slammed again, violently, into the goal post, before falling some ten metres to the ground with a thud.

Rodolphus' eyes widened as he ran to Bellatrix's aid.

'You killed her!' he spat at Helen, searching Bellatrix's neck for a pulse.

Helen laughed sarcastically.

'Well, if I have, you should know that she got what she deserved…. And try checking under her jaw for a pulse,' she added before turning away from them and walking across the pitch. She stopped only to pick up her wand; ignoring both the Slytherin and Gryffindor teams which were staring at her.

* * *

'Despicable! Unbelievable! What on earth were you thinking?' McGonagall screamed at Helen, Sirius and James.

Helen stared past McGonagall disinterestedly, not listening to her shouts. Sirius stared at Helen, and James looked at McGonagall apprehensively.

'You, Black… I had expected more responsible behaviour from you now that you are in your seventh year.'

Sirius went to protest, but was interrupted.

'Detention! For a month!… as for you, Potter. Head Boy! Such disgusting behaviour so early in your office… you can be rest assured that your position as Head Boy shall be seriously reconsidered.'

James bit his lip and his face paled.

Her nostrils flaring, McGonagall finally turned to Helen.

She looked absolutely furious.

'And YOU, Asteria! Expulsion is most definitely a strong possibility…'

'WHAT?' Sirius and James shouted, standing up.

Helen continued to stare ahead of her, not paying any attention whatsoever to the proceedings.

'It wasn't her fault! Bellatrix was trying to…'

'Mr Black. Miss Black was rendered unconscious with severe injuries. Please explain to me how Miss Asteria was not to blame,' McGonagall barked.

Sirius opened his mouth, but the door suddenly opened and Professor Dumbledore swept in, looking very grave.

'Mr Black and Mr Potter are to return to their common room at once. Miss Asteria, you are to remain. I shall deal with you personally,' Dumbledore said seriously.

'Please, sir…'

'Mr Potter; to your common room immediately. I feel compelled to add that I expected much better from my Head Boy,' Dumbledore said sternly.

'Professor…'

'Black. You heard what Professor Dumbledore said: to your dorms immediately,' McGonagall snapped.

Apprehensively, James and Sirius rose from their chairs, looking imploringly at Helen who ignored them, as they left Dumbledore's study.

'Minerva, could you please make sure that Miss Plaid is calm. I imagine it must have been traumatic for such a young girl to witness and be victim to tonight's events,' Dumbledore said calmly.

Her nostrils flaring and lips pursed, McGonagall disappeared.

Dumbledore paused before continuing.

'I am very ashamed of your behaviour tonight, Helen,' he said. 'I expected better from you.'

Helen looked up angrily.

'She tried to use the Cruciatus curse on me!' she said indignantly.

Dumbledore shook his head at her.

'Yes, and she shall receive the most severe punishment… but why fight her in the first place? The greatest courage one can show is to walk away from a fight- as you have always done in the past…'

'Well I'm sorry, but I'm not going to lie down and take her taunts anymore. I've suffered too much at her hands and it was about time I shut her up once and for all,' Helen said resolutely.

Dumbledore frowned at her attitude before continuing.

'And I would have thought that you knew better than to display your wandless magic skills, Helen. You know that they are extraordinary and will raise questions…'

'I had no choice.'

'You always have a choice, Helen. You most definitely did not need to showcase your skills to the extent that you did tonight. Did you not realise how much attention your display will now draw to you?'

Helen shrugged disinterestedly and Dumbledore rose from his chair, looking rather sinister.

'I am saying all of this primarily for your safety, Helen!' he said sternly. 'You and I both know which side Miss Black and her companions have chosen, and yet you showed them that you have powers out of the ordinary! Voldemort knew your mother all his life. Your uncanny resemblance to Selene is enough to raise questions; the last thing you need is for him to become aware of your existence, and then, to start questioning your background. Don't you recall me telling you, should your true ancestry be found out by Voldemort, that he would seek you?'

Helen raised her eyes dully to Dumbledore.

'And?'

'And then he could do one of two things. He could kill you just as he killed your mother whom he perceived as a threat to his power, or he could force you to procreate a pure child for him to use for his own dark purposes,' Dumbledore stated bluntly.

Helen blinked at this last piece of information.

'What?'

Dumbledore looked at her levelly.

'Voldemort is obsessed with purity of blood. If he knew of who you truly were, he would waste no time in hunting you down and, should he find you, would force you to give him a pure child. Voldemort himself is a half-blood. He would not treat this child as a child, however, but would utilise its body for himself to allow him to have the purest and most powerful blood on earth… and I must admit that this is a frightening thought for the wizarding world, given the destruction he has caused without this added power.'

Helen stared at Dumbledore.

'He would want me to…'

She shuddered and Dumbledore nodded gravely.

'Yes… which is why I have taken such pains to keep you well-hidden all of your life,' he sighed.

Helen sighed, looking rather hysterical, before looking up suddenly.

'What do you mean that Voldemort knew my mother all of his life?'

'They grew up in the same orphanage together,' Dumbledore said simply.

Helen found that all of this was too much information for her to handle, and put her head in her hands, breathing heavily.

Eventually, she took a deep breath and looked up.

'So what happens now? Am I expelled?' she sniffed dully.

Dumbledore's expression suddenly softened.

'No, my dear. You are not expelled, although for face value you shall have to receive a month of detentions… and I cannot guarantee that the Ministry won't try to get involved. Cygnus Black is very highly respected in the Ministry and I do not believe that he will take what happened to his daughter today very lightly. In either case, I shall do all in my power to protect you from any incriminations,' he said.

It suddenly hit Helen exactly how much trouble she was now in.

'A…and everyone else?' she asked quietly.

Dumbledore sighed.

'You should tell everyone that it was merely a fleeting moment of emergency magic. This should appease the general student population. As for your friends and the witnesses… I am not so sure that they will take to your explanation,' he frowned.

'So what do I do?'

'If I were you, I would try to avoid being asked the question altogether, although if I know Mr Potter and Mr Black well, I doubt they will leave you alone about it.'

Helen's eyes glazed over as she remembered Sirius and her situation with him.

'It's okay. It's not as if I really talk to them anymore anyway,' she shrugged, her tone distant.

Dumbledore surveyed her.

'Is there something else you wish to talk about, Helen?' he asked.

She looked at him, into his piercingly blue eyes which always seemed so calm and measured.

'No sir,' she sighed eventually.

* * *

Sirius and James were talking in low voices when Helen entered the common room; looking wearier than they had ever seen her. She made to go straight to her dormitory; ignoring them.

'Hey, is it all okay? They didn't expel you, did they?' James asked, standing up and walking up to her with Sirius.

Helen turned to look at them distantly.

'No, they did not.'

Both Sirius and James looked relieved. Helen made to leave, but Sirius took her arm.

'Helen, we need to talk… I mean… what happened today?'

Helen looked at him with a peculiar expression on her face.

'Can you tell me how many weeks we've been at school for, this term?' she asked calmly.

Sirius exchanged a confused glance with James.

'Er… five,' he answered, looking at her strangely.

Helen nodded and, after a slight pause, looked back up at him.

'And in those five weeks, how many times have you sought me for a conversation?'

She had asked it in a plain tone with no telling emotions of anger or annoyance. It was… just calm.

Sirius stared at her and she held his gaze for a moment before nodding and walking up the stairs to her dormitory.

* * *

**Hmmm. Things are not looking too good for Helen. As you can imagine, life after that duel is going to get pretty tough.**

**Now I have something to say about Tom... or Voldemort. Don't assume that he was 'in love' with Selene... well, obviously. If he was, he wouldn't have done that to her. What I'm trying to say, though, is that he merely saw her as a true rival/threat and perhaps desired her because of that, but love is so very far from that equation... **

**Now. I have to say that I am so very very proud of everyone who reviewed! It was wonderful and I feel so happy to post this chapter now, because you deserve it! I don't like 'threatening' for reviews... and I hope that we can all continue the good work so I never have to resort to such tactics again. I mean, it wasn't hard, was it?**

**So. Next chapter we are going to have an insight into Sirius and why he has been acting the way he has this term... and Helen and Sirius are going to have a very long talk.**

**So, my dear readers, don't forget to review and I shall hopefully be able to provide you with the next chapter as quickly as I was able to provide you with this one!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	57. Chapter 61: Drifting Away

**_'If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you. If I hadn't liked you, I wouldn't love you. If I wouldn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do and I will.'

* * *

_**

Drifting Away

'Fuck,' Sirius groaned, walking over to an armchair and sinking into it.

James stared at Sirius.

'What just happened then?' he asked, confused by Helen and Sirius' interaction.

'Oh boy, I've really… I've been such a bastard,' Sirius said heavily, looking wistfully at the staircase to the girls' dormitories.

'Well I wouldn't say you've been the nicest person as of late… what's going on mate?' James said, sitting in the next armchair.

Sirius sighed.

'I…' he bit his lip and looked to James. 'It's our last year here,' he said.

James raised his eyebrows.

'And?'

Sirius took a deep breath.

'And… you probably don't get what I mean, but you guys are the only real family I've ever known, and next year we'll all be split up.'

He paused and looked out of the window.

'It just really hit me when I got on the train and… all of this… I just realised that we're not going to have this for much longer,' he said.

James frowned.

'So what's that got to do with…'

'So I thought that it was fine because I spent so much time in the holidays with her that I could just ignore her now and make the most of the time we have left as a group because she'd always be there to come back to.'

James wrinkled his nose.

'I know. I sound like a complete bastard… I _am_ a bastard.'

James looked at his hands.

'We're not really going to split up. Of course we'll all stay friends,' he said.

A strange smile came to Sirius' lips.

'It won't be the same… like the pranks, and the finding secret passageways and…'

'But that's life, mate! We've had our fun here, and we've got a year left to make the most of it, but when it's over… it's over, and you just have to make the most of what comes next,' James said earnestly.

Sirius looked away.

'And what's that? What, exactly, is 'next'? The war?'

James shook his head.

'Yeah, there's that… but if we stay hung up over that we'll never actually live, will we? No, mate, I'm talking about the next stage… growing up… getting married, having a family… they're things to look forward to too,' James said.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at James and both the boys laughed.

'Oh boy, you sounded like such a poof just then…'

James grinned, and shook his head.

'Seriously, though…'

'And is Lily Evans 'the one' for you, then? She's the one you want to marry and have a family with?' Sirius interrupted, picking at the sofa.

James looked at Sirius and nodded.

'Yes. She is,' he said simply. 'We've been together for only… what? Nearly two months now, but I know that I love her. She helped me so much when my dad died and… she's just such an amazing person! I know you never really liked her at all, but she really is… what?'

James stopped as he saw Sirius watching him with a peculiar smile.

'That much, huh?' he said quietly.

James nodded.

'And you never even thought of anyone else.'

'Never,' James said, smiling.

Sirius nodded.

James considered Sirius.

'Don't you want to marry Helen when we finish? Don't you want a family of your own?' he asked.

Sirius lay across his armchair and sighed.

'We talked about it- once- when she had just run away.'

'And?'

Sirius pursed his lips and sat up suddenly, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

'I'm just so fucking confused! Sometimes we'll talk and I know she's the only one who'll ever properly understand me, but then… like now. She just went for five weeks and was obviously pissed off about me, but didn't say anything to me!'

James listened quietly.

'And what would you have done if she _did_ say something?' he asked in a small voice.

Sirius stared at James, realising what James was implying.

'I would have realised what a prat I was being,' he said indignantly.

James nodded, but was evidently thinking otherwise.

'And what was with tonight?' Sirius said, trying to find a different tangent.

James looked up suddenly, remembering it.

'She's not normal. There's something… that… what she did tonight- that wasn't… I've never seen or known anyone to do something like that!' he whispered, his eyes wide.

Sirius nodded.

'No, neither… it was…'

'Fucking scary,' James finished.

They both nodded and Sirius suddenly remembered an argument that he and Helen had during the holidays and how, afterwards, she had told him that she had a big secret.

He started to wonder whether there was much more to Helen than he had originally suspected.

* * *

Breakfast the next day was an uncomfortable affair for Helen. Wherever she walked, people would stare at her with wide eyes before turning suddenly and whispering to their neighbour.

Just as Dumbledore had predicted, the news of what she had done had spread.

Even people at the Gryffindor table looked at her with fearful eyes. It hurt Helen to see Mandy recoil in terror when she smiled at her.

'Helen? What's going on?' Lily asked, noticing all of this strange behaviour.

Helen sighed heavily.

'Let's just not talk about it for now. I have a headache,' Helen said, pouring herself some tea and wondering what the rest of the day would be like, if this was only breakfast.

* * *

Helen, this time, was the one to arrive late to Arithmancy. She sat quietly next to Sirius and began to take notes, ignoring the imploring looks which he sent her way.

_You're mad at me, aren't you?_

Helen glanced at the note and slowly penned the two letters:

_No._

_No?_

_No, I am not. No, non, oxi…_

_Okay, I get it. Can we talk after class?_

Helen's quill paused above the parchment before she scribbled her response.

_Yes

* * *

_

Arithmancy finished too quickly. Helen didn't understand any of it and neither did she try to as she thought of what was to follow it.

The bell rung and they glanced at each other before packing their books quietly and walking out of the classroom.

They had reached the Entrance Hall and they still had not spoken a word to each other. It seemed as though they were each waiting for the other to say something first. They stopped walking and looked at each other; the loud noise from lunch emanating to where they stood.

'Let's go outside,' Sirius said eventually.

They walked out along the same path that they had taken nearly two years ago for the Yule Ball. They came to the same bench and paused. Helen took the initiative and sat on it, staring out at the lake- which was not frozen as it had been the last time they sat on this bench.

They sat in silence for a while.

'You know, Sirius, it's okay if you don't want to be with me anymore,' she said eventually.

It was spoken quietly, and sadly, but truthfully too.

He stared at her.

'What?'

She nodded.

'You wouldn't be a bad person, but please don't leave me on the side. If you want it to end, just tell me now and I won't be angry or upset,' she said calmly, still looking determinedly at the lake.

He took her arm, forcing her to look at him.

'You want to break up?'

She stared into his eyes, which she knew she still loved, before looking back at the lake.

'Maybe we need a break from each other after the holidays… maybe living together wasn't such a good idea for us after all…'

'Don't say that.'

She turned and looked at him sadly.

'But look at us, Sirius. This is our first conversation in over a month. If nothing happened yesterday, would you even be talking to me right now?'

A pained expression came across his face.

'No, I know I was being a bastard but…'

Sirius didn't know how to deal with this situation. He would have loved for her to start screaming at him right now- at least then he would know what to do.

But she didn't.

She looked at him in the eye and waited for him to say something.

But no words came.

She swallowed and blinked, turning back to watching the lake.

'Maybe… maybe we should try being friends. That way, we can still talk and…' she paused, 'you can be free to do whatever you like.'

He didn't understand what happened to him at that moment; why he didn't just try to explain to her otherwise, or why he didn't tell her that he didn't want to be just friends. He sat there, staring back at her.

'I don't want us to fight. I don't want us to end badly… we don't have to end at all this way. It's just…'

He grabbed her hand, suddenly.

'Don't do this,' he whispered.

Helen felt her resolve crumbling very quickly and cursed her eyes for forming tears when she was trying to do this rationally and in a composed manner.

'I'm not doing this, Sirius,' she said in a measured voice. 'I'm just saying what we haven't been saying.'

Sirius took a sharp intake of breath.

'Why can't you just shout at me, or hit me or… anything! Why…'

'I'm don't want to be like that anymore. I'm tired of fighting,' she said wearily. 'I'm tired of it all. We can always be friends,' she said earnestly.

He grimaced and looked at her.

'Do you believe that friends rubbish?' he asked in disbelief.

Helen heard the biting edge to his tone.

She nodded and put her hand on his knee.

'I do, because you were right: We _do_ know each other better than anyone else does, and we'll always have that.'

He shook his head and looked away from her, swallowing hard.

'So that's it? Everything and… this?' he asked her frustratedly. 'Why can't I… I'm sorry. I was being a…'

Helen smiled painfully and shook her head.

'Don't. Don't… let's not fight,' she said, chewing her lip as tears spilled down her cheeks.

Sirius was breathing heavily as he looked into her eyes.

Helen took a sharp intake of breath and stood up suddenly. He stood up also and pulled her to him, hugging her tightly.

'Please don't,' he whispered.

She hugged him back and kissed his shoulder.

'How about we meet for coffee at the Hogsmeade weekend in a month's time?' she whispered back. 'You'll see. It will be okay,' she said. 'We'll stay friends. I promise we will.'

They separated and stared at each other for a moment.

She took a deep breath and kissed him softly on the lips, for the last time, before turning around and running back to the castle.

* * *

'That mudblood bitch has to die,' Bellatrix fumed to the secret Hogwarts student Death Eater meeting in the Slytherin common room.

'Seems like Bella's a bit pissed off that she was…'

'Silence!' Bellatrix shrieked. 'Someone must have been helping her. There is no way she could have possibly done that without a wand,' she snapped- sounding more as though she was reassuring herself, rather than anyone else.

Severus shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he listened to this.

'You do know, Bella, that the Dark Lord won't let us kill her now,' Avery said, sounding disappointed.

'Why not?' Bellatrix spat, rounding on him. 'She deserves to die the most cruel and gruesome…'

'Because of Pettigrew,' Severus said simply.

Bellatrix laughed sarcastically.

'Because of that worthless little…'

'In case you didn't realise, he has been able to provide the Dark Lord with much more information in these past two months of his joining, than you have in your whole year of service,' Severus retorted.

Bellatrix turned slowly and looked at him with disgust.

'You're defending the mudblood… she was your friend…'

'You are mistaken, Bella. We are not friends of any kind,' Severus said, looking at her levelly.

'But you were… how can we be sure that you are loyal to our cause and not hers?' she sneered.

Severus continued to stare at Bellatrix unflinchingly.

A smirk came to Bellatrix's lips and she turned around, pacing the length of the room.

'I think that Severus should prove his loyalty to the Dark Lord by torturing the mudblood,' she said loudly.

'I cannot do that, Bellatrix,' Severus said simply.

Bellatrix turned around, looking positively gleeful.

'Aha! You admit that you…'

'No. I cannot as we are under strict orders from the Dark Lord not to touch her,' Severus replied. '… and I hear that he was rather displeased with you for duelling her the other day… though, from what I hear, you didn't really harm her at all anyway,' Severus finished with a smirk.

'Why you…' Bellatrix started, pulling out her wand.

Rodolphus stood up and pulled Bellatrix back, speaking coaxing words in her ear. She wrinkled her nose in disgust and wrenched her arm out of his grip.

'Let go of me. Why do you always bother me so?' she snapped at her betrothed.

Rodolphus pursed his lips, but did not say anything.

Severus looked at Bellatrix with raised eyebrows.

'It seems that I have touched a nerve. Tell me, Bella, does it hurt that your cousin's whore had you knocked out for a full three days?' he said softly.

Bellatrix's chest heaved and she clenched her fists. This time, Narcissa stood up.

'Don't listen to him, Bella. Don't…'

Bellatrix ignored her sister.

'I'll show you, Snape. I'll _prove_ to you that I'm the better witch…'

'Bella…' Narcissa said in a warning voice, 'you know he said not to…'

'I know what the Dark Lord said,' Bellatrix snapped. 'I of all people know! I am his most loyal and devoted supporter. He will never find anyone more dedicated for his cause- remember that,' she shouted at them all, her wand shooting sparks from it's point.

They flinched.

'We know, Bella,' Narcissa said soothingly.

Bellatrix took a deep breath.

'Right! To work!' she barked

* * *

**Oh God, I hope you don't all hate me now... but it's true: Helen and Sirius were just not working out. If it's any consolation, Helen wasn't lying when she said that she wanted to stay friends, though. **

**And just to prove to you all that Helen and Sirius will still be talking... here's your quote:**

_'Do you know who Circe was?'_ - Helen Asteria to Sirius Black

**So... let us keep up the wonderful work with the reviews so I can update and give you the next chapter possibly tomorrow! (if I get enough, that is : )**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	58. Chapter 62: Friends of Sorts

_**'Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.' **_**- Carl Reiner****

* * *

**

Friends of Sorts...

Lily was frowning as she was walking with James on their evening 'corridor patrol' stroll.

'What's wrong?' he asked, taking her hand.

She looked up into his eyes.

'I'm just wondering… you know Helen and Sirius…'

James sighed heavily.

'Oh, I know all right. I heard about it all of last night, the night before last night, and the night before the night before last night,' he said.

Lily's lips twitched slightly.

'He's not taking it well?'

James wrinkled his nose.

'Not really… I think because he feels really guilty that it's his fault… he keeps on wondering that they wouldn't have broken up if he wasn't so…'

'Ignorant?' Lily offered.

James nodded, stifling a yawn.

'So he really did keep you up all night, then?' she said, sounding slightly amused.

James looked at her.

'I wasn't joking. I have been up all night, every night ever since they broke up listening to him… it's horrible too because he just keeps going round in circles….'

James stopped and held up a hand.

'First- it's his fault,' he said, checking one finger. 'Second, it's her fault and she's a… '_nasty person'_, for not just letting them resolve the matter,' he said, checking another finger. 'Then, she's cheating on him and has found someone else… then something's happening to her or she's dying and she won't tell him… then…'

He paused.

'You get the picture. He starts from the most reasonable reason and ends up spouting the most ridiculous theories as to why they broke up. I really just want to go out and tell him that they ended because he was being a bloody wanker, but I can't because he's my friend,' James sighed.

Lily shook her head, smiling at James.

James suddenly clutched her arm.

'Can I sleep in your dorm tonight? Please? I just want _one hour_ of sleep!' he said dramatically.

Lily laughed.

'No, sorry, Mr Head Boy. You know the rules- no boys in the girls' dorms,' she said, patting him on the shoulder.

James grinned and they continued to walk.

'I just… are they really over? I just can't properly believe it because they always seem to be over, but the next day they're back together again,' Lily said.

James chewed his lip.

'I think they are, you know. It was a different kind of break up. They… they didn't even fight.'

'They're 'friends',' Lily said, rolling her eyes. 'Like I'm going to believe that,' she said sarcastically.

James considered Lily.

'You know, I think they'll do it- once they get over being separated and all, I really do think they'll stay friends,' he said.

Lily looked at James incredulously.

'Oh come on. We all know that the whole 'friends thing is just an excuse. Helen said she wanted to be friends too, but I don't…'

'I do. I believe her,' James said quietly.

Lily shrugged.

'We'll see… but if they do become 'friends', I'll bet you two galleons that they'll be back together the next day,' she said sagely.

James laughed.

'Ah, Lily, you shouldn't bet your money so freely! I'm afraid that I'm going to win this one. Even if they do, by some miracle, get back together- Helen would never get back with him after one day as a matter of principle, so you should just hand me your two galleons right now,' James said.

Lily shook her head at him and sighed.

'It's just… sad. I mean, I thought that they were kind of perfect for each other. I won't say that I was ever a huge fan of Sirius', but they were good together,' she said.

'Yeah, they were good together,' he sighed.

It made him wonder whether he and Lily would last. If Helen and Sirius- two people who were so obviously made for each other- couldn't last, did he and Lily even have a chance?

* * *

'I don't understand how you can just kick her off the quidditch team,' James shouted angrily to Professor McGonagall.

Helen sat calmly as she watched the display.

'It is her punishment for her actions of last week,' McGonagall retorted.

'BUT IT WASN'T HER FAULT! That bitch was…'

'Potter! Watch your mouth!' McGonagall said sharply.

James glowered at McGonagall.

'You can't kick her off,' he said flatly.

'Well she is no longer permitted to play for Gryffindor. I assure you that it wasn't my decision,' McGonagall added stiffly, and Helen understood, from this, that her Professor was asking for her to understand that she tried everything in her power to rebuke the decision. 'I suggest you find yourself a new Chaser by the end of the week,' she added, before holding the door open for Helen and James.

James stared at McGonagall.

'Just because her dad's rich! That's all it is… that's… she should be in Azkaban for what she tried to do…Cruciatus...'

'Let's go, James,' Helen said quietly. 'Thank you, Professor,' she added to McGonagall who nodded sadly and shut the door behind them.

James made a rude hand gesture at the door.

'Come on, James. You know that it's not McGonagall's fault,' Helen said reasonably.

James rounded on her.

'Don't you understand that that bitch has just had it over you?' he shouted.

Helen gave a small smile.

'She doesn't really, but I know what you mean anyway,' she said as they started walking. 'You'll find a new chaser, don't worry,' she added.

James stopped walking and stared at Helen.

'Can I ask if something's happening to you?' he asked. 'You're giving up on so many things! Quidditch, Sirius…'

'I gave up on neither, thank you very much,' Helen said sternly.

James nodded and didn't say anything as they continued to walk ahead.

'Has he taken it okay? I haven't seen much of him since…'

'How well did you expect him to take it?' James rounded on her.

Helen nodded sadly.

'I do really want to be friends with him, though,' she said.

James shot her a sidewards glance.

'Yeah, I know… it's just hard to imagine you two as not being in some form of 'together',' he sighed.

Helen shrugged.

James hesitated, before asking his nagging question.

'How… how do you do all of that wandless magic?'

Helen glanced at him for a moment.

'It only comes in emergencies. I assume it was just me being scared out of my wits that she was going to torture or try killing me,' she shrugged.

She had said it evasively and James picked up on this, but he did not pursue the matter.

* * *

Personally, Peter could not have been more ecstatic at the news that Helen and Sirius had broken up. He finally saw himself as having a proper chance with Helen.

The problem was, however, that Helen seemed to become very distant from him and, during their tutoring sessions, seemed to discuss Muggle Studies... and nothing else.

He didn't know what to do.

He asked Janis, but she no longer seemed interested in discussing such matters concerning Peter's 'winning' Helen's heart, so much as learning more information about Helen herself.

* * *

Helen arrived at Arithmancy to find Sirius in his usual spot. The classroom was otherwise empty- he appeared to be finishing off his homework before class.

Sighing, she approached her usual spot, next to him.

'Do you mind if I sit here?' she asked tentatively.

He glanced up at her before looking back to his proof and shrugging.

She sat down and fixed all her books for class.

They still had an extra ten minutes.

'Did you want to copy mine?' she offered, seeing that he had four more proofs to solve.

'What would be the point in that?' he said sarcastically, mimicking her from when he used to beg her for her answers.

Helen's lips twitched.

'Well you'd be better off copying now, and spending the time- where you would be otherwise in detention for not having finished your work- actually properly solving them,' she said.

She caught his lips twitching, but saw him adopt a serious face almost immediately.

Helen sighed.

'You know, we don't have to be like this,' she said. 'Why can't we just be friends? It'd pretty much be the same as it always was except I wouldn't be shouting anymore and we wouldn't be sleeping with each other,' she said, knowing that it would be a bit more different than just that.

Sirius' face broke into a pained expression as he remembered how wonderful it was to be inside of her- to be _that_ close.

'Well, you don't have to talk just yet, but at least spare yourself a detention. You have enough as it is,' she sighed, handing him her homework.

* * *

Helen was sitting alone in the Common Room. She had a spare period, during which the others had Ancient Runes and Peter had Muggle Studies. It had been nearly three weeks since she and Sirius had broken up and she was yet to extract more than a sentence from him in one go. She didn't mind; she knew it would be a slow process.

It had been painful in the beginning, but she had been so emotionally drained from the month before that the prospect of just being friends became very appealing to her not too long after she had taken the initiative. This way, she could keep him in her life, but would no longer be upset and disappointed.

And she was exhausted.

Exhausted not only with waiting for him, as she had in the last month, but with everything in her life. She was too tired to walk away from Bellatrix a few weeks ago, and so she duelled her. She was too tired to fight with Sirius... too tired to fight her being banned from quidditch.

She was tired.

She knew it would be hard, at first, to watch him start going out with other girls, but she also knew that she would accept it in due time too.

As for herself, she did not want to go out with anyone for a long while yet. She knew that she would be disappointed by whoever was to follow Sirius… and his scent was still too vivid upon her skin for her to move on just yet anyway.

---

She looked up suddenly as she heard a bag drop next to the desk she was working on and looked up to see Sirius, looking apprehensive.

'Mind if I join you?'

She smiled. He returned it uncertainly and sat down at the desk; taking out his books.

---

'Does this feel weird for you?' he asked after a while, looking up from his Potions report.

Helen looked up and considered his question.

'Only if I think about it too much, but it didn't feel weird- just studying together,' she said thoughtfully. 'I'm so used to it, that it felt more strange when I was alone,' she said.

He nodded.

'I know. But when I think of this spare…'

Helen knew what he was thinking and smiled slightly.

'Well, when you're thinking of this period in _those_ terms, I suppose it does make things feel a bit weird in a nostalgic kind of way,' she said.

He sighed as he looked into her eyes. Even though last night he had tried to convince himself that things were possibly for the best, he was filled with such longings now that he was sitting with her. It pained him and yet made him calmer at the same time, to see how well she had handled the whole thing.

They continued to stare at each other until Helen cleared her throat quickly and looked back to her homework.

They sat in silence for the rest of the period.

* * *

'Are you and Sirius back together?' Lily asked Helen, looking rather happy at the thought.

Helen frowned.

'No, who told you that?'

'James said that you two were studying together in your spare today,' she said. 'So are up?'

Helen shook her head.

'Listen, Lily. Sirius and I are not going to get back together. If I can accept that, and he can accept that, I think it's high time that you accepted it too,' she said.

Lily sat on her bed moodily.

'I don't understand why you two broke up. Can you tell me the exact reason why?'

Helen shrugged.

'We just kind of… drifted, I guess,' she said.

'Well surely you can 'drift back,'' Lily said hopefully.

Helen looked at Lily incredulously.

"Drift back?'' She asked, shooting her a quizzical look. 'Honestly, Lily, your acting like a child who's in denial over her parents' divorce. Sirius and I were never married, and you most definitely were not our child. You have no excuse to be in such denial,' she said.

'But I wanted to be your maid of honour…' Lily whined playfully.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Listen, Lily, there's a saying 'always the bridesmaid never the bride…'

'Yes, but maid of honour is different,' Lily pointed out.

Helen lay back on her bed exasperatedly.

'Well I'm sure that Sirius will let you be a maid of honour at his wedding when he does get married,' Helen said, feeling a slight twinge at the thought of him marrying someone else.

'I thought you loved him,' Lily said reproachfully, after a while of silence.

'I do… I did,'

'You still do!'

'I… I'll always love him as someone who is very close to you,' Helen said carefully, knowing that she wasn't telling the whole truth.

She couldn't just stop loving him in the 'other way'. She wondered if she ever would... or could.

Lily was silent.

'Why do you care so much anyway?' Helen asked curiously. 'I always thought you hated Sirius.'

Lily shrugged.

'I don't hate him… but do you remember that day when we all went to the beach on the holidays?'

Helen nodded, smiling as she remembered Sirius and James sleeping off their hangovers from their disastrous attempts at lasagne.

'Well… It just seemed so right! You were with Sirius and I was with James, and Sirius and James are best friends and you and I are best friends… it was so nice and I had hoped that that was how it would always be; that we could always go out like that- the four of us.'

Helen sighed and she knew what Lily meant. It really _was _nice when it was the four of them like that.

'Is it that easy to fall out of love?' Lily asked quietly.

Helen surveyed Lily.

'You and James are different. Don't compare yourselves to Sirius and I because our circumstances were completely different. Actually, I think Sirius put it quite eloquently, once, when he said that we were 'fucked.''

Lily looked at Helen in surprise.

'Don't worry. Neither you, nor James is 'fucked'- so you'll stand the test of time,' Helen said reassuringly, massaging her temples and closing her eyes, leaving Lily feeling quite bewildered over the nature of Helen and Sirius' previous relationship.

* * *

It was hard for Helen to watch the first quidditch match of the season; Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff. She watched the team she used to be a part of wistfully. It was all because she couldn't control her temper over Bellatrix's stupid taunts that she was no longer able to play the game she had grown to love over the years.

The celebrations after Gryffindor's victory were bittersweet too. Helen was glad that her actions hadn't really jeopardised the team's prospects, but watching the celebrations, and not being a part of the team which brought about the victory, was asking too much.

---

She walked out onto the empty quidditch pitch and suddenly felt so angry; it wasn't fair. Bellatrix wasn't banned from playing quidditch and she had used an Unforgivable Curse.

There was no one else around.

'WHY?' Helen shouted. 'WHY ME? WHY DOES EVERY BLOODY FUCKING THING HAVE TO GO WRONG WITH ME?'

'I wouldn't say absolutely everything has gone wrong with you… but you do have an uncanny ability to get screw yourself up,' Sirius said from behind her, looking slightly amused.

Helen looked at him suspiciously.

'What are you doing here?'

'Got injured, didn't I? I had to come back to polish my broom and all,' he shrugged.

'Are you better?' Helen asked, looking at his arm which was in a sling.

'I will be,' he said nonchalantly.

Helen nodded.

'Did you ever try beating a few bludgers to vent that anger of yours?' he asked, sitting on the ground. 'I think you might find it beneficial- you should try it some time,' he added with a wry smile.

'Oh sure,' Helen said, slumping next to him. 'I'll put that on my 'to do' list for next year when I'll actually be allowed to play again,' she said, her tone heavy with bitterness.

Sirius looked down at the grass and started picking at it.

'They shouldn't have banned you,' he said after a while. 'But that's my uncle for you. I'm actually surprised you got away with as much as you did,' he remarked thoughtfully. 'I thought that you'd be having Ministry officials questioning you and all.'

Helen nodded.

'They tried- but Dumbledore's a great man,' she said, lying back on the grass.

Sirius hesitated before also lying back.

'Look. There's your star,' she said after a while, pointing to it.

Sirius shrugged.

'All the people in my family are named after stars,' he said, not sounding too proud of it either.

'At least you got the brightest one, eh?' she said, smiling at him.

He laughed.

'True,' he said, shaking his head as he realised that he had never thought of it in that way before.

There was more silence and they both felt its heaviness.

'Do you know who Circe was?' Helen said eventually.

Sirius looked at her.

'Of course… I was told about her _all the time_ at home- the 'first witch', and how I'm supposed to be a descendant of hers through her sons or some rubbish like that,' Sirius shrugged.

Helen nodded and continued to stare at the stars.

'Did you know that she had a daughter?'

'No,' Sirius said, wondering why Helen was even telling him this; though she usually would just tell him random pieces of information, so he supposed that this was the same thing.

'Yeah, she had a daughter- Leda. Circe was desperate to have a daughter because her sons eschewed their magical powers and ended up dying in battle, so she went to her ancestor and asked for a daughter. Leda was kind of like Circe in that she had powers of a similar strength and, I guess, looked similar to Circe too.'

Helen paused.

'Anyway, Circe loved her daughter, but Leda couldn't stand being locked up at home all the time…'

'Can any of us?' Sirius interrupted.

Helen laughed softly.

Sirius looked at her, hating this distance, though knowing that he didn't want to let her go; even if that meant being 'friends'.

'Go on,' he said, clearing his throat quickly and returning his gaze to the stars.

'Leda ended up running away and marrying and having kids- who I suppose are the ones your parents assume you are a descendant of. Anyway, once they all died, though, Leda went back to see Circe... but they had this big fight and Circe killed her own daughter.'

Helen paused.

'Legend says that Circe went back to her ancestor and asked for Leda to be brought back to life. All that she could have, though, was a poor substitute; they put a curse on Leda's body and created a child who was made in Leda's exact image. The side effect of this curse, they say, is that when one daughter dies, another would appear as a baby and grow up in Leda's same image. They would also affected by the curse- and that curse would continue to be put into effect each time a daughter would die. So, in the end, I guess Circe was your typical pure-blood maniac in that she wanted to make sure that her bloodline would be continued for all of eternity,' Helen sighed, thinking it to be true.

She looked at Sirius; wondering if he had figured it out; but he just frowned.

'All that purity of blood stuff is bullshit.'

She nodded and looked back to the stars.

Of course he hadn't figured it out… how could he with such little information?

* * *

Lily looked at Sirius and Helen suspiciously as they entered the now-emptier common room later that night.

Helen and Sirius exchanged closed smiles and Helen began climbing the stairs to her dormitory. She hear Lily running up the stairs behind her and could almost smell her excitement.

'No, Lily,' Helen sighed. 'Sirius and I aren't back together.'

She she heard Lily sigh in disappointment from behind her.

* * *

**Well I'm putting up the next two chapters today anyway. Don't you absolutely love me?**

**Show me you appreciate all that hard work by reviewing this chapter before you move on : )**

**I mean, I could have just left you with only this- but I wanted to give you the next two too.**

**It can be short. I don't mind. Just tell me what your thoughts are at this stage.**

**I would love to know!**

**Love Anya**


	59. Chapter 63: Learning to Laugh Again

**_"Whenever life seems to drift you away from me, I can't help but cry. _**

**_You've grown to be such a part of me that without you life is no more than a desperate sigh. _**

**_They do say love comes and goes, and to that I disagree. _**

**_So, here's my hand, take it and don't let go of me."_****_

* * *

_**

Learning to Laugh Again

'I can't believe that we're actually doing this,' Sirius said to Helen as they sat down at a table at the Three Broomsticks.

'Why not? We said we would,' Helen said, looking at the menu.

'No… _you_ said that we would. I never agreed… I still don't know why I'm here, to tell you the truth. Seeing as I have given up hope on you, I really should be taking some girl out who's actually interested in me,' Sirius said.

Helen rolled her eyes and flipped the page of the menu, trying not to allow them to get into a discussion as to why they broke up. She knew it would do no good.

Sirius looked at her intently, with scrutinizing eyes.

'Are you with someone else?'

Helen shrugged.

'You are!'

She heard how strangled this exclamation was.

'No. I want to give that scene a break for a while,' she said, putting down the menu and looking up at Sirius. 'How about you?'

Sirius wrinkled his nose.

'Not yet… It's so difficult now. I mean, I keep expecting them to come out and say half-decent things, but then they're so…'

Helen shook her head.

'Contrary to your popular belief, _mon cheri,_ there a quite a number of intelligent girls at this school,' she said shrewdly.

'Yeah, I've seen them. Unless their surnames are Asteria or Evans, they have frizz for hair, acne instead of a face, and bifocals which are thicker than this table.'

Helen shot him a reproving look.

'Okay, slight exaggeration, but…'

'Why do they have to be good-looking? Why don't you go for someone with depth of personality instead?' she persisted.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Because I'm not looking to bloody get _married_ anymore.'

'Anymore?'

'Well, that idea flew out the window a few weeks ago,' he shrugged, before adding quickly, 'I just want to have fun for now. I can't get serious with someone for a while yet. I don't think I could handle it,' he said.

Helen nodded and the waiter saved them from an uncomfortable silence.

'So… how's Mark?' Sirius asked, toying with a sugar packet.

Helen wondered if this was just a way to avoid being thrust into an awkward silence. She didn't mind.

'Good… getting married, actually,' she said, laughing at the thought.

Sirius looked up.

'Married?' he said in disbelief.

'Yes, I know. Married. My playboy, adamant to remain a bachelor forever, brother is getting married,' Helen nodded.

'Blimey… he's not that old either!'

'No, I know. He found a French beauty with a well-developed mind, wonderful cooking skills- specialising in patisserie- and, also, a certain fondness for a leather seat,' Helen added as an afterthought.

Sirius smiled and looked down at the sugar packet, which he had begun to fiddle with more insistently.

* * *

He had not been wrong when he told her, the day after their first Yule Ball, that she was like a drug.

He could not give her up.

It killed him, and yet made his day so much brighter, at the same time, to speak with her; to laugh with her; just to be with her.

He wondered how they weren't more like this before.

They had become so bogged down in their troubled pasts, that they had forgotten what it was to be carefree and just to laugh. That wasn't to say that they wouldn't talk about serious things now- but those serious things didn't constitute their relationship anymore. These things were important to talk about; but not vital in ensuring that they always had something to talk about.

The ironical thing was that, now, he tried to spend as much time with her as he possibly could.

* * *

Ever since the quidditch incident, which had occurred nearly two months ago, Helen had found one thing most peculiar; the Slytherins did not touch her; Bellatrix made no attempt to duel her or to torture her. She thought that it was probably because they had finally learnt their lesson that she wasn't a force to be reckoned with.

But she couldn't rid herself of that nagging feeling that perhaps, just perhaps, it had something to do with Voldemort and that he knew more about her than she would have liked.

* * *

'They're so weird,' Lily remarked to Remus, as she watched Helen and Sirius who were playing chess and laughing on the other side of the common room.

Remus shrugged.

'Do you think they'll stay friends, or they'll get back together?' she asked.

Remus observed them.

Sirius was still in love with Helen; that much was obvious to him. Having seen the way Sirius had dealt with the break up, however, Remus had developed a much higher opinion of Sirius. He half expected Sirius to be waging war against Helen when he first heard the news of their break up. Of course Sirius had been upset in the first few weeks- that was to be expected- but Remus had never expected him to deal with the whole thing so maturely; to actually remain really close friends with Helen, without trying to push it into something more. It showed to Remus that Sirius must truly still care about Helen, if he was able to accept having a second placing with her.

As for Helen, Remus was unsure. She didn't seem to have gone through too much heartache when she broke up with Sirius, but Remus had experienced her grief over their deteriorating relationship first hand a few weeks before the break up to know that it had most definitely affected Helen. Whatever Helen felt towards Sirius- and she was adamant that he would never be anything more than a close friend- Remus was happy to see that she was smiling more often and that she seemed happy in general with how things were running, despite her volatile start to her seventh year.

Remus turned to face Lily.

'I have absolutely no idea,' he said truthfully.

Lily frowned.

'Me neither.'

---

'So, Asteria…'

'Yes, Black?'

'Have you found a new _cheri_ to take to the Yule Ball?'

Helen frowned at the chess pieces in front of her.

'Stop distracting me whenever it's my turn to move,' she muttered, ordering her bishop to move.

'Ah, bad decision,' Sirius grinned, taking her bishop with his knight.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Well?'

'Firstly, if I found someone else, he wouldn't be my '_cheri'._ I hate to think that you would give some other girl my title,' she remarked shrewdly, still keeping her eyes fixed on the chess table.

Sirius laughed.

'No, you're right. You're my one and only '_cherie'._ I'd have to call her 'honey' or 'dear' or 'love'… none of those sound as good as your title, do they?' he frowned.

'No, they don't. But the same applies in my case anyway. Ah, our poor partners, whoever they are... Perhaps I won't call him anything. Yes, I think that's… aha! I've got you! Knight to C5,' Helen said triumphantly.

Sirius sunk in his armchair as he watched his king throw of his crown.

Helen grinned and sat back, looking very pleased with herself.

'Okay, congratulations,' Sirius said moodily. 'It's not as if you winning is anything new. Now, if we were to go do _paintball _again…'

'We decided that that was a draw,' Helen said in a reasonable voice.

'No, I disagree. I kicked your sorry arse and you're just too cut- over two years later, I might add- to admit that I've beaten you in something,' Sirius said.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Think what you like,' she said.

'I will, thank you.'

'Good.'

'Excellent.'

Helen glared at him and he laughed.

'So? Who're you taking.'

Helen shrugged.

'_Are _you taking someone? You _are_ going, aren't you?'

Helen looked at Sirius for a moment before looking out of the window.

'Yeah, I'm going,' she sighed. 'I can't tell you who with, though.'

Sirius raised his eyebrows

'Oh? And why not?'

'Er… I don't know his name,' she admitted, blushing.

Sirius looked at her incredulously.

'You can't remember his name!'

'No… well, I don't really know him. All I know is that he's in Ravenclaw and was the best looking one to ask me… now, your turn. Who are you taking?'

Sirius mumbled something unintelligible.

'Who?' Helen said loudly.

Sirius looked at her.

'Alice.'

'Alice who?'

Sirius pursed his lips and looked determinedly out of the window.

'Don't know her surname,' he said, very quickly.

Helen sat up.

'And _I_ was the bad one!' she said indignantly.

'Well at least I know her _first_ name. It's not as though I'll _need_ to know her surname,' he retorted. 'But you… ha ha, you're going to have an interesting time,' Sirius said, laughing smugly at her.

Helen bit her lip before suddenly springing up.

'You're going with Alice!' she shouted at him.

Sirius' eyes widened, and the common room quietened considerably.

'I always knew you were cheating on me with an Alice!' she said, hitting him.

He laughed.

'Oh come on… it wasn't Alice. Bella got it _all _wrong. It was with Alicia,' Sirius said, shaking his head sombrely.

Helen stared at him before they both burst out laughing.

Everyone else just stared, not sure what to think.

* * *

**Just a quick note on Sirius...**

**He's not really happy, I think that's a good way of putting it, with their current situation, but he knows that if he tries anymore, he will completely lose her. This way, he at least still gets to spend a lot of time with her which I suppose is torture for him, but better than nothing, I suppose. You might like to remember his letter to Helen after the OWL incident where he said that if she wouldn't forgive him, he would settle for having her as a friend.**

**Hmm. Anyway, please take the time to review this one as well before you move on! I always find it interesting to see how people's thoughts change between chapters.**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	60. Chapter 64: A Yuletide Ball

**_'Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.' -_** Norman Vincent Peale

* * *

A Yuletide Ball

Sirius woke up on Christmas morning thinking that it was two years since that first Yule Ball when he and Helen started going out.

Today was the day for 'families'.

They had said that they would be each other's family. He supposed they still were, but now that he couldn't have more, he wanted it all with her; everything which James had talked of at the start of term.

She always spent so much time with him now, that he couldn't help but wondering that perhaps there was a chance that they could get back together… even if it was only a small chance.

Otherwise, he was sure that she would never even bother spending whole days, as it was sometimes, of her Christmas holiday talking to him.

* * *

Helen woke up on Christmas morning to hear Lily and Mary laughing and talking excitedly about their presents. Helen looked over to Marina and saw that she only had the one present which Helen had given her. She smiled at Helen in appreciation, but Helen knew Marina's true sadness about her situation. 

Helen looked to her own pile which very big by her standards. She had earrings from Mark (and his fiancée Nicole), sweets from James, and books from Remus and Lily. She was very surprised at Peter's present- a rather pretty necklace- but she supposed it was his way of thanking her for all the hours she had spent tutoring him.

She saved Sirius' present until last, opening the card first.

_Okay._

_So I didn't know what to get you. I really didn't. It's hard for me to think of buying you something which you'll like, but won't make you think that I'm either being lazy (i.e. buying you a book) or thinking of something else._

_So, a few days ago- and I'll admit that, by that stage, a book was the most likely thing you would have received from me- I realised what I'd give you. I think I can now, because we can just laugh about it and not take it too seriously._

_So, ma cherie, it is thus that I endow you with the pure, uncensored Black books (Vols I & II), of Sirius Black._

_Love Sirius_

_p.s. Merry Christmas… I mean, that's the point of today, right?_

Helen smiled. It really was rather scary, at times, how similar they were…

* * *

_Dear Sirius._

_I'll admit, it's so weird like this… but hopefully it won't be by next Christmas. I didn't know what to get you that wouldn't be…weird, so I procrastinated the task for a quite a shocking amount of time._

_You once wanted to see my 'Book of Distractions,' but I wouldn't let you. It probably would have been a bad idea when we were together anyway- After all, I know who was responsible for starting the rumour of the 'Asteria Curse'..._

_But now I think it's safe to give this book to you. I know you won't repeat what happened to me when I was eleven. I trust you._

_So! Merry Christmas… and please don't take the first entry on you too personally. The second one is a much better reflection of what I really thought of you._

_Love Helen._

Sirius sighed and turned to the parcel that came with the card before snatching it up and going to the common room. He found her in an armchair, reading his books.

'Did you know I'd give you that for Christmas, or was this a really freaky coincidence?' he asked, looking at her with wide eyes.

She looked up and laughed.

'Freaky coincidence… a _very_ freaky coincidence, though I guess it makes sense that we'd give these to each other anyway,' she shrugged. 'Yours is quite graphic, by the way,' she said.

He shrugged.

'It's the truth and nothing but.'

She nodded and looked down to Amica Ryan's entry.

_**14. AMICA RYAN**_

_**Date: 06/10/75**_

_**Who: Hufflepuff, 4**__**th**__** Year**_

_**Where: Broom Cupboard, Astronomy tower**_

_**Done: Oral, Sex**_

_**Rating: 5/10 **_

_**Notes:**_

_Very average- virgin. Kept on crying afterwards how wanted to be a virgin when got married._

_Yeah right- A bit late for that, honey. Actual sex was not bad, except she had no idea what to do and kept on saying 'I love you' to me._

_I mean, I talked the first time I properly talked to her was last week!_

_I need say no more._

---

'I never knew that you had a thing with Andrew Valery,' Sirius frowned.

Helen looked up.

'A very short, five-minute thing which was only because we had won the quidditch match against Slytherin,' she shrugged.

'You rated him as an excellent kisser.'

Helen grinned.

'He was.'

'Hmm, you seem to have a history with beaters…' he said, flipping the page.

Helen laughed and looked up as she saw James come up to where they were sitting.

'Are you two coming for breakfast?' he asked, looking at them uncertainly.

They nodded and got up.

---

'Okay. I'm off, time to get ready,' Helen said, sitting up and poking Sirius' arm for him to stop using her legs as a book rest so that she could get off the couch.

He looked at her.

'The Ball's in two hours,' he said incredulously.

'I know… I should have started earlier… oh well,' she shrugged, standing up.

'Have you found out his name yet?' he asked with a wry smile.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'No. I'm kind of hoping that one of you will recognise him and tell me before I embarrass myself and upset him,' she called from the staircase.

Sirius stared after her before turning to the last entry in the book- his entry.

* * *

'So you don't even know his name?' Lily frowned as she was putting on her earrings. 

'Nope,' Helen shrugged indifferently.

'Well you've certainly polished up quite a bit for someone who doesn't even know her date,' Lily remarked archly, taking in Helen's appearance.

'Oh come on, Lily. It's a _ball._ Of course I've 'polished up',' she replied, shaking her head at Lily.

'You spent all day with Sirius today,' Lily said, looking at Helen knowingly.

'And?'

Lily sighed and sat on her bed as she put on her shoes.

'Look, Helen, I know that you say that you're just friends with him, but anyone could tell you that he still wants you. I don't think you're being very fair by spending so much time with him. You're raising his hopes and- if you're not planning of ever getting back with him- you should let go of him more so he can find someone else.'

Helen pursed her lips and sunk on her bed, looking miserable.

Lily stood up and surveyed Helen.

'I think you should distance yourself a bit more from him if you really don't want him as anything more than a friend. I know you don't mean to hold him back, but it's the right thing to do,' she said kindly, exchanging a small smile with Helen and leaving her alone in her dorm.

* * *

'Wow,' Helen's nameless date breathed as she walked down the staircase to meet him. 

She tried her hardest not to look at Sirius, who she felt looking at her, as she went down these stairs.

She looked… Grecian. Half of her long hair had been pulled back in a loose bun, with a diadem for ornamentation, whilst the rest was set in long curls that went below her waist.

She wore another one of her mother's gowns- this time a low-necked, strapless, black velvet one. It highlighted her bare shoulders and arms which looked as though they were carved out of ivory. It's full gown and came to the floor and though it was simple- with no intricate patterns, vivid colours or decorations- it was impressive. She always attracted stares, wherever she went, but it was more pronounced, tonight, than ever.

Those who had been sceptical upon hearing of Helen's fight with Bellatrix, now believed that Helen could possess such power. Her normal school self usually stood quietly in the background. Tonight, however, she had a tragic kind of confidence and radiance as she descended from the stairs with an impassive face, that she looked every bit the powerful witch which she was rumoured to be.

Helen walked straight up to her date and, after he stammered a hello, he led her into the hall.

'You look beautiful tonight,' he said to her as he led her to meet his friends; trying to prise a smile from her unreadable expression.

---

Helen stood in the group of talking Ravenclaws, not saying much, and looking intently at her date, trying to guess his name.

'Tell me. Does a guy telling you that you look beautiful actually mean anything to you?' Sirius whispered from behind her.

A small smile played upon Helen's lips and she turned her head slightly to see that he had his back towards her and was standing with a girl and her friends.

'No, but I like to hear it once in a while all the same,' she whispered back.

'His name's Alex, by the way.'

Helen frowned. She had been set on him being a William.

'Are you sure?'

'Would I lie?'

Helen's lips twisted into a smile.

'Yes.'

He laughed softly and she heard him talking to his date before returning back to silence.

'Oh, well I'm sorry that you distrust me so much… fine. His name is Ross. It would have been pretty funny if you called him Alex, though,' Sirius said.

Helen sighed.

'I still don't trust you… so is that Alice?'

'Yep. Pretty isn't she?'

'Yes,' Helen replied quickly, hoping not to show any telling emotions.

'Yes?'

'Yes, I agree. She's very pretty.'

'Well, I won't agree that your Ross is more handsome than me…'

'I never said that I thought that Alice was prettier…'

'My, now who's the conceited one?'

Helen sighed frustratedly and looked around her group which continued to talk without making an effort to include her in the discussion.

'Stop being a prat. Why are we even whispering to each other like this?'

'Because we're bored out of our brains and stuck in a group of people who we don't know?' Sirius offered.

Helen laughed softly.

'May I have this dance?' her date, who she supposed was called Ross, asked.

'Sure,' Helen smiled. 'Later,' she whispered to Sirius as Ross led her to the dancefloor.

---

After dancing a few dances with Ross, and not talking at all, Helen suggested that they take a break.

It was such a coincidence, therefore, that Sirius and Alice should be walking onto the dancefloor as they were leaving it.

'Ah, Helen! Didn't recognise you before,' Sirius said, winking at her.

Helen glared at him, wondering what he was up to now.

'Do you know Alice?' he asked her.

Helen shook her head, knowing that he was now expecting her to introduce her date to him and to expose herself to ridicule.

'Ah, well, Alice, this is my… _friend_ Helen…'

Alice looked as though she was sucking on a lemon as she shook Helen's hand.

There was silence and Sirius and Alice looked at Helen expectantly.

'Ah, this is my… _friend_ Sirius and his girlfriend Alice,' Helen said to her date.

She said the word 'girlfriend' very quickly, and half wished for both Sirius and Alice to deny it.

But they didn't.

'Yes, we know,' Helen's date said, looking at Sirius a little warily.

'Sorry, I didn't catch your date's name,' Alice said to Helen.

Helen looked into Sirius' eyes at that moment, and knew that she would kill him.

'Oh, this is…' she faltered.

Helen suddenly put a hand to her forehead and sighed, as though in pain.

'Are you okay?' her date asked concernedly.

'I've just…got…pain…'

She pretended to faint and Sirius caught her from falling.

'Will, by the way,' her date said to Alice, before turning to see if Helen was okay.

'You bastard,' Helen seethed in Sirius' ear. 'You told me he was Ross… I hate you.'

'Ah, back to the good old days,' Sirius whispered back. 'Aren't you meant to be unconscious?'

Helen gave a vehement sigh as Sirius laid her on the floor and pretended to use a reviving spell. Helen tried to go along with the act and her date and Sirius helped her up, whilst shooting the latter scathing looks.

'Should we go to the hospital wing?' Will asked.

Helen shook her head.

'No, it happens sometimes… let's just sit down,' she said, ignoring Sirius and going with Will to sit at a table.

* * *

The night dragged on. Will must have either been nervous- or just dull- as he seemed unable to come up with any form of decent conversation. Helen was most grateful, therefore, when Remus came and asked her for a dance, if her date didn't mind. 

'Oh my God, thank you so much, Remus. I was dying,' she breathed as they were dancing.

'Well, you didn't seem to interested, that's for sure,' he remarked.

'Where's your date?'

'Oh, gossiping with her friends about God knows what. I thought I'd take the opportunity to steal a dance with you seeing as I never got one before.'

'Well thank you. It was much appreciated,' Helen nodded, smiling as she saw Will going to his Ravenclaw mates and starting a conversation with them.

---

James danced with Helen next, and then Peter- who kept stepping on her toes. Helen glared at Sirius who laughed as she was continually wincing during Peter's dance whilst he danced with his own date who was smiling serenely as she leaned her head on his chest. When that dance finished, Sirius whispered something to his date. She beamed at him and walked away, and he went over to Helen and Peter.

'Mind if I take the next one?'

Helen glanced over to Will who seemed very happily engaged in his conversation with his friends.

'Yes. I do mind. You've been absolutely horrid to me this evening,' Helen snapped.

Peter stood to the side, watching uncertainly.

'Aw, come on Asteria. It was just a bit of fun.'

'At my expense.'

'Oh well… so what do you say? A dance for old times' sakes?'

Helen looked at him incredulously.

'No,' she said flatly. 'Thanks for the dance, Peter,' she added, before walking off the dance floor and out of the Great Hall.

She had had enough of this ball.

Sirius hesitated before running after her.

'Come on, don't be like that. I didn't mean…'

'I know. It's okay. Go back to your date,' she said quietly, looking determinedly at the sky.

He looked at Helen.

'She's not my girlfriend, and you knew that,' he said.

Helen shrugged.

'It makes no difference. You shouldn't spend so much time with me tonight anyway- she's the one you've asked.'

'But I'm just so _bored_,' he said, kicking the wall moodily. 'There's nothing to say with her.'

Helen knew what he meant.

Sirius hesitated before asking.

'What do you say to just quitting the ball altogether? We can go to Hogsmeade or something and…'

'Sirius,' Helen interrupted, turning to face him. 'You have to…'

'Look, Helen,' he said, taking her hand and turning to face her seriously. 'It's Christmas, and that's meant to be the time you spend with the people you love- your family. You mightn't be my…' he faltered, not being able to say it, 'but you're still my family,' he finished firmly.

Helen bit her lip and didn't know what to say. Everything he was saying, she agreed with.

'Okay,' she said quietly.

'Yes?

'Yes. Let's meet at the witch in ten minutes.'

* * *

As Helen approached the statue and saw Sirius waiting for her, she decided that everything would end after tonight. 

Lily was right; she _was_ holding Sirius back.

But she just wanted one last night, and it _was_ Christmas, after all.

---

'I haven't come down this way in ages,' Helen mused as they walked down the passageway.

'I won't lie- I have,' Sirius said, feeling properly hopeful for the first time since they had broken up . 'Are you cold? Here, take my coat,' he added, handing her his jacket as they continued to walk.

Helen _was_ very cold and thus did not complain. As she put on his jacket, she was engulfed in his scent and she realised how much she missed it.

Her eyes widened as they came out of the trapdoor and they went out onto the street of Hogsmeade. It was so beautiful; encased in snow, with all the Christmas lights, decorations, and Christmas carols being sung by a choir in the town centre.

They both stood there, and stared at it for a while. Eventually, Sirius took her hand, and Helen let him, as they started to walk down to the village; marvelling at the beauty and happiness before them.

* * *

'Oh here, you have to try this,' Sirius said, grinning and handing her a mug filled with a warm drink from one of the stalls. 

Helen sniffed at it tentatively.

'What is it?' she asked, looking at him.

'Gluhwein,' he said simply, sipping his own mug.

Helen took an uncertain sip and felt warmth spread throughout her whole body in the coldness of the night. It was hot wine, and the spices and sweetness of it made her feel warm and fuzzy.

There were families sitting all around on the tables drinking the wine- and punch in the children's cases. Helen and Sirius found a table and sat down.

'Do you know that on this day…'

Helen nodded.

'It seems like such a long time ago. I feel like a completely different person now to what I was then,' she said quietly.

Sirius looked down in his mug.

'Yeah, me too…' he smiled sadly. 'So much has happened since then.'

There was a pause.

'But it's turned out okay, hasn't it?' Helen said. 'I mean, we've gone through some pretty rough times, but we're still here- we can still laugh and be happy. That has to count for something, right?'

He looked into her eyes.

'I'm glad we're here,' he said quietly.

Helen smiled.

'Me too.'

* * *

'Where's Helen?' Lily asked suddenly as the group made their way back to the Gryffindor Common Room after the ball had finished. 

James looked up.

'Where's Sirius?'

Lily sighed exasperatedly.

'If they're together now, and they're still adamant by tomorrow that they're only friends, I'll…'

'Do nothing,' Remus finished. 'You don't understand them, Lily.'

Lily gave an exasperated sigh.

'Actually, we can see if they're together or not,' James said suddenly.

'How?' Lily asked suspiciously.

James grinned at her.

'Wait here.'

---

He returned from his dormitory with a weathered piece of parchment.

'James, I don't…'

'We're just seeing if they're together or not,' James said to Remus innocently. 'We're not watching or listening to whatever their doing or saying.

Lily stared at the parchment.

'What is that?' she asked, frowning at it.

'This, my dear, is what we call 'The Marauders' Map,'' James said proudly, pointing his wand to the parchment and saying 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.'

Lily's eyes widened as she saw the introduction and then, the inky swirls, showing the map of the school.

'You? You boys… _did_ this?' she breathed in wonderment.

'Uh-huh,' James said.

'It's so… _advanced_,' she said, looking at them with admiration.

James put an arm around Lily.

'Yes, I know I'm very smart. Thank you, my dear,' he said, pecking her on the cheek.

Lily pushed him off her and continued to gaze at the map.

'Well, I can't see them anywhere in the castle,' Remus said, frowning.

Peter watched on with pursed lips.

'They're coming back from Hogsmeade, that's why,' he said, pointing to the two dots labelled 'Helen Asteria' and 'Sirius Black.'

Lily shook her head.

'I told her to stop spending so much time with him. She's just giving him false… why have they stopped?'

The two spots stopped moving midway in the tunnel.

'Lord knows… let's hope their snogging,' James said.

'Or not- they're apart… oh no, they're next to each other now,' Remus said.

'Does anyone find this a bit wrong?' Lily asked suddenly.

The heads of the three boys looked up.

'No,' James said simply, looking back. Peter also returned his gaze to look intently at the map.

'Yes. You're right, Lily- we shouldn't be doing this. This is their private business, James,' Remus said firmly, taking up the map from the table, wiping it, and tucking it in his robes.

'Hey! I was…'

'No, James. They can tell us- if they want to- when they get back. You could be assuming things which are not for you to assume,' he continued gravely.

James sat back looking frustrated.

'Well I'm waiting here until they get back,' he said resolutely, crossing his arms stubbornly.

'Me too,' Lily said, sitting next to him. 'I think Helen needs to explain her intentions towards Sirius a bit better, because so far I feel very confused.'

Peter sat in an armchair and said nothing whilst Remus stared at them all.

'So am I the only one who will be going to bed tonight?' he asked with raised eyebrows.

'Well they should be returning very soon if they're just 'friends' anyway,' Lily said brightly; her tone heavy with sarcasm.

'Either way, he can't spend the night with her- I told him that he's only allowed to…'

Lily shook her head at James.

'Are you that naïve? Honestly, James, do you seriously think that Helen and Sirius were _that_ innocent with each other?'

James stared at Lily.

'What?' he managed to say.

'They were _living together._ Of course they had…'

'WHAT!' James exploded, springing up. 'He never told me…'

Lily laughed.

'Well of course he didn't if you're going to adopt _that_ attitude,' she said, shaking her head at James.

James slumped on the couch next to Lily.

'He has some explaining to do.'

'They both have some explaining to do,' Lily nodded, now wishing that she hadn't said anything about the map so that she could find out what was going on.

* * *

.. 

**Hmmm. I wonder what happened in the tunnel? Ah, well, you'll find out in the next chapter.**

**I think that Lily's comments to Helen made her realise for the first time that she was wrong about the whole 'friends' thing and that she really couldn't stay and spend so much time with Sirius if she didn't intend on getting back with him eventually. Lily was right... hence her being annoyed at Helen at the end of the chapter.**

**But... I think Helen's also finding that the idea of letting go of Sirius completely isn't that appealing to her either.**

**Oh, and poor James finally found out the truth... I bet he's _thrilled_ that he was the only one who didn't know. heh.**

**I shall have more to say on them at the end of the next chapter which is very eventful for oh so many reasons...**

**So, even though you were so very lucky and bestowed with THREE chapters at once, her is your quote until I next update:**

_'I'm sorry, did you understand what I just said?' - _Helen Asteria to Sirius Black.

**SO! I am expecting many many reviews if you want to get that next chapter. I assure you that you do want to get it, so I'm guessing that you're all going to be reviewing.**

**Right?**

**Love Anya**


	61. Chapter 65: Third Time Lucky

'_**The third time's the charm'

* * *

**_Third Time Lucky

'Trust us to get stuck in a snowstorm,' Helen laughed as they made their way down the tunnel. 'Now, let's see what you managed to get and we'll compare our booties,' she said, sitting down and lighting her wand.

Sirius raised his eyebrows as he sat down opposite her and Helen rolled her eyes.

'Booties as in our _plundered goods_,' she clarified, shaking her head at him.

He laughed.

'Well, Miss Asteria, I present thee with… firewhiskey,'

'Good,' Helen nodded, grinning. 'Anything else?'

Sirius sighed.

'And… nothing else. Sorry- the bartender came back and I had to get out,' he said, conceding defeat.

Helen laughed.

'Pathetic. And you not a Marauder?' she said, looking at him accusingly.

'_Ay, and a bold one, that dare look on that which might appal the devil_,' he said dramatically.

_'Oh proper stuff_!' Helen said, shaking her head in disappointment.

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

'Well, Lady Macbeth, what have _you_ filched to reccomend yourself?' he asked, crossing his arms and looking at her expectantly.

Helen laughed before adopting a serious expression.

'Mr Black, I present thee with... biscuits.'

Sirius wrinkled his nose.

'Biscuits?'

'They're gingernut biscuits,' Helen said defensively. 'And that's not _all_ I got… we have lollies and chocolates from Honeydukes and…'

'Well, someone has quite the sweet tooth today,' Sirius said, amused.

Helen grinned.

'…and a flask of Gluhwein. Sorry. You've got me hooked on it now, and I prefer it to firewhiskey,' she said, placing her items on the pile.

Sirius laughed.

'Well done. If you were a boy, you could be a Marauder too,' he nodded.

Helen rolled her eyes and kicked him.

'Chauvinistic bastard.'

'Feminist…'

Helen looked at him expectantly and Sirius cleared his throat quickly and broke off some chocolate.

'Chocolate?'

Helen shivered as a gale of wind blew above them and shifted to the other side, next to Sirius.

'It's cold,' she said in defence of his questioning look.

He grinned.

'Sure… I know you just want to get closer to me,' he said, winking at her.

Helen hit him and drunk from the Gluhwein flask before passing it to him.

'That's better… not so cold… oh, and we could do with some of this too,' she said cupping her hands together before opening them to reveal a flame which wasn't burning her hands.

Sirius looked at her in wonder.

'That's part of your secret, isn't it? That big one that you couldn't tell me?' he said, watching as she created another small ball of fire.

Helen nodded.

'Yes, it is,' she said, taking the flask from him and sipping more wine.

Sirius sat up intently.

'Are you really muggleborn?'

Helen glanced at him.

'Biscuit?' she said brightly, opening the packet and offering him a biscuit.

'You're not, are you?' he said, ignoring the packet.

Helen crammed a biscuit in his mouth, took one for herself, and leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes.

'Don't ask so many questions,' she said eventually.

'But am I right?' he asked, his eyes wide.

Helen opened her eyes turned to face him.

'I'm not allowed to tell you… but whatever you ask me, I shall answer with a yes or a no,' she said slowly, drinking more wine and chewing her bottom lip as she stared ahead of her.

Sirius looked at her for a moment, before starting:

'Right. Are you muggle-born?'

'No.'

Sirius stared at her.

'You're not?'

'No,' Helen replied, continuing to stare distantly at the wall opposite them.

He took a deep breath.

'How long have you known? Have you known all your life?'

'No.'

'So what are you? Half-blood?'

'No.'

'Pureblood?'

A small smile twisted upon Helen's lips at Sirius' ignorance as to exactly how pure her blood was.

'Yes.'

'You're a pureblood?!' he exclaimed, sitting on his knees and looking at her in shock.

'Yes,' she said, shrugging.

'So you were adopted, then.'

'Yes.'

Sirius stared at her.

'Is there more to your 'secret'? I can't imagine that you would keep something like that a secret if that's all there was to it,' he said, after he got over his initial shock that Helen was indeed a pureblood.

Helen glanced at him.

'You've only just scraped the surface. You're not allowed to tell anyone any of this, by the way- not James, not anyone,' she said, looking him in the eye seriously.

Sirius nodded numbly.

'So you're pureblood… and Bella and the others are always calling you….'

He paused and raised an eyebrow at her.

'So who are your real parents?'

Helen looked at him and from her facial expression- it suddenly came to him.

'That Selene woman… she's the one… oh my fucking God, you're my cousin!' he said, looking mortified at the thought.

Helen laughed and patted him on the shoulder.

'No, no, I'm not. Don't worry… we wouldn't have lasted as long as we did if _that_ were the case,' she said reassuringly.

'So….Selene is your mum?'

'Yes.'

'And that's why Uncle Alphie gave you that ring.'

'Yes. He was in love with her.'

'But you're not his daughter?' Sirius frowned.

'No, I am not.' Helen nodded.

Sirius stared at Helen.

'Well who's your father?'

A strange faraway expression came to Helen's face and she drunk more wine.

'Is it bad?'

Helen looked up at him wearily.

'Can I tell you the rest some other time? I'm just… tired now,' she said, leaning on his shoulder and closing her eyes.

Sirius took a sharp intake of breath upon feeling her in that familiar spot and he put an arm around her, hugging her to him. When he felt her breathing become heavy with sleep, he transfigured a twig on the ground into a cushion and laid her head gently on it.

He couldn't believe that all they could ever be was friends. He refused to believe that, because it hurt him to look at her now and to think that she could one day belong to someone else.

It wasn't right.

Neither of them could stand being with anyone else, and the Yule Ball tonight had proven that. They had both ended up making excuses to leave, so they could be with each other.

He reached out and brushed away stray hairs that had fallen in her face, lightly tracing her high, chiselled cheekbones.

So she was a pureblood.

He found that he didn't really care. It didn't make any difference to him whatsoever what she was. In a way, he supposed that he always knew that she wasn't a muggleborn who just happened to possess such extraordinary powers.

At that moment in time, all that mattered was that they, somehow, would get back together.

He leant forward tentatively and his lips brushed her own- how much he had missed that- but then withdrew quickly.

There was no satisfaction in a kiss which she did not want, and could not return. So, after staring at her for a bit longer, he sighed, transfigured another pillow, and lay back next to her.

* * *

Lily stretched as she woke up the next morning to find that she had fallen asleep on James' shoulder. Peter was snoring with his mouth open in his armchair across the room. Rubbing her eyes and squinting, Lily looked at her watch and sat up suddenly to see that it was six thirty.

She prized herself from under James' arm and ran up the steps to her dormitory to see if Helen had returned.

She hadn't.

Just as she returned to the common room, the portrait door opened and she heard them entering quietly: _she_ was still wearing her gown from the night before, but had Sirius' jacket draped around her shoulders.

They stopped short upon seeing Lily glaring at them with her hands on her hips.

'Where were you two?' she demanded.

James sat up with a start upon hearing this tone and blinked rapidly upon seeing Helen and Sirius.

'YOU! You never told me that you were sleeping with her!' he said suddenly, jumping up and looking accusingly at Sirius.

Sirius and Helen blinked, rather confused with what was going on.

'We weren't…' Helen frowned.

'What's going on?' Sirius asked, also frowning.

'I just want to slap the both of you! What is wrong with you? You cannot just spend your whole Christmas holidays together, run away from the Yule Ball together… _spend the night together, and_ then expect us to believe that you're 'just friends',' Lily said snapped.

James nodded in agreement.

At that moment, Remus came down the stairs looking bleary-eyed and still in his pyjamas. He stopped short upon seeing Helen and Sirius; both still in their attire from the night before.

Helen, breathing heavily, turned to face Sirius; ignoring the others.

'I'm going to go get changed now,' she informed him.

He nodded, and she knew what he was thinking and, consequently, what would happen next.

She turned around and started walking to her dorm. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, however, she suddenly turned on her heel and walked right back up to him.

'And, before I go, I have to tell you that that was the worst kiss I've ever had in my entire life, last night,' she said, looking him in the eyes steadily.

Sirius' eyes widened upon learning that she had known about it.

Helen continued to look him in the eye, waiting.

He couldn't help it; he leant forward and kissed her, gently.

'Was that better?' he asked politely.

Helen blinked, before remembering herself.

'Average,' she said, screwing up her nose.

But her twitching lips gave her away.

He nodded, feeling happier than he had in a long time, and leant forward and kissed her again; more lingeringly this time.

'How about that?' he asked, feeling his heart racing and his throat constricting.

They ignored the fact that Lily, James, Peter and Remus were staring and gaping at them.

Helen considered it.

'It was a bit better. Definitely not up to your usual standards, though,' she nodded, gulping and biting her lip as she knew what was to follow.

They stared at each other before Sirius nodded practically.

'Right,' said he, nodding. 'Right.'

And he pulled her towards him, wrapped his arms around her waist, and kissed her passionately.

Some few minutes later, when they broke apart, they stared at each other; their eyes wide.

It felt as though they had both been woken up, feeling very fresh, from a long dream which was not altogether pleasant...

'How about that one, _ma cherie_?' he asked; his voice wavering slightly, though he did not break their eye contact.

Helen stared at him.

'That…that was…' she said slowly.

'Yes?' he said, his breath quickening.

Helen took a deep breath.

'That… that was the most exquisite fucking kiss I've ever had,' she finished.

They continued to stare at each other.

'Want to try it again?' he suggested weakly, after a while of silence.

She nodded.

'Definitely,' she said, taking a step towards him and pulled him towards her by the shirt; the both of them smiling as they kissed again.

---

Lily, James, Remus and Peter stared at their two friends who didn't seem as though they were going to unstick themselves from each other for a very long time.

'Potter?' Lily said suddenly, still staring at Helen and Sirius.

'Yes, Lily?' James asked, also staring at Helen and Sirius.

'How's your breath?'

'Not bad… why?' James asked, turning and wondering why Lily would ask such a question.

All his wondering was put to rest, however, as Lily pulled him suddenly towards her and kissed him.

'Ah, that's why,' he grinned, kissing her back.

Remus watched on, amused.

He and Peter caught each other's eyes.

'Sorry Peter, but I'm a ladies' man,' he said, taking one last amused look at the two other couples, shaking his head, and going back up the stairs to get dressed properly.

Peter stared at Helen and Sirius, pursing his lips, before running out of the Common Room.

Everyone was far too busy to notice.

* * *

Helen stared into Sirius' eyes once they finally broke apart.

'Can we please not do this friends thing ever again? It'll kill me,' he said.

Helen nodded and they kissed again.

'And I promise I'll never be like I was again. I've definitely learnt my lesson,' he said before kissing her again.

'And I'll actually tell you off the next time you're being a prat. Me being passive just doesn't work for us,' Helen said, kissing him.

Sirius grinned and they broke apart.

They heard people starting to come down the stairs.

'What do you say- we just get lost?'

'I'd love to,' Helen said, taking his hand as they ran out of the Common Room.

---

They arrived at the secret passageway, behind the mirror of the fourth floor, in record time and started kissing again immediately.

After a while, Sirius pulled back and looked her seriously in the eye.

'Promise me… promise me that you'll never do that again,' he said, cupping her cheeks in his hands.

Helen nodded desperately, feeling tears of joy and grief sliding down her cheeks.

He shook his head and pressed his forehead against hers.

'I don't understand why you didn't tell me,' he said. 'Why…'

'I tried, but you always had somewhere to be, or would blow me off... and I was so tired, Sirius,' Helen said, more tears sliding down her cheeks.

Sirius took a deep breath.

'Never again. I promise,' he said pulling her towards him and kissing her.

* * *

'The one good thing about what had happened, is that I don't think I've ever had better sex in my entire existence. Ten out of ten for my Black book,' Sirius mused, tracing his hand up and down Helen's spine as they lay on the floor.

Helen laughed softly and kissed his chest.

'In retrospect, I think it was very good for us,' she said. 'I think you spent more time with me then, than you had ever done before,' she laughed.

'Well, I think I certainly took you for granted before hand,' Sirius said, kissing the top of her head and hugging her to him. 'It was horrible because I couldn't be angry at you or blame you, but I couldn't be this close with you either,' he said. 'Having said that, we did have quite a bit of fun. We should have been done the whole 'friends' thing before we started going out,' he said philosophically.

Helen sighed and they lay in silence, Sirius combing Helen's hair with his fingers.

Eventually, Helen sat up.

'I have to tell you about who I am,' she said seriously. 'You need to know. It's not fair that you're with me and…' she trailed off and Sirius sat up.

'I'm going to tell you,' she said finally.

He nodded and looked at her, waiting.

'Do you remember how I told you about Circe and her daughter?' Helen asked.

'Yes,' Sirius said slowly.

'Well that 'ancestor' who Circe went to for help, was… ' she paused.

'I once told you that Asteria's daughter was Hecate- the goddess of witchcraft. Hecate's daughter was Circe. Circe's daughter- Leda- carried that curse I told you about. That's called the 'Asteria curse.''

Sirius stared at Helen, not saying anything.

Helen took a deep breath and continued.

'So, to cut a long story short, Selene Asteria- the woman your uncle was in love with; my mother- died on the first of February 1960 . I was born on the second of February 1960, and I appeared because of the curse that once a daughter of Asteria dies, another one is born on midnight of the next day, in her exact image. You said that your uncle thought that I looked similar to Selene… well I don't look similar. I look exactly like her because I am made in Leda's image. You asked me last night who my father is… I don't have a father. That's the whole truth about me.'

She looked to Sirius who looked as though he hadn't understood a word she had just said.

'I'm sorry?' he said after a while.

Helen bit her lip.

'I…'

'Hang on… are you telling me that you're… pretty much Circe's daughter?'

'Well, technically I'm a copy of her daughter,' Helen said, feeling apprehensive now.

Sirius nodded slowly.

'So is that why you can do all that wandless magic, then?' he asked, sounding as though everything finally made so much sense to him.

Helen nodded.

'Yes.'

Sirius frowned.

'I don't see what the big deal is. Why didn't you tell me?' he said, looking to her.

Helen blinked.

'I'm sorry, did you understand what I just said?' she asked, raising her eyebrows.

He nodded.

'Yeah, you're under some curse which makes you have the purest blood on earth… oh shit.'

Helen finally felt satisfied that Sirius had just understood everything what she had told him.

He looked up at her.

'You do realise that my being with you is now going against everything I've ever fought for and in tune with everything my family ever wanted. Can you imagine the field day my parents would have if they found out? They'd love me! You too!' he said, looking horrified at the thought.

Helen stared at Sirius disbelievingly.

Sirius continued.

'Oh… and Bella must have looked like such an idiot to you- preaching to you about purity of blood,' he laughed. 'Your blood is way purer than she could ever dream of hers being, and yet she sits there parading in front of you about blood traitors…' Sirius started laughing at the thought.

Helen continued to stare at him.

'I'm sorry- I don't think you properly understood what I told you,' she said in disbelief.

Sirius stopped laughing and looked at her.

'Yeah, I did. So? I don't see what the big fuss is. You're still the same person- I mean…' he stopped and lowered his voice. 'Do you know what this means?'

Helen looked at Sirius warily.

'What, Sirius?' she said in a guarded tone.

'I'm with someone who is part-goddess. I mean, you're practically a Greek goddess! Oh man, I'm good…'

'Sirius,' Helen interrupted sharply.

He looked up at her attentively; still grinning.

'Firstly, I am not a goddess. I am just a descendant from one- as are you. The only difference is that I am much more directly descended. Secondly, I still don't think you understand what I've just told you. Thirdly, you do realise that you are never- under any circumstances- to ever repeat what I've just told you to another living soul. Ever.'

Sirius sighed and became serious.

'Okay, I'm sorry. I do understand what you told me, it's just that I think you're being too much like Remus and his lycanthropy. Okay, it's not completely normal, but it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things,' he said reasonably.

'But… when I die… I'll have… a baby will…' Helen protested.

Sirius considered her.

'Is there a way to ending this curse?' he asked.

Helen bit her lip.

'We don't know for sure, but Dumbledore reckons that if I have a natural child, it might fix it,' she said.

Sirius nodded. None of it sounded that bad at all.

'When did you find out about all this?'

'On my birthday,' Helen said quietly. 'I wasn't meant to tell you this… but I want you to know. It's really hard just keeping it a secret all the time… but please promise me, whatever you do…'

'It's okay, Helen. I won't tell anyone,' Sirius said reassuringly.

Helen took a deep breath and nodded.

'Why did you think that I would leave you over something like that? I told you that I'd never leave you,' Sirius said quietly.

There was something about the way he said it that made Helen feel so horribly guilty.

'Sirius, I…'

'It's okay. I know why you did it. You were right…' he nodded, smiling at her reassuringly, 'and, in a way, I think we both knew that we'd end up together again,' he said.

Helen nodded. It was true- they had spent so much time with each other that moving on was impossible.

'So what? This is the third time we're coming out of a big breakup?' Sirius said.

Helen smiled slightly as he leaned forward to kiss her.

'Well, you know what they say- third time lucky…' she whispered.

He laughed and kissed her again.

And Helen knew, at that moment, that she really never would leave Sirius ever again. She didn't know what it was, exactly, but the way he had so readily accepted what she had always thought to be a big deal made her realise that, whatever his faults, she would never find anyone like him again.

And she didn't want to.

* * *

Helen and Sirius soon left as they were still dressed in their clothes from the ball and conceded that it would be regarded as very strange indeed if they returned to the common room in the afternoon and were still wearing them.

But they had not realised that they were not alone and that someone else had been in the room with them; the entire time.

And, as he changed back from his animagus form, he felt more jealous of Sirius; and more enthralled, yet frustrated, with Helen than he had ever been.

Now that he knew her secret.

* * *

**So, my lovely readers, are you happy? Please tell me you are... well, to some extent anyway- because Peter knowing about Helen's secret is not good news at all... Then again, he doesn't know the full story either.**

**But (looking at the glass as being half full instead of empty) Sirius and Helen are back together, he knows her secret and didn't leave her... and I am now going to properly explain why they broke up and how it was a good thing for them.**

**Now that I can, heh.**

**When I said 'Sirius and Helen are just not working out' I meant that they were disintegrating. And they were. They needed each other, but found that they weren't really 'happy' together in that things were always so serious for them and we know that the both of them love to have fun. Them breaking up, and becoming friends instead, allowed for them to remember what it was to have fun together, because there was that slight distance between them which allowed for that. It also allowed for them to tell each other things like their 'Books' without worrying that the other would get upset and that was important because they are now going to be closer for it. **

**Also, it meant that they could no longer use sex as a way to resolve things as they had before. As you saw in this- they resolved their issues _before_ sex. I mean, things may seem a bit more insignificant after having sex, but it doesn't mean that they're resolved, and I think that they both needed to just take a step back from each other before taking that big step forward to where they now are. You might say that this 'metaphorical step' wouldn't have been so big a jump had they stayed together- and this is true- but they would have definately taken much more time to take it.**

**So, all in all things turned out for the best... and I updated those last three chapters so it was as painless as possible for you (whereas Sirius and Helen had to wait almost a whole three months!). **

**Now that I have realised how much I have written for this A/N, I think I had better stop here.**

**So, next chapter, James is going to be giving his anticipated brotherly talk to Helen and Sirius (heh), and there shall be more developments with Voldemort. **

**And... before you go, please do not forget to leave me a review! **

**Lots of love, Anya**


	62. Chapter 66: A Most Unusual Wedding

**_'He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."'

* * *

_**A Most Unusual Wedding

'Oh, this is going to be so awkward,' Helen said. 'I mean, it's nearly noon and we're still wearing…' she stopped talking and stared at Mary who was also still wearing her ball gown and kissing John St Claire goodbye outside the portrait.

'Looks like we're not the only ones,' Sirius laughed, turning to the Fat Lady.

The portrait rolled her eyes.

'Oh no. Not _you two_ again. What is it going to be today? A screaming match or a …'

'Sphinx,' Sirius interrupted.

The portrait kept on babbling, but swung open nonetheless and Helen and Sirius entered the Common Room.

'Okay, I'm going to get changed as quickly as possible,' Helen said, running off to her staircase.

Sirius smiled after her retreating back and noticed the few stares which were shot his way as people registered who had just dashed across the Common Room.

'She's mine, so don't even think of touching her,' he said sternly to a first year boy who was gaping at Helen.

The boy looked up at Sirius, very confused, and Sirius- feeling very happy and content with the world- walked off to his dormitories to finally get changed.

* * *

As Peter walked back to the Common Room, he felt as though he was in a daze. It had all been an accident that he had even heard and seen everything which he did. He had gone to that passageway to be alone after having watched Helen and Sirius get back together yet again and, upon hearing the noise of someone entering the passageway, had turned into his animagus form from fear.

It was them.

And he had seen it all… he had seen how much she loved him and he her… had seen her dress fall to her ankles in a pool of black velvet to reveal what he had only ever dreamed of…

But then he had to look away; he couldn't watch. It would have been too much to have a visual confirmation of how much Helen had given herself to Sirius; it would have shattered his vision of her, one day, being his.

But he had heard it and that had been horrible. He had heard her whisper _his_ name, and had heard the longing and yearning in that whisper filling him with a likewise yearning for her to whisper his own name with such need. Hearing _him_ saying her name, however, had filled him with such a burning jealously that it consumed him, even now, as he walked back to his common room.

And then there was her secret. It made sense, and yet he was confused about what Helen had previously told Sirius which she had not bothered to repeat again…

So she wasn't a muggleborn. That should serve to satisfy the Dark Lord even more. After all- he had been reproached by his fellow Death Eaters for wanting a mudblood. Now it didn't matter anyway because she was a pureblood.

But he wasn't sure if his telling them all was a good idea. Helen had wanted it kept a secret…

Peter shook his head and gave the Fat Lady the password. It was a Hogsmeade weekend next week. He would talk to Janis- he could trust her- and ask for her opinion on the matter.

* * *

'If you tell me that you two are just friends I will murder you,' Lily said as soon as Helen entered her dorm. 'I actually will,' she added seriously.

Helen laughed at Lily and began to remove her diadem.

'So is everything sunshine and rainbows with you two now?' Lily persisted.

Helen smiled happily at Lily, and Lily squealed and hugged Helen.

'I can't believe I'm actually saying this… but I really felt sorry for him the entire time you two were broken up,' Lily admitted.

'So he's not so bad anymore?' Helen asked, with raised eyebrows.

Lily shrugged.

'I suppose I could have misjudged him just like I did James… I mean, it's possible, right?'

Helen laughed, feeling very giddy with her luck that day.

Lily's eyes widened.

'Oh, but you don't want to see James for a while,' she said in a low voice.

Helen raised her eyebrows.

'Why ever not?'

'Er… he… see, I made the unfortunate mistake of informing the naïve boy that you and Sirius were… _more physical_ with each other than he had originally expected, and I suspect that he wishes to give the two of you a grilling right now.'

Helen stared at Lily.

'What, didn't he know? I thought all those things he'd say were just jokes… and Sirius never told him?' Helen whispered.

Lily shook her head.

'Apparently not.'

Helen looked rather bewildered.

'And James honestly thought Sirius Black had not had sex for a whole two years; during which he lived with _me_ for a whole two months?' Helen continued.

'So it would seem…. Ah, I'm dating an idiot,' Lily said, shaking her head and helping Helen with the zip of her dress.

Helen laughed.

'Well, he may be an idiot- but he's a cute idiot at least,' she said.

'Hmm,' Lily said from where she was lying on her bed, rubbing her eyes. Slowly, she sat up.

'So what exactly did you do last night? It didn't seem as though you guys were properly together when you came in the morning,' Lily said. 'And we saw that you had gone to Hogsmeade… what were you doing in that tunnel?'

Helen stared at Lily.

'How… how…' she stammered.

'Oh, that map that my Potter has,' Lily said dismissively.

Helen had seen the Marauders map before, and felt slightly more relieved to know that she and Sirius hadn't been followed under the invisibility cloak.

'Your Potter?' Helen remarked, raising her eyebrows at Lily.

'Let's face it. No one else will have him and I have him wrapped around my little finger… so yes, he is my Potter,' Lily said indifferently, her lips twitching.

Helen looked at Lily, feeling very amused.

'Ah… well last night was very innocent. As for half an hour ago… unfortunately I cannot spoil your pure and chaste ears with such information,' Helen said, grinning wickedly.

Lily wrinkled her nose.

'I think that's best kept between you and Sirius… but I'm glad to hear that you love each other _that_ much again, anyway,' Lily said, her lips twitching as she patted Helen on the shoulder and left the dorm.

* * *

'I cannot believe you,' James fumed.

Sirius sat on the couch with an amused expression as he watched James pacing the rug in front of him.

'I told you that you could when we finished school. You have violated my sister,' he continued.

Sirius was fighting the urge to burst out laughing at the stupidity of this statement.

'Well, she didn't seem to mind…'

'Of course she did!'

'Er… you know, James, I hate to burst your bubble but…'

'ENOUGH WITH THE INNUENDOS! Can't you keep your head out of your pants for just a few minutes?'

Sirius just realised what James meant by this.

'The phrase you're thinking of is 'pop your cherry' not 'burst your bubble'. 'Burst your bubble' means…'

'Stop detracting from the point,' James shot at him. 'I said no.'

'Well, she said yes,' Sirius said indignantly. 'Many times on a good day,' he added as an afterthought, smiling to himself.

James shuddered before glaring at Sirius.

'I don't care. You had one year to wait. Just because you were living with her, it didn't mean you had to start having sex with her,' James said, glaring at Sirius.

Sirius decided that it was probably best not to inform James that he had already been sleeping with Helen for a year prior to her living with him.

At that moment, Helen herself came into the otherwise empty common room, took one look at the way James was looking at Sirius, and went to leave again.

'Oh no you don't, missy. Sit down right now. I have a few words for you too,' James said, crossing the room, grabbing Helen firmly by the arm, and dragging her to sit next to Sirius.

'Thanks for trying to leave me alone with this,' Sirius remarked drily to her.

Helen pecked him on the cheek and smiled innocently at him.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Ahem Ahem.'

They both looked up at James.

'Don't you know that you could get pregnant?' James demanded of Helen.

'So?'

James' eyes nearly bulged out of his head.

'SO?'

'My flea takes his potion once a month and that takes care of everything,' Helen said, ruffling Sirius' hair and grinning at James.

Sirius started laughing at this whilst James looked very confused.

'Flea? What the hell is wrong with you? Have you started smoking pot again?' he snapped. 'And YOU! With all the girls you've been with, you could have countless diseases… what if you've passed them on to Helen?'

Helen and Sirius considered this statement.

'Most of them were virgins,' Sirius shrugged.

James sighed exasperatedly.

'You are both missing the point. You can't just be having sex!'

They both stared at him with maddening smiles.

He paused and sighed.

'Okay. It was just a holiday thing, right? I mean, you can't be having it at school…'

Helen snorted and James rounded on her.

'You are!'

'Oh don't worry- never on your bed,' she said reassuringly.

James glared at them both and drew himself up.

'Right. As your Head Boy, I am henceforth banning the both of you from fornicating in this school,' he said sternly.

Helen and Sirius stared at James before they both burst out laughing.

Sirius suddenly sat up.

'But Hogsmeade doesn't count as 'school,'' he pointed out to James. 'Seems like we'll be taking a leaf out of Moony's book and be using the Shrieking Shack from now on, _ma cherie,_' Sirius said, grinning at Helen.

James' face was turning redder.

'No, you will not be using the Shrieking Shack. You won't be using anything…'

'Well we can't very well do it out in the open,' Helen said reasonably.

'THAT'S JUST IT! YOU'RE ONLY SEVENTEEN! YOU CAN'T VERY WELL DO IT AT ALL!' James shouted at her.

Helen shook her head.

'Firstly, James, you can't tell me what to do. I already have Mark for that and even he is far more lenient than you are. Secondly, in case you haven't noticed, I am 'of age'… and there's really no point banning us if we've already started now anyway,' Helen shrugged.

James glared at them.

'Well you haven't done it for at least three months. You can both hold out until you get married. That's right. Married. You break up far too often and…'

Helen and Sirius had exchanged looks and it had not escaped James' notice

'What was that?' he asked suspiciously.

'What was what?' Sirius asked in an unconvincingly innocent voice.

James' eyes widened.

'Where did you two disappear to before?' he asked in a dangerous voice.

Helen and Sirius suddenly became very interested in their fingernails. Suddenly, Sirius stood up.

'So if I marry Helen, will you let us?' he said to James.

James looked at Sirius suspiciously.

'Why… what are you doing?' he exclaimed as Sirius made Helen stand up and he knelt in front of her.

'_Ma cherie,_ will you marry me?'

Helen stared at Sirius before she doubled over laughing, holding onto Sirius' shoulders for support.

'You… just… rhymed,' she giggled

Sirius laughed too.

'Yes, okay… my knee's hurting, though, so yes?'

'Why, of course,' she grinned.

'Excellent!' Sirius said, springing up and looking to James. 'So we're fine now?'

James stared at the two of them.

'No, of course you're not 'fine.' I doubt any of you have ever been 'fine' but I suppose that's what happens when second cousins breed…. As for you Helen… I don't know what happened with you. Perhaps you were dropped on your head as a… where are you going?' he rounded on Sirius.

'Oi! Moony! We need you down here… Wormtail too if he's there,' Sirius bellowed at the foot of the Boys' staircase before turning to James.

'So will you be our best man?'

Helen sat back on the couch at this, giggling uncontrollably at James' incredulous expression.

'Best man? No, I will not. I shall take no part in such a travesty. Why don't you two act your age for once?'

Helen and Sirius rolled their eyes as Remus and Peter appeared, looking very confused.

'What's going…' Remus started.

'Right. Moony, you're going to marry us,' Sirius said practically, bringing him to the centre of the Common Room.

'What?' Remus breathed, looking completely bewildered.

'Not _really_ marry us- it's a thing called a joke, Moony,' Sirius muttered in Remus' ear.

Remus shook his head at Sirius, but still grinned.

'Excellent! And seeing as Prongs is _too sour_ to give us his blessing, Wormtail- you can be my best man,' Sirius said, bringing a shocked Peter across the room to stand next to him.

'Right. Everything ready? Excellent. Over to you Re…'

'Wait!' Helen exclaimed.

Everyone turned to her.

'Now, _ma cherie,_ I hope you're not going to leave me at the altar,' Sirius said.

Helen smirked.

'Some altar… no wait, I'll be one minute,' she said, running off to the girls' dormitories.

--

'Lily! I need you to be my maid of honour,' she called, running into her dorm.

Lily looked up at Helen as though she were crazy and Marina put down her magazine and stared at her.

'What?' Lily said.

'I'm getting married. Now. Quick… oh, and you can be my bridesmaid too, Marina,' Helen added, dragging the two girls to stand up.

'You're getting married?' Lily said incredulously.

'Yes. Let's go,' Helen nodded as they all came down the stairs- the two other girls still looking very bewildered.

'I've got my entourage now too,' Helen informed the Marauders, making Lily stand next to her and Marina next to Lily.

'Is everything ready now, then?' Remus asked pleasantly, rather enjoying himself.

'Yes minister,' Helen nodded, exchanging a grin with Sirius.

'Okay then! I don't actually know the real…'

'Just do whatever. We don't know it either,' Sirius nodded.

Remus took a deep breath.

'Okay…erm… Dearly beloved, we are gathered here for the union of Sirius Orion Black and Helen…er…'

'Circe,' Helen offered.

'to Helen Circe Asteria,' Remus finished.

The girls started giggling uncontrollably and everyone stared at them before Remus cleared his throat and shot them a disapproving look; silencing them immediately.

'If anyone should know of any reasons as to why these two should not be joined in the union of marriage, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.'

Everyone looked around and James stood up from where he was sitting on the couch, scowling at the proceedings.

'I object,' he said.

'Potter….' Lily warned.

'They're only getting married so they can have sex,' James said, shooting Helen and Sirius a withering look.

'Your comments are nullified because you are a biased opinion. Continue minister,' Helen said, exchanging a grin with Remus.

'You really shouldn't get married just because of sex,' Peter burst out suddenly.

Everyone turned to stare at Peter.

'Er… Peter, we're not actually getting married. This is pretend,' Sirius whispered to Peter, patting him on the shoulder before turning to Remus.

Marina suddenly stood up straight.

'Oh no, not you too,' Helen said.

'No… just halt the proceedings for one sec,' she said, bounding off to the girls' dormitories. She returned very quickly with what had an uncanny resemblance to the white lace from their curtains.

'You should have a veil,' she said to Helen, putting it on her head before turning to Remus. 'Nothing else; please continue,' she said politely.

Helen noticed both Remus and Marina staring into each other's eyes for a fleeting moment before Remus cleared his throat quickly and continued; his cheeks faintly tinged pink.

'So there are no more objections?' Remus asked, looking around.

'Oh there are plenty more but none from us so let' get on with it,' Sirius said impatiently.

---

'And repeat: with this ring, I thee wed… oh, there aren't any rings,' Remus sighed, his lips twitching.

'Now Wormtail, you shouldn't have forgotten the rings,' Sirius said to Peter reproachfully.

'Oh Lord, my feet are starting to hurt,' Helen complained. 'Okay, here… we'll use this ring you gave me for my birthday… don't you have any rings at all?' she asked Sirius.

Sirius looked at Helen as though she were mad.

Helen sighed before lifting her wand and summoning a jewellery box. She found a plain band and enlarged it.

'All sorted,' she smiled.

---

'Oh finally,' Lily muttered to Marina as Remus was on his last lines.

'I now pronounce you…'

'What is the meaning of this?' the stern voice of Professor McGonagall said from behind them.

They all turned around suddenly and shifted uncomfortably under their Head of House's glare.

'Asteria, take that ridiculous thing off your head,' she snapped.

Helen's eyes widened and she quickly snatched the 'veil' from her head.

'I would like an explanation as to why I was approached by Miss Corey of the First Year who informed me that she wasn't allowed inside her common room as two seventh years were getting married,' McGonagall snapped, her nostrils flaring.

They all stared at McGonagall; their lips twitching.

'Marriage amongst students still at school is in breach of rule 1047…'

'We weren't _actually_ getting married,' Sirius said. 'It was a joke.'

'A joke which has nearly half of Gryffindor sitting outside this common room waiting to get in,' McGonagall shot at him. 'You shall all receive detentions for two weeks and let me hear of no more weddings taking part in my house in the future,' she fumed, turning on her heel and storming out of the portrait hole.

They all blinked as they stared at the spot where McGonagall had just stood until Remus eventually cleared his throat.

'Well- seeing as we've come this far- we had might as well finish the thing. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride,' he said solemnly to Sirius.

'Don't mind if I do,' Sirius grinned, leaning forward and kissing Helen quickly.

They all turned around to see James who had made a noise.

'I'll be writing to your brother other brother about this,' he said sternly.

'Mark? He'd probably find it funny,' Helen laughed, flopping down on the couch next to him. 'Okay, maybe we took the whole joke thing a bit far and I appreciate that you care about me and all… but it's not that big of a deal,' she said earnestly.

James pursed his lips and said nothing.

'That was the weirdest wedding I've ever been to,' Lily laughed, sitting next to Helen. 'But just so you know, Potter, I'm expecting one which is much more spectacular and well-planned to this one,' she said sternly to James whose lips twitched.

'Hey!' Sirius protested. 'At least no one's ever going to _forget_ this one.'

'Yeah, and it's not as though Sirius and I are ones to plan things. We're more spontaneous with things like this… It's fun,' Helen added, smiling to herself and wrinkling her nose at Sirius who had just squeezed in between her and James, putting a brotherly arm around his friend which forced is stony face to crack into a smile.

'Well I most definitely will never forget this,' Marina said.

Helen caught her eye and, for the most fleeting of moments they exchanged a small, knowing, and forgiving smile.

* * *

'Oi Pete! Aren't you coming with us?' Sirius called to Peter who went to go to the Madam Puddifoot's to meet with Janis.

Peter turned and looked at them all- James, Lily, Remus, Marina, Sirius and Helen.

'I…'

He struggled to find a suitable excuse.

'I've got a date,' he lied hopelessly.

Sirius and James whistled and they were both smacked in the head by their girlfriends.

'Okay then. Have fun and good luck,' Helen called out, winking at him and turning with Sirius to go to the Three Broomsticks with the others.

'We'll be wanting details…' James called out.

'Get a move on, Potter,' Lily muttered, pushing him into the pub.

Peter stared before turning suddenly and going to the café.

'What news on your headmaster?' Janis asked as soon as she had used a Imperturbable Curse on the separate chamber she had ordered in the café.

'Nothing much,' Peter said dully.

Janis pursed her lips.

'The Dark Lord shall be most severely disappointed with your effort, Peter,' she said. 'You should take care; he does not reward freely. If you wish that girl as your prize, you shall have to work harder.'

Peter suddenly looked up.

'I… I have to tell you something about her,' he said, his eyes wide. 'Maybe you can help me… but you can't tell anyone,' he said in a confiding voice.

Janis smiled.

* * *

'No,' Voldemort said softly.

'Yes, my Lord. He said he overheard her telling all this to the Black boy herself,' Janis said gravely.

'Pure?… A direct descendant of Circe and the goddess of witchcraft herself?...'

He needed time alone, now, to think.

'Have you told anyone else of this, Janis?'

'No, my Lord.'

'Very well. You are not to tell anyone else- and neither is Peter. Now leave me,' he said dismissively.

And now it all made so much sense. Everything was explained to him now; her extraordinary powers, her beauty, why he lost his powers… it all made sense. She was everything he had ever wanted to be; completely pure.

Her daughter now made sense too… her age, her appearance… all the pieces of the puzzle were finally in place.

Now he was faced with a dilemma. He could not kill her anymore, but could not have her on Dumbledore's side either. It would be ideal if he could convert her…

'Janis! Where are you?' he called out suddenly.

'Here, my Lord,' she said, hurrying into his room.

'Call for a meeting. At once.'

* * *

**Dun dun dun... what's Voldy up to???**

**As for the wedding... well, I know that when you get to your final year of school many people just start doing really silly, immature- and funny- things and it seemed like the kind of thing Sirius and Helen might do just to make fun of James. It was fun for me to write anyway :)**

**Now. I must congratulate and thank you all so very very much for reviewing as we have passed the 1,000 mark! YAY!**

**I was exceedingly impressed with the number of reviews which I received for the last chapter and I think all of you who review are wonderful. It makes writing for you all a real pleasure, so thank you. **

**So (on that note) let us continue the heart-warming and wonderful work in that I shall continue to update at a somewhat regular rate and you shall continue to review! **

**Lots of love, Anya**


	63. Chapter 67: Beneath the Surface

"_**The appearances of things are deceptive. —Fallaces sunt rerum species"**_ -**Lucius Annaeus Seneca

* * *

**

Beneath the Surface

The rain was pouring steadily outside. Thunderclaps would rend the air every now and then, followed by flashes of lightening which illuminated the dark evening sky.

Helen stared out of the classroom window; her expression vacant. All was silent except for the scratching of Lily and Remus' quills on their parchment. Helen was faintly aware that Remus would glance at her curiously, every now and then, but did not show that she had noticed as she continued to watch the thrashing of the tree tops in Forbidden Forest.

'Hmm, they really shouldn't be having quidditch training in this weather,' Lily said, looking out of the window and frowning.

Helen said nothing about how she would have loved nothing more at present than to be stuck in the middle of one of James' gruelling training sessions; to be completely drenched in that stormy weather.

Marina came in the room some ten minutes later to study. Helen smiled in recognition, but did not really pay attention to what she knew would be a tentative exchange of smiles between Remus and Marina who had recently become extremely modest in contrast to her former self.

--

Remus was in the middle of explaining a concept to Marina when Helen stood up and gathered her books. She said goodbye to the three- saying something about the library- and left.

She wandered, closing her eyes as the gusts of wind came down the corridor, blowing her hair behind her and coming under her uniform to chill her skin. It was getting dark now, but she had no desire to return to the common room. She didn't want its warmth and cheerfulness- she wanted the cold and darkness of outside. After she had locked her satchel in a nearby cleaning cupboard, she folded her arms as she continued to walk, relishing in the constant wind which was blowing against her.

She walked across the darkening grounds; her skin becoming taut with goosebumps from the cold; her long hair gradually dripping from the rain which was pouring on her more steadily than a shower. There was some kind of beauty about this stormy weather. It was ruthless, yet enchanting and mesmerising at the same time.

As she knelt on the edge of the Great Lake, she marvelled at how wild it had become. She could barely even see into its depths, its surface was disturbed so much by the waves. It crossed her mind ever so fleetingly what it would be like to jump in and swim in it until she could no longer swim and then… to slowly sink below its surface…

'You shouldn't be out alone this late.'

Helen stood up so suddenly from her shock to, briefly, see Severus before she lost her balance and fell back into the lake with a scream. After thrashing about in the water- it was much harder to swim with her robes on- she slowly saw the surface.

She gasped as she emerged from the water to see Severus peering over the edge. Treading the water, she found her wand and started hexing him. He yelped.

'You …. Stupid… what are you… following me?' she snapped in between hexes.

'Wait… please,' Severus said, trying to deflect them.

'Get away from me…. I …'

But something grabbed hold of Helen's ankles and she was suddenly pulled underneath the lake's surface before she could finish her sentence.

When Severus saw that she was not returning, he snatched his wand and, praying that he wouldn't kill himself, jumped in. After looking around, he saw Helen, unconscious, disappearing deeper down into the lake. He aimed a curse at the Bowtruckle and, after a few goes, it let go of Helen's ankle and she slowly floated up to the surface.

Severus wasn't the best swimmer, but he managed to drag Helen out to the bank of the lake. He was surprised to see that she was not unconscious because of drowning as she was breathing regularly… but then saw the gash on her forehead and realised she must have hit her head. He used a reviving spell and, slowly, her eyelids fluttered.

'Sirius?' she mumbled.

'Try his opposite,' Severus said sarcastically.

Helen sat up immediately, looking at Severus with wide eyes until she remembered the events prior to her knocking her head on a rock as she struggled to find her wand in the water.

'What are you doing here?' she said, looking at him warily as she stood up, swaying slightly.

'Could ask the same,' he replied. 'You shouldn't be out and alone this late,' he repeated.

'I think it's a bit rich of you to tell me that considering that it's only unsafe to be out this late because of people like you,' she said angrily, walking past him.

'Wait, I need to talk to you,' he said quietly.

Helen snorted.

'What? What could you possibly have to say to me? I thought Voldemort had banned his minions from conversing with 'dirty little mudbloods' like me,' she said, turning around and crossing her arms.

Severus flinched when Helen used the word 'mudblood'.

Helen glared at him before turning on her heel again.

'No, wait... You have to listen to me… please,' he said, a pleading note in his tone.

Reluctantly, Helen turned to face him; looking at him archly.

'What?' she snapped.

Severus bit his lip and looked around before grabbing his arm and running with her into the forest.

'Where are you…'

'Sh! No one can see us or overhear us,' he whispered, taking her deeper into the forest.

Eventually, he stopped. Helen's eyes widened when he took out his wand, but she then relaxed when he started putting silencing charms around their area.

He turned to look at her hesitantly.

'What is it Severus? Spit it out. I don't talk with Death Eaters,' Helen said impatiently.

He stared at her for a moment before he burst out: 'You're in danger. He wants you. I don't know why, but he's trying to get you somehow.'

A peculiar expression came across Helen's face.

'Voldemort?'

Severus took a sharp intake of breath before nodding.

'Yes. He… I don't understand what he wants with you. All of a sudden he…'

'When?' Helen interrupted sharply. 'Was it before or after Christmas?'

'Last week,' Severus said, looking at Helen strangely.

Helen nodded slowly.

'Did he say anything about anyone who might have said something to him?'

Severus hesitated.

'That I cannot say,' he sighed.

Helen stared at Severus with a hard look before she pulled him violently by the front of his robes.

'Who told him? Who did it?' she whispered, her eyes flashing dangerously.

'I… If I say, I'll…' Severus gasped.

Helen relaxed and let Severus go, turning around.

'Just… just tell me this, please. I… I know you hate him, but…'

'I could never loathe or despise anyone as much as I do him, but Black has nothing to do with us. That is the truth,' Severus said, looking at Helen with a curious expression. 'Why does he want you?' he breathed.

Helen shook her head and turned around to face Severus.

'If you want to know so much, why don't you ask your master?' she asked scathingly.

A pained expression came across Severus' face and Helen regarded him shrewdly.

'What does he want of me? What is he saying?'

Severus swallowed hard.

'He… he wants us…'

'Us?…. Us as in you and all your Slytherin Death Eater friends,' Helen nodded.

Severus nodded slowly.

'He wants us to help in bringing you to him. You shouldn't be alone now. Ever… I don't know what he wants to do with you, but he wants you brought to him.'

Helen laughed sarcastically.

'Alive?'

Severus nodded.

'And when was your deadline? Where does he want you to bring me?' she asked quietly.

'Hogsmeade.' Severus replied heavily.

'So is this why we're here? So you can bring me to him yourself?'

Severus took a sharp intake of breath and put a hand on each of Helen's shoulders.

'I… would never do that to you. I…'

'So what are you doing, then? Why are you still on his side, Severus?' Helen asked coldly.

Severus looked down and Helen nodded.

There was a pause.

'And why are you telling me this? Why on earth would you…'

'Because I haven't forgotten,' Severus interrupted sharply, looking into her hazel eyes with his own black ones. 'I haven't and I never will forget what you did for me,' he said simply.

Helen looked away, chewing her bottom lip.

'Can you tell me how they're planning to 'get' me?' she asked quietly.

'We were only told today. There's a meeting tomorrow morning… just make sure you're always with a group of people,' Severus said. 'I'll try finding a way of telling you when I find out,' he said.

Helen nodded numbly.

'They would kill you for this, you know that?' she said eventually, still staring at the forest floor.

A pained expression came across Severus' face.

'I know,' he whispered. 'But if you and Lily were never as good to me as you were, I would have been dead a long time ago- and I wouldn't have needed anyone's help either.'

Helen slowly looked up at him.

'Thank you,' she said quietly.

Severus nodded sadly.

'You go first. We can't be seen together,' he said to her.

They stood there, staring at each other; both drenched and more scared than they had ever been.

Eventually, Helen nodded and ran off.

* * *

After spending nearly fifteen minutes kicking frantically at the gargoyle outside Dumbledore's office and naming nearly every wizarding sweet she could think of, the Headmaster himself returned to his office.

'Helen? What brings you here?' he asked, frowning at her. 'It is half an hour past curfew…'

'Please! I know! We need to talk,' she said desperately.

Dumbledore surveyed Helen for a moment before nodding and leading her up to his office.

'Before you say anything, please drink some of this and… here,' he said, pointing his wand at her robes and causing them to become instantly dry whilst he handed her a mug of cocoa.

Helen took it and sat gingerly in the armchair in front of Dumbledore's desk.

'Now. What is the matter?' he asked calmly.

'He knows. He…'

'Who?' he interrupted sharply.

'Voldemort. He knows about me… I was just told… he wants them to bring me to him at Hogsmeade…'

Helen trailed off as she saw Dumbledore frowning.

'Have you told anyone of your secret, Helen?' he asked, looking into her eyes intently.

Helen faltered and Dumbledore nodded.

'So you have told Mr Black… anyone else?'

'No,' Helen said hopelessly.

She couldn't believe that Sirius would do that to her. She didn't believe it and wouldn't.

Dumbledore nodded heavily.

'I shall need to speak with him immediately,' he said, standing up and writing rapidly upon a piece of parchment before tying it into a scroll and handing it to Fawkes.

Helen put her face in her hands and was breathing heavily.

'Who informed you of this, Helen?' Dumbledore asked.

Helen faltered.

'I…'

Dumbledore nodded.

'I understand. It makes no difference, really. Helen, I would like you to leave the room when I am speaking with Sirius. I think that will be…'

'He wouldn't…'

'I understand that you trust him implicitly, but I need to be certain… and I will not be able to with you there.'

Helen exhaled and nodded. Eventually, there was a knock at the door.

Dumbledore exchanged a knowing glance with Helen who got up and went to the door to find Sirius standing there, looking confused.

'What's…'

Helen shook her head hopelessly and walked out of the study, sinking into an armchair in the waiting room. Sirius stared at her, before remembering himself as Dumbledore called for him to come in.

---

The waiting was torture. Helen was so sure that Sirius could never do something like that to her… she had told him of the consequences which Dumbledore had warned her about.

There was that, and there was the fact that she knew, deep down, that if she asked Sirius to keep something a secret, he would because he was a loyal person; it was one of his most prominent traits.

And then she wondered what would happen next. She was wanted… what would she do?

Eventually, the door opened and Sirius came out looking ashen-faced as he approached where she was sitting. Helen stood up suddenly and hugged him tightly.

'Could you hear?' he asked, sounding slightly surprised.

'No.'

'Then how did you know I didn't say anything?'

They separated and Helen looked into his eyes.

'I just did,' she said simply.

Sirius looked like he didn't know what to say for a moment and looked away, clearing his throat quickly.

'He wants to speak to you now. He told me not to wait for you… I'll wait up in the common room, okay?' he said.

Helen nodded and went to the office door and, once again, entered Dumbledore's office.

---

She sat down glumly in front of his desk, not looking into his eyes.

'Well at least we can trust that Mr Black did not tell your secret. He consented to using Veritaserum and I was able to gauge that he has kept it to himself,' Dumbledore sighed. 'Which makes our task much, much harder now,' he finished heavily.

Helen looked up.

'Now we cannot find the source of Voldemort's new information on you. I am absolutely certain that he never knew during Selene's lifetime and he would have sought you sooner had he known before… I just do not know how he could have known,' Dumbledore frowned, massaging his temples and closing his eyes.

His eyes suddenly snapped open and he sat up.

'Helen. You are in grave danger now. Whilst I value my student's education, I value their safety above all else,' he said seriously.

Helen took a sharp intake of breath as she guessed what was to follow.

'I want you to be in amongst your friends at all times. You are on no accounts to be alone for a moment. I shall see that there is always a teacher keeping a close eye on you. I am going to ask that you never go to Hogsmeade again either. This would be an admirable time for you to make up your detentions anyway. It is of the utmost importance, Helen, that you are kept safe not just for your sake, but for the fate of the wizarding world. Do you understand?' he said seriously.

Helen stared at Dumbledore.

'You said that they wouldn't be in danger if no one knew my secret… now that Voldemort does, are my friends in danger from their associations with me?' she asked quietly, looking at her hands.

Dumbledore sighed.

'I would be lying to you if I said that it did not put them at risk… but if you all follow the school rules and stick together, I cannot see any particular harm befalling them due to you whilst they are still at school,' he said.

Helen chewed her lip.

'And… after?' she whispered.

---

'Goodnight Professor,' Helen mumbled as they reached the portrait.

Dumbledore nodded and Helen climbed through the portrait hole into the empty common room.

Except for Sirius.

'Helen, what's going…'

She had done her crying in Dumbledore's office. She wasn't going to break down now with the little time which she had left. She placed a hand over Sirius' mouth and gave a small, sad smile.

'Don't talk now,' she whispered into his ear.

She pulled out her wand and started doing complicated movements and saying incantations which Sirius had never heard before. When she was done, she was gone, and so was he.

'You know invisibility spells?' he asked.

'Sh… just come with me,' she whispered, taking his hand and leading him out of the Common Room.

'Where are we…'

'Sh.' Was all the response Sirius got. He noticed how tightly his hand was clasped in Helen's and knew that she had no good news for him.

He didn't know where she was taking him… but she was walking quickly and they had been walking for a while; climbing a very high tower. Eventually, they reached the top and she shut the heavy door, did numerous revealing, locking and silencing spells, and then took off their invisibility charms.

Slowly, she walked to the window and looked outside where it was still raining.

'I used to come here to be alone in my younger years. I don't think anyone ever came here. Probably because it's so hard to get to,' she said quietly.

She felt him come up to her and hug her from behind.

She wondered how anyone could ever harm her as she closed her eyes and relished in his scent and warmth.

'Why can we never stay together?' she asked quietly.

She was wrong in thinking she had cried all of her tears. They were sliding down her cheeks just as the rain was sliding down the panes of the windows she was staring out of.

She felt his arms tighten around her.

'We can,' he said, kissing her temple.

She closed her eyes wearily and leaned her head back.

'Can we?' she asked sadly. She paused. 'What you would do if Voldemort was looking for you and all of your friends- everyone you love in the world- are in danger because of you?'

Sirius was silent.

'I don't want to go. I don't want to leave everyone,' she said.

'You don't have to…'

'Tell me what you would do and I'll do it,' she interrupted quietly. 'I will.'

She turned around now to face him.

He always seemed to be doing that, and yet he did it again now: he brushed away her tears with the back of his hand.

'We all love you. We don't want you to go and we're all able. We're all the best in our year. We just need to be careful that that bastard doesn't get anywhere near you… ' he said reasonably.

Helen looked down.

'I knew you'd say that… but would you do that? Would you put your friends in that danger just so you yourself can be selfishly happy?' she asked, still looking at the floor determinedly.

He lifted her by the chin to look at him.

'But it's not just for yourself,' he said. 'We need you here to be happy too. How do you think life would be for us if you weren't here?'

Helen looked away.

'Safe,' she said quietly.

'Perhaps a bit safer,' Sirius conceded. 'But if you think of all the shit that we've done which could have gotten us killed, I think you're allowed to have this… and it's not like Voldemort himself is going to come into the school. Death Eaters can't get in… only those ones in Slytherin and they've got nothing on us.'

Helen smiled a little.

'So I don't have to leave?'

Sirius was shocked to hear the question in this.

'You couldn't leave if you tried. We wouldn't let you,' he said simply, his lips twitching.

Helen smiled sadly and turned back to the window.

'Do you know who told me? Who told me to be careful?'

'Who?' Sirius murmured into her neck as he wrapped his arms around her again.

'Severus.'

She nearly started; Sirius' grip tightened on her so much.

'That…'

'No. He came and told me to be careful and how they're trying to get me to Hogsmeade so Voldemort can get me. Don't tell anyone that it was him though, because... even though I know you are less than concerned for his wellbeing, he probably saved my life with what he did,' Helen said. 'He's not completely evil, it seems,' she said, smiling a little.

'Hmm,' Sirius said, sounding thoroughly unconvinced. 'Well you're not going to Hogsmeade any more.'

'Bit rich coming from someone who goes there almost every day,' she smiled. 'How's Rosemerta doing, _mon cheri?'_

Sirius laughed.

'Ah, she's fine as always,' he said, kissing her neck.

'Dumbledore implied that it would be better for me to leave once I finished school, though.'

Sirius was silent.

'And where would you go?' he asked, clearing his throat quickly.

'I…'

'So let's say you go into hiding right? Who knows how long Voldemort's going to go on for? What if you end up being stuck in this little hideout for the next fifty years… for the rest of your life! That sounds pretty silly to me,' he said.

'You do know that if you're with me when we finish school, I would be putting you in so much danger,' Helen said, her voice dripping with frustration at her situation.

He was silent before he kissed her cheek, and then below her ear, and then the nape of her neck.

'Do you know,' he said slowly, turning her to face him as she leant against the wall. 'Once we're out of school, each and every one of us are just as likely to die every day anyway. I mean… it's a war, Helen. People die and that's what's so fucking depressing about it. But imagine if you left and we all died anyway?'

Helen made a noise.

'But that's how it is, _ma cherie,_' he whispered. 'That's how it is, so don't try leaving again because it's just going to make whatever time we have left unbearable.'

Helen nodded slightly and closed her eyes as Sirius leant in and kissed her. She put her arms around his neck and concentrated, for the first time, on everything that was happening.

It was amazing. Her life had never been in any immediate danger before and, it took this threat to have her appreciate every little sensation. She wondered how many kisses she had just taken for granted; how many times she had had sex just for the sake of it… now she was wondering whether it would be the last time she would experience it.

Helen pulled back.

'If he does get me… if he…'

She paused.

'Did you take your contraceptive potion today? Today's the first day of the month, right?'

Sirius swore under his breath.

'I can't believe… I'm so sorry, I'm such an…'

Helen stopped his talking by kissing him, sliding herself on top of him as she did; her hips grinding into his own.

His breath caught and he tried to speak.

'Wh…'

'Sh,' she whispered, continuing to kiss him as her hands moved to the waist of his pants.

'Wait!' he said, looking at her with wide eyes. 'You really could get pregnant and then…'

'I could end this curse,' Helen said. 'And then if I died, it would all be over and Voldemort couldn't have his way then,' she said, going to kiss him again.

He moved away.

'That's not a good enough reason. You would be bringing another child into this world and both you and I know that we're not ready for that… I mean, we still have five months left of school- your NEWTs, no less. How do you expect to do all that pregnant? After all your time studying you would just throw it away because you're scared that Voldemort might get to you? … and let's face it. If you stay in the school and make sure you're always with us, nothing can happen to you,' he said. 'But it's not fair to the child to have it only because you wanted to end a curse. After what we've been through with our families, the both of us know that children deserve better than that,' he said firmly.'

Helen got off Sirius and hugged her knees to her chest, turning her back to him.

'I just want it to be over. I just want out. I can't stand the fact that if I do get killed, I'm going to put my 'daughter' through all of this all over again… and I don't want to have his child,' she said, shuddering.

'That's not going to happen,' Sirius said firmly.

Helen rested her chin on her knees.

'But Dumbledore said that that was what…'

'It's not going to happen, because we're all going to make sure that he doesn't come near you,' Sirius said firmly. 'It won't happen. I promise you.'

There was a pause during which the only sounds were the rain and the thunder.

'You shouldn't make promises if you can't keep them,' Helen said quietly.

Sirius smiled.

'I know. But this is one I'm going to keep,' he said kissing her cheek.

Helen smiled a little and they lay back.

'How was quidditch?'

Sirius groaned.

'I swear. James is like that muggle dictator… Hit something…'

Helen laughed.

'Hitler?' she offered.

He nodded.

'That's the one… and it's not as though you're still on the team to give me something good to look at… or the promise of an extra workout in the change-rooms,' he added as an afterthought.

Helen said nothing, but leaned into his shoulder.

* * *

**It seems as though Severus had a conscience after all. I don't believe he would have forgotten everything that Helen had done for him. Also- when Helen and Sev had the fight- he wasn't really the one to end their friendship so he never had any antagonistic feelings towards her. Not that they're friends but, going from his character in the books, I think he wouldn't have just done nothing about Voldermort's plans to get her.**

**Another thing I wanted to just point out: Helen and Sirius did NOT get married last chapter. It was a joke and pretend. They were just teasing James and the others went along with it for a laugh. I just wanted to clarify this because I got the impression that a few of you thought that they were actually married heh.**

**Anyway. As usual, a BIG thankyou to everyone who has been reviewing, and if you haven't why not try something new: )**

**So, please review and I shall update as soon as I can!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	64. Chapter 68: Fucked Up

**_"There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go." -_ Tennessee Williams**

**

* * *

**Fucked Up

'Where are you going, Helen?' Lily mumbled from behind her hangings.

Helen clenched her fists and shuffled back to her bed.

'I can make myself invisible. I don't need…' she grumbled

'Go to sleep and stop your nonsense. You're not going anywhere,' Lily interrupted sternly.

Helen sighed and sunk back on her bed.

The Marauders, Lily and Marina had all been told that Voldemort was after Helen- but not the particulars of who she was as Helen herself was not sure exactly how much Voldemort knew about her. She was grateful, though, that they did not ask why she was wanted; they seemed more concerned that she _was_ wanted.Only Peter asked the one uncomfortable question about who had told her. She had dismissed it quickly- shooting Sirius a warning look that he was on no accounts to tell. But she did tell Lily later on that night-she thought that Lily should know everything which Severus had done for her.

At first she had been scared of what might happen. Now she was very, very frustrated that she could never have any 'alone' time. She had always needed it and was now not allowed any. Lily had gone so far as to actually come with Helen into the bathroom- whenever Helen needed to go in between classes- and seemed to have some form of radar which made her suddenly awake once Helen was out of bed.

--

Helen was in a very grouchy mood the next day. The weather continued to be fantastically dreary which was wonderful for studying, but not for lifting her mood. In fact, it made her feel even more self-righteously depressed and certain that nothing but doom and gloom awaited her.

'Morning,' James said cheerily as he came down from his dormitory at six o'clock for quidditch training. 'You up all ready?'

Helen nodded sullenly.

'Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, did you?' he asked, sitting opposite her as he waited for Sirius to get down.

Helen glanced at him and nodded moodily.

'How's your mum?'

James shrugged.

'Aunt Pam took her on a holiday around Europe to try and get her mind off being alone in the house and all,' he said. 'I think she's okay… obviously still upset, but she sounds like she's having some sort of fun. She went to Greece last week, you know.'

A small smile played on Helen's lips.

'Did she like it?'

James nodded.

'She said there was excellent food and that if Sirius and I screw it up with you and Lily, that you girls should come over there to find a man because they're 'very handsome',' he said, shaking his head and laughing.

Helen smiled.

'Yeah, they are… very good-looking.'

'But not as good as Sirius and I, surely!'

'What's this? No one can be as good as _us_,' Sirius said, coming down the stairs and grinning at Helen and James.

Helen rolled her eyes and returned her gaze to the Hogwarts grounds.

'Something wrong?' Sirius asked.

Helen shook her head without turning around.

'Let's get to training. We'll be late… see you at breakfast, Helen,' James said, standing up and patting her shoulder as he left with Sirius.

**

* * *

**All through breakfast Lily lectured Helen for attempting to 'escape' the night before. Consequently, all the Marauders and Marina heard about it and they all joined in reproaching her for not caring more about her safety. 

Needless to say, she was on speaking terms with none of them by the time they arrived at Potions after breakfast.

She was almost excited when she was paired to work with Bellatrix. It was an excuse to have some possible excitement in her day… and also gave her a break from the others and their lectures.

'Well if it isn't my best friend,' she said brightly, sitting next to Bellatrix. 'How's your neck doing?' she added politely.

Bellatrix scowled.

'Why you little…'

'Yes, yes, Bella dear. I know you love me too. So, shall we get onto making this potion?'

A smirk played upon Bellatrix's lips.

'Oh you think you're so clever- little mudblood- but you won't be laughing for long,' she said gleefully.

Helen rolled her eyes and, noticing that her friends were watching her apprehensively from the other side of the room, set to chopping her wormwood roots.

--

It only took one lock of his eyes on her way out of potions to know that he wanted to speak with her. The problem was not speaking with him, however, but getting away from the others.

At that moment, Sirius and James' grips on her arms were vice-like.

'You know that you're being silly in holding my wand-arm like that. I may be good at wandless magic, but I'm better with my wand,' Helen snapped at Sirius.

He ignored her and they continued to walk.

'I need to go somewhere. Alone,' she said.

'I don't think so.'

'Yeah, I do.'

Sirius looked around before shoving Helen into an empty classroom rather unceremoniously. James looked at them uncertainly, but kept walking with Lily; thinking that this was obviously something they needed to sort out between themselves.

'What's wrong with you? You say that you don't want to be caught or handed over to him, but you're trying to sneak out at nights and…'

'Like you can talk about sneaking out!' Helen responded indignantly. 'Why do you keep holding onto me whenever someone walks past me? You know I'm only in danger if I have a whole group of them and I'm alone. Let me remind you, _mon cheri, _who has come off worse every single time we have duelled,' she said, poking him in the chest. 'Let me remind you who…'

'And let _me remind you_, Helen dear, who was nearly killed two years ago when those Slytherins were surrounding you. And let _me _remind _you_, who it was who saved your arse back then,' Sirius retorted back.

Helen glared at him.

'I'm better now,' she said.

'So are they.'

Helen threw her hands up in frustration and started swearing violently in Greek.

'And let me remind you,' he cut in loudly, 'that I'm not the one who has Voldemort plotting to get me.'

Helen looked at him levelly before turning on her heel and storming out of the classroom, slamming the door behind her.

She could find Severus later. Now she just wanted to sulk at the miserable situation which her life was in now. She was failing to see how her life could ever improve- how her situation could ever be bearable.

She just wanted everything to go back to how it was. Once upon a time, she didn't want to have to worry about Voldemort… or being captured…

She wanted to return to those days where the biggest issues in her life were her flimsy fights with Sirius- her issues over what grades she was going to get in her schoolwork.

Things that were easily resolved and didn't really matter.

She thought back to what Dumbledore had suggested she do once she finished school and her heart wrenched. She knew that she should; she would be safe, he would be safe… they would all be safe.

But she didn't want to do it.

**

* * *

**He came in her 'hideout' room later that evening. She was still invisible, but he just came in there and sat down… then she saw that he had the Marauder's map in his hand. 

'What if they have something like this too?' he said to her, motioning to the map. 'It would be so easy for them to find you then.'

She said nothing, but made herself visible and looked at the floor.

They continued to sit in silence.

'I hope _you_ never have to know what it feels like,' she said eventually, 'but being monitored by everyone every second, every minute, every hour and every day, is exhausting. Sometimes it would be nice just to be alone to think for myself... It's alright for you- you can do that- but not me. I mean, I have to have a chaperone to bloody go to the toilet. Sometimes I just want something to happen so it can all end because I can't take this anymore. I can't.'

Sirius stared at her.

'And I know you know what I'm talking about because I've seen you… you just go and sit by yourself and it feels so wonderful just to be alone for that little bit- to figure out who you really are again- and guess what? I've done that all my life too and I need it. I can't even go at nights because Lily has some kind of internal radar which makes her wake up when I get out of bed… I just…'

She faltered and turned to look at him.

'And we haven't been alone together for almost two weeks now and I can't even remember the last time we…' she blushed a little. 'I mean, I'm just so frustrated with everything. Nothing's going right and I would love it if, once in a while, I could go somewhere- alone- to sulk about it,' she said finally.

Sirius' lips twitched at the thought of Helen 'sulking'.

'I fail to see what's so funny, _mon cheri,_' Helen said in a biting tone.

'Look, I know it's tough and I know I'd be a right pain in the arse if I was in your situation, but we just have to get through this…' he said encouragingly.

Helen looked away and he crossed the room and sat next to her.

'I didn't mean to shout at you before… I… I just feel like I'm losing it, you know?' she said, leaning on his shoulder.

He put his arm around her.

'Do you think we'll ever be like it was in the holidays? Just having… fun, not caring about anything or worrying that we'd have a Death Eater knocking at the door?'

She shifted so that she was sitting on her knees in front of him.

'What do you think of all this?' she asked, looking into his eyes searchingly.

He looked back at her. She had taken to asking him such questions lately and he knew what was in them; she was looking to him for reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

The truth?

He was scared more than he had ever been in his life. It wasn't the kind of scared which had one trembling with fear. No, it was the kind that kept him up at night. He refused to think about it, but it was always on his mind and- when he did eventually fall asleep- he would sometimes have these nightmares which confronted him with the reality of their situation. The next morning, he would go down to the common room and wait nervously until she came down so he could reassure himself that it was nothing but a nightmare.

But he never told her this. He couldn't, because he admired how much strength she had in her to go about her business everyday as though everything was normal when he knew the whirlwind of thoughts going on in her head and the burden which she carried.

So he tucked back her hair, smiled at her, and kissed her softly.

'It will be okay. It'll be over soon… just try not to crack now. I know it's hard, but the most important thing is that you're kept safe,' he said.

Helen sunk back and sat on her heels looking glum whilst he stood up.

'Come on, let's go back now,' he said, holding out a hand to her.

She sighed and took it as he pulled her up.

At least she had their 'Ancient Runes' spare in a few hours to give her _something_ to look forward to.

**

* * *

**'I'll be back to pick you up in at noon, okay?' Sirius said as he and Helen were walking to Slughorn's office. 

Helen sighed.

'Yes mum.'

'Helen…'

'Yes _mon cheri.'_

He grinned.

'That's better. Now…'

'For Christ's sakes! I'm only doing detention!' Helen exclaimed. 'Go have fun in Hogsmeade whilst I stay here… sorting through Slughorn's invitations for his next Slug Club party… and you had better buy me good chocolates from Honeydukes,' she added in a warning voice.

'Will do, _ma cherie. _Dark?'

'Of course,' Helen said, as though it were obvious.

They arrived at the office door.

'Oh… and make sure you guys are careful too,' Helen added, sounding a little nervous.

Sirius shook his head at her and kissed her quickly.

'We'll be fine…'

'Ah, hello m'dear. I see you've come for your detention… ah, and hello Mr Black, I see you've brought her. Very well then. In you go Miss Asteria…' Slughorn said, opening the door for Helen who shot Sirius a look which showed that she was most displeased with her situation before entering her Professor's office.

**

* * *

**'Who's betting that Marina and Remus have a 'thing' going on?' James whispered to Sirius and Lily as Remus and Marina went to order their drinks. 

Sirius and Lily observed them.

'I never thought she was Moony's type,' Sirius frowned. 'I thought he'd go for the more… _modest_, type of girl,' he said.

Lily surveyed Marina.

'You know… she's changed a lot since these last holidays. I mean really- a lot. I think it's because she was living by herself and really grubbing it for money…'

'Yeah I saw her. She was working in some dingy bar,' Sirius nodded.

'What were you doing in a dingy bar?' Lily asked suspiciously.

'Getting a drink,' Sirius shrugged.

'Were you with Helen?'

'No, she was in Australia then,' Sirius said shortly.

'Right… does Helen know about this?'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'You know, Lily- not that she needed to know that I was there because all I was doing was _getting a drink-_ but she does know. Thanks for asking,' he said sarcastically.

Lily frowned.

'Poor Helen,' she sighed.

Sirius became quiet and stared ahead vacantly. James saw this and tactfully changed the topic of conversation.

**

* * *

**Severus was feeling extremely nervous. He hadn't managed to get hold of Helen and unless he was able to warn one of her friends, she was going to be finding herself face to face with the Dark Lord very soon. 

'I'm just going to the bathroom,' he informed Crabbe who was standing next to him, waiting.

Crabbe grunted and Severus scurried off. He saw them all sitting in the Three Broomsticks. The traitor was with Janis relaying his information and, also, stupidly asking why Helen was under the impression that the Dark Lord wanted her.

Severus could never have a lower opinion of anyone than he did of Pettigrew. And to think that he thought that Helen would even give him a second glance…

'I have more of a chance with her,' Severus thought grimly. 'And that's saying something.'

He paused a few tables away, wondering how he was going to tell them without drawing attention to himself.

His time- Helen's time- was running out.

Quickly, he pulled out a piece of parchment and ripped it, writing:

_Helen in danger. Go to Slughorn's_ _immediately and get her to your common room_ _as soon as you can._

He charmed it and was relieved when it landed straight into Lily's palm. She frowned, looking around, and read it. He knew she recognised his writing and she looked around the pub quickly before leaning over and whispering urgently with the others.

**

* * *

**There was a knock at the door. 

Helen looked up, feeling as though her brain could not become more numb than it was at present; mindlessly writing names on invitations as she was.

'Enter,' Slughorn boomed jovially.

A timid first year Slytherin entered the room.

'Please, professor, it's an emergency! Richler ate something and now he's on the ground and won't move,' he said urgently.

'Heavens,' Slughorn said, standing up immediately. 'You will be all right on your own for a few minutes, won't you?' he added to Helen at the door.

Helen nodded and sighed in relief as he shut the door behind him. She dropped her quill and stretched back, wondering exactly how much glorious time to her self she would have now.

**

* * *

**'What if we're too late?' James asked fearfully as they all ran as fast as their legs would take them through the tunnel. 

'Shut up James,' Sirius said in a dangerous voice.

They sprinted down the corridors to find Bellatrix, Lestrange, Nott, the Carrows and Goyle standing outside Slughorn's office.

'What are _you_ doing here?' Bellatrix spat upon seeing the five of them; Sirius, James, Lily, Remus and Marina, running up to Slughorn's office.

'More to the point, what are you doing here?' Sirius said angrily.

'I've come to see my Head of House on an important matter which concerns you not, little cousin,' Bellatrix said condescendingly.

Sirius suddenly grabbed Bellatrix and slammed her against the wall.

'If you… if anything _ever_ happens to her… I swear I will kill you,' he said, looking her in the eye fiercely.

Bellatrix looked at him for a moment before cackling.

The door to the office suddenly opened and Helen emerged, looking rather confused. She then saw the two groups which were facing each other and recognition dawned upon her features.

'What do you want?' she asked archly of Bellatrix.

'She apparently wants to speak with Slughorn who… why isn't he in there?' James demanded of Helen.

Helen looked accusingly at the Slytherins who smirked.

'A boy was hurt,' she said slowly.

Lily and Marina came out of the office with Helen's bag.

'Let's go,' Lily said, grabbing Helen and turning with them all to go back to the common room.

But Helen didn't go with them.

'If you want to take me to him, why don't you fight me properly? You're so adamant all the time that you're the better witch than me, but you always seem to need reinforcements,' Helen said angrily to Bellatrix.

'I _am _the better witch,' Bellatrix snarled.

'Really? Because…'

But James and Sirius dragged her away.

'Helen, just shut up,' James hissed.

* * *

'Why did that happen?' Sirius demanded as soon as they reached the common room. 'Why were you left alone?' 

Helen stared ahead vacantly.

'Why didn't you go with Slughorn? What were you doing staying in there by yourself?' he said angrily.

Helen stood up suddenly and stalked across the common room before running up the stairs to her dormitory.

'You shouldn't have shouted at her,' Marina said quietly to Sirius. 'It wasn't her fault.'

Sirius turned to stare at Marina incredulously.

Marina bit her lip hesitantly.

'I'll go talk to her,' she said.

**--**

Marina entered their dorms to find Helen lying on her bed, sobbing. Tentatively, she sat on the edge of her bed.

'It's okay, Helen,' she said quietly. 'Nothing happened.'

'I'm just so sick of it!' Helen burst out. 'I can't take this anymore… I just…'

'You know, during the holidays, I felt like that too. I was completely alone working full night shifts…' Marina's voice broke. 'I had tw...two… m…men come in one…one… night and…'

Helen slowly sat up, wiping away her tears and looking at Marina with wide eyes.

Marina swallowed and took a deep breath.

'One of them raped me. The second tried but…'

Marina suddenly stood up and paced the floor next to Helen's bed.

'You know what happened to me after the first one?' she asked of Helen, 'I realised something; I realised that it was _my _life- not theirs. It was _my _life and I didn't have to put up with them fucking it up…. Or me. I had a choice. I could lie there and continue to let them do that to me, or I could fight...'

'And that's what I did. At first they slapped me and held me down, but then- I can't do wandless magic like you, but it was an emergency- they suddenly couldn't touch me anymore. Do you know what I did after that? I realised that I didn't have to screw my life up. I didn't want to be just some stupid girl who got pushed around…'

'I realised that I wanted to do well in school- I wanted to live and have a life and never _ever_ have to go back to being treated like some common prostitute.'

She took a heavy breath and looked at Helen.

'You have a choice too, Helen. You can keep being depressed about this situation, or you can actually live your life. What? Fucking Bellatrix is going to rule your life now?'

Helen stared at Marina.

'You're stronger than you think. Don't waste your life over this- it's not worth it. We don't know how much longer we're going to live for, but don't waste your time crying or being upset because, trust me, being happy feels much better,' Marina said, sitting down on the bed next to Helen and smiling at her.

They stared at each other and, because Helen didn't know what else to do, she hugged Marina.

It had been a very long time since she had last done that.

**

* * *

**James entered the dorms to find Sirius sitting on the edge of his bed; his head in his hands. At first he wondered if Sirius might have been crying but, when Sirius looked up, he saw that he just looked weary. 

'You okay, mate?' James asked, sitting next to his best friend.

Sirius stared ahead.

'I just… what if we were too late?' he said to James. 'What if we didn't get that note and they had taken her…she…'

He trailed off and swallowed hard, chewing his lip.

'But she's okay. That's the main thing,' James said encouragingly.

Sirius' nose twitched.

'And then I shouted at her… I don't know why, I…'

'It's okay. I'm sure she knows you were just…'

'I just… I keep on having these bad feelings…'

He stopped talking and turned to face James.

'I don't want her to go, but sometimes I really wonder… I'm the one telling her to stay because I don't want to be without her but… what if she's safer leaving and going in hiding?'

James said nothing and Sirius grimaced and ran his hand through his hair distractedly.

'I love her, you know that? I know I always said I'd never… but I do… and I just… if something happened to her I don't know what I'd…'

He brought down his fist on his bedside table and James flinched.

'Damn it why is everything so fucked up?'

They both looked up as there was a knock on the door which opened and Helen entered, looking much better than she was the last time they saw her.

'I'll leave you two,' James nodded, giving Helen a small smile as he left.

**

* * *

**

**"sighs"**

**Ah, they're living in hard times. All of them really are finding it hard to cope with everything that's going on in their lives... but hopefully we'll see things looking up in the next chapter.**

**After all, Marina's talk helped Helen quite a bit more than you think...**

**Anyway. So next chapter Helen and Sirius shall be getting some time alone ;) and Lily and James will be doing something for the first time. hehehe**

**So! Pretty please don't forget to leave me a review before you leave and I shall hopefully be able to update for you soon! (But, as always, the rate which I update at depends entirely on you :)**

**Love Anya**


	65. Chapter 69: Frustration

_**A life of frustration is inevitable for any coach whose main enjoyment is winning.

* * *

**_

Frustration

Sirius kept his eyes firmly straight ahead; their colour reflecting his mood. He exhaled as he felt her sit next to him.

After feeling the words stuck in his throat for a while, he reached over and took her hand.

She lifted it and pressed it to her lips.

'It's okay. Nothing happened,' she said to him calmly.

He took a deep breath.

'I shouldn't have shouted at you…'

Helen smiled.

'No, you shouldn't,' she nodded. 'Did you have enough time to get my chocolate?'

Sirius' frown cracked ever so fleetingly; but it returned almost to its previous stony expression instantly.

'I… I don't…'

He didn't know how to phrase it properly. He continued to stare ahead of him determinedly.

'I was being selfish when I told you to stay. They could have taken you and it would have been my fault,' he said; his voice heavy.

Helen stood up in front of him and held his face in her hands; forcing him to look at her.

'It would _never_ be your fault. The only people to blame are those who were trying to abduct me and…well… Voldemort. If I wanted to leave, I would have left- but I stayed,' she said firmly.

He looked up at her suddenly.

'How can you be so calm? How can you… they would have taken you if Lily didn't get that note. How can you just…'

Helen silenced him with a kiss.

'Because I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of being sad. Marina just said something to me which was probably one of the best pieces of advice which I've ever received: it's easy to be sad, but it feels much better to be happy. Why can't we be happy? What right does Bellatrix have to make my life a misery? Who is Voldemort to me?' she whispered, looking into his eyes searchingly.

Sirius made a noise.

'Yes, I'm not going to lie. He's there and he _is_ going to play a role in my life… but why should he take centre stage? He doesn't deserve that and I'm not going to let him- or anyone connected to him- run my life because _I_ am the director of my life and I can choose. We always have a choice.'

Sirius looked up into her eyes and Helen saw the sadness in them.

'Do you believe that? Really? Did you choose this life? All of this?' he asked quietly.

She kissed him again.

'No, but I chose certain paths which led me to this stage. My life isn't that bad, Sirius. It's hard, sometimes, but I have a lot of good things in it which make it all worth it,' she said earnestly.

He looked up at her and looked rather surprised at her statement.

'So what do you say?' she said, her lips brushing his as she spoke. 'Can we laugh a bit more? Be happy? Don't we deserve it?' she asked, kissing his lips, and then his jaw and then his neck, as though she was pleading with him to agree with her.

He pulled her closer to him as they lay back on the bed, taking in her hair which always smelt like rosemary.

It was so strange what he felt; he almost didn't want to touch her now.

But Helen obviously had other plans on her mind as she proceeded to kiss his chest, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

'I need you, though,' she murmured. 'I need you to help me because I can't be happy if you're sad,' she said, kissing her way back up to his lips.

He brushed the hair out of her eyes.

'But how can I be happy, Helen? You're…'

She put a finger to his lips.

'I'm still here and until something happens, you can do me a favour and smile... whilst you look very handsome whilst haughty, I prefer you when you're smiling,' she said, smiling at him. 'And even if something should happen to me, you'll get on with life and smile then too… so, in short, I'm ordering you to smile regardless from now on,' she finished thoughtfully.

Sirius forced her to look up at him.

'Don't say things like that,' he said sternly.

Helen shook her head at him and propped herself on her elbows so she was staring down into his eyes.

'But you will Sirius,' she said calmly. 'Because that's what I want.'

'Don't…'

She interrupted him with a kiss and heard him sigh as she removed his shirt, running her hands, which were perpetually cold, down his back.

He hesitated from kissing her back at first. He didn't know where this sudden feeling he had had come from, but he felt that if he was to receive pleasure from her, he would be punished by having her taken away from him.

But then he thought of how close she was to being taken away from him and he pulled her closer to him, responding to her kiss, and not letting her break it.

'I was so scared,' he murmured into her neck. 'I…'

Helen paused and looked up at him. He closed his eyes as her hands cupped his cheeks.

She was the only woman in his life: she looked after him like a mother, was close to him like a sister, but loved him like…

He disliked the word 'girlfriend', and he hardly ever used it- just like she hardly ever referred to him as her 'boyfriend'. It pigeonholed what they had as something so flimsy; so weak…

Soulmate, perhaps? He never believed in all of that. As far as he was concerned, it was all romantic rubbish which magazines harped on about to lure in desperate witches and increase their sales quota…

But there was something in the word.

Soulmate…

As he stared into her eyes, he realised something and yet he wasn't sure when it had happened, exactly. Her soul _was _his soul; when she was happy, he was happy; when she was sad, he felt sad…

They had become intertwined at some stage and he knew- despite whatever Helen tried to tell him- that if he lost her, he would lose part of his soul too.

And, in a strange way, he knew that she would feel the same way if the reverse happened.

'I'm here,' she whispered to him, as though she could read his thoughts. 'I'm here; lying with you on your bed in your dorm in the Gryffindor Tower of Hogwarts. I'm not going anywhere.'

His face softened slightly as she said this and his furrowed brow relaxed into something close to a relieved smile; as though he had just realised that she was indeed safe.

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

'As long as you're always here,' he murmured.

Helen laughed.

'Ah, well you know that that's not very fair! I may be a closer descendant from a goddess than anyone else, but I'm not immortal,' she said. 'And, in a way, I'm glad I'm not, because it'd make moments like these seem pretty insignificant,' she said in a voice that was barely audible as she kissed him lingeringly under his jaw.

He brought the tips of her fingers to his lips.

'So long as you're old and wrinkled- and it's after me- I think I might accept it,' he said.

'And ugly?' she said, wrinkled her nose

'You'll never be ugly to me,' he said solemnly, although Helen could detect the slight joking tone under it.

She rolled her eyes.

'Why thank you, _mon cheri._ That's always reassuring to know,' she said sarcastically.

At that moment the door opened and James entered, looking rather wary.

Helen and Sirius instinctively let go of each other and looked up at James who looked as them suspiciously.

'Just getting my books…' he grumbled. 'And please lock the door if you plan on doing anything in the future. I know you both think you're good looking, but it's not a sight I really want to inflict upon myself.'

'What do you mean by 'think' we're good looking?' Helen piped up, raising an accusing eyebrow at James. 'Don't _you_ think we're good-looking?'

James' lips twitched.

'Well, of course I only have eyes for my Lily-flower, but I shall concede that you are very pretty and I'm not saying anything about Sirius because his ego is way too high as it is,' James said, walking back to the door.

Helen and Sirius looked at him with amused expressions.

'Should I lock it behind me?' he asked; a slight begrudging edge to his tone.

'Thanks,' Helen nodded.

They heard the click of the lock and she looked back to Sirius. He was still staring past her, lost in thought as he twirled a lock of her hair in his fingers.

'Helen,' he said slowly, frowning as he stared at his hangings.

Helen gathered from his use of her name that Sirius was still troubled.

'What is it? What's bothering you?' she asked gently.

He continued to stare ahead and Helen knew that he was trying to figure out the best way of wording his question.

'I don't want to sound…'

He bit his lip and Helen waited patiently.

'Why exactly are you still staying here?' he said carefully 'Is it because of me, or are there other reasons too? You would be safer in hiding,' he said, still not looking at her.

Helen's eyes widened as she realised what he was saying. She toyed quietly with the hem of his shirt for a while before speaking.

'At first it was because of you,' she said quietly. 'As horrible as it sounds that I could, I could have given up anything else… friends, school….' she trailed off. 'But now it's not just that anymore.'

She paused and supported herself on her elbows as she looked down at him.

'You know… another big part of it just has to do with my being stubborn.'

He looked up at her and she nodded.

'Well you know I don't like to lose… ever… so if I went into hiding- aside from the most important fact that I would be away from everyone and everything I love- it would mean that Voldemort has won- and so easily too. Perhaps that's my fatal flaw, but at the end of the day- even if you were never a part of my life- I think I still would have stayed,' she said.

He still looked troubled as he ran a hand through her hair more insistently. With a small smile, Helen took both of his hands in hers and looked him in the eye.

'Do you think I should leave?' she asked quietly.

'I just don't want to see you get hurt,' he said, a bitter note to his tone.

'But whatever happens,' Helen said, her voice growing grave now, 'don't you _ever_ blame yourself, do you hear me? I heard what you were saying in the common room before, and I cannot possibly see how what _could_ have happened today would in any way be your fault. Imagine if worse happened? Would you blame yourself too?'

'But it _was_ my fault. I should have gotten a detention and shared with…'

'Sirius,' Helen interrupted firmly. 'You have to realise that these things are very easily said in hindsight, but _you_ aren't the one who's responsible. I can't have you living your life trying to protect me. I won't be so bold as to say that I could have taken all of them down, today, but I'm sure that I would have been able to do hold them long enough and cause enough commotion to have another teacher coming. Of course, it was best the way it happened today, but I'm able to take care of myself too. I'm not _so_ fragile, you know that?'

As he looked at her now, he couldn't agree. She _did_ look fragile, because she was so peaceful and her eyes so soft… but when he recalled how different she was when she was duelling Bellatrix…

Fragile was not a word to describe how she had been; at that moment.

Helen surveyed Sirius; he still had that far-away expression.

'Is there anything else that's bothering you?' she asked, tracing patterns on his chest.

He shook his head slowly, still thinking.

Helen smiled a little and flicked her wand- causing the door to unlock- before she leaned against his chest.

Somehow, she didn't think that she and Sirius were going to be doing anything that required a locked door today.

'Do you want me to leave you? You look like you need some sleep,' she commented, brushing the black strands of hair out of his eyes.

He pulled her more tightly to him.

'Can you stay? Please?'

Helen smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

'_Faits de beaux rêves__, mon cheri,'_ she whispered into his ear.

She marvelled at how attuned she had become to him as she knew, without even looking at him, that he was now smiling.

* * *

Helen ended up spending a lot less time sleeping in her dorm and much more in Sirius'. None of the other boys seemed to mind. After all, Helen and Sirius never did anything more than sleep, and kept the hangings drawn in any case. Only Peter behaved rather spasmodically whenever he saw Helen in his dorm- but they all attributed it to his usual 'nervousness' around girls.

Helen no longer complained about being taken everywhere, but was glad that she was also being given enough freedom to be allowed to go somewhere to be alone so long as she took the Marauders' Map and kept a watchful eye for any Slytherins.

The Marauders' Map seemed to be one of the most useful things in ensuring Helen's safety.

Dumbledore also arranged for more frequent meetings with Helen.

Now, however, they were angled in a different direction:

'Whilst we have taken as many security measures as we can for the present regarding your safety,' he began in the first meeting, 'I would like to make sure that you are prepared and, as no one else can teach you, I would like to make this a regular time so that we may develop your wandless magic skills.'

Helen nodded. She would never object to this.

---

It had been frustrating, at first, because whilst Helen could use her wandless magic for more simple things- such as lighting things on fire- she found it hard to consciously perform magic to the same extent as she had with Bellatrix. She had never been able to repeat her skills to that extent ever since the incident…

Not that she had tried to strangle anyone since then, of course…

---

'You're not concentrating hard enough, Helen,' he said sternly, as the crystal ball she was meant to be levitating only rose from his desk by a few inches before falling back down again.'

Helen sunk back in her chair, looking frustrated.

'I _am_ concentrating,' she muttered mutinously. 'I'm better when it's an emergency, though,' she added.

Dumbledore sighed.

'That is all very well, but you don't know what will come to you in an emergency and what won't. You need to have proper control over it. I understand that this magic is much more advanced than what most witches or wizards would ever achieve in a lifetime, but Lord Voldemort _can_ consciously control his wandless magic and I might add that he is exceptional at it,' he said seriously.

'Why do you call him 'Lord?'' Helen grumbled, trying to stall her next attempt at levitating the crystal ball.

Dumbledore surveyed Helen with his piercingly blue eyes.

'That is his title,' he said simply.

Helen screwed up her nose.

'Who made _him a_ lord?'

Dumbledore chuckled softly.

'Ah, Helen, it is a _good_ think to show proper respect towards the enemy,' he said, looking for her reaction to this curiously.

Helen looked up at him incredulously.

'Respect him? He killed my mother. He wants to…' she trailed off and looked down.

'But I know what you mean,' she said quietly. 'I would never call him 'lord' but I know what you mean about respect,' she nodded.

Helen was sure that she caught a small triumphant smile flash across Dumbledore's lips, but when she looked again, he was merely looking at her with that same speculative expression of his.

Her thoughts wandered to the time she killed that Death Eater in Diagon Alley, and how she had closed the woman's eyes which were frozen open in death. Perhaps it stemmed from her obsession with Ancient Greece, but enemy or not, she felt bound to respect the dead.

Slowly, Helen's thoughts returned to the present and she looked back up at Dumbledore who was still watching her curiously.

'Why did he want to kill my mother?' Helen asked after a while of reflective silence. 'If he didn't know what she was, why…'

Dumbledore stood up and walked to his window, his eyes squinting as he looked out at the grey sky.

'We have spoken of respect, for the enemy, but whilst I doubt that Lord Voldemort has ever felt respect towards his opponents, I think it safe to say that he... _admired_ your mother,' he said.

Helen sat cross-legged on her armchair; waiting.

'The boy who was Tom Riddle- Voldemort's younger self- was exceptionally talented, and he knew it too. He was not used to having his power challenged- and never to actually be defeated.'

Dumbledore rubbed his temples as he continued to stare outside.

'Selene was the only student who never seemed to suffer at his hands. She was the only one who ever properly challenged him and, in her seventh year, she beat him in the school duelling competition.'

Dumbledore smiled fleetingly, before continuing.

'Of course, that did not sit too well with Tom, and it sparked an obsession for him to kill her and prove that he was the better of the two.'

'Sounds like Bellatrix,' Helen muttered, rolling her eyes at the absurdity of it all.

Dumbledore pursed his lips to prevent himself from acknowledging this, but Helen knew that he knew.

'There was also the fact that Tom was with Selene from almost the moment they were born,' he added thoughtfully.

Helen's head snapped up.

'What?' she asked sharply.

'They grew up in the same orphanage and whilst she was always a source of frustration to him. She frustrated him, and yet I would never hesitate to say that he was also fascinated by her- perhaps enthralled is the better word. She never succumbed to any part of him; his attempts to use wandless magic on her, his physical and personal charms…'

Helen snorted.

'Voldemort? Physical and personal charm?' she said in incredulous disbelief.

Dumbledore's eye twinkled slightly.

'Oh, he was a very handsome boy- there's no doubt about that- and he was very charming when he wanted to be,' Dumbledore nodded.

Helen raised her eyebrows, obviously not convinced.

Dumbledore surveyed Helen before standing up and retrieving a pensieve from a cabinet. He then found a bottle of a stoppered, silver, swirling liquid.

'Have you ever seen a pensieve, Helen?' he asked.

Helen shook her head, still staring at the basin.

'No, but I've read about them,' she said.

Dumbledore chuckled in spite of himself and poured the contents of the bottle into the basin.

'Ladies' first,' he said, motioning to the basin.

Helen looked at Dumbledore a little warily before she leaned forward. As soon as the tip of her nose touched the silver, she fell into the memory.

She looked around to see that she was in Dumbledore's office… except it looked different.

'This was Armando Dippet's office,' Dumbledore explained to Helen from where he was standing behind her. 'He was…'

Helen nodded and Dumbledore stopped speaking as the office door opened and a tall, black-haired boy walked into the office with he who Helen recognised from the portrait in Dumbledore's office to be Dippet.

Helen looked curiously at the boy. He reminded her, ever so slightly- it must have been his hair and the fact that he was very good-looking- of Sirius. Of course, he did look different, but Helen was sure that he would have been her type 'appearance-wise' anyway.

It suddenly clicked in her mind, who this boy was.

'HE'S VOLDEMORT?' she exclaimed, rounding on Dumbledore who looked at her with a politely bemused expression. 'How can he… he's so… why…'

'Sh,' Dumbledore said softly. 'Listen now,' he said.

Helen stopped and turned to watch the exchange. She couldn't believe that someone who was so alluring in appearance could be so… evil.

'Does he still look like that?' Helen asked.

Dumbledore shook his head and pressed a finger to his lips.

'Excellent work, Tom,' Dippet nodded. 'Now, I wonder where our Head Girl is… it seems that she always seems to be late now that she has some sort of friendship with Black,' he said in a disapproving voice.

Helen suddenly noticed that Tom's had his hands balled into two tense fists on his knees; the veins sticking out.

The door suddenly burst open and Helen gasped as Selene burst in, sitting quickly in the armchair next to Tom.

'Sorry I'm late, Professor, a First Year was lost and looking for directions,' she said.

Only Helen would have known that this was a lie- because that was the same smooth voice she used when _she_ lying to a teacher.

Helen was also faintly suspicious of what exactly her mother _had _been doing prior to her arrival. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were bright in the same way…

'Stupid Blacks,' she muttered to herself. Of course _Alphard _was the corrupting influence. Helen did not allow herself to think that her mother perhaps enjoyed it just as much as she did…

She now suddenly appreciated what James felt when he heard that she and Sirius had been sleeping together. She felt oddly defensive about her mother's chastity now.

She was sure she heard the faintest of laughs from Dumbledore behind her.

'Never mind,' Dippet sighed, exchanging a wink with Tom who smiled back politely.

Helen had the impression that the headmaster confided much more in Tom than most other students.

'Good afternoon, Selene,' Tom said amicably to her.

Helen saw how Selene's back straightened and she looked stiff.

She ignored him and kept a fixed, hard gaze ahead of her.

Had Helen not known the story behind the scenes- and who Tom was, exactly, she would have thought that her mother was being very rude.

'Did you not hear what Tom said to you?' Dippet frowned at Selene.

Selene clenched her fists.

'Good afternoon, _Tom,_' she said through gritted teeth, not looking at him.

Helen saw the disapproving glance which Dippet shot her before he continued to start discussing the plans for the school duelling contest.

Although Helen was looking hungrily at the woman who would be her mother- she noticed that she kept on shaking her leg impatiently, as though she were desperate to leave the room- it did not escape her that Tom would steal glances at her every now and then, but always when Dippet was not looking in his direction.

To Dippet, he gave the impression of being completely attentive.

'Any other questions?' Dippet asked.

'Yes,' Selene suddenly piped up.

The two others turned to look at her.

'I believe it would be… _more efficient_, if we did our night-time patrols separately,' she said. 'That way we could cover more of the castle in a shorter time frame,' she said, as though this were a very reasonable suggestion.

Dippet considered it.

'Surely, given the attacks of last year…' Tom started.

Selene suddenly jerked and was glaring at Tom- and not bothering to hide it either.

'Surely it would be _safer_ if were not separated,' he finished smoothly.

Helen had to admit that Dumbledore was right; personal and physical charm were two things that Tom Riddle had plenty of.

Selene scowled.

'I can take care of myself,' she said hotly.

But Dippet obviously had a strong preference for Tom.

'Tom is correct. The school cannot afford accidents like those of last year.'

'They weren't accidents,' Selene muttered through gritted teeth, the shaking of her leg becoming more pronounced.

Dippet smiled at Selene as though she were a young child; adamant that there was a monster under her bed, before he exchanged a knowing glance with Tom.

As Helen would have been, Selene was furious.

'Well, I shan't detain you from your evening patrol, then,' Dippet said, standing up and leading the two out of the office.

The scene slowly dissolved and Helen found herself back in Dumbledore's office.

'What a…' she seethed, trying to refrain from using offensive language in front of her headmaster. 'The nerve! To be so good-looking and to pretend to be so polite… the…'

Dumbledore sat down.

'I might remind you that you yourself had such feelings towards a certain person when you were younger,' he said quietly, looking up at the ceiling.

Helen caught the twinkle in his eyes and scowled.

'That was different. Sirius wasn't… _evil,_' she concluded, as though this made all the difference.

'No… but Tom never seemed evil to others either. In fact, his image and personality seemed much cleaner than Mr Black's has ever been,' he mused.

Helen folded her arms in defiance.

'I merely tried to illustrate to you that Tom Riddle was used to having his way with people. Selene's outward detesting him never ceased to shock him, I don't think,' Dumbledore said.

'Good.'

Dumbledore smiled and then sighed.

'Ah, well…. Perhaps we have progressed in other ways tonight. I would like you to practise your levitating until next time,' Dumbledore said, standing up.

Helen looked at her watch. They had finished half an hour early.

'Mr Black is already waiting for you,' Dumbledore explained, his lip twitching.

Helen sighed but nodded to Dumbledore.

'Thanks Professor,' she said before leaving.

She would have a lot to think about tonight.

* * *

'Where are we going?' Helen asked when she noticed that Sirius wasn't heading back for the common room.

'I think its best not to return to the Common Room just yet,' he said lightly.

His voice sounded amused.

'Oh?'

He nodded.

'Are you hungry? You always seem exhausted after these meetings,' he said, slipping his hand into hers and brushing her hair behind her shoulders.

'No, I'm not exhausted today… but I could be,' she said, trying not to hint too obviously.

Sirius either didn't pick up on the hint, or chose to ignore it. Helen hoped it wasn't the latter because he seemed to be acting very chastely towards her recently and it was… _annoying_.

She thought that if he had gotten her addicted to the thing in the first place, then he had no right to put through this now. Of course, she didn't voice these opinions; she just wondered what was behind his reluctance to do anything with her.

They were still walking down to the kitchens anyway.

'So why are we not going to the common room?' Helen asked, feeling slightly irritated.

If he wasn't going to sleep with her, it would be better if there was no contact at all. That way, she wouldn't _want_ him so badly.

She withdrew her hand from his and folded her arms. She noticed the slightly confused sidewards glance which he shot her, but he didn't say anything.

'Lily and James are having a fight,' he shrugged.

Helen forgot that she was annoyed at Sirius and stopped walking.

'Really? They haven't fought since… before they started going out,' Helen said, surprised. 'This is their first 'fight, fight'? What kind of fight is it?'

Sirius grinned a little.

'Her temper matches her hair,' he said. 'But she's not as bad as you... yet,' he added thoughtfully.

'So it's a big one, then. Over what?' Helen asked, ignoring the comment on her

Sirius looked like he was trying not to laugh.

'Ah, well… see, Evans just found out about our once-a-month night-time activities, which is why I myself don't want to return. I'm sure she'd blame me for corrupting James and Peter,' he said.

Helen considered this.

'She probably would,' she nodded. 'But why is she angry?' she frowned.

Sirius put his arm around Helen's shoulders and laughed.

'See, _this _is why I love you,' he said in a slightly patronising tone which made Helen want to shrug his arm off her. 'You don't take stuff like that so seriously.'

Helen actually did shurg his arm off her now and stood in front of him.

'But Lily's right,' she said seriously. 'I _should_ take it more seriously. Don't think I've forgotten your birthday when you were mauled from top to toe,' she said.

Sirius shrugged, obviously regretting telling Helen about the Lily/James situation at all.

'I want to go back to the common room now,' she said.

'Really?' he asked.

Helen heard the amused note in his tone and turned to face him with a raised eyebrow.

'Do you have something else in mind?' she asked suspiciously.

'No, no, course not,' he said airily. 'Come on, let's go back,' he said, taking her arm and dragging her down the corridor.

Helen's eye was caught by a broom cupboard up ahead. She didn't care about the whole broom cupboard prejudice anymore. After all, it was part of the whole school experience, wasn't it?

Sirius kept on walking, but she stopped walking.

'Uh-oh, Slytherin alert,' she said.

She laughed as she didn't even need to suggest it; he almost threw her into the broom cupboard himself; locking it quickly.

'Why are you laughing?' he asked suspiciously of her.

'I've been waiting for you to throw me into a broom cupboard,' she said, her eyes glittering in the darkness.

Sirius scowled.

'Were there even any Slytherins? That's not funny,' he said sharply.

Helen laughed softly and walked up to him.

'No, it's not funny,' she whispered. 'But I wasn't trying to be… I was being very, very,' she said, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, 'Sirius.'

'What?'

'What do you mean, what?'

'You said my name,' he said, confused.

Helen laughed.

'After all the times you've used that pun,' she said, shaking her head, kissing his neck.

He gently pushed her away.

'You don't do it in broom cupboards,' he reminded her, although Helen knew that there was something else there.

Helen sighed frustratedly.

'I've changed my mind,' she said, going to kiss him.

He leaned back slightly.

'What's going on with you?' she said, tugging her hair in frustration. 'Why don't you want me like that anymore? Have you lost interest in me?'

She couldn't see him in the darkness, but she knew that he was very still.

After a while, he went to get past him to go to the door. She felt very silly now, having just had this desperate outburst.

But he stopped her and pulled her towards him, almost roughly, and crashed his lips upon hers.

'Of all things you complain about,' he murmured, pressing all of his weight against her on the stone wall. 'How could you even think that?'

It was rather hard for Helen to think properly now that her mind felt so hazy.

'You never want to…' she mumbled pathetically.

He hesitated, as though he was going to explain, but then seemed to think better of it and kissed her.

That was the only answer Helen was interested in, for now, anyway.

* * *

Lily's storm had not blown out by the time they returned to the common room.

'Look, Lily…' James' voice hissed, as he tried to reason with her.  
After all, the whole common room was listening and he was scared that she was going to reveal something in her wrath.

'Unbelievable! Do you have ANY idea how _dangerous…_'

'Yes, I know, but we're…'

'Not for YOU, you self-centred idiot! For others! Don't you…'

'Yes, Lily. Come on now, please be reasonable…'

'REASONABLE! REASONABLE!' she repeated, glaring him down.

Both their faces were red.

'I don't see what you expect me to do,' James said finally.

'STOP! STOP IT!'

'Come on, Lily…'

'NO. I will only continue to see you if you stop. If you can't promise me that you'll never do it again, then we're over,' she said, looking him steadily in the eye.

James glared back at her.

'I can't,' he said eventually. 'I won't lie to you, Lily. I can't,' he said, gently now.

Lily stared at him for a few moments before turning on her heel in a huff.

She suddenly spun around.

'Well if _you_ can't. _I_ can't. We're over,' she shouted, storming up the stairs to her dormitory and slamming the door loudly.

James stared after where Lily had been before storming up to his own dormitory.

---

Sirius and Helen blinked, before Sirius leaned his head on Helen's shoulder and groaned.

'Oh no…. now we have to _counsel_ them,' he said. 'I suppose I won't see you tonight then,' he said morosely.

'No,' Helen nodded. 'We have to start paying them back for listening to us bitching about each other all these years…'

She sighed.

'Would it be horrible if we betted on how long it would be until they got back together? After all, they always do that for us,' she said, her lips twitching.

Sirius laughed.

'I say James goes back to her like a wet towel tomorrow and begs her to take him back. Five Galleons,' he said confidently.

Helen screwed up her nose.

'That's cheating. You're going to encourage him to do that- and Remus will definately agree with you, so James will definitely do that,' Helen said, looking reprovingly at Sirius who was smiling innocently. 'I say a week until Lily takes him back. How long do you think until she takes him back?'

'Ah, but that's cheating on _your_ side,' Sirius pointed out.

Helen shook her head.

'Oh, Lily will never listen to me on when to take James back just like I never listened to her about my taking you back,' Helen pointed out candidly.

'Evans told you to take me back?' Sirius asked, sounding rather shocked.

Helen shook her head at Sirius.

'It's a strange world isn't it?' she said mildly, before snapping back to reality. 'Anyway, I'm off to get her ranting for tonight over with… I would like some sleep tonight as I am thoroughly exhausted from my previous activities,' she said, lightly, although Sirius noted the sparkle in her eye, 'so _bonne nuit, mon cheri…_ and I might add _bonne chance._ I have a feeling you'll be needing it,' she said, her eyes flickering to the boys staircase and flashing him an impish grin before skipping off to her dormitory.

* * *

**Please don't kill me for the long wait for this chapter. In my defence it was six whole pages longer than most of my other chapters… **

**Then again, it's only a long wait by my standards. **

**I would like to thank everyone who reviewed for the last chapter! So many! It made me very happy :)**

**Oh, and everyone who thought that James and Lily were going to have sex for the first time… shame on you. You have dirty minds, hehe**

**Wouldn't it have been a bit hypocritical of James anyway?**

**No, they're having their first fight. Lily, obviously, is different to Helen in how tolerant she is of such things. Probably because Helen relates to boys better and can just see their full moon thing as a 'boys night' thing whereas Lily can't because she only sees the particulars… that, and the fact that Helen has never minded breaking the rules whereas Lily is…. Head Girl. I think that says enough.**

**Anyway… there were other important things in this chapter, but I have typed enough for today so how about you tell me what you thought of them?**

**Hopefully, if your reviewing work continues to be so wonderful, my next update shall be a bit quicker.**

**Love Anya**


	66. Chapter 70: Predictions

"_**Someone has said that the first **__**soothsayer**__**, the first prophet, was the first rascal who encountered a fool**__**"-**_** Voltaire

* * *

**

Predictions

'Did you know?' Lily fumed to Helen when as she entered the girls' dorm.

Helen shrugged.

'Sure I did. How did you find out?'

Lily gaped at Helen.

'You knew?' she whispered. 'About all of it? Everything?'

Helen nodded indifferently.

''s no big deal,' she said, flopping back on her bed and staring at her hangings.

It had been a while since she had last slept in her bed. She wondered if she would have troubles sleeping tonight.

'No big deal?' Lily repeated in disbelief. 'They're illegal animagi! All of them!'

'And? I think that was really good of them to do that for Remus. Trust me, they couldn't have done anything better to help him with his transformations,' Helen said seriously.

Lily gaped at Helen.

'You don't think it's bad? Dangerous?'

'Of course it's dangerous,' Helen said, 'but you have to realise that it's a boy thing. My advice is to just not get involved with that group,' she said.

Lily raised her eyebrows at Helen.

'But _you're_ involved,' she pointed out. 'You're friends with all of them.'

Helen shook her head.

'You misunderstand me. Of course you'll be friends with them… what I mean is that you shouldn't get involved in them as a group. It's their thing and boys will be boys and do stupid things, but it's not fair for you to try and control a part of James' life which has been going on since he first started school. They don't mean any harm by it- just don't get involved. That's the best thing you can do,' Helen said sagely.

'He should know better as Head Boy,' Lily protested.

Helen smiled knowingly at Lily.

'Come on Lily. He's does his job well- but this is a bit different. Maybe it's because you never had a brother,' she mused.

Lily sighed vehemently and lay back on her bed.

'Well goodnight then,' she said stiffly.

Helen smiled, but then sighed as she realised that she had probably just helped Sirius win his bet.

* * *

Lily behaved very jerkily towards James the next day, but did not scold him either. To everyone's surprise, however, James himself was rather cold towards Lily.

'She was unreasonable last night,' he fumed to Helen in Divination; neither of them really paying attention to Professor Meleta's mystical musings. 'If she can't accept certain things about me, then I'm not sure that she and I are compatible.'

Helen shook her head at James.

'Come on James. This is your first fight… Look at Sirius and I; we fight all the time! You just need to talk. I think she understands now. I spoke with her last night,' Helen said reasonably.

'She had no right to try and tell me what to do…. How dare she? She gave me an ultimatum to choose either her or my friends! I would _never_ do that… you never reacted like that about our secret,' he said, looking at Helen.

He looked rather angry.

'Oh, but she's grown up with a prude for a sister. Cut her some slack too,' Helen said. 'I grew up with Mark and all my friends have been boys. She just doesn't understand what it meant to you all. No, she shouldn't have given you that ultimatum, but everyone makes mistakes and you shouldn't be so harsh on her. Don't waste your time being mad at her. It's not worth it,' Helen said earnestly.

James pursed his lips.

'Ah… Miss Asteria,' Professor Meleta wailed, cutting through their conversation. 'What will happen to you on Friday? I predict… oh…oh… too horrible it is,' she said, clutching a hand to her throat.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'I'm going to die, aren't I,' she said, looking amused.

'Don't joke about things like that,' Sirius hissed at her.

Professor Meleta's eyes widened.

'The grim! Ah… the grim…'

Helen laughed softly.

'And that would have nothing to do with the fact that your form is a big black dog either, would it?' she whispered to Sirius who relaxed slightly, but still looked uneasy as he regarded Professor Meleta who continued to go on about Helen's impending death on Friday.

* * *

'What do you say to skipping class today?' Sirius suggested to Helen on Friday morning, as soon as she woke up.

Helen raised her eyebrows at him.

'I don't think so. Our NEWTs _are_ coming up very soon and today is a horrid day with Transfiguration, Charms, and Defence Against the Dark Arts. So, all in all, not a day I want to miss,' she said, going to sit up.

Sirius bit his lip and had a calculating expression on his face.

'Evans and Moony will take notes for you… so will James. What if all three of them took notes and then you wouldn't have to go,' he said.

Helen's eyebrows rose even higher up on her forehead.

'Why do you want me to skip classes today?' she asked suspiciously.

Sirius looked stumped for a moment and Helen could almost hear his mind working to try and find an excuse.

It suddenly occurred to her why Sirius didn't want her going to class.

'This has nothing to Meleta's prediction, does it?' she said disbelievingly.

Sirius looked away, his lips pressed firmly together.

Helen sprung up.

'It does!' she laughed. 'You believed that old fraud! I can't believe you!' she exclaimed. 'You don't believe all of that! You don't believe in that 'karma rubbish',' she said, quoting him.

'Well you seem to have suddenly stopped believing in it,' he retorted hotly. 'And she's been right before. Who's to say that you won't be in danger today?'

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Oh come on. That's ridiculous… I'm sorry, but if I missed every day of class when Meleta predicted my death, I would never actually go to class,' Helen said candidly.

Sirius, however, still looked as though he had half a mind to chain her to the bed.

Helen surveyed him shrewdly.

'Why haven't you been sleeping with me lately?' she asked suddenly.

'We sleep together almost every night,' he answered, as though it were obvious.

'You know what I mean,' Helen interrupted. 'You've avoided anything to do with us having sex for a while now,' she said.

Sirius brightened up suddenly.

'Would you miss class for a bit of 'alone time'?' he asked hopefully.

Helen laughed drily.

'I don't think so,' she said. 'After all, you might go at it too hard and your body might crush me underneath… you might _kill _me,' she whispered, widening her eyes in mock-horror.

Sirius scowled, but then smiled.

'You could go on top,' he suggested.

Helen started laughing.

'Stop changing the subject! Why haven't you been wanting sex? Did you get sick of it?'

Sirius fidgeted with his covers and Helen looked at him curiously.

'What? What is it?'

He shrugged.

'It's silly, really,' he muttered.

Helen sat on the bed.

'What? Is something not working down there?'

Sirius looked offended for a moment.

'Why? Is that what you thought of last week?' he asked.

Helen shook her head at him.

'No, you silly boy… now what's going on?' she asked, looking at him searchingly, even though he avoided her eyes.

'It's… stupid.'

'That's okay. I've grown up in the Girls' Dorms. I'm used to hearing stupid things… now tell me or else I'll use Veritaserum on you,' Helen said, her lips twitching.

Sirius looked at her darkly.

'You wouldn't,' he said flatly.

'Just spit it out, Sirius,' Helen sighed exasperatedly. 'I won't think you're an idiot, just tell me.'

'Fine,' he snapped. 'Promise not to laugh?' he asked.

Helen laughed as she saw his cheeks tinge slightly.

'My! Sirius Black blushing? I never thought I'd live to see _that_,' she giggled.

Sirius' mouth tightened and he crossed his arms.

'You're already laughing,' he said archly.

Helen stopped immediately and looked at him expectantly- although her eyes were still dancing.

Taking a deep breath, Sirius began to speak heavily.

'I just… a few weeks ago, Meleta held me back and said 'Pleasure will cause the worst imaginable pain. Choose carefully.'…' he paused, not daring to look at Helen. 'So I thought that if we didn't… then you would be safe.'

Helen stared at him and he looked to her for her reaction uncertainly.

'So are you saying,' she said slowly, 'that we haven't been having sex because some phony old fake who can't even teach her subject properly like Meleta gave you a very open-ended piece of advice?'

Sirius' lips twitched a little as he nodded gravely. The way she put it made him seem so silly.

Helen observed him for a moment before getting up.

'Where are you going?' he asked.

'I'm going to get dressed for school,' she said archly. 'I understand that you are finding it hard to deal with what's going on with me, but you're becoming a bit ridiculous. I suggest you get dressed for class and stop this nonsense,' she said.

He went to protest.

'Sirius. If you can't cope with what's happening to me, well maybe…'

'No,' he interrupted. 'I can cope, it's just that I don't want to take chances,' he qualified.

Helen ruffled his hair and kissed his forehead.

'Not taking chances is being with someone at all times… and being extra careful when I'm around the Slytherins. Not having sex, and skipping classes because a few tea leaves showed me a grim, however, is just being paranoid,' Helen said. 'Now, are you over this strange little phase of yours? Will we do a bit more than just talk and study in our Ancient Runes spare today?'

Sirius' lips twitched ever so slightly.

'I never thought that _you'd_ be the one wanting sex,' he said, sounding a little amused.

'Oi! Some of us are awake now,' James said from behind their hangings, sounding thoroughly disgruntled.

Helen laughed, shook her head at Sirius, and left to get changed.

* * *

The only thing which actually _did _pose a death threat to Helen that Friday was Maera- who managed to leave a deep scratch in Helen's arm as she delivered Sirius a letter. As for James, however- if looks could kill- he would have been dead from looks which Lily was shooting him across the Common Room.

Although they had both told Helen that they accepted the other's side of the argument and were willing to put it past each other and move on, the process of actually telling _each other_ this proved to be slightly more trying.

'Why don't you just talk to him, Lily?' Marina said as the three girls studied.

Lily sniffed affectedly and continued to write.

'I'll talk if he talks to me first,' she said.

---

'Mate, this is getting ridiculous,' Sirius said as James started writing more furiously. 'You have corridor patrol in ten minutes. Talk to her,' he said.

James narrowed his eyes.

'Only if she apologises first.'

---

At precisely nine o'clock, James and Lily rose from their chairs simultaneously and, avoiding each other's eyes, left through the portrait hole. As soon as they had left, the two separate groups from the opposite sides of the common room merged.

'Lord, they need to get over themselves,' Helen said, shaking her head sadly as Sirius pulled her to sit on his lap in an armchair.

Remus snorted.

'If I had a Knut for each time I thought that about you two, I'd be a rich man by now,' he said, grinning.

Helen rolled her eyes before grinning mischievously.

'Well I actually could say the same about _you_ at present, my dear Remus,' she said, looking at him pointedly; her glance flitting to Marina and back to him.

Remus' mouth tightened and he turned to stare in the fire. Helen glanced at Marina whose cheeks were slightly pink, but suddenly seemed very interested in picking at the carpet.

'What about you, Wormtail?' Sirius asked, shifting his gaze to Peter suddenly. 'Any girls?'

Peter shrugged.

In the last Hogsmeade visit, Janis had brought with her another witch. She was devastatingly beautiful with curly, shoulder-length blonde hair and sapphire eyes.

'I saw you with some blonde… anything there?' Sirius pressed on.

Peter glanced at Helen; perched as she was on _his _lap with _his_ arms casually holding her. She didn't even seem interested in the conversation anymore, but was absorbed in reading the set Charms text.

'I guess,' he responded.

He wasn't sure whether he should tell the whole truth of what he had done. Perhaps he would seem more adequate to Helen rather than the bumbling virgin which she thought he was…

Sirius surveyed him for a bit longer.

'Will you see her again?'

'I'm not sure… she seemed the one-off type,' Peter offered casually.

They all looked up. Even Helen's brow furrowed and she looked at him curiously.

'Hang on… have you… _done the deed?_' Sirius asked, whispering the last part; his eyes wide.

Peter glanced again at Helen before nodding quickly and pretending to look back to his Muggle Studies book.

Helen's lips twitched; as did Remus and Marina's. Sirius' mouth dropped and he seemed, for the first time in his life, lost for words.

Peter felt oddly satisfied now. He seemed to have a better image already.

And the best part of it was that he hadn't even lied.

'I'm going to bed now,' he nodded. 'Goodnight all,' he added as he sauntered off (or hoped he looked as though he was sauntering) to his staircase, leaving the other four staring after him.

* * *

Lily had struggled with herself for the whole corridor patrol. She kept on having this subconscious voice inside of her shouting at her to just say that she was sorry.

But of course there was the other part which adamantly refused to allow her to do so.

As they were nearing the portrait of the Fat Lady, however, she felt herself becoming rather desperate.

James had not reacted to their argument as she had expected. In the past, he would always take a defensive stand and apologise. Now, however, he was also mad at her and she did not know how to deal with it.

And he seemed adamant not to give in too…

Panic gripped Lily. She suddenly realised that she had taken James' liking her for granted all these years. She was very delusional indeed when she thought that 'no one else' would have him… being Quidditch Captain _and _Head Boy as he was, not to mention so smart and…

Well, there was no use in denying the fact that he was on of the better-looking boys in the school.

Her resolve was not helped when she heard girls in the bathroom discussing how James would soon be properly single again and, now that he had gotten over that 'horrid Lily Evans', he might now consider them.

All these thoughts consumed her and the nagging voice grew louder into an unbearable crescendo until the climax where she just burst out:

'I'm sorry.'

The voices stopped suddenly and she blushed as she realised that she had just apologised. James stopped walking and his hard features suddenly softened as he looked at her.

But then they tensed again.

'Pardon?'

Once was enough, Lily thought. Now he was just making fun of her; drawing out her pain.

'I'm sorry,' she said slowly, enunciating each word carefully. 'I shouldn't have gotten so mad at you,' she grumbled quickly, not looking at him.

James smiled a little.

'I'm sorry too… but it really is just a thing between us boys,' he said earnestly. 'I just wanted to tell you because I trust you. I don't like keeping things from you, Lily,' he said.

Lily's lips tugged into an irresistible smile as she heard him say her name. She didn't know why, but it always gave her a small thrill to hear him say her name.

They looked at each other uncertainly for a moment; the both of them chewing their lips.

'So are we still fighting?' Lily asked hesitantly.

'Well that depends entirely on you, Lily. You can't make me choose between you and my friends. If you can accept that part of me, though, I would love nothing more than for us to stop fighting,' he said.

Lily looked away from his hazel eyes. They were too confrontingly caring; too genuine for her to string coherent thoughts in her mind.

'I should never have given you that ultimatum. It was wrong,' she said quietly. 'I'm sorry.'

She felt the butterflies in her stomach as James lifted a hand to lightly cup her cheek; forcing her to look again into those eyes of his just before his lips brushed her own.

---

They entered the common room some ten minutes later. There were a few students who had hung behind; their 'group' included. Marina and Remus were speaking in quiet conversation over their books and Sirius was sitting in an armchair- asleep- with Helen using his chest as a writing board for her Potions report.

He squeezed her hand lightly and they tried to enter inconspicuously.

Tried.

'How was your stroll Miss Evans?' Helen's voice carried through the room as Lily was on the first step of her dorm staircase.

Lily cringed and turned to find that Helen had not looked up from her proof, but had an amused expression on her face nonetheless.

'It was… _nice_,' Lily said carefully before running up the stairs.

Helen stared after Lily, grinning, before turning her attention to Sirius.

'Oi, wake up,' she said, poking him in the chest.

'I'm fine,' he muttered sleepily.

'So you keep on telling me. Wake up. You owe me five galleons,' Helen said, still poking him.

Sirius opened his eyes reluctantly.

'You want five galleons? What are you asking for? You know where my money is,' he said irritably, closing eyes again.

'No, Sirius… you _owe_ me five galleons because Lily and James are _back together_,' Helen said, rolling her eyes at him.

Like she would ask him for money when she had her own.

'Good for them,' he muttered sleepily.

'You know that I haven't died today,' she commented after a while.

'If so, Heaven's not so bad… but you're a most annoying angel in that case. Why can't you let me sleep?'

Helen laughed and kissed him.

'Okay, fine… you should go to bed if you're that tired, though,' she said.

He kept his eyes closed, but leaned his head on her shoulder.

'I'm only tired because you've made me from our spare today,' he muttered. 'And no, you're right. You're very much alive… I'm not believing in any of that superstitious rubbish ever again. Meleta's an old fraud. How dare she? Make me worry like that,' he said, shaking his head; still half asleep.

Helen laughed again.

'Ah, you're so sweet when you're half asleep… pity you're not always like that. Oh well… let's get you to bed before you start sprouting sonnets about your undying love for me… then again, I wouldn't mind that,' Helen added thoughtfully as hopped off his lap and led Sirius, who was still leaning on her shoulder, asleep again, across the now-deserted common room, up to his dormitory.

* * *

..

**So, because even I understand that this was a rather non-eventful chapter which really just tied up the loose ends of the previous chapter... guess what I've decided to do?**

**That's right, I'm putting up the next chapter! **

**Right now.**

**Show me that you love me for doing that by reviewing this chapter first :)**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	67. Chapter 71: Jealousy

'_**He that is not jealous is not in love.' - **_**St. Augustine

* * *

**

Jealousy

Helen was smiling as she read his letter. She had never expected him to keep in contact… but he had.

'What are you reading?' Sirius asked, coming up to the desk by the window in the Common Room where Helen was sitting at.

Helen felt suddenly disconcerted at Sirius' presence.

'Oh…um… just a letter,' she said, feeling her cheeks flush traitorously as she tried to put it away and appear indifferent.

No such luck. Sirius knew her far too well.

'Oh? From whom?' he asked suspiciously.

'Just… an old friend,' Helen said, stowing it away and picking up her heavy Transfiguration book.

Sirius looked at her with scrutinising eyes.

'This 'friend' wouldn't happen to be male, would he?'

Her cheeks gave her away again.

'What's his name?' Sirius demanded.

'Look, it's nothing you need to worry about. I haven't seen him since our second year… we just keep in contact every now and then,' Helen said distractedly, wishing Sirius would drop it.

She knew what would happen if she told him who. Sirius' memory was annoyingly acute and he seemed to remember many little details.

And she had no doubt that he would remember the name of her first 'crush'.

'Well if it's nothing to worry about, why don't you tell me his name?' he asked, trying to make his voice casual.

Helen heard the frustration through it. She began to wonder if Sirius was… _jealous_?

'Theo,' Helen said, barely audibly.

'Sorry? Didn't catch that,' Sirius said; his irritation rather clear now.

Helen gave an exasperated sigh.

'Look, stop annoying me. Our NEWTs are in a month,' she muttered irritably.

'Don't pretend that you have study to do. You were blushing all over his letter before I came and I'm sure you would have taken the time to reply to it too. Now tell me his damn name or else I'll assume the worst,' he snapped.

'Why does it matter to you?' Helen challenged.

'Because I want to know- just like I'm sure _you_ would like to know if _I _were writing to some girl frequently,' Sirius said hotly.

Helen sighed. He did have a point. She would be very wary if Sirius were writing to another girl.

'Fine. His name is Theo and he and I have a strictly platonic friendship which is limited to being pen pals. I haven't spoken to him or Isa…'

'YOU'RE STILL WRITING TO _HIM_?' Sirius shouted in outrage, standing up. 'He was your first crush… and you're telling me that you have a 'strictly platonic' friendship?'

He was now glaring at Helen who bit her lip.

'Well it is. We both knew it could never be with the distance anyway… but he's a nice boy and so is his cousin and we became friends whilst we were at Beauxbatons and promised we'd keep in touch. He's doing Healer training like I want to now to so we have things in common to discuss,' Helen shrugged.

As soon as she said this, she knew she had said too much.

'Do you want to be a healer… because of _him_?' Sirius whispered.

Whispers were a bad sign.

Helen sighed and shook her head.

'Look, Sirius, I never told you about this because I knew that this is how you would react. I don't know what more proof you need from me to know that I would never leave you to go off with him… or why you need proof at all to know that I'm only with you. I think it should be pretty obvious to you that you're the only one I like in _that_ way,' she said reasonably.

'So now we're back to 'like', are we?'

Helen stood up, carefully taking her books with her- letter included.

'I'm not dignifying your ridiculous questions with an answer,' she said, shaking her head and going to her dormitory.

* * *

Helen had gone with Lily for a walk to visit Hagrid, and Sirius was now itching to read her letter.

He knew that he shouldn't; he knew that it wasn't the fair- or the _moral_ thing to do- but she was curiously secretive about this boy and… he had never really been one for morals anyway.

So, having thrown James' invisibility cloak over him for good measure, he flew from his dorm to hers, landing deftly inside. Her bed was the one closest to the window and he went to it immediately. He searched through her books, but she had taken it away from there. After a while of stealthily rummaging through her trunk- and being surprised a few times to see that she owned certain pieces of lingerie which she had never worn with him (and thus making his suspicions grow all the more pronounced), he decided to try summoning it. He stared in disbelief when it came from under her pillow.

The only kinds of letters which one kept under their pillows were love-letters.

He had never really felt jealous before because he was always so certain that Helen was indifferent to those others who admired her. Now, however, he was certain that she liked this Theo and he didn't know what to do.

Part of him didn't want to know; he wanted to just leave the letter back where he had found it and go back and forget about the whole thing.

But he couldn't. A fire had been lit in his mind and it grew more and more scorching by the second.

Taking a deep breath, he opened it:

_Ma __chère__ Helene,_

Sirius stopped at this first line. '_Ma __chère__?'_ That was too close to '_ma cherie_' for his liking. He tried to remember the boy… of course, they had only been twelve at the time, but he knew that Helen had definitely been besotted by him…

Who did this Theo think he was; writing to someone else's girlfriend like that? He quickly translated the rest into English.

Perhaps Helen found it more romantic that this boy was writing to her in French?

_We are both so glad to here that you are well. Healer training is a lot harder than I initially thought it would be. There are many hours of study and the cases are rather complicated… but it is, nonetheless, a thoroughly enjoyable course. I am overjoyed to hear that you too want to be a Healer__ too! We can catch up once you have finished school and study together!_

_Isa is enjoying her Auror training course very much. She is currently in Vienna for some secret 'training' mission. She keeps on saying that we must catch up and I couldn't agree more. How would you like to stay with us this summer when you finish school? It has been far too long since we last saw each other- but at least we have kept in touch (that is the main thing). We have a wonderful holiday chateau overlooking the sea…and of course, there shall be plenty of your favourite; champagne. Are you tempted yet? Let me know with your response. _

_Good luck with your exams, although I am sure that you won't need it. You put us all to shame when you visited us in second year and it seems like your grades are as good as ever. Of course, if you had stayed with us at Beauxbatons, you would have already finished by now… ah, I'm only teasing you. I shouldn't be so horrible to you especially as you already probably stressing out. _

_But you shouldn't stress to__o much. You have studied consistently throughout your years and that will show up in the final exams. In any case, my thoughts are with you and I wish you the best of luck with them. _

_So please write us a letter back, if you are not too busy, and let us know as soon as possible if you are able to stay with us over summer._

_Bien a toi,_

_Theo_

_p.s. You know how Isa loves her shopping. One day she dragged me into a record store and I found this record of our 'La Mome' and thought of you. __La Vie En Rose?_

…

Sirius finished the letter and suddenly wished that he hadn't touched it.

Unfortunately for him, Helen had forgotten an article on Dragon Breeding which she had saved for Hagrid and returned to her dorm to find Sirius holding the letter limply.

'What are you doing here?' she asked, frowning.

He started and then adopted a very guilty face as he realised that she had caught him. Her gaze flickered to the letter and she pursed her lips and put her hands on her hips.

'You read my letter,' she said flatly.

Sirius chanced a glance at her and gathered that she was far from impressed.

After staring at him for a while, she sighed and walked over to where he was and sat on her bed.

'So what are you thinking now?' she asked heavily.

She would have rathered to not have this conversation with Sirius; hence her reluctance to show him her letter in the first place.

Sirius, upon seeing that Helen was not angry at him, sat abruptly next to her.

'Are you going to stay with them?'

Helen shook her head at Sirius.

'No, of course not.'

He looked rather surprised at this.

'You're not?' he asked in disbelief.

'Well I _was _planning on spending summer with you- if that's okay with you,' she said; a small, incredulous smile twisting her lips.

Sirius nodded; taken aback by this. He had been working himself up for a different response.

'Is there anything else about the letter which bothers you?' Helen asked lightly.

Sirius looked back to the letter.

'He calls you _'ma chere','_ he pointed out.

Helen shrugged.

'I believe that that is the common way to address a letter to a friend in French,' she said.

Sirius cast her a reproving look before looking back to the letter.

'He still likes you,' he stated.

Helen laughed.

'I'm sure that's not the case. It's been nearly six years since I last saw him. He's too good looking to not have moved on,' she said, shaking her head at Sirius.

'You just said…'

'I never said I liked him like that anymore… just that he is a good looking boy. I would agree with you if you said that Lily was very pretty- and I wouldn't think anything more of it,' she shrugged.

Sirius seemed a bit reluctant on this point.

'Why is he thinking of you when he goes shopping?' he said, trying to find something to satiate his insecurity.

'I always said how I loved Edith Piaf, to them,' she explained to Sirius.

'You never told _me,_' he said heatedly.

Helen smiled at him.

'I never thought you wanted to know things like that,' she said. 'Honestly, Sirius… I'm yours! You don't need to worry about people like Theo. Don't you know that by now?'

He looked undecided still and Helen sighed.

'You didn't need to fly in here to read the letter secretly. If it had bothered you that much, you should have just asked me and I would have let you read it. You know everything about me. I don't have any secrets with you… I was _reluctant_ to tell you about him only because I know you would jump to irrational conclusions as you just did now. We don't correspond often. Sometimes I send a letter to his cousin; Isa, sometimes to him… it's usually once a month, or every few months. They were very good friends to me when we went to Beauxbatons and we just kept in contact since then- that's all. I would never leave you for a whole summer, though, just to be with them,' she said, seriously to Sirius.

'So you're never going to meet with them- ever?' Sirius asked suspiciously.

Helen shrugged.

'Perhaps if I go visit Mark I might arrange for us to catch up for lunch or something… do you really think, though, that there's any comparison between you and Theo? Honestly?'

Sirius went to consider this question, but Helen rolled her eyes and kissed him. She felt a little relieved as he responded with more force than he had these past few weeks.

Perhaps a little dose of jealousy was good…

He shifted so they were lying on the bed- Helen tossed the letter to the floor as Sirius pulled himself on top of her.

After five minutes of becoming far too overheated for the cold spring day which it was, Helen pulled away suddenly.

'Wait…'

Sirius looked confused.

'You've been complaining…'

She shook her head and reached into her robes and took out her wand shutting the door, locking it, and putting a silencing charm on the room.

'Now, where were we?' she asked, pulling him by the tie towards her and kissing him again.

---

'Won't Lily come looking for you?' he asked as Helen leaned on his chest.

Helen shrugged.

'No… she seemed pretty into her argument with Hagrid about Dragon breeding,' she replied nonchalantly.

There was a pause.

'So you like Edith Piaf?'

'Mmm, yes. I like her songs.'

'What else do you like? I feel like there's so much I don't know about you now,' he said.

Helen could hear the frown in his tone. She looked up at him.

'You know all the important things about me… I never really bothered you with the trivial. The only reason he knew that about me was because she's a French singer and we used it as a way of starting a conversation when we first met,' she explained.

He was silent.

'Are you still jealous?' she sighed.

'No,' he said eventually.

Helen could still feel the tension though.

'_Des yeux qui font baiser les miens… Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche… __Voila le portrait sans retouche… De l'homme auquel j'appartiens.'_

Helen looked up at Sirius suddenly and he stopped singing under his breath.

'You're not the only one who likes 'La Mome',' he said with a small smile. 'Andy used to play her records _all _the time when we were kids and our parents had left the house. She'd dress up in these cabaret costumes and make herself up and pretend to sing along. She made me her 'accompanist'- although I never really played anything... I just pretended to sit at the piano with her, put a whisky glass with a little apple juice in it on top of the piano lid, stole one of my dad's cigarettes and pretended that I was this suave club pianist.'

He laughed a little as he remembered it. Despite the horrible memories he'd retained from his childhood, he _did_ have a few fond ones too- they were mostly shared with Andy.

Helen laughed.

'I made Mark do that all the time too!' she said, sitting up. Sirius looked into her eyes which had lit up with childish animation. 'And I'd sit on top of the piano and stole my mum's high heels with a hairbrush as my microphone… well, until Christina got jealous that I always made her a back up singer and then told on us… she never had much of a voice,' she added thoughtfully, her lips twitching.

Sirius looked at her with a bemused expression as she suddenly sprung up and started dressing.

'Going somewhere?' he asked, raising an eyebrow as she threw him his clothes.

'Well, I should return to Lily and Hagrid soon…' she said dismissively, going to the record player and putting it on.

Sirius stood up and looked at Helen warily. He never knew what to do when she had these random bouts of spontaneity; he usually just stood back and watched.

'I've always wanted to do this,' she whispered, going up to him and taking his hand.

'What? Precisely?' Sirius frowned.

'Dance to this song,' Helen said.

Sirius stood back.

'Dancing? Come on, we're in your dorm,' he said.

Helen pouted and then, suddenly, her eyes became wide.

'What if Meleta was right? What if something bad _is_ going to happen to me now that we just had sex? Imagine how you'd feel knowing that you didn't grant me my _one last request_,' she whispered.

Sirius' mouth became a tight line.

'That's not funny,' he said.

Helen flashed him an angelic smile and, muttering oaths under his breath, he pulled her close to him and they started moving to the sugary music.

'_Merci __beaucoup_, _mon cheri,_' she whispered, kissing his cheek as she put her arms around his neck.

Sirius sighed heavily, but then smiled and started singing along to the familiar words of so long ago. He only hoped that no one apart from Helen would ever know about this part of him- it didn't do much for his image.

But it brought back fond memories and, although he would never admit it- it was nice.

* * *

'I can control objects now,' Helen informed Dumbledore happily. I was practicing last night and I managed to move my _heavy_,' she placed an emphasis on this word, 'charms book across the _whole_ Common room. It smacked James in the head,' she added, as though this should earn her extra credits.

The truth was that Lily said she'd give Helen a knut if she got James' arm, a sickle if she got his stomach, and a galleon for his head.

Of course Helen wanted the galleon.

Dumbledore's lips twitched.

'I trust you did not hurt him,' he said lightly.

'Course not,' Helen grinned. 'But he did try to give me another detention,' she added. 'Do you want me to show you? I'll stop this time, though, because I don't think I want to hit _you_ in the head,' she said, her lips twitching mischievously.

Dumbledore chuckled and shook his head at Helen.

'Perhaps another time… today I want to show you another memory of Selene's,' he said, bringing the pensieve to his desk.

Helen sat up, looking very bright.

'Really?'

Dumbledore nodded and found another silver vial.

'This is the school duelling competition. I would like you to pay attention to how Tom when duelling. Although he is much, much, more powerful now, his technique is essentially the same,' Dumbledore said.

'This is the one where she beat him, isn't it?' Helen said excitedly, standing up and walking towards the pensieve.

'Yes,' Dumbledore nodded; motioning towards the pensieve.

Helen leaned forward and suddenly found herself in the Great Hall; cleared of the House Tables with a podium running through its centre.

'Let us stand here,' Dumbledore said, leading Helen through the crowd so they had a clear view of the podium. Behind them a group of girls were giggling.

'The final couple: Selene Asteria vs. Tom Riddle,' the voice of… Dumbledore announced.

He looked much younger then; with auburn hair.

'Professor! That's you!' Helen said excitedly to him.

Dumbledore smiled.

'Nice hair colour- I think you looked rather handsome. Still do, of course,' she said, grinning.

Dumbledore took a patient breath.

Helen turned to see the podium where Selene and Tom walked up from opposing ends.

Selene's complexion was paler than it would have normally been, but she was glaring at Tom unflinchingly; with fierce determination.

Tom returned her stare with a slightly confident smirk playing upon his handsome features.

'You know the rules,' Dumbledore said. 'Are you ready?

They both nodded curtly.

'Very well then…'

Selene and Tom bowed to each other- never breaking eye-contact.

'On the count to three then. One… two… three!'

They stared at each other for a split second before they acted. It was so fast and abrupt that Helen gasped along with everyone else.

'Remember… watch Tom,' Dumbledore reminded Helen who was gazing in admiration at her mother who looked more than impressive as she duelled with such ease; such speed.

Reluctantly, Helen turned to observe Tom and was struck at the change in his features. Prior to watching this, Helen was still finding it hard that someone who looked as he did could be truly evil. Now, however, she had no doubts whatsoever as she took in his face which was contorted in fury; his eyes hard as flint with a red gleam in them.

He was not having an easy time duelling Selene either and this made it easier to pick out the flaws in his duelling technique.

'Do you notice how- from over confidence- he leaves himself exposed?' Dumbledore pointed out to Helen.

She nodded.

'Selene had much practise duelling him prior to this- she had already picked up on this,' he said.

And, sure enough, Selene aimed a strategically placed curse and it hit Tom in the abdomen. His face screwed up in pain and Selene stopped as she watched him curiously and- Helen could not comprehend why- but looked almost… concerned?

Tom staggered for a few moments before straightening up.

And then the duelling resumed- Tom's jaw clenched; he looked furious and he was duelling with more speed and force than ever.

'He has become too consumed in his personal pride now,' Dumbledore murmured. 'His wand-work has become sloppy. Remember that; speed is never a guarantee of accuracy. Sometimes a few better-placed curses can do much more damage than many blind ones.'

And, sure enough, Selene stopped sending curses Tom's way and focused more on deflecting his badly-aimed ones. Her eyes, however, indicated that she was calculating her next move.

As soon as Tom faltered, she disarmed him. Helen smiled at how perfectly and deftly it was done.

The crowd cheered and Selene lowered her wand, smiling in relief.

'And I trust that you know by now that the loss of a wand will never mean that a duel with Lord Voldemort has ended,' Dumbledore said to Helen.

Helen looked back to the podium and saw Tom- his face blanched with fury- clench his fists and then swipe his hand through the air.

Selene's eyes widened in shock- she was too late in realising- and she flew back, crashing down.

There were a few screams from the girls behind Helen, but Selene slowly sat up. Any trace of a smile had disappeared from her face and she glared at him, causing him to rise very high in the air, before falling with a crash on the podium.

A deathly silence spread over the Great Hall as they all stared at Tom's inert figure, lying spread-eagled on the podium.

There was silence, and then – suddenly- Selene ran over and knelt by his body, shaking him urgently.

'Tom? Tom?' she said desperately; tears in her voice.

A healer rushed forward and pushed Selene to the side, conjuring a stretcher and rushing with Tom's lifeless body out of the Great Hall.

Selene tried to follow, but the crowd started moving and speaking quickly.

'Is he okay? Will he…' she stammered.

'Who cares? You won! Duelling Champion!' another voice laughed.

Helen looked at the boy and one look was enough to know that he was Alphard Black.

He hugged Selene and planted a kiss on the top of her head whilst she struggled against his embrace.

She looked as though she wanted nothing more than to rush after Tom's body and to check if he was okay.

---

The scene went hazy and they were suddenly following Selene and Alphard to the Hospital Wing.

They were arguing.

'I don't understand why you care about him,' Alphard said irritably. 'After everything he's done to you…'

'Just drop it Alphard,' Selene snapped, her face still ghostly pale as she walked as quickly as she could. 'You don't understand.'

Alphard grabbed her arm to stop her from walking.

'Do you… do you…_ fancy_ him?' he asked, sounding as though he had swallowed a bottle of Skele-Grow.

Selene wrenched her arm from Alphard's grip and continued to hurry down the corridor.

Helen found it most unsettling that Selene did not answer Alphard's question.

They arrived at the Hospital Wing and Selene turned to face Alphard. Her face softened slightly, but her eyes were still wide with worry.

'Look, Alphard, I'll meet you back in the Common Room soon,' she said in a soothing voice. 'You don't understand this… and of course I don't like him. I just need to do this do this, okay?'

Alphard looked into her eyes searchingly before nodding quickly and leaving. Selene stared after him for a moment, biting her lip, before hurrying into the Hospital Wing.

It was filled with the earlier contestants from the Duelling Contest. They had friends surrounding their bedside. Walking through the wing, Selene arrived to the final bed by the window. He had no visitors and was lying there; unconscious.

She took a deep breath and hurried to his bedside.

Both Helen and Dumbledore were silent as they watched what followed.

Selene stared at Tom; tears sliding down her pale cheeks. She looked as though she kept trying to harden her expression, but failed and ended up looking only concerned.

The scene faded slightly and returned to show the passage of time with Selene leaning her head on the edge of Tom's bed. Tom moved slightly and started blinking; rubbing his eyes. Selene, feeling the movement, sat up suddenly.

Relief was an obvious emotion on her face.

Tom stared at her a moment and- for that short moment- he looked into her eyes and looked as though he was nothing but a normal boy. His expression was soft and he had a genuine smile on his face.

As soon as Selene returned it hesitantly, however, and looked away to wipe a tear from her eye, he blinked as though he suddenly realised where he was- and who he was.

He sat up; stiffening, as a cold, hard look came to his face.

'What are you doing here?' he asked scathingly.

Selene took a sharp intake of breath, but nodded- as though she had expected this reaction, but had possibly hoped otherwise.

'I'm glad to see that you're okay, Tom,' she said quietly, standing up. 'I'll leave you now,' she nodded, not waiting for his reaction and leaving the room quickly.

A look of confusion flitted across Tom's features as he watched her retreating back, but then he clenched his fists and brought one down angrily on the side of his bed.

---

The scene dissolved and Helen, with wide eyes, sunk back into an armchair; gasping.

Dumbledore surveyed her before pouring her a glass of mead and handing it to her.

Helen didn't even notice as she downed it in one.

'She…she… I thought you said… she…'

Dumbledore waited patiently for Helen to calm down. He handed her another glass of mead and she downed it again in one go- much to his disapproval.

Eventually, Helen pinched the bridge of her nose and took a few deep breaths.

'Why did she care about him?' she asked, screwing her eyes tightly shut.

Dumbledore drew another armchair and sat opposite her.

'Your mother, as I already told you, knew him from almost the moment of her birth. Although there was a deep-rooted dislike which neither of them ever overcame, I don't think she ever wanted him dead. I agree that I personally could never properly understand how she felt about him, but I found that aspect of her remarkable nonetheless- she knew all of the horrific things which he had done to others and herself, and yet she was distraught at the thought of having killed him.'

Helen took her hand away from her face and opened her eyes reluctantly.

'It looked as though…as though she… she…'

She paused and stood up suddenly.

'She looked as though she was in _love_ with him,' she spat in disgust.

Dumbledore said nothing and looked out of the window at the black sky.

'She was!' Helen screamed hoarsely.

Dumbledore looked at Helen and sighed.

'If I knew you could drink responsibly, I would offer you another glass of mead,' he said, smiling at her kindly. 'I think Selene somehow _did_ love him in some way, but…' he paused and put a reassuring hand Helen's shoulder, 'it wasn't the type which would have ever seen the two of them putting aside their differences. Their hate was too strong for that and they had hurt each other _far_ too much to ever be able to find some form of peace,' he said.

Helen looked away.

'I thought she loved Alphard,' she said miserably. 'She left him for… she barely even _looked_ at Alphard she was so concerned about _him._'

'Helen,' Dumbledore said softly. 'That relationship which Selene and Tom shared was a complex one which neither you nor I will ever understand. I want you to know, though, that your mother always fought for everything which was good. She was a good woman and never abused that phenomenal power which she possessed. I did not show you this to feel ashamed of her, because anyone who truly knew Selene would feel nothing but pride- as I do.'

Helen slumped back in her chair, blinking away the tears.

'And he still killed her. After all that- he killed her. She l… she felt _something_ for him, and he just… murdered her,' she whispered- more to herself.

Dumbledore did not respond immediately.

'Tom… is a complex character. He never trusted anyone and always liked to work alone. He was exceptionally proud of being a descendant of Slytherin and I do not believe he ever experienced the emotion of love…'

Dumbledore paused.

'Or perhaps he did,' he mused- now to himself-' but upon seeing that it was a hopeless case, he became so embittered by the emotion that he despised it… and then Selene.'

His eyes widened as though he had just had an epiphany.

He suddenly remembered that he was speaking to Helen.

'Either way, she had hurt his pride far too much that day. I would never say that his killing her was an easy experience for him- especially seeing as she did not fight him as much as he would have wished her to. If anything, I would say that the experience made him lose whatever heart he had.'

Helen's mind seemed to be elsewhere, however. She seemed as though she were in a daze.

Dumbledore sighed heavily.

'I think a good night's sleep is what you need now,' he sighed, standing up to walk her back to her common room.

* * *

Helen entered the empty common room feeling numb. She saw Sirius lying on the couch and went over to him; taking the book which was open on his chest and squeezing next to him. He did not wake, but shifted and hugged her to him by force of habit

Confessing one's feelings is always most easily done when the other has no way of hearing or responding.

'If only you knew how much I love you,' she whispered to Sirius' sleeping form. 'I don't know what I'd do without you…but I need you much, much more than you think.'

She drew a deep breath and closed her eyes; his warmth both comforting her, and making her sleepy.

She tried to fight her drooping eyelids- she knew that she would dream or have nightmares about Tom and Selene, but soon it became all too much and she finally succumbed to sleep.

* * *

...

**Hmmm... quite a bit was revealed in this chapter, wasn't it? **

**I am eagerly anticipating your thoughts on Selene and Tom...**

**And, in case you forgot (which is understandable, as it has been a while) Theo was Helen's first little crush from her exchange experience to Beauxbatons. I wasn't lying when I said that that chapter was going to have recurring elements...**

**Final point before I tell you to review (heh): I would just like to announce that I have more formally decided on the final fates of my characters. I am very happy now. It could have gone two ways, but I have decided now. Of course, cannon characters will meet their same endings (this story isn't an AU) but I have made my decisions regarding the OC's.**

**AND I can't believe that they're nearly finished school already! Only 2 more school chapters to go! **

**Okay, I'll stop becoming all motherly and nostalgic over the characters... heh. **

**SO because I was so lovely and nice in giving you TWO chapters, please show me your appreciation and review!**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	68. Chapter 72: Meeting Tom

_**Above all things, never be afraid. The enemy who forces you to retreat is himself afraid of you at that very moment.**__** –**_** '****Andre Maurois'

* * *

**

Meeting Tom

'Did you come alone?' Severus whispered.

Helen lifted her hood and nodded.

'Yes. You?'

She knew he was- she had already checked the Marauder's Map.

Severus gave a jerky nod.

'Let's go.'

They walked deeper into the forest.

'So I see that your prison guards let you out for once,' Severus smirked.

Helen drew a patient breath.

'No, they don't know I'm here,' she said steadily.

The wonderful thing about sleeping in Sirius' dormitory was that Lily and her 'radar' could not detect her leaving. Sirius was a deep sleeper and, given their activities from earlier in the day coupled with his evening quidditch practise, he wasn't likely to wake up for a while.

Helen looked up at the sky through the tree-tops. She could not see the moon tonight- it was a New Moon.

Hecate's moon.

She wondered which changes this new moon would bring- for it always did.

Severus stopped as they came to a small clearing.

They stared at each other for a moment.

'Why does he want you?' Severus asked suddenly.

Helen gazed at Severus for a moment but then looked to a stream which was flowing in the forest.

'I told you. If you want to know- you should ask _him.'_

He was over at her side in a flash.

'I'm risking everything here to make sure they don't get you. I think I deserve to know,' he said through gritted teeth.

Helen looked at him levelly.

'All my friends are risking their lives even more by sticking by me and _they_ don't know either,' she replied shortly.

'Do you want my help or not?' he asked stubbornly.

Helen looked at him.

'I'm not _begging_ for your help, Severus. It is appreciated, but you are still on Voldemort's side. You're still a Death Eater. Would you save some helpless muggle girl you didn't know if the same thing was happening to her?' she challenged.

Severus pursed his lips and looked away.

There was silence for a while.

'Look, Sev, I know what you're doing for me here and, trust me, I'm very grateful for it… but I can't tell you,' she said in a gentle, earnest voice. 'It's better this way.'

Severus kept on staring determinedly at the stream.

'I trust there was something you had to tell me?' she said eventually.

'Be careful during the NEWTs,' he said quietly. 'They know that you'll all be most easily distracted in this time and they're going to wait for one of you to be off your guard.'

Helen sighed. It wasn't enough that she had those 'nastily exhausting' exams to worry about, but she now had to worry about Voldemort and his Death Eaters as well.

'Anything else?'

He shook his head.

'Do you want to go first?' she offered.

'No, you go. I want to stay here a while,' he said, sitting by the stream and running his fingers absent-mindedly through the water.

Helen nodded.

'Thanks Sev. Goodnight,' she said, patting his shoulder and leaving.

* * *

Helen looked up at breakfast and noticed that Sirius and James were looking at her curiously.

'What?' she asked, confused.

'You do know that we have our first NEWT in half an hour,' James pointed out carefully.

'Yes,' Helen said, frowning. 'I'm not _that_ stupid.'

Sirius squinted at Helen.

'Why aren't you…' he paused and tried to better-phrase the question. 'Usually you would be distraught,' he said delicately.

Helen shrugged.

'I guess I've had a reshuffling of priorities,' she said darkly, glowering at the Slytherin table from which Bellatrix looking smugly at Helen.

* * *

Helen noticed that the table which she and Sirius were studying Arithmancy on- whilst the others were at their Ancient Runes NEWT- was shaking. She paused in trying to remember a formula and looked under the table to see that Sirius' leg was shaking at an almost desperate tempo as he drummed his fingers insistently on the table whilst trying to remember how to solve a particular proof.

'Are you okay?' Helen asked, trying to resist the urge to laugh at him.

Sirius' head snapped up.

'Yes,' he answered shortly, before looking instantly back to his proof.

'You seem a little… on edge,' she commented.

He ignored her.

'Are you… _nervous_?' she asked incredulously.

He threw his quill down exasperatedly.

'Look I know you're sitting there laughing at me because I have to cram now, whilst you already now it,' he snapped. 'You don't have to rub it in.'

The table started shaking more insistently.

'Whoah, you need to calm down mister,' Helen said, standing up and going over to him. 'You know it all too. You should just skim-read through the formulae tonight. It'll all come back to you tomorrow,' she said reassuringly; her hands relieving the tension of the knots in his shoulders.

He stopped shaking his legs and drumming his fingers on the table.

'It's just that… if I don't go well enough, I won't get into Auror…'

'You'll do well. I promise you. You have the best memory I've ever seen in anyone. You always do well in class... You've always been confident! What's happened now?' she asked.

He shrugged.

'You're confident now, so that's unsettling to me,' he said, with a small laugh in spite of himself.

Helen laughed.

'No, I'm not confident… I'm just distracted because I have other more important things on my mind,' she said quietly. She cleared her throat quickly. 'Do you feel better now?' she asked, putting a brighter tone in her voice.

Sirius smiled at her.

'Thanks _ma cherie._ Can you help me with this now?'

Helen laughed.

'Ah, what's happening with this world? Now you're asking me for help!' she said, bringing a chair over next to him and picking up his quill as she started solving the proof for him.

* * *

Helen was exhausted. She had one more exam for the week- her Defence Against the Dark Arts written exam. She sat on the bench outside the Great Hall and closed her eyes, waiting for Sirius to finish his exam.

Her eyes suddenly flew open as she heard movement in front of her. She opened them soon enough to see the red flash and then…

Nothing.

---

'This is the girl?' a deep, rasping voice said.

Helen's head felt too numb to open her eyes. She felt someone lift her up.

'Yes. That's her… now take her to the Dark Lord right away,' a female voice said; breathlessly excited.

Bellatrix's voice.

Comprehension suddenly swirled in Helen's mind and she wrenched her eyes open to see that she was in a remote are of Hogsmeade.

The other two were still talking. Helen knew that she could not be taken to Voldemort if she wanted to see tomorrow.

'Right, well I'll apparate right away,' the male said.

She felt him taking out his wand and acted immediately by lighting him on fire. He yelped and dropped her immediately.

Helen, ignoring the strong pain in her lower back from her fall, plunged her hands into her robes for her wand.

It was gone.

Suddenly, Bellatrix had her wand pointed at Helen's throat. Helen's eyes flickered to Bellatrix's other hand where she held Helen's wand.

She felt her heart snap as she saw that her wand had been snapped- its unicorn hair sticking out.

But now was not the time for such matters. She could worry about her wand later…

If there was a later.

'Not this time mudblood,' Bellatrix seethed, pressing her wand into Helen's neck. 'This time I've got you… Lockwood, are you ready?' she said, not removing her eyes from Helen's.

'Yes… let's go you,' he said roughly, grabbing Helen's arm.

Before she could protest, Helen felt as though she was sucked in a vacuum.

They apparated with a crack outside a huge house in a remote area. Helen had no idea where she was, but she knew that now was the only time she had to escape. As soon as she was taken in that house…

She was as good as dead… or worse, depending on what Voldemort wanted her for.

Lockwood's grip tightened on Helen's arm as he dragged her closer to the house.

Helen looked around desperately and found a large heavy stone on the ground. Taking a deep breath, she mustered all her energy and concentration into levitating that stone. It happened slowly at first, and she needed a few tries, but eventually, it rose up high in the air and she relaxed, flinching as it cracked right on top of Lockwood's head.

His became cross-eyed and blood started trickling down his face as he fell flat on the ground.

'Time to go,' Helen thought to herself, her head pounding wildly in her chest.

She reached into her robes and remembered that she didn't have a wand.

'Lockwood?' A voice called sharply from inside the house.

'Fuck,' Helen whispered, searching quickly in Lockwood's robes for his wand. She heard footsteps stomping down the stairs from inside the house and the door burst open just as Helen found his wand. She raised it suddenly and pointed it threateningly at the tall, raven-haired woman in front of her.

The woman smiled.

'My lord, you have a visitor,' she said calmly.

Now Helen was on a fine line. She forgot that she was scared out of her wits and thought strategically.

She made herself invisible and started running.

'My Lord! My Lord!' the woman shrieked. 'She's running away!'

'NO!' a high-pitched voice shouted.

Helen did not stop running to see whose voice that was, although she already knew.

She stopped abruptly and concentrated on the trapdoor back to Hogwarts in Hogsmeade.

She was suddenly prevented from doing so and realised that her invisibility charm had been taken off. She spun around and saw him for the first time in her life.

He no longer resembled that handsome boy… oh no. He was so far from it now. His skin was white- like the underbelly of a snake- and his eyes were no longer black as they had always been.

They were red and lusting for blood.

* * *

Sirius frowned as he looked for Helen outside the Great Hall. She had said that she would wait for him after her exam, but she was nowhere to be found. He thought to look to the Marauder's Map, but then realised that she had it.

Perhaps she had gone to the bathroom.

He sat on the bench and waited, not allowing himself to jump to hasty panicky conclusions just yet. He gave her the impression, far too often, that he could not handle her situation, and he didn't want her to think that.

But, try as he might to keep calm, fifteen minutes passed and Lily had already finished her exam without Helen returning.

Something did not seem right.

'Oh, hello Sirius. What are you doing here? I thought you would be with Helen,' Lily said, looking at him curiously.

Sirius sat up.

'I've been waiting for her…'

His eyes suddenly widened and he sprung up.

'You don't know where she is?' Lily frowned. 'Maybe she went to the bathroom?'

Sirius shook his head.

'She never takes fifteen minutes.'

'Did she maybe go back to the common room?'

He shook his head, feeling the blood draining from his face.

'No, she said she'd wait.'

Lily chewed her lip.

'You don't have the Marauder's Map?' she asked, knowing the answer but hoping that he hadn't thought of it.

'No, Helen had it,' he said in a pained voice.

Lily nodded practically.

'Right. Let's see Dumbledore. Maybe she's just being Helen and went off for a walk… but it wouldn't hurt to see Dumbledore anyway,' she said in a guarded voice as they both started walking quickly towards the headmaster's office.

'Isn't it possible for you to make another map?' Lily asked, trying to avoid the heavy silences during which they would worry.

'It took us a month,' Sirius said shortly, picking up the pace of his strides.

'But now that you know how you did it, maybe it would be quicker… I could do it if you told me,' Lily offered.

Sirius nodded shortly and they arrived outside Dumbledore's office.

Lily, as Head Girl, knew the password, but he was out of office.

They waited impatiently outside.

'Here,' Lily said eventually, taking out a piece of parchment. 'Now, what did you do?'

---

'You're a genius,' Sirius said, kissing Lily on the cheek swiftly and looking intently at the parchment which was now swirling with ink.

'Oh…er…thanks,' Lily stammered, blushing a little and feeling very taken aback.

But then she remembered Helen.

'I can't see her anywhere, can you?' Lily said, squinting at the parchment.

'N…no,' Sirius said, his eyes still scanning the parchment desperately.

'Oh no,' Lily said, sinking back into the armchair. 'Oh no, no….'

'SH!' Sirius said suddenly, furrowing in concentration. 'She can't be…'

Suddenly, Dumbledore appeared at the top of the staircase.

'Miss Evans, Mr Black… shouldn't you be preparing for your NEWT this afternoon?'

'She's not here. She's gone!' Lily said tearfully.

'Helen?' Dumbledore said sharply.

Sirius' hands were shaking as he continued to stare at the map; desperately willing for her name to appear on it.

* * *

'Helen Asteria,' he said in a voice barely louder than a whisper as he approached her.

Helen felt rooted to the spot as she tightened her grip on Lockwood's wand. It wouldn't work so well for her- she already was at a disadvantage.

Like being against the world's darkest, most notorious dark wizard wasn't enough of a disadvantage.

'You look just like your mother,' he continued.

Helen felt disgusted at the mention of her mother- he had _killed_ her.

He was now opposite her and raised a long white finger and touched her cheek. Helen flinched, at this touch, but did not break her strong eye contact with him.

She was sure that she could not show herself to be week against him.

'Pure,' he whispered. 'A descendant from Circe…'

A greedy smile stretched upon his lips.

Helen wondered if she should try a different tactic- one that would _hurt_ him most.

'You dare touch me with your half-blood filth for skin?' she said in a cool voice, glaring at me. 'You are unworthy of such purity.'

His eyes widened and he withdrew his hand from her face.

She saw him gazing at her with those scrutinizing red slits, but she blocked her mind, not allowing him to gain access to her thoughts.

'I see that you are not like Selene,' he whispered. 'You _value_ your purity.'

Helen drew a breath, repeating over and over in her mind that now was not the time to tell Voldemort the truth. She needed to act to get out of this because she definitely wouldn't win if they were in a duel.

'Yes, and I value it enough to find your methods of bringing me here simply unacceptable…'

She paused. Of course he would never know if she was lying…

'Mother Asteria will be most displeased with you. She may send Hecate to remove your powers once more if you are not careful. You have abused your powers… _Tom_.'

It took all her strength to maintain this façade in front of him. She felt her legs trembling.

'I am a descendant of Salazar Slytherin,' he said purposefully. 'Just imagine…'

'I am not interested in any ultimatums Tom,' she interrupted. 'You forget that I am the descendant of witchcraft herself. Slytherin was a great wizard to be sure, but your blood has been mingled with…' It took all her strength to say it, 'filth.'

His eyes widened.

Behind her back, and being as careful as she could to block her mind, she tried removing the anti-apparition charm. It was done hastily, and thus not secure. She just needed to stall him for that little bit longer…

'But I have fought against this filth all my life,' he tried to reason with her.

For someone who was so evil and supposedly smart, Helen found that he had suddenly become very childishly silly.

Then she realised; she intimidated him.

She breathed in relief as she finished removing the anti-apparition charm.

He did not notice.

It was now or never.

Carefully blocking her mind, she twirled and, before he could act any further, she felt that familiar sensation of being sucked in a vacuum.

She did not wait to see; she wrenched open the trap-door and ran as fast as she had ever run to reach her safe haven; her school.

Many miles away, Voldemort screamed as he realised that he had been fooled; yet again.

* * *

'She's here!' Sirius said suddenly.

He had not wrenched his eyes from the map the whole time. If he did, he would have to face the reality of the situation.

And sure enough, the black dot labelled 'Helen Asteria' was moving very quickly through the school grounds to the very office they were in. Sirius rushed down the staircase to find himself face to face with her.

She stopped abruptly and stared at him, as he stared back.

Lily and Dumbledore appeared suddenly, the both of them telling her to come up and to explain what happened, but Helen continued to ignore them and stared at Sirius.

'Helen,' Dumbledore said sharply, cutting through her reverie.

'Yes?' she said softly, not looking at him.

'Where have you been?'

'I'm not quite sure… but I met Voldemort,' she said.

Sirius' eyes widened as he registered what she had just said and he broke their gaze and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug.

Dumbledore sighed patiently whilst Lily burst into tears.

'Would you mind telling me what happened?' he asked eventually.

Helen and Sirius separated, although only slightly- they both still had each other's arms around their waists.

'Let us go upstairs,' Dumbledore said.

---

Helen finished recounting her story calmly. She had not felt the urge to burst out crying, though she didn't think she was in shock either.

She wasn't sure… she just felt nothing. Perhaps a little victorious at her escape, but all she knew was that she didn't want to let go of Sirius.

Helen glanced at Lily and Lily was looking down at the floor. She suddenly realised how Lily could have interpreted Helen's words.

'Of course I didn't mean it Lily… I don't believe any of that purity rubbish… I just couldn't fight him like that,' she said earnestly to Lily.

Lily forced a smile.

'Of course… I know that you're not like that, Helen,' she said genuinely.

Dumbledore stood up and went to the window, squinting out of it.

Helen had not understood his reaction. He was silent throughout the whole of her exchange, staring at his desk.

'I trust you are exhausted, Helen,' he said eventually.

'But… what does this mean? What's going to happen now?' she asked with wide eyes.

Sirius squeezed her more tightly to his side.

Dumbledore turned slowly and faced Helen.

'You are on no accounts to be left alone for the rest of the school term. We shall discuss safety measures for beyond then later,' he said heavily. 'Your actions today were very clever- I doubt that Voldemort will try to kill you now- but he will definitely try and find you and I am more sure than ever that he shall try for his… _other_ option.'

Helen shuddered and Dumbledore nodded.

'But the main thing is that you are safe. I shall need to tend with Miss Black. She will be expelled for sure now,' he said sternly. 'Sirius, Lily, if you could take Helen to the hospital wing…'

'I'm not hurt,' Helen said. 'And we have our written Defence NEWT in fifteen minutes,' she added.

'You can't do that in your condition!' Lily exclaimed.

'Yes I can!' Helen said indignantly. 'I've worked too hard all these years to let this episode ruin my chances.'

'We can always obtain 'special consideration' for you, Helen,' Dumbledore said softly.

'It's a good idea,' Sirius said to Helen.

'No,' Helen said. 'I've studied for it and I don't want to stall it. I want to finish it and get it over and done with right now,' she said resolutely.

---

Dumbledore accompanied them to Helen's exam and said that he would be there to pick her up. On the way there, Helen had her arm linked with Lily on one side and held Sirius' hand in the other, his thumb grazing her knuckles.

There was no time to talk; they had to go inside virtually straight away.

'You both have to forget about this now,' Helen said before they went in. 'You need to do well in this exam. It's all over now, just focus on this now,' she said.

She said this more for Sirius; his face had not regained its colour and he looked shaken and as though he was still in a daze.

She sighed as they entered the hall; James and the others somewhere close.

Sirius seemed reluctant to let go of Helen's hand, but, once near their allocated desks, she prized her hand out of his and smiled at him encouragingly.

'Concentrate,' she whispered to him before sitting in her chair and looking at the booklet.

She had done it so many times before that blocking out the previous events was almost easy.

Almost.

It suddenly hit her, as she was half-way through the exam, exactly what just happened to her an hour ago. She dropped her quill and put her head in her hands, taking deep breaths.

She could not forget those red eyes which eyed her so hungrily. It was he who had killed Selene and Helen had just realised this.

The paper blurred in front of her and her vision was obscured as she determinedly picked up her quill and attempted to keep writing.

'No Helen,' a voice deep inside of her said; a stern one. 'Don't let him beat you here. Now stop being a silly girl and get on with your exam.'

It worked. She took a deep breath and lost any emotions for the rest of the exam.

After all, it would be nothing short of disgraceful if she didn't get an Outstanding in Defence Against the Dark Arts- given that she had just escaped from Voldemort himself.

* * *

Lily had volunteered to provide the others with an explanation of what happened, once they reached the Common Room.

'I feel like I was so… bad for saying those things,' Helen confessed to Sirius. They were sitting opposite each other, cross-legged, on his bed. 'But I didn't know what else to do. If I said the truth, he would have killed me there and then… and I didn't even have my own wand…'

Helen sniffed to try and stop her nose from twitching at the thought of her wand. She remembered when she was so little- when she was eleven- and she had gone to Ollivander for it.

Now it was no more. She didn't even have the pieces left to keep as a memory. It was gone… too soon too. She had really felt an affinity for her wand, and wanted it back- not some other to replace it.

Sirius swallowed and lifted a hand to touch her face. She didn't even know that she had tears until she saw the tips of his fingers glistening from them.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.

'You have no idea,' he whispered, 'how scared I was that I'd never be able to do this again,' he said, kissing her softly again.

Helen put her arms around his neck and leaned forward to be closer to him.

'I'm sorry,' she said as they lay back. 'I should have been concentrating. I shouldn't have closed my eyes…'

She trailed off and Sirius kissed her tears, pulling her more tightly to him.

She leaned her head against his chest, her hands clutching at his back as she let out a convulsive sob.

'Can't I close my eyes for a few seconds? I can't stand being watched… the fact that they're always waiting for me for one small lapse in concentration…'

'Sh,' he said, kissing her forehead and rubbing her back.

Eventually, she drew a jaded breath and her lips searched up his neck until she found his lips which were soft and slow against hers.

She laughed a little, though it wasn't very strong.

'At least we have our last week of school Bellatrix-free,' she said in a voice which was still rather strangled with tears.

Sirius forced a pained smile.

'Yeah… though she deserves much worse than that,' he said, stroking her cheek.

Helen shrugged.

'I can't… I can't believe he… he just believed me,' she said thoughtfully now. 'I just started preaching all this blood-purity rubbish and he… he just swallowed it. Obviously he's not as smart as he's been made out to be.'

Sirius looked down.

'Damn,' Helen muttered suddenly.

Sirius looked up at her questioningly. 'What?'

Helen looked very frustrated now and he saw her face screwing up in attempt not to break down again. 'Damn!'

'What is it?' he asked urgently.

Helen gave an angry sigh.

'I lost my ring.'

Sirius blinked.

'What?' he asked blankly.

'My ring… the one you gave me… damn! Did I have to lose _everything_ today? First my wand, now my ring…'

Her fists clenched.

Sirius laughed weakly.

'You kept your life and, as far as I'm concerned, that's all that matters. I'll get you a new ring. I promise,' he said, kissing her.

Helen crossed her arms. She seemed very annoyed now.

'That's not the same thing. It won't be the same. I don't want a replacement, I want _my _ring. I don't want a new wand. I want the one I had this morning- the one I've used my whole life.'

Sirius looked at her in mild disbelief.

'Of all things to be angry about from today, _those_ make you the most annoyed?'

Helen looked at him darkly.

'They were my two most important possessions. Of course they make me annoyed,' she said self-righteously.

Sirius nodded slowly.

'Right… so Voldemort nearly holding you hostage doesn't annoy you… the fact that you nearly died… yeah, okay… I can see where you're coming from. Your reasoning makes _perfect_ sense,' he said sarcastically.

'Don't make me hit you,' Helen warned, staring at the ceiling. 'No, it's just frustrating because it's as though enough hadn't happened to me today without having to lose those things as well,' she tried to explain.

She paused and then smiled a little.

'And that was my _wedding_ ring. Of course I'm annoyed,' she said, rolling her eyes but then laughing.

Sirius smiled at her, taking in her face and how much he loved it when she smiled as opposed to when she was distraught, and leaned forward and kissed her.

'And if you even dare tell me that you don't want to do something now because Meleta said some rubbish, I'll kill you,' Helen murmured against his lips.

Sirius laughed a little.

'I won't say anything then,' he said, his hands shifting to her waist.

'A wise choice, _mon cheri._'

* * *

**So Helen has met Voldemort. And managed to escape … just. I think, because he's so caught up in his 'purity of blood' rubbish, though, that his reaction might have been plausible… well, that's what I think anyway. You can always argue with me in your review…**

**About Bellatrix: Well, I don't think she would have been overtly concerned with finishing school and I never read anything in the books which said that she did or didn't get expelled.**

**Anyway. So! The next chapter is just a lot of fun because it's their last week of school and our marauder (& co) friends decide to 'go out in style' heh.**

**Here is a quote for you:**

'_How are you holding up, Lily? Isn't this the furthest you've ever been with a boy?'_

**And, because I'm nice, I'll give you another:**

'_You know, Pads, I'd say that if she runs out screaming at the sight of you naked, you and McGonagall are a hopeless case…' – _James Potter to Sirius Black

…

Oh, and there's this too: _'Will you marry me?_

…

**SO! I really don't want to have the whole 'not enough reviews means you won't be getting the next chapter' rant again, because (even though I should), I don't want to. Therefore, I trust that you will all get those magic fingers typing and that you won't disappoint me again!**

**Love Anya**


	69. Chapter 73: The Best Days of Our Lives

'_**Sometimes I get to feelin'  
I was back in the old days - long ago  
When we were kids when we were young  
Thing seemed so perfect - you know  
The days were endless we were crazy we were young  
The sun was always shinin' - we just lived for fun  
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know  
The rest of my lives been just a show **_

Those were the days of our lives  
The bad things in life were so few  
Those days are all gone now but one thing is true  
When I look and I find I still love you' 

- **Queen, '**These Are the Days of Our Lives**'**

**

* * *

**

The Best Days of Our Lives

'I can't believe we still have detention,' Helen grumbled. 'It's the final week of school!'

Sirius put his arm around her shoulder and laughed.

'Ah… well perhaps this one will be a bit shorter than your other ones… Lily will be waiting,' he added slyly.

Helen looked up at him suspiciously.

'What are you up to?'

He grinned.

'Of course us Marauders saw it fit to end our _own_ final detention in style,' he said seriously. 'Have fun and send my regards to that fine woman who is McGonagall…'

'Yes, Black?'

Sirius suddenly straightened up and his eyes widened as he turned hesitantly to find McGonagall herself glaring at him.

He then rolled his eyes.

'Oh come _on_! I just complimented you! Is it a crime if I think that you're a hot teacher?'

Helen stared at Sirius; shocked at his blatant confidence in front of their professor. She fought the resistance to laugh at her teacher's face which had suddenly become shocked; her mouth gaping slightly and eyes dazed.

Sirius, happy with this response, smiled brightly at the two women in front of him.

'Ladies',' he said, bowing, before running off and laughing to himself.

McGonagall suddenly blinked and her lips…

Helen could not believe it.

McGonagall was smiling.

'Ah… I'll miss that boy… they've caused me grief, but I'll miss them all,' she sighed wistfully as she let Helen into her office.

Helen herself was now starting to become a bit suspicious of McGonagall…

* * *

True to his word, Helen's detention did not last very long at all. Five minutes into it, Filch barged into the room, breathing heavily. 

'They…done…they…' he gasped, his face covered in black soot.

'What?' McGonagall asked sharply.

'THEM! They…'

McGonagall had been in such a situation enough times to know immediately _who _Filch was talking about and _what_ was going on.

'Asteria, follow me,' she said to Helen curtly.

As promised, Lily was waiting outside of McGonagall's study with a mischievous grin playing on her lips.

'Lily Evans!' Helen whispered in mock-horror. 'I trust _you_ played no part in this.'

Lily shrugged.

'Wait and see what they've done… it's brilliant!'

They rushed to where bangs where emanating from the Great Hall to see fireworks bursting in every direction. The highest ones read:

THE MARAUDERS: MISCHIEF MANAGED

Helen laughed with Lily as they watched the four boys hurriedly setting off more fireworks- not caring any longer about the teachers' reactions. They nearly split their sides as they watched Remus being chased around by Filch- merely because it was a sight they had never thought they'd see.

* * *

The Marauders were very anxious to make sure that they would never been forgotten. On the fifth-last day of school, they somehow managed to steal a pair of underwear from every single seventh-year girl in the school and hung them up on display in the Entrance Hall. 

The panties had name tags too, and Helen was absolutely furious with the pair Sirius (no doubt) had chosen to display as hers.

It was a lacy, red g-string.

He had given it to her as a Valentine's Day joke- or that was what he said when he saw her face after she opened the package, in any case. She had adamantly refused to wear it, even though he said that she was obligated to, as it was his birthday.

She found it most regrettable that she had been forced to hex Sirius on his birthday.

Lily herself broke up with James there and then as soon as she saw her underwear. Even Helen was very surprised to see the transparent and rather scanty black panties with the label: Lily Evans- Head Girl, 1978.

And of course, they did not forget about the Slytherins.

On the same day, the Slytherins were constantly running to the bathroom with a strong case of the 'runs,' after eating lunch.

Naturally, it was the 'kitchen-elves' fault.

* * *

'You know what?' Lily said that night, sitting up suddenly. 

'What?' Helen yawned.

'I think _we_ should do something. They did that stupid underwear thing to us… let's do something to _them!'_

All three of the other girls in the dorm sat up and looked at Lily curiously.

'All right… who are you and what have you done with Lily Evans?' Mary asked slowly.

Lily laughed.

'That's a good idea,' Marina nodded slowly.

'I agree,' Helen said, grinning excitedly. 'What are we going to do?'

---

'I don't understand why _I'm_ the one who has to strip Peter,' Mary grumbled.

'Sh!' Helen giggled as she slid down Sirius' pyjama bottoms.

'It's because you're the only one who decided to look elsewhere for a boyfriend…'

'Remus isn't my boyfriend,' Marina clarified.

'No, we know,' Helen sighed, feigning exasperation. 'But we're all hoping that you two will get over yourselves _one _day. Anyway, he's taking you to the Valedictory Ball. That's good enough for now.'

'I really _don't_ want to do this,' Mary said, disgust in her tone as she tentatively unbuttoned Peter's nightshirt.

'How are you holding up, Lily? Isn't this the furthest you've ever been with a boy?' Helen asked ironically.

'I…I…' Lily stammered.

Helen, who had already finished- her task was rather easy, unashamed as she was- crept in through James' hangings and saw that Lily had undone one measly button.

'Honestly, Lily, is that all you can do?' Helen demanded.

'I just… I…can you do it for me?' she whispered.

'You want me to undress your boyfriend?' Helen asked, trying to make it seem like a very stupid thing.

Lily nodded, her eyes wide.

Helen rolled her eyes and unbuttoned James' shirt and pulled off his pyjama bottoms.

She stopped as she saw his boxers.

'I can't do that,' she whispered to Lily.

'Well _I'm_ not doing it!' Lily exclaimed indignantly.

Helen sighed impatiently. 'What if we do it using magic?'

Lily nodded and they slipped out of James' hangings.

'You can at least summon them. I don't really want to touch James' underwear,' Helen said.

Lily nodded and said: 'Accio James' boxers.'

They soared from over the hangings and Lily caught them fleetingly before dropping them, as though scalded.

She bent over and picked them up, using the tip of her wand, and frowned at them.

'You had no issues with Sirius?'

Helen shrugged.

'I've taken his clothes off so many times with him being awake that it was a piece of cake with him asleep,' she said, unabashed.

Lily pursed her lips, blushing for her friend.

'Do you have _his _underwear?'

Helen held them up.

'The number of times I've done his laundry…' she shrugged again.

* * *

The four Marauders woke up, shivering, to discover that they were stark naked and did not have any sheets or means to cover themselves up. 

'Pads?' James asked in a quavery voice.

'Yeah?'

'Do you have any clothes on?'

There was a pause.

'Fuck! Where are all my clothes? Where are my covers?...'

There was a pause.

'Where the fuck is my trunk?' he demanded.

'I can't find mine either,' Remus said hesitantly.

One could almost _hear_ his blushing.

'Neither,' Peter said in trembling voice.

'Who did this?' Sirius fumed.

A female voice cut through their conversation.

'Now, boys, breakfast starts in ten minutes!' McGonagall's voice called.

None of them responded, and so McGonagall went to the closest bed to her and…

She screamed and shut the hangings instantly.

'Put…clothes…this…instant!" she gasped, storming out of the dorm.

'You know, Pads, I'd say that if she runs out screaming at the sight of you naked, you and McGonagall are a hopeless case…'

There was a pause.

Suddenly, there was a horrible grating sound which sounded uncannily like the sound of Sirius' teeth grinding.

'So..er…how are we going to get to breakfast then?' James said uncomfortably.

'I'm going to find her and murder her,' Sirius said through clenched teeth.

'Who?' Remus piped up.

'There's only one person who would have thought of something like this.'

And now Sirius was starting to reconsider whether he was going to ask Helen the next night or not.

If this was her idea of a joke, he was leaning more towards the 'not.'

---

The girls burst out into hysterical fits of laughter during breakfast when they saw the Marauders arriving wearing robes which must have belonged to first years; they were all showing a considerable amount of calf and the robes were far too tight.

All four of them glowered and refused to speak to the girls who smiled back sweetly.

The boys only received their clothes back at the end of the day and it took Helen a while- plus a quick stop by a broom cupboard- to finally get Sirius to abandon his murderous feelings towards her.

* * *

Helen would have _loved_ to have forgotten about what she was meant to do on her second-last day of school, but Sirius reminded James the night before- no doubt as a way to try and get back at her for his traumatic experience of having been seen 'naked' by McGonagall. 

Sirius and his annoying memory.

'Now be nice, James,' Helen said as she put muesli and yoghurt in a bowl for James whilst he put a rasher of bacon, scrambled eggs, and a chipolata on a plate for Helen.

Helen felt ready to run to the bathroom just by looking at it.

She poured him a large mug of green tea too.

Silently, they swapped plates and the both of them looked uncertainly at what they were meant to eat.

'Come on! It's _good_ for you, James,' Lily said to James as she watched on, amused.

'This isn't. I feel a heart-attack already,' Helen said, frowning as she picked up her fork hesitantly, and cut some of the bacon and sniffed at it tentatively before placing down her fork in disgust.

'You guys promised! Now eat the food!' Sirius laughed.

'On the count of three,' Remus said, always the practical one.

'One…two….three…'

Helen shoved the bacon in her mouth and swallowed quickly.

James took a big scoop of muesli and looked as though he had swallowed a bottle of Skele-Grow.

'Oh no…she's going to be sick,' Marina whispered.

'They're _both_ going to be sick,' Lily corrected as both James and Helen had hands clamped to their mouths and were gulping a lot.

'Okay, you _tried_- that was the pact. You've finished now… just…leave,' Lily said, anxious not to need a reason to take a second shower that morning.

When James and Helen returned to the table after running to the bathroom, they eyed each other dubiously.

'You have weird tastes, Helen,' James said to Helen.

'The feeling's mutual, James dear,' Helen replied.

'Well… we did it at least…' he shuddered. 'Never again… now pass me the bacon, Wormtail. I want some _real _food!'

* * *

They walked down the same path which they had walked down since they had first admitted that they liked each other almost three years ago. Helen couldn't help feeling emotional as she realised that now would be the last time that she and Sirius would walk down this path together. She took in the surroundings and tried to remember as much as she could. Eventually, they came to their bench and sat down. 

'I can't believe it's over,' Helen remarked, interlocking her fingers with Sirius'.

Sirius nodded and bit his lip.

'What's wrong?' Helen asked, noticing his mind was somewhere else.

Sirius glanced at Helen before standing up suddenly. Helen looked at Sirius questioningly and made to stand up too.

'No… wait… sit down…' Sirius said, pushing her back down in the seat.

Helen sat down, perplexed, and surveyed Sirius as he paced up and down the path, running his hands through his hair nervously.

Eventually, Sirius arrived back to the bench and took a deep breath. He looked Helen in the eye and knelt in front of her.

Helen felt her heart beating in her chest and looked back into Sirius' eyes with wide eyes.

'Helen… I…'

'Sirius…' she breathed.

'No… wait. I learnt the poem and all…'

'What?'

'Just…'

Sirius took another breath and cleared his throat. He took her hand and felt slightly encouraged as he saw Helen smile slightly at him.

'_I WONDER by my troth, what thou and I  
Did, till we loved?'_

Helen clapped a hand over her mouth as she realised that he had memorised her favourite poem. Sirius bit his lip and continued, pleased with her reaction.

'_Were we not wean'd till then?  
But suck'd on country pleasures, childishly?  
Or snorted we in the Seven Sleepers' den?  
'Twas so; but this, all pleasures fancies be;  
If ever any beauty I did see,  
Which I desired, and got, 'twas but a dream of thee. _

And now good-morrow to our waking souls,  
Which watch not one another out of fear ;  
For love all love of other sights controules,  
And makes one little room an everywhere.  
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone;  
Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown  
Let us possess one world; each hath one, and is one.

My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,  
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest;  
Where can we find two better hemispheres  
Without sharp north, without declining west ?  
Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally;  
If our two loves be one, or thou and I  
Love so alike that none can slacken, none can die.' 

Sirius sighed as he finished the poem and noticed that Helen had tears starting to form in her eyes.

'Will you marry me?' he whispered, his eyes looking searchingly into her own.

Slowly, Helen nodded.

'Yes,' she whispered, not breaking eye contact.

She knew that she had no right to accept; that she should have said no. She should have tried to convince him to leave her- she was much too dangerous. She should have listened to Dumbledore about leaving England and going into hiding…

But now Sirius was offering everything she had never even dared to dream of… a life with him- forever- and hopefully a family soon too.

And he had looked at her so hopefully… how could she lie and disperse that happiness which now spread itself across Sirius' face and they both jumped up suddenly and hugged each other tightly; laughing.

'You remembered the poem,' she whispered, still hugging him tightly.

'Of course I did- apparently I have a wonderful memory,' he laughed.

Helen laughed weakly.

They pulled apart.

Sirius suddenly put his hand in his pocket and slid something on Helen's finger.

She looked down and saw a ring there.

She was glad that he had not found one which looked exactly the same as her old one, but also glad that it was still a simple one.

She didn't need another diamond ring.

'As promised, _ma chérie_,' he grinned.

Helen smiled but a pained expression came across her face and she sat down on the bench. Sirius frowned and sat next to her.

'What's wrong? Don't you like it? That's okay, I can get another…'

'No, it's not that. I love the ring,' she said quietly, staring at the lake. 'You don't have to do this, though. I… I really _would_ understand if you didn't want me to…'

'Are you going to start this leaving nonsense again?' Sirius sighed.

Helen took an unsteady breath and turned to look at him.

'I'm dangerous for you!'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Yeah, and I'm dangerous to myself when I'm living alone too, so no thanks,' he said, laughing a little. 'Unless you don't want to get married. I mean, I would understand,' he said, looking down.

'No, Sirius… it's just that….'

She paused. Why did she have to ruin _everything_ with this? Could she not have _one_ moment in her life which was perfect?

'Never mind,' she said quietly.

They sat in silence for a while.

'You do realise that you'll be stuck with me for life,' Helen said, a small smile twisting upon her lips.

Sirius smiled a little and he pretended to ponder her statement.

'You know,' he said eventually, 'being 'stuck with you for life' is exactly what I was hoping for,' he whispered, leaning forward and kissing her.

* * *

'The prize for excellence in Potions… Severus Snape!' 

The Slytherin table erupted in cheers as Severus scurried forward to collect his prize.

'The prize for excellence in Charms… Lily Evans and Helen Asteria!'

'That's my girl!' James said proudly.

Lily blushed happily as she went to meet Dumbledore with Helen.

'Miss Evans has also won the History of Magic prize,' McGonagall added, as the Hall erupted into more applause.

'The prize for Transfiguration… Sirius Black and James Potter!'

This was the loudest applause by far.

'The prize for Defence Against the Dark Arts… Helen Asteria and Remus Lupin.'

'And she wants to become a _Healer_,' Sirius said, shaking his head, but winking at Helen all the same.

'Well, she _has_ won the Herbology prize as well,' Lily pointed out.

'_And_ the Arithmancy prize, _and _the Divination prize, _and_ the Astronomy prize… _and _Charms.' Sirius retorted, rolling his eyes, but grinning all the same.

Lily shook her head at Sirius but laughed as she saw Helen's growing pile of prizes on their table.

'The prize for Ancient Runes… Remus Lupin.'

'Mr Lupin has also won the prize for General Academic Excellence.'

The Marauders, Helen, Marina and Lily started whistling for Remus who blushed scarlet.

'The prize for Muggle Studies… Peter Pettigrew and Lucy Pollock.'

Helen hugged Peter excitedly and smacked a loud kiss on his cheek. He turned a deeper shade of scarlet than the Gryffindor banner.

'And to think he's a man and you're not,' Sirius said, shaking his head with a pitiful expression at James who smiled back sheepishly.

Sirius had not stopped berating him about being the last in their group 'become a man.'

'The quidditch prize goes to… James Potter,' McGonagall announced proudly.

The Gryffindor table erupted into cheers and loud applause for James.

'And finally,' Dumbledore said stepping forward, 'It is my great pleasure to announce that the Dux of the Graduating Year of 1978 is Helen Asteria.'

Helen had dreamed of that prize for so long when she was younger. Now, she was still happy, but it didn't seem as important to her as the other more important events of that evening.

Getting engaged, for one.

Then there was fact that Voldemort still wanted her...

But, as she looked around at her friends and then all of her teachers, she realised that it _was_ important, because she had been dedicated to her studies; she had worked _hard_ for this moment and nothing would ever take it away from her.

'Thank you Professor,' she whispered as she hugged Dumbledore.

She looked down at the trophy which would now belong in the Trophy Room. She found her mother's year and smiled a little as she saw her mother's name.

There was no Tom Riddle there.

* * *

Gryffindor won the House Cup that year. 

After breakfast, Lily and James, as the Heads of the school, gave their final address to the school:

'_They weren't lying when they said that time flies,'_ James started. _'It seems like just yesterday I was in my first year and the school had just erupted into its first (and last, since then) inter-house food fight.'_

There were smiles from everyone in the seventh year as they remembered the incident.

'_But now look at me: I've finished my final year now. The experience goes by too quickly. Looking back, though, I can accept that I'm ready to leave. I'm sure all my fellow graduating peers would agree with me that our schooling experience has been nothing short of phenomenal. Hogwarts has been our home for the past seven years and, in this castle, we have shared experiences which we will keep and remember for the rest of our lives._

_I am not going to pretend that the world we are going into now is a happy and safe one. In fact, it is far from it. But, having said this, I do not think that we could feel more prepared for that world because our wonderful professors have endowed us with their wisdom which I know will prove to be useful in surviving…_

_But life merely isn't about survival either and, if I have learnt anything from my schooling experience, it is that there is so much more to life and there will be so much more to our lives. We have family and friends and, so long as we have them, we will always have light in our lives which will outshine any darkness. _

_On behalf of my fellow peers, I would like to thank all of our professors for their tireless efforts in readying us for the outside world and, finally, Professor Dumbledore. Professor, your wisdom never ceases. You have given us all so much confidence and inspiration and we shall never stop being grateful for the day you decided to accept the office as headmaster of this wonderful school._

_So, to all the leaving students, may you have the best of luck in the future, and for all those staying behind…'_

James' lips twisted into a mischievous smile.

'_be 'nice' to Argy for us and if anyone beats Sirius' and my record for the most-ever detentions, please look us up- we would love to meet you.'_

Everyone started laughing- even McGonagall.

'_So, until then, good bye and good luck!'_

_

* * *

_

**Tell me, is it a sign of madness that I feel teary posting this chapter? I can't believe they're grown up and... finished school. Wow, that's kind of what parents must feel like when their kids finishe school. heh. Ah, well, that's life eh?**

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I feel like I 'owed' it to the characters to have one whole chapter where nothing went wrong and they had fun because, if you think about it, their school years really were the best ones of their lives, considering what's going to happen to them in a few years... "shudders"**

**Oh, and that poem (in case you didn't figure it out) was 'The Good Morrow'. Yes... the title of this story. And, as far as this story goes, that proposal was the fluffiest moment you'll ever recieve from me so, if you enjoy that stuff, soak it up. If you despise it, don't worry because I won't descend to that level again ;)**

**SO! Tell me what you think, feel... anything about this chapter! I mean, it's Valentine's Day today, so give me reviews as a present for Sirius' birthday hehe (well, _my _version of his birthday anyway)!**

**You must admit, that's a pretty original review request, right? Because I've been a little disappointed with the number of reviews lately. Hmph. Perhaps you will need to wait a little longer for the _next_ chapter... or not. As I have said time and time again, it all depends on your reviews.**

**Oh, and your teaser... **

_She (_Helen) _was quietly wondering how her request for him (_Sirius) _to 'be careful' translated to his buying a 'killing machine.'_

**Love Anya**


	70. Chapter 1: Dangerous Objects

**THE GOOD MORROW VOL. 2

* * *

****_'When she _(Circe)_ had given it me, and I had drunk it without its charming me, she struck she, struck me with her wand.' -_** 'The Odyssey'**- Homer

* * *

**Chapter 1- Dangerous Objects

'Well at least we should be safe now,' Sirius said as he and Helen walked back to the living room after Dumbledore's visit. 'Wow! The Order of the Phoenix! That's exciting,' he said, flopping back on the couch whilst Helen cleaned up their teacups from the coffee table.

'What did Dumbledore say before I came?' Sirius called.

There was the crash of breaking china.

'You okay?'

'Y…yes, I'm fine… just dropped a cup,' Helen called.

Dumbledore had _strongly recommended _that she go into hiding and leave everything for another country. It had been hard enough accepting the fact that she was engaged and to be married in August, let alone the fact that she had been made to feel very guilty that she was now tying herself- a girl with a death sentence upon her head- to Sirius.

Furthermore, now she was endangering Sirius by having herself so close to him. What if marrying Sirius made him a target too?

All in all, Dumbledore's meeting had done nothing for her resolve to be strong and stay.

Helen walked back into the living room to find Sirius lying across the couch.

'Don't you find it so weird?' he mused. 'This is the first time in… _seven years_ where we have nothing to do.'

Helen gave a small smile and sat on the floor, leaning against the couch. She felt him toying with her hair.

'You okay?'

She forced a smile.

'Sure… just a lot to think about you know… Lily's coming in half an hour too…'

Helen shuddered.

Whilst she was very happy to see her friend, Helen was _not_ looking forward to the purpose of Lily's visit. As her 'maid of honour', Lily was determined to get planning on the wedding straight away. Helen would have been happy to do nothing about it for a few months…

After all, neither she nor Sirius had discussed it ever since the night when he had asked her.

Lily, however, had become so frustrated with both Helen and Sirius' lack of action (even though they had only been engaged for three days anyway) that she had gone so far as to settle the date for August 10 and to book the temple for them.

'Am I to understand that I'll be kicked out soon, then?' Sirius asked, smirking.

Helen laughed.

'Unless you want to join us for 'afternoon tea',' she said in an upper-class English accent.

He made a face.

'I think I'll drop by Prongs and see what's going on with him,' he shrugged. 'We might go out.'

'Hmm, well be careful.'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'I mean it!... we have to go shopping sometime soon too. I want to start making a batch of polyjuice potion,' she added.

The doorbell rang and Sirius stood up.

'I'll take that as my cue to leave,' he said, kissing the top of her head and leaving the room.

* * *

Lily had covered their kitchen table with bridal magazines. Helen wanted to leave , but sat there, staring blankly at dress after dress.

'Well? Any ideas?' Lily asked.

Lily was going methodically through the magazines with a pair of scissors, cutting out potential dresses, and then pasting them in a scrapbook.

Helen slumped back in her chair. If they were studying, she might have understood the necessity for such measures. For a wedding, however, she found the whole thing a little over-the-top.

Especially as neither Helen nor Sirius had a whole extended family which would be invited.

'I just… I don't know if us getting married is the right thing to do,' she confessed in a low voice.

Lily put down her magazine and frowned at Helen.

'Why not?'

Helen sat uncomfortably.

'It's just… well aside from the fact that it's highly unlikely that I'll even be alive next year what with Voldemort looking for me… I think we have more important things to be worrying about now than some… wedding.'

She sighed and flipped to a page where there was a particularly garish wedding dress on display. She grimaced.

'And besides… why do we even _need _to get married? It would be almost exactly like the one at school with the only difference that Remus wouldn't be the minister. I just… it seems like a lot of work and time on something which… is going to make it harder for Sirius if I do actually die.'

Lily surveyed Helen for a moment.

'You're not going to die, Helen,' she said eventually, shaking her head at Helen. 'As for the other parts… well, yes. These _are_ dark times, so it's nice for us to have something to look forward which will make us all happy. I don't think you're too young. You've been together and are so close that it doesn't really matter… and, quite frankly, I think Sirius would feel the same way, married or not, if something should ever- God forbid- happen to you.'

Helen sat at the table quietly.

'Do you have any personal issues about it?' Lily asked quietly.

Helen shrugged.

'No… I suppose you're right…' she sighed. 'I know it will make him happy, so we'll do it, but I don't want it to be a big deal. I'll find a dress, but I want it small- only the closest friends and family.'

Lily looked at Helen for a moment before springing up and looking for a magazine. She held it up with an excited look on her face.

'This magazine specialises in _small_ weddings,' she said, grinning.

Helen laughed.

'Oh well… let's see it then,' she said, reaching for it and faintly wondering what time Lily was planning on leaving.

* * *

Just as Helen was starting to contemplate planning her early demise should she be forced to see yet _another_ veil, she was interrupted by the sound of a roaring engine.

'What's that?' Lily asked, horrified.

Helen grimaced. She had a pretty good idea what it was, but wondered how on earth Sirius had managed to get his hands on one.

Now Sirius' overly frequent correspondence with Mark suddenly made sense.

Lily and Helen ran out to the back yard, their jaws dropping as they caught sight of the humungous Harley which Sirius was revving.

'Lo Evans,' he said, nodding to Lily who was blinking in shock at the sight of Sirius with a motorbike.

Lily turned to Helen.

'Is that Sirius?' she asked uncertainly.

Helen nodded grimly. She was quietly wondering how her request for him to 'be careful' translated to his buying a 'killing machine.'

He didn't even know how to drive it!'

Sirius sighed kicked the latch so it could stand on its own before walking towards the house. He planted a kiss on Helen's cheek before he went inside, grinning excitedly.

'Should I go?' Lily asked Helen hesitantly.

Helen did not respond but continued to stare at the bike.

'I'll go,' Lily nodded.

---

Helen entered the kitchen to find Sirius sitting at the table with a butterbeer whilst flipping through the bridal magazines with an incredulously amused expression on his face.

'I see Evans is determined to turn you into a Bridezilla,' he smirked. 'Did you have fun? Which dresses are the main contenders so far, or am I not allowed to know?'

Helen sat at the table abruptly.

'None. They all look like meringues… that's not even the point. We have your…'

'Meringues taste nice,' Sirius pointed out.

Helen stared at him before blinking.

'What?' she breathed. 'No! Forget about the dresses… what on earth is _that_ doing outside?' she asked.

'Do you like it? It's the newest model,' he grinned.

Helen took an exasperated breath.

'Isn't it enough for you that there's a high chance of dying each time you step out of our front door? Do you need _that_ as well? Besides, you can't even drive it,' she said, folding her arms.

Sirius shrugged.

'I'll learn- and besides, I'm not going to drive it _as is_. I'm going to fix it up- I'll make it fly and put an invisibility charm on it… you could help?' he offered hopefully.

Helen stared at him for a moment before laughing.

'What?'

'We've got everything the wrong way round,' she said, shaking her head.

'Huh?'

'Usually it's the _guy_ who teaches the _girl _how to drive the bike, not the other way round,' she said, grinning.

Sirius stared at Helen.

'So you're… not mad at me?' he clarified tentatively.

Helen shrugged.

'Considering I've spent so much time sitting on the back of Mark's bike, I think I'm hardly in a position to scold you now,' she said.

Sirius' eyes lit up and he suddenly sprung up and grabbed her arm.

'Let's go then!'

* * *

'Oh dear,' Helen said, leading a rather broken up Sirius to the couch.

He groaned and winced as he lay back.

'I'm not sure I like that bike so much anymore,' he said hoarsely.

Helen laughed a little as she flipped through her remedy book.

'Fucking hell, I think my leg's broken,' he said.

'Well I told you to release the brakes _slowly_,' Helen said. 'Not at once. You should have _listened _to me.'

'Well sor-ry, _ma cherie,_ but there were many instructions… and can you hurry up and fix my leg? It hurts!'

Helen glared at him.

'Keep talking to me like that and you'll be spending the night with a broken leg, on the couch,' she snapped.

Sirius shut up immediately and concentrated on his breathing as Helen took out Lockwood's wand and started saying incantations and twirling it.

Suddenly, the pain in Sirius' leg was gone. Tentatively, he moved it and found that it was fine.

Helen, on the other hand, looked perfectly furious as she threw Lockwood's wand across the room.

'Stupid wand! It doesn't work properly for me,' she said angrily.

She suddenly stood up and stormed up the stairs. She returned in five minutes, dressed for travelling.

'I'm going- right now. I'm getting a new wand,' she informed Sirius.

'Hang on… you can't just go to Diagon Alley,' he said, wondering if it was 'that time of the month'…

'Yes I can! I can't function with that stupid wand. I'm getting one right now,' she said in her tone which meant that she was not to be persuaded on this matter as she stormed into the hallway.

'Must be that time of the month,' Sirius nodded to himself, sighing at the thought of no sex for the next few days.

* * *

'Uh… I think I'll wait for you outside,' Sirius said as they apparated outside Ollivander's.

'Oh no! You won't be there to _protect _me!' she said dramatically. 'Okay, see you soon later,' she shrugged.

Rolling his eyes, Sirius followed Helen into the store.

'What are you doing?' she asked, frowning at him.

'Protecting you,' he grimaced.

Helen laughed.

'What's wrong? Are you scared of the wandmaker?' she whispered.

He pursed his lips and Helen looked at him incredulously before turning to see Mr Ollivander as he entered from his workshop.

Sirius had obviously had a traumatic experience here.

'Ah, Miss Asteria…It's been a while.'

Helen smiled uncertainly at the old man… he had always made her feel strangely unsettled. She noticed that Sirius seemed to be hiding behind her and wondered what happened to his 'protecting' her.

It seemed as though she was the one now protecting him.

'Ah, and Mr Black… mahogany, 10 ½ inches… dragon heartstring. Excellent for transifiguration- pliable,' he said serenely.

Sirius nodded abruptly.

'And your wand is broken…ah, such a wonderful one it was too… 10 inches, rosewood, unicorn hair… I made it myself in 1945.'

Helen nodded, feeling her heart wrenching again as she remembered how it was snapped in two.

Ollivander peered at her for a moment.

'But it is time I gave you another wand now. I believe I have the _perfect_ wand for you. It was returned to me eighteen years ago... Yes, Selene Asteria held a powerful wand,' he whispered, still peering at her intensely.

Helen stiffened and she felt Sirius' hand on her arm.

Did Ollivander know too?

'Wait here,' he said, disappearing to another room.

Helen and Sirius exchanged confused glances and waited for Ollivander to return.

He returned shortly with a silver case, covered in dust, which was rested on the palm of his hands as though it were the most precious item on earth.

He placed it carefully on his bench and beckoned for them to come forward as he blew the dust off the lid. Slowly, he lifted the lid and removed the velvet covering to reveal the wand.

'Nine inches, laurel… they say the core a hair from the head of Asteria herself…'

Helen took a sharp intake of breath.

'Circe's wand.' Ollivander finished.

Helen stared at the wand.

'May I?' she asked eventually, motioning to the wand.

'You may. I cannot touch it. Only a 'worthy one' can,' Ollivander whispered.

Taking a deep breath, Helen reached forward and took the wand. As she held it, she felt a sudden heat in her fingertips and, without even thinking, a laurel tree sprouted from the end of her wand.

Ollivander nodded gravely.

'So it is so,' he said quietly. 'Selene had the same response.'

Helen went to hand back the wand but he held up his palms.

'As I said, I cannot touch it,' he said, motioning for Helen to put the wand back in the box.

Helen nodded, and placed the wand back carefully on the midnight-blue velvet interior of the silver case.

'Is it for sale?' Helen asked, knowing that such an item would be very, very expensive.

She thought she would probably be required to fill out a Gringotts order form and, after buying the wand, would be left with very little money left indeed.

But she couldn't do that, because she had to share the living expenses.

Ollivander shook his head.

'No. This wand is not for sale,' he said.

Helen felt herself become suddenly very annoyed. If anyone deserved that wand, it was she.

She opened her mouth to try and persuade Ollivander, but he interrupted.

'I cannot charge a 'worthy one',' he said, placing the silver box not in a brown paper bag, as he usually did with his wands, but a small midnight-blue velvet sack, tightening the drawstrings.

He bowed slightly to her and handed her the wand carefully.

'May you put it to good use,' he said.

Helen gaped as she suddenly realised that Ollivander was just _giving_ her the wand.

'Good day,' he said, bowing again and disappearing to his workshop, leaving both Helen and Sirius to blink in surprise.

* * *

'That was… strange. Never liked him,' Sirius said as they arrived home.

Helen shot him a reproving look.

'Well he gave me the wand free of charge- even though it is probably worth more than our gold combined- so you'll excuse me for having a much higher opinion of him now,' she said, sitting at the kitchen table and taking the silver case out to inspect the wand.

Sirius looked at the wand dubiously.

'You know, could you maybe only use that wand for duelling… Death Eaters,' he clarified.

Helen frowned and looked up at him.

'Why would I do that?'

'Because if you duel the way you do with a wand like Lockwood's which, according to you, 'doesn't work properly', I'm feeling not too good about getting into an argument with you when you're armed with Circe's wand,' he said seriously.

Helen laughed.

'Well you know what to do then, don't you?' she said brightly. 'Don't cross me and you'll be safe… now, tell me… what happened to you at Ollivander's that made you so scared of him?'

Sirius scowled.

'It's not funny. How would you like it if you went into the shop and had your mad mother screaming at him for not finding the right wand soon enough, and then screaming at you because you were obviously not worthy of your 'pure blood' because it had taken you two whole hours to find your 'match'?'

* * *

That night, when Sirius was asleep, Helen got out of bed and took out the wand. She went outside to the back yard.

It was a starry night, and the moon was a waning crescent. She examined the wand under the moonlight.

So this was Circe's wand… Circe who had caused all this trouble… Circe who, genetically, was her mother.

This was the first wand ever made. Helen shivered as she suddenly realised this.

Then she dropped it:

This was the wand that had killed Leda.

This was the wand which had started it all.

And it was now hers, and she was determined to end it all.

* * *

**Well, Helen has a new wand now which is better than before... and Sirius has his bike.**

**Both are very dangerous, I'm sure you'd agree with me.**

**Now, next chapter things shall start to pick up with the first 'Order' meeting, and two people are sent on their first...er...'mission.' **

**Oh, and what's Sirius up to?:**

_'So are you… hic…telling me that hic… that those n…hic…eedles are going to put i..hic..ink into my sk…hic…in?'_

**Now, this is Volume Two of the story... I think it's better to break it up that way. I would have made a new story, but I find this way's easier!**

**So, please give me a review before you leave and I shall try and update soon!**

**Love Anya**


	71. Chapter 2: A Mischievous Mission

'_**Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.' -**_**Lamartine**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 2 – A Mischievous Mission

The excited chatter amongst those in the room fell silent as Dumbledore entered.

'Good morning all,' he said gravely. 'I am afraid that I bear no good tidings to begin our meeting with today. Last night, Janos Barac and Rodmilla Bloor were murdered on a mission. Let us hold a minute's silence in their memory.'

There were gasps around the room and, although neither of them knew who the two fallen Order members were, Helen and Lily's faces paled.

After a minute- several members had to leave the room due to tears- Dumbledore cleared his throat.

'May they rest in peace. They were both truly brave and dedicated to fighting evil.'

He paused for a moment before continuing.

Helen had the unpleasant feeling that this news was common in these Order meetings.

'We must become more efficient in gauging Death Eater attacks. Last night, a muggle town was raided.'

'Not good enough,' someone (who Sirius told Helen was called 'Mad-Eye Moody') growled. 'Did you Prewetts gain any information from your last mission?'

One of them nodded.

'Yes… we think they're trying something in Liverpool. I heard them in a laneway in Crookpit Alley… something about interrupting a football game, whatever _that_ is…'

'It's a Muggle sport,' Lily piped up, suddenly blushing as the many faces turned to face her. 'There would be many people there,' she added, trying to dispel the silence.

'You should find out when the next games are on- they publish them in the Muggle newspaper- that's when they're most likely to strike,' Helen added.

'Yes,' Lily agreed, nodding.

The other Order Members surveyed their new 'additions' with interest.

---

'Sirius, James, a word please… and if you could wait Remus, I would like a word with you too,' Dumbledore said after the meeting was concluded.

Sirius and James exchanged looks before going up to Dumbledore.

Helen, Remus, Lily and Peter looked on curiously before leaving the room.

After fifteen minutes, James and Sirius emerged looking excited as Remus went in for his own meeting with Dumbledore.

'Our first mission! Imagine!' Sirius said to James, his face animated.

'WHAT?' Helen and Lily exclaimed, standing up.

Sirius and James surveyed their girlfriends.

'We have a mission. We're leaving on Friday,' Sirius said, carefully avoiding Helen's eyes.

'What do you mean _you_ have a mission? Friday's tomorrow… where are you going? What are you doing?' she demanded.

'Sorry, Helen, but it's 'top secret',' James said.

Helen stared at them incredulously.

'Top secret my arse. Where the hell are you going? Didn't you hear what Dumbledore said at the start of the meeting? Those two aurors were killed on a mission last night! You both just got out of school!'

'He said we're capable,' Sirius said reassuringly, rolling his eyes with James at Helen's display.

'But you have no real-life experience or training,' Lily interrupted fiercely. 'How can he just send the two of you? Can't we all go?'

The two boys shook their heads.

'No. He said it's a two-man job and that we're perfect for it,' Sirius said importantly.

Helen wanted to hit Sirius…. and James.

But Dumbledore came out of the room with Remus and she wanted to hit him the most.

'Why are you sending them away?' she demanded of him.

Dumbledore sighed.

'I do not pretend that it will be a safe mission, but they are very capable,' he said.

Helen glared at Dumbledore, not caring if he _was_ the world's greatest wizard.

'Well I'm going where they're going,' she said flatly, crossing her arms.

'Me too,' Lily said.

Dumbledore shook his head.

'Ah, Helen, I am afraid that it is a job which can only be accomplished by two people,' he said.

Both girls did not seem satisfied with this response.

'So what about us? Why can't you send _us_ on their mission?' Helen demanded.

'Sirius and James are better-suited to this one,' Dumbledore sighed patiently.

Helen pursed her lips.

'How long?' she snapped.

'If all is well, they should return by Sunday night,' Dumbledore said in a soothing voice.

No such luck.

'SUNDAY!' Helen and Lily shouted.

Dumbledore held up a hand.

'I did not force the boys to take up this mission. They have accepted it,' he said simply. He paused. 'Good day and good luck, boys,' he added before sweeping away.

'What about your mother,' Helen snapped at James as they walked out of the headquarters. 'How do you think she'll fare thinking that her son could be getting himself killed?'

James ignored Helen.

'Are you going to tell her?'

'She doesn't need to worry,' he said testily.

If Helen was going with them, she would not have such issues as she did at present. It was the waiting around- not knowing what was going on- that she knew would kill her. Not being there to deflect a potentially lethal curse… just not being there.

* * *

Sirius flinched as he heard the angry clanging in the kitchen. 

Helen was mad.

There was suddenly a huge crash and he hurried into the kitchen to find Helen on the floor, sobbing, and surrounded by fallen basins and bowls.

'Helen…' he whispered, kneeling by her and hugging her. 'Don't cry. It'll be fine, I promise,' he said.

She pulled away and wiped her tears before taking out a handkerchief and blowing her nose loudly.

'What if you don't come home?' she sniffed.

'I will, I promise,' he said, kissing her forehead.

'I want to be there… I want to know… I…'

He smiled at her.

'It's fine. Trust me. James and I will both be fine… why don't you get Lily to come over here and stay with you while we're gone? You won't even notice that I'm gone! I bet you can finish the wedding plans by then,' he said encouragingly.

Helen looked at him reproachfully.

'What's the use in planning a wedding when I don't even know if the groom and his best man will be there,' she said sullenly.

Sirius laughed and hugged her.

'I promise you we'll be there… if anything, _you're_ the one I'm worried about. I have this sneaking suspicion that you're going to get cold feet and leave me at the altar,' he said, stroking her cheek.

Helen laughed weakly and hugged him again.

* * *

'Okay Helen, you need to let go of Sirius now,' James said, grinning as he watched Helen and Sirius kissing goodbye on Friday morning. 

Helen had her arms around Sirius' neck in a way which made it very difficult for him to separate.

But eventually they did and- all too soon- Helen and Lily were left alone in the house.

After sitting for nearly two hours on the couch, saying nothing and worrying, Lily sighed and stood up.

'We had may as well do _something,_' she said. 'How about we finish the invite list?' she suggested.

Helen stared at Lily but went along anyway.

If she had ever needed a distraction from her situation, it was now.

'So the list so far is:

-Lily (well, me, of course)

-James

-Remus

-Marina

-Peter

-Emily Potter

-Mark

-Nicole (Mark's fiancée)

- Andromeda

-Ted

-Nymphadora

…. What about Dumbledore?'

Helen glowered.

'Not anymore,' she said moodily. There was a pause and then she sighed. 'Fine, put him on the list,' she said distractedly.

Lily wrote it down.

'Oh, of course! Your parents!' Helen said suddenly.

'Are you sure?' Lily frowned.

'Of course!' Helen said. 'They don't have to, but I would like it if they were there,' she added.

Lily smiled a little.

'Well, after my father's dealings with Sirius, I would have thought that Sirius wouldn't have wanted him there,' she laughed.

A pained expression came across Helen's face.

'If he's even there,' she said quietly.

And, for the second time that day, both girls sat at the table and waited.

* * *

Neither of them woke up early the next day in a bid to waste time. At noon, however, neither of them could stall the moment of waking up and facing the day anymore. They both felt guilty for sleeping so much given the conditions which Sirius and James were probably in… 

But they had no idea to pass the time.

Lily practically finalised the wedding details herself. Helen merely nodded at everything Lily said whilst staring blankly into space.

* * *

Sirius and James were wearing long hoods in a dingy bar in Knockturn Alley, listening surreptitiously to a drunken Death Eater discussing with his mate about a group of male Death Eater's plans for rape and pillage in a female muggle gym. 

Dumbledore was right.

This kind of mission was just what Sirius and James were best at- sneaking around, overhearing things without being seen…

Now they had to find a way to empty that gym before the Death Eaters got to it and they were excitedly thinking of which method was best.

--

'Dung bombs?' James suggested.

Sirius wrinkled his nose. 'That's a bit old. How about we try something more original?'

James crossed his arms.

'Well what do _you_ suggest, Padfoot?' he asked irritably.

He hadn't had any sleep the night before because they had stayed up all night trying to find any leading information.

'We could cut off the hot water. Girls hate cold showers,' he pointed out.

James yawned loudly.

Suddenly, Sirius laughed a little.

'And to think that Helen and Lily think we're 'risking our lives.' This is boring… oh, I know. How about we cut off the water supply altogether and fill it with Dungbombs?'

James grinned.

'I like the way you're thinking partner,' he said, as they set to work.

'And to think that I thought that the pranking would finish with school,' Sirius said, shaking his head at himself.

* * *

Helen and Lily stared at the grandfather clock in the hallway on Sunday evening. 

James and Sirius had promised to be home by at eight at the latest.

It was now eight-thirty.

With every whistle of the wind, they jumped and looked at the door hopefully, before sitting back down on the staircase.

Neither of them dared to voice their fears.

--

'How about a drink to celebrate our success in our first mission?' James suggested as he and Sirius were walking through the village back to Sirius' house.

The women had instantly run out of the gym coughing and gagging. All in all, James had found it a huge success because they had not only cleared the whole gym in one minute flat, seen numerous naked women, and disrupted the Death Eater's plans.

They also managed to fool the five Death Eaters into entering the gym and locked them in before informing the Ministry.

Those Death Eaters were now awaiting trial.

'Good idea partner!' Sirius grinned.

--

'It's nine o'clock,' Lily said suddenly and, sure enough, the grandfather clock chimed nine times.

Helen's face paled.

'Should we… Dumbledore?' she whispered.

Lily looked torn.

'How about we floo him?'

--

'You're getting married in a month,' James slurred to Sirius.

Sirius nodded morosely.

'Alas, 'tis true… the end of Sirius Black's reputation as bachelor extraordinaire is nigh,' he said dramatically, downing another shot of firewhisky.

'I'll ask my Lily-flower to marry me,' James nodded in a would-be sober voice. 'Tonight.'

Sirius started laughing but hiccoughed and poured out more firewhisky.

--

Helen was pacing the living room, her eyes narrowed and her mouth taut when Lily appeared again in the fireplace.

'Anything?' Helen managed to ask, not thinking about the possibility of the worst.

Lily shook her head.

'He said they reported to him at seven-thirty and should have arrived home by now,' she said in a quavery voice.

The two girls stared at each other with wide eyes.

--

'Any more firewhisky?' James asked, blind drunk.

Sirius lifted the empty bottle very close to his eye, surveyed it for a moment- as though it were a most difficult arithmancy problem- before shaking his head.

'Nope.'

James slumped back in the bar-stool before his eyes widened and he turned to Sirius.

'I've got an idea!'

--

'So are you… hic…telling me that hic… that those n…hic…eedles are going to put i..hic..ink into my sk…hic…in?' Sirius hiccoughed.

James nodded, his eyes fluttering shut momentarily before he shook his head to stay awake.

'Yes.'

A broad grin spread across Sirius' face.

'Let's…hic…do it!'

--

'Right,' Helen said, taking out her wand and throwing a cloak over her. 'I'm going to go look for them.'

Lily hovered for a moment before drawing her own wand and hurriedly getting her cloak and following Helen to the front door which she was quickly unlocking of her many protective charms.

She opened it to find none other than Sirius and James lying, sick as dogs, on the front porch.

'SIRIUS!' Helen shrieked, hurrying by his side. 'What happened? Where did you get hurt… what's this bandage here on your chest?' she spoke quickly.

In her worry, Helen somehow did not manage to pick up the strong firewhisky scent emanating from her beloved as she conjured a stretcher whilst Lily followed her example for James.

In the relief of the kitchen, however, Helen was surprised to find no cuts or wounds excepting the bandage.

'Why do they both have those bandages,' Lily frowned. 'And they stink,' she added.

Helen looked dubiously at Sirius before tentatively lifting his bandage.

And there, engraved in black ink with a vine of roses underlining it from the final 'n' was her name.

_Helen_.

Suddenly, the alcoholic stench made much more sense.

Lily, upon seeing this, lifted James' bandage.

Hers was much, much worse:

_Lilykins_

And it was underlined with Lily flowers.

Lily screamed and slapped James' unconscious cheek.

'Can you believe that we have been sitting here worried sick whilst they've gone on some 'mission' which ended up having them return blind drunk and tattooed?' Lily ranted to Helen.

Helen felt like slapping Sirius herself… he had just ruined his chest with a permanent tattoo.

Then again, she secretly didn't mind seeing her name tattooed over his heart…

The two girls stared in incredulous disbelief at Sirius and James.

'Should we give them hangover tonics?' Lily suggested.

Helen shook her head.

'No. They can suffer. We've suffered all weekend and this is how they return home? I think I'll be having a word to Dumbledore tomorrow about the kinds of missions he sends his Order members on, because I fail to see how this…' she said, motioning to the two boys in front of her, 'could possibly have helped the Voldemort situation.'

They stared at the boys for a moment more before Helen shook her head.

'Let's just go to bed,' she said to Lily who nodded and added 'and leave those two idiots here.'

* * *

Helen did not sleep well that night. She was constantly running, getting hotter and more tired with each step, until she could run no more. 

And then he came.

With those red eyes filled with blood-lust.

He reached out to touch her cheek and his touch burned her, causing her to scream…

She gasped and her eyes flew open.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you,' Sirius whispered, still stroking her cheek.

Because it was Sirius and not Voldemort, Helen hugged him impulsively and buried her head in his chest.

Then she felt his wince and all of the night before's events suddenly came back to her.

'I must say,' he mused, tracing a hand up and down her spine. 'I didn't expect such a warm response given my homecoming behaviour.'

She contemplated getting angry at him but- after her nightmare- could not.

She was too glad that he had made it back safely.

'I'll get angry at you tomorrow,' she shrugged.

'I'll look forward to it,' he laughed, leaning forward and kissing her seriously.

He was already shirtless and she was only wearing a small nightdress which he removed quickly before meeting her lips hungrily.

'I missed you so much,' she murmured against his lips as she felt his arm around her waist, holding her very closely to him whilst his other slid down her leg and pulled it closer to him.

Helen felt her breathing becoming ragged as he kissed her neck slowly, shifting so that he was on top of her. Her skin tingled as he slowly and lightly traced a hand up and down her side whilst she put her arms around his neck to pull herself closer to him.

And then his arms held her as he entered her and, for a moment, they both paused as their ragged breaths filled the room until Sirius leaned forward and kissed her passionately, creating a double haze in Helen's mind as she tried to focus on both the heat from his kiss and the heat which was now building up between their bodies as their rhythm became more desperate.

She broke the kiss, gasping for air as the first wave of pleasure diffused across her body, but Sirius would not let her stop there and his kisses and movements became more insistent on her neck and collarbone until she nearly screamed- and would have had he not finally kissed her lips that exact moment as he gradually slowed down and then, finally, pulled away from her lips and allowed for the both of them to fill their lungs with much-needed air.

They lay back on the same pillow, wrapped tightly in each other's arms despite the heat which they were both radiating.

Eventually, Helen lifted a hand which, even now, was cold compared to the rest of her body, and traced over her name on Sirius' chest.

Sirius noticed this and kissed her forehead.

'It was a drunken decision,' he explained, 'but I don't regret it either.'

'Course not,' Helen muttered. 'You _never_ regret _anything_.'

He smiled.

'I regret that you were angry at me when I came home,' he offered.

Helen shook her head.

'No you don't, because you're not repentant about the actions which led to my being angry at you,' she replied, raising her eyebrows at him.

Sirius grinned.

'Point taken… so did you miss me?'

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Now that you're back, no,' she said shortly.

He laughed and kissed her seductively.

'Not at all?' he teased.

'Perhaps a tad,' she conceded, now grinning.

'Well, then, I regret that you were worried about me,' he said.

'You don't,' Helen interrupted again. 'Because if you truly did…'

'Helen, it's 3 am, I've just returned back from a life-threatening mission…'

'Piss drunk and tattooed,' Helen interrupted.

He surveyed her before kissing her.

He had missed her too.

'Ah, I'll never win with this… oh and, by the way, thanks for leaving out the hangover tonics,' he added lightly.

Helen stared at him, wondering if he was being sarcastic.

'So… what was this mission of yours?' she asked slyly.

Perhaps, in this post-coital state he was in, she could get him to finally talk.

Apparently Sirius was better than that.

'Sorry, _ma cherie._ I _would_ tell you, but it's 'top secret',' he said gravely. 'I will tell you that we caught five Death Eaters, though.'

Feeling annoyed that she had told him everything about her blood and who she was, and yet he could not tell her what he did for his first mission, Helen wriggled out of his arms and slumped, sulkily, onto the other pillow.

'I'm thinking of calling off the wedding,' she threatened childishly.

She sighed heavily as she felt him snake his arms around her waist.

'No you're not,' he whispered in her ear, his thumb tracing patterns across her stomach causing her skin, yet again, to tingle at his touch.

'Oh?' she managed to say.

'No, because Lily would kill you,' he whispered, laughing.

Helen laughed too and leaned back in his arms.

She was so glad to feel them around her after the agonizing weekend. She didn't care what Dumbledore said for the next mission; she would not be made to wait helplessly at home, like she had this weekend, ever again.

* * *

**Now, I am only updating because I do understand that last chapter was not the most eventful one... not that that's a good enough excuse for the number of reviews I recieved. Hmph.**

**BUT, guess what's happening next chapter???**

**Do I hear wedding bells?...**

'_Helen,' Lily growled. 'We have run across the country for you today. We have stolen, broken into numerous shops, been chased by security guards… ripped my sister's wedding dress and, worst of all, arrived with make-up free faces to get you here. Now, you are going to walk yourself down that aisle or else I will kick your…'_

**I shan't say anything more than the fact that it will be an extremely eventful day for those girls...**

**So! You know the drill. If you want that chapter, review, because I won't be as lenient this time, will I? (And you probably want me to do the updating now, because I start uni in four days and won't be able to update anywhere near as often as I do now).**

**Love Anya**


	72. Chapter 3: Happily Ever After

_**Childhood sweethearts share an innocence**  
**That, if they marry, lasts them all their lives,**  
**An early sacrifice that makes no sense,**  
**Save that something beautiful survives.**  
**There is the sense that angels would do this,**  
**A rightness like a rock before the sea,**  
**A hunger for a symbiotic kiss,**  
**For love as pure as it was meant to be.**  
**And so it is for those who make that choice,**  
**Who dare to love so faithfully and long**  
**That each becomes to each a second voice,**  
**Transforming merest moments into song.**  
**How beautiful first love! Yet better still,**  
**A love for life sustained by wish and will.**_

**_

* * *

_**

Chapter 3- Happily Ever After…

'This is ridiculous,' Helen muttered as Lily was shoving Sirius out of his own house.

'No it's not. It's tradition,' Lily said. 'Now, boys, not too much drinking and try to get an early night,' she said, pecking James on the cheek.

Helen and Sirius snorted.

'Well I'll be making sure that _you_ get an early night, in any case,' Lily said to Helen

'Not if I get a few shots down you first,' Helen replied, grinning.

Lily rolled her eyes.

'Okay, bye boys… see you tomorrow!' Lily said excitedly.

Helen's eyes suddenly widened and her face became ashen as she realised that the next time she saw Sirius would be on the other end of the aisle.

Sirius noticed this.

'Can I talk to her first?' he asked, a little shrewdly, of Lily.

Lily sighed impatiently.

'I suppose,' she said, rolling her eyes as Sirius took Helen into another room.

'Are you okay?' he asked.

Helen nodded abruptly.

'You're not nervous, are you?' he asked.

Helen shrugged.

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

'You know, it's okay if you don't want to,' he sighed.

Helen looked up at him.

'No! I do want to,' she said. 'I do,' she said earnestly.

Sirius surveyed her as she chewed her lip.

'It's more… you,' she said. 'I don't understand why _you_ want to…' she trailed off and then turned to face him.

'Look, I have to say this now before it's too late so please… just hear me out,' she said.

Sighing, Sirius sat on the couch whilst Helen paced in front of him.

'Well?' he asked, raising his eyebrows.

'You know who I am. You know that I'm cursed and you know what will happen if I die.'

'Which you won't, so we don't need to worry about that,' Sirius interrupted.

Helen crossed her arms.

'See! That's it! You don't understand, do you? Voldemort _wants_ to find me. He's looking for me… it is _very_ likely that I might die. Soon,' she said to him.

Sirius pursed his lips.

'And it won't be something that you or anyone else could help. If he wants to find me, I'm sure he'll find a way eventually.'

'Okay,' Sirius said impatiently.

Helen's face fell.

'You're not taking this seriously!' she said, exasperated.

'I am- but you're here in front of me right now, and I know Evans will keep an eye on you tonight, so I'm not really that worried, see?'

Helen glared at Sirius.

'And let's just say I do die. You know what would happen,' she said, looking at him for his reaction.

They had never discussed _this_.

Sirius looked down.

'Sirius, these are things we need to think about,' she said softly. 'I was silly in just avoiding this conversation for so long…'

'I would look after her,' Sirius interrupted quietly. 'But we won't need to…'

'Look. We're discussing all possibilities now, and that's a strong one,' Helen interrupted. 'I want to know, before we go through tomorrow, that you aren't getting yourself tied into anything you don't want.'

Sirius stared at Helen.

'I think it's a bit late for that,' he said.

'Well you're perfectly entitled to get out of it,' she said, crossing her arms.

'I'm not in anything I want to get out of,' he said, looking at her in the eye.

Helen sighed and Sirius stood up and cupped her cheek.

'I understood from the moment you told me about everything what it all meant,' he said. 'I did, and if I wanted to get out of it all, I would have...'

'I understand what marrying you could mean… and I accept all that. If something ever…' he paused, not able to say it, 'I would raise her as though she were ours, but… that's not going to happen. You are not going to die, and- maybe sometime soon- we'll try having a family so you won't even need to worry about the Curse either… but don't think that I don't understand everything, because I do,' he said finally.

Helen looked down. He would never know how much what he had just said meant to her, for him to say that..

'So I'll see you tomorrow then?' Sirius said, raising his eyebrows.

'Yeah, you'll see me tomorrow,' she sighed, leaning her head against his chest.

'Are you done?' Lily called.

Helen sighed and they separated.

'Do you know that she wanted to ban me from having sex for the week before the wedding?' Helen said to Sirius as they walked out.

Sirius laughed and put an arm around her.

'What happened?'

'Well, tonight's enough abstinence for me,' she said.

'Me too,' Sirius said, wrinkling his nose and kissing her quickly.

'Tomorrow then?'

Helen nodded, but could not shake the apprehension which she felt as she saw Sirius and James disapparate.

* * *

'She's getting married tomorrow- they'll all be there- at the Church in Halls Valley,' Peter informed Janis. 

Janis smiled at Peter.

'Ah Peter, you know that the Dark Lord rewards loyal subjects such as yourself very well, don't you?' she said in a low, musical tone.

Peter nodded.

'And what information from the Order?' she asked, raising her eyebrows.

Peter nodded importantly and started to describe everything from the last meeting.

--

'Excellent work, Peter,' Janis said, sounding pleased.

Peter beamed.

'I have to go now… Sirius has this night tonight and I have to be there or else it'll look suspicious,' he said.

He was getting much better at deception now.

'Until tomorrow, then,' Janis said, smiling conspiratorially.

* * *

'I asked Lily to marry me last week,' James informed everyone, after he had downed a few drinks. 

It was very… school-like. They were all sitting on the floor of James' bedroom and downing shots of firewhisky, playing poker, and smoking cigars.

'I can't believe it,' Remus said sloppily. 'Out of all of us Marauders, Sirius is tying the knot first.'

'I know!' James said, nodding vigorously. 'What happened to the 'bachelor extraordinaire'?' he said, squinting at Sirius.

Sirius laughed.

'I guess he found a girl,' Sirius said, downing another shot and grimacing.

'Now, mate,' James said, standing up unsteadily. 'As your best man, and as Helen's brother…'

'Self-assumed brother,' Sirius corrected.

James waved his hand impatiently.

'As her _brother_ I am saying that you had better take good care of her,' he said gravely.

'Hey! She's not the one who ends up broken up after our duels,' Sirius said fairly.

Remus started laughing uncontrollably at this.

'Something funny, Moony?' Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows.

'I just remembered that time when you two were fighting and she broke our dorm window,' he laughed.

'Yes, that was _so_ funny,' Sirius said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

'Ooh! I've got a good one!' James said excitedly. 'What about the time when she lit him on fire in Transfiguration with wandless magic and he couldn't blame it on her?'

Remus nodded, and both he, James and Peter laughed.

'What about the time when she knocked him off his broomstick?' Peter offered. 'In a quidditch match?'

James was now laughing uncontrollably.

'I remember! That was before they started going out…I had to save Pads because he was hanging on by one arm. Haha... you should never swear at her when she's on a broom, mate. No offence, but she's better than you at quidditch,' James said earnestly to Sirius who was looking very unimpressed with his friends.

'Oh no! No, I've got a good one,' Remus said excitedly. 'Do you remember the time she kicked him in the…down there… and he couldn't shag any girls for a week?'

'Haha … that was funny… no, what about the time when they started living together? She destroyed their kitchen!'

'And that time they got banned from the Three Broomsticks?'

'No! _After_ that… do you remember how she broke his nose and ribs in the common room because he spread rumours about her and I?'

'YES! I remember!… that was funny…'

'When you're done recounting the countless times my bride-to-be has tried to murder me, I would like to get on with the game,' Sirius said irritably.

'We're not quite done yet,' James grinned at Sirius as he turned with Peter and Remus and they continued to laugh about Sirius and Helen's violent past.

* * *

Marina arrived soon after Sirius and James had left. For an hour, they sat there as Lily insisted that they took care of their nails, eyebrows, upper lips… 

In other words, they were all subjected to a grooming session which had both Helen and Marina ready to fall asleep.

'How about we go out?' Helen suggested at nine o'clock.

Lily looked at Helen as though she was mad.

'Go out? No, you're going to bed now,' she said.

'Aw come on Lily… this is my last night of freedom,' Helen whined.

Lily shook her head at Helen.

'Freedom? I don't understand what's going to change,' she said.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Come on! It's only nine! How about we just go out for an hour?'

'Yeah, why not?' Marina piped up.

'But… it's not safe for you…'

Helen waved a dismissive hand.

'There'll be too many people if we go to a busy place,' she said. 'And if we go to a muggle place, it will be even safer.'

* * *

The three girls sat at the bar. Lily was drinking water, Helen and Marina had opted for an alcoholic option. 

Marina suddenly sat up.

'I've got an idea. How about we see how many guy's numbers you can get… just to see,' she said to Helen.

'And then we'll compare the figures after a year of marriage?' Helen offered.

Marina giggled and Helen grinned excitedly.

'Helen…' Lily said, conscious of the time.

'Oh relax Lily,' Helen said. 'Have a drink. Drinks are on me tonight,' she said.

Lily crossed her arms.

'Hey,' Helen whispered to Marina. 'What do you think of the bartender?' she asked.

Marina nodded in approval.

'Nice arse.'

Helen giggled and waited for the waiter to look her way. She raised her eyebrows indicating that she wanted to be served.

'Can I fix you a drink?' he asked, leaning on the bar and grinning at her.

He was cute; there was no doubt about it.

Helen bit her lip and leaned forward.

'How about a Sex on the Beach?' she whispered in his ear.

--

'Haha! Fifteen numbers!' Helen laughed triumphantly as they stumbled through the front door.

'You're still in your prime to be getting married yet, Helen,' Marina said sadly, as they made their way haphazardly up the stairs.

Helen nodded tragically as they all flopped onto the bed, not bothering to get out of their clothes or to even take off their shoes in their drunken states.

Snores started emanating from Lily almost immediately.

'That girl can't hold her drink,' Marina said, shaking her head at Lily.

'Tell me about it,' Helen said, squinting to stay awake.

Everything she saw was now in double vision and she wasn't even sure what she was saying… she just felt very giddy.

'Say… How was Sirius compared to everyone else? I never really 'played the field' at all in that department,' she said, hiccoughing.

Marina erupted into a fit of giggles.

'He was good.'

'The best?'

'No… he was for a long time, but recently someone else blew everything out of all proportions,' Marina whispered.

'Remus?' Helen whispered, her eyes wide.

Marina nodded, and they both burst into another fit of giggles which took them nearly five minutes to get out of.

'Haha… I bet Sirius would love that…. Haha…'

'But don't worry. You're not missing out on a good time with Sirius,' Marina said reassuringly.

Helen shrugged.

'No, I know… I just wondered… never mind,' she trailed off, leaning on Marina's shoulder sleepily.

* * *

'HELEN!' Mrs Potter called, stepping out of the fireplace. 

There was no answer and Emily Potter frowned.

'LILY?'

No answer again.

'GIRLS?'

Her brow furrowing, Emily walked through the living room and up the stairs. The bedroom door was closed.

They probably were too excited getting dressed and had not heard her.

She knocked before opening the door.

She gasped.

The three girls (the bridal party) were all asleep on the bed.

And the wedding was in one hour.

'Girls!' Emily shrieked, rushing over to the bed and shaking them. 'Get up! It's ten o'clock! Get UP!'

Lily was the first to stir. She sat up, holding a hand to her head.

'Wassamater?' she mumbled.

'You have ONE HOUR to get ready and get to the church. Get UP!' Emily snapped.

Lily's eyes widened and she suddenly started shaking Helen desperately whilst Emily shook Marina.

'Hangover tonic,' Helen muttered, sitting up slowly.

Emily Potter shook her head at the girls.

'No time to be wasted… here is some tonic, now hurry up! Go get your dress Helen,' she said, pushing Helen out of bed and handing her a purple vial.

Helen downed it and shuddered before opening her eyes properly.

'ONE HOUR?' she suddenly exclaimed hoarsely. 'Crap,' she repeated over and over, running to her other bedroom where her dress was laid out on her bed.

Lily was the first to finish putting on her bridesmaid dress.

'I'll go help Helen… she needs help with the buttons at the back of the dress,' she said, rushing out of the room.

She knew it was a bad idea to get drunk last night.

--

She arrived in the room to find Helen, rooted to the spot, and staring at the bed.

'What's wrong Helen? Why aren't you… oh my fucking God! What happened to your dress?'

Only a disaster would have caused Lily to swear and blaspheme in such a manner.

Helen continued to stare at her dress which lay in shreds on the bed. Her face chalky-white, she slowly walked up to the bed and picked up the sole dark item on the bed.

A feather of Maera's.

'Helen!' Marina called, running into the room. 'Holy shit! What happened to your dress?' she exclaimed.

'Maera,' Helen repeated in a whisper.

'What are we going to do?' Lily wailed.

'Kill Maera,' Helen continued, in a world of her own.

Marina tried to lift the dress, but it really was completely torn to shreds- beyond repair.

'Oh no, oh no… Mrs Potter just left to check on the boys too,' Marina whispered.

Helen suddenly turned and stalked out of the room.

'Helen? Where are you going?' Lily asked as she and Marina followed Helen out of the room.

'I'm killing that bird,' Helen said through clenched teeth, drawing her wand.

'No, Helen, we don't have _time_!'

But Helen continued to storm through the house.

Lily grabbed Helen's arm.

'Kill the bird later… I'll help you too, but _now_ we need to find a dress for you,' she said.

Helen rounded on Lily.

'Find a dress? Sure. Where?'

Lily scratched her head.

'We keep Petunia's dress in our house,' she offered.

Helen wrinkled her nose, but then didn't really care what the dress looked like.

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

'Okay, let's go.'

---

'Has your sister ever eaten?' Helen asked Lily incredulously.

'It might be a _bit_ tight, but… just try it on. We don't have time,' she said, lifting the dress over Helen's head.

It got stuck around Helen's hips.

'It won't go, Lily, leave it,' Marina said eyeing the dress warily.

'Enough, Lily,' Helen said, cringing at the sound of tearing stitches.

'No, we need to,' Lily persisted, tugging more forcefully at the dress.

There was suddenly a ripping sound and Lily stared in horror as she caused a large rip in the dress, severing a substantial amount of material from it.

'Oh no,' she moaned, 'Tuney's going to _murder_ me!'

'She doesn't need to know,' Helen said quickly, 'forget this dress, it won't work… let's go,' she said as Marina helped get it off her and Lily stared at the cloth fretfully.

* * *

'We've got half an hour,' Helen said hopelessly. 

Lily and Marina paled as they arrived back to the bedroom.

'Right,' Lily said practically. 'Marina and I are ready- we can go like this… how about we look for wedding dresses and you fix your hair and makeup?'

Helen nodded, not being able to think of anything better herself, and set to piling her hair on top of her head.

---

'None of the shops are open,' Lily said nervously as they walked past all the shops with wedding dresses.

'They won't open today,' Marina said finally.

Lily seemed very on edge.

'What do we do?' she asked anxiously. 'She needs one… now!'

Marina took out her wand and looked to Lily who nodded.

'We have no choice,' she sighed.

--

'Shit! We forgot about the alarm!' Marina said as the alarm went off in the bridal shop.

_'Silencio_!' Lily said suddenly, pointing at the alarm.

'Okay, quick…. What about this one?'

Marina wrinkled her nose.

'Okay… this one?'

'Let's take a few. She can choose,' Marina said, picking out a dress which she thought looked okay.

'Freeze,' a voice suddenly said.

Lily and Marina gulped and turned to face a security guard.

'Oh fuck… okay, let's disapparate now,' Marina whispered from the corner of her mouth.

'Wait, I just saw a good dress,' Lily said.

She confunded the security guard and ran to snatch the dress.

'Stop right there,' and austere female voice said.

'Time to go,' Marina said.

The two girls disapparated with a crack.

---

'Okay, we've got three…'

'Meringues,' Helen muttered.

Lily and Marina smiled apologetically.

'Never mind… where did you get those?' Helen asked sceptically.

The two girls shifted uncomfortably.

'Well… the shop wasn't open yet, so we er…'

'My wedding dress is a STOLEN dress?' Helen exclaimed.

'We had no choice,' Lily snapped. 'Now- which dress?'

Helen surveyed them. She didn't particularly like any of them… but decided on the middle one.

It was the least meringue-like out of the three.

Marina and Lily helped Helen get it on and then they surveyed Helen's reflection.

The only problem now was that Helen's chest did not fill out the bust of the dress.

---

'Just stuff socks in your bra,' Marina suggested.

Helen looked at Marina incredulously.

'Let's try a different one,' Lily said hopefully, conscious that they should have already arrived at the church..

--

'Maybe she's not going to come?' Sirius said to James.

'She will,' James reassured Sirius.

'She should have been here ten minutes ago!'

'The bride's always late,' James nodded confidently.

His confidence, however, was not in Helen but in Lily who he knew would force Helen to get to the church through rain, hail or shine.

--

'Okay… that one's too small, the other needed some filling and this one has sleeves which are too long,' Marina said.

Helen nodded apprehensively.

Lily suddenly started folding the sleeves and stood back.

It was not completely horrible, and Lily smiled in relief- it was the last one she had taken.

'Good! Now let's…'

'Oh no! We forgot the veil!' Marina said suddenly.

'I don't need one,' Helen said, not particularly fond of wedding veils anyway. 'Let's go. We should have been there twenty minutes ago.'

--

Helen suddenly held her bridesmaids back as they arrived outside the church.

'This is wrong,' she whispered.

'What?'

'I shouldn't be getting married… didn't you see it today? All the signs? Nothing has gone right… I…'

'Helen,' Lily growled. 'We have run across the country for you today. We have stolen, broken into numerous shops, been chased by security guards… _ripped my sister's wedding dress_ and, worst of all, arrived with _make-up-free_ faces to get you here. Now, you are going to walk yourself down that aisle or else I will kick your…'

Marina smiled at Lily.

'You love him right?' she asked Helen.

'Yes, but this has nothing to do with it! Five things have gone wrong already today! I'm wearing a stolen dress, for goodness' sakes!'

'Helen- forget about it. It doesn't matter- what matters is the fact that you're going to now become bound for life to someone you love. That's what today's about,' Marina said soothingly.

Helen started hyperventilating and had to sit down at the bench in the church's entrance.

'Oh my God, bound for life! No, no, no… we fight all the time! What if something happens and then, no, no…'

'Helen, stop this…'

'I'm too young...'

Lily shook her head.

'Well James asked me to marry him a week ago, so do you think I shouldn't because I'm 'too young?''

Helen looked up suddenly.

'You're engaged?'

Lily nodded.

'I didn't want to tell you until this was over, but I'm telling you now. You're not too young. It will be fine. Now, stop making them think that you're not coming and go in there and get married!'

Helen took a deep breath.

'This is harder than our Transfiguration NEWT,' she muttered, standing up.

'No wonder you got an Outstanding, because that was a hard exam,' Marina laughed, fixing the train on Helen's dress.

'Exactly my point,' Helen muttered.

Marina shook her head at Helen.

'Okay, we're going to go in now. Are you okay? You're going to follow Lily down the aisle?'

Helen nodded and Marina hugged her quickly before walking down the aisle.

* * *

As Helen was about to come into view, she was pulled back by two pairs of arms. She screamed and turned around, in horror, to see that they were hooded and wearing masks. 

And to think that Lily had her wand in her bag.

Screwing her concentration, she made the chandelier above their heads drop and managed to move out of the way just in time, although it caught her dress; ripping it.

The crash brought everyone running.

'What happened?' Sirius asked her urgently.

He suddenly saw the Death Eaters and drew his wand; his face hard.

'No, it's okay, I got them,' Helen said, stopping him.

Dumbledore was there suddenly.

'Miss Evans, please take your parents home using side-a-long apparition at once,' he said sternly. 'There are more of them… and Helen, please take your brother home immediately and do not return. Voldemort is here.'

'I'm not staying at home whilst everyone else is fighting!' Helen exclaimed.

But Sirius himself grabbed her arm and, the next thing she knew, she was in their living room.

'Stay,' he said sternly. 'You look beautiful by the way,' he said, kissing her cheek quickly. 'I'll go get Mark,' he added, disappearing with a crack.

Helen stormed up the stairs and tore off her wedding dress in frustration. When she returned downstairs, Mark was there, both looking very confused.

'Helen? What just happened?' he asked.

She slumped onto the couch, crossing her arms.

'Death Eaters,' she muttered mutinously.

Mark nodded, still looking confused.

'Can you stay here a while?' she asked Mark suddenly. 'I've got to do something,' she said, taking out her wand.

Mark, looking as though he had given up understanding the situation, nodded and sat on the couch.

She ran to the front door to disapparate, but saw the whole wedding party there instead.

'What's going on?' she frowned.

'They all left once he saw Dumbledore,' Remus explained.

'Oh,' Helen said, her shoulders sinking.

'You were going to come back, weren't you?' Lily shot at Helen accusingly.

Helen crossed her arms.

'Like I was going to sit here and mind the house while you all got yourselves killed,' she retorted, letting them in the house.

'I see you got changed,' Sirius said lightly to her.

Helen glowered.

'I can't think of _one thing_ which has gone right today,' she said as she followed him into the living room with everyone else.

--

'I don't understand why we can't just go back and you two can get married,' James frowned.

Remus shook his head.

'As soon as the minister heard about the Death Eaters, he was gone… and it's too dangerous now.'

They all sat back in a reflective silence for a while.

'I should get back to my parents… they were worried before,' Lily said eventually.

Helen nodded and everyone else stood up.

'I guess I should get back to mum too,' James sighed.

---

Ten minutes later- with Mark safely back in Paris using a portkey- Helen and Sirius were alone in the house. There was a heavy silence between them and Helen didn't know whether to laugh at the hopeless situation or to cry because it was such a disaster of a day.

She felt like the latter.

They sat on the couch, slightly apart.

Eventually, Sirius cleared his throat.

'Are you okay?' he asked in a slightly strained voice.

Helen sighed.

'Maybe we should just get drunk and have the worst sex ever just to keep with the theme of disasters,' she said bitterly.

Sirius forced a laugh.

'James forgot the rings here- he just realised as we were coming home,' he said.

'Oh, you think _that's_ bad? Just wait till I tell you _all_ about _my_ day,' she said, turning to face him; her face flashing with annoyance.

Sirius looked at her with raised eyebrows.

'Firstly,' she said, counting with her fingers. 'We woke up at ten o'clock because we were all hungover from the night before and my alarm didn't go off. Do you know that if Mrs Potter hadn't checked on us, I reckon we would have slept through the whole thing and you would have thought that I stood you up on purpose?' she said.

Sirius nodded, looking a little less upset and slightly amused now.

'Secondly,' she continued, her voice growing more and more irritated, 'that _owl_ of yours ripped up my wedding dress. Completely. It was torn to shreds,' she said.

'Maera?' Sirius interrupted, looking surprised.

'Oh you think it's funny, do you? That was sabotage of the worst kind,' she snapped.

Sirius adopted a sombre face immediately.

'Don't tell me there's more,' he said.

Helen shook her head dramatically.

'Alas, _mon cheri,_ fate was not on our side today,' she said sadly, as she continued to tell Sirius the rest of her story.

* * *

Relations were strained that evening. Sirius left to get changed out of his robes and Helen sat on the couch, head in her hands, as she replayed the day's events in her head. 

It was horrible. It really was… because despite her fears over what it had meant and her preconceptions of marriage, she had really wanted to be married to Sirius.

And now- in ten minutes- she would have to go to the kitchen and cook dinner on the day which should have been her wedding day.

What annoyed her the most was that it was such a small, risk-free wedding. There was no fancy ceremony with hundreds of guests, nor was there meant to be a reception following it.

It really was meant to be as simple as her walking down the aisle, repeating after the minister, sliding Sirius' ring on his finger, and then letting him kiss her as they became bound for life.

But she couldn't even do that, because Voldemort had invited himself, along with his Death Eaters.

Did Voldemort have to ruin absolutely every aspect of her life?

She shook her head hopelessly and walked blindly to the kitchen.

* * *

Sirius lay back on the bed, feeling very frustrated and annoyed. 

Was it not possible for him to have _one_ thing which a normal person would have? Could he not even marry the girl he loved?

Evidently not. It frustrated him so much to know that, soon, James would have his big wedding with Lily. In a way, he knew that it would be perfect. James and Lily had families too. They had everything…

And yet he was not allowed the one little thing he had wanted.

He wasn't sure what Helen thought about the whole ordeal. In a way, he was sure that she was relieved in some way. He knew that she had been reluctant to get married, yet he did not miss the frustration in her tone and the disappointment in her eyes either…

He supposed that thinking about the failed wedding was very selfish given that Voldemort had been there today too…

And that now sparked a new question in Sirius' mind.

How on earth did Voldemort know about their wedding?

* * *

He walked into the kitchen and saw her wiping her eyes and sniffing. 

'You okay?' he asked, leaning against the door frame.

She quickly wiped her eyes again and turned to face him with a half-hearted smile.

'Onions aren't nice to eyes,' she said, turning around again to the saucepan.

Sirius sighed and sat at the table.

'How did Voldemort know where you'd be? How did he know to be there?' he asked.

He had tried to figure it out, yet could come with no answer. They had told everyone that the wedding was to be kept a secret… and he was sure that no one would have said anything.

Helen turned around suddenly, her face white- she hadn't thought of this before.

'I… how _did _he know?' she said, turning off the stove and sitting at the table with wide eyes. 'No one would have said anything- they all knew that it was meant to be a secret.'

Sirius tilted back on his chair as he thought.

'Unless he knows that we live around here and he's kept Death Eaters in the village?' she frowned.

Sirius nodded slowly. This made much more sense.

'Yeah, he _would_ know where we live because of Bellatrix and Cissy,' he said.

Helen ran her hands through her hair distractedly.

'See? _This_ is why I'm no good for you,' she said, standing up.

'Look, today's been bad enough- don't start this now,' Sirius said irritably, bringing his chair back down on all four legs.

'Even today! Do you think that Voldemort and Death Eaters would have turned up if you were marrying anyone else?'

'But I wouldn't marry anyone else anyway so your point is…'

'The point is that they came because of me,' Helen finished.

'Look, Helen, we're all in the Order too… I don't think they want us dead just because of you,' he said reasonably.

Helen crossed her arms and went to walk out of the kitchen.

'Don't…' he said in a warning voice.

'Don't what?' Helen replied.

'Leave.'

'I'll only leave when you ask me to- and sometimes I really do wish you'd ask,' she said sadly.

'Can you stop? Please? It's driving me crazy,' he said irritably.

Helen pursed her lips and walked out of the room.

* * *

He came into the bedroom that night to find her reading an anatomy book and annotating it with a pencil. 

Her face still held an annoyed expression.

She did not look up as he sat on the bed, though a crease line came in between her eyebrows as she frowned.

He cleared his throat and she glanced at him before looking back to her book.

'I agree. This day wouldn't be a complete disaster unless we had a fight,' he said, lying back.

Helen's lips twitched a little.

'Is the offer still up to get drunk and have the worst sex ever?' he asked, raising his eyebrows. 'You know- to end the day properly,' he added.

* * *

'Definitely the worst sex ever,' she giggled after three minutes. 

'I reckon it was Mr Evans,' Sirius proclaimed dramatically, trying to sit up, but failing and falling back on the bed. 'I always knew he was a Death Eater at heart.'

They both started laughing uncontrollably- whether from excess firewhisky or hysteria, they weren't sure.

'I think that we would win if there was a competition for worst wedding ever,' she said, once she had caught her breath.

Sirius nodded.

'Definitely. I wouldn't have it any other way. I mean, we took the whole thing…' he paused to stifle a hiccough. 'We took it _one step further_. We didn't even end up _getting married._'

Helen frowned for a moment.

'We're not married, are we?' she wondered.

Sirius laughed.

'Even _I'm_ smarter than that when I'm drunk,' he said.

'Coming from someone who managed to tie my bra into a double knot instead of unclasping it ten minutes ago,' Helen muttered.

Sirius laughed.

'But no, _ma cherie, _we are not married.'

'Pity,' Helen mused. 'Give me the rings.'

Sirius, reached over to the bedside table, fumbled around and found them.

Helen took the box opened it, took out Sirius' ring.

'Wrong finger,' he said as she went to put it on his index finger.

Helen lifted his hand up to her face, squinted, found his ring finger, and put the ring on it.

'There,' she nodded, satisfied.

Sirius laughed and put her ring on her own ring finger.

'And they lived h..hic…happily ever after?'

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Of course,' she said, leaning forward to kiss him.

Sirius suddenly got up and ran from the bed.

Helen grimaced as she heard him throwing up in the bathroom but started laughing when he came back.

'Can't even do _that_ properly,' she said as he groaned and lay back.

'Tomorrow should be better right?' he said, nestling into her shoulder.

'I can't see how it could be worse,' she replied.

'Right. Then I'm going to sleep then before something else happens,' he said sleepily.

'Good idea,' Helen agreed, her mind too hazy to replay the day's events in her mind.

* * *

**Poor Helen and Sirius are... not married. Did you see that coming? Oh well, they'll just go on like they are now. I doubt they want to go through all of _that_ again.**

**Of course, Peter wasn't just going to sit there and accept it all either... though I'm sure, with Helen's luck that day, that if Voldemort hadn't turned up, something else would have happened heh.**

**Have you all been wondering why the story seemed a little quiet?... perhaps a little _too_ quiet given the times? **

_'And there it was; looking out of place as it glittered in the warm, afternoon sky.'_

**So, until next time, please review : ) **

**They really will inspire me to 'make time' (i.e. not get enough sleep) to get the next chapter to you sometime in the near future!**

**Love Anya**


	73. Chapter 4: Hall's Valley Massacre

'_**Love—is anterior to Life—  
Posterior—to Death—  
Initial of Creation, and  
The Exponent of Earth—'**_

**- Emily Dickinson

* * *

**

Chapter 4- Hall's Valley Massacre

'Do you reckon it'll work now?' Sirius asked as he and Helen stood back from the motorbike.

They were both wearing old jeans and t-shirts and had grease stains all over their clothes and skin.

Helen rubbed the back of her neck.

'It had better… my neck's killing me,' she complained as they wheeled the bike out of their back shed.

'I'll fix it up for you later,' Sirius said, winking at her.

'You had better,' Helen nodded.

'Ladies' first?' Sirius offered.

Helen laughed.

'Ah… no. This 'experiment' was your idea. You can be the lab rat,' she said. 'Plus, if something _does_ go wrong, I'd be the better one to save you,' she added thoughtfully.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'You're just a chicken,' he said, sitting on the bike.

Helen smiled sweetly.

'Aye, that may be so, but at least I'm a clever one,' she said.

'Okay… here we go,' he said, kicking the bike into life.

'Remember to release the brakes slowly,' Helen shouted on top of the noise.

Slowly, Sirius began to move forward.

'Now press the green button,' she called.

The bike started to rise above the ground, inching higher and higher.

'Okay, now be careful- don't go too fast…'

Sirius applied more acceleration and the bike soared higher into the air.

Helen cheered and clapped as it worked, but laughed at the sight of it- it did look very strange to her 'muggle-raised' eyes to see a flying motorcycle.

'Okay, come down now,' she called. 'Slowly- you don't want to crash.'

Sirius landed and jumped off the bike, looking very happy.

'It worked!' he bounced happily, lifting her from the ground as he hugged her excitedly.

Helen winced.

'ah…my back,' she said weakly as he put her down carefully.

'Oh…sorry… forgot,' he said sheepishly, before looking back to his bike happily.

'Isn't she beautiful?' he said, nodding at the bike.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Oh no... not you too! Have you ever heard the way James talks about his broomstick?'

'Which one? You see, one he actually uses, whereas the other…'

Helen hit Sirius.

'You've such a dirty mind, Sirius Black,' she said reprovingly to him.

'Only because I've been corrupted by you,' he grinned.

'Yeah…sure,' Helen said, sitting under the laurel tree and lying on the ground.

Sirius followed her example.

'It's hard work- fixing things,' Helen mused. 'Imagine- muggles do that without any magic- just manual labour.'

'Yeah, but they don't have things like gnomes,' he pointed out, wiping his sweaty brow on his sleeve.

'Speaking of which… we have to degnome tomorrow,' she said, eyeing a few gnomes which were giggling in a nearby bush.

Sirius shrugged.

'I prefer to have fun with them…watch this,' he said, grinning as he pulled out his wand and pointed it at the bush.

Suddenly, five gnomes were suspended mid-air, hanging upside-down and squealing and thrashing about.

'You can do anything! Slam them into a tree…'

'Sirius! You can't do that! They're living creatures!' Helen said, reproachfully.

'Yeah, whatever. They're gnomes and, if they could, they'd kill us all and take over our house, so don't go feeling too sorry for them,' he said indifferently, flicking his wand so that they did cartwheels in the air.

Helen shook her head at Sirius, but then grinned and took out her wand.

---

'Did you see how far I got that one?' Helen asked Sirius, laughing.

'The one I just did now went further,' Sirius said. 'It made the lake!'

Helen rolled her eyes, put down her wand and then flicked her hand at one of the gnomes.

It did somersaults in the air before flying much further than any of their other gnomes had landed.

Sirius looked at Helen shrewdly.

'Now that's just showing off,' he said, sounding slightly stung.

Helen laughed and lay back, enjoying the feel of the warm sun on her skin.

'Smart-arse,' she heard Sirius mutter under his breath.

'I heard that,' she said, closing her eyes.

---

Helen stirred to the sound of a barking dog and squealing gnomes.

'Sirius…shut the hell up,' she said in an annoyed tone, sitting up to find him running around the garden in his animagus form, chasing the garden gnomes. Occasionally, he would bite one, shake it around and then fling it high up in the air and far away.

'You really need to find a new hobby- if you're spending time playing with garden gnomes as a dog, I think that that's a sign that you're going through a premature mid-life crisis.'

Sirius suddenly stopped- his ears pricking- and changed immediately into his human form, looking at the sky.

Helen frowned and also looked up:

And there it was; looking out of place as it glittered in the warm, afternoon sky. It came from the village.

'Okay- you get in the house and don't leave. I'm going…'

'Like hell you are. I'm going too,' Helen said, picking up her wand.

'No you're not… how about you go alert other Order members?' he suggested.

'You're not going by yourself,' she said flatly.

Sirius sighed impatiently.

'Look- it's happening now. The sooner you go alert everyone, the sooner…'

Helen frowned at the sky.

'You alert James, Remus and Peter… I'll do Marina, Lily and get hold of Dumbledore. He can do the others,' she said.

Sirius nodded and kissed her quickly- though there was a slight edge to it- before he disapparated- Helen following his example.

* * *

'At least disguise yourself a bit,' Lily said to Helen before they disapparated for Hall's Valley. 

Helen sighed impatiently and Lily flicked her wand quickly and changed aspects of Helen's appearance.

Helen looked quickly in the mirror and didn't recognise herself- she now had blonde hair, blue eyes… It was a strange sight.

'Okay, no one will recognize me now,' she said as they disapparated.

There were engulfed with the sound of screams and Lily clutched Helen's arm as they realized exactly how many Death Eaters there were.

'There's got to be at least ten for every one of us!' Lily said, her voice raising several octaves.

'Lily… you watch my back, I watch yours okay?' Helen said through the corner of her mouth as she saw Death Eaters approaching her.

She felt Lily nodding behind her.

It was both mentally and physically exhausting- fighting one Death Eater after another- sometimes two at once and, at one stage, Helen was even duelling three at the same time.

It seemed never-ending.

There seemed to be an endless supply of bloodthirsty Death Eaters and they kept on coming- not giving Helen the chance to wonder where Sirius was- if he was even still alive- or if James, Remus, Marina or Peter were still alive either, for that matter.

She _did_ see other members from the Order, though. She saw Moody duelling ferociously, the Prewett brothers fighting in a similar fashion to her and Lily; back to back…

But she also saw them falling as others struggled to fight so many Death Eaters at once. Her heart wrenched with an unbearable pain as she saw Benjy Fenwick get hit in the stomach with a killing curse, before the Death Eaters dragged his body to a nearby alley, cackling with glee…

She saw frightened civilians becoming caught in a cross-fire, and yet she could not help because she was trying to keep both herself and Lily alive from the three Death Eaters she was duelling now…

Because if she fell, Lily would then be surrounded by five Death Eaters, and she too would then inevitably fall.

* * *

'What's your count so far?' James asked from behind Sirius. 

'Fifteen.'

'Damn!'

'You?'

'Eight.'

'Get working- I'm doing double your work so far,' Sirius laughed, aiming another curse at another Death Eater who was running to meet him, and sending him crumpling to the ground.

'Where's Moony?'

'Duelling with Marina somewhere…' Sirius said, his tone not joking anymore.

'Peter?'

'Couldn't get hold of him,' Sirius managed to say before quickly deflecting a curse which was coming his way.

'Helen and Lily?'

Sirius was silent.

'You don't know?'

'No,' Sirius replied tensely in between his incantations.

James drew an unsteady breath and, in two quick motions, caused another two Death Eaters to crumple to the ground.

* * *

Helen heard Lily gasping behind her. 

'Lily, are you hurt?' she asked, her tone wavering.

'I…can't…breathe…'Lily continued to gasp.

Grabbing a firm hold of Lily in her other arm, and, with an angry slash of her wand, both her Death Eaters, and Lily's dropped to the ground.

Her powers came much better to her when she was _that_ angry.

'Did you get hit?' she asked worriedly.

Lily continued to gasp and, casting one last look around for a sign of Sirius or any of the other Marauders, Helen disapparated, still holding firmly onto Lily.

They arrived at St Mungo's, and Helen managed to push Lily out of the way of a killing curse just in time.

St Mungo's was also under attack.

Swearing under her breath and feeling apprehensive as Lily's face was starting to turn blue, Helen disapparated to James' house and screamed for Mrs Potter.

Emily Potter came running.

'Oh no… which curse was it?' she demanded of Helen, ripping the front of Lily's robes open and summoning different vials.

'I don't know,' Helen said hopelessly.

Mrs Potter tapped several points on Lily's chest before nodding to herself.

'_Asphyxiato_,' she said grimly, working quickly with the potions she had summoned.

Mrs Potter was a Healer in her younger days.

'What about James, Sirius...?' she asked Helen in a strained voice as she continued to work on Lily who had slid into unconsciousness.

Helen shook her head, fighting to suppress her tears.

'I don't know,' she whispered.

Mrs Potter nodded heavily; her mouth a taut line, and she continued to work on Lily.

---

'Will she be okay?' Helen asked as soon as Mrs Potter stood back from Lily and sighed.

Lily was now breathing normally.

Mrs Potter nodded.

'Yes, but she'll need rest to recover, though,' she said.

Helen sighed in relief.

'Thanks Mrs Potter… I have to go back now,' she said, kissing Mrs Potter on the cheek.

'Go back? Not by yourself!' she exclaimed.

Helen nodded.

'I have to… hopefully I'll see you later,' she said, disapparating before Mrs Potter could protest any further.

In her worry for Lily, Helen had not noticed that her disguise had faded prior to reaching Mrs Potter's house.

* * *

When she arrived in Hall's Valley- trying not to notice that she was stepping in a puddle of blood- she found herself face to face with the one person in the whole world whom she had tried to avoid for as long as possible. 

'Helen Asteria,' he drawled in his high-pitched voice menacingly. 'We meet again…'

Helen shivered involuntarily as she took a step back.

'Quite the flighty one aren't you?' he continued, his eyes burning her skin with their redness. 'But you won't escape me this time,' he said softly. 'Not now that I have you in the palm of my hand,' he said, flicking his wand lazily.

Helen reacted quickly, deflecting his body-binding curse.

A small smile played upon his lips.

'Ah, I see… so you would like to challenge my power then?' he asked, laughing a little. 'A little taste of what it means to _duel_ Lord Voldemort?'

Before Helen could respond, or even process what he had just said to her, he had sent her flying backwards, causing her to fall through the glass of a shop window.

She felt like screaming as the shards of glass pierced her skin, like little knives all over her body.

She wiped her lip which had become split and, unsteadily, tried to stand up.

She had to concentrate…

Ignoring the pain, and drawing an unsteady breath, Helen stepped through the broken window, her wand ready as Voldemort laughed at her with mirth.

'Just like Selene,' he spat. 'A worthless blood traitor.'

He wiped some of the blood from her face.

'But your blood will be useful for me,' he said to her, his lips curling as he rubbed it between his fingers. 'Had you not turned out to have been such a disappointment, of course, I may have spared you… but now that I see what you are…'

Helen's eyes widened and she took an instinctive step back.

'I won't hesitate to kill you once I have what I need. As for your daughter… I shall use her for my…'

Helen's blood boiled and she sent a curse at him.

He deflected it effortlessly.

'You think that you can match my power? That you can match me- when I have gone further down the path of immortality than any other wizard in history?'

Helen flinched as she felt her arms throbbing from the pain of her fall…

She was struggling to even hold her wand up now.

'Such a shame,' Voldemort continued. 'Compared to Selene… I was expecting much more of a fight,' he laughed a little to himself. 'In one flick of my wand I could have you dead,' he said.

Helen, breathing heavily, looked him in the eye, waiting.

'But not yet… I will, of course, kill you… but I need something else first…' he said, raising his wand.

Helen knew she should have tried harder- she really wasn't trying hard enough. She had given up far too easily.

But she felt so drained of energy now.

She had just spent the whole afternoon fighting relentlessly. Now, broken and injured as she was and, standing in the cold night with the wind blowing harshly in her face, she didn't know if she had it in her to care anymore…

Voldemort clenched his fist and she suddenly felt a wrenching pain in her chest and sunk to her knees. There was blood in her mouth… she saw blood pouring from her wounds and faintly registered him kneeling by her- collecting it in a vial he had conjured.

So this was the end.

She now regretted not trying hard enough. She didn't want to be responsible for her daughter's suffering at his hands… she didn't want to die without knowing that Sirius and all of her other friends had made it through this battle safely…

She didn't want to be responsible for making Voldemort stronger…

Failure.

Such a bitter word for Helen Asteria to swallow, and it would be the last she ever would.

* * *

'Mrs Potter!' Sirius shouted, supporting a profusely bleeding Remus Lupin with James. 'They've done St Mungo's.' 

'I know,' Mrs Potter said grimly. 'Helen brought Lily here earlier,' she said as they lay Remus on the couch.

'Lily?' James said sharply as Mrs Potter set to healing the gash in Remus' abdomen.

Mrs Potter nodded.

'She's in the spare bedroom- but don't wake her. She needs her rest.'

James had disapparated without another word- the short trip up the stairs evidently too long for him.

'Helen was here?' Sirius asked Mrs Potter.

Mrs Potter nodded.

'Yes, but she went back.'

Sirius looked apprehensive.

'I'm going to go back and look for her,' he said. 'Will Remus be okay?'

Mrs Potter nodded.

'Be careful Sirius.'

Sirius nodded and disapparated back to Hall's Valley.

---

He ran through the streets, trying not to look at the strewn bodies on the ground lest they be someone he knew…

Eventually, he found Frank Longbottom, leaning against a wall, breathing heavily.

'Frank, have you seen Helen?' he asked him urgently.

Frank's eyes widened and he bit his lip; avoiding Sirius' eyes.

'What? Do you know?' he asked urgently, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

Frank looked very uncomfortable, but he sighed and looked Sirius in the eye.

'Where is she?' Sirius said impatiently.

'Around the corner,' Frank whispered. 'I'm sorry, Sirius,' he added sympathetically.

Sirius felt winded as he registered what Frank had just implied. He leaned against the wall, gasping.

'What… did… you…say?' he said hoarsely.

Frank sighed and put a hand on Sirius' shoulder, but Sirius shrugged it off and ran around the corner.

It couldn't be true.

That couldn't have happened, because she was only with him earlier that afternoon and she was as healthy and as happy as one can be. She was with him- she was breathing, so she couldn't now just be…

He stopped as he turned the corner and saw her; lying in a pool of her own blood on the ground. He did not see Dumbledore 12ueling Voldemort up ahead. He did not see the deflected curses which were narrowly missing him…

He only saw her.

---

He dropped to his knees next to her- in her blood- and turned her gently, lifting her head and resting it on his knees.

He stroked her bloodless cheek and tenderly wiped the blood from her mouth with his sleeve.

He found her hand, cold as always, and brought it to his face, closing his eyes at this touch and feeling his cheeks becoming wet as he kissed her palm.

They say 'cold hands, warm heart'.

And yet her heart would no longer be warm either.

---

Sirius' eyelids fluttered open and, slowly, his world which had become soundless ever since he had seen Frank was suddenly infused with a surge of volume.

'Sirius, you need to let go of Helen,' Dumbledore repeated urgently. 'It will be too late otherwise.'

Sirius did not look up at the man who was his headmaster… he just looked at Helen.

There was no such thing as late or early anymore. There was no such thing as time…

'Sirius, she is still alive, please, let her go…'

But Sirius did not seem to hear Dumbledore and Dumbledore, sighing, conjured a portkey and, holding on to both Sirius and Helen, transported them away from Hall's Valley.

* * *

Slowly, Helen opened her eyes. She had never felt so drained of life; so weak. 

'Oh thank God! You're finally awake,' Lily's voice came.

Her breathing shallow, Helen turned to see Lily looking at her, smiling and looking very relieved.

'Are you feeling better?' Helen said slowly; her voice raspy.

Lily wiped her eyes quickly.

'Y…yes,' she said, nodding and smiling as brightly as she could.

Helen's eyes suddenly widened.

'Sirius? Is everyone…?'

Lily nodded.

'They're all fine- Remus got cut up a bit, but he's okay now. We all had to force Sirius out of the room so he could eat something and take a shower. You just missed him, though he wasn't looking too great anyway.'

Helen stared at the ceiling.

'What happened to me? How long have I been out?'

'Five days,' Lily whispered. 'We were so worried you'd never come out of it- you had lost so much blood…'

'What about everyone else from the Order?'

Lily shifted uncomfortably.

'We only found parts of Benjy,' she said, her nose twitching, 'Louise and Martin…. and…and Radha.'

Helen closed her eyes and swallowed. She knew that she _should_ cry, that she _should_ feel a horrible pain in her chest, but she was too sapped of energy.

'I should tell them that you're awake… I'm sure Mrs Potter needs to give you something,' Lily said, her voice breaking a little as she stood up suddenly and turned around, leaving Helen to wonder just how bad she looked.

* * *

The bedroom door opened and Sirius sidled into the room. To say that he was not looking his best would be an understatement. 

His skin was ghostly pale and there were dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep.

He also seemed to have lost some weight and looked as though it had been a long time since he had eaten his last meal.

Helen smiled hesitantly at him as he sat on the bed and looked into her eyes before leaning his head on her chest. She lifted a weak hand and placed it on the top of his head; her fingers toying with his hair every now and then as she held him close to her heart.

* * *

Mrs Potter bustled in, carrying a tray of various different vials, after a while. Slowly, Sirius sat up, but stayed where he was sitting on the bed and quietly took Helen's hand instead. 

Mrs Potter stared at Helen for a moment, taking a sharp intake of breath, before walking forward.

'How are you feeling, dear?' she asked, setting the vials on the bedside table.

'Weak,' Helen said truthfully.

Mrs Potter nodded and she and Sirius helped her to sit up.

'You lost a lot of blood… we're very lucky that you made it,' she said grimly, handing Helen a bright red vial, and lining up a few others.

'You've got a few to drink… and then I want you to eat something,' she said, patting Helen's head.

Helen grimaced after drinking the vial- it had a strange taste of blood- but Mrs Potter thrusted yet another bottle to Helen.

After drinking five vials- and feeling ready to gag should she see another one- Mrs Potter seemed to be satisfied.

'You've regained some colour which is good,' she commented. 'You were ghostly before… but you need to gain a bit of weight, so I'll cook something for you now.'

Helen nodded.

'Thanks so much Mrs Potter,' she said earnestly.

Mrs Potter kissed Helen's forehead and hugged her tightly; secure.

'You just make sure you get better and stay safe,' she said, separating from Helen and cupping her cheeks.

Helen managed to smile back before Mrs Potter turned and left Helen with Sirius.

* * *

'How… how are you feeling?' Sirius managed to ask as Helen lay back down wearily. 

Helen shrugged.

'I've been better,' she said with a small smile.

Sirius' brow furrowed and he cleared his throat quickly, fiddling with the ring on her finger.

'What happened? I can't remember…'

'Have you lost your memory?' Sirius said sharply, looking up at her with wide eyes.

Helen shook her head.

'No… no, I just… the last thing I remember was… _him_ collecting my blood and… I passed out.'

Sirius' lips became a thin line and he stared at the wall with a hard gaze.

'Dumbledore found you and started duelling Voldemort before he could take your blood, kill you and leave,' he said through gritted teeth.

There was a silence and Helen lifted a hand and placed it on his shoulder, rubbing it a little.

'When I found you,' he continued in a strangled voice, 'you… I thought…'

Helen pulled him back to lie with her and kissed him. He pulled back at first, looking into her eyes, before pulling her to him much more forcefully and held her to him more tightly than Helen had expected whilst he kissed her desperately.

Had she not tasted this desperation, Helen would probably have pulled away- she was still too weak.

But she didn't, and responded as much as she could in her condition because she had just realized how lucky she was to still be alive to be able to see him again.

* * *

'Here you go, dear,' Mrs Potter said, placing a large steak in front of Helen on a hospital food tray she had conjured some ten minutes later. 

Helen felt ready to throw up at the sight of it- especially seeing as she had just woken up.

Mrs Potter seemed to understand.

'You need the iron, dear. I know it might seem a bit much, but you really need as much iron as you can get...'

Suddenly, James, Remus, Marina, Peter and Lily appeared.

'HELEN!' they all called, sitting around her bed and all talking to her at once.

--

Helen managed to get away with only eating a quarter of her steak. The others continued to shoot information at her about what she had missed…

She listened half-heartedly, because there was one person she especially needed to talk to now…

Now that Voldemort had tried to collect her blood for some reason.

* * *

That night, Sirius was finally able to get some sleep as he lay next to Helen, his arms around her waist. 

He would never forget that moment when he thought he had lost her forever; that pain…

And even after then, when every second dragged by and she did not wake up…

But now she had woken up and he could breathe easily to some extent again.

He kissed her shoulder and pulled her more closely to him.

He knew that she couldn't stand being left behind at home, and yet it was so dangerous for her to leave it…

And he didn't think that he could deal with a moment like that dark Thursday ever again because- if there was an 'again'- he had a horrible feeling that he would not be so lucky to have her survive it.

* * *

... 

**Hmmm... Another meeting. Another very close meeting which did not end so well for Helen.**

**But good enought that she's still alive :)**

**As for other order members... I remembered how Remus said that it was something like 'twenty-to-one' and that members would be constantly dying.**

**The times really are tough.**

**Oh, and what does Voldemort want with Helen's blood?**

**Well, now that Uni has started for me and I have plenty of ridiuculous lecture and study hours, my updates won't be anywhere near as often as they have been...**

**SO please review me to give me an incentive to finish my evening every night with a bit of writing so that you may get the chapter sometime soon :)**

**Love Anya**


	74. Chapter 5: A White Wedding

'_**Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.' – Ambrose Bierce

* * *

**_

A White Wedding

'Ah… home,' Helen said as she and Sirius finally arrived back after a week.

Sirius glanced at her for a moment- a strange smile flitting across his lips as he locked the door behind them.

'What was that about?' Helen asked, looking at him closely.

'What?' he asked, casting her an innocent glance.

'That smile,' she said as they walked up the stairs. 'I can walk unassisted, by the way. I'm not a complete invalid,' she added shrewdly as she felt Sirius' arm around her waist, supporting her.

Sirius didn't take his arm away, though.

'It was nice hearing you call this 'home',' he shrugged.

Helen looked at him a little strangely.

'You asked,' he said defensively.

Helen shook her head at him as they walked into the bedroom.

'It's a bit musty in here,' she said, wrinkling her nose and opening the window. She sighed and leaned on the window sill, staring out at the night sky.

She felt his arms around her.

'What're you thinking?' he asked quietly.

She smiled a little and turned around.

'I'm thinking…' she said, kissing him softly.

'Mmm?'

'I just got an idea for your Christmas present.'

Sirius leant back a little.

'Christmas? Helen, it's only October,' he said, looking at her strangely.

'Oh I know,' Helen nodded. 'The idea just came to me though.'

'Okay, you need sleep. You're saying funny things again…'

'Oh come on! Sleep? It's been a week!'

Sirius raised an eyebrow at her and she pouted. He then suddenly grinned and scooped her up and carried her to the bed whilst she started laughing hysterically.

* * *

Helen didn't know how to deal with Sirius' change in attitude towards her. She would wake up to find him staring at her, he would do all of his housework without being told, and some of hers too… he even prepared breakfast every day, wouldn't argue with her at all, and always seemed to be very close to her.

She knew why he was behaving in such a manner, but had never realized just how much he needed her. It made her feel very guilty. Guilty for not trying hard enough in her last meeting with Voldemort, guilty for staying with him, and guilty for having allowed him to become so attached to her in the first place.

* * *

Sirius had left to get groceries when the doorbell rang.

'Professor!' she said, happy to see him.

She had many questions for her old headmaster.

'Albus to you now,' Dumbledore corrected, following Helen to the living room and accepting the cup of tea which she summoned for him.

They sat opposite each other in silence for a short while.

'I'm glad to see you looking better,' he said eventually.

Helen nodded.

'If it weren't for you, I'd be…'

'It's not safe for you to stay here anymore, Helen,' he interrupted.

Helen's face fell. It was one thing to know it, deep down, and another to hear Dumbledore telling her so. 'I told you this when you finished school. I was wrong in thinking that Voldemort wanted to produce a child with you. He wants your blood, and then you dead.'

'But why?' Helen interrupted, sounding frustrated.

Dumbledore's piercingly blue eyes looked into hers for a moment.

'I believe he wishes to transfuse your blood with his own. He wishes to enhance his powers and I won't deny that his doing so would greatly assist him in achieving this.'

Helen bit her lip.

'You gave up last Friday,' Dumbledore said, so quietly that Helen wasn't sure if she had actually heard it. 'Why?'

Helen closed her eyes and put her face in her hands.

'I'm so tired with it all, prof-Albus. I had been duelling for so long and I was just exhausted. I know it's not a good enough excuse, but…'

'You see, Helen, whilst your own wellbeing is a huge priority, I must also think of the wizarding world- as should you. Your staying here leaves you more vulnerable to attack and thus would make it easier for Voldemort to achieve his goal of using your blood for his own use.'

He paused and peered over his half-moon spectacles, waiting for her response.

'I can't leave,' she said quietly, fiddling with her ring.

'I do not pretend that it would be easy on either of you, but I'm sure Sirius would prefer you to be safe… of course, he could always go into hiding with you,' Dumbledore suggested.

Helen cleared her throat quickly.

'You know he never would with the war,' she said miserably. 'He couldn't leave his friends and the whole effort. I'm sure he would if I asked, but he'd be miserable.'

Dumbledore frowned.

'You do understand the risk you are taking by staying?' he said patiently.

Helen sighed and sat back in her armchair.

'Yes,' she said slowly. 'But I can be careful from now on. I won't go into battle- I'll stay with Mrs Potter and help her with the healing… I'll hardly leave the house… how dangerous can _that_ be?'

Dumbledore surveyed her for a moment and Helen tried (unsuccessfully) to gauge what he was thinking at that moment. He then looked down at his tea, drained his cup and placed it back on the saucer on the table.

'I understand that it is a hard decision for you,' he said. 'I shall leave you to think about it,' he said as he stood up.

Helen, feeling very miserable, nodded and followed him to the front door.

'Well, good day,' he nodded to her.

Helen nodded.

'Good day, Albus,' she said, waiting for him to disapparate before locking the front door and leaning against it, sinking slowly down to the floor.

* * *

Leaving was not an option for her. She could not do that to Sirius…

And she felt too selfish herself to ever give him up.

So, as she waited for Sirius to return home, she decided to busy herself with cleaning the house. It made the whole situation easier. She didn't have to think of anything but those mundane tasks. She did not use magic- that would have been too quick.

So she bent down on her knees and scrubbed at the kitchen floor. She knelt over the sinks with disinfectant and did everything manually so that she would not have to be confronted with her guilt which had been consuming her for so long.

As she was cleaning the bookcase, she found a wad of letters. Curious, she picked the parchments which were yellowing with antiquity and sat at the library desk.

It was written in an elegant hand which could only have been attained in a previous generation.

_Dear Selene,_

_I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking in letting you past the front doorstep, let alone letting you go all the way to Greece. I…_

The rest was scribbled out. Helen picked up another letter.

_Dear Selene,_

_Every day without you is torture……_

_Dear Selene,_

_I love you. I was stupid. Please come back._

_Dear Selene,_

_I wish that I could find a way of phrasing a letter to you properly. I've tried so many times and can never seem to get the right one. I suppose that's because there is no good way of apologizing for what I did, because it was inexcusable. I don't know how to tell you, though, how much I love you and how wrong I was in letting you go like I did. I know you probably don't want to read any of my apologies and especially don't want to come back… but please come back. If I knew where you were, I would be living on your doorstep…_

And he had given up on that letter yet again. Helen read through them all; all the unsent letters which Alphard had written for Selene…

All the letters which possibly could have saved her life- _both _his _and_ her lives.

The letters which could possibly have ended the Asteria Curse.

The letters which were never sent and which Selene had never read.

Helen wondered what it must have been like for Selene to die, thinking that Alphard didn't love her anymore. She wondered how she would feel if Sirius ever said something like that to her and then realized that she would probably feel just like Selene had.

She heard the front door shut and hastily stowed away the letters before going to meet Sirius.

'Hey,' she said, kissing him and helping him put away the groceries.

He gave her one of his 'lingering looks' before smiling at her and continuing to put away his purchases.

'What time's Lily coming tonight?' he asked.

'Around six, I think,' Helen said distractedly.

They had barely discussed Lily and James' upcoming wedding; the memory of their own disastrous one still a tender topic of conversation. That, and the fact that they had been so preoccupied with the events of the week before, that the impending wedding of the next day seemed to have taken them both by surprise.

Sirius nodded a little jerkily and Helen knew what was in it. Although he probably trusted Lily more than anyone else to ensure that Helen was kept safe, she knew that he was reluctant to leave her alone.

* * *

Suddenly, Lily had started hyperventilating.

Helen and Marina exchanged confused looks.

'Is everything alright, Lily?' Helen asked tentatively.

She had expected Lily to become a little emotional given the following day, but not such a melodramatic reaction from her practical friend.

'It's going to hurt,' she sobbed. 'I won't know what to do… what if I can't do it?'

'Do what, Lily?' Helen asked, confused.

Lily's eyes widened.

'IT. Do IT!' she whispered.

Helen and Marina goggled at Lily.

'Lily, are you a virgin?' Helen whispered in a low voice.

Helen knew that Lily was much chaster than she had ever been, but she thought that she and James had at least slept with each other before this point.

Gulping, Lily nodded with wide eyes.

Helen let out a laugh but stopped immediately as Lily started wailing again.

'Oh no Lily… it will be okay… you'll be virgins together… just laugh about it afterwards,' Helen said reassuringly.

'James is a virgin too?' Lily whispered.

Helen exchanged an exasperated look with Marina.

'Haven't you ever talked about sex with James?' Marina asked.

Lily looked at Marina as though she were mad.

'I guess not then,' Marina said to Helen who nodded.

'What was the saying? Never buy a car before taking it for a test drive first?' Helen said to Marina who laughed.

They both stopped and adopted somber faces upon registering Lily's quivering nose.

'Lily, it _will_ be fine,' Helen nodded.

Lily did not look convinced.

'It just might hurt a little at the start, though, and don't expect it to last too long if it's his first time,' Marina said sagely.

Helen nodded, although she had never slept with a virgin to know this.

Lily covered her face.

'But what do I do? How do you actually _do_ it?' she asked in a pained voice.

Helen let out a low whistle.

'Well, you'll probably be kissing first,' Marina said kindly, as though she were explaining a concept to a young child. 'And then you might start taking off each other's clothes, and then start touching each other perhaps,' she said, looking as though this was not her favourite topic of conversation.

Helen made a gagging noise.

'Well what do _you_ do, then?' Lily asked Helen.

Helen stopped, not expecting this.

'Uh, well… it depends. It's never really the same,' she said, scratching her head disconcertedly.

'HELEN! You're my maid of honour! Please help me!' Lily begged.

Helen took a deep breath.

'Right, so you'll both probably be lying down- I think that's best for your first time. I wouldn't try fancy positions for the first time,' she said, looking to Marina for her opinion.

Marina nodded.

'Yes, lying down's best,' she said.

'There are… positions?' Lily asked, screwing up her nose in disgust.

Helen groaned.

'Okay. We'll get to that on your one year anniversary,' she said to Lily. 'Now... you'll- as Marina said- hopefully be getting cuddly with each other. I suggest you try and enjoy that because it'll make the actual sex easier and you'll be more ready,' she said, trying not to explain too many gory details.

'Then what?' Lily whispered, from behind the hand which was covering her mouth.

'Well, then you'll both get naked… and,' Helen trailed off, trying to stifle a laugh at the ridiculousness of this situation.

'He'll probably ask you if you're ready and then he'll… you know,' Marina said, shrugging.

Lily tugged at her hair.

'That's just it!' she wailed. 'I don't know! What do I do? Do I just lie there? Am I meant to do anything? What am I meant to do? What happens?'

'Well you know what happens when a guy is aroused, right?' Marina said.

Lily rolled her eyes.

'Okay… so then he'll be ready and he'll… _enter you_,' she said delicately.

'Ask him to do it slowly,' Helen added.

'But it's best if he breaks your hymen quickly,' Marina nodded. 'That way the pain's over with quickly.'

Helen shrugged, not quite sure about this detail.

'And? Do I just lie there and let him do that to me?' Lily asked horrified.

'Pretty much, yeah,' Marina shrugged.

Lily gaped at the two girls.

'Why do people like sex? If it hurts… why do you let him do that to you?' she asked of Helen.

Helen laughed.

'You might start liking it after a few tries. You have to be more open to such things, Lily, because if you just look at it as something you're _meant_ to do, rather than something you _want_ to do, then you'll never enjoy it,' she said.

Lily looked at Helen sceptically.

'I don't think I'll ever enjoy it,' she said stiffly.

Marina sighed and Helen rolled her eyes.

'Is that all?' Helen asked, hoping to get off the topic so that she could send an owl to Sirius to have an emergency sex talk with James.

'No!' Lily said indignantly. 'What am I meant to do for the rest of it?'

'Well we don't know what James is going to do, so we can't really tell you,' Marina said.

'Well what do _you_ two usually do?'

'Yes, what do _you_ do, Helen?' Marina smirked at Helen.

Helen threw Marina a dirty look before turning to Lily who was looking at her with very frightened eyes.

She sighed. Some hen's night this was.

* * *

James and the others had already passed out and Sirius groaned when he heard the tapping on the window. Ruffling his hair and squinting through his hangover, he went to the window and took the letter.

His eyes widened and summoned two hangover tonics immediately.

--

He slapped James awake.

'Get up. Now,' he snapped at his friend.

'What?' James grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

'In the other room. Now,' Sirius demanded, pulling him out of the room to the spare bedroom.

'Mate, I'm getting married tomorrow and…'

'You haven't done it? Are you crazy? It's your wedding night tomorrow! Do you even _know_ what to do?' Sirius said exasperatedly.

James' eyes widened and he sunk on the bed nervously.

'No… I… I've always been too scared and now…'

He suddenly grew hoarse.

'Can you help me?' he asked desperately. 'I'd only ask you because…'

'Yeah, quit the brotherly crap,' Sirius said irritably. 'Before I explain to you the details- and I might add that it is very sorry indeed that you're still a virgin at eighteen- I am going to say that I am very disappointed in you. What the hell, mate? If you didn't know what to do, why did you just put it off? You could have just asked!'

James fidgeted with the covers and Sirius sighed and pulled up a chair.

'Right, so it's going to be her first time too, and she'll be just as freaked out about it as you are, if not more. All virgins are. She might even start crying before. If she does, just tell her you love her and all that crap.'

James looked at Sirius reproachfully, but Sirius shook his head.

'You need to be thinking the first time. Now, I'm just warning you that you're going to be rubbish your first time. You'll be lucky to last a few minutes,' he said.

'How long is it meant to go for?' James asked, raising his eyebrows.

Sirius coughed and took a deep breath.

'Er… don't work to time limits… just… you'll get better with practise…'

He paused.

'Right. So you should probably start by trying to make her feel good and comfortable…'

He paused again and wondered how much information James could handle.

--

James looked at Sirius with a horrified expression.

'I do what!' he almost shouted, looking ready to cry.

'She'll enjoy it,' Sirius said indignantly.

'But that's so… ew,' James said shuddering.

Sirius groaned and ran his hands through his hair.

'Do you want her to be properly ready for it or not?' he snapped at James.

James folded his arms in stubborn resistance. He was sure that Lily would never want him to do such a thing. He couldn't understand how Helen would even _think_ of letting Sirius do _that_ to her…

Sirius sighed.

'Okay, maybe that's a bit too graphic for your first time,' he conceded. 'But you definitely should consider it after a few goes… maybe once you both get over that 'ewness' which you seem to have,' he said, rolling his eyes.

James stared at Sirius who decided to continue.

James obviously still had a lot to learn.

'Right. So- seeing as you going down on her seems highly unlikely for tomorrow- you'll hopefully have enough backbone to touch her in some of the more sensitive places…'

James shuddered and Sirius waited patiently.

'Now when you get to actually… doing the deed… you should probably go slowly because she won't be used to being er… _stretched_… well, I don't think so anyway. Evans doesn't seem the type to use…'

James cleared his throat and Sirius stopped his detractions.

'Right… so go slowly. Now, if she's a virgin- which I'm pretty sure she is- she'll have this thing called the 'hymen'.'

'The what?' James asked, looking at Sirius as though he was mad.

Sirius sighed yet again.

* * *

'Look Lily,' Helen said as they were helping Lily put on her wedding dress the next morning. 'You're getting married. You've planned this since you were five. Forget about the sex until tonight,' she said, very tired of the topic by now.

Lily turned to face Helen; her eyes full of worry.

'But I wasn't thinking about having sex on my wedding night when I planned it!' she said.

Helen sighed.

'If you're _that_ worried, put it off until tomorrow. I'm sure James won't mind,' she said.

Lily looked as though this was a thoroughly appealing option.

'But it would be better if you got it over with tonight. I mean, it _is_ tradition and all,' Helen continued.

Lily bit her lip and Helen decided that enough was enough.

'Look, Lily, you are getting married in an hour. You're not a little girl any more. Sex is just a natural part of life. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for it. You're prude of a sister has had sex- everyone does it. It's really not that big a deal. Now, if you're not going to get over this right now but keep worrying about tonight, I'm going to modify your memory,' she warned. 'You're not ruining your day with this nonsense. If Marina and I can do it, so can you…'

'But you both can ride broomsticks and I can't,' Lily pointed out sadly.

Helen tried not to interpret this in a dirty way, but thought it might help Lily.

'Well, it's okay because James has enough talent with a broomstick for the both of you,' she said, a mischievous smile twisting her lips.

Lily looked at Helen strangely, until she gasped and clapped a hand to her mouth as she suddenly understood what Helen was implying.

* * *

Helen thanked God that something had gone wrong with the catering because Lily forgot about her wedding night very quickly and became absorbed in fixing the problem. After that, it seemed to have relaxed her so that, when it came for them to walk down the aisle, she was smiling happily.

As Helen walked down the aisle, she saw Sirius looking at her with an almost bitter-sweet expression and she suddenly knew how he felt.

This was what they had not managed to have, even though they had tried.

It was just another thing- like parents who loved them, like a normal life without the constant strain of being in danger- which they had grown to accept that they would never have.

But that did not detract from the slight sting which they still inevitably felt.

The ceremony was beautiful and both Lily and James seemed to have forgotten their fears as they smiled happily at each other and James finally kissed Lily once they had been pronounced man and wife. Both Mrs Potter and Mrs Evans were sobbing- and even Mr Evans was wiping his eyes constantly. 

Helen herself was so happy for both her friends who she loved as though they were her own siblings. She knew that they were meant for each other and was so happy that they were able to have such a wonderful day.

They deserved it.

* * *

The chatter died down as Sirius tapped his champagne glass to make his much-anticipated speech.

'_Hello all. Sirius Black, best man at your service,' _he started._ 'Now, if you're looking at the bride and groom today and thinking that they were always so blissfully in love, I hate to disappoint you, but that most definitely was not the case. Unfortunately, our Lily over here harboured rather antagonistic feelings towards my best mate and he always seemed to be on the receiving end of some horrible hex or scathing comment. By the end of our first six years, Lily had become a walking thesaurus for insults- 'toerag,' and 'big-headed prat' being amongst her favourite insults for her now- husband.'_

'_Now, I'll admit, that I probably wasn't the best man to come for advice for getting girls like Lily, and- unfortunately for James- he seemed to take my hopeless advice for quite a while. Yes, Mr Evans, you were right when you first met me- I'm probably not the type of boy you'd want any of your daughters to be getting too friendly with,'_ he said solemnly.

Helen and Lily snorted as they looked at Petunia's horrified face. Sirius flashed Petunia a charming grin and all the colour drained from her face, before Sirius continued:

'_So, let's be thankful that we had our clever-boy Remus over here with his ever-wise advice and he told James the golden advice for him to stop pestering Lily, every time he saw her, to go out with him because it became evident to us boys that Lily Evans was just not interested in dating bad-boys who spent most of their free time in detention.'_

He paused.

'_Anyway, so- cutting a long story short- James deflated his head a bit, I became depressed at having lost my chief partner in mischief, and he became a…ugh. He became a 'good boy' too. Eventually, Lily decided to give him a shot, and here they are now, having only had one fight which, personally, I find amazing. But, just so you know, mate, you're always welcome to stay in our spare bedroom if you get kicked out of yours,' _he said to James reassuringly.

'Thanks mate,' James said drily, but grinning nonetheless.

'_So now that you have committed that travesty which is marriage, make sure you don't forget us and, Lily, if you could let him out once in a while, I would greatly appreciate it because I'm going to miss having my best mate around,' _Sirius said, looking almost ready to cry himself.

Lily rolled her eyes.

'You _are_ capable of apparition,' she pointed out.

Sirius laughed.

'_Okay… so until there's a baby Prongs- or Lilykins, as the case may be- I would like to propose a toast to James and Lily- the best friends anyone could ever ask for.'_

As Lily was getting ready to throw her bouquet, Helen felt her ring drop and bent over to pick it up- not really caring for the bouquet as it was.

When she straightened up, the last thing she registered where many hard stems hitting the side of her head, before she slid into nothingness.

--

She slowly opened her eyes to find that she was resting her head on Sirius' knees in Lily's powder room.

'You know, most people lift their hands to catch the bouquet instead of waiting for it to hit them in the head,' he said in an amused voice.

'I dropped my ring,' Helen said indignantly. 'It's not my fault those stupid flowers hit me in the head.'

Sirius laughed.

'If marriage is hitting you in the head…'

'Maybe it means it'll be forced upon me,' Helen interrupted.

Sirius shrugged and Helen closed her eyes, feeling rather comfortable lying down.

'Can I shift you to the couch? My knees are starting to hurt,' he asked.

Helen nodded, and Sirius lifted her up and took her to he couch, resting her head on his lap.

'I must say, I was expecting a … 'less innocent,' speech,' Helen mused.

Sirius shrugged.

'I didn't want to upset Evans on her 'perfect day',' he said.

'That was nice of you,' she said quietly. 'But she's not 'Evans' anymore. She's 'Potter'.'

Sirius groaned.

'Well that won't do. I'll have to start calling her 'Lily' now,' he said, grinning.

'I think weddings and I just don't go,' Helen said after a while. 'On my own one, I end up having everything going wrong- and don't even end up married… on this one, I get knocked out… are you seeing a pattern here?' she asked, looking up at Sirius.

Sirius smiled a little.

'Do we know anyone else who's getting married? I think I might have to sit that one out,' she said.

'Well… Remus _did_ kiss Marina on the dancefloor just before you knocked yourself out,' he said thoughtfully.

Helen noticed that Sirius was fiddling with the ring on her finger absent-mindedly.

'You okay?' she asked quietly.

He shrugged.

'Sure. How about you? Do I need to take you home early?'

Helen looked at him incredulously.

'I can't just leave Lily! She'll start hyperventilating about losing her virginity in half an hour anyway,' she said.

Sirius laughed.

'Yeah, James will probably be the same,' he said shaking his head.

Helen lifted a hand and touched Sirius' face. He kissed it.

'I love you, you know that, right?' she said, thinking of Dumbledore's conversation again.

Sirius frowned.

'What's wrong?'

Helen laughed a little.

'Now! That's not doing too much for my morale! I tell you that I love you and you ask me what's wrong!' she exclaimed.

Sirius still looked at her expectantly.

She shrugged.

'You just looked a bit sad at times today,' she said.

'Sad?'

Helen bit her lip.

'Do you really think we need something like this,' she said, motioning around the room at Lily's veil and other wedding articles, 'to know that we love each other?' she asked. 'Do we need champagne, dancing, relatives… do we need all that to know that we're bound for life to each other anyway?' she continued, sitting up slowly.

Sirius leaned forward and kissed her.

'No,' he whispered, knowing that she was right.

In a way, it made him realise something: big weddings like this one- they were all a show.

But he didn't need to show anyone that he loved Helen, because she already knew that.

Of course he knew that James loved Lily and vice versa- there was no doubting that- but they were still tentative and hesitant with each other. They weren't on the same level of closeness which he and Helen shared.

But that closeness came at a price, because what had brought them _that_ close was the loss of a whole family which, despite what they pretended, they both still craved.

But, in the end, Sirius realised that it was a price that he was willing to pay.

* * *

**Now, before I say anything else, a BIG apology for a few parts of last chapter. I made a few inexcusable mistakes but they are now fixed. Here is what was wrong:**

**- a) Voldemort did not take Helen's blood.**

**- b) The trailer was wrong. A big sorry about that. I was far too confused having just returned from camp when I posted the chapter. I hope for such mistakes never occur again.**

**Now, with this chapter, of course Sirius laughed and all at James/Lily's wedding as it says that he did in the books. We just saw a few glimpses of his and Helen's sadness. **

**And Helen is having a hard time dealing with Dumbledore's suggestions as well now. Poor girl.**

**Now, next chapter will also be a little long. We'll hear from Remus a bit more, meet a new character and we find out what Helen's Christmas present to Sirius is.**

**I endeavour to update this time next week again :)**

**So, until then, please make me happy in my depressed state (due to the withdrawal symptoms I have from this story) and give me lots of reviews! **

**Love Anya**


	75. Chapter 6: Noel, 1978

'_**They do not love that do not show their love. The course of true love never did run smooth. Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love.' -**_**William Shakespeare

* * *

**

Noël, 1978

Sticking to her self-imposed restrictions was not easy for Helen. Each time there was a raid- and there seemed to be one almost every day- she would stay with Mrs Potter and wait for the injured to be brought to them. She was always kept very busy and whilst she was able to appreciate that her role as a kind of 'healer' was a hugely important one in the Order, the dread of not being able to know if Sirius or any of her other friends were okay was too much for her.

Once, Sirius came in injured once the raid was over and she nearly tore her hair out from worry. She did not see that he really only had a minor gash on his arm and was by no means a 'critical' patient. The fact that he was slightly injured was enough for her to be thrust into the agonising worry that perhaps he may have been targeted because of his tie to her…

'Are you feeling okay? You've been getting very thin lately,' Sirius remarked one evening as Helen was preparing dinner and pondering whether Voldemort might have heard of the concept of 'days off'.

If so, she desperately hoped that he would take a break and _not_ cause another rampage that night.

She shrugged.

'I haven't been doing it on purpose. People generally lose weight when they're worried,' she replied.

'But why are you so worried all the time?' he said, tilting casually back on his chair and balancing so that his hands were behind his head.

Helen rounded on him.

'Why? Because you'll probably get called out for some raid tonight and how am I meant to know that you'll come home? What if it's because of me…?'

Sirius came down on all four legs of his chair and rolled his eyes.

'I'm actually not that bad, you know,' he said a little stiffly.

'It's not about how good or bad you are! Look at me! I was meant to have been the best in our year by far and Voldemort made me look pretty stupid a month ago.'

Sirius flinched slightly at the memory but then turned to look at her levelly.

'So what do you want, then? What do you expect me to do? To _not_ go when James and Lily and Remus and Peter are risking their lives'

'See! That's what _I _feel like!'

'Yes, but you forget, _ma cherie_, that your situation is a bit different to mine. Anyway, so tell me. What do you want me to do?' he asked, raising his eyebrows and looking at her.

Helen thrust a plate of stuffed peppers in front of him and sat opposite him, looking very glum.

'Nothing. That's what makes it worse. I can't think of anything else you can do…'

She paused.

'But I know what _I_ should do,' she added in a very small voice.

Sirius let out a vehement sigh.

'We're not having this conversation. Look, you're starting to do my head in with all of this. Why can't we just be normal when we come home?'

'Because we can't pretend that what's going on outside isn't happening!'

'_I _know it's happening because I see it every fucking day,' he retorted heatedly. 'I don't need a reality check. I need time out and I never bloody get that because you're always going _on _and _on_…'

Helen lips pursed into a tight line and she stood up abruptly.

'James and Lily aren't home,' he sighed in a knowing voice as she stalked out of the room.

'No, but Remus is,' she snapped, walking out of the front door and disapparating with a crack.

* * *

'I can see where he's coming from, though,' Remus said to Helen fairly.

'But don't you think that I should leave?'

'No.'

'But…'

'If you really want to leave, you could and none of us would be able to stop you,' he said, handing her a mug of tea. 'But you don't want to leave because you haven't left, and none of us want you gone, so I think you should just try forgetting about that option.'

'But…'

'Yes, I do understand that you feel guilty. Of course you do, but it's not your fault and all you can do now is to make yourself useful for the Order- as you have recently- without getting into danger.'

Helen traced a finger around the rim of her mug and said nothing.

'It's hard for you, isn't it,' Remus said quietly.

Helen's brow furrowed and she chewed her lip.

'We all look after each other in battle. We work together… we're never alone so that one of us can be taken hostage. I won't promise that we're safe, but we're not as likely to get 'taken down' as some others.'

Helen nodded slowly.

'How's it going for you… and the other werewolves?' she asked after a while of silence.

Remus shrugged.

'Not good. I think we've just decided that they're a hopeless case,' he said heavily.

Helen looked up at Remus.

'I don't really understand it,' she confessed, 'how can you sit here and be the epitome of everything that's 'good' and 'moral'…'

Remus laughed.

'I wouldn't go _that_ far…'

'But you're the best out of all of us by far.'

She paused.

'Well, perhaps Lily could give you a run for her money. Anyway, the point is… how can you be so good and they can't see that they also have the ability to be good too- that being a 'werewolf' doesn't mean that they have to be bad?'

Remus looked into his fireplace.

'It's not easy being 'good,' you know,' he said slowly. 'I mean, I always thought that if I studied hard enough at school- and kept a clean enough record- that my condition would never be able to properly impact on my life… but that's not how the rest of the world sees me. To them, I could be as clever and as good as possible, and yet I would still be a monster. Look at this place I'm living in, for example. I grant that times are hard anyway and that no one really has a proper job, but how is it that Whittaker- who got half as many NEWTs as I did- has managed to secure a job with almost three times the salary as mine?'

Helen looked at Remus sadly. She had never properly appreciated just how hard his condition was.

'That's not fair,' she said, an edge to her tone.

'No, it's not, and that's why it's so hard for us to stay 'good' because whilst _we_ might try seeing ourselves as nothing other than normal people for the greater part of every month, that's not how everyone else sees us. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like if I never had people like you and the others who so openly accepted me for who I am and never found my condition to be a big deal.'

'You're a good person. You'd still be good,' Helen said confidently.

Remus surveyed her for a moment.

'Do you really think that people are the way they are because they're born that way? Don't you rather think that we're moulded into who we are because of the people we meet and our experiences in life?'

Helen considered this and nodded slowly.

'Yes… but people generally keep their natural temperaments,' she said.

'True,' Remus nodded, 'but do you believe that Snape- who was your friend for such a long time- would have gone to the Death Eaters if he wasn't in Slytherin?'

Helen said nothing.

'Snape who has almost always been a friendless oddball and was never able to fit in with anyone save for two Gryffindor girls who were unacceptable because of their blood?'

Helen's continued silence confirmed that she agreed with Remus upon this point.

'So back to us werewolves now. Do you understand why so many of them are the way they are? Embittered and miserly?'

Helen nodded and Remus smiled a little as they sat back for a while and reflected upon this.

'Will you come over to our place for Christmas Day?' she asked eventually. 'I want to invite everyone and do Christmas properly for once.'

'Will you be wanting a hand in the kitchen too?' he asked, winking at her.

Helen laughed.

'Sure. The more the merrier!'

'I'll make my famous Christmas pudding,' he nodded.

'That's it! I'm sending a photo of you in to Witch Weekly for the 'most eligible bachelor' competition,' she said seriously. 'Someone like you… you're every woman's dream and yet you're the world's best-kept secret! Marina might kill me, though…' she mused.

Remus shook his head at Helen but smiled nonetheless. He would never understand how they always seemed to manage to go from the most serious conversations to the most trivial in the time-frame of a few minutes.

* * *

When Helen arrived home that evening, there seemed to have been an unspoken truce between her and Sirius that they would not discuss their dinner argument. They spoke lightly on unimportant topics and remained very cordial towards each other.

Just as Helen was getting ready for bed, she heard a rapping on the window and, casting the most evil eye she could muster on Sirius' owl, went to ask him to relieve Maera of her letter.

As Sirius had long given up for reconciliation between the two females, he did not bother saying anything on the matter, but patted Maera and handed Helen her letter.

---

'Well thanks for inviting me,' Helen muttered sarcastically, sounding very annoyed as she lay back in bed, reading Mark's letter.

'Hm?'

'Mark got married and we weren't invited. He says he didn't want to 'put us in any danger',' she said, rolling her eyes.

'Tell him congratulations from me,' Sirius said sleepily, obviously not miffed by the lack of invite.

'Well as if I care that my parents were there…' she continued, reading further down the letter.

'I would have.'

She ignored Sirius' comment and continued to read the letter.

'Hmph.'

Sirius waited a moment before asking the question he knew that he was expected to ask.

'What's wrong now?' he sighed.

'He wants us to come over for Christmas Eve to meet Nicole.'

'And you… want to go or not?' he asked, feeling very confused with Helen's present feelings towards her brother.

'I _shouldn't_ want to go,' she said heatedly, 'but I want to see him still and I want to meet his wife too. Can we go?'

Sirius laughed a little and turned on his side to face her.

'I find it funny how you're the one who's asking my permission,' he said, sounding amused.

'In that case I'll decide before you answer: we're going,' she snapped, annoyed.

'You're rather irritable today, aren't you?'

He paused before continuing.

'Do you need some help relaxing?'

Helen turned around with her back to Sirius. He laughed a little and kissed her shoulder.

'Well goodnight then, _ma cherie._ I hope you're feeling better tomorrow,' he said, turning the other way.

'Hmph' was all the response he received.

* * *

'Well if it isn't my favourite witch in the whole wide world,' Mark grinned, opening the door to Helen and Sirius.

'Sirius,' he nodded, shaking Sirius' hand and letting them into his apartment.

'Nice place,' Sirius said, motioning at the artistically furnished apartment as he looked out of the window which had a view of the Seine river which was swallowing the delicate snowflakes which were falling from the sky.

'Mark! Are zey… ah! You must be Helene!' Nicole said, coming from what must have been the kitchen and walking up to Helen and kissing both cheeks.

Helen smiled.

'Helen, Nicole, Nicole, Helen- and this is Sirius, Helen's er…'

'_Cheri,_' Helen finished for Mark, smiling a little.

Nicole and Mark looked as though they didn't quite understand this joke, but they were all talking non-stop for most of the evening. They consumed numerous bottles of wine with Nicole's excellent cooking and laughed more than Helen or Sirius had been able to laugh in quite a long time.

Helen liked Nicole and could see what Mark saw in her. She was beautiful in a way which could only be attained by living in such a cultured capital as Paris for many years. Elegance and etiquette were second-nature to her and she did not seem perturbed for one moment that Helen and Sirius were magical (although the fact that her distant aunt was a witch probably aided with this).

* * *

'That was… strange,' Sirius said that evening, when they returned home.

Helen looked at him strangely.

'I found it to be quite a normal evening. Pray tell me what struck you as strange,' she said, turning for Sirius to unzip her dress.

He laughed.

'No, it was normal… that was what was so strange about it! I mean, that's what everyone does on Christmas Eve- they go visit their brothers or sisters… it just felt so strange- and nice- to be doing something which was so normal for once,' he said.

Helen lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

'Yeah, you're right,' she mused. 'We just did something normal… and nothing went wrong,' she added.

Sirius laughed and hugged her to him, kissing the top of her head.

* * *

'Should I be scared?' James asked Helen as she let him in the house.

Lily hit James and rolled her eyes.

'I can't believe I married him,' she muttered to Helen as they walked into the living room which was now decorated with a Christmas tree, presents and a large, warm fire in the fireplace.

Helen laughed and hugged Lily.

'How was last night?'

'I know anything and everything about quidditch,' Lily said, sounding rather annoyed. 'A Christmas Eve quidditch match. Who would have thought,' she continued irritably, picking out the toothpicks in her cheesecake a little too forcefully.

Helen patted Lily on the shoulder and went to answer the door.

'Hello Peter,' Helen said, opening the door for him and kissing him on each cheek, 'Merry Christmas!'

Peter nodded a little jerkily.

'Merry Christmas,' he said, handing her the bottle of wine he had brought and following her through the house.

'They're outside playing quidditch. God knows why,' Helen said, shaking her head. 'It's only minus four and snowing… but James is excited to try out some new moves he saw last night and you know how Sirius is.'

She stopped speaking and smiled at him.

'How was your Christmas Eve? You visited your Grandmother, didn't you?' she said, walking into the kitchen and setting down the wine bottle.

'Er… yes,' Peter lied smoothly.

No, he had _not_ visited his grandmother who had in fact died many years ago, but had spent his Christmas Eve relaying more information to Janis. The rest of the night was spent sitting uncomfortably amongst Bellatrix and his other old school peers.

The Dark Lord was thankfully preoccupied with a visit to Budapest.

'Well I doubt you want to join those two idiots outside so why don't you come in the living room with Lily and I? Marina and Remus should be arriving soon…' Helen said, leading him into the living room with her.

* * *

'How are things for you?' Helen asked Marina as they cleaned the dishes together whilst Lily tended to her mother-in-law.

Marina smiled.

'A lot better than they used to be,' she said truthfully. 'I don't know, I mean, the world's in a state of chaos, but I finally feel like I've got a proper grip on my life for once,' she said, sounding a little guilty.

Helen smiled at Marina.

'And Remus? How are you two going?'

Marina shrugged.

'I don't know. I don't think he wants me getting too close with him… I mean, I don't expect him to want to be with a girl with a history like me…'

'I don't think that's why,' Helen said quietly.

Marina glanced at Helen.

'Yeah, I know. He thinks that he shouldn't get involved with anyone,' Marina said sadly. 'I hate that. I mean, he's so much better than anyone else I was ever with…'

Helen's lips twitched a little.

'Sorry, but Sirius was actually a bastard at the time,' she said apologetically.

Helen laughed.

'Oh I agree! You'll never hear me disagreeing with _that…_'

Helen paused and became serious again.

'Just take it slowly with him. Don't push him too much. It's a big thing for him to get so involved with someone as he is with you now anyway… but trust me. You'll never find anyone better,' she said sagely.

Marina smiled a little and looked out of the window where Remus was standing with the other Marauders with a slightly dreamy look on her face.

* * *

Christmas day was even better than Christmas Eve for Helen and Sirius. Not only did nothing go wrong (excepting a drunk outburst by Mrs Potter during which she scolded Helen and Sirius for not being married, and James and Lily for not producing a son yet), but they were able to appreciate that warm feeling which they had so often heard about which one was supposed to feel when spending Christmas with their extended family.

'Sirius?' Helen asked as she leaned on his shoulder, finally alone again, whilst they stared into their fireplace. 'Did you take your contraceptive potion today?'

'Not yet- I will tonight, though,' he said.

Helen fell silent and continued to stare into the flames.

'Do you think that maybe you could not take it anymore?' she asked quietly.

Sirius shifted so that he could see her face.

She was hesitant, but hopeful at the same time.

'But…'

Helen nodded.

'I understand if you don't want to- that's fine… it's just that I keep on seeming to run into Voldemort these days, and …'

She paused.

'But it's not even about Voldemort, really,' she said earnestly. 'Are we just going to live like the two of us forever? Weren't we going to try having a family too?' she asked.

Sirius looked hesitant.

'I just… I don't know if I'd be a good dad,' he confessed.

Helen's face softened.

'Why not?' she asked. 'You already take so much care of me… of course you'd be a good dad!'

'Yeah, well I don't do a very good job of taking care of yourself seeing as you seem to 'always be running into Voldemort',' he said, a bitter edge to his tone.

Helen shook her head.

'You do, trust me. If there's something else, I'd understand… but I know you'd be a wonderful father,' she said sincerely.

A small smile played on Sirius' lips and a placed a hand on Helen's lower stomach.

'That's not a baby,' she said, a little shrewdly, 'that's just Christmas dinner.'

He laughed.

'No, but that's where it would be,' he said softly.

She nodded, feeling her heart grow warm.

He smiled and kissed her.

'Let's do it, then,' he said.

'I could interpret that in two ways,' Helen said, a wry smile twisting upon her lips.

Sirius laughed.

'Well, I meant both,' he said lightly, still smiling.

Helen rolled her eyes and kissed him, before withdrawing slightly and biting her lip.

'I… I don't know if it's possible for me to… become pregnant,' she said quietly. 'With the curse and all… I just don't want you to expect results straight away.'

Sirius shrugged.

'We'll never know if we don't try, right?' he said, brushing her cheek.

Helen nodded and smiled as he leant forward and kissed her again.

--

That night, sex was different to all the other times- it was more tentative; gentler. The thought of becoming parents- if not instantly, but at some stage- had brought out a different side in their natures; a softer one to their normally more volatile selves.

--

Sirius looked at Helen as she lay next to him and something caught his eye on her right shoulder blade. He glanced at her- her eyes were closed, a serene smile playing upon her lips. He lit his wand to find what looked like a series of dots joined by a line in black ink.

He traced over them, wondering when this innovation had appeared and why he wasn't informed of it.

'I see you've found my tattoo,' Helen murmured.

'What is it?' Sirius asked, frowning. 'Why would you get a tattoo like that?'

He could almost hear her rolling his eyes.

'It's the Canis Major constellation- the one with Sirius in it,' she said, opening her eyes sleepily.

'Oh,' was all Sirius could manage to say. 'Why?' he added eventually.

'Well I didn't think it was very fair that you had my name branded on your chest, and I thought that this one was more meaningful than getting your name on my back. See, now only you and I know what it means,' she said. 'And probably someone who pays proper attention to astronomy,' she added as an afterthought.

Sirius lay back so he was now facing her.

'And when did you get it?' he asked.

'The other day I managed to get out for a bit,' she said, not sounding guilty at all, although she still avoided his eyes. 'In my defence, Marina and Lily were with me,' she added.

'Evans… I mean, Lily- I'll never get used to that… knew about it?'

'Of course! She kept on telling me I was an idiot,' Helen said, smiling a little.

'So I gather that she has no such thing on her body,' Sirius said.

'No. She's still very angry at James for putting 'Lilykins' on his '_wonderful chest_,'' Helen said, rolling her eyes.

Sirius smiled and continued to trace over the lines on her shoulder blade.

'So _this_ was the mysterious Christmas present?' he said.

'Mmm.'

'I knew there was a reason I loved you,' Sirius grinned, kissing her. 'Merry Christmas, _ma __chérie__.'_

'And to you, _mon cheri_,' Helen replied, laughing as Sirius sat up to inspect the tattoo again.

* * *

**And there you go! Another chapter... and two days sooner than I promised (although, technically, I shouldn't have given it seeing as my review count seems to be dwindling. Hmph)**

**Well, did you like it? For once, nothing went wrong for Helen and Sirius and they were able to feel normal for a little :)**

**And... now they're trying to get her pregnant. We'll see how that works out.**

**Now. If I don't get more reviews, you won't be getting the next chapter so soon. BUT... I will say this about it:**

**_--Two characters who have played a rather prominent role in this story will die--_**

**But I'm not saying who, so if you want to find out, you had better review, hadn't you?**

**Love Anya**


	76. Chapter 7: Sunset

**"_What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset."- _Crowfoot**

* * *

Chapter 7- Sunset

'Not today,' Helen groaned heavily, leaning her head against Sirius' chest before getting up quickly as they readied themselves for another raid. 'Can't they ever take a break?' she said, sounding exasperated.

'First day of the fucking year too,' Sirius said angrily. 'See you later,' he said, pecking her on the cheek and disapparating quickly.

Helen stared at the spot which he had occupied only a few seconds ago and felt her heart become heavy yet again. Christmas had lulled her into a false security with a full week without any raids.

But now it had started again and she was left, yet again, to stay 'safe' as a makeshift healer.

* * *

'Fuck! It just keeps getting worse and worse..' Sirius said, pushing James out of the way of a red jet of light.

'Right… zero all?' James said as they saw Death Eaters approaching them.

'I'll bet I can kick your arse again this time,' Sirius said, grinning as he raised his wand and prepared to start duelling.

* * *

'Ah, Helen,' Mrs Potter said, hugging Helen and letting her into the house.

Helen slumped onto the couch moodily.

'I don't like this,' she said.

'It really is too dangerous for you,' Mrs Potter said reasonably.

Helen screwed up her nose.

'What's the point in studying hard and being so good in school if I can't put it to good use now?'

'Although I hope to be proven wrong, we _will_ have injured people brought here. You can put your skills to good use by saving them in that way. Do not think that being a Healer is an 'easy way out'. It is a very noble yet demanding job. There's a reason why they only allow for twenty new students every year...'

Helen nodded glumly, but did not seem to have been convinced.

Mrs Potter sighed.

'How about I show you a few new procedures now that we're waiting?'

* * *

The wait was not long at all. Not ten minutes had passed before an injured Gideon Prewett and Elphias Doge was brought to them by other Order Members.

'Right… Doge has had dragon pox, so I'll take care of him- you try fixing Prewett up,' Mrs Potter instructed Helen.

Helen walked up to him and tried to hold her countenance as she opened his shirt to see a large gaping wound in his abdomen.

'Will he be okay?' Fabian, from next to his brother, asked Helen urgently.

Helen opened her mouth, not knowing how she- she who had only dabbled in Healing spells whilst at school and tried to make do with her correspondence course- could possibly assure Fabian that his brother would be 'okay.'

Drawing a steady breath she concentrated on the wound and tried to use a wound healing spell on it. It partially healed, and she was relieved to see that the rest could be resolved with some dittany…

'He's fine now,' Helen nodded to Fabian. 'He'll come round soon and I'll give him a blood replacement potion then. Try and get him to eat meat for a while after his recovery…'

She was cut short by Fabian who had suddenly pulled her into a bone-crushing hug.

'Thank you so much,' he said, kissing each of her cheeks. 'You're an angel!'

Helen blushed a little and didn't know what to say.

'I need to go back now…. Look after him for me, okay?' he said, patting her arm before disapparating.

Mrs Potter came over to Helen.

'Excellent work,' she commended Helen. 'Can you take care of Hestia Jones over there? She's got a similar injury…'

---

Although Helen knew that she would have been put to good use if she were in battle, she suddenly appreciated that she was _needed_ as a Healer, that Mrs Potter could in no way have managed on her own, and that her work was probably just as vital for the Order as the members' who were duelling Death Eaters at present.

* * *

'Lily?' James shouted.

'What?' Lily shouted back irritably whilst she was duelling a Death Eater.

'Just checking that you're okay,' James replied, causing his Death Eater to fall and then aiming a curse at Lily's.

Lily rounded on him looking rather annoyed.

'You worry about your own Death Eaters. I'll worry about mi…'

She trailed off, the colour draining from her face as she grabbed James' wrist and pulled him suddenly to her side.

'Shit,' James muttered. 'Leave, Lily,' he said, pushing her behind him as they stared at the tall, cloaked figure in front of them who could only be one person.

But Lily stayed by James' side and managed to deflect the first curse which Voldemort had lazily flicked their way.

---

The both of them were duelling more ferociously than they had ever duelled before, and yet Lily felt some kind of thrill- standing with James as she was- which could only be induced by the strongest terror of their situation.

A killing curse narrowly missed her.

'Lily!' James exclaimed, pure horror in his tone.

'Yes?'

She heard James' sigh of relief and then felt him grab her around the waist as he pointed his wand to the ceiling, causing the stone to come crashing down, and successfully create a barrier between them and Voldemort.

'Let's go,' he said, apparating with her back to his old house without a second thought.

---

James' eyes widened as he surveyed what had become of his mother's living room: it was very full with injured members of the Order.

'James!' Helen called, spotting him across the room and running towards him.

Her hair had been tied back and she wiped the sweat from her blood-smeared forehead as she approached them and hugged them both.

'You're both okay,' she said, sounding relieved. 'Where's Sirius?'

James bit his lip.

'I don't know. We became separated at some point,' he said uncomfortably

Helen's eyes became wide with fear.

'Has it finished?' she asked in an unsteady voice.

'Pretty much. There weren't many Death Eaters left by the time we escaped Voldemort,' Lily said.

'Voldemort?' Helen whispered.

Lily and James nodded, their hold on each other's waists becoming tighter.

'So Sirius is still there?' Helen asked, sounding pained and desperate to leave.

'I'll go look for him now,' James nodded.

'You can't go back there!' Lily said, horrified.

Helen tried not to feel annoyed that Lily had just said this when Sirius may have been in danger and, without waiting for them to continue with their argument, disapparated to King's Cross Station.

* * *

It was now deserted and eerily silent. Dust and debris were abundant in the now-ruined station which had been such a feature of their school experience.

After all, it was at this very place that Helen had met Sirius for the first time.

'Sirius?' she called out tentatively.

There was no response and she continued to walk through the station, feeling sick as she stepped over nameless bodies, looking for him.

She walked further down and saw the flash of curses under an archway.

Taking a deep breath, she approached the archway to see not Sirius, as she had hoped, but Marina duelling with a dark-haired woman who had lost her Death Eater mask.

Helen vaguely remembered the woman from when she had been abducted to that faraway house during her NEWTs.

Their wands were blurs. Marina was covered in gashes, and beads of sweat were sliding down her face as she concentrated on duelling. Just as Helen was about to step forward to help her friend, though, she saw what she had only ever seen in her darkest nightmares.

It was so horrific, that she did not even believe that she had seen it as she saw that green jet hit Marina's chest. She expected Marina to sit up and show some signs of life.

But she didn't.

There she lay- that girl who had both tormented and saved her. The girl who understood her exactly.

The girl who really was closer than any sister could ever have been.

Dead.

The Death Eater's laugh brought reality back to Helen. Her blood boiled more than it ever had before.

Bellatrix's taunts were nothing in comparison to the fury which Helen felt now as the woman turned and faced Helen; still smiling smugly.

'Ah, the Asteria girl my Lord desires so much,' she said, pressing a finger to the Dark Mark on her wrist calmly.

Helen sent the woman flying back into the wall with a sickening thud. When the woman straightened up, she staggered and her hair no longer looked so immaculate anymore, as she adopted an ugly look of hate.

'You want to play rough? How about I send you the same way as your pathetic little friend…'

The taunt of Marina's death was too much for Helen. The woman wasn't able to finish her sentence as Helen used that Unforgivable Curse for the first time in her life.

She was beyond distinguishing right from wrong now. All she knew was that that woman had taken away one of her best friends and that she deserved the worst possible punishment.

---

How life had desensitised her. She remembered the first time she had killed a Death Eater and how horrified she had been. She felt so unclean afterwards and would see the dead face of that woman for months…

But now Helen felt no remorse. She did not feel anything, because she, and all those she loved, had suffered too much at the expense of those Death Eaters and she no longer cared for their wellbeing.

She had seen how they mercilessly tore apart families- how they had now torn apart what could have been a family between Remus and Marina, how they were threatening to separate her and Sirius…'

No. She was well past feeling sorry or any pity for Death Eaters, and did not even flinch at the thought of having killed a person for the second time in her life.

An eye for an eye.

* * *

'Where is she? Janis!' Voldemort demanded striding through the now-deserted station.

The sight of so many muggles, dead, filled him with satisfaction.

They were filth. They did not deserve to live. He was doing the wizarding world a service…

'Janis!' he demanded irritably.

He was sick of all those false alarms which his Death Eaters had sent his way. He probably wouldn't kill Janis for this false alarm- she was too useful- but she certainly had started to irritate him of late as she constantly tried to question him about that 'Asteria' girl.

* * *

Sirius groaned as he slowly stirred. Some idiot had blasted the ceiling and he had been knocked out by a falling brick.

It took him a few moments to register where he was, and why.

He sat up and squinted, rubbing his head which was sore. It seemed as though the fighting was over now. He was relieved to register this. He could go home, get cleaned up and sleep his headache off. And Helen would be there, and she would be warm and happy to see him and she'd hug him and cook and…

He fought to keep his eyes open as he slowly stood up.

'Sirius?' someone mumbled from next to him.

Sirius rubbed his eyes and turned to see Remus clutching his head which was bleeding.

'Oh, shit… here, mate, let me fix that,' Sirius said, gaining consciousness more quickly now and performing a wound-healing spell on Remus' forehead.

'Thanks,' Remus gasped in appreciation.

Helen had made a point of teaching him how to actually use 'wound-healing' spells properly.

'Where are the others?' Remus asked Sirius as they both stood up unsteadily.

'Dunno,' Sirius said. 'Is that someone duelling up there?'

Remus suddenly gasped.

'No, Sirius, it's _him._ Let's leave…'

* * *

Helen wiped her bleeding lip, her eyes blazing with fury.

She was going to kill that woman.

'Oh, forgive me,' Janis said in a mockingly polite voice. 'Were you _close_ with that girl?'

Helen needed no more taunts and caught that woman unawares. She would not refrain from using Avada Kedavra now.

Nothing was too evil anymore.

Finally, her curse hit the woman for the first time since they had started duelling. The woman's black eyes widened in surprise before becoming blank as she crumpled to the floor.

Helen stared at her corpse unflinchingly. There was no satisfaction in that Death Eater's death. It did not detract at all from the hole in her heart which she felt at having lost one of her best friends.

She turned slowly and looked at Marina who was lying sprawled on the floor.

Marina had deserved better. She truly had tried for atonement in her life. She had suffered more than any of them had suffered and she should not have gone like this.

'Janis!'

Helen turned around. She knew that voice, but was no longer afraid.

Nor was she willing to give up either. Not this time. She wouldn't let him win again.

---

Voldemort strode into the archway and his eyes fell on Helen, flickering momentarily to Janis' corpse on the floor.

'Ah, I see you met my most dedicated assistant,' he said lightly.

Helen glared at him unflinchingly.

'She was becoming bothersome anyway,' he said dismissively. 'But I will grant that she led me to you as her final act which deserves some commendation, I suppose,' he drawled.

Helen's nostrils flared.

'I did not expect you to be lured out of your hideout so easily. If only I knew… the way to get you… through your friends…'

Helen sent a curse at him and it narrowly missed him.

He clicked his tongue as he continued to approach her.

'Come now, Helen, that's not at all how Selene worked. She liked to fight… _fair_,' he said with a sarcastic laugh.

'And she was better than you,' Helen shouted. 'She beat you…'

Voldemort's face blanched and Helen worked quickly in undoing his wandless magic which tried to suspend her from the ground.

'She did not beat me,' he said through gritted teeth.

'She did. You lost to her in the duelling competition,' Helen continued to shout angrily. 'She was always better than you. You never killed her, she already wanted to die!'

It was true. Otherwise, Selene would never have written Helen that letter.

Voldemort swiped his wand, causing a gash to appear across Helen's cheek.

'She lost, just like you will,' he screamed, twirling his wand.

Helen deflected his curses and shot as many as she could back to him. It was hard, and she stumbled a few times, but she somehow managed to keep up…

---

Voldemort looked at her in cold fury as Helen had managed to exploit his exposed stance and hit his abdomen with a curse, causing him to become temporarily winded.

* * *

'Has anyone seen Helen?' Mrs Potter asked James, Lily, Remus, Sirius and Peter who were standing in the corner of the filled living room.

Remus suddenly looked around.

'Is Marina here? She said she would bring Jonah Fletcher to you.'

Mrs Potter bit her lip and looked at Remus strangely.

'She never came here, Remus,' she said quietly.

The colour drained from their faces as they looked at Mrs Potter and before anything else was said, they all apparated back to King's Cross station.

* * *

Sirius let go of Helen as they apparated back into their kitchen.

'What the hell is wrong with you?' he shouted angrily. 'Do you _want_ to die?'

Helen was trying not to completely break down as she kept on remembering Marina falling.

'You know, I've never felt like actually hitting you before now,' he continued to rant. 'What were you playing at by going back there?'

Tears slid down Helen's cheeks as she tried, unsuccessfully, not to think about Marina.

'I thought something had happened to you,' she choked.

'So what? You said that you would stay put whenever we had raids,' he said.

Helen's eyes flashed dangerously.

'Marina just died. Can't you have some respect?' she said angrily, turning to leave the room.

He grabbed her arm.

'This has nothing to do with Marina. If you're unable to stay put, maybe you should leave. If it's too hard for you to stay here when you know there's fighting, you're better off in hiding.'

Helen stared at him for a moment. She couldn't believe that he had actually said that.

'You want me to… leave?' she said, withdrawing her arm from his grip.

Sirius sighed and turned his back to her.

'I'd rather you safe and away from me than… _dead_.'

She stared at him before nodding numbly and leaving the room quietly.

* * *

He sat at the kitchen table, chewing his lip and clenching his fists. Marina had died today, and Remus was a wreck now. If he didn't know Remus better than to know that he needed solitude now, he would be with his friend at this moment.

He tried to block out the memories as they had apparated to the station- Remus' state of grief, Lily's tears… and then how he and James had to find a way to create a diversion to get Helen away from Voldemort…

It felt so strange for him to think of Marina as being… gone. He grimaced at the thought that, once, he had been as physically close as two people can get with her.

Now she was dead.

Personally, he had never felt that close to Marina. Even once Helen became friends with her again, they each kept each other at arm's length. Their history caused too much awkwardness between them.

And now he had just told Helen that she should leave- what she had been expecting him to say (yet hoping that he wouldn't) for a long time.

He thought of what it had been like to find her today. She was different, this time. She was duelling Voldemort, and doing a formidable job of it too. This, however, did not detract from making the blood in his veins turn to ice as he saw every narrow miss…

The worst part of it was that he understood her turmoil and suffering. Of course, for someone as good as she was, she felt underused. She felt useless, staying at home and acting as some makeshift healer for the injured Order members when they all knew that she would have made all of their lives easier if she were out on the field.

But that was a risk which he was not willing to allow.

* * *

He leaned against the doorframe of their bedroom and saw her manually packing away her clothes in her trunk- possibly to stall the process of leaving. She kept on drawing jaded breaths in between her tears and was constantly sniffing.

He wouldn't let her leave. Especially not like this.

Slowly, he walked up to her and drew her into his arms. It wasn't hard; she burst out into unrestrained sobs against his chest almost instantly.

He flicked his wand, sending her clothes back to her wardrobe, and sending her trunk back to its position under the bed.

'Hey,' he said softly, kissing her forehead. 'Sh…'

'Marina…' she cried, burying her face in her hands again.

He sighed heavily and drew her closer to him, not knowing what to say which could make anything better.

Because, in truth, he knew that- when you lose someone who you love- there is nothing that can be said to ease that wrenching the pain.

After five minutes, she withdrew from him and, taking a deep breath, walked back to the wardrobe.

'I'll leave after the funeral,' she said quietly and distantly, her back to him as she began to sort through her clothes yet again.

'You're not leaving, Helen,' Sirius sighed heavily, very much regretting letting those words slip earlier.

She didn't respond but continued to silently go through her clothes.

---

She did not speak to him for the rest of that night, and he found it very hard to approach her. He was unsure whether she was actually serious about leaving, or whether it just her grief over Marina. All he did know was that she went about her usual business quietly- cooking dinner, but not sitting at the table and eating it- doing the laundry and, finally, retiring to bed early that evening.

Only this time, she was sleeping in her old room which had not been used since their first holidays of living together.

* * *

The funeral was very small. It only consisted of Lily, Helen and the Marauders. Helen and Lily stuck with Remus whilst the other three stood to the side of the simple grave plot. Eventually, the others left, leaving Sirius, Helen and Remus; Sirius staying because he was still unsure about Helen.

'Can you give us a while?' she asked him in a gravelly voice, not looking at him directly.

Because he didn't know what else to say or what to do, he left and hoped that Remus might be enough to keep her in check, even if he was in a state of unrestrained grief.

---

'She's g…gone,' Remus whispered.

Helen nodded, wiping her eyes.

'I loved her,' he said after a while of silence. 'I never told her… but I did. She was really an amazing girl… so… so… s…strong,' he said, his voice cracking on the last word.

Helen hugged Remus.

'She was the strongest of us all. She always deserved better than what she got,' she said quietly.

It was true. Out of all of them, Marina truly had had the hardest life. She had endured far worse than any of them, and yet she never once complained. She simply had put on a brave face and went on surviving.

Perhaps that was why her death had shocked Helen so much- because she had always seen Marina as a survivor who would always get up, no matter how hard the blow she was dealt.

But Marina would never get up again, and the group was now experiencing what they always knew they would, but had hoped that they wouldn't:

Loss.

* * *

Sirius paced the hallway nervously. Helen's clothes were still at home, so it was unlikely that she had already left, but at least three hours had passed since he left her at Marina's grave.

After another half hour, he heard her apparate and opened the front door to find her looking more lost and confused than he had ever seen her.

'You're not leaving. I was just angry at you about Voldemort… please don't leave, I'm sorry for talking to you like that,' he said in one breath, trying to stall the moment of her response for as long as possible.

She glanced up at him, but did not come in the house.

'Aren't you coming in?'

She looked down.

'Can we go for a walk?' she asked. 'I'm tired of staying inside.'

* * *

'So you think I should leave?' she asked quietly after they had been walking for a while.

Sirius couldn't bring himself to say that she really shouldn't be outside in the open like this.

'No, I don't think you should leave,' he said through gritted teeth. 'I already told you- I was just mad at you.'

Helen squinted ahead at the slowly setting sun.

'Are you just saying that?'

'Look, Helen I…' he begun, sounding frustrated that she was pursuing the matter still.

Helen shook her head.

'Okay. But you'd tell me if you wanted me to leave, right?' she said.

'That'll never happen,' he said heatedly.

Helen said nothing, but chewed her lip.

'There was so much more I had wanted from life,' Sirius said, leaning his head against the oak tree they were sitting against and staring out at the auburn horizon.

'You're not exactly old enough to be saying things like that. We're only eighteen,' Helen murmured, wincing as this thought made Marina's death seem even worse, if that was possible.

Sirius sighed and began playing with her ring- an accustomed habit of his now.

'No, I know… but… I'm starting to think that living to a decent age is less likely these days.'

There was a pause.

'What did you dream of?' Helen asked, leaning her head against his chest.

He wrinkled his nose.

'Definitely not this… I mean, everyone would be happy, I'd be doing auror training with James, like we always said we would…'

He shrugged, but Helen nodded.

'I would have wanted things to be different too,' she sighed. 'I highly doubt that I would be trying to get pregnant at this age in a normal world,' she said bitterly. 'And Marina would still be alive.'

Sirius kissed the top of her head.

'I think that's part of why I got so angry at you,' he said quietly. 'I had just seen Remus lose someone who he loved and then I saw you duelling _him_…'

He shivered a little.

'You don't know how much the idea of losing you scares me,' he whispered.

Helen made a noise.

'But don't you understand?' she said in a pained voice. 'That's what brought me there in the first place. James and Lily didn't know where you were, most people from the Order had returned…' she trailed off and nestled into his shoulder.

Sirius said nothing, but twirled a lock of her hair with his fingers absent-mindedly.

'Shall we go home?' he suggested eventually.

Helen shook her head.

'Let's stay here a while. It's so beautiful,' she said, staring ahead again at the brilliant sunset and wondering how many of them they had left to enjoy.

* * *

**Ah... this chapter was so hard to write. Marina was the first character I've created who I've killed off and... it was very very hard.**

**Janis was a little easier. **

**Now. A very BIG thankyou for all those reviews for the last chapter :) They made me very happy.**

_'I can't believe it. She killed herself.'_

**Yes, unfortunately a bit more darkness.**

**So, let's continue the great reviewing work and I shall try getting the next one to you soon!**

**Love Anya**


	77. Chapter 8: Gloomy Sunday

'_**Sunday is gloomy  
with shadows I spend it all  
My heart and I have decided to end it all  
Soon there'll be flowers and prayers that are sad, I know, Let them not weep,  
Let them know that I'm glad to go **_

**_Death is no dream,  
For in death I'm caressing you  
With the last breath of my soul I'll be blessing you  
Gloomy Sunday'_**

_**- '**_**Gloomy Sunday' **

Gloomy Sunday

Remus became quieter and more introverted than ever. Helen became paler and thinner, Peter started to lose his hair, Sirius became haughtier- a smile being a rare occurrence on his features, James stopped flying and grew peakier, and Lily looked constantly tired as everyone became used to seeing the dark circles around her eyes. 

More and more members of the Order, and innocent civilians, were killed and the group which had once been so alive and bright was now silent. None of them had dreams any more, because they could lead to nightmares. They woke up in the morning, ate, bathed, fought, ate again, and slept. 

That was what the war had done- it had taken away their lives, because, now, they only existed.

To make matters worse for Helen, she was still very much not pregnant. Although there was not much time for her and Sirius to actually try- they were either too busy or too tired… or not in the mood, she still had that nagging feeling in the back of her mind that, perhaps, it was not possible for her to conceive a child.

She herself held mixed feelings about bringing a child into such a world. Surely it was not a good or healthy environment for a child to grow up in, but she also felt that it would help her so much by having company whenever Sirius left…

And then there was the idea that she and Sirius could expand their little world at home and that, perhaps, a new life might bring some much-needed joy into their lives.

In any case, the thought of being pregnant would make Helen smile when she was feeling terrible, so she supposed that it had to be a good thing.

Soon, Helen turned nineteen, as did Sirius shortly after her. Helen made a cake for both occasions, but there were no candles or birthday songs or presents as there were raids on those days. Sirius himself forgot about them, and seemed too tired to try and figure out why Helen had baked cakes in such times. 

* * *

As though by a reflex action, Sirius sat up at five am and got up to get dressed. Tiredly, Helen stirred.

'What are you doing?' she mumbled

She heard Sirius pause as he groaned, took off his robes, and sunk back into bed.

'I'm so used to getting up at this time,' he said, his voice thick with fatigue.

---

Some three hours later, they woke up and were pleasantly surprised to find that they had not been woken up for a raid. Helen was bordering on tears from happiness- the lack of sleep of the previous weeks had unhinged her quite a bit.

'If only every day was like this,' Sirius said, stretching his arms. 'I never thought I'd get excited about an eight o'clock sleep-in. That used to be early for me,' he said, sounding genuinely happier than he had been for a long time now that he was fresh, having just experienced the joys of a full eight hours of sleep.

---

The day passed more pleasantly than any of them could have wished. Helen even managed to salvage half an hour to herself to touch the piano- something which she had not done in many months.

And it was very evident in her playing, causing her to become very frustrated, very quickly. When she started banging discords in her annoyance, Sirius appeared at the door, looking at her with an amused expression.

'Should I leave for my safety or does your anger only extend to the innocent piano?' he asked, his lips twitching.

Helen scowled.

'I can't believe it. I can't play anymore.'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'You can play… you just probably aren't up to your old standards. I mean, what did you expect? If you don't play, of course you're going to become rusty.'

Helen pursed her lips and looked back to the piano, looking very annoyed.

'Seriously, Helen,' he said, coming up to her and working on the knots in her shoulders. 'We've just had the morning off. Please try looking a bit happier.'

She laughed a little and leant back against him.

_---_

'Well I never had sex on a piano before,' Helen mused as she tried to regain her breath.

Sirius grinned a little to himself.

'What?'

'If I knew that there were such ways to make the piano fun, I would have practised a lot more when I was younger,' he said.

Helen rolled her eyes but then grinned a little too.

'I'll never look at the piano the same way again,' she said in a mock-sad voice. 'How could I have known back then- the innocent little girl that I was- that the piano could be used in such ways…'

Sirius snorted and Helen raised her eyebrows at him.

'Sorry,' he laughed. 'It's just funny hearing you call yourself 'innocent.' It must be because you grew out of that innocence by the time I met you,' he said, keeping a very straight face. 

'Why, you…' Helen said, hitting him.

He grabbed her wrists and she stopped, although her right hand kept twitching every now and then.

Sirius clicked his tongue.

'Now, if we're going to have a kid, you'll have to learn to control your temper better than that. Imagine how traumatic it would be for a child to grow up with a father-beating-mother?'

'It would be nowhere near as traumatic for the child, than the thought that its father actually is the father…'

'Well, given the mother's promiscuous past, the child would never really be completely sure of that…'

'Promiscuous past? Ha! What about the father? That poor child would be looking at every other child wondering if they're its illegitimate brother or sister.'

Sirius took a breath to respond before furrowing his brow.

'How did we descend to such low levels of conversation?' he asked.

Helen considered it before shrugging.

'Let's face it. We're all going mad. Next thing you know, we'll be talking to ourselves…'

'Should I remind you that you already do_, ma cherie?'_

_Helen managed to hit him one last time before sitting up._

'I've had enough of this,' she announced, looking around for her bra and reaching up on the top of the piano until she found it.

'I'm sorry to hear that,' Sirius smirked, sitting up on his elbows.

'Grow up.'

'You're just as much a kid as I am… I mean, technically, we're still teenagers,' he pointed out. 'I don't want to grow up before my time.'

Helen looked at him incredulously.

'What's wrong with you today? You've had too much sleep,' she said, shaking her head at him.

'Wait…' he said, taking her shirt away from her. He turned to look at her back for a moment, a smile playing on his lips, before he handed her shirt to her.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Like you don't see that tattoo every night anyway,' she said, standing up and dusting herself off.

'It's usually dark at night,' he said lamely. 

Helen sighed and got up from under the piano. She couldn't deny, though, that saying stupid things and having such a silly conversation was very refreshing.

* * *

Peter approached the room timidly and froze as he saw Sirius coming out of it.

Sirius? A Death Eater too?

He relaxed and shook his head as he gained a clearer view. It wasn't Sirius, but his younger brother, Regulus.

Just as well. He nearly had a cardiac arrest for a moment there.

Regulus ignored Peter as he strode past him, a houself tailing after him.

'Enter,' the Dark Lord's high-pitched drawl commanded Peter.

It was much more frightening for Peter to come here now that he no longer had Janis to advise him on what to and what not to say. She had been a good friend to him, and he really missed her.

What hurt the most, however, was the fact that it had been Helen who killed Janis. She had taken his best friend away from him, and that had really changed his opinion of her

He could understand that Helen was angry at having lost one of her best friends, but he found it hard to desire her anymore now that he kept on thinking of how she had killed Janis. 

He would always feel as though he was betraying Janis, if he was ever to get her…

And that, in itself, was highly unlikely. He had finally come to realise that Helen was not interested in anyone but Sirius, and probably never would be.

Were they really that compatible anyway? He saw her interactions with Sirius; they were so quick-witted and full of inside jokes that left them all exchanging glances in confusion. Although he would have liked to have been clever enough to be able to keep up with her at such a pace, he thought that it must be very exhausting to be constantly kept on his toes- as he always was when around Helen.

And then there was the fact that he was almost scared of her. She could kill, and he shuddered to think of what she might do should she ever find out about what he was doing.

Was it possible to keep such a secret if he and she ever got together? It seemed highly unlikely. In fact, everything about her seemed, to him, highly unlikely and he had now finally decided that they were incompatible and that, whilst she was beautiful, she was not for him.

* * *

Helen surveyed Sirius.

'On a scale of one to ten, how opposed would you say that you are to eating fish?' she asked.

He wrinkled his nose.

'Ten.'

Helen nodded slowly and continued to eat.

'Why?'

She shrugged.

'It's healthy… and I saw a good recipe the other day,' she lied.

The truth was that she was seriously beginning to doubt her ability to conceive and was now trying to think of all the things which could possibly help her situation. Five months had passed since they had first tried and her periods were coming as regularly as ever. Sirius never said anything nor did he ask her about it; he seemed to think it was too sensitive a topic to bring up with her.

They both looked up as there was a rapping on the window. It was Mark's owl.

Helen and Sirius had invested in one for Mark and Nicole's Christmas present. It was, after all, extremely useful in enabling quick communication.

Helen got up and relieved the owl of her letter.

_Dear Helen,_

_Dad just called me to tell me that Christina killed herself last night. She had just won some big piano competition in Vienna._

_The funeral is tomorrow at 10- at that church we used to go to. _

_Mark._

The letter fell to the table.

'Oh no… no,' Helen said softly, her brow furrowing in pain.

'What is it?' Sirius asked, sitting up and looking concerned.

Helen shook her head.

'No, Christina… I can't believe it. She killed herself… no… no…' she kept on repeating, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath whilst screwing up her face.

Sirius took the letter from the table and, after glancing at it, comprehension dawned upon his features. He drew a chair next to her, but Helen stood up abruptly and paced the kitchen.

'It's my fault. I should never have left,' she said through gritted teeth, sounding as though she was fighting a huge battle to remain composed whilst her voice wavered dangerously.

'They kicked you out, Helen, you couldn't…'

'It nearly happened to me,' she said, rounding on Sirius. 'I should have known… God! What was I thinking in leaving her alone in that place? I should have taken her with me… I could have worked and…'

Sirius thought that now was probably not the best time to try reasoning with her.

'It's not your fault, Helen,' he said quietly.

'Yes. Yes it is… I'm to blame, and so is Mark and… my parents! Especially them! They put us all under that fucking pressure and she was the last one they had left to get something out of her… and of course it was too much. You don't understand what living there was like. It would drive the most grounded person to…'

Her breath caught and she chewed her bottom lip as a tear slid down her cheek.

She turned to the sink abruptly and leant on it, taking deep breaths.

'I've been selfish,' she said finally, regret and guilt heavy in her tone.

'No you haven't… you…'

'Yes. It was all very well for me to wallow in my own self-pity and then have a nice time here with you, but I didn't stop to think, did I, what I was doing when I left her to them… I… just thought about myself…' she said angrily.

Sirius looked at Helen sadly.

'You tried suicide and you had Mark and her there. I don't think it would have ultimately made a difference,' he said.

Helen shook her head vehemently.

'I could have taken her away from them…'

'You couldn't. She was their daughter.'

'And she was my sister! I should have looked out for her… especially after my attempt… oh God,' she said, suddenly, sinking into a chair. 'It's my fault. She was copying what I did,' she said, drawing a jaded breath.

There was suddenly a crack in their living room, signalling another raid.

'Stay here… go to bed,' Sirius said, knowing she wouldn't.

Helen shook her head, and wondered how she could possibly treat anyone in the state that she was in.

* * *

They arrived home at four am, mentally and physically exhausted.

'I'm going to the funeral tomorrow… today,' Helen told Sirius.

He tucked back her hair and pulled her towards him.

'Do you want me there?' he said, trying not to yawn.

Helen looked into his eyes searchingly for a moment before nodding and leaning into his chest.

It would make facing her parents again much easier.

* * *

Sirius glanced at Helen as they apparated in front of the church. Her face was very pale and she looked both in grief, and nervous.

He put an arm around her waist.

'You ready?' he asked.

She took a deep breath and suddenly bit her lip.

'If… if people ask… could you just pretend that we're actually married?' she asked in a wavering voice.

Sirius shrugged.

'Like we're not already.'

She looked a little more relieved.

'We're here for your sister… forget about them,' he said to her.

'Helen.'

Helen turned around to see Mark and she flung her arms around her brother's neck, hugging him tightly. He took a sharp intake of breath.

Eventually, they separated and they looked to the church.

'Let's go,' he said quietly.

* * *

Helen closed her eyes as she sat in a pew, amongst her whole extended 'family', not bothering to wipe her eyes anymore.

She had forgotten her sister… now she was lying in the casket at the altar, dead.

She drew in an unsteady breath, becoming engulfed in the heavy scent of the priest's incense, as she remembered…

'_Go to bed,' he ordered her in a distant tone, not looking at her._

_She stared at her parents, trying to salvage some form of forgiveness from them for having failed them so terribly._

_But she received none._

'_Leave!' he repeated. _

'_Go to bed, Eleni,' she said in a cold, distant tone. 'You have a lesson tomorrow morning, seeing as you blundered your big chance tonight.'_

_Helen felt her heart shattering and sick to her core. She stared at them for a few seconds more before leaving the kitchen quickly, her vision becoming blurred by her tears._

'_Pst.'_

'_Not now Mark,' she said in a gravelly and weary voice._

'_It's okay… it's not the end of the world. It was just a competition…' he persisted._

'_Leave me alone,' she snapped, locking herself in the bathroom._

_She stared at her reflection in the mirror._

'_You're pathetic,' she told her reflection. 'You screwed it up. Worthless… you don't deserve to live…'_

_Tears started to form but she wiped them away quickly._

'_Don't cry, Helen,' she warned herself angrily. 'Don't you dare cry.'_

_She stared at her reflection for a little longer before her eyes suddenly lit up. _

'_Yes. That's a good idea… then it won't matter anymore. Then nothing will matter… oh well, you're useless anyway…'_

_Her breath caught on this last statement as she started rummaging through the medicine cabinet desperately._

_She found the pills she was looking for and carefully unscrewed the lid, before pausing and looking back to her reflection._

_She looked at herself, laughing a little, hysterically, before overturning the contents of the pill box into her mouth and quickly turning the tap on and drinking; forcing herself to swallow._

_And it was done._

_She carefully turned the tap off and fixed the pill box before straightening up and looking back to her reflection._

'_Shouldn't be too long now…'_

_She wasn't strong enough, however. Tears started sliding down her cheeks and, she was then sobbing uncontrollably until she felt that unbearable pain in her abdomen._

_There was no going back. She realised this, just before sliding off into unconsciousness._

This memory kept on replaying in Helen's mind throughout the service, because she knew that it would have been similar in Christina's case…

But she had _won_ her competition.

It seemed like the pressure of their parents had been too much for her. Or perhaps she couldn't bring herself to tell her parents that she didn't want to be a pianist…

Helen glanced at her parents who were sitting in the front row and felt almost shocked as she watched them:

She had never seen two people who were more broken, and she suddenly understood why.

Each of their three children had left them in some way.

Her parents looked in a state of utmost grief over Christina's death. Her mother kept on sobbing loudly and her father looked dead himself.

But Helen could not feel sympathy for them, because they should have learnt from their mistakes with her. They should have seen the suicidal environment in which they were raising their children and should never have subjected either of them to what they had been subjected to.

And it took Christina's death for them to finally realise this. 

* * *

Helen, Sirius, Mark and Nicole were walking away from the cemetery, avoiding their distant family members who they didn't know.

'M…markos?'

Sirius felt Helen's grip on his hand tighten and he instinctively knew to whom that voice belonged to.

They all turned to see Maria Asteria. Her face hardened when she saw Helen and Sirius.

'What are you doing here?' she said coldly, in Greek, to Helen.

Helen stared back at her. She thought that perhaps she may have learnt something from the death of her daughter.

'I came for Christina,' Helen replied shortly.

'It was because of you,' Maria Asteria shrieked, pointing her finger at Helen. 'She saw how you- the bad influence- tried to kill yourself and tried to copy you!'

Helen's face blanched and her blood ran cold.

The worst part of it was that, in a way, Helen knew that her adoptive mother was saying the truth.

'That's not true,' Mark interrupted angrily. 'Don't you dare blame Eleni for this.'

Sirius and Nicole stood to the side uncertainly, not understanding the conversation.

Maria Asteria shook her head.

'How dare you come here… disgrace my daughter's funeral with your presence… you _whore._'

Helen felt her hold on her temper crumble and she turned abruptly on her heel.

She had come for Christina. She didn't want to have anything more to do with _them_ now.

'It's because…' Maria Asteria pursued.

Helen turned around angrily.

'Did you ever wonder _why_ we all wanted to kill ourselves?' she said scathingly. 'I'll tell you why: It's because you put so much fucking pressure on us to fulfil your dreams- so that you could show us off- that none of us could take it anymore.'

Mr Asterios suddenly appeared by his wife's side and stared at Helen. Helen stared back at him for a moment, before turning to Sirius.

'Let's go,' she said quietly.

'You… you are married?' Mr Asterios' voice came tentatively from behind Helen, in broken English.

Helen turned around slowly.

'Yes,' she said shortly, glancing at Sirius who looked highly uncomfortable as he suddenly became the object of everyone's gaze. 'This is Sirius. If you remember, you kicked me out because of him,' she said, glad that Sirius couldn't understand Greek to hear what she had just said. .

Mr Asterios' brow crinkled.

'Wait…' he said, as Helen and Sirius began walking away. 'Please,' he added.

Helen just wanted to leave… this was too much for her. She had not expected a full confrontation from her parents.

But she paused, albeit reluctantly.

'Eleni,' he said to her, looking as though he was suffering more pain than anyone should ever have to suffer. 

He now switched to Greek.

'Will you forgive me?'

They stared at each other for a very long time. 

Because Helen knew that she would never see him again, and that he had nothing left to live for, she said that one word which she knew would put their relationship to rest.

'Yes.'

They stared at each other for a moment longer before Helen cleared her throat and looked away. She took Sirius' hand and only glanced at the people who had raised her in the last instance before apparating back home.

* * *

After going through the many stages of Apparition back to England, they finally arrived in their living room. Helen went straight to an armchair and sunk into it, her hands shaking.

'What was that about?' Sirius asked, taking off his shoes and sitting on the couch.

Helen sighed and began massaging her temples.

'He asked me to forgive him.'

Sirius looked as though he suddenly understood things.

'What did you say?'

'Yes,' Helen said, from where she was leaning her head into her knees.

Sirius looked at her incredulously, but Helen shook her head.

'Did you see them today? They have nothing to live for anymore… especially him. My… _mother_… well, she's a bitter old woman and I doubt she'll ever ask for forgiveness- let alone admitting her mistakes- but he…'

Helen paused.

'He really did mean it, when he asked me, you know?' she said quietly. 'Nothing will ever exempt him from what he did to the three of us, but if having my 'forgiveness' is going to lighten that huge burden which he now carries- even just a little- I'll give it.'

Sirius made a face and Helen knew that he was thinking of his family, and how forgiveness and them, for him, were mutually exclusive.

She shrugged.

'It's not as though I'll ever see him again… but it was a better way to end with him. I'm glad, in a way, that it ended that way.'

She shook her head.

'Of course, it took Christina's death for him to realise that,' she said bitterly.

Sirius looked at her uncertainly. He knew that she hadn't taken her sister's death well at all.

Helen drew in a jaded breath.

'Do you know that- had Mark not found me- that that would have been me in that casket, eight years ago,' she said in a strained voice. 'And my mum was right. Christina probably did it because she had seen me try.'

Sirius shook his head.

'She would have done it because of the pressure your parents were putting her under- just like you. Trust me. No one kills themselves when they feel good about their life… and I can see how it happened: She got accepted into the most elitist conservatory in the world, and she suddenly couldn't see a way out of it. You know better than I that when you're _that_ good, the pressure to maintain it can become too much. Some make it… and some…'

He trailed off and stopped talking as he saw that Helen was looking down with a faraway expression on her face.

'Sorry,' he said quietly.

She shrugged, still chewing her lip.

'I think I'll go lie down,' she said, standing up.

Lately, Sirius had seen her crying far too often. She didn't want him to see her like that anymore.

She smiled weakly at him and left the room.

Sirius sighed. It was unfair, he thought, that Helen had to go through another death on top of all of the ones that she saw due to Voldemort.

He summoned a butterbeer from the kitchen and lay back across the couch, not thinking of anything in particular.

Soon, however, he thought of something which he had never thought of before. Had Mark not found Helen, when she was eleven, she would have died.

Which would have meant that she would never have gone to Hogwarts.

Which would mean that he would never have met her, hated her, loved her… and everything in between.

It was strange; thinking of a life without her.

He wondered what would he be like, now, if he had never met her.

He definitely would have missed out on a lot of fun in his earlier years when he tortured and teased her. He also, consequently, would never have even come close to having as many detentions as he had…

But he genuinely wondered now. Would he have found someone else to pick on so determinedly? Another girl, perhaps?

And then what would have happened? He knew that he would have gone through all those girls in his Black books… and definitely wouldn't have stopped in fifth year either…

But what would living alone have been like? It would have been okay for a week, maybe two, but then to go through those _whole_ two months, alone?

The novelty would definitely have worn off quickly.

… but, even worse, was the idea of finishing school and- after those long days of gruelling duels against Death Eaters- to come home, exhausted, to an empty house.

He wondered what it would have been like to have no one to come home to. Of course his friends _cared_ that he made it home, but it was slightly different in Helen's case, because she needed him to come home- just like he needed her to be alive.

So, if he never had Helen, would he have found a 'steady girlfriend,' eventually? Would she have been what they would call 'one of those 'normal' people?'

It was strange to think about, but it probably would have happened somewhat like that. 

He drained the rest of his butterbeer and, eventually got up to go to bed. 

He wasn't betting on Voldemort taking the 'day off' tomorrow.

* * *

**I am so so sorry for the delay for this chapter. Life has been extremely hectic as of late...**

**but, on the plus side, the next chapter will be ready for a quick update depending on whether you all choose to continue yor wonderful reviewing skills or not.**

**How about an incentive:**

_'She keeps on trying to practise on me! I can't take it anymore! She broke my arm so that she could practise mending it… and do you know what she told me before? She said that it would just hurt a little and that the pain would be over very quickly. Well, let me tell you, the pain was not over quickly, because she used the wrong spell and then my arm started swelling and…'_

**So, please review and you'll get it very soon. **

**I promise.**

**But only if you review :)**

**Lots of love, Anya**


	78. Chapter 9: Healing

'_**Love never claims, it ever gives. Love ever suffers, never resents never revenges itself.'**_ - **Ghandi **

Healing

James was catching up on some sleep when the doorbell rang. Grumbling to himself about how much he hated Voldemort and how much he wished that he would just 'drop dead,' he made his way to the door.

'Okay, I'll just get my wand,' he said to Sirius, not even waiting for Sirius to speak.

Sirius followed James into the house, looking confused.

'What do you need your wand for?'

James rubbed his eyes tiredly.

'Isn't that why you're here? Isn't there another raid?'

Sirius laughed.

'I have to say that I find it very sad that the only reason you'd think I would visit you is for a raid,' he said to James.

James shook his head, and flopped onto the couch.

'Help yourself to whatever in the kitchen. Lily made some kind of cake I think…' he said, yawning.

'You know, I think I might,' Sirius said, disappearing and returning with some cake. 

'Helen hasn't cooked for a week now. I don't know what to do,' Sirius explained to James.

James raised his eyebrows.

'Is she still depressed about… everything?'

Sirius ate more cake and shook his head.

'No, she has her final healer exams next week and because she's learnt it all through the correspondence books and through what she does for the Order, she's very nervous,' he explained.

James smiled.

'Like that's news to me,' he said. 'Has she started the throwing up yet?'

Sirius laughed.

'Not yet…' he trailed off, shaking his head. 'The boss isn't home?'

James looked at Sirius indignantly.

'_I'm_ right here,' he said.

Sirius shook his head at James.

'Don't ever try convincing me that you're the boss of Lily,' he said.

'She went shopping or something,' James shrugged. 'And it's not as if you're the boss of Helen,' he added.

'No, that I'm definitely not,' Sirius conceded. 'Though I have to say that power is a little more balanced between us… she definitely doesn't rule me like Lily does you,' he added.

James looked a little annoyed at this statement.

'So…' Sirius said, changing the subject. 'What've you been up to?'

'I was actually sleeping when you came,' James replied, hoping that Sirius would take the hint.

It wasn't as though James didn't want to see Sirius. It was just that he was really tired and needed his sleep now that Lily was gone, because he had promised that he would do his housework once she returned.

'Oh,' Sirius said, nodding. 'Want to do something?'

James felt himself growing a little irritable.

'What do you want to do?' he said through gritted teeth.

Sirius shrugged.

'Anything… we could go out?'

'I don't really feel like going anywhere,' James replied.

'Oh… what about quidditch?'

'To tell you the truth, I'm a bit tired for that.'

Sirius did not look as though he was going anywhere, and a thought suddenly occurred to James.

'Did you have a fight with Helen?' he asked.

'No,' Sirius frowned. 'Why?'

James shrugged.

'No…' 

Sirius' eyes suddenly grew wide:

'She keeps on trying to practise on me! I can't take it anymore! She broke my arm so that she could practise mending it… and do you know what she told me before? She said that it would just hurt a little and that the pain would be over very quickly. Well, let me tell you, the pain was _not_ over quickly, because she used the wrong spell and then my arm started swelling and…'

Sirius paused and looked to James desperately.

'Please save me!'

James stared at Sirius and then burst out laughing.

'Weren't you just telling me that you and Helen were more 'balanced' than Lily and I?' he laughed at Sirius.

Sirius tugged at his hair, ignoring James.

'And then I told her that she wasn't allowed to practise on me anymore and then she started going on and on about how bad her life was and that, if I loved her, I would help her so that she could at least have qualified as something so that she wasn't completely useless… and then… and then I gave in and let her continue and she did something to me and- let me tell you- the Cruciatus is _nothing_ compared to that. Anyway, so then I ran away and said that enough was enough and she got angry at me and told me to get out.'

James did not even try keeping a straight face.

'So, let me get this straight: she kicked you out of your own house?'

Sirius nodded gravely.

'Can I sleep here until she finishes her exams?'

James shook his head.

'I'm afraid not. I don't get lucky that often with Lily as it is. I'd hate to think of what you would do to my chances.'

Sirius scowled at James.

'There are things called silencing and imperturbable charms. I do believe that Lily won the Charms prize,' he said stiffly.

James laughed a little.

'I'm sure my mum would take you in,' he said.

Sirius wrinkled his nose.

'Yeah, I know… but then she'll go to Helen and try to 'counsel' us. That's what happened last time I went there when we had a fight. Helen laughed at me about it for a week.'

Sirius suddenly looked up at James.

'Prongs, you're my best mate, right?'

'Right,' James said slowly, wary as to what this was leading to.

'So… you would help me if I asked you to, right?'

'Get to the point, Pads,' James said irritably.

'Do you think that maybe you could help Helen? It would be all in the name of medicine.'

James stood up.

'Sirius: you're mad. I'm going back to sleep. You can stay here and eat all our food if you like, I don't care. But I'm not listening to this rubbish. Lily should be back in twenty minutes or so. How about you discuss your issues with her? I'm sure she'd be more than happy to help,' he said, leaving the room.

* * *

Helen ended up going to stay with Mrs Potter until her exam was over so that she could have help with concepts which she didn't understand – and so that she was not distracted by whatever Sirius was doing. 

'Helen, can I talk to you for a moment?' Mrs Potter asked, sitting opposite Helen at the kitchen table, two nights before her final exam.

Helen looked up at Mrs Potter expectantly.

Mrs Potter looked very uncomfortable, but still concerned.

'Now, Helen, you're like a daughter to me…' she said.

Helen nodded, waiting for whatever Mrs Potter had to say.

'Would you mind if I tested you for something?' she asked Helen. 

Helen nodded slowly, still very confused.

'Give me your arm…' Mrs Potter said, pricking one of Helen's fingers and letting the drop of blood fall into the pregnancy test potion.

'A pregnancy test?' Helen asked Mrs Potter in disbelief.

Mrs Potter looked at Helen suspiciously.

'How did you know that?'

Helen felt herself flush. She and Sirius hadn't told anyone that they had been trying in the case that Helen couldn't actually have children.

'It'll show up negative,' Helen sighed morosely. 'Sirius and I have been trying since Christmas,' she confessed to Mrs Potter.

Mrs Potter's face lit up, but Helen shook her head.

'I don't think I can become pregnant,' Helen said sadly. 'I don't think it's possible.'

She looked to the pregnancy test and, sure enough, the potion was clear.

'But you have been having morning sickness all week,' Mrs Potter frowned.

Helen laughed a little, though there was a bitter edge to it.

'Ask anyone who has ever had to live with me during exams and they'll tell you that that's kind of like a trademark of mine.' 

She shrugged.

'I just get really nervous and- when I'm that nervous- I sometimes get a bit sick,' she said. 'James and Sirius always make fun of me about it.'

But Mrs Potter had not forgotten about Helen's previous comments.

'Have you ever seen a maternity Healer about getting pregnant?' she asked Helen.

Helen looked at Mrs Potter reprovingly.

'Seeing as I'm no longer allowed out of the house- no,' she said.

Mrs Potter frowned. 

'I wouldn't call myself an expert in gynaecological health, but I did do a unit on it whilst I was working in the hospital. Would you like me to do a routine check for you?'

---

'You can sit up,' Mrs Potter said to Helen.

'Well?'

Mrs Potter shrugged.

'Everything seems normal. I can't see anything wrong with you as to why you mightn't be able to conceive. Perhaps you're not trying at the right times?'

Helen blushed. It was one thing to talk about pregnancy, and another to talk about having sex with Sirius.

After all, she and Sirius had come to this very house when they were fourteen and Mrs Potter had given them ice cream for dessert.

'I… I don't think it's that,' Helen said uncomfortably, not exactly wanting to divulge how often she and Sirius would try.

'Perhaps I should talk to Sirius. He could go see a Healer and…'

'No,' Helen interrupted suddenly.

Mrs Potter looked to Helen curiously.

'No… I… we never talk about me not getting pregnant. I…'

She shrugged and forced a smile.

'Maybe you're right. We're probably just not trying often enough or at the right times. It's hard, you know, with the war and all.'

Mrs Potter peered at Helen for a moment, before nodding.

'Of course, I won't say anything if you don't want me to. This is between you and Sirius… but think about it all the same,' she added.

* * *

Helen found her actual exam rather easy, as it was directly related to injuries received in battle, and she had accrued much experience in that sector from her work with the Order. Dumbledore accompanied her to and from the exam, although they did not have much to say at all. He merely reinstated that he was glad that she had not had any recent lapses and that she should continue her good work. He fleetingly asked if she had possibly considered leaving, but her response was so short that he did not expand upon the topic.

Sirius was home when she arrived. He looked at her very uncertainly- the last time they had seen each other was a week ago, and Helen had not been too happy with him at the time.

There was also the fact that he was still not sure if she wanted to 'practise' on him or not.

'How did you go?' he asked, trying for a civil start.

Helen shrugged. Now that her exam was over and she was no longer nervous, she seemed to have forgotten any antagonistic feelings she ever had towards him.

'I guess I'll find out with my results,' she said.

Sirius rolled his eyes. She was always evasive about how she went in exams and always managed to get a ridiculously high score. 

They looked at each other for a moment.

'So…' Sirius said, thinking that things between them were rather uncomfortable.

'So,' Helen said, raising her eyebrows, waiting.

Another awkward silence ensued.

Eventually, Helen could stand it no longer.

'Okay. I'm sorry for putting you through all that. I was just very nervous about my exam… but I was still wrong,' she sighed. 

Sirius' lips twitched a little.

'So I'm not at risk of being butchered up by you any time soon?' he asked.

'I'm pretty sure that I at least passed my exam, so I'd say that you're safe until I decide to specialise,' she nodded, walking up to him and kissing him on the cheek before walking off to the kitchen.

She heard Sirius spluttering.

'Specialise?' he said hoarsely, following her.

'Yeah, my knowledge at the moment is very general and basic. You're always studying as a Healer,' she said, looking through the fridge.

Sirius looked at her dubiously.

'So I'll have to go through that all again?' he said, sounding very apprehensive.

'Oh, don't worry. I won't use you as my guinea pig,' she said reassuringly to him.

'I do worry… a lot,' he muttered under his breath.

Helen laughed a little and sat on his lap.

'So. What have you been doing with yourself this past week?' she asked.

Sirius shrugged.

'Nothing, really. I think Lily and James are sick of me, though, because I kept on going over to their place… so then I went over to Remus' for a bit, but he was too depressing, and then I tried Peter out, but he's too stupid for my patience, so I ended up just driving on the bike to these random places,' he shrugged. 'I didn't realise how lonely living alone was until you left,' he added in a quieter voice.

'Aww… did you miss me?' Helen said in a baby voice.

Sirius laughed a little.

'Not your psychotic self- which you were before you left- but this version of you… yeah, I guess I missed you,' he nodded, wrinkling his nose at her.

'Great,' Helen said sarcastically. 'I have a 'psychotic' self.'

'Sorry, _ma cherie_, but injuring someone so you could practise your healing skills is not normal,' Sirius said, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

Helen shrugged and leaned on his shoulder.

'Didn't get much sleep last night?' Sirius asked knowingly, sounding a little amused.

Helen shook her head, stifling a yawn. 

'Let me guess… you spent most of your night in the bathroom?'

Helen snorted.

'Yes… do you know that Mrs Potter made me take a pregnancy test? She thought that it was morning sickness,' Helen said, shaking her head.

She felt Sirius tense up ever so slightly.

'And I gather that you're… _not_?' he asked in a would-be casual voice.

'No,' Helen sighed, sounding (and feeling) very disappointed.

Sirius held her a little more closely to him.

'Sirius, I don't think I can,' she said in a defeated voice, after a pause.

He kissed the top of her head.

'You don't know that for sure,' he said. 'Look at the Potters: apparently they had to try for ages before they had James. We probably just need to be patient,' he said reassuringly.

Helen, however, did not feel convinced.

'Do you _want_ to keep trying?' Sirius asked.

She sighed exasperatedly.

'Yes, I do… it's just so frustrating every month when I realise that I'm not,' she said.

There was another pause.

'Well we'll just keep trying and wait and see, hey?' he said optimistically.

Helen nodded and nestled in his shoulder.

'But I think I'll give you a break for tonight,' he said. 'You look a bit too tired.'

Helen smiled a little, but was interrupted by a large yawn, causing Sirius to click his tongue at her as he shifted in his chair so that he could carry her when he stood up.

'I'm sure that rest plays a big role in increasing fertility,' he said as he carried Helen up the stairs.

'Whatever,' Helen said, half-asleep. 'Take it up with Voldemort. It's his fault, not mine.'

Sirius sighed at her and laid her down across the bed.

It had been very strange, the past week, to sleep alone. He was very much not used to the experience and he did not like it at all.

* * *

'So Helen's no longer 'Doctor Death'?' James grinned as he opened the door for Helen and Sirius.

'No, thankfully not,' Sirius said.

James shook his head at Helen reprovingly.

'Really, Helen, I've never seen Sirius that scared of going home before,' he said. 'Oi, Lily, they're here,' he called out.

'Thank you, I do have ears,' Lily called back sarcastically. 'Hi Helen, Sirius,' she added.

'She's cooking. I offered to help, but she told me to take a rest,' James grinned. 'Mate, I reckon that lasagne fiasco we had that time was the best thing for us. Lily won't let me touch the kitchen now,' James said conspiratorially to Sirius. 'It's great, because it means I get to have a break.'

Helen rolled her eyes at James.

'I'll go say hi,' she said, leaving the two boys.

James sat back in the couch.

'Thanks for leaving, by the way. I'm finally getting somewhere with her,' James said, nodding towards the kitchen.

Sirius shook his head at James.

'Are you_ that_ bad?' he asked. 

James shot Sirius an offended look.

'Yeah, don't give me that look. Don't think that I've forgotten how you were the night before your wedding,' Sirius said knowingly.

James huffed.

'Just because you're a month older than me,' he grumbled.

Sirius laughed.

'You know, I never asked… but how _did_ your wedding night actually go?'

James raised his eyebrows.

'Have I ever asked you how _your_ first time with Helen was?' he asked in an annoyed tone; ears turning red.

Sirius shrugged.

'It was great.'

James scowled.

'Look, mate, we tried to get married. I think you should accept that I'm sleeping with her by now,' Sirius said patiently.

James shrugged.

'Well?'

'Oh fine. It was… not that great, but we both just laughed after it and we're much better now. Happy?'

'Not really, but I didn't really want to hear intimate details anyway,' Sirius shrugged.

Helen came from the kitchen.

'You got kicked out too?' James grinned at her.

Helen laughed.

'Apparently I was 'wrecking her concentration',' she said, rolling her eyes and squeezing in between the two boys on the couch. 

She put an arm around each of them and kissed each of them on the cheek.

'My boys,' she said affectionately. 'Do you remember that time you invited us for a week in summer?' 

James smiled a little.

'Yeah, you still hated Sirius then,' he said.

Helen leaned on Sirius' shoulder for a moment before sitting up again.

'Those holidays were nice,' she mused. 'I mean, Sirius drove me crazy, but it was still fun. I wish we could do them again,' she said.

'We could go see a movie after dinner,' James suggested.

Helen felt Sirius stiffen a little.

'That would be nice… I can disguise myself,' she said to Sirius. 

Sirius said nothing, but did not look altogether pleased with this idea.

* * *

Helen glanced at the others as they sat in cinema. Lily was leaning on James' shoulder, looking content as they interlaced their fingers. Helen then looked at Sirius who kept his eyes fixed on the screen, although he still looked tense and was frowning slightly. She wondered what was going through his head. The movie itself was a fluffy romantic comedy. There was nothing sensitive about it which should make him upset and- seeing as Helen hardly looked like her normal self with red hair and green eyes (she looked like she could be Lily's twin)- she didn't think he could be worried about something happening to her, or her being recognised.

It had been funny when he first saw Helen's new disguise. When she went to kiss him, he leant away and they all laughed when he explained that it felt like he was cheating on her, even though he knew it was still Helen.

'You okay?' she whispered to him.

He nodded quickly, but did not avert his eyes from the screen.

* * *

'I hate movies like that,' he said as soon as Helen lost her disguise and they arrived home.

'Why? It's nice just to watch something uncomplicated for once,' Helen said.

'Yes, but they're so unrealistic. That's why I don't read novels… no one ever just 'falls in love at first sight, has one dramatic fight and then lives happily ever after',' he said, sounding annoyed.

'Sirius, they're just movies. Of course they're not real. That's why people like watching them; they let you pretend, for a few hours, that such a 'perfect' world could exist.'

Sirius, however, still looked annoyed and it suddenly struck Helen _why_ he was acting in such a way: 

The movie pretty much showed just how abnormal he and Helen were.

'Yeah, you're right. It was stupid,' she nodded. 'Anything else annoying you?'

'You look better now without your disguise. That was weird,' he said.

Helen sighed patiently.

'And there's nothing else which is bothering you, Mr Black?' she asked, feeling his irritability starting to rub off on her.

Sirius actually considered this statement.

'Oh get over yourself; it was a nice night. Can't you just accept having a good time for once?' she laughed. 'That's like 'your thing,' isn't it? Just pretending to be dissatisfied with everything.'

Sirius looked at her strangely.

'No it isn't,' he said heatedly.

'Yes it is!' she said. 'You've always been like that. At school you'd always pretend to be aloof and haughty… I used to think you did it on purpose because you knew girls thought it was sexy or something,' she said, shaking her head.

'What!' Sirius exclaimed.

'You know- you'd just lean back on your chair and pretend to be disinterested in everything, even though James might have said a really funny joke or someone did something which had everyone else in stitches.'

Sirius looked both perplexed and a little indignant.

'I mean,' Helen continued, 'the only time you actually stopped being like that was when I broke up with you…'

'Which time?' Sirius muttered irritably, not looking impressed at all.

'When we tried to be friends,' Helen said. 'I mean, you were so much fun to be with then,' she reminisced.

Sirius crossed is arms.

'So what are you saying? I'm not fun to be with?'

Helen shrugged.

'I can't believe you!' he said, storming up the stairs.

Helen laughed and followed him.

'Oh come on… you're not _that_ bad. It just gets tiring when everyone else is having fun and you're determined not to show that you're having a good time too.'

He shut the bathroom door and Helen stood outside, waiting.

'I mean, sure; it was a crappy movie, but dinner was nice and it was great to go out for once. I fail to see what had you in such a bad mood when we came home today,' she said.

The door opened and Helen smiled a little in spite of herself as she took in Sirius' now-shirtless form.

'Because you seem to have a curious lack of concern for your wellbeing,' he said.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Well, don't talk to me. I don't want to spoil your fun,' he said, going to the bedroom. 'How about you sleep in your own bed and then we can be 'friends only' and I'll be '_so much more fun_' to be around,' he said sarcastically.

Helen grinned, not really fazed by his mood.

'Yeah, but there's one part of the whole 'friends' thing which I know that neither you nor I could take for too long,' she said, kissing him lingeringly.

Sirius removed her arms from around his neck and got into bed, facing the side opposite her.

Helen sighed and got into bed.

'Well, you've just proven that I'm right,' she said brightly. 'See… you're doing it right now- scowling and sulking.'

'Sorry, but being criticised usually doesn't act as much of a 'turn-on' for me,' Sirius said archly.

'Would you like me to tell you all the things I like about you, then?' she said, rolling her eyes behind his back.

He really could become quite vain at times.

'No,' he said sulkily.

'Okay then. Goodnight,' Helen said brightly, getting out of the bed and taking her pillow with her.

Sirius said nothing as she left the room.

---

Helen was not really concerned about Sirius as she lay in the other bed; she knew that he would get over it by the next morning. She couldn't sleep, however, because she was thinking about Voldemort- an occurrence which only ever happened when she was sleeping alone.

It had been over ten months since she had last seen him. She didn't _want_ to see him ever again, but she wondered if he was getting frustrated that he hadn't got to her yet. This thought made her very uneasy, because the last time she had seen him, one of his comments had unsettled her more than anything:

'_If only I knew… the way to get you… through your friends…'_

It sent chills up her spine; just remembering him saying that. 

Nothing had happened to any of her friends since Marina's death that day, though. It made her wonder…

Perhaps he had forgotten about her?

That seemed highly unlikely. What was more likely, however, was that he was probably too busy causing destruction to focus on her as well…

And then she could never forget her ever-present dilemma with her curse.

She turned and stared out of the window.

Asteria was the goddess of prophetic dreams…

Helen had always been too scared to used divination to look into her future. She knew that Meleta was a fraud, but she herself had always been rather accurate with her predictions…

'But divination is so imprecise,' Helen thought to herself. 'No predictions are crystal-clear, either. It's all a matter of how you interpret them…'

She chewed her lip, now wondering …

* * *

**Hmmm what's Helen up to?**

**I found it so funny how everyone automatically assumed that Lily would be the one 'butchering up' James instead of Helen and Sirius...**

**Now. Next chapter is very long and... finished! I have managed to get quite ahead in this story recently, so you know what you all had better be doing a lot of if you want the next chapters eh? Remember those days when I used to update one chapter a day?**

**Well, here's something to get you thinking:**

_'You have come home, my child,' she said in her low voice. 'Sit,' she said, pointing an ivory finger to the ornate chair which she moved, using wandless magic, to be opposite her.'_ ? to Helen Asteria

**And...**

_'I'm pregnant.'_ - ?

**So, plot-wise, it is quite an important chapter, the next one. Do you want it?**

**Love Anya**


	79. Chapter 10: Circe

**_"When they reached Circe's house they found it built of cut stones, _****_on a site that could be seen from far, in the middle of the forest. There _****_were wild mountain wolves and lions prowling all round it- poor bewitched _****_creatures whom she had tamed by her enchantments and drugged into subjection.._****_. Presently they reached the gates of the goddess's house, and _****_as they stood there they could hear Circe within, singing most beautifully _****_as she worked at her loom, making a web so fine, so soft, and of such dazzling _****_colours as no one but a goddess could weave. On this Polites, whom I valued _****_and trusted more than any other of my men, said, 'There is some one inside _****_working at a loom and singing most beautifully; the whole place resounds _****_with it, let us call her and see whether she is woman or _****_goddess.'_** - _The Odyssey_, Book X - **Homer **

Circe

Before she could convince herself not to, she checked Sirius' room and saw that he was asleep. She contemplated giving him a drop of sleeping draught just to make sure that he wouldn't wake up and then wonder where she was- and, consequently, think the worst- but then decided that she would leave a note on her pillow saying that she had gone for a walk and that she definitely would be home by three am at the very latest.

It was supposed to be a mythological island.

But Circe was also supposed to be mythological, and yet here Helen was; very much alive.

Shelooked at the map of Greece, and tried to think back to Homer's _Odyssey;_ his directions had been unspecific, though, and she doubted that he knew the true coordinates of the island anyway. 

But it was the only place where she could find answers. Hours amounting up to whole days of research in the Hogwarts library- including the restricted section- had taught her nothing more than what Dumbledore had already told her in their first meeting.Although she was not exactly sure what she what answers she wanted- or what she was looking for-she felt that the island might provide her with some insight. There was also the fact that there was a temple, said to exist in Aeaea, which had strong divinatory powers.

'Greece wasn't always that small,' she said to herself, looking at the map. 'But where is it?'

She frowned and paced the library, rubbing her temples.

'Well it obviously can't be a place which would be found by muggles,' she said logically. 

She looked back to the map- it was a muggle map- and then searched through the huge library for an atlas. She found one, and then looked through it only to find the same map.

'The muggle thing probably doesn't apply anyway, seeing as Odysseus was a muggle…'

She sighed.

'Well _that_ was insightful,' she muttered sarcastically, twirling her wand absent-mindedly in her fingers.

She suddenly paused and looked at her wand.

And then she knew: her wand could only be touched by a 'daughter of Asteria'. No one else could…

'Take me home,' she whispered in the ancient language.

* * *

Helen opened her eyes and took in her surroundings. She was in a forest dell and in front of her was a large temple, carved out of white stone. Taking a deep breath, and glancing around her for any signs of life,she proceeded forwards to the door of the temple. It was covered in vines, looking as though no one had inhabited this island for a very long time.

As soon as the tips of her fingers touched the door, however, the vines sprung away and the large, heavy wooden doors opened.

Helen could feel her heart racing as she walked into the temple. Suddenly, the torches on the walls lit up to show a large hallway, full of ancient golden ornaments and statues. There were several altars and there was a strange scent; something like burning herbs.

'Hello?'

There was no response, and so Helen walked further down the hallway until she reached the end where there was a large archway and another door. She stood in front of it, and it opened automatically for her.

Asshelooked up, she felt her blood freeze.

* * *

She sat on a throne wearing a purple robe and a golden veil over her fiery hair which came all the way to her seat, looking no where near as ancient as she was. She was singing in the ancient tongue whilst her long, slender, bejewelled fingers moved over the surface of the ornate crystal orb.

Helen vaguely wondered how she understood it, but she did, even though she had never been taught Ancient Greek.

As the sun descended over the island, the white marble walls of the temple turned as red as her hair; looking as though they were bathed in blood.

Circe stopped singing and shuddered.

'Blood. So much blood,' she said heavily, raising her heavily lined eyes to look at Helen. 

Helen merely stared at Circe.

'You have come home, my child,' she said in her low voice. 'Sit,' she said, pointing an ivory finger to the ornate chair which she moved, using wandless magic, to be opposite her.

In a daze, Helen walked over to it and sat; completely speechless for the first time in her life.

Slowly, Circe lifted her veil and peered intently into Helen's eyes, looking at her face hungrily. 

She was a beautiful woman; unearthly beautiful. She was a goddess, after all, and Helen could understand why so many men had fallen under her spell.

Suddenly, Circe seized up again and clutched at the arm-rests of her chair. Helen stared at her with wide eyes, not sure what was going on.

Eventually, Circe relaxed and, after taking a deep breath, gave an unsteady laugh.

'There are consequences to our craft which affect even the purest of us,' she said. 'I am constantly haunted at night of the sins and abuse of my past. It will pass with the sunrise- Eos was always more forgiving of me than Nyx,' she said, giving another unsteady laugh.

She reached a hand to the ornate silver goblet next to her, but then quickly withdrew it.

'Blood,' she shuddered, again.

Helen glanced at the goblet and thought that Circe truly was mad; there was nothing but wine in that goblet.

'And so you have come, as all the other daughters before you,' she said eventually, not looking at Helen, but lowering her eyes to the crystal ball. 'Yes, you have had a sad life, my daughter,' she murmured.

Helen felt a little angry at this statement. If Circe had been so desperate to keep her daughter, she should have made sure that all the daughters led happy lives- not ending up in orphanages or adopted out to abusive families.

Helen tried to see the crystal ball which suddenly captivated Circe's attention, but saw nothing inside of it. Meanwhile, Circe gave it her undivided attention, saying things like 'yes,' 'I see.'

Eventually, she sat back in her throne, looking exhausted.

'I have seen your future,' she said heavily.

Helen sat up, as though she had just received and electrical shock.

'And you, just like the others before you, have still not learnt that love will never lead to good things,' she said, shaking her head morosely.

'How do you end the Curse?' Helen interrupted, feeling her heart beating in her throat.

Circe raised her eyes to Helen andwore a peculiar expression.

'You are the first to ask me,' she said, still looking at Helen with that strange expression. 'All the others before you were more interested in their own issues… yet you are not,' she said curiously. 'Why is that?'

Helen was not quite sure why this was, but then she realised.

'Because I have everything else. I don't _need_ anything, I just want to end it,' she replied.

A small, knowing smile came to Circe's lips, but this turned to a bitter expression as she lowered her eyes back to the crystal ball.

'Well end it, then,' she said softly. 'End my misery; I have had far too many years of suffering to know the error of my ways by now. It was about time I joined my mother in the underworld.'

Helen looked at Circe strangely. Circe was asking Helen to 'end her misery' and to 'end the curse' here and now? How was that possible?'

Circe stared into Helen's eyes- they shared the same hazel eyes- and yet Helen still could not understand what Circe meant.

'Ah, perhaps another time. You are wanted now, anyway,' she said, sitting back in her throne.

And before Helen could respond, Circe and her temple had disappeared.

* * *

Helen's eyes flew open and she found Sirius kneeling over her, looking very concerned. She faintly heard James and Lily speaking in the background.

'Move aside. Let me examine her,' Mrs Potter said to Sirius.

Helen tried to sit up.

'What's going on?' she asked, looking around the library to see the four of them wearing nightgowns and slippers.

'I got your note,' Sirius said shrewdly, holding up her letter.

Helen bit her lip; she had forgotten about the letter.

'So naturally, I was concerned as to where you might be,' he continued, sounding rather angry. 'I asked James and Lily if perhaps you had indicated where you might be going to, and they too became concerned with your wellbeing.'

Helen noted his emphasis on the word 'concerned'. 

'And then we found you here, all along. Where were you going?' he demanded.

'You wouldn't believe me if I told you,' Helen muttered, rubbing her head.

'What were you doing on the floor, Helen?' Mrs Potter asked, handing Helen a 'fainting revival' potion. 'Did you hit yourself and faint?

It suddenly occurred to Helen that she may not have physically gone to Aeaea… What if it all really was a dream?

'How long were you all standing over me?' she asked.

'Five minutes,' James shrugged. 'You kind of became delirious.'

Helen nodded slowly.

'Where were you going, Helen?' Lily asked, a little more gently than Sirius had.

Helen's gaze fell to the open maps of Greece, but she quickly looked away. Sirius, however, knew her a little too well for this. He walked over to the books and looked back at her incredulously.

'You wanted to go to Greece?'

Helen said nothing.

'What were you doing?' he repeated.

'Look. It's only two-thirty. I said that I would be back by three. If I wasn't back by then, then you could have gone and woken up everyone with our domestic issues, but I was here all along, okay? Sorry, Lily, James, Mrs Potter. Really, go back to bed. There's nothing wrong here,' she said heatedly, shooting Sirius a dirty look.

Lily and James had seen enough fights between Helen and Sirius to know that now was a good time to disappear.

'We'll be off then,' Lily said brightly, giving Helen an imploring look before grabbing on to James and disapparating back home.

Mrs Potter, however, was a little slower on the uptake.

'Helen, if your pregnancy issues are causing troubles between you and Sirius, you really should discuss it properly between yourselves,' she said fairly.

Helen took a deep breath and felt her face suddenly flushing.

'Just great,' she thought. 'Another thing for him to get me with.'

'This has nothing to do with that,' she said through gritted teeth. 

'We're fine here, Mrs Potter. Sorry for waking you, but really, go back to bed,' Sirius said, sounding as though he was impatient and on the verge of his temper blowing up.

Mrs Potter glanced at the two of them warily before nodding.

'Well, goodnight then,' she said. 'And please get some rest if you've been fainting, Helen,' she added.

Helen forced a smile.

'Goodnight,' she said as Mrs Potter disapparated.

Helen felt her stomach clenching as she waited for his shouting.

She turned around slowly and saw that it was worse than she had thought because he was waiting for her to say something.

'I'll be getting that rest, then,' she said quickly, trying to avoid the whole confrontation altogether as she made a beeline for the door.

It slammed shut in her face.

She was obviously not going to be so lucky.

'Where were you going?' he repeated, sounding as though he had run out of patience with her. 

'Look, you go to some places and I don't ask you where you…'

'Why won't you tell me?' he demanded. 'Why would you go somewhere in the middle of the night?'

'What were you doing in my room in the middle of the night?' she shot at him.

'Stop changing the subject,' he said angrily. 'You tried to leave- or you _did_ actually leave. Where?'

'I'm not telling you when you're like this,' Helen snapped, wrenching the door open and slamming it behind her as she stormed through the house.

That was one of the annoying things with living with someone; you couldn't just run away to an empty classroom...

She heard a door slamming upstairs and flinched. 

This was not good.

* * *

Helen hadbarely closed her eyes when she heard the usual shouted orders to 'hurry up' from Remus for another raid. She went to their bedroom and met Sirius at the door. He glared at her before pushing past her without a word. She hurriedly dressed and disapparated to Mrs Potter's, knowing that she had no way of getting to Sirius now.

But she felt horrible.

Horrible, because something could happen to Sirius and they were still fighting.

There seemed to be more injuries on that day, than ever before. James received a horrible curse which had Lily frantic because she couldn't generate a response from him. Mrs Potter nearly lost her mind upon seeing her son in such a state, and worked faster than ever in performing the life-saving treatment. This meant that Helen had to work even harder in healing the Order members as Mrs Potter was constantly disappearing to check on James, even though he was healed as much as he could be for the time being. 

Sirius, thankfully, did not become injured. In fact, he returned to the Potter residence without a single scratch marring his handsome, and still very angry, features. Helen wondered why she didn't just outright tell him about Circe…

But she herself was still unsure what to make of it and, until she understood it all, she didn't want him thinking that she should be admitted to a psychiatric ward

-Although, sometimes, she herself thought that she should -

Eventually, once James had 'come to' and he was satisfied that his best friend would be okay, Sirius apparated home. Helen saw this and, after spending an hour helping Mrs Potter clean the mess, also returned home. 

* * *

When she could find him nowhere in the house, Helen heard the shower running and figured that he must have been taking a shower. Sighing, she went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet lid.

'You didn't have to get so angry at me. I wasn't going anywhere Voldemort or anyone but I could get to,' she sighed.

He didn't respond.

'I'm not exactly sure what happened,' she continued to talk. 'I wanted to do divination, see, and then I suddenly had the idea of going to Aeaea… that's where Circe lives,' she added, in case she had never mentioned this to him.

It was like talking to a brick wall… or shower curtain, in her case.

'So I was looking at the maps of Greece to try and perhaps get an idea as to where I should go. I don't know why I thought I should go there… but I thought it might help me figure out another way of ending the curse seeing as I don't seem to be getting pregnant. Anyway. After finding nothing on the maps, it suddenly struck me that only I am able to touch my wand… and that perhaps that meant something. So, I asked it to take me home and, the next thing I knew was that I was outside Circe's house… palatial temple, more like,' she corrected herself.

'I can speak Ancient Greek too, by the way. It seems like I was born with it or something,' she added.

There was no response and Helen felt fed up. 

'Well if that's how you're going to be, I'll be at Mrs Potter's,' she snapped, getting up and slamming the bathroom door shut behind her. She leaned against it and sighed; she was far too tired and had seen too many members die of untreatable curses to have the patience to deal with one of their fights as well.

The door suddenly opened and Helen lost balance and fell back into a very wet Sirius.

'Glad you took your time,' he said, his lips twitching a little as he helped her right herself.

Helen glowered at him, but he ignored it.

'That was quite a riveting story you were telling me. Would you mind finishing it?' he said, not looking so angry anymore.

'Yes, I would mind. I hate you,'she snapped, wrenching her arm from his.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at her.

'We both know that that's not true,' he said lightly, 'but I'll say sorry for overreacting a little anyway,' he conceded, leaning forward and kissing her, pressing her into the bathroom door until it clicked shut again.

'Now you've wet me,'she said reproachfully to him.

He shrugged. 

'You're clothes were dirty anyway… look, bloodstains everywhere… and you look as though you could do with a shower too,' he said.

'You're just using that as a way of me telling you the rest of my story. I bet that, if I told you, you'd happily go back to hating me,' she said.

He laughed against her lips.

'I'm not the one who hates around here- I just get angry. You're the one who goes from love to hate in the matter of a second,' he reminded her.

Helen swore under her breath and tried to resist the urge of allowing him to continue taking advantage of her against the bathroom door.

He slowly unbuttoned her shirt and kissed her neck.

'And I didn't like being mad at you and leaving,' he said, truthfully now.

'I didn't like you leaving like that either,' she admitted, trying, unsuccessfully, to steady her breathing.

'I…' her breath caught a little, and she found it very hard to speak as he somehow had undressed her without her even noticing, and his hands were sliding down her back.

'I think I met Circe… I'm not sure if it really happened, though,' she managed to say.

Sirius paused and looked at her a little ironically.

'How about you tell me about it later when I can concentrate, eh?' he said, kissing her.

'I'm fine with that,' she mumbled against his lips as they stumbled to the shower.

* * *

'Maybe Dumbledore was wrong then?' Sirius wondered.

They were both very clean now.

'About what?' Helen frowned.

'Ending the curse. Maybe you don't have to get pregnant,' Sirius suggested.

Helen glanced at him.

'Sirius, can I ask you something?' she asked tentatively, looking down at her mug of tea.

'What is it?' he asked, taking her hand across the table and fiddling a little with her ring.

'I feel like I've kind of pressured you into our try having a baby. Do you really want that, though?' she asked, looking up into his eyes.

'Of course I do, why?' he asked.

Helen shrugged and looked down.

'And what was Mrs Potter saying yesterday about us having a baby?' he asked her.

Helen sighed and leant back into her chair.

'I just… when I was studying, I asked her if she could check to see if there was something wrong with me- physically- so that I couldn't have kids. She said there wasn't, and also said…' Helen paused. 'She said that I should tell you to go get checked too,' she admitted apologetically.

Sirius looked down.

'I never thought of that… okay. I'll go get checked next week,' he said, shrugging, as though it was no big deal.

'I didn't…'

He waved it off.

'I'll go,' he nodded, smiling at her.

He suddenly frowned.

'How come Circe's still alive?'

Helen sighed.

'Look, I don't know that she actually _is_ alive. Maybe it was just a dream,' she said hopelessly.

Sirius wrinkled his nose and Helen stared at him.

'What?'

Helen shrugged.

'It's silly really. You probably wouldn't get how it always surprises me when you accept seemingly incredible pieces of information so easily. I'm always so sceptical of things… it's because I was raised by muggles,' she said.

Sirius laughed a little.

'Yeah, James said that Lily's like that too. Apparently she couldn't get over the fact that they could fit a whole kitchen, bedroom, lounge-room and dining room in a tent,' he laughed, finding it funny.

Helen looked at Sirius strangely and Sirius looked at her, surprised.

'You've never seen a tent?' he said.

'Of course I've seen a muggle tent. They don't fit… kitchens,' she said dubiously, looking at Sirius as though he was a little mad.

Sirius looked at her incredulously.

'Here, come with me,' he said, getting up. 'I saw one in the basement. My uncle must have had one,' he said, summoning a package. 'Let's go,' he said, going outside.

'Where are we going?' Helen asked, warily.

'To set it up,' he said, as though it were obvious.

After a few flicks of the wand, Sirius had constructed what looked to be nothing bigger than a very small tepee. He disappeared inside it. 

'Wow! There's an upstairs too! We could use this,' Sirius said from inside the tent.

'Upstairs?' Helen repeated, remaining outside and looking at the tent dubiously.

Sirius' arm appeared and he dragged her in the tent.

Helen's eyes widened in shock as she stared at what looked to be the interior of a small, yet spacious, two-story house.

She went back out of the tent to check that it was that same small tepee, and then, tentatively, came back inside.

'How?' she asked Sirius. It didn't make any sense to her.

'How what?' Sirius asked, amused.

'How does it all… fit. I… it doesn't… how… I don't get it,' Helen finally said, turning to Sirius for an explanation.

Sirius laughed.

'It's actually quite funny how things which I take for granted don't make any sense to you,' he said.

Helen nodded but continued to look around the tent which she still could not understand. Sirius observed this and smiled as she opened and closed the kitchen cupboards in amazement.

* * *

'Christmas again,' Helen mumbled as Sirius shook her to wakeup so they could go to the Potters. 'A year's gone fast.'

'It has… I'm going to have a shower, okay?' he said, kissing her shoulder. 'Oh, and Merry Christmas,' he added with a wry smile.

Helen could see nothing merry about this Christmas. It signalled a whole year of trying to get pregnant to no avail.

What made it worse was that there was no good reason. Both she and Sirius were physically fine and there was no physical reason as to why she should not be able to conceive a child.

* * *

'Everyone, we have an announcement to make,' James said during Christmas lunch, putting an arm around Lily and kissing the top of her head.

Everyone looked up.

'I'm pregnant,' Lily said happily, blushing a little.

Mrs Potter and Lily's parents both jumped up and covered James and Lily in kisses for the next five minutes, leaving everyone else at the table to discuss the news.

'Do you reckon it's a Prongs or a Lilykins,' Remus asked them, smiling a little.

'I'd say a baby Prongs,' Sirius said, taking Helen's hand under the table.

The 'to-be' grandparents only left James and Lily alone when Petunia cleared her throat loudly. Petunia was also pregnant, although her bump was much more visible than Lily's which was still in the early stages. 

Helen and the other Marauders took advantage of the in-law's hugging of each other to congratulate Lily and James.

'I can't believe it,' Lily whispered to Helen. 'Already! I'm only nineteen!'

'You'll be twenty soon,' Helen pointed out, smiling at Lily and kissing her cheek.

'How far along are you?' Remus asked.

'Two months,' Lily said.

'Already! Only seven more to go then,' Sirius said to James, his eyes widening.

James gulped, and seemed to only just realise that he was indeed going to be a father in seven months.

'Don't look at him like that, Sirius,' Helen said. 'James is going to be a wonderful father,' she said, nodding at James. 

James hugged Helen. 

'Aw thanks sis. I'll make sure that he or she likes Aunty Helen best,' he said grinning at her.

Helen laughed a little and moved aside so Remus and Peter could congratulate James and Lily.

The rest of Christmas was spent discussing Lily and James' new addition to the Potter family. Petunia left before dinner, saying stiffly that, as a pregnant woman, she 'needed her rest,' and, as the Evans were due to meet with Vernon's parents for dinner, they too left. 

When Lily returned, James was doing an unfortunate impersonation of Vernon Dursley. He froze when he heard her clearing her throat behind him.

'She's behind me, isn't she?' he asked, shutting his eyes tightly and flinching as he waited for Lily's shouts.

'Yep,' Sirius said, noticing Lily's twitching lips.

'James, darling,' Lily said in a sweet voice. 'You made Vernon look a bit too much like a pig. He's more like a walrus,' she said, patting James on the back and going to sit next to Helen.

James looked to Sirius, confused, but Sirius just shrugged.

'Girls,' he sighed, shaking his head.

* * *

'Are you okay?' Sirius sighed as he got into bed that evening.

Helen had shown no signs of being upset over the news of Lily's pregnancy, though he was sure that she was not so internally happy.

'Sure, why not?' Helen said, smiling at him.

He turned to her and looked down into her eyes.

'I know you a little better than that,' he said quietly, stroking her cheek.

Helen lifted up her head and kissed him.

'Why? I'm happy for Lily and James. I mean, I was already a little depressed, I suppose, that we've been trying for a whole year now with no results, but that doesn't mean that I'm not happy that James and Lily get to have a kid,' she said, brushing a few strands of hair out of his eyes. 'What about you? Are _you_ okay?' she asked, kissing him again.

He nodded. 

'_I'm_ fine. It's as you said- I'm happy for them…. though I won't deny that I find it a little ironic given that I was telling him what to do for his wedding night only a year ago…'

Helen laughed a little and pulled Sirius to her chest, twirling his hair through her fingers.

'And I didn't actually mean it, a few weeks ago, when I said I don't have lots of fun with you,' she said. 'I like being with you best.'

'That's reassuring to know,' he muttered.

She smiled a little.

'Are you tired?' she asked.

'No, you want sex?'

'What a way to ask,' she said, shaking her head at him and rolling her eyes.

'Shows how comfortable I am with you,' he pointed out, grinning a little.

'More like it shows that you can't be bothered to be tactful anymore,' Helen corrected.

'Yeah, that too… But seeing as I already have you, I don't really need to try too hard anymore. I mean, honestly, who would have you now? I'm all you've got,' he said jokingly.

'You_ are_ all I've got,' Helen said, 'but I wouldn't go so far as to say that no one else would have me. As for you… well, unless you find another 'Helen,' you're going to have a hard time with girls seeing as you have my name tattooed on your chest,' she pointed out.

'Damn… looks like I'm stuck with you,' he said, wrinkling his nose at her.

'Poor you.'

'I know,' he nodded morosely.

Helen shot him a reproving look but he kissed her before she could say anything.

'Can we go somewhere?' Helen breathed, when he shifted his attention to her neck.

He paused and looked at her.

'You know I'd love to, but…'

She bit her lip and looked away, nodding.

He looked at her for a moment, deliberating.

'Where do you want to go?' he asked, sitting up.

Helen looked a little surprised and sat up too.

'Anywhere! Let's go to another country, even… we don't have to stay long, I just want to have done something other than sitting down listening to Lily and Petunia arguing over maternity tips all day,' she said. 'And we always used to do things in school… it was so much fun- like that time we ditched the ball to go to Hogsmeade. I miss that,' she said earnestly.

* * *

'Somewhere in Europe, preferably,' Helen said as she and Sirius were looking at a map of the world.

'How about we throw a dart?' Sirius suggested.

'Spontaneous? I love it,' Helen said, grinning.

'I remember you saying the same thing when we were fourteen,' Sirius remarked.

'At least you know I'm still the same crazy girl,' Helen pointed out.

'Right,' Sirius said, holding the dart. 'Who's throwing. You or I?'

'I've always had the better aim,' Helen said, taking the dart from him.

'Well, you have to be blind-folded,' Sirius said, covering her eyes with his hands.

Helen threw the dart and took Sirius' hands away to see where she had thrown it.

'Ireland…Do you feel like drinking?' Sirius asked Helen as he saw where the dart had landed.

Helen laughed.

'Sure why not? If you're lucky, I might even be drunk enough when we return to get into that red g-string you got me during school… now, what colour hair should I have today,' she asked, changing her eyes to blue.

Sirius looked at her.

'I prefer you how you normally are…' he said, looking at her dubiously as she made her hair jet black.

'At least we match now,' he said, smiling a little. 

Helen looked at him and made his hair brown and his eyes green.

'Wh…'

'You're just as recognisable as I am- if not more- amongst the Death Eaters. I think it would be pretty obvious if they saw some girl with you on Christmas,' she said wryly.

* * *

Helen wasn't actually drinking very much at all. She wanted to enjoy- and remember- everything. Sirius on the other hand, kept on being handed beers and did not seem to count his drinks, but just drank. Having said this, the alcohol made him more like his school self and that made Helen happy because it was almost as though they were back in school again as he spilled out random, and completely useless, bits of information to her. 

They were young enough to feel that way, anyway.

'Do you know what I think?' Sirius professed as Helen was helping him up the stairs, wondering how it was exactly that they ran out of hangover tonics.

'What do you think, Sirius?' she asked, amused.

'I hated you as a red-head. You reminded me too much of.. hic… Evans.'

'Okay, Sirius,' she sighed.

'And I think that you should eat a bit more. You're curves have gone lately and that makes you not as sexy.'

Helen looked at him indignantly, and had to remind herself that he was very drunk.

'What else do you think, Sirius?' she asked, intrigued now as to what else Sirius really thought about her.

'You're terrible with anything other than straight sex and snogging. For someone who has had as much sex as you, you get ridiculously embarrassed and prudish when it comes to experimenting.'

Helen knew this, but she never thought she was 'terrible...'

'What else? I'll tell you all about this tomorrow, by the way, but now that you're talking, keep going,' she said lightly.

They sat on the bed and she raised her eyebrows as he sat cross-legged on it, like a little boy.

'You don't look that great in those grey pants of yours and I hate it when you wear those green pyjamas,' he said, looking a little dazed now.

Helen huffed indignantly; those pyjamas were warm. She didn't wear them to look great…

'But I like your red lacy nighty,' he said.

'Typical. Something which doesn't give me a degree of warmth,' Helen thought mutinously.

Helen lay back, not really caring to hear any more.

'I hate it when you're upset, though,' he said, lying next to her. 'I wish you would be happier more often, and I know you try hard to be.'

Helen turned to face him and smiled.

'And I get scared that you'll leave because something might happen and then I'll be left here, on my own,' he continued to mumble.

'But what scares me the most is that something will make you go and find Voldemort and then he might kill you and then I won't know what to do and…'

Helen kissed him- He didn't know what he was saying.

But, as he fell asleep- arms wrapped around her waist, and drooling slightly on her pyjamas- Helen stayed awake.

So those were the things that worried Sirius… and yet he had never really said a word before.

* * *

**Some explanatory things for you:**

Eos: Goddess of the Dawn.

Nyx: Goddess of the Night.

Aeaea: Mythological Island. Said to be Circe's home.

**Anyway, so are you all starting to think now? Perhaps we have been led astray about how the curse could be ended?**

**And Harry's on his way which, yes, means that other things are going to happen**

"**sighs"**

**But we'll have a while before then anyway…**

**So next chapter is very long, because four characters are getting sent on a mission.**

**And guess what?**

**One of them is Helen.**

**So, if you want it, you should get reviewing, shouldn't you?**

**(hint: the next chapter's finished)**

**Love Anya**


	80. Chapter 11: The Sword of Godric Gryffind

**_"The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it."_- Thucydides ****

* * *

**

The Sword of Godric Gryffindor

Helen looked around at the Order meeting and felt her heart drop as she realised just how many people had died from the same meeting which was held when they first joined in September over a year ago.

It began with the usual announcement of deaths, and plans. What was different about this meeting, however, was that Lily, James, Helen and Sirius were asked to stay behind.

'I have a mission for you four,' Dumbledore said seriously.

'Helen?' Sirius said, surprised.

Helen hit Sirius, lest Dumbledore realised and change his mind and looked at her headmaster attentively.

'Yes, you will need her,' Dumbledore said. 'A significant amount of wandless magic may be required. It will be too dangerous otherwise, and the Order cannot afford to lose any of you… and, of course, we all want you safe,' he added.

'But Lily's pregnant, sir,' James said seriously, concern in his tone.

'I'm very able. I'm only around two months,' Lily said quickly to Dumbledore, throwing an annoyed glance in James' direction.

'Congratulations,' Dumbledore smiled at Lily. 'Of course, it is up to you whether you decline or accept. I would understand.'

Lily considered Dumbledore.

'What's the mission?' she asked.

'I don't want you to go,' James said to Lily.

Lily rolled her eyes.

'You would say that, whatever the mission,' she snapped. 'I accept, professor,' she said to Dumbledore.

'I don't think Helen should go either,' Sirius said to Dumbledore. 'Why can't Remus and Peter come with us instead?'

'Watch it,' Helen hissed.

Sirius ignored Helen and looked at Dumbledore imploringly.

'You will all be required to adopt disguises and you must be certain to maintain them at all times,' he said to Sirius. 'Helen should be safe if you are all careful not to expose your true identities.'

Helen nodded vigorously, looking very happy. Lily looked determined, and both James and Sirius looked very unhappy and uneasy with the whole situation.

* * *

'Lily, I don't like it. What about the baby?' James shouted at her in the kitchen.

'Why are they fighting?' Remus frowned.

'We've got a mission,' Sirius sighed.

'The three of you?' Peter asked, intrigued to gather as much information on the matter as possible.

'No, the four of us,' Helen said, unable to contain her happiness.

Sirius looked darkly at her.

'We don't know for sure yet…'

'Yes, we do,' she interrupted in a warning voice.

'What kind of mission is it, though?' Remus asked, stealing Peter's question.

Peter sat back and made mental notes of everything as Sirius explained. He would be rewarded tonight.

'It's about time I had a shag,' he thought mutinously as he eyed Helen. 'I wonder if Letty's free for a booking tonight?' 

* * *

'Who's who?' 

'I'm Helen… but you're calling me Anna,' she said.

'Lily, and my name is Amelia.'

'You both have names starting with A's- I'm Sirius, by the way,' Sirius pointed out. 

'Fine, I'll be Sharon,' Lily shrugged.

'I'll be Mark,' James said.

Helen giggled.

'You really do take the brother thing seriously, don't you?' she said.

James laughed a little. 

'I didn't think of that on purpose,' he said.

'I'll be…'

'How about Ross?' Helen suggested archly.

Sirius grinned a little. 

'Fine, I'm Ross.'

They paused.

'Right, let's go,' Helen said. 'The portkey's arriving in five minutes.'

'It's not too late to change…'

'Potter, if you don't shut it, I'll do it for you,' Lily said irritably.

'Don't even try suggesting it,' Helen said to Sirius who opened his mouth.

He closed his mouth and they all kept walking, silently.

* * *

'Where are we?' Lily asked in distaste as they found themselves in the middle of a forest, and up to their knees in a swamp.

'It stinks,' Helen coughed. 

'Bubble-headed charms?' Lily suggested.

They all nodded and were soon breathing easily.

After walking for three hours, Lily stopped walking.

'What's wrong?' James asked her.

'Just… a lot of… walking,' she breathed.

James pursed his lips before ducking down and scooping her up in his arms.

'What are you doing?' Lily exclaimed.

'Carrying you,' he said simply as they all continued to walk. 

'You're not going to…'

'Woman, you're not the lightest thing out there! Please stop thrashing about. It's not easy as it is,' he said exasperatedly.

'Here,' Helen said, placing a charm on Lily to make her 'feather-light'.

'Thanks,' James said, in appreciation.

'Want me to carry you?' Helen asked Sirius brightly.

Sirius pushed her forward.

'Keep walking Asteria,' he muttered. 'And tell me if _you_ need some carrying.'

Helen shot him an indignant look and kept on walking ahead, determined not to complain. After all, she was still very excited at the idea of being on a mission and did not want to show that she wasn't up to it.

* * *

It was nightfall by the time they reached their designated clearing. 

'Wait! Don't put her down yet! She'll blow away!' Helen exclaimed, rushing forward and making Lily weigh her normal weight before James put her down.

'Oh boy… that was a long day,' Sirius said flopping onto the ground whilst Lily took care of the security charms and James set up the tent.

'That's better,' Sirius said, looking at his normal reflection. 'You too,' he nodded at Helen.

Helen flopped onto the bed. Her legs hadn't received such a hard workout since she was banned from quidditch over two years ago.

'So… tired,' she yawned, curling up into a ball under her covers. 'And cold,' she added. 'Who would want to go camping in January?' she continued to yawn.

Sirius slid in next to her.

'How about I warm you up a bit?' he said, rubbing her arms, but springing back as he felt her hands.

'How the hell are you alive with such cold hands?' he exclaimed.

'They're always cold,' Helen said defensively, rubbing them together.

'Crazy girl,' Sirius said, taking them in his and rubbing them together, trying to generate some heat from the friction.

'So should I be keeping my hands to myself tonight then?' she asked, smiling a little.

Sirius leaned forward and kissed her before shivering a little.

'I think that's a good idea,' he nodded.

'Me too…. I'm too tired anyway,' she yawned, leaning into his chest in a bid to salvage some more heat.

* * *

'That's a bit silly. Why don't you go with Evans, and I'll go with Helen?' Sirius said.

'Because you should stay here and look after her, and Helen and I will find it,' James said.

'Why don't _you_ stay and look after your _wife_ while I go with Helen?' Sirius said.

'Because…'

'I can go!' Lily said indignantly. 'Why should _I_ wait here?'

'Yeah, why don't we make Helen wait here with Lily and you and I…'

'That's just typical of you to say,' Helen snapped.

The four of them continued to bicker until Helen, noticing that the sun was setting, decided to take the matter in her hands and set off. It took them all a good minute to notice that she had disappeared.

'Where's Helen?' Sirius asked suddenly.

They looked around.

'H…'

'Anna,' Lily reminded him.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'_You_ call her then,' he said, folding his arms. 'I'll kill her when I find her,' he added moodily.

'FOUND IT!' Helen's voice called from behind them.

They all spun around.

'Where are you?' they all called.

'Here… we walked passed it before,' she called, searching through the bushes to find them. She came face to face with them and they all looked at her reproachfully.

'Aw come on! I found it,' she said uneasily under their glares.

'You have to stop doing that Helen,' Sirius said, tugging at his hair. 'You'll give me grey hair before my time.'

Helen looked a little apologetic.

'Well, it's this way,' she shrugged, leading them back through the forest.

* * *

'Right, so tomorrow we should get out of this bloody forest- good riddance I say- and then we'll have to try finding that cave,' James said practically.

The others seemed to quickly forget their prior topic of conversation after this statement.

'Dumbledore suggested we take this route, but this way looks quicker,' Lily said, pointing to an alternate route.

They all sat and considered Lily's statement.

'But maybe his way will be safer,' James said.

Helen nodded.

Sirius, on the other hand, was looking closely at the other route. 

'But if we're _expected_ to take that route because it is the 'safe' one, maybe it'll end up being safer to take the supposedly 'dangerous' route,' he pointed out.

'Good point,' James nodded.

'But Dumbledore must have recommended that route for a reason,' Helen said.

'Helen's right,' Lily said.

Helen suddenly sat up.

'How close are we to the end of the forest?' she asked.

'About seven miles,' Sirius said. 'It's not a matter of how far away we are from the edge… it's more a matter of _how_ we're going to _get out_,' he said.

Helen nodded and suddenly stood up, pacing the ground.

'If I remember correctly, it's possible to lift anti-apparition charms for a distance of nine miles…' she said, massaging her temples.

She stopped walking and nodded.

'Yes, that's right, because it's three three's… the lucky number,' she said, reminding herself of her mnemonic device.

The others stared at her as she continued to reason with herself

'So, we could lift the anti-apparition…'

'We never learnt those,' James said, frowning.

'She did,' Sirius said, nodding towards Helen.

Helen nodded. 'Yeah, I used it to get away from Voldemort the first time,' she said.

James looked a little stunned. 'Right… so you think that it could work?'

Lily seemed unsure.

'I don't know, Helen… you see… these anti-apparition charms are natural forest magic. The one you undid was a man-made one,' she said.

Helen bit her lip; Lily had a point.

'And we won't be able to deal with splinchings if they're big ones,' Lily added 

Helen nodded.

'You're right,' she sighed, slumping back in her chair. 'It would have been good, though,' she said wistfully.

'Otherwise… hang on,' Helen said, reading Dumbledore's spidery writing next to an asterix.

'_Apparition possible if strong enough counter to anti-apparition charm is produced.'_

'There we go!' Helen said happily to Lily.

Lily nodded slowly before looking up at Helen.

'Are you up to it?'

Helen suddenly became uncomfortable as she realised what Lily meant. She could be jeopardising all of their safety should she not produce a strong enough charm.

'I hope so,' she said uncomfortably.

'Well we can't do it until tomorrow morning anyway, because we'll need to try searching for the cave straight away,' Lily said. 'How about we all retire for the night and you can try tomorrow morning. You don't have to, Helen,' she said to Helen.

Helen looked at James and Sirius who both nodded.

'Okay.'

* * *

'You're not going to sleep, are you?' Sirius muttered as Helen tossed and turned yet again.

'Sorry… I'm just nervous,' she said.

'Well I think you can do it, if that makes you feel any better,' he mumbled, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

'You think I'm capable of everything, though,' Helen pointed out.

'Oh, not _everything_… but you are capable, there's no doubt about _that_,' he said.

'Once we get out of the forest, things will get dangerous,' Helen whispered.

Sirius put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

'Don't worry about it… just… sleep,' he said, sounding exhausted.

* * *

Helen was up very early the next morning and was pacing the kitchen nervously. She was soon joined by James.

'Are you nervous?' he asked.

She nodded.

His lips twitched a little.

'Did you throw up?'

Helen shot him a reproving look before sighing and sitting at the table.

'Yes,' she admitted.

He laughed.

'Are you going to try?'

She nodded. 

'I'm sure I can do it. I just need to concentrate.'

James patted her hand.

'You'll save us a lot of trouble, so I hope you _can_ concentrate,' he said pouring out some cereal for himself, looking very bright.

'Thanks, James,' Helen said drily, slumping forward and putting her head in her hands.

* * *

'Is it done?' Lily asked Helen.

Helen nodded uncertainly.

'Good or not?' Lily asked.

Helen shrugged.

'The only way to know is to try,' she said. 'Okay, so take this,' she said, giving Sirius her backpack. 'And if I don't come back in five minutes at the latest, don't try apparating,' she said.

'What! You're not trying it out!' Sirius exclaimed, grabbing her arm.

'Sirius…' Helen warned him. 'Look, just let me try. There really should be no risks,' she said, trying to prize her arm from his grip which was vice-like.

'Sorry,' she said apologetically, before stunning him. Without waiting for Lily and James to say anything else, she apparated to the forest border.

She returned almost instantly.

'It worked,' she informed Lily and James happily.

'Excellent work, Helen!' Lily said, hugging Helen.

'Okay, but I don't know how long it'll last for, so let's go… don't bring Sirius out of it yet- he'll be sure to argue,' Helen said, grabbing onto him as they all apparated to their next destination.

Sirius slowly opened his eyes and then sat up quickly.

'Where is she?'

'I'm here,' Helen said irritably. 'We've already done it, and please don't bother arguing. Just stay alert,' she sighed impatiently.

'We'll be discussing this later,' he warned.

'Whatever.'

'You see! That's the attitude I have to put up with _all _the time!' Sirius said indignantly to James who looked mildly amused. 

'Just shut up,' Lily snapped. 'The both of you.'

Helen and Sirius shot Lily annoyed looks as they continued to walk cautiously up the path to the cave.

'We're a day early,' James whispered. 'Do you reckon that'll matter?'

Helen shook her head.

'The sword would still be there. I wonder why Voldemort would want Gryffindor's sword?' she mused.

'Who knows…' Sirius said; apparently back on speaking terms with Helen again. 'I always said that he was screwed in the head.'

Lily snorted at this and Sirius shot her a strange look before they continued; Lily never seemed to appreciate his comments before.

* * *

Eventually, they finally reached the top of the mountain and, sure enough, there was the mouth of a dark cave.

Helen shivered as they stood outside it.

'You okay?' Sirius asked her.

'Don't like caves,' she muttered, remembering how she had become lost in one during a school excursion. Now that she thought about it, she must have somehow apparated outside of the cave without knowing it…

She felt Sirius take her hand, but she let go.

'Don't be silly, I'm not scared,' she said, not sounding wholly convinced.

Sirius nodded.

'Well, shall we?' James asked.

Sighing, they all nodded and lit their wands before entering the cave.

After a cloud of bats swarmed above them, Helen was clutching Sirius' hand desperately and Sirius tried to keep a straight face at this as they proceeded deeper into the cave.

'Shouldn't there be obstacles by now?' Lily asked after a few hours.

'Great one, Lily. Now that you've asked, we'll have them for sure,' Helen said sarcastically.

'You and your superstitions,' Sirius said, shaking his head at Helen. 'Sorry, _ma cherie,_ but that's my wand hand and it's starting to feel a bit sore… how about you take the other one?' he suggested.

Helen withdrew her hand but did not take his other one.

Soon enough, they reached a great chasm and their wand lights extinguished.

'This doesn't feel so good,' James said.

'Really, James?' Lily said, sounding slightly hysterical.

'Okay, guys, calm down,' Helen said. 'Just stand away from the edge. Now, can any of you use your wands?'

There was the sound of wands waving, and yet nothing happened. 

'Okay,' Helen said slowly, pocketing her wand and cupping her hands and creating a small flame. 

'That's not enough light,' Sirius said.

'Thankyou _mon cheri,_' she replied sweetly. 

She slowly knelt to the ground and felt around until she found a decent-sized stick. She handed her flame to Sirius.

'It won't burn you,' she said to him.

Helen used the little light to focus her attention on the stick. After a few seconds of intense concentration, it ignited and, soon enough, there was a big enough flame for them to dimly light the area.

'Right. Now that we can see, what do we do?' Helen asked them.

'I'm pretty sure we're meant to get across the chasm,' Sirius said.

They all gave him looks and he put up his hands defensively.

'This is supposed to be _Gryffindor'_s cave, though,' James sighed. 'It's more about courage, isn't it?'

They nodded.

'Yes, but jumping that length isn't courageous; it's just stupid,' Helen said.

Lily looked at James with wide eyes.

'_That's_ what you were suggesting?' she exclaimed.

'But you can levitate things, can't you?' Sirius asked of Helen.

Helen laughed a little hysterically.

'I can levitate a heavy book on a good day… not an adult male!' she exclaimed.

'Can't you…' 

'No!' she said flatly, feeling as though she was going to crack under all the pressure she seemed to be placed under.

Sirius kicked a rock in annoyance. To their surprise, it did not fall down the chasm, but bounced a little; as though on a clear surface.

Sirius frowned, and then lifted a foot and tapped the supposed 'air' separating the two edges.

'There's a ground,' he said, going to step out.

'Wait…' Helen said hopelessly. 

She was too late; he had already stepped out and walked across to the other side.

He looked at the other at them and motioned for them to follow.

'How about we do it one at a time?' Lily suggested dubiously.

Helen nodded. 

'You first, James,' she said.

James went across easily, just as Sirius had. Lily followed just as easily.

As Helen was about to leave, she heard voices behind her.

'What are you waiting for?' Sirius called out.

Helen quickly extinguished her light and saw, from the figures approaching, their masks.

She quickly crossed the chasm and felt sick doing so in the dark.

'I'm here,' she whispered, as soon as she reached the other side. 'There are Death Eaters here,' she said, as they continued down the tunnel, now able to light their wands again.

'What?' Lily exclaimed.

'I saw four,' Helen said gravely.

Sirius stopped.

'How come they're here? Dumbledore said that only he knew we were coming today,' he said, looking very serious.

'Maybe they were coming anyway?' Lily said.

They all looked at each other.

'Let's just try getting to the sword before they do,' Helen said eventually, as they all continued down the tunnel.

* * *

They came upon a Sphinx next, and Lily solved the puzzle almost instantly, to their immense relief.

'This is like something from a horror movie,' Helen said after another cloud of bats swarmed past them.

'Do you think we're close?' Lily sighed, sounding exhausted.

'No way. That would be far too easy,' Helen said, feeling very tired herself and now wishing that she had slept properly the night before.

The boys seemed more concerned with the Death Eaters, however, and were constantly looking behind them for any possible traces of them.

They passed the next few trials in a zombie-like state. There were hinkypunks and grindylows as they had to wade across a lake, as well as numerous other nasty creatures which they merely stunned. 

'I think that's the 'Gryffindor' part,' Helen gasped, as they reached the other side of the lake. 'It's meant to test our endurance.'

Lily's eyes began to droop.

'Come on Lily, honey,' James coaxed her gently.

Just seeing that nearly sent Helen to tears; she really was ridiculously tired.

She was too tired to even notice Sirius hugging her. Eventually she pulled away, rubbed her eyes and stood up.

'We need to finish this,' she said, feeling dazed

Lily stood up with James supporting her, but then she stepped away from him.

'I'm fine,' she said, conjuring some water and splashing her face with it. 'I'm ready now,'she announced, sounding more alert and determined than any of them.

* * *

They soldiered on for more hours, deeper into the mountain. None of them questioned how they could possibly get back the way the came from, or how they would get out of the cave full stop. There were more obstacles, some of which involved narrow misses- such as the time when James accidentally stepped on a Honag's head, causing it to fling him into the wall with a sickening crunch. Helen and Sirius focused on vanquishing it whilst Lily tried to revive James until Helen was done with the Honag and she was able to properly administer treatment to him.

'That was a nice sleep,' James muttered, as he roused to consciousness.

Lily shook her head, wiping her tears.

'You idiot,' she said, hugging him tightly to her.

Soon, however, they all found it hard to maintain their brave faces and started to become irritable with each other. When Helen asked Sirius what ideas he had, he snapped at her, saying that she was '_the smartarse who always knew everything and, therefore, she should know what to d_o'. This caused hurt tears to spring to Helen's tired eyes and it took Sirius another hour to apologise to her.

Dumbledore was right, though. Helen was required to perform a huge amount of wandless magic.

Lily herself snapped a lot at everyone- especially at James and Sirius. James started to lose his patience, but generally remained more silent whilst Helen would occasionally come up with scathing comments, but was more focused on sleeping and, therefore, finishing the mission as soon as possible.

* * *

Eventually, they came to a clearer pathway. The archway was lined with Ancient Runes and James translated it to say: '_The Board of Godric Gryffindor lies ahead. Enter only the brave of heart,_' until Lily corrected him and said that they did not come all this way for a 'board,' but for Gryffindor's 'sword,' causing another round of bickering to ensue between the two until Helen cut through them and told the both of them off.

'Shall we?' she sighed eventually.

They all nodded and walked down the final tunnel.

'Apparently I'm a descendant from him,' James said quietly as they walked.

'Gryffindor?' Helen asked, surprised.

He nodded.

'Wow,' Helen said. 'That's pretty cool.'

'You're not so bad yourself,' James smiled.

They all seem to have relaxed a little now that they realised that it was nearly over.

Helen shrugged.

'At least yours is consequence-free,' she said to him. 'Anyway, Sirius is also descended from Circe- as are you,' she said.

Lily remained silent, feeling a little left out.

'But Lily's got it best,' Helen said, noticing her friend's silence. 'Everything's so uncomplicated for you blood-wise. What I wouldn't give to be the muggle-born I thought I was ages ago,' she said wistfully.

'It's pretty boring, though,' Lily said. 'And you're always wanted by Death Eaters,' she added.

'Hello?' Helen said, rolling her eyes. 'What am I? Voldy's best friend?' 

They all laughed a little but then became silent as they came up to a door.

Helen was suddenly reminded of what happened when she 'visited' Circe. She thought that, if she made it out of the place alive, she would visit her again.

'James, put your hand on the door,' she told him. 

It was a door made of solid gold and, as soon as James touched it, it clicked open.

The others went forward, but Helen stopped them.

'Let James go,' she said, feeling hysterically relieved as she saw the glittering sword ahead, laid on a royal red, velvet pillow.

James walked forward and took the sword. They waited, tensely, for something to happen, but nothing did.

Smiling a relieved smile, James rushed out of the room and they all hugged him happily.

And, to their pleasant surprise, a glowing portkey appeared in front of them.

* * *

Looking at each other for a moment, they reached forward and touched it; relieved to be finished with the mission.

Their feet landed hard on the ground in front of the cave and, before Helen knew it, Sirius had grabbed her and kissed her passionately.

They stopped suddenly as they heard Lily and James clearing their throats.

'Sorry… just an emotional moment,' Helen said, smiling at them sheepishly.

James nodded, still looking very alert.

'That's all very well, but Death Eaters were here when we first entered the cave, so I doubt that they've just disappeared.'

They all suddenly tensed up.

'Let's just try getting out of here as quickly as possible,' Lily said.

Helen nodded.

As soon as they reached the base of the mountain, however, they saw that they were in a rather large amount of trouble.

**Dun dun dun...**

**what's waiting for them at the end of the mountain, I wonder?**

**You'll have to review this chapter, if you want to find out, won't you?**

**But here's something until then:**

_Remus was supposed to be a spy_

**Now! Let's get those somewhat-dwindling reviews back up eh? I'm sure you want to read the next chapter sometime soon, no?**

**Love Anya**


	81. Chapter 12: The Spy

**_'Betrayal does that- betrays the betrayer'_- Erica Jong**

* * *

The Spy

'Hello cousin,' Bellatrix said in a dangerous voice. 'That's quite some disguise you've got going there… although I think that it's a shame that you had to mar our 'Black' features' with it,' she said.

She was masked, though they could recognise that voice anywhere.

Helen and Lily exchanged apprehensive looks: there were at least fifteen death eaters surrounding them.

'Hand over the sword,' another said in a wheezy voice.

James had concealed the sword prior to their coming down and they were all, yet again, perplexed as to how the Death Eaters knew.

It took their quickest wits not to betray themselves through their shock.

'What sword?' Sirius said evasively.

They all started laughing at them, but stopped abruptly as Bellatrix swiped her arm; aiming a curse at Sirius. Helen deflected it quickly, causing it to rebound and hit another Death Eater who started gasping in pain.

They turned to look at her.

'Ah… and Asteria,' Bellatrix said sarcastically. 'How nice of you to come out of your hidey-hole for once… finally decided to grow a backbone and come out and play, did we?'

Helen felt Lily place a restraining hand on her arm.

'The Dark Lord wants her,' another said.

'Really? I hadn't noticed,' Bellatrix snapped.

'We have to get out of here,' James whispered from the corner of his mouth.

Helen looked behind the Death Eaters and caused a large branch from a tree to snap. It worked; they all turned around and she quickly worked on performing the apparition-enabling charm.

'What's she doing?' James asked Sirius.

'Apparition charm,' Sirius said, sounding a little relieved.

Helen finished the charm just as the Death Eaters turned around again. Bellatrix had been preoccupied with sending two off to search for other possible Order reinforcements.

'Three…' James whispered as they turned to watch Bellatrix begin drawling again.

'Two…'

'Now!'

They all whirled on the spot. Helen felt herself becoming hit by something just as she did so, but fought to stay conscious until they arrived; this time, back in front of their house. As soon as her feet touched the ground, she collapsed.

The others looked at her strangely.

'What happened? Is she exhausted?'

'We all are,' Lily sighed.

Sirius frowned as his Revival Spell did nothing to rouse Helen.

'Let's take her to your mum,' he said.

* * *

Mrs Potter clicked her tongue.

'The fact that you're all exhausted won't do much for her recovery,' she said. 'She'll probably wake in an hour or so. I suggest you all wash up and get some sleep.'

'I say sleep first- then wash,' James yawned.

'We have to report back to Dumbledore too,' Sirius reminded James, glancing apprehensively at Helen.

James nodded his head.

'You go home, Lily, I'll go with Sirius,' he said.

Lily didn't complain.

* * *

When Sirius returned, Helen was awake and looked cleaner than before, but also still looked exhausted.

'You feeling better?' he asked her.

'Hardly. Let's go home and sleep,' she said, leaning on him as she stood unsteadily.

'I've never agreed with you more,' Sirius yawned, saying good-bye to Mrs Potter as they apparated home.

* * *

The next day- after they had all slept for many hours- Lily and James came over to discuss a pressing issue.

'Someone close to us has been betraying us,' Helen finished for James, stating what the other three would not.

They all shifted uncomfortably in their chairs, knowing it to be the truth.

'Well no one from _our_ group…' James started.

Lily coughed.

'I… I agree with Helen. I think it _is_ someone from our group. How else would they have known where to find us, what we were doing, and who we were? The only other people who knew were Remus and Peter,' she said quietly.

They all sighed. Helen and Sirius exchanged a glance.

'Maybe someone else overheard…' James started.

'No,' Sirius said.

He had remained silent all this time.

'No one could have because we told them at your place,' he finished apprehensively.

'But… they would never! I can't believe it!' James said, horrified at the thought.

'Hmmm,' Sirius thought; a dark look on her face.

'Which one, then?' Lily piped up after an uncomfortable silence.

Both James and Sirius refused to be the one to point a finger.

'I can't believe it. I won't believe it,' James said. 'Remus is too…. good, and Peter… I mean he's not really smart enough, is he?

'Yeah, Peter a Death Eater? I don't think so,' Sirius said, adopting an incredulous expression at the thought. 'I mean, he's scared of a _broomstick._ How on earth would he be able to face _Voldemort_, of all people, let alone having him as his 'master'?'

Helen and Lily said nothing.

'But it can't be Remus,' Helen said, as though this was obvious.

To her surprise, however, the others shifted in their seats uncomfortably.

'No,' she said aghast. 'I won't believe it!'

'Do you think that any of us like this, Helen?' Sirius said through gritted teeth.

'Helen, he's been our best friend since we were eleven. How do you think we feel thinking he'd do this to us,' James said.

Helen looked to Lily.

'Don't you think it's a little bit strange? Remus- the one who was always so 'good' and 'moral?' I mean, he was in love with Marina and they killed her!' she exclaimed.

Lily looked down.

'I don't know, Helen,' she said heavily. 'I don't know… I can't bear the thought, but it makes so much sense that one of them would be a spy. How else would Voldemort have found out so much information about you? How else would the Death Eaters have known were we were yesterday?'

Helen shifted uncomfortably. Out of the two, Remus knew a _lot_ more about her than Peter.

'So you think it's Remus, then?' she asked, looking Sirius in the eye.

But Sirius couldn't look her in the eye and say it.

'I don't know, but he's my guess if I have to pick,' he said bitterly, looking down at the table.

Helen looked at him in amazement. She could not believe that Remus- the boy who had been one of her only friends when she started at Hogwarts; the boy who had been her best friend for so much of her life- could betray her and her friends in such a way.

It did not make sense to her at all, because (in a way) Marina's betrayal of her when she was younger, and Severus' later on did not completely surprise her. The thought of Remus, however, made her feel winded.

'Why not Peter, though?' Lily said fairly. 'Not that I like the idea any more than Remus, but- just to be fair- why not Peter?

James and Sirius looked at her a little incredulously.

'What would Voldemort want with someone as… let's face it- someone as useless as Peter?' Sirius said.

Helen sighed.

'But why do you think it's Remus?' she asked heavily.

This time, James went to speek.

'And say everything,' Helen added. 'Nothing leaves this room.'

James nodded seriously.

'Now I never cared about it, but he does; he's always been insecure because of his lycanthropy and I can't but help wondering that, perhaps, that might have made him end up looking to someone like Voldemort for…'

He paused.

'On paper it would make so much sense that way,' he sighed. 'But I still can't think of Remus that way,' he said, sounding frustrated.

They all nodded and a heavy silence ensued.

'He's always liked you too,' Sirius said, eventually, to Helen.

'Well I would have hopes as much, given that he's been my friend for so long,' she said ironically.

Sirius glanced at her for a moment before looking back down at the table.

'No… I mean that he actually liked you,' he said quietly.

Helen felt herself flushing. She had never told anyone about the time she kissed Remus in the kitchens… and wasn't intending to either. But, the memory made her remember how he had confessed his feelings to her anyway.

'Don't be silly,' she replied unconvincingly. 'He liked Marina.'

James wrinkled his nose.

'Sort of… but I couldn't see them getting too far. I have to admit that I too always knew that he liked you too,' he said.

Lily nodded.

'He did,' she said apologetically to Helen.

Helen groaned and put her head in her hands.

'He got mad when I took you to the Yule Ball,' Sirius pointed out.

'And didn't you two once fight over 'who loved Helen more' when you got drunk?' James asked.

Helen raised her head and glowered at James.

'That was in our _third year_ and they were both _drunk_,' she said hotly.

'Look, Helen, I know that you've never seen him as anything other than a friend, which is why I never said anything…'  
Helen snorted.

'Well… mostly never,' he corrected himself.

Helen pursed her lips.

'Remus is a clever guy, though,' she said. 'I mean- _hypothetically speaking_- even if he _did_ happen to like me _in the past_, I think he would have gotten the hint that I'm 'out of bounds' given that we nearly got, and practically are, married.'

'And if he liked her, why would he be dealing with Voldemort?' Lily asked Sirius. 'He wants her dead.'

Sirius considered this.

'Maybe there could be some kind of deal to get me out of the w….'

Helen stood up abruptly.

'You're being absurd now,' she said. 'So stop talking.'

Her eyes were flashing dangerously and Sirius did nor pursue the matter.

'How about we just… keep all this in mind? Nothing's for certain,' Lily said, trying to keep the calm.

'Remus wouldn't,' Helen repeated.

The others said nothing.

'Excuse me,' she said curtly, walking off into the kitchen.

They all flinched as they heard clanging and loud, violent noises emerging from the kitchen.

'Should we…?' Lily asked warily, motioning to the kitchen.

Sirius shook his head.

'I wouldn't go in just yet,' he warned. 'Trust me, I've been lit on fire by her enough times to know that you're better off leaving her to 'blow off some steam' when she's in a mood like this.'

'She lit you on fire?' James asked, looking amused.

Sirius shrugged.

'What can I say? My _cherie_ and I share a turbulent relationship.'

James stared at the kitchen.

'And to think I complain about you,' he laughed uneasily to Lily.

'You complain about me?' she shot at him accusingly.

James bit his lip.

'No, of course not, honey,' he said, pecking her on the cheek.

Lily shoved James off her.

'I'm going to talk to Helen,' she announced, leaving the two boys.

* * *

'I can't believe that Remus would do that to us,' James said to Sirius as they sat on the steps to the backyard.

'Mmm,' Sirius said darkly. 'But they're right; someone has been acting as a spy.'

James sighed and leaned back against the door.

'Shit, what happened to our group?' he said heavily.

Sirius said nothing. He had always thought that he had compensated for a family through his friends in the Marauders. Now that Remus was supposed to be a spy, he felt very cheated and annoyed.

And sad.

It saddened them all to think that they had been betrayed.

What _had_ happened to that tight-knit group they had been when they finished school?

* * *

'Let's just not discuss it,' Helen said to Sirius as soon as James and Lily left. 'Okay?'

'Okay,' Sirius shrugged.

Helen walked to the kitchen and Sirius found her sitting at the kitchen table eating moodily from a tub of icecream. He got a spoon and joined her.

'It'll be so strange seeing him again,' she said after a while.

Sirius nodded.

'I know. Maybe we should just forget about it,' he suggested.

'I wish I could,' she said gloomily.

'Did I make you angry?' he asked after a while.

'No… I just don't like thinking like that,' she said.

He nodded.

'Trust me. None of us do,' he said.

They managed to keep up normal appearances when they next saw Remus, although Helen was sure that he looked at her strangely a few times. Meanwhile, Lily grew bigger and bigger, and Helen, as usual, was not pregnant.

* * *

Helen awoke with a start, feeling very overheated. Glancing at Sirius who was sleeping soundly next to her, she slid out of bed and crept out of their room to the bathroom where she washed her perspiring face.

Circe was haunting her. Every night, she would dread falling asleep because she would see the sorceress' face, and hear her screams for her daughter to return to her.

Helen leant over the sink and took deep breaths, trying to steady her racing heart rate. The lack of sleep was getting to her. She ran to the toilet and threw up nothing in particular, before rinsing her mouth and looking at her pale reflection with her slightly red and watery eyes.

Circe wanted her to return.

But Helen was scared to return; she was scared of what Circe would tell her.

Feeling very shaken, Helen decided not to return to bed, but went down to the living room and sat on the couch.

She sat, staring at her wand which she had placed on the coffee table.

'You okay?' Sirius asked, squinting as he shuffled into the living room, his hair very messy and hardly resembling its normal, shiny state.

Helen nodded.

'Yeah… why are you up?' she asked.

'Heard you throwing up,' he said.

'Sorry.'

He shrugged and fell into an armchair tiredly.

'You coming to bed?' he asked eventually, after blinking suddenly to prevent himself from sleeping.

'You go, I'm not very tired at the moment,' Helen said.

He did not need to be told twice.

'Are you sure you're feeling alright?'

'I'm fine, I promise,' she smiled at him. 'I'll be up soon,' she added.

He nodded and, yawning, went back up the stairs.

* * *

After an internal struggle of almost two whole months, and more and more insistent dreams, Helen finally decided that she would visit Circe again.

Sirius had already gone to bed, exhausted from a whole day of duelling and, after taking a quick shower, she went to the library again.

She was walking down that same hallway. As last time, everything opened and lit up for her. When she arrived at the main chamber, however, Circe's throne was empty.

Helen looked around, feeling apprehensive, before jumping with a start as she held a blood-curdling scream from the next room.

Feeling her heart skip a beat, Helen clutched Circe's wand and proceeded to the next room. There she saw Circe, dressed in loose white robes, sitting on a tripod in a trance. In her hand, she held a wreath of laurel and fumes were rising from the ground.

Helen stared as Circe muttered unintelligible things under her breath feverishly. Suddenly, Circe gasped and opened her eyes. Slowly, her eyes focused on Helen and she stared at her a moment before dropping the laurel leaves on the ground and walking past her into her throne room, motioning that Helen follow her.

'You have finally returned,' she said in her deep voice to Helen.

'Yes,' Helen replied.

'I have seen your future,' Circe said, sitting in her throne and looking into her crystal ball which swirled red and then black.

She shook her head sadly.

'I have condemned my daughters to lives of misery. Not one of them has lived a fulfilled life. They have all been riddled with mistakes and grief,' she said.

'I don't want to know the future,' Helen said suddenly.

'I know,' Circe nodded. 'Although you would be better for it, you won't hear it,' she said heavily.

Helen nodded and Circe shook her head sadly.

'Why did you want me?' Helen asked suddenly.

'I wanted to see you,' Circe said simply, her eyes flashing with an emotion which Helen didn't quite understand.

Circe peered into Helen's eyes searchingly before looking away abruptly.

'You may leave,' she said, her voice becoming a little gravelly.

'Why did you want me here for, then?' Helen asked, annoyed that Circe hadn't helped her at all.

'To see you,' Circe said simply, reaching out to Helen's face and stroking her cheek. Before Helen knew it, she was back on her library floor, feeling more confused than ever.

* * *

'It's a boy,' James announced to Helen and Sirius during dinner one night, unable to contain his excitement.

Sirius grinned.

'A baby Prongs? Excellent! Good on you mate,' he said, clapping James on the back.

'We want you both to be his godparents,' Lily said, now rather heavy at seven months.

'Us?' Helen said, surprised.

James nodded.

'Of course!' Sirius said. 'I'll…'

'Not teach him your maraudering ways, that's for sure,' Lily said, sternly, though her eyes were still smiling.

Sirius grinned innocently.

'Like that look's ever worked on me before,' Lily said, rolling her eyes.

But Lily suddenly became serious.

'There's something else,' she said, taking James' hand.

Helen and Sirius waited.

'Well,' Lily said uncomfortably, rubbing her stomach unconsciously, 'Things are dangerous these days and, once he's born, I'll have to go back to helping with the raids too.'

James made a noise, evidently not happy with this arrangement.

'It's true, James. I have to,' she said, softly to him.

He pursed his lips, but said nothing.

'So there's a chance- a big one- that something might happen to one or the both of us,' Lily continued. 'We wanted to ask if you would look after him and be his guardians should anything happen to the both of us.'

Helen and Sirius stared at Lily.

'Of course, you don't have to,' James said quickly. 'But you're the best people we could think of and trust to raise him like your own…'

'James- what a question!- of course we'd look after him,' Sirius said, shaking his head at his friend.

'You're both like family to us, and your son will be too. Don't you ever worry about that,' Helen said.

Lily stood up and hugged both Helen and Sirius.

'Thankyou,' she said, tears in her voice. 'It worries us so much… thankyou,' she said, hugging them again as best she could in her pregnant state.

Afterwards, Helen was helping James with the dishes.

'Have you and Sirius ever thought of starting a family of your own?' he asked, glancing at Helen as he put away the plates she handed him.

Helen shrugged evasively.

James' lips twitched a little.

'Well I'll feel sorry for my son if he has to live through your arguments, that's for sure- but please, whatever you do- makes sure he turns out to continue the Maraudering tradition,' he said.

Helen's eyes narrowed.

'Don't talk like that, James. That's not going to be necessary,' she said.

James shrugged.

'I wish Lily would reconsider not going back,' he said quietly.

Helen nodded, agreeing.

'I'll talk to her.'

'Thank you,' James said, sounding grateful. 'I mean, she thinks it's because I think she's a girl and therefore weaker, but it really isn't,' he said truthfully.

Helen nodded.

'I know.'

James hugged her before taking a stack of bowls from her.

'But we did mean it,' he said eventually, looking at her. 'If we were to choose anyone to be parents to our child, we would only want you two.'

Helen looked back at him and, because she would burst into tears otherwise, pulled him towards her and hugged him tightly.

* * *

**Oh... I think the LJHS talk here was one of the hardest to write in this whole story because it's the one that (potentially) could have saved Lily and James... **

**But, if you remember PoA, Remus said that they thought that he was the spy, so that had to come now that the others started questioning how on earth the Death Eaters knew about their plans for the mission.**

**Oh wow. I can't believe we're up to this point in the story already. Next chapter is huge and one which shall answer many questions. If you're cluey, you might even figure another point out... but that's for you to think about when I update.**

**Well... that's _if_ I update. As you know, that's entirely dependant on how you all review! (because I won't be updating if the review is the same as the last chapter...)**

**How about I give you a little incentive to write me a quick note? (or a long one, as the case is with some of my beloved reviewers) **

_'He had performed a powerful memory charm on himself after he had killed her so that he could forget… so that he could be cold, but killing her daughter just now had broken that, and he now remembered...' - _Voldemort

**and...**

_'Tom. I might do mindless or silly things, but I'm not stupid. Last night was something the both of us needed to do. It doesn't mean that you love me or I love you. In fact, it doesn't mean anything other than the fact that- at one point in our lives- we were able to get over ourselves and meet halfway. That has to mean something, but don't think I expect anything from you because of it. It doesn't change our situation; doesn't mean that I will live to see tomorrow, because I know I won't.' - _Selene Asteria

**Okay! Enough incentives... get typing!  
Love Anya**


	82. Chapter 13: The Path We Take

**_'I hold it true, whate'er befall;  
I feel it, when I sorrow most;  
'Tis better to have loved and lost  
Than never to have loved at all.'_** – **Alfred Tennyson**

* * *

The Path We Take

Helen waited as she watched the pregnancy test, willing it to turn black instead of clear. She was very tired with the whole matter. One and a half years of trying without results had led to this moment which was inevitable as soon as she saw result:

Clear.

She suddenly lost her temper and patience with everything to do with who she was and her ancestors, causing her to storm up the stairs of the dark house and find her mothers letters to her, the family tree Dumbledore had drawn up for her, all her research notes on Circe…

She took them outside to the middle of the back yard and put them in a pile. She stared at them for a moment, before lighting them on fire.

'Stupid, stupid Circe,' she said angrily, watching as the flame grew stronger.

She then glanced down at the wand in her hands and, feeling even more incensed with it, as it was Circe's, she threw it into the flames too.

'There,' she said, nodding her head. 'All over. I can never visit you again, Circe, and you can never visit me. I have nothing to do with you anymore. I'm sick of it all,' she said. 'It's a new moon tonight and I'm getting rid of everything to do with you.'

The wand started crackling and suddenly the flame turned blood-red, with a black smoke trailing up, high into the night sky.

'What are you burning?' Sirius asked, walking up to her and frowning at the flames.

He had obviously been woken up by her less-than-silent ranting.

'Everything,' Helen said mutinously, through gritted teeth.

Sirius stared into the flames before starting.

'Helen, is that a _wand_ in there?' he asked, aghast.

'Yes,' Helen said, her eyes flashing dangerously. 'I'm sick of everything to do with her.'

'Helen!' he exclaimed, looking as though he wanted to reach into the fire and retrieve the now constantly sparking wand. 'You can't just burn Circe's wand…. That's _your _wand! What are you going to do? Which wand will you use?' he said frantically, trying to talk some sense to her as he kept on looking hopelessly back to the wand.

'I'll get a new one. I've had it.'

Sirius turned her to face her but, suddenly, Helen clapped her hands over her ears and grimaced as she sunk to her knees.

'What is it?' Sirius asked worriedly, wondering whether Helen had finally succumbed to madness after being stuck in the house for so long.

Helen shuddered.

'The screaming…' she said in a pained voice. 'Stop the screaming…'

'What?' Sirius breathed, very confused.

'She's screaming,' she continued, shuddering. 'Stop it…'

'Helen, I'm taking you to Emily…'

Suddenly, the small red flame turned midnight blue and glowed blindingly strongly for a few moments and Helen actually screamed. Just as she couldn't endure the pain and the screaming anymore, however, it turned a normal colour again and the embers died down.

Sirius stared at it before turning to Helen who looked as though, whatever was affecting her before, had finished. She leaned her head against his chest, breathing heavily for a moment, before she sprung up, suddenly.

'Oh my God,' she exclaimed, rushing to the pile. 'I just destroyed my wand. Oh shit… what was I thinking? Oh no… this is bad… she'll never be able to tell me now… crap…' she said to herself as she sorted through the ashes. 'Give me your wand…quickly!'

Sirius looked at her uncertainly.

'I'm not going to destroy it,' she snapped impatiently. 'At least give me a light,' she said desperately.

Sirius obliged, still looking at her warily.

Helen sunk to her knees.

'It's gone. I destroyed it,' she said mournfully.

'Helen… I think we should see Emily…'

'I'm fine,' she snapped, standing up now. 'I just lost my temper. The pregnancy test came up negative for what must be the millionth time and I couldn't take it anymore.'

Sirius looked at her, not sure what to say.

Helen sighed.

'I'm sorry,' she said quietly. 'I know it must get frustrating for you to watch my mad outbursts… it's just that I'm really tired. I'm tired of trying for a hopeless case and I think we're all tired of this war.'

She shook her head.

'But it's over now,' she said. 'I'm not going to think about the Curse anymore or anything to do with it. We don't have to keep trying anymore. It's probably better anyway; I don't think I'd make a very stable mother.'

Sirius looked as though he was about to interrupt, but Helen spoke first.

'So that's it. I'm not going to get pregnant- I think that we've established that after trying for a whole year and a half- and now Circe has gone because she can't get to me without the wand, so it's all over. When I die, there'll be another girl in my place and I suppose that I'll just have to accept that that's how it's going to be. I mean, there are worse things that could happen to someone than being born an orphan and having stronger powers than most others,' she said, laughing a little.

Her shoulders then slumped and she looked to Sirius looking both defeated and apologetic.

Sirius stared back at her. He knew that he should say something to her, but he couldn't because he was too taken by everything about her at that moment. He didn't know why, but he had never been able to see that actually was such a direct descendant of the goddess. Of course, she was absurdly powerful, but, in appearance, she looked just like a normal girl.

But now, as he looked at her, he saw something else which he had never seen before, and he wondered why, seeing as he had known her for nearly nine years. Perhaps it was because she was standing underneath Asteria's sky, or Hecate's moon… he wasn't sure exactly what it was, but she now had that tragic beauty which one associated with a goddess.

And, for the first time in his life, he was struck with the realisation of exactly who Helen was, and how lucky- and almost absurd- he was for being able to call her his own.

And she wasn't crying either. He was relieved at this, because he never could take it too well when she was… But she was sad. Despite this sadness, however, she was determined to stay strong and was now looking at him imploringly.

He walked up to her and brushed back a strand of her long hair as he looked down into her eyes.

'I'm not going to cry anymore,' she told him. 'I'm back to me again.'

He traced her cheekbone with his thumb gently before leaning forward and kissing her. She waited a moment before putting her arms around his neck and pulling him closer to her.

'And I'm sorry for putting you through all my rubbish,' she whispered against his ear. 'I'm surprised you've taken it for this long… that you've been able to _stand_ being with me for so long…'

He found it almost incredible to believe that she was thinking what he was thinking about himself. He shook his head at her a little before leaning forward and kissing her softly again. It had been a while since they had done this without the purpose of trying to get pregnant and, somehow, any kind of contact had started to lose its meaning…

But now they stood outside like this until the blowing wind became too strong and the thunder signalled an incoming rainstorm.

* * *

As they finally lay back on the bed, it started to pour heavily outside; the rain beating against the windows. They were determined not to break away from the other's lips, and only did so fleetingly when they were shedding clothing articles. It was bittersweet, in a way, yet different this time. Neither of them could exactly pinpoint what they felt; what it was, exactly, which made them feel this way:

As though they were trying to remember every second of it, in case they forgot…

* * *

'Are _you_ disappointed?' Helen asked Sirius after they were listening to the thunder and rain for a while.

'No,' he said simply, closing his eyes as he breathed in the rosemary scent of her hair.

'But you wanted a family,' she said, turning on her side and looking down into his eyes.

He looked up at her.

'It would have been nice, I won't deny it, but I agree with you: We can't keep getting depressed over what we can't have. We should just be happy with how things are…'

He shrugged.

'If you really want a family, there are lots of orphans these days. We could always adopt one or two kids,' he said.

Helen nodded slowly.

'But let's wait a while before that. I think we've got enough to think about at the moment,' he continued.

Helen lay back next to him.

'If we're both alive and well by next year, let's do that,' she said.

He kissed her and they smiled at each other.

* * *

There were a few consequences to having destroyed her wand which Helen had not considered prior to the act. One of these was that she would be useless during raids. In order to get a new wand, she had to take on Hestia Jones' identity for a few hours the next day so that she could go to Diagon Alley without being recognised.

She ended up with a similar one to her original wand- with a unicorn hair core.

'Let's go,' Sirius said, as soon as Helen emerged from the shop.

Helen nodded. She only had fifteen minutes of her disguise left and did not have a good feeling about Diagon Alley; it was too quiet.

Although she supposed that this was probably attributed to the fact that hardly anyone shopped in the once-popular shopping centre anymore.

'Hes?'

Helen and Sirius turned around reluctantly to see Gideon Prewett.

He gaped at the two a little uncertainly.

'You told me that you were visiting your mother,' he told Helen accusingly.

Helen bit her lip.

'I…'

'And you!' he rounded on Sirius. 'Is that what you do to Helen behind her back while she waits…'

'Gid, just shut up a sec,' Helen hissed, conscious that a few people were staring at them as they walked past.

'Don't you tell me to shut up. You've been….'

'Look: I'm not Hes,' Helen whispered to him. 'She let me use her disguise so I could get a new wand. Please, stop it. Come home with us if you want, and I'll show you,' she said imploringly.

Sirius suddenly pushed Helen out of the way of a stray curse.

'Please go home,' he said to her in a strained voice.

Her grip on him tightened.

'There's only the two of you here,' she said. 'They noticed we're Order members and are going to target you now.'

'You've only got ten minutes of disguise left,' he said to her as they worked on defending themselves from the oncoming Death Eaters.

And there were many of them.

'I won't leave you like this,' she said.

'Shit, sorry Helen,' Gideon said, also duelling quickly. 'I didn't realise Hes… crap, we're in for it now,' he said, ducking from a killing curse.

'We can hold them for a while. You're better off going and alerting the others,' Sirius tried to reason with Helen.

'How about you go and alert them instead? When you've brought them back, I'll leave,' Helen replied, deflecting a curse which was coming Sirius' way before quickly focusing again on her ownDeath Eaters.

'Helen…'

'Go. I'll be fine.'

'Don't make us fight now. Just…'

'We don't have to… look, you're wasting time which neither of us has,' she said.

'No,' Sirius said resolutely.

'Gid?'

'I'll be right back,' he said, causing two Death Eaters to fall before disapparating.

* * *

'Your disguise is going,' Sirius said through gritted teeth to Helen.

It had been ten minutes, and no reinforcements had come yet; despite the fact that there seemed to be a never-ending supply of Death Eaters.

'Well I'm not leaving you alone,' Helen said resolutely.

'You know what will happen if you stay and they recognise you,' he said, sounding pained

'And I'll just leave you here, shall I?'

He said nothing but Helen heard him groaning and she knew why; she saw her skin becoming paler, felt her hair growing down to her waist again, and registered herself as becoming taller.

'It's her!' one of them said.

'Please, Helen…'

'What do you want me to do? Honestly, now?' she snapped, feeling very apprehensive now.

If Voldemort came, Sirius wouldn't be that 'well-off' anyway…

And she could hear from the Death Eater's shouts that he was already here.

She caused her two Death Eaters to fall, and then turned to Sirius, working quickly to make him invincible.

'The others won't duel me now that he's here. You go and get someone quickly okay? Preferably Dumbledore…'

'No way. Let's get out of…'

'I can't. He'll put an anti-apparition charm on if _I_ try. Go quickly. I'll try getting away if I can, but…'

'I'm not going to leave you to be with Voldemort alone! Make yourself invisible and…'

'Sirius, just go! You're wasting time!'

* * *

He couldn't believe that he had listened to her, but she was stubborn and the more time he was wasting meant the more time that she was in the danger of Voldemort's path.

'Professor!' he called.

He went back to Mrs Potter's house and was surprised to see that there was bedlam.

'Send someone to Diagon Alley, quick!' he said to her, going to go back there himself.

'I can't! They're all at the raid in Notting Hill,' she said.

Sirius looked around desperately and saw Gideon, unconscious on the couch next to him.

'Helen's duelling Voldemort! Where's Dumbledore?'

Mrs Potter's breath caught.

'Try getting her out of it. I'll do what I can,' she said quickly.

Sirius disapparated instantly.

* * *

'It has been a while,' Voldemort said as he surveyed Helen with his cruel blood-red eyes.

Helen looked back at him, praying that Sirius had found Dumbledore and that Dumbledore was on his way.

She knew that she had a bad feeling about today, and, despite her attempts to clear her mind to focus on duelling Voldemort, she could not shake it off...

* * *

Dumbledore found Sirius who was duelling Death Eaters whilst constantly looking apprehensively over to Helen and Voldemort who were still duelling. He took care of Sirius' Death Eaters quickly and Sirius turned and looked relieved to see his old headmaster.

'Sirius,' Dumbledore said, speaking rapidly and very seriously. 'I am going to make Helen faint. It will look to Voldemort as though he has killed her. Once I have done this, I want you to take her and disapparate with her quickly home. Do not wait, just leave quickly and stay there with her. Do not go help out with any other raids… just stay, is that clear? I'll take care of Voldemort,' he said.

Sirius started as a killing curse narrowly missed Helen and, then, she was knocked off her feet. Giving Sirius an imploring look, Dumbledore set forward.

* * *

Voldemort had found duelling Helen to be a very annoying and frustrating business, the last few times he had met her. Of course, she was not up to Selene's old standards, yet she never seemed to fall or succumb to even his darkest curses. What frustrated him even more, was that he had been so close- that time in Hall's Valley nearly two years ago- to killing her.

She had been so weak that day, that it was almost laughable that she could be so closely related to the great Circe; that her blood was _that_ pure.

There was something else, though.

Although he wanted her dead- more than anything so that he could make himself stronger and to avenge his hurt pride at having been defied by her so many times- he could not shake that nagging feeling inside of him.

She looked just like Selene.

And he knew that, killing her, would feel just like killing Selene again, and he did not want to suffer his soul being ripped apart again…

* * *

_It had been a dark morning- the sun had barely risen and yet, somehow, she knew that he would be there._

'_Hello Tom,' she said lifelessly. _

_It shocked him to see her so altered from the last time he had seen her on their Valedictory Ball… laughing, radiant… Alphard's…_

_The memory came back to him of how he had been made to dance with her, honouring the tradition, as they were the Heads of the school, and a small smile curved his lips as he recalled Alphard's pale face in watching. Selene, on the other hand, had approached him with a hesitant smile and asked to 'settle their differences before they went their separate paths…'_

_He hadn't responded, and felt his resolve which had been so strong ever since she had beaten him in that Duelling Competition melting a little as he pulled her to him and they began to dance. Perhaps it was the rosemary scent of her hair which had addled with his mind…_

_But then she was made School Dux and he remembered exactly why he hated her, once again._

_The memory of the Valedictory Ball made his blood boil; how could someone who looked as pathetic and hopeless as she did at that moment have ever beaten him?_

'_What are you doing here?' he said, shutting the door to his flat quickly and pushing past her into the cold morning._

_If she thought that he would let her into his flat, she had another thing coming. She probably wanted to steal his new theories and creations…_

_Someone like her could never be trusted. In fact, no one could ever be trusted._

_He took a deep breath of air, feeling the cold wind up his nostrils as it cleared his thoughts. He was glad it was cold; it allowed for him to remain just as cold in emotion._

_He registered her following him out onto the footpath and clenched his fists._

_If she knew what was good for her, she would have already left. Had she not heard all the supposed talk about him?_

'_I wondered if we could talk,' she said._

'_Why would I want to speak with a mudblood like you?'_

_Selene looked at him a moment and looked as though she was about to say something but then furrowed her brow and closed her mouth again._

'_You're right. I am a mudblood, but you've known me since we were born, so I guess there's no one out there who knows me quite like you do, just like I know that no one understands you like I do,' she said. 'If I didn't understand you, I would really hate you,' she added._

_He laughed sarcastically._

'_You think you understand me? You?'_

_Selene sighed._

'_Yes, I do… and I forgive you for what you'll end up doing to me. Truth be told, it's in a way fitting that I'll start my life being with you, and end it with you. Either way, I'm not really of this earth anymore anyway, so I don't see it as murder,' she said, shrugging._

_He looked at her incredulously for a moment._

'_What are you doing here?' he repeated, losing his patience with her very quickly. 'Go home to your Black and leave me alone. Wasn't that our unspoken deal? You never bother me and I'll never bother you again?'_

_He noticed the look of pain which flashed across her face at the mention of Alphard, but did not really care for whatever emotional issues she was going through. _

_He did not care about her, full stop._

'_Did you honestly believe that we would never cross paths again?' she asked quietly._

'_Yes,' he spat viciously, turning the corner and wishing that she would leave him alone._

_She did not follow him, though, and after walking for a while and realising that she was not there, he let out a vehement exclamation and turned around._

_He was tired of these stupid games. He had been living very happily alone and undisturbed for the past six months and had made excellent progress. He did not need her to ruin his life with her presence._

* * *

Sirius saw it all happen in slow motion and, although he knew that Helen wasn't really dead, it did not stop from making his heart stop and his blood run cold as he saw what appeared to be a jet of green light hitting her squarely in the chest as she fell back, again, to the ground.

Voldemort started laughing his high-pitched laugh and Sirius felt both sick and very angry.

Voldemort was ecstatic at the thought of having killed Helen.

He saw Dumbledore rush forward to meet Voldemort and then remembered as he rushed forward to take her home.

* * *

As soon as he saw Selene's daughter fall, Voldemort suddenly remembered. He saw the old man coming forward to meet him and felt, for the first time, vulnerable.

He quickly deflected the curse Dumbledore sent his way and apparated away quickly.

'My Lord?' he heard Bellatrix asking him, sounding concerned.

'The Asteria girl is dead,' he said quickly and seemingly disinterestedly. 'Alert them to focus on the other raid,' he ordered her before walking quickly into his study and shutting the door behind him.

He cleared his thoughts quickly, trying to keep any feelings repressed, but he found he could not and, all too soon, the memories hit him again.

He had performed a powerful memory charm on himself after he had killed her so that he could forget… so that he could be cold, but killing her daughter just now had broken that, and he now remembered...

* * *

_He found her sitting on a bench in the park, staring out at the almost-frozen lake blankly._

'_You do know that I don't want to see you,' he said through gritted teeth._

'_I know,' Selene said quietly, still staring out at the lake._

_He could not figure out what she was doing. Perhaps it was a girl thing. After all, he never payed any interest to the Hogwarts girls whatsoever._

_Feeling very irritated, he sat on the other end of the bench and waited._

'_Why do you want to follow that path?' she asked eventually. 'You could be so good…I'll never understand why you always wanted to be alone. Just because we were born alone…'_

_She trailed off and then nodded, a hard expression coming across her features._

'_Born alone… and now alone again. We're the same, that way, aren't we?' she mused bitterly._

'_I don't have time,' he said, not hiding his annoyance. _

_A small, defeated smile flitted upon her lips._

'_Couldn't you- for one day- just forget about it all? For one day, couldn't you just be like that Tom you were until you were eight and discovered that you had powers? Neither of us are normal… but couldn't we just be normal for one day?'_

_He looked at her coldly._

'_Selene. I don't care about you,' he stated._

'_Good. Because that should make tomorrow easier for you,' she said, smiling her non-telling smile._

'_What?' he breathed, thinking that she was mad._

_She stood up and looked him in the eye._

'_You're going to kill me,' she stated simply._

_He stared at her._

'_You really have lost it since school finished, you know that?' he said, somehow unable to break her eye contact._

'_So have you,' she whispered._

_He hesitated, but she did it for him. She leant forward and kissed him tentatively._

_He took a sharp intake and separated almost instantly. She did not look apologetic for the kiss, though, but continued to look him in the eye as he tried to maintain his cold composure despite his erratic breathing._

_She didn't allow him the chance. She closed the distance and kissed him again. This time, however, it wasn't tentative, but bold._

* * *

__

_In next to no time, they were against the door of hotel room. He kept on trying to take control- he hated the fact that, now, he was under her power…_

_She held the control._

_He couldn't stop either, because he wanted her so badly. Almost as much as his dream for greatness..._

_She was right. They would deal with the consequences tomorrow, he thought, as he traced his lips along her smooth shoulder and closed his eyes as he felt her hands moving down his back. _

* * *

_When he woke up, she was dressed and sitting in an armchair, staring out of the window._

_He sat up slowly and looked at her warily. The consequences of the night before were already hitting him thick and fast. He saw her now and wanted nothing more than to repeat what they had done the night before…_

_It had been such a strange feeling; trusting someone enough to allow them to be held so closely to him._

_And, what was worse was that he was very quickly forgetting about whatever plans he had made for his newest development. He faintly remembered that he was meant to go to Knockturn Alley, but couldn't quite remember what for, exactly..._

_All he could see, now, was Selene._

'_We would never have worked out,' she said, not turning to face him, but still staring out of the window. 'We're too different.'_

_He felt himself becoming rigid at this statement. How naïve he had been to think of her in such a way!_

_She had, yet again, used him, only to beat him again. The manipulative Delilah._

'_But there's so much that we share that's similar…' she sighed. 'It is so strange that- after everything you've already done- I can accept you. I'll never understand it… but I really wish you would see that you can be just as great if you followed a different path; and it's never too late to change,' she said. 'You're brilliant, Tom, don't waste it on evil.'_

_He hurriedly dressed and felt himself becoming very angry at her. She was potentially ruining everything he had been working for all these years. He now was aware of what she was doing. She had probably been appointed by that Dumbledore to try and seduce him…_

_His opinion of her suddenly dropped as he realised that she had not only used him last night, but she had made a whore of herself in the process of doing so._

'_Don't pretend that you know me,' he said. 'Last night…'_

'_Tom. I might do mindless or silly things, but I'm not stupid. Last night was something the both of us needed to do. It doesn't mean that you love me or I love you. In fact, it doesn't mean anything but for the fact that- at one point in our lives- we were able to get over ourselves and meet halfway. That has to mean something, but don't think I expect anything from you because of it. It doesn't change our situation; doesn't mean that I will live to see tomorrow, because I know I won't.'_

_He hated it. He didn't know what to do in this situation because, despite his attempts to keep up with her, she was always one step ahead; she was in control._

_And he hated her for it._

'_So when do you want to do it?' she asked, suddenly quiet._

'_Do what?' he asked irritably._

'_Kill me,' she said simply. 'You will kill by the end of today.'_

'_I'm not going to kill you,' he said, becoming even angrier with her._

_Was she deliberately trying to provoke him?_

'_Yes you are,' she said. 'So how would you like to do it? Would you prefer to just kill me now… or would you prefer that we duel and you kill me that way?'_

'_You truly are mad,' he said. 'Why would I kill you, Selene?'_

_She now raised her eyes to him._

'_For the same reason that you nearly raped me when we were sixteen… for the same reason that you duelled me all those times at school…'_

_She paused._

'_Because you hate me, as similar as we are. You can't stand that I have beaten you at times, and whatever I am to you, you will always lust after power more than anything else. It's who you are,' she said, standing up now and looking him in the eye._

_He could take it no more. He slammed her against the wall and walked up to her. _

_She did not wriggle or writhe this time, however, and that served only to further incense him._

'_Don't pretend that you know who I am. You have no idea of who I am… and especially of who I've become since we finished school,' he whispered dangerously._

_Now he was in control. Her lack of struggle, however, stumped him and made him a little unsure of what was happening now._

'_Okay then,' she said._

'_Stop it!' he said angrily to her._

'_Stop what?' she asked simply._

'_This pathetic attitude… you're hopeless,' he spat. 'You would never have slept with me back at school, and you would never be this weak, spineless…'_

_She continued to look at him, not caring._

_He pulled out his wand and pointed it at her chest, trying to generate a response from her._

'_This is what you want? To die so pathetically? After all that- to die without a fight?'_

_She looked at him levelly, though he saw her glance one last time at the rising sun._

_He jabbed the wand into her and she stopped herself from flinching, but did nothing to fight back._

_'Do it, Tom. The sooner the better,' she whispered, her lips brushing his._

_He lost his temper. He could not stand her passiveness… her weakness. It was making him weaker… a ploy, surely, to try and change him… She was trying again, now, to break him down…_

_And, feeling her lips against his did just that to him. It took all of his self control to prevent himself from throwing away his wand and crashing his lips on hers._

_And why did he feel that way? He was a killer, a Dark Wizard… he wasn't supposed to feel such ordinary feelings. He was above such ntions…_

_She smiled a small, knowing smile as she watched his internal struggle and looked out of the window as he said those two words which had him seeing the life drain from her eyes._

_It only hit him what he had done to her as soon as her body hit the floor. He quickly knelt by it and shook her._

_Surely she couldn't have just 'died' so simply. Selene never gave in without a huge fight. Surely it wasn't the end- 'just like that.'_

_But, after ten minutes without being able to generate a response, he felt that cold feeling in his gut of realisation. Without thinking, he apparated back to his flat, breathing erratically. He couldn't live with the memory…_

_He pointed the wand to himself and started saying the incantations feverishly. It would sap his powers, but he no longer cared. He just needed to rid himself of that memory._

_Otherwise, he would never be able to conquer the world anyway. He had just killed what he thought might have been 'love'._

_And love was an emotion to scorn; one which would set him back in his quest._

_So the memory charm was the only way he would ever progress. A small step back in order to continue on his way forward._

* * *

Voldemort tried to steady his breathing as he remembered all this before taking out his wand quickly.

He now knew how he could permanently modify that memory without losing his powers. He needed to; he had come far too far now than to be ruined by something which he had done over twenty years ago.

* * *

Nothing would make her wake up. Both a reviving potion and spell did nothing; she merely continued to lie there, seemingly lifeless.

For a moment, he wondered if it really had been a fake curse, but then he felt her heart beating and was able to breathe easily again.

Both raids were finished by the time Dumbledore came to visit.

'She is still unconscious?' he asked Sirius who stood up immediately.

Sirius nodded.

'Why won't she…'

'It lasts for about two days,' Dumbledore explained.

Sirius felt himself become a little irritated that he had to wait a whole two days before Helen would 'come to' again, but Dumbledore looked very grave as he surveyed Sirius over his half-moon spectacles.

'Sirius, we need to discuss a very important issue.'

'So everyone thinks that she's dead?' he said incredulously.

Dumbledore nodded.

'It is for the best. Now Voldemort will seek her no more.'

'But what's she going to do? She can't live like a prisoner in this house!'

Dumbledore sighed and then spoke very slowly.

'Sirius, she has to leave. No one will recognise her if she is in another country, and she will be able to make a life there without many restrictions.'

Sirius looked at Dumbledore strangely before it suddenly dawned upon him what his headmaster was suggesting.

'What kind of life?' he said in a strangled voice knowing full well that Dumbledore was suggesting that Helen needed a new life; one without him.

'You could always go with her, Sirius,' he said gently.

Sirius looked at Dumbledore darkly.

'And leave everyone else here to deal with the situation?' he said bitterly, running a hand distractedly through his hair.

Dumbledore nodded heavily.

'She won't go,' Sirius said suddenly, looking up at Dumbledore. 'She won't leave.'

Somehow, Sirius felt very glad now that he knew that Helen wouldn't leave. He wanted her to stay, now, more than ever.

'She will if you ask her to,' Dumbledore replied quietly, looking down at the table.

Sirius stared at Dumbledore.

'You expect me to break up with her?' he almost shouted.

Dumbledore cleared his throat quickly.

'I cannot tell you what to do, Sirius. I do know, however, that if she feels as though she has nothing to come back to, she will leave.'

Sirius looked out of his kitchen window, unable to believe that all of this had happened since they woke up that morning.

He suddenly looked back to Dumbledore.

'Her mother died after my uncle broke up with her; she went and found Voldemort, and died. How would I know that the same thing won't happen to Helen?' he shot at Dumbledore.

'I shall take more precautions this time. Helen is not wholly like Selene anyway; the situation there was slightly different.'

'Where would she go?' Sirius interrupted.

'I believe that she gets on very well with her brother,' Dumbledore replied.

'France? Purebloods go there all the time,' Sirius said dismissively, trying to find as many flaws with this plan as possible.

'It is unlikely that she will be recognised.'

'What if something happens to her?'

Dumbledore sighed.

'Sirius, I understand that this is very hard for you, and you do not have to do this if you do not want to… I am merely putting it to you as an idea. I have told Helen that she should go into hiding ever since she left school, and she has constantly told me that she would only do so if you told her to leave. She has come remarkably close to losing her life to Voldemort many times and let us not forget that her death at his hands would mean more than just the loss of someone who you consider a wife,' he said gravely.

Sirius looked down.

'You are well aware of what would happen should Voldemort get hold of her blood,' Dumbledore said quietly.

Sirius brought a fist upon the polished surface of the table. Dumbledore did not flinch, but surveyed him sadly.

'I suggest you inform Lily, James and Emily Potter of the truth about Helen being alive, but no one else,' he said heavily as he stood up.

Sirius said nothing as Dumbledore went to leave the room.

'I'll only do it if you can promise me that she'll be safe,' Sirius said, only once Dumbledore had reached the door.

Dumbledore turned.

'I assure you that measures shall be taken to ensure that she is as safe as possible,' he said to Sirius.

Sirius did not turn but continued to stare out of the window as Dumbledore nodded and left.

* * *

He couldn't bear to go to their room; to see what he was about to lose forever and he flinched as he realised that he really would lose her forever.

James, Lily, and Emily Potter all came by after a while. Lily and Emily sat with Helen whilst James sat with Sirius at the same table which he had sat at for the past few hours.

'You worried, mate?' James asked Sirius, noticing his friend's lack of speech.

Sirius continued to stare at the darkening sky.

'She'll be okay- she _is_ okay. It's just a curse to make her unconscious for two days,' he continued optimistically.

Sirius didn't say anything.

'Remus and Peter were both in a right state, though,' James said, lowering his voice. 'It was horrible- lying to them like that… but we don't know who we can trust,' he sighed. 'I'm glad that Lily and I are allowed to know, though. I don't think I could have handled it,' he said, shivering a little.

Sirius drew an unsteady breath and nodded a little, but continued to say nothing.

* * *

That night, Sirius drew a chair next to their bed and watched her. He couldn't get rid of that pain in his chest as he saw her. Soon, she would no longer be his and he would, once again, become alone in the world, as would she.

He took her hand and began fiddling with her ring as he spoke.

'I'm so sorry. I don't want to do it, and I'll be lying- every word- I swear that none of it will be true,' he said, feeling his throat constricting. 'But I have to do it, _ma cherie_. I have to, because I can't live with you dead.'

He drew an unsteady breath and brought her hand to his lips.

'Is it fair? Why should we have to suffer so much? Why can people like James and Lily get to live together, have a family… and they came from families to begin with! Why can't we at least have each other? It's not fair…' he trailed.

'Please, though, please stay safe once it's done. Otherwise all that pain would be for nothing. I wish we could just talk about this and I'll tell you the truth, but Dumbledore's right. I know you'll only stay away this way, even though it's killing me…'

He shook his head, rested his head against her stomach.

'Apart from your being safe, what scares me the most is that I have no idea what will happen next. I know you'll probably hate me… but what'll happen then? Will I ever get to see you again? Will the war be over soon and then I can tell you the truth and we get on with life? I just don't know,' he said hopelessly. 'I mean, technically, you'll be free to do whatever you want; free to get married to someone else…'

His hand tightened on hers.

'I can't stand that thought… but I suppose I should be happy that you would be safe. That _should_ be enough for me, but it's not. I want you with me. I don't want you to leave and I'll be left to this place, alone. I'll go crazy…'

He took a sharp intake of breath as he sat up and looked at her.

'We always were fucked up, weren't we?' he said bitterly.

She continued to lie there; looking lifeless, as though she were a statue carved from ivory.

He sighed and leant forward and kissed her lips.

'I love you,' he whispered against her lips. 'If only I didn't have to convince you otherwise,' he said, resting his forehead against hers.

* * *

**Because I don't really know what to say without giving things away etc, I'll just say this:**

_It's Lily! She's had the baby!'- _James Potter

**... and please review!**

**Love Anya**


	83. Chapter 14: Pain

**_'Flames to dust  
Lovers to friends  
Why do all good things come to an end?'_**

**Nelly Furtado: '**All Good Things Come To An End'

* * *

Pain

Sirius felt his hands shaking as he saw Helen sitting at the kitchen table, staring out of the window. She had just had her meeting with Dumbledore and been told how most of the wizarding world was under the impression that she was dead.

He couldn't believe what he was about to do- he didn't want to do it at all. There was so much he wanted with her and he didn't want last night to be the last time he kissed her, whilst she was still unconscious; now to be the last time he saw her in their kitchen.

Today to be the last day he ever saw her again.

And, above all, he did not want to cause her the pain which he knew he was about to cause her now. He did not want her to suffer, as he knew she would…

But he wanted her alive and, for that, he needed to be strong and to go through with this.

Taking a deep breath, he went over and sat at the table, opposite her.

'Can we talk?' he asked.

Not good enough. His voice was shaking too much.

She looked up at him and smiled a little, making him wish that her eyes wouldn't have lit up the way they did when she saw him. He wished that she didn't look so wonderful today. Perhaps it was the fact that he was about to lose her, but her skin seemed to be glowing radiantly; her lips were fuller and redder than usual; her eyes were so bright and full of life as she looked at him expectantly.

He looked down at the table. Looking her in the eyes and saying such lies whilst watching their brightness fade would kill him.

'We…'

How was he meant to say it? He should have planned before. Now he didn't know how to best phrase it.

But was there really a good way to phrase such a thing?

'I want us to break up,' he said through gritted teeth.

He waited for her to say something, but there was only the sound of a bird twittering outside.

He slowly looked up to find Helen was looking down at her cup of tea.

'Are you angry at me for something I've done?' she asked very quietly, still looking down at her tea.

This was the stupidest and most ridiculous thing by far which Sirius had ever done in his entire existence of being, and he had done many silly things. He wanted to just tell her it was a stupid joke and that she had never done anything wrong.

But he couldn't, because what was happening in the world was not a joking matter.

'No,' he said, somehow. 'It's not your fault.'

Helen furrowed her brow.

'I don't understand,' she said, looking him in the eye, confused.

Sirius clenched his fists under the table.

Was Dumbledore really sure that this was the best thing for Helen? Surely it would be possible for them to stay together… even if it meant that she stayed in the house…

But he knew that Helen would never be happy locked up in a house for the rest of her days…

But would the alternative make her truly happy anyway?

'I… don't want to be with you any more,' he said, staring ahead determinedly.

Helen blinked.

'Okay, what have I done? I honestly don't…'

'Look, I just don't love you anymore,' he lied, not knowing how on earth he managed to say it.

And there was silence and it was so heavy that Sirius wondered if he could even breathe.

No, of course he couldn't. He would never be able to breathe properly again now.

There was suddenly a crack and James came running into the kitchen, oblivious to what had just happened.

'It's Lily! She's had the baby!' he said excitedly.

* * *

Both Helen and Sirius put on strained smiles as they went with James to visit Lily and baby Harry at his house. They avoided eye contact at all costs.

When James and Sirius had gone off, Helen was left with Lily and Harry in Lily and James' bedroom.

'He's a beautiful little boy, Lily,' Helen said, feeling tears coming as she held Harry, sitting on the edge of Lily's bed.

Even if she could, she would never have a child now.

Lily smiled.

'He is,' she said, looking tenderly at Harry and stroking his cheek gently. 'But he's all James- you can tell from now. His eyes are still blue, though, so we'll see. Maybe he'll get my eyes,' she said hopefully.

Helen smiled and kissed Harry's forehead before giving him back to Lily.

She had to leave now so that she could get all her things and then see Dumbledore before leaving for good.

'Lily,' she said hoarsely.

Lily looked up at Helen, concerned.

'What's wrong, Helen? You look really pale. Are you okay?'

Helen shook her head.

'Lily, I'm leaving… forever,' she said, tears spilling down her cheeks. 'I just… thank you, Lily. You're the best friend I ever had. I'm sorry I won't be here to see Harry grow up and be his godmother and…' her breath caught and she wiped her eyes; their vision obscured. 'Say sorry to James that I didn't say goodbye properly. Please tell him I love him too,' she said.

Lily sat up a little more.

'Helen, what's going on?' she asked sharply.

Helen shook her head hopelessly and managed to smile.

'I'll try and write when I can,' she said. 'I'm really sorry, Lily. I really am,' she said, kissing Lily on the cheek. 'And congratulations,' she added, smiling at Lily and squeezing her hand one last time before standing up and disapparating.

* * *

She ran through the house which would no longer be her home.

It was meant to be their home. They were meant to have a family here… meant to be together, forever…

Obviously not. Sirius didn't want her, so all she had to do now was to pack all her things as quickly as possible, drop by Dumbledore…

And then what?

Where would she go?

She had nothing else in life… Sirius was her life. Lily and James were the only friends she had left, and now she had lost them too…

Was there even any point to living anymore?

As she waved her wand to pack her things, she kept on thinking how she wished that Voldemort had killed her the last time they met.

At least she would have died happy.

Taking one last look at the house she had lived in since she was seventeen, she spun around and disapparated; never to return again.

* * *

When James and Sirius returned to bedroom, James was surprised to find Lily alone.

'Where's Helen?' he asked.

'She…left,' Lily said, sounding very confused herself. 'What happened to her?' she asked Sirius. 'She was saying things like goodbye and…'

Sirius paled and looked down at the floor.

Suddenly, comprehension dawned upon Lily's features.

'What did you do, Sirius?' she asked in a wavering tone.

Sirius took a sharp intake of breath.

'It was for the best,' he said stiffly.

'You didn't!' Lily said, aghast.

He nodded, before walking over to where Harry was lying in his cot and smiling a little as Harry clutched at his little finger with his tiny hand.

'He looks just like you, Prongs,' he said quietly, knowing that he would never have such luck as his friend

He didn't want to anyway. Not with anyone else…

So, in the end, he would end up the bitter old fool just like his Uncle Alphard was.

Slowly, Sirius turned to Lily and James who were still staring at him.

'I'll come back tomorrow. I just…' he trailed off and nodded at them before disapparating back home.

Home where she would be no more.

So, instead of becoming his home, it would now become his prison of guilt.

* * *

Helen sat in front of Dumbledore's desk, not listening to a word he was saying.

Nothing mattered any more.

It was a funny thing. She really should have seen the warning signs from the very beginning that she and Sirius would not last…

They started off hating each other, when they started going out, they would be in a state of constant conflict… then their disastrous wedding, then her inability to conceive… Circe's warning, even...

All of these made it so obvious to her, now, that they must have been a lost case.

Of course, neither of these points detracted from the unimaginable pain which she now endured.

But weren't they 'that' close? Wasn't she meant to be the person who was the only one who truly understood him? Didn't they share a bond which was stronger than marriage?

'I think it might be best if you stay with your brother in Paris for a while. The Death Eater situation has barely reached France- you won't be recognised,' Dumbledore said.

Helen wondered if he even knew what she was going through now; if he knew that she actually didn't care what became of her now.

* * *

Sirius arrived home, almost wishing that she was still there, but knowing that she wouldn't be.

She was very good at leaving.

He walked up the stairs, feeling as though he was in a daze. Slowly, he opened the door to their bedroom and saw that her wardrobe was open- and empty.

He sunk on the bed, feeling emptier than the wardrobe and lay back, hugging her pillow which still smelt so strongly of her- that sweet rosemary scent- to his chest.

There were a few things which Sirius just did not do. Crying was one of them.

But somehow, he had that awful constricting feeling in his throat. Somehow, the pillow became wet.

Somehow, tears were falling down his cheeks as he buried his face in her pillow.

* * *

Helen seriously contemplated not going to Mark's place. She contemplated finding Voldemort herself and just ending her misery… but she didn't because Dumbledore took the portkey with her and saw that Mark took her in.

Helen pressed the buzzer.

She barely had the energy to lift her hand.

'_Oui_?' Mark's voice came.

Hearing his voice made her thoat constrict. She could barely speak.

'It's me,' she whispered. 'Helen.'

There was a pause.

'Helen?' Mark's voice asked uncertainly.

'Yes. It's me,' she repeated, finding it hard to breath.

There was nothing on the other end on the line.

'Mark?' Helen asked, wishing he would just let her in.

Suddenly, Mark appeared and opened the front door to the apartment building. His face hardened upon seeing the state his sister was in.

'What happened?' he demanded, holding her arms firmly.

Helen shook her head hopelessly and leaned against his chest, breathing heavily.

Sighing apprehensively, he led her into the building, taking her trunk in the other hand whilst supporting her with the other.

Helen did not turn back to see Dumbledore who was still watching her.

* * *

It took almost ten minutes for Helen to come out of her stony state of silence to tell him what she was doing (alone) in Paris. Mark kept on asking questions- trying to guess what had happened- but she just kept on shaking her head.

'Helen,' Mark said firmly. 'What happened?'

'He… doesn't want me,' she said finally, quite simply.

Mark's face became angry, suddenly.

'Sirius did this to you?' he demanded.

Helen shook her head hopelessly and Mark hugged her to him, rubbing her back soothingly.

'I'll kill him,' he said.

Helen shook her head.

'No. You won't do anything,' she said in a dead tone.

'He did this to you, and you expect me not to do anything?' he said incredulously.

'It's not his fault,' Helen said bitterly. 'I was too dangerous.'

Mark snorted.

'He's a bastard.'

Helen tensed up.

'Please don't,' she whispered against his chest.

Mark sighed heavily and decided that now was probably not the best time for such sentiments.

Quietly, though, he was very shocked at this news which Helen had provided him with. He had always thought that Sirius would take care of his sister and that he really did love her; he didn't think that Sirius was capable of hurting Helen in such a way.

'Come on,' he sighed, picking Helen up. 'Let's get you to bed. Nicole will be back soon…'

'No, I… I should leave,' Helen protested.

'You're not going anywhere, miss,' he said firmly. 'Don't worry, we'll take care of you- and you'll get over him. I never thought he was that great anyway… always thought that you could do much better,' he said lightly.

Helen laughed weakly, but swallowed quickly as Mark set her down on the spare bed.

'Sorry, Mark… I didn't have anywhere else to…'

'My God, Helen, you're my sister… don't you dare apologise,' he said sternly.

Helen looked at her hands quietly.

Mark cupped one of her cheeks in his hand.

'Hey, you're beautiful and smart and… were so good to him. I don't know what he was thinking in letting you go. Do you know what guys would do to get a girl like you? It's so rare that you find someone like you. I promise you'll find someone else,' he said confidently.

Helen's face screwed up in pain.

She didn't want to find 'someone else.' Mark didn't understand that, for her, Sirius wasn't just a partner….

He wasn't someone she could 'just get over.' They had been together for nearly five years…

'Do you mind if I sleep?' she said, wanting to be alone.

Mark nodded.

'Call me if you need anything, okay?' he said, tapping her nose before getting up and, with a last look of pity at his sister, left the room.

* * *

**For you: **

_'Because it really was deciding her fate: if it came up positive, she would now have to live._

_After the agonizing minute was over, she looked at it and sunk to her knees, sobbing.'_

**But, of course, you'll need to review before you get that chapter.**

**Love Anya**


	84. Chapter 15: Metamorphosis

"**_They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." _- Andy Warhol**

* * *

Metamorphosis

There was a sharp rapping on the door. Helen opened a bleary eye, willing whoever it was to stop.

She wanted to put off the moment of waking up as she knew that she would be alone and thrust yet again into realising that she had no reason to live anymore.

'Helen. I'm coming in, okay?' Mark's voice called sternly.

She heard the door opening and felt him sitting on the edge of her bed.

'Listen, I really will go all the way to England and kick his arse if you keep on acting like this,' he said angrily.

'No you won't,' Helen's now-dead and lifeless voice said.

Mark sighed.

'Look, Nicole's going to take you shopping today. You can't spend the rest of your life in bed… so get up now and get dressed. She's waiting for you.'

Helen buried her face in the covers.

'I don't want to go shopping,' she said, frustrated, but with not enough energy for her annoyance to shine through.

'Well you're going whether you like it or not. Do I need to drag you out of bed or can you do that yourself?'

'I'll move into a hotel tomorrow. Don't worry, I won't bother you anymore…'

'You're not going to some hotel when we have enough room here,' Mark growled. 'Anyway, do you honestly think I'd let you in the shape you're in? I don't think so…' he paused and then patted her leg. 'Up you get. Nicole's waiting.'

* * *

Helen stumbled in front of the mirror to try and get rid of the knots in her once-sleek hair. She felt like a mess. She would definitely need sunglasses and a hat to go out...

But she didn't care. She didn't even understand what the point to her life was anymore. She no longer had her friends… or him. She had nothing except for Mark and he and Nicole were trying to start a family now anyway.

As she would never marry, and therefore never have a child to end the Curse. She had might as well end her misery right now and stop being a burden to everyone. Her eye fell on the razor in the bathroom. It would be so easy… just a slash and then it would all be over.

Like the guillotine on her wrist...what had they said about that? -Like 'a breath of air' on the neck, and then it is over.

So she would have a 'breath of air' on her wrist and then her suffering would be over too.

Tentatively, she took the blade in her hand. It was cold.

Even better- it would numb the pain.

Slowly, she brought it to her wrist and practiced the slash in the air.

Too easy. Death was too easy-_ this_ was too easy.

Taking her last breath of air, she placed the blade to her wrist and thought she would do it on 'three.'

'One,' her mind counted.

'Two….'

She suddenly dropped the blade and it fell to the floor with a clanging sound as she rushed to the toilet and threw up.

Wiping her mouth, she looked at the blade again, but then thought better of it.

It really was too easy. She needed it to be harder… and not in Mark's bathroom. That would not be fair on him or Nicole.

She needed to be alone for this.

Alone- that was fitting. She was alone in the world when she was born, after her mother's death, so she would be alone in dying too.

It seemed that daughters of Asteria always met unhappy endings.

Why should she change that?

* * *

Begrudgingly, she met Nicole in the kitchen.

Helen liked Nicole. Nicole didn't ask many questions, but was nice to her nonetheless. In a way, Helen admired that she was so assertive and strong because she knew that she would never think of killing herself if she and Mark finished.

As they walked to the shops in the centre of Paris, Helen realised that this would be her last day.

She had might as well enjoy it.

Nicole was rather taken aback by Helen's suddenly cheerful disposition during shopping. She would sometimes shoot her wary looks when she thought that Helen could not see, but looked relieved all the same and imposed more and more high-fashion clothing upon Helen.

As Helen was trying on a ridiculously expensive dress which she knew she would not buy- because why buy something when you're not going to be alive to wear it?- she noticed her hair and how absurdly long it was.

Sirius had liked it long. She had too, but she was going to die tomorrow, so what was the point in keeping it?

She had always wondered how she'd look with short hair…

As Nicole was looking at her own hair and frowning that she needed to get a trim, Helen took the opportunity to suggest a haircut.

* * *

They say 'When in Rome.'

Well Helen was in Paris, and decided that she would do as the Parisians did and asked the hairdresser for a Parisian bob.

She didn't care if it suited her or not. It was an expensive salon, though, so she figured that the hairdresser would have some idea about what he was doing.

If not… it was only hair. They say that it still grows after you die anyway.

Nicole, who had been on the other side of the salon, blinked in surprise when she saw Helen with her now above-the-shoulder hair. Helen laughed. She preferred it long, but it wasn't wholly bad.

It was just new- and very light too! She felt as though so much weight had been taken off her head.

'What happened to all your hair?' Nicole asked Helen, still shocked.

'Cut it. What do you think?'

Nicole smiled.

'Hmmm…. You look… very French,' she said, flicking Helen's short strands. 'We shall just need to find you a French man now and then you'll be all set!' she said, linking arms with Helen as they walked out of the salon.

* * *

Helen and Nicole were browsing the perfume section of Galeries Lafayette when Helen heard a girl speaking rapidly in French with a boy behind her.

'I'm sure it's her…'

'_Ma non, Isa_! She has long hair!'

'_Oui,_ but look at her face! It's Helen!'

'Isa…'

'I'm going to ask. If it's not her, I'll just say sorry for bothering you and leave,' the girl said to the boy.

'_Excuse moi mademoiselle_,' a voice came from behind Helen.

Helen smiled.

At least she got to see them once before she died too.

'Isa?' she said, pretending to have just noticed her.

Isa jumped up excitedly and hugged Helen.

'See Theo! I told you it was her! Look- there's Theo!' Isa said, motioning for him to come join them.

Helen would have felt a jolt in her stomach if she wasn't already dead. He had grown- in all the right ways. His hair was cut neatly and Helen had forgotten how startlingly green his eyes were.

He laughed when he saw Helen and kissed her on both cheeks.

'_Helene_! What are you doing here? Why didn't you write to tell us you would be in Paris?'

Helen's face fell.

'It was kind of an…unplanned thing,' she tried to explain.

Nicole was suddenly at Helen's side and looking questioningly at Theo and Isa.

Helen introduced them all.

'Ah, well, now that you're here, you can't just leave,' Theo said brightly. 'How about we go out for dinner tonight?'

Isa made a face.

'I have training tonight,' she said in an annoyed tone.

'Well you should have become a Healer- I finished my shift this morning,' Theo laughed at her.

Helen watched on, feeling almost amused.

Nicole said something to Helen about paying for her items and left them.

'Well how about I take you out to dinner and Isa can come out with us tomorrow- how long are you staying for?'

Helen didn't understand how suddenly all these plans were being made. She had to get out of them…

'I… not long, I don't think,' she sighed.

Theo nodded.

'I'll pick you up tonight. Where are you living?'

* * *

'So,' Mark said in an amused voice, standing in the doorway as he watched Helen whilst she looked through her wardrobe for suitable clothes for the evening. 'You seem to have been very efficient today. You go out and- in the space of a few hours- manage to come back looking completely different whilst having secured with a date from a Frenchman. Good on you sis,' he grinned.

Helen scowled.

'It is _not_ a date. I don't date and won't be dating ever again. He is just an old friend whom I ran into. I had no way of getting out of tonight,' she added, as though that should make Mark think that she was less happy.

'You know, it's okay to have a good time. You don't _have to_ wallow in self-pity over him.'

'Thanks Mark,' Helen said drily.

'Wear this,' Nicole said, walking into the room and handing Helen a hanger with a slinky green dress.

'I really don't think that…'

'Wear it,' Nicole repeated.

Helen felt like she was being treated like a stubborn child by Mark and Nicole. It was very annoying. Furthermore, that dress was far too suggestive.

But Helen could not protest because Nicole had shooed Mark out of the room, taken off Helen's dressing gown and put the dress on Helen herself. She then took out a makeup bag and pulled out a red Chanel lipstick.

Helen leaned away.

'I don't think so…'

Nicole pouted.

'Why not? It will suit you… please?'

Helen shot Nicole a hard gaze before shrugging. What did it matter if she let Nicole have fun by using her as a doll for dress ups?

* * *

Helen could not understand how Nicole knew, but Theo took Helen to a restaurant in which all the women were dressed in a similar fashion.

In other words… expensively.

She smiled and listened to Theo talk animatedly about his patients and other not-important things... She was happy to listen. Listening was easy. Talking was hard.

But she couldn't get away with being silent for the whole evening either. That would have been too easy:

'So, _Helene,_ what have you been up to in England? Is the situation still very bad there?'

It was not a completely hard question. She answered by giving details about Voldemort and how he was working etc.

Nothing about her, of course.

* * *

They were walking along the Seine river back to Mark and Nicole's apartment. Helen didn't know what to think.

In fact, she wasn't thinking at all.

It was easier that way, because then she wouldn't have to wonder if Sirius was with some other girl at that moment, or what he was doing…

She just focused on looking at the cobble-stones on the ground whilst Theo talked about the main Parisian sites which she should visit- offering to give her a tour himself.

But it had been a better night than every other night since last week, and that had to count for something. If she had the energy to, she would have been very glad to have seen Theo. She was sorry that she wouldn't have the chance to properly talk to Isa, but she had learnt very early on in her life that things hardly ever went according to plan.

If they did, she would not be walking along the Seine with Theo, but would be back in England with Sirius.

As they arrived at the step of Mark and Nicole's apartment building, she turned to face him.

'Thanks for tonight, Theo, I had a really good time,' she said, smiling and pressing the buzzer for Mark to let her in.

Theo kept it chaste with a platonic kiss on the cheek.

'I'll pick you up the same time tomorrow night,' he said.

It wasn't a question. It was a statement and it did not allow Helen the chance to object to it.

With a small smile and, before she could run after him and tell him that she couldn't- he had disapparated with a crack.

Helen kicked the door and pressed the buzzer again; annoyed that Mark was taking so long.

* * *

When Helen awoke the next morning, she felt different. She didn't know what it was- how she knew… perhaps it was the fact that her hand was subconsciously rested on her lower belly, but she woke up and knew.

She got dressed as quickly as she could and ran to the nearest drugstore and bought herself a pregnancy test.

It would work just as well as a wizarding one anyway. She rushed back to the apartment and waited for the stick to decide her fate.

Because it really was deciding her fate: if it came up as positive, she would now have to live.

After the agonizing minute was over, she looked at it and sunk to her knees, sobbing for the first time since she had left England.

* * *

Lily wrinkled her nose as she entered Sirius' house. There was the strong scent of stale firewhisky.

'Sirius!' she called.

There was no response and, sighing, she went into the living room to find him lying on the couch.

In his one hand, he was clutching an empty bottle of firewhisky. Next to him on the coffee table was an ash tray full of cigarette stubs.

His face had an unhealthy pallor to it and he looked as though he hadn't eaten properly for a while… for a week, in fact. He was unshaven and his clothes looked as though they probably needed to be washed.

All in all, he looked horrible.

Sighing, Lily picked up the ash tray and bottle and took them to the kitchen, throwing them both away. The kitchen itself did not look as though it had been used, but she used air-cleaning charms to rid it of the dusty cigarette smell as she set to making proper food for Sirius.

She set it on the table and found a hangover tonic and forced it down him. Slowly, he roused to consciousness.

'Lily?' he croaked.

'Yes, it's me,' she said curtly. 'Now get up and eat something proper. You look ready to keel over,' she said, pushing him towards the kitchen.

Sirius sat at the table but did not eat as he turned over the porridge in his bowl.

'Eat,' she commanded, sitting opposite him, 'or do I have to shove it down your throat?'

He shrugged.

'I don't understand you,' Lily suddenly burst out. 'You dump her and then you slide into depression. Why did you even let her go?'

She had been harbouring this anger at Sirius for some time and could not restrain herself now.

Sirius looked up at her with pained eyes.

'I had to- for her,' he said quietly. 'It was so she could live… do you…can you honestly think that I don't want her? That I don't love her? That… that having hurt her the way I did made me wish I had just killed myself instead?'

Lily stared at Sirius, confused.

'You… love her?' she repeated uncertainly.

Sirius let out a dark, bark for a laugh.

'Do you think it's possible that I don't? I've loved her since we were fifteen. Show me a way to stop to make my life easier…' he muttered morosely.

Lily blinked.

'So why did you… why… I don't understand why you told her you didn't,' she said, looking at him with wide eyes.

Sirius put his face in his hands and sighed.

'Didn't you see? Every corner she turned, they were waiting to get her… and they would! There were too many of them… and…' his voice broke and he wearily looked up at Lily.

'If she stayed here- they would have gotten her eventually. There were all these narrow escapes, it was only a matter of time before she…'

He paused and swallowed.

'If she died, Lily, I couldn't live with myself knowing that it was I who kept her here. I couldn't live at all… she's gone into hiding now and at least she'll be safe. Voldemort thinks she's dead now… if she,' he trailed off, his face screwing up in pain.

'If she can be safe and…and be happy one day, I can live with that.'

Lily stared at Sirius.

'But, Sirius, you both love each other! What are you going to do? Wait forever for... what? The war to end? Or are you going to marry someone else when you love her still… it doesn't make sense to put the both of you through that torture,' she said softly.

He shook his head.

'Dumbledore agreed it was for the best,' he said, still staring determinedly at the porridge.

Lily made a noise.

'What?'

'Well look at Dumbledore! How old is he? He's never been married… he may be a great wizard, but do you think he truly knows about love?'

Sirius looked at Lily, surprised at her comments.

'I understand why you did it now, I do… but I see it as something which is not only hurting the both of you, but wasting your lives,' she said.

Sirius shook his head.

'I won't see her die. I'm sorry. I can live with _this_ pain, but not with the other.'

Lily let out a vehement sigh.

'Well fine then. Don't listen to me… but I think you're wrong. Eat your porridge and get a grip on yourself,' she snapped. 'If you really are determined to get on with your life without her, you'll have to do better than that. I'll come back in half an hour to show you how to do laundry and teach you how to cook something.'

With that, she left through the back door and disapparated with a crack.

* * *

'I'm sorry, you haven't had a good time tonight,' Theo frowned at Helen who was chewing her lip as she stared ahead of her.

She blinked, as though she had suddenly been brought out of her reverie.

'What? Of course I have,' she lied disconcertedly. 'I'm sorry I gave you that impression,' she apologized.

Theo smiled a little and took her hand in his. Her eyes widened a little as he stopped walking and she realised what was happening.

Before she could lean away, he was kissing her, his hands cupping her cheeks gently.

Helen felt her knees go weak, but not from the kiss…

From the grief of her whole situation now. She wanted to sink to her knees and start sobbing again.

But Theo kept kissing her and she couldn't find the energy to stop him.

* * *

**Now, one reviewer raised an issue which I thought I should answer here. The statement was that Helen was 'smart' and should have known Sirius better than to believe him. (The point was very valid- which is why I want to answer it here- so nothing against the reviewer. Thanks for bringing it up!).**

**Now, we've seen past examples of Helen in breakups with Sirius and if you go back, you'll see that- to his face- she hardly ever questions it, but pretty much just accepts it and puts on a dignified air in front of him. Of course, how she reacts behind closed doors is another issue.**

**The thing is, though, I think that Helen just would never have expected Sirius to actually say something like that to her unless he actually meant it. I mean, yes, he hardly needed to convince her much, but those few words were enough for her to be hurt enough. **

**And, I mean, what can you say to someone if they're telling you things like 'I don't love you'?. Of course it doesn't make sense given how close they were, but when you're the person getting told that, I doubt you're able to see the situation logically like that- even for someone like Helen who is 'smart'. **

**I just don't see Helen as the type who would ever- no matter how close she is with anyone- grovel and beg for them to take her back/deny that they don't want her. She's got her flaws, and pride is one of them.**

**I hope this makes sense. If not... well, that's what that wonderful review button is for! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter!**

**Your quote:**

_'Sirius would have known that this could have happened when he ended it with her because he did it in a final way. Yes, it has been only four months, but he's going to find out one day and then it'll hurt him all over again. I say it's best if we tell him now and then he'll be able to move on and find someone else... who is perhaps more normal and not wanted so much by Voldemort.' - _James to Lily

**But first... you have to do your bit. Please review!**

**Love Anya**


	85. Chapter 16: The Death of Helen Asteria

**_"Him that I love, I wish to be free -- even from me."_ - Anne Morrow Lindbergh**

* * *

The Death of Helen Asteria

Helen smiled as she woke up. It really was just a horrible dream after all. Here she was, lying in bed with his arms wrapped around her as they always had been. She did not allow herself to question the texture of the sheets, the softness of the pillow, nor his arms- neither of which fitted the normal picture- but lay there, relishing in the fact that Sirius had never told her he didn't love her and that it was just a silly nightmare which she would never have to remember ever again.

Of course, that would also mean that she wasn't pregnant which was… again, heartbreaking, but they would now have plenty of time to try.

He kissed her shoulder and she smiled.

'_Bonjour,_' he murmured.

Her eyes flew open and she felt her world crashing down around her as she suddenly realised that her nightmare was a reality and that she was waking up in bed with Theo, not Sirius.

Theo.

How on earth did she get here?

Then she remembered… the dazed kissing, her exhaustion, and then her lack of willpower and energy to stop.

And all of that led to this morning and the fact that she was waking up in Theo's apartment with Theo, who was looking at her lovingly.

How could he love her? How could he possibly even want her? She was no more than a walking and talking corpse.

Helen drew a deep breath, feeling trapped… and nauseous.

She had just slept with someone who was not the father of her child.

Then again, the father of her child did not want her anyway, so there was no possibility of it ever working out with him either. Theo excused himself for the bathroom and Helen was suddenly left to make a very big decision, very quickly.

And she had to think, now, not about herself, but her child.

Sirius did not want her. He did not love her. In short, he was out of the picture. If he did not want her, then he wouldn't want her child and, therefore, Helen did not see any necessity in informing him of the fact that she was going to have his child in nine months time.

She would not have her child grow up in a broken home like that.

Theo, on the other hand, wanted her and seemed to love her. He was a good man and Helen did not doubt that he would be a good father. If he accepted her as being pregnant with someone else's child, then she could marry him and her child could grow up in a safe environment with a proper family.

Or she could do it alone. She would- and she could- but was it the best option for her child?

* * *

Helen had procrastinated the task of telling Theo for too long. A month had passed since she had first found out, and she had still not told him. He had taken her out almost every night since then. As they sat in one of Paris' many expensive restaurants, she knew that she could no longer deceive him any more.

'Theo, I have something to tell you,' she said quietly after they had ordered.

He looked up at her and waited.

'I'm… pregnant,' she said hopelessly.

Theo stared at her for a moment before he jumped up and kissed her.

She then realised that he had misunderstood the situation and thought that she was pregnant with his child. She went to say something, but he put a finger to her lips and made her sit down whilst he knelt in front of her.

'Will you marry me?'

Helen didn't know what to do. He was so happy at the thought that he was going to be a father… even though they had only been together for a month…

Then Helen's mind clicked and she felt as though she were as bad as Voldemort for even considering it… but still…

She was only pregnant for a week when Sirius had finished with her. So, by the time she first slept with Theo, she was only two weeks pregnant…

He would never know that the child wasn't his- the timing was perfect.

And then her child would grow up safely and have a father who loved him/her unconditionally.

'Yes,' she replied.

At that moment, she finally understood why the Sorting Hat saw qualities in her which would have seen her do well in Slytherin.

* * *

That night, Helen arrived at Mark and Nicole's house and told them that she was both pregnant and getting married. Nicole seemed pleased with this. Mark said nothing, but pulled Helen aside as soon as Nicole excused herself for bed.

'It's his isn't it?' he whispered.

Helen knew whom he meant and could not lie to Mark.

'Yes,' she said, hanging her head in shame.

'Are you going to tell him?'

'No,' Helen said indignantly, looking up at Mark as though he were mad. 'And what good would that do? He doesn't want me, and I'm not going back on the odd chance that he'll take me back just because I'm pregnant. If he doesn't want me, he doesn't want my baby. Theo wants both.'

'Are you going to tell Theo?'

Helen looked at her hands.

'I….should,' she confessed. 'I went to tell him, but he just assumed that it was his and started kissing me and asking me to marry him…'

Mark sighed.

'It's not right,' he said, looking at her.

'I know, I know… it's the worst thing I've ever done in my life- deceiving him like that,' Helen said, tugging at her hair which she found annoyingly short now.

Mark suddenly looked thoughtful.

'But it could work out well, you know. If he's the type who will look after both you and the baby like it's his own, he'll never end up knowing and you could all be happy…'

He paused.

'But you can never go back to him, you know that right? If you make this decision, you have to stick with Theo and your kid… what are you going to do there? Are you going to tell your kid one day?'

Helen buried her face in her hands but then looked up, looking severely pained.

'No. How could I?'

Mark nodded.

'I only hope I don't have a boy who looks just like him,' Helen whispered, shuddering.

'Does Theo know about you and him?'

Helen shook her head.

'The last time he heard about him was when I was twelve. At the point in our lives, we hated each other,' she said.

Mark nodded.

'So you're sure about this? This is the best thing? This is what you want?'

Helen looked down. It was no where near what she wanted, but she didn't have too many other options which worked out as well as this one.

She nodded.

'Yes. I have to. I'm going to do it.'

* * *

'Oh Lord, they really are fucked up,' Lily muttered one morning during breakfast, whilst she was breastfeeding Harry.

James looked up at Lily, surprised at her language.

'What?'

Lily put down the letter and sighed.

'I don't think you should tell Sirius,' she said delicately, pushing the letter forward to James.

_Dear Lily,_

_Sorry for taking so long to write. My life has been… horrible, but hopefully things might shape themselves up soon._

_Well, they have to, in any case._

_I hope you and James and baby Harry are all well- kiss them both for me. I'm so sorry that I left the way I did. I feel like I've let you all down. I've sent something for Harry, though, even though it's no excuse._

_I can't tell you where I am in case this letter gets intercepted, but I have to tell you something because… you are my friend and you deserve to know. I ask that you don't really publicise this news though. It really is only for you._

_I'm pregnant and I'm to be married in a few weeks time. If you weren't as ashamed and disgusted in me as I know you are now, I would ask you to be there… but it really is too dangerous for you to travel anyway. Plus, you have Harry to look after now._

_As bad as you might think it is, it has all actually worked out very well. Of course, it will take some time getting used to, but I have known him for a long time (if you recall my telling you about him in second year) and he really will take very good care of both me and the baby._

_I miss you all so much. _

_With all my love,_

_Helen._

James dropped the letter.

'She's pregnant?'

Lily nodded gravely.

'And getting married?'

Lily sighed and folded up the letter.

James stared at Lily.

'Do you think it's that guy's or Sirius'?' he asked, voicing the question on Lily's mind.

Lily didn't say anything.

'I… don't know. If it were Sirius', it would explain why she's getting married so quickly, because I don't think she would have 'gotten over him' so quickly otherwise…'

She sighed.

'But she _is_ marrying that guy from Beauxbatons and that's the main thing, isn't it? Maybe it's for the best… but it'll kill Sirius if he finds out,' Lily said.

James said nothing.

'I really should tell him, though,' he said eventually.

'And why? What good would that do? It'd just upset him!'

James wrinkled his nose.

'Maybe… definitely at first, but then it'll help him get over her if he knows that she's that far gone,' he pondered.

Lily glared at James.

'Look, Lily, if Helen's getting married and is pregnant- regardless of whose baby it is- she's not coming back. Sirius would have known that this could have happened when he ended it with her because he did it in a final way. Yes, it has been only four months, but he's going to find out one day and then it'll hurt him all over again. I say it's best if we tell him now and then he'll be able to move on and find someone else who is perhaps more normal and not wanted so much by Voldemort.'

Lily shook her head at James.

'I don't think Helen wants him to know. She _did_ ask…'

'It is my duty to him as a friend. I have to tell him,' James concluded finally.

Lily pursed her lips and said nothing.

James sighed and got up.

'You're doing it now?' Lily said, alarmed.

James nodded.

'The sooner the better.'

* * *

'You woke me up to tell me this?' Sirius asked flatly.

'I…'

'Don't talk to me about her ever again,' he interrupted angrily. 'I don't want to know.'

He stood up from his kitchen table and stormed to the front hall.

'Sirius…'

'I'm leaving,' Sirius said flatly, slamming his front door shut behind him.

He felt like his whole world had suddenly crashed upon him. He couldn't believe that she had moved on so quickly…

Of course she was entitled to move on- but he didn't think she would…so soon anyway.

Had he really meant that little to her?

And who was the man?

He just couldn't swallow the thought of Helen… having someone else's child, marrying someone else… belonging to that man, and not him.

He came to the laurel tree in the back yard which they had spent many afternoons under and took off the ring which should have been his wedding ring.

He knelt down, dug a small hole in the ground with his hand, and buried it before walking off back to the house.

* * *

Helen lay back on the bed in Mark's spare bedroom, her hand unconsciously rubbing her lower belly which, at four months, was now slightly curved with maternity. The rain outside poured steadily and she stared blankly out of the rain-spattered window.

Tomorrow she was getting married.

Not to the person who she still loved so much that it caused her an unbearable pain, but to Theo.

She supposed she loved him in a way… perhaps she was being unfair as she was trying to compare him to the intensity of what she and Sirius had.

But their flame blew out, just as her candle of life had blown out when he said that he wanted her out of his life.

She wondered back to that poem she had loved so much and believed in, once upon a time- the one Sirius had actually said to her before proposing to her…

She said the lines out loud:

_Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally;_

She was dead as soon as she had left his house for the last time. She had left Helen Asteria back there. Perhaps that was why she had not found being with Theo so traumatic… and why she could accept that she would be bound to him for life tomorrow._  
_

_If our two loves be one, or thou and I  
Love so alike that none can slacken, none can die.'_

She had thought that he loved her. He said that he would never leave her, but he had in the end.

So he didn't love her. They didn't have that great a love in the end after all, because they were just like those other people – those 'dull sublunary lovers'- who did _not_ 'love so alike.'

In the end, there was one thing that was true: they _had_ 'slackened' and they _had '_died.'

There would be no 'Good Morrow' for them.

Tomorrow, Helen would become a new person. She would have her renaissance… not as Helen Asteria- as she once was; not as Helen Black- as she should have been, but as Helen Laurent- as she would be for the rest of her life.

She would be a good mother, first and foremost. Her daughter was the most precious gift which she had ever been given. So much so, that she felt that she could perhaps forgive Sirius because he had given her to her.

And, after being a good mother, she was determined to be a good wife to Theo. He deserved that, at least, because she definately did not deserve someone as good and perfect as him.

* * *

The wedding was big. Helen knew next to no one apart from Isa, Mark, Nicole and Theo's parents.

Helen didn't know what to make of Theo's parents. She knew that they would have preferred he marry a French girl… and one who had not so obviously lost her virginity...But they were cordial towards her, and that was more than she could have asked for.

Personally, she felt that if they had spat at her and told her to stay away from their son, they would not have been unjustified.

Only Theo and Isa's grandmother seemed openly against the union, glaring at Helen and calling her a _petite __putain._

Theo said that his grandmother was just going senile and didn't know what she was saying, but Helen knew that it was deeper than that, for she _had_ received looks from the rest of his distant family and she knew that they agreed with Theo's grandmother.

* * *

Her dress _was_ a meringue. It was big and did not show her small bump.

As Helen stood in her room before going to the church, she looked at her reflection; Her hair had grown a bit since she had first cut it- long enough for Isa to put it up in an elaborate updo anyway.

She toyed with the chiffon of her dress. It was white.

White for a new start.

White was the colour which virgins wore. White symbolised purity. White was clean.

White was the opposite of Black.

* * *

She managed to get through the whole day, though, and that was a relief. She did not choke whilst repeating her vows, she did not cry, she smiled for all the photos and did not hesitate when Theo kissed her.

She even managed to initiate a few kisses herself which seemed to take Theo by surprise. They made him smile, and that made Helen happy to some degree.

'Ah, it is a pity you cannot drink champagne on our wedding,' he said to her as they sat at their table, his hand resting on her stomach.

Helen smiled.

'Well, there's always the christening,' she pointed out.

He smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek.

'I believe it is time for our first dance, no?'

He led her to the now cleared dance floor and indicated to the man in charge of music to start music as he pulled Helen close to him.

Helen smiled as she heard the song, trying to block out the painful memory of her dancing to it with Sirius in their school dorm; the both of them laughing and half-dressed.

Somehow, though, this song was so appropriate in so many ways for the moment. Helen, for the first time, properly paid attention to the words.

'_No! No regrets  
No! I will have no regrets  
All the things  
That went wrong  
For at last I have learned to be strong'_

She had learned to be strong… strong enough, to finally not regret what she had with Sirius. She loved him- she always would- but now she had another man in her life and he had helped her to become new again._  
_  
'_No! No regrets  
No! I will have no regrets  
For the grief doesn't last  
It is gone  
I've forgotten the past'_

So true were those words… the grief was now gone because she had blocked out the memories of her past. It was more like the calm after a dark storm now. Sirius was her past, but he would also be her present and her future through their daughter. That was enough.

_'And the memories I had  
I no longer desire  
Both the good and the bad  
I have flung in a fire  
And I feel in my heart  
That the seed has been sown  
It is something quite new  
It's like nothing I've known'_

How ironical that the song should even talk about seeds. Helen begun to wonder if Theo had chosen this song for that reason…

_  
No! No regrets  
No! I will have no regrets  
All the things that went wrong  
For at last I have learned to be strong_

_No! No regrets  
No! I will have no regrets  
For the seed that is new  
It's the love that is growing for you_

And so her daughter was growing and Helen would love her. She did not regret anything and never would. She took off Sirius' ring which she had made invisible on her finger and put it in her small bag which hung from her wrist. Tonight she would put it away in her jewellery box for her daughter when she was older.

Because she no longer owned Sirius' heart.

**Now, it seems a few of you were confused as to why Helen cut her hair in the last chapter: It was, really, a mechanism for her to deal with the pain she was in. She effectively (over these last two chapters) tried to lose her previous identity so that she doesn't have to deal with the unbearable pain of her situation now. Cutting her hair was just a physical way of helping with this- why I called the chapter 'metamorphosis'**

**And I know that we all prefer Sirius/Helen, but I really hope that you don't blame Theo. Helen isn't right in what she's doing, but none of this is Theo's fault. He had no idea about Helen and Sirius and it's not as though Helen wrote about Sirius in her letters to Theo. If anything, though, Theo pretty much saved her life by forcing/compelling her to go out so often with him and helping her maintain some form of life as opposed to wallowing in Mark's spare bedroom. He really is a wonderful guy...That, and the fact that he and Isa are her only constant link to the wizarding world.**

**And Helen didn't get pregnant just by a matter of luck that last time she slept with Sirius.**

**Oh, and one person commented on James saying that Sirius should find someone more 'normal'. That wasn't meant in a derogatory way towards Helen, but just that Sirius probably needed someone who was uncomplicated so as not to cause him further pain. Speaking of James and Lily, Helen's going to meet with them next chapter :)**

_'Lily… can I tell you something,? Helen said urgently. 'I… but only you can know. You can't tell James and… no one. But I need you to know if something happens to me,' she said, looking at Lily with wide eyes._

**And we'll be introducing a new character next chapter too... A very _young_ new character.**

**So please review before you leave... I have a feeling that they won't be overly happy ones, but please review nonetheless. **

**Love Anya**


	86. Chapter 17: A New Life

**_'. . . for when a child is born the mother also is born again.'- _**'Parables of A Province', Gilbert Parker

* * *

Chapter 17- A New Life

Sirius Black's existence was a bitter one. It consisted of three things: battle, his friends, women- and plenty of them.

It was dark- just like his attitude and humour. He felt himself becoming reckless to the point of stupidity. Somehow, however, that was the only way he could gain some thrill from his banal way of life; to feel that rush of adrenaline, that excitement. Whilst duelling Death Eaters, he would take on as many as he could at once. Lily and Mrs Potter would scream at him for hours on end afterwards, and James would reproach him, but he didn't care.

It felt _good_, and he had adopted a utilitarian outlook on life; whatever felt good, was good.

The house? It held too many memories, so he sold it and bought an apartment instead. He didn't need such a big place anyway- alone as he was. It would just mean extra cleaning for his maid...

Sex? Sure, it felt great. So he had plenty of it.

Women? No, they weren't good- they wanted to talk too much, so they never stayed for too long. Usually they'd be gone by the next day.

Relationships? The idea was laughable.

If she had long dark brown hair and hazel eyes, she stood no chance. He preferred blondes these days anyway... redheads only if he was feeling a little daring.

One night, after a particularly satisfying gruelling day fighting Death Eaters, he so happened to be talking to a witch at a bar. They were about to leave when her friends called out to her.

Her name was Helen.

When she turned around, he was gone.

His friends?

He hung around Peter more than anyone else. Remus was supposed to be the 'spy' so there was only so much time he wanted to, or could, spend with him. That, and Remus had become very strange around him since he had heard about Helen's supposed 'death'. He would look at Sirius with a pained expression and Sirius just did not want to deal with that:

If Remus had issues, he could see a psychologist. As far as Sirius was concerned, _she _had become a taboo topic since that fateful day nearly eight months ago.

Christmas came and went. He spent part of it with the Potters... and then went with Peter to a bar, making sure that he wasn't alone at all that day. Alone would allow him to start thinking... and then, surely, he would become a wreck.

Lily and James… he would visit every so often if he hadn't already seen James during the day or on a mission. He would only visit the house to see his godson. It was too confronting an image; Lily, James and the baby. It was what _should _have been, but wasn't. Of course, it was what _she_ had anyway- married as she now was and probably about to give birth some time soon...

So much for the little 'black-haired, grey-eyed girl who otherwise looked exactly like her, for a daughter' fantasy. He had long forgotten about _that._

Anyway… he saw what babies did to couples. Sex was halted, the men would want to stray, they were both exhausted… it was messy…

No. No babies for Sirius. They did not fit in with his utilitarian world.

And plus- there was no smoking around babies, and that would not suit his newfound occupation as a chain smoker.

Whenever it became too much, he had a rogue bludger to whack the living daylights out of. Otherwise, he was fine to settle the night with a bottle of firewhisky if he was not otherwise occupied in bed.

So, all in all, he had such a busy life that there was not much room for thinking.

Philosophy was bad. It twisted one up and made them think about things too deeply. The only philosophy which Sirius had now was this:

'Keep it simple, do whatever you please.'

Because complicated had led him to this stage.

* * *

Helen and Theo had joined their accounts- Helen had withdrawn all of her money from Gringotts and put it into the Parisian Wizarding Bank. Theo himself, being the only son in an old wizarding family, was very wealthy too. She would have preferred a small house- perhaps a cottage in a country village where there would be plenty of fresh air and sun- both of which were essential to the health and happiness of a growing child. Theo, on the other hand, wanted a big house which was in the city...

He had visions of a more social lifestyle.

In the end, Helen gave in and they bought the town house. There was at least the advantage that she was only a few blocks away from Mark and, therefore, it would not only be easier for her to visit _him,_ but also the other way around.

The past five months of their marriage had been… happy, if that was the word for it.

Happy in the sense that Theo treated her with so much attention and care, and that they never ever came close to fighting. Helen smiled for him and always conceded whenever they disagreed on a matter.

It was so unlike her old self.

From time to time, when alone in the house, she would start screaming at inanimate objects just to remember what it felt like to scream. Somehow, she seriously doubted that she would ever be screaming at Theo. In any case, she had no right to.

Everything about him was gentle and caring. His lovemaking was slow, his kisses were soft…

It was all nice, but that was where it stopped. Sometimes, Helen yearned for that metallic edge to everything which she faintly remembered from long ago.

But then she remembered that that had ended badly whereas everything, so far, was going promisingly smoothly and decided that she should be more careful for what she wished for.

* * *

Helen was cooking when she felt her water break. She had been waiting for this moment for a few days now with nervous anticipation. Theo was at the hospital himself… but he did not work in the maternity ward. She was alone and, calmly, found her wand and disapparated to the hospital.

The labour was very long and painful and made Bellatrix's Cruciatus curses not seem so bad at all.

But the labour wasn't only physically painful, but psychologically so, because- despite the fact that she had convinced herself again and again that she and Theo were right, it had never felt so wrong.

Sirius should have been there. He had gotten her pregnant. He had said that he would stick by her; that he was bound to her for life; that they would have a family...

These were the things he had promised her and this was the consequence of his actions. If he didn't want her, he should never have stopped taking his contraceptive potion. He should never have lulled her into that false security…

And now she was alone, with a maternity healer, and sobbing because there was no one there. Theo could not be reached; Isa was somewhere not in France; Mark and Nicole were at work…

So she was alone.

She did not have Lily or Marina… not even James or Remus. She had no one except for the little girl whom she was trying to push out of her so that she could take her first breath.

'One more push,' the exasperated Healer told Helen.

Helen suddenly panicked. This was real- she was about to become a mother now.

Not only that, she was going to- with this final push- break that Curse which had plagued her ancestors.

It was all over now.

So, screwing her face up in determination, she pushed, for that one last time, and lay back, feeling faint from exhaustion as the healer cut the chord and cleared her daughter's nasal passages so that she could take her first breath.

Helen choked a sob when she heard that weak cry and gently kissed her baby's forehead as the Healer handed her to her.

'You are my life now, Anka,' she murmured softly to her. 'I love you, and I always will. It's just you and I now, but your other father will be here soon and he will love you like his own. I promise you. I won't let anything hurt you. Ever,' she said, kissing the tip of her baby's nose gently and shifting so that she could feed her, for the first time.

* * *

Helen was more than besotted with her daughter; she was in love with her. Theo himself was very upset that he had missed the labour, but made up for it by showing himself to also be in love with his new daughter.

Helen had never loved him more for this.

Had he stayed with her long enough, Sirius would have seen that he got his wish.

Anka _did_ look like Helen- even as a baby, the resemblance was strong- excepting her black hair and grey eyes. As soon as she had found out that she was expecting a girl, Helen had started thinking of possible names.

And once she found the name, 'Anka', she knew that she had found the best name.

Anka from the 'Ankaa' star on the head of the Phoenix. This star was sometimes called the 'bright one in the boat'.

And Helen had found that fitting in so many ways. Firstly, that she had given something to Sirius who didn't know of his daughter's existence by naming her after a star. Their association with the Order of the Phoenix was there... There was also the fact that both Helen and Sirius' names had 'brightness' in them; she thought that they could share this with their daughter whose name suggested that she too would be a 'bright one'.

When Mark visited his niece, he raised his eyebrows at her features which he saw as being so obviously Sirius', but doted so much upon her that he seemed to forget his antagonistic feelings towards her father and went so far as to start discussing plans for a new addition to his _own _family.

Lily and James had sent presents, although Helen could sense the awkwardness in their letters and understood their torn loyalties. It hurt her, though, because she wished that they could be there too. As much as she loved Mark, Isa, Nicole and Theo, her friends had been her family for most of her life and their absence had left a gap in her heart which nothing seemed to be able to fill.

* * *

'James! Helen had the baby!' Lily called out as soon as she heard the front door click and she rushed to the front door to greet her husband.

Her face fell and she bit her lip as she saw that James was not alone and that Sirius' face was paler than she had seen it in a long time.

And that was saying something seeing as it had become rather brown, recently.

'Oh, er… hi boys,' she stammered. 'I... I made chocolate cake?' she offered, mentally kicking herself and inwardly cringing.

James nodded.

'Excellent…' he said, leading Sirius to the kitchen. 'How's…'

For the first time in his life, James was not very excited to have Sirius see Harry. He knew that it would just hit Sirius again with the news he had just received about Helen.

They sat in an awkward silence as Lily cut the cake.

Harry was asleep upstairs.

'You don't have to be silent about it just because I'm here,' Sirius said in a strained voice, when he could stand the uncertainty and silence no more. 'I'm fine… how is she?' he said, trying to sound nonchalant.

Lily looked at Sirius apprehensively but he looked at her with a level expression which dared her to hesitate or question his feelings on the matter that she had no choice but to answer.

'She's… good. Recovering well apparently,' Lily said shortly.

Sirius looked at her expectantly and Lily sighed; she thought that she had might as well tell him everything.

'She had a girl on April 3, her name is Anka,' Lily shrugged.

'So she married Theo then,' Sirius said quietly, but still not showing any telling emotions.

'Er… yes,' Lily said, wondering how Sirius figured this out.

Sirius nodded.

'Ah, well… good for her. She always wanted kids, so I'm glad she's happy now,' he said, not managing to sound completely sincere.

Lily bit her lip.

'Sirius…'

Sirius' eyes flashed and James interrupted quickly.

'What do you say to a bit of quidditch? We haven't played for a while.'

Sirius grinned- although it was a bit too forced.

'Let's go. Great cake, by the way Lily,' he added, leaving the room with James quickly.

* * *

As a baby, Anka was quiet and so peaceful that Helen sometimes wondered if there was something not quite right with her.

Theo came home to hear music coming from the drawing room. He walked in and smiled as he saw Helen playing piano and singing softly to Anka whose grey eyes were slowly fluttering to sleep.

When she finished the song, and Anka had fallen asleep, Helen realised that Theo was home.

'You're home! I didn't even hear you… I'll set dinner right away,' she said, getting up.

Theo pulled her back gently.

'It's been a long day, let's just sit for a while,' he said, drawing her into his arms and kissing her temple as he pulled her to sit on his lap in the armchair. 'How was your day?'

Helen smiled.

'It was very easy. I couldn't have asked for a more considerate baby,' she said, brushing Theo's hair with her fingers and kissing him softly.

It had been a slow process, but she really did love him now. It was a different kind of love to what she had felt for Sirius, but it was still there.

'And how is my little girl?' he asked, looking over at the cradle with a smile which made Helen bite her lip.

'She's good. Quiet as always,' she said.

Theo smiled and leaned back in the armchair, interlacing his fingers with Helen's.

'Helen…' he said, suddenly sounding very earnest. 'Are you happy? Really? Sometimes I think I'm not doing enough to make you happy… Anka wasn't really planned and I feel like you were pressured into all of this… is there anything I can do to make you happier?' he asked, looking into her eyes.

Her heart broke at this. If anything, _she_ should have been the one asking him such questions- not the other way round.

'Theo,' she said softly. 'We now have a daughter- I could never have asked for anything more… why do you think I'm unhappy?' she frowned.

Theo surveyed her before shrugging.

'Ah…well, you haven't been back to England for a long time, and I thought you might miss your friends,' he said truthfully.

Helen took a sharp intake of breath. She _did_ miss them, so much that it hurt her… and to know that they were still fighting and risking their lives against Voldemort every day whilst she sat here, having peaceful days with Anka… she felt so guilty and terrible.

But, even if she wanted to go back to England, Dumbledore had forbidden her to show her face anywhere. She would be recognised and that would spark so many new troubles- not to mention the questions which would be raised as to how she managed to suddenly become alive again...

She forced a smile.

'England is not my home anymore. My home is here- with you and Anka,' she said, kissing him again, trying to dismiss the unpleasant wrenching in her stomach which caused her heart to beat painfully in her chest, and her throat to constrict.

She drew a steady breath and left for the kitchen. She didn't hold it against him, but each time she heard Theo saying that he had had a 'long day' she would say nothing, because she could only imagine what her friends would be dealing with back in England. She was always thinking about them; all of them.

Even _him_. How could she not when she saw his eyes each time she looked at their daughter?

It pained her that she had no idea if they were all still safe- with the exception of James and Lily with whom she corresponded. Somehow, she did not even trust them to tell her should something happen, because then she might be prone to coming back and getting herself into trouble...

But Theo's mention of her friends had suddenly sparked an idea in Helen's mind, though. If she made enough Polyjuice potion, she should be able to visit them for at least a little bit... and it would be safe.

There were a few things she needed to tell Lily face to face.

* * *

'Are you sure you're right with Anka?' Helen frowned at Mark and Nicole.

'Yes! Go see your friends. You could do with a bit of fun,' Mark said, shaking his head at her.

'If she gets hungry…'

'Helen, we aren't stupid. Anka is a very quiet baby. Nothing will happen. She will be safe with us,' Nicole promised.

Helen hesitated.

'GO!' Mark laughed.

Taking a deep breath, Helen kissed Anka's forehead again before disapparating with a crack. She took the potion in an alleyway and was soon transformed into Nicole's form- Nicole had volunteered her hairs.

After apparating in stages, Helen finally reached Lily and James' house in Godric's Hollow.

It had been so long since she had last been here, and she felt the pangs of nostalgia sweeping through her already.

Sighing, she walked up to the front door and rung the bell.

She heard a voice and then the door was opened by James.

He blinked as he saw Helen.

'Can I help you?' he said, frowning as he wondered how this strange woman had managed to get through their protective barriers.

'I don't know,' Helen replied. 'You wouldn't happen to be my old friend James, who fancied himself as my older brother, would you? The very same one who married my best friend Lily Evans, goes by the name of Prongs because of his anim-'

Helen was winded as James hugged her so tightly, and suddenly.

He then suddenly withdrew.

'Helen, right?' he asked, blushing a little.

Helen laughed and rolled her eyes.

'Who else? Now, are you going to let me in or is this as far as your disgraced sister is allowed in your house?'

Shaking his head, James let her in and, a few complicated wand movements later, Helen lost her disguise and resumed her normal form.

James stared at her.

'You cut your hair,' he said pointed out.

Helen shrugged.

'I was looking for something new.'

He snorted.

'New indeed… so now you're a mum… that's weird. Does that mean I'm an uncle?' he said as he led her into the kitchen.

Helen laughed.

'Of course you're Anka's Uncle James, just like Lily's her Aunty Lily. I would love for you two to meet her some day… but I can't bring her here for obvious reasons,' Helen said, frowning.

James surveyed her.

'What?' Helen asked.

He bit her lip before shrugging.

'I would like to ask you something about Anka and all, but I'm scared you'll get angry and leave if I do,' he said, looking down.

Helen frowned.

'Why?'

'Trust me, you wouldn't like the question,' James said seriously. 'Lily just went out to the shops, by the way. She should be back soon.'

Helen nodded.

'And Harry?'

James' face lit up.

'Of course! You haven't seen him in _ages!_ How long now…'

'Ten months and five days,' Helen answered automatically, before blushing as she realised that she had been given away.

James shot her a knowing look.

'How… Were you really angry at him? Is that how you managed to move on so quickly?' he asked tentatively.

Helen swallowed.

'No, I wasn't _angry_ at him,' she said quietly. 'He had every right to end it with me,' she said, shrugging.

They walked up the stairs.

'How has he been?' she asked offhandishly.

James did not answer immediately.

'I guess the best way to describe him is how he was before you two started going out,' he said slowly.

Helen raised an eyebrow.

'At fifteen?'

James nodded.

'Yes… but perhaps everything in more of an excess. Like he's ridiculously confident to the point of stupidity in battles- Lily tears her hair out over him-, he seems to… sleep with many different women, drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney...he's just… I don't know. Lily calls it 'self-destruction mode.' I mean, he even sold the house.'

Helen cleared her throat carefully. Out of all the news, the news about the house hurt the most.

'Well, it seems like he's happy, so good for him,' she said in a guarded voice.

James refrained from telling Helen that Sirius had said the exact same thing about her.

* * *

'He looks just like you, James!' Helen laughed as she bounced Harry on her knee in the kitchen.

James grinned.

'Yeah, he does…'

'Except for his eyes, of course. All Lily there,' she said, smiling.

'Uh huh, there's a mini Marauder for you right there,' he said proudly. 'Baby Prongs.'

Helen laughed and kissed Harry's forehead.

'Star quidditch player of Hogwarts?' she offered.

James rolled his eyes.

'Of course.'

Helen smiled at James.

'So what does your little monster look like?' James asked, grinning; he really had missed Helen a lot.

Helen shrugged.

'She looks like me except she's got her father's hair and eyes,' she said truthfully.

'No photo?'

Helen hesitated.

'N…no, sorry… I forgot,' she said.

She would definitely have to touch any photos up. Those eyes were far too much of a giveaway.

There was a crack outside and the door opened and Lily appeared in the kitchen. She let out a small scream as she saw Helen and hugged her tightly.

'You're here! Oh God, I've missed you,' she said, still hugging Helen.

Meanwhile, Harry made noises of displeasure at being squashed between the two women.

'Oh sorry Harry, darling,' Lily said in a hushed voice, kissing her son's head. 'I didn't see you there!'

Lily set to cutting a cake and setting out tea.

'You didn't bring Anka… yes, I suppose it's not safe,' Lily said, handing Helen a tea cup.

Helen nodded.

Lily stared at Helen.

'I can't believe you're… sorry, it's just so much has happened since you left!' she said.

Helen looked down quietly and nodded.

'So how's the… situation here? I wish I could do something…' she said bitterly.

She truly hated playing the useless homemaker.

James shook his head.

'No, you're better off in France- he's getting worse and, quite frankly, we don't need him using your blood to make him even more powerful,' he said darkly.

Lily nodded.

'How's the Order going?' Helen asked, feeling her heart growing heavy.

Lily sighed.

'The Prewett brothers were killed last week.'

Helen gasped- unable to comprehend this new piece of information.

'No!' she said, aghast

James sighed heavily.

'Yes- they were swamped by Death Eaters… Sirius, Moody and I got there too late,' he paused. 'They were two brave men if I ever saw any,' he said.

Helen nodded. She had remembered them from when she was in the Order- Fabian had even pushed her out of the way of a potentially lethal curse once, and Gideon...

Her nose wrinkled as she tried to hold back tears.

'I shouldn't be in France,' she said guiltily.

'Yes you should!' James said suddenly, becoming very stern. 'Don't you dare even think of coming back. You'd do us no favours if you got yourself killed.'

'But I can help!' Helen said in a pained voice. 'I can duel… I can…'

'You have Anka to think of now,' Lily said sternly. 'You can't just leave her like that.'

'What about you two? You have Harry,' Helen challenged.

'Well we never go together anymore,' Lily said heavily. 'We take it in turns- that way at least one of us will be there for him…' she said, trailing off and ruffling Harry's hair.

Helen shook her head hopelessly.

'I'm useless in France.'

'If you come back here, Helen, what do you think people will say? Not even Remus and Peter know you're alive!' Lily tried to reason with her. 'None of us think badly of you for being in hiding. I mean, even James and I are in hiding most of the time anyway…'

James nodded and Helen sighed in defeat.

Harry suddenly yawned sleepily.

'I'll put him to bed,' James said, taking Harry from Helen. 'And probably change his nappy too,' he added.

'Thanks James,' Lily said, smiling sweetly at James who blushed a little and hoisted Harry to sit on his shoulders as they went up the stairs.

Helen and Lily stared after James, smiling.

'He's a really good dad,' Helen said softly.

Lily nodded.

'Yeah, he really loves Harry,' she said fondly. 'He's wonderful.'

Helen smiled a bittersweet smile and looked back to her teacup.

Now might be her only chance to tell Lily.

'Lily… can I tell you something,? Helen said urgently. 'I… but only you can know. You can't tell James and… no one. But I need you to know if something happens to me,' she said, looking at Lily with wide eyes.

Lily peered at Helen.

'Anka's Sirius', isn't she?' she said.

Helen stared at Lily.

'How….'

'I know you too well to know that you wouldn't have just 'gotten over Sirius' so quickly,' she said quietly.

Helen took a sharp intake of breath.

'Does James…?'

Lily shook her head.

'No, but he's wondered every now and then,' she whispered.

'You can't tell him,' Helen said urgently.

'No, I won't. Don't worry,' Lily nodded.

Helen seemed to relax a little, hesitating before asking the next question.

As though she had read her mind, Lily answered for Helen.

'Sirius has no idea- I don't think he's ever thought about it or tried to do the maths,' she said. 'And to think he shared the Arithmancy prize with you,' she snorted.

Helen smiled a little at this, but continued to fidget with her cake.

'Won't you ever tell him?' Lily asked.

Helen shook her head vehemently.

'Of course not! He told me he didn't want me… and Theo thinks that she's his. He really loves me, Lily, and he loves her too. He's a good father to her,' she said earnestly.

Lily nodded.

'It's…'

She sighed, knowing that she couldn't say anything to make it better. It hurt her so much to know, however, that all this had happened because Sirius wanted to keep her safe.

It was such a horrible misunderstanding.

'What does she look like? Does she look like him?' Lily asked.

Helen shrugged. 'She has his eyes and hair. Of course, Theo also has black hair so he never questions _that_… but the eyes are a bit of a giveaway- I just said that my mother had grey eyes,' she said.

Lily nodded slowly and sighed.

'And will you ever tell Anka?'

Helen seemed a bit more uncertain on this point.

'What good would that do?' she asked eventually. 'She'd be happier not knowing, wouldn't she?'

Lily shrugged.

'I suppose…' she trailed.

'What have I missed?' James asked, coming back into the kitchen.

Both Lily and Helen sat up and forced smiles as they made small talk for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

**Now, I know that a lot of you are not that impressed with Helen for what she's done- i.e. going off the marry Theo. I'm not either and would never say that that is the right thing to do. Of course she should have told Sirius and definately not deceived someone else into marrying her...**

**But she really was a complete emotional wreck, underneath the exterior and, as you can see, she still is suffering from the break-up. It's just that she can't show it.**

**Oh, now, Theo asked Helen to marry him after a month of their seeing each other and probably wouldn't have asked so soon had she not been pregnant. Their wedding was three months later when she was around 4 months pregnant.**

'Sirius has been unconscious for a week now…' **James Potter to Helen Asteria**

**But, until then, I would dearly love to hear your thoughts with some reviews!**

**Love Anya**


	87. Chapter 18: Trying to Let Go

**_'Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone.' - _C. S. Lewis**

Trying to Let Go

Helen was surprised to find James on her doorstep when she answered the door one evening.

'James, what are you doing here?' she asked, happy to see her friend all the same.

'Can I come in?' he whispered, looking around nervously.

'Sure,' Helen said, letting him in.

James looked around a little as he sat on the couch in the living room.

'No husband?' he asked, raising his eyebrows.

'He's working a night shift tonight,' Helen shrugged.

James nodded slowly. It was still so strange for him that Helen should be married to someone else; that she should be with anyone other than Sirius.

'And the bub?'

'Just put her to sleep,' Helen said, thankful that James wouldn't be able to see her eyes…

But then she wondered. James would, eventually, see Anka. It was inevitable.

And then what would he say?

James nodded a little, chewing his lip.

'Is everything okay, James?' Helen asked, suddenly feeling herself becoming cold.

James shook his head.

'Sirius has been unconscious for a week now…'

He stopped as he saw Helen's face drain of any colour.

'My mum keeps saying that he should wake up, but he just won't,' he continued in a pained voice.

Helen stood up suddenly and paced the room.

'What kind of curse was it?' she asked shortly, her voice wavering.

'Lornginov,' James replied heavily.

He heard Helen take a sharp intake of breath.

'Right. And where is he now?'

'Mum's place,' James said.

She nodded, taking a deep breath.

'Wait here- and make sure nothing touches Anka. I'll be back soon,' she said, taking out her wand and disapparating.

* * *

She returned some ten minutes later, looking very shaken.

'I've sent the Head of curses from the Parisian Wizarding Hospital there. She'll get him out of it. She's the world's best,' Helen informed James as she wrung her hands nervously.

James hugged Helen impulsively.

'Thank you so much, Helen,' he said.

Helen nodded jerkily.

'You should go there now and help with getting her into your mum's place….can you come back and let me know?' she added quietly.

James kissed her cheek and disapparated.

* * *

Sirius groaned and coughed weakly as he slowly came to. Duelling those four Death Eaters at once had definitely not been one of his better ideas…

'You right, mate? How're you feeling?' he heard James asking him.

'Fucking awful,' Sirius groaned.

He heard Mrs Potter clicking her tongue at his language and, slowly, he opened his bleary eyes.

'If you didn't drink so irresponsibly,' she snapped at him, 'your body would have been better-equipped to dealing with such curses.'

'Not now…' he groaned.

'I'm _very_ disappointed in you,' Mrs Potter continued to lecture. 'What were you thinking by duelling so many of them at once?'

Sirius shut his eyes again.

'Okay, Emily, let's give him a rest for now,' Lily said calmly to his surrogate mother. 'We can both tell him off later.'

'Great,' Sirius muttered, rubbing his eyes and turning to James.

'How long have I been out?' he asked the only person in the room who did not look as though he was about to breathe down his neck.

'A week, now,' James said quietly.

'Right… have I missed much?'

'You could have died, Sirius!' Mrs Potter exclaimed, not ready to let Sirius get off so easily. 'If it hadn't been for that Healer which Helen sent over, you probably w…'

Mrs Potter trailed off as she realised that she had said too much, judging from Sirius' expression.

'James?' Sirius asked, looking to James for an explanation.

'Mum, Lily… how about you two go get something to eat, eh?' James said to them.

Lily took the hint and ushered her mother-in-law out of the bedroom.

'Can you explain to me how Helen came to know that I was knocked out?' Sirius asked James in a dangerous voice.

'Sirius…' James said apologetically. 'Look, we were really worried that you mightn't get out of it…'

'So you got her involved?' Sirius said angrily, sitting up.

'Mate…'

'Why did you involve her?' he repeated. 'She has her own life now. She doesn't care about me.'

James stared at Sirius before looking down.

'You know that's not true, Sirius. Of course she cares about you, like I know that you secretly still care about her. She was so worried and pale when I told her, and she arranged immediately for the best Healer specialising in what you had to administer treatment to you right away. No one would do all that if they didn't care about the other person,' James said quietly.

Sirius slumped back down on the bed and stared determinedly at the ceiling.

'And I have to leave now, because she asked me to report back to her with how it all went,' James said, patting Sirius' hand as he stood up.

Sirius' expression hardened.

'How could she just move on so quickly?' he asked in a small voice, swallowing quickly. 'Marry someone else… have someone else's kid…'

James sighed and sat down again. Secretly, he was relieved that Sirius was starting to open up about the matter which had been taboo for nearly a year now.

'Don't forget that you hurt her too, mate,' he said gently. 'You didn't want to, but she doesn't know that. Trust me, though, she did love you and she still cares about you.'

Sirius looked down and said nothing.

'And please drop this suicidal lifestyle,' he continued. 'Because Lily and I have enough to worry about with that prophecy about Harry and Voldemort wanting to get us, than to grow extra grey hairs because of the stupid things you do in raids,' he said seriously.

Sirius nodded a little.

'Sorry, mate. You're right,' he said truthfully.

James' lips twitched a little.

'I know I am.'

Sirius hesitated a little before continuing.

'And you're right,' he sighed. 'I do still care about her… it just hurts so much that she's not mine anymore, but someone else's,' he confessed, looking away from James and picking at the threads of his bedsheets.

James looked at Sirius sadly.

'And that he was able to give her what I couldn't…'

James didn't quite understand what Sirius meant by this, but didn't want to push his luck with Sirius' tentative mood.

'Look, mate, you loved her and you had to do what you did for her safety. No one can blame you for that. I mean, this war doesn't seem as though it's ending any time soon either, so maybe…'

James sighed.

'I know it's hard for you, and easier said than done, but maybe you should try… try finding someone else. Like… someone steady. Helen isn't the only girl out there.'

Sirius said nothing and, after watching his friend for a few seconds, James stood up.

'Well, she was worried, so I'll go tell her you're awake now,' James said heavily.

Sirius nodded jerkily and hesitated before adding:

'Give her my thanks.'

* * *

'Is he okay?' Helen asked James urgently as soon as he appeared on her doorstep.

James nodded.

'Yeah… he's awake now. Thanks from all of us, Helen. He said to give you his thanks too,' he said earnestly.

Helen shrugged, but then looked up as she heard Anka crying.

'Sounds like someone's woken up,' James said, smiling a little. 'Can I finally meet her?'

* * *

He smiled as he observed how much Helen's face softened upon seeing her screaming little girl as she leant over the crib to pick her up.

'Ah… what's wrong, _ma petite cherie_?' she said to Anka as she held her and patted her back.

Slowly, Anka's crying began to subside.

'Guess who we have here?' she said. 'Your Uncle James has come to meet you,' she said, feeling relieved as she saw that Anka's eyelids were drooping sleepily.

She walked up to James and smiled at him.

'Here's my 'little monster', as you call her. I'd hate to think of what would happen if we put our two monsters together,' she said, laughing a little at the thought. 'Especially when they're older- I can just imagine the bedlam they'll cause,' she added as she handed Anka over to James.

James smiled as he held Anka.

'She looks like you,' he said, tapping Anka's little nose gently.

Helen nodded.

'Well, she's only very little still but, yes, I do suppose she looks a bit like me,' Helen shrugged, sitting on the edge of her bed.

James sat next to her, still holding Anka.

'So are you happy? You seem to have settled pretty well into your new life,' he remarked.

Helen looked down at Anka and smiled as she saw her yawn before looking up at James.

'I am,' she said sincerely.

James nodded.

'But I can't stand that I'm so far away from you guys,' she added quietly. 'You were the only real family I had and I miss you all so much,' she confessed.

James gave her a one-armed hug.

'We miss you too, trust me,' he said.

He shook his head.

'I'm just glad to know you're alive. I couldn't stand being like the others who think your dead,' he said.

Helen said nothing. She hated the fact that Remus wasn't allowed to know, because she still didn't believe that he could betray her… but couldn't do anything about it anyway.

Eventually, James handed Anka back to Helen.

'I had better get back,' he sighed.

Helen nodded.

'Be careful,' she said, as they walked down the stairs.

James snorted.

'Of what? We're all under a permanent house arrest,' he said 'I'm allowed to go to two places; ours, and mum's. This house visit is a rare luxury,' he said, rolling his eyes.

Helen smiled apologetically.

'At least you're not exiled from England,' she said quietly.

James surveyed her.

'Will you come visit us? It's safe, right? You can just make yourself invisible and apparate to our door step,' he said reasonably.

Helen nodded.

'Of course! I'll try dropping by on Friday…'

James' face lit up at this.

'Thanks again for today,' he said.

Helen shrugged.

'Say hi to Lily and Harry for me,' she added.

'Will do,' he nodded as they reached the front door. 'And see you Friday, eh? We'll both be waiting,' he said.

Helen smiled and hugged him tightly.

'See you, bro,' she said, wrinkling her nose at him.

'Bye sissy,' he said, poking his tongue at her before smacking a loud kiss on her cheek and disapparating.

Helen sighed as she looked at the now-empty porch, feeling as though Friday couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

'You do know, as our Secret Keeper, that you have to stay alive,' Lily said to Sirius, a little shrewdly.

Sirius let out a bark of a laugh.

'I'm being serious, Sirius.'

Sirius made a face and Lily gave an exasperated sigh.

'Oh grow up, there was no pun intended there…' Lily said irritably. 'If you die- apart from the obvious fact that we would be very upset, it would make anyone who has been told our address by you, a secret keeper too.'

'You sound _so upset_ at the idea of me being dead,' Sirius said sarcastically.

Lily's face fell.

'Of course I would be more than upset, Sirius,' she said softly. 'You're like a brother to me.'

Sirius looked into those emerald eyes of Lily's and felt touched by her sincerity.

'I know we didn't really get along very well in school, but…'

'You're like a sister to me, too,' Sirius interrupted quietly.

Lily smiled meekly.

'When you're not breathing down my neck, that is. When you're riled up like that, you bear an uncanny resemblance to_ me ol' mum_,' he said, his lips twitching.

Lily hit Sirius lightly and shook her head at him.

Sirius sighed.

'But I'll try to stay alive for you three,' he nodded at Lily. 'I can't promise that one day I won't spontaneously combust or that something of a similar nature might kill me, but I won't go looking for trouble anymore,' he said.

Lily smiled at him, but then looked to the door which creaked open.

'Harry!' she exclaimed, shocked as she saw her little son crawling on the floor. 'How did you get out of the cot?'

Sirius laughed.

'Looks like he's a little Marauder already,' he said.

Lily scooped Harry into her arms.

'No he's not,' she said, rubbing her nose against Harry's lightly, causing him to squirm and laugh. 'He's mummy's little boy…'

'Oh Lord… don't worry, Harry. I won't let her suck all of the Marauder out of you. If it's the last thing I'll do,' he said seriously to the baby boy who looked from his mother to his godfather with an amused expression.

'You try and it _will_ be the last thing you do,' Lily said seriously.

'Oh, so now _you're _the one who will be killing me?'

'If you turn my innocent little boy into a corrupter like you, yes I will,' Lily said, her lips twitching.

Sirius fell silent for a moment. Helen had called him a 'corrupter' once too.

Lily noted the change in his demeanour.

'Something I said?' she asked, frowning.

Sirius shook his head and smiled.

'No… how about you let me see my godson for a bit? I promise I'll only teach him how to talk to girls today. He's a novice at the moment. Next week we'll learn about all the wonderful things that…'

'Sirius!' Lily exclaimed, blushing a little as she handed Harry to Sirius.

Sirius laughed at her.

'Sorry, I forgot how innocent you actually are,' he said. 'Sometimes, mate,' he said to Harry now, 'I question how you even came to be.'

Lily stood up, her face rather red now.

'I'm going to check on… the food. You can read Harry a story whilst I'm gone… a _children's_ story,' she clarified quickly, noticing the mischievous smile which was playing on Sirius' lips.

Sirius rolled his eyes as Lily left and Harry giggled a little.

'That mum of yours,' he said to Harry, shaking his head as the door shut. 'She's going to make you as effeminate as possible… but don't worry, we'll make sure that your wedding night isn't any where as disastrous as your daddy's, even if I have to pay for you to visit a special place…'

Sirius paused and looked at Harry who looked up at his godfather curiously.

'What am I talking about?! You'll be the new 'bachelor extraordinaire' of Hogwarts, and I'll be proud to give you my title. Anyway… (don't ever tell your mummy that I told you this) but you need to be clever first, and the more 'girly' things you know, the more they'll love you. So, let's start by reading the book which probably every single girl knows off by heart.'

Harry looked up at Sirius questioningly and Sirius opened the book and cleared his throat.

'Chapter 1... _It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.'_

* * *

After half an hour, James sidled into the room.

'Nice to see that you've put baby Prongs to sleep,' he said, smiling at Harry who was sleeping against Sirius' chest whilst Sirius was still reading. 'Again with those 'pansy' books?' he sighed.

Sirius looked at James pointedly.

'I believe that had you possessed the good sense to read this book when we were thirteen- like I told you- your wife would have yielded to you much earlier,' Sirius said stiffly. 'My having read _Pride and Prejudice_ has scored me at least five shags in my life,' he added.

James rolled his eyes and sunk into an armchair next to Sirius' bed.

He then started laughing a little.

'Do you remember that time Moony actually tried to do a literary analysis of _Wuthering Heights_ with you?'

Sirius laughed.

'Yeah, and I pretended like I actually cared and was interested in that god-awful book.'

He shook his head and sighed as he leant back against the head of his bed, reminiscing on his happier, younger years.

'You and Lily are like Jane and Mr Bingley,' Sirius said quietly. 'They'll last forever.'

'Whoever they are,' James said disinterestedly. 'Hey… do you reckon I could turn my garage into an indoor quidditch pitch? That way I could actually get a workout… my stomach's starting to get a bit soft for my liking,' he mused.

'There are other ways of having a workout,' Sirius said, his eyes glinting mischievously.

'Oi! Not in front of innocents!' James said, nodding at Harry, but grinning nonetheless.

Sirius smiled a little and patted Harry's head- who wrinkled his nose at being treated in such a condescending manner.

'I dunno. We could try… what does 'the boss' say about this 'indoor quidditch pitch' idea?'

James shot Sirius a reproving look.

'I thought I'd surprise her with it… you know, because that way she won't be able to say no,' he added conspiratorially.

Sirius laughed.

'Yeah, but she'll be saying no to something else for a very long time,' he pointed out knowingly.

James pondered this- Sirius did have a very good point- before shrugging.

'Oh well, at least I'll have a pitch, right?'

Sirius stared at James, but then Lily came in.

'What?' Lily asked suspiciously.

'Nothing!' both Sirius and James said quickly.

A little too quickly.

'Potter….'

'Let's go,' Sirius whispered to Harry, who did not look so happy anymore as he heard the metallic glint in his mother's tone. Sirius picked Harry up and bolted from the room as quickly as he could, whilst he heard her shouts of:

'What do you mean you want to convert our garage into a quidditch pitch?'

'Your father, baby Prongs, will never learn,' Sirius said to Harry who was looking very confused. 'The truth is just something that you don't tell Lily. Of course, I'm not telling you to _lie_ to your mum, but there are some things which you should just… _conveniently forget_' to tell her.'

He paused.

'And changing your garage into a quidditch pitch is one of them,' he added as he heard Lily's shouts becoming more pronounced as James tried to reasonably explain to Lily why his idea was a good one.

He looked at Harry who was looking at him with a strange expression and then sighed.

'I think your gran made brownies…. Do you reckon your mum would get mad if we ate some?'

Harry looked at Sirius innocently.

'You're right. Let's risk it,' he said, sitting Harry on his knee at the table and breaking a bit of a brownie off for him to chew with his tiny baby-teeth. 'You know, I can't tell you how glad I am that you're listening to me. Your father, you see, is ruled by your mother's iron fist, but I reckon that we'll save the maraudering tradition,' he told Harry confidently.

Harry continued to chew on his brownie, completely oblivious to Sirius' plans and Sirius faintly registered that he was probably going mad for talking to a one-year-old as though he could understand what he was saying.

* * *

That evening, Sirius returned to his apartment for the first time in a week. Mrs Potter had finally allowed him out of her sight.

It was an accustomed habit by now; he went straight for the liquor cabinet and took out a bottle of firewhisky and poured out a shot.

As he sipped it- the alcohol leaving a burning sensation in his mouth- he realised that he didn't hate Helen for moving on.

How could he? He loved her too much for that and, now, he finally acknowledged to himself that he still did love her.

What was the point in lying to himself?

He missed her. He missed everything about her and he missed her company more than anything else. He hated being alone and he hated himself for sleeping with all those other women because they couldn't even compare to what she was; couldn't even come close.

Perhaps if he had never experienced her- had her in his life- having a life of such girlfriends would have suited him very well, but having been accustomed to so much more, they made him feel so empty inside. Even after a year, as it was now.

He truly wanted to see her; talk to her even. He would be glad to even have her as a friend- like that time in their seventh year...

But she thought he hated her, or something to that degree anyway, and so that was not possible. Anyway, she probably wouldn't want to waste her time with him now anymore, seeing as she had a baby and a husband- both of which showed promise of stability.

He poured another shot and downed it quickly, grimacing a little.

How lucky James was. He could visit her, see her, talk to her, hug her…

Sirius knew when she was visiting James and Lily- because James always warned him before-hand in order to avoid the awkwardness of a chance meeting. Sirius wondered, however… perhaps he could just happen to drop by one time…

But he couldn't. He couldn't, because he had broken up with her. He had made the decision to keep her safe and he was not going to try ruining everything now.

And he couldn't.

She had a child. Someone _else's_ child.

And although there were times when his ability to distinguish right from wrong had been in question, Sirius was very well aware that trying to steal someone else's wife- even if she should have been his own first- was wrong. It was wrong on so many levels, and the damage he had done in letting her go was now irreversible.

Simple as that.

Sighing, he got up and went to bed.

James was right; he had to get a better grip on his life.

He had no choice.

* * *

**Oh my good Lord I cannot believe that we have made it to this point in the story already. Thanks to everyone who has stuck by this story so far...**

**It hasn't ended yet, though. It's just that the next chapter is pretty much the climax of everything that has happened in this Volume.**

**I think you can guess...**

**I have 2 quotes for you until I next update (which will, of course, depend entirely on you seeing as I have the chapter ready, right now, to be posted):**

**Firstly:**

'Fuck!' Sirius said apprehensively as the reporters approached the house. 'Listen… Helen, you have to know… it wasn't…'

**And secondly:**

'AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?' Helen shouted, Dumbledore's mirror shattering behind him.

**So! Until everyone reviewed, ciao!**

**Love Anya**

**p.s. BrokenHeartBiret: I can't access the pic... could you send them to my email address? It's on my profile. I really would appreciate it so much if you could send it to me. I'm so excited to see it :)**


	88. Chapter 19: Unimaginable

**_For everything there is a season,  
And a time for every matter under heaven:  
A time to be born, and a time to die;  
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;  
A time to kill, and a time to heal;  
A time to break down, and a time to build up;  
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;  
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;  
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;  
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;  
A time to seek, and a time to lose;  
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;  
A time to tear, and a time to sew;  
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;  
A time to love, and a time to hate,  
A time for war, and a time for peace.  
_**

**_- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 _**

Unimaginable 

'I didn't do anything stupid this time! I promise!' Sirius said as he stirred and saw Lily's disapproving face hovering over him.

Lily made a disbelieving noise and forced a recovery tonic down his throat.

'Listen,' he said after spluttering and choking on the potion for a few minutes. 'It's not my fault that I was surrounded by so many of them! I mean, I can't promise that…'

'It's because you're our Secret Keeper,' Lily said finally, looking unhappy about this.

'James agrees with it and you know I'd never betray you,' Sirius said firmly to Lily.

Lily looked up at him, eyes full of concern.

'It's not about that, Sirius,' she said. 'I know you would never… it's _you_ that I'm worried about.'

Sirius shrugged and lay back; his head was rather sore. As he stared at the ceiling, an idea suddenly came to him.

'What if… what if we changed?' he said slowly.

Lily looked up.

'Hm?'

'What if…' he said, slowly sitting up again, the wheels in his mind working. 'What if we swapped Secret Keepers, but never told anyone?'

Lily looked confused but then sat back, looking almost relieved.

'Sirius, you don't _have_ to be our Secret Keeper. Dumbledore has…'

Sirius shook his head impatiently.

'No! It's not about that,' he said, his eyes wide. 'Don't you get it? They keep on targeting me because they obviously know that I'm your Secret Keeper. I mean, I'm the obvious choice aren't I? But what if we kept on _pretending_ that I was your Secret Keeper, but we had someone like…'

His eyes widened.

'Someone like Peter?'

Lily looked at Sirius a little incredulously and went to get up.

'I think you need some rest, Sirius dear,' she said ironically.

Sirius shook his head vigorously.

'No… where's Prongs?'

'He's…'

'Back!' James said, apparating into the room, a nasty gash cutting across his cheek. He suddenly rushed to Sirius' side.

'Mate! Are you okay?'

Sirius waved an impatient hand.

'If you have Peter… Imagine! It would be so silly! They wouldn't even consider to _think_ that he would be your Secret Keeper. That way, it wouldn't matter if I died, because Peter would still be alive!'

Lily stared at Sirius and James looked to Lily for an explanation.

* * *

Peter could not believe it. He could not believe that they had asked him to be their Secret Keeper.

Furthermore, he could not believe that now, finally, he would have his comeuppance over his friends who had laughed at him for being 'stupid' all of his life.

Could not believe that, after this meeting with Voldemort now, he would be granted whatever he wanted…

He would be his Lord's favourite and rewarded beyond belief…

'It's a pity he killed Helen,' Peter mused greedily as he walked towards Voldemort's study. 'Because he would have given her to me after today.'

He sighed.

'Oh well… there are others… _plenty_ of others… It seems like I'll have a _very_ good Halloween this year...'

* * *

'Theo!' Helen called, tying a silk scarf around her neck and putting on a coat;

It was getting rather cold now; being the end of October, and today was a particularly dreary day.

'_Oui?_' he called back from the kitchen.

Helen walked in to find him playing with Anka and smiled a little at the sight.

'I'm going to visit James and Lily… will you be okay with Anka by yourself?'

Theo looked up, as did Anka- who looked confused as to why all the attention had suddenly been taken off her.

'You're going today?' Theo frowned, disappointed that she was leaving on his day-off.

'Yes, why?' Helen asked, confused.

'How long will you be?' he asked.

Helen shrugged.

'I don't know… I'll be back in the afternoon,' she said.

Theo nodded slowly.

'Okay then, because _maman_ wants us over for dinner tonight,' he said.

Helen stiffened a little. Theo himself was wonderful. His mother, on the other hand…

Saying that their relationship was frosty was putting it very nicely.

But Helen wanted to keep the peace, so she went up to Theo and kissed him on the forehead and then smacked a loud kiss on Anka's cheek, causing her to squirm and giggle.

'Now behave yourself, little girl,' Helen said, pinching Anka's nose lightly.

'Okay, I'm off… I'll definitely be back for dinner,' she said.

* * *

As soon as she arrived, Helen thought that she had come to the wrong place. The house in front of her was destroyed and a deathly atmosphere hung about the place.

Helen spun around, and then felt her heart pounding in her chest as she registered that she was, indeed, in Godric's Hollow.

'No,' she whispered, the word escaping her mouth as she slowly turned around. Her blood ran cold and she felt her whole body shaking violently as she searched frantically through the destroyed parts of the house for a sign of life… anything.

She paused for a moment. This didn't mean anything… perhaps Lily and James were visiting Mrs Potter?

But then she heard a baby's scream and, tears streaming down her cheeks, she knew that Lily and James would never have left Harry on his own at home. She looked around desperately and found him, crying on his mattress and trapped underneath a bit of lace curtain with a gash on his forehead.

She picked him up and hugged him to her, not wanting to see what she knew she would find whilst she tried to calm Harry down from his trauma.

'Sh, sh,' she whispered through her tears.

Not James and Lily. Anyone but them- they were too good. They were all she had left...

She felt her heart clenching as she heard the roar of a motorbike behind her and saw Sirius running up to the house desperately. He didn't see her as he ran past her and searched desperately through the rubble.

He sunk to his knees as he uncovered James' body.

Helen gasped and turned around, shielding Harry's eyes from the horror of what was before them.

That was a sight which she never, ever, had wanted to see. She would died rather than to see that…

Sirius got up slowly and walked over to where a hand… Lily's hand.

'No,' he said hopelessly, uncovering Lily's body and sinking to his knees yet again. 'Not you too… no… please,' he said erratically, his body shaking intensely.

Harry started crying again and Sirius stood up suddenly and turned around to see Helen, tears streaming down her face as she tried to calm Harry down.

Was it not unbearable enough that he had just lost his two closest friends? Did he have to be confronted with what he had thrown away as well?

They stared at each other until the sound of someone blowing his nose loudly disturbed the stifling silence. They turned to see Hagrid, tears leaking out of his black eyes, as he started at the horrific sight before him.

Hagrid then turned and started suddenly upon seeing Helen.

'Helen? You're…'

Helen shook her head hopelessly and kissed Harry's forehead as she tried to calm him down.

Hagrid still seemed very confused, but then turned to Sirius who was now staring at James, white and shaking.

'He… he was a great… they were both….' Hagrid started, hiccoughing in between his tears as he patted Sirius' shoulder.  
Sirius didn't seem to hear what Hagrid was saying and, after blowing his nose again, Hagrid turned to Helen.

'I 'ave ter take Harry ter Dumbledore,' he said, his voice shaking.

Helen felt Sirius suddenly move next to her.

'Why?' he asked suspiciously.

'He's going… going….ter stay with… Lily's sister,' Hagrid sniffed.

Both Sirius and Helen looked at Hagrid incredulously.

'No he's not,' Helen said, her voice shaking with tears as she held Harry closer to her and she spoke for the first time.

She knew what kind of upbringing Petunia would give Harry, and was not going to accept that.

'I'm his godfather,' Sirius interrupted. 'They asked us to be his guardians should anything happen to them.'

Helen nodded, kissing Harry's forehead again as more tears poured down her cheeks.

Hagrid himself looked distraught.

'I have ter… Dumbledore's orders…' he said hopelessly. 'I…'

Sirius seemed impatient.

'I'll sort it out later,' he said through gritted teeth.

Helen was still reluctant to give Harry, but broke down into more tears as she glanced at Lily's body again and Hagrid prised Harry from his arms.

Sirius was pacing the ground, looking possessed.

'Here,' he said suddenly to Hagrid. 'Take the bike. I won't be needing it anymore,' he said, throwing the keys to Hagrid.

Hagrid looked taken aback at this, but said nothing as he took one last look at the ruins and kicked the bike to life.

Sirius ignored Helen who sunk to her knees by James' body. He needed to find Peter now.

And kill him.

Helen was right all along; Remus wasn't the spy… it was Peter.

The rat.

'How?' Helen's raspy voice asked him. 'How? They …'

Sirius suddenly went up to her and pulled her up, placing a hand on each shoulder as he looked into her eyes very seriously.

For all he knew, this could be the last time he saw her…

He ignored the fact that her eyes, brimming with tears, were widened in shock at his behaviour.

'Helen,' he said, trying to keep his shaking voice steady. 'You have to listen to me.'

More tears streamed down her cheeks.

'Look! That's the Potters' house!' someone called.

'Fuck!' Sirius said apprehensively as the reporters approached the house. 'Listen… Helen, you have to know… it wasn't…'

But he didn't know how to explain the whole complicated story to her about the Fidelius Charm, Peter, and his fatal mistake to trust him, as the reporters came nearer to them.

And she could not be seen here.

'You have to leave now,' he said.

'What?' Helen breathed, looking as though she hadn't heard a word he had said the entire time.

Sirius took a deep breath and almost hesitated, but then he didn't care.

Lily and James were dead, Peter had betrayed them… he was going to find Peter and kill him now. She was married and had a child...

He had nothing left to live for, so he could have this one last thing:

He pulled her towards him and kissed her urgently. He tried to ignore her shock at first; tried to ignore the bitterness of that kiss which she did not return…

But then something happened and, despite the horrible cold he felt all over from James and Lily's deaths, it was like a tiny light in his otherwise dark soul:

She kissed him back. She pulled him to her just as desperately and kissed him whilst the tears continually streamed down her cheeks.

'Who's that there?' the reporters said as they came closer.

He couldn't do it; couldn't push her away from him again… but she did it for him and disapparated before the reporters could catch a photo of her.

Sirius stared at where she had just been only a few seconds ago. He could still feel her lips on his…

'Right,' he thought to himself, feeling dangerously reckless; giddily so now. 'Only one thing left for me to do now. If I die in the process, so much the better,' he thought as he cast a hard glance at the bodies of his two best friends before he disapparated.

* * *

Theo looked up suddenly as he heard clanging from upstairs. Taking his wand out, he approached the bedroom door tentatively, but then sighed in relief as he saw that it was only Helen.

'Helen? You're back already…?' he said, going up to her. 'What happened?' he asked suddenly, as he saw her tear-streaked face.

'I have to go to England,' she said disconcertedly whilst throwing clothes into an overnight bag.

'Why? What happened?' he asked, confused.

'They're…'

Her breath caught and she wiped her eyes quickly as she zipped up her bag. She then summoned the polyjuice potion and then put a hair of Isa's in the potion before drinking it quickly.

'I don't know when I'll be back,' she stated, avoiding his eyes as she hurried about, now in Isa's form.

'Helen… stop! What's going on?' he said.

Helen took a deep breath.

'Lily and James are…d…dead,' she whispered, as though whispering it would not verify the fact.

Comprehension dawned upon Theo's face and he hugged her.

'I'm sorry,' he said, hugging her still.

But Helen pushed him away quickly. She couldn't, after having just kissed Sirius.

'Look after Anka,' she said, wiping her eyes and disapparating away.

* * *

It did not take long for Sirius to find the rat. He found him walking twitchily down a heavily occupied street in Muggle London and, without thinking, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and punched him as heavily as he could.

He had never hated anyone more.

There was a space around them now as people moved away from the fight.

'S…Sirius?' Peter stammered, trying to stand and wipe his heavily bleeding nose.

'You bastard,' Sirius said menacingly, advancing upon Peter who walked back, looking frightened as he slowly became cornered. 'You fucking bastard. You sold them out...'

'What's going on?'

'Break it up over there!'

Peter's eyes scanned the area quickly and then he shouted loudly:

'LILY AND JAMES, SIRIUS! HOW COULD YOU?'

Sirius felt his blood boiling.

'Why you…' he growled, raising his wand.

But Peter, for the first time in his life, was the quicker one. Sirius only just managed to protect himself from that dark curse which caused a blindingly intense heat to engulf the street. As soon as it was over, he straightened up, looking for Peter as he tried to ignore the screams of horror from behind him at the crater in the middle of the street, so deep it had cracked the sewer below...

But Peter was gone. In his stead, was a bloodied finger on top of his heap of robes.

Sirius' eyes landed on the sewer and then he started laughing.

It wasn't a happy laugh, oh no: it was hysterical and maniacal because he had been outsmarted by Peter, of all people.

They all had been outsmarted by the dirty little betrayer.

And it now all made so much sense! Of course it did… how did he not see the signs? Why was he so dismissive?

It was always Peter. Peter was the one who had been in love with Helen from the beginning- starting from the bets they all had placed in their first year when they were only twelve years old.

How could he have missed all those blushes and stammers whenever Helen talked to him?

And it also explained how Voldemort knew so much about Helen; how he had even found out about who she was in the first place…

This made Sirius all the more angry, because Helen would never have had to suffer all those years in hiding; would never have left at all…

But the worst of it; the ultimate betrayal, was that of Lily and James. How he had the hide to even consider doing that to James- James who had always stuck up for him; James who was always patient with his stupidity; James who was his friend- was beyond Sirius.

It was the most disgusting thing.

All of these things… all of them came down to Sirius' arrogance to see that someone as seemingly stupid as Peter could possibly have had it in him to destroy the lives of so many.

And the worst part of it all was that it was _his_ fault. _He_ had suggested to James and Lily that they make Peter their Secret-Keeper. _He_ had trusted him; believed that he was his friend…

'Don't move, Black,' a voice growled.

Still laughing hysterically at the horror of his realisation, Sirius turned as some twenty members of the Magical Law Enforcement Patrol approached him.

'By orders of the Minister of Magic, you are sentenced to a life in Azkaban for services to the Dark Lord, masterminding the murders of James and Lily Potter, the attempted murder of Harry Potter, and the murder of Peter Pettigrew and 'as-of-yet' twelve unnamed muggles,' a thin man with spectacles said in a quavery voice.

Sirius vaguely recognised him; Armand Jole. Sirius had slept with his girlfriend in his fifth year.

So this was his payback for all his wrongdoings. All this now…

He felt himself being dragged down the street, and all he could do was keep laughing; unhinged.

* * *

When Helen arrived back in England, she went to the first place she could go to find out what was going on; Diagon Alley.

Her eyes widened at the celebrations which were taking place. The street which had been deserted for so long was now filled with families, children, people… it was buzzing with life, and yet Helen could not comprehend why.

Then, she started paying attention to some rowdy singing…

'_Harry Potter, Harry Potter_

_The Boy Who Lived_

_You-Know-Who's gone_

_Thanks to the Boy Who Lived.'_

Helen frowned. Voldemort? Gone?

'Excuse me,' she asked a middle-aged woman who was watching the fireworks display. 'Why are there celebrations?'

The woman looked at Helen in surprise and laughed.

'Oh, but don't you know? When You Know Who tried to kill little Harry Potter, the curse backfired… and hit him! Now he's dead!'

'Dead?' Helen repeated uncertainly.

'Dead!' the woman said happily.

Helen nodded slowly and kept on walking down the street, very confused with what was going on...

She needed to speak to him; he was the only one who could properly explain what was going on, and yet…

She shook her head. She _would_ speak with him. It mattered not what he thought of her; she needed answers.

Helen continued down the street until she found Hestia Jones. Hestia looked drawn between happiness and sadness.

As Helen was still in her disguise, she did not bother saying who she really was.

'Excuse me, ma'am,' she said. 'Would you know where Sirius Black lives?'

Hestia started upon the question.

'Black? What do you want with him?' she asked sharply.

Helen looked confused yet again, and hated her situation in France more and more by the second.

'Er… is there something wrong?' she asked tentatively.

Sirius and Hestia had always been on first-name terms in the Order.

Hestia regarded Helen shrewdly before shrugging; evidently thinking that she was just another one of his girlfriends.

'Black has been taken to Azkaban, didn't you hear?'

Helen felt her heart stop.

'Wh…what?' she managed to gasp.

Hestia seemed to be impatient with Helen.

'Yes, he murdered Peter Pettigrew and countless others after he betrayed Lily and James,' she said, leaving quickly.

Helen stared after Hestia, now thoroughly confused with what was going on in the world.

* * *

She knew that it was a risk, but seeing as people thought that Voldemort was really dead, Helen thought that she would take it.

After all, she never really believed that Remus was a spy.

He opened the door, looking a deadly shade of pale.

'Can I help you?' he asked, looking annoyed.

Helen swallowed hard; she hadn't seen him in so long…

'If you let me in, I can show you who I really am. I can't show you out here though, and you wouldn't believe me if I told you,' she said.

Remus looked as though he had half a mind to shut the door in her face.

'Your nickname at school was Moony, as Sirius' was Padfoot, James' was Prongs and Peter's was Wormtail. You're a werewolf, Sirius' animagus form is a big black dog, James' was a stag, and Peter's was a rat. You met Helen Asteria on the first train to Hogwarts and you were friends with her at school. You were with Marina Davis before she….'

Remus pulled Helen inside his small flat and put the tip of his wand against her throat.

'Who are you, and how do you know all of this?' he whispered, his eyes wide.

Helen shifted slightly so that she could get her wand and removed her disguise. Remus gasped and jumped back, continuously blinking as though he was dreaming.

'No… no, you died…' he said, looking at her with pained eyes. 'You died on the 29th July last year… Voldemort killed you,' he said, swallowing hard.

'No, Remus,' Helen said softly. 'That's what they told you; that's what they told everyone so that I would be safe. I'm alive, trust me,' she said.

Remus laughed hysterically.

'I'm obviously hallucinating,' he said, glancing back to the half-drained bottle of firewhisky which was on his kitchen table.

Helen went up to him.

'No, Remus, you're not. Please… they thought that someone was spying and passing information to Voldemort, so they didn't tell anyone. Dumbledore faked my death- he made me faint instead, but made it look as though I had died. The only people who knew I was alive were Sirius, James and Lily…'

Remus shook his head, looking triumphant, but sadly so.

'No, you can't have been alive, because you weren't there when I visited Sirius and Sirius didn't really put much protection over his flat- he had other girlfriends too. You can't be alive.'

Helen sighed and sat on one of his chairs.

'Sirius broke up with me,' she said heavily.

Remus actually laughed at this.

'Right, like I'm going to believe _that._ I saw how he was after you died- he hardly left the house for months.'

Somehow, that didn't sound too right to Helen, but she didn't say anything.

'Look, I'm alive. Ask me anything about Helen Asteria and I'll answer you correctly,' she said impatiently.

She didn't want to be convincing Remus; she wanted to find out what was going on.

Remus looked at her warily.

'Patronus?'

'Unicorn… but now it's a dog.'

Remus smiled, as though Helen was getting out of it.

'You came over in our summer holidays before Seventh and helped me make Mrs Potter a pie. I tripped and covered you in flour.'

Remus looked at Helen a little warily now.

'And I kissed you in the kitchens about a month into seventh year and you told me that you loved me but that we would never have suited each other.'

Remus paled a little.

'And I found out about your 'furry little problem'- as James used to call it- in our third year when we were doing Boggart Defence training in Defence Against the Dark Arts.'

'And I'm a descendant from Circe and was cursed so that, when my mum died, I appeared the next day. It's called the 'Asteria Curse'.'

Remus stared at Helen.

'In fifth year, you were the only one of the Marauders who was nice to me when we had that fight over Snape and the OWLs incident. You tried to get me to stop smoking- remember, on the quidditch pitch?'

Remus was silent, and, just as Helen was about to sigh and continue regurgitating memories, he asked her quietly.

'Are you really alive?'

Helen felt the events of the day- James and Lily's deaths… Sirius' possible incarceration- crashing down again and she hugged him tightly, clutching to him with her shaking hands.

He hugged her back tightly.

'Rosemary,' he said quietly, taking in the scent of her hair and still hugging her. 'It really is you?'

Helen nodded.

They pulled away a little.

'Why didn't you tell me?' he asked, looking into her eyes searchingly, his tone reproachful. 'Don't you know how much I've suffered since…'

Helen flinched.

'I know,' she said, sounding both guilty and pained. 'I'm so sorry Remus, I left the day Harry was born. I didn't talk to anyone for almost four months anyway.'

Remus stared at her.

'You look different.'

Helen shrugged.

'I suppose having a kid does that to you,' she said heavily, massaging her temples.

'Wh…what!' Remus spluttered.

Helen nodded.

'I have a daughter- Anka.'

'Sirius has a…'

'No, Sirius…'

Helen paused.

'What's going on Remus? I came here today to visit Lily and James and I find them dead!' she said tearfully. 'And now people are saying things like 'Voldemort's dead' because Harry somehow killed him, and that Sirius killed Peter and that he had something to do with Lily and James' deaths….'

She paused.

'And then someone said that Sirius has a life imprisonment in Azkaban! But that can't…'

Remus looked at Helen warily.

'He does,' he responded heavily, watching Helen for her reaction.

The colour drained from her face and she looked speechless.

'What?' she asked, stupidly.

Remus sighed.

'He does, Helen. He was Lily and James' secret keeper. He betrayed them… he told Voldemort where they were,' he said bitterly.

Helen stared at Remus before blinking.

'Sorry? Are we talking about Sirius now?'

Remus looked at Helen sadly.

'That's what I thought at first too… but there's no question. He was definitely their secret-keeper, because both James and Lily, as well as Sirius told me. Sirius was in hiding because of it… Everyone knew that he was their secret keeper! I'm sorry, Helen, but he sold them out.'

Helen stared at Remus.

'Sirius?' she said, as though Remus was telling some bad joke.

'He killed Peter two hours ago,' Remus said heavily, gulping and drawing an unsteady breath.

'But….'

'Peter, Helen, he killed Peter.'

Helen sat there, unable to say anything.

'It's okay,' Remus said, putting his hand on hers reassuringly. 'He fooled us all.'

A frustrated look came across Helen's face and she withdrew her hand.

'I… doesn't that… that just makes no sense to me at all,' she said eventually. 'I don't know what Sirius became after I left, but I know he could never do that- he would die first… I mean, if there's one thing about him, he's loyal…' she said, trying to dismiss the fact that she herself had felt so betrayed when he ended it with her…

But that was different.

Remus did not seem convinced.

'He was definitely secret keeper,' he nodded.

Helen shook her head.

'Think about it; if he had done that, why didn't he tell Voldemort about me when he found out that I had married and had a child? He knew I was still alive… it just doesn't fit,' she frowned.

Remus pondered this.

'He became really bitter after you died… well, left. He wasn't his normal self- maybe he was jealous of Lily and James because they had what he couldn't with you,' Remus said.

Helen sighed.

'Did you not hear me? _He_ broke up with _me;_ not the other way round. It's not like he tried to find me either… no. See, that doesn't make sense!'

'But he killed Peter and all those innocent people,' Remus reasoned.

Helen shuddered. Sirius had definitely become unhinged… he looked it when she saw him at James and Lily's house too. It would explain that kiss…

But was he really capable of doing such a thing? James had said that he had become 'reckless to the point of stupidity'… but Helen could never imagine him killing innocents.

Just like his being a Death Eater and betraying his only two true friends in the world was such an absurd concept for her.

'What about Peter? Maybe he…' Helen said slowly.

Remus shook his head.

'No, he wasn't secret-keeper.'

Helen pursed her lips.

'I just can't, Remus… he _can't _have,' Helen said quietly. 'I know him better than that.'

A pained expression came across Remus' face.

'We all thought we did too,' he said sadly.

Helen shook her head, becoming frustrated.

'No, I won't believe it,' she said, sounding annoyed.

Remus looked at her sympathetically.

'It's not your fault, Helen- of course you think that because you were once so…'

Helen stood up abruptly and went to the door.

Sighing, Remus followed her.

'Helen…' he said, grabbing her arm.

Helen's eyes flashed dangerously.

'He's stuck in Azkaban for the rest of his life,' she said, tears sprouting to her eyes as she suddenly realised this, 'and he doesn't even get a fair trial? Nothing?'

'He was laughing after he killed them all; laughing,' Remus said. 'You hadn't seen him for a whole year, Helen- he changed after you left.'

Helen shook her head and left Remus' flat.

It suddenly hurt so much- she would not believe that someone like Sirius could do something so terrible. She had known him inside out, and there was none of that in him.

She heard Remus running after her, but did not want to speak with him at present; she disapparated.

There was someone else she needed to see now.

* * *

'He's innocent,' she said as soon as Dumbledore let her into his office.

Dumbledore sighed.

'Ah, Helen… you were not the only one to be fooled by Sirius,' he said heavily.

Helen almost screamed with frustration.

'But surely you knew him well enough to know that there's something wrong with this all… it just doesn't make sense!'

Dumbledore shook his head and looked at Helen with pity.

'Don't look at me like that!' Helen shrieked. 'He's going to spend the rest of his life in Azkaban… can't you use Veritaserum to…'

Dumbledore shook his head.

'No, there are ways of using wandless magic to lie under the influences of Veritaserum,' he said. 'And I must say, that would explain how Voldemort found out about who you are, and why he was able to lie when I tested him…'

Helen tugged at her hair- couldn't he see the truth?

'No! Sirius never told Voldemort…'

Dumbledore smiled at her sadly.

'No! Don't… don't you _dare_ give me that look,' she shouted. 'YOU! You made me leave England,' she shouted, sinking into an armchair and sobbing. 'And now Lily and James are dead and I hardly saw them…'

'But you have a child, Helen,' Dumbledore said in a soothing voice. 'You have a daughter…'

Helen sprung up, looking almost deranged.

'YES! I have a daughter…'

She stopped herself from divulging the fact that her daughter was Sirius' and glared at Dumbledore.

'The point of the matter remains that Sirius is guilty of not only being a mastermind in Lily and James' deaths…'

A vase broke and Dumbledore paused.

'I would ask that you calm down, Helen.'

Helen's head snapped up.

'And what about Harry? Lily and James asked Sirius and I to look after him if anything ever happened to them. Why was Hagrid talking of sending him to…'

'It is the only way,' Dumbledore said, very seriously.

Helen shook her head.

'No. You're doing it again; You're butting in to everyone else's business,' she snapped. 'Like you did when you told everyone that I was dead without even asking me if that was what I wanted, now you're not even honouring Lily and James' requests. Her sister's place is no way for a child to grow up…'

She paused and then laughed scathingly.

'Did you really mean that you were sorry for sending me to my parents to grow up?'

Dumbledore looked at her sadly.

'Because,' she continued, 'you're just making the same fucking mistake now.'

Dumbledore stood up, but Helen was sick of his polite airs.

'Where is he? I'm going to look after him,' she said determinedly.

'I'm afraid that's not possible, Helen,' Dumbledore said. 'His aunt can provide him a protection which you cannot…'

'A muggle with not an ounce of ma…'

'She has Lily's blood and Lily died to save Harry. There is no stronger protection. Harry Potter is a famous boy now. You are too high a risk to be his guardian anyway.'

Helen glared at him.

'And you would take care not to announce your presence to the wizarding world so carelessly,' Dumbledore added.

'AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?' Helen shouted, Dumbledore's mirror shattering behind him.

Dumbledore nodded.

She had never forgiven him for taking such a control of her life. Now she wondered if that was why Sirius didn't want her anymore… because he didn't want to have to pretend about her… to live a reclusive life with her when at home.

'I apologise for the pain you have suffered, but it was all in your interests,' he said calmly.

Helen felt her blood boiling. It was not in _her_ interests, it was in _his_ obsessive interest with Voldemort.

Helen shot Dumbledore a scathing look before turning on her heel in disgust and slamming his office door behind her.

* * *

**End of Volume II**

* * *

**I always find it so hard to say anything after big chapters like this one. It was so hard... James is my favourite character out of all of them and now he's dead; Lily too... and now Sirius...**

**I'm sure you'll all be telling me about it.**

**That's the annoying thing about keeping this series true to canon. This moment was inevitable from the beginning, and yet none of us wanted to see it...**

**Next we will have the final Volume. (Yes, it's a trilogy). I'll remind you all that I am sticking with the events which are described in the books but, as we hardly see any of Sirius for much of the time, I have quite a bit of license.**

**So, please review because that will inspire me more than anything to continue on and finish this saga! (By putting up the next chapter, for a start):**

_'The Order's forming again. Our first meeting is next week, and Dumbledore wanted me to ask you if you wanted to come, providing that 'you took all the necessary measures to protect yourself',' _Remus Lupin to Helen Asteria

**Love Anya**

* * *


	89. Chapter 1: Some Other Time

**THE GOOD MORROW**

**VOLUME 3**

* * *

**_'Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us.'_ - **"The Importance of Being Earnest", **Oscar Wilde, **

* * *

Chapter 1

Some Other Time

.

'_Maman_, get up.'

Helen stirred from her sleep.

'Where's the raid?' she mumbled in English.

Anka frowned, thinking that her mother was a very strange woman indeed. Especially how she always spoke English upon waking.

'Maman, you have to take me to quidditch training! _Vite, vite!_' she said impatiently, pushing Helen again.

'What time is it?'

'Seven. Quick! I'm already late. To be ten minutes late is fashionable, but any later and it's just laziness.'

Anka paused, her grey eyes thoughtful.

'I'm already five minutes late, so you have five minutes to get me there,' she added informatively.

'Five minutes, Anka?' snapped Helen as she dressed hurriedly. 'You have to wake me up much earlier if you want me to take you- fashionably late, or not.'

Anka merely shrugged and sat cross-legged on her parents' bed.

'_Maman_?'

'Mmm?' Helen said as she turned for Anka to do the zip of her fitted white dress.

'Why do you always ask about 'raids' whenever I wake you up early? What's a 'raid?'' she asked, the word 'raid' sounding strange with her thick French accent.

'Some other time, Anka. You're late, now,' Helen said, ushering her daughter out of the room hurriedly.

.

Helen watched on wistfully as Anka ran to meet her team-mates. She had long accustomed to seeing Sirius whenever she looked into her daughter's eyes. Nonetheless, she couldn't help feeling that familiar longing in her chest as she saw how Anka interacted with her peers.

Anka was effortlessly popular, just as her father was. She was also very popular with the boys in her team and at school. Although Helen had never heard her mention any specifically, she couldn't help feeling nervous now that Anka was fourteen and maturing at an alarmingly rapid rate. For she knew how she herself had been at school, with her distractions, and it terrified her to think that Anka should follow down such a path.

In a way, Helen knew that she shouldn't worry. She knew that Anka was a sensible girl and that it would only be the boys who would end up getting hurt, but she still had her concerns that Anka- reckless and daring as she was- might meet her match in the wrong person and go too far.

She saw Anka glaring at her for continuing to watch her and, reluctantly, she set off for home on foot.

It was a beautiful summer's day. The sky was a deep azure and there was a gentle breeze that rustled the leaves of the trees that lined the street.

'Excuse me, madame, but can you spare me some change?'

Helen snapped out of her reverie and saw a gaunt man with long, dark hair. Her heart raced and her cheeks flushed as she gasped. But then she took a step closer to the man and saw that his eyes were black and that he was indeed not Sirius Black.

Flustered, she shakily reached into her purse and handed him all the loose change she had. The man's eyes lit up.

'Merci, madame,' he said gratefully. 'You are an angel.'

He scampered off down an alleyway and Helen stared after him, putting a hand over her chest and taking deep breaths.

'You're wrong,' she muttered as she finally continued on her way home. 'I am no angel, I'm too wicked.'

She shivered. He had escaped from Azkaban over two years ago.

In the thirteen years of his imprisonment, she had never wavered in her belief that he was innocent. But it wasn't just that. Despite the fact that she had been married to Theo longer than she had even known Sirius, she still could not forget their parting kiss. That kiss, which he had seared into her soul on that fateful and wretched day. That kiss, which had convinced her to believe that they would meet again, and that he still loved her.

So, when she had first heard the news of his escape, she could barely sleep. For the first time in thirteen years, she felt alive at the thought that he would find her.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. A month passed, and her hope began to flicker. At three months, she began to feel foolish for ever hoping, and once a year had passed, she decided that she would harden her heart to him forever.

'And yet my supposed hardened heart still races at the thought of meeting you,' she thought. 'I wish I could hate you. I really do. But then I see Anka and I can't.'

Helen hesitated as she reached her house. She now only worked part time at the local maternity hospital, and yet she hated all the free time. She felt bored with her life of playing the perfect wife and mother, and she hated the house. To her, it was her own private Azkaban; a prison that forced her, when alone, to replay the mistakes and horrors of her past over and over. On some days, especially when Anka was away at school, she thought that she was mad.

And so she had learnt to spend as little time as possible at home.

.

Reluctantly, Helen entered the house. Theo's parents were coming for dinner that evening and Helen was at her wit's end with her mother-in-law who criticised everything about her, from her cooking and cleanliness, to her dress sense and parenting.

Not wanting to give her mother-in-law yet another reason to criticise her, Helen set about cleaning the house.

* * *

Helen was arranging the flower-piece for the dining table when the doorbell rang. Thankful for the diversion, she ran to the door.

'_Bonjour Tante Hélène!'_ Mark's daughter, Christina, chimed.

'_Bonjour!_' Helen laughed, kissing and hugging Christina. 'Ah! And you brought my little nephew too!' Helen smiled, taking Mark's seven-month old son, Julien, out of the pram and leading them all into the house.

'Well, this is clean,' Mark grinned, sinking onto the couch and putting his feet up on the coffee table.

He laughed as he saw Helen become rigid at his posture, and quickly removed his feet.

'You need to relax, Helen,' he said. 'Mother-in-laws are _meant_ to be bitches. If they're not, they aren't serving their true purpose to society.'

Helen dusted the mantlepiece, and then sighed as she sank onto the couch opposite Mark and his children.

'And what purpose is that?' she muttered irritably.

'Why, to make sure that their sons have proper and respectful wives, of course,' he said, rolling his eyes.

Helen rolled her eyes and stifled a yawn.

'_Tante Hélène_,' Christina asked, going over to Helen. 'When will Anka come back?'

Helen smiled and kissed Christina's forehead.

'In half an hour. She's at quidditch training.'

Christina's eyes widened.

'The broomstick game?'

'Yes,' Helen smiled.

Christina's shoulders slumped.

'I wish I was a witch,' she said glumly. 'It's so cool. Anka's so cool.'

'Well I, for one, am that you're not a witch,' Mark said, nodding at Christina. 'You're cheeky enough as it is.'

Christina pouted.

'You don't know anything for certain,' Helen said, shaking her head at Mark. 'After all, Christina did somehow blow up the custard at Christmas.'

Christina shook her head, looking forlorn.

'No, that was Anka,' she admitted. 'But it was my turn to take the blame.'

Helen clicked her tongue.

'Those two spell nothing but trouble,' Mark said, shaking his head.

Helen pursed her lips. She firmly believed that a lot of the trouble Christina caused was only because she looked up to her older cousin so much. When left to her own devices, Christina was very well-mannered with a very sweet disposition.

* * *

After catching up on the news for the week, Helen left to pick up Anka.

After waiting for ten minutes for Anka to wind up her post-training socialising, Helen looked up suddenly as heard Anka shouting. She gasped as she saw jets of light flashing across the pitch and started to run over. She saw the team splitting to separate Anka from a boy she was punching, while their flustered coach shouted for them to stop.

'Anka!' Helen shouted.

Anka's gaze snapped up to her mother. She shrugged off those who were holding her back and ran to Helen.

'What was that?' Helen demanded as she tried to keep up with Anka who was walking extremely fast.

'Do you have to wear such tight dresses?' Anka snapped.

Helen stood still, taken aback.

'What?' she said, confused.

Anka stopped also, and motioned at Helen.

'You! Do you have to take me to quidditch wearing dresses like... like _that_! Low cut things that show you off!'

Helen crossed her arms.

'This is a summer dress, Anka,' she snapped. 'And it's not that tight or low-cut.'

Anka rolled her eyes.

'Why can't you wear long robes like the other mothers?'

Helen raised an eyebrow.

'What happened, Anka?' she demanded.

Anka pursed her lips.

'Nothing,' she muttered.

'What?' Helen sighed.

Anka threw up her arms.

'I heard Jean saying that he'd... he'd...'

Helen laughed.

'He'd what?' He's fourteen. What does he think he'd do to me?'

Anka crossed her arms resolutely.

'I don't like them thinking of you in that way,' she snapped. 'Especially not _him._ He's revolting.'

'I think so too,' Helen said mildly.

Anka shot Helen an annoyed look.

'Why aren't you furious? Oh God, you're flattered, aren't you?' she said, sounding repulsed.

Helen laughed.

'Anka, I don't need flattery on my looks. Least of all from one of your team-members.'

Anka threw up her arms.

'Course not,' she muttered. 'Men try flirting with you all the time. But it's wasted, because you're so oblivious!'

Helen tried not to laugh.

'Firstly, it's not all the time...'

Anka snorted and Helen continued-

'Secondly, if I do notice it, but chose to ignore it. I'm a married woman.'

'Grand-mere's right,' Anka said bitterly. 'You do dress...'

Anka trailed off and shot Helen a frightened look to see her mother scowling.

'I dress what, Anka?' Helen said icily, in Greek.

Whenever Helen spoke in Greek, Anka knew she was in trouble.

'Nothing,' Anka sighed. 'You dress fine.'

'I will have you know, Anka,' Helen fumed. 'That just because I have more style than your teammates' mothers, it does not mean that I dress like a common tart!'

'No, of course not,' Anka interjected quickly. 'I didn't mean...'

Helen raised an eyebrow and Anka bowed her head.

'Sorry,' she said sheepishly. 'I just didn't like Jean talking about you like that. It's not right.'

Helen shrugged.

'Most of what boys do and think at your age isn't right. I can't say they ever grow out of it.'

Anka smiled at this, but said nothing. They walked in silence for a while.

'Christina's waiting for you at home,' Helen informed Anka.

Anka's lips twitched, but she said nothing.

'And you're not to get her to do anything which will get her into trouble,' Helen said sternly.

Anka looked at her mother innocently.

'Come on _Maman_, I only had a hundred detentions last year! I'm not _that_ bad,' she said, rolling her eyes.

Helen said nothing as they kept on walking. They would always walk home instead of apparating. Anka said that it was a good 'warm down' for her, but Helen knew it was something else.

They also spoke in English when alone together.

'Aside from Jean, how was training?'

Anka shrugged, her eyes narrowing slightly.

'What?'

'Oh… nothing….'

'What is it, Anka?' Helen sighed.

'It's just…' Anka started, but then she stopped and sighed. 'Never mind… I just had another fight with Sebastian,' she said, looking down.

Helen had heard much more about this boy than any other one, because Anka always seemed to complain about him.

'And?'

'Well, you see, I kind of made him fall off his broom, but I'm not sure how. I didn't have a wand on me,' she said, her cheeks flushing.

'I see,' Helen said slowly. 'And can you do any other magic without a wand?'

Anka shrugged.

'I suppose. I do some things every now and then… but Claude told me it wasn't normal. Is that true?'

Claude was Anka's best friend, and Helen thought he was a wonderful boy; he always treated Anka with such respect and was so courteous whenever he came over. Helen could see that he rather fancied her daughter, but she wasn't quite sure if Anka herself knew this yet.

'Not everyone can do it, but it's not abnormal,' Helen said as they turned into their street. 'Look at this, for example,' she said, picking up a twig from the ground.

She stared at it until it ignited.

Anka's eyes widened.

'_Maman_! That's amazing!'

'You just need to practise it. I suppose it grows over time too,' Helen shrugged.

'What else can you do?' Anka pressed, intrigued.

Helen smiled.

'Some other time. Your Uncle Mark is waiting,' she said. Nonetheless, she obliged Anka by unlocking the door without a wand as they entered their house.

* * *

'_Maman?'_

'What is it, Anka?' Helen said, continuing to hang up the washing.

'There's a man at the door. He's come for you. He's English.'

Helen had to steady herself on the clothesline.

'A... a man?' she whispered, paling.

Anka frowned at her mother.

'Yes, _maman_. He's waiting, so I think you should come at once. Honestly, you look like you've just seen a ghost.'

Helen swallowed thickly, and followed Anka. As she did, her hands flew at her hair, smoothing down the flyaways in a bid to make herself look more presentable.

As Anka went to open the door, Helen couldn't help wondering why he would seek her now. He had made it very clear to her, almost fifteen years ago, that he did not want anything to do with her and the fact that he hadn't sought her upon his escape merely confirmed this.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she opened the door and saw who it was.

He had changed so much since the last time she had seen him. His sandy hair was now flecked with premature grey hairs and his young face was lined before its time. He himself reurned her gaze uncertainly. After all, the last time they had seen each other, fourteen years ago, they had not parted on good terms.

'Remus?' Helen exclaimed, half-relieved and half-disappointed.

She _was_ glad to see him. She knew that she should never have held his believing what the rest of the world did about Sirius against him. Of course, he probably still believed that Sirius was guilty, but she decided that didn't really matter. She herself had no concrete evidence, but for her intuition, that instinctively made her believe that she was right.

They stared at each other for another moment before Helen walked up to him and hugged him. Hesitantly, he hugged her back.

'I'm so glad to see you, it's been too long,' she said, letting him into her house.

He seemed relieved that she was not going to shout at him and followed her into the house. He stopped short upon seeing Anka.

'Remus, this is my daughter Anka,' Helen said hesitantly. 'Anka, this is Remus, he was one of my best friends at school.'

Anka ogled at Remus for a little, before looking accusingly at her mother.

'You had friends? Friends who were boys?' she demanded.

Remus raised an eyebrow at Helen and Helen felt the heat creeping up her neck.

'Of course I did, Anka,' she said dismissively.

'How come you never told me…'

'Look, Anka, we can discuss this some other time. Why don't you get tea?'

Anka sighed begrudgingly. Nonetheless, she went to the kitchen.

'How have you been?' Helen asked eventually.

Remus shrugged.

'Struggling,' he said truthfully.

'I saw that you taught Defence class at Hogwarts two years ago,' Helen commented.

Remus nodded.

'Yeah… I did.'

'So you tried to take on the 'cursed job', then?' she smiled.

Remus laughed.

'It definitely does seem cursed, doesn't it?' he mused.

'Unfortunately,' Helen said. 'Us girls nearly died when Melrose announced that he was leaving to get married,' she said, laughing at the memory.

They both laughed at this.

'Yeah, and us guys threw a party. I remember how excited James and Sirius were that you and Lily would finally start paying more attention to _them_ instead of the teacher,' Remus laughed.

Helen cleared her throat and Remus' eyes widened suddenly.

'I'm sorry, I...'

'I know,' Helen interrupted. 'It's ironic that they reproached us for fancying our teacher when you all secretly- and not-so-secretly in Sirius' case, I suppose- fancied McGonagall.'

'True,' Remus laughed.

They both looked up as Anka brought in the tea on a tray. Her grey eyes darted from Remus to Helen curiously as she set the tea- she had brought three tea cups, thus inviting herself- and cut three slices of cake before settling down next to Helen.

'And how old are you, Anka?' Remus asked Anka politely, turning his attention to her.

'I turned fourteen at the start of April,' she replied.

Remus smiled and took some cake, his eyes calculating. Suddenly, he started coughing.

Helen froze as she realised that Remus had guessed what Lily had so easily.

'So she's...'

Helen's eyes widened and Remus trailed off and continued to cough. Helen handed him his cup of tea and patted his back as his coughing subsided.

'Cake's not a good food to wolf down,' she said, looking at him imploringly as she resumed her place next to Anka.

Remus laughed weakly and sighed.

'Sorry… yes, I must have…'

He shook his head and looked at Helen, his face pale and eyes wide.

'What have you been up to these past… fourteen years?'

Helen shifted uncomfortably. This question really did put into perspective exactly useless her life had been.

'I work part-time as a Healer,' she said, blushing.

Remus nodded and didn't pursue the matter.

They sat in silence for a few seconds. Anka looked from Helen to Remus, looking confused.

Eventually, Remus sighed.

'Helen, I know that you have a life here, but Voldemort's back again,' Remus said carefully. 'And this time, he doesn't seem to be restricting himself to England.'

Helen sighed heavily.

'I know,' she said. 'I've read about the Ministry's denial of it… and how they've abused Harry to no end,' she added bitterly.

Remus nodded.

'The Order's forming again. Our first meeting is next week, and Dumbledore wanted me to ask you if you wanted to come, providing that you take 'all the necessary measures to protect yourself',' he said.

Helen looked surprised.

'Dumbledore?' she said. 'He wants… me?'

Remus nodded seriously.

'You're our only contact in France… and, of course, you were always such a valuable member,' he added, smiling at her fondly.

Helen's lips quivered into a smile.

'Yes, of course I'll come,' she said, feeling excited at the thought of having more purpose to her life now. 'When and where?'

'The first meeting is on the 3rd July- in other words, next Wednesday, at six pm,' he said.

Helen summoned a quill and wrote this down, before handing the quill and parchment to him for the address.

He handed it back to her.

'I should be getting back now, but I'll see you next week?'

Helen nodded and all three of them stood up.

As they walked to the front door, Helen glanced at the parchment. As she read the address, the colour drained from her face.

'Remus,' she said, her voice quavering.

He looked at her expectantly.

'Is the meeting held where I think it is?' she asked, her hazel eyes anxious.

He held her eyes for a moment before nodding swiftly.

Helen's breath caught.

'You were right,' he said quietly. 'He _was_ innocent. It was Peter all along.'

They stared at each other.

'But...'

Remus glanced swiftly at Anka before speaking.

'He has no idea, does he?'

Helen's eyes widened with fright, but Remus nodded reassuringly.

'It's not my place to meddle,' he said calmly. 'I'll see you next week?'

Helen nodded hesitantly.

'Remus...'

Remus raised an eyebrow.

'Never mind,' Helen sighed, defeated. 'See you next week.'

Remus nodded to both mother and daughter and disapparated.

Helen shut the door in a daze and Anka looked at her questioningly.

'_Maman_, what was that about?'

Helen didn't answer, but walked ahead and cleared their afternoon tea.

'_Maman_!' Anka said, becoming annoyed with the lack of attention her mother was paying her.

'What do you want, Anka?' Helen asked in a distant, faraway tone.

'Who was he?' Anka demanded.

'Some other time, Anka,' Helen distractedly, putting away the tea cups.

Anka stamped her foot angrily.

'You always tell me that! I want to know who he was! Was he an old boyfriend of yours?' she demanded.

Helen shook her head at Anka.

'He and I were somewhat similar to what you and Claude are,' she said evasively.

'So he _was_ your boyfriend!' Anka exclaimed, looking horrified.

Helen momentarily forgot that she would be seeing Sirius in a week and stared at Anka, confused.

'Claude's your… _boyfriend_?' she stammered, shocked at the news.

Anka crossed her arms defensively.

'So what if he is? You met papa when you were thirteen,' she shot back at Helen.

'When did this happen?' Helen asked, now very intrigued.

"Some other time," Anka said sarcastically before stomping up the stairs whilst Helen was left to comprehend the fact that her daughter now had a boyfriend.

It seemed wrong. It seemed like almost yesterday that she and Sirius were laughing at how strange the terms 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' sounded in reference to each other when they were fifteen, and yet here was her daughter now- fourteen, and with her first boyfriend. What surprised Helen, was that Anka was with Claude, her best friend from five years old. Perhaps it was because Helen had assumed that Anka was always so similar to both her and Sirius that she would go through many distractions…

Evidently not.

Then again, Anka had grown up in a very comfortable life and- excepting the expected periods of teenage angst- was generally a very happy girl. She had a family which treated her far too kindly for her behaviour at times and loved her unconditionally, many friends, was popular, smart…

No, it was to be expected that Anka wouldn't be scarred in the same way that the two of them had been… and that was what Helen had always been careful of; protecting her at all costs from such a life.

* * *

As Wednesday approached, Helen found herself becoming very nervous.

She was so confused about everything to do with Sirius ever since that fateful day when she had gone to Diagon Alley to buy a new wand.

He had ended their relationship. As much as it hurt her, it was understandable. He was never obligated to spend the rest of his life with her.

But, over time, the more she thought about it, the stranger that event had seemed. What made it even stranger was the reports she had received from Remus and James and Lily, who all seemed to be under the impression that Sirius taken their split up very badly.

And, no matter how hard she tried to forget him, she could never stop wondering 'why'? What had happened whilst she was unconscious to change his mind so drastically about her? When they had woken up the morning of her meeting with Voldemort, they were so normal. He showed no signs that he wanted to get rid of her. In fact, they seemed better than normal as they had decided that they would no longer worry about the Curse.

So what had happened?

She felt that if she could know why, then she could finally let go of him because not even fifteen years of marriage to another man had cured her of him.

Then, there was seeing him again after Lily and James' deaths. He had wanted to tell her something, but then saw the reporters and thought the better of it. Instead, he kissed her.

All of those things made her so confused, and she felt that she would never rest until she had those questions answered. Of course, she was still very much in the dark as to what had happened after she left him in Godric's Hollow- Peter, prison, his escape, Hogwarts…

She wondered if, at thirty-five, they were now mature enough to put aside the past and discuss everything without emotions or tempers getting in the way.

Somehow, she doubted it very much.

* * *

**Thus begins the third and final volume of this story! The story is set ****fourteen years later after the final chapter of Volume 2. In other words, the transition period between HP books 4 & 5.**

**Helen is struggling to survive her Stepford-type existence, Anka is a little woman, Mark has children, and Remus suspects that there's a bit more to Anka than Helen's letting on...**

**And no- Theo is not dead or struck down with some horribly debilitating disease, as so many of you cruelly requested. Honestly, the poor man hasn't done anything wrong!**

**Next chapter-**

_She blushed as she realised that she had actually said that. Sirius looked a little surprised that she had spoken to him, but did not make it awkward and answered swiftly._

**Please review!**

**Love Anya**


	90. Chapter 2: Reunion

**_"If you don't belive in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion."_**

* * *

Chapter 2

Reunion

.

'Who's coming?' Sirius asked Remus disinterestedly as they waited for the members of the Order to arrive for their first meeting.

Remus bit his lip and pretended to busy himself with arranging the quills and parchment.

'Well, there are the Weasleys...'

Sirius rolled his eyes, thinking of the matriarch of the family. She was quite a bothersome woman, already pestering him about cleaning the house. After an entire day of listening to her ideas, he finally snapped and told her to do as she pleased.

'And?' Sirius said, leaning back on the hind two legs of his chair.

Remus shot Sirius a sidewards glance.

'Mundungus Fletcher, Hestia Jones, Dedalus Diggle, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Helen, Moody, Sn…'

'Who?' Sirius interrupted suddenly, coming down on all four legs of his chair.

'Snape?' Remus offered uneasily, avoiding Sirius' eyes.

Sirius' gaze, however, did not waver. Eventually, Remus cracked.

'Yes, she's coming,' he sighed, looking down at the table so that he didn't have to see Sirius' reaction.

Sirius stood up suddenly, his chair scraping against the stone floor.

'What do you mean, she's coming?' he demanded furiously.

'What?' Remus breathed.

Sirius began pacing the room angrily. Suddenly, he stopped and walked right up to Remus.

'Who asked her?' he said, his voice shaking with anger. 'Whose idea was it?'

'D...dumbledore told me to ask her,' Remus stammered.

Sirius took a step back, his eyes wide.

'Dumbledore,' he whispered, his face ghostly white. 'He... _he!'_

_'_Yes,' Remus said calmly. 'Dumbledore. Why?'

Sirius let out a dry bark of a laugh.

'Why?' he said loudly, laughing again. 'Why? I'll tell you why...'

Suddenly, Sirius picked up a chair and threw it across the room.

'Sirius!' Remus gasped, his eyes wide with surprise.

Sirius stormed up to Remus, his thin chest rising and falling in his anger.

'After _everything_ I lost because Dumbledore decided I should tell her to leave- for her _safety- _he's just thrown that all back in my face by inviting her back here, into the thick of it all. Again.'

Sirius brought his fist down on the table angrily.

'Wait,' Remus said, flinching. 'I don't understand. What are you saying? _Dumbledore_ told you to split up with Helen?'

Sirius sunk down at the table and banged his head against it.

'I was an idiot,' he fumed. 'Listening to Dumbledore. I should have just locked her up in her room each time I left the house. At least that way she wouldn't have...'

Sirius' voice cracked and Remus suddenly felt even more pity for his friend. He sat next to Sirius at the table and tentatively placed a hand on his arm.

'I'm sorry,' Remus said quietly. 'I never knew.'

Sirius sat up, his grey eyes vacant and lifeless once more.

'It's my own fault,' he said, his voice gravelly. 'After all, I ultimately had to make the decision.'

Suddenly, Sirius looked to Remus.

'You... you saw her?' he said curiously.

Remus nodded.

'Yes. She looks well.'

Sirius smiled bitterly.

'I expect she does,' he said faintly. 'How many children does she have now?'

'I only met the one,' Remus said, his eyes widening as he remembered the uncanny resemblance Anka shared with Sirius.

'You should have told me she was coming,' Sirius said, sounding annoyed again.

Remus bit his lip.

'I thought you wouldn't…'

'What? You thought I would appreciate opening the door and seeing her suddenly? Without any warning? Just like that?'

Remus said nothing.

'Her husband's not coming, is he?' Sirius asked, his voice wavering at the thought.

'Don't think so,' Remus said faintly. Suddenly, it occurred to Remus that Helen might indeed bring her husband. He desperately wished, for all their sakes, that she wouldn't.

Sirius caught the uncertainty in Remus' response. He stood up abruptly.

'I think I'll just go to the bathroom,' he said, leaving the room swiftly.

* * *

Sirius leant over the sink. He could not understand why Helen was coming back to the Order. His sacrifice seem so futile, for she would return to England in the end anyway, and everyone would know that she was alive.

He splashed cold water onto his face and looked up at the reflection.

It had been such a shock for him when he first saw upon escaping from Azkaban. His good looks had disappeared underneath the stretched, waxy skin that had once been flawless. His eyes, which had once sparkled grey were deadened and sunken. His hair, which had once been a source of vanity for him- sleek and shiny as it had been- had turned out matted. Out of all his features, this was perhaps the only one which he had retained. After he had escaped the Dementor's Kiss, he had gone and cut it all off. Now it was long again and the cut wasn't quite to his taste, but at least it still had its old lustre.

And his body?

Before Azkaban, he had always taken great care in training his body. Being a beater had definitely had benefits on his arms, and he and James had continued to exercise together once they finished school. No, he never had James' physique, but he had always been strong with well-defined muscles.

He had never regained the weight he had lost from Azkaban. He was frail and a little kyphosed, with his shoulders permanently hunched. Out of all his features, this was the one that was most changed.

And psychologically?

He had never been the same since the day he told her to leave him. After then, it had all gone downhill, culminating in Lily and James' deaths.

That was easily the worst day of his entire existence. How many life sentences he would have served only to take that fateful day back.

The doorbell rang and he took a deep breath.

'She's married with a kid,' he reminded himself as he looked up at his reflection. 'For all you know, she won't even acknowledge you. She's probably long forgotten about your existence.'

His face fell at the thought, and he felt a kind of despair rising in his chest. It was one thing for her to have moved on with her life, but another for her to have forgotten him completely.

'Sirius!'

Reluctantly, he left the bathroom and walked slowly down the staircase. The empty house was now filled with the sound of chatting wizards and witches. He anxiously looked down to see any sign of _her_

The doorbell rang again and he froze where he was, on the bottom step.

'Sirius, can you get that?' Remus called from the kitchen.

Sirius wanted to shout out that he couldn't, but decided against behaving in such a childish manner. Slowly, he walked to the door and held his breath as he opened it.

'You!' he spat out, before he could even stop himself.

Severus Snape's lip curled into a cold jeer.

'Ah, if it isn't the most useless member of the Order,' Severus smirked, pushing past Sirius. 'But I see they've found _some _use for you. You can be the door boy.'

Sirius stood at the doorway, his hand reaching towards his wand as he saw the Potions Master sweep through his house. He jumped when he felt someone touch his wand hand gently.

'Haven't you learnt by now not to listen to his taunts?'

His heart pounded in his chest and, slowly, he brought his eyes up to meet hers. She dropped her hand and, with a quick quiver of her lips, walked right past him to where the others were now filing into the kitchen.

He stood in the doorway for a moment longer, staring after her in a daze. Of all ways for their first meeting to go, he never expected it to go quite like that.

He shut the door behind him and leant back against it, bringing the hand which she had just touched to his lips.

'Sirius! We're starting!' Remus called.

Slowly, Sirius opened his eyes and finally made for the kitchen.

* * *

Helen's hands began trembling as soon as he entered the room. She had no idea how she managed to behave so civilly when she met him in the doorway, but knew that would not be able to keep up the facade for long.

Fifteen years.

It had been fifteen long years, and yet here they were. She had tried to forget, and tried very hard too, but she could never forget.

One never forgets when they have a gaping hole in their soul.

He looked different. She reprimanded herself for half-expecting him to look just like he did when they were twenty…

Thirty-five.

She managed to steel one fleeting glance at him. His hair was long now, his eyes had become slightly sunken and they did not shine as they used to, but looked as though the light in them had been put out.

She thought how ironic it was that she didn't even need to go to Azkaban for the light in her eyes to be put out.

And he was so thin. She closed her eyes and remembered for the briefest of moments how defined his build used to be, how she would sometimes sit up in bed and look at him- her own private deity. Helen decided, as she waited for the chatter to die down and the meeting to start, that _that _had been her problem. She had grown to idolise him too much. She had made him too perfect in her mind's eye.

She wondered what he thought of her now. She tried to convince herself that she didn't care, but knew that was a lie. She wondered if he thought she was uglier, now that she had aged fifteen years and born a child. She knew that she still looked very young for her age, and that her heritage had meant that she still had retained a similar appearance to what she was at twenty. Nonetheless, she still had those fine lines on her forehead, her skin was not as flawless, her hair not as lustrous- she had started to find a few erroneous silver hairs- and her body was in no way the lithe and well-cut figure it had once been.

No, she was not fat. She watched what she ate, after all. How could she not, living in Paris as she did? But she had not touched a broomstick for a quidditch workout in fifteen years and she knew that the fact that sex was not a common occurrence had also deprived her of another workout. Not that sex with Theo was anything close to the workout it had been like with _him_...

Helen snapped out of reverie as Hestia Jones sat next to her. She smiled a little as Hestia did a double take.

'Helen? Blimey! It's been so long! Where did you disappear off to? Remus told me you were coming, but I always thought that you were…'

She trailed off and her cheeks tinged pink as she refrained from finishing her sentence.

Helen smiled placidly.

'I've been in France these past fifteen years. And don't worry, everyone was told that I was dead,' she nodded, feeling very frustrated at the fact that she had developed a French accent.

Hestia smiled a little.

'I can tell- that's quite some accent you've got there,' she said.

Helen forced a smile and tried to ignore the fact that Hestia kept on looking from her to Sirius curiously.

'So what have you been doing in France, then?' she asked after a pause.

Helen thought she had might as well say the whole truth. After all, keeping the truth was never going to undo fifteen years of reality.

'I do some part-time Healer work, but mostly I stay home and manage the house for Theo, my husband, and Anka, my daughter.'

Hestia was a most polite woman, but she struggled to hide her shock.

'You're married with kids?' she managed to say after a while.

'A girl, yes,' Helen nodded.

As she glanced at Sirius and thought of Anka, she suddenly felt her anger at him returning. She wanted to hurt him for how he had hurt her- especially for doing so at a time when she was in the vulnerable state of being pregnant.

She hated him for what he had driven her to do in lying to Theo and, worse, she hated him because he had never known his daughter.

Just as she was contemplating using various forms of wandless magic on Sirius, Dumbledore entered the room. The chatter died down almost instantly.

'Welcome everyone and thankyou for coming.'

Helen closed her eyes for a moment and remembered her first order meeting. This was the problem with coming back. She was flooded with too many memories- her sins were magnified too much here.

It was worst when they started talking about Harry, because she knew that she should have done something for Lily and James' son. She knew that she had a duty to him and felt so guilty for staying safely and conveniently in Paris.

But Dumbledore had said no and she had merely accepted that. It was no excuse, but Dumbledore had said that it would ensure that Harry was kept safe.

Now she probably would never know that boy whom she had bounced on her knee when he was six months old.

Helen remained relatively silent throughout the meeting. She truly was an outsider. She looked around the table to see if she recognised any faces. There was Hestia, Remus and Sirius and Severus...

She suddenly realised that the girl with pink hair was Andromeda's daughter- Nymphadora. She had only been a young girl the last time she had seen he. She vaguely recognised Kingsley Shacklebolt. He had been in his first year when they were in their last. There was Moody, looking more scarred than ever, and the red-haired family…

She remembered Molly only because she knew that she was Fabian and Gideon's older sister. The one with many children. They had shown her photos of their nephews whilst recovering once. Helen sighed as she remembered the twins who had been so charming and funny, despite the dark times.

As for the others, Helen did not know them. There was a man who reeked of stale firewhisky opposite her. Every now and then, he glanced at her with his droopy eyes. There was a man who was very excitable…

Everyone seemed to know everyone else, and yet no one seemed to know Helen, or recognise her in any case.

'Excellent… now Molly would like me to pass on the message for you to all stay for dinner,' Dumbledore said, clapping his hands so that the building plans of the ministry rolled up and flew to his hands.

There was the scraping of chairs as people stood up. Helen didn't know what to do. She couldn't speak with Remus, because he was speaking with Sirius. Hestia had left for 'duty,' and even Moody was speaking with the oldest Weasley son.

She suddenly felt someone's eyes from her and turned to find Severus staring at her from across the room. She smiled hesitantly- not knowing, as with everyone- what her current position with him was.

He walked across the room to her and they stared at each other for a moment.

'Glad to see you on this side,' Helen said eventually.

Severus nodded jerkily.

'How have you been?' he asked formally.

Helen shrugged. Her eyes widened as Severus suddenly took a step forward, his black eyes wide with anger.

'Why didn't you tell me you were alive?' he said suddenly. 'I thought…' he trailed off, looking at her accusingly.

'Not even the Order knew I was alive. Only Dumbledore, Lily and James knew. It was best that way, because Voldemort stopped targeting them to try and get me.'

Severus' eyes glazed over at the mention of Lily, but then hardened again.

'And I'm assuming that one more person knew,' he said, raising his eyebrows at Helen, his eyes flitting in Sirius' direction.

Helen nodded quietly.

'So you're married now,' he said, looking at her in what Helen knew was disappointment.

'Yes, I have a daughter,' Helen replied.

Severus glanced at her for a moment and Helen wondered what he was thinking.

'Well congratulations. I expect that I'll see you at the next meeting? I have to leave on business now,' he said importantly, nodding at Helen and sweeping out of the room leaving her, once again, alone.

Another friend gone. She had now lost them all.

* * *

As soon as Severus had left, Helen made straight for the kitchen to help Molly. She did not want Sirius to see her standing awkardly alone. Although she rather wished she could quit the offer of dinner altogether, she had no real excuse as Severus had, and thus resolved to suffer the dinner.

'Can I help?' she asked Molly, walking up to where she was bustling about in the kitchen.

Molly paused and looked up at Helen.

'Oh no… oh well, if you could chop those vegetables, that would help,' she conceded. Helen smiled and was all too happy to oblige.

She couldn't believe how her life had turned out like this. She had lost everyone; Severus and Remus were distant, Dumbledore and her were not on the best speaking terms, Sirius…

'You helped Gideon and Fabian out a lot, didn't you?' Molly said, interrupting her train of thought.

Helen looked up at Molly.

'They spoke of you a lot at home,' Molly nodded. 'I think Fabian had a little crush on you for a while,' she said, smiling fondly.

Helen took a deep breath. For the second time that day, she remembered how gutted she had felt when she had found out about their deaths.

Molly shrugged and turned back to the cauldron.

'Were you friends with Harry's parents?'

Helen cleared her throat, which she felt constricting.

'They were my best friends,' she said softly. 'They were like my brother and sister.'

'Have you met Harry?'

Helen quickly wiped her eyes. She had not expected returning to be flooded with so many painful memories.

'Three times. He wouldn't remember any of them,' she replied swiftly.

Molly nodded.

'Why do you ask?' Helen asked eventually.

Molly shrugged.

'I think he looks to his parents' friends to try and salvage an idea of what his parents might have been like. Remus is good, and I heard that you had a daughter, so you must know what being a responsible parent is like...'

Molly sighed.

'I don't know, but my son, Ron, tells me that Harry looks to Sirius a lot for advice. Personally, I find him very reckless and irresponsible….'

Molly was interrupted by the loud clanging as Helen dropped a bowl which she was holding.

'Sorry,' Helen said quickly, summoning it to her.

Molly observed Helen warily.

'I imagine you have house elves to cook for you in Paris. That's where you live, isn't it?'

Helen felt a wave of indignation overcoming her. No, she didn't have seven children, but she knew how to keep house and cook.'

'No, I don't,' she replied tartly. 'I cook and clean for my family.'

Molly looked a little surprised.

'Surely you can afford...'

'I like to do it all myself,' Helen interrupted. 'I like having control over my household- not someone else to do it for me.'

Helen paused.

'Anyway, I enjoy cooking. I always have.'

Helen glanced at Molly and saw that she looked rather taken aback.

'That's... well, that's rather impressive,' Molly said.

'Hardly,' Helen laughed. 'After all, I'm only cooking for three.'

'Sometimes I wish I only had to cook for three or four,' Molly said, coming over to Helen and looking at her confidingly. 'En mass meals are never quite as sophisticated, are they? When the kids are away at school, I can always experiment with fancy new recipes for Arthur and myself. There's no way half my kids would eat such things, though!'

Helen suddenly couldn't help pitying Molly. Although she knew Molly would never wish her life away or want it to be any different, she felt that Molly deserved to know what a little luxury felt like.

Suddenly, Helen felt so pathetic for ever thinking she had a hard life. She had never known poverty, nor wanted for anything material.

'Often, sophisticated meals are very simple,' Helen said to Molly. 'For example, I went to a restaurant the other day and ordered duck. It was simply a duck breast- perfectly done- with a simple sauce and a few sauteed vegetables on the side.'

Molly shook her head.

'I don't know how much your daughter eats, but that would never do in my family,' she laughed. 'Why, if I served a mere duck breast to the boys they would look at me and ask where the rest of dinner's gone.'

Helen remembered her days of feeding Sirius and James, and how they never seemed to stop eating.

'True,' she murmured. 'Well, I suppose you can always save such luxuries for when alone with your husband. It's more romantic that way, anyway.'

Molly smiled.

'And what of your husband? You didn't bring him with you?'

Helen swallowed thickly.

'Oh, no,' she said quickly. 'No, he won't be joining the order.'

'Oh,' Molly said. Helen could see the disapproval in her eyes.

'He's a very busy man,' she continued. 'He's the head of his department at the Paris Hospital. He can't take any time off to come to London. I barely see him as it is.'

'That must be very hard for you,' Molly whispered earnestly.

'It _is_ hard... sometimes,' Helen murmured.

It was true. During Anka's summer break, she never minded it. In fact, she enjoyed the time alone with her daughter very when Anka left for school and she had to spend those long, drawn-out evenings alone in her prison of a house, she hated it. Although she had often felt stifled in her marriage, Theo had also been her source of sanity over the years. He knew nothing of her past, and that kept her grounded.

Helen paled as Sirius suddenly stalked into the kitchen.

'Molly, everyone wants to know how long dinner's going to be,' he said impatiently.

'Dinner will be served when it's ready,' she replied haughtily. 'While you're here, how do you unlatch this cauldron?'

Sirius sighed and went to unlatch the cauldron. Just as he was doing the complicated twisting motion, his eye fell on Helen, who was standing next to Molly awkwardly, and he suddenly dropped it.

Molly shrieked but then realised that the cauldron was suspended mid-air, and that Helen was slowly lowering her hand and the cauldron to the ground.

'Th…thanks?' Molly said to Helen uncertainly.

Chewing her lip, Helen nodded. Her gaze caught Sirius' fleetingly as she turned back to her vegetables.

'So what's your husband's name, Helen?' Molly continued.

Helen stiffened, acutely aware that Sirius was still in the room. She closed her eyes as she remembered his accusations when they were in their final year of school when he found Theo's letter.

'Helen?'

'Theo,' Helen said quickly. 'His name's Theo.'

She cringed as she heard Sirius walking out of the kitchen. She had to remind herself, yet again, that it was Sirius who ended things with her, and Theo who had married her pregnant self and loved her unconditionally over the past fifteen years.

'I think dinner's ready,' Molly announced, holding out a spoon for Helen to test the stew. 'Let's serve up.'

* * *

By the time Helen and Molly had served all the meals, there were only two seats left. One next to Arthur Weasley, which his wife took, and one next to Kingsley Shacklebolt, opposite Sirius.

Reluctantly, Helen took her place next to Kingsley. She glanced up and saw that Sirius had his eyes fixed on his dinner. Remus smiled at her apologetically, and turned to mutter something to Sirius.

'Sorry, I didn't catch your name earlier,' said Kingsley to Helen.

She smiled at him.

'Helen Laurent.'

'Kingsley Shacklebolt,' he replied, extending a hand to her. 'I think I remember you from school,' he said, surveying her. 'But your last name…'

'Was Asteria. I graduated in 1978,' Helen said.

'Same as Sirius and Remus, then,' Kingsley nodded.

'Y...Yes,' Helen replied quickly.

Kingsley looked up at Sirius and Remus.

'So you lot must have been friends, then,' he said, looking at the trio. 'What house were you in?'

'Gryffindor,' Helen said, avoiding Sirius' eyes.

'Of course we were friends,' Remus interjected tactfully.

Kingsley bit into a dinner roll.

'I remember you lot,' he continued. 'I was in first year and you boys always seemed to be causing trouble. You certainly left your mark on the school. I remember the last week of the school year, and how you did all these things… I think we all tried to live up to your standards, but failed miserably,' he said.

'Well, we _did_ go all out,' Sirius said, smiling a little. 'I mean, getting a pair of knickers from _each girl_ in our year was no mean feat.'

'How _did_ you do that?' Helen wondered aloud.

She blushed. Sirius looked a little surprised that she had spoken to him, but prevented an awkward silence by answering swiftly.

'It was easy business getting a pair from you Gryffindor girls seeing as we were all going out with one of you… except for Mary,' he added as an afterthought. 'Ravenclaw girls were always willing to… uh... _leave mementos_, so we only needed Anita Cumberland's pair anyway. Hufflepuff was an easy dorm to get into- we just flew in- but Slytherin proved to be slightly more problematic.'

He paused and they looked at each other.

Remus nodded and Helen slowly averted her eyes to him.

'Yes, we had to spike their drinks with sleeping draught one night because, quite frankly, getting a pair of Bellatrix's underwear was not easy business. This was before she was expelled, by the way,' Remus added. 'I guess it was even harder because we were one man down.'

Helen glanced at Sirius, but he was looking down at his plate with raised eyebrows.

'James had to use a body-binding curse on Sirius to stop him from murdering Bellatrix in her sleep,' Remus explained.

'Was she already _that evil_ at school?' Kingsley wondered aloud. 'Or is was it a family thing?'

Sirius looked up at Helen and, for a moment, their eyes met. Slowly, Sirius averted his gaze to Kingsley.

'No, she was just that evil,' he said quietly.

'Anyway,' Remus continued, glancing from Helen to Sirius cautiously. 'When they were all finally sleeping, the remaining three of us crept in and took the first pair we found,' he concluded.

Helen smiled and Kingsley chuckled, shaking his head at Sirius and Remus.

'I was rather impressed,' he said. 'I remember being so shocked to see our Head Girl actually _owned_ such underwear!'

Helen laughed a little, feeling sad as she remembered Lily.

'Didn't someone get married too?' Kingsley said, frowning as he tried to remember.

Helen and Sirius cleared their throats quickly, the both of them looking determinedly at the table.

'No,' said Remus quickly. 'It was just a joke.'

'Oh,' Kingsley said, his brow furrowing, 'but wasn't it you, Sirius?' he pursued. 'I remember hearing these girls saying how they couldn't believe that you actually were getting married.'

'It was never real,' Helen said, her tone more biting than she had intended. Sirius looked up at her and she returned his gaze coldly.

'No, it wasn't,' he replied, a little harshly. 'It was just a bit of fun. We were bored.'

He smiled cruelly as he saw her cheeks flushing. He suddenly felt so furious at her and wondered if he had wasted all his years loving her, when she never really cared for him at all.

He faltered as he saw an equally cruel smile carved on her red lips.

'Perhaps you know my husband,' Helen said to Kingsley. 'He's the Head of General Medicine at the Paris Hospital.'

Kingsley frowned.

'What's his name?'

'Theodore Laurent.'

Kingsley remained silent as he pondered the name. Suddenly, his eyes lit up.

'Theo?' he said, smiling widely to show his perfect white teeth. 'Why of course, he did brilliant work on my leg when I was in France last year. Really, a top notch Healer.'

'He is,' Helen nodded. 'I thought you might know him. He said how he treated a member of the English Auror Department last year.'

'Yes, that was me,' Kingsley said. 'He's quite a big name in the medical world, isn't he? I remember he had just published a revolutionary article on how to treat...'

Kingsley stopped speaking suddenly and looked to Sirius, who had just stood up abruptly.

'Who's ready for pudding?' he said haughtily, storming into the kitchen before anyone could reply.

Kingsley looked to his watch and let out an exclamation.

'Merlin, is that the time? I'd better be off. Charmed to meet you, Helen, and send my regards to your brilliant husband.'

Helen smiled, but realised now that she found no satisfaction in it. She looked anxiously at the kitchen.

'I'm not getting involved in anything to do with you two,' Remus said to her quietly.

Helen looked up at him dolefully.

'There isn't anything to get involved in,' Helen replied tartly.

Remus raised an eyebrow at her and leant forward.

'Look... there's a lot you don't know.'

Helen rolled her eyes, but Remus took her arm suddenly.

'There's a lot you don't know,' he repeated firmly. 'It's not as black and white as you think it is.'

Helen pursed her lips stubbornly, but then turned to Remus as she comprehended what he had just said.

'What do you mean?' she whispered, her eyes wide.

Remus shook his head and released her arm.

'I'm not getting involved,' he said simply. 'I only ask that you don't make it harder on him then it already is.'

Helen felt herself becoming irritated at this. It was all very well for Remus to take Sirius's side, but Remus had never decieved anyone into thinking that someone else's child was actually theirs.

'I have to go,' Helen said dejectedly, turning to leave. 'I'll see you next time.'

* * *

When Helen awoke, she found a pair of grey eyes staring at her and was so shocked that she sat up suddenly and let out a string of very un-motherly swear words.

'_Maman_!' Anka gasped in mock-horror.

Helen sighed as she saw that it was only Anka, and lay back in bed, massaging her temples.

It did not help that she had just woken up from a frustrating dream where she with Sirius, before it all went wrong.

'Do you have quidditch today?' she asked, still very disconcerted.

'No,' Anka replied, lying back and staring at the ceiling.

'Oh. So, is there a reason you decided to grace me with your presence so early in the morning then?' Helen asked, seeing that it was only seven o'clock.

Theo had a morning shift and had left by six.

'How was the meeting last night? Was it exciting? Did anything dangerous happen?'

Helen laughed a little. It was so typical that Anka should be excited at the thought of danger.

'No, nothing dangerous happened,' Helen sighed, kissing her daughter on the forehead and getting up.

'But _something_ must have happened… surely!'

'It was pretty uneventful, to tell you the truth.'

Anka was silent as she followed Helen to the bathroom.

'Did you see Remus again?'

Helen shot Anka a reproving look.

'I've already told you that he and I were just friends,' she said.

Anka rolled her eyes, and Helen suddenly remembered that she wanted to discuss the matter of boyfriends, and Claude.

'Anka, you and I need to have a talk,' she said suddenly.

Anka raised her eyebrows.

'About?'

'You and Claude.'

Anka looked at Helen incredulously.

'What's there to talk about? You've known him since we were five!'

'No, we need to discuss you and Claude being… together,' Helen reiterated.

Anka's eyebrows rose higher up on her forehead.

'Well?'

'Well I just think you should know that, just because you've known him for so long, it doesn't mean that you can do… certain things with him. You're only fourteen.'

Anka wrinkled her nose.

'Claude and I aren't like that,' she said, looking almost insulted. 'We don't kiss or anything. That's just… wrong,' she said, shuddering.

Helen looked at Anka, surprised.

'Is he your boyfriend?' she asked, thinking that, perhaps, she had misunderstood Anka.

'Yes,' Anka replied, looking at Helen strangely. 'I already told you that. Honestly, _maman_, don't you listen to me?'

Helen looked at Anka uncertainly and couldn't help wondering whether there was a mix-up in the hospital. Nonetheless, she couldn't help feeling relieved. At least she didn't have to worry about Anka's 'activities' with Claude- or any other boys- for a while yet. Especially if she still thought that kissing was 'wrong.'

A very reassuring statement for a mother to hear from her daughter.

* * *

**Did you expect Helen and Sirius would simply fall back into each other's arms? I'm afraid life's just not as simple as that.**

'YOU…STUPID…STUPID…IDIOT!' she [Helen] screamed, hitting any part of him [Sirius] she could reach.

**Please review!**

**Love Anya**


	91. Chapter 3: The Painful Truth

**_"Life is a quest and love a quarrel ..."_** - **Edna St. Vincent Millay**

* * *

Chapter 3

The Painful Truth

.

'And then he started shouting that he had done the right thing in killing that patient. Do you believe it?'

Helen pursed her lips and continued to knead at Theo's shoulders. He turned around and took her hands and kissed them gently.

'I'm sorry, I'm boring you,' he said, smiling as he traced the line of her jaw.

Helen shook her head.

'Not at all. What ended up happening to Healer Dupont?'

Theo yawned.

'The authorities took him away.'

'As they should have,' Helen said grimly. 'Whether the patient wanted to die or not, he can't very well take it upon himself to kill her without your authority.'

Theo rubbed his eyes tiredly, and Helen noticed that they were bloodshot. She kissed his cheek softly.

'You've had a long day,' she said. 'Why don't you sleep for a bit?'

Theo yawned again.

'I can't,' he said. 'I have to finish patient files and then work on my paper.'

'Surely they can wait,' Helen said, interlacing her fingers with his

He looked to the clock.

'_Maman_ is coming in two hours,' he yawned. 'I should get some work done.'

'Really, Theo, you should sleep. You look dead on your feet,' Helen said practically, standing up and holding out a hand to him.

Theo smiled and drew her to him. He kissed her lips softly.

'I'm so lucky to have such a beautiful wife, who takes such good care of me,' he said, kissing her again.

Helen rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes. Ever since she had seen Sirius at that meeting, she had tried to devote herself as wholly as she could to Theo.

She had already done wrong by him once. If she did so again, she could never forgive herself. Not that she thought there was a chance of that happening, anyway. She and Sirius had been completely distant with each other at that meeting, and the only remarks they had made to each other were biting and snide.

Theo lifted her chin and bent down to kiss her lips softly.

'Will you join me?' he whispered against her lips.

Helen swallowed as she knew what that meant. All through her married life, she had avoided her marital duties as often as she could. While she loved Theo, it wasn't the same kind of passion that she knew with Sirius. The sort of passion and lust that had them ripping the clothes off each other in their desperation.

Both Theo and Helen jumped as a green fire suddenly blasted in her living-room fireplace.

'Helen! Quick! It's an emergency,' Molly called urgently.

'What is it?' Helen breathed.

'Just hurry up! Quickly!'

Helen looked to Theo, and he smiled wearily.

'You're needed,' he shrugged. 'I suppose I'll get some sleep after all.'

Helen couldn't help smiling at him.

'HELEN!'

'Hang on,' Helen called as she dashed to her study and snatched up her bag of emergency Healing tools and ingredients. She ran to the fireplace and threw a handful of Floo powder before saying, very clearly-

_'12 Grimmauld Place.'_

_._

She was met outside the fireplace by a pale Molly Weasley.

'Helen, do you know how to treat Falchion stings?'

Helen blinked. Of all reasons, she least expected to be summoned for a Falchion sting.

'Yes, but why didn't you just take whoever it is to St Mungo's?' she frowned as she followed Molly up the stairs.

It would have been much quicker than waiting for her to set up the instruments for the procedure.

'Considering that he has a heft bounty on his head, I hardly think that the Healers would have taken too well to him,' Molly said ironically, leading Helen into one of the rooms.

Helen stopped in her tracks.

'It's Sirius?' she whispered, feeling her blood running cold.

'Yes,' Molly sighed. 'We were cleaning... in here,' she said, motioning for Helen to follow her into the bedroom.

Helen's breath caught as she saw him lying on the bed. He was cyanosed and his breathing becoming shallower by the second.

Furious, Helen turned to Molly.

'How long ago was he bitten?' she demanded.

No matter how angry she was at him for what had transpired between them, she could not bear the thought of him ill, or dead.

'Ten minutes?' Molly said uncertainly.

'Ten minutes!' Helen exclaimed, rushing over to his side and examining his lymph nodes which had become hard and rubbery. 'Molly, there's death after fifteen minutes! Why did you wait so long before calling me?' she snapped.

'We were cleaning,' Molly said weakly.

Helen's nostrils flared and she immediately ripped his shirt open.

'Fetch me a basin and some cold water.'

'Of course,' Molly said, running from the room.

Helen located the sting, right over the tattoo of her name which was still on his chest. That tattoo which she had long forgotten about.

'Helen,' he whispered feverishly through his blue lips.

She smoothed back his hair.

'It's okay,' she said soothingly. 'I'm going to fix you.'

She turned to her medical bag, and pulled out a pair of surgical gloves. She winced as she suddenly pressed a finger directly on the wound. Immediately, Sirius let out a shout of agony.

She blinked away her tears as he writhed beneath the pressure of her finger.

'Sh, it's okay,' she whispered. 'It's okay. Just hold on...'

With her free hand, she reached for a bunch of dried mugwort leaves. She picked one off and placed it over the wound. It sizzled immediately as it came into contact with Sirius' chest and he tried to take it off. Helen struggled to keep his hands by his side.

'It's nearly over, _mon cheri,' _she whispered. 'Just hold on for me. Please hold on.'

She noted that his face was now a grey death mask and that the falchion venom had made the veins in his chest look like a gorgon's head of snake-like veins.

Molly rushed in with the water and basin, and Helen set it next to Sirius on the bed. She picked up her wand and released his hands, which flopped lifelessly by his side.

Drawing in a jaded breath, Helen muttered the incantation, pointing her wand at Sirius' chest. Suddenly, a thick and viscous blue liquid oozed out from under the mugwort leave and Helen positioned the basin so that the liquid dropped into the water.

After a few seconds, there was no more liquid. Sirius emitted a faint groan and Helen helped him as he sat up. He blinked slowly, and then his eyes widened as he saw her.

'What... what are you doing?' he whispered, staring into her eyes which were barely a few inches away.

'You had a falchion sting,' she said quietly, pointing to his chest. I was called to save you.'

Sirius looked down at his chest and pursed his lips as he saw the tattoo of her name.

'Thank you,' he said stiffly.

'You're not done quite yet,' Helen said, looking to the basin of blue liquid. 'You need to drink this.'

She dropped a chamomile flower in the liquid, and it suddenly turned clear. Helen scooped some of the potion into the vial, and handed it to Sirius.

He downed it in one and grimaced before handing the vial back to Helen. She smiled as she saw the colour returning to his face, and the large and prominent veins in his chest, disappearing once again.

'Can I leave you two? I left the kids at home,' Molly said hesitantly, her voice cutting through the silence.

Helen nodded. 'He'll be fine,' she added.

Molly glanced at the two of them for a moment before disapparating out of the room. It was then that Helen realised that she was alone in the room with Sirius. She tried not to blush as she felt his eyes on her.

Hesitantly, she reached for his chest.

'I just... I need to heal the wound,' she explained.

She heard his breath catching as she touched the skin around the wound. With her finger, she traced over the wound and, suddenly, it was gone.

They looked up at each other and Helen felt her pulse racing. Sirius leant forward and, in one quick movement, she turned to her back and began replacing all her tools which had become strewn across the bed.

'You should probably rest for the rest of the night,' she said, fumbling with the clasp on her bag. She found it almost impossible to breath with so much tension in the room.

'You married that Beauxbatons guy, didn't you?' Sirius suddenly burst out.

Helen turned to look at him, her eyes hardened.

'Yes, Theo married me,' Helen said shortly, making the slight, yet vital, correction to Sirius' statement.

They stared at each other.

'And you have a daughter,' he said, his nostrils flaring.

Helen's breath caught and she quickly looked away from his eyes, which were exactly like Anka's.

'Yes,' Helen said quietly. 'Her name's Anka.'

'Well at least you got what you always wanted,' he said, not bothering to hide his sarcasm.

Helen's eyes flashed. She could not believe that, after everything he had said to her that day Harry was born, he had the nerve to accuse _her._

'You broke up with me, Sirius,' she said angrily, standing up. '_You_ were the one who wanted me gone, so don't you dare blame me for getting on with my life. You have absolutely _no right _to judge me.'

Sirius also rose to his feet.

'Yeah, well you must have been _so 'in love'_ with me seeing as you got yourself knocked up and married right away,' he sneered. 'Tell me, were you fucking him behind my back? Your French _Professor_?'

Helen's face became white with anger.

'You have _no_ idea what I had to go through,' she whispered, dangerously softly. 'No idea whatsoever. But it's all very well for you to accuse me now that you're alone- now that whichever girl you were with before you went to Azkaban has deserted you. It's very easy for you to point the finger at _me_, but you forget that you were the one who said that you didn't want me any more.'

Sirius stood up and walked up to her.

He was taller than her and his eyes were so cold and unlike how they used to be that Helen felt shivers down her spine.

'It was always 'poor me' with you, wasn't it?' he hissed. 'But you swallowed my little story so easily! You _wanted_ to believe that I didn't want you… so much so that you couldn't even see through my terrible lying. _You_ were the one who always wanted to leave, Helen.'

'I would never have left…'

'Unless I told you to. You nearly got yourself killed yet again, Dumbledore told me that it was the only way I could keep you safe, so I did it,' he half-shouted, exasperated.

He stopped abruptly, his eyes widening as he realised what he had just revealed. He felt furious as he watched Helen's expression turn from one of anger, to pure horror. She opened her mouth, but no words escaped as she still heard his shouted words ringing in her ears.

'And you think _you _had a hard time,' Sirius snorted.

With a gasp, Helen clutched at her chest and turned her back to him, leaning onto the dresser for support as she continued to hyperventilate. She felt him standing behind her and knew that he continued to berate her, but could hear none of his words.

Fifteen years of anguish and pain and not knowing...

Now she wished that he had never told her. She closed her eyes and tears streamed down her cheeks as she thought of how differently her life could have been- _should _have been.

The thought of returning home to Theo with this knowledge, and continuing to pretend, made her shudder.

Suddenly, she turned to find Sirius standing directly in front of her.

'Let me pass,' she whispered.

When he didn't move, she pushed past him and ran across the room to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Immediately, she began retching violently. Once the retching had subsided, she stood up unsteadily and splashed her face with cold water.

When she emerged from the bathroom, she was ghostly white.

'Please tell me that it isn't true,' she whispered.

He shook his head gravely.

Suddenly, she ran up to him and started hitting him anywhere she could reach.

'YOU…STUPID…STUPID…IDIOT! You wrecked EVERYTHING… why did you… WHO _CARES_ WHAT _DUMBLEDORE_ THOUGHT… NOW… EVERYTHING'S….WRONG… IDIOT!' she shouted, hitting him all the more violently.

Sirius grabbed her wrists.

'I never told you to go get married,' he whispered fiercely. 'I never…'

Helen wrenched her hands from his grip and hit him again.

'You told me that you didn't want me and everything after that I had no choice in,' she shouted, her eyes flashing as though she were deranged.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Oh sure. Don't pretend that you've ever had a problem with refusing someone…'

Helen glared at him.

'When you're pregnant, and the father doesn't want you, your perspective on things changes,' she said slowly and acidly, making sure she enunciated every single word.

Sirius blinked.

'Wh-what?' he stammered, looking as though he had received a bludger to the head.

'Oh come on Sirius,' Helen spat, impatiently now, 'Didn't you share the Arithmancy prize with me? Surely you can do the basic maths to know that…'

'She's… she's… not… his?' he managed to gasp.

Helen's shoulders sunk and, slowly, she shook her head. She watched, tears streaming down her cheeks, as Sirius staggered onto the bed and put his head in his hands, taking deep breaths.

'How...' he gasped. 'How...'

Helen sighed and sat next to him. She felt furious, grief-stricken and hopeless all at once.

If only he had never lied to 'save' her…

'Why… why didn't you tell me?' he accused her eventually, his grey eyes blazing.

Helen sniffed and wiped her cheeks with her sleeve quickly.

'You said you didn't want me. I assumed that a baby wouldn't change your mind.' Her breath hitched and she turned to him, her eyes wide. 'I couldn't do it,' she said desperately. 'I knew I should have told you, but I couldn't go back and beg you to take me back because I was pregnant. It's not me, I couldn't...'

She trailed off and put her face in her hands.

Sirius chewed his lip.

'Does _he_ know?' he asked, quietly now.

Helen shook her head.

'No, he thinks she's his which makes me even worse,' she said bitterly.

Comprehension dawned on Sirius' face.

'That's why… that's why you married him so quickly,' he wondered aloud.

Helen nodded.

'I would have killed myself otherwise. It was only once I found out that I was pregnant that I decided to live,' she confessed pathetically.

Sirius ran his shaking hands through his hair distractedly.

'This is so fucked up,' he said through gritted teeth. 'This is so...'

Helen brushed away at her tears and stared ahead at the wardrobe. She felt him looking at her and slowly dragged her eyes away from the wardrobe to meet his eyes.

Before she knew what was happening, his lips were on hers and he was kissing her just as he had the last time he saw her- as though he was trying to reclaim her. She closed her eyes as he touched her face gently as they lay back, still kissing hungrily.

This is what she had dreamt of, but never dared or allowed herself to wish for it. As he kissed her, however, she felt something else which caused her to break away suddenly and run to the other end of the room. She clutched at her chest, panting heavily, as she felt those old, suppressed emotions of her previous self- Helen Asteria- coming back.

But there was Theo now and, try as she might, she could not and would not forget about him. She owed and respected him too much.

'I have to… leave,' she said disconcertedly, looking around for her handbag.

'Leave?' Sirius repeated in disbelief.

'Yes… I can't…'

He went up to her quickly and took her wrist.

'Please don't leave,' he begged.

Helen looked away, avoiding his eyes.

'As unfair as it might be, I can't do this. I'm married now and I'm not going to betray everything he's done for me. I can't do that, Sirius,' she said, turning her back to him.

There was silence.

'And what… about… us?' Sirius said quietly, barely louder than a whisper.

Helen turned around slowly, her tears standing like crystals in her lashes.

'Fifteen years ago, we both made big mistakes,' she said numbly. 'And for those mistakes, we shall forever pay the price.'

* * *

Helen dazedly walked into the dining room to find her in-laws had already arrived. Anka, bored with the story her grandfather was recounting, sprung up from the table to meet her.

'_Maman_! How was it? Was it exciting? What happened?' she asked excitedly.

Anka always tried to find out what happened in the Order meetings and was always disappointed when Helen could report back nothing of interest.

Helen said hello to Theo's parents and Theo before excusing herself to get changed. Anka followed her into her bedroom where Helen sunk down onto the bed, massaging her temples with shaking hands.

'Are you okay, _maman_? Should I call papa to see…'

'No, I'm fine. Just exhausted,' Helen sighed. 'How long have your grandparents been here for?'

Anka rolled her eyes and hopped onto the bed, resting her head on Helen's stomach as she lay back.

'An hour already. Grandma Sophie brought her quiche so I think they want to stay for dinner,' she replied, sounding horrified at the thought. 'Papa told me off because I said that I didn't want to spend the rest of summer at their house in Alsace. I don't have to go, do I _maman_?'

Helen hugged Anka to her. She was her life, her flesh and blood. The only part of Sirius which she could keep.

'No, of course not. I won't let you go,' Helen said reassuringly, kissing her forehead and brushing back her hair.

Anka hugged Helen happily.

'Grandma Sophie's an old bat…'

'Now, Anka, she loves you very much and you're not to speak of your grandparents so disrespectfully,' Helen said reproachfully.

Anka shrugged.

'It's true, though! I know you agree… Anyway, she says bad things about you- of course I don't like her!'

Although Helen wouldn't say it out loud, Anka's loyalty to her made her heart swell. She kissed the top of Anka's head and made to get up.

'Come on… let's try and get dinner happening as soon as possible. The sooner they've finished eating, the sooner they'll leave,' she whispered to Anka conspiratorially.

Anka sat up reluctantly.

'Can I drop a lacewig in Grandma Sophie's wine?' she asked innocently.

* * *

Anka was not allowed to do such a thing to her grandma, mainly because Helen knew that it would lead to comments on her hygiene and failure as a wife. Theo kept the meeting cordial throughout and both Helen and Anka found it very hard to contain their excitement when Sophie and Antoine finally stood up to leave.

'Anka's attitude is become a bit of a worry,' Theo said that evening as he and Helen were getting ready for bed.

Helen felt herself becoming irritated. She always found these comments were directed towards her, and her ability as a mother, and Theo only said such things after a visit from his own mother.

'She's fourteen,' Helen snapped. 'And she's fine. Any child would find it boring to sit amongst adults for such a prolonged period of time.'

Theo said nothing but got into bed. Helen felt his eyes on her as she put on her nightdress.

'You went to London?'

'Yes,' Helen replied evasively, getting into bed and switching her bedside lamp off before lying down with her back to Theo.

She closed her eyes tightly shut as she felt him tracing down her arm.

'Why did they summon you?' he murmured, kissing the tip of her shoulder.

Helen moved away ever so slightly.

'An Order member was injured,' she replied, flinching as she remembered Sirius.

'Why didn't they take them to the hospital?' Theo frowned.

'Because he's on the run from the law,' Helen replied shortly.

'If he's on the run, maybe you shouldn't be…'

'He's innocent,' she interrupted.

Theo looked at her strangely. She had never spoken to him in such an abrupt manner before.

'Is everything alright?' he asked, frowning.

Helen sighed and turned to face him. As she did, her heart wrenched as she saw his large green eyes watching her, full of concern.

'Sorry, Theo,' she sighed, laying her head on his chest. 'It was very stressful.'

He kissed her forehead, and then her lips slowly. Helen stiffened a little, but did not stop him as his hands slid to the hem of her silk nightdress and pulled it up slowly.

'D...don't you have an early start?' Helen breathed, closing her eyes as he trailed kisses down her neck and tossed her nightgown to the side.

Theo paused and looked at Helen, a little incredulously.

'What is the point in working as hard as I do, if I can't come home and make love to my wife?' he said, stroking her cheek.

Helen shivered and Theo moved back a little.

'What is it?' he said, frowning. 'Is something the matter?'

Helen suddenly felt her throat constricting as the gravity of Sirius' side of the story suddenly weighed upon her. She clutched at her chest, gasping. Theo turned the light on and looked at her, concerned.

'Helen,' he said firmly. 'What is it?'

'I... nothing... I...'

But it was too much for her and she sunk back in bed, feeling faint. Theo brought a glass of water to her lips and forced her to drink it.

'What is it?' he said quietly, as her breathing began to steady. 'Did I do something wrong?'

Helen exhaled slowly and looked up at Theo. She reached up and touched his face.

'You were my first love,' she said faintly, looking into his green eyes searchingly.

Theo smiled and kissed her.

'As were you,' he whispered against her lips. 'Now what's wrong?'

Helen closed her eyes and massaged her temples.

'I get... I get these nervous fits every now and then.'

Theo frowned.

'Since when?'

Helen closed her eyes as she thought back. It had started when Sirius first escaped from Azkaban.

'For the past two years,' she said quietly.

'And you didn't tell me!' Theo exclaimed.

'It's nothing,' Helen said quickly, waving a hand.

Theo surveyed her.

'Maybe we need a holiday,' he said slowly. 'We should go as a family to Alsace and stay with mother. She'll do everything and you can have a rest.'

Helen's eyes widened in horror at the thought.

'Holiday!' she exclaimed. 'A holiday from what? Nothing?'

'That's not true,' Theo said seriously. 'Managing a household is no easy task. And you work.'

Helen shook her head and looked away, blinking away the tears that stung her eyes. Theo sighed.

'How foolish of me,' he said softly. 'Of course, your English friends.'

Helen nodded. In a way, she wasn't lying.

'It must be very difficult for you to return to England,' he murmured. 'Does it bring back bad memories?'

'You have no idea,' Helen sighed, closing her eyes tiredly.

She felt him putting an arm around her waist as he lay next to her.

'Do you want to talk about it?' he asked quietly.

Helen brought his hand up to her lips.

'No,' she said, holding his hand close to her heart. 'I just want to sleep.'

He nodded and kissed her forehead.

'_Faits de beaux rêves__, ma cher_,_' _he whispered.

Helen wished that she didn't have to remember saying the exact same thing to Sirius, so many years ago.

* * *

Sirius stared at his glass which had now become two. He blinked, trying to correct his vision.

Firewhisky.

It had been his only real friend these past few years, the only thing which could numb the pain.

It was all so very wrong.

James was dead, Lily was dead… they were the worst part of it. He would never get over their deaths.

Peter was a traitor. He would never be forgiven.

Helen was married, but her child was his. She could be forgiven. He had actually forgiven long ago, but only showed it with that kiss.

That kiss which she had pushed away.

So he had a daughter. He wondered what she looked like, if Helen would introduce them, if she would be told who he really was to her…

He smiled a little as he indulged in a small fantasy that Helen would leave Theo and come with Anka to be with him.

And then they'd have that family they always wanted. Harry could live with them too and it would be the four of them.

'That would be nice,' he thought out loud, downing another shot and grimacing. The bitter after-taste of the whisky, however, brought him back to the reality of his situation.

He was alone in the house he hated, and Helen staying in France.

* * *

**One of you asked a pretty good question: **'**Why didn't Helen and Theo have more children given that they've been married for 14/5 years?'**

**Helen hasn't really allowed to love Theo properly. In the 15 years they've been together, he doesn't know the real her. She's only shown the stepford, perfect-wife side, which is really a very superficial part of her character. He knows nothing of her heritage, nor her past in England. **

**While Helen never expected to meet Sirius again, I don't think she could bring herself to have another child. She's put all her love into Anka because Anka is the only link she had to her real, true self. I think she would have been terrified of loving Theo's child any less. I mean, I doubt she would have ever married Theo had she not realised that she was pregnant. **

**I now feel compelled to say that I'm rather shocked at the morals of my readers! So many murderers! Everyone seems to want Theo dead. What disturbs me even more is the fact that more of you want him dead, than you did Bellatrix or Janis or Voldemort.**

**And that's saying something.**

**Only joking. It's certainly been very amusing for me to read your 'death' requests. Especially when I receive suggestions as to how he should die. I think the best was 'being eaten by a crocodile during his visit to the Nile River'**

**Please leave a review on your way out!**

**Love Anya**


	92. Chapter 4: Ma Cherie

**_'There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.' _- George Sand**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

_**Ma Cherie**_

.

For the next few weeks, Helen made sure she was busy at all times. She doubled her hospital shifts, taking as many night-shifts as was possible. During the day, she tried to spend as much time with Anka, and always made promises to her for the next day.

What she was doing, was filling up her schedule so that an impulsive visit to London was impossible.

She received letters from the Order detailing meetings that had been scheduled, but she declined under the excuse of being too busy. Part of her thought she would be wise to quit the Order altogether. After all, if it endangered her identity, everything she and Sirius had gone through would have been for nothing.

'_Maman_,' Anka complained. 'I don't want to go to Versailles. I've already seen it three times.'

Helen stopped packing her bag for the trip and looked up at Anka.

'You can bring Claude,' she offered.

Anka rolled her eyes and threw herself on the couch.

'I've been everywhere in France. I don't want to go on a holiday in my own country.'

'It's not a holiday,' Helen corrected. 'It's a day-trip. Maybe we should go to the Louvre instead?'

Anka let out a frustrated scream.

'No! I hate art galleries!'

Helen crossed her arms.

'You yourself said that you were bored and had nothing to do. Do you want to go shopping?'

Anka shook her head mutinously.

'No. I have enough clothes.'

'We can get our hair done. A manicure?'

Anka let out a bark of a laugh.

'It'd be wasted. Quidditch ruins nails, you know,' she said tartly.

Helen herself was beginning to lose her patience.

'Well what do you want to do, Anka?' she said crossly. 'How about _you _tell me, seeing as I evidently know nothing.'

Anka shot Helen a sly side-wards glance.

'I want to go to England,' she said.

Helen cleared her throat and looked away.

'That's not possible, Anka,' she said quietly.

Anka sprung up, her grey eyes alight with indignation.

'But why not?' she cried. 'You grew up there! Why can't I see what England is like?'

'Because,' Helen said so severely that Anka immediately fell silent. She pouted and sunk back on the armchair.

'Well I don't want to do anything, then,' she muttered sulkily.

'That's fine,' Helen snapped. 'Sit on your backside and do nothing all day. It doesn't bother me. I need to clean the house anyway.'

Anka rolled her eyes.

'All you ever do is clean the house. Maybe I don't want to go to England after all, if the English are as boring as you are.'

Helen resisted the urge to slap Anka for her cheek.

'Is there _anything _you do? Surely you must have been good at _something_ at school?' Anka said, sitting up and looking at Helen as she polished the silver vigorously.

Helen clenched her fists.

'No, I wasn't,' she said icily. 'I was rubbish at everything.'

Anka screwed up her nose.

'I don't think that's true... you're clever. Somehow, you always seem to know what I've been up to. It takes one to know one.'

Anka paused.

'Do you want to know what _I _think?'

Helen raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.

'_I _think you were even naughtier than I am. I think you have some kind of scandal that you've kept secret from me.'

Helen pursed her lips.

'How many detentions did you have?' Anka shot.

Helen sighed, fed up.

'Just because I may have had detention, it doesn't mean that it's okay for you to acquire detentions,' Helen snapped.

Anka's eyes lit up triumphantly.

'Aha! You were given detentions! What did you do?'

Helen shook her head and went into the next kitchen.

'Come on... did you play pranks on other students? In a way, I think you must have because _papa _hasn't got a clue when it comes to pranks. You, on the other hand, never seem to be surprised.'

'I may have pulled one or two,' Helen said stiffly. 'But only when they had been pulled on me first,' she added seriously.

Anka followed Helen as she made her way up the stairs.

'Only one or two? How many detentions did you have?'

'Never you mind.'

'Oooh a lot, then. What else did you get detention for? Aha! They caught you kissing other boys, didn't they? In a way, I know they did. You have this manner about you.'

Helen stopped and turned to look at Anka.

'Manner? What manner?' she said indignantly.

Anka shrugged.

'This flirtatious... _sexy_ manner. It's very disturbing for me to watch.'

Helen furrowed her brows.

'I do not!' she exclaimed.

Anka nodded seriously.

'You do. That's why _papa_ has grey hairs already. He's probably constantly worried that you're flirting with all his colleagues.'

Helen crossed her arms.

'That's enough from you, Anka,' she snapped. 'Go find something to do.'

Anka shrugged and went to the door. As she reached the door, she made kissing noises, but then ran away quickly, laughing, as Helen sent a hex at her.

* * *

'... and this is my wife, Helen.'

Helen smiled cordially as she met Theo's colleague, Jacques. With Anka's words ringing in her ears, she was conscious not to smile too much.

'Charmed,' Jacques said. 'If I may say so, Theo, you have a very pretty wife.'

Theo smiled at Helen.

'She is, isn't she?'

Helen looked down, blushing.

'There, now, I've embarrassed her! Theo tells me you are a maternity healer?'

Helen nodded.

'Forgive me, but your accent... where are you from?'

'England,' Helen said, shivering a little.

'Ah. You're too young to have been working during the time of You-Know-Who.'

'Oh no, I was there,' Helen said shortly. Her hands began to tremble, and Theo shot her a wary glance.

'Champagne?' a waiter interrupted.

Helen quickly took a flute and downed it all in one.

'Are you all right, Helen?' Theo whispered to her.

She forced a smile.

'I'm fine,' she lied.

'So you _were_ working, then? You weren't at St Mungo's by an chance?'

Helen shook her head.

'No, I was working in.. in...'

She trailed off as the scene of Mrs Potter's living room, filled with injured witches and wizards, came back to her. It contrasted so heavily with the ballroom she was now in.

She swallowed thickly.

'I did more field work.'

'Emergency healing?' Jacques said, sounding surprised. 'Why, we're in need of emergency healers. Why did you go from emergency healing to obstetrics? They're rather different.'

'I did so _because _they were so different,' Helen replied.

Jaques observed her.

'I was working in St Mungo's at the time. The things I saw... they can never been unseen.'

Helen felt tears pricking her eyes as she looked up at Jacques' crinkly blue eyes.

'No, they can't,' she said softly.

Jacques smiled sadly. He then turned to Theo, who was watching them both curiously-

'Now, young man, I hear that you're nominated for the prize of Healer of the Year'. Congratulations. A very fine achievement at your young age!'

* * *

Helen walked out of the ballroom to an empty balcony. A cool breeze was blowing and she closed her eyes as she felt the fine silk of her green dress rustled against her skin.

'You don't remember me, do you?'

Helen gasped and turned, suddenly, to see Jacques standing at the door. With a shaking hand, she brushed her hair from her face.

'I'm sorry?' she stammered.

Jacques smiled and came to stand next to her on the balcony.

'I recognised you the moment I saw you,' he sighed.

Helen shivered as another breeze of cool wind passed and hugged her arms to herself.

'How rude of me,' he said, taking off his jacket. 'Here...'

Helen shook her head quickly.

'No thank you,' she said, her eyes darting back to the Ballroom where Theo was standing amongst a group of his colleagues, lost in discussion.

Jacques laughed.

'I suppose it would concern him. I don't blame him, having a beauty like you. Not that you're foolish enough to go for the likes of me.'

Helen continued to watch Jacques, feeling very confused.

'You know,' he laughed. 'My mother told me that she thought my wife wasn't pretty enough. Do you know what I replied?'

Helen shook her head.

'That at least no one would want to steal her away from me.'

Helen shifted uncomfortably, unsure what she was meant to say.

Jacques sighed sadly.

'Unfortunately, I was wrong. Death stole her away from me.'

'I'm sorry,' Helen said quickly.

'Eh,' Jacques shrugged. 'When you're as old as me, death doesn't mean the same thing. Not like the deaths we saw in England.'

Helen swallowed thickly and looked away.

'I'm sorry, do I know you from somewhere?' she said eventually.

'I examined you for your Healing exam,' Jacques said. 'The best student I'd ever seen. I asked you to join my emergency team.'

Helen's eyes widened as she remembered.

'Yes, I remember now,' she said, surprised.

Jacques smiled.

'I'm guessing you had been doing a bit of field work before your exams,' he smiled. 'Albeit illegally.'

Helen shrugged unapologetically.

'When you have a living-room full of dying people, and St Mungo's is full, the law doesn't really mean very much,' she replied.

A quick smile flashed across her face as she remembered practising on Sirius before her exam. She then sighed sadly, feeling that familiar longing in her chest.

'Well I'm glad to see you survived the war,' Jacques said earnestly. 'Not too many of those working in the field made it out alive.'

'No,' Helen said quietly. 'They didn't.'

* * *

'Are you alright, Helen?' Theo asked as they walked home.

Helen had been silent the entire way home.

'Yes,' she muttered, not looking at him.

He took her hand, but her face remained impassive.

'Maybe we should celebrate tonight with some champagne?' he suggested.

Helen shrugged and they walked up the stairs to their house. Theo opened the door, but Helen didn't go in.

'I... I have to go,' she said distantly.

Theo frowned.

'Go? Go where?'

Helen drew in an unsteady breath.

'England,' she said unsteadily. 'I... forgot about an order meeting.'

'Tonight?' Theo said suspiciously.

'Yes. I haven't gone to the last few because I've been working, so I really should go tonight.'

Theo's shoulders dropped.

'Tonight? We've just been to a Ball, Helen. You're really going to go to a meeting? Dressed like that?'

Helen nodded impatiently.

'Yes. I'm... I'm going to go. Don't wait for me.'

She turned quickly and went down the stairs again.

'Helen?'

She paused at the bottom of the steps and looked up to see Theo watching her. She took a sharp intake of breath.

'Bye,' she said quickly, taking out her wand and disapparating.

As soon as her feet hit the ground, she was bombarded with a tumult of rain as it pelted mercilessly from the sky. She shivered, having forgotten just how terrible the English weather was.

It was pitch black, yet the darkness was comforting to her as she tore through the graveyard, her dress becoming heavy from the rain. She came to a halt in front of their graves and sunk to her knees, finally allowing herself to cry in unrestrained sobs.

'Why did you have to die?' she cried, looking up at the headstones of her two best friends. 'Why?'

She sprung to her feet as she heard a rustle in the bush behind her. Suddenly, a jet of blue skimmed the side of her dress. There was a throaty laugh and Helen squinted in horror as she saw two figures emerging from the bushes.

She reached for her wand, but it was flung to the ground, out of her reach. Drawing in a steady breath, she took a step back as they approached her.

'Well, well, who is this? A new friend of the Potters'? A member of the Order we don't know about?'

Helen glanced up to see that they were standing directly underneath a large branch of a tree. She fixed her gaze on the branch and, a few seconds later, it cracked and fell right on top of the Death Eaters' heads.

Without a moment's hesitation, she snatched up her wand and disapparated to the only place she could.

* * *

The doorbell rang, and Sirius wondered if he was imagining it, or if it was real. Rubbing his forehead, he summoned a hangover tonic and downed it.

It rang again.

He wondered who it could be. After all, it was late, and there was no meeting.

He jumped as it continued to ring insistently.

'All right, I'm coming,' he grumbled.

As he approached the door, he smiled sardonically as the it occurred to him that it could be someone dangerous. A Death Eater, perhaps.

Anything to break the monotony of his mundane existence.

Drawing his wand, he unlocked the door and opened it slowly. It was better than he hoped. It was someone who he wanted to see more than anyone else in the world, and she herself was very dangerous.

He stared at her. Her hair and skin glistened from the rain. She breathed heavily, her chest rising and falling steadily in the tight bodice of her emerald dress. Her hazel eyes were wide, and he thought she looked more frightened than he had ever seen her. At the same time, she appeared so broken that he could see that she was the same girl he had always known and loved, despite the passage of time and circumstances.

Silently, he moved out of the doorway and she stepped in, closing the door behind her. Her skin was so pale it was almost luminous in the dark hallway as they stood opposite each other, still silent.

Eventually, he glanced at the kitchen and she nodded. They came to the kitchen and he saw that she was chewing her lip nervously. His eyes narrowed as he saw a burn mark on the side of her dress. There was a tear, exposing a gash on the skin of her thigh.

'Did he do this to you?' he burst out angrily.

Helen moved back, startled.

'He? Who?'

She smiled as she realised whom Sirius was referring to.

'Oh, you mean Theo? No, of course not. He's a perfect gentleman,' she said, wincing as she sat down and mended her gash.

He stood to the side, waiting for her. Eventually, she looked up at him.

'I went and visited Lily and James' grave. I've... I've never been,' she admitted.

A look of anger flashed across Sirius' face.

'Why would you do that?' he said, sounding annoyed. 'Especially now when Voldemort and his followers are back?'

Helen chewed her lip and looked away.

'I needed to,' she whispered.

'Needed to what?' he said. 'Helen, it's not them. It's just their bodies in that grave. It doesn't...'

'It's different for you,' Helen burst out suddenly, tears streaming down her cheeks. 'You're _here. _You know everyone, you have Remus, you know Harry... you're still the same person.'

Sirius let out a bark of a laugh.

'I'm the same person, am I?' he said hollowly. '_Look _at me, and tell me I'm the same person. It's because of me that they're even in that grave.'

Helen shook her head.

'That's not true,' she said quietly. 'It wasn't your fault.'

Sirius tugged at his hair.

'What were you... after _everything_, Helen, you can't just come back to England and visit their grave. You can't come out in the open like that. Hate me all you like, just don't make everything we've sacrificed for nothing.'

Helen swallowed and quickly wiped her eyes.

'It was just too much tonight. I couldn't take it anymore.'

Sirius said nothing. Glancing at him, Helen stood up.

'I don't hate you,' she said earnestly. 'But I think you must hate me.'

He remained silent and she nodded, her throat constricting.

'Do you think that I could ever hate you?' he replied quietly.

She glanced at him before looking back to the wall.

'You should. I'm not a very good person,' she said bitterly. 'What am I saying? I'm a horrible person. The things I've done…' she sighed. 'It seems that I just keep on making more and more mistakes. I keep getting worse and worse. Aren't people meant to become better as they get older? Not the other way round.'

He was sure that there was something cryptic in this, but couldn't quite get it yet.

She shook her head, looking disgusted with herself.

'I shouldn't have come, I'm sorry…' she said, looking around for her wand.

Somehow, he had a feeling that if she left now, she would never return. And he couldn't have that. Not again.

'Wait,' he said, taking her wrist gently, so as not to be too sudden. Everything about this situation was delicate.

She stopped walking and took a deep breath.

'I can't do this,' she said, almost hysterically, though she sounded as though her defeat had already been resolved. 'I can't… I've made too many mistakes already… I can't become even worse, I don't want to be a bad person any…'

She was cut off as he pulled her into a hug. She tensed at first, but then hugged him back tightly.

'Why is it so hard?' she whispered. 'I love you, you're her father. It should be so easy, but it's so…'

Sirius had never thought much of the phrase 'I love you' until he heard it from her now. He took a sharp intake of breath.

'You can leave him. People divorce all the time,' he said, breathing in her hair.

She sniffed.

'I can't. I can't do that to him, or to Anka.'

'But…'

'She's grown up, her whole life, knowing him to be her father. I can't do that to her. I can't be so selfish. I can't do anything right anymore,' she said, sounding pained. 'I'm going to hurt someone regardless.'

He hugged her more tightly. He didn't want her to leave again, for them to be so distant.

'Please…' he started.

She separated from the hug and looked into his eyes. They were so close.

She placed a finger on his lips and her expression became unreadable as she traced them.

'When I'm with you, I'm my true self. I've only been here five minutes, and I've spoken more truth than I have in fifteen years' she whispered, her breath caressing his face, 'I wish… I wish I could… I wish could be closer to you.'

He closed his eyes for a moment and drew a deep breath.

She looked down and withdrew her hand and he opened his eyes again. She wore a bitter smile.

'But I can't,' she said practically. 'I should go.'

Slowly, she prised his hands from her waist.

'Don't.'

She looked up at him with sad eyes.

'What else can I do, Sirius? I'm married, and he loves me so much,' she said mournfully. 'And I love him. Not like I do you, but I love him enough not to hurt him in that way.'

He looked away.

'And that's it? After everything, that's all we have?' he said, a slight sting in his voice.

Helen winced.

'I don't know about you, but I've loved you since we were fifteen. We're thirty-five now, and there hasn't been a day when I haven't loved you. Don't tell me that's where it ends,' he whispered, taking a step closer to her.

She turned around and wiped her cheeks which were glistening with her tears.

'Me too,' she said quietly.

'What?'

'I never stopped loving you…' she turned around. 'God! I married someone else and thought you didn't care two knuts about me and I still love you,' she said, giving a small, hysterical laugh, and throwing up her hands. 'But does that exempt me? Does that make 'us' okay, now?'

She looked into his eyes searchingly before sighing and looking down.

'It's my fault. I shouldn't have come here tonight,' she said. 'I shouldn't have told you…'

'Yes, you should have,' he said, taking her hand. 'Because all of these secrets have led us to this point.'

She took a deep breath.

'I want to be good,' she said quietly.

'Who said you were bad?'

She looked up at him.

'You don't think I'm bad by having deceived someone into marrying me? By tricking him into thinking that someone else's child is his? Living a lie for fifteen years? Lying to both my husband and my daughter? Does that seem the kind of thing a good person would do?'

Sirius was silent and looked down.

'Lily would never have done anything like that. She would be disgusted in me if she knew what I've turned into,' Helen said bitterly.

Sirius was finding it hard to keep watching her now as she tried to talk them both out of wanting to be with each other.

'Helen,' he interrupted.

She looked up at him, her eyes blazing.

'What do you want?' he said plainly.

This question seemed to stump her and she looked away quickly.

He put a finger under her chin and forced her to look at him.

'Tell me. What do you want?'

He saw her lean forward a little and her eyelids fluttered close, fleetingly, but they soon flew open and she walked to the other side of the room.

'It's not about me!' she exclaimed. 'It's not about me anymore. I've used up my chances, I can't…'

He walked out of the room, unable to listen to her anymore.

'Wait!' she said, running after him.

'No,' he said forcefully. 'Because I'm not going to keep listening to you talking me into accepting your situation. You're not going to talk me out of loving you- of wanting you- and you're not going to convince me that you don't want me either, because I know you better than that, _ma cherie_, and I know that you would never have come here if you wanted nothing to do with me.'

She stared at him and, before he knew it, she had wrapped her arms tightly around him and kissed him. As she did so, it was as though a fire had been lit up in his shell of a body. Slowly, he felt

It was as though he could almost forget everything that had happened since she had left.

Almost.

It was impossible to forget when he could taste their bitter sadness in the kiss.

...

There were too many stairs, so he held her tightly around the waist and, the next thing they knew, they had fallen haphazardly onto his bed.

A faint sigh escaped from her as she ran her hands through his hair, pulling him closer to her as he worked on undoing her buttons with shaking hands.

It had been a long time since he had last done this.

He kissed her lips first, and then trailed down her jaw, her neck, her chest, then her stomach…

He heard her sharp intake of breath and felt her tense up, and although he did not want her to think too much lest she change her mind, he didn't want to give her a reason to never see him again either.

He looked at her, his grey eyes intense with mixed emotions.

'Are you okay?' he asked, tracing the line of her cheekbone.

She shook her head wordlessly, her eyes wide.

But at least there was now a brightness which had not been in them before.

Slowly, she sat up.

'I keep on having these flashbacks… I never thought about us after I left, but now…'

She swallowed hard.

'Now they're coming back so fast at me… it's like I'm getting repeatedly hit by some rogue bludger.'

She drew in an unsteady breath.

'How can you be so calm?' she asked, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

He looked down.

'Do you remember when you told me that there was so much more you wanted from life?' she whispered. 'That's how I feel now.'

His expression was unreadable.

'All those years,' she said quietly, looking down. 'You were in Azkaban for all those years. I knew you would never betray Lily and James. I told Remus…'

She chewed her lip and pressed her lips to his chest, and he held her there.

'Azkaban was nothing,' he said eventually in a gravelly voice, bringing her closer to him. 'James and Lily, though… and the thought that Peter was still out there, ready to betray Harry too…'

He cleared his throat quickly and she was almost struggling to breathe with how tightly he was holding her now.

'On the worst days- when I found it all too much- I kept replaying that day I made you leave and finding Lily and James.'

'I had never thought that it would have hurt as much as it actually did,' she whispered. 'The birth was the worst, because I was completely alone in that room- aside from the Healer- and I kept on wishing that you were with me. It felt so wrong,' she said, shuddering a little.

'And then waking up… I never got used to it. I still wake up sometimes and get such a shock to see Theo there instead of you.'

She shook her head.

'It's silly, really, when you consider that I've been with him for fifteen years whereas you and I were only together for… what? Four and a half years?'

She felt Sirius stiffen a little at the mention of Theo's name- and then the comparison. But she continued:

'And what was even sillier was the fact that each time he touched me in any way, I would feel like I was betraying you; I'd feel dirty. I knew that I shouldn't have felt that way because you said that you wanted me out of your life, but I couldn't help it. I guess I ended up just like all those other silly girlfriends you had- unable to let go.'

Sirius shifted so that he was eye-level with her and looked into her eyes properly.

How much he had missed them.

After staring at each other like this she leant in and kissed him seriously.

'Don't worry about that bludger,' he murmured against her lips. 'That's what I'm here for.'

She laughed a little, though it was a sad laugh.

'My own personal beater?'

'Only for you, ma cherie,' he said, his eyes looking into hers imploringly.

Perhaps it was the use of her old pet name… but she knew that she could not wait any longer.

He had not completely forgotten; he was able to unclasp her garter belt quicker than Theo could even dream of doing and, before she could register what was going on, he broke away from her lips and, painstakingly slowly, slid down her underwear. He stared at her for a moment- a strange look coming across his face- before he remembered himself and returned to her.

They stared into each other's eyes as, slowly, he entered her. Her eyelids fluttered for a moment, but she opened them again and looked into his eyes again. He looked a little surprised about something, but did not say anything as he kissed her again and they were able to remember what the other felt like.

On paper, she had given herself to someone else, but he knew that she was always his, and always would be.

It was not a quiet affair, that evening. Whether it was because he hadn't had sex in fourteen years, or she was feeling what she hadn't felt in fifteen years…

Or they were finally together again and that old familiarity and closeness was such a relief.

And although in the books what they were doing was wrong, it had never felt so right. Helen was finally able to breathe properly; to feel alive again. Despite the fact that she had been married to Theo for almost fifteen years, Sirius was before him and, no matter how much she or he tried, no one would ever possess her like Sirius did.

It was more like she was being loyal to something else before Theo- a loyalty which could never be broken.

...

'Sirius?'

'Mmm?' he murmured against her neck.

'I have to leave soon.'

He was silent for a moment, but then wrapped his arms around her waist and held her all the more tightly to him.

'Why? It's only three.'

She kissed his shoulder and tried to loosen his grip on her.

'I can't be gone for so long in the middle of the night,' she said reasonably.

'You're just going to go back,' he said reproachfully.

She kissed him.

'You know I want to stay with you,' she said quietly, combing his hair out of his face with her fingers.

He turned to lie on his back.

'No, I don't know that,' he said sullenly.

It wasn't fair. It felt as though she had just come only to leave again.

She smiled at him a little.

'Yes you do,' she whispered into his ear, kissing it, before paying attention to his neck.

Sirius forgot his mood and laughed a little.

'I'm going to have a hard time explaining it if you give me a hickey,' he said. 'I mean, no one other than Remus is known to live here.'

Helen looked up and grinned a little.

'Well, you know… I have heard talk,' she said, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

Sirius' brow furrowed.

'What kind of talk?' he asked, sitting up on the backs of his elbows.

She fought to keep a straight face.

'Well, it does make sense. I mean, you two were supposed to have been pretty close growing up at school- and there's always been that huge question mark over what boys actually do with each other in their dorms. Now, fifteen years later, you're both single and living together again. You have to admit, it does look a bit strange…'

She laughed at the incredulously disgusted expression on Sirius' face.

'People think that Remus and I… ugh!' he said, giving a very pronounced shiver.

Helen rolled her eyes but laughed as Sirius sat up properly again.

'Who said that?' he demanded.

Helen shrugged.

'Who? I want names… was it Snivellus? I bet you it was… the bastard was probably spreading…'

'No, Sirius, it wasn't Severus,' Helen sighed patiently. 'You know, for all he did for me, you would think that you might be a bit nicer to him,' she said pointedly.

Sirius looked at Helen as though she was mad and she sighed, also sitting up.

Sirius looked as though he was going to continue saying things about Severus, but then frowned.

'How could anyone ever even think that I'm… with Remus in that way?' he said, more to himself, in a low whisper.

Helen laughed.

'Well, you were quite vain when you were younger…'

'Who was the 'bachelor extraordinaire…'

'Could have been a cover,' Helen pointed out.

Sirius let out a vehement exclamation.

'That's just disgusting,' he said, wrinkling his nose.

Helen shook her head at him.

'Well, I'm glad that you think so,' she said, patting his knee.

Sirius snorted.

'You knew I could never be like that,' he said. 'As for your… in France, I reckon there's something wrong there. I mean, honestly, you hadn't done it in a while… and no straight man could be married to you and not want you as often as possible,' he pointed out.

Helen looked at him strangely.

'How did you know that I hadn't done it in a while?' she frowned.

It had definitely been a while since she and Theo had last had sex.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'I could tell- I mean, you've practically turned into a virgin all over again. I almost became scared of hurting you just now,' he said.

Helen shook her head at him.

'Trust you to pay attention to such details… and don't flatter yourself that much. You're not well-endowed enough to hurt me. You forget- I've had a baby pass through that way,' she said archly.

Sirius said nothing for a moment and Helen glanced at her watch and knew that she should have already left.

But she didn't want to leave Sirius- she had missed their little nonsensical pillow talk…

She had missed everything about him.

She sighed and decided that she would stay for half an hour more.

'I don't quite get it,' Sirius said quietly, picking at the covers. 'Is it just a marriage of convenience?'

Helen sighed and lay back, looking at the photos which Sirius had stuck up of their friends at school.

'It was that for me. I've never really allowed myself to properly accept that I'm in an ideal situation with him. Don't get me wrong, I loved him- and do- for how good he is to both Anka and I but…'

She trailed off.

'He and I probably don't have the same things in common. He hardly knows anything about me- nothing about the Curse, of course- and his life seems to have been pretty clear-cut and simple… normal,' she added, as an afterthought.

'Whilst I love him and he loves me, it can only ever become so deep, seeing as we really don't have any idea of who the other truly is,' she said. 'So no, he probably doesn't desire me unless he just wants sex for the sake of it. There's no comparison between what you and I had- and still have, I suppose- and him and I. They're two completely different types of relationships. I mean, he and I are stable and will never get into a fight, whereas with you we can go from screaming at each other to snogging each other senseless in the matter of a few seconds.'

Sirius looked as though he was going to say something on the matter of Theo, but then his eyes widened suddenly and he turned to look at Helen.

'The curse! It's broken!' he said with wide eyes. 'You did it!'

Helen kissed him.

'We did it,' she said, closing her eyes as he leant his head against her chest. 'I have a theory though. Do you care to hear it?'

'Of course.'

Helen stared at the ceiling.

'Well, the last time we slept together was after I destroyed my wand. Now, that must have been when Anka was conceived, because I had just taken a pregnancy test before then and it read negative.'

She paused, twirling Sirius' hair in her fingers

'It makes so much sense, now, I wonder how I didn't figure it out much sooner. It only came to me when you escaped Azkaban and I started thinking about the past again…'

She paused and kissed the top of his head before continuing.

'Circe's wand created the Curse, and only a 'Daughter of Asteria' could touch it. When I destroyed it, I heard screams, and now I know what they were; they were Circe's screams, because- in destroying the wand, I was killing her.'

She cleared her throat.

'It's so clear to me now! When I visited her, Circe was asking me to end her misery… she knew what I would do…'

Helen shook her head.

'Anyway. I think that I couldn't conceive- in other words, it was not possible for me to conceive- until I destroyed the curse and killed Circe, who killed her daughter to create it. In getting rid of the wand, I ended the curse and was able to produce a child. Of course, we'll have to wait until I die to actually test my theory, but it makes sense,' she nodded.

Sirius looked at her.

'What?'

'You did it,' he said quietly. 'Aren't you happy?'

Helen looked down.

'Of course it's a relief… but I haven't really been happy enough to care for a while now,' she said quietly.

She hugged him and wished that she could stay. Forever.

But she couldn't.

'I really have to go now,' she said quietly.

He nodded silently.

'When will you come back?'

She hesitated, hating the answer herself.

'I can't leave Anka on her own at home, and I can't leave when Theo's there either…'

Sirius kept on looking at her, waiting, and she sighed.

'Are you always here?' she asked.

He rolled his eyes.

'Like I'm allowed anywhere else,' he said bitterly. 'I know how you felt now,' he nodded.

Helen kissed him.

'I hope they find Peter soon,' she said quietly. 'The bastard,' she added angrily.

'Let's just not talk about him in bed, okay?' Sirius said, looking as though he was trying to control his temper.

Helen nodded.

'Well I can't promise any set times, but I'll try getting away soon. I might only be able to come for really quick visits, but that's better than nothing, right?' she said.

Sirius looked as though he was going to say something- to argue perhaps- but then thought the better of it and kissed her.

'I'll be waiting for you, _ma cherie_.'

* * *

**So does everything about the 'Curse' make more sense now?**

**Okay. Helen and Sirius were always in a horrible situation before this chapter happened and there were obviously other ways which they could go about it- i.e. by not having an affair- but I never said that our two protagonists where perfect. And, really, it isn't so easy to 'just leave Theo.' As you will see in the next chapter, Theo, Helen and Anka are a family and Helen is going to be feeling horribly guilty about her options now.**

**I mean, Helen and Sirius love each other, but is that enough?**

_Slowly, they both looked up to see a shocked, and then very angry-looking Remus Lupin._

**And I am so so sorry for not being able to answer all of your reviews. I would have, but that would have taken me too long and I'm sure you all prefered the updated chapter as opposed to a garbled, non-sensical response... but I really do appreciate all your reviews and I hope that they shall continue!**

**So, you know what to do then!**

**Love Anya**


	93. Chapter 5: Guilt

'_**How guilt once harbour'd in the conscious breast, Intimidates the brave, degrades the great.**_' - Samuel Johnson, Irene_ (act IV, sc, 8)_

* * *

Chapter 5- Guilt

Helen could not bear to return to her bedroom that morning as she came quietly back into the house. She was tired, but she somehow felt so full of life, for the first time in so long, that she did not think that she would be able to sleep anyway.

She walked around the house quietly, absent-mindedly fixing things which were out of place until, finally, she made a cup of tea and sat at the table, staring ahead of her and thinking of nothing.

As she did so, however, something happened:

She smiled.

It wasn't forced. It reached every particle of her body and came from the inner depths of her soul.

And, best of all, it came naturally to her.

It had been a long time since that had last happened.

* * *

Sirius stared at the ceiling, still trying to convince himself that everything which had just happened was not a dream. He turned to the pillow next to him and smelt the rosemary scent of her hair on it.

So it wasn't a dream.

He hugged the pillow to his chest and closed his eyes. He didn't want to feel disappointed that he could not wake up with her next to him; that he couldn't even fall asleep with her…

That he couldn't keep her.

For now, he just wanted to be happy that he still owned her heart, after all this time, and after everything which had happened between them.

* * *

'You're cheerful this morning,' Remus said as Sirius walked into the kitchen, whistling.

'Hm?' Sirius asked, raising a non-telling eyebrow and summoning some cereal for himself.

Remus looked at Sirius suspiciously.

'Did you go somewhere last night?' he asked Sirius reproachfully.

'No,' Sirius said, looking indignant that Remus would suggest such a thing.

Remus, however, would not buy this look.

They continued to eat breakfast in silence.

'The Weasleys are moving in at the end of next week. You know that, right?'

'Hmm,' Sirius said, not listening as he ate.

'Sirius?'

'Hmm.'

'OI!'

Sirius' head snapped up.

'What're you shouting for?' he asked, looking at Remus as though he was mad.

Remus shook his head at Sirius.

'You didn't hear a word of what I just said, did you?' he sighed.

Sirius didn't bother lying; he shook his head.

Remus sighed again.

'The Weasleys are moving in Friday week,' he repeated.

Sirius suddenly seemed to be paying attention.

'Friday week?' he asked uncertainly.

Remus nodded.

'Why? What's wrong?'

Sirius bit his lip, but then shook his head.

'Nothing! Why would anything be wrong with that? The more the merrier, eh?' he said in a falsely-cheery tone before standing up and taking his bowl to the sink.

* * *

'You're awake?' Anka said, looking surprised to find Helen sitting at the kitchen table the next morning.

'Yes, I believe I am,' Helen said ironically, smiling at her daughter. 'Good morning to you too.'

Anka smiled and sat down at the table.

'What's for breakfast?'

'You have two hands. I cook you dinner and lunch. Breakfast, you can take care of,' Helen replied, raising her eyebrows.

Anka rolled her eyes and sauntered off to the pantry.

'So why are you awake so early? I always have to shake you for ten minutes to wake you up for quidditch training,' Anka said, sitting at the table with a bowl of muesli.

Helen shrugged.

'Couldn't sleep,' she said.

'You look tired.'

'Hmm.'

There was silence for a short while.

'_Maman?_'

'Yes?'

'Why don't we ever see my grandparents?'

Helen looked up at Anka to see that she looked a little troubled and was frowning.

'You saw them last night, I believe,' Helen said, although she knew where this was leading.

'No, I mean _your_ parents. Christina says that they visit her every month from Greece. Why have I never met them?'

It was such a direct question that Helen found that, this time, she could not simply answer evasively with 'some other time,' although she didn't quite know how to answer her daughter's question.

'My parents kicked me out of home when I was seventeen,' she said quietly. 'As far as they're concerned, I'm not their daughter. The last time I saw them was when I was nineteen, at my sister's funeral.'

Anka dropped her spoon and gaped at her mother.

'You… you were _kicked out_?' she said, aghast.

Helen nodded quietly.

'Why?' she whispered.

Helen chewed her lip.

'I was always a disappointment to them. We never got along well. I don't think they liked my being a witch either,' she said.

Anka furrowed her brow.

'So what did you do? Where did you go? Seventeen! That's me in… three years! What happened?' Anka continued to ask, very obviously surprised at this news of her mother.

Helen glanced at the clock.

'Some other time, perhaps. You're going to have to leave now if you want to arrive 'fashionably late,' she informed her daughter. 'Otherwise, you'll just look lazy.'

Anka went to protest but, as her eye fell on the clock, she sprung up suddenly.

'Quickly! Let's go! I have one minute!' she exclaimed, seemingly forgetting about her mother's past.

* * *

As soon as Helen arrived home from dropping Anka off, she realised that she had two whole hours…

Without a second thought, she disapparated to London.

...

'Helen?' Remus said, surprised to see her on he doorstep of Grimmauld Place.

It suddenly struck Helen that Remus would not understand why she was there and that she had been extremely careless in just apparating to London without thinking of other consequences.

'Oh, er… um… I just wanted to see you guys…' she said unconvincingly.

Remus looked at her strangely, but let her in the house anyway.

'How've you been?' he asked, trying to dispel the awkward silence.

'Oh… okay,' she said distractedly, thinking nervously of what would happen when she saw Sirius. 'You?'

'Yeah, good I suppose,' Remus said as they arrived into the kitchen.

A small silence ensued and they looked at the table.

'Have you tried with the other werewolves yet?' Helen asked, trying to direct their conversation to some other direction.

Remus shook his head.

'No, I'm going on Saturday- the day before full moon. What about you?'

Helen shook her head.

'Nothing yet,' she sighed. 'But on Friday there's this function where I'm hoping to see if there are any suspicious things happening… though, admittedly, the situation is hardly there in France. Nothing like here,' she said.

Remus nodded and then they looked up as they heard footsteps towards the kitchen.

Helen's back straightened.

'Oi, Moony, who was at the door?' Sirius called out.

Remus looked to Helen, but Sirius entered at that moment.

'Well? Who was… it,' he finished lamely as he saw Helen sitting opposite Remus, the colour rising in her cheeks.

Sirius couldn't stop the smile which flitted across his lips as he saw Helen.

'Hi,' she said.

Sirius nodded and a small smile played across his lips as he came over and sat next to Remus, opposite her.

Meanwhile, Helen looked at Remus determinedly and continued to ask him about his plans for Saturday.

After a while, she felt Sirius press his foot on hers and moved her foot away. She could not believe that she had not thought of the full consequences which being with him would have until now.

Unfortunately for her, however, Sirius did not seem to get her hint as her eyebrows rose higher and higher and she was forced to stamp on his foot under the table in a bid to try stopping him.

Only she stamped on Remus' foot instead… with her high heels.

Remus' eyes widened in shock and then his face screwed up in pain whilst Helen covered her mouth in horror.

'Remus! Oh no… I'm so sorry…' she said guiltily, shooting Sirius a fleeting dirty look as she rushed to his side. 'I'm so… here, let me take a look at it,' she continued, proceeding to unlace Remus' shoe to examine his foot.

'Why… were… you…' Remus gasped in pain.

Sirius tried not to laugh, but could not stop grinning.

'Why are you laughing?' Remus accused Sirius.

Sirius adopted a sombre expression immediately and Remus looked at the two of them suspiciously.

'And since when were you two on speaking terms again?' he snapped irritably as Helen bit her lip as she saw the rather large purplish bruise which was swelling on his foot.

'Do you have any murtlap essence?' she asked Sirius.

Sirius frowned.

'I'm not sure…' he said.

'Where's your potion cabinet? Can you show me?' she asked, not quite meeting his eyes.

'Sure,' he said, standing up quickly and leading her out of the kitchen.

...

They entered the bathroom and he shut the door behind them.

'That was soon,' he said, grinning.

Helen smiled a little.

'Anka had quidditch practise,' she shrugged. 'I wasn't going to stay home and do nothing…' she said, smiling as he leaned in and kissed her.

As he did so, she quickly forgot about any worries she had about Remus or anything else. All she could do was relish in what she thought she had lost forever.

'Not soon enough,' she murmured against his lips as she leaned back against the door.

'When do you have to leave?'

She sighed.

'Fifteen minutes.'

Sirius groaned and leaned his head against her shoulder.

'What are you going to tell Remus?' Helen asked, brushing his hair out of his eyes as she looked at him.

Sirius said nothing.

'You can't tell him, Sirius,' she said in a warning voice.

He sighed and nodded.

'I won't,' he said begrudgingly.

'And we can't act like this in meetings either,' she said.

She could almost feel his frustration seeping through him and kissed him again, feeling relieved as she felt him relax a little as he kissed her back.

But they knew that they had already taken far too much time as it was.

'Remus,' Helen gasped as they broke apart for a fleeting moment to catch their breath.

'No, I'm Sirius,' Sirius said in a joking tone, going to kiss her again.

Helen placed a hand on his lips.

'I'm being serious, Sirius,' she said.

They stared at each other as they just realised how silly her last statement sounded and started laughing.

'So do you actually have any murtlap essence or not?' she asked, shaking her head at him.

Sirius looked at her incredulously.

'Like _I_ know!' he said.

Helen laughed and summoned the vial which came whizzing from the expansive cabinet.

'And to think I could have done that from the kitchen,' she mused wryly, as he kissed her again.

They suddenly sprung apart as the door opened. Slowly, they both looked up to see a shocked, and then very angry-looking Remus Lupin.

'You're married,' he said to Helen. 'You have a child.'

Helen felt her cheeks burning with shame. No matter how right and normal she felt with Sirius, Remus' words made her feel like the sinful scarlet woman anyone would call her, if they knew what she was doing.

'What are you two playing at?' he demanded.

'Look, Remus…' Sirius started irritably.

It had been hard enough to get Helen again as it was. He didn't need Remus making her feeling guilty as well.

That would surely cause problems.

'No, Sirius,' Remus said sternly. 'You're not in school anymore. You're thirty-five and you both have responsibilities in life which are more important than some lust-…'

'It isn't like that,' Helen said angrily.

Did Remus not grow up with her and Sirius to know what they were?

Remus crossed his arms.

'Are you planning on leaving Theo, then?' he shot at Helen.

Helen felt both Sirius and Remus' eyes on her as they waited for the answer which she couldn't bear to give in front of Sirius.

She pursed her lips and looked away.

'Well if you're not, what are you doing with Sirius?' he shot at her. 'Because Sirius is my friend too and, I'm sorry, but he doesn't need you to use him as a way of bringing some excitement back into your life before realising your duty to your family and going back to them whilst leaving him.'

'Remus, it's not really…'

'Yes it is, Sirius,' Remus shot at him. 'Because when that happens, I'm going to have to try and help you pick up the pieces of your life yet again.'

'I wouldn't do that… ever,' Helen said quietly, looking at Sirius now.

'So what will you do, then, Helen?' Remus said, raising his eyebrows.

She hovered uncertainly.

'You can't expect to be swapping between Sirius and Theo forever,' he said. 'And you are being extremely unfair to your husband. You've been married to him for fifteen years now. Don't you think he deserves much better?'

Chewing her lip, Helen nodded.

'I don't deserve him,' she said in a small voice.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'So what are you going to do? Are you going to leave Theo? What about your daughter?'

Helen had never allowed herself to think about the future before. Now Remus was demanding answers and Sirius was looking as though he wanted to hear them too.

'I can't leave him,' she said uncomfortably, not looking at Sirius.

'So you're going to leave Sirius then,' Remus concluded.

Helen started breathing heavily and there was a stifling silence in the room. Suddenly, Sirius left the room and slammed the door behind him.

Helen sighed and then turned to look at Remus reproachfully.

'Why did you have to do that?' she said in a pained voice to Remus.

Remus shook his head at her.

'Because, as confused as you might feel about everything, you can't go on like this without hurting someone,' he said seriously.

Helen looked down.

'Do you know where he might be?' she sighed.

'Try Buckbeak's room,' Remus said, looking at her a little warily.

She nodded and left the room.

...

She knocked on the door, but he didn't respond.

'I'm going to come in, okay?' she said, opening the door.

He was feeding the great Hippogriff and had his back towards her. She sighed and sat on the floor, waiting patiently.

'Shouldn't you be back with your 'family?'' he asked in a scathing voice, after a while.

'Sirius,' she softly. 'Don't you know me at all? I can't leave you unless you ask me to, remember? The only person who I love as much as I do you in this world is Anka.'

Slowly, he turned, though he still looked down.

'And you'll leave me and stay with… _him_ because you think that that's what is best for her?' he said, bitterness rife in his tone.

Helen stood up and walked up to him, reaching out a hand and touching his face. He half-heartedly put his hands on her waist, although he could still not bring himself to look into her eyes.

'She's the main reason I can't leave him now- that's true,' she whispered, putting her arms around his neck. 'And you have to understand that it's so hard for me to leave him after everything that's happened. Please understand that, Sirius,' she said urgently against his cheek.

He sighed and pushed her away so that he could look at her properly.

She shook her head.

'But I can't leave you. That really would kill me this time.'

Sirius looked down.

'So we just continue like this?' he said in a pained voice. 'Here and there... until we go mad?'

Helen blinked quickly.

'Can you just… just give me a bit of time to think this over? I've never thought about it before now,' she said.

He sighed and pulled her to him, kissing the top of her head and inhaling the rosemary scent of her hair.

He would need to remember that scent until he next saw her.

And he didn't know when that would be.

They separated and she kissed his lips lingeringly, the tips of her fingers gently touching his cheek.

'I have to leave now,' she whispered against his lips.

'When will you come back?' his frustration clear.

She hesitated.

'I might be able to get away for a few hours tonight… but it will be very late at night.'

'Better than nothing,' he said, feeling annoyed that now, at the age of thirty-five, they were being forced to sneak around to meet each other fleetingly.

It should be the other-way round. Their life should have become simpler as they got older- not more complicated.

She nodded.

'Okay… well I'll try,' she said, looking into his eyes.

He nodded slowly and she kissed his lips quickly, one last time, before letting go of him and disapparating.

He sighed.

And she was gone again, and now he was uncertain as to whether she would even return.

'You'll always keep me company, won't you Beaky?' he said sadly to Buckbeak, patting the hippogriff's beak and sighing.

* * *

Helen arrived, ten minutes late, to the quidditch pitch.

'_Madam Helene_!' she heard an urgent voice behind her say.

She turned around to see Claude looking very agitated.

'What is it, Claude?' she asked, feeling herself becoming worried.

'It's Anka, she… they took her to hospital,' he said, looking distraught.

Helen put her hands on Claude's shoulders urgently.

'Why? What happened to her?' she said, her voice shaking.

'She fell off her broom,' the distraught boy said. 'They wouldn't take me with her… can we go?'

Helen nodded and held tightly onto his wrist as they immediately disapparated for the hospital.

* * *

She rushed into the ward to find Anka lying in a bed, with Theo by her side.

'What happened?' she asked, her face white.

Not her little girl; anything but her little girl…

'_Maman?_' Anka croaked weakly as she stirred.

'I'm here,' Helen said reassuringly, placing a hand on Anka's forehead and smoothing back her hair.

'I feel sick,' she continued, sighing as she slid into unconsciousness again.

'We'll get you better,' Helen said soothingly, kissing her forehead. 'Can someone please tell me what happened?' she repeated, looking from Theo to Claude.

'I was doing my rounds and I saw her being rushed in,' Theo said, his face just as pale as he kept his eyes fixed on Anka's face.

'She said she was feeling dizzy before we started,' Claude said. 'I told her not to… but she wouldn't listen. Just as we were finishing she…'

He gulped and looked at Anka worriedly.

'If Sebastian hadn't caught her…'

Helen took a sharp intake of breath and kissed Anka's forehead again.

'Do you know if they've done any tests yet?' she asked Theo.

Theo nodded.

'They did a blood test are running the tests now,' he said quietly.

Helen looked back to Anka and suddenly felt horribly sick for what she had been doing whilst Anka was in hospital…

The Healer was extremely confused.

'She seems fine,' he said, showing Helen and Theo the blood test results. 'As you can see- nothing abnormal.'

'She never faints though,' Helen said desperately. 'What about a scanning charm?' she suggested.

Theo nodded gravely, also looking at the Healer in charge.

...

But a scanning charm showed nothing abnormal either and Anka was still weak as nightfall came.

Too weak to be taken home; she did not rouse back to consciousness again.

Helen felt like she was going out of her mind. They had tried all the tests which both she and Theo suggested, as well as had all the hospital's best specialists see her to no avail.

They could not seem to figure out what was wrong with her.

...

Helen shivered, but kept her eyes transfixed upon Anka. She felt someone wrapping a blanket around her shoulders and looked up to see Theo. He kissed the top of her head and handed her a coffee. She took it, but could not drink it.

'We'll find out,' he said reassuringly to her, though there was a distinct tone of worry in his voice.

She drew an unsteady breath and leaned on his shoulder as he put an arm around her and they continued to wait; unable to sleep.

* * *

At six am, Sirius sighed and left the kitchen for his room.

She never came.

* * *

'We re-did her blood tests and found high amounts of Snagler poison in her system,' the Healer told them at ten am, the next day.

Helen snatched the sheet from him and studied the results carefully; Theo looking over her shoulder.

'You need to put her on the antidote right away,' she said impatiently.

The Healer's lips twitched a little.

'I gathered as much, thankyou,' he said. 'The nurse is just preparing it now,' he said. 'She should wake up soon after the antidote…'

He trailed off.

'But you both already knew that,' he said, shaking his head at himself.

'Thankyou Pierre,' Theo said earnestly, getting up and shaking Pierre's hand.

Pierre nodded.

'Oh, and Madame Lafont said that you're exempted from your shift today,' he added to Helen, before leaving.

Theo sunk into a chair, putting his head into a shaking hand.

'I was so worried… it was something worse,' he said.

Seeing Theo's reaction to Anka's illness hit Helen made her feel like someone would feel when they have taken a bludger to the stomach.

Theo really loved Anka.

How could she have ever considered taking her away from him?

...

Anka's eyes slowly opened to find both her parents looking at her with white and exhausted faces.

'What happened?'

Helen stood up.

'Why did you have Snagler poison in your system, Anka?' she asked, her voice shaking.

Anka blinked and then looked at her parents sheepishly.

'Oh, well… you see…'

At that moment Claude rushed in.

'Anka! You're awake!' he said happily, hugging her.

'Anka, answer your mother's question,' Theo said, knowing that Anka would use Claude's appearance as an excuse.

Anka sighed and shrunk a little as she went to explain.

'I read that the venom can be used to make an invisibility potion and so I tried to make one, but…'

She trailed off and cast a frightened look at her parents.

'I think I put too much venom in it, and the potion didn't work,' she confessed.

Helen rounded on Anka.

'You silly girl! What were you making invisibility potions for?' she exclaimed.

'So I can… do things at school,' Anka finished hopelessly.

Helen shook her head at Anka.

'You don't ever… EVER make potions for things like that when you don't know for sure!' she said angrily. 'Haven't I told you that before?'

Anka looked down at her hands.

'And why didn't you just ask me?' Helen continued. 'I can show you how to make yourself invisible with your wand. You don't need a potion… Anka, don't ever do that again, do you understand me? You could have died!'

Anka said nothing.

'Sorry _maman,_ sorry papa,' she said quietly.

A small silence ensued, and then Anka added tentatively;

'So, this spell you were talking about…'

'No!' Theo said, sternly. 'You are in trouble enough at school without an invisibility…' he trailed off.

'You can make yourself invisible?' he asked Helen in surprise.

Helen said nothing. Of course neither he nor Anka thought that she was that brilliant at magic.

She pulled out her wand and, a few complicated wand movements later, disappeared.

Anka gasped and Theo looked shocked. After half a minute, Helen made herself visible again.

'Now, missy, you're coming home and resting today,' she said sternly to Anka. 'And God help you if you ever do anything like that again because you will be in huge trouble,' she added.

* * *

They sat opposite each other at the kitchen table, neither of them saying anything as they looked at the table.

Remus had come in the room to see who had rung the doorbell and nodded a disapproving hello to Helen before disappearing again.

'Anka was sick,' Helen said eventually.

Sirius raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

'It's true,' Helen sighed.

'She was sick for a whole week?'

Helen sighed.

'You know that I had to go on that weekend to get information,' she tried to reason.

Sirius said nothing.

'She was in hospital,' Helen said quietly. 'The whole night… they couldn't figure out why she wouldn't wake up. It was worse than a horrible nightmare- it was…'

She shuddered and trailed off. She faintly noticed that Sirius had tensed a little at the mention of Anka being so sick.

'She's better now, though. It turns out that she overdosed on Snagler venom because she was trying to make an invisibility potion,' she said.

Sirius looked up at Helen.

'I want to see her,' he said.

It wasn't a question. It was a statement and he looked at Helen determinedly.

Helen looked down.

'You know that's not…'

'And why not?' Sirius demanded. 'I don't understand why I cannot know my own daughter and why you're staying in a loveless marriage. I just don't get it.'

Helen sighed.

'She's grown up knowing Theo to be her father. How do you think she'll…'

'We both had to deal with much worse,' Sirius shot at her. 'She'll get over it.'

Helen looked at him, her eyebrows raised.

'Yes, but I don't want her to end up being 'fucked up' like the both of us are. She's a happy girl and I've always tried to protect her from the shit in my life. I won't let our mistakes hurt her,' she said resolutely.

Sirius stood up.

'So what the fuck are you doing here, then?' he shouted angrily.

Helen also stood up.

'That's just so typical of you to turn me into the evil one,' she shouted back. 'But _you're_ the one who broke up with me. _You_ made that decision…'

'Only because…'

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Don't give me that excuse, because we both know it's rubbish,' she shouted. 'There would have been ways to get around it. I could have left and visited you once a week, or vice versa… It would have worked out, but you chose to let me go. And I've been dealing with your decision…'

'That's just exactly you to make everything my fault, now,' Sirius interrupted. 'I did it to..'

'But that's not the point!' Helen shouted. 'The point is that, fifteen years ago, you let me go- alone and pregnant- and I had to deal with that, regardless of what your real intentions towards me were. So I did! I married Theo and tried to survive as best I could in my life…'

'You never even _told _me that you were pregnant!'

'You said you didn't want me! Anyone would take that to mean…'

'She's just as much _my_ child…'

'Theo's raised her and supported her his whole life too! She's just as much his..'

'You never bloody gave me the option to,' Sirius shouted back.

'Well that's your fault. If you truly love me, you would have known that telling me you didn't would have killed me- as it did!'

'It was always 'poor me' for you, wasn't it?' Sirius shot back sarcastically.

'I never saw _you_ pregnant and scared out of your mind…'

'I never saw _you_ spending twelve years of your fucking life in a cell in Azkaban for something you didn't even fucking do,' Sirius shouted back.

She went to respond, but a pained expression came upon her features and she took a deep breath and sat on one of the chairs, leaning over with her face in her hands.

'I don't want to fight, Sirius,' she said wearily. 'I love you too much and I don't see you often enough. I wish I knew a way to fix all this… I wish…'

She trailed off as she felt him sitting next to her and he took her hands away from her face.

'Don't cover your face,' he whispered. 'I haven't seen it for too long for you to cover it when you're here.'

Helen looked ahead, tears silently sliding down her cheeks.

'Everything… why is it all so complicated? I wish…'

She paused and kissed him quickly on the lips.

'I wish that that would be enough to fix all these problems,' she whispered. 'It used to fix a lot, but now…'

She shook her head.

'Remus is right. I'm not being fair to you,' she said bitterly, looking down.

Sirius said nothing, but fiddled with the ring on her finger, wanting to slide it off and throw it away.

Helen did it for him. She took it off and placed it on the table and then rubbed the spot on her finger where the ring had been only to reveal another one; his one.

She looked down.

'I took it off on my wedding, thinking that I had gotten over you,' she said quietly.

She laughed a little, though there was an edge to it.

'I put it back on that night. I couldn't sleep and it just… I needed it there, somehow. It hasn't left my finger since then,' she said.

Slowly she looked up at Sirius.

'Is that enough?' she asked sadly.

He shook his head but pulled her to him anyway and kissed her.

'It'll never be enough,' he murmured against her lips. 'Nothing will ever be enough, and yet I'd gladly go back to when we were twenty now- that time when we thought that just being together wasn't enough.'

They looked at each other sadly and Helen leaned on his shoulder as they interlaced their fingers.

* * *

**2 quotes for you…**

"'_Boyfriend! Why is she having boyfriends? She's only fourteen!'_- Sirius to Helen

……

'_Well, you went to school at Hogwarts, and- seeing as you're both the same age- I was thinking that Sirius must have been in your year too.'- _Anka to Helen

**One of the lighter (and highly-anticipated) chapters… **

**But you know what you need to do to get it.**

**(I'll just remind you…)**

**Review!**

**Love Anya**


	94. Chapter 6: An Introduction

**_"A father . . . knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because he once owned such a depraved little mind himself. In fact, if he thinks enough about the plans that he used to have for young girls, the father not only will support his wife in keeping their daughter home but he might even run over to the mall and have a few of those boys arrested." - _Bill Cosby**

* * *

An Introduction

This was her problem: Each time she saw him, she knew that she could never be happy unless she was with him; always. When she went home and saw Anka and Theo, however, she saw the life which they had all established and what her choosing Sirius would do.

And so she tried to convince herself that she could live without him.

Yet, every time she saw him, she would always lose her resolve. Something would happen; a look, something he might call her, a touch…

That was all it would take for her flimsy decision to come crumbling down; to give in to happiness for an hour, to remember who she was…

...

'Won't you let me see her? Ever?' he asked.

He decided that his initial tactic of berating her would not get him very far at all and he was right; Helen's heart broke at how defeated he sounded.

'I…' she looked down, tracing his tattoo on his chest.

There were still so many memories…

'What if I bring her to a meeting one day?' she said slowly. 'But she can't know…'

Sirius looked a little hurt, but Helen silenced him by kissing him again.

'Not yet, at least. Let's take things one step at a time, okay? I just… all of this has happened so suddenly, I don't want to make any bad decisions,' she said.

Sirius sighed and pulled her closer to him.

'Tell me about her,' he said after a while, lying back on the pillow and twirling her hair in between his fingers absent-mindedly.

Helen smiled and looked into his eyes.

'She has your hair. It's long, straight, black, and past her shoulder blades, but not as long as mine,' she said, referring to her hair which she had now grown back to its old length since the time she had first left England.

'And she has your eyes; exactly. It always scares me sometimes when I wake up and she's staring at me because I get so confused… then I start talking about raids and she also gets confused,' Helen continued, laughing a little.

'As for the rest… well, she looks very similar to me, I have to admit… but she's quite different to us in personality. If anything, she has bits of us mixed and then this erroneous 'normalcy' about her. For example, she spends a lot of time in detention and causes a lot of trouble.'

Helen saw Sirius smiling at this a little and couldn't describe what she felt as she saw how he looked, listening about his daughter.

'She's very into pranks,' she continued. 'I suppose she gets that all from you,' she smiled, 'but then there are other parts of her… which just surprise me so much! I mean, she has had this friend from five years old- Claude- and then the other day, she told me that he was her boyfriend!'

Sirius stiffened suddenly.

'Boyfriend! Why is she having boyfriends? She's only fourteen!' he demanded.

Helen laughed and kissed him.

'And how old were we when we started going out? Hm?'

'Nearly sixteen!' he said vehemently. 'We _were_ sixteen by the time we started properly going out.'

'Let me rephrase, then. How old were we when we started spending a considerable amount of time with the opposite sex?'

Sirius looked at her darkly.

'Boys are no good. How do you know that she treats them like you did?'

'Because,' Helen continued, 'she seems to find the concept of kissing gross,' she laughed. 'And plus- Claude has been her best friend for a very long time. He won't hurt her, I know,' she said reassuringly.

Sirius pursed his lips but said nothing.

'But that's what surprises me! I mean, I see her flirting occasionally, but she's already having a boyfriend in her best friend and doesn't seek things like 'distractions.' Then she actually wants to talk about things with me… she's always asking about my past….'

'And she can do wandless magic too,' Helen added. 'She's very powerful- I've seen her. Of course, she can't really control any wandless magic yet, but she has the skill there. She always does very well in school too. I must say, though, that she does do a bit of study,' Helen added, sounding proud about this point.

Sirius' lips twitched.

'And yes,' she added, laughing. 'You hear her running to the bathroom in the morning when she's nervous, even though she acts as though she's as cool as can be when she sees you.'

Sirius smiled and Helen nodded.

'I'll bring her with me,' she said to him. 'For the next meeting. She's still on holidays, so I'll…'

But she was cut off by Sirius' lips and didn't want to finish her sentence; especially as she would have to leave again in half an hour.

* * *

'ANKA, GET UP _NOW_!' Helen shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

Anka appeared, looking very annoyed at having her sleep cut short. Helen smiled a little as she remembered Sirius and how he needed his sleep.

Evidently, her daughter had inherited the same need.

'What do you want, _maman_?' she asked irritably.

'It's time to wake up,' Helen replied.

'But _why_? I was very happily asleep,' she grumbled, not bothering to go back to her room and get dressed, but tying her dressing gown and coming noisily down the stairs.

Helen sighed and went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast whilst Anka slumped into a chair, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

'_Bonjour papa_,' she said to Theo who was reading the newspaper.

Theo smiled at her.

'_Bonjour Anka_… I see that you did not want to wake up,' he said ironically.

Anka rolled her eyes.

'_Maman_ is determined to make me suffer these holidays,' she said. 'It's not as though I had anything important like quidditch to get up for.'

Theo laughed a little and Anka yawned loudly and tilted back on her chair.

'Don't do that- you'll wreck the chairs,' Theo said sternly.

Helen never told Anka off for doing this with her chair- she found it too similar to how Sirius used to be. Even though his doing it used to drive her crazy, she smiled each time she saw Anka doing it.

Shooting Anka a reproving look, Theo stood up.

'Well, I'm off to work,' he said, kissing Helen on the cheek and Anka on the top of the head. '_Salut_!'

Anka waited for the front door to shut before tilting yet again back on her chair. Helen watched from the corner of her eye and saw how Anka could now balance without holding onto anything.

'You know,' Helen said, stirring the porridge on the stove. 'I had a friend who used to do that all the time when I was at school.'

'And?' Anka asked disinterestedly.

'Well, the chair snapped once and I had to take him to the hospital wing because he couldn't walk.'

'He?' Anka asked, raising her eyebrows.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Yes, Anka. Most of my friends were boys,' she said patiently.

'Really? I know Remus but…' she trailed of, sounding suddenly fascinated. 'What happened to them?'

Helen sighed and brought two bowls of porridge to the table.

She shrugged.

'A few of them died…' she trailed off.

Anka went quiet. She never asked her mother about Voldemort.

'_Maman_,' she said suddenly.

'Mmm?'

'I was thinking about something last night,' she said carefully.

'Were you just?' Helen replied shrewdly, knowing from the tone of Anka's voice that her daughter knew that she was now treading on dangerous grounds.

'Yes… see, you know how that man- Sirius Black- how he escaped from Azkaban?'

Helen dropped her spoon suddenly and looked up, startled.

Anka frowned at her mother, not expecting such a reaction.

'Wh…what about him?' Helen shrugged, trying to sound calm.

She had never told Anka about Sirius- or anything about her past, really.

After looking at her mother curiously for a short while, Anka continued.

'Well, it said in the newspaper that he's 35. That's how old you are,' she said logically.

'Get to your point, Anka,' Helen said, a little nervously.

'Well, you went to school at Hogwarts, and- seeing as you're both the same age- I was thinking that Sirius must have been in your year too,' she said, looking to her mother for her response.

Helen pursed her lips and wondered how to best answer the question.

'Yes, he was in my year,' she said eventually, shrugging.

Anka's eyes widened excitedly.

'So you knew him!'

Helen marvelled at how typically 'Sirius' this reaction was; her daughter was excited at the thought of her mother knowing someone who was a supposed mass-murderer.

'Yes, I did,' Helen replied, her lips twitching at the thought of just 'knowing' Sirius.

Anka seemed to be bouncing on her chair now.

'So… did you ever talk to him? Was he always that crazy? Was he…'

'Actually, we hated each other for a long time. And he's not crazy,' Helen interrupted.

'Oh,' Anka said, sounding disappointed.

'But then we became… _friends of sorts,_' she added offhandishly.

Anka suddenly sparked up again.

'You were _friends_ with Sirius Black?' she whispered, her eyes wide.

Helen shrugged.

'Theo met Sirius too, did you know that? So did your Aunty Isa- he took her to a ball in their second year,' Helen said.

Somehow, she liked talking about Sirius with Anka… it felt nice.

Anka had never been more attentive to her mother than at that moment.

'Aunty Isa went to a _ball_ with Sirius Black?' she gasped in a way which made Helen make a mental note to forewarn Isa before they next visited her.

Anka paused. 'Did he ever take _you_ to a ball?'

Helen laughed and started cleaning the dishes.

Anka, however, still looked at Helen expectantly.

'Yes, he did. To two, actually… I wouldn't say the third one counted,' she said, remembering the time she and Sirius tried to be 'friends.'

Anka's jaw dropped and she clutched onto Helen's arm, positively bouncing now.

'Do you have any photos of them? I want to see! Did he always look like… _that_? I mean, you could do better than someone who looks like that,' Anka said, referring to Sirius' prison photograph.

Helen laughed a little.

'No, he didn't. He was quite a good-looking boy actually. Many girls were in love with him,' she added.

Anka wrinkled her nose in disbelief.

'I want to see,' she said; crossing her arms again looking so much like Sirius at that moment that Helen could do nothing but stare at her daughter.

She looked down, her voice breaking a little.

'I… I don't have any,' she said.

Anka raised her eyebrows.

'But weren't you both friends?'

'Yes.'

'Then why don't you have photos?'

'I… left them back in England,' she said truthfully. 'But he's in the Order,' she said, glancing at Anka for her reaction.

It made her lips twitch as Anka looked speechless for a moment.

Anka frowned, and looked very confused.

'He's in… but…'

'No, he's innocent. No one will believe you if you tell them, but it was Peter Pettigrew- the one they say Sirius killed- who betrayed your Uncle James and Aunt Lily. Peter's actually still alive.'

Anka looked shocked.

'Why don't they find him?'

Helen laughed.

'It's not as easy as that, Anka,' she said, sighing and wishing that it was. 'It's not that easy to find people- especially when they're witches or wizards.'

Anka fell silent.

'But that's so horrible! He was in jail for all that time… and people still think…'

Helen nodded, feeling her throat constricting.

'Is that what Remus meant by 'he was innocent all along' , when he came here?'

Helen nodded slowly.

'I always knew that he wouldn't betray Lily and James,' she said quietly.

'So do you know what he is doing now?'

Helen smiled a little.

'Well, I don't quite know what he's doing at this exact moment, but he's in the Order with us all. It's held at his house- where he grew up,' she told Anka.

Anka's eyes widened.

'So you see him!'

Helen looked at Anka a little incredulously.

'Might I ask why you're so fascinated by Sirius?' she asked.

'He sounds interesting! And you never tell me about your friends- apart from Lily and James,' Anka added.

'Well you can come with me to my next meeting, if you like,' Helen said indifferently.

Anka sprung up.

'Really!' she asked, her grey eyes lighting with excitement. 'I can actually… _meet_ Sirius Black?'

Helen smiled and nodded.

'If you do some homework and help me clean the house, I'll take you tonight.'

Anka kissed Helen excitedly on the cheek and sprung up.

'What do you want me to do? I'll clean the bathroom,' she nodded, disappearing without another word, lest her mother change her mind.

Helen sighed, but smiled as she stared after Anka. She wasn't at all sure if this was a good idea or not, but she owed it to Sirius and wanted Anka to meet him anyway, even if she never found out the truth.

* * *

'_Maman_! Is that him? Is that Sirius Black?' she whispered, tugging at Helen's sleeve insistently.

'Anka, stop making a fool of yourself,' Helen hissed. 'Yes, that's him.'

'Can I meet him?'

'If you behave yourself,' Helen sighed, knowing that she was now treading on dangerous grounds.

Sirius looked in their direction from across the room. He looked at Helen first, and his face lit up, but then his eyes fell on Anka and it drained of any colour as he stared at her.

Anka, who had noticed this, frowned.

'_Maman_, why is he looking at me like that?' she whispered in Helen's ear.

Helen looked at Sirius and their eyes locked. She felt her heart wrenching as she saw his pain and longing.

'Why don't you go say hello to Remus?' Helen whispered to Anka, patting her head.

Anka pouted.

'You'll meet him later, I promise. We have a meeting now, though,' she said.

Casting one last look at Sirius, Anka went off to the kitchen.

...

Helen walked out of the room and into an empty room and waited. Seconds later the door opened and he came in. Even though it was dark, she could feel his eyes burning into her as he walked up to her and kissed her, taking her face in both his hands.

'That was her… wasn't it?' he said, sounding breathless.

Helen nodded, feeling her heart racing.

'Yes,' she breathed.

'She's…' he broke off. 'She's… '

Helen took his hand and kissed it.

'Oh God, Helen, please… I…'

'She wants to meet you too,' Helen said, kissing him. 'She's very interested in you, for some reason.'

Sirius looked her in the eyes.

'It should have been us,' he said, his voice heavy with the burdens of his life. 'It should have been the three of us.'

Helen kissed him urgently, trying to prevent herself from becoming teary.

'How am I meant to look at her now- and you- and know that she doesn't know who I really am to her? How am I meant to take that? Can't I have her as my daughter too?' he asked, sounding pained

Helen sighed.

'But she doesn't know… and…'

'Look at us, Helen! What are we doing right now?'

Helen started breathing heavily, but Sirius forced her to look at him.

'Tell me. What are we doing? We're sneaking around for… what? It's not fair on anyone,' he said.

Helen looked away.

'How can I leave him after everything I've done?' she said miserably. 'He's so good to me… he's…'

'And what about me?' Sirius whispered.

Helen started beating her head against his chest.

'Why? Why did you have to break up with me?'

Sirius hugged her to him tightly.

'You know why,' he whispered, and Helen nodded morosely.

'Can you just… give me some time to sort things out?' she asked, stroking his cheek. 'This isn't about just you and I anymore,' she said. 'Anka's the most important person in my life now, and I'm not going to hurt her,' she said. 'Just give me… time. I need to think about this properly, okay?' she whispered in his ear.

He was silent and Helen thought he was going to say something but then he seemed to think the better of it and just kissed her lips, pressing her into the wall.

* * *

They returned just in time for the meeting. Remus shot them annoyed looks, but didn't say anything.

'Where's Anka?' Helen asked Molly, registering that her daughter was not present.

'She's gone to explore the house,' Molly said. 'I told her to be careful.'

'That never means anything to her,' Helen muttered. 'Are there any very dangerous objects in the house?' she asked, worriedly.

Sirius seemed to consider it.

'She should be fine,' he nodded.

Helen pursed her lips, but let it go at that as they all sat down and waited for Dumbledore to arrive.

* * *

'…and they were planning on…'

Kingsley's report was suddenly interrupted by a scream.

'Anka,' Helen said, standing up suddenly and running out of the room, followed closely by Sirius.

'ANKA?' Helen called.

'_Maman_… make it stop,' she cried.

'Anka, where are you?' she called.

'In h...here,' Anka cried.

Sirius beat Helen to the room and there was another scream, and then nothing.

Helen rushed in to the room to find Anka sobbing into Sirius' chest whilst he looked slightly shocked at the sudden proximity between himself and his daughter.

'What happened?' Helen asked, kneeling next to them.

Sirius nodded towards a metallic instrument which was smoking on the other side of the room.

'Anka, are you hurt?' Helen whispered.

Anka, slowly sat up, blushing as she realised that she _had_ just been sobbing into a stranger's chest, and stuck out her arm to Helen. There were two puncture wounds and Helen, shaking her head, took out her wand and performed wound healing spells on them.

'See what happens when you touch strange instruments?' she said to Anka sternly.

Anka sniffed affectedly.

'Thankyou _monsieur_,' she said to Sirius, blushing as she realised that he was _the '_Sirius Black.'

Sirius nodded, still looking slightly shocked.

Helen glanced at the two of them before clearing her throat.

'Sirius, this is Anka,' she said, meeting his eyes fleetingly. 'Anka, this is Sirius Black.'

Anka suddenly seemed to have forgotten her traumatic experience and brightened up.

'You went to school with _maman_, didn't you?' she said, becoming rather talkative.

'Anka…'

Sirius laughed a little.

'Yes, I did,' he nodded, smiling at her, his expression unreadable.

'And they made you go to Azkaban- but you were innocent?'

Sirius nodded again- but this time his eyes were darker.

'How did you escape?' she asked, looking at him with admiration.

'Anka… not now,' Helen said. 'We still have the meeting,' she said to Sirius.

Both Sirius and Anka wrinkled their noses in the exact same manner and Helen was temporarily stunned as she realised that the three of them were sitting together on the floor.

'Well you can both stay for dinner, right?' Sirius said suddenly, looking hopeful.

Helen bit her lip and tried to remember what shift Theo was on…

This was a problem now. Her thoughts were now so consumed with Sirius that she had forgotten about the things which she would always know.

'Yes! Yes, we can,' Anka nodded to him happily. 'Why?' she said to Helen. 'We're not doing anything. And besides, papa was saying something about sending me to grand-mère Sophie for the weekend for sneaking out on Saturday…'

Helen pursed her lips.

'You most certainly won't be going to your grand-mère Sophie,' Helen said, feeling annoyed that Theo was making such arrangements without consulting her. 'We can stay for dinner,' she added to Sirius whose face lit up as they all stood up.

'And no more exploring for you,' Helen said to Anka. 'You can sit in the kitchen and wait.'

Anka pulled a face and grinned at Sirius as she followed her mother down the stairs.

In the darkness of the steps, Helen felt Sirius' hand grab her own, his thumb rubbing the side of her hand urgently. She squeezed it before letting go as they came into the light again.

* * *

Everyone from the Order had gone home except for Remus and Sirius. Remus, Sirius and Anka sat at the kitchen table whilst Helen cooked dinner for them all.

'So how did you do it?' Anka asked Sirius, looking at him expectantly.

Sirius drew an unsteady breath. He could not believe that he was actually talking to his daughter… that he even had a daughter.

He stared at her with so much longing. She looked just like her- except for her eyes and hair, as Helen had said. Furthermore, she seemed to have inherited his mischievous traits…

'Well, you see, I'm an animagus,' he explained eventually.

'Can you show me?' she asked, her eyes lighting up.

Sirius glanced at Remus who was watching the conversation with a mixture of reservation and pity before grinning at Anka and standing up and changing into his animagus form.

Anka clapped her hands excitedly.

'_C'est magnifique_!' she exclaimed, patting his head and giggling as he let out a happy bark.

'No animals in the kitchen,' Helen called from the other room.

Anka rolled her eyes and Sirius changed back to his normal form.

'Anyway… well, as an animagus, the dementors found it harder to detect my emotions and, because I was so thin, I managed to slip through the bars as a dog and escape. I swam all the way from Azkaban to shore, and that's how I escaped,' he shrugged.

Anka gaped at him for a moment before remembering herself and closing her mouth.

'That's amazing,' she said, shaking her head. 'And you weren't afraid that they would catch you?' she asked, looking at him.

Sirius shrugged.

'I didn't have much to live for inside the cell, so it was either do or die for me,' he said.

Anka stared at him, smiling to herself.

Suddenly, she leaned forward and looked at him more closely.

'You have grey eyes too,' she said. 'I never met anyone with grey eyes before.'

Sirius nodded slowly, not knowing what to say whilst Anka continued to look at him for a moment, with calculating eyes, before shrugging.

Sirius quickly changed the subject.

'Why were you sneaking out?' he asked.

Anka rolled her eyes.

'It's boring at home.'

Sirius' mouth became a thin line, but then he smiled a little.

'Well, I see that you're like your mother after all,' he said.

Anka leaned in conspiratorially.

'Like _maman_? No… she's such a prude. I bet papa was her only boyfriend… unless… she said you took her to a few balls. Did you go out with her?' she asked slyly, looking to Remus as well.

Sirius glanced at Remus who shook his head slightly.

Sirius was saved by Helen walking in the kitchen dining room, levitating a platter of stuffed peppers in front of her.

'My favourite,' Anka said happily.

Sirius smiled as he thought the exact same thing.

'Well, _bon apetit_ everyone,' Helen smiled flicking her wand and setting the plates in front of them all.

'You're not 'of age',' Sirius commented as Anka poured out four glasses of wine.

Anka looked at him incredulously.

'What is this 'of age'?' she asked him, wrinkling her nose.

Sirius sighed. That was what Theo had said.

'We think it's better that Anka learns to drink responsibly rather than… abuse it later on,' Helen said to Sirius.

Sirius exchanged an unimpressed look with Helen, but said nothing as he continued to watch his daughter who continued to bombard him with questions.

* * *

As Helen was cleaning the dishes and making coffees- and Remus was helping her- Sirius glanced at Anka.

'Do you play quidditch?' he asked.

'Yes.'

'What position?'

'Chaser,' she said.

Sirius nodded.

'Like Helen, then.'

'_Maman_ played quidditch?' Anka frowned.

Sirius stared at Anka and wondered if Anka even knew anything about her mother. It made him sad to see that Helen had obviously kept everything from her past from Anka.

After all, she was so wonderful… why should she be ashamed of who she was?

'Why don't you come with me?' he said, standing up. 'I'll show you a few things about your mother,' he said.

...

Anka walked around his room, looking at the photos a little warily.

'Aren't you a bit old for such posters?' she asked, nodding at the bikini models.

Sirius smiled a little, but realised that they were in no way appropriate for his daughter's young eyes.

'I put those there when I was sixteen… with Permanent Sticking charms.'

Anka nodded slowly and then looked more closely at the photos he had stuck up.

'Is that… _maman_?' she asked, pointing to the photo which Helen, Sirius and James had taken together in the photo booth when they were fourteen.

Sirius nodded and looked at the photo, a sad smile playing on his lips.

How time had flied.

'_Maman_… but she's only with boys, here. Who's the other boy?'

'James Potter- he was my best friend…'

Anka nodded.

'She talks about him sometimes- and Lily too. They're Harry Potter's parents, _non_?'

Sirius nodded.

Anka looked sad for a moment as she touched the photo.

'What was she like? She never says why she left England… was she always like she is now?' she asked Sirius quietly, looking up at him.

Sirius sat down on the floor and she sat next to him.

'And what is she like now?' he asked quietly, tracing the corners of his old photo album.

Anka stared ahead of her.

'I don't know. She's very quiet, does everything papa asks- except for letting me stay over at Grandma Sophie's overnight, thank God- and she never talks about her past. She's… perfect, but she seems so… I'm so sure there's more to her,' she said, frowning.

Sirius smiled a little.

'That's what I thought when I first met her too,' he said. 'Did she tell you that we hated each other for a long time?' he said.

Anka nodded.

'Why?'

Sirius shrugged.

'She was smart… and smart girls would stay away from me,' he laughed, thinking of Lily as well.

Anka smiled a little.

'So how did you become friends?'

Sirius was quiet.

'I suppose… we just got sick of fighting with each other. We actually had a bit in common,' he said thoughtfully.

Anka looked at him in disbelief.

'I know, we look like polar opposites, now, don't we?' he said, grinning.

Anka nodded.

'Well, if I told you that Helen had broken several ribs of mine, my nose, arm, knocked me out many times, and had me in the Hospital Wing almost every week, would that make you think of her a bit differently?' he said, raising his eyebrows.

Anka looked at Sirius incredulously.

'_Maman_ would _never_ do that,' she said, rolling her eyes.

Sirius laughed.

'So she really _has_ changed, then. I bet you I could do something to make her shout at me,' he said to Anka, grinning at her.

'_C'est impossible,'_ Anka said confidently.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at her.

'I'm sure… I could probably get her to duel me too,' he added.

Anka shook her head.

'You don't know her very well. She never shouts- and _never_ duels at all.'

'Ah, well that's good to hear. At least I might stand a chance if she's a little rusty,' he grinned.

Anka looked at him as though he were mad.

'Fine. You can try, but she won't shout. I promise you,' she nodded.

'We'll see,' Sirius grinned.

'What's that?' Anka nodded at the photo album.

'I thought you might like to see a few photos,' Sirius shrugged.

* * *

'Wow… _maman_ was pretty.'

'You make her sound like she still isn't,' Sirius said, more to himself.

'Did you like her?' Anka asked, shooting a side-wards glance at Sirius.

Sirius flipped the page.

'And this was the quidditch match which we won… see how I'm bleeding there? That's because she punched me. I mean, we were on the same side, but I think I called her something... can't remember what, though...' he said, laughing a little.

Anka sighed and leaned back against the side of the bed.

'If she was so good at everything, why is she just… I don't understand why she has just wasted her life…'

'Those times were different, Anka,' Sirius said, his brow crinkling in pain. 'Voldemort was much bigger than he is now and it was very dangerous. So many of our friends died…'

Anka nodded quietly.

But Sirius wanted her to understand something.

'All of us- we were like a group. There were us four boys- Remus, James, Peter and I, and then your mother and Lily. Apart from Peter, we were all the smartest and best in our year. Helen was the best, by far, though. She got dux of our year…'

Anka looked surprised but Sirius continued.

'We all had so much promise. We all should have ended up with the best jobs, but do you know where we've ended up?'

Anka waited, giving him all of her attention.

Sirius swallowed.

'James and Lily died at twenty-one, I've spent twelve years in Azkaban, Remus can't get a job because he's a werewolf, and your mother… well, considering what happened to the rest of us, she's done okay,' he said.

Anka held his eyes for a moment before looking down.

'And all of this was because of Voldemort?'

Sirius was glad that at least Helen had raised Anka to be able to say his name.

'Yes,' he said bitterly.

Anka nodded slowly and touched the photo which showed the Marauders- their arms around each other's shoulders, laughing.

'I hope you're not giving her even more tips on causing trouble,' Helen said appearing at the door. 'She's in detention enough as it is.'

Anka looked at her mother sadly and Helen cast Sirius a frightened look, but he shook his head slightly.

'I think it's time to leave, now,' she said to Anka. 'It's getting late.'

Sirius looked down, and Helen felt her heart break at this.

Anka also looked reluctant to leave.

'Why don't you go say goodbye to Remus?' she said to Anka.

'Do we have to go?' Anka asked.

Helen nodded.

'Can I come back again?'

Helen noticed that Sirius was looking at her for her answer.

'Yes… if you're a good girl, I'll bring you again soon,' she nodded.

Sighing, Anka stood up.

'Goodbye Sirius… and thank you for saving me, before,' she added.

Sirius smiled.

'No problem.'

Anka smiled at him and walked out of the room.

'She knows nothing about you,' Sirius said reproachfully to Helen.

Helen walked up to him slowly.

'What do you expect me to tell her?'

'She thinks you were just this prissy perfect nice girl who turned into the perfect housewife!' he exclaimed. 'She should know about you! Why are you ashamed of who you were? What? Husband Theo wouldn't approve?' he scoffed.

Helen's eyes widened, not expecting this, before she glared at him and turned on her heel.

'Well that's just typical isn't it,' he said, following her. 'You never did like facing reality did you?'

'Don't test me, Sirius,' she said through gritted teeth, going down the stairs.

'Why not? You're lying to our daughter...'

Helen rounded on him.

'Shh!' she hissed.

'What? You don't want her to hear?'

Helen heard the kitchen door opening and Anka and Remus coming out.

'Shut up,' she said in a warning voice.

'Why should I?' he said stubbornly.

'I'm warning you...'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Oh, but you're so sweet-tempered these days. What would you do to me?' he challenged.

Helen slapped him stingingly across the face and closed her eyes as she heard Anka's gasp from behind her.

Sirius laughed a little.

'See, told you I could get her to hit me,' he said to Anka, who was looking from Sirius to her mother in shock, and winking at her conspiratorially.

Helen glared at Sirius and turned abruptly to Anka.

'Come on, we're going now,' she snapped at Anka. 'Bye Remus,' she added to Remus who was looking bewildered, but a little amused as well.

'_Maman_?' Anka said uncertainly.

'I wouldn't test her now... she's a bit dangerous when she's this angry,' Sirius said from behind her.

Helen rounded on him angrily.

'Nice to see the old temper... _ma cherie,_' he said, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

Helen's face blanched and she grabbed Anka and dragged her out into the front entrance.

'_Maman_... why did he call you '_ma cherie'?'_

'He's an idiot,' Helen seethed.

'You slapped him!'

'As I said, he's an idiot,' she continued, waving her hand at the locks on the door and unlocking them.

'I think he's nice.'

'Trust me, nice and Sirius are mutually exclusive,' Helen muttered.

'Are we just leaving like this?'

'Yes.'

'Will I come back?'

'No.'

'I want to come back,' Anka said stubbornly.

'Well you can't- get out of the house now so we can go home. Your father will be waiting.'

'But I like it here. It's boring at home. Can't I stay here for the rest of the holidays?'

'How did I raise you to just trust someone straightaway?' Helen said incredulously.

'Oh come on, he's your friend! Of course I trust him.'

'Enough of this. We're going,' Helen snapped, conscious that Sirius was leaning against the doorway and looking in their direction with an amused expression.

'Why don't you talk about your past? Why do you keep so many secrets? Is that why you're angry at him? Because he told me about what you used to be like?'

'Anka, if you don't get out of this house right now, I'm going to slap you too...'

'I'll only leave if you promise to let me come back.'

'You'll leave whether you like it or not,' Helen said, reaching out, grabbing Anka by the arm and dragging her out of the house.

* * *

**There's a little more from this in the next chapter...**

**Perhaps Anka might see a side to her mother which she never knew even existed? I mean, she already is very surprised...**

**And are you all happy now? Well, at least a little bit? Sirius has met his daughter...**

**I mean, I was going to have them meet anyway, but it's not like Helen would have just brought Anka the day after she and Sirius started talking... and seeing each other again.**

**She needs time for a lot of these things. This already was a big step for her. Be patient, it's not an easy situation...**

**Oh, and I suppose you want a quote right?**

**Hmmm... let's see... how about this one?**

'I don't want you to die, maman,' - Anka to Helen

**Oh, and what the heck. I'll give you another:**

'SIRIUS BLACK!' - Theo.

**Anyway, so I'm sure you all want that next chapter, don't you?**

**Well, here's what you have to do to get it (won't take long, promise).**

**You press that blue-ish button at the end of the page which says 'Submit a Review'**

**And you write me a note.**

**You submit it.**

**I get it in my Inbox.**

**And, in return, you get the next chapter in _your_ Inbox asap!**

**Love Anya**


	95. Chapter 7: Digging Deeper

'_**You always admire what you really don't understand'**_** – Blaise Pascal

* * *

**

Digging Deeper

They arrived home and Helen removed the invisibility charm.

'How dare you?' she said angrily to Anka. 'In front of someone else, how _dare_ you speak to me like that?'

Anka blinked, very shocked at being reprimanded in such a manner by her mother.

She didn't know what to say.

'Sit down,' Helen ordered Anka.

Anka sat down abruptly, feeling rather scared.

'Ah, Helen, Anka, you're back,' Theo said, coming into the room and smiling at the two of them.

'Not now, Theo,' Helen said curtly. 'Anka and I are going to have a talk.'

Theo looked at Helen warily before nodding and leaving.

Helen waited until he was out of the room before continuing.

'You have _no_ idea about the things which I have done for you,' she said angrily. 'No idea at all about the sacrifices I have made to make sure that you live a happy life. I never told you off because I didn't want to be like my parents were to me but now I see that I was wrong. You have missed a few much-needed slaps across the face.'

Anka stared at her mother, looking as though she _had_ just received a slap.

'How dare you sneak out of the house? You're only fourteen years old! If you want to go out, you ask me. When did I say that you were allowed to leave the house without permission?'

Anka looked down, tears coming to her eyes.

'You may cry, Anka, but I do not care,' Helen continued. 'Because how you spoke to me today in front of Sirius and Remus was simply unacceptable. I am your mother and you will show me proper respect. You will never give me ultimatums in front of people, and you will never raise your voice at me ever again. Do you understand?'

Anka sniffed.

Helen's nostrils flared.

'Good. Now get to bed. If I ever receive such behaviour and attitude from you again, there will be trouble,' she snapped.

Anka did not need telling twice. She got up and, her head hanging as she left the room.

…….

'Are you feeling okay, Helen?' Theo asked as Helen walked into the kitchen.

Helen nodded.

'It's about time I took proper control over that girl,' she said gravely.

Theo didn't say anything.

'Have you eaten?' he asked.

She nodded, and then suddenly looked up, horrified.

'Oh no! You haven't… sit, I'll cook right…'

He laughed softly.

'It's okay, I already cooked… do you want to try some anyway?' he asked, smiling at her hopefully.

Helen smiled at him hesitantly. She hated herself now, because she could not honestly look him in the eye anymore.

'What did you make?'

'Ratatouille,' he said.

Helen went to stand up, but Theo held up his hand.

'I'll serve you, _madame_,' he said, with a small smile, pecking her on the lips and going to the stove.

'Not too much…'

Theo nodded and handed her the plate, fixing a napkin for her.

She tried it.

'Well?' he asked, looking for her reaction.

She nodded approvingly.

'Not bad for _sous_-chef,' she said. 'It's wonderful, thankyou, Theo. I'm so sorry that I…'

Theo shook his head.

'You work so hard with everything… I should cook for you more often,' he said, taking her hand and making her feel so horribly guilty for what she was doing with Sirius.

He kissed her softly.

'It was strange coming home to an empty house,' he mused, stroking her cheek.

Now Helen felt sick. How on earth could she leave him like that? Selfishly leave him to an empty house- forever- for her own selfish happiness?

He kissed her again and sat down on an opposite chair, pulling her to sit on his lap.

'Do you know,' he said slowly, reaching into his pocket. 'That on this day fifteen years ago, I asked you to marry me?'

Helen closed her eyes, wishing Theo wouldn't be so good to her.

'I saw this on the way home from work and I thought of you,' he said, pulling out a necklace box to reveal a pearl necklace.

She sighed.

'Theo…'

'Do you like it?' he interrupted.

She smiled sadly and kissed him.

'I do, thankyou,' she said, feeling defeated as he fixed the clasp around her neck.

That necklace could not have weighed more had it been heavy iron manacles around her neck.

* * *

Helen avoided Sirius the next order meeting and left without speaking to him. In the next one, however, she was not so lucky.

'You can't do this,' he whispered to her from where he was sitting next to her.

She ignored him, keeping her eyes fixed on Dumbledore.

Although this didn't help her resolve too much because she still blamed _him_ for her situation with Sirius now.

'Please stay once the meeting's over.'

……

Reluctantly, she _did_ stay. Remus sighed, but left the room as they sat at the table, opposite each other.

They sat in silence for a while.

'Sirius,' she said, eventually. 'Can you answer me this truthfully?'

He looked up at her.

'Do you really need me? You've lived without me for fifteen years. Could you continue to do so if you had to?'

Sirius stared at her.

'Do you call those years 'living'?' he said, shaking his head at her sadly. 'Every second has been torture. Azkaban was nothing compared to… ' he trailed off and looked down. 'I would do Azkaban again- two, three… four times, even, if I could get it back to how it was- with you… with James and Lily… '

He drew a sharp intake of breath and looked up to see that Helen had eyes closed and was rubbing her temples.

'I've always loved you,' he said softly. 'I'll never stop.'

'But that's just it,' she said through gritted teeth, removing her hands from her face wearily. 'That isn't enough. The fact that I want you so badly it hurts… that if I was given a guilt-free choice between you and Theo, I would choose you without even needing to think… that isn't enough anymore, because that choice _isn't_ guilt-free. I can't leave him, because I've been with him for the past fifteen years and he loves and has raised Anka like his own daughter. He loves me and I won't lie, I love him too. I do- even though I've been so terrible to him and have hurt him in such an unforgivable way, I still love him. The difference is that how I'm in love with him doesn't even compare to what I feel with you…'

She trailed off and looked Sirius in the eye.

'And is it fair of me to keep Anka from you? Is it fair on her not to know that you're her real father? Was it fair of me not to tell you as soon as I was pregnant? '

She shook her head bitterly.

'I don't know. I've never been a very good judge of these things… I've made many very bad mistakes in my life and now they've all come back to haunt me and I don't know what to do. What do I do? It would be so easy to just continue like this- here and there- but I'm not completely without a conscience to know that we can't do that without being eventually driven to madness.'

Sirius remained silent.

'Please help me. Help me find the right thing to do,' she whispered, tears glistening down her cheeks.

He breathed heavily.

'I can't stop… ever since I saw her, I just can't stop thinking…'

But then he trailed off and a look of intense pain crossed his face.

'But I'd be a bad father,' he said bitterly. 'How I am with Harry… I'm hardly responsible with him- how would I be with Anka?'

Helen shook her head.

'It's hard to become a parent 'overnight'… but you learn, just like you will with Harry…'

'But I want you both too. I know what you're saying about… _Theo_, I do, but that doesn't mean…'

He stopped and looked up at Helen with wide eyes.

'I spent about two hours with her in total and I'm already in love with her… I… I can't describe what it's like to see her- after everything that's happened- to know that she's _our_ daughter- that I even _have_ a daughter!'

He smiled a little to himself.

'And then she looks so much like you, but I see so much of myself in her anyway… it's…'

Helen smiled, knowing exactly how he felt.

He took her hand on the table.

'She's… amazing! Please don't keep her away from me.'

'She'll be going to school in over a month,' Helen said.

Sirius considered this.

'Can't she stay here?'

Helen looked at him reproachfully.

'You know that's not possible,' she said reasonably.

'Why not? She wants to…maybe she already knows?'

'She doesn't,' Helen said flatly.

Sirius, however, didn't seem convinced.

'I don't know… she keeps on asking me if you and I went out…'

'Going out with someone is very different to ending up producing a child with them,' Helen said shrewdly. 'We don't have a stupid daughter… I don't think that would have been possible, anyway,' she said, more to herself.

'Yes, but she said that we had the same eyes,' Sirius reasoned.

'She was probably just commenting… look, she doesn't know! I promise you- she doesn't,' Helen said earnestly.

Sirius looked disappointed for a moment.

'I'll bring her with me to meetings, though,' she said.

Sirius refrained from shouting the words which were so loudly playing in his head; that he didn't fucking want to see her for a measly half an hour every few days…

But, somehow, many years of experience with Helen had taught him that if he wanted to somehow get his way with her, he would have to gently point her in that direction and she would have to come to the decision herself.

'If she's clever, she'll realise soon anyway,' he pointed out. 'She'll realise about you and I…'

Helen looked down and Sirius knew what she was about to say.

'Don't tell me that you can give us up now that we don't have a reason,' he said.

Helen withdrew her hand.

'Isn't Anka reason enough? What about Theo…'

'Look, to be honest, I don't particularly care about his…'

'Yes, but I do,' she said sternly.

'So you love him, then,' he said flatly, looking at her levelly.

'How can I not after the way he's treated me- and still does- for these past fourteen years?'

'And you sleep with him,' he said, suddenly cringing as the thought properly hit him.

'Now you're being ridiculously immature. He's my husband. Of course I sleep with him,' Helen sighed.

Sirius stared at her.

'You once told me that he was nothing more than a platonic friend. Assured me so, in fact, so tell me- because I'm curious- how exactly did you make that shift from platonic friend to husband so quickly?'

Helen stared at Sirius for a moment and then looked down at the table.

'After we visited Lily that day, I went to Mark and stayed with them. Theo just happened to be in the right place at the right time and recognised me when Nicole took me out shopping after a week. He kind of cornered me into going out with him and so I did- just as friends, though. A week later, I realised that I was pregnant so I did something which I will never forgive myself for. I slept with him. A few weeks later, I told him that I was pregnant and he, assuming that it was his, asked me to marry him.'

She took a deep breath and looked up at Sirius.

'At that time, I didn't know what to do. I wanted Anka to grow up in a proper family, and I knew that if I married Theo, she could do that. I didn't think you wanted me, so Theo, at the time, seemed to be the best option for both Anka and I. A few months later, we got married and then soon after that Anka was born. That's pretty much how it all happened,' she finished heavily.

Sirius looked down at the table.

'I'm sorry,' he said, barely audibly.

Helen looked up, surprised.

He nodded.

'You were right, the other day. I just listened to Dumbledore blindly, but now I can see there would have been other ways around it. It's all my fault… everything's my fault,' he said bitterly.

As Sirius said this, Helen fully understood just how guilty Sirius felt… about everything. Not just about making her leave him, but about Lily and James' death.

She took a sharp breath as she tried to imagine what that would feel like; knowing you had- albeit unconsciously- played a hand in your best friends' deaths.

She suddenly felt so terrible for accusing him before.

'No, Sirius, it's not your fault. You would never have known about Peter, Sirius. You couldn't have known that he would have betrayed Lily and James…'

Sirius said nothing. He would never be convinced.

'And I know why you broke up with me,' she added softly. 'I do. I know you only did it because you wanted to keep me safe. This isn't your fault. You didn't _want_ this to happen,' she said earnestly.

They sat in silence and Sirius rubbed his thumb over Helen's knuckles, neither of them knowing what to do with their situation.

* * *

Sirius sighed as he met every single one of the Weasleys and showed them to their rooms. He wondered if Helen would bring Anka now that they were here…

After getting drilled by Molly Weasley about her 'plan of attack' on the house, he retired to his room wearily. Underneath him, he could hear bangs emerging from what must have been Fred and George's room.

He wondered about Harry now. He too must have felt horrible; stuck, alone, with Petunia and Vernon…

Sirius again felt a wave of annoyance towards Dumbledore. Lily and James had appointed _him_ as Harry's guardian. Grimmauld Place was surely safer than wherever Petunia lived.

Sirius thought that, once Harry came, surely his life would not look so bleak- it would be like having James back…

Almost.

But he was still excited to see Harry again. He only wished that seeing his own daughter would be so easy.

* * *

Helen kept her eyes averted as Dumbledore sat opposite her in her living room.

They had not spoken, alone like this, in nearly fifteen years.

Anka walked into the room, looking puzzled.

'Albus, this is my daughter Anka,' Helen said to Dumbledore politely.

She was polite, but that would be where it stopped.

'Anka, this is Professor Dumbledore. He is the Headmaster of Hogwarts,' she said.

'Pleased to meet you, Professor,' Anka said, shaking his hand.

'And you,' Dumbledore said, smiling at her.

Anka sat next to Helen on the couch and Dumbledore looked warily at her for a moment, but did not say anything.

'We have detected a few suspicious disappearances around France. They are all of high-powered wizarding French families, and they all had children who were known as Death Eaters,' he said.

Helen nodded.

'I heard that the Fournier's moved to Spain, last week, though that in itself sounded highly suspicious to me. They had such a strong business… and now they've abandoned it?'

She shook her head and Dumbledore nodded.

'You want me to investigate it?' she said, raising her eyebrows.

'Yes, but it is essential that neither Voldemort nor any Death Eaters recognise you,' he said gravely.

Helen pursed her lips and turned to Anka.

'Anka, can you take in the washing?' she asked her quietly

Anka looked at Helen with wide eyes.

'You're going to see Voldemort!'

'Anka, not now…'

'_Maman!'_

'Anka, get the washing. We will talk later,' she said, kissing Anka on the forehead.

Anka looked worriedly from Dumbledore to Helen, but left quickly.

Helen placed a silencing charm on the room before asking Dumbledore to continue.

'I understand if you…'

'I've made a commitment to the Order,' she interrupted firmly.

...

Helen saw Anka sitting on the staircase as she let Dumbledore out of the house.

They stared at each other and Helen sighed and sat next to her on the staircase.

'Anka…'

'I don't want you to die, _maman_,' she said, leaning her head on Helen's shoulder. 'Why are you doing this?'

Helen kissed the top of Anka's head.

'I'm not going to die, Anka. Have a little faith in me,' she said, smiling a little.

'But Harry Potter's parents died! What if…'

Helen shook her head and hugged Anka to her.

'That was different. They were betrayed. Now, I'm just investigating…'

'And why did he say that you have to disguise yourself?'

Helen was silent for a moment and kissed Anka's head again as she stared at the door.

'I never told you why I left England, did I?'

'You never tell me anything about your past,' Anka said, reproachfully. 'Sirius told me more about you in half an hour than you have in your whole life.'

Helen nodded slowly.

'I always wanted to protect you from my past, but I think there are some things which you should know. Voldemort's coming back, and you need to know,' she said.

...

Anka stared at Helen, some two hours later. They were still sitting on the staircase.

'You're…. you're not muggleborn?'

Helen shook her head.

'And you're… you have no parents?'

'No,' Helen said. 'You're the first daughter not to be born from the Curse,' she said.

Anka's eyes were wide.

'And Voldemort… he… he thinks you're dead?'

Helen nodded.

'Yes, which is why I can't be recognised.'

Anka looked away and her brow furrowed.

'I… I always thought that you were so…'

'Two-dimensional?' Helen offered.

Anka didn't reply.

'But the third dimension doesn't sound so nice, does it?' Helen said bitterly.

Anka said nothing.

'So that's why I can do all that wandless magic,' she said eventually.

Helen sighed.

'You don't have to be of such descent to be able to do wandless magic, but the fact that you are so naturally talented at it- among other things- has to do with it.'

Anka touched Helen's face.

'You went through so much, though,' she whispered. 'You had to leave everything… I can't imagine being told at seventeen that I'm someone different to who I always thought I was,' she said, shivering a little.

Helen felt her heart wrenching a little at this.

'It wasn't so bad… Sirius already had his theories… I would have been fine if that was where it stopped; just being cursed. Of course, having to leave everyone and everything was much worse,' she said.

'Was Sirius your best friend?' Anka asked Helen, leaning on her shoulder again.

Helen stared ahead.

'Yes.'

'I like him. I can see why you were friends with him; he thinks highly of you,' she said quietly.

Helen smiled sadly and kissed Anka again.

'He ran away from home when he was sixteen, so we were both knew what it was not to have families. If it wasn't for him…'

She paused and swallowed.

'I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. He helped me through a lot where no one else could; he understood me,' she said quietly.

Anka was quiet.

'When will you go?'

'Tomorrow.'

'And when will you be back?'

Helen didn't answer.

'_Maman.'_

'I won't be more than a week.'

'Give me a day,' she said.

'Okay, I'll come back on Friday. If I'm not finished, I'll come back and go back again,' she said.

'Papa won't like it.'

'He'll understand,' Helen said reassuringly. 'Be good to him when I'm gone and don't cause trouble.'

'Can't I come…'

'No,' Helen said, her voice stern now.

Anka didn't push the issue.

'Do you want to come with me to Grimmauld Place? I need to speak to a few members before I leave.'

Anka nodded and Helen stood up.

'We'll leave in five minutes.'

* * *

Sirius stared at her.

'Why is he making you do that?' he asked, sounding angry. 'We've gone through all of this to keep you safe, and now he's putting you in that danger again?'

Helen sighed.

'It's okay. I'm not that bad, remember?'

Sirius looked at her darkly, but Helen kissed him lingeringly.

'I'll miss you,' she said, her lips brushing against his.

'Come back quickly,' he said, sounding frustrated. Helen knew that he secretly wished that he himself had such a mission, but would not complain in front of her.

They jumped a little as they heard a bang from under the room.

'Where's Anka?'

'Fred and George took her hostage,' Helen said. 'It seems that pranksters can tell another prankster from afar,' she laughed.

Sirius smiled.

'Those two… could have given us Marauders a run for our money when we were younger,' he said, shaking his head.

Helen smiled and raised her eyebrows.

'Well it seems like you'll be kept busy with your house full of guests,' she said optimistically.

Sirius looked at her reprovingly.

'I'll be waiting for you to return,' he said seriously.

Helen laughed a little.

'I'll make sure to take a one-day detour to get an extra tattoo,' she said, giving him a knowing look.

Sirius laughed and hugged her to him, inhaling her hair.

'Speaking of which… what does _he _say about my tattoo?'

'Nothing. He's never seen it- concealment charm.'

Sirius sighed. Secretly, he had been hoping for some scandalous story.

Helen let go and her lips trailed up his neck until they found his lips. She closed her eyes as she felt his hand running through her hair and she leaned back against the wall, feeling his weight against her…

'SIRIUS!'

Sirius groaned and leaned his head on Helen's shoulder.

'That woman will be the death of me,' he muttered, sounding very frustrated.

'SIRIUS BLACK!'

'Sounds like you're in trouble,' Helen whispered in his ear, laughing softly.

'Honestly, she makes you look like an angel,' he said straightening up now as Molly called him again.

'WHAT DO YOU WANT?' he bellowed, throwing open the door and sounding very annoyed.

'WE NEED SOME HELP HERE!'

He rolled his eyes and Helen smiled at him.

'I guess I'll see you in about a week, then?' she said, kissing him.

He sighed heavily and pulled her closer to him.

'SIRIUS!'

He separated from Helen, muttering oaths under his breath.

'Be careful, okay?'

She rolled her eyes.

'Why is it that you tell Harry things like 'enjoy a deadly struggle for life' and yet you tell me to 'be careful'? Molly was complaining to me about your 'irresponsibility' as a guardian,' she added irritably.

'Because each time Harry comes out of a meeting with Voldemort, he's usually been conscious. You, on the other hand, _ma cherie_…'

Helen hit him playfully and they left his room.

'SIRIUS…'

'I'M COMING! PATIENCE, WOMAN!' he shouted back.

* * *

'So you have a mission, then?' Remus said to Helen who was waiting for Anka who seemed rather busy with Fred and George.

Helen nodded.

Remus glanced at her.

'I'm sorry I've been so… disapproving. I know your situation… it must be hard,' he sighed. 'Not that it's right, but I know why it's hard and can kind of understand,' he said.

Helen nodded.

'And be careful, eh?' he said.

Helen smiled at him and hugged him.

'You too… I hear that certain _werewolves_ can be rather unforgiving,' she said, raising her eyebrows at him.

'Not this one,' he said quietly.

They smiled at each other and Helen's face brightened as Anka came running into the kitchen.

'_Maman! Maman! _Look at this!' she said, showing her one of Fred and George's Extendable Ears.

Helen saw them standing at the side of the room, looking for her reaction cautiously.

Helen smiled and took the contraption from Anka and studied it.

'Very good, very good,' she said, impressed. 'But if you did the Akousi charm on them here, you would be able to hear from further away,' she said to Fred and George who looked rather surprised.

They came into the room.

'Which charm?' one of them said- Helen couldn't tell them apart.

'The Akousi,' Helen said. 'Here,' she said, tapping one of them with her wand and muttering the incantation. 'It'll also get past very weak imperturbable charms... not good enough for the ones we use here, but probably good enough to eavesdrop on your fellow students.'

Fred and George looked at her as though she was their new idol.

'Your mum is _so_ cool,' one of them said to Anka.

Anka grinned.

'You should ask Remus too,' Helen said, putting an arm around Remus' shoulder. 'He's pretty cool too. He knows many weird and wacky tricks.'

Remus blushed a little and the twins laughed.

'But he's too torn between the moral dilemma of what telling us would do,' one of the twins explained to Helen.

Helen raised her eyebrows.

'Ah… I see,' she said, nodding. 'Have you surpassed Sirius and James' detention count yet?'

Fred and George looked at Remus darkly.

'Professor Lupin was too nice to us when he taught us. Had he given us a ten more- and we deserved them too!- we would have beaten it,' they said morosely.

Helen laughed and Remus shook his head, quietly amused.

'That woman drives me…' Sirius trailed off as he saw Fred and George.

They rolled their eyes.

'See you Anka,' one of them said.

'Yeah, see you…'

'Thanks for the ideas, Miss…'

'Helen,' Helen nodded.

They grinned and, after one of them winked at Anka- who blushed a little- they left the room.

Helen faintly noticed that Sirius was looking at Fred and George's retreating backs as though he had half a mind to hex the one who had winked at his daughter.

'All done?' Helen asked, raising her eyebrows at Sirius.

'I wish,' he said, rolling his eyes. 'She truly is mad… and how are you?' Sirius said, paying attention to Anka who was watching him.

She blushed a little and smiled.

'I'm good. Those two boys are very clever,' she said, an impish grin flashing across her features.

Sirius' raised his eyebrows but said nothing to this.

'Well, we had better leave,' Helen sighed. 'I've got some preparing to do… see you,' she said, hugging Remus and kissing his cheek and going to Sirius and doing the same.

She let his kiss last a little longer.

'Bye!' Anka said brightly to the two men before following Helen to the front door.

'You'll come here as soon as you return, right?' Sirius said, as they reached the front door.

Helen nodded, her eyes meeting his.

'Of course, I'll need to report back, after all,' she said.

He nodded.

'We'll be waiting,' he said.

Helen smiled at him before turning to Anka and making them both invisible before disapparating with a loud crack.

* * *

'I HAVE TO STAY WITH GRAND-MERE SOPHIE!' Anka shouted in disbelief, angry tears springing to her eyes.

'Anka, she's your grandmother,' Theo said sternly.

Anka looked frantically to Helen.

'Don't make me… can't I stay at Grimmauld Place? I'll help with…'

'You can't help with anything there,' Helen interrupted, casting a frightened glance at Theo.

'But Sirius said that I could stay and…'

'Who?' Theo interrupted sharply.

Helen sighed and felt her heart pounding in her chest.

Deception was definitely the hardest thing she had ever done. How she would gladly love to resit all of her NEWT exams instead…

'He did not say that, Anka,' she said, wishing that Anka would be more tactful. 'He said that you could visit during the day and play with Fred and George...'

'Who's Sirius?' Theo said, frowning.

Suddenly, comprehension dawned upon Theo's features.

'SIRIUS BLACK!' he said incredulously.

Helen sighed patiently.

'He's in the Order,' she said.

'He's…'

'Innocent.'

Theo, however, did not seem convinced.

'I remember when he came with you on exchange. He was very rude. I don't want Anka spending any time with someone like…'

Helen felt an indignant anger flare up at this.

'He's very nice!' Anka interrupted, looking very indignant.

'Theo,' Helen said reasonably, trying not to let this turn into an argument, and also trying to steer the conversation away from Sirius. 'That was when we were thirteen…. Anyway, what if Mark and Nicole look after Anka during the day? At least she will be closer to home than she would be in Alsace.'

Theo pursed his lips, and Anka nodded vigorously.

'I'll go ask them now, okay?' she said, placing a calming hand on his shoulder.

Theo shrugged and left the room, evidently not happy by the fact that his mother was being slighted.

Anka bit her lip as she looked to her mother.

'Do you want to come with me?' Helen sighed. 'Let's walk.'

Anka nodded and followed Helen.

...

'Listen, Anka, I don't think that it's a good idea to talk about Sirius and things about the Order in front of your father,' she slowly said as they walked down the street.

Anka frowned.

'Why?'

'Let's just say that they didn't get along when they met,' Helen said wearily. 'Look, just don't say anything bad about his parents to him either, okay?'

They continued to walk.

'If something happened to you, he would always make me go there,' Anka said, sounding distraught at the thought.

Helen hugged Anka to her.

'That's not going to happen. I already told you. I'll be fine,' she said, laughing a little and shaking her head at Anka.

They arrived at Mark's apartment and everything was soon sorted out for Anka to stay with Christina and Nicole during the day-time. Whilst they walked home, however, Anka seemed to become frantic.

As they arrived on their front doorstep, Helen sat Anka down and hugged her to her tightly.

'Nothing is going to happen to me,' she said, putting a hand on each shoulder and looking her in the eye. 'I promise! I've done this many times before!' she said earnestly.

Anka looked miserable and Helen kissed both cheeks.

'Come on, let's go inside. Make sure you say goodnight to Theo… I need an early night!' she said brightly, hugging Anka.

* * *

Helen sighed as she got into bed.

'I don't like the idea of you going by yourself,' Theo said apprehensively.

Helen shrugged.

'I can't stand out. It's better this way,' she said to him.

She was rather sick of having everyone worry about her.

She closed her eyes as she felt him pressing his lips to her shoulder, and traced them up to the nape of her neck.

'Theo…' Helen whispered apprehensively.

'Mmm?'

'I have to wake up early… I want to be alert,' she said, feeling horrible.

She knew that she couldn't refuse him forever.

He sighed.

'Well sleep, then,' he said gently, but sounding a little disappointed nonetheless as he kissed her goodnight and lay back next to her.

* * *

**Well I have a feeling that Sirius is feeling pretty cheated now that Helen's going on missions again...**

**Anyway. A few of you have been worrying about Harry. Don't worry. I haven't forgotten him yet. He just hasn't arrived at Grimmauld Place yet.**

**For you:**

_'He was a real loser at school too,' Sirius continued, evidently very happy to talk to his daughter about hating Severus Snape, and even happier that she agreed with his comments._

**and...**

_'What happened?' Anka asked frantically as Sirius placed Helen's limp form on the couch._

**So! My love goes out to all of you who reviewed. Many hugs and kisses ... or your favourite dessert (I believe that's the customary web-thanking etiquette? Cookies anyone?) to you all! Sorry to those who I didn't get to reply to... I did read all of your reviews and definately appreciated them all very much. It's just that I thought you'd all prefer a new chapter in your mailbox tongiht as opposed to a garbled response :)**

**So, please continue reviewing, they seriously help me get through the day (sad but true fact) and I hope to be hearing from you all very soon!**

**Lots of love Anya**


	96. Chapter 8: Widespread

**_'A friend is somebody you want to be around when you feel like being by yourself.' - _Barabara Burrow  
**

* * *

Widespread

Helen left very early the next morning and neither Anka nor Theo was up as she shut the front door to the house. She walked through the dark street of the morning, feeling the cool wind biting at her face as she inhaled the icy air. Rather than shuddering, she quickened her pace as she felt a surge of adrenalin rush through her body; feeling fresh from the chilly morning.

It had been a long time since she had last been permitted to do something so important.

...

She arrived in Bordeaux shortly and pulled her jacket around her tightly as she continued to walk briskly through the still-sleeping town. Every now and then, she would spin around when she heard a cat's meow or a stray dog overturning the lid of a bin in an alleyway…

But otherwise, the city was yet to show signs of life. It was, after all, four in the morning.

...

After walking for fifteen minutes, she checked her map and took a turn into a side street until she came out into a clearing with a vineyard. She put away the map and, after checking to see if she was being followed, she ran through the vineyard.

'It's been a while,' she mused to herself, smiling a little as she reached the end of the vineyard and bent over her knees to catch her breath.

She definitely would need to work on her fitness. She had let herself go too much these years…

She paused for a moment as she remembered how ruthlessly James used to train them during quidditch season and wondered what he would have to say on her fitness levels now.

'Ah, James…' she sighed as she cautiously stepped out of the vineyard and, taking her wand out, walked towards the Fournier chateau.

She shivered a little. It was _too_ quiet here; _too_ remote.

Unnaturally so.

She unlocked the door tentatively and shut it behind her. Her eyes did a quick scan of the area as she performed various revealing charms, only to see that the front entrance was clear. Taking a deep breath, she proceeded further into the house.

She searched various rooms for anything; letters, a sign of struggle… but found nothing. Rumours of the Fourniers leaving, however, were obviously false as all of their wardrobes were full of clothes.

But there was not a trace of anything either. Everything was in pristine condition, and there were no leading bits of information.

There weren't even any pictures of their fallen son; Gaspard Fournier. The family seemed to have gone to lengths to remove any trace that he was once their son as Helen saw many photographs and paintings where there would be an empty seat…

There was nothing.

...

As Helen was searching under the mattress of a girl's bedroom, the wardrobe door burst open and a young girl with blonde curls burst out of it, gripping a wand in front of her.

Helen looked up, surprised.

'Get away from the bed,' the girl ordered rapidly in French.

Helen put up her hands and slowly stood up.

'I'm not here to hurt you,' she said.

The girl's grip on the wand tightened.

'That's what they said to _maman _and _papa_ and _Sara_ before they killed them,' she said, her voice shaking.

Helen's eyes widened.

'Who? Who was it?' she asked.

'Put down your wand!' the girl shrieked.

Helen nodded, now feeling genuinely glad that she was proficient in wandless magic, and slowly dropped her wand to the ground.

The girl walked around the bed cautiously and took Helen's wand.

'What's your name?' she demanded, not lowering her wand.

'Sarah DuBois,' Helen answered automatically.

The girl looked at her sceptically.

'What do you want here?' she persisted.

'I'm here to help you,' Helen said genuinely. 'We noticed that your family went missing and we're trying to find who did it.'

The girl's stared at her a moment before dropping the wands cautiously.

'Did you see who did it?' Helen asked gently.

'They wore… masks,' the girl said, looking down and swallowing.

Helen felt her heart beating in her chest. It was as they had feared.

'Did you hear what they said?' she continued.

The girl shook her head.

'Can you take me to my _grand-mere_?' she asked quietly.

Helen nodded.

'Where is she?'

'Around the corner. I'm too scared to go outside, though,' the girl said, sounding frightened.

Helen sighed and knelt in front of her.

'I won't let anything hurt you,' she said gently. 'But I'll need my wand when we're outside.'

'Are we far?' Helen asked after they had been walking for fifteen minutes.

The girl shook her head and turned into another empty street but for one house.

'This is your grandmother's house?'

The girl nodded and went to ring the bell.

They waited and a wizened old lady answered the door.

'Amelie! Oh, Amelie!' the lady said, hugging the little girl. 'Thank you so much, _mademoiselle,_' she said to Helen.

Helen nodded.

'Would you mind if I asked a few questions?' she asked.

The lady shook her head and ushered Helen in.

And that was when it all went wrong.

* * *

The little girl and old lady had suddenly disappeared and, in their steads were two large men, with dark hair and thick moustaches. Before Helen could process this fact, one of them had slammed her against the door whilst the other stripped her of her wand. He held it to her neck and they surveyed her.

'What did you want with the Fourniers?' one of them snarled.

Helen said nothing and she suddenly felt as though thousands of knives piercing her skin.

It stopped and they both gave throaty, lusty chuckles.

'Now answer the question, bitch,' one of them said, gripping her face in one of his hands.

It was almost getting boring, Helen thought. She always ended up using the same process.  
At least it was foolproof.

A painting on the wall behind them crashed to the ground and both the men spun around, pointing their wands tensely in the direction of the painting.

Before they could do anything else, Helen had them both thrown across the room and they hit the wall with a sickening crunch.

Once she had them securely tied down so they could not escape or hurt her, Helen roused them from their unconsciousness.

'I am going to start by asking you fairly, but if you fail to comply, I won't hesitate to torture you,' she said in a metallic voice.

Having lot three of her best friends to Death Eaters had hardened her considerably and then her hopeless situation with Sirius….

She rather felt that she could be excused for no longer caring too much about the wellbeing of any Death Eaters.

'What were you doing at the Fournier Chateau?' she asked.

No answer.

She cleared her throat and asked again, enunciating each word clearly.

When they did not respond, she clicked her tongue and soon they were both writhing in pain until one of them shouted for her to stop.

She did.

'Well?' she demanded.

'They refused to join the Dark Lord and were planning on warning the French authorities,' he gasped. 'They knew too much from Gaspard.'

'And what did you do with them?' she asked, her voice hard.

'Killed them,' the other said with a twisted smile.

Helen felt herself become sick and it took all of the strength of her soul not to kill him then and there.

After extracting more information so she knew her next step, she made sure that they were securely imprisoned in the house and sent a message to London for other members so they could find them and deal with them appropriately.

* * *

Over the next few days, Helen had similar encounters to the first one; it seemed as though the Death Eaters were prepared for some kind of investigation and, stupidly, had adopted the similar trick of using a young child in a bid to lure an unsuspecting member into their 'den'.

But she had managed to gain considerable insight to Voldemort's movements. All these Death Eaters were young; newly enlisted fanatics; ruthlessly committed to his cause.

What was even worse, was that they were French. The situation was now no longer contained in England.

Anyone who knew too much about him, and had avoided rejoining had to be exterminated.

And he had not spared the little children who nothing either. On the Thursday, Helen found the body of a girl who must have been Anka's age and couldn't help the tears from stinging her eyes. She suddenly felt so unsatisfied with leaving her daughter with Mark and Nicole…

Grimmauld Place would have been much safer.

...

Friday soon arrived and Helen was relieved that this would be her last day, and she could see Anka again, and then Sirius… and Theo. It surprised her that she missed all three of them; especially Anka. But everything had gone to plan and she was on her last house for investigation now, anyway.

It all started exactly as she had expected. She arrived at the house and readied herself for the change when she arrived at the house.

This time, however, she was not met by two Death Eaters, but some ten and she suddenly panicked.

Two was easy. Three or Four was manageable. Five was stretching it, but ten…?

Ten was impossible.

She tried to deal with the situation as calmly as she could. She needed time, now, to stall her possible murder and, also, to try thinking up an escape plan. She was alarmed, however, to see that, this time, she was not alone either. There was another girl, barely able to stand, yet compelled to do so from the chains which were holding her arms up. She screamed as two of the Death Eaters continually tortured her.

'I won't say anything,' she said defiantly.

Helen felt chills run down her spine as she recognised the voice.

It was Isa.

Now she felt the need to escape becoming more urgent. Trying to ignore a Death Eater's hands which were feeling her up, she fixed her stare on the chains and they snapped, freeing Isa from her exhausting position.

She then caused the Death Eater to fly backwards, knocking two others behind him...

She felt herself being hit by a hex and limped on her leg which was now profusely bleeding….

She managed to pick up her wand quickly and was by Isa's side as soon as she could be, deflecting the curses which came their way as quickly as she could. When she felt Isa losing consciousness, she sent the two worst offenders crumpling to the ground and, holding onto her Isa tightly, disapparated.

* * *

'Help!' Helen screamed as she apparated into the hospital, holding onto Isa's limp form.

Healers came rushing forward and began to administer treatment hurriedly to Isa. Whilst they did so, Helen rushed to Theo's ward to get him. He was consulting a patient, but excused himself immediately as soon as he saw Helen and walked up to her, hugging her tightly.

'Thank God you're okay,' he said, kissing her.

But Helen separated quickly.

'Theo, it's Isa. She's…'

'What?' he interrupted sharply.

Helen grabbed his hand and led him quickly through the hospital to where his cousin was. She saw his face become ashen as he registered that the bruised and tortured girl who the Healers were failing to revive was his cousin.

Helen watched on, becoming frustrated as they did not use the Rypitin procedure. She had never learnt it in her course, but Mrs Potter had taught it to her.

And the memory of Mrs Potter, dead upon hearing of the death of her son, made Helen push through the Healers impatiently. Mrs Potter was the one who had made her appreciate how worthwhile her job was, and yet she had forgotten that all these years. She would not, however, see another one of her friends die unnecessarily and, pushing up her sleaves, muttered the complicated incantations, ignoring the angry mutters of the other Healers behind her.

But it worked, as Helen knew it would, and, slowly, Isa's breathing steadied.

* * *

Once Helen was satisfied that Isa would live and merely needed rest, she went immediately back to Mark's place to see Anka. She pressed the doorbell and, less than half a minute later, she saw Anka tearing down the steps of the apartment building. Helen drew deep, steady breaths as she embraced Anka tightly.

'You're late. You said you would be here by noon,' Anka said reproachfully.

Helen kissed Anka's forehead.

'Your Aunty Isa is in hospital, I had to take her there first,' she apologised.

Anka's eyes widened.

'Is she okay?'

Helen nodded gravely.

'She will be,' she said.

'What happened?'

Helen sighed.

'She was tortured and badly injured… I'll tell you about it when we get home, but firstly I have to go inform the Order about it.'

She didn't even need to ask if Anka wanted to come.

* * *

This time, however, Anka stayed by Helen's side the whole time which, Helen could see, frustrated Sirius a little as he seemed to find the necessary distance between them too much; glad as he was to see his daughter. Helen managed to get around this slight problem only at the end by telling Anka to go say hello to Fred and George whilst she went to the bathroom. Anka did so, and, before Helen knew it, she was being pressed into the bathroom door.

'No one recognised you?'

'No,' Helen said.

'You didn't get hurt?'

'Not really.

'Yes or no?'

'Oh just a scratch or two…' she laughed against his ear, wishing that she had all the privacy and time in the world to be alone with him, as opposed to these fleeting, stolen kisses in the bathroom…

But Anka was probably already waiting.

'You'll come tonight,' Sirius said, not asking, but stating.

'I really can't promise tonight. One of my patients is expected to deliver…'

Sirius made a disapproving noise.

'Listen, I can't completely drop _everything_,' she said reasonably.

'No, you haven't dropped _anything_,' Sirius muttered under his breath.

Helen leaned back against the wall and looked at him.

'You're not okay, are you?' she said quietly.

'Don't do this… I get it from Moony enough…' he said irritably, looking away.

'But you're not, Sirius,' she said softly, reaching out and touching his face gently.

He closed his eyes for a moment.

'I'm okay when you're here. Does that help?' he said, opening his eyes and looking into hers.

Helen sighed. He had always been there for her when she had 'lost it'; when she was struggling. He would never let her slide… and now he was struggling- beneath his mask of hard-shelled strength- and the best she could do was kiss him before leaving?

It wasn't good enough. She owed him more than that.

'I'll come. I can't promise a time, but I will,' she said determinedly.

And she saw his eyes light up a little and it broke her heart to see how much he seemed to need her.

They walked down the stairs quietly and paused by a room from where shouts were emanating. Helen threw Sirius a puzzled glance.

'Harry,' he said. 'He's really frustrated with everything.'

Helen sighed. Behind that closed door was Lily and James' son; the one she _should_ have looked after, but didn't…

'It's not your fault. It would have been too dangerous for the both of you. And he couldn't spend his childhood in hiding,' Sirius said to her.

'Like the alternative was much better,' Helen said bitterly.

Sirius sighed.

'I don't even know him, Sirius. That's Lily and James' son, and the last time I saw him was when they died,' she said sadly.

'You can't help it, Helen. You…'

'I could have done more,' she said. 'You were 'on the run' and living off rats and you still found a way to be there for him,' she said, sounding disgusted with herself.

'I didn't have much else in my life, though,' Sirius said quietly.

Helen sighed, still looking angry with herself and they continued down the steps.

'Hey,' he said, taking her hand as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

Helen looked to him.

'Glad you're back,' he said, smiling a little.

She smiled back and hugged him, blinking away tears as they separated and had to separate again as footsteps approached where they were standing.

Helen saw Sirius visibly stiffen and turned to see Severus. He was looking at the both of them shrewdly, but a small smile curved his lips.

'I hear your _husband_ was instrumental in the development of the Jochilin Potion,' Severus said conversationally, turning to Helen.

Helen glared back at him reproachfully.

'Theodore Laurent, isn't he?'

Helen nodded stiffly.

'Get to your point, Severus,' she said icily, noticing that Sirius' wand hand was twitching slightly.

Severus shrugged.

'It seems as though your _husband _has done _a lot_ for the wizarding world. Unlike… _others_,' he drawled, his eyes flitting slightly to Sirius' direction.

Before Helen could stop him, Sirius had his wand out and there were flashes of light coming from both directions. She kept on screaming for them to stop, but they seemed beyond reason; the both of their faces wearing expressions of nothing but the purest loathing.

…..

'What happened?' Anka asked frantically as Sirius placed Helen's limp form on the couch.

Sirius looked at Severus darkly, who returned the glare unflinchingly.

'What happened!' Anka demanded, hitting Sirius. 'What happened to _maman_?'

Sirius tried a reviving spell, though it did not rouse Helen to consciousness. They both heard Severus laughing darkly from behind them and spun around and glared at him.

'You'll never revive her _that_ way,' he drawled.

Anka stood up angrily.

'Fix her!' she demanded in her thick accent, looking up into his black eyes defiantly.

Severus looked rather taken aback and, for a moment he looked from Sirius to Anka and his eyes widened in shock. He then walked forward and pushed past Sirius who glared at Severus, but then looked back at Helen worriedly.

Severus muttered the incantation and, slowly, Helen's eyes opened sleepily.

When she saw the three pairs of eyes looking down upon her, she frowned for a moment before sitting up suddenly.

'That's the second time that's happened to me because of you two,' she said angrily.

Severus stood up.

'I have a meeting to attend, excuse me,' he said archly, leaving the room without another word.

Anka's eyes followed the bat-like billowing of Severus' robes.

'I don't like that man,' she said.

'Neither,' Sirius nodded, grinning at her.

Helen stared at the two of them for a moment, her lips twitching.

'She does, though,' Sirius said to Anka, nodding at Helen who rolled her eyes. 'She was friends with him. Can you believe it?'

Anka wrinkled up her nose.

'Why were you friends with _him_?' she said in disgust to Helen. 'Did you see his _hair_?'

'Disgusting,' Sirius agreed. 'What about his nose?'

Anka wrinkled her nose and the two of them laughed.

'He was a real loser at school too,' Sirius continued, evidently very happy to talk to his daughter about hating Severus Snape, and even happier that she agreed with his comments.

He tactfully turned his back to Helen as he continued to tell Anka about the tricks which he and James used to play on Severus.

* * *

Half an hour later, Anka was wiping her eyes from laughter, Sirius looked happier than Helen had seen him in fifteen years, and Helen watched them both, feeling sad.

This is what she now so desperately wished they could have; the three of them, their own place, no guilt…

She sat back and imagined it as she watched Sirius and Anka laughing together:

They would be back in their old house. Sirius would be a free man, and they would be married… or as they had been, in any case. Anka would sleep in Helen's old room which Helen used to use whenever she and Sirius would fight, and would go to Hogwarts.

Their school.

Maybe they would even have more children. A son perhaps? Another daughter? She could imagine three children…Either way; she could see how it would have been, even with just the three of them as they were now.

Sirius and Anka would pair up and play pranks on her, causing her to hex the both of them, and then they would all laugh…

Sirius would grill any boys who looked in his daughter's direction, and Helen would remind him that he had forgotten what he and she were like at Anka's age…

She wouldn't have to hide kissing him, or any contact with him, from Anka. They wouldn't have to lie about their past or wake up at ridiculous hours of the night just to see each other…

And, above all, they would all be happy, because it was all _right._ It was as it should have been had Voldemort not ripped them apart.

And yet, at that very moment, Helen saw them and could not quite explain the feeling, seeing the three of them together now. If she momentarily forgot about everything outside the room they were in, and just focused on the 'here' and 'now', it suddenly became right again.

* * *

Helen crept into Sirius' room very early the next morning, exhausted. It had been a complicated birth and they very nearly lost both mother and baby. After many hours of labour, however, both made it safe and sound. She saw Sirius stretched across the bed, hands behind his head and eyes closed. She leaned against the poster of his bed and watched him for a while. His brow kept on furrowing and Helen knew that she couldn't even begin to imagine what he had gone through in those fifteen years they were separated. Sighing she went over to him and lay next to him. He stirred a little.

'You came,' he murmured groggily.

'I said I would,' she said, kissing his chest.

She felt him kiss her forehead and nestled into his chest, though she could tell that he was still awake.

'Anka goes back to school on Monday,' she said.

'Why didn't you send her to Hogwarts?'

'She speaks French better… we _live_ in France.'

Sirius said nothing.

'You sold the house, didn't you?' she said.

He sighed.

'Yes.'

Helen traced patterns on his stomach but said nothing. She would have asked, but then changed her mind last minute.

Perhaps now was not the best time.

* * *

Many espresso shots later, Helen was wearily cleaning the house and fighting to keep her eyes open. She had just dropped Anka off at quidditch and was calculating her chances of salvaging half an hour of sleep should she finish the rest of her housework in the next half an hour.

She was surprised, therefore, when she heard the doorbell ringing insistently.

'Anka?' she said, surprised to see her daughter.

She heard Anka crying as she pushed past her and ran up the stairs to her room.

'Anka?' she called again, thoroughly confused.

There was the sound of a door slamming and then…silence.

Frowning, Helen knocked tentatively on Anka's door and, when all she could hear was a muffled sob, entered the room.

'Anka, what happened?' she said gently, sitting on the side of her bed and smoothing back Anka's hair as she cried into her pillow.

'He… he… I hate him!' she cried, bringing a fist down angrily next to her pillow.

'Who?' Helen asked, still confused.

'Stupid…stupid… imbecile!' she continued to cry.

Helen sighed and waited for Anka to calm down a little.

Slowly, Anka's sobs subsided and her breathing remained unsteady.

'What happened, Anka?' Helen asked softly.

'He kissed me,' she said mournfully, sounding on the verge of tears again.

'Who? Claude?' Helen asked, thinking that her daughter was overreacting a little, given that she maintained that Claude was her boyfriend.

Anka shook her head violently.

'No… S…Se…I hate him!'

'Sebastian?' Helen guessed, thinking that she could see where this was going.

Anka let out a frustrated scream and Helen could tell that she had guessed correctly.

'Did he hurt you?' she asked sharply.

Anka snorted.

'Like he could hurt _me,_' she said.

Helen nodded slowly and Anka continued.

'Claude saw,' she said in a small voice. 'He… he won't talk to me now,' she sniffed.

Helen sighed and she hoped that her daughter hadn't inherited unfaithfulness from her.

'I tried to tell him that I didn't want to kiss Sebastian. It wasn't my fault- he just kissed me when we were arguing,' she continued in a broken voice. 'But Claude wouldn't look at me.'

Helen kissed the top of Anka's head.

'I know the feeling,' she said quietly.

'No you don't,' Anka said, sounding annoyed. 'You never had to deal with an idiot like Sebastian or with Claude being angry…'

'You know, Anka, I've had a few more life experiences than you know of,' Helen interrupted lightly.

Anka snorted and Helen sighed.

'You should send Claude a letter explaining what happened…'

'I'm not talking to him after the way he…'

'He didn't understand, Anka. Of course he was angry with you,' Helen interrupted.

At least Anka could learn from her many mistakes.

Anka sniffed affectedly.

'You should send him a letter and explain in person to him the next time you see him,' Helen continued. 'And what about Sebastian?'

'What about the stupid…'

'Does he like you?'

'Like me? No! He hates me! We hate each other! He only kissed me because… I'm sure it was because he knew Claude would see and… why are you saying that he likes me?' she demanded, sitting up and looking very frustrated.

Helen gave a small smile and wiped away Anka's tears with her clean handkerchief.

'Ah… I would be very naïve indeed to think that I can protect you from everything this world has to offer,' she said, hugging Anka to her. 'You'll learn one day,' she said reassuringly.

Anka sniffed affectedly.

* * *

**Oh poor Anka... it must be hard having two guys crazy over you.**

**Sorry for the slow update, but I have a mid-semester exam on Friday, so I've been madly trying to catch up. You'll probably have to wait for a bit for the next chapter again, and then we'll be back to normal updates (hopefully)**

**But, I could get editing in a study break... so you know what to do if you want the next chapter soon, then?**

**haha**

**How about I give you a little taster?**

_'Morning,' Sirius said to his godson and then glancing at Helen. 'This is Helen Asteria, she's a member of the Order,' he said._

**and...**

_Before Helen could stop her, Sophie had slapped Anka across the face. _**(Sophie is Helen's mother-in-law, Anka's grandmother).**

**So! Please review- I mean, it's the 100th chapter! **

**(oh, and thanks to those of you who have stuck by this story for so long. I think the oldest readers are Bumblebookie & Snuffles-Sweetie... but there are so many of you who leave me such wonderful reviews consistently (I can't list you all) but I really do love you all and thank you so much for helping me to get to this point in the story. When I first started writing this, I never expected the response which it's received... and hence had never expected to finish one volume, let alone 3!**

**So, thank you, and please continue to review!**

**Love Anya**


	97. Chapter 9: A Snappish Snape

'_**To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter.' –**_**Euripides**

* * *

A Snappish Snape

The next day, Helen visited Isa where she was recovering in hospital.

'How're you feeling?'

Isa winced as she shrugged.

'Painful?' she offered.

Helen nodded heavily. She didn't want to think about what would have happened to Isa had she never visited that house.

'How did you find me?' Isa asked in wonder.

'I was on a mission for the Order,' Helen said. 'What were _you_ doing there?'

'They sent me there to investigate the Lefebvre's disappearance,' Isa said.

'And the little girl led you to the house?' Helen said knowingly.

Isa swallowed and nodded.

'How long had they kept you there for?'

'Two days,'Isa said, her voice becoming gravelly. 'It seems as though the Lefebvre's escaped, though, because they kept on torturing me to tell them where they were… then they kept on trying to get me to tell them what I was investigating and who I was working for…'

She took a sharp intake of breath, pain flashing across her eyes.

Helen looked down.

'Do you think they were Death Eaters?' Isa whispered.

Helen nodded.

'Here? In France?'

Helen looked at Isa grimly.

'So it would seem.'

Isa sighed heavily.

'But the ministry keep saying he's finished… this is bad,' she said. 'They keep saying to focus on finding those escaped convicts in my unit- like Sirius Black and the Lestranges…'

'You believe that Voldemort is really back?' Isa asked with wide eyes.

'Without a doubt,' Helen replied.

* * *

Helen sighed as she came home.

'_Maman_?' Anka called, running up to her.

'Yes?'

'Where's Athene?'

'Sending a letter, why?'

Anka chewed her lip and sunk on the couch. Helen noticed that she had a scroll rolled up in her hand.

'I… well, school's starting on Monday and… well, Claude hasn't answered any of my letters yet,' she said, sounding very distressed about the fact.

Helen nodded in comprehension and Anka sighed and lay across the couch, her legs dangling over the arm rest.

'It's all Sebastian's fault,' she said angrily.

Helen tried not to smile at this and Anka sat up.

'I don't understand why he would do that to me… I mean, I don't even understand why he picks on me! I've never done anything wrong to him! He's nice to everyone else! Why does he….' She trailed off and lay back again. 'It wasn't nice of him to do that to me… or Claude,' she concluded in a small voice.

'Don't you think?' she persisted.

Helen looked up at Anka.

'I might be wrong- I've never met the boy or seen him with you- but… well…'

She paused and saw that Anka was looking at her expectantly.

'Well, you see, I have seen that boys sometimes tend to pick on girls when they have a crush on them,' she said, thinking of Sirius, and then James.

Anka raised her eyebrows and Helen continued.

'So… it's possible that this Sebastian might…'

Anka burst out laughing.

'You think Sebastian likes me? Ha ha…. No, _maman_, this case is a bit different. He definitely does not like me,' she said, nodding confidently and looking at her mother incredulously.

Helen sighed.

'Is he good looking?'

Anka rolled her eyes.

'He seems to think so,' she said stiffly.

'Right,' Helen said, her lips twitching.

Anka's eyes widened and she sprung up.

'You think I like him!' she said accusingly.

Helen shrugged in a non-telling manner.

'You… Of course I don't! I hate him! I'm going to marry Claude,' she said, but then her face fell. 'Well, he might need to talk to me first… but… well… okay, maybe he and I should just be friends anyway…. But Sebastian? No way,' she said, shaking her head.

Helen nodded slowly.

'So Claude's out of the picture, then?'

Anka scowled and went to leave the room, before turning on her heel and walking back him.

'It's all Sebastian's fault…. Anyway, there wasn't anything there with Claude,' she admitted.

'You are only fourteen,' Helen reminded Anka.

Anka shrugged.

'Yeah, but we're better as friends,' she said, thinking about it logically, aloud.

'Hmm.'

'I like someone else anyway,' Anka said, blushing. 'He's much better than Sebastian, and better looking too,' she admitted.

Helen raised her eyebrows.

'Oh? Whom?'

Anka looked at Helen as though she were mad.

'I'm not telling you! The next time you see him you'll be all funny!'

'I know him?'

Anka opened her mouth, the colour rising in her cheeks, and shut it abruptly.

'No,' she said quickly.

'Who?'

'No!'

'Oh, come on…'

'_Maman! _I said NO!'

Helen pouted.

'Grow up.'

Helen raised her eyebrows and started laughing at the comment.

Anka was looking at her shrewdly and Helen sighed.

'Well, I must know him… but Claude's the only boy from Beauxbatons who I know…' she mused aloud. 'Unless…'

Her eyes widened and she stared at Anka.

'You met him in London!'

'NO!' Anka said, too quickly.

'Who is it?'

'NO!'

'Ron?'

Anka looked at Helen incredulously.

'I have better taste than that,' she said, sounding offended.

Helen laughed a little at this.

'Have you met Harry?'

Anka shrugged.

'Quickly. He didn't talk to me, really.'

This saddened Helen a little. For how close she and Sirius had been with James and Lily, their children barely recognised each other.

'Is it Harry?'

'No. Ginny likes him. It's _so_ obvious,' she said, rolling her eyes.

'Well? Who is it, then?'

'No one!'

Then Helen's eyes widened.

'It's one of the twins!' she said, reprimanding herself for not thinking of the obvious choice.

Anka became a little rigid.

'No. It isn't,' she replied snappishly.

'Yes, it is,' Helen grinned. 'Which one?'

'Neither,' she said disconcertedly. 'I've got homework,' she added, making a beeline for the door.

* * *

It was always hard seeing her little girl off for the school year and, as Sunday arrived, Helen felt that horrible feeling of regret that Anka's holidays had already come to an end.

She got up early, despite her fatigue. She knew that her 'double life,' as she called it, would end up killing her before she even made a decision.

Deception was exhausting.

She had to put up appearances for Theo- to try and remember to treat him well, to be attentive, not to let her housework slip up…

And then she had to sleep with him too. It was the first time in over two months when they did it the week before, and it was one of the more traumatic experiences in her life.

Of course, it wasn't forced on his part. Rather, she herself gritted her teeth and forced herself to go through it. She had no more excuses left.

It should have been easy.

Had she not slept with him so many times before over the past fifteen years? He was her husband, after all. Did she not love him?

But she couldn't help being rigid; couldn't help the fact that she had a complete lack of desire for him and could not stop thinking of Sirius throughout the whole ordeal.

She tried to pretend that Theo was Sirius; tried tricking her mind in order to make the experience that little bit easier and more convincing, yet she could not.

And it had broken her down for the first time since she had started with Sirius again. She managed to bite her lip and keep her countenance until she heard Theo falling asleep by her side. As soon as she heard the first snore, however, she threw on clothes, and tore out of the room; out of the house which she now found her prison of guilt of seeming perfection…

It all became too much.

That was the problem with this city life; there was no air, no free space.

It was all perfectly compacted. Claustrophobic.

And, as the salty tears poured down her cheeks and she hyperventilated- but was never able to suck enough oxygen into her lungs- she apparated away.

She saw their old house; where they should have lived forever, but didn't. There was a light on in one of the rooms, a few bicycles out in the front…

Another family was living there in their stead.

She gasped for more air again and began running. She ran as fast as she could, the cool night wind beating mercilessly into her face.

She deserved no mercy.

But she was not young, or fit enough, however, to continue to punish herself in this manner. She was out of breath after not even five minutes after she had started running and hugged her knees as she sat in the middle of a now-muddy field.

And there she was, at 35 years of age; still the same, insecure girl which Helen Asteria had been when she first came to England at 11.

…

The sex was not the only exhausting part- although she was always thoroughly exhausted when she would come home from Grimmauld Place. It was also the fact that she barely had time to sleep anymore. On some days, she would have three hours sleep, some four or a luxurious five… or sometimes one, or none.

And it showed.

She found more silver hairs surreptitiously hiding in her dark hair and had lost at least a stone in her worry, stress, and lack of concern for her health. Her eyes were constantly shadowed and she found herself forgetting things.

She truly thought that she was succumbing to madness.

And now, she would lose her main anchor to sanity; her daughter.

…

She reproached the sun for shining so gloriously in the morning sea-spray blue sky as she heard Anka coming down the stairs.

Theo had gone to visit his parents who would then be visiting, along with Isa and Mark and Nicole to have a farewell dinner for Anka.

Anka yawned loudly.

'Morning,' she said, slumping into a chair and stretching out her arms.

Helen nodded, fighting the urge to spring up and hug her Anka tightly.

'_Grand-mere _and _Grand-pere_ are coming, aren't they?' she said, not sounding pleased at all about this.

'Unfortunately,' Helen said tiredly, rubbing her eyes which she felt were red and irritated. Somehow, she couldn't care enough to hide her dislike for her in-laws in her weary and worn state.

'Are you sick, _maman_?' Anka asked, frowning at Helen.

Helen smiled at her weakly.

'No, I'm just tired,' she said, ruffling Anka's hair and kissing her forehead as she went to the stove to make breakfast for her.

'Do you have a meeting today?' she asked hopefully.

Helen shook her head.

'But that means that I won't see Fred and George again…' she said, her cheeks flushing a little. 'Or Remus or Sirius,' she added, sounding disappointed. 'Sirius promised that we could play a prank on that man with the ugly nose,' she said. 'Snivellus...'

'Did he just?' Helen said, feeling almost amused.

Anka nodded glumly.

'Can't I at least go say goodbye? It will be a month before I next come home for the weekend and Fred and George will be at Hogwarts,' she said, pouting

Helen glanced at the clock on the wall and wondered what time Theo would return…

'Okay, but we'll have to be quick,' she said, abandoning her attempts at making breakfast.

* * *

Sirius looked forlorn as he saw Anka laughing with Fred and George in a corner of the room

'She'll be back for a weekend in a month,' Helen said, not sounding as convincing as she had hoped.

She too found those four weeks to be too long.

Sirius nodded slowly and continued to stare at Anka.

'Look, Ron, you're being very…'

'I am not! You think I'm…'

'We both know that's not true,' Hermione snapped irritably, sitting on the other end of the table.

'You were shocked when you saw that I was Prefect!' Ron exclaimed accusingly.

Hermione rolled her eyes and grabbed some toast and started buttering it.

'Good morning, Sirius, Helen,' she said, now ignoring her friend whose mouth was set angrily.

'Morning Hermione, morning Ron,' Sirius nodded, his lips almost twitching.

Helen looked at the two of them curiously.

'Can't you two ever give it a rest?' another voice said as he entered the room.

Helen felt winded as she saw him; it was like looking at a carbon-copy of James when he was fifteen… except for Lily's eyes.

The last time she had seen him, he was only a little baby.

'Morning Sirius,' he said, his eyes wandering to Helen- who continued to stare at him, her face drained of any colour- and then joining his friends at the table.

'Morning,' Sirius said to his godson and then glancing at Helen. 'This is Helen Asteria, she's a member of the Order,' he said.

Helen faintly registered that Sirius had not used her married name, but found herself not caring as she continued to stare at Lily and James' son.

'Pleased to meet you,' Harry said politely.

'She was friends with your mum and dad,' Sirius said, not quite knowing how to explain to Harry exactly how close Helen was with his parents.

Harry looked at her, a crease coming between his eyebrows.

'I think you're in some of the photos I have… were you at their wedding?'

Helen nodded.

'Yes… I was maid of honour,' she said quietly.

'But how did you know them? Didn't you go to Beauxbatons?' he frowned, his glance flitting to Anka and then back to her.

'No, I… I was at Hogwarts. France was… after,' she finished lamely, feeling so ashamed of herself for having left England in the first place.

Harry nodded a little and they all sat in silence for a while until Ron said something to Harry and the three teenagers started up their own conversation.

Helen chewed her lip and it was moments like these where she wished that she could just tell everyone the truth. She hadn't minded whilst in France, but here…

No, it was too much. It was too much for her to accept that she was a nobody, a nothing…

But what did she expect? Of course Harry would not be interested in knowing her. Where had _she _been his whole life?

Where had _she_ been when he was a little boy, trying to survive Petunia and Veronon and their son?

Or, if she was to be forgiving to herself:

Where was _she _when he found out that he was a wizard?

She had no excuses there. No, it was not good enough and she now felt ashamed to even look at the boy who was the spitting image of her best friend, let alone to sit at the same table with him.

The doorbell rang and the unmistakable drawl of Severus Snape could be heard from the entrance. Harry and his two friends left the table immediately and Helen could feel the table vibrating from where Sirius' leg was shaking insistently.

She also noticed that his fist was clenched tightly and his mouth was a thin, taut line.

Evidently, Sirius had had another meeting with Severus since Helen had last seen the two.

Helen herself was no longer sure what to think regarding her old friend. Of course, she would never forget that he had defied his 'then-master' to ensure her safety when they were younger… but she felt like punching him whenever she heard his taunts aimed at Sirius, who was exiled to his old home…

Because she knew what it felt like; to sit at home and do nothing whilst everyone else risked their lives. It was a horrible feeling and she knew that it was even harder for Sirius than for her because she at least had him, at that stage, and all her friends who had reassured her that she _was_ useful… but just in a different, _healing_ way. No, he was locked up in the house he hated, with a family whose matriarch got almost as much on his nerves as his mother had… and, to top it all of, he had to constantly shoulder comments directed at his 'lack of contribution'.

And this incensed Helen more than anything else, because she knew that Sirius was more capable than any of those other members- just like she had been. It was not as though he didn't always hopefully ask Dumbledore if he could find him something to do; not as though he didn't have a _burning desire_ to do something. No, it was because he was not allowed to, and being told off for not doing what you desperately _want_ to do is more than unfair.

Helen found it heartless, cruel and jut plain wrong.

She wanted to tell him, somehow; to make him _understand_ that he wasn't worthless; that he was so important to so many people…

She didn't quite know how to tell him that just the thought of seeing him helped her to get through the day. Made her world so much brighter, made her heart feel so much warmer…

And, lastly, he had no idea that she was now seriously considering leaving Theo. She knew that she should have been stronger than that; more noble, but she could no longer maintain her appearances. As proven by her last attempt to have sex with Theo, her tolerance was lowering at an alarmingly increasing rate, and the thought of being forced to spend the rest of her life in that manner…

It made her shudder.

But, in amongst all her indecision and hovering, there was one thing which slowed her down from declaring to Sirius then and there that she was going spend the remainder of her days with him, and only him.

And this 'little drawback' came in the form of their daughter.

As much as Anka seemed to like Sirius, Helen knew that breaking the news to her daughter that she was leaving Theo for him would not be taken well at all because, despite everything, Anka loved Theo. And, biological or not, he was her father. He had raised her, had always been there for her… she loved him as one loves their father and that was that. Despite how much she probed Helen about Sirius, Helen knew that this was just a precocious fascination of hers.

And then she wondered what would happen if she took everything one step further; if she told the truth about who Anka's biological father was…

She closed her eyes and pictured it. If Theo didn't kill her, his parents would. And, if his parents didn't, she was almost certain that it would be many, many years- if ever- until Anka would even look at her again.

That was forgetting about restoring their relationship to what it was now.

And Helen would not blame her, either. She wouldn't blame any of them; Theo or his parents for murdering her… they would all be justified in their anger towards her.

So, despite having been sorted into Gryffindor when she was eleven, Helen could not bring herself to do what, ethically, was right because she was too scared to lose her daughter.

Helen's train of thought was interrupted as Anka came up to Sirius and tugged at his sleeve.

'You promised,' she whispered to him.

Sirius, who almost was glaring murderously at the table as Severus' voice grew louder, snapped his gaze up to her and lost any visible signs of tension.

'I certainly did,' he smiled at her. 'Did you come up with a plan?' he asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

Anka nodded importantly and, flashing a mischievous grin in her mother's direction, bent over and whispered in Sirius' ear. Sirius looked at Helen whilst Anka did so and, as he listened to his daughter, smiled at Helen.

Anka straightened up and looked at him for his approval.

Sirius dragged his eyes from Helen and grinned at Anka.

'Did you come up with that all by yourself?' he asked, sounding rather impressed.

Anka nodded, looking pleased with herself and very important.

'Are the twins in on this?' Sirius asked, raising his eyebrows.

Anka looked around for signs of Molly Weasley before nodding again.

'Right, then!' Sirius said, standing up. 'No time to be wasted then!'

...

Helen was not quite sure what happened exactly, but, some five minutes later, Sirius, Anka, and the two twins came sprinting back into the room. The twins and Anka sat quickly in their spot in the corner of the room, quickly constructing poker faces and pretending that they had been sitting there all along.

Sirius sat opposite Helen.

'Apparently there's good weather today,' he said to her mindlessly.

Helen raised her eyebrows.

'Actually, it's pissing outside,' she informed him, trying to figure out what the foursome had done.

'Oh…right. I always loved the rain,' he nodded. Every few seconds, his eyes- which were now lit up with that same animation which he always mid-prank- darted to the door.

'Right,' Helen nodded, rolling her eyes.

She knew for a fact that he hated it when it was raining.

'Yep. Rain's great… I miss it. Apparently there's a drought. Maybe if it's raining so…'

'WEASLEYS!!' the enraged voice of Severus Snape shouted.

'We never left,' one of the twins whispered across the room to Helen.

'Right,' Helen said archly, looking levelly at her daughter whose lips were quivering with excited anticipation.

'WEASLEYS….'

The omnipresent voice grew louder, and then, a few seconds later, Molly Weasley took her cue and added her musical talent to produce a positively horrendous cacophony of sound.

'TWINS'

'WEASLEYS'

Both the twins seemed to stiffen at the sound.

'Why do we always get the blame?' Fred sighed.

At that moment, a Severus Snape wearing a furious expression upon his pallid face- coupled with floppy, blonde hair and magenta robes with pale lilac flowers printed all over them- burst through the kitchen doors.

Molly Weasley came in from the opposite doors and went to shout but stopped herself short as she too marvelled at Severus' newly acquired dress sense.

Who would have thought that the cold, unfeeling potions master of Slytherin was partial to the colour pink?

A deathly silence hung in the air until…

Anka suddenly sprung up and walked up to him.

'Hello, miss. My name's Anka. I haven't seen you around here before. Are you a new member of the Order?' she said, holding out her hand, her expression deadpan. Her French accent only served to accentuate her supposedly innocent image.

Helen stared at her daughter, shocked by her ability to be so…

'Fucking wonderful,' Sirius thought proudly, feeling himself becoming suffused with as much love for his daughter as is possible for a man to feel when his daughter has just performed a feat which required not only much talent, but wit and nerve. 'She's bloody brilliant.'

Severus stared down at Anka. His black eyes were hard as flint as they tried to bore through her grey eyes which were looking back at him innocently.

'You know, you resemble someone I know,' Fred said suddenly, appearing by Anka's side.

He pretended to ponder the thought as he stroked his chin- as though a beard was gracing his features with its presence.

'Hmmm,' George said, walking next to Fred and standing indecently close to his Professor. 'You're right Fred. I recognise that face…no…wait! Is that…'

'Professor, is that _you_?' Fred asked, feigning a mock-shocked gasp.

Helen noticed that Severus' hands were shaking dangerously and that they were inching closer to his wand.

At that moment, Sirius chose to fall off his chair.

'Snivellus? Is that you?' he asked curiously as he righted himself. 'My… that's some colouring you've got there,' he mused, walking up to his nemesis. 'Would you mind giving me your stylist's address?'

Anka nodded, still looking the very picture of innocence incarnate.

'You…'

'Severus,' Molly warned. 'No fighting please. Just…'

She waved a wand over Severus and yet he still held the same blonde hair and same pink robes.

He made an impatient noise and glared at the four culprits as he tried to change his transformation.

Much to Severus' horror, however, the change seemed to be permanent as he kept on flicking his wand, but there was no change.

His teeth bore menacingly and he pointed his wand at Sirius threateningly.

Sirius looked at the wand warily.

'Sorry, miss, I don't fight women,' he said in a would-be-polite voice.

Anka started giggling and then Severus moved his wand.

Helen disarmed him at the last moment.

'That's enough. Here, Severus,' she said, removing his pink robes and blonde haired disguise.

She only knew the counter-curse because Sirius had used the very charm which she used to use when she wanted to go out, but wanted the hold to be more permanent. Indeed, it was the very one she used when apparating from France to London for such meetings.

'What is the meaning of this?' Molly Weasley demanded.

'Of course, Black, always resorts to such cowardly devices,' Severus sneered. 'But when it comes to a duel…'

Sirius drew his wand, but Helen took it from him.

'That's enough. You're both on the same side now. You have to stop…'

'He's a Death Eater,' Sirius said stubbornly.

'And probably the most _productive…_' Severus responded.

'Stop!' Helen snapped. 'This is ridiculous. Why can't you…'

'If you suggest that I try getting along that slimy git, then you have another thing coming,' Sirius said, still eyeing Severus with a look pure loathing.

'The feeling's mutual,' Severus spat.

Helen sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

'Well, at least you're starting to agree with each other,' she offered.

They both turned to looked at her incredulously.

She sighed impatiently.

'Well, whatever you do, don't kill each other,' she said. 'We have to go now,' she said to Anka.

Severus turned on his heel and stormed out of the room.

'Thank God, I can breathe now. The smell was really getting to me,' Sirius said loudly.

Helen hit him.

'What's wrong with you? Do you_ always_ have to pick on him?'

At that moment, Molly dragged the protesting twins from their ears out of the room.

'Oh, don't worry, _ma cherie, _he never misses an opportunity to try getting back at me,' Sirius said darkly.

Anka raised her eyebrows a little, but said nothing.

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Well, we're leaving now,' she said, glancing at him tentatively.

She frowned when she saw him stiffen as he realised what this meant.

'You're going to school tomorrow?' he said to Anka.

Anka nodded.

'Well… have fun,' he said awkwardly.

'I will,' she grinned. 'I'll try that trick you taught me,' she added, tapping her nose.

'What trick?' Helen said shrewdly.

'Never you mind, _maman_,' Anka said airily.

'Well, goodbye Sirius. I'll probably see you when I come back on holidays,' Anka said.

He nodded slowly and Anka kissed him goodbye on both cheeks, as was the French way.

'See you later,' Helen said quietly to him, kissing him as Anka had.

As they reached the entrance hall, there were hurried footsteps coming down the stairs.

'Oi! Anka!'

'Not leaving without saying goodbye, were you?'

'Frederick and George Weasley, I was not done with you,' Mrs Weasley bellowed.

They both slid off the banister and ran up to Anka.

'You had better write…'

'Or else…'

Anka looked at them expectantly.

'Well, nothing…' one of them admitted pathetically.

'Yeah, but still write anyway,' the other nodded.

Anka laughed and hugged and kissed them both.

'See you next summer… Aren't you coming home for Christmas?' she asked hopefully.

'Probably not.'

'Too good an opportunity…'

'To cause trouble.'

'Oh,' she said, sounding disappointed. 'Well, I suppose I'll see you next year then?'

They nodded.

'When do you boys go back?' Helen asked the two boys.

'FREDERICK AND GEORGE!'

They all paused for a moment and then Fred and George shrugged.

'Day after tomorrow.'

Helen nodded.

'Well, try not to cause _too _much trouble,' she said to them.

They looked at her disbelievingly and she laughed.

'Well try not to get caught in any case,' she said, shaking her head at them.

Anka looked at Helen disbelievingly.

'How come you tell them not to get caught, but you tell _me_ off?' she said indignantly.

'Because you, Anka, are my daughter and if I don't try to instil a little bit of discipline in you, then no one will,' Helen said, patting her on the head.

Anka wrinkled her nose at being treated so condescendingly.

'Okay, well, we really have to go… so good luck boys, and see you later,' she said to Sirius who was only looking at Anka now, as though trying to imprint her image in his memory.

'Bye Anka,' he said.

'Bye,' she smiled. 'Bye boys,' she nodded to Fred and George whilst taking Helen's hand so they could disapparate away.

* * *

'_Maman, _when are they going to leave?' Anka whispered in Helen's ear, in broken Greek.

Helen had tried to teach Anka how to speak Greek when younger. Anka had grasped a decent amount of the language too, as she usually played with Christina who also spoke it from Mark. As soon as she met Claude, however, and spent more time with her own friends, she quickly forgot the language and Helen eventually gave up trying to force the language into her daughter.

So, the only time Anka attempted to speak Greek was when her grandparents were visiting. Now, she was impatient for them to leave seeing as Mark, Nicole, Christina and Julien had left.

Sophie Laurent frowned at Anka.

'Anka, take your elbows off the table,' she said reprimandingly.

Anka turned her head slowly to look coldly at her grandmother. After a few seconds, she dragged her elbows off the table.

Sophie clicked her tongue and turned to Theo.

'In _my_ day, mothers would teach their daughters manners,' she told him heavily.

Helen felt herself becoming rigid.

'_Maman_…' Theo sighed.

'No, Theo,' Sophie said sternly. 'She is going back to school tomorrow and look: her manners are worse now, than they were when she was five.'

Under the table, Helen took Anka's hand and squeezed it.

'Look, _maman…'_

'She's fourteen now. The way she's going, she'll end up just like her mother; pregnant and unmarried!'

Helen stood up suddenly, her eyes flashing angrily.

'Sophie, if you have a problem with me, you can say it to my face,' she said venomously.

Antoine Laurent put a restraining hand on his wife.

'Sophie, let's go,' he said quietly.

Helen had never minded Antoine. He was a man of few words and had always treated her well; he was more like Theo. Antoine's wife, on the other hand…

'You turned her against me,' Sophie accused Helen, standing up and looking to Anka.

'That's not true!' Anka said angrily. 'She never says anything bad about you, even though she should- you're horrible! I hate you!' she screamed.

Before Helen could stop her, Sophie had slapped Anka across the face.

'How dare….' she started.

Helen stepped in between the two.

'Sophie, you will never touch my daughter again,' she said in a low voice, every syllable shaking with anger.

She was struggling to keep her composure enough to not physically hurt the older woman in front of her.

'Helen…' Theo said, sounding torn.

Helen turned and took Anka's arm, leading her out of the room and taking her up stairs.

...

'Are you hurt?' she asked Anka, sitting her down on the bed and taking her face in her hands.

'She's a bitch,' Anka said angrily, her cheeks flushed.

Helen nodded.

'She is,' she agreed.

Anka smiled a little.

'You called her a bitch,' she pointed out.

'I did,' Helen said.

'I hate her.'

'Don't worry, she'll never see you again,' Helen said, a slight edge to her tone.

'Are you and papa going to fight now?' Anka sighed, feeling apprehensive.

'That depends on him,' Helen said, tucking back a strand of Anka's hair behind her ear.

'Is she like your mum was?' Anka asked.

Helen laughed a little bitterly.

'She's not half as bad… but on her good days she can rival her, I guess,' she said quietly.

Anka shuddered and hugged Helen.

'I'm glad you're my mum,' she said.

Helen smiled a little and kissed the top of her head.

'You should go to sleep. You have to get up early for school tomorrow,' she said.

'Are they still here?' Anka whispered.

They stopped talking and listened. They could hear Theo and his mother arguing.

'I don't think papa's angry at you, at least,' Anka said.

Helen smiled a little, though she knew that Theo had every right to be…

It was moments like these when she really did wish that he would be angry at her; really wished that he would turn into a wife-beating, cheating husband to help her make a decision.

But he wasn't.

* * *

Some half hour, the front door slammed shut and they heard Theo's steps coming up the stairs. Helen had been trying to distract herself from committing murder (or something close to it) on her mother-in-law by telling Anka about the more exciting quidditch matches which she had played in her lifetime.

The door opened and they both looked up to see Theo, his cheeks flushed.

'Don't try to make me like her,' Anka said in a warning tone to him.

He sighed and sunk into a chair on the opposite side of the room.

'She loves you, Anka; really she does,' he said earnestly.

Anka snorted.

'Did you hear what she said about _maman_?' she said incredulously.

Theo sighed.

'Sorry, Helen,' he said. 'She wasn't right. I told her that,' he said.

Helen refrained from saying that he wouldn't have said anything had she not said something herself to begin with.

She nodded a little, not meeting his eyes.

'She wants to see you off at the train to apologise,' Theo said to Anka.

Evidently the favour of an apology would not be extended to Helen.

Anka stiffened.

'I'm never seeing her again! No! I refuse!' she said, crossing her arms defiantly.

'Please, Anka…'

'Did you hear what she said about _maman?_ No! I refuse…She hit me! You and _maman_ don't even hit me!' she said angrily.

Theo put his head in his hands wearily.

'Okay then,' he said, eventually, sitting up. 'You don't have to see her tomorrow.'

'Hmph,' Anka said indignantly, her eyes still angry.

'Time for you to go to bed then,' he said, sighing as he stood up.

* * *

'I really am sorry, Helen,' Theo said as they got into bed.

'Unless you agree with her, you have nothing to be sorry for,' Helen sighed.

He turned to face her and looked into her eyes.

'You know I'd never agree with that,' he said.

She nodded quietly and looked down, trying to forget who she was as he leaned forward and kissed her.

**Long chapter! I hope it was worth the wait. It seems that you need to study quite a bit in med. hmmm**

**Anyway! Thank you all so much for your many reviews for the last chapter! I can only hope that this will continue seeing as I have not yet started the next chapter...**

**And you have no idea how strange it is to be told 'happy 100th'. I suppose not too many people make it to get told that in their lives! haha. I feel blessed :D**

**Now. As the kids are gone in the next chapter, we will get to have a little more Helen-Sirius time.**

**I would give you a quote, but I haven't written it yet.**

**So you know what you need to do to motivate me to finish it asap, right?**

**Love Anya**


	98. Chapter 10 A Very Hard Decision

**_SWEETEST love, I do not go,  
For weariness of thee,  
Nor in hope the world can show  
A fitter love for me ;  
But since that I  
At the last must part, 'tis best,  
Thus to use myself in jest  
By feigned deaths to die._**

**_Yesternight the sun went hence,  
And yet is here to-day ;  
He hath no desire nor sense,  
Nor half so short a way ;  
Then fear not me,  
But believe that I shall make  
Speedier journeys, since I take  
More wings and spurs than he._**

**_O how feeble is man's power,  
That if good fortune fall,  
Cannot add another hour,  
Nor a lost hour recall ;  
But come bad chance,  
And we join to it our strength,  
And we teach it art and length,  
Itself o'er us to advance._**

**_When thou sigh'st, thou sigh'st not wind,  
But sigh'st my soul away ;  
When thou weep'st, unkindly kind,  
My life's blood doth decay.  
It cannot be  
That thou lovest me as thou say'st,  
If in thine my life thou waste,  
That art the best of me._**

**_Let not thy divining heart  
Forethink me any ill ;  
Destiny may take thy part,  
And may thy fears fulfil.  
But think that we  
Are but turn'd aside to sleep.  
They who one another keep  
Alive, ne'er parted be._**

- **John Donne, **Song

* * *

Chapter 10 – A Very Hard Decision

Theo looked very apprehensive as he and Helen arrived back home from seeing Anka off.

'Something wrong?' Helen asked from where she was making espressos on the kitchen bench.

He sat at the table, frowning slightly.

'No… no,' he said, still lost in thought.

Helen shot him a knowing look as she set down their coffees and sat opposite him.

'Well?'

He shrugged and ran a hand frustratedly through his hair.

'_Maman_ … is not the easiest woman to deal with,' he said, laughing a little bitterly.

Helen looked down, her lips pursed at the mention of Sophie.

'She said that she'll write me off the will if I don't let her see Anka,' he said, sounding exasperated.

Helen bit her lip, again thinking of how unfair everything she was doing, and thinking of doing, was to him.

But nothing would ever stop her from detesting his mother.

'So,' she said shrewdly, 'she doesn't care that Anka doesn't _want_ to see her again. All she…'

Theo sighed and looked as though he didn't want to discuss anymore. Helen looked at him sadly and put her hand on top of his. He took it in both his hands and kissed it.

'We don't need her money,' he said, sounding frustrated. 'She's just bitter I never married Olivia instead…'

Helen raised her eyebrows and Theo realised that he had said a bit much.

'She… she was my girlfriend at school,' he explained, blushing a little.

'What happened to her?' she asked quietly, looking down.

Theo shrugged.

'There wasn't anything there,' he said truthfully, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

'Why me? You didn't know me that well,' Helen said, keeping her eyes averted.

He smiled and put a finger to lift her chin.

'Do you remember when we first met?' he asked.

She couldn't look away. She hated looking him in the eye when she had deceived him so horribly.

'Yes.'

'I think I fell in love with you then and there. We were only thirteen… but still. That's partly why I made sure we kept in touch. When we met the next time, I fell in love with you all over again.'

A crease came between Helen's eyebrows as she remembered how she had been then; having just left England.

'You were always so mysterious to me. You still are,' he said, laughing a little. 'But that's what I love.'

She looked away.

* * *

'You go to England very often… are there so many meetings?' he asked casually, looking down at her where she lay.

She nodded quickly, feeling her throat constricting.

Theo took a breath as though he was about to say something, but stopped as he thought the better of it and kissed her lingeringly.

'I have to go to work now,' he said, as they separated.

Helen looked into his brilliantly green eyes and thought she might try something- just to see.

She leant forward and kissed him. Not how she had always kissed him- tentatively and half-heartedly- but really kissed him.

Like she would kiss Sirius.

She tried to feel what she felt for Sirius; that same longing…

Theo looked slightly dazed as they separated, and also rather surprised. He stared at her for a few moments, looking confused, but then smiled at her and kissed her again before sighing as he got out of bed.

'Do you have a meeting tonight?'

The truth was 'no.' She didn't.

She hesitated before answering.

'I just need to discuss a few things about the mission I went on… but I'll go now,' she sighed.

And now she felt bad to Sirius. Could she never get rid of that guilt?

He smiled.

'Okay. Then I'll take you out for dinner… and maybe to the opera? It's been a while since we had a date,' he said, kissing her cheek.

She chewed her bottom lip but forced a smile.

'Sounds wonderful.'

* * *

'I'm sorry.'

Sirius raised his eyebrows at her as he saw her standing on the front doorstep.

'What did you do?'

She looked at him with wide eyes, her lips very red from having bitten them so much.

'What happened, Helen?' he said as he followed her into the kitchen.

She paced around, changing directions abruptly and muttering under her breath in Greek very quickly.

Meanwhile, Sirius sat in a chair and waited.

After a few more paces, she stopped abruptly and looked at him.

'I'm sorry,' she said.

'So you keep on saying,' Sirius said ironically. 'Would you like to tell me why?'

As he looked at the turmoil on her face, however, something sunk in and he felt the blood draining from his face as he realised what she had come to tell him, and why she was apologising so much to him.

'No,' he said, standing up and going up to her. 'No, you can't.'

She let out a slightly hysterical sigh.

'I'm married to him…it's not _completely_ my fault,' she said hopelessly.

'You know, I think you place too much emphasis on this whole 'marriage' thing,' Sirius said irritably.

'His mum wrote him off the will because of me! The least I can do is…'

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Big deal. Divorce him and she'll take him back…. That sounds like a pretty good idea, actually,' he added, more to himself.

Helen looked at him reproachfully and he crossed his arms.

'Say it, then,' he said, raising a challenging eyebrow. 'Say it.'

She faltered.

'I kissed him,' she admitted, looking down and looking ashamed of herself.

Sirius blinked.

'What?' he asked stupidly.

'I kissed him, okay?' she snapped. 'I'm sorry. I just wanted to see if there was something there...'

Sirius stared at her, and then started laughing. He had expected her to say something along the lines of her having made her decision and that she was staying with Theo.

Kissing he could deal with… for now.

'What?' she said irritably.

'I'm really starting to wonder how he even thinks that Anka is his… does he believe in immaculate conception?'

Helen glowered at him, but he just continued to look at her incredulously.

'So… in all these years, you've never kissed him?' he asked, fighting laughter.

'Of course I've kissed him… just not… like…that,' she said uncomfortably.

That shut Sirius up.

'How?' he asked shrewdly.

It was Helen's turn to look incredulous.

'How do you expect me to describe it?' she snapped, feeling the heat climbing up her neck

'It was… _that_ good?' he said in a strangled voice.

Helen sighed and pulled him towards her kissing him.

Sirius blinked once they separated and then turned to her accusingly.

'You kissed him like _that_?'

Helen sighed exasperatedly. She had hoped that the kiss would shut him up, not spur more accusations.

'Well… probably not that enthusiastically. It's still a bit hard for me not to get a bit carried away with you,' she conceded.

'Hm,' Sirius said, sounding unimpressed. He suddenly pulled her towards him and kissed her in the same way. She felt his hands sliding to the buttons of her blouse.

'Wait… not…yet,' she said, taking his hands away.

He raised an eyebrow and she blushed a little.

'Just not... right now,' she said. 'Let's... talk for a bit.'

'Talk?'

She could hear him frowning as he continued to kiss her neck.

But she couldn't right now.

'Just… give me a break for a bit!' she said exasperatedly, trying to get him to stop.

Sirius might not have always said the smartest things, but that was not to say that he himself was not smart.

He put two and two together and her reluctance for the moment suddenly made sense.

He pushed her away, looking at her distantly.

'You were with him just now,' he said, sounding repulsed by the thought.

'I couldn't refuse him forever,' she said, taking his arm and trying to reason with him.

He pulled his arm away and walked out, going up the stairs.

Helen followed him.

'Are you angry at me? I don't see…'

'There are lots of ways out of this, it's just that you're too damn stubborn to listen to me,' he said. 'And I'm sorry, I can't see you right now,' he added, continuing up the stairs.

Helen blinked.

'What's _that_ supposed to mean?' she called after him, feeling herself becoming angry.

Sirius stopped climbing the steps and rounded on her.

'What? Do you just hop from his bed to mine?' he said angrily.

Helen's eyes flashed.

'Are you calling me a whore?' she said in a dangerous voice.

Sirius looked back at her defiantly, not denying it.

Suddenly, his knees seemed to give way and he fell down a few stairs. He crumpled at the landing, at Helen's feet, groaning in pain.

'If you think I'm a whore, then I guess you know what my decision is,' she said venomously, turning on her heel and storming down the next flight of stairs.

But then she felt herself becoming paralysed and wanted to hurt Sirius very badly as she heard him coming down to where she was.

She overcame the hex just before he reached her and punched him.

She hadn't expected to punch his face, however. It seemed as though she was well out of the practise of punching him and had lost her aim.

'Fuck!' he shouted, clutching at his bleeding nose.

She covered her mouth in shock.

'Shit… here… let me…' she said, going to fix his nose and forgetting that she was angry at him.

'Get away from me!' he said angrily. 'Crazy bitch.'

She resisted the urge to punch him again, turned on her heel, and left without another word.

* * *

Over the following months, Helen was probably a better wife to Theo than she had been in all her years married to him. She was more attentive to him than she had ever been and there was definitely no extra-marital sex, and she outright refused to speak with Sirius- not that he himself made an effort to speak to her either. She made excuses to Anka when she came on her monthly weekends home about not being able to go to Grimmauld Place, and that was how her life went. She was given no further missions. In fact, no one- excepting Severus and those with 'duty'- had any missions. The Death Eaters seemed to be keeping a low profile.

But although she was still angry with Sirius, she also felt herself sliding back into that old depression- only this time it was made worse because she constantly had Anka asking to go visit on her weekends off, and she always saw him in meetings. So she tried, she really did, to see if she could find the same thing in Theo. The problem was that, try as she might, Theo would never be Sirius. That wasn't to say that one was better than the other, it was just that Theo and Sirius were two completely different people and whilst Helen liked one of them, she actually needed the other.

When she made a few fun, but silly comments once, Theo looked at her as though she were not quite well.

She was fifteen years too late to change the image which he had built up of her in his mind's eye.

* * *

Remus observed Sirius whose eyes followed Helen as she left the meeting with a nod to himself, but without the slightest acknowledgement of Sirius whatsoever. Once everyone had gone, Sirius went to get up- no doubt to sit in Buckbeak's room. It surprised Remus that Sirius would want to spend time in a place which was so reminiscent of his prison cell…

Then again, perhaps after twelve years, he had grown accustomed to it and, as dark as it made him feel, this darkness was comforting when he was depressed.

'I don't mean to pry, but is something not going well with you and Helen?' Remus asked Sirius tentatively.

Sirius' eyes flashed at the mention of her name, though Remus could also see the hurt underneath this.

'Did she make a decision, then?' Remus asked quietly.

Sirius pursed his lips angrily and left the room.

He hadn't meant to get angry at her that day. He was just so frustrated with the suffocating loneliness in his prison of a house, and the fact that she was still condemning him to such loneliness in not making a decision yet, coupled with her apologies had set him over the edge.

Also, the idea of someone else touching her- husband or not- made his gut clench.

He also knew that Anka must have come home for a few weekends by now and desperately wanted to see her. He wanted to know more about her; she was his daughter, and yet he knew almost nothing about her. He wanted to know every detail about her life, even if it was something as seemingly insignificant as the first time she said a particular word…

And the only way to her was through Helen and he missed Helen more than anything else in the world. The fact that the Weasleys- as much as he had disliked Molly- were gone meant that the house was constantly plunged into a stifling silence. He no longer had anything to look forward to; no conversation with Harry, no joke from Fred or George…

And no visits from her or their daughter.

She was the only one who understood what he was going through now; the only one who openly stated that he was upset and that she knew it; the only one who forced him to deal with it, even if it was so she could see him again the next day…

But he had made her angry and she did not seem as though she was going to forgive him for his words any time soon.

* * *

He looked around her living room. It was so perfectly placed and clean that one would never suspect that the family which occupied it was as dysfunctional beneath the exterior, as all dysfunctional families were. He was not sure that coming to see her was a good idea at all, but she always escaped meetings so quickly that he knew that this was his only chance of seeing her.

But this was also crossing another border- enterering the realm of her 'other' life.

And as far as he was concerned, he was very uninvited.

He then heard her talking to herself from another room, approaching the one he was in.

'Theo?'

He suddenly felt very silly for coming to her home, because its perfection suddenly hit him; this was a family which _worked._

He now understood why she had been reluctant to leave… why she didn't want to have Anka living in a house like his one with a convict father.

_He _wouldn't want that for Anka. It wasn't a life for a girl like Anka.

So it came to him, at that very moment; he would make Helen's decision for her. It would hurt, but she was right; they had survived the past fifteen years without each other.

They could survive.

He looked up as she entered the room, looking confused as to why her husband was back from work so early.

She let out an involuntary gasp when she saw who it was.

'What are you doing here?' she seethed, her face paling.

'I… can we please talk? You always leave so quickly…'

'Here!' she almost shrieked, the colour rising in her cheeks.

Sirius looked confused.

'It's not as if anyone's going to come in and see that you're entertaining a supposed mass-murderer,' he said indignantly.

'What do you want?' she asked disconcertedly, running a shaking hand through her hair which was tied back to keep it from getting in her cooking.

'I'm sorry about what I said to you…. It wasn't right,' he said, feeling as though this was not going very well at all.

He saw Helen looked at him, arms crossed and eyebrows raised, waiting

He sighed.

'I… I can see why you wanted to stay here,' he said, motioning about the room. 'Why you found it hard to decide.'

Helen looked at him shrewdly.

'Get to your point.'

Sirius drew an unsteady breath.

'Stay married to him; stay living here. You were right. You can't leave all this- it's much better that Anka grows up in this kind of environment. I don't know how I expected her to be happy at my place with a convict for a father…'

Helen looked confused for a moment, and then her eyes widened as she comprehended exactly what he was saying. She went to interrupt, but he held up a hand.

'No, you're right. I… if you could just bring Anka to the meetings, though… I really want to see her. She never has to know who I am to her, but if I can at least see her as often as is possible for the both of you… that's all I'm asking from you,' he said hopelessly.

Helen looked as though she had just been slapped across the face. He chewed his lip and looked down.

'And if we could talk from time to time, that would be nice too,' he said quietly. 'I miss talking to you… but, of course, I would understand if…'

'Shut up,' she snapped, sounding irritable.

'What?' he breathed, looking up to see her looking very angry.

He didn't quite understand what he had done wrong. He had just made the decision which would ease her guilt.

And yet she was angry at him?

'Do you think it's been easy for me all these months?' she almost shouted at him. 'You think your life is so hard- but all you have to do is sit at home and mope about how you can't do anything dangerous. I've had to try balancing a double life whilst bearing a shit conscience that I'm a crap person and, to top it all off, I get called a whore by you in the end…'

'No, I'm…'

'Shut up. Just shut up,' she said angrily.

A vase behind him shattered and he ducked.

'I am not a whore, Sirius Black. And if I ever came close to being one, it's just as much your fault,' she shouted.

'Ok! I'm not saying you're a… I never even said that you _were_ a…'

'Get out.'

'What?'

'Get out. If you don't, I'll have a lot of explaining to do and… just get out,' she said, turning her back and storming out of the room.

'Wait,' he said.

He didn't come here to start another fight. And he knew that she wouldn't bring Anka if she was this angry

She rounded on him in the hallway.

'You know what Sirius? That's fine. You go and we'll get on with our lives,' she said coolly. 'If you're fine without me, I'll be fine without you too. I'll bring Anka to meetings for you… that's what you want isn't it?'

He nodded uncertainly. He heard the anger in her shaking voice, though, and suddenly thought that he was not very clever in what he had told her.

There was the sound of the front door unlocking and he saw the look of panic in her face.

Glaring at him, she turned towards him and moved her wand at lightning speed to make him invincible.

As soon as the door opened, she turned around, constructing a composed smile.

'Theo, you're back,' she said, going up to him and taking his cloak, and kissing him on the cheek.

Her eyes flitted to where she knew Sirius was. It was a murderous glance.

'How was your day?' she asked lovingly, leading him into the living room.

'Over,' he sighed. 'What happened here?' he asked, staring at the broken vase.

'Oh, I dropped it when cleaning,' Helen said dismissively, repairing it and replacing it on the mantelpiece.

Theo stifled a yawn and sat back on the couch.

'Are you hungry? Shall I make you something?' she asked, anxious to get out of the room and to then send Sirius, whom she could not have been angrier with, back to London.

Theo smiled a little incredulously.

'How about you just sit for a bit? I haven't seen you for nearly two days,' he said.

Helen bit her lip, but then had an idea.

'If this is what Sirius wants, then he should have no problem watching it,' she thought menacingly.

She went over to where Theo was and sat closely to him. He put an arm around her shoulder, hugging her to him and she leant forward and kissed him lingeringly. Theo, as ever whenever she initiated a kiss, seemed a little surprised, but pulled her more closely to him, his hand sliding down her arm, to her waist. Helen lay back so that he was on top of her and let out an audible, soft moan as he kissed her neck.

Suddenly, the same vase which Helen had just repaired smashed to the ground and Theo sat up suddenly whilst Helen fought the urge to smirk.

'Serves the bastard right,' she thought mutinously. _He_ had the nerve to break up with _her? Again_?

'I mustn't have placed it properly on the mantle,' Helen shrugged, getting up to repair it.

'Throw it out,' Theo said darkly. _'Maman_ gave it to you last year.'

Helen smiled apologetically. She definitely didn't mind throwing the ugly vase away.

'Have you spoken to her recently?'

'She sent me a howler at work,' he said. 'Embarrassed me to no end in front of everyone,' he said angrily

Helen sighed and kissed him again on the lips. She was very glad that Theo was more expressive today as his hands slid to her backside.

Just what Sirius needed to see.

But then nothing happened and Helen felt the cold wave of rejection washing over her as she realised that, perhaps, Sirius did not want her any more; that he genuinely did not care.

She broke away from Theo.

'Theo… sorry, I just remembered… I've got a meeting,' she lied.

She needed to know for sure.

'Oh,' he said, looking disappointed.

She nodded apologetically.

'I'll be back later tonight, though,' she said.

He shrugged, still looking disappointed.

'Okay… I'll be back soon,' she said, turning to leave.

He took her by the arm suddenly and kissed her in a way which was more purposeful than he had ever done before.

'I love you,' he said when they separated.

There was some kind of concern in his eyes which puzzled Helen.

'Theo, is there something wrong?'

She looked in his eyes again to see that the concern had disappeared and that he was smiling.

'Dear me, I should say that to you more often if you think there's something wrong with me when I do say it,' he laughed, pecking her cheek. 'Go to your meeting. I'll see you later,' he said, walking out of the room and up the stairs.

Helen stared after him, still very confused until she remembered that Sirius was there…

And then she felt the hurt and panic washing over her all over again.

'Are you here?' she hissed.

'Yes,' he replied dully.

'Give me your arm,' she whispered, holding out a hand. She felt it and they disapparated back to London.

* * *

She could not bear to look at him as they sat opposite each other at the kitchen table. Remus walked in on their silence at one point, threw a sad look at the both of them, and left again.

'Are you okay with what you saw?' she asked after a while, her voice gravelly from tears which she was fighting to keep back.

There was silence.

'No of course I'm not okay with it,' he snapped sarcastically. 'You're very unfair, you know that? I was just trying to make life easier for you, and doing what was best for Anka and you threw that in my face.'

She looked up slowly, her eyes confused.

'So… you… it's not what you really want?' she asked uncertainly.

He snorted.

'You're really stupid sometimes,' was his scathing response

She wiped away a tear.

'What? Isn't that the outcome you wanted, but were too scared, all this time, to say it?' Sirius shot at her.

Helen bit her lip and wiped away another black tear. It definitely was _not_ the outcome she had wanted. Despite her three months of silence with Sirius, it hadn't meant that she didn't still want him.

And she was sure that, in the end, the option with him would have won out in the end. She definitely was not noble or good enough to consciously choose a life without him.

Evidently, he was having an easier time of it.

'Is… is that what you really want?' she asked, her voice unsteady.

'It's not about me,' he responded quietly.

Helen's face disappeared behind her hands, and he heard her draw a deep breath to try and compose herself.

She seemed to be having a harder time of it this time, however.

He sighed and got up and crossed to where she was and sat next to her.

'You know I want you,' he whispered. 'You know that's what I really want, but having just visited your house… I can see why you found it so hard to make a decision. I could never give Anka all of that.'

At that point Helen made a noise from behind her hands which sounded like a strangled sob and his heart broke. He put an arm around her and pulled her closely to him.

'And I can't stand the thought that he gets to have you; that _he's_ the one who can wake up next to you every morning; that he can kiss you or touch you without feeling bad that you're someone else's wife… that will kill me… but…'

He felt his the chest of his robes becoming wet from her tears and took a sharp intake of breath as her hand clutched at his shoulder.

'You can't go on the way we were,' he said simply. 'I saw how you were- how tired you were, how pale you became, how much weight you lost… how guilty you were… I won't do that to you,' he said softly, but firmly, kissing the top of her head.

She sniffed and looked up at him. He wiped the black from her cheeks where her mascara had run and tried to fight the desperate urge to crash his lips on hers.

'What else can we do?' he asked hopelessly.

'I could… I could…' she said unsteadily.

'You agree that we can't continue how we were?'

She sighed but then nodded.

He swallowed hard.

'So there are only two options left,' he sighed.

'It doesn't have to be _this_ option,' she said bitterly.

It broke his heart, and yet made it warmer at the same time to hear that she wanted the other option too.

'Well you know I'll always be here if you ever found a way to make the other work,' he said.

She hugged him tightly.

'I'm sorry I wasn't better to you,' she whispered against his shoulder. 'You deserved someone much, much better than me.'

He hugged her even more tightly to him.

'No I didn't. And you're the only one I ever wanted anyway.'

And then he felt her hands clutching at his back and her body shaking even more violently and, even though they both knew that this was the morally right decision which they both had to make, it hurt so much that neither of them could believe that it could ever be considered 'right'.

* * *

**I really feel sorry for them. They can never do anything which is both 'right' and makes them happy, it seems. But I really do think that Sirius would have realised after visiting her house. Truth be told, I think they've both accepted that they can never really be happy.**

**Well, that's how they feel right now, anyway.**

**Now, next chapter is nearly-ish done, so I can give you a couple of quotes:**

_'I thought Tonks had something for you,'_ Sirius Black to Remus Lupin

**and...**

_'We're getting divorced.'_

**Who's getting divorced, I wonder? Hmm?**

**Well, you'll have to review if you want to find out, won't you?**

**(Depending on your reviews, of course, I will probably update quicker this time... sorry for not updating this one sooner, but I was really exhausted)**

**Love Anya**


	99. Chapter 11: Separation

_**Your absence has gone through me**_

_**Like thread through a needle.**_

_**Everything I do is stitched with its colour.**_

'Separation' **-- W.S. Merwin**

* * *

Separation

She didn't know how, but she somehow survived November. The fact that the weather became colder and the sky drearier did not help her. She found it hard to face Theo properly now that her heart was in such turmoil and devastation. She always booked late shifts so that she would have all day to try and get out of bed; Getting out of bed was very hard every morning. Now that Anka was still at school for the next few weeks until her Christmas school holidays, there really seemed no point to waking up.

Going to Order meetings was even harder because she would see him. He would smile at her, they might even sit next to each other. Maybe he would squeeze her hand when they saw each other, give a loose hug as she was leaving… It was terrible, because she wouldn't get to speak to him at all; to even properly look at him. And, as painful as it was for her, she could see that everything was many times worse for him. She could see his eyes were more deadened and darker than ever and yet now she couldn't do anything.

* * *

'Sirius?'

It was Remus' voice outside his room.

'I know you're in there. I'm coming in okay?'

He walked in. The room was dark, but Sirius was sitting on his window sill, hugging his knees to his chest and looking out at the sky.

Remus sighed and sat on the opposite end of the sill.

'It's bright tonight eh?' Remus said, glancing at the sky with the stars which shone, brighter tonight than they had for a while.

'Hmm,' Sirius said, not looking away from the stars.

'What happened?'

Sirius didn't need him to clarify what he meant.

'We can't be,' he said. Remus could hear the bitterness in it.

Remus sighed and leant back.

'What about you? You must have had better luck with women than I ever had,' Sirius said. 'Anyone for you?'

Remus said nothing, but then went to say something, but thought the better of it and sighed.

'Well?'

'Before you try kicking my arse, I haven't touched her at all and tell her…'

'I thought Tonks had something for you,' Sirius interrupted.

Remus looked at Sirius in disbelief.

'You…'

'She's too honest not to make herself obvious,' Sirius said, laughing a little.

'It's… I don't want to be rude to her, and she's a great girl and really fit and all, but… I mean, come on! Her mum's close to our age! She needs someone… oh I don't know, someone around Bill's age…'

He trailed off.

'Anyway, that's not important,' he said dismissively.

Sirius looked up at Remus.

'Why not?'

Remus looked up, surprised.

'What?'

'Why isn't it important? If she likes you, and you like her… it's not as though you have… _other_ things in your way,' Sirius finished, the bitter edge returning in his tone.

Remus looked at Sirius apologetically, but then waved a dismissive hand.

'I'm old enough to be her father… _and _I'm a werewolf. Not a good catch, I'd say.'

'You know, Moony, it's not that big a deal. She knows and _she_ doesn't care,' Sirius said irritably, looking back to the stars.

Remus bit his lip. He wished he could say something to Sirius, but didn't know what could possibly make his friend feel better.

'You want anything?'

Sirius shook his head.

Remus sighed and got off the sill.

'Well I'm off to bed then, night.'

'Night,' Sirius said, not taking his eyes away from the stars.

He was trying to figure out how his name could mean the 'brightest star in the sky' when his soul felt so dark.

* * *

'_Maman!_'

Helen hugged Anka as tightly as she could when Anka ran up to her.

'_Maman…_can't… breath…' Anka whispered.

Helen let go of her a little and smiled apologetically.

'_Papa!_' she said, going to Theo and hugging him.

So all of that pain was for Anka. As Helen looked at her, smiling as she hugged Theo, she thought that it had to be worth it.

And, as Theo put his arm around her waist and Anka linked arms with her as they walked out of the station, they became that picture perfect family for a few moments.

* * *

Helen was helping Anka put away her clothes.

'So is Claude talking to you now?'

Anka pursed her lips a little.

'Kind of… it's complicated,' she said quietly.

'Oh?'

'Hmm.' Anka said non-tellingly.

'Fred and George are staying at Grimmauld Place. The whole family is, actually,' she said.

'Fred?'

'Ah, so it's Fred,' Helen said, a small smile playing upon her lips.

Anka shot Helen an annoyed look and continued with packing away her clothes.

'Sebastian isn't so bad,' she said quietly.

'Really?' Helen said, not sounding surprised at all.

'Hmm.'

'So… can you explain what's going on with Claude?'

Anka sighed and flopped back onto her bed.

'He doesn't like that I'm talking with Sebastian,' she said wearily. 'It's really annoying, because it's not as if Sebastian and I are anything but friends…'

'So is Claude still your boyfriend?'

Anka opened an eye and looked at Helen.

'Okay. So I had a crush on Fred, and Sebastian's kind of cute,' she said practically.

Helen sat on the edge of Anka's bed.

'Right,' she nodded.

'But, the thing is that I actually _like_ Claude,' she said earnestly. 'I really do. I thought, last summer, that maybe it was because I had known him for so long and that we would be more _friends_ than anything else, but… it's not. The problem is that he gets so suspicious it's exhausting! And we're only fourteen! Fourteen!'

Helen looked at Anka and suddenly felt herself becoming overcome with sadness as she thought of Sirius. She quickly wiped away a tear.

'Have…have you… hold on,' she said, getting up and running out of the room.

If anything, she never wanted Anka to see her crying. That was the whole point of their decision; that Anka would never be tainted by their problems.

* * *

'And then Madame Maxime thought it was Jerome and she rewarded me by taking off my detentions!' Anka told Sirius happily.

Sirius smiled, though it was a tight smile which did not reach his eyes.

'Well, it sounds like you pulled off a few pretty neat moves there,' he said to her.

Anka nodded proudly.

Sirius' eye caught Helen's fleetingly and she looked away quickly.

Sirius saw her chewing her lip and the sadness in her eyes, but there was nothing to be done. Anka was there as their proof that what they were doing had to be the best option.

* * *

Christmas came too soon, as it always did, and Helen found herself locked in the bathroom, sitting in the bath, watching her blood staining the water red as her tears streamed down her cheeks on Christmas morning. She knew that she should not revert back to this; that if she ever found out that Anka was doing such a thing, she would go out of her mind…

But she was not Anka, and she didn't care that it was wrong. She didn't care that she shouldn't be smoking, because she knew that it wouldn't affect Anka. She would clear the air, remove any traces of the smoke from herself and the room, and no one would ever know. That was why magic was useful; she would leave the room surgically clean.

This time, she was only hurting herself. She felt she deserved it.

No one would know, but she would somehow survive. That was it. That was what she had to do for the rest of her life; survive for long enough to see that Anka had a comfortable life which would always be happy.

* * *

Theo himself was very strange at breakfast.

'What's wrong _papa?_' Anka asked as she was opening her presents, looking up at him curiously with her grey eyes.

He forced a smile.

'Nothing… do you like your new tricks set?'

Anka nodded and kissed him on the cheek before continuing to open her presents.

As Anka was getting ready for them to go to Mark and Nicole's, Theo informed Helen that his mother had sent him another Howler.

'I just… I don't understand her,' he said hopelessly, putting his face in his hands as he sat on the edge of the bed.

She had no right to make his life a misery too; just because she herself could never truly be happy.

She sat behind him and worked on the knots in his shoulders.

'It's because of me,' she nodded. 'She hates me. Just tell her she's right and she'll stop bothering you,' she said soothingly.

Theo took her arm from behind him and pulled Helen so that she was facing him.

'I won't do that,' he said quietly.

Helen leaned her head against his shoulder.

'I don't care. I know you wouldn't mean it,' she said quietly.

Theo laughed a little and kissed her softly.

'But I could never lie like that about you, so I don't care if _maman_ doesn't like it,' he said simply.

She sighed as he looked at her again with those honest eyes of his, and he kissed her again.

* * *

'We've got kids, eh?' Mark mused as he and Helen were cleaning the dishes.

Helen didn't mind doing it the 'muggle' way. She liked the opportunity to talk to Mark.

'Hmm.'

'You go to London a bit these days,' Mark said casually.

'Hmm.'

He hesitated prior to asking his tentative question:

'Have you seen _him_ since… however many years ago it was?'

Helen's face fell and she became tense.

Mark's eyes widened.

'Shit, Helen, it's been fifteen years!' he whispered. 'You need to…'

'Don't talk about what you don't know,' she snapped, throwing her towel on the sink and stalking out of the room.

…

Mark sighed as he saw Helen sitting on the steps at the ground level of his apartment building, cigarette in hand and tears streaking her cheeks.

'You've started again?' he said disbelievingly, sitting next to her.

She leaned on his shoulder.

'I fucked up my life so badly, Mark,' she whispered to him in Greek. 'I don't know how I managed to, but everything's so wrong.'

He put an arm around her, took the cigarette from her and drew on it.

'But you've got your family… and you're all so perfect.'

Helen stifled a cry by biting on her knuckles.

'What's wrong?' Mark said.

Helen shook her head.

'You saw him again?'

She lit up another cigarette with shaking hands. After a few drags, she closed her eyes and felt that she had calmed down a little.

'Yes. You heard how he went to jail and all?'

Mark nodded.

'He was innocent…no, don't look at me like that, he really was. And he only broke up with me because Dumbledore told him to. He was doing it so I wouldn't get killed,' she said bitterly.

Mark made a sceptic noise.

'It's true. I'm not naïve, it's true.'

'When did you find all this out?'

'July.'

'And?'

Helen drew unsteadily on the cigarette.

'I told you I was a shit person,' she said evasively.

'No! You didn't!'

Helen rubbed at her eyes and nodded morosely.

'You don't know… you don't understand… it seems so wrong to you but... it _is_ wrong, but you don't understand exactly what he always was to me,' she said sadly.

'You're obviously not still… together, though,' Mark said, rather taken aback about his sister.

'How did you guess?' Helen said ironically, rolling her eyes, stubbing out the cigarette and lighting a fresh one instantly. 'At first he wanted me to leave Theo and bring Anka and live like it would have been but…'

'How am I meant to leave someone who has been so wonderful to me?' she whispered. 'I can't! I can't bring myself to because you were right when I told you that he and I were getting married- I can never leave him. I owe him far too much.'

Mark sighed.

'Shit, I didn't know…' Mark said slowly.

Helen shook her head.

'But then we had a fight and he came to our house to apologise and saw everything and said that the life I have now is the right one for Anka and that we couldn't go on having an affair as we were, so it finished and that's that and here I am now, on Christmas day, as fucked up as one can be and you think I should be locked in a loony bin... I probably should be,' she added as an afterthought.

Mark hugged Helen to him.

'Trust me. Christina, you and I… we all became fucked up.'

Helen looked at him shrewdly.

'That's not true. You're fine,' she pointed out.

He shook his head sadly.

'No, Nicole and I are…'

Helen sat up and looked at Mark with wide eyes.

'What?'

'We're getting divorced. After Christmas,' he said, rubbing his eyes quickly before he could allow a tear to even form.

'Divorced?' Helen repeated, shocked. 'But…'

'I fucked up so badly,' Mark said in a strained voice. 'I…'

'It was late at work… and I just… no,' he said, shaking his head. 'It was a few times. I won't lie.'

He turned to face Helen.

'I felt shit each time I did it, but I still did… until… she brought food last week, and saw…'

He swallowed.

'It's all my fault. My entire fucking fault. She didn't deserve that and I'm a fucking bastard.'

He took a sharp intake of breath.

'Was it fucking worth it? Now I'll get to see the kids a few days a week at most and… for what? For… nothing,' he finished hopelessly. 'I've fucked up and I deserve what I'm getting now.'

Helen put a hand on his arm, because she didn't know what else to do.

Mark looked up at her suddenly and took her by the shoulders.

'Don't do it. What you have with Theo and Anka… it's a great thing; worth more than anything else. Don't wreck it.'

Helen blinked away her tears and hugged Mark tightly.

...

They returned and Helen looked at Nicole who was playing with baby Julien; ever-strong, ever-radiant.

She then saw Theo who had been taken hostage by Christina and Anka who were both tying him to a chair and giggling excitedly. They must have been the most dysfunctional family in the world, and yet they still 'were'. Their children were still laughing and that had to count for something.

* * *

Sirius was not quite sure why he had been looking forward to Christmas. Perhaps he had become carried away with decorating the house because it served as an excuse to forget about his situation. Perhaps he had some kind of expectation that something would change.

After all, they always seemed to 'get back together' at Christmas.

Now that Christmas had arrived, however, he saw that it was just as horrible as it had always been, because so many more memories had accumulated by now.

He thought that the day should become illegal.

Now everyone had gone to bed. Harry had become strange after visiting London. Sirius was worried about him and decided that he would spend the remaining hours of the godforsaken day being concerned about his godson's wellbeing.

He closed his eyes tiredly and lay back, using his hands as a head rest behind his head.

'_I know we said we wouldn't,' she said, 'but I couldn't take it anymore.'_

_Relief flooded through his body. He felt the same way. Nobility really was overrated. He didn't care if this made him similar to the rest of his family, didn't care if it wasn't the 'Gryffindor' way…_

_She went to say something more, but he would hear it later. For now, he just wanted to remember what it felt like to kiss her and pulled her towards him, holding her tightly to his chest as he ran his hands through her gloriously-scented hair and felt the warm velvet of her lips against his…_

His eyes flew open as he realised that he had fallen asleep. He groaned and looked to the clock. There were ten minutes left of the dreariest day of the year. He sighed. Perhaps he needed a cold shower…

He tensed at the sound of knocking on the door. Perhaps it was that which had woken him up from his wonderful dream.

Whoever it was, he cursed them for depriving him of his dream. If he could not have Helen in real life, he should at least be allowed her in his dreams.

After all, there were no rules against _dreams_ were there?

There was another soft knock on the door. Perhaps it was Molly. God knows what she wanted; probably to shout at him about something.

Sighing, he got up and dragged his feet to the door. The door creaked slightly as he opened it, but when he saw who it was, he just started laughing, a little hysterically.

'Oh right, I'm still asleep,' he said sarcastically, going back to bed and pulling the covers over his head.

Helen swallowed and shut the door behind her.

'No, you're not… it's me, really it is,' she whispered.

'Right,' came his muffled voice from under the covers.

She sighed and lay across the end of his bed. Just the scent of him on the sheets was enough to calm her and yet make every particle of her body feel somewhat alive again.

Not even the hardest drugs could calm her heart rate as well as this did. Her actions of the morning seemed flimsy compared to this.

She wasn't going to break any rules tonight, but she wanted to talk to him. After all, they had never said that they would cut any ties whatsoever.

Eventually, she felt him sitting up. At least he was now convinced that he was awake.

'You're… why are you here?' he asked.

But it wasn't in an accusing tone. There was more wonder in that tone than anything else.

'Do you remember when you told me that 'Christmas was the day for families'?'

He nodded, still trying to comprehend the fact that she was lying on his bed. That picture was definitely the best Christmas present he had received this year.

'Well I've spent time with pretty much everyone in my family except for you today and, quitting all the crap that we're being all noble and selfless in not speaking to each other, I miss you and there's nothing wrong with talking to you,' she said, sounding as though she was rather annoyed as she finished her sentence.

He stared at her. He had to stop himself from touching her face. It was hard to remember exactly what position they were in.

'I missed you too,' he said quietly, looking down.

They were both silent for a while.

'Is it meant to be this horrible?' she asked quietly. 'If it's the 'right' thing to do, shouldn't we both feel a little bit better for it?'

He said nothing.

'What have you been doing with yourself lately?' she asked quietly. She waited for a bit before adding 'and that wasn't meant to be a dirty question.'

He laughed and she laughed and finally that tension between them had disappeared.

'Well I haven't been doing anything with myself in both the clean and dirty sense of the question,' he admitted. 'Life's the same as usual, I suppose. How about you? How's Anka?'

'Anka's the easier question, so I'll answer her first,' Helen said. 'She's good- well, you saw her the other day. She has now decided that she liked Claude more than Sebastian or Fred…'

'What?' Sirius almost shouted.

Helen looked up at him, confused.

'What?' she said confused. 'And please don't shout. I haven't put a silencing charm on the door.'

'Did you say… Fred?' he said in a low whisper, his eyes flashing.

Helen laughed.

'Yeah, she had a bit of a crush on him, it seems,' she said.

'Why the little… I'll…'

'She decided that she just likes him as a friend anyway. It's not as if _he_ instigated anything between them,' she said fairly.

'Hmph.'

Helen laughed a little but then stopped when it fully hit her with how much she had missed Sirius.

'Mark and Nicole are getting divorced,' she said quietly. 'She caught him with… someone else.'

Sirius looked shocked.

'Blimey, but those two… I thought…'

'They've got two kids too, poor things. Mark's a right idiot, but I feel sorry for him. I mean, it's not right, but it didn't mean anything to him…'

The topic of infidelity caused an uncomfortable silence.

'Even though we weren't right,' she said, 'I think our situation was a bit different. That's the only way I can kind of live with myself. Even so, some days I think that Anka's the only reason I even bother with life.'

She paused, and mentally reprimanded herself for going into this subject.

'Anyway, so…' she began, trying to change the subject.

'You're not happy?' Sirius asked.

He sounded almost surprised.

Helen looked at him a little incredulously.

'Anka's happiness, and my own don't necessarily walk hand-in-hand,' she said wearily.

'But it's okay,' he pressed on. 'You're happy with… _him_ and Anka. It's an okay life, right?'

What could she say in response to this? The truth: 'any life without you isn't a life at all?'

Somehow, that no longer seemed very appropriate.

'Yeah,' she said, feeling defeated.

They sat in silence.

'Do you think you'll find someone else?' she asked. 'Once they clear your name and all?'

He raised his eyebrows.

'No, in all honesty, why wouldn't you?'

'I don't know how you do it, but I somehow don't think that it would be as easy for me.'

'Easy?' she snapped.

'I didn't…'

'Do you think it's _easy?'_ she repeated incredulously. 'If it was _easy_ I wouldn't haven been sitting in a bath full of my blood this morning. If it was _easy_ I wouldn't be smoking a pack a day and drinking till I can't see properly when I get home from work… you think it's _easy_ for me?'

She covered her face with her hands.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to… what are you…?' she said, alarmed, as she felt his hands pulling up her skirt.

He lit his wand and there were those telling scars.

'What the fuck is this?' he said, almost angrily.

It would have been angry, had there not been concern and sadness in his tone too.

'You said you were fine,' he told her reproachfully.

Tears slid down her cheeks as she felt his touch on the scars. Being good was too hard… and too painful.

'I'm never fine without you,' she whispered. 'I can't do this. Please don't make it continue,' she begged him, sitting up.

'But….'

There was silence.

She looked away and pulled down her skirt and he instinctively removed his hand from where it was rested on her inner thigh;

'I should go. I talk too much. Always did,' she said frustratedly. 'Merry Christmas. Really, I just wanted to come and talk. I missed talking to you… anyway. I'll bring Anka one of these coming days,' she said disjointedly, sitting up and going to leave.

But his resolve had been broken when he saw what it had done to her; those scars he had told her he wouldn't let resurface had now come back; angrier and rawer than they had the last time he had seen them when they were seventeen. Anka was a very good reason not to, that was true, but he let Helen go mainly because he thought it would make life easier for her.

And evidently, it wasn't.

'Wait… please,' he added with a sigh.

She sat on the edge of the bed. He could see that she was very much not okay and he didn't think that allowing her to go back home like this would only make her worse. He knew she wouldn't kill herself because of what it would do to Anka… but then there was no telling what Helen would do when she was unstable and suicide wasn't the only way for a person to die.

'I don't want to go back there,' she confessed. He could see the hands which she covered her face with were trembling. 'I'm…. scared.'

She had whispered the last part, and he knew that it wasn't meant for him to hear; that she had said it to herself, but at that statement he felt himself becoming scared.

He realised why; Helen never admitted to being scared. If anything, she was always too stubborn to. Everything about her seemed broken now; she was begging him just a minute ago to help her...

And begging and asking for help were both things which her old self never did, and now she was scared?

He hugged her to him and she nestled her head against his chest.

'Where are you?' she whispered.

'I'm here. What's happened to you?'

She screwed up her face and buried her head in his chest.

'I'm losing it… I am. I'm scared, Sirius. I don't want to go crazy.'

'You're not. You've just been…'

'No. Sometimes I forget things I was told five minutes ago, I'll remember being somewhere, and find that I'm in another place a few hours later without knowing what happened in between…' she finished, her voice shaking.

He kissed the top of her head.

'They're just lapses in concentration… everyone has those. It's not as though we're young anymore. Even Remus forgets things,' he said reassuringly.

She pulled away from him and looked at him with wide eyes.

'No… this is different….' She said, shaking her head. 'I'm…'

She faltered and swallowed quickly.

'I'm turning into Circe.'

**Now I don't particularly like cliffhangers myself, but what follows fits in better with the next chapter than this one.**

**So, here is your quote for the next chapter:**

_'Can I stay tonight?'_ -Helen to Sirius

**And thank you so very much to everyone who has been reviewing this story! I can't believed we've passed the big 2,000!**

**I hope you shall all continue with your reviews! (for the next chapter?)**

**Love Anya**


	100. Chapter 12: Greek Tragedy

_**Tragedy depicts the downfall of a noble hero or heroine, usually through some combination of **__**hubris**__**, fate, and the will of the gods. The tragic hero's powerful wish to achieve some goal inevitably encounters limits, usually those of human frailty (flaws in reason, **__**hubris**__**, society), the gods (through oracles, prophets, fate), or nature. The tragic hero should have a flaw and/or make some mistake (**__**hamartia**__**). The hero need not die at the end, but he / she must undergo a change in fortune. In addition, the tragic hero may achieve some revelation or recognition (**__**anagnorisis**__**--"knowing again" or "knowing back" or "knowing throughout" ) about human fate, destiny, and the will of the gods; "a change from ignorance to awareness of a bond of love or hate."**_

* * *

Greek Tragedy

He stared at her but then shook his head.

'You need to calm down.'

'She was crazy! You never saw her! Every night, she thought her temple was bathed in blood- each time she washed, she thought the water was blood… she had lost it! Genetically, she's my mother. What if I turn out the same way?'

Her face was white at the thought.

He considered her.

'Do you think that maybe if you stopped drinking, smoking and butchering yourself that it all might stop?' he said shrewdly. 'What do you drink?'

Her cheeks coloured a little.

'Absinthe,' she muttered.

He felt himself relax a little.

'Helen, you drink hallucinogenic alcohol, and you expect to walk around without any side effects?'

'But…'

'You have to stop,' he said firmly. 'Think of Anka.'

'I'm always thinking of Anka,' she said bitterly.

'And think of me,' he said softly, stroking her cheek. 'If something ever happened to you…'

'It wouldn't be any different for you,' she said mutinously, turning away from him.

Sirius dropped his hand.

'How can you say that?' he said, sounding annoyed.

She thought of what she would feel like if she found out that he was dead, and shivered.

Together or not, she needed him alive.

She looked down and toyed with his covers.

'Can I stay tonight?'

He drew in an unsteady breath.

'Won't… won't you be missed?'

She shook her head slowly.

'We always had Christmas… can we have at least Christmas?'

Slowly, he shifted on the bed and she came and sat next to him. He touched her face- brushed back a strand of her long hair- and they lay down, opposite each other. He closed his eyes as he felt the tips of her cool fingers touching his cheek lightly, but then opened them and they both leaned forward.

But they both stopped as their lips were barely an inch from the other's and stared at each other with wide eyes. They both knew that, if they proceeded, all their suffering for the past few months would have been futile and that they would just be going round in circles…

So they leant away from each other, he hugged her to his chest, and they fell asleep in each other's arms.

That would have to do.

...

When he woke up the next morning, she was gone, making him wonder if she had even been there at all, or whether it was all a fanciful dream, but he found a strand of her hair on the chest of his t-shirt and saw that it was all real. He took the hair, as though it were a most precious thread, and placed it in a handkerchief before storing it in his drawer.

Little keepsakes of each other, stolen moments; that was all they had left now.

* * *

Helen walked into Theo as she went to their room that morning. She nearly died of shock- it was only five, why was he awake?

She thought she saw his eyes narrowing for a moment, but when she looked again, saw that he only looked tired.

It wasn't as though she had lost any clothes the night before. Why did she still have to feel guilty for what happened last night too?

'You're up already?' he asked.

Helen was amazed at how quickly a cover story came to her… in fact, it was too easy.

'I was just cleaning from yesterday… I won't get the chance to today with Anka's Boxing Day quidditch match,' she said smoothly.

'It's not as though _maman's_ coming over… just leave it and come back to bed,' he said, tucking back a strand of her hair.

Helen managed a weak smile.

'But I'm nearly finished… and Anka has to get up in half an hour anyway,' she said, pecking him on the cheek and going down the stairs without another word.

She had never cleaned so quickly in her life.

* * *

'ANKA!'

Helen saw a small smile light up her daughter's face and Anka ran over to Claude and hugged him so forcefully that the poor boy looked winded.

Then Helen felt her stomach drop as she saw Anka separated from the hug and kissed Claude, seemingly forgetting that anyone else was around.

Apparently, kissing didn't seem to be so disgusting anymore.

It was quite a long kiss, and Helen was glad that Theo had gone to the other side of the pitch at that moment to talk with parents who he recognised as his old classmates. She didn't think that Theo would be beaten in strictness only by Sirius when it came to Anka and boys.

When the two finally separated, Claude looked both shocked, and ecstatic.

At that point, Helen saw Anka whispering things quickly to Claude who looked as though he wanted to grab Anka and kiss her again for whatever she was telling him.

But then she looked away. She didn't have to know whether Claude kissed Anka again or not. She was Anka's mother, but knew enough about being a teenager to know that there were some things which she just did not need to know… or see…

But she would definitely have another talk with Anka.

Just to be safe.

* * *

Helen and Sirius did not mention Christmas night to each other again, but Helen did visit him more often, and not just for meetings. Sometimes Anka would come, sometimes Helen would come alone. When alone, they would sit up in Buckbeak's room- maybe lean on each other (that was where the line was drawn, though)- and talk. They would just sit there and say everything which they were thinking, feeling…

Everything.

It was the only way in which they could somehow cope. She stopped smoking first- that she dropped after Christmas because, out of the three, she found it the most disgusting. The drinking was rid of next and, lastly, the cutting.

Old habits die hard, but when you have another, much stronger one there- such as pouring out your soul to the one person in the world whom you trust with the secrets of your heart- the more flimsy ones are easily overcome.

* * *

Anka seemed to now be growing up at an alarming rate, and Helen was starting to feel extremely powerless as she watched her daughter leaving for school, yet again, at the end of her Christmas break.

Firstly, she got her period. Helen had been waiting for Anka to get it from around the time she was twelve (when she herself got hers), but it seemed that Anka had been lucky in being spared from the dreaded 'curse' for an extra two years. Naturally, Anka herself was an emotional wreck the day she discovered that she was to be plagued by such a 'disgusting' thing until menopause. She even wrote a scathing letter to Claude blaming it all on him; her reasoning being that _he_ had kick-started her hormones, and therefore was responsible for 'the curse' (as she called it). Of course, she never specified what exactly 'the curse' was in her letter so, when Claude appeared in their fireplace half an hour later, he looked not only extremely pale and worried, but very confused. Helen herself was not informed of the letter, and unassumingly led Claude to Anka's room, where she had locked herself in.

'Anka?' he called tentatively.

The door wrenched open and Anka, her eyes red and puffy from crying, launched at him.

'It's all your fault! It's all your fault!' she screamed as they both fell to the ground, and she kicked and punched him.

Helen pulled Anka away from Claude before he sustained any permanent or painful injuries.

'What, Anka? What's wrong? What did I do?' he asked, sounding both exasperated and concerned.

'Anka!' Helen reprimanded her sternly.

At that point, Anka started sobbing hysterically into Helen's shoulder and Helen exchanged an exasperated glance with Claude (who was still very confused).

Helen remembered back to the time when she got her period. She made no big deal when she saw the spots on her underwear; told no one. She simply put them in the dirty laundry, rolled toilet paper as a make-shift sanitary napkin in her fresh underwear and semi-waddled her way to the hospital wing so that Madam Pomfrey could tell her what to do.

Her thoughts returned to Anka, now, however.

'It hurts, _maman_,' she sobbed, clutching at her stomach.

Helen stood up.

'That's enough, Anka,' she said briskly. 'I already gave you the potion and I know for a fact that you can no longer feel any pain. Don't try and fool me, because I specialised in women's health,' she snapped.

Anka sniffed affectedly.

Helen remembered that Claude was there.

'Claude, you've done nothing wrong, Anka's just being very silly and will apologize to you soon,' she said. 'Would you mind if I had a talk with her now, though?'

Claude nodded vigorously and left quickly before Anka could resume throttling him.

'If you want to be grown up and have boyfriends, you have to be grown up when things like this happen to you. Every healthy girl gets her period and we all deal with it. Do you know who I had to cry to when I got mine? No one! I went and sorted it all out by myself and went to my next class. I didn't try murdering my boyfriend…'

She paused and realised that she had censored her fight with Sirius, whom she had met on the way to the hospital wing, from her tale.

He had made a dirty remark regarding the way she was walking, resulting in a temporary lapse of concentration as to where she was going, and leading to a duel between the two. Of course, this had been a bad idea as Sirius himself had ended up in the hospital wing, which meant that he had overheard Helen's reason for needing the hospital wing, despite her urgent whispering to Madame Pomfrey.

(Unfortunately, Madame Pomfrey started talking loudly to her about what she should do each month and Sirius not only told anyone who would listen that 'Asteria' was 'dirty' and 'cursed', but that no one should take her being a 'bitch' personally as it was 'her time of the month'. Both Lily _and _Helen had sent him back to the hospital wing for this final comment.)

'My point is,' Helen continued, 'that you need to grow up now and deal with things better than this. I won't always be here to hold your hand,' she finished, although she knew that, as long as she was alive, she would be there for Anka.

No matter what.

Anka sniffed affectedly, not meeting Helen's eyes.

'I think I might visit Claude,' she said stiffly, standing up, brushing her clothes off, and leaving without another word.

* * *

Helen had tried to ignore her birthday. She saw nothing wonderful about the fact that she was a year older…

But the thought that she was a day closer to eternal rest was some solace to her and so she got out of bed, glanced at Theo's razor but didn't think of touching it, and went about her routine.

It was a Saturday, and one of Anka's weekends off. There was an Order meeting, but, surprisingly, Anka declined to join Helen.

'Why?' Helen frowned.

Anka usually never missed an opportunity to go to London with her; if only to play '_une petite farce'_ on Snape, with or without Sirius' help.

But today she said that she 'couldn't be bothered' and that she wanted to stay home and 'rest.' Helen tried to coax her into coming with her- she had told Sirius that she would bring Anka- but Anka ended up sounding annoyed and asking if Helen was 'scared to go by herself'.

* * *

She saw Sirius looking around for Anka and bit her lip.

'She said she was too tired, I tried to get her to…'

She trailed off as she saw Sirius' eyes darkening.

'You blame me,' she said quietly, looking down, as they all sat at the table, getting ready for the meeting.

He said nothing and they didn't speak throughout the whole meeting.

...

'Sirius, I…'

He forced a smile.

'It's not your fault,' he said.

She looked into his eyes searchingly and he brushed back a stray strand of hair which had fallen to caress her cheek, from where she had twisted it into a knot.

'Happy Birthday, _ma cherie._'

She turned around abruptly and walked to the other side of the room quickly.

'I'm sorry, I didn't…'

'Stop apologising,' she interrupted irritably, screwing her eyes shut tightly and massaging her temples. 'Why are you always apologising to me?' she rounded on him. 'I'm the one who always makes the mistakes. Do you do it just to make me feel even worse?'

Sirius groaned and sat in a chair.

'I'll bring Anka tomorrow if I can,' Helen said quietly before going to the door and leaving.

Sirius sighed and lay across his bed, rubbing his tired eyes. She was losing it, he could tell, and he wished he could find a way in which she could be better off, but he couldn't think of anything. He knew she felt guilty about how things were between the two of them, and yet that she felt guilty for spending time with him, about Anka…

Guilt was a terrible thing, she felt a lot of it, and he couldn't see how he could help her.

* * *

'Anka?'

The house was empty. Helen frowned.

'Anka?' Helen repeated, feeling her blood running cold.

She knew that she should never have allowed Anka to remain in the house, alone. What was she thinking? Anka was only fourteen!

She walked into the kitchen, hands shaking and was suddenly met with a bang.

'Happy Birthday!'

Once Helen got over the shock, she made out Anka and Theo, standing together and smiling at her behind the kitchen table which had an elaborate birthday cake on it. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to feel, but tears slid down her cheeks as she stared at the two of them, smiling with such genuine love for her.

'What's wrong, _maman_?' Anka frowned. She had not expected tears in response to her well-devised plan.

Helen smiled weakly and hugged Anka to her tightly and kissed her.

'Thank you,' she whispered.

She then turned to Theo who was smiling at her and then kissed her quickly on the lips.

'Come on _maman_! Blow out the candles,' Anka said, waiting expectantly by the cake. 'Do you like the cake? I made it,' Anka said, looking at it tentatively.

Helen kissed Anka's cheek and cut the cake into pieces.

'How is it?' Anka asked anxiously.

Helen swallowed quickly and smiled, glancing at Theo to do the same.

Evidently, Anka had inherited her father's cooking skills.

'Wonderful,' Helen nodded. 'Thank you Anka.'

Anka looked pleased with herself and tried the cake for herself.

Only she spat it out.

'Why didn't you tell me?' she demanded, looking close to tears. 'It's horrible.'

Helen laughed and hugged her tightly to her side.

'A hundred bought cakes from the best patisserie in Paris couldn't have made me happier than this one,' she told Anka. 'Because _you _made it.'

Anka looked miserably at the cake and Helen kissed her forehead.

'It's not too bad,' Theo said tactfully, taking another bite of the cake and swallowing quickly again, exchanging a smile with Helen.

Anka wrinkled her nose sullenly and Helen patted her shoulder.

'It's okay. Just check whether it's salt or sugar next time, before you add it to the mixture,' she said brightly.

'Hmph.'

'If I die, I can't leave Anka anything,' Sirius said to Helen.

It was now his birthday. They were lying on his bed, but not touching in any way, and staring at the ceiling.

'No, you'd have to leave it to Harry,' she said quietly. 'But I don't think that that will be an issue for a long time anyway,' she added, a little forcefully.

His fingers brushed hers gently.

'I want to leave something to her, though,' he said.

Helen could hear the frustration in his tone.

'Don't you think she'll find it strange?' she said heavily. 'And it's not as though it's as obscure as my mother was with your uncle. Our situation is a little more obvious.'

He said nothing.

'She'll never need money our housing,' Helen said reassuringly.

'That's not quite what I meant,' Sirius said quietly.

Helen nodded.

'You want her to have something which is yours,' she said, turning to look at him.

His eyes met hers and he nodded a little.

She reached out and touched his face lightly and he closed his eyes.

'I have something… she doesn't need to know it's from me, but I would like for her to have it anyway,' Sirius said eventually, opening his eyes again.

They both sat up and he took a small box from his bedside table.

'I got this for her a while ago,' he said, handing it to Helen.

Helen opened it and saw a similar ring to hers.

Except there was an added word in the inscription:

_Ma petite cherie._

She nodded sadly and closed the box carefully before looking back to Sirius who was watching her.

She sighed and hugged him tightly.

'Give it to her when she comes of age,' he said, breathing in her hair.

She kissed his cheek and they separated.

She went to say something, but stopped herself just in time.

'What?' Sirius asked, seeing the wheels working in her mind as her eyes narrowed.

'Hm?' she asked, looking back to him.

'What's wrong?' he asked warily.

But she wasn't listening and, after he was waiting for her response for a minute, she stood up suddenly.

'I… have to go,' she said disconcertedly.

'Helen….'

She blinked.

'Happy Birthday,' she interrupted, kissing him on the cheek quickly and leaving.

She stared at their old house and was thinking quickly now. There had to be more to life. There had to be a way for them to work…

She thought about it properly now; clearly. She knew it wouldn't be fair to him, but she also knew that Theo would eventually get over her.

Because he, like Nicole, was that kind of person.

Sirius, on the other hand… she couldn't see him as moving on, not seriously anyway; even once his name was cleared.

She needed Sirius. She couldn't imagine what she'd be like twenty years down the track if she didn't have him in her life…

And, finally, Anka.

Anka, whom they all loved and who had made it so hard for them all to come to a decision…

She would be okay, she was a strong girl, she could deal with it…

She would forgive them one day, wouldn't she?

* * *

Helen sighed as she entered Mark's apartment. It had been a few months since Nicole and the kids had moved out and the place was barely recognisable from the happy home which it had once been.

'Mark?' she called.

She walked over to the couch where he was lying and sat on the edge, flicking her wand and cleaning up the take-away boxes and filled ash-trays.

'Hey, Mark,' she said gently, shaking him awake.

He groggily opened his eyes to see Helen. He groaned, rubbed his eyes, and sat up morosely.

'Here, drink this,' Helen said, handing him a hangover tonic.

He didn't ask, but just downed it before leaning on her shoulder.

'Come on, we said that you'd make a bit more of an effort to keep place, here,' she said assertively. 'You want to see Christina and Julien, right?'

'I miss her,' he said croakily.

Helen sighed.

'I know how you feel,' she said quietly. 'But she won't ever even talk to you unless you pick up these pieces. You have to show that…'

'She'll never get back with me,' Mark said, shaking his head.

'You don't know that,' Helen said fairly. 'People make mistakes.'

Mark smiled bitterly and lit up a cigarette, leaning back on the couch, but opened his eyes as he felt Helen snatching it away from him and stubbing it out.

'Hypocritical, much?' he said, raising his eyebrows.

'Listen, Mark. Even if you don't get back with Nicole, I know you want to see your kids and you shouldn't ever have them walking into a house as messy and smelly as it was when I walked into it just now. And you shouldn't ever smoke in front of them either… and no, Anka has never seen me smoking,' she added sternly.

He closed his eyes sleepily.

'Things will never become bearable unless you do something about them,' she said quietly.

'Load of bullshit,' he said.

'It's not. You told me that when I first came to Paris, and it was true. I doubt I even would have survived the pregnancy if I had just stayed in your spare bedroom and not forced myself to go out,' she said.

Mark shrugged.

'Still seeing Sirius?'

'Not in the way you think I am,' Helen said stiffly, failing to clarify what she had been thinking regarding _that_ situation for the past few months.

Mark glanced at her but then turned on the couch to stare into the fireplace. Helen sighed and lay back on the other side of the couch. She would stay with him for the evening. She knew what lonliness did to one.

* * *

Helen had never placed much faith in dreams and had never believed in using them as 'signs' but, upon waking up in an empty bed (Theo had just gone to work) it hit her:

She had dreamt that they were all old, and Sirius was still alone and stuck in Grimmauld Place, waiting for her visits, which were too frustratingly clean. She and Theo barely spoke because, in her old age, she was too exhausted to keep pretending.

This realisation hit her so forcefully that it made her throw on any clothes quickly and disapparate to London, because she just realised how stupid everything was.

She also realised that she was being selfish but, somehow, the pure stupidity of it all outweighed any selfishness.

And she had had enough. She had given up, and yet she didn't mind failing this one test of virtue.

What had Macbeth said? "_I am in blood/ Stepped in so far that, should I wade no more, / Returning were as tedious as go o'er"_

She really could relate to poor Macbeth and Lady Macbeth at this point in her life. She had never been too sympathetic to their cause, but now she was. She knew what it felt like to lose the '_balm of hurt minds'; _to lose the '_chief nourisher in life's feast_.'

Because she was like Macbeth.

She had committed crimes; acts which consumed her heart and soul with so much guilt that she felt herself as a person changing; she was constantly losing touch with reality. Sirius said it had been the drinking, but now that she had stopped any form of self-abuse, the memory lapses were still as common as ever, not to mention her unstable moods…

And she did not get enough sleep. How could she when her wretched heart was bleeding so profusely?

So now, intoxicated with that reckless boldness which Macbeth had in committing his last mistake of fighting Macduff, she too was ready to commit her final act which could either save her or destroy her.

She had long ago known of her _hamartia_. She had many _peripetia_ which had led her to this point. And her suffering in life had even been brought on by a combination of human and divine actions… after all, Circe's actions had caused her much suffering.

But was her suffering generally undeserved with regard to its harshness?

Truthfully, she could not answer. Her crimes were terrible, but she had never thought that, at heart, she was a truly terrible person, deep in her soul. Then again, that was a matter of perspective.

She even had that sacred lineage. What had they said? 'The downfall of a commoner is sad, but the downfall of a king affects so many more.'

If Voldemort had killed her, it definitely would have affected the wizarding world, and not in a positive way either…

But her climax, _anagnorisis_, and _catharsis _were yet to come…

Now she saw herself; saw her life for what it was, and it made so much sense.

She was the perfect Greek Tragedy.

* * *

**If you were confused with some of the terms regarding tragedy, go to the quote at the start. It explains it pretty well, I think.**

**Now I know a few of you have felt that the story has been a little low on the action front, but that's ok, because that's how Helen's life has been lately...**

**But no more.**

**There aren't too many chapters of this trilogy left, and I promise you that the remaining ones will not be slow.**

**Here's a little taster of what's coming:**

_'Right,' Helen said sarcastically. 'Because my having shorter hair than you; being stuck in a sewer; and the both of us running away from the whole team of ministry aurors is just an ideal situation.'_ _- _Helen to Sirius

**But, as usual, if you want the next chapter, you'll have to...**

**it starts with an 'r' and ends with a 'w'.**

**So! Until I respond to you all, adios for now...**

**Love Anya**


	101. Chapter 13 The Decision

**_"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all, I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."_ - Agatha Christie**

Chapter 13- The Decision

Helen ran into his room to break the epiphany only to find him sprawled on his bed, very asleep. She shut the door quickly and jumped on the bed next to him.

'Sirius, wake up,' she said impatiently, shaking him.

Sirius let out a garbled stream of words and turned the other side. Helen felt like hitting him.

After all his complaining and pressuring, _now _he was asleep? Upon her realisation?

'Sirius,' she persisted.

He nestled into his pillow, still asleep.

She hit his arm.

No reaction.

She pushed him so that he was lying on his back and smiled as she looked at him.

She had always loved watching him sleep.

But now she wanted him awake, not asleep. If all went according to plan, she would have the rest of her life to watch him sleeping…

She leant over and kissed him gently on the lips. She could taste the firewhisky on them.

How she had missed kissing them and, judging from the firewhisky, he had not been handling life as 'positively' as he encouraged her to either.

A faint sigh escaped from him and, slowly, she felt him stirring beneath her lips.

'Helen?' he mumbled.

'The one and only,' she smiled, breaking away from his lips.

He squinted a little and rubbed his eyes before blinking a few times in a bid to wake up.

'I have news for you,' she said, feeling both nervous and excited.

At least she knew that telling this news would make Sirius happy.

Well, it _should _make him happy. She couldn't be a hundred percent sure.

Theo on the other hand…

She pushed it from her mind. She had decided and that was all there was to it.

Sirius still looked a little dazed.

'Are you awake?' she asked impatiently.

'Yes,' he said thickly.

'Okay then. Here it goes: I'm going to leave him. I've decided,' she announced, feeling her heart pounding in her chest as she said it.

That was it. She had said it to Sirius now, and there would be no going back.

Sirius looked at her sceptically for a moment before saying: 'Hmmm,' and lying back down.

Helen blinked.

'Is that it?' she said incredulously.

Sirius said nothing and Helen looked at him to see that he was asleep again.

She screamed in frustration and started shaking him.

'Wake up you stupid, stupid boy… man… whatever! Get up right now! How can you sleep at a time like this?'

…

Half an hour, Helen was lying on the bed next to Sirius, arms crossed and feeling very annoyed with him. He was still asleep.

So much for her 'climax'. She was thinking that more along the lines of a highly disappointing anticlimax.

Eventually, she heard him yawning and sitting up, muttering something about 'dream on.'

He went to go to the bathroom, but frowned and turned around to face the bed. His eyes fell on Helen who was lying there, looking at him shrewdly and he nearly jumped from shock.

'You…you…'

'Are you finally awake now?'

He looked at her warily.

'Did you wake me up earlier?' he asked, his voice from anticipation.

'Hm,' Helen said, sitting up.

'And… and what did you say?' he asked.

Perhaps it wasn't a dream after all.

Helen stared at him for a moment before springing up and going to the door.

'Nope. Sorry. Missed your chance,' she said brightly.

Sirius blocked her pathway to the door.

'Tell me,' he said forcefully.

He looked as though he would spontaneously combust if she didn't.

'I'm leaving him,' she said. 'I woke up this morning and realised just how stu…'

'Hang on. Can you just… clarify what you mean when you say 'I'm leaving him'?' he said, screwing his eyes tightly shut.

Helen touched his cheek.

'Open your eyes,' she whispered against his lips.

He obliged and she smiled.

'I'm leaving him- Theo. I've decided. I'll tell Anka the truth… I'll suffer the consequences, but I can't take this anymore,' she said seriously.

Sirius stared at her and then suddenly kissed her passionately.

He broke away suddenly, however, after a few seconds.

'Hang on… you… you want to be with me?' he clarified.

Helen laughed.

'Yes, you tosser. That's what I've been trying to tell you for the past hour already!'

He smiled and now it reached his whole face- including his eyes which had become deadened in Azkaban- and kissed her again.

But, like before, he broke away.

'What do you want to be with me for? I'm…'

'Sirius,' she interrupted.

He looked at her.

'Don't you want me to be with you?'

He laughed, a little hysterically.

'What a question!'

'Well what's the problem, then?' she asked, raising her eyebrows.

'Problem…nothing… but…'

He stopped and then his happiness died down a little.

'You're not going to change your mind, are you?' he asked, quietly.

Helen shook her head seriously.

'Never.'

He smiled again at this and kissed her again.

'Just… stand there,' he said suddenly, breaking away from her lips after what must have been an age.

Helen raised her eyebrows as he rushed about the room and changed quickly into cleaner clothes.

'Right,' he said. 'Let's go.'

Helen's eyebrows raised higher up her forehead.

'Go… where, exactly?' she asked dubiously.

'Away. We're going somewhere.'

'I don't think so,' she said, her eyes widening. 'Forgive me but, now that I've decided on you, I really don't want you to go back to Azkaban or to meet a Dementor, as is the more likely case…'  
Sirius rolled his eyes.

'That's not going to happen… come _on_! I haven't been outside for so long! We can disguise ourselves… go to another country, even. It'll be fun!'

'Sirius…'

'I let you go out when you asked me,' he pointed out.

Helen sighed.

'This is a bad idea,' she said, feeling unsure about the whole idea. 'What if…'

'Oh come on. It's not as though anything's going to happen. Plus, we're not bad at magic, we'll sort ourselves out if something doesn't go perfectly.'

Helen pursed her lips.

* * *

'We're too old to be sneaking around like teenagers,' Helen pointed out to Sirius as they were walking up the street to their old house. 'And why do you want to go back anyway?' she asked.

'So we can have sex on the piano,' he said, deadpan.

Helen stopped walking and he laughed at her.

'Even though my name is Sirius, sometimes you take me too seriously,' he said. 'And what was wrong with the time on the piano?' he asked accusingly.

'Nothing. It was great,' Helen answered automatically, before she remembered herself. 'No! Why are we here?' she asked, trying not to get side-tracked.

'I forgot something here,' he shrugged.

'Well I doubt it's still there. Another family lives there now,' she said.

Sirius looked at her curiously.

'How do you know that?' he asked suspiciously.

Helen shrugged.

'One day… it just all became too much, and so I… I don't know. I just came here to see it again. Don't know why,' she said disconcertedly.

She half expected him to laugh at her or ask questions, but he didn't. He merely took her hand and they kept on walking.

'Of course, if you want to, we _can_ have sex on the piano,' he added, breaking the silence.

Helen hit him, but he kissed her and then they both started laughing.

'That's assuming that there actually _is_ a piano still there,' she said, raising her eyebrows at him.

He grinned and hugged her around the waist more closely to him as they kept walking.

….

'Sirius, there's someone in there,' Helen said to him as they arrived at their old house.

He said nothing, but continued to stare at the house. Suddenly, he turned to face her.

'Let's buy it again,' he said, his eyes wide. 'Grimmauld Place is a crap place to stay… I don't want Anka living there. Let's buy the house back. Whatever they want for it, we'll pay… it doesn't even matter, really, because wizarding money converts so well to muggle money… we'll buy it and then it'll be so much better. I mean, it won't even be _that_ different from what Anka's used to now with your house if we're living here,' he said.

Helen looked back to the house and sighed. There were so many memories there, and even those days she considered 'bad days' became fond memories now.

She looked back at him and nodded.

'Let's do that.'

He beamed and then seemed to concentrate on something else.

'Right. Make us invisible now- you have to teach me that one, by the way- and we'll get it.'

'Get what?' Helen said, making them both invisible nonetheless and taking his hand so that she wouldn't lose him.

'You'll see…' he said, leading her around the front garden to the back yard.

…….

'The tree?' Helen whispered in disbelief.

She saw him digging at the ground, moving more to the left, then more to the right…

'It was here,' he said, sounding frustrated.

'What? How about you tell me so that I can he…'

'Found it!' he said, sounding happy.

Helen saw a small handful of dirt crumble away to reveal a silver ring…

…..

'You buried your wedding ring?' Helen said incredulously.

'You married someone else?' Sirius shot at her.

They were both visible now as they walked down the street… but still disguised.

Helen opened her mouth to retort but conceded defeat.

'I'll never be able to win another argument again,' she grumbled.

Sirius laughed a little.

'Keep thinking that, _ma cherie._ It'll save me many injuries for the first month at least… until you tell me to 'get over it',' he said.

Helen rolled her eyes and they kept walking.

'Where do you reckon the sunniest place is?' he asked casually.

Helen sighed.

'Look, I haven't had a good reason to be happy for a while now… can you please just give me a break for a day?'

They came to the end of the street, opposite which was the forest and they stopped walking.

Helen looked up at him and a small smile came to her lips.

'I would kiss you now, but you don't look enough like yourself,' she said.

Sirius laughed a little.

'Close your eyes, then,' he whispered in her ear, leaning forward and kissing her in a way which made Helen want to have him there for every moment of every day, to kiss her in the same way.

'Do you want to go to Greece?' Helen offered, a little breathlessly once they had broken apart. 'The weather's really nice now.'

Sirius considered it and answered by kissing her again.

* * *

Helen marvelled that she truly had not seen Sirius looking as happy as he did for many, many years. His eyes were now lit up and he looked so much like his old, younger self- excepting the disguise- that Helen couldn't help but smiling. Of course, she was still nervous about what would happen when she told Theo and Anka…

But then she shook her head. She was going to forget about that today. Today was going to be about her and Sirius.

Helen was sitting next to him, watching as he lay, stretched on the warm, golden sand of a beach, the sun's rays illuminating his skin which had become so pale since he was younger. His lips were slightly curved into a smile and his face looked truly relaxed.

'I miss the sun,' he said, still keeping his eyes closed. 'It does your head in-staying locked up in a dark place.'

With a finger, Helen traced the contours of his face lightly.

'But at least in our place, we'll have the backyard,' he said.

It suddenly occurred to Helen that living in their old house would be more than impractical; Anka had all her friends in Paris, she worked in Paris and had established a life there… and she could not show her face- disguised or not- in London. Sirius himself couldn't go out to get things such as groceries, wanted as he was…

But she pushed this thought to the back of her mind. It really wasn't important now. They could discuss it later…

'Don't you find us a bit… funny?' he asked, squinting at her.

Helen raised her eyebrows.

'Well, I wouldn't say that our situation classifies as 'normal', though I fail to see any comic aspects to it.'

Sirius sighed.

'No, I mean… how we ended up like this. Think about how we were… at eleven, say, when we first started at school and met each other. I was just thinking what I would have said if I was shown how my life would have turned out.'

Helen smiled a little, though it had a bitter edge.

'I definitely wouldn't have believed anyone who told me that you would end up being the so-called 'love of my life' and would have found the fact that we have a daughter together even more ridiculous,' she admitted.

'Oh don't worry, I would have been just as horrified,' Sirius said reassuringly.

Helen rolled her eyes but then leant forward and kissed him lightly.

'Hmm, but I hadn't tried that, yet, to know what I was missing out on,' he said, pulling her back to him.

* * *

They were walking down a street in the city when Helen heard whispers behind them.

'Is that that man… the one who escaped prison?'

'It is… the dangerous mass murderer!'

'Look how busy this street is! We have to call the police…'

Helen looked up at Sirius and was shocked to realise that they had forgotten about their faded disguises.

She grabbed his arm and led him quickly away to an alleyway.

'Wh…'

'We're idiots!' she seethed. 'We forgot about our disguises… oh fuck… here,' she said, putting his disguise back, and then her own.

'Why?'

'I heard two women talking,' she said worriedly. 'They recognised you.'

Sirius sighed and kicked the wall frustratedly.

'We should leave,' she said.

He nodded begrudgingly and took out his wand.

But then they heard many cracks from the next alley and they immediately lost any ideas of disapparating.

'They'll have put anti-apparition charms up,' Sirius sighed.

'And, if they're good, anti-… fuck,' Helen said, seeing Sirius' disguise disappearing instantly.

'You too,' he groaned.

Helen bit her lip, feeling herself becoming pale.

'Right,' he said, getting his wand out. 'We're cutting your hair…'

'What!'

'I think…'

'We need to worry about _you_ a bit more!'

'I can turn into an animagus. You can't,' he pointed out. 'They won't _all _know about my form,' he said, grabbing her hair before she could protest and flicking his wand.

Helen looked wistfully at the long bunch of hair which he was holding and was horrified to find that her hair only came to her ear.

He wrinkled his nose.

'You look better with it long,' he said. 'Right…. How are we going to get out?'

Helen sighed and tried to make them both invisible.

It didn't work.

'Fuck! They really want to get you, don't they?' she said, tugging at her ridiculously short hair.

Sirius took a deep breath and screwed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose.

'How many would there be?'

Helen raised her hands hopelessly.

'I don't know… in case you didn't notice, they _really_ want to get you,' she said.

He nodded gravely.

'Maybe it's better if we split,' he said. That way you can get out and…'

'I don't think so,' she said fiercely. 'Sorry, _mon cheri,_ but you're not good enough to take on the Ministry's whole department of aurors.'

Sirius' face paled as he realised this.

'Fuck.'

'Let's do something more productive other than saying that word,' Helen said, grabbing his arm and leading him further down the alley as she heard shouted orders from the main road.

'We could… cause a diversion?'

'Would never work,' Sirius sighed. 'They'll be prepared for that.'

'So… what do we do? Come on! We need to think of something!'

Sirius paced a few steps.

'We need to get out.'

'That's very helpful,' Helen snapped.

'The muggle way. We can't use magic… and we should catch a plane or train to get out of the country. If we get out of this immobilised area without being caught, the rest will be easy.'

Helen chewed her lip.

'And how do we do that?'

Sirius was silent.

'Perhaps we should have given that rat a bit more credit,' he said grimly.

…

'Don't you think that they'll think of the sewers? It's very clichéd,' Helen said as they were walking through the sewer.

'Yes, but we'll be able to deal with it down here. They would only send a few down here, whereas there would be many more up there,' Sirius said.

'We can't even fucking see,' Helen said, squinting in the darkness.

She suddenly stopped walking.

'What?' Sirius whispered, worried that she had heard something.

'I'm a real idiot, you know that?' she said.

'Eh?'

She cupped her hands and produced a small flame.

'Better than nothing… I haven't needed to use wandless magic for so long that I've forgotten,' she explained.

Sirius smiled at her a little.

'You have to admit… this is a little exciting…'

'I'll kick your arse if you ever repeat that again. The both of us could still be killed,' she snapped. 'And then what would happen to Anka? She'd have only Theo… and that would mean that she'd have to stay with his horrid mother because he works…'

'You've got a nasty in-law?'

'Hmm,' Helen said darkly.

'Worse than my mother?'

'I never met your mother.'

He laughed a little.

'Consider yourself lucky.'

'Thanks, I will if we make it out of this alive,' she said drily.

'Actually, I reckon my mum would have loved you,' he said after a while. 'Purest blood on earth… what more could a mother ask for in a daughter-in-law? You know, it would have been funny if I introduced you to her, just to see how my family fell over themselves about having Circe's 'daughter' in their house,' he mused.

'Very funny,' Helen replied shrewdly. 'You know what would be even funnier?'

Sirius looked at her, waiting.

'If we survive this,' she snapped.

He rolled his eyes.

'You've grown frigid all these years… you should loosen up a bit,' he said. 'I mean, it could be worse,' he added thoughtfully.

'Right,' Helen said sarcastically. 'Because my having shorter hair than you; being stuck in a sewer; and the both of us running away from the whole team of ministry aurors is just an ideal situation,' she snapped.

Sirius' lips twitched.

'Nice order,' he said ironically.

Helen looked at him archly.

'We could be stuck at home,' he said quietly, more to himself.

Helen fell silent and she understood what he meant. She knew that, when she had been forced to stay in the house at all times, that any relatively dangerous situations were like a godsend.

She took his hand and kissed his neck from where he was walking in front of her.

He turned around, looking a little surprised and she smiled at him tentatively.

'You never did take me on any of your 'adventures',' she said. 'Is this our one?'

He looked into her eyes and leant forward and kissed her, pulling her closer to him. As he ran his hands through her hair, he pulled back a little, laughing.

'Your hair really is shorter than mine,' he mused.

Helen pecked his lips and smiled.

'Let's try getting out, eh? The smell's getting to me,' she said.

He nodded.

'Agreed. I'm sure there are nicer places in Greece where we could be,' he said.

...

'Hurry!' Sirius whispered as they ran as fast as they could down the tunnel.

'I'm trying,' Helen panted. 'It's not so easy to run and duel at the same time.'

She groaned as Sirius picked up his pace and she tried to keep up as she deflected the curses which were travelling their way.

'You okay?' he said, as she tripped.

'We need to go back… Stop!' Helen said, pulling back.

'We can't! They're catching up!' Sirius said, still pulling her as they continued to run.

'I've lost my fucking wand! I dropped it just now… stop…'

Sirius hesitated but then they saw the approaching shadows and he pulled her as they kept on running.

'You and your wands,' he muttered. 'Here,' he said, handing her his wand. 'You're better than me.'

'Never thought I'd hear you say that,' Helen said ironically, firing off a few stunning curses over her shoulder.

* * *

An hour later, they came to the end of the tunnel which led to the beach. After running, and stumbling, across the sand, they slowed down.

'Oh fuck,' Helen gasped, leaning against a tree. 'I… too… much…running…fuck,' she continued to gasp.

Sirius seemed to be struggling a little less than her, but wiped his sweaty brow on his sleave.

'Do you reckon we lost them?' he asked, after they had both considerably caught their breath.

Helen looked around.

'I'm pretty sure I got a lot of them,' she said. 'Here,' she said, handing him back his wand.

He smiled a little.

'You really do have bad luck with wands, don't you?'

Helen rolled her eyes.

'Just typical. As though being outnumbered as we are isn't bad enough. We have to have only one wand as well,' she said mutinously. 'And my wandless magic really isn't that wonderful in these circumstances.'

They paused for a few more seconds, still trying to catch their breath.

'Let's go,' he said. 'We need to get far away from here.'

They started walking further down the beach.

...

After a few hours, a few trains and buses later, they arrived at a more remote town. Helen said something about having been there as a young girl and led the way to the beach.

Helen sunk down to the sand.

'Ah, my feet,' she said, taking off her shoes to reveal a few blisters.

Sirius pointed his wand at them and performed a number of wound-healing spells on them.

'Why, thankyou _mon cheri_,' Helen said, kissing him.

They lay back.

'Having fun?' he asked, with a mischievous smile.

Helen rolled her eyes but then grinned.

'Yes. And that's not a lie, either,' she added.

'That's good to hear,' he said, leaning forward and kissing her.

* * *

They were still lying on the beach some few hours later. It was too beautiful and too perfect to leave.

Helen had told Sirius about the beauty of a Grecian sunset before, but now that he was seeing it for himself, her description didn't even come close.

He knew that it would have never been so beautiful if she wasn't lying on his chest, watching it with him; if he had never been deprived of the outside world for the past year; if he didn't know that she would finally be his, and only his, and that they would now be the family which they always should have been.

He took her hand from where it was rested on his chest and kissed the tips of her fingers as he continued to watch the sky which was now bathed in a brilliant hue of fire which reflected on the sparkling water.

**Well, I must say, I don't think I've updated such an optimistic chapter for... a very very long time. It's kind of weird in a way, but I have to admit, it is very nice not to have any doom or gloom for once...**

**I can't believe that we are at this point in the story already. Seriously, I can't.**

**I hope you all really enjoy the next chapter.**

_'You rated me as only a seven out of ten,' Helen suddenly interrupted. 'That's terrible!'_ - Helen to Sirius

**AND, because I'm nice**

_'You told me that you had never kissed Remus,' he said accusingly_. - Sirius to Helen

**But, of course, no one will be getting anything unless I get many many reviews (thanks to those who do, those who don't... is there a reason why you do not? I mean, if you've put me on story alert (as 143 of you have) is it that hard to drop me a sentence of two to let me know what you thought?)**

**So, until your reviews, _au revoir!_**

**Love Anya**


	102. Chapter 14: Together

_**Beautiful dawn - lights up the shore for me.  
There is nothing else in the world,  
I'd rather wake up and see (with you).  
Beautiful dawn - I'm just chasing time again.  
Thought I would die a lonely man, in endless night.  
But now I'm high; running wild among all the stars above.  
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me.  
**__**Will you be my shoulder when I'm grey and older?  
Promise me tomorrow starts with you,  
Getting high; running wild among all the stars above.  
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me**_

-'High'** – James Blunt**

* * *

Together

The sky was pitch black and the stars were burning in the June, summer sky as they boarded the train to leave Greece for Bulgaria. Once out of Greece, they decided they would get off at the first train station and disapparate back to London that way.

After all, it was highly unlikely that there was an anti-apparition charm put over all of Europe.

They saw a few aurors walking around and Helen felt her heart beating erratically as they walked past them when their backs were turned but, somehow, they managed to surreptitiously sneak past them and find an empty compartment on the train.

They sat very still in the dark compartment, not wanting to draw attention to themselves or their compartment.

'Have you seen this man?' they heard voices saying a few compartments up ahead.

'Shit…' Sirius breathed.

His disguise really was not adequate enough to properly fool ministry members.

'Here,' he said, handing Helen his wand. 'I'll never call you a smart-arse again,' he added.

Helen managed to give a quick tight smile before returning her gaze to their compartment door.

She heard footsteps coming their way and suddenly climbed on top of Sirius and kissed him passionately, performing charms on her hair so that it grew longer and covered his face.

'Wh…'

'Sh,' she whispered against his lips as their door opened and she continued to kiss him desperately, hoping that her plan would work.

'Have you seen… ugh,' a disgusted voice said from the door. 'Er… right, well, he's not… here…' the voice trailed off and, a second later, their compartment door was shut.

Helen separated from Sirius, gasping for air. She leaned her head against his chest.

'That was… close…' she whispered.

Sirius grinned.

'You should have been marauder. We would have been better off,' he said. 'And I don't mind your methods either,' he added mischievously.

'All us girls…well, except for Mary… but all of us would have been good as marauders. Instead… we chose to study,' she said, still listening outside their door for any leading bits of information…

'Anything?'

'Nope'

'Right. He's not here. Let's go,' the other voice said, walking past their room.

A minute later, the train was moving and both Helen and Sirius sat back in their seat, relieved.

'You know, I wouldn't mind trying that again,' Sirius said lightly, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

'Trying what?' Helen asked innocently.

'Hmmm…. How about I remind you?' he said, leaning forward and kissing her.

'Ah, I remember now,' she said, pulling him to lie across the seat with her.

It struck her that it had been almost a year since they had been this close and each touch burned her skin. There was so much she wanted, right now…

But their compartment door opened and they sat up, forced to put any desirous thoughts on hold, as a young family walk into the compartment and sat on the seat opposite them.

Helen suddenly felt very self-conscious as she felt the woman's shrewd eyes on her; taking in her ripped clothes, her dirty face and skin… her dishevelled hair from a moment ago.

She cleared her throat quietly and looked down, lifting a hand to try smoothing her irregular hair, but then felt Sirius taking her hand firmly, instead, whilst he stared down at the woman's husband who had taken his daughter on his lap and turned her away from looking at Helen and Sirius.

After a minute, the wife whispered something to the husband and they left swiftly with their children, leaving Helen and Sirius once again alone in the compartment.

'Finally,' Sirius said, rolling his eyes at the door which closed. 'What a hag. Did you see her? I mean, she was just jealous that her husband- whom, I might add, I felt inclined to make acquainted with my fist- kept on…'

'Sirius, you don't need to make me feel better about it,' Helen interrupted. 'I mean, I've lived in Paris for the past fifteen years. I don't need to worry about some middle-aged frump pretending that she knows how to dress better than I do,' she said, sounding almost amused.

'Even if she were dressed in the best clothes out there, you'd still manage to look better than her,' he said heatedly, evidently very annoyed with how the family had been looking at them.

Helen shot him a small smile.

'Ever heard the phrase 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'?'

Sirius ignored her final comment.

'How long till we get to Sofia?'

'It takes around four and a half hours from Thessaloniki, but we've left from Athens, so probably a good nine-ish hours,' Helen said, stifling a yawn

He locked the door and enlarged the seat so they could both lie down.

'I was reading your 'Book of Distractions' the other day,' he commented as Helen lay back next to him.

She paused from where she was kissing his neck and looked up at him curiously.

'As if you still have it,' she said, a little incredulously.

Sirius shifted so he could look at her.

'Did you… _throw out_ my Black books?' he said, aghast.

Helen shook her head.

'No, I left them with you,' she said, looking up at the ceiling.

'Hmm, I'll have to look for them,' he mused, before returning back to his original point. 'Anyway…'

'You rated me as only a seven out of ten,' Helen suddenly interrupted. 'That's terrible!'

He laughed.

'No... well, it's just that you kind of weren't that…'

'Thank you _mon cheri_. I've already heard all about what you think of me in bed,' she snapped.

Sirius looked a little surprised.

'What?'

'I think it was our last Christmas before… all that,' she said. 'Do you remember how we went to this Irish pub and you got really drunk? Anyway, you should probably watch your drink, because you tend to let things slip when drunk,' she said archly.

'What did I say, and why are you telling me now… over fifteen years later?'

'What did you expect me to do? Confront you over the fact that you thought that I was crap when it came to anything other than the act of sex itself?'

A small smile played on Sirius' lips but then he bit his lip and looked at her tentatively.

'I… said that?' he asked, looking at her warily, and now becoming rather thankful that she didn't have a wand.

'Hmph.'

'Would it help if I told you that I was never really one for all the other stuff anyway?'

'I can't believe you actually sat there thinking about how bad I was at it!' she burst out, sitting up and looking at him accusingly.

'Look, it's not that you were… bad. It's just that you were too, I don't know, too _embarrassed_ to do it,' he tried to explain.

This prompted him to think of his original reason for bringing up the 'Black Books'.

'You rated Remus as a better kisser than I,' he said suddenly.

Helen looked at him levelly.

'He was… it's just that I felt more for you so I prefer kissing you. I mean, if I had never met either of you before and had to rank you both as kissers, Remus would win. Sorry.'

She didn't seem too apologetic though.

Sirius suddenly sat up.

'You told me that you had never kissed Remus,' he said accusingly.

'When?'

'I don't know… when we started going out. We were playing some question game or something…'

Helen paused, trying to remember. A vague image of her sitting in a classroom with Sirius came to mind.

'Well I hadn't, at that stage,' she said truthfully.

'So you kissed him _after_ we started going out?' he said incredulously.

'Listen, we've got a long train ride. Let's not fight now….'

'When did you kiss him?' Sirius demanded.

'Seventh year,' Helen said evasively, becoming very interested with the scenery. 'Hey look…. Do you see that island? That's...'

'So it was when we had broken up, then?' he persisted.

'Hmmm…'

'Why do I somehow think that there's something you're not telling me?'

Helen shrugged and leaned on his shoulder.

'Go to sleep.'

'And why was he kissing you anyway?'

'_I_ kissed him. I was a little tipsy and very depressed.'

'And he pushed you away,' Sirius nodded, though there was a menacing edge to this tone.

'Er… yes,' she said.

'After _how long_ did he push you away?' Sirius demanded

'Like I can remember. We're talking about something that happened when I was seventeen. Can we just talk about something else?'

Sirius was silent.

'I never cheated on you, okay? I've been unfaithful _with_ you, but that's it,' she said quietly.

'Hmm,' Sirius said moodily.

'I knew you'd become all sullen like this,' Helen said, rolling her eyes. 'And it's not as though…'

'I never touched anyone when I was with you.'

'But you went and slept with Melinda North a week after we had broken up,' she retorted.

'Wow, you remember her name,' Sirius said, sounding a little amused now.

'How can I not?' Helen said heatedly. 'I only had the whole female population of Hogwarts laughing about it to me. And now can we _please_ talk about something else?'

He was silent for a while and then decided that he really didn't want to know about Helen kissing Remus… or anyone else.

'How's Anka?'

They both lay back and Helen leaned on his chest. She didn't answer for a while, but listened to his heartbeat.

'I'm scared of her reaction,' she confessed in a quiet whisper. 'I know she likes you, but … finding out that you're her father is a different matter. I'm scared she'll never want to see me again.'

Sirius stared at the ceiling.

'She'll forgive you,' he said eventually.

Helen looked up at him.

'You think? Is that possible?'

He smiled a little as he started fiddling with the ring on her finger and then looked into her eyes.

'You forgave your parents for everything they did to you. She's had it very good compared to you,' he said quietly.

Helen sighed and turned to also look at the ceiling.

'But _you_ never forgave your parents,' she said, her voice trembling a little at the thought of Anka refusing to see her again.

There was silence for a while before Sirius turned to face her.

'You're nothing like my mother was,' he said fairly.

'She doesn't know that- she's never known what 'that bad' is like,' she sighed, leaning her forehead against his.

She closed her eyes as she felt his thumb stroking her cheek and he kissed her.

'She's more like you; she'll forgive you,' he said quietly.

'She _looks _like me, but she's not really…'

'No, she's got this quiet and reserved side to her… she's more like you than you think,' Sirius said, looking down into Helen's eyes.

Helen sighed.

'Sirius, you don't really….'

'I know I haven't spent anywhere near the amount of time that you have with her, but maybe that's why I can see that in her; because I really try to observe how she is when I do get to see her.'

Helen shrugged a little.

'It doesn't matter. I'm going to tell her anyway… I guess we'll just have to pray for the best,' she said

They stared into each other's eyes and he leant forward and his lips brushed hers lightly. A faint sigh escaped her lips as he kissed her again, a hand tangling through her hair.

They separated, their breathing erratic and Helen's frowned as she realised that, despite all the odds which seemed to have always been inevitably separating them, they always seemed to always end up together.

It suddenly struck her that it was that which had been so defining in their relationship; they had always been together.

'What's wrong?' he asked, noticing her frown.

'I love you,' she said slowly, as though she had just realised the fact.

'And you only just realised this… now?' Sirius said, his voice sounding a little strangled.

She shook her head.

'No, but I don't think I ever quite knew just how much I did…'

Sirius raised his eyebrows and she leant forward and kissed his neck, just under his jaw, where she could feel his pulse.

'I actually… need you,' she said in between kisses. 'You're like…'

She paused.

'It sounds so lame, but it's true. You're my other half,' she finished, sounding a little embarrassed.

She knew it was unhealthy to be so strongly attached to someone; to depend upon them so much and it was so different to how she had been originally, when she refused to rely on anyone… but she had fallen a long time ago and there was definitely no going back now.

He stared at her, where she was lying underneath him before pulling her to him urgently and crashing his lips on hers.

They didn't wait to undo shirts and, in any case, didn't think that removing so much clothing would be a good idea anyway. Their lips never left each other as he pushed her skirt up and she tugged at his jeans impatiently.

He groaned a little as he entered her and then paused, feeling his breathing becoming very erratic as he fully realised that they were finally going to be together; going to be free to do this whenever they wanted to, be free to have her forever…

He came to his senses as he felt her shifting a little underneath him and then her hand cupping his cheek gently.

'Are you okay?' she asked, looking concerned. 'You're shaking.'

He stared at her before kissing her more forcefully, holding her as closely as he could to himself as the heat built up between them.

...

They both lay on the seat, spent and exhausted from the whole day. His head was laying on her chest and she was running her fingers through his hair.

'I only ranked you as a seven because I was kind of cut that you had broken up with me,' he said eventually. 'When it came to sex, you were always the best.'

'So you wrote that entry after we had broken up?'

'I wrote it the night before I gave it to you,' he confessed.

She smiled a little.

'Actually, your entry on me was very nice,' he mused. 'I was quite surprised.'

'I also wrote that before I gave it to you,' she admitted. 'I didn't think that the first entry I wrote was too fair… I happened to be very angry when I wrote it,' she said.

She smiled as he nestled his head against her chest and hugged her more closely to him.

'I know. One particular sentence has always stuck in my mind: 'the biggest fucking dickhead in the world' and that you'd 'rather spend all eternity with the giant squid rather than see me again.'

'As I said, I was fifteen and pissed off,' Helen laughed. 'Though I do think I exaggerated just a little,' she added.

He smiled.

'Exaggeration is an understatement _ma cherie,_' he said.

Helen laughed.

'You know, you became rather mushy about me in yours,' she said.

'I knew if I ranked you a 7/10, you might want to prove me wrong… and I think towards the end of the entry I became a little desperate.'

'You called me 'the most beautiful experience of your life'.'

'You are.'

Helen said nothing, but found his hand and kissed it.

'I know I told you to stay with him, but I'm glad you chose me,' he murmured after a while.

She shifted so that she could look into his eyes.

'I'm glad I chose you too,' she said seriously.

They smiled at each other before kissing again.

* * *

Sirius looked at her as she slept against his chest and smiled. The morning sun was slowly creeping up on the horizon.

A new day; a new start.

He couldn't help but laughing softly at the thought that this was their new beginning.

It really was a beautiful day.

'Hey, wake up,' he whispered to her as the speakers announced that they had arrived in Sofia.

She groaned a little, but sat up wearily.

For a moment, she looked very disoriented as she looked around the compartment to Sirius, but then comprehension dawned on her features, she paled a little, but then smiled back at him.

Suddenly, however, a deathly cold swept over the train and Sirius knew all too well what it's cause was.

'Dementors,' he whispered. 'We need to get out, quick… Helen?'

A strange expression came over her face and tears were streaming down her face. She looked rigid, and didn't seem to be listening to him.

'Hey… Helen, listen…' he said urgently, shaking her.

'Stop,' she whispered, grimacing in pain.

'Helen!' he half-shouted at her. 'Never mind…' he said, snatching his wand from where she was holding it limply in her hand.

He didn't have time to panic. The door slid open and all he thought of was his new life with Anka and Helen.

His patronus had never glowed so brightly.

After the mist had cleared, Helen seemed to have come to her senses.

'What's going on?' she asked in a shaky voice.

'Dementors… what happened to you?' he whispered.

'I… I… never mind,' she finished, shaking her head and trying to forget the memories of her friends' dead bodies, of what Anka and Theo's faces would look like when she told them the truth.

'We should get out, quick,' he said to her, shooting her a wary, sidewards glance.

Holding his hand so they wouldn't get separated, they ducked as they ran through the crowded station which was spattered sporadically with aurors.

A loudspeaker suddenly announced:

'Black, you cannot hide from us…'

'Fuck,' Helen whispered, her hand tightening on his. 'Turn into your animagus form,' she said.

'But…'

'Just do it,' she snapped.

He obliged whilst she messed up her hair. At least her clothes fitted the role.

Her heart pounded she came to the exit. She held onto Sirius where he had conjured a collar.

'Stop. Search her dog,' the voice said menacingly.

Helen looked up through her hair which was covering most of her face.

'_Je ne parle pas anglais,'_ she said in a gravelly voice which shook slightly from nerves.

It was Avery.

'What'd she say?' Avery said to someone on the other side.

Helen stiffened to see Malfoy. And he was staring at Sirius with a smile twisting his lips.

'_S__uivre moi_, _mademoiselle_,' he said swiftly to her.

'Avery, follow me,' Malfoy said archly.

Helen gulped, but went to follow Malfoy and Avery determinedly.

She only hoped that Avery wouldn't look at her too closely at her. She hadn't forgotten him from school, and she doubted that he had forgotten her either.

They were walking down a more-secluded alley out of the train station and Helen knew that she either had to act now, or never.

She nudged Sirius and caught his eyes.

Three seconds later, Avery had been bitten by Sirius (Helen found it almost amusing that Sirius had targeted Avery) and Malfoy had been stunned. Sirius turned out of his animagus form.

Flashing lights coming in their direction and, after staring at each other for a second before screaming:

'RUN!'

They held hands and ran through the streets of Sofia. At one point, Sirius accidentally ran into two old ladies, and they ambushed him with their handbags whilst Helen stood back and watched, amused, until she heard cracks at the end of the street and saved him.

'Thanks for taking so long to help,' he said archly as they continued to run.

Helen smiled sweetly and then pulled him into a nearby alley.

'Wh…'

She cut him off by kissing him passionately, against the wall.

'The best time?' he asked a little weakly, once they separated.

She laughed, and it hit Sirius that her laugh sparkled; just like her eyes which were now dancing again with the happiness and youth which they used to sparkle with.

'It's okay. We're apparating back now,' she said. 'I can't believe this is actually happening! It's all happening so quickly now!'

He stared at her before the earlier part of her comment struck him.

'How are we apparating back?' he frowned.

She shrugged.

'Truth be told, we could have apparated back when we were on the beach in Greece,' she said.

He stared at her.

'What?' she said defensively. 'Would you have preferred you spent all last night back at Grimmauld Place?'

He continued to stare at her and she shook her head impatiently.

'Let's go,' she said, flicking his wand in complicated movements and grabbing onto his arm.

'We're not in England,' Sirius frowned as he looked around at the street which was undeniably Parisian.

'I know,' Helen said. 'There's something I need to do first,' she said, suddenly looking a little serious.

Sirius swallowed hard as he comprehended what she was saying.

He kissed her impulsively, leaning into her against the wall.

'Are you sure?' he asked in a strained voice, leaning his forehead against hers and breathing heavily.

She took his face in her hands and kissed him sweetly.

'Sirius, I've never been surer than now. I… I don't know why it took me so long to realise! Can you imagine life any other way? Honestly?'

He looked down and put his hands on her waist.

'Are you nervous?'

She nodded quietly, biting her lip.

'Yes, but if we continue like this, I'm not being fair on him… or Anka.'

He looked into her eyes and kissed her again.

'You're my life Sirius Black. And I'm tired of being dead. I want to live again.'

He hugged her tightly and then separated.

'How long do you think you'll be?'

She drew in an unsteady breath.

'Anka comes back for her summer break at noon, and Theo finishes work at around five so… either tonight or tomorrow. It's a delicate situation, but it's going to happen, either today or tomorrow. I promise,' she said, nodding her head assertively.

Sirius nodded and tucked back a strand of her hair.

'Okay then, see you soon, _ma cherie,'_ he said leaning in and kissing her goodbye.

She suddenly felt herself gripped by panic that he was leaving her now; because she realised that she was now alone and about to do one of the biggest things in her life.

He went to leave but she pulled him back and continued to kiss him; not wanting him to leave her just yet.

But they did separate.

He smiled at her and squeezed her hand and disapparated, before she could tell him anything else- she didn't know why, but his leaving seemed too sudden, too quick- he was gone.

* * *

**Oh... I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Do you know how hard the last bit was to write?**

**Now, next chapter...**

_'See, when I was in England, before I came here, I…'_ - Helen to Theo

**I can't believe it's at this point in the story. I really cannot, and trust me when I say that these last few chapters have been so hard to write...**

**But, just so you know there are 2 remaining big-ish plot twists yet to happen which I think none of you have guessed.**

**Then again, you're not unjustified as the twists really are quite unexpected... unless you really read into a few certain bits of conversation.**

**ANYWAY!**

**So, please review, especially if you want the next chapter quickly (as in tomorrow) otherwise you shall all probably have to wait! (and I know how impatient some of you can be...)**

**Love Anya**


	103. Chapter 15: Farewell

'_**You touched my heart you touched my soul.  
You changed my life and all my goals.  
And love is blind and that I knew when,  
My heart was blinded by you.  
I've kissed your lips and held your head.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I've been addicted to you.**_

**_I am a dreamer but when I wake,  
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.  
And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be  
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while.  
I'd be the father of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you.  
I know your fears and you know mine.  
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,  
And I love you, I swear that's true.  
I cannot live without you._**

**_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me.'_**

-'Goodbye My Lover', **James Blunt**

* * *

Farewell

Sirius sat at home, waiting impatiently. Helen didn't really know Harry now at all, but he could properly introduce them and then it would be the four of them…

A broad smile spread across his face.

'It's all right now,' he said to himself happily, whistling as walked through the house.

Even the old house didn't seem so bad any more.

He went up to his room and took out his box of his old school things. He had refused to see them before, but now seemed like fond memories which weren't nearly as bittersweet as they had been…

He found photo albums, books, clothes, old tricks sets… he stopped when he came upon her poem book and smiled as he flicked through it and found her favourite poem.

It didn't seem so unrealistic anymore. He would give it back to her when she came again. After all, she hadn't given it to him to keep, but just to hold on to during her detention…

He looked up, startled, as he heard a loud noise from Buckbeak's room and left his things in his room to see what it was.

'Oh, Beakie, how did you hurt yourself?' he sighed after bowing to the great hippogriff.

* * *

'_Maman_, are you okay?' Anka asked Helen who was nervously pacing the drawing room.

'Y…yes,' Helen stammered uncertainly. 'I'm… fine.'

Theo came home for dinner and suddenly breaking the news didn't seem so easy anymore as she saw Anka laughing as Theo told her stories about a few strange patients of his.

But she wasn't going to go back on her word now.

* * *

Sirius heard hurried voices from downstairs and went to find Remus, Tonks, Kingsley and Moody gathered in the kitchen.

'What's going on?' he asked, frowning.

'You're back, are you?' Remus asked, looking at Sirius reproachfully.

Sirius shrugged and Remus looked as though he was going to continue with reprimanding his friend, but then realised that the situation at hand was much, much direr.

'It's Harry. He's gone to the Department of Mysteries.'

* * *

Helen was impatient during dinner. She ate nothing, but pushed the food around on her plate.

She had to break the news to Theo first, but he and Anka seemed to be talking a lot tonight, not giving her the chance.

After she had finished with cleaning the dishes, she came out to the lounge room to find Anka yawning.

'Where's Theo?'

'He went to bed. Didn't you hear him saying he has an early shift?' Anka said, looking at Helen strangely.

'Oh,' Helen said, nodding pathetically and sitting down tensely on the couch.

The next morning came. It was nine. Anka was still asleep, but Helen thought it best to let her sleep through the conversation which would take place between her and Theo in ten minutes, when he returned home from work.

The doorbell rang and she closed her eyes.

It was time.

…

They sat opposite each other.

'What's wrong _Helene_?' he asked, smiling and taking her hand.

She withdrew her hand and looked down.

This was much harder than she had imagined.

'Theo… I…. we have to talk,' she said in a quavery voice.

She was going to do it, though. She was determined.

'See, when I was in England, before I came here, I…'

The doorbell rang.

She took a sharp intake of breath.

'I'll answer,' he nodded, getting up to get the door.

'No, Theo, wait…' she said.

He paused, raising his eyebrows.

'_Helene_, what is it?' he frowned.

'Before… before I came here, I…'

There was a crack in their living room and they both stood up, startled, only to come face to face with Remus Lupin who had run into the kitchen.

Theo pointed his wand at Remus but Helen pushed his arm down.

There was a look on Remus' face which made her heart stop.

'Remus, what is it?' she whispered.

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out as a look of pain flashed across his face.

And then Helen knew who the news was about.

'I have to go,' she said to Theo, not even looking at him and grabbing onto Remus who apparated them back to London.

* * *

'What happened?' she demanded, her voice quavery.

Remus shook his head hopelessly.

'Where is he?' she said, her voice louder and more insistent.

'Helen… he… he…he's dead.'

Helen closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.

'Right. This is some nightmare….'

'No, Helen… Harry went to the ministry, Voldemort fooled him, and Sirius went with us all and Bellatrix, she… she killed him. I'm not lying, it's true,' he said, wiping his eyes, and taking Helen's hand.

Helen stood up suddenly and left the room and walked, in a daze, to Buckbeak's room, as though expecting him to be there.

But he wasn't and, her breathing becoming shallower by the second, she went to his room. Surely he would be there; lying on his bed and thinking, or staring out of the window or…

She shut her eyes tightly as she shut the door behind her.

'I haven't told them yet. Remus came just as I was telling…'

She trailed off as she realised that he wasn't in the room.

'Sirius?'

She felt panic gripping her heart as she walked over to his bed and saw her book, open. She looked down at the page, determined not to believe Remus' words, and read the poem whilst she waited for him to come upstairs:

_'...__  
Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally;__  
__If our two loves be one, or thou and I  
Love so alike that none can slacken, none can die.'_

But as she read the last few lines, and Sirius was not there yet, she shut the book and held it tightly to her chest as she lay back on his bed and curled into a ball, still trying to deny the possibility of any truth in Remus' words…

'Sirius, don't leave me,' she whispered.

And, as she said this, stinging, salty tears streaked her cheeks and she grabbed his pillow and buried her face in it as convulsing sobs wracked her body.

'You can't…' she cried weakly. 'You can't be… not now… please don't do this…'

…

Downstairs, Remus flinched and wiped his eyes as he heard her screaming Sirius' name.

* * *

Had seconds passed? Minutes? Hours? Days? Centuries?

She felt ancient, where she lay, still in the same position on his bed.

She had no more tears left in her eyes, and she felt her lips were dry and cracked as they continually whispered his name.

She closed her eyes as she imagined them:

She saw flashes of them; when they started school at eleven; running through a dark corridor from Filch; shaking hands tentatively in Dumbledore's office; kissing tentatively in the common room on her birthday; her screaming at him for getting her into trouble in the library…

She saw them throwing paint at each other and laughing; laughing and playing piano together; holding hands in the cinema.

'No, no… you can't… please Sirius…' she whispered into his pillow, hugging it all the more tightly to her, as though it might turn into him.

And the images came to her more rapidly now, and she found that she had more tears reserved than she had originally thought as she saw the rest:

She saw the way he looked at her on their first Yule Ball, how innocent and humble they had both become when they admitted they liked each other…

Remembered how he had saved her when she was tortured and then how he had laughed at her when she was worried about her OWLs…

Saw him and James, the two best friends who were inseperable...

She remembered seeing him in Diagon Alley on that black day, and then the first time they made love…

Her hands clutched at the pillow.

'No.'

When he had organised her birthday party and made it one of the happiest days of her life, even though she had just received the life-shattering news that she wasn't who she always thought she was…

The way he took her in and was so happy to have her live with him in the summer; their fights, and then how he had finally cracked her and she had given herself completely to him.

She shook as she remembered how they had split up; how they had gone to Hogsmeade instead of the Yule Ball; how she had told him everything about her- the whole truth…

How they had gotten married in the common room just to make fun of James.

She remembered his face when she saw him after been taken to Voldemort for the first time' their last week of school; the day he asked her to spend the rest of her life with him…

Things she never did. She had failed him.

'I'm sorry… I'm sorry,' she cried, over and over.

Then she remembered all those days which were so dark because of Voldemort, and how he was able to make her laugh anyway; their disastrous wedding, and how they were still able to smile anyway…

The day he made her leave him for her safety… the pain of all those years of separation, his finding out the truth about who Anka was to him…

The way he looked at Anka when he first saw her.

Now they would never meet each other as father and daughter, and she cried even harder from her guilt.

And then how they were yesterday, and the day before. How could it be? He was so very alive! She had only felt him, so close to her, yesterday. He was _inside her _yesterday. How was it possible that she could never see him again? Never hold him?

It couldn't be… he couldn't…

* * *

She had not left his room since the morning when he told her, and it was now midnight. He had heard her screaming herself hoarse, repeating _his_ name; heard her crying…

Tentatively, he approached Sirius' room and felt tears stinging his eyes as he saw her crying into Sirius' pillow, curled up on his bed.

He sighed unsteadily and sat by her on the bed.

She looked up suddenly.

'Sirius?'

Her eyes fell on Remus and it broke his heart to see grief upon seeing that he wasn't Sirius. He sighed and squeezed her hand.

She sat up unsteadily.

'Why? We were meant to… he…we…'

She didn't seem capable of normal speech anymore and all he could do was pull her into a hug and try to be strong for her because, although he had never personally experienced it to the extent that Helen and Sirius had, he knew what Sirius meant to Helen.

She clutched at his back desperately as she was launched into a fresh fit of tears.

* * *

She returned home in a daze the next day. She was completely numb. There was not a feeling in her entire body; she felt incapable of emotion anymore.

She ignored whatever Anka and Theo were doing and went to her wardrobe and threw out anything that had colour.

There was no more colour in her life. She would wear black forever now.

* * *

Later, she went into Anka's room and found, however, that she was not completely without feelings as she saw his eyes in their daughter.

'_Maman, _what happened to you?' Anka asked worriedly, getting up and looking at her mother's tired, pale and drawn face.

Helen went to speak, but found she could not. Instead, she sat on Anka's bed and hugged her to her before handing Anka the ring which Sirius had given for her.

'This is the most important thing I'll ever give you. Make sure you always keep it safe,' she managed to say, giving Anka the box.

Anka opened the box to find the ring and looked up at Helen, slightly confused.

'_Ma petite cherie'?_

Helen said nothing, but hugged Anka to her tightly.

The only part of him which she could keep.

* * *


	104. Chapter 16: Consequences

"_**Everybody, sooner or later, sits down to a banquet of consequences.**__**" – **_**R. L. Stevenson**

* * *

Consequences 

She had passed the past months working ridiculous shifts at the clinic, only coming home during the day to spend time with Anka. She had found it was the only way in which she could exist without losing her mind; by applying it to situations where she was forced to concentrate on the task at hand, and nothing else.

Still, each time she saw a new couple coming into the clinic for a consultation, she found that she was too confronted by it all. And she would never forget. Not a second passed when he wasn't in her thoughts. But, strangely enough, she felt like he was still with her in a way; that he had never really left her.

She wouldn't believe the poem to the extent that the distance didn't affect her; that the fact that he was no longer breathing, or of the earth didn't matter, because wherever he was, he still loved her and she loved him. That didn't console her very much at all...

She did, however, believe in Heaven. She only wished that she could firstly, make it to Heaven instead of its counterpart when she did die and, secondly, that she could die sooner, rather than later. The thought that Sirius was with James and Lily and all of their other friends which they had lost to the war was a more calming idea...

But that still would never be good enough, because she wanted to be with him. She could not rid herself of the thought that, had he not gone to the Department of Mysteries, she could be living with him now... that everything would be as it _should_ have been from many years ago.

And, as a result of this, no amount of optimism would ever allow her to accept it.

...

'_Helene_, we need to talk,' Theo said as soon as he and Helen returned from dropping Anka off to the train station for the first day of her new school year.

Helen nodded indifferently. She hadn't looked him in the eye since June, and had barely spoken to him either.

He had hardly seen her at all and, after two months of denial and wishful thinking, he finally realised that he should have understood that they were a hopeless case a very long time ago.

Only he had always hoped that he could change her mind to see otherwise.

They sat at the kitchen table, as they had the year before, yet this time she made no coffee, did not take his hand or smile at him…

She merely stared blankly at the table.

He sighed. He thought the best way to deal with it must be to just come out and state the truth.

'I think we should separate.'

He watched for her reaction. A small, bitter smile came to her lips.

So all that waiting around had been a waste of time. They would become separated in the end anyway...

'_Helene_… I know about…_ Sirius_,' he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

The mention of Sirius' name sent a shock through her body and she looked up, her eyes wide and startled.

'I… I know that he's Anka's real father,' he continued in a strained voice. 'I knew about you and him when I married you, I thought that Anka might be his real daughter, but I loved you, so I thought that maybe it wouldn't matter…'

He trailed off bitterly. How could he have ever thought that?

Helen stared at him, her expression unreadable.

'Of course I knew for sure when I saw her. She has his eyes after all... I know you were having an affair with him… and, I know why you haven't looked me in the eye for the past few months. I think it's better if we separate, then you won't have to be with that guilt, and we can both try getting on with our lives,' he said, taking her hand.

She stared at the table.

Had he told her all this before, she would have recoiled in guilt; would have felt sick with shame and cringed in his presence.

Now she found it hard to care. All she kept on thinking was that she would have had more proper time with Sirius whilst he was alive had Theo told her this from the start... and, perhaps, Sirius wouldn't even have died because, if she and Anka were living with him as it should have been, he not have even been told about Harry going to the Ministry, so he never would have gone, and never would have died...

She closed her eyes, trying not to think about it. She always hated hypotheticals, and yet she was thinking 'what if' almost every minute of every day.

'How?' she managed to ask.

He shook his head.

'The fact that the two of you were together was never exactly kept very secret; not as though you had been a 'low-profile' couple. I already heard from one of his cousins when I was at school that you two were going out…'

'Why?' she asked incredulously, looking up at him. 'Why would you marry me. Why would you... _get involved _with me if you knew all that?'

She couldn't help but feeling a little angry at him now.

'I don't know. I couldn't help it,' he admitted. 'I know I could have… I _shouldn't_ have… but I couldn't help it.'

He looked down at the table, his face drawn with sadness.

She stared at him.

'What about Anka?'

He sighed.

'She deserves to know the truth, but I want to see her. I love her like she's my own. We can figure out some kind of custordy…. But do you agree that this is for the best? Unless…'

He paused.

'Is it possible for you to love me? Is it possible for us to work? Could you do that?' he asked, a hint of hope in his tone.

Helen looked into his brilliant green eyes for the first time in months, but then looked away quickly.

No, she could not pretend, or try to make an effort now that she had lost half of her soul.

He sighed, defeated.

'I didn't think so. How about we organise everything by Christmas? We'll tell Anka then.'

* * *

'_Maman,_ it's not true,' Anka whispered, her grey eyes wide with horror as she looked from Theo to Helen, willing for them to deny what she had just been told.

Helen swallowed and looked into Anka's eyes.

'It is. Sirius is your biological father,' she said quietly.

Anka's eyes widened and she suddenly stood up.

'No!' she screamed. 'He can't have been… _you've _been my father…' she shouted at Theo, shaking him by the shoulders. 'Papa, _you're_ my father…'

Theo sighed and took her hands in his.

'Anka, I've always loved you like you were my own, but…'

'No.'

'Anka…' Helen tried, in a pained voice.

'Don't talk to me! You lied to me! All these years? What? Were you with him all those times we went to Grimmauld Place?' Anka shouted, her cheeks flushing with rage.

Helen rubbed her temples. This was not going well at all, and she was ready to crack at any moment now.

'Anka, please,' she said quietly, in a measured voice.

'I hate you! You've lied to me and _papa_ our whole lives. How could you? What? You just used me as an excuse to go see _him_ and…'

Tears slid down Helens cheeks.

'Anka, don't be…' Theo tried to reason with her.

'How can you be so forgiving after everything she's done to you?' Anka rounded on Theo. 'I never want to see her again.'

Helen felt as though Anka had just stabbed her in the heart with this comment.

'Please, Anka,' she whispered.

Anka, who also had tears streaming down her face, shook her head.

'You've ruined my life. You've lied to me… I don't even know who you are! Papa, I'm going to live with you,' she said to Theo, her voice shaking, but nodding determinedly all the same.

And now she had just twisted the knife.

'Anka…'

'No,' Anka said resolutely. 'Wherever you're living, I'm living. What's happening to this house?'

'We're selling it,' Theo said. 'I'm… I'm living with your Grandma Sophie and Grandfather Antoine for now,' he said hesitantly, hoping that Anka would be a bit more forgiving of Helen for this point.

Anka nodded assertively.

'Right. I'm living there. I'll pack right now…'

'Please, Anka…'

Anka looked at Helen coldly.

'Grandma Sophie was right about you.'

And with that, Anka turned on her heel and refused to speak to Helen again.

* * *

Over the years, Helen had tried to contact Anka. She sent a letter every day, trying to explain; trying to beg for forgiveness, but she merely received the letters back, unopened. Anka refused to be dragged by Theo to meet Helen and, as she was classified a 'mature minor,' not even the wizarding law could force her to see Helen.

Helen even went so far as to turn up to Sophie and Antoine's house and begged for Sophie to allow her to see her daughter. pride becoming a superficial issue for her at that point. But Sophie refused, saying that she was a 'whore' and that she didn't want her 'dirtying her doorstep,' let alone influencing Anka (who was now 'a respectable lady') with her terrible ways.

Helen, however, was always at the train station when Anka went to school. She no longer went up to her to bother her, but she still watched and felt the heart-wrenching pain of seeing their daughter- their life- growing so much every year, whilst knowing that she might never be able to see her again. She did not think of hurting herself in any way, because she wanted to always be there for Anka, should she ever change her mind.

* * *

Helen had fallen out of contact with anyone in the Order. Everyone seemed to have recovered so well after Sirius' death… Remus, she heard from one of his letters to her, was engaged to Tonks, Nicole had remarried and Mark had a new steady girlfriend…

And she stayed in her little flat, waiting and hoping that Anka might forgive her. She soon lost contact with anything to do with the outside world. She stopped responding to letters, and people stopped writing to her. She gradually went to work less often until she was asked to resign because of her unpredictable hours. The first thing she had done when she and Theo had separated was to buy her and Sirius' old house back, but she could not bear to live in it alone.

But at least Anka could have it when she died.

* * *

It was 2006 and life was going very pleasantly for Anka Laurent-Bailey.

She had married well (courtesy of her grandmother and her introduction to high society) and was comfortably situated in an expensive home in the upper-class suburbs of London.

In fact, everything was going as perfectly as she could have imagined. She was rich, circulated in the uppermost circles of society, had every material object which she could think of…

So she had everything. Everything until that fateful day during breakfast when the butler brought in a letter addressed to her.

It was in French.

_Dear Madame Laurent-Bailey,_

_It is with great regret that we inform you that it was discovered that your mother, Helen Asteria, passed away last night. We ask that you visit her home as soon as conveniently possible as there are many issues which need to be addressed._

_Kind Regards,_

_Anatoly Gelbach_

Chief Coroner

It was rather inconvenient. She had to cancel her plans for tea with her dear friend, Arabella LaFont, but she supposed that it was better to deal with whatever issues her mother had left her with, quickly.

Her reaction to the news was rather strange. She felt nothing at first, and then anger at her mother, yet again, for causing her more issues.

She had never forgiven her for what she had done, but she had been extremely successful in forgetting…

Until now.

* * *

As she approached the little flat where her mother had spent her remaining years, she felt cold sweeping over her and certain emotions which she had suppressed for so long returning…

Her eyes widened as the officer led her through the place.

It was a mess; so unlike the ultra-clean house she had grown up in. There were papers everywhere, schoolbooks… photo albums, plates, glasses…

A page of a notebook caught her eye and she felt winded as she saw what was written.

Sirius, Anka

Those two words, repeated over and over. She picked up the notebook, and saw that it was filled with those two words only.

Her mother had gone mad.

They walked past a bathroom and Anka almost threw up at the sight of a bath filled with blood.

'Did she kill herself?' she whispered.

The officer shook his head.

'No, we believe she died in childbirth. It seems she gave birth in the bath…'

'What?' Anka interrupted sharply.

'A baby was found next to her body,' the officer said slowly.

'She was pregnant?' Anka said in disbelief.

'So it seems… the baby's very lucky that we found it before anything could have happened to it under her care…'

'Is there any mention of a father?' Anka asked shrewdly.

The officer shook his head.

Anka wondered…

'Where is the child?'

'It was taken to hospital. There has been no indication of a next of kin, so we are assuming that you shall take on the guardianship?'

Anka blinked.

A child? Her?

She felt a wave of anger come towards her mother, who didn't even have the strength to keep her sanity; for now impinging her life with a child…

Why should she have to pay for her mother's mistakes?

'We found your mother's will and it seems as though she was still coherent when she wrote it, so it is valid. She has left you a house in Hall's Valley, her money, and a box of… memories,' he said, indicating a large, mahogany-finished box in the corner of the room.

'And she left this letter,' he added. 'Unless there is anything else you need, I suggest you take the memories and the letter and visit the hospital, because the baby will be there.

Anka wanted to shout at the man and tell him that she wanted to do no such thing, but ended up nodding numbly and, armed with the box and the letter, was sent to the hospital.

* * *

'It's very luck they found the child in time. She would have died from hypothermia if she was left for much longer,' the Healer told Anka as she handed her the baby girl.

One look was all Anka needed to know how the little girl came to be.

Her mother had died, cursed. After all that, she had never even ended the curse. There probably was no way to end it.

'We would like to keep the child for a few more days to make sure she stabilises,' the Healer told Anka.

As before, Anka did not say anything, but just allowed other people to tell her what to do.

She went home and told her maid not to bother her as she went into the study. She had so many issues now… starting in a cursed baby girl under her care.

She didn't want to think of what her husband, Tristan, would say about this. He wanted a son, not a daughter, and she hardly thought that he would be as forgiving as Theo was should he find out about both her own past, as well as her mother's…

She shook her head. She would find a way to deal with _those _factors later.

She opened her mother's letter with trembling hands.

_Dear Anka,_

_I knew you would find it hard to forgive me of my past. I am writing this whilst I still retain some vestiges of sanity in the hope that, one day, you may be able to forgive your mother or, at the very least, understand my life a little more fully. I have enclosed you memories of my entire life. Do what you like with them. They are largely uncensored and a lot of it is rather unpleasant, but it is the whole truth about me. If anything, I would like to end my life telling the truth._

_I know it is hard for you to comprehend, but I loved Sirius more than is possible to express with words. And I would like you to know that he loved you too and wanted to be a father to you but circumstances (The war, Azkaban) and my own indecisiveness prevented him from being that to you in his lifetime. If anything, I want you to never blame his memory, because he never did anything wrong by you._

_Alas, I must take all the blame there. _

_And, although I know you don't wish to believe it, I love you. I always have and always will. I never told you how precious you were to me, how much of a gift you were to me at a time when I thought my life was over… _

_I hope that one day; you might find it within yourself to forgive me._

_But know that I love you._

_With all my love,_

_Helen Asteria, your mother._

Anka hurriedly wiped the tears which were streaking her cheeks as she read the letter and wanted to tear it in half, but instead held it close to her heart. She felt so guilty now for all her anger directed towards her mother… her determination to hurt her in every way possible…

And now she was dead, and forgiveness was not possible.

Trying to steady her breathing, she turned to the box of memories and summoned a pensieve.

She now wanted to know the truth; the whole truth.

She at least owed her mother that.

* * *

She spent the next few days locked up in the study, watching her mother's memories. It was like watching another person… someone who was completely foreign to her, and yet someone who she felt she always knew too. It was hard to watch the way she had been with Sirius, because it just confronted her with how much love her parents seemed to have for each other, and yet she had blamed her mother for it…

She could almost understand why her mother did what she did….

It all made sense now and, as she watched the final memory of her mother's last moments with Sirius- the memory itself was so cloudy from her mother's evident pain- she felt herself shaking and feeling sick as her cruelty and unfairness towards her mother hit her.

But it was too late for that now.

Now she regretted not talking to Sirius more; for not knowing him better as a father, for not properly mourning his death...

As much as she loved Theo, she now wanted to know what it would have been like had it been the three of them; how much different it would have been….

Because, truly, she had hated her life ever since her mother and Theo had separated. She always hated Sophie, and yet was too stubbornly angry at her mother to stay with her.

So she tried to hurt her as much and as horribly as she could, even if it meant that she was now in a loveless, rigid marriage in a seemingly perfect life which she hated.

As she emerged from the study, she suddenly realised what she must do. She _owed_ it to her

* * *


	105. Chapter 17: New Beginnings

"_**It's a small world, but we all run in big **__**circles**__**.**__**"**_** - ****Sasha Azevedo **New Beginnings

* * *

New Beginnings

'Mum, is that the train?' Hannah asked Anka breathlessly, tugging at her sleeve.

Anka smiled at Hannah, who (strangely enough for her) was the spitting image of her mother at the age of eleven, and nodded.

'Argh! They should make more parking in the wizarding lot,' Claude said, appearing by his wife's side and kissing her on the cheek, his hand resting on her belly which was now curved with five months of pregnancy. 'Wow, the Hogwarts Express!'

Anka smiled at Claude. She could not believe that everything had turned out so well, so easily.

She had left her husband almost straight away after her mother's death. It was hardly a turbulent break up as he flatly refused to raise any child that wasn't his own. She disregarded her Grandmother's outrage and started to work for herself as a Healer whilst juggling a growing child, alone, as well. Economically-wise, she was fine with all of the gold her mother had left her, as well as Sirius and Helen's old house… and Theo was more than supportive to her, despite the fact that he had his own family now as well.

But doing it all alone was hard, and it was a huge stroke of luck that she had bumped into Claude who was on a conference for Magical Law Enforcement in London. It had been many years since the two had spoken, as they had ended their relationship at fifteen, due to Sophie's insistence that Claude was not 'worthy' of Anka.

And it had not been an amicable split either. Anka shuddered when she recalled the manner in which she had spoken to him…

But, so many years later, Claude seemed to have somewhat forgiven her and they had begun by catching up as friends. One thing led to another, including one night in which their ever-present chemistry was not denied and, after that, they hadn't spent a night apart. He was all too happy to look after Hannah like his own child, and it had all worked out so well.

Anka shuddered to think, now, of what she would have been like, stuck in her previous marriage.

No, now she had nothing to complain about. She felt guilty at times, though, because she had what she knew her mother and father had always so desperately wanted, and yet were denied.

Therefore, she was determined that she should never ruin what she now possessed.

* * *

'James, NO!'

Anka, Hannah and Claude turned around and, the next thing they knew, Hannah was knocked to the ground by a black blur.

'Hannah?' Anka asked worriedly, bending down to her daughter who was pinned to the ground underneath another student.

'James….' a stern voice called, and Anka turned to see a woman with red hair running towards them and picking up the boy with scruffy black hair from his ear.

'Ouch…mum…owww…' he complained.

'Sorry about that,' a voice behind Anka said.

Anka turned around, startled, to see none other than Harry Potter.

'H…Harry?' she asked, her voice quavery.

She remembered the last time she had seen him; she had been fourteen and he fifteen… and both her parents had been alive…

He looked at her, looking rather confused.

'Er…'

Anka shook her head. Of course he would not remember her.

'Sorry, I'm Anka… well, I was Anka Laurent at the time, but now I'm Anka Rosseau,' she said, holding out her hand. 'We met at Grimmauld Place, many years ago,' she added.

At that point, Ginny looked up from where she was reprimanding her son.

'Anka?'

Anka looked properly at Ginny and smiled as they kissed each other in greeting.

'Hi Ginny…'

'Oh, I remember now,' Harry said, nodding at Anka. 'How've you been?'

Anka stared at him, wondering if she should tell the truth about who she was.

But Ginny continued to ask her questions, so Anka thought that perhaps now was not the best time to inform Harry of who his godfather really was to her.

* * *

'Hi,' James said abruptly to Hannah, who was looking at his father in wonder.

She turned to face him.

'You owe me an apology,' she informed him archly.

James rolled his eyes.

'I'm James.'

'I gathered.'

'Oh… you're one of _those_ girls,' he said, stepping away from her.

'What's _that_ supposed to mean?' she said incredulously.

'You're one of those prissy girls.'

'Am not!'

'Are too- look at you!'

'Am not… why are you so annoying?'

James grinned, having achieved his goal in annoying her, and was about to retort back, when something else caught his eye.

'Teddy!' he exclaimed, forgetting Hannah who was scowling at his back and running forward to meet his godbrother who was holding Albus' hand in one hand, and Lily's in the other.

'H'lo all,' he said, nodding to his godparents and smiling a little incredulously at James who was trying to gain his attention by tugging insistently on his sleave.

'Anka, do you remember Remus and Tonks? This is Teddy Lupin, their son,' Ginny said to Anka.

'Pleased to meet you, Teddy,' she said, shaking his hand. 'This is my husband, Claude, and my… daughter, Hannah,' she said, motioning to Hannah who had a shrewdly calculating look on her face as she stared at James.

'This is James, Lily and Albus,' Ginny said, motioning to her three children.

The train whistled.

'You two had better find a compartment,' Harry said to James and Hannah.

Both Hannah and James looked horrified at the thought of sharing a compartment.

Claude ruffled Anka's hair.

'Yes, you don't want to be walking around aimlessly on the train,' Ginny added. 'It's good that you two know each other now- you can stick together.'

James rolled his eyes.

'I'll be _fine_,' he said cockily. 'Well, bye mum, dad, Teddy… Lily, Al… I'll see you all for Christmas,' he said brightly.

But he made no move for the train and his eyes widened as he bit his lip and looked at his mother.

Ginny hugged him tightly.

'We'll miss you… now be a good boy,' she said to him, her face softening as she looked at her eldest son.

Anka turned to Hannah and knelt in front of her.

'Are you okay? It's normal to be nervous on your first day of school.'

She remembered her own first day, and how Helen had got up early and cooked her a special breakfast and written her a letter for when she arrived at school.

She sighed.

'I know you'll be fine, Hannah,' she whispered as she hugged her. 'I love you, we both love you and we'll write to you every day.'

Hannah nodded meekly and looked to Claude who also knelt to her level and hugged her.

'We'll miss you,' he said kissing the top of her head.

'But I don't know anyone,' she whispered, shooting a furtive glance at James lest he hear her confession.

Claude laughed a little.

'You'll make friends. That's the best part of it,' he said, taking Anka's hand and squeezing it.

Anka smiled back at him and nodded.

'Yes… and chances are that James isn't as bad as you think,' she whispered in Hannah's ear.

Hannah, however, did not seem too convinced about this last point.

'You coming?' a begrudging voice came from behind them.

Hannah separated from Anka and raised an eyebrow at James, but then saw that both Harry and Ginny were watching them, so she bit back her biting remark.

'Yes,' she sighed reluctantly. 'Bye mum, dad…' she said wistfully, before turning around and following James to the train.

All four parents sighed as they watched their eldest children leave for their first day of school.

And, as the train pulled away, Anka glanced at Harry and Teddy and realised that the three children of those best friends who had been 'the Marauders' were, for the first time, standing together.

**The Good Morrow**

'_I WONDER by my troth, what thou and I  
Did, till we loved? Were we not wean'd till then?  
But suck'd on country pleasures, childishly?  
Or snorted we in the Seven Sleepers' den?  
'Twas so; but this, all pleasures fancies be;  
If ever any beauty I did see,  
Which I desired, and got, 'twas but a dream of thee. _

_And now good-morrow to our waking souls,  
Which watch not one another out of fear ;  
For love all love of other sights controules,  
And makes one little room an everywhere.  
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone;  
Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown  
Let us possess one world; each hath one, and is one._

_My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,  
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest;  
Where can we find two better hemispheres  
Without sharp north, without declining west ?  
Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally;  
If our two loves be one, or thou and I  
Love so alike that none can slacken, none can die.'_

**_- John Donne_**

**THE END**

* * *


	106. AN: Author's Final Note

**STAINED GLASS RELEASE DATE: 11 JULY 2011. NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE THROUGH MY WEBSITE**

It's been a long time coming, and it's finally here! You can now buy the novel through my website (link is on my Author's Page). You can also join the mailing list and read the blurb there too!

Be sure to send me a message if you want your copy of Stained Glass signed as I am currently signing copies bought through my website.

It will be available at selected bookstores in Melbourne, Australia over the next few weeks. This may be an alternative means for you to purchase the book if you don't have the means to buy it online. As soon as I have a complete list, I shall post the names and addresses of these bookstores on my Author's Page and Livejournal.

**.  
**

**Author's Note:**

To my readers:

Thank you so very much for sticking so much with my story to this point. I hope you all enjoyed reading my first ever works of writing as much as I enjoyed writing them.

I would especially like to thank everyone who has reviewed this story because I am almost completely certain that I never would have completed it had it not been for those who were kind enough to provide me with encouragement and feedback along the way. You know who you are, and I am extremely grateful to you.

I would really appreciate reviews now that the story is over as well, because I would love to know how you liked the ending (or didn't, as is possibly the case).

A few of you have expressed an interested in reading further works of mine. I have now posted a 'One-shot' very soon of a day in the life of Helen and Sirius had Voldemort never existed for those who so desperately wanted me to keep both him and Helen alive called 'Death by Champagne'. If you want to read a continuation of AU Helen/Sirius, 'The Voice Mail Morrow' is for you! Both can be accessed on my author's profile.

I am now writing the prequel to this story which focuses on Selene/Alphard/Tom. It is called 'Witchcraft by a Picture'.

I have also posted another one-shot called 'The Kick Inside' on this website. It is a Bellatrix/Sirius story which was more a whim of the moment... of course Helen/Sirius is my preferred pairing.

In terms of non-fanfiction work, I have created a LiveJournal account (the links are on my profile) where I blog and write on matters ranging from writing advice and getting published, to silly things that have happened in my day!

So, please don't forget to leave me a review on your way out and, once again, thank you for being with me on this wonderful experience!

With all my love,

Anya


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